If Them Arms Ain't Flappin...

Summary

Bloodline Banter: "If Them Arms Ain't Flappin..."

Host: The Cast Collective
Date: February 19, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively and irreverent episode, cousins Riley and Landon dive into their unconventional family bond, share hilarious stories of growing up "beside each other but not knowing each other," and give listeners a window into Southern family antics—from forging FFA passes to kitchen disasters at Granny Joel’s. The episode is peppered with childhood memories, playful bickering, honest confessions, and the introduction of a new advice segment, “Cousin Council,” where the duo answers listener submissions with candor and trademark humor.

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Main Themes & Purpose

• Exploring Family Dynamics: How cousins can grow up close yet estranged, and the quirks of familial relationships in the South.
• Recounting Tales from Childhood: From forging county fair passes to family cook-off disasters.
• Celebrating (and Roasting) Southern Heritage: Especially the legendary Granny Joel and her kitchen wisdom.
• Friendship, Arguments, and Reconciliation: The ups and downs of being cousins and best friends.
• Semi-Sincere Life Advice: Through the comedic “Cousin Council” segment.

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Key Discussion Points & Memorable Stories

1. Cousins, But Not Quite Friends—At First

• Neither Riley nor Landon remembers meeting before the sixth grade, despite living next door as cousins ([00:30]).
  • “I genuinely do not remember meeting you until sixth grade.” – A ([00:30])
  • “We’re about to not know each other anymore.” – B ([01:29])
• Their parents have photographic "evidence" of earlier meetups, but both insist on having no memory before adolescence.

2. The County Fair FFA Heist

• Riley and Landon's first real bonding started with joining the Future Farmers of America (FFA) and attending the Chattooga County Fair.
• To avoid paying the admission fee, they “forged” an FFA volunteer pass by writing over Landon’s name with Riley’s ([04:25–05:42]).
  • “Let me lay the bricks...I was in sixth grade...I didn’t have a real phone. I had, like, an iPod touch.” – A ([02:00])
  • “We finally talk our parents into going...your dad took us because we both rode in the back of his big gray truck.” – B ([03:09])
  • “It worked. We lem—I wrote over his name. It had the FFA patch on it, you know, laminated it. And I said, I’m a volunteer..." – A ([05:42])
• This escapade marks the start of their close relationship—and a pattern of mild mischief.

3. Legendary Granny Joel and Southern Cooking

• A loving and wild portrait of their grandmother, Granny Joel, who could "cook fried ass and [they’d] eat" ([06:52]).
  • “If them arms were not flapping, that food was not slapping, baby.” – B ([06:41])
• Family tales include:
  • The arms-flapping-as-she-cooks theory.
  • Debating the merits of candy corn ([07:40]), with Riley passionately defending its honor.
  • Granny Joel’s attitude (“She was a firecracker”—A [07:02]), her run-ins with would-be robbers, and her infamous solution to fighting dogs ([09:20]).
  • Old-school discipline stories and tales of family members’ troublemaking youth ([10:15–12:57]).

4. Bickering, Blame, and Best Friend Energy

• Riley and Landon openly squabble about petty grievances and personality differences:
  • Who’s responsible for the mess in Landon’s apartment? ([15:54–17:02])
  • Silent treatment, selective hearing, and the art of reconciliation ("Best friends piss each other off." – A [18:24]).
  • The infamous three-week silent treatment and the drama of who would break the ice first ([17:33]).

5. Apartment Life & Fire Alarms

• Multiple fire alarm anecdotes as metaphors for modern adulthood—setting off smoke detectors while seasoning cast iron ([20:05–21:09]), and Riley being left behind during an apartment-wide alarm ("…just let me die. I could have burnt up and been damn ashes." – B [22:25]).
• Observing neighbors’ open-window antics—including a not-so-private couple and the opportunity to watch Netflix through someone else’s window ([25:21–28:17]).

6. Cooking Disasters & Domestic Growth

• Riley and Landon recall catastrophes in the kitchen, from burning French toast to a fire sparked by water thrown on sausage grease ([29:28–32:07]).
  • “Please forgive me for not being Bobby Flay…” – B ([32:07])
• Riley’s journey to becoming a better cook, and debates about shopping and shoe sizes ([33:00–36:00]).

7. Sweatpants vs. Tuxedos: Airport Dress Codes

• A passionate, comedic debate about airport etiquette after a government official suggested fancier attire for air travel ([37:44–41:03]).
  • “If the federal government wants to pay my airfare, then they can tell me what I want to wear.” – A ([38:13])
  • “I want to go out with a bang. And that bang is sweatpants and a hoodie and house shoes Crocs.” – A ([40:26])
• TSA frustrations and travel rants.

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“Cousin Council” (Listener Submissions) – [41:29–55:00]

Notable submissions:

1. Would Riley ever take a ballroom dance class?
   • “Honestly, free. I think I would do it. If I got invited, I would totally do it. Would I win? Absolutely not. But I’m more athletic than people think.” – B ([42:57])
   • “Dancing with the Stars, hit me up. I will totally do it.” – B ([43:47])
2. My mom keeps flirting with my boyfriend—is that a red flag?
   • “Your mama’s got a crush on your boyfriend, and that is a red flag. Red flag.” – A ([45:05])
   • "My verdict is you either need a new boyfriend or you need a new mama." – B ([46:09])
3. I hit a homeless man with my car—am I a bad person?
   • Group discussion about jaywalking, guilt, and legality.
   • “If you totaled your car, you’d had to waffle his ass.” – B ([46:56])
4. Fun/random questions from Mikayla:
   • Rules you’d set for a day: “I would mandate that everyone had to wear deodorant.” – B ([49:43])
   • “I would mandate that people had to hang up and hang out, get off their damn phones.” – A ([50:05])
   • Secret talents: singing (Riley), piano playing and cooking (Landon) ([51:03–51:39])
5. When did you last kill a mammal (accidentally or not)?
   • Landon’s story about running over a cat and putting it down mercifully with a broom ([53:04–54:41]).
   • Self-aware animal tangent with honest, Southern humor.
   • “No, it was not with a shovel. It was with a broom, which makes it even more…I put it out of its misery. Any good human would do that.” – A ([53:08])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Quote | Speaker | |---|---|---| | 00:30 | “I genuinely do not remember meeting you until sixth grade.” | A | | 06:41 | “If them arms were not flapping, that food was not slapping, baby.” | B | | 07:40 | “You eat that?” (about candy corn debate) | A & B | | 15:15 | “Landon likes to give me the silent treatment whenever we get in an argument, and that bothers me because who wants to have nobody to talk to?” | B | | 18:24 | “Best friends piss each other off. You piss me off.” | A | | 22:25 | “…just let me die. I could have burnt up and been damn ashes.” | B | | 23:31 | “If you want to go to a petting zoo or a zoo in general? Come to our apartment complex…there’s birds that never shut the hell up.” | A | | 32:07 | “Please forgive me for not being Bobby Flay, but he just has a bad track record with cooking.” | B | | 38:13 | “If the federal government wants to pay my airfare, then they can tell me what I want to wear.” | A | | 40:26 | “I want to go out with a bang. And that bang is sweatpants and a hoodie and house shoes Crocs.” | A | | 43:47 | “Dancing with the Stars, hit me up. I will totally do it.” | B | | 45:05 | “Your mama’s got a crush on your boyfriend, and that is a red flag. Red flag.” | A | | 46:09 | "My verdict is you either need a new boyfriend or you need a new mama." | B | | 53:08 | “No, it was not with a shovel. It was with a broom, which makes it even more…I put it out of its misery. Any good human would do that.” | A |

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Cousin Origins & County Fair Story: [00:30–06:17]
• Granny Joel Memories & Southern Food: [06:18–08:59]
• Family Discipline & Anecdotes: [09:00–13:19]
• Petty Arguments & Apologies: [14:25–18:32]
• Apartment Fire Alarm Mishaps: [18:32–23:19]
• Cooking Disasters & Growth: [28:36–33:00]
• Clothes Shopping and Airport Dress Debate: [33:00–41:03]
• Cousin Council (Advice Segment): [41:29–55:06]

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Tone & Style

The hosts maintain a brash, teasing, and utterly Southern tone, happily veering between loving jibes and affection, often finishing each other's sentences and never shying from oversharing the most outrageously embarrassing details of their family lives and personal quirks. The energy is high, the language irreverent, and the stories vivid.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a perfect representation of Bloodline Banter’s comedic and candid family storytelling style, blending nostalgia, Southern sass, and honest advice. If you didn’t catch the show, you’ll walk away understanding their dynamic—and probably grateful your grandmother never threatened to shoot your dog.

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To submit to “Cousin Council,” email: [e-mail]

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End of Summary

Transcript

[A]

Hit your head that far.

[B]

Get away from me. I didn't hear nothing. And you go there. You're stupid. I don't even love this, but I ain't eating no damn tuna fish. No bread. So if you watched our last episode, you know that me and Landon didn't know each other until the sixth grade. Even though we're cousins and we've lived beside each other our whole life, I really don't know how we deal.

[A]

I genuinely do not remember meeting you until sixth grade.

[B]

I genuinely. I did not have that much stress in my life until the sixth grade. I don't remember meeting you until then.

[A]

You are a.

[B]

And our parents have pictures of us, like, together, like, doing things, you know, at family functions.

[A]

I'm insulted.

[B]

That's okay.

[A]

You're saying I'm the only reason you have stress in your life.

[B]

No, but you're a big contributor of it, and you know it. Why, Lane? And don't even act like you don't know why. You caused me stress. You caused me stress on purpose. I'm not trying to shit on you, but I'm just saying you're doing it. You do because of me. Stress on purpose? Sometimes.

[A]

Why? How?

[B]

You just do.

[A]

Give me an example. Because you make these claims. Back them up.

[B]

You manipulate me sometimes.

[A]

So I'm a mass manipulator.

[B]

No, I'm not. No. But that's what I thought anyway.

[A]

Shut up. We didn't know each other till the sixth grade.

[B]

Yeah, we're about to not know each other anymore. Anyways. We didn't know each other until the sixth grade. When was the first time, you can think of that we ever hung out?

[A]

The first time that I remember actually

[B]

hanging out with you, it was the Chattooga County Fair. Ag fair.

[A]

Let me lay the bricks. Riley and I, when we were in sixth grade, we joined ffa.

[B]

Future Farmers of America.

[A]

Future Farmers of America.

[B]

Do we look like farmers?

[A]

Well, we were at the time.

[B]

Point.

[A]

We were at the time. We grew up on a farm. We lived on a farm. We'll get into that later. But we joined ffa, and we were in. I was in sixth grade. Raleigh was in seventh grade. And I told Riley, I said, there's a fair. And the FFA was doing this booth or whatever, and. And we had to make cotton candy and sell, like, beef sticks is what we call them. Those, like Slim Jims. And we done it as a fundraiser. So I'm going to this event to.

[B]

We were working for community service hours for ffa.

[A]

Yeah. So I was. I Went to this fair, and I was like, well, I don't want to go by myself. I'm in the sixth grade at this time. I didn't have a. Like, a real phone. I had, like, an ipod touch.

[B]

Ipod Nano.

[A]

An Ipod Nano.

[B]

They're, like, this big.

[A]

And obviously that was an MP3 player.

[B]

No, it's an Ipod Nano. There's. Those are two different things.

[A]

Oh. Anyways, well, I had something that wasn't a phone, and we. I went to this. I was like, riley should come with me. And what we. What me and Riley and I used to do when we would hang out with each other. If Riley's mom and dad said, yeah, you can go, but my mom said no, I'd be like, well, Riley's mom and dad said he could go, so I'm going. And they'd be like, okay. Well, if Riley's mom and dad said he'd go, then my parents are obviously gonna say yes.

[B]

We finally talked our parents into going. And your dad took county fair. Your dad took us because we both rode in the back of his big gray truck.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And.

[A]

Go ahead.

[B]

There was a county fair, and I didn't feel like asking my parents for money because. Remind you, we were, like, 12. So, like, we didn't have jobs because we didn't start the hustle that early. And I didn't want to ask my parents for money. And I wasn't volunteering. Landon was. And Because Landon was an FFA officer.

[A]

Yeah, I was an officer. I was the vice president.

[B]

Anyways. Yeah. I wasn't nothing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I wasn't a future farmer of America.

[A]

I was.

[B]

We see how far that got us. But. So we were at the fair, and she had given Landon this little blue pass, and it says middle school ffa, Free admission or whatever. And it had a line on it, and she had written his name on it with a pen. Well, we've been rebels since way back in the day. And I was like, landon, I don't want to ask my parents for money because, like, they would have given me money. But I felt bad because I was a little gold digger. Honestly, like, I was always needing money for something, as I still am, but I make my own. So I digress. But I was like, landon.

[A]

And I was like, okay, he don't want to ask his parents for money. He doesn't want to have to pay that. It was $20 to get in this fair. That's highway robbery. $20 to get an account.

[B]

I would rather spend my $20 on four fried Oreos. Sue me.

[A]

Yeah. So I was like, don't worry. I will. I will print. I'll print off a. Like, your own little bags.

[B]

You copied the pass, and you called Tammy and you said, do you have a laminator? And we said, cause this pass was laminated. And she said, yeah, I have a laminator. Why? We're like, oh, just wondering if you had a laminator. You know, just for the memory.

[A]

I need to laminate something.

[B]

And we're like, we need to laminate something. So we went over there. Landon takes a pen, and I write over. Why didn't we think of whiteout?

[A]

I don't know. We were dumb.

[B]

Oh, it was a blue pass.

[A]

It was sixth grade. This is the best we could do.

[B]

Landon. Like, instead of erasing his name, Landon just writes my name over his. So you can very clearly tell that it looks like Braille. It looks like you've written something in a foreign language, and it's not English, and it's like hieroglyphics. And over it, you can see in Sharpie, behind the blue ink, it says, Riley M. Riley Mitchell. That's me. And it worked. It worked.

[A]

It worked. We lem. I wrote over his name. It had the FFA patch on it. You know, laminated it. And I said, I'm a volunteer for the FFA booth or whatever. And then I said, he's with me, and he shows his badge. I felt like we were in the FBI.

[B]

We were like,

[A]

yeah, yeah. And so after that, we got in, and that was the first time we ever.

[B]

That was the first time we ever

[A]

forged a document and hung out. That's the first time. That goes back to the story. That's the first time we ever remember hanging out with each other. And that's it. But there's pictures of us before the sixth grade.

[B]

I don't remember them.

[A]

I don't either.

[B]

I genuinely don't. Like, I look at the picture and I think to myself, okay, well, that's us, but.

[A]

But we don't remember it. And I can remember a lot. I remember cooking on Granny Joel's wood cook stove with the blue. The blue speckled cookware on her wood cook stove when she was, you know, heading to heaven.

[B]

Granny Joel could cook.

[A]

She could cook.

[B]

Let me tell you something. If them arms were not flapping, that food was not slapping baby.

[A]

That stuff was so good.

[B]

She could make.

[A]

What did you just say? If you're.

[B]

She could make fried ass.

[A]

And I'd.

[B]

Ate.

[A]

Was so good.

[B]

I'm telling you, she. In the kitchen, she was Fierce.

[A]

What did you say?

[B]

She was a firecracker.

[A]

Raleigh, what did you say? If your arms.

[B]

If your arms are not flapping, your food ain't slapping. You know, she was.

[A]

That was good. I mean, really. She. She.

[B]

I mean, she could cook.

[A]

She could.

[B]

And she was also cooking. I don't remember cooking on her wood cook stove, though I do. I remember going in and it was whenever she had. I'm not crying. My eyes are just watering by the way. She had gone in. It was right whenever. Right before she's about to die. And she had the hospital bed in there. I remember sitting on the hospital bed, eaten candy corn and.

[A]

What?

[B]

You don't like candy corn?

[A]

No. Oh, it's like you took candle wax out of it.

[B]

So disgusting.

[A]

You eat that?

[B]

Hell, yeah. By the color. I eat the white first, then the yellow, then the orange. I'm disgusted by your behavior. Don't sue me.

[A]

You eat mint chocolate chip ice cream.

[B]

Planning.

[A]

And then candy corn.

[B]

You eat corn tortilla chips. Came over on the Mayflower with a piece of uncured salami and cottage cheese.

[A]

Riley.

[B]

I think the people relate to my candy corn a little more than that.

[A]

Riley, candy corn tastes like you poured the candle wax.

[B]

At least I'm not eating like I'm one of the Beverly Housewives or the. What are they called? The Housewives of Beverly Hills. You're stupid.

[A]

You're stupid. Anyways, I'm sorry. Back on track. Candy corn is appalling.

[B]

I love it, but whatever.

[A]

What makes it so good? Tell me.

[B]

The flavor.

[A]

What else?

[B]

I mean, I don't know.

[A]

You like candle wax?

[B]

It don't taste like candle wax. If you want to eat candle wax, eat a Swedish fish. Yes.

[A]

No. Anyways. But Granny Joel, she was.

[B]

She was crazy.

[A]

She was.

[B]

Do you remember that time? I don't know the full story, so you're gonna back me up here. Something about. She was at the gas station one time getting gas, and a man came up to her window and tried to rob her or something. And she was like. She had a Taser in her pocketbook and she held it up and tased the window and, like. It tased him through the window because he was touching it.

[A]

No, I think that was it. I think she just held up the Taser and, like, clicked it a couple of times and was like, come on.

[B]

She was psychotic. One time she called my dad and she said, anthony, come up here and get these dogs. It was dog and her neighbor's dog. Come up here and get these dogs.

[A]

They're fighting.

[B]

Take Them off, They're fighting again. So dad went and got him and took him off. And she called him back the next day and she said, now, Anthony, if these dogs fight one more time, I'm gonna shoot both of them. She said it so.

[A]

And he said, it's fine. I'll come up there, break up the fight. He broke up the fight. You know, whatever. We continue on and she calls dad

[B]

and she shot her dog and her neighbor's dog. They're both in the front yard. And. Yeah, so PETA, if you see this, I'm just kidding. It was a joke. And it was also in the 70s, probably before any law protected that.

[A]

So, I mean, it was way back in the day. They've done crazy stuff like this. I remember instead of like giving my mom a spanking or given like, you know, we got spanked as a kid. I. I mean, my mom practically killed

[B]

me until I was 18.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I'm.

[B]

My grandma threw a. My nana threw a Route 44 Sonic Sweet Tea at the back of my head from 25 yards. I'm telling you right now.

[A]

What did you do?

[B]

If the Dodgers would have seen that, they would have drafted her first round draft pick. Los Angeles Dodgers. Aren't they in Los Angeles in the Dodgers. And she had been the first woman to be NFL, MLB pitcher.

[A]

She hit you square in the back of the house.

[B]

I turned around and gave her the look and she just. She said, go to your room.

[A]

I was like, bam. And this is probably like 17.

[B]

Yeah, this was like a couple years ago.

[A]

I told her to shut up.

[B]

Cause she made me mad and turned around and got clocked.

[A]

Anyways, it was full too.

[B]

She wasted a whole sweet tea on the back of my neck.

[A]

Anyways, back to the story. Granny Joel, instead of like spanking you, I remember my mom telling me she would take her pinky and like bend it in and like, until she dropped to her knee like it was.

[B]

Okay, that's abuse.

[A]

No, But you know, Granny Joel, she

[B]

call it what it is.

[A]

We love her. We love her.

[B]

That's abuse. I'll ever tell you, but that's abuse. Don't.

[A]

Oh, when was that? My mom was born in 1980. That had been like the 90s. Yeah, yeah. They didn't care back then.

[B]

I wonder what she was doing to get in trouble.

[A]

Back talking or cussing or fighting somebody. I'll never forget. My mom told me a story one time. She was in high school and she. Somebody. She played softball and somebody cleated her, like with the metal cleats you know, and she took her helmet off and hit her in the face. Just boom.

[B]

Okay, so that's assault with the deadly weapon.

[A]

Yeah, like it was crazy. But let's talk about your father, on how he used to get in trouble in school.

[B]

Oh, my dad was a hellion. Still is a hellion. He dropped out of school in middle school or elementary school, one of them blue collar. And my grandfather owned a corner store in our hometown and it was called Naomi Grocery. I feel like I'm in the foothills of Appalachia. It was a Naomi Grocery called Nama Garry. And dad would go to the elementary school and he would get counted present. And then he would leave. He wouldn't tell anybody. He would tell the teacher who's going to the bathroom and he would leave the school and run down the road back to the grocery store. And one time he glued the books on the bookshelf.

[A]

He glued the books on the bookshelf

[B]

and he put thumbtacks in the teacher's chair. And she sat on him one time with his friend. With his friend that is now a cop.

[A]

You know what? They grow up.

[B]

Yeah, that's called maturity.

[A]

Maturity.

[B]

Maturing.

[A]

But were we even going with this? I don't remember Granny Joel. We were talking about Granny Joel.

[B]

She was quite a fiery lady.

[A]

She could cook.

[B]

And the arms flapped and made the food better. That's pretty much a synopsis of the story. But don't let her. Don't let her watch your dog because she might shoot it.

[A]

Anyways. We didn't know each other till the sixth grade. And then now we've. I mean, since that day, since that county fair, we've been friends. Best friends. Since that day.

[B]

Best friends. Arch nemesis at times.

[A]

Well, we're cousins, so if we get a little spit spat.

[B]

Don't matter because Landon likes a spit spat. And like, where was I going with that?

[A]

Go ahead, insult me some more.

[B]

I'm not insulting you. It's not insulting if you're true. Isn't that what you tell me? It's not insulting if it's the truth, Riley, it's not. What were we talking about? I have the brain of a 75 year old geriatric man. So I apologize if this is a precursor for dementia. Go ahead and call. Call Home Health right now because I'm on my way out of here.

[A]

It's because you're deaf and the statistics show that deaf people.

[B]

Okay, Bill, get dementia first. We're talking about statistics now, Bill. Not a science guy.

[A]

Anyways, Riley, can't hear nothing.

[B]

He has selected nothing. I do have selective hearing because I. I don't want to hear something if I don't have to hear it. And I can be looking at you dead in the face, acknowledging you, nodding your head, and I'm not hearing a damn word you're saying, and that's rude. If you ever hear me say, okay. Oh, okay, I didn't hear a damn word you're saying, so repeat yourself.

[A]

That's rude.

[B]

It's more rude to be like, what? What? What? What? What? What'd you say? What'd you say?

[A]

That's what you do.

[B]

Well, then just cut my throat. I mean, take me to the judge.

[A]

Sue me.

[B]

What am I supposed to do? How can I be a.

[A]

You can be more present in the moment and listen.

[B]

Anyways, Landon likes to give me the silent treatment whenever we get in an argument, and that bothers me because who wants to have nobody to talk to?

[A]

You piss me off and I cut you off.

[B]

You piss. Okay, I piss you off for the dumbest reasons. And I could do something. Let's. Okay, let me just give you an example. I could take your shoe off and throw it out the door to Broadway, and you would. You would burn the world down. But if Aaron took your shoe off and threw it to Broadway, you would give her a kiss on the cheek and tell her it was okay.

[A]

Not true. Not true. What did you do? You came in my apartment the other day and you left it a wreck. You dropped croissant droppings in the floor

[B]

and you said, make a mess. I don't care. I'll clean it up. We were eating rice last night. You said make a mess. Rice. We weren't eating rice. Yes, we were. We ate leftover Mexico last night. See who's having the dementia now?

[A]

Speaking of Mexican food. But I'm not done with this argument. Listen, you will come in. He'll come in my apartment and he'll wreck the place. He'll drop droppings in the floor crumbs. I'll have to sweep it up. And then he'll go over and sit on the little chair that I have, and he'll leave his pillows in the floor. That's not how you.

[B]

Well, that's because you have a chair that is this damn big and you have pillows in it that come out until the damn corner of it. What do you want me to do, Sit on him? If I sat on your chair without moving the pillows, I'd look like this.

[A]

Yeah, but what did you do before?

[B]

I look like that and you know it. You done messed up the set.

[A]

That's not what I'm talking about. You moved the pillows.

[B]

I sat them in the floor beside the chair.

[A]

And guess what you didn't do before you left?

[B]

I didn't put them back in the chair. I apologize, Riley.

[A]

I have ocd, you know. That messes with my brain.

[B]

You have ocd? I don't.

[A]

I do, but you're in my place.

[B]

Okay, well, then I'll fix them next time. And I deeply apologize. Maybe you should come to my apartment next time.

[A]

I can't. Because you have a dog.

[B]

You act like I have a Great Dane. He weighs 11 pounds.

[A]

I'm allergic to dogs. I am. They make me itch. I'm itching. I'm itching thinking about them.

[B]

You know what else makes me itch? You giving me the silent treatment. But that doesn't stop you.

[A]

I don't give you the silent trigger bullshit, okay?

[B]

We didn't talk for three weeks one time. And the only reason we ended up talking is because I accidentally died. Your number.

[A]

He called first.

[B]

I had a genie in a bottle. I would go back to that time and not call you first because it looked like submission. And I don't.

[A]

No, but you called.

[B]

I didn't mean to, but you texted me back, and you never do that, so you wanted to make amends.

[A]

The silent treatment was over. The silent treatment was over. No. Riley will piss me off, and instead of engaging in argument.

[B]

Oh, you engage in argument.

[A]

Instead of engaging in, you know, heated behavior, I'll just block you for a couple of days, and then I'll be. I'll be fresh again.

[B]

Right? That's bullshit. Don't block me. I'm your best friend.

[A]

Best friends piss each other off. You piss me off.

[B]

Well, like I said, it's better to be pissed off than pissed on, so that's okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Anyways. Anyways, we're in the apartment the other day, and I get a FaceTime call from Riley. I didn't answer. Oh, God, I didn't answer. And he. I guess on FaceTime now you can, like, leave the videos, you know, like, give a.

[B]

If you want to smell, you can make, like, a video voicemail, but it's like, video.

[A]

And I look at this video. We'll insert the clip, and he's standing in front of this fire alarm. He's set the whole fire alarm off in the apartment. And he's sitting here going,

[B]

yeah, I was trying to use a pillow, because that's what you do in the south, when your fire alarm goes off, you take a towel and you.

[A]

Instead. We're an apartment complex with hundreds of different people. Okay, and you set the fire alarm off because you can't cook.

[B]

Bullshit.

[A]

You can't.

[B]

Yes, I can. I've gotten way better.

[A]

What were you cooking that day?

[B]

I was cooking a steak. No, actually, I was cooking a steak, but earlier in the day, whenever my cast iron went off and it scared my dog.

[A]

His dog shitting his floor.

[B]

He got nervous whenever my fire alarm was going off, and he had an accident. It's okay. We. We took care of it.

[A]

You know what? You might want to quit feeding your dog Purina.

[B]

What's wrong with Purina?

[A]

That's.

[B]

What. If Purina wants to sponsor our podcast, we'll take Diamond.

[A]

Diamond Dog Food. Purina.

[B]

If you want to sponsor our podcast, I'll shut Landon the hell up. Anyways, what are we talking about?

[A]

How you feed your dog Purina anyways? How you set the freaking fire alarm off.

[B]

I was seasoning a cast iron skillet. I was. My cast iron skillet does not look like it should. And my nonna told me to put it in the oven at 450 degrees for, like, an hour, so. So I did. I put it in the oven at 450 degrees for an hour, and apparently, it was hotter than hell. And my smoke alarm started going off because whenever I opened my. I guess I had something stuck to the pan whenever I opened my oven, it was like the dust bowl. It was like. And the fire alarm started going off, and so here I am, and he's

[A]

FaceTiming me in this process, and Landon

[B]

didn't answer the damn phone because every single time that I call him and actually needed me, don't answer. And don't give me that look, because you told me the other day whenever I was watching Netflix, you said, whenever you get to this part, I'm waiting for you to call me.

[A]

You've not been to that part yet

[B]

for you to call me? No, you shouldn't shut the up. And you said. Oh, we're taking it up a notch from. Okay, what are we talking about? See, you bum my mouth every time you open your mouth.

[A]

How you set the fire alarm off.

[B]

Yeah, and the fire alarm was going off. And I remember at orientation, they said, if your fire alarm goes off, open the window, don't open the door, because if you open the door, the fire alarms and the hall are gonna go off. Which leads me to my next point that we'll pick up here in just a Minute. And then I open the window, and the window, I don't even think it's considered open. It's like an inch and a half. You just push it out and get to look down.

[A]

I really thought when we moved in these apartments, we'd be able to, like, open our window outward, you know?

[B]

Ye.

[A]

No, it moves like a little twist a lever and you go and you push it and it opens this much.

[B]

Yeah. Speaking of fire alarm, I have another story after this pisses me off.

[A]

I have another story after this.

[B]

Speaking of fire alarm, the other day, Landon calls me whenever I wake up. And he said, jer, the fire alarm go off last night? And I said, no. He said, yeah, A speaker came over and it said, fire on 8, 9 and 10 or whatever.

[A]

10 or something like that.

[B]

And I said, oh, okay. Remind you, Landon's a floor above me, so to go down to the safe spot, Landon has to pass my floor. This was just gonna let me burn alive? Apparently.

[A]

No, because it's just the fire alarm inside the apartment.

[B]

It was the complex.

[A]

It was a complex fire alarm.

[B]

So instead of coming by and knocking on my door, rally, get your ass up. The fire alarm's going off. He just let me die. I could have burnt up and been damn ashes. How did you not hear it? I don't know how I didn't hear it. Perhaps I was having a good dream that you could have interrupted so I didn't die.

[A]

Riley, I heard it. I jumped up. I put some pajama pants on, put a T shirt on.

[B]

You thought to FaceTime me, but you didn't think to come by my door.

[A]

I was just making sure you made it out.

[B]

But I didn't answer. So when I don't answer, perhaps you should say, oh, Riley's not answering the phone. Maybe I should go knock on.

[A]

I will say half the apartment complex was downstairs.

[B]

Yeah. You know who wasn't upstairs? Me. The most important person that lives there. So you should have came by, knocked on my door so I didn't die.

[A]

I didn't think of that. I'm. I'm saving my own life. Okay, I am.

[B]

I remember that.

[A]

But I would hope the fire alarm was going off. You would bug me up.

[B]

Oh, so the truth comes out.

[A]

I didn't really. I thought you would wake up. I got down to the apartment lobby and everybody is standing in the lobby.

[B]

I didn't answer two FaceTime calls or any text messages.

[A]

At 4:00', clock, the on my floor has her bird down there sitting on her shoulder. I mean, if you want to go to a petting zoo or a zoo in general? Come to our apartment complex. Go all the way up to floor nine. And there's dogs, there's birds that never shut the hell up. I'll go to my door and I'll shut the door and all I hear is. Literally a damn cockatoo.

[B]

I heard last night whenever I was walking my dog, you know you can see like right above the dog park is like the second floor. And you can see the people in that complex like through their blinds. And they were arguing so bad, like I wanted to like reach up and tap in the window, be like, what's up? What's going on?

[A]

Apartment complexes, huh? Windows and apartment complexes. What about it? Where our building is? Someone's calling Spam. Hello, this is Rebecca calling from Liberty

[B]

University with an opportunity for you to

[A]

receive Liberty gear when you complete financial Liberty University. So for those of you that don't know, I'm in college right now and I don't think I'm gonna continue. I'm gonna drop out. So Liberty, please quit calling me. I do love your campus, love your college. I've got. I learned a lot of information, but

[B]

I'm dropping out and I already dropped out. And he wants to be just like me. I was made to be cool, not for school. Don't come at me with a four year degree. I don't mess with it. I'm not going in debt for a piece of paper. So if this pod. So please like comment subscribe so I

[A]

don't have to go back to school. That was good. What were we talking about?

[B]

Cockatoo. The bitch that has the bird. No, I came out of your apartment last night.

[A]

The windows in our apartment complex. This is actually a crazy story and I hope my neighbors see and like learn. Oh, so where our building is. Here it is. There's like a building and then next door to us, there's an apartment complex right beside us. And I can see the city, but like right beside is a building. I keep my windows open all the time in my living room. And I doubt I keep my windows open all the time. My living room, not my bedroom. I just, you know, whatever natural lot. So I move in. It's been like a week and a half, you know, I moved in and I look over, like I just look through my window and the people next door are doing awful things that aren't pleasing to Jesus with their blinds open. And I told Riley and he thought I was full of. Well, the other day we were in my Apartment watching Dancing with the Stars. And I said, riley, look. And he looked through the window. They're doing it on the couch. They're doing the deed on the couch with their windows open, their blinds open. I'm serious as a heart attack.

[B]

True story.

[A]

Couple days go by, I'm decorating my Christmas tree.

[B]

I look everyone, I'm like, couple days

[A]

go by, I'm decorating my Christmas tree. I get my Christmas tree decorated. I cut the lights on. It's like just got dark outside at like 2pm okay. Because of time change. Anyways, cut my Christmas tree on and I look over and the girl's going like good job decorating your Christmas tree. Like it looks so good. And I'm like, so they've been watching me. It's. It's a weird situation.

[B]

That's what you get for keeping your blinds open. Because I keep my blinds closed. I'll open them sometimes. But like I don't want to. Like sometimes whenever I get out of bed in the morning, the very first thing I want to do is go get a drink of water. And if I'm in my boxers, the neighbors. I don't really care to show the world, you know, like what I look like first.

[A]

My neighbors don't care.

[B]

Well, I mean my neighbor, there's this one neighborhood, she watches Netflix every night. I'm literally thinking about canceling my subscription and just sitting on my couch and

[A]

watching it with her. Through your window.

[B]

Yeah, and she'd be watching some good stuff too.

[A]

What is she watching?

[B]

People are gonna think we're like stalkers or something.

[A]

No, we're not. It's just. It's hard to not look out your window.

[B]

You're just looking over and you see Guy Fieri on driver's dive ins. Drive ins and dives on the.

[A]

On the TV up there.

[B]

You kind of get interested to be honest. There's this one girl that has or guy. I don't know. They have a desk right beside their window and I'll be looking at my window sometimes, you know, whenever I'm wiping the window cleaning or when I'm plugging up my Christmas tree and I look over and she's just grinding there like doing.

[A]

We're doing work.

[B]

She must actually working work at.

[A]

She must work some home.

[B]

Yeah, she does really important high floating job. High with tons of student debt.

[A]

Cuz we dropped out of.

[B]

We just did that at the same time.

[A]

Did we? Yeah.

[B]

Anyways, back on track.

[A]

We can. We can talk about your cooking.

[B]

I think I have ex. I think I've became a lot better of a cook within the last couple years.

[A]

Became a lot better of a cook. But I remember when we were at

[B]

my grandparents house, me and Landon used to hang out at his nanny's house and we would have cook offs and I would try to cook something and he would try to cook something and we would see who would make it better and we would cook stuff completely different. My signature dish was a baked potato in a bag. You take a baked potato, this is ghetto.

[A]

People are gonna make fun of us. This is somebody else to have had to do it.

[B]

You wash it and you put coals in it. And then you put it in a Walmart bag because carcinogens. And then you microwave it for like eight minutes. And you have a perfect baked potato when it comes out of the microwave.

[A]

In a Walmart bag.

[B]

In a plastic Walmart bag.

[A]

Like in a Walmart, like a grocery.

[B]

That's probably why I've had blood pressure and I'm balding, but it makes a good baked potato and time crunch.

[A]

That's not what we're talking about, though. You decided that you were gonna make French toast one time at my grandmother's house. And he usually asked me questions. I'm a really good cook. I love to cook. You know, whatever he would. He said, do I need to put butter in the skillet for this French toast? And I was like, bread doesn't make its own grease. You know, like the eggs are gonna burn if you don't put some kind of oil or butter or something in the pan. And this dumb ass dips his bread in the egg wash. My mind. No, let me finish. Shut up, shut up. Puts his bread and egg wash in a pan that's on high. Mind you, the, the dials turned.

[B]

Granny Joel cooked everything on high. You know that. That's where I got that.

[A]

And he puts it in there with no butter, no grease, no nothing. And I look over and it's just smoking. I mean, we are smoking. It's burning. It's on fire. The French toast is on fire.

[B]

You should have went to Waffle House. I'm not Paula Deen. Hell. I'm afraid that if I dipped it in the egg and then put it in the pan, I was gonna make an egg sandwich. I didn't want an egg sandwich. I wanted a French toast.

[A]

Well, he burnt his French toast and that was the end of that. We shut the cook off down.

[B]

No. The worst time I ever had was in the kitchen whenever my mom was in the shower. And it was at Our old house. And mom was in the shower and I was in the kitchen. I was making my little brother's breakfast because I thought I was gonna be a productive member of society. So I was making them sausage and biscuits and like Tennessee pride sausage. Like it was already. That's a good sausage. Yeah. And we're sitting there and a little fire pops up under the eye. And my little brother goes, riley, there's a fire. I said, it's okay. Just grab me a cup of water. This is a grace fire. And at the time, Riley wasn't a volunteer firefighter. Hell, I didn't know I had to be Corporal Mitchell to make toast and sausage. Biscuits and sausage. So I throw a little water on it and it goes. And like engulfs the whole kitchen. And I'm like,

[A]

so you run and get your mom?

[B]

So I run and get my mom. She comes running through the house with a towel on and she pulls flour. Martha White flower, Martha White lily, White lily flour. And dumps it on the O. It looked like it snowed in our kitchen. And I burnt the hat almost.

[A]

It was a grease fire. And he poured water on it and it made it bigger.

[B]

Please forgive me for not being Bobby

[A]

Flay, but he just have a bad track record with cooking.

[B]

But I've gotten better.

[A]

You've gotten better? You FaceTime me the other day. Well, I'd seen a tick tock that you made and you made a video of you cooking fried pork chops.

[B]

I don't remember this.

[A]

I do. And he's lying. He's lying here.

[B]

No, I don't remember. I really don't remember.

[A]

He posted a video on tick tock of him cooking fried pork chop. Your foot's itching.

[B]

Keep talking. I'm just gotta itch my foot. I'm sorry. I had to itch my foot. Go ahead.

[A]

It would have been easier to take your shoe off if you're wearing Crocs.

[B]

You could probably. If you itch hard enough to the bottom of that, you could probably eat your foot. Because that damn thing looks like it's 150 years old. The bottoms of them are weaker than hell. Weakest water.

[A]

God.

[B]

Okay, Riley. Sorry.

[A]

Are they your size? They're too small.

[B]

Yeah, I just have them tied.

[A]

It's kind of hard to put on the tight. And Riley's looking for a new pair of own clouds. We're shopping and we go to Nordstrom. We've never been to this mall before. We get to the middle floor, he goes over to the uncloud section. It's the women's section. Like, you know, Nordstrom has, like, the middle is the women.

[B]

You act like you know the layout of Nordstrom the first time you ever walked to him. Well, I mean, that day, you never corrected me and told me to go to the bottom floor to get shoes.

[A]

I knew that when we walked into a store and it was high heels and boots that came up to your knee like a hooker boot, you didn't

[B]

know it enough to say, riley, let's go down one floor.

[A]

I knew that we were in the wrong section. And he's sitting here looking at these on clouds and saying, I don't really like any of them. And we left. And I was like, r. You know, like it's because they were women's shoes.

[B]

Well, in my defense, anytime we go shopping, we can go shopping somewhere. And we always go to the stores that Landon wants to go to first because I probably usually want to go to him, too. And then Landon decides that he. What'd you say?

[A]

Because I'm the boss. We go to the stores I want to first because I'm the boss.

[B]

Then he decides that after he's done shopping at the stores he wants to go to, he's done. He don't care. So I go into Nordstrom to look for some shoes, and before I can even wander down to the damn third floor, it's, Riley, how long are you going to be in here? I'm ready to go. I'm hungry. I'm not sitting out here all day. I have things I gotta do. I got things I've got to get done. And you. You cussed my ass for trying to find shoes. And so whenever I'm looking in the women's shoes and you don't say, riley, this is the second floor. Let's go down to the men's then. You can't make fun of me for it.

[A]

I made fun of you for it because it takes common sense to know that those are not men's shoes.

[B]

Apparently, you found a pair on Black Friday. You found a pair on Black Friday,

[A]

you found a pair on Black Friday, and now they're too small because you can barely.

[B]

They're not too small. Have you ever tried to put on a tied shoe? If you wore shoes that tied like an adult, maybe you'd know they're Crocs.

[A]

I can't even take you serious.

[B]

That's okay. You don't have to take me serious. I'm not a serious person.

[A]

But we found you some shoes. You like them?

[B]

Yeah, I do. You like them?

[A]

Nope, I don't.

[B]

Every time I ask man if he likes something, he goes, no, but you do, so I don't care.

[A]

That's right, I don't. You ask me my opinion, I give you my opinion. I don't like any things you wear or do or say, and I give you my opinion and we move on.

[B]

That's how it works until I give him my opinion.

[A]

And then what happens?

[B]

All hell breaks loose. And you'd have thought I called in the 3rd Infantry Army.

[A]

That's not true.

[B]

Bombed his house. That's not true. It is true.

[A]

No, it's not, because you tell me opinions. I tell you facts.

[B]

No, they're facts.

[A]

An objective truth. An objective truth tells me that.

[B]

Why are you using big words? What does objective.

[A]

Those shoes are ugly. It means it's.

[B]

That's okay. You can think they're ugly if you want to.

[A]

They look like old man shoes Lane.

[B]

And you're wearing Crocs that have no traction on the bottom.

[A]

Crocs are comfortable.

[B]

I mean, at least I kind of look like I.

[A]

Go ahead.

[B]

Tried.

[A]

Riley actually tried to get me to wear jeans today. Last night we were in my apartment. He said, what are you wearing tomorrow? On the podcast? And I was like, sweatpants. And he was, we can't wear sweatpants on the podcast. What? Wear jeans. And I was like, I don't wear jeans. I wear sweatpants.

[B]

Well, I kind of feel like, you know. Okay, and you have aloe and crocs. You're in two different textbooks.

[A]

Like I said, this was an accident.

[B]

Okay, but you could have fixed the accident. We were at the elevator when you realized it. Ten steps away from your apartment.

[A]

No, we're not getting into this. He tried to get me to wear jeans. And then I wake up this morning and we're going down the elevator.

[B]

You act like I asked you to wear a coat.

[A]

I look down, I noticed what you say.

[B]

You act like I'm asking you to wear seven piece tux with a corset. I mean, and some Spanx. I'm asking you to wear air forces or something.

[A]

Store that in the back of your head. Let's talk about something else after we talk about this. I woke up this morning and Riley, he's not wearing jeans, he's wearing sweatpants

[B]

because I don't want to look like I'm over here for a business meeting when you look. What did you try to get me to wear last night?

[A]

I have a voice memo to back it up.

[B]

What? Jeans.

[A]

What did you try to get Me to wear last night jeans. Okay, okay. I woke up and I have sweatpants on. I meet you in the elevator. She wanted me to wear jeans, but you wanted to wear sweatpants. You want to make me look like the dumbass.

[B]

No, I knew what you were wearing because I came to your apartment before we left. And if you were wearing jeans, I would have went down and changed.

[A]

Bullshit.

[B]

But I know you well enough to know that you don't really care what my opinion is. You just want it, so you did. You wasn't gonna wear jeans anyway, so it didn't matter.

[A]

Let's talk about how the United States Federal government.

[B]

Oh, hell. I know exactly what you're about to say, Sean Duffy.

[A]

I don't even know. You're horseshit to me because you.

[B]

You said that people should dress for success whenever they come to the airport.

[A]

He didn't say dress for success. He said, maybe we should stop wearing sweatpants and pajama pants and hoodies to the airport and start dressing nice.

[B]

I think my flight shouldn't be delayed and I'll start wearing a three piece tux.

[A]

If the federal government wants to pay my airfare, then they can tell me what I want to wear. I'm sorry. I'm passionate about this. Oh, hell, I'm passionate about this. I'm flying across the country and you want me to wear some uncomfortable ass shit.

[B]

I'm not driving to the Walmart in uncomfortable clothes. If you think I'm gonna sit in between two passengers that probably have never seen deodorant in their Life in seat 32B in a tuxedo. That's exactly what I'm saying.

[A]

I'm sorry that I'm not gonna wear a tuxedo on my flight. Sitting on 37F and not.

[B]

I'm not gonna be uncomfortable. Now you want.

[A]

It's an airport. And when the TSA agent showed me some respect when I'm going through the

[B]

Atlanta airport, you fly through Atlanta, Georgia, and then wear a tuxedo and a feather boa? Hell, no. Those TSA agents are the most miserable things I've ever seen in my life. They hate their life. They don't even know their favorite color. No.

[A]

They are rude.

[B]

They are so rude. Do you remember last time we were in. Because I told you, I said, landon, you had to make sure your TSA Precheck is in your Delta app. And he said, okay, I got it. It's in there. We go in there to TSA Precheck, we show them, and the woman goes, you don't have TSA pre check. And you said, yes, the hell I do.

[A]

It was early in the morning. I look at her, I said, yes, the hell I do. What are you talking about? She said, back in the line.

[B]

Back in line.

[A]

I was like, I'm not going to

[B]

take the counter to get it put in your app because you couldn't just do it on the anyway like any normal person.

[A]

Sean Duffy, he tried to get us. He's saying that wearing sweatpants and hoodies and pajamas to the airport is uncalled for and we need to start dressing better as a society.

[B]

I think it's uncalled for to worry about what I'm wearing.

[A]

That's exactly right. They were worried about worry about air traffic, about what I wear. They would. Our country would be a lot better off.

[B]

Amen, Senator Mauk. Not to mention that planes are dropping like flies nowadays. God love their souls. And I'm not gonna be uncomfortable when I die. If that plane starts heading toward the ground, I'm gonna be safe and sound in a hoodie. Okay.

[A]

Yeah. It makes you comfortable. You want to go out comfortable. You know, I want to go out with a bang. And that bang is sweatpants and a hoodie and house shoes Crocs.

[B]

Not to mention that up until a couple months ago, you had to take your shoes off to go through tsa. Do you want me to wear some Christian Louboutins to go through the airport? Just have to take them off and let them get sent through a X ray machine.

[A]

The biggest crock of horseshit I ever did see.

[B]

I'm sick and tired. I mean, you're not gonna tell me what I can and can't wear?

[A]

No. I mean. And nobody.

[B]

You gonna rent me a suit from the Dillards?

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

Then kiss my ass. Mr. Duffy, I've had enoughy of your.

[A]

Yeah, say that again.

[B]

I've had enoughie of Duffy's shit.

[C]

Who is he?

[A]

He's the secretary of the secretary of transportation. This is cousin council. Why do you have me doing this submission? It's dumb.

[B]

It ain't my fault someone lives a stupid life. This is severely up.

[A]

Okay, let the cousin council begin.

[B]

It's time for cousin council. This is a segment where you give us your stories, confessions, anything going on in your life, and we give you our advice. If you have any submissions, you can email those to bloodline [e-mail] Are you ready? I'm ready. As I'm not.

[A]

I'm never ready for this segment.

[B]

Yeah, you didn't know where your shirt was today.

[A]

Well, that and I'm never mentally prepared.

[B]

It's very professional. I bet the bar association, we're doing

[A]

something a little different today. We have not seen any of these submissions. So they're going to be totally blind

[B]

reacting and see how good we are.

[C]

Absolutely insane.

[A]

I'm not ready. This is why I'm not ready.

[C]

Like I gave up. I gave up mid like halfway through

[A]

reading some of these because loving out of my.

[B]

Yeah, because people have been focused on swimming with leeches in their coochies and screwing trees. Anyways, you should never follow this advice. And it's not legal advice. So if you end up getting yourself in a pickle, you're gonna have to deal with that.

[A]

Amen.

[B]

Deal. Get it? Deal with the pickle.

[C]

Okay, Okay, okay. We're starting with a lighthearted one. It says Riley. Specifically to Riley. Riley, I know this is ridiculous, but what would actually get you to take a ballroom dance class just once? Threats, money. Andy Richter personally judging you. I'm fully committed to seeing you on Dancing with the Stars one day. Be honest.

[A]

Your price.

[B]

Honestly, free. I think I would do it.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. If I got invited, I would totally do it. Would I win? Absolutely not. But I'm more athletic than people think. I'm pretty flexible and I think I could do it.

[A]

I don't say. I think you'd make it pretty far actually. And not because you're a good dancer or anything like that, but just because people would love you on the show.

[B]

Because I'm fat?

[A]

No, I didn't say that.

[B]

Funny. Well, you've got personality.

[A]

Higher. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

[B]

Would you?

[A]

Yeah. But I fear that you would actually make it farther than me because of the personality hire.

[B]

There's only one way to find out. So, Carrie Ann Inaba. Carrie Ann Inaba, if you are listening. Yeah, me up.

[A]

I would do Dance with the Stars, but I figured I would actually be really good at it and people would hate me because they think I have previous dance experience.

[B]

I don't think they would think that at all. But yeah, we'll tell each other that.

[C]

So conclusion, in conclusion.

[B]

Yes. Dancing with the Stars hit me up. I will totally do it.

[A]

But you would take a ballroom dance class.

[B]

Yeah, but I would want to pick my pro. Yeah, Yeah.

[A]

I don't think that's how that works. Anyways, conclusion is you would do it. Yeah.

[C]

Just asked if you would go to one dance class.

[B]

Yeah, I would do it. And I would be on Dancing with the Stars too.

[A]

Okay. So yes. To dancing.

[B]

Yeah, I would do that. Dancing with the Stars. Hit me up. Oh. The verdict is yes. Granted. Dancing the pasa doble with his partner, Whitney Carson. It's Riley Mitchell. I can see it now.

[C]

That's who you want with.

[A]

They would never pair. Yeah, I would want.

[B]

No, I would want Jet Whitney or Jenna Johnson.

[A]

What about Danielle?

[B]

Daniela Kerragar.

[A]

You're not insured enough to drive that Ferrari.

[B]

I don't think I'm insured enough to drive any of them. They're good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

My luck, I'd get paired with, like, the best one and we'd go home on week one.

[C]

All right, ready?

[A]

We are ready.

[C]

My mom keeps flirting with my boyfriend because she says it, quote, keeps him humble. I don't even really know what that means or why it would make him more humble to have my mom flirting with him. She's typically also wearing very low cut V neck shirts. Am I being dramatic?

[A]

No. Hell no. Your mama's got a crush on your boyfriend, and that is a red flag. Red flag.

[B]

I don't know if you.

[A]

Kind of quite disturbing.

[B]

I don't know if you should talk to your mom or your boyfriend. How old is your boyfriend and how old is your mom? That's what I mean.

[A]

Well, clearly there's an age difference.

[B]

Yeah. I just hope it's legal. I hope it's 20, 26. I don't want to make any accusations.

[A]

Let's just say it is legal. That's still.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Oh, I agree. It definitely breaks the damn code. You know? Is your mama a hoe?

[A]

That's just like.

[B]

I wouldn't want to say that because he's probably thinking he's kissing your mama.

[A]

I would set them both down at the same time. No, not at the same time.

[B]

You need to look at the eye contact and look at the body language and see if they.

[A]

I hope and pray that they're not.

[B]

I hope they aren't either. But if they're already flirting, flirting leads to.

[A]

My verdict is you need to set them down and question the hell out. My verdict is put them on the witness stand. Bring them in. We can put.

[B]

My verdict is you either need a new boy boyfriend or you need a new mama.

[C]

Okay, y'.

[B]

All.

[C]

I don't actually know. This one's like, I don't know. I'm going back and forth on if we can talk about this one. I mean, she's okay. This girl hit a guy with her car when she was 19. She said she was driving from college. She had a green light so she didn't stop obs. She said a little casual on the language when we're talking about hitting a hit and run. But it's okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So I didn't stop obs and this homeless man ran in front of my car. There was no crosswalk. It was a four lane road with a concerned emoji. He didn't. He didn't die, but he did spend some time in the hospital. My car was totaled and the trauma was real. I mean, you hit him if your car was total.

[B]

If you totaled your car, you'd had to waffle his ass.

[A]

I mean, that is like. Did you get charged? I need to know if she had the green light and there was no crosswalk. That's not her fault. You know, he was pedestrian. Sometimes don't have the right.

[B]

He was jaywalking. And the pedestrian only has the right away. And the pedestrian only has a right

[A]

away circumstances that they have the right away.

[B]

Okay, so pursuant to code rally.

[C]

Like what circumstances?

[A]

Like if you're.

[C]

I think right away a lot of

[B]

sum into code bloodline banter. O3 of the I name it the homelessness of the bloodline banter constitution. It's illegal to jaywalk, so.

[A]

And that's also illegal in real life. You're free to bloodline banter.

[C]

I'm also having a dark thought about who visited the homeless man in the hospital.

[A]

And you know, that is sad. What? But nobody probably visited him.

[B]

I hope his friends did.

[A]

He's homeless. He don't.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

I mean, they've never been together.

[B]

Homeless people stick together.

[A]

They do, actually. Yeah. I've seen it with my own two.

[B]

I've seen several come out of one tent in D.C. i don't think we can say that.

[A]

Yeah, we can. I mean, it's the truth.

[B]

They're having a party. Tent party. I sound like a. I hope the homeless man's okay. I hope your car is okay.

[A]

Our car's not okay.

[B]

Maybe. I know it wasn't your fault and he was. He was jaywalking, but maybe try to be a little more cautious.

[A]

She had the green light and it was like a. Not just like a two lane road. It was an intersection.

[B]

But she hit him hard enough to

[A]

tow her car that.

[B]

Well. She. She must have been not paying attention because if somebody's gonna come out, I'm at least gonna hit the brakes and try to not total my car. Maybe just bust out a lot.

[A]

You almost hit somebody today at a crosswalk.

[C]

She did say he ran, but I didn't have a Lot of time to react. I don't want to make her more traumatized. She already has enough shame.

[A]

I'm in agreements with her. I mean, I'm not.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Condoning hitting people with their car, but

[B]

listen, I hope that you were okay. I hope that your car is okay.

[C]

It's not. It's totaled.

[B]

You've said that for the fourth time. Okay. Your car's obviously not okay. And you're. You're physically okay. That's all that matters.

[A]

And the homeless man only spent a little bit of time in the hospital and he's out thriving again.

[B]

Again.

[A]

Maybe she was just driving like a Toyota Corolla. A little car.

[C]

I'll send her a follow up email, please. With a link to a therapist driving.

[B]

Can we just have you as a guest?

[C]

The girl?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, we can have her call in one day. We'll. We'll do a follow up.

[C]

I hope she has someone to talk to. Okay, we're moving on. This girl's named Michaela. I don't think she needs to be anonymous because she just sent you some. A few fun, random questions. So I don't think she needs. Her identity doesn't need to be covered up.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I don't think. She said. If you could make a rule that people had to follow for a day, what would it be?

[B]

What's her name?

[C]

Michaeli. M I K A Y L E.

[B]

What would you do?

[A]

What would you do?

[B]

I don't know. I think I would mandate that everyone had to wear deodorant.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And probably get one.

[A]

Is that it?

[B]

Any rule?

[A]

Yeah, that's a pretty good one. People be stanking.

[B]

Yeah, but any role.

[A]

I would mandate that people had to hang up and hang out, get off their damn phones.

[B]

That would include you too.

[A]

I don't have a problem with getting off my phone.

[B]

Sometimes you do.

[A]

No, I don't. Like when we're sitting and eating dinner or something and you know, your whole party's on their phone.

[B]

Sometimes I want to hang in and hang out.

[A]

That's what I would do. That's seriously what I would do.

[B]

I was.

[A]

I would make people get off the phone for one day.

[B]

Okay. I would make everybody re. Qualify for a driver's license. And I would be the judge. I wouldn't have to deal with bad drivers if I didn't like you. I could just say Raleigh.

[A]

First one to not get his license revoked.

[B]

Okay. I didn't say you got to be the judge of the driver's license. That would be me. And I would automatically pass okay.

[A]

What are.

[C]

Okay, I'm gonna switch it up a little bit. She said, what are your secret talents? But I would like you to name each other's secret talent. So, Landon, what is Riley's secret talent?

[A]

I already. Y'. All. He can sing really good.

[B]

I don't know what your secret talent is.

[A]

My talents aren't really kept secret. I use mine.

[B]

Landon's getting pretty good at playing the piano. Oh, secret talent. I feel like we're, like, in a room and our mom's telling us to say one good thing about each other.

[C]

He's nice.

[B]

I don't know. You've gotten really good at playing the piano. Lightning can draw pretty good.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I can.

[B]

And he can cook.

[A]

I really can do anything. I'm just a talented individual.

[B]

Me too. I couldn't see my toes for a couple years of my life because I was fat. But I can see them now, so I can do anything.

[C]

Especially high kicks.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay, perfect. If you could have a last one of these little guys. If you could have a theme song when you walk into a room, what would it be?

[A]

I don't listen to music.

[B]

That's a good question. I don't know.

[A]

I don't listen to music.

[C]

I'd like to know if you killed mammals when you were small.

[A]

I've never, like, purposely.

[C]

Have you ever accidentally killed a mammal?

[A]

Yeah, but a mammal is a mammal.

[B]

A cat, a mammal is anything.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yes. A mammal is anything that breeds air, I think. Right?

[A]

I do have a.

[B]

Yes, it is. Because dolphins are mammals and they have a blowhole.

[C]

Okay, well, frogs aren't.

[B]

They're amphibians.

[C]

They're not mammals.

[A]

Okay. Since when did you become a damn reptilist?

[B]

What are they?

[A]

Or a damn animal?

[B]

And they have milk.

[C]

It has to do with, like, giving birth.

[B]

Guys, I think. No, I think mammals have tits. Like, a whale Is a mammal a whale. I know because it nurses live birth. I know because it nurses its calf.

[A]

There's animals that lay eggs, like reptiles, so not mammals.

[B]

But a bird's a neck, so a cat is.

[C]

A cat is 100. A mammal.

[B]

We are not. Yes. Landon ran over a cat and then

[A]

he killed it with a shovel.

[C]

Did you kill a cat?

[A]

No, it was not with a shovel. It was with a broom, which makes it even more. I mean. But I'm just gonna go ahead and tell the story. If we put it in, we put it in. It's not, like, a serious thing. This is.

[B]

Yeah, no, it was very human.

[A]

It was under my car and I ran it over on accident. And it was. I got out of my car to see what I hit, and the cat was just sitting there squirming and dying, and I didn't want it to suffer, so I hit it with a brim and I.

[B]

And you're gonna see this on five years.

[A]

I put it out of its misery. Any good human would do that.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Did you have a broom in your car?

[A]

No, it was in the garage. Oh. And it was one of them big, long ones.

[B]

It was like a barn. It was like a barn cat.

[A]

I mean, like, it didn't have the cat.

[B]

I'm not saying that doesn't make it any less.

[A]

It didn't have a name. It was a.

[B]

It was literally.

[A]

My mom's a crazy cat lady. We have, like, 50 cats outside of the house.

[C]

Was it full grown or kitten?

[A]

It was full.

[B]

And you know what? So much. I've never so much as to seen a squirrel at their house. Cats be up anything around.

[C]

Yeah, except for Landon.

[A]

My car, y'. All. I didn't know it was under my car. And I put it out of its misery. I didn't, like, have anything on hand. It's, like, not like I had, like, a little pew, pew in my pocket.

[B]

It was too late for the. It was too late for the vet, too. It was like.

[A]

Yeah, I don't have a vet on speed dial.

[B]

No, but even if you took it to the vet, I don't think the vet could have fixed the cat. It would have never made it there.

[A]

It would have died in 10 minutes. Anyway.

[B]

I'm trying to justify your broom, okay? Because people are soft on the Internet. They're gonna say, Landon mock of the bloodline banter killed cat when he was 13 years old.

[C]

How old were you, like, 17? Yeah, he's driving at 12.

[B]

Whatever. You get my draft.

[A]

Case adjourned. R.I.P.

[B]

rest in peace.

[A]

The cat

[C]

rest in peace.

[B]

And that was cousin Council, make sure to submit your confessions, Whatever kind of you got going on in your life to bloodline banter@thecast collective.com. try to keep it between one and two sentences, because some of you are confusing as hell.

[A]

And maybe. Maybe like one 10 Sentencer. And then.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Anyways,

[B]

I don't know what he said, but yeah. All right, well, on that note, I think it's time to wrap it up. That was a lot.

[A]

God, these people have trauma. They're gonna have trauma.

[B]

Don't tell Landon your trauma because he's not an empathetic person.

[A]

I just don't like a crier and I can't deal with depression and anxiety. I know that's a big problem in this country but I. I can't deal with it.

[B]

Yeah, he's not an empath. I'm an empath.

[A]

But if you need to tell your problems to somebody, tell him to rally. He'll feel what you feel.

[B]

But don't come to me fishing for compliments because I'm going to tell you to.

[A]

He'll really. He'll really feel like for you and I won't. Out of shade Don't CR. Car get out of my car or don't cry on FaceTime. I can't deal with this and my brain don't have the capacity to deal with this.

[B]

Landon loves.

[A]

Anyways, I think we need to wrap it up there before I say anything else.

[B]

All right, subscribe wherever you find your podcast. All of our info is in the description box and until next time, we'll see you later.

[A]

That's right,

[B]

Sam.