Why Don't Black People Like Adventure Sports?

Summary

Podcast Summary: Black and White Advice – Episode: "Why Don't Black People Like Adventure Sports?"

Release Date: November 19, 2024

Hosts: Turner Sparks (White) and Phil Duckett (Black)

---

Introduction

In this engaging episode of Black and White Advice, comedians Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett delve into the nuanced topic of racial preferences in adventure sports. Through humor and candid conversation, they explore cultural stereotypes, personal experiences, and societal expectations surrounding why Black individuals may seem less inclined towards adventure sports compared to their White counterparts.

---

Family Feud Style Game: Black vs. White Households (00:51 - 11:43)

The episode kicks off with a lively Family Feud-style game where Turner and Phil attempt to list items typically found in Black and White households based on societal stereotypes.

• Turner Sparks humorously remarks on the absence of mayonnaise in Brooklyn, tying it to gentrification:

  "This is how you know white people have taken over Brooklyn… All them casseroles, that's gentrification complete." (00:00)

• Phil Duckett challenges Turner on stereotypical household items, leading to funny exchanges about products like fondue sets, lotion, flip flops vs. slides, and Mary J. Blige CDs:

  "You carry on." (22:42)

• The hosts debate the prevalence of items such as hair grease and washcloths in Black households, providing insight into grooming practices:

  "You gotta grease up those arms and legs, bald head." (03:19)

• The segment highlights the cultural differences and the often lighthearted yet critical examination of stereotypes:

  "They repainted over those. Six months later, all them streets is all black." (25:22)

---

Listener Questions and Hosting Responses

1. Gift Registry Dilemma (13:07 - 16:17)

Question from Jeff in St. Louis:
A White man questions whether he's obligated to send an expensive gift to a Black bartender’s apartment warming party, especially when invited via a gift registry.

• Phil Duckett advises assessing the closeness of the relationship, suggesting that a simple gesture like bringing a bottle of wine suffices if one chooses to attend:

  "If you were to show up to a housewarming, then, yeah, you need to bring something, but not necessarily anything on the gift." (14:18)

• Turner Sparks touches on cultural expectations, highlighting the complexity added by racial dynamics:

  "But the race dynamic here makes it tricky for me." (15:03)

• The duo discusses the potential for perceived obligations based on race, ultimately recommending honesty and personal comfort over societal pressure.

2. Cultural Behaviors in Interracial Dating (17:12 - 27:49)

Question from Keegan in Atlanta:
A White woman asks how to address her Black partner’s tendency to intervene in others' affairs, such as slowing down for car accidents or investigating incidents.

• Phil Duckett explores the cultural underpinnings, suggesting that tendencies like monitoring lines or intervening stem from deeper societal behaviors:

  "You get mad because you like, who the fuck is this?" (19:20)

• Turner Sparks shares personal experiences regarding the desire for control and order:

  "I don't want someone to. There's. You don't have much control in your life…" (19:50)

• The hosts emphasize the importance of understanding and respecting cultural differences while communicating openly in interracial relationships.

3. Racial Preferences in Adventure Sports (28:59 - 36:28)

Question from Frank in Boston:
A Chinese man inquires why White people seem more passionate about adventure sports like rock climbing and mountain biking, whereas Black people do not.

• Phil Duckett attributes the difference to perceived leisure time and adrenaline-seeking behaviors:

  "White life is easy. … So why jump off a mountain cliff with a rubber band attached to me and see if we make it back Up." (29:01)

• Turner Sparks humorously categorizes White peers as being either politically active or engaged in extreme sports, linking these activities to broader social behaviors:

  "They're either running for political office or they're jumping off a bridge somewhere…" (29:24)

• The discussion touches on swimming proficiency among Black individuals, debunking myths and exploring historical contexts:

  "Black people can't get lice… Because they have a hard time. Our hair, the texture." (35:53)

• The hosts conclude by addressing systemic issues and cultural practices that influence participation in adventure sports:

  "White people have NOTHING else TO DO." (29:28)

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Key Insights and Conclusions

Throughout the episode, Turner and Phil navigate the delicate balance between humor and social commentary. They shed light on how cultural upbringing, historical contexts, and societal expectations shape the interests and behaviors of different racial groups. By addressing stereotypes head-on, the hosts encourage listeners to reflect on their perceptions and the broader implications of racial dynamics in everyday activities, including the realm of adventure sports.

Notable quotes that encapsulate the episode's essence include:

• Turner Sparks:

  "This is how you know white people have taken over Brooklyn…" (00:00)

• Phil Duckett:

  "They're either running for political office or they're jumping off a bridge somewhere." (29:28)

• Turner Sparks:

  "It's a level of that person's a serial killer. That's a total serial killer move." (24:52)

• Phil Duckett:

  "White people are just always in business… Mind your business." (19:20)

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Closing Thoughts

"Why Don't Black People Like Adventure Sports?" serves as a thought-provoking episode that intertwines comedy with critical discussions on race and culture. Turner Sparks and Phil Duckett adeptly use humor to dissect and challenge societal norms, fostering a space for education and reflection among their diverse audience.

For more insightful discussions and comedic takes on race-related topics, tune into Black and White Advice.

Transcript

[Turner Sparks]

Can I tell you that there is a mayonnaise shortage? Last week in Brooklyn, I went out to get mayonnaise, and they didn't have it at the store down the street. So then I went to Trader Joe's. Sold out. The lady's like, we're sold out of mayonnaise. This is how you know white people have taken over Brooklyn is you can't find mayonnaise anywhere. All them casseroles, that's gentrification complete.

[Phil Duckett]

Have you ever had a question you wanted to ask opposite race, but you were too nervous to ask?

[Turner Sparks]

I'm Turner Sparks.

[Phil Duckett]

And I'm Phil Duckett.

[Turner Sparks]

And this is black and white advice.

[Phil Duckett]

But we answer all your questions about race, even the scary ones. This is black and white.

[Turner Sparks]

Wide advice.

[Phil Duckett]

Black and white.

[Turner Sparks]

Kicking it off today with the Woodford.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, I don't want to say their name. We're not sponsored.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, yeah, don't give them any.

[Phil Duckett]

Sorry. By cognac.

[Turner Sparks]

We're kicking it off today with what's in your house. This is a Family Feud style game. We're gonna do Phil, and it's me versus you. You wrote down a number of things that are in. Could be found in a black household.

[Phil Duckett]

And you wrote down things that could be found in white. And I'm gonna try to guess what some things that would. What are some things that would be found in majority of white households?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, and I'm going to guess what could be found in a black.

[Phil Duckett]

You're just going to be all hella racist.

[Turner Sparks]

I mean, there's no other way for me to do it but racist. I'm. You're asking me to guess stereotypical black things in a household. If I had a career, it would be over. Thankfully, I don't.

[Phil Duckett]

I think we're both in the same boat. They're not going to take anything we don't have.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, exactly. There's nothing to take from us.

[Phil Duckett]

Do it.

[Turner Sparks]

Joe Russell's here. He's going to be the judge. Family Feud style. Joe, if we get close, what do.

[Phil Duckett]

You want me to do?

[Joe Russell]

Like say ding, ding, ding or something?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, give us a ding, ding, ding, ding, ding works.

[Turner Sparks]

I got a bell over there. Do you want to ring the bell? It's like, remember Private Parts with. Remember, like the old days with Howard Stern? He had actual, like, instruments.

[Phil Duckett]

I forgot about that. I sneak and watch Howard on the.

[Turner Sparks]

Radio because he could. It was before they had the ability to, like, do, do, do, do, do. So he was literally just shaking bells and stuff in the studio. That's us Now. All right, That's a good show. Do you want to go first?

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, yeah, I'll go first. All right. Things that I would find in a white household. Fondue said.

[Joe Russell]

Fondue.

[Phil Duckett]

I thought that was going to say.

[Turner Sparks]

Right? I was like, fondue said. What is the 1970s?

[Phil Duckett]

I don't know what y'all eat. I know y'all like cheese.

[Turner Sparks]

I feel like the boomer generation, when they were in their 20s, they all had fondue.

[Phil Duckett]

That's like. Is that. That's the new air fryer? That old air fryer?

[Turner Sparks]

It's the air fryer. It's the old air fryer for sure. They all had fondue sets and then no one, I think, but. But fondue said. Is you dip. Was it you dip, like, fruit and cheese or something?

[Phil Duckett]

Y'all was dipping each other in that motherfucker? No.

[Joe Russell]

You guys haven't had fondue before?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't know. What is it?

[Phil Duckett]

It's really good. It's melted cheese.

[Joe Russell]

It's a French thing. It's usually compte cheese. And you melt it. You dip little pieces of bread in it.

[Turner Sparks]

Joe has a cheese podcast.

[Phil Duckett]

I've dipped grapes.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, Can I go? Things you would find in a black household. Jesus. This is. I'm gonna go with lotion. Damn it.

[Phil Duckett]

Yes, baby.

[Turner Sparks]

You gotta grease up those arms and legs, bald head.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, my God. I knew that was too easy. Yeah. Okay. Something that you would find in a white household. Flip flops.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, that's actually a really good one. Do black people not wear flip flops? They don't, right?

[Phil Duckett]

We wear, like, slides. I mean, some do, but slides mostly.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, yeah, we talked about that.

[Phil Duckett]

So I was wrong.

[Joe Russell]

Yeah, you're wrong.

[Phil Duckett]

Turner put some bullshit on his list.

[Turner Sparks]

Things you would find in a black household. I'm gonna go with pork.

[Phil Duckett]

That's fucking crazy as fuck.

[Turner Sparks]

People like to eat.

[Phil Duckett]

I mean, actually, not every. No, I would have pork at my house. A lot of black people don't even eat pork anymore.

[Turner Sparks]

That can't be true.

[Phil Duckett]

They've all gone off of it.

[Turner Sparks]

No way.

[Phil Duckett]

Majority of black people don't even fuck with pork. I take about, like, half and half Southern black people still do, but, like, a lot of New York people. That's why they don't offer pork bacon in the bodegas anywhere. Because most majority of people are Muslim. The workers are Muslim.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, I forgot about black Muslims.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, that's like a whole Malcolm X and his whole thing.

[Turner Sparks]

He was a Muslim.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, my God. Holy shit. We gonna need to do More than. I got some movies.

[Turner Sparks]

That was the difference. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

[Joe Russell]

Osama Milan. He was a Muslim, right?

[Phil Duckett]

I'm like, yes. Where do you think he got the X from? Another thing found in a white House. Sunscreen. Wrong.

[Turner Sparks]

These are all good answers, though. I feel bad now.

[Phil Duckett]

No, don't kick my ass. It's fine.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, I'm gonna go with a washcloth.

[Phil Duckett]

Fuck.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes.

[Phil Duckett]

Two.

[Joe Russell]

I mean, he may have won, but he's really lost in.

[Turner Sparks]

Yes.

[Joe Russell]

In life.

[Phil Duckett]

He only won, but I'm like. I'm mad. You know, these. I'm like, fuck, he's so good.

[Joe Russell]

Turner, you just need one more point. And, Phil, you still.

[Turner Sparks]

I have no. I'm out of ideas, by the way, so I'm gonna really have to come up with something. Go ahead, Phil.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm defeated mentally, so I've already lost. White families would have quinoa.

[Turner Sparks]

Raw quinoa. I don't know. My wife controls the kitchen, so we have a Chinese. We keep a Chinese kitchen.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, I was going to say rice for y'all, but we fuck. Okay.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, all right.

[Joe Russell]

You could win this whole thing.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, my God. I'm going to go. What do black people have in stereotypical black house? The BET app.

[Joe Russell]

Sorry.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, come on.

[Phil Duckett]

Thank God I didn't put that. I was like, oh, God. Okay.

[Joe Russell]

Nobody watches cable anymore, right?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, The BET out. Okay, so, Turner, I'm up right now. What in the hell am I missing? See the white home, See the kids cussing at the moment, Two things. White households have both parents.

[Joe Russell]

Wrong.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm thinking outside the box here now, guys. All right? I'm fucking grasping at straws.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, we're going for it now.

[Joe Russell]

Yeah, you could win this, Turner.

[Turner Sparks]

All right. Durags.

[Phil Duckett]

That's a great answer, but I didn't have that because I'm involved. But, yeah, that should have been on there, but it's not. I kind of want you to win this game since you're so far and I know I can't come back.

[Turner Sparks]

Should we just go rapid fire?

[Joe Russell]

Yeah, let's go for it.

[Phil Duckett]

For me, I'm going to go with salad. Wrong.

[Turner Sparks]

Black people don't eat salad.

[Phil Duckett]

We do, but y'all keep salad. Some type of salad. Shit. Fruit salad, tuna salad, chicken salad, pasta salad. See?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah. Potato salad.

[Phil Duckett]

Come on, man.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, you were close. Oh, my God. There's so I. Now I remember what my answers were. You're so close on so many.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay.

[Joe Russell]

All right, Turner.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, my God.

[Joe Russell]

You could win this whole thing.

[Turner Sparks]

This is like, I'm just getting more and more racist as I go.

[Phil Duckett]

Let's go.

[Turner Sparks]

All right. Oh, man. FUBU clothes.

[Phil Duckett]

No. God.

[Turner Sparks]

Come on.

[Phil Duckett]

All right, I'm just gonna give them that.

[Turner Sparks]

Do people still wear fubu?

[Phil Duckett]

No. It's making a comeback. Is that over vintage? Like, if you can find it now, they're, like, charging extra for it because it's hard fun.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, Joe, read the answers.

[Joe Russell]

So things found, according to our survey of 100 people, things found in a black household lotion. Hair grease.

[Turner Sparks]

Hair grease. You're talking about for like, a Jheri curl?

[Phil Duckett]

No, like, put grease in your hair to brush it to get waves.

[Turner Sparks]

Okay, what was this third one?

[Joe Russell]

Washcloth.

[Turner Sparks]

You got it.

[Joe Russell]

Rat tail comb.

[Phil Duckett]

What?

[Turner Sparks]

Wait, Black people have rat tails?

[Phil Duckett]

Rattail combs. It's a comb with a. So you can just parch your hair and grease the scalp, braid it, cornrow it.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, okay. I didn't know what that was called.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, it's a rat tail comb. You could have just said comb.

[Turner Sparks]

It's not for the rat tail.

[Phil Duckett]

No. It's not for the rent.

[Turner Sparks]

Got it.

[Joe Russell]

This one here. I learned something. Ginger ale.

[Phil Duckett]

Ginger ale is in majority.

[Turner Sparks]

What are you on an airplane flight?

[Phil Duckett]

No. No. Black people hold ginger ale. This higher and higher esteem than Tylenol or Advil in a black household. Your grandma. You're not feeling what she said? Drink one of them ginger ale and go lay down.

[Turner Sparks]

My mom did the same thing.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Ginger ale's a.

[Turner Sparks]

You have a stomach ache.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Go drink some ginger ale.

[Turner Sparks]

When you're sick or when you're on a Delta flight. Those are the two times you do. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

And I'm telling you, there is ginger in a ginger ale, and they hide that to them. That is Chinese medicine right there.

[Turner Sparks]

That's a potion.

[Phil Duckett]

It is. My grandma would give me a ginger ale and I'd lay down and watch the stories with her that that sickness would be gone in three hours.

[Turner Sparks]

Stories?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

What were the stories?

[Phil Duckett]

Days of Our Lives, General Hospital, Soap operas. Stories. My story. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

The washcloth operas.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Yeah. That's what we watched.

[Joe Russell]

And then three more things in the black household. Ramen. A picture of Obama.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, I should have got that.

[Joe Russell]

And then a Mary J. Blige cd.

[Turner Sparks]

Very specifically. Yeah. People love Mary J. Mary J.

[Phil Duckett]

Has got, like, my mom's generation. And Mary J. Gets them through cleaning on Saturdays and just gets them through any tough time. They get a glass of wine, put on that Mary J. They relax.

[Turner Sparks]

She's the black Dave Matthews.

[Phil Duckett]

Yes. That is us. That's our Girl.

[Joe Russell]

All right, Phil, you ready?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, please.

[Joe Russell]

You got zero of these. A New York Times.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay. Newspaper.

[Joe Russell]

I should mayonnaise.

[Turner Sparks]

How'd you not get mayonnaise?

[Phil Duckett]

Because I love mayonnaise.

[Turner Sparks]

Can I tell you that there's a mayonnaise shortage? Last week in Brooklyn, I went out to get mayonnaise and they didn't have it at the store down the street. So then I went to Trader Joe's. Sold out. The lady's like, we're sold out of mayonnaise. This is how you know white people have taken over Brooklyn. You can't find mayonnaise anywhere. All them casseroles, that's gentrification complete.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, they want all mayonnaise or just helmets?

[Turner Sparks]

All man. Literally sold out of mayonnaise.

[Joe Russell]

Well, you know where they get mayonnaise from? It's from the corner of old people's lips.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, that is such a disgusting thought. I. All I pictured was decreases. Oh.

[Turner Sparks]

We'll be right back. No, what is it? What's.

[Joe Russell]

What are the last few display pillows? Just like pillows. Throw pillows, potpourri, yoga mats, oat milk, fruit baskets, Live laugh love signs, dream catchers and Stanley cups.

[Phil Duckett]

Dream catchers is Native American.

[Turner Sparks]

Would have never gotten that Live laugh love sign.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, but I want to guess that.

[Turner Sparks]

Is that specifically white or black people.

[Phil Duckett]

Got into Mama got one.

[Turner Sparks]

Maybe it's. Maybe it's okay. That's for everybody.

[Joe Russell]

Great job, guys.

[Phil Duckett]

Damn.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, we will be back with black and white advice.

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[Turner Sparks]

Hey, you want to get bonus content, early episodes and have your questions answered on the show?

[Phil Duckett]

Well, then subscribe to our [e-mail] blackandwhiteadvice and subscribe right now.

[Turner Sparks]

Do it and we'll give you a shout out on a future episode.

[Phil Duckett]

And I might call you the N word. We got some questions for you.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, here's an interesting one. We're going to kick it off with Jeff in St. Louis.

[Phil Duckett]

You can find me in St. Louis.

[Turner Sparks]

I'm a white guy, 35 years old. This question is for Phil. I know a guy, a guy I know through a private club I belong to recently moved apartments and sent me a text message inviting me to his apartment warming party. The invite had an Amazon gift registry attached to it with gifts between $100 and $500. The person in question is the bartender at the club. At this private club. He's a black guy in his 40s. While I'm friendly with him at the club, we don't really hang out outside of the club. The party he's inviting me to with the gift registry is byob. I probably can't make it to the party, but am I obligated to send a gift or can I just ignore the request and make and go about my life?

[Phil Duckett]

Um, I think it just all depends on how close you are. You said you don't really know the guy, so if you were to show up to us a housewarming, then, yeah, you need to bring something, but not necessarily anything on the gift. I mean, you know, don't ball out of your budget trying to keep up with the Joneses. If you brought a nice bottle of wine, he. I bet you wouldn't turn it down. So what do we. Yeah, I would do what I could do, but if I'm not going, I wouldn't even get anything because we're not close. We're not best friends. Something came up. Life is life. And so unless he's. What, is he paying for all your booze when you go to the club or something?

[Turner Sparks]

No, no, it says it's byob. The party's byob.

[Phil Duckett]

That's what I'm saying. But why would there be no backlash? It's not like you would stop getting drinks from him.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, like, if you mean at the club.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, like he's like, hooking you up all the time you're not paying or something. You know, it just depends on the relationship.

[Turner Sparks]

Well, this guy says note, he puts a note at the end. If this were a white guy, I definitely not go and I would not send a gift. But the race dynamic here makes it tricky for me.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, you feel like this your brother?

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

You don't. What he talking about?

[Turner Sparks]

Is he. You know, the guy wants to know, is that somehow rude in a culture that he doesn't understand?

[Phil Duckett]

You don't sound like that. You don't sound like. Yeah, listen, brother, stick to your guns, all right? Don't fucking change up. You want to get the white man nothing, Then don't get the black man nothing.

[Turner Sparks]

Do people now send gift registries for like, house parties? Do you know what I mean?

[Phil Duckett]

Now, if it's a house warming party, but nobody's ever sent, I've never gotten a gift for housewarming. People bring little things that they see that they can do, but it's not. I'm not like, I'm just here to break it in unprompted.

[Turner Sparks]

Send you like, hey, here's where we're registered. Like it.

[Phil Duckett]

And we met twice.

[Turner Sparks]

Registered at Macy's.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And that's for like, if you have a baby shower or wedding. Is it baby and wedding? That's it. Bar mitzvah maybe.

[Phil Duckett]

I would never Jewish maybe. I think they get money.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, it's just money, right? Is any. Is that now, Joe, have you ever seen this? Are people sending. Oh, like registries for non baby showers or.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm sure they're sending them because people are freeloading mooches, but that don't mean you got to do shit. Just like they.

[Joe Russell]

That's outrageous to me.

[Turner Sparks]

That's outrageous.

[Phil Duckett]

Just like at the coffee shop when they put the little tip thing up on the touchscreen and you poured my cold brew in the fucking cup. You get paid by the hour. That's your tip.

[Turner Sparks]

There we go.

[Phil Duckett]

Same thing.

[Turner Sparks]

It's out of control.

[Phil Duckett]

No, it is out of control. I don't even feel bad.

[Joe Russell]

What if you just move to a new house every year? So you party every year.

[Turner Sparks]

It's a scam.

[Joe Russell]

It's a scam again.

[Phil Duckett]

That's what I'm saying. Sound like he's trying to get his.

[Turner Sparks]

Like, few first couple and this how.

[Phil Duckett]

You know it's a freeloaded mooch. Who the gives you a registry where the cheapest gift is a hundred dollars? Who the hell are we?

[Turner Sparks]

100 to 500.

[Phil Duckett]

That's what I'm saying. You Broke? You're trying to get me to furnish your apartment. Exactly.

[Turner Sparks]

No, it's been $500 just to go hang out at a guy's house for.

[Phil Duckett]

A couple hours and I gotta bring my own beer. Kiss my ass, bro. Yeah. You know what the housewarming gift is? The beers. I don't drink. They get left in the refrigerator. That's the gift.

[Turner Sparks]

Next question. Keegan from Atlanta. Keegan?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Keegan from.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay.

[Turner Sparks]

I recently started dating a white guy. And he's great, but he's always so interested in other people's business. Slowing down at car accidents, going towards loud noises, and always trying to investigate shit.

[Phil Duckett]

She says, but they nosy asses.

[Turner Sparks]

What can I do to make him stop getting involved? And why are white people always so into everyone else's business? Okay, I know.

[Phil Duckett]

Touch on that.

[Turner Sparks]

Here's why we're into other people's business because I've said. I don't know if I've said this before. We need excitement. We need something going on. We need. There's. There's only so much you can watch on tv. It's the same. We talked about this, about women into murder mysteries. Right? Or whatever. Murder podcast.

[Phil Duckett]

True crime. True crime.

[Turner Sparks]

They're into it because, well, you. There's a certain level of safety. We're like, I'm probably never going to get murdered. So let me see what it's like for this other person who got murdered. Right? I think it's the same for the car accident. I don't know. I do this. I slow down everybody.

[Phil Duckett]

That's the car accident thing. That's not a black or white thing. Everybody. That's why traffic gets fucked up, because everybody wants to look. I think she's talking about more so how y'all are just always in business. That's not Yalls. I don't care if it comes from regulating the line at the store. They're like, oh, no, you weren't here first. He was here first. But were you here first?

[Turner Sparks]

That's my mood.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Why the fuck are you even talking to me? Because it's between me and the person I'm skipping. So that then.

[Turner Sparks]

Wait, wait. You talking about back cuts?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. You're not.

[Turner Sparks]

You cannot give people back cuts.

[Phil Duckett]

You know what I think it is? I think a lot of white people were school home monitors as kids. And y'all missed that urge to tattletail on somebody.

[Turner Sparks]

No. Here's maybe, but here's what it is for me. I don't like people cutting in front of me. What Am I not allowed to tell? Someone cuts in front of me, and I'm not allowed to say, hey, but back in the line. There's a line, but you don't know.

[Phil Duckett]

The thing is, y'all will say that without knowing the full story. You didn't know that I was holding her place in line while she walked off. So now you're over here monitoring shit like she wasn't right there. Like, you don't know what the fuck's going on.

[Joe Russell]

Just don't.

[Phil Duckett]

Mind your business. Just.

[Turner Sparks]

Just double check.

[Phil Duckett]

We get mad because we like, who the fuck is this? Yeah. You know, y'all double check. Yeah. And then you double check. And after that, then once we get upset about it, you're like, I'm calling the cops. Escalate so fast.

[Turner Sparks]

I call the cops as somebody who cut lines.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Oh, 100%. He's threatening me. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

All right.

[Phil Duckett]

They don't like that. That's true.

[Turner Sparks]

I guess that's true for some people. For me, I just. There is some. I do, like, an orderly line. I had people. I was in line.

[Phil Duckett]

You got nothing else better to do than the monitor the line because there's no rules, there's chaos. That's how you feel?

[Turner Sparks]

That's how I feel. Yeah. And also. Yeah, that's. I have nothing better to do. But, no, mostly it's. I don't want someone to. There's. You don't have much control in your life, and so you need somewhere where you do have control, where you control. And it's the line. That's it. I was in line. I were taking my niece to the Statue of Liberty, like, two weeks ago, and all of a sudden, it's this line of, like, four hours in the heat just to get on the boat to take you to, and then they pack, like, a thousand people in the Statue of Liberty boat, I guess, to give you, like, the real experience.

[Phil Duckett]

Ellis island experience.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, it's the Ellis island experience. You've done that, right?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And then you all get. You get scurvy along the way. It's like the whole thing, for sure. That line is the worst line on Earth. I'm standing in the line for, like, an hour, and then, like, 40 guys just come and pass me in the line, and I'm. No one says anything except me. Everybody just looks, and I'm like, well, somebody. Somebody has to be the hero and.

[Phil Duckett]

Come to find out they all work there.

[Turner Sparks]

It's going to be. No, no. They were just cutting in line. I was like, all employees, I was like, excuse me, there's a line here. And they were like, oh, no. Well, someone back there told us that we could. We should go up that. There's two lines now, but there's no two lines in front. I'm like, who's the. Who's the person?

[Phil Duckett]

Right?

[Turner Sparks]

And they were like, I don't know. It was somebody. I'm like, there's nobody back there. And they were like, okay. And then they just got line behind me, and it made me feel good.

[Phil Duckett]

So you're like Batman.

[Turner Sparks]

It made me feel good. A sense of. Yeah, a little respect, you know?

[Phil Duckett]

You should be a cop, Turner.

[Turner Sparks]

Maybe I do want to be a cop.

[Phil Duckett]

Y'all all do. And get that old anger out. Unarmed civilian.

[Turner Sparks]

It might feel good.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, my God.

[Joe Russell]

Patreon.

[Phil Duckett]

Patriot Patreon.

[Turner Sparks]

Should we go to cop school?

[Joe Russell]

Turner and Phil. It's a new cop show.

[Turner Sparks]

There we go.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, it's a reboot of Turner and Hooch. But I'm the dog. But I'm the dog is crazy.

[Turner Sparks]

Next question. Next question from Ben in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. Ben says, hi. Turner and Phil. I'm a 20. I'm 25 years old and white. For the past three months, I've been dating a black girl. Oh.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, good for you. What? Good for you. Out in Bay Ridge. That's frowned upon.

[Turner Sparks]

She's great. He says, I think I'm in love with her. How much longer do I have to wait before I can touch her hair?

[Phil Duckett]

Ben, break up with her or I'm gonna call her and tell her to break up with you. Left. Turn right. Ben, you're a fucking sicko.

[Turner Sparks]

We're in love. She's great.

[Phil Duckett]

You're in love with her hair, aren't you? Listen, what is it with white people's fascination with black hair? It's like, I don't. I don't get it. I really don't. I mean, like, I've never wanted to. I've seen white people here. I know it's different than mine. I've never been like, can I run my fingers through?

[Turner Sparks]

You want to give it a touch?

[Phil Duckett]

I don't. Y'all carry on.

[Turner Sparks]

Give it a touch.

[Phil Duckett]

White people. You know, black people can't get lice.

[Turner Sparks]

That's not true.

[Phil Duckett]

Very true.

[Turner Sparks]

Why not?

[Phil Duckett]

Because they have a hard time. Our hair, the texture. They cannot catch a grip.

[Joe Russell]

That's not true.

[Phil Duckett]

It is true.

[Joe Russell]

For fact.

[Turner Sparks]

Save that for white lies.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Black people can't get.

[Turner Sparks]

Black people can.

[Phil Duckett]

Or. Either that or it's harder for us to get lice. This is why. Think about when every time there was a lice outbreak at schools, it was always little Sarah and her Becky friends. And they all had to get the lice shampoo and the coat.

[Turner Sparks]

Like little Timmy with the Kool Aid mustache. Like, dirty knees, blonde hair, dirty LA Gears. Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

Mama came to pick them up. And Honda minivan. You knew exactly.

[Turner Sparks]

LA lights.

[Phil Duckett]

LA Gears.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

And they, like, lit up by the police in the back.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, what was the question? Oh, yeah. Why do we want to touch black people's hair?

[Phil Duckett]

What is it? Because. I mean, listen, we're not petting animals. We're not. You don't pet people.

[Turner Sparks]

Like, sure. What if you do the Louis CK where it's okay if you ask first.

[Phil Duckett]

It's not first of all, it's because it's not okay. I'm not some museum exhibit. No, don't touch my. And the fact that you want to touch it so bad because guess what?

[Turner Sparks]

Let me touch it. I think it's mostly women, right? Mostly women. Mostly white women want to touch black women hair.

[Phil Duckett]

My mom told me that happened to her, that she had a roommate back in the 80s and she had asked about it. And mom was like, no. And she said, she was like, one.

[Turner Sparks]

Night with the roommate said, can I touch your hair?

[Phil Duckett]

She's like. She's like, oh, my God, I just love your hair. Can I touch it?

[Turner Sparks]

Mom's like, that's how they do it.

[Phil Duckett]

And she was like. She's. I'll never forget it. She's like. She was a really sweet girl. She said one night I was asleep, she said, and I felt something in my hair. And she said, I almost, like, got up.

[Turner Sparks]

Was it lice? Was it.

[Phil Duckett]

It wasn't. No, because we don't get it. But she was like this. She was like this girl, this white girl took her brush and was brushing my hair while she thought I was sleep. I said, and what did you do? She said, I stayed in fake sleep.

[Turner Sparks]

No.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. She said the next morning, I said, what were you doing last night? And she said, what are you doing? She was like, you were brushing my hair. She was like. She was so embarrassed. Like, I'm so sorry, Tina. She was like, I just wanted to see, like a. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying. It's a.

[Turner Sparks]

It's a level of that person's a serial killer. That's a total serial killer move.

[Joe Russell]

That's like, get out.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm telling you.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah.

[Phil Duckett]

I'm telling you. I think her name was Nancy Pelosi.

[Turner Sparks]

I. I've never wanted. Do you remember Nancy Pelosi and the dashiki?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, buddy. Oh, my.

[Turner Sparks]

That was my favorite movie.

[Phil Duckett]

Was one of the weirdest times when all of the fucking House of Congress came in to the Capitol wearing dashiki.

[Turner Sparks]

I said, amazing.

[Phil Duckett]

This right here is not what Malcolm had in mind. This right here is making my stomach turn.

[Turner Sparks]

That was how I knew we healed the racial divide.

[Phil Duckett]

We did not. We did, matter of fact, during COVID It was so weird because I saw so many videos. There was this group of white people who were washing all the black people in the town's feet and apologizing, and I literally could not stop laughing. I said, white people. This is not. We just wanted the referee. It was like, just send the checks. We don't need all this extra.

[Turner Sparks]

It was Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi doing, like, a dance.

[Phil Duckett]

It was so cringy, dog. I remember watching this and I was like. I was smoking. I was like. I was like, I can't even watch this no more. It was up.

[Turner Sparks]

Meanwhile, they're still investing and, like, making billions on investments. They're like, maybe this dance will fix it.

[Phil Duckett]

Remember when they painted all the streets with Black Lives Matter?

[Turner Sparks]

Sure did that work, buddy.

[Phil Duckett]

They repainted over those. Six months later, all them streets is all black. They. They took all that paint off. Crazy.

[Turner Sparks]

I think, with the hair.

[Phil Duckett]

How long would you wait? How long? You like to touch your wife's hair?

[Turner Sparks]

Chinese hair? I don't think it's the same divide we have. I don't. You touch your. I. It wasn't like a thing. It wasn't like, can I touch. I would say Chinese people want to touch white hair. I have found that.

[Phil Duckett]

It's the same hair.

[Turner Sparks]

No, it's.

[Phil Duckett]

It's just black.

[Turner Sparks]

They think. They think white person hair is slightly softer and there's a soft, slightly more coarse.

[Phil Duckett]

They hate themselves.

[Turner Sparks]

And so they go. They go, can I attach your. Okay, my Chinese is terrible. Some. But that wasn't even right. Don't even translate that. What? I think you just sneak it if you want to touch your girl's hair.

[Phil Duckett]

Or you don't sneak. First of all, stop listening to Turner.

[Turner Sparks]

First of all, you pretend like you're tripping, you're walking, and then, no, no, she's going to leave all into her. And then you.

[Phil Duckett]

You know, she's going to leave you if. I mean, if. You just have to see the texture. Don't do a weirdo serial killer between the fingers. Just when you guys are Watching a movie, Put your arm around her and then just be like, hey, babe. Like, you do, like, you know, like, do her baby hairs or something.

[Turner Sparks]

That's what I was going to say. Yeah. Like, is it. Don't you naturally touch the hair girl?

[Phil Duckett]

But if you make it a thing, like, can I just please do.

[Turner Sparks]

You know what I think's weirder? What I think's weirder.

[Phil Duckett]

Really good. Really good.

[Turner Sparks]

See, what's weirder is they've been together three months and he hasn't touched the hair. How do you have a relationship with someone for three months?

[Phil Duckett]

How do you hit it from the back and not grab her?

[Turner Sparks]

And you don't touch at no point.

[Phil Duckett]

You're like, well, you know, that's true. Because if she got a sewing, you actually. You can't grab black. Like, you know, when you have sex with a white woman, you doing it doggy, you go, they don't mind you wrapping their hair up like. Like a horse's mane. And they like that. But with the sister, if she got a sew in or something like, don't touch my mother.

[Turner Sparks]

Then it flies off.

[Phil Duckett]

Okay. If there's a sewing, it's not gonna.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't know what a sewing is.

[Phil Duckett]

We gotta get you around more black people turn. Then it just flies off. But yes, that can happen as well. Or have you ever just taken a girl's wig off midsex and put it on? No. That's wild. I don't think I've done that.

[Turner Sparks]

You put it on yourself like a magic trick, Like a fun house.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, it's a good time.

[Turner Sparks]

Like Gallagher over here. It's a real prop comic.

[Phil Duckett]

Hey, man, I don't mind it. It's a good time. We switcheroo.

[Turner Sparks]

Final question. Frank in Boston says, I'm a Chinese man, just moved to America a few years ago. Why do white people love adventure sports like rock climbing, mountain biking, etc, and black people do not.

[Phil Duckett]

I'll take this first.

[Turner Sparks]

Go for it.

[Phil Duckett]

White life is easy. And I don't mean that disrespectfully. I'm not saying why people don't have struggles, but white people, life is easier. There's a lot of leisure and downtime for a lot of them. And the life's not exciting enough. So why not get the adrenaline pumping? It's the closest I'm ever get to death. I ain't never gonna get shot by the police in the street. So why not jump off a mountain cliff with a rubber band attached to me and see if we make it back Up. That's how y'all think.

[Turner Sparks]

I think you're right.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, you think so? Okay. That's how I feel. I'm like, y'all just. Y'all have nothing else to do.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, there's not much else to do. It's that or it's like, run for political office are the two main hobbies, and you can go either way. And, like, if you. If you look up people you grew up with, if, as a white person, just go on Facebook or Instagram, whatever, look up all the people you went to high school with, they. They're into one of two categories. They're either running for political office or they're jumping off a bridge somewhere with, as you said, with a rubber band attached to it. Or they're like, hang gliding, or they're driving a go kart through the desert with those. You know, they're burning, man.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

And they've completely lost either way. I think they're probably on cocaine. The political.

[Phil Duckett]

The politicians, and the coke is always the common denominator.

[Turner Sparks]

The people in the middle of the desert.

[Phil Duckett]

Have you ever done any extreme sports as a white? I mean, you're white. I've done an extreme sport one time.

[Turner Sparks]

And, no, I'm not really an extreme. I play basketball, and then I. People always try to get me to, though. They try to get me to jump out of an airplane all the time.

[Phil Duckett]

My mom's done that.

[Turner Sparks]

Really? I'm. I'm never doing.

[Phil Duckett]

She did it for her 50th birthday. I'll never. I'm terrified of heights. I'll never do it.

[Turner Sparks]

I don't see the point. Why am I jumping out of a plane?

[Phil Duckett]

I would not. I will never do it. I got.

[Turner Sparks]

First.

[Phil Duckett]

I'd have a heart attack before. Once I got. I would literally die. I'm. I'm that. But I have done extreme sport because I do hang with quite a few Caucasians.

[Turner Sparks]

And I guess the sport.

[Phil Duckett]

I've done it twice, and I would do it again.

[Turner Sparks]

Surfing?

[Phil Duckett]

No.

[Turner Sparks]

Downhill skiing. That's not that extreme.

[Phil Duckett]

I want to say I've done skiing. I went skiing at American Dream, the inside ski resort at the mall in Jersey.

[Turner Sparks]

Nice.

[Phil Duckett]

Sick.

[Turner Sparks]

The mall in Jersey.

[Phil Duckett]

Pretty sick stuff. My girl. My girl who goes skiing, I was like, babe, it's just like we're on a mountain. She said, not really.

[Turner Sparks]

I've done it in.

[Phil Duckett]

I've done.

[Turner Sparks]

Did they paint trees on the walls?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, but they had real snow and.

[Turner Sparks]

Yeah, I've done those. And they give you the jumpsuit to put on and everything.

[Phil Duckett]

Sick. I went snowboarding, man. Oh, it was fucking awesome.

[Joe Russell]

But Phil's going down the hill with an Auntie Ann's pretzel and a icy.

[Phil Duckett]

Orange Julius with a joint hanging out my mouth. You guys gotta try this shit. No, I'm telling you, whitewater rafting is the coolest shit I've ever done. And I would do it a third time. And I'm. And it's getting. I'm going harder and harder. We're talking like, where'd you go? First time I went, it was like the Chattahoochee River. It was like, right where Tennessee, North Carolina, and all that meet. So I was where they'd filmed the movie Deliverance right on that river. You got to squeal like a pig.

[Turner Sparks]

You got to burn him out.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

Way down yonder on the Chat news.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, I was there. So I did that. And then in Georgia, I went up. I was in Georgia and did the Olympic track that they have from the 90s.

[Turner Sparks]

No way.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

How was that?

[Phil Duckett]

Intense. It was.

[Turner Sparks]

I watched whitewater rafting. The Olympics, they build the river specifically.

[Phil Duckett]

It's so cool. But, yeah, it was. It was. It was awesome. So I would do that again.

[Joe Russell]

It's called whitewater rafting because we came up with it.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, no. I was the only brother on that river for miles.

[Turner Sparks]

I did. I forgot about whitewater rafting. I grew up on one of the main. Like, the American river, which is like a giant whitewater rafting place. It's where. Remember Tony the Tiger?

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

When he would whitewater raft, and he would go there. Great. That's down the street from my house.

[Phil Duckett]

They got tigers over there.

[Turner Sparks]

They got real tigers.

[Phil Duckett]

Interesting.

[Turner Sparks]

And I never saw a black person whitewater rafted for a decade.

[Phil Duckett]

First of all, not only is it. You're never gonna see a blood person because it's an extreme sport. Second off, it's a water sport.

[Turner Sparks]

I didn't want to say it.

[Phil Duckett]

Well, I'm gonna say it. My parents made sure I knew how to swim by the time I was, like, age 4. And they knew how to swim because a lot of black folks just don't know. It's like my cousins, I taught them how to swim because they were terrified of water. So it's a real thing. Black people in water. There's like. You see, there's about 50, 50 on. Can you swim or not?

[Turner Sparks]

Is it because people grow up in the city?

[Phil Duckett]

No, no. I'm from down south, remember? Just like a lot of our grandparents and Stuff swim. Because once you took that boat right over. He lost a lot of people. They were scared of that water.

[Turner Sparks]

That can't be. Is that the real reason? Yeah, I thought it was. I was. I always thought it was because people grew up in, like, you know, if you're in the. If you grew up in a city, there's not like a pool around.

[Phil Duckett]

No, I grew up in the south, so everybody there pools to be found. But our parents. A lot of our parents and swimming. Our grandparents didn't swim at all, so they never taught. And they were afraid of water, a lot of them. So they never don't. You better stay away from that water. But you drown. I can't save your ass. You jump in that water. That's how they would be. So, you know, I was like my.

[Turner Sparks]

Dad with math when I turned 14. I can't help you with algebra anymore. You've. You've gone past me. Yeah, that's what it's like addition, subtraction. That's where I'm at once.

[Phil Duckett]

So then they pass that fear along to their next.

[Turner Sparks]

Did they. Do you know what the white parents did?

[Phil Duckett]

They threw y'all in.

[Turner Sparks]

Three in. When you're like six months old.

[Phil Duckett]

Oh, we do that. The baby thing. We did that to our daughter. We just.

[Turner Sparks]

You throw her in the water.

[Phil Duckett]

Because they automatically know how to float.

[Turner Sparks]

They know how to float, and then that way if they fall in a pool, they can get themselves out.

[Phil Duckett]

Kinda. That's like. No. So, yeah, you'd have to do it every day for them to. Because if they did, you can do it when they're. But after they hit around six, seven months, you. I mean, they. You would have to start teaching them to swim because that's just a natural thing. Because they're in a sack, so they automatically. Their nose and shit shuts off. So they don't breathe in the water. It goes back to being in the womb. But once you get past a certain age, your body starts to forget that because you're breathing naturally and stuff. So you have to be tall. It's not like you can just do that every day. And they don't drown.

[Turner Sparks]

So I should stop pushing toddlers and probably.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, yeah. Once they're a certain age. He's like 4 years old. He's like, you know how to do it?

[Turner Sparks]

Get in there.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, that's it, Joe. Let's close it off.

[Phil Duckett]

White lies.

[Turner Sparks]

White lies, baby. What did we get right?

[Phil Duckett]

Also, Joe, could you look up possibly why black people don't know how to swim because I'm pretty sure it goes back to slavery.

[Turner Sparks]

Oh, yeah, I'm gonna. That might be it.

[Joe Russell]

Why don't black people Google.

[Phil Duckett]

This is.

[Joe Russell]

Kind of what Turner said that there's poor communities rarely have a pool.

[Turner Sparks]

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

[Phil Duckett]

I'd like to check the source on.

[Turner Sparks]

That, but he didn't grow up in a pool.

[Joe Russell]

This is one guy's Reddit post.

[Turner Sparks]

It was.

[Joe Russell]

All right. And so the only thing I looked up was about the lice. And Phil, you're right. It's harder for black people to get lice.

[Turner Sparks]

No way.

[Joe Russell]

Because it's harder for lice to navigate. Tight curls.

[Phil Duckett]

Thank you. Our tear is they ain't with it. So it'd be all the little white kids itching.

[Joe Russell]

It's harder for them to navigate. It's like German tourists walking through Penn Station.

[Phil Duckett]

Thank you.

[Turner Sparks]

The dark truth.

[Phil Duckett]

Yeah, I told you I didn't make that up. My mom used to tell me that. She said, we can't get lice, boy. So you don't need to be rubbed chairing hats with white folks.

[Joe Russell]

You can still get it though.

[Phil Duckett]

It's tough. Much tough.

[Turner Sparks]

You gotta try, bro.

[Phil Duckett]

It normally stays on top of the fro, so we can just pick them off.

[Turner Sparks]

That's insane to me. But also, black people don't swim. It has nothing to do with slavery. According to me on Reddit, that one.

[Phil Duckett]

White dude turn her rooms with.

[Turner Sparks]

All right, that's it.

[Phil Duckett]

Like, subscribe Share get on the Patreon, man. We gonna keep building the studio one day at a time. You've got a question but you're scared to ask. Just drop the boys a message.

[Turner Sparks]

Cause they're up to the test.

[Phil Duckett]

They're all in the dice.

[Turner Sparks]

They ain't always nice but you can't.

[Phil Duckett]

Think twice when given black and white and white, black and white at once.

[Unknown]

We all need a moment to really breathe. So here's your chance to take a deep breath in. Now give a nice long exhale and repeat another 10 or so times. This healthy suggestion is brought to you by Regents Blue Cross Blue Shield of Oregon. Together we Health.

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