Naveed Mahbub: The Jimmy Kimmel of Bangladesh

Summary

Black and White Advice: Episode Summary – Naveed Mahbub: The Jimmy Kimmel of Bangladesh

Release Date: December 10, 2024

Hosts: Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett
Guest: Naveed Mahbub

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Introduction

In this engaging episode of Black and White Advice, hosts Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett welcome their first guest, Naveed Mahbub—the self-proclaimed "Jimmy Kimmel of Bangladesh." The trio delves into a myriad of topics surrounding race, culture, comedy, and personal experiences, offering listeners a blend of humor, insight, and education.

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Meet Naveed Mahbub

[01:19] Turner Sparks introduces Naveed Mahbub, highlighting his prominence as the only late-night comedy host in Bangladesh. Initially dubbing Naveed the "poor man's Jimmy Kimmel," Turner sets the stage for an exploration of Naveed's unique perspective bridging Eastern and Western comedic sensibilities.

[01:33] Naveed humorously clarifies his title, admitting, "I'm the first one, but I'm actually, let me add this. I'm the poor man's version of Jimmy Kimmel." His self-deprecating humor immediately endears him to the audience.

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Exploring Bangladesh and Its History

[03:24] The conversation shifts to the historical context of Bangladesh, tracing its origins from East Pakistan after the 1971 war with India's support. Naveed offers a concise history lesson: "So they came in 1757, they were there for 190 years... Then East Pakistan and West Pakistan, same country separated by India."

[04:24] Turner impulsively remarks, "Because white people divide and conquer." Phil joins in with laughter, emphasizing the often oversimplified narratives surrounding colonial histories.

Naveed adds depth by discussing the cultural and religious divisions imposed by British colonialism, remarking, "They want to keep Muslims together, but there's still a lot of discrimination... We create divisions for tiny reasons to discriminate."

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Arranged Marriage vs. Love Marriage

[09:35] Navigating personal relationships, Turner asks Naveed about the merits of arranged marriages compared to love marriages. Naveed shares his experience: "We sat down, went through a checklist... And we've been married for 26 years."

[10:43] Naveed humorously outlines the rigorous selection process, comparing it to a modern "Halal Tinder." He states, "It's like collecting data and spending money on dates, then compiling all the data if it works. My checklist came out to be 94.75% compatible."

Phil humorously expresses disbelief, "I wouldn't take the fucking test."

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Stand-Up Comedy Across Cultures

[25:35] James from Portland poses a question about the "whitest" and "blackest" comedy rooms. Phil recounts his experience performing at a VFW in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, where he felt the weight of racial dynamics: "It felt like Durham... part of Trump country... All eyes were on me."

[28:14] Naveed shares his extensive international experience, having performed in over 30 countries, including Serbia and various parts of the U.S., emphasizing the adaptability required in stand-up: "My job is to read the room and get a sense of what they will like and then talk about that."

Turner adds his observations on performing for Indian audiences, noting their receptiveness and the novelty of stand-up comedy in South Asian communities.

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Tipping Practices in Black Communities

[34:51] A question from Tim addresses the stereotype, "Why don't black people tip their bartenders?" Phil passionately responds, linking tipping practices to historical contexts: "It's rooted in slavery. After slavery was outlawed, they implemented tipping to avoid paying fair wages."

[36:45] Turner elaborates on the systemic issues: "The fact that companies still pay people $2.50 an hour is an extension of slavery."

Naveed offers a comparative perspective, discussing tipping norms in different countries and advocating for service charges as a more equitable system: "In many countries, they include a service charge that pools for all staff, guaranteeing fairer wages."

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Notable Quotes

• Naveed Mahbub [04:28]: "This is Bangladesh and India. That because we look the same. So that part, we are all on the same boat with that, you know, fairer you are, the more good looking you are."

• Phil Duckett [12:24]: "You can't think twice when given."

• Turner Sparks [31:03]: "That's the word. Just go straight to the car."

• Naveed Mahbub [39:06]: "If you can tip them, do tip them. And you know, in many countries, they actually include what they call a service charge."

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Q&A Highlights

1. Marriage Preferences Across Races [19:55]

   • User "Chris" from Allentown, PA: "I am Jewish and my parents really want me to marry a Jewish woman, but I can't find anyone I click with in the area."
   • Turner’s Response [20:32]: Humorously suggests, "Number one would be black for sure, because it's in the tax write off."
   • Phil’s Insight [21:05]: Expounds on inclusivity: "Like white women in Turner’s neighborhood showed they were allies by marrying black men."
   • Naveed’s Input [23:14]: Discusses familial preferences within his cultural context, emphasizing a hierarchy prioritizing Muslim matches before considering other races.

2. Comedic Dynamics in Different Racial Settings [23:01]

   • Phil’s Experience [25:35]: Shares discomfort performing in predominantly white venues, highlighting racial tensions and audience expectations.
   • Naveed’s Adaptability [32:44]: Emphasizes the importance of tailoring material to fit diverse audiences, drawing from his global performances.

3. Tipping Stereotypes [34:51]

   • Phil’s Passionate Defense [35:02]: Links modern tipping practices to historical injustices, advocating for systemic change over individual generosity.
   • Naveed’s Comparative Analysis [39:06]: Suggests adopting service charges to ensure fair wages for service staff globally.

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Closing Remarks

As the episode wraps up, Naveed Mahbub expresses his aspiration to become a household name in America, while the hosts encourage listeners to connect with their guest. The episode concludes with a humorous take on interracial marriages statistics provided by Joe Russell, reinforcing the episode's central themes of race, culture, and social dynamics.

[44:55] Turner Sparks signs off humorously with, "Stay black and white and light.," encapsulating the episode's blend of humor and insightful discussion.

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Conclusion

This episode of Black and White Advice successfully intertwines humor with serious discussions on race, culture, and societal norms. Through Naveed Mahbub’s unique perspective and the hosts' candid exchanges, listeners gain a multifaceted understanding of the complexities surrounding interracial relationships, comedy across cultures, and the enduring legacy of historical practices like tipping.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Turner Sparks [20:37]: "If you're gay, that would be helpful."
• Phil Duckett [35:02]: "They work very hard. They don't get paid well, so if you can tip them, do tip them."
• Naveed Mahbub [39:06]: "If you can tip them, do tip them. And you know, in many countries, they actually include what they call a service charge."

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For those interested in more insightful conversations on race and culture, Black and White Advice continues to provide a platform for meaningful dialogue infused with humor and personal anecdotes.

Transcript

[Turner Sparks]

What races besides your own would your parents prefer you to marry? Number one would be black for sure.

[Phil Duckett]

Really?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, because it's in the.

[Phil Duckett]

In the tax write off.

[Turner Sparks]

It's the Suburban. I don't know if that's true. My dad's a cpa. I'll have to check with him.

[Phil Duckett]

Have you ever had a question you wanted to ask the opposite race but you were too nervous to ask?

[Turner Sparks]

I'm Turner Sparks.

[Phil Duckett]

And I'm Phil Duckett.

[Turner Sparks]

And this is Black and White Advice.

[Phil Duckett]

But we answer all your questions about race, even the scary ones.

[Turner Sparks]

This is black and white Advice.

[Naveed Mahboob]

You've got a question but you're scared to ask. Just drop the boys a message. Cause they're up to the test.

[Phil Duckett]

They're all in the dice. They ain't always nice but you can't.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Think twice and get it.

[Turner Sparks]

Black and white advice.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Black and white advice.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, everybody, welcome to the show. Black and White Advice. We're back. I'm Turner Sparks.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm the Real Deal. Field of three, how we feeling?

[Turner Sparks]

Phil the Thrill Ducket. We got Joe Russell the Muscle producing. We got your questions, your black and white advice. Questions coming up in a little bit. We have White lies and dark truths coming up even later with Joe Russell. But before all that, we have our first ever guest, Joe in studio.

[Phil Duckett]

We're coming up boys from Bangladesh. Flew him out just for the show.

[Turner Sparks]

Navidad my boob. Otherwise you might know him as the Jimmy Kimmel of Bangladesh. The only late night comedy host in Bangladesh. Is that correct?

[Naveed Mahboob]

There's another one now, but I. Mine was the first one and I'm actually, let me add this. I'm the poor man's version of Jimmy Kimmel. Life over there.

[Turner Sparks]

Poor man's Jimmy Kimmel. But, but, and so we want to get to know you. Although. So first of all, people have been writing into our show and they're like, all right, well, okay, you. You're black and you're white, but what about other race? There's other races in the world. Why aren't you having other races on? We told everybody. Shut up. No, we will have it soon. We will be bringing out other people soon. So you're our very first guest.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Is it a coincidence that I'm brown? You know, it's like you plus you equals me. Or something like that.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes. This is what we needed. We needed a third voice.

[Naveed Mahboob]

I think you've covered.

[Phil Duckett]

Black and white makes Bangladesh. I did not know that equation.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Well, that made Barack Obama. Wait. Barack Hussein Obama. That's true.

[Turner Sparks]

That's true.

[Phil Duckett]

You think he got a little Bangladesh on him?

[Naveed Mahboob]

I, you know, I have a feeling I've seen him around though. Back in Bangladesh, you know, I was.

[Turner Sparks]

Going to say, I maybe I missed that Wikipedia entry. Is he part Bangladesh?

[Naveed Mahboob]

I wouldn't be surprised. I mean we have a lot of Hussein's over there.

[Turner Sparks]

Can I make that the first question? Because I want to get to know. I got questions for Bangladesh. I think Phil and I both do. Is it Bangladeshi? Is that the term?

[Naveed Mahboob]

Okay, the country is Bangladesh.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Naveed Mahboob]

And the people are called Bangladeshis. Just like Bangladesh is America, Bangladeshi is American.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay, gotcha. But I guess so I'm made of questions. Bangladeshi. So y'all don't fuck with India like those like the Indians and like they're not cool, right?

[Naveed Mahboob]

No, I mean here there's been a lot of thing on the media. I think it's, it's really hyped up. The two countries have been very, very good friends for, for many years. And when the country was born in 71, India actually came and 1971. Yeah, there's just a 54 year old country. I mean older than you.

[Turner Sparks]

So our parents are older than Bangladesh.

[Phil Duckett]

Right. And did Bangladesh break off from India from Pakistan?

[Naveed Mahboob]

So if you want a little 32nd history, the British were in what was known as the, what still is known as the Indian subcontinent. So they came in 1757, they were there for 190 years. Then the first Brexit happened, they left. And as it always happens when they leave, things get broken up. So 1947, the India was broken up into Pakistan and India now Pakistan was. There was a West Pakistan and East Pakistan. So that's the, this was the British grand scheme that, you know, all Muslims will be in a country, well guess what, there's another country between. No problem. Same religion will keep them together. But that's not the point. So East Pakistan and West Pakistan, same country separated by India. It's almost like Canada and Mexico isn't one country and America is right in the middle. So in 71 there was a war and India came and helped in the war and then East Pakistan became Bangladesh.

[Phil Duckett]

Really?

[Turner Sparks]

Why did they split it down the middle?

[Phil Duckett]

Because white people divide and conquer. Fucking shit up.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Well, I mean no, I think this was like their Amway scheme, you know, it was like their residual. So you know the, this, this is what happens. Even, you know, if I can say this is also the problem with everywhere in the Middle east. This is what the British do. I'm sorry if anybody British is here.

[Turner Sparks]

This is the show. Don't apologize.

[Naveed Mahboob]

All right, so here's the deal. Okay? Here's the map. Okay, so. So you're gonna see my bald patch. Ignore that. Look at this virtual map. So when the British left, they. Their grand scheme is that. Okay, it's very simple. There are Muslims and there are Hindus. So the Hindus are gonna be here in India, and over here the Muslims are going to be here. And then. And then. But that's okay. Wait till you hear my Trump impression. First Bangladesh to do that. And so then the deputy said, but, oh, my Lord, there are some non Muslims over here. Well, okay, fine, make them the same country. But there's India right in between. It's like an ocean over here. That's okay. We have the Pacific Ocean between England and the Falklands, the Malvina. So this is not a problem. So this was really how. And then they said, what about Kashmir? That's in our residual income. We can supply arms over there forever. So anyway, so they.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't even know what that meant.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Oh, okay. So there's a.

[Phil Duckett]

This reminds me of that history class I failed in college.

[Naveed Mahboob]

All right.

[Turner Sparks]

It's entertaining, though.

[Naveed Mahboob]

All right, well, did they build.

[Turner Sparks]

Can I ask, did they build a bridge at least?

[Naveed Mahboob]

No. Between the two?

[Turner Sparks]

Pakistan.

[Naveed Mahboob]

If they would have built a bridge, that would have been the longest bridge in the world because it takes two hours to fly from West Pakistan to East Pakistan on a Boeing jetliner. So it's a thousand miles apart. So you have the same country separated by a thousand miles, and it's still.

[Phil Duckett]

East and West Pakistan to this day.

[Turner Sparks]

No, now it's Bangladesh.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Now it's Bangladesh. So a lot of reasons, you know that religion wise, same, but culturally different. There was a lot of discrimination then. See, you know what? We want to be our own country. And then.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm sorry, go ahead. How do you discriminate in a country full of all brown people? How do you know who to.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Well, I mean, just to say where the whole Africa is being discriminated against. Even in the U.S. you know, you're all Americans. You're still.

[Phil Duckett]

But you're still between an American black and an African black. We got a different vibe, you can tell.

[Naveed Mahboob]

And you also have the Latino blacks.

[Phil Duckett]

You know, I mean, the Afro Latinas.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Yeah. So, I mean, I'm just learning all these different things right now, I think.

[Turner Sparks]

What's a Latina? Is that the Puerto Rican people who use the N word?

[Phil Duckett]

No, it's the dark skin. It's what Sammy Sosa used to look like. Bleach the skin. That's Afro Latinos.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes, yes.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Now I'm getting lost. But, but what I'm going. What I'm getting a sense of is that there are different shades of. I don't want to sound, you know, it's not a pun, but different shades of blacks, right? And then I think that it's human beings, we create these divisions that, okay, fine, we're the same, but for this little tiny reason I want to discriminate.

[Phil Duckett]

So colorism is still a thing is what you're saying. Depending on the shade of dark, like in most societies, the lighter you are, the better you're treated.

[Naveed Mahboob]

So the darker Bangladesh and India and Pakistan. This is a joke. The lighter you are, the more good looking you're considered to be. So pardon my being non politically incorrect. You'll be an ugly ass guy over there. Me, I'm gonna be okay. Turner Sparks. I mean, Donald Trump is going to be like the Brad Pitt in Bangladesh. That's how it is.

[Phil Duckett]

The white man wins.

[Turner Sparks]

He didn't finish the sentence about me. How am I gonna be?

[Naveed Mahboob]

What's that you say?

[Turner Sparks]

You said Turner Sparks. But you said you'd be Brad Pitt.

[Naveed Mahboob]

No, no, but I'd be Brad.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, I missed it.

[Naveed Mahboob]

No, no, I said Donald Trump will be Brad Pitt because even he's, even, he's even more beautifully colored. He's not only white, he's orangish white. So, so he's like Brad Pitt. You'll be maybe Al Pacino in the days. Okay, so that's too bad. Not too bad.

[Phil Duckett]

Not. I'm ugly as shit. Well, I go up there and take all the motherfuckers up and I'll add.

[Naveed Mahboob]

This thing they actually have, this is Bangladesh and India. That because we look the same. So that part, we are all on the same boat with that, you know, fairer you are, the more good looking you are. They actually have a skin whitening cream over there. It's a multi billion dollar business. And then people rub that skin to be fair. And then you say, okay, Ryan, you're beautiful.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Just because you're fairer. And after the George, I moved to.

[Turner Sparks]

This place because I just get called pale everywhere I am here.

[Naveed Mahboob]

No, no, I mean you'll be, you'll be a start, man. I'll tell you man, you'll be a start. States, you'll be a start over. Well, you went to China, you got a beautiful wife from Asia, right?

[Turner Sparks]

That's true.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Yeah. So, I mean, what the hell? She's gonna kick your Ass, man. I mean, you want another one? Are you a Muslim? You want four wives? Come on.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, no, she can come with me. I'm just saying I want to be a star. I want to be.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Oh, you'll be a star.

[Phil Duckett]

That's probably the only reason why I've ever considered being Muslim. Four wives.

[Turner Sparks]

Four wives.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

That'd be like. That's the only thing that really stands out.

[Turner Sparks]

I want to get to that question. Okay, so because Bangladesh has arranged marriage, right?

[Naveed Mahboob]

Not really. I went through one, but it's not common.

[Turner Sparks]

You're an arrangement?

[Naveed Mahboob]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

So what's better? Arranged marriage, or what we call. We call love marriage is the other one, right?

[Naveed Mahboob]

Yeah. Over there they call a love marriage versus an arrangement.

[Turner Sparks]

What's better, love marriage or arrangement?

[Naveed Mahboob]

It all depends. You know, after five years, you figure it out which one was better.

[Phil Duckett]

Right.

[Naveed Mahboob]

But in my case, I think I talked about this earlier, many years ago when we were having a conversation.

[Turner Sparks]

This is called me teeing you up.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Yeah. What is it called? Me?

[Turner Sparks]

Go ahead.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Okay, fine. You gotta go slow.

[Turner Sparks]

I'll set you up for the question.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Oh, okay. All right. So you gotta go slow because I'm from Bangladesh. I think in Bangladesh, you know, there's a processing time, there's a delay.

[Phil Duckett]

Translation.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Yeah. So because you say something, I copy paste from my left brain to my right brain, feed it through Google Translate, that English comes out, there's a delay, so you go slow. That's what I say when I heck, when I do comedy. I said, people, if you heckle me, I'll respond tomorrow by email. So you gotta go slow. So, anyway, long story. So I went through an arranged marriage. This was an anomaly, but if you really think about it, every marriage actually is arranged. Somebody arranged it, right? No, this is if you're dating, are you married? Okay, fine, you're married. So you met your wife, you went out for a while, then you decided to get married. So who arranged it? The two of you arranged it. So that is an arrangement. Arranged it, though, so that a cupid was the analog Tinder, maybe, But you arrange it. So this is the way I look at it.

[Turner Sparks]

Our marriage was arranged by the Drunken Clam Dive bar in Suzhou, China. That's where we met.

[Naveed Mahboob]

There you go. So that means they arrange it. But in my case, here's the thing. When people date, you know, what are you doing? You're collecting data and it costs money. You're going on a date after two years, you spend up $50,000 and you break up and Say you know what? You start the process all over again. You've depreciated by that time. How do you come to that decision? You collate all the data you collected over six months a year, spending $50,000. And it's hard to get the data because both of you are. Not both of you, but both of you who are dating are in a marketing phase. So I compiled all the data, gave my requirements. I'm an engineer. So I said, mom, these are my requirements. Go get somebody. And then we sat down for an hour, went through that same data list that you go through for a year and $50,000. Like a checklist, Like Halal Tinder. And then we've been married for 26 years.

[Phil Duckett]

But are y'all allowed to get divorced?

[Naveed Mahboob]

Of course.

[Phil Duckett]

Because I thought you just kill her if she.

[Naveed Mahboob]

No, no, no, no, no, no. Come on, dude.

[Phil Duckett]

I don't know. I only watch this shit on tv.

[Naveed Mahboob]

No, you watch Fox News. I think that's the problem. So here's. I'm sorry, but here's the thing. As a Muslim, we have this. We actually have a prenuptial.

[Phil Duckett]

You and you sign a prenup.

[Naveed Mahboob]

So no, I mean, you actually went before when you signed the marriage. You actually have to write it down that if we get divorced, this is the amount of money I got to pay her. And the thing is that you don't have to wait till you get divorced the first night of marriage when you're ideally supposed to consummate the marriage money to the wife, otherwise you ain't getting lucky that night.

[Phil Duckett]

So it's prostitution on the first night. Pre, it's prostitute. You put the money on the dresser the first night. By definition, that's prostitution.

[Turner Sparks]

And it goes to her.

[Naveed Mahboob]

And it's halal.

[Phil Duckett]

I love halal meat.

[Naveed Mahboob]

It is halal. Now I haven't given that money to my.

[Phil Duckett]

And I'm going call and I'm going say pause. And I'm going to say pause. Cuz I did not like how that sounded. But yeah, halal is. Halal carts are my favorite.

[Naveed Mahboob]

But no, I haven't given that money to my wife. 26 years, she still said, honey, you that money. I said, well, yeah, you know, whatever.

[Turner Sparks]

You didn't put it on the dresser. And then who comes? Does the dad come?

[Naveed Mahboob]

No, no, no. He thought that dresses, they start that supposedly. I mean, it's like a. It's like a symbolic. There you go. I mean, thing is, you're supposed to pay her, you know, take her, you know, some. Somehow it's not that you put the money on the table, otherwise nothing's happening. It's like a symbolic. So what, are you supposed to give the money off to her? This is your. This is your gift.

[Phil Duckett]

Imagine your girl gets naked and you get a Venmo request for $30,000.

[Turner Sparks]

Does it come from the family or from her directly? Like send you it?

[Naveed Mahboob]

No, it's from, it's from the. The groom side. So it's ideally the groom or the.

[Phil Duckett]

Groom'S parents now do it. Like in American culture, does the woman's family play for the wedding? Or you pay for the wedding and you got to give them money.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Okay, here's another thing. We have two receptions. So one is host. The main wedding reception is hosted by the bright side. And then two days or three days later, there's another one which is hosted by the groom side. So it's like evens out. Oh, I like that better. Yeah. Zero sum game.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay.

[Turner Sparks]

So when you, Your arranged marriage, you. How long did you say you and your mom spent working on it? Or your mom goes and finds the girl?

[Naveed Mahboob]

Oh, yeah, but, you know, we were family friends, so we. And then they said, you know, I mean, you want. Her name is Zara. Not that Zara, otherwise I'd be retired. But. Or you. Some, Some, some may be boycotting me, but we, you know, they said, yeah, you know, you just sit down and talk for an hour. We sat down. It was a nice one hour. Yeah. One hour.

[Phil Duckett]

You're like, let's do it.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Yeah. Because we, we went through all the checklist, so if there's. Okay, same for like, okay. Do you get up early? Do you got. Do you get.

[Phil Duckett]

Do you get up.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Do you get up late? Or do you. Do you sleep in? Okay, fine. So if it's a match, it's like a one. It's like a mental spreadsheet. If there's no match, zero, half and half.5, 37 points. You add them up, divide by 37, multiply by 100. That's the cross correlation factor. Came out to be 94.75%. In my case.

[Turner Sparks]

94.75.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

So what would you feel? What would you have?

[Naveed Mahboob]

That's a good deal.

[Phil Duckett]

I wouldn't take the fucking test.

[Turner Sparks]

No, on your checklist, I think I would have. Do you like Seinfeld? That'd probably be on there because, you know, I watch a lot, a lot of Seinfeld.

[Phil Duckett]

Mine would be, where do you stand on fellatio? How do you feel about Raw? I would ask, like, the main shit that I can would be concerned, but.

[Turner Sparks]

It'S you and your mom making the list together.

[Naveed Mahboob]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Turner Sparks]

That's what I thought he said. Mom.

[Phil Duckett]

Does she suck it?

[Naveed Mahboob]

Like, she needs. Stop. Let's start again. So basically I tell my mom, okay, I'm back in Bangladesh because I was living in the U.S. right.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, you went to University of Michigan. Right, right. And I was working a doctor.

[Phil Duckett]

Big win.

[Naveed Mahboob]

I'm an engineer.

[Phil Duckett]

Y'all beat OSU this year.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Go Blue.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, you did good this year.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Yeah, go Blue. Go Blue. So. So I was living here, and then I went back for the Christmas holidays. And then, you know, I said, you know, I want to get married.

[Turner Sparks]

Wait, but also, you're an engineer. From the. Look at him smile. From the University of Michigan coming home.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

She saw dollar signs.

[Turner Sparks]

So the moms in Bangladesh lining up to get it. Your mom?

[Naveed Mahboob]

Oh, yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

What are you, a civil engineer?

[Naveed Mahboob]

I'm an electrical engineer.

[Turner Sparks]

Damn.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay, Mr. Hands.

[Naveed Mahboob]

And then that time, now I'm like. But that time I was like, 30 pounds lighter, 40 pounds lighter, more hair. And I had done a Pepsi commercial, so people knew me in Bangladesh. In Bangladesh.

[Turner Sparks]

How did you do that?

[Naveed Mahboob]

Oh, I mean, they were doing a casting, and then I went audition. This was when I was.

[Phil Duckett]

Pepsi's doing open castings in Bangladesh.

[Naveed Mahboob]

This was when I was doing. I did my undergrad in Bangladesh. So that time was like a junior. And they were casting, so I went there and they liked me. And then, you know, I was in good shape, you know.

[Turner Sparks]

And this is a nationwide commercial.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Nationwide commercial. And that time, we only had one TV channel in the country. Everybody watched me, everybody knew me.

[Phil Duckett]

So you are Jimmy Kimmel. Fuck the poor man. That's all I know.

[Naveed Mahboob]

And here's. Here's the funny part. You know, what? You talk about coincidence. Zara, my wife, with whom I have an arranged marriage, she was on a 7Up commercial.

[Turner Sparks]

Wow. Are those competitive brands?

[Naveed Mahboob]

They are. No, no, no, they are. No, no. They're both under the PepsiCo. So they are the same. It's not the Coca Cola thing that was arranged. Yeah, but what are the odds? Arranged marriage where she turns out that she was in a.

[Turner Sparks]

Was that on the checklist? She has to be on a soda.

[Naveed Mahboob]

No, but it was like a. There was like a bonus point.

[Phil Duckett]

You know, 26 years after knowing each other, an hour is absolute madness. I'm so happy for you.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

I mean, I can't watch the same.

[Phil Duckett]

Porno three times, so I'm just like. I'M like, wow, that's just impressive commitment.

[Naveed Mahboob]

But. But then again, this is an exception to the rule and there's a gamble no matter what, you know.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay, so now you're the poor man's Jimmy Kimmel. How many TV stations are now in Bangladesh?

[Naveed Mahboob]

Oh, now we had. There are about 60 something.

[Turner Sparks]

60. Okay. But you're the late night host on one of them.

[Naveed Mahboob]

I was. It's not running right now, but I was on one of the main channels. So we also have the top three like the cbs, NBC and ABC that you have over here. Yeah, so we also have the three top ones and mine was on one of those top three ones. So.

[Turner Sparks]

And what kind of ratings is that? How many people are watching?

[Naveed Mahboob]

Their rating system is based on a very small data set sample size rather they would say like the population is 170 million. Yeah, this their estimate was about 10 million people watched it. It was pretty high number wise. It was pretty high because a lot.

[Turner Sparks]

What is the real Jimmy kimmel? He's like 1.2 million.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Yeah, but you also saying you're the Kimmel. No, but the thing is that Emer.

[Turner Sparks]

He'S the poor man's Navid Maboo.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Probably, probably rating wise, but he's one person watching. It may be equivalent to a thousand people watching in Bangladesh dollars. But keep in mind Bangladesh has 170 million people and many of them are living overseas. And the channel actually had stations in many countries, usa, uk. So there were people watching there too. Bangladeshi is overseas. So you count those numbers and it adds up.

[Turner Sparks]

We will be right back. Everybody with your black and white advice. Question.

[Joe Russell]

How do you feel when you switch to GEICO and save on your car insurance? It's like going to work on one Thursday morning and thinking to yourself, just one more day until Friday. But then somebody in the elevator says happy Fri. Yay. Then you check your phone quickly and discover today is actually Friday. So yes, Happy Friday, random stranger in the elevator. Happy Friday indeed. Yep, switching and saving with GEICO feels just like that. Get more with geico.

[Phil Duckett]

Got something on your mind you need to talk about? Forget texting.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Just call up a friend so you.

[Phil Duckett]

Can hear a voice.

[Naveed Mahboob]

It might be old school, but it helps.

[Phil Duckett]

This healthy suggestion is brought to you.

[Turner Sparks]

By Regents Blue Cross Blue Shield of Oregon. Together we help. Hey, you want to get bonus content, early episodes and have your questions answered on the show?

[Phil Duckett]

Well then subscribe to our [e-mail] blackandwhiteadvice and subscribe right now.

[Turner Sparks]

Do it and we'll give you a shout out on a future episode.

[Phil Duckett]

And I might call you the N word.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, we're back with your black and white advice questions. Are you ready to rock, Naveed? Phil?

[Naveed Mahboob]

I am.

[Turner Sparks]

Let's do it. Question number one. This comes from Chris in Allentown, Pennsylvania. Chris says, I am Jewish and my parents really want me to marry a Jewish woman, but I can't find anyone I click with in the area. This is a question for all of us. He says, what races besides your own, would your parents prefer you to marry besides your own?

[Phil Duckett]

I'm like, yeah. I mean, I can go first, please.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, so definitely number one. I mean, this is pretend I'm not married right now. Before all this. Number one would be black for sure.

[Phil Duckett]

Really?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, because it's in the.

[Phil Duckett]

In the tax write off.

[Turner Sparks]

It's the suburban. I don't know if that's true. My dad's a cpa. I'll have to check with him. But I don't know if marrying a black person is a tax write off. If it is, he would definitely want me to do that. That would be his number one thing. He's the cheapest guy on earth. He'd be like, yes, get money out of this. It's not. No, it's. If you're the suburban, white liberal community, there's nothing status, status wise, higher than having your son marry a black.

[Phil Duckett]

Because it shows you're inclusive.

[Turner Sparks]

Exactly.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Okay.

[Turner Sparks]

Especially in a post Obama world. So what the white women all did in my neighborhood at that time with Obama, they all got the Obama shirt and jogging, yoga to the gym, whatever. They wore the Obama T shirt everywhere they could go as a status symbol.

[Phil Duckett]

To let you know we're allies. Yes, Gotcha.

[Turner Sparks]

But. And even something that would trump all that. I mean, if you were gay, that would be helpful. You know, if their son's. My mom's a very good friend of. My mom, has a gay son, brags about it all the time. But marrying a black woman, I think would be the a.

[Phil Duckett]

So if you married a black man, you would be the cat's meow?

[Turner Sparks]

Absolutely. I wouldn't pay for a lunch at the country club ever. We would walk in and people would be falling all over themselves to try to.

[Phil Duckett]

I need to move over there. Y'all acting like that. Treat me like a king.

[Turner Sparks]

So black would be number one, but my wife is Chinese. Also not as braggable. But you can brag about it. Not as braggable. You still can look down your nose at the people whose Kids, married white people. Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

That makes sense for me. If I wasn't in a relationship, I think for sure, Spanish because they catered their man how black women cater their man, you know, very similar how they treat their partner. Okay, so I think that would be.

[Turner Sparks]

Family would be happy about that.

[Phil Duckett]

The family would be happy about that.

[Turner Sparks]

Can I ask a Spanish question?

[Phil Duckett]

I'm not Spanish, so.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm not. But just the term Spanish. You mean someone from Spain or, like, anywhere that speaks Spanish.

[Phil Duckett]

You know, I ain't talking about. I've met two people from fucking Madrid. I'm talking about people who speak Spanish.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay, but only in New York, they call those people Spanish. No, like, I lived in Miami, the Cubans are just called Cuban, but in New York, they're called Spanish.

[Phil Duckett]

See, where I'm from in South Carolina, you speak Spanish, you Mexican, they don't give a fuck.

[Turner Sparks]

Well, then there's that. Yeah, you just Mexican. So.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, so I say Spanish, meaning you speak Spanish.

[Turner Sparks]

This is Dominican.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. There's so many different types of Spanish, so I just was encompassing everything in the Spanish.

[Turner Sparks]

Got it. Okay, cool. So Spanish is number one.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, Spanish probably number.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay.

[Phil Duckett]

What about you?

[Turner Sparks]

Do you want to jump in?

[Naveed Mahboob]

Navid? Yeah. So the question was that if I were to marry another race.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Would your. What would your family, parents, whoever, prefer for it to be. If it couldn't be someone from Bangladesh.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Oh, okay. See, they're very conservative over there. They'll just say. There's actually a. There's actually a list. Okay, fine. Naveen, you're Bangladeshi. Yes. So first is Bangladeshi. You're a Bangladeshi Muslim. You're a Bangladesh Muslim. I said no, not Bangladeshi. Okay, fine. Then is it an Indian or a Pakistani? Another brown Muslim. No. Then, okay, fine. Then another Muslim. And then, you know, you kind of go, then, actually, then you can find Catholic is fine, because Muslim men actually can marry Christians and Jews. I don't know if you know that.

[Phil Duckett]

So if you walked in with a Hindu baddie, that would just be like, fuck, no.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Look, I mean, you know, I mean, now it's.

[Phil Duckett]

Hey, let's not beat around the bush here. Could you come home with Hindu? And they. Would it be accepted?

[Naveed Mahboob]

It's all. It all depends on me, you know? I mean, the thing is, I think my, like, my. My brother, he's. He's got a Swedish wife, you know.

[Phil Duckett]

And my parents, he went ikea.

[Naveed Mahboob]

I mean, he's. He went ikea. He went ikea. He went Nokia. He went everything. Because. Yeah, because she's. All the kids no, because she's half her dad. Her mom is from Finland, so Nokia is from Finland. So she is Nokia and Ikea everything. And so. And my parents were pretty. Absolutely cool about it, really.

[Turner Sparks]

So yours would be whatever. But. But anyway, the hierarchy goes. Any type of Muslim first.

[Naveed Mahboob]

First.

[Turner Sparks]

Even, like, we're talking Muhammad Ali Muslim.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, again, you know, let's get.

[Turner Sparks]

It on the table.

[Phil Duckett]

Muhammad Ali Muslim is crazy.

[Naveed Mahboob]

It depends on which stage of Muhammad Ali. Also. No, but, you know, you mean when he.

[Turner Sparks]

Still not the Joe Biden stage of Muhammad Ali.

[Naveed Mahboob]

So. No, again, I'm not talking about. In my case. I'm talking about in general. You know, that's. And it's also, you see that over here, the Bangladeshis or Indians and Pakistanis, that's the kind of. They prefer to go to. Not that, you know, you can go that way because it's such a global world right now. I mean, you know, I mean, you just can't have these strict boundaries.

[Turner Sparks]

Next question mark. This is from James in Portland, Maine. Comedy question. Phil, what is the whitest comedy room you've ever performed in? And how did it go? And Turner, same question, but for black comedy rooms. And we'll put Navid in here, and you can take your pick. Anything that's not your own culture. Phil, you go first.

[Phil Duckett]

The whitest room sounds like a regular Friday to me.

[Turner Sparks]

I was gonna say you perform in a lot of white rooms.

[Phil Duckett]

I perform at a lot of white comedy clubs, but the whitest of them all wasn't even a comedy club. I did the VFW in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. And when I tell you, you could feel the racism, like, it was. It was like, I've never. You could wear it. Like, you know, I mean, it felt. It was just such a. Like, when I walked in, it was like in those TV shows where the deeja's like. Like, that's what it felt like. Like, all eyes were on me. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, and it was all. It was like Durham. It was all Trump country, like. And they all had their hats and stuff.

[Turner Sparks]

Was anyone else on the show or was it you doing an hour?

[Phil Duckett]

No, it was. I was the headliner, but there was other people on the show. I was only black comic, though.

[Turner Sparks]

Did they know who they were going to see, or was it like a Blazing Saddle situation?

[Phil Duckett]

No, they knew that they had comedians coming in from New York, but I don't know if they knew, like, the dynamic of who they were going to be. And so, yeah, the white comics went first and Then the headliner was my black ass. Yeah. And I was like, what's up with Donald Trump playing? I didn't do that. But now you could just feel. I ended up having a great set. But it. I was very self conscious of it because it was even whiter than what I was used to. And I was in that part of town where it clearly was like clan country. So I was just like, anybody just.

[Turner Sparks]

Get up and walk out?

[Phil Duckett]

No, no, not, not. Not even a little bit. I was surprised. They were. They were pretty cool by the end of it, you know, I mean, a couple of times I said something about Joe Biden and I. The whole room booed. Oh, I. Yeah, they're like, I was all right. Setting out, so. And then they were cool, but they all let you know, like, we fucking hate him. And we're.

[Turner Sparks]

I've done a show where I said something about. I just mentioned the United States. And like, I don't even.

[Naveed Mahboob]

I don't know.

[Turner Sparks]

I think I said it in a good. Maybe that we're okay or this country's. We're getting back on track. But I meant it. It was post pandemic. I meant it pandemic wise. Like, oh, people are getting back to work. And immediately it erupted into a. What's that, Joe? What's the thing people chant when they hate Joe Biden? Let's go, Brandon. It was a let's go, Brandon chant.

[Phil Duckett]

Which I never understood that.

[Turner Sparks]

It's code for F Joe Biden.

[Phil Duckett]

Who's Brandon? His son.

[Turner Sparks]

It has nothing to do with it. Literally, people were chanting f Joe Biden at like a NASCAR rally.

[Phil Duckett]

And the announcer, stupid, they thought his name was Brandon.

[Turner Sparks]

The announcer couldn't hear it and went, oh, they're saying, let's go, Brandon. That must be. Who's Brandon on the racetrack today?

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, God.

[Turner Sparks]

And so then they picked up on it. They went, oh, that's a way for us to do it. But we're not cussing around our kids. We can say, let's go, Brandon.

[Phil Duckett]

You have to code who you're chanting for. It's normally a problem. Them. Yeah, but. Okay, Brandon, I never knew that.

[Turner Sparks]

Blackest room I've ever done. It wasn't even that black. But it was Kevin Sean's show in Harlem. No, it wasn't even in Harlem.

[Naveed Mahboob]

He.

[Turner Sparks]

But he brought Harlem down to the. To the comedy shop or the lantern brought Harlem down. And when I tell you I bombed, like I've never bombed in my life. It was one of those where I ted the punchline and I wasn't sure if the mic was still on.

[Phil Duckett]

This thing on is so funny because.

[Turner Sparks]

I was used to doing well. I was usually I could do pretty well.

[Phil Duckett]

Maybe didn't hear me. I said, jabroni.

[Turner Sparks]

And I think I might have even done that. I'm like, we. Hello, Is this. Is this. Is this working? Are we all right? What's.

[Phil Duckett]

What is the worst feeling?

[Turner Sparks]

All I could hear was Kevin Shawn in the back of the room laughing at me.

[Phil Duckett]

Because we automatically do that. I can't even help when somebody starts bombing. I'm so. I get such secondhand embarrassment where I start laughing because I'm uncomfortable. Like, and I'm like, oh, 100%.

[Turner Sparks]

But. But see, if someone's bombs every time they're on stage, I'm just not even in the room.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

But when a friend of mine who I know is pretty good bombs that. I'm watching you laugh, I'm watching the whole bomb because it's a surprise.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

You're like, tough crowd.

[Turner Sparks]

It's definition of comedy. Something happens that you don't expect to happen. So I bombed immediately. When the first joke didn't work, I got self conscious because then all of a sudden everyone's. It's. It's a different demographic of people. So you're like, oh, maybe these jokes are only for white people. Maybe it. Maybe I have nothing that relates. I lost all confidence, and the next nine minutes was me delivering my punchlines, but in the worst, worst way ever with no confidence. And so then I just bombed for 10 minutes and then I left the room. One of those were. When I left the room, I just walked straight out.

[Phil Duckett]

That's the word. Just go straight to the car.

[Turner Sparks]

Straight home.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

I didn't even stay in the comedy club.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, when I bomb, I'm never staying. I'm going right home.

[Joe Russell]

One time, me and Phil were drunk at the Lantern, and I was like, hey, man, I've never performed in front of a black room before. Is there. Do you have any tips and tricks for me? He's like, first of all, no, don't say any gay shit. No gay shit. They don't fuck with that. And then he said, don't do anything about molestation or anything like that. I was, okay, cool. A couple of weeks later, it just so happened that everyone that was barked into the lantern was black. So it was. The lantern became a black room.

[Turner Sparks]

Now's my chance.

[Joe Russell]

Yeah. So I went up there and I was doing good for a while, but then I started running out of material. So I started doing the gay jokes and the pedophile jokes, and it got silent, and all I heard was just like. People were like, going. And I could hear Phil's voice echoing my head, like, don't do gay shit.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Gay shit, gay shit.

[Phil Duckett]

Don't do gay.

[Turner Sparks]

Why'd you do it? You just didn't have any more jokes. Oh, that was the same thing with when I bombed on Kevin Sean show. I didn't have a lot of material at that time, so I had no switch up. I just had 10 minutes that I knew worked, and when the first minute didn't, I'm like, I'm just gonna go bomb for the next show.

[Phil Duckett]

I completely remember that conversation.

[Naveed Mahboob]

I can put.

[Phil Duckett]

And it's still true to this day when people are like, what's the difference? I'm like, don't do nothing that be considered gay. All right? Because they don't. Now, if you're gay and talk about shit, oh, they love it. But you can't go into too much detail. But you can just be like, yeah, I'm gay. So what? Yeah, but if you like. So I'm in here blowing this dude. They like, nah.

[Turner Sparks]

That'S what Joe went into. Navid, what? You got anything to add here?

[Naveed Mahboob]

I've done both. I've done black rooms. I've done all white rooms, and the white is white was Helsinki, Finland, Stockholm, Sweden. I mean, here everybody's white. Blue eyes and blonde hair, pure white. I mean, there even I felt conscious in the US I've done. I mean, here you get everything. Any, like, here I've done. I've done shows in Harlem, in Bronx, in Brooklyn. In fact, I go there a lot because this is very good exercise that I. If I work in front of different. So I've done all white, all black. I've done Asian. I've done, like, in March, I was in Serbia. Okay, These are all white, but the former Eastern bloc. So countries. So I've done 30 countries. So from that perspective, I think I've done the whole gamut. And I mean, knock on wood hasn't been bad.

[Phil Duckett]

You know, I mean, what do you think that. I'm sorry.

[Turner Sparks]

No, go ahead.

[Phil Duckett]

What do you think the easiest race is to perform for? I mean, of course, your own people, because they get you. They get your humor, your language. But if you're not talking about what is, what do you find? Like, what race is normally, you know.

[Naveed Mahboob]

I would say, you know, because I come from the corporate world, I look at myself as a service provider. My job is to go Read the room and get a sense of what they will like and then talk about that.

[Phil Duckett]

Gotcha.

[Naveed Mahboob]

And one, some things are very common. If you're talking about kids, about family, about your job or your boss, you know, you do it in Serbia, it's fine. You're, it's. If it's a maga crowd, they still have the same issue. So, so then you're playing. Not only, not only are you playing safe, you're just bringing me again, you're dead for a date. Have the date. Just get out of there. No need to alienate them.

[Turner Sparks]

But even I think Indian people are laugh a lot. Anytime I'm doing like a lot of Indian people in the crowd, I feel like they're like, it's an easy. They're, they're there to. The laughs come. Like the first punchline hits right away.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't know. I always feel very comfortable with an Indian.

[Phil Duckett]

You do a lot of Indian.

[Naveed Mahboob]

And I was telling you, when Indians.

[Turner Sparks]

Are in the crowd. Yeah. I mean, a performer on the world. I've never performed in India.

[Phil Duckett]

Right. I've never done an all Indian crowd. No.

[Turner Sparks]

But when there's like a half Indian or mostly Indian, I don't know.

[Naveed Mahboob]

And I'll tell you that because this whole stand up comedy is a novelty among the, the South Asians. It's the last, last 10, 15 years. In fact, that's, that's pretty much what it is in the whole world. Asia, Europe, Middle East, Africa, Southern America. Last 10, 15 years. It's really blown up and it's really still a novelty. That's why when you say you see a brown audience, they're there to laugh because it's still like what the US was in the 70s. They're not jaded yet. Because the 70s, you had Richard Pryor, you had Bill Cosby, you know, let's just talk about his comedy side. And then the greats. And. Yeah, so, and, and then everybody said, wow, we haven't seen anything like this. So for us, Asians, Europeans, Africans, it's really a lot. I'm sure if you've done shows in China, it's the same thing.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Naveed Mahboob]

That they said, whoa, this is awesome. So I'm really ready.

[Turner Sparks]

It's so new.

[Naveed Mahboob]

It's so new. I'm gonna laugh. So that's why it's not that easy to make them laugh, is that they're there. Very eager to laugh.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes. All right, last one. And I have to, I have to emphasize this is not a question from me. Joe, do not clip this and put it out as a clip, and it sounds like I'm the one saying it. This is from Tim, who emailed us in. I don't know where he's from, what he says. His question. Why don't black people tip their bartenders?

[Phil Duckett]

This is from Turner's Fence, definitely.

[Turner Sparks]

God damn it.

[Phil Duckett]

You want me to go since I'm black?

[Turner Sparks]

I think so. I think it's mostly a question.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, let me tell you something. It's all about how you were raised. Okay. My father actually, God rest his soul, he used to over tip because we have such a bad stigma of not tipping. He never wanted people to think that of him. So he'd always tip too much just to, like, see. Gotcha.

[Turner Sparks]

I know Jewish people that do that.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Yeah. For good reason. I used to work at juniors. They need to over tip. So I. Black people, man. And just. And not all of them. I feel like, again, how you're raised. I grew up with a successful family, you know, very predominantly, you know, successful. We were good people, you know, I mean, so I think we always knew the tip because that was just the status quo. But then, like, when I go out, like, with cousins or even I've been out with my homies, like, I'm. We always. It's a blood table full of young black dudes. And then the bill comes, and they leave $2 on a 200 bill, a 200 tab. And I have literally gone back to the table and put some more money on the table. Yeah. Cause I'm like, you ain't gonna have me looking like that. I just think it's about how you raise. I think a lot of. A lot of black folks. And I don't want to say black folks, maybe people in general, but I know a lot of black people I talk to, they're like, why the fuck am I tipping? They get paid by the hour, motherfucker. That's the tip. Like, you get paid for this. It's not like you're doing it for free. I'm like, I think what it is. If you worked in the service industry, like, I have. I have bartended. I've waited thousands of tables from the time I was 18. You know how hard you work, and you know that you're only getting paid, like, $2.50 an hour. So people think that minimum wage, but server minimum wage is not the same as regular minimum wage. So you don't make a lot of money that tips is what you live off of.

[Turner Sparks]

Here's what needs to change those. The company should be paying people more.

[Phil Duckett]

They should be paying regular minimum wage like any other job. And then the tips are extra.

[Turner Sparks]

I looked it up one time. Do you know where tipping comes from in the United States? It's rooted in slavery.

[Phil Duckett]

No shit.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes.

[Phil Duckett]

Flick your nickel. I don't spend it all in one place, boy.

[Turner Sparks]

What happened is when slavery got outlawed in the 1860s, 1865, they. The. In the south, they decided, all right, well, now we have to pay black people. But guess what? You can work here, but you're gonna make your money in tips. Yeah, there's gonna be a new thing called tips. And that means I'm not paying you over my dead body. I've never paid you before. I'm not gonna pay you now.

[Phil Duckett]

But if they see that you were good enough to deserve some money, we'll flick you a shilling. Little black.

[Turner Sparks]

That's it. The customer can give you money if they want. So the fact that there's still companies out there or businesses or restaurants paying people 250 an hour, that's a extension of slavery. That slave, they're still doing it.

[Phil Duckett]

All right. I just got fired a year ago from my last serving job. The checks are still.

[Turner Sparks]

It's insane. They should. There should be a law that you should have to pay people 15 bucks an hour or 20, whatever the minimum wage is. That should be the minimum. And then if people want to tip on top of that, they can. What I don't get. There are coffee shops in town that.

[Phil Duckett]

Was about to say they've taken tipping too far.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes.

[Phil Duckett]

If I got a. You give me a cold brew and hand me a cup, and I got to put the sugar, the cream and everything, and then you're like, spin it around. Do you want a tip? No, I'm not. Nothing.

[Turner Sparks]

I do not want it. Not only that, I know of a coffee shop in my neighborhood. The owner is the one working there, and then they ask you for a tip. I'm like, you own the restaurant, right? What am I tipping? You're not. The idea of tipping is because we think people only make 250 an hour. But now you're the owner, so what am I?

[Phil Duckett]

And we know this place was more than $2.50. So you bought it, so you clearly got money.

[Turner Sparks]

Exactly.

[Phil Duckett]

What about.

[Turner Sparks]

What do you think as coming as an outsider in the US what's your opinions on tipping?

[Naveed Mahboob]

Well, I mean, I agree with what you just said, that they work. They work very hard. They don't get paid. I mean, they don't get paid well, so I mean, if. If you can tip them, do tip them. And you know, in many countries, you probably know this is that they actually include the. What they call a service charge. So let's say you, You. The bill is $100. They actually add a 15 or 20% service. So. And they. So you have to mandatory pay 120 bucks. And that goes to not just that server, everybody, It's a pool. So it's a pool. So every server and every chef, everybody walks out with a. With a pool of money. So it's like guaranteed.

[Turner Sparks]

I want to say this. I do tip. I know. I just. I just went off on tipping. I still tip. What's. What percentage you guys do? Because now it started out 15, 18, 20, and now it's at least in New York, 20, 25 or something.

[Phil Duckett]

My minimum is 10%, and it's based off service. So whether you suck or not, I'm give you 10%. Now if you're good and you. And I can tell because I used to do this, I was a server, so I know if I know when you in the weeds, I know when you really fucking stuck. But also know when you a lazy piece of shit and you ain't asking, do I need to refill the water? And there ain't nobody in here, so 10% is the minimum. I'll go up to 20 if it's stellar service. But if you just leave me by myself and I'm having to ask for chips and guac twice. Yeah, you don't get that 10.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm never going. I never go over 20. I think somewhere in the middle of the pandemic, they went from 15, 18, 20 to 20, 25, 30. In the. In the buttons, the props, the spinning around, it's going to ask you a few questions. Just say it's gonna ask for a tip. We all know what the few questions are. It's not gonna be like, how do you feel today?

[Phil Duckett]

I tipped the chick 50 because she had some massive cans one time.

[Turner Sparks]

No, that's.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, I was like, you know what?

[Turner Sparks]

Agree.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm gonna tip you half the bill. That is fine with me.

[Turner Sparks]

At McDonald's.

[Phil Duckett]

Cans or cans.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Naveed Mahboob]

In my case, also, like, I mean, if minimum 10, I mean, even the person was really bad. Yeah, I'll say, you know, okay, fine. I don't want him to cuss me.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Or maybe he's having a bad day.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Yeah, it could be a bad day. Giving the person the benefit of the doubts. At least 10 good. Is 20 even. I've gone 25?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Just say, you know what I mean? This five is not going to kill me.

[Phil Duckett]

Right.

[Naveed Mahboob]

And it's going to mean. I mean, this person really went above and beyond.

[Phil Duckett]

But I want. I think what people need to also realize about this tipping thing is, yeah, it's a great gesture, but I've been in positions where I've saved up for two weeks to go eat at this place. I know it's expensive now. Everybody's like, well, if you can't afford it, you shouldn't go. I can afford the food, but then if I gotta give 20% of a 250, $300 bill, sometimes I just don't. I don't have it. Like, I've literally used all my money to pay for them, you know? I mean, so. I understand that too, peeps. Not every time you. I mean, I think if it's like. I think it's. If it's something that you regularly do, you're just a cheapskate. But sometimes there are just extraneous circumstances, something like that, you know, extenuating circumstances. So I don't always judge people on that because some, like, some of those Ms. Michelin star restaurants, I'm like, dog, I done paid 500 for the meal. Like, 20 of 500 is outlandish.

[Turner Sparks]

Why they don't work it into the bill. And then that's just the price that's on the menu, which.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. He's like, okay, this one.

[Turner Sparks]

That way I know. Like, oh, this. This piece of steak, it's not 50, it's 82.

[Phil Duckett]

Right.

[Turner Sparks]

That's what it would be.

[Phil Duckett]

You can make your decision accordingly.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And then you decide anyway. All right, that's. We're out of time for questions, but we have one last thing to do. First of all, Navid, do we have anything. Anything to plug? I know you've been here a few months and you're going back soon, but anything to plug before we go.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Yeah. I want to be a household name in America.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes, Navid.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Maboo. If you need a comic, let me know.

[Turner Sparks]

Can we check you out online or social media?

[Naveed Mahboob]

Yeah, it's Naveed Mahboob. N A V E E D M A H B U B All my mahboob. Mahboob is like mahboob. Hey, Navid. Like Feliz Navidad. Yes, Mahboob. Like mad.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes.

[Naveed Mahboob]

They used to call me Squeeze at one point.

[Phil Duckett]

I like that.

[Turner Sparks]

Squeeze is a good stage name. We're talking about stage names. Last episode, maybe the one before. I think just Squeeze.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Yeah, I can say squeeze my boo or squeeze my boo.

[Turner Sparks]

Squeeze my boo.

[Phil Duckett]

Squeeze my boo.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, Last thing we do before we go. Joe Russell. Joe the Muscle Russell. White lies and dark truths. What did we get right? What did we get wrong today?

[Joe Russell]

So I just looked at a few rates of things you guys are talking about. Arranged marriage versus love marriage. And the divorce rate for a love marriage is 40 to 50% in the US while an arranged marriage is 4%.

[Turner Sparks]

96% success.

[Phil Duckett]

Again, I'd like to check the hostage rate on that.

[Joe Russell]

Yeah, maybe, like, if you're forced into getting married, maybe you also can't be forced to get divorced.

[Phil Duckett]

I just said that. He was like. That was a stereotype. I was like, y'all kill him. If they just. You show your hair or you leave, you're a dead.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Not my wife. My wife says, navid, you should have an affair. You need to have some controversy, otherwise you'll never get famous.

[Phil Duckett]

That is a setup, buddy. You never listen to that.

[Naveed Mahboob]

I know, but don't you dare.

[Phil Duckett]

Don't you dare. You will get murdered in your sleep.

[Joe Russell]

So you guys are talking about interracial marriages. And so I've decided to look up the top three percentages of interracial marriages in the United States. So what do you think the first one is?

[Phil Duckett]

Black and white.

[Turner Sparks]

No, I want to say Asian and white.

[Joe Russell]

That's number two.

[Naveed Mahboob]

Black and brown.

[Joe Russell]

No, black and Asian, white and Hispanic is 43%.

[Phil Duckett]

Really?

[Joe Russell]

And then white and Asian is 14%. 14.4% white. Black is 11.9%. But they don't show you. What if it's male or female? But I think you can all guess.

[Turner Sparks]

White and Hispanic.

[Joe Russell]

What do you think that is?

[Turner Sparks]

I. Well, first of all, you're pronouncing it wrong. It's not Hispanic. It's Spanish according to philosophy.

[Phil Duckett]

Spanish.

[Turner Sparks]

But the. Were you saying the man's white, the man's white?

[Naveed Mahboob]

Yeah, the man is white for sure.

[Joe Russell]

But then white nature. That's easy.

[Phil Duckett]

White, white, white guy.

[Joe Russell]

But white and black is.

[Phil Duckett]

The man's.

[Turner Sparks]

The man's black, the man's black.

[Phil Duckett]

And then we find a chick from Walmart.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, that is the show. That's the episode, everybody. We will see you next week. Stay black.

[Phil Duckett]

Yes, sir.

[Naveed Mahboob]

You got a question, buddy that you're scared to ask? Just drop the boys a message. Cause they're up to the test.

[Phil Duckett]

They're all in the dice.

[Naveed Mahboob]

They ain't always nice.

[Phil Duckett]

But you can't think twice when given.

[Turner Sparks]

Black and white and light.

[Phil Duckett]

Black and white.

[Joe Russell]

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