Cruise Ships and Nip Slips

Summary

Bloodline Banter Episode Recap

Podcast: Bloodline Banter
Hosts: Riley & Landon (2M Media Group)
Episode: Cruise Ships and Nip Slips
Date: May 14, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of Bloodline Banter finds hosts Riley and Landon embracing their newly rebranded show, diving into everything from outrageous Met Gala fashion to cruise ship outbreaks, Southern living, food habits, and hilarious personal anecdotes. With their signature Southern wit and candid banter, they discuss hot topics and answer listener questions, all while poking fun at themselves and pop culture.

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Main Discussion Segments

1. Show Rebrand & Sleep Scores ([00:00])

• Riley and Landon discuss their new branding and the retirement of the “ugly orange” from their podcast aesthetic.
• Quick chat about their sleep and Oura ring competitiveness, lamenting over not getting a “crown” for a high sleep score.

"Anybody who has an Oura ring, you know, if you get an 85 or higher on anything, you get a little crown… I was kind of pissed off I didn't get a crown.” — Riley (00:55)

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2. Met Gala Fashion Reactions ([01:24]–[05:37])

• Both hosts dissect this year’s Met Gala, with biting commentary on outrageous and bizarre outfits.
• They question the intent behind the fashion ("darker and dingier than ever") and single out several celebrities:
  • Doja Cat: “She had a curtain, a shower curtain wrapped around her titty.” — Landon (01:48)
  • Heidi Klum: “She looked like she belonged on Mount Rushmore.” — Riley (02:26)
  • Kim Kardashian: “She looked like a Transformer.” — Riley (02:48)
  • Janelle Monae: “She went to work at the electric company… got electrocuted and turned into some electricity.” — Landon & Riley (03:40)
• Memorable Quotables:
  • “If I go to the Met Gala, I'm wearing something like this.” — Riley, on dressing normal (05:13)
  • “It's... arts and crafts on a budget.” — Landon, on Met Gala looks (04:36)

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3. Cruise Ship Outbreak & Pandemic Parody ([05:41]–[08:27])

• The pair riff on a new virus outbreak from a cruise ship, blending pandemic fatigue with classic Southern exaggeration.
• Direct call-outs to those who “spread that shit” with threats to “sue you for everything and the kitchen sink.”
• Paranoid humor about animal-transmitted diseases:
  • “First it was a bat. Now it's a rat. Now It's a cat. Dr. Fauci, who? We're turning this shit into Dr. Seuss.” — Landon (06:39)
• Mocking government and conspiracy rumors:
  • “If a fart can get through underwear, that damn Hantavirus can get through that mask.” — Riley (07:49)
  • “It's the mark of the beast. Don’t get that shit. You’ll grow an extra damn toe.” — Landon (08:20)

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4. Eating Habits, “Health Journey” & Grocery Scanner App ([08:40]–[10:39])

• Discussion of failed attempts to cook at home and money spent eating out.
  • “I probably spent $7,744,782.70 eaten out last year. It’s actually embarrassing.” — Landon (08:43)
• Introduce the Olive app, a food scanner tool that grades food for additives and healthiness.
  • “You’re gonna scan it and it’s gonna tell you… you’re gonna have an extra toe.” — Riley (10:24)
• Critique of U.S. food industry vs. Europe and other countries:
  • “Our country, I think, is trying to poison us.” — Landon (10:30)

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5. Global Tangents: Travel, Viruses, & Met Gala Redux ([10:41]–[12:37])

• Musings on travel, viruses, and why they’re wary of leaving the country.
• Talk of memorable Met Gala moments (again) and Lady Gaga’s famous “meat suit.”
• Coffee break joke:
  • “This coffee is so strong, I could pour it into a lawnmower and mow the White House lawn.” — Riley (12:16)

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6. Broadway Night Out: Southern Nightlife Stories ([12:50]–[17:10])

• Recount of a wild night on Nashville’s Broadway, including drinking misadventures and funny people-watching moments.
• Running joke about blue jean skirts and "Church of God" ladies.
• Interactions with fans and humorous encounters with Nashville’s homeless.
  • “They don’t hold signs like ‘I’m looking for a blessing.’ They’re like, ‘looking for a blowjob.’” — Landon (15:32)
• Brief meditation on how Southern and social families are, and how news travels fast.
  • “Our grandparents are the mouth of the South.” — Riley (18:18)

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7. Deep Thoughts: Chicken or The Egg? ([18:44]–[20:39])

• Classic contemplation: “What came first, the chicken or the egg?”
  • “That’s a question for God… Lord, if you can hear me, I’m going to need you to speak to me in a dream and tell me which one came first.” — Riley (19:50)
• Speculation on who’d have a direct line to God (“Katie Combs got Jesus on speed dial.”)

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8. Southern Life, Compound Living, and Growing Up ([21:12]–[27:07])

• Explore Southern culture, defining what is and isn’t “the South” (Texas and Florida are not, per them).
• Discuss family living on rural “compounds”, family gossip, and the impossibility of keeping secrets.
  • “When you grow up on, like, a compound and your whole entire family lives… you can’t get away with shit.” — Riley (23:11)
• Sharing stories about getting pulled over and why being Southern makes all the difference.
  • “You got pulled over by the only prick in the department.” — Riley, quoting a friend (25:29)

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9. School, Parties, and Being Straight-Laced ([26:09]–[27:44])

• Both claim never to have gone to wild parties; discussions about safety, “ragers,” and keeping an eye on their drinks.
  • “Our life speaks for itself because we're not dead… we've not gotten rufied with fentanyl, and that's what happens at those parties.” — Landon (26:56)

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10. Bloodline Brain Check: Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? ([27:44]–[33:37])

• Rapid-fire, comically wrong (and sometimes right) geography and science questions.
  • Sample: “Is Africa a continent?... I thought Africa was its own country for 22 years.” — Riley (28:59)
  • “We're not fucking geologists or geographists or whatever.” — Landon (31:58)
• Rants about how little of this is relevant in adult life.
  • “I've never been asked what the fuck the Pythagorean theorem was.” — Riley (33:02)

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11. Fast Food Work Stories ([34:03]–[38:33])

• Recollections of first jobs at Sonic and Chick-fil-A and why Riley quit Sonic on the spot due to sewer backup.
  • “I'm not doing that. We need to close down. This is a health department violation. There is shit coming up the kitchen drain.” — Riley (35:01)
• Love/hate for Sonic, praise for current town management, and the joys of fresh-cooked fast food.

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12. Favorite Teachers & School Memories ([38:36]–[42:38])

• Warm, nostalgic celebration of favorite teachers by name, with shoutouts and love for positive influences.
  • “If every teacher was like you, we would never have any problems in America.” — Landon re: Ms. Ramsey (39:47)
• Discuss how opinions on teachers changed with time.

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13. Cousin Council: Listener Questions & Advice ([42:59]–[49:58])

• Segment where listeners send in questions seeking advice (often tongue-in-cheek).
  • Northern listener moving South, married to someone who hates AC: “He’s either gonna be a fan or he’s gonna get divorced.” — Riley (44:03)
  • Friendship drama/advice: “Sometimes this is God's way of protecting you… don't go down without being a little bit petty, cuss the back out.” — Landon (47:06)
• “Would you rather” scenarios involving Riley’s obsession with fans and dealing with Landon talking over him.

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14. Planned Wrap-Up & Merch Talk ([49:58]–[53:15])

• Brainstorming about future merchandise; riffing on favorite catchphrases like “love you bye.”
• Thanking fans and discussing milestones (almost 15,000 YouTube subscribers; silver play button dreams).
• Last thoughts on routines, laundry, cleaning, and why they procrastinate.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “If a fart can get through underwear, that damn Hantavirus can get through that mask.” — Riley (07:49)
• “Our country, I think, is trying to poison us. In ten years, we're gonna have four more heads and about seven more toes.” — Landon (10:30)
• “Sometimes God’s way of protecting you is to distance you from people who no longer serve your life.” — Landon (47:06)
• “We love you so much. And if every teacher was like you, we would never have any problems in America.” — Landon re: Ms. Ramsey (39:47)
• “Our grandparents are the mouth of the South.” — Riley (18:18)
• “I never had to sneak around… my parents were not strict, but they were like, if you do something, just do it with me.” — Riley (26:12)

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Listener Value and Takeaways

• You get candid, hilarious, and insightful takes on pop culture, Southern quirks, and real-life problems.
• Down-to-earth advice—always honest, sometimes petty.
• Tons of memorable “only in the South” stories and their trademark “roast everyone, especially ourselves” humor.
• Engaged with their listeners—genuinely grateful, community-minded, and inviting feedback about merch, app trials, and future episodes.

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For more banter, follow Riley and Landon on their socials and check out the next episode of Bloodline Banter. “Love you bye!”

Transcript

[A]

Hello, everybody. Welcome back to Bloodline Banter.

[B]

I'm Riley, and this is Landon. And here we are.

[A]

And we're back. And if you look behind us, we have our new branding. We have went a. We. Whoa. We have overwent a rebrand.

[B]

Yeah, we did. Complete different direction. Katie called us this morning, our friend, and she said, I'm so glad you got rid of that ugly orange. Y' all aren't hunters.

[A]

We really liked the orange in the beginning. And then, like, just lately, I've, like, kind of distance myself from it. I don't know. I just. I feel like orange is, like, so dark and dingy.

[B]

Yeah. So now we have this. And if you're listening on Apple or Spotify or wherever you get your podcast and you want to see it, go over to YouTube also, we'll just go ahead and say this in the very beginning. Go ahead and hit that subscribe button on YouTube. Follow us on Apple, podcasts, social media, anywhere. Add us on Snapchat. That's. That's a fun time.

[A]

Make sure you're following all of our social pages. That's the best way you can stay up to date. So.

[B]

So anyways, okay, enough with the boring stuff. How'd you sleep last night?

[A]

I slept pretty good last night. I woke up. My Oura ring sleep score was an 83. And it kind of just pissed me off because anybody who has an Oura ring, you know, if you get an 85 or higher on anything, you get a little crown. I was kind of pissed off I didn't get a crown.

[B]

Did you not try to go to sleep for, like, two more minutes to try to get those two points?

[A]

No, because I woke up at, like, 8:30.

[B]

Well, mine's dead, so it didn't even record my sleep score. But I do feel rejuvenated today.

[A]

Good.

[B]

So it was probably, like, a 78 if I had to guess.

[A]

Okay. Precise.

[B]

Yeah. Well, I'm telling you. Anyways, we're gonna get started off talking about Met Gala looks.

[A]

Okay. The Met Gala was last week, and if we would have known this last week, we would have talked about it in last week's episode. I feel like every year, people try to get uglier and uglier with their outfits because why would you wear some of that shit?

[B]

Well, when you sent me a picture

[A]

of it, Dochy, I don't remember which one.

[B]

She had a curtain, a shower curtain wrapped around her titty.

[A]

Oh, my.

[B]

She.

[A]

It was like, curtain, curtain, curtain.

[B]

One wrong move and she was having a nip slip.

[A]

She she took Granny's curtain, she wrapped it around 14 times, came back over, and it's just holding up this tit. Like this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like what? And then some of y'. All. The reason some of y' all dress like however you want to is because you never had someone look at you and say, are you gonna wear that?

[B]

And I know the whole point of it is to be, like, fashionable, but if that's fashion, I don't want to ever.

[A]

Well, damn. Heidi Klum was the Statue of Liberty.

[B]

Paper mache.

[A]

She looked like she was laying in the road whenever someone was paving the road and she stood up and, hell, she was a rock. She looked like she belonged on Mount Rushmore.

[B]

Sabrina Carpenter didn't look. Sabrina Carpenter didn't look bad. I'm not sure what she had going on, but it wasn't that bad.

[A]

Well, Kim K. Had pokey titties, and she looked.

[B]

It's those.

[A]

She looked like a Transformer.

[B]

Yeah, you're right. I don't. I don't know what Kylie Jenner and Kendall looked. Okay. I just can't get over that one look. And Emma Chamberlain.

[A]

Which one looked like the power lines?

[B]

Who?

[A]

The power lines? People magazine posted it on Instagram.

[B]

I've not seen that.

[A]

She looked like.

[B]

Pull it up. Please hold. I need to see that.

[A]

Well, I don't have any service. Oh, and it's not.

[B]

Kris Jenner looked good, but it looks like she came out of, like, a. A, like, hostel in Japan.

[A]

Okay, I don't think I've seen her.

[B]

I don't even think. Oh, this one right here. You're talking about this one. Janelle Monae?

[A]

Yeah. Janelle Monae looked like

[B]

she went to work at the electric company.

[A]

Yes. And she got electrocuted and then fell

[B]

in a briar bush and turned into some electricity. Yeah, with a little bit of shrub on her.

[A]

Who is Candace? Oh, no.

[B]

Emma Chamberlain. Y', all, I'm gonna get hate for

[A]

this, but, like, Jada Shayda Hudson, it's a drag queen. What the hell? What is she wearing?

[B]

What? I've not seen. Show me a band. She has one of those little band things on her head.

[A]

All the king's horses and all the king's men. This is what that looks like. I mean, it looks like a red Q tip. Oh, my God. She looks like a tampon.

[B]

Raleigh.

[A]

Raleigh. What the hell? Why do y' all just dress up?

[B]

However the hell I'm going to summarize. A Met gal.

[A]

No, it's not.

[B]

It's. You went to the Hobby Lobby and decided you were going to do some arts and crafts on a budget.

[A]

The Hobby Lobby is a Christian establishment. No, they went to, like,

[B]

Michael's.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Goodwill.

[A]

Yeah, they went to Michael's and grabbed one of everything from every aisle on the.

[B]

On the craft and tried to make an outfit of it.

[A]

And Heidi Clum just ran out of time. So she just went to a sculptist and they said. She said, make me look like Mount Rushmore.

[B]

And they did.

[A]

They did. I mean, hell, she probably didn't even breathe in that thing.

[B]

No, she could. There's no way she could.

[A]

And they're having to walk up all them steps.

[B]

Would you ever go to the Met Gala?

[A]

Hell, no. If I go to the Met Gala, I'm wearing something like this.

[B]

And I think you have to pay to go.

[A]

You do? What's the point in going? Because I was asking you that the other day. What's the point? And you said it's just for fashion. Do they eat or anything there? Like, do they have snacks or hors d'? Oeuvres?

[B]

No, I don't think so.

[A]

If you've ever been to the Met Gala, what's the point? Could you tell me?

[B]

I can assure you that nobody.

[A]

I don't think anybody watching.

[B]

Been to the Met Gala?

[A]

Yeah. I'm sorry.

[B]

No. Anyways, on to the next.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

We've got a new outbreak upon us.

[A]

Yeah. Let me just go ahead and tell you right now. If you're on that cruise ship, they're already on it.

[B]

They're off the ship.

[A]

Okay, well, ship in the US of A. Yeah. If you spread that shit to everybody, I'm suing your ass, like, and I'm going after everything. If you're old, I'm taking your retirement. I sent a girl post about this 1987. Yes. I will take your grandchild's first tooth. I will sue you for everything. And the kitchen sink.

[B]

And why in God's green earth did they let that boat dock? Because it was somebody's family.

[A]

God forgive me for saying this. You know what we should have done? Oh, Lord, we should have called the White House and told them that that boat was close to developing a nuclear weapon and watched that bitch float to the bottom of the ocean. I'm sorry. I know that sounds harsh.

[B]

And what are they doing to these animals? I made a TikTok about this. I mean, first it was a bat. Now it's a rat. Now It's a cat. Dr. Fauci, who? We're turning this shit into Dr. Seuss.

[A]

Yeah. Let me tell you something. I don't believe for one second this shit a rodent. Somebody's cooking this up in a lab.

[B]

Listen, those people on the cruise ship, it wasn't just like a little cruise, like a Royal Caribbean. The tickets were $16,800.

[A]

Y' all can talk about the south all you want to, but down here they're cooking up meth, they're cooking up viruses and damn global pandemics. Anywhere else.

[B]

Yeah. I wonder, do you think it. You think it was like a billionaire situation? You think they sat at a table

[A]

and was like, okay, absolutely. If you don't believe I live on a farm, okay? We have children.

[B]

I ain't never had no damn virus from my race.

[A]

It's 2026. If you don't believe that there are people in this world who are making these viruses and spreading them out for population control, I don't know what else to tell you.

[B]

What would you do if they tried to lock us up again?

[A]

You know, I'm not locking up again. I didn't lock up the first damn time.

[B]

I didn't either. I was going to be on. I was like, I was low key for a little bit of a super spreader or something because they couldn't keep my ass in the house. I'm to the Walmart every day.

[A]

And if. Let me tell you something. If y' all come out of houses again wearing candy liners on your face, liner on your face. If a fart can get through underwear, that damn Hantavirus can get through that mask. Your ass don't come up in here. I don't want to be driving down the interstate and look over and seeing you in your N95 respirator, your damn gas mask. Just stay your ass in the house. If you get it, stay your ass in the house and call. Call the damn vet. I guess. Because if it's coming from animals, the vets probably know how to treat it better than the people do. And they're already coming up with a vaccine already. Yes.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. It's the mark of the beast.

[A]

Don't get that shit. Do not get that shit. You will grow an extra damn toe.

[B]

Speaking of growing an extra toe, let's talk about something kind of completely off topic, but it just popped in my head because our country is literally, like, poisoning us. I gotta lay the bricks.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

We eat out a lot.

[A]

Yeah, a lot.

[B]

I probably spent $7,744,782.70 eaten out last year.

[A]

It's it's actually embarrassing.

[B]

And we. When we first moved to Nashville, we decided we were gonna start cooking. And then we started cooking, and then it lasted for about two months. And it's not. But Riley over here went to the grocery store the other day.

[A]

I did. I went to the grocery store the other day. I decided, you know what, I'm gonna buy some groceries, I'm gonna start cooking at home, meal prepping. And the day I got home, we went out to eat. And then I doordashed yesterday.

[B]

Anyways, on a serious note, Riley and I, I'm about to hit the gym. Okay, Riley, are you gonna hit the gym with me?

[A]

I need to hit the gym. But whenever we gotta hit the gym,

[B]

I just need to get a little fit and toned, you know, a little front and stained.

[A]

I wanna go by myself because you distract me.

[B]

He does. Imagine going to the gym with him.

[A]

Bitch, I don't work out.

[B]

He'd be over there doing jumping jacks and playing twister with a barbell.

[A]

Jumping jacks, bitch. I got tits. I'm not really trying to have some black eyes. No, I'm not jumping or jacking.

[B]

Anyway, so. But we're starting not like a health journey. You've been on a health journey for a while. But we're just trying to do better, eat clean and stuff. And so we've downloaded the O.

[A]

It is a food scanner app. You go into the grocery store, you scan your food and it gives you a health rating. And it tells you, like, if there's all the ingredients, toxins in your food. So you know what you're putting into your body. So our viewers can go and download the health.

[B]

Our viewers can go download the olive app and get seven day free trial.

[A]

Yes. Go to the app store and this. I can't speak today. No, you can't.

[B]

We're gonna have to cut.

[A]

Go to the app store and download the olive app. Sign up for your 7 day free trial and let us know if you do it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And let me just go ahead and tell you this, your favorite thing in your pantry. You're gonna think, oh, my gosh, this is so healthy.

[B]

It's not.

[A]

You're gonna scan it and it's gonna tell you that you're. You're gonna have an extra toe by the time you, you finish.

[B]

That's where I was getting at with this. Our country, I think, is trying to poison us. And if we keep eating the way we're eating and having all these additives, we're in 10 years. We're gonna have four more heads and about seven more toes.

[A]

Well, that's the thing. If you go to, like Europe or something and you, like, order food, that there are people in other countries eat whatever they want and they never gain weight.

[B]

I was watching a TikTok and somebody was at a McDonald's in Korea and they served dessert in a glass jar. And you could get like real food at the McDonald's, not like some blended up cardboard chicken nuggets. Yeah, you could get real food.

[A]

That's actually insane. And I'm always.

[B]

But I don't want to go to Korea because I'm afraid if I go anywhere, I'm going to contract a dam. I'm gonna have to go to the vet when I.

[A]

Another damn virus.

[B]

Hell, bat, rat, cat.

[A]

Not to mention, if you go to Korea, North Korea. You remember how, like, they called I'm

[B]

not going to North Korea?

[A]

They called him Rocket man for a while. Yeah, because he just got trigger happy with them missiles.

[B]

I'm not going to North Korea.

[A]

No, I was thinking South Korea. But you know, there's like a demilitarized zone and, like, if you go into North Korea, like, they'll take your ass to jail.

[B]

I'm not going to North Korea. I'm not going to Canada. I'm not going to Iran.

[A]

What the hell?

[B]

I'm not going to Israel.

[A]

I'm not.

[B]

I don't know. Hit me with a bottle of maple syrup. Hey, I ain't going no damn where except for the country that I'm in right now.

[A]

If Canada is safe for Katy Perry, it's safe for us. Because that.

[B]

Did you see what she was wearing at the Met Gala?

[A]

No. Oh, yeah. Optimus Prime. Yeah. Hell, I'm just.

[B]

She's not catching no damn virus. She shut her down.

[A]

Did Lady Gaga go?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Because after she wore that meat suit that one time that was not the Mac, where was she at the Grammys?

[B]

I don't even know.

[A]

She wore a meat suit.

[B]

She had brisket on her titties.

[A]

She looked like Arby's. We have the Meeks and I. I just can't get over the fact that you look like a damn prime rib when you're up there announcing. Born this way, Y'. All, this coffee is so good, but let me tell you something, it is so strong, I could pour it into a lawnmower and mow the White House lawn.

[B]

Mine's not that strong.

[A]

Mine is. I got sugar free.

[B]

Hey, you're healthy. We're healthy. Raleigh got sugar free.

[A]

If I Don't leave here a two pound smaller. I'm gonna be pissed.

[B]

We went to Broadway the other night.

[A]

We always go to Broadway.

[B]

We don't always go Broadway.

[A]

No, but we really have been going a lot more than we usually.

[B]

I think it's fun, but only to people. Watch.

[A]

Yeah, it is fun. Riley got a little lady titty.

[B]

Yeah, Riley did. Yeah, Riley had a little to drink.

[A]

Yeah, it was fun though. We had fun. But let me just tell you this. I don't know if there's.

[B]

Riley, let me just. I'll just say this. We're walking out of a bar and this is the last bar we went into. And I was like, okay, let's go to the car. I was driving, so I was fine. Riley walks the opposite direction of the car.

[A]

He's headed to the Cumberland River.

[B]

To the Cumberland River. And I'm like, riley, we have to turn around. Our car's parked this way. We got into a full blown argument.

[A]

I said, no, it's not.

[B]

And I said, riley, turn your ass around. I grabbed him up and I said, the car is this way. And he was like, no, it's not. This bitch takes off toward the Cumberland River. If you had walked a thousand more foot, you would have been in the damn room.

[A]

I'd have been Scuba Steve. Hell.

[B]

Hell. Anyway, so I finally got, you know what got you turned around? I said, we're partner the food assembly hall.

[A]

I know where the hell that is. Hey, that blue sushi up in the top of that food assembly hall.

[B]

I said, we're partner of the food assembly hall. Do you see a food assembly hall on this side of Broadway? And he looked up and he went, oh, yeah, you're right. When in doubt, food assembly. Hollow it out. Amen.

[A]

Amen. Oh, I wish you'd preach.

[B]

Anyways, do we see anything crazy that.

[A]

Listen, I don't know if there's like a secret church on Broadway, but if I see one more Church of God lady in a blue jean skirt on Broadway, I'm going to have to talk to the preacher because I'm telling you, every damn time I go, I see a. A plethora of women walking out in blue jean skirts and I just don't think the blue jean skirt has made its way back into style yet.

[B]

No, it's not. They're definitely Church of God and they're definitely probably from like Pennsylvania and they came down here.

[A]

Listen, it's okay if you want to have fun, even the Church of God people fun. But like now, whenever you go back up in church and somebody walks in wearing a. A beat up T shirt and dirty jeans and you judge them. Just remember that a couple hours ago

[B]

you were at Friends in low places taking a lemon.

[A]

Taking a lemon drop shot.

[B]

Uhhuh.

[A]

And dancing to wop.

[B]

We also got recognized an ungodly amount of time on Broadway this go round, which we do love. I'm not like not complaining about it, but when we've had a couple things to drink, we're always afraid that when somebody comes up and asks for a picture, we're gonna.

[A]

Yeah. There was this one time this girl was like, oh my gosh, I love y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

You are my hero.

[B]

And I was like, I'm your hero.

[A]

So nice to meet you. What's your name? I just gave her a hug.

[B]

And then you seen a sign? What'd it say? Something about it was a homeless guy holding a sign.

[A]

Oh, I don't remember what it said.

[B]

They don't hold signs like thank you.

[A]

I'm looking for a blessing. They're like looking for a blowjob.

[B]

Yeah, the signs are like smile if you masturbate. Yeah, that's what they say. As God is my witness.

[A]

Like what the hell?

[B]

It's insanity.

[A]

I was gonna give you some pocket change, but I really don't want to look like I'm.

[B]

We got stopped by homeless man one time and he said you got 35 cents? I'm just. That's all I need left to go buy what he was he buying.

[A]

Buy some jack or something from the liquor store.

[B]

And you know what? I didn't have 35 cents but if I would have, I'd have given it to him because he was honest. He was honest.

[A]

I didn't have. I don't ever carry cash.

[B]

I don't either. You know why?

[A]

I don't care.

[B]

I'm afraid I'm going to get robbed.

[A]

I bad ask him if he had a venmo. Cuz if you'll just tell me, I'm going to.

[B]

If you've got a phone that works, you've got money.

[A]

Well, I didn't see a phone in his hand.

[B]

I didn't either. Just sign.

[A]

Yeah, he. We watched him walk into the liquor store and he paid for his stuff in quarters. So I hope he gets the help he needs.

[B]

I'm looking at my notes here and for some reason it says we've got a topic that says we are nosy as hell.

[A]

Well that's never truer. Words have never been spoken. Let me tell you something, TMI in my Vernacular stands for tell me immediately. I don't care if your baby mama cheated on you with the mailman. I don't care if you found out your daddy wasn't your daddy. I want to know about it.

[B]

And I was reading one of my comments the other day on Facebook and I put something up and like, people wanted to know something and. Or no, no, no. Somebody I had was reading a post and it said like, somebody was putting out all their details. And then in the comments somebody like, followed up and the person that posted it replied back and was like, I'm like, please, like, I'm not sharing any more about it. If you're gonna post on Facebook a five paragraph essay about your problems, and then when I have a question and I comment on it and you're gonna tell me to mind my own business, your business. Off.

[A]

Yeah, you. Because if you're gonna come on here and post your side of the story and whenever we have questions about what happened, you say, I can't talk about it. Stay out of my business. And then you post the next day. People are so nosy. Well, Jennifer, if you had stopped posting your whole damn life on the Internet, maybe people wouldn't have questions.

[B]

And then I seen something. It was like content creators put their life out there on the Internet for. And I. I'm to the point where, like, if you put your life on the Internet and you put all your details out there and then get mad when people ask questions or assume shit, that's your own damn problem.

[A]

Listen, if you put something on Facebook and I'm your friend, it then becomes content.

[B]

It becomes everybody else in the business too. Because you best believe that if I see you post on Facebook, I'm calling Riley and then I'm calling my mom, and then I'm calling my nanny and I'll say, did you see what so and so posted on Facebook? Y' all know anything about this? And by the time I've told my nanny, the whole entire world knows. Listen, she hates to. She.

[A]

Our grandparents are the mouth of the south.

[B]

They sure are.

[A]

You tell them something.

[B]

If you tell my little nanny a secret, you better.

[A]

If she knew how to go Facebook live, I think she'd go live.

[B]

She would. She absolutely would. If you tell my little nanny a secret a hundred miles northeast, south and west, everybody's gonna know about it. Everybody.

[A]

Somebody in Wichita, Kansas can open up

[B]

their Facebook and they're gonna hear all about Linda May. Linda May. Anyways, I don't know why that was on my list. I just.

[A]

This is so random but you know what I have been thinking about and I just have these random thoughts that plague my mind so I'm sorry for if you're high or drunk or you just don't want to first chicken thought when it laid the egg it probably thought could you imagine?

[B]

Gosh, I just out a.

[A]

A fossil. Yeah could you?

[B]

And then what do you think it happened when.

[A]

When it hatched?

[B]

When it sat on it for too long and a baby popped out do you think it knew like oh whoop.

[A]

It probably felt a tickle on its ass, got up and there was something standing there with it that's it's kind of crazy I think about that often

[B]

and I Let me ask you this. A chicken had to have. It's a never ending cycle you said what do you think the first chicken did when the egg hatched but for there to be a chicken the egg had to hatch and then for there to be a chicken another so who was the first?

[A]

The chicken or what came first, the chicken or the egg? Yeah, I wonder about that too and what did the baby think whenever it came out of a damn egg and then it looked up and it had a full blown ass chicken standing up near it it's probably like who is this monster?

[B]

So what comes first, the chicken or the egg?

[A]

That's a question for God and I didn't read it in the Bible so Lord, if you can hear me, I'm going to need you to speak to me in a dream and tell me which one came first, the chicken or the egg?

[B]

We're going to have to ask him

[A]

Lord, what came first?

[B]

If there's one person in this world that could have a direct phone call with the Lord who do you think it would be?

[A]

I don't know why do I lowkey

[B]

feel like Katie Combs?

[A]

Yes. Like if there's Katie's got Jesus on speed dial I believe that.

[B]

I do too.

[A]

I believe that she is a woman of God.

[B]

She is and I love her.

[A]

I do too we're gonna have to bring her back on we are.

[B]

I love every time I think of that I think of Katie comes I do too he could call. She could call him right now.

[A]

I think she could. I bet she facetimes him all the time.

[B]

I bet Wonder what her speed doll number is for him.

[A]

Probably 91 1. Probably 901.

[B]

I just got a text message from who?

[A]

Anyways well you just did that shit don't tell me about it if you ain't gonna tell me about it.

[B]

It was Previous employees of ours.

[A]

Oh, I don't know who you're talking about.

[B]

Anyways, so chicken or the egg? What are you doing?

[A]

Looking to see if I got a text message, but go ahead, finish.

[B]

We're just going down the list today. I had to have a list because I didn't.

[A]

Yeah, listen, I didn't sleep. I slept okay, but I didn't sleep that good, so I need a run of show.

[B]

Yeah. Growing up Southern is what I have on here. What do you think? Do you think we grew up a whole lot different than everybody else, or you think we grew up normal?

[A]

When you say everybody else, what do you mean? Just like everybody else around here, if we.

[B]

If we explain to somebody or like somebody seen how we grew up, do you think they would think we were psychotic?

[A]

It depends on where they're from. If they grew up, like, from Kentucky down and like, over to Louisiana. Maybe not. Okay, but do you consider Texas to be the South?

[B]

No. I was literally about to say that's not the South. It's not.

[A]

And if you're from Texas, let me

[B]

tell you what else is not the South. Florida. It's in the south, but it's not the South.

[A]

No. People in Florida are not. They don't act Southern.

[B]

No, they don't.

[A]

They act like Northern. And they can't drive for the shit.

[B]

And you know what? Half the people in Florida are older and retired and rich. Why are you miserable?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And why they're miserable? Because they've got sand in their crack all the time. You can keep the beach, not just

[A]

the sand in their crack. If you go down to Florida, it feels like you're in a fucking microwave.

[B]

You are.

[A]

Because it rains every day and it's so wet. And there's one thing that I do hate about the South. It is how humid it is here. Yeah. There's no happy medium. Because if you go out west and you go to, let's say, Arizona, if you don't have a damn gallon and a half of Carmex, you're going to come back and your lips are going

[B]

to look like the Sahara desert. Yeah.

[A]

I mean, there's no. There's no in between.

[B]

No. Anyways, I was just saying, like. Like if somebody from, you know, I don't know, a state just wondered how we lived, you know, like we grew up all in the same compound. The whole entire family knows everything about everything. There's. I will say this. When you grow up on, like, a compound and your whole entire family lives,

[A]

or even if you don't Live on a compound. If you live near your family, which

[B]

is literally how all of us. If you don't live on the compound, you just live on a little road off.

[A]

It's a blessing and a curse. I love being able to spend time with my family and things, but, like, you can't get away with shit. You can't get away with shit if you grew up in a small town. No.

[B]

I was driving down 27 one time, which is an interstate, and. Or not interstate highway. And Riley and I got pulled over because I was going about 17 over the speed limit, and I got pulled over by a Georgia State Patrol that patrols the state of Georgia. Let me tell you something. Them bitches will hide in the bushes.

[A]

Them Georgia state patrols, I'm pretty sure they have spaceships that are like, all right, one's coming down the road, going two miles over the speed limit, Zap them.

[B]

It's awful. Anyways, I got pulled over, and I wasn't even pulled over for 20 minutes, and I get a call from my mom saying, landon, why are you pulled over on 27? I went, what are you talking about? And she said, I know you're pulled over on 27. I was like, where are you at? And she's like, at home. And I went, oh, okay.

[A]

Aunt Denise had drove by.

[B]

Aunt Denise drove by and ratted my ass out. But I'm actually thankful for that call because my mama knew the Georgia State Patrol, and I put her on the phone with him. I said, talk to him.

[A]

No. He came up to the window, and she was on the phone, and he said, is that Jennifer? Yeah, he said, yeah.

[B]

He said, have a good day.

[A]

Have a good day. Slow down.

[B]

Yeah, didn't get a ticket.

[A]

You know what, though? Some cops are lenient, and some cops are just assholes. And I'm grateful for your protection and for you serving the community.

[B]

Yeah, we back the blue around here.

[A]

But listen, if I'm going. I got pulled over one time, and I've always been told, be honest with the police. Be honest with the police, and they will let you go. So I get pulled over, and the

[B]

first thing Riley says when he rolls down his window is, sir, I know I was speeding.

[A]

I've been told, just admit it. You know, don't. Don't fight with him. Just admit it. So I said, I. He said, you know, I pulled you over. I said, yes, I was going a little fast. I apologize. He said, all right, I'll be back. Wrote my ass the damn ticket.

[B]

You don't do that. If I Get pulled over, I'm having them check their. Check their. About said their thermometer.

[A]

Check their radar.

[B]

Radar? Yeah. Hell, no. I already got four points knocked off my last. I did super speeder.

[A]

I did what every Southern person does. And I texted my friend that worked at the police station. I said, hey, I just got pulled over. Is there any way you can do something about my ticket? He said, I'll talk to the police officer. He takes me back about 20 minutes later. He said, you got pulled over by the only prick in the department and

[B]

you told him the truth. You'll learn next time if I ever get pulled over.

[A]

That Damn ticket was 175 bucks.

[B]

I'm not talking. I don't talk.

[A]

I was on the way to the mall.

[B]

I say, hey, sir, how are you? And he go. They'll go, I'm good. And I'll say, okay, well, what do we have here? Bitch, I'm gonna make you tell me what I did. I ain't telling you what I did. Hell, no.

[A]

Every time I get pulled over, the

[B]

person that goes, tech neck. Tech neck.

[A]

The only. Every time I get pulled over, the first thing I think of is, oh, my gosh, hide the drugs. I don't even do drugs.

[B]

It's because you're schizophrenic and paranoid.

[A]

I am. I get pulled over, and all of a sudden I'm a murder suspect. And I've never even done anything to go to jail for. That's a problem. That's called anxiety.

[B]

When we were growing up, did you ever feel the need to sneak around?

[A]

You know, I never had to sneak around because my parents, like. My parents were not strict, but they were very, like, if you do something, just do it with me. That way I know you're not out.

[B]

Or call me if you need something.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I knew that if I went out to a party and got drunk, which

[B]

we've never done in our life.

[A]

No. I've been invited to so many parties I never went to.

[B]

We didn't in high school. I mean, we've been. I don't even think I've actually been to a party now.

[A]

No. All these people are like, let's go to a Rager. And I'm like, whenever I see Rager. Have y' all ever seen the Madea Boo movie where they crash the college party and they're dancing and I'm like this. I don't like this. Yeah. I don't know. I have never been to one of those ragers where, like, the lights and the loud Music. And it's not because I haven't been invited. That just don't appeal to me.

[B]

Our life speaks for itself because we're not dead, and we're not ever. We've never been to jail, and we've not gotten refeed with fentanyl, and that's what happens at those parties. And that's why I don't go.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. When I order a drink at a bar, I literally. I'm like. I'm watching them.

[A]

Even if someone's like, let me buy you a shot. I'm like, nope.

[B]

Someone offered us one the other day.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We were at the top of Castle Rosa, and he said, you want this?

[A]

I thought, no.

[B]

Do I want that?

[A]

No.

[B]

Hell, no. Get that out of my house.

[A]

You could have got that. You could have went and dipped that cup in the damn toilet. Yeah, I don't want that.

[B]

You could have sprinkled a little in there.

[A]

Some booger sugar.

[B]

Oh, I've never heard it. Caught that.

[A]

Well, that's not. That's a. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. But if you inhale that and drink it, it'll kill you.

[A]

Well, yeah, I don't plan on ever doing anything.

[B]

I don't know anything about drugs, to be honest.

[A]

I don't either. You could probably give me something and I'd not take it, but I wouldn't know what it is.

[B]

Let's start our segment called the Bloodline Brain Check.

[A]

Okay, so if you're new here, Landon and I have decided to come up with a segment that is a spin off of. Are you smarter than a fifth grader? We usually have our pointer fingers and our glasses, but we forgot them.

[B]

Also, we're gonna go ahead and make this announcement. We are bringing back the cousin council robes and gavels. You just got to give us a second.

[A]

We have to order on the.

[B]

We have to order on new.

[A]

I don't. I've been putting it off, but it's okay. We're gonna get it.

[B]

We're gonna. Next recording.

[A]

Yes. Okay. How many colors are in the rainbow?

[B]

Seven.

[A]

How do you know that?

[B]

Is that right?

[A]

Yeah. Roy, G. Bev. Do you remember that?

[B]

I remember Roy and G and Bev. Yeah, that's why I got that. Right. Okay. I had to. That was.

[A]

Speaking of that.

[B]

That was a hard guess, by the way. I didn't actually know, really.

[A]

Red, orange, yellow.

[B]

You don't have to go.

[A]

I do. I do now.

[B]

No, you don't.

[A]

Green, indigo, and violet. I think. I think that was seven.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Name all seven continents.

[B]

North America, South America.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Asia.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Is Africa a continent?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay, Africa.

[A]

I thought Africa was its own country, for it is 22 years.

[B]

But it's continent, apparently. North America, South America, Asia, Africa.

[A]

I'll be honest with you, I don't know. But one more.

[B]

Which one is it?

[A]

Antarctica.

[B]

Is that a. Yeah. You know that's also the biggest desert.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. That's fucked up. Yeah, you gave me that question last time and that's not a damn desert.

[B]

Antarctica. Okay, well, how many are there? Seven.

[A]

There's seven. North America, South America, Asia, Africa, Antarctica. There's two more.

[B]

Europe.

[A]

Yeah. Europe is its own continent.

[B]

Are you sure?

[A]

Yeah, one more.

[B]

I about said Paris, but that's in Europe. Okay, we're one more.

[A]

What's the last one?

[B]

Hold on.

[A]

Hold on.

[B]

Please hold on.

[A]

We're googling it.

[B]

This is.

[A]

Okay. Asia, Africa, North America, South America, Antarctica. Europe and. Australia.

[B]

Australia. Crikey, mate, Africa and Australia shouldn't be a continent. Those sound like countries. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Did you know that. Did you see where Robert Irwin was on the Jimmy Fallon show and he had a croc and he jumped on the back of it and it death rolled him?

[B]

Did it kill him?

[A]

No. Well, no.

[B]

Oh, well, I mean, if I get death rolled by alligator, I'm dead. Or in the doornail.

[A]

Well, that's because he works out. And he looks like a brick house.

[B]

Oh, I don't. But we're gonna start.

[A]

It's gonna take a lot for Riley to look like a brick house, but I'm not.

[B]

Anyways, on to the next question. Give me a. Those are hard. Those are easy, but.

[A]

Okay, what weighs more, a pound of feathers or a pound of bricks?

[B]

They both weigh the same.

[A]

Okay, because my dumbass would have said a pound of bricks.

[B]

And if you drop a pound of feathers and a pound of bricks off the roof at the same time, as long as they're in. As long as the feathers are in like a pack, they'll hit the ground at the same time.

[A]

I wonder which one would hurt worse, though. Well, probably the brick, because it's hard. Well, you're still here.

[B]

I mean, if I hit you in the pack of head with a pound of feathers and hit you with a pack of bolts or bricks, when we gonna hunt? Roaring.

[A]

Sorry. Okay, come on, whitey.

[B]

Don't be duping.

[A]

What is the capital of Australia? It's got the really pretty building with the points

[B]

because I totally gave it away.

[A]

Have you never seen the damn cover of an Explorer computer or of a Mac computer? It shows up, like, on the TV whenever The TV goes dark.

[B]

I can confidently say that I haven't.

[A]

Sydney.

[B]

I thought that was.

[A]

I think. And I actually don't know.

[B]

I thought that was in Russia.

[A]

What's it. No, that's Moscow. Oh, like a Moscow mule.

[B]

Is it Sydney? I think it is Sydney. Hold up.

[A]

I'm asking. Chat. GPT.

[B]

Chat. G. Patois.

[A]

Oh. Oh, no, I lied.

[B]

What is it?

[A]

Canberra. Where the hell is that?

[B]

Sydney is in Russia.

[A]

No, bitch, Sydney is in Australia. Oh, we're not fucking geologists or geographists or whatever. We don't know much about. Okay, well, get off.

[B]

I'm tired of geography. Give me a good question.

[A]

What does GPS stand for, George?

[B]

Tape Patrol? Gps? Something. I don't know. I just know that my phone has it and my car has it.

[A]

GPS is probably like, gonna.

[B]

What does it stand for?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Okay, we are dumb. Are we dumb?

[A]

I don't know these questions. Global Positioning System.

[B]

You know what? This is a good testament. I'm doing very well for myself in life. Very well. And this is the kind of shit they try to teach us in school. And look, we don't need to know the answers to any of this bullshit.

[A]

Just like, you know, if they taught things in school that actually mattered, America would be a lot fucking.

[B]

Yeah, because how's X plus 7A gonna equal 14 gonna. Gonna do for me? What is that gonna do for me in life?

[A]

Around whenever it's time to file my taxes or balance a checkbook? I have never been asked what the fuck the Pythagorean theorem was.

[B]

Hell, no. And it's about problem solving, bitch. I'll tell you how to solve a problem. You get life experiences. Yeah, that's how you do that. You don't. I don't need to know the Pythagorean theorem or Y equals mx plus B, what is that?

[A]

That's Pythagorean theorem. No, that's like the area of a fucking triangle or something.

[B]

Clearly we don't know that shit.

[A]

And you know what? Then math teachers in high school would drill it into your head. You're gonna have to use this every fucking day. Really? Because no one has ever looked at me, held a gun to my head and said, tell me the Pythagorean and

[B]

why are we putting letters in the fucking math problems?

[A]

When the Alphabet comes into mathematics, I'm checking the hell out.

[B]

I was checking the hell out before the Alphabet came in.

[A]

You know, I never paid attention in school.

[B]

Me either.

[A]

And you know, they drill into your head. You need to be an honor graduate.

[B]

Somehow I was.

[A]

And B's. Let me tell you something, bitch. If you're not going to college, you just need to get that diploma, because you can't do anything without the damn diploma. You can't even flip burgers without that damn diploma. So get your diploma, but if you ain't going to college.

[B]

Oh, we flipped burgers with a guy named. We'll name him Frankie at the Sonic. And I can assure you he didn't have a diploma.

[A]

No, he had.

[B]

He didn't even have four teeth, okay?

[A]

He had a degree in mathematics. Me and Lana worked at Sonic for.

[B]

I made it a week. You made it three days.

[A]

You know why? No, I didn't make it three days. I made it two days. Okay, you want to tell you why I make it made it two days and you made it a week? Because they put your ass on the drink station. They put my fat ass on the grill because I guess they thought since I was fat.

[B]

Little story time. I'm gonna give them this quick little story time on why I quit the Sonic. The sewage got backed up. The drains and all that runs together. Well, in the kitchen of the Sonic at my hometown, there's a. There's a drain in the middle, and everything was backed up. And so we had stuff spewing out of the drain. And it was during COVID and we were getting something called Covid pay, which was like $14 an hour or like $16 an hour to work at the Damsonic. And I was like, damn, this is a good first job. It wasn't my first job.

[A]

This was years ago.

[B]

Years ago.

[A]

The economy was good.

[B]

Yeah. And they said, go to the back closet and get a shock vac and shock vac that shit up out of the drain in the kitchen. And I was like, I'm not doing that. We need to close down. This is a health department violation. There is shit coming up the kitchen drain. And even if it's not shit, it smells like shit. So those fumes can't be getting in her fucking cheddar peppers.

[A]

So.

[B]

So if you ever manager. And she said, shock. And I said, I'm not doing that. I'll throw up. I can't do that. We need to close down. And they were like, no, do it. And I was like, I'm not doing it. And they were like, you're gonna do it or we're gonna cut your Covid pay. That's what she looked at me and said. And I'd name her right now if I could.

[A]

She Works at the Taco Bell now.

[B]

No, she's since moved on.

[A]

No, she used to work at the Taco Bell.

[B]

Anyways, she said, do this or I'm gonna cut your Covid pay. And I said, my Covid pay's getting cut anyways. Cause I fucking quit. I gave my apron to her. I took my shirt off right there in the Sonic, and I walked out, got in my car, and I drove to the Food lion and got a

[A]

job there at the Shitty Kitty.

[B]

And somehow they made me a front end supervisor and I ruled the roofs. Bitch.

[A]

Do not ever come near me in a fast food chain. I will say this. I worked at Chick Fil A and

[B]

that was one of the best.

[A]

I loved that job. Like, if you ever, if you're 16, you need a job, go down to the Chick Fil a. You will be saying, your pleasure. It's your pleasure to every damn body.

[B]

You will, you will.

[A]

I really did love that job.

[B]

There's that.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I. I hated that job.

[B]

You hate the Sonic, but you love the Chick Fil a.

[A]

You might want to know what your Sonic is doing behind the scenes before you go up in there and order a pretzel.

[B]

Well, the Sonic since then has really good. I know the managers.

[A]

Our town really turned around.

[B]

It's because they've got two new managers

[A]

in there and they don't shop back shit anymore.

[B]

No, they don't. They've got that shit cleaned up good. And Sonic is my favorite fast food restaurant ever. Yeah, it is my favorite. It is. I like, if I wouldn't have been 16 and a little spiteful, I'd have probably shocked back the and then ate a cheese stick.

[A]

Hey, I will say this. Whenever we got food, we got free food there. And if whenever you could make that burger yourself and it was really fresh. That was good.

[B]

I went to Sonic yesterday and the day before and the day before.

[A]

The very first day that I was there, a poor girl was in the back. Bread and onion rings. Because they do bread them onion rings themselves.

[B]

I want to go to my baby.

[A]

She's pregnant and she quit. She walked out pregnant.

[B]

Yeah, she was done. I'm gonna go back and look at my bank statements for last year and this year already. And I'm gonna tally up how much money I've spent at the Sonic and I'll let y' all know the next episode.

[A]

I think the only thing that could make them onion rings any better is that damn sunrise flower. Oh, that we got up in our apartment.

[B]

Let me tell you. Sunrise Flower sent us flour and we talked about organic flour.

[A]

I don't like organic. It's good.

[B]

We talked about this last episode. It is the best flower you could ever get. They've got pizza, pizza flour, flour, bread

[A]

flour, waffle mix, waffle flour. They got all kinds of shit.

[B]

And it is so good.

[A]

It's good. And it makes it so fluffy. And it's organic and it has really good ingredients. And you feel good about it. And you feel good about it.

[B]

When you're eating your bread, you feel good about it because it's. It's healthy.

[A]

I bet if you stand it on the Olive app, it give you a good score.

[B]

I bet it would too.

[A]

You can go to sunriseflowermeal.com use code banter at checkout for 20 off your order. That is sunrise flowermeal.com code banter. Go save you some money and get it.

[B]

And let us know, let us know if you get it too. Like comment and let us know if you've ordered it or something. We want to know it's actually so.

[A]

And tell us your feedback, everything that you make.

[B]

It's so good anyways, but little plug there.

[A]

We have a little school stories to tell.

[B]

No, we already did that. I don't have any school stories to tell. I called about seven teachers a got silent lunch every day. Never did. I did have ISS for one day. They just put me in there from the end of the day because I told my teacher to choke on her pen.

[A]

Please give me silent lunch.

[B]

Me too.

[A]

I don't want to talk to when I'm trying to eat my corn dog. My radioactive corn dog. That's probably gonna get a teacher in sixth grade.

[B]

She used to chew in that pen and she deep throat that damn sharpie.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

She dropped it on the floor.

[A]

She said, will you hand me my pen?

[B]

Yeah, she.

[A]

I said, no.

[B]

She dropped on the floor and she said, hey, will you. Will you hand me that? And I said, no, I won't. And she was like, why? And I was like, because it's been

[A]

down your throat, it's been down your medulla and blangata.

[B]

And she pissed me off and I told her to choke on it.

[A]

I hated that. I really did. I hated her. She's one of the many reasons why I left.

[B]

Who's your favorite teacher in the whole wide world? Your most favorite teacher ever. And I tell you who mine are right now.

[A]

Who?

[B]

Okay, I'm just gonna say their last names, okay? Ms. Ramsey and Ms. Smolley.

[A]

Oh, I love them both. Ms. Ramsay watches the podcast all the time.

[B]

She texts. She text.

[A]

Tammy Ramsey, if you're watching this, I

[B]

love you so much. And if every teacher was like you, we would never have any problems in America.

[A]

I would have never bitched.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

And you know what she taught. Didn't she teach math?

[B]

No, no, that was Ms. Smiley. And let me tell you something about Laura Smiley. Just go ahead and name drop her. She has not aged a day. She looks.

[A]

I need your skincare routine.

[B]

She looks the same. Exact.

[A]

She don't look a day over 21.

[B]

No, she don't.

[A]

And she's taught the same grade for years.

[B]

And I'll tell you what, I can. I can probably tell you what she's wearing right now. Khaki pants and flip flops.

[A]

Khaki pants, flip flops, and a T shirt.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We love you. We love y'. All. Those are my two most favorite teachers in the whole wide world. And then in elementary school, middle school, I love Ms. Ledford. I love Ms. Leopford. Chantelle Edford. If you're watching this, I loved you so bad. Ms. Sosby loved Ms. Sosby. I loved Ellie Vaughn, too.

[A]

I didn't.

[B]

We're just name dropping everybody.

[A]

I didn't go to that school, but I did go. I love Miss Newbie at Saddle Ridge.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

She was great. Okay. I loved. I loved everybody.

[B]

Yeah. Who else? Oh, I loved Holly Rudy and Jill Fowler and Tina Potts, too. Well, I just loved all my. From. From elementary school to eighth grade. All my teachers were wonderful. And looking back, I used to not like one of the teachers, and I'll just say her name is Ms. Marshall. Looking back, I didn't used to like her, but now I do. Like, do you ever, like, grow a love for a teacher? Like, you know, so I had some

[A]

teachers in high school, and their classes were really.

[B]

And then we get high school. Donna Clements is my hero.

[A]

We went to school.

[B]

We're gonna bring her on the pod.

[A]

Yeah, we are. I hated some teachers that I had whenever I had them in high school because their classes were so damn hard. But looking back, they became some of my favorite teachers.

[B]

Like who?

[A]

Mr. Warren. You didn't have him? He did.

[B]

No, for like a week. And then I switched to Mr. Brooks's class. He loved him such at the highest grade in his class, by the way.

[A]

He was such a good teacher. I will say I finished English, which you wouldn't tell it because I don't use proper verbiage with a 101. Yeah, that's AP English.

[B]

Anyways,

[A]

but there are some teachers I didn't like, and I can't really name them, but you know, what is it with PE Teachers?

[B]

They're all built like refrigerators.

[A]

Yep, yep, yep. There were a couple teachers that I had, and I won't name them, but they could not match their clothes to save their damn life. I mean, plaid and stripes. Walking up in here with plaid and stripes.

[B]

I have a love hate relationship for teachers. I love them so much about.

[A]

Hey, last week was Teacher Appreciation Week.

[B]

Oh, this is perfect.

[A]

We should have sent them a letter.

[B]

Yeah, well, this is their letter.

[A]

I remember one time I gave my pre K teacher my Pre K teacher, Ms. Melinda. Love her, she had breast cancer. And for some reason, one day I gave her my dollar. She still has that dollar. Yeah, she does. She has that hanging on her wall. Yeah.

[B]

We were. We were good kids. We really were. And then we hit probably seventh grade, sixth grade for me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I turned into the devil.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Nothing but. But nothing. But I feel like our attitudes in school and like, in life are warranted in every circumstance.

[A]

I do, too. And even if they're not, I'm going to tell myself that they are.

[B]

Yeah. Anyways, okay, on to the next. Let's go. Let's get into Cousin Council.

[A]

Okay. Welcome back to Cousin Council.

[B]

There's no intro you don't have. It's not gonna cut.

[A]

Oh, well, sorry.

[B]

Let's get into Cousin Council.

[A]

Let's get into Cousin Council. Remember, you can send in your stories.

[B]

Quit cutting me off. I was gonna say that part.

[A]

Oh, go ahead.

[B]

This is Hairball. This is where you can send in your stories, confessions. Tell us whatever you want to tell us, ask us any questions, and we're gonna provide you with counsel that probably shouldn't be taken seriously. So if you want to do that, go to email. Teamloodlinebanterofficial.

[A]

And if you need legal advice, find your damn attorney, because I don't. You can't have mine. Mine's too good. And I don't want to have to wait for you.

[B]

We're not sharing.

[A]

Okay, this one is kinda. It's not really that serious, but it's good. They said I'm from the north and I'm having to move to the south in a couple of weeks. My husband does not. Is not a fan of the air conditioner. How am I gonna survive? Do you have any tips?

[B]

Not a fan of the air condition. He'll be a fan. Get him here for about four months and he'll become a fan.

[A]

He's either gonna be a fan or he's gonna get divorced. Yeah. Let me tell you something. If you come down to the south, do not try to come down here

[B]

and mess with my thermostat.

[A]

Hell no. It is hot down here.

[B]

I will shoot you with a BB gun.

[A]

You're baking in a damn oven. It feels like you were in an air fryer on 400 for 25 minutes.

[B]

And that's what you cook chicken?

[A]

Yes. Yesterday I went outside to feed, to walk my dog. It was 9 o' clock in the morning. It was 82 de damn degrees.

[B]

And it's only going to get worse. We're not even like we just came out of BlackBerry winter.

[A]

Okay. I'm about sick and tired of the BlackBerry winter. Damn. Well, there's only two Dogwood. I'm ready for forever summer. Okay.

[B]

Dogwood winter was a while back ago. BlackBerry winter. We just came out of it, okay?

[A]

And if you know how I know that is the people down here in the south, south have what they call the Farmers Almanac. And if it gets like 70 degrees and then all of a sudden it gets back down to 40, every old person at the Hardee's is gonna say it's cause it's dogwood winter.

[B]

Well, the dogwoods bloom because it has to get a little colder and then the blackberries bloom because it also has to get a little colder. And so that's like a real thing. BlackBerry winter.

[A]

You know, dogwood is the kind of tree that the cross was made out of.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yeah, okay, thank you, Jesus. But yeah. So my advice to you would be.

[B]

Yeah, we went on a little tangent.

[A]

You're gonna have to change him. Okay. Because if you try to come down here and without an air conditioner, you're going to hate it down here.

[B]

Yeah, you are.

[A]

We don't have that New York wind or the Chicago wind and the snow. Don't come down here expecting snow because you're not going to get it. You're going to be real damn.

[B]

You're going to get half an inch and they're going to cancel school and everybody's going to turn into. Everybody's going to come down with schizophrenic

[A]

bipolar and you would think that the damn zombie apocalypse is happening because you're not going to be able to find milk, bread or toilet paper within a 25 mile radius of your house. So if you see snow in the forecast.

[B]

Oh, this is kind of off topic, but I just have to interrupt you for a second and say snow, my birthday was on May 7, which was last Thursday. And if you told me happy birthday and wish me happy birthday. Thank you so much. If you didn't. I still love you. Yeah, I had a great day.

[A]

Anyways, I keep a running list. If it tells me happy birthday in my notes. And if you don't tell me, I'm not telling you.

[B]

Okay then. Anyways, next I need something. Y' all sending something juicy like did you screw your somebody in the back of the truck and get caught? I need to holy.

[A]

Okay, I'm riding in because I would like advice. I have a friend that I was friends with for over 15 years. We went to college together, got an apartment together and I had set up with her. I had set her up with a new guy and now she is engaged and he will not let her talk to me. She has cussed me out and refuses to talk to me. What did I. What do I do about this? I've become very close with her family and her family reaches out to me. But she gets upset with me about that as well. I'm not invited to the wedding and he has made up lies about me to her and her family. It has always been a one sided friendship. The whole entire friendship. Her family is on my side when it comes to the situation. I need some advice on what to do.

[B]

Well, if it's always been one sided.

[A]

If it's always been one sided. You need to count your blessings.

[B]

Listen.

[A]

Takes itself out.

[B]

Amen. And sometimes this is God's way of protecting you.

[A]

Yes, it is. I believe that. However.

[B]

But don't go down without being a little bit petty. Cuss the back out.

[A]

What do you mean he won't let her talk to you?

[B]

He's controlling.

[A]

Because what is wrong with y' all women who are letting these men tell you what you can and can't do?

[B]

I mean holy and vice versa.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, you said man. Yeah.

[A]

Men and women. Listen.

[B]

If you're.

[A]

If your significant other is trying to control you in the relationship that they don't trust you. Okay. And if. If you don't have trust in a relationship.

[B]

You don't have a relationship.

[A]

No. And you can write that down because that's the right.

[B]

Damn. We need to write a book.

[A]

You know, I would love to write a book. This is so off topic. I want to be in New York Times best selling author.

[B]

Should we write a book, y'? All? You want to?

[A]

Should we?

[B]

It'd take me four years to finish it.

[A]

We'd have to start right now if we wanted to publish it before we died.

[B]

Yeah, because. Is it gonna be, like, a chapter? I think I might do a picture book.

[A]

Okay. Landon moves to Nashville. Illustration. Can I. Can I illustrate it?

[B]

No, but. No, you can.

[A]

Who?

[B]

Tammy Ramsey?

[A]

Yes, she can.

[B]

Anyways, yeah, I'd like a book.

[A]

I would actually love to write a book. I really do want to become a New York Times bestselling author, and I don't know what the hell that means. I just. You have to sell a lot of books within a certain time frame. So if I ever do put out a book, I'm going to need y' all to buy it, even if I don't.

[B]

We'll make them, like, 6.99.

[A]

Yeah, we'll make them, like, free with promo code banter.

[B]

Also, speaking of this stuff, if you've made it this far, you're a true, true fan. We're thinking about doing merch.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And so we just want your feedback. And, you know, would y' all buy merch?

[A]

Would you buy bloodline banter merch? Yeah.

[B]

And it wouldn't just be, like, bloodline banter, like, maybe like some of the funny quotes we've said. Yeah. A lot of people are wanting because at the end of our social clips, I always say, love you, bye, love you by hats, merch, whatever it may be. We're thinking about doing that. So you just let us know.

[A]

Let us know. So comment down below and say yes or no. If you would buy bloodline banter merch, which we would probably have at least one shirt that had bloodline banter.

[B]

Yeah, we would. And a hat. Yeah, I'm a ho. Anyways, one more cousin count.

[A]

Okay. And then we're gonna wrap up. Let me find us a good one.

[B]

I don't know how long we've been recording for.

[A]

Y' all sit in so many. And I should have prepped these before,

[B]

but we don't prep nothing.

[A]

Okay, this one's pretty good. Hi, Riley and Landon. I have a. Would you rather Question for Riley. Riley, would you rather sleep with a box fan for the rest of your life, but have. Would you rather sleep without a box fan? I'm sorry. Would you rather sleep without a box fan for the rest of your life but have infinite bank account, which you could not use to buy a box fan? I don't even know the second question, but it's probably gonna be no. Or have Landon talk over you every time you open your mouth, but have perfect health and zero anxiety. Oh. Oh, shit. Okay.

[B]

Oh, I already talk over you.

[A]

Yeah, we already talk over Each other. I mean, y' all probably gather that

[B]

from here, but having Zero Anxiety rally, You need that in your life.

[A]

I do, but anxiety's the devil. It is the devil landing. But I'd never sleep again if I could have a box fan.

[B]

Yeah, you would.

[A]

Could I have any kind of fan? Could I have ac? Because I don't have a box fan right now. But I have an AC unit in my apartment.

[B]

And it blows directly onto your bed.

[A]

It does. And I have. There's, like, a fan setting on.

[B]

So what would you do? What would you watch? I'll tell you what I need. I need a biscuit.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm hungry.

[A]

Yeah, I could mess something up. What are you doing the rest of the day? You got plans?

[B]

I'm taking a little road trip to see some friends and.

[A]

What?

[B]

Sorry, I was reading a message. I'm just checking our road trips.

[A]

You're gonna keep talking about these damn messages, and you're gonna have to tell me what they say.

[B]

Well, that was our manager. He was letting us know we have a hundred subs until 15k on YouTube.

[A]

Yes. So if you're not subscribed already, subscribe to the YouTube. Listen, y', all, I really want one of them damn silver YouTube play buttons.

[B]

Lord, please.

[A]

We have to have 100,000 subscribers, and we're at almost. At 15,000, so that's a lot more to go before the end of the year. But I have faith, and faith can move mountains.

[B]

Amen. Anyways, you never did explain what the. Rather we're all over the place.

[A]

Okay. I would probably have Landon interrupt me and have perfect health and zero anxiety.

[B]

That would be good for you. You need that. You need that. Zero anxiety. You have pretty good health right now. You have a little bit of high blood pressure, but you have good health. And it's about to be even healthier because we're going to download the Olive app. We already have the Olive app, but. And we're going to scan our groceries, and we're away with the toxins and Seedles.

[A]

Yeah. But I don't believe for one second that we're about to hit the gym. Because the first time we got to hit, you know, I thought, I'm hiring a personal trainer. Oh, shit. Okay. I thought about going to the gym today, but my Apple watch is dead. And I'm not going to the gym if I can't look down on my wrist and see the satisfaction from it. I'm just not.

[B]

I get that.

[A]

I'm not going to the gym if I can't look down to my damn move. Ring be closed.

[B]

Amen.

[A]

I'm not doing that. You don't even have an apple watch.

[B]

I hate an apple watch. I bought one. 750 bucks.

[A]

But then you're working out in vain.

[B]

No, I'm not. Because it makes me feel good.

[A]

Okay, but you actually makes me feel good.

[B]

It actually makes me hurt.

[A]

No, it actually does make me feel good.

[B]

The next day, I don't go. But my philosophy is I pay a person or trainer. I'm not gonna waste money, so I'm gonna pay somebody to help me.

[A]

We have. That's gonna be that philosophy. Whenever we buy a new water bottle. So we drink water. We drink water out of it for two days, and then we put it in the cabinet.

[B]

I really thought I had. Okay, anyways.

[A]

Anyways, I think this is a good

[B]

point to wrap up. I don't know how long we've been recording for. Maybe, like, for the rest of the day.

[A]

I have to go. I had a to do list, and I've been making day in the Life vlogs on TikTok because it keeps me accountable and, like, today stuff. So I've got to go. I've got to clean my house.

[B]

That's why Kylie Pitts is a hero.

[A]

I've got to clean my house. I've got to. I really want to go to the gym. I need to meal prep for this week.

[B]

Yeah, you do.

[A]

And so. Yeah, we'll see if I actually do that. Probably won't.

[B]

Yeah, you will.

[A]

I have a lot of laundry to do.

[B]

I have laundry in the dryer right now that I forgot to start.

[A]

I would rather actually throw up. And I hate.

[B]

But I heard not to start your dryer when you leave the house because it could catch on fire.

[A]

Maybe. I don't know.

[B]

Anyways. Okay, well, I think we're gonna wrap it up here.

[A]

Yes. Make sure you are following us on all of our social pages.

[B]

Add us on Snapchat.

[A]

Yes. Add us every.

[B]

That's where you can keep up with our everyday life. If you want a podcast every single day, and a lot of y' all are saying you want two episod week, we might have something cooking up on that, but go to Snapchat.

[A]

Yeah. Follow us anywhere you get your podcast. Follow us on our social pages. And until next time, we will see you later.

[B]

Yes. Love you. Bye. Love you.

[A]

Bye.