Bloodline Banter: "My Neighbors Do It With The Blinds Open"

Hosts: Riley, Landon & Guests
Date: March 19, 2026

Episode Overview

This lively, candid episode from Bloodline Banter finds co-hosts Riley and Landon riffing on everything from disastrous gym trips, apartment neighbor antics, Cracker Barrel nostalgia, and the woes of modern retail, to answering listener confessions in their signature segment, Cousin Council. Expect bold opinions, playful bickering, Southern flair, and plenty of laugh-out-loud moments.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Sleep Scores, Gym Mishaps, & "New Year, New Me"

• Sleep Talk: Riley shares his aura ring sleep score improvement (00:31), while Landon laments a restless night.
• Early Routines: Riley describes his attempt at a "new me" routine: up early, walking the dog, and a trip to the gym (01:14–01:47).
• Treadmill Disaster: Riley humorously recounts nearly flying off a treadmill after pulling the red safety cord in front of a crowded gym (02:34–03:23).
  • Quote:
    "I about ran right through the water. Kingdom come. I didn't know whether to lay down and die or ambulance tread stopped. The treadmill stopped." — Riley (02:35)
• Gym Isn't For Everyone: Riley recalls previous fitness misadventures, including popping a tire in a Walmart parking lot on the way to the gym, and declares he’s taking his workouts inside:
  • *"You know what? I think I'm just gonna relax on the couch." — Riley (04:32)

2. Cracker Barrel & Modernization Controversy

• Cracker Barrel Rant: The hosts lament a newly renovated, modern Cracker Barrel (05:01–06:15).
  • Landon: "There's a couple things in this world you don't modernize. Okay? The Cracker Barrel. You never would modernize like a funeral home..." (05:01)
• Nostalgia: Memories of classic Cracker Barrels, "starred" aprons, and the beloved biscuit-gifting Miss Betty (06:04–06:45).
• The Endangered Sea Turtle Tangent: Briefly detours to whether personal choices make a difference in the grand scheme of saving the turtles (07:14–07:36).

3. Apartment Dynamics: Hermit Life, Neighbors, and Blinds-Wide-Open Adventures

• Homebody Debates: Landon is unapologetically anti-social and shares his reluctance to leave his apartment, preferring DoorDash over lunch dates (07:57–08:41).
  • Riley: "It's so depressing."
    Landon: "No, it's not." (08:41–08:43)
• Natural Light and Vitamin D: Riley encourages Landon to embrace the sun and open the blinds, which leads to...
• Neighbor Drama:
  • The infamous neighbors who "do it with the blinds open," much to Landon's shock and Riley’s disbelief until he witnesses it (09:14–10:04).
    • Quote:
      "They just walk around butt-ass naked and do the dirty with their blinds open." — Landon (09:17)
• Vivid Apartment Life: A menagerie of odd and noisy neighbors:
  • Aggressive-sounding dogs (10:36)
  • Loud parrots (12:42)
  • An entire building that smells like weed, prompting frequent passive-aggressive emails from management (11:10–12:03)
    • *"I know that Willie Nelson has to live on my floor." — Riley (11:36)
• Exotic Pets Tangent: The hosts' horror at unusual pets, like raccoons and snakes, and a sidebar about the ethics of keeping dangerous pets (13:11–13:41).

4. Store Rants: Walmart, TJ Maxx, and Thrift Life

• Walmart Anecdotes:
  • Praise for the old days of Walmart (interactive Nintendo/Wii displays), now replaced by locked cases and grumpy staff (14:33–15:12).
  • Lamentation over misbehaving kids in stores and the lack of parental supervision; candid messages to parents (16:26–16:58).
• Shopping Preferences Debate:
  • Landon bashes stores like TJ Maxx, citing disorganization and chaos, while Riley defends the thrill of bargain hunting (26:36–29:39).
    • "TJ Maxx is just one of them places that have like every brand. If you want the brand, just go to the damn store and buy" — Landon (29:16)
    • "You sound very privileged." — Riley (29:33)
  • Lighthearted discussion about the universal appeal of TJ Maxx, especially for "middle-aged moms" (32:29–33:07).
• Thrifting Misconceptions: Discussion about thrifting, the difference between Goodwill and true thrift/antique stores, and stories of hometown Goodwill drama (34:13–35:11).

5. Cousin Council Listener Confessions

Segment Begins: [35:54]

• Submission 1: Roommate Eats All the Food
  • Advice leans towards directness and a hint to buy their own groceries:
    "Maybe you should tell your college roommate that she should change her major to responsibility and that your groceries are not hers." — Riley (36:37)
  • "Groceries are expensive as hell. Ain't no damn body eating my Raymond Noodles." — Landon (36:46)
  • Suggest passive and direct approaches, or even introducing them to the famously savage Bloodline Banter fanbase for deterrence.
• Debate over nitpicking bagged chip portions, 'shrinkflation', and the controversy it stirs with their audience.

6. Would You Rather & Fun Audience Questions

Segment Begins: [38:39]

• Carousel vs. Black Tooth:
  • Would you rather have a musical baby mobile sprouting from your head or one sharp black baby tooth? (38:53–40:38)
    • Landon: "I'm picking the carousel. Grow a damn sprout out of my head." (39:24)
    • Riley: "I'm going with the tooth." (40:02)
• Music vs. Movie Dilemma:
  • Only hear “The Heat Is On” forever or only watch Sister Act 2 (41:03–41:56)
• More ‘Would You Rathers’:
  • Run everywhere vs. shout everything (42:23)
  • Squirt ketchup from bellybutton vs. mustard from chest (43:01)
  • Taxidermy positions if you were to be stuffed for eternity (43:17)
• Funeral Fears: Hilariously honest confessions about burial, cremation, and irrational fears of post-mortem sensations (44:14–45:39).

7. Highlight Reel: Notable Bickering, Quotes & Banter

• Phone Call Pet Peeves:
  • Landon’s “office hours” are strictly 11am–6pm, driving Riley’s frustration.
    "Don't call me before 11 o'clock in the morning unless somebody is on fire or dying." — Landon (19:26)
  • The hosts hilariously accuse each other of hypocrisy for dodging calls and lying about “being busy.”
    "If I don't want to talk to you, I'll just not even answer. At least I would rather not answer than be lied to." — Landon (30:59)
• Cousin Council Absurd Confession: Listener throws up tomato bisque during an intimate moment; advice is practical and playfully blunt:
  • "Let your food settle before you, you know..." — Landon (47:50)
  • "Now you're probably gonna be known as the tomato bisque girl." — Riley (48:47)
• Self-congratulation:
  • "Riley and I's views combined last year were over 800 million. That's almost a billion. Hope we can keep it up." — Landon (31:45–32:01)

Memorable Moments & Quotes

• On gym disasters:
  "Next time instead of winding down on the treadmill, I'm just going to wind down on the couch with a bottle of like Pinot noir. Because the couch has never almost killed me." — Riley (03:25)
• On the “modern” Cracker Barrel:
  "Whoever's idea was modernized... There's a couple things in this world you don't modernize. Okay? The Cracker Barrel." — Landon (05:01)
• On homebody life:
  "If I could just never leave the apartment, I would never ever." — Landon (08:25)
• On nosy apartment neighbors:
  "Maybe you should keep the windows down. Maybe you shouldn't watch..." — Riley (09:41)
• On phone etiquette:
  "Don't call me. I hate a phone call. There's nothing more in this world." — Landon (19:27)
• Defending TJ Maxx:
  "Have you ever met a white woman who didn't shop at TJ Maxx? Hell no. That's like a rite of passage in full transparency." — Riley (32:52)
• Listener Confession Response:
  "You should tell your college roommate to change her major to responsibility." — Riley (36:37)

Important Segments & Timestamps

• Sleep & Gym Fiascoes: 00:31–04:32
• Cracker Barrel Rant: 05:01–07:14
• Apartment/Nightmare Neighbors: 08:41–13:13
• Retail Discussion (Walmart/TJ Maxx): 14:33–33:07
• Cousin Council (Listener Confessions): 35:54–38:39, 46:17–49:23
• Would You Rather/Staff Questions: 38:39–45:39
• Burial & Cremation Fears: 44:14–45:39

Final Thoughts

This episode is packed with unfiltered, hilarious slice-of-life insights from co-hosts Riley and Landon. From their take on gym futility and modernized nostalgia, to the vibrant cast of their apartment neighbors and wild TJ Maxx opinions, the duo delivers a feast of laughter and Southern wisdom. Their “Cousin Council” segment is a fan favorite, blending outrageous listener confessions with tough-love advice.

If you love raw banter, real-life messiness, a little oversharing, and the kind of cousinly bickering that feels both personal and universal, don't miss this episode of Bloodline Banter.