My Neighbors Do It With The Blinds Open

Summary

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Bloodline Banter: "My Neighbors Do It With The Blinds Open"

Hosts: Riley, Landon & Guests
Date: March 19, 2026

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Episode Overview

This lively, candid episode from Bloodline Banter finds co-hosts Riley and Landon riffing on everything from disastrous gym trips, apartment neighbor antics, Cracker Barrel nostalgia, and the woes of modern retail, to answering listener confessions in their signature segment, Cousin Council. Expect bold opinions, playful bickering, Southern flair, and plenty of laugh-out-loud moments.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Sleep Scores, Gym Mishaps, & "New Year, New Me"

• Sleep Talk: Riley shares his aura ring sleep score improvement (00:31), while Landon laments a restless night.
• Early Routines: Riley describes his attempt at a "new me" routine: up early, walking the dog, and a trip to the gym (01:14–01:47).
• Treadmill Disaster: Riley humorously recounts nearly flying off a treadmill after pulling the red safety cord in front of a crowded gym (02:34–03:23).
  • Quote:
    "I about ran right through the water. Kingdom come. I didn't know whether to lay down and die or ambulance tread stopped. The treadmill stopped." — Riley (02:35)
• Gym Isn't For Everyone: Riley recalls previous fitness misadventures, including popping a tire in a Walmart parking lot on the way to the gym, and declares he’s taking his workouts inside:
  • *"You know what? I think I'm just gonna relax on the couch." — Riley (04:32)

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2. Cracker Barrel & Modernization Controversy

• Cracker Barrel Rant: The hosts lament a newly renovated, modern Cracker Barrel (05:01–06:15).
  • Landon: "There's a couple things in this world you don't modernize. Okay? The Cracker Barrel. You never would modernize like a funeral home..." (05:01)
• Nostalgia: Memories of classic Cracker Barrels, "starred" aprons, and the beloved biscuit-gifting Miss Betty (06:04–06:45).
• The Endangered Sea Turtle Tangent: Briefly detours to whether personal choices make a difference in the grand scheme of saving the turtles (07:14–07:36).

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3. Apartment Dynamics: Hermit Life, Neighbors, and Blinds-Wide-Open Adventures

• Homebody Debates: Landon is unapologetically anti-social and shares his reluctance to leave his apartment, preferring DoorDash over lunch dates (07:57–08:41).
  • Riley: "It's so depressing."
    Landon: "No, it's not." (08:41–08:43)
• Natural Light and Vitamin D: Riley encourages Landon to embrace the sun and open the blinds, which leads to...
• Neighbor Drama:
  • The infamous neighbors who "do it with the blinds open," much to Landon's shock and Riley’s disbelief until he witnesses it (09:14–10:04).
    • Quote:
      "They just walk around butt-ass naked and do the dirty with their blinds open." — Landon (09:17)
• Vivid Apartment Life: A menagerie of odd and noisy neighbors:
  • Aggressive-sounding dogs (10:36)
  • Loud parrots (12:42)
  • An entire building that smells like weed, prompting frequent passive-aggressive emails from management (11:10–12:03)
    • *"I know that Willie Nelson has to live on my floor." — Riley (11:36)
• Exotic Pets Tangent: The hosts' horror at unusual pets, like raccoons and snakes, and a sidebar about the ethics of keeping dangerous pets (13:11–13:41).

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4. Store Rants: Walmart, TJ Maxx, and Thrift Life

• Walmart Anecdotes:
  • Praise for the old days of Walmart (interactive Nintendo/Wii displays), now replaced by locked cases and grumpy staff (14:33–15:12).
  • Lamentation over misbehaving kids in stores and the lack of parental supervision; candid messages to parents (16:26–16:58).
• Shopping Preferences Debate:
  • Landon bashes stores like TJ Maxx, citing disorganization and chaos, while Riley defends the thrill of bargain hunting (26:36–29:39).
    • "TJ Maxx is just one of them places that have like every brand. If you want the brand, just go to the damn store and buy" — Landon (29:16)
    • "You sound very privileged." — Riley (29:33)
  • Lighthearted discussion about the universal appeal of TJ Maxx, especially for "middle-aged moms" (32:29–33:07).
• Thrifting Misconceptions: Discussion about thrifting, the difference between Goodwill and true thrift/antique stores, and stories of hometown Goodwill drama (34:13–35:11).

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5. Cousin Council Listener Confessions

Segment Begins: [35:54]

• Submission 1: Roommate Eats All the Food
  • Advice leans towards directness and a hint to buy their own groceries:
    "Maybe you should tell your college roommate that she should change her major to responsibility and that your groceries are not hers." — Riley (36:37)
  • "Groceries are expensive as hell. Ain't no damn body eating my Raymond Noodles." — Landon (36:46)
  • Suggest passive and direct approaches, or even introducing them to the famously savage Bloodline Banter fanbase for deterrence.
• Debate over nitpicking bagged chip portions, 'shrinkflation', and the controversy it stirs with their audience.

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6. Would You Rather & Fun Audience Questions

Segment Begins: [38:39]

• Carousel vs. Black Tooth:
  • Would you rather have a musical baby mobile sprouting from your head or one sharp black baby tooth? (38:53–40:38)
    • Landon: "I'm picking the carousel. Grow a damn sprout out of my head." (39:24)
    • Riley: "I'm going with the tooth." (40:02)
• Music vs. Movie Dilemma:
  • Only hear “The Heat Is On” forever or only watch Sister Act 2 (41:03–41:56)
• More ‘Would You Rathers’:
  • Run everywhere vs. shout everything (42:23)
  • Squirt ketchup from bellybutton vs. mustard from chest (43:01)
  • Taxidermy positions if you were to be stuffed for eternity (43:17)
• Funeral Fears: Hilariously honest confessions about burial, cremation, and irrational fears of post-mortem sensations (44:14–45:39).

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7. Highlight Reel: Notable Bickering, Quotes & Banter

• Phone Call Pet Peeves:
  • Landon’s “office hours” are strictly 11am–6pm, driving Riley’s frustration.
    "Don't call me before 11 o'clock in the morning unless somebody is on fire or dying." — Landon (19:26)
  • The hosts hilariously accuse each other of hypocrisy for dodging calls and lying about “being busy.”
    "If I don't want to talk to you, I'll just not even answer. At least I would rather not answer than be lied to." — Landon (30:59)
• Cousin Council Absurd Confession: Listener throws up tomato bisque during an intimate moment; advice is practical and playfully blunt:
  • "Let your food settle before you, you know..." — Landon (47:50)
  • "Now you're probably gonna be known as the tomato bisque girl." — Riley (48:47)
• Self-congratulation:
  • "Riley and I's views combined last year were over 800 million. That's almost a billion. Hope we can keep it up." — Landon (31:45–32:01)

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Memorable Moments & Quotes

• On gym disasters:
  "Next time instead of winding down on the treadmill, I'm just going to wind down on the couch with a bottle of like Pinot noir. Because the couch has never almost killed me." — Riley (03:25)
• On the “modern” Cracker Barrel:
  "Whoever's idea was modernized... There's a couple things in this world you don't modernize. Okay? The Cracker Barrel." — Landon (05:01)
• On homebody life:
  "If I could just never leave the apartment, I would never ever." — Landon (08:25)
• On nosy apartment neighbors:
  "Maybe you should keep the windows down. Maybe you shouldn't watch..." — Riley (09:41)
• On phone etiquette:
  "Don't call me. I hate a phone call. There's nothing more in this world." — Landon (19:27)
• Defending TJ Maxx:
  "Have you ever met a white woman who didn't shop at TJ Maxx? Hell no. That's like a rite of passage in full transparency." — Riley (32:52)
• Listener Confession Response:
  "You should tell your college roommate to change her major to responsibility." — Riley (36:37)

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Important Segments & Timestamps

• Sleep & Gym Fiascoes: 00:31–04:32
• Cracker Barrel Rant: 05:01–07:14
• Apartment/Nightmare Neighbors: 08:41–13:13
• Retail Discussion (Walmart/TJ Maxx): 14:33–33:07
• Cousin Council (Listener Confessions): 35:54–38:39, 46:17–49:23
• Would You Rather/Staff Questions: 38:39–45:39
• Burial & Cremation Fears: 44:14–45:39

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Final Thoughts

This episode is packed with unfiltered, hilarious slice-of-life insights from co-hosts Riley and Landon. From their take on gym futility and modernized nostalgia, to the vibrant cast of their apartment neighbors and wild TJ Maxx opinions, the duo delivers a feast of laughter and Southern wisdom. Their “Cousin Council” segment is a fan favorite, blending outrageous listener confessions with tough-love advice.

If you love raw banter, real-life messiness, a little oversharing, and the kind of cousinly bickering that feels both personal and universal, don't miss this episode of Bloodline Banter.

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Transcript

[A]

Get away from me. I didn't hear nothing and you go there. You're stupid. I eat a lot of. But I ain't eating no damn tuna fish bread. I'm in a good mood. I think I'm a little drunk.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Hello, everybody. Welcome back to Bloodline Banter. I'm Riley.

[B]

And I'm Landon.

[A]

Hello. So how are you?

[B]

I'm good. Did you sleep good last night?

[A]

I did sleep good. My aura ring sleep score was like an 84. It was a 60 the day before that. Oh. I was unrested and well, I can

[B]

tell you now, I bet you $1,000 mine's going to be below 70. I tossed and turned all night. I don't know. But I didn't go to bed till 2:30.

[A]

Why?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

What were you watching?

[B]

I wasn't watching nothing. I was.

[A]

Landon likes to stay up until 3 o' clock in the morning and watch Netflix for hours and hours and hours with his. With his phone. This.

[B]

Oh my. I don't even know how I'm awake right now.

[A]

What's your sixy? Oh, well, he might fall out. We might have to give him anyway intervention.

[B]

Are you so good?

[A]

I did so good.

[B]

I tossed and turned all night and I think it's because I left my bedroom door open.

[C]

I.

[A]

Last night I planned out my whole day. Today I woke up this morning. Speaking of that, this is interesting. I woke up this morning, seven o'.

[B]

Clock. Why? Took my dog for a walk. Wow.

[A]

New Year, new me. Okay. And woke up this morning about 7:15. 7 o'. Clock. Took my dog for a walk, came back in. I got on my clothes and I went down to the gym this morning. You went to the gym at 7:30?

[B]

Why?

[A]

I don't know. I just kind of fell off to get a couple of steps in to start my day.

[B]

How many did you get?

[A]

I don't know, like 1500. I didn't say very long. And I'll tell you why I didn't say very long. So I'm walking on the treadmill this morning. I actually was jogging on the treadmill. I did like two miles, so. Oh, God, that's sitting there. I was jogging on the treadmill and as I'm winding down.

[C]

That's a distance, Landon.

[A]

But as I'm. As I'm winding down.

[B]

Pause. Two miles is a long time to walk or run.

[A]

Well, not if you're.

[B]

I mean.

[A]

I mean, it's long for me. It's like.

[B]

Like how? How. Like 32 miles could be like 20 minutes, right.

[A]

For someone that's in shape. But don't. It took me like 30 minutes anyways, besides the point, I was walking on the treadmill, okay. I got ready to wind down, you know, I was at a soft paced jog and jogging is not my, in my vernacular.

[B]

Anybody in there?

[A]

Yes, I'm getting to that point. So I'm on the treadmill and I'm, you know, at a jog. I'm sitting there, I'm listening to some music have in my headphones and somehow I pulled the red cord that stopped the treadmill immediately and I about ran right through the water. Kingdom come. I, I didn't know whether to lay down and die or ambulance tread stopped. The treadmill stopped.

[B]

You kept running.

[A]

Stopped in the name of the law, 100% screeching halt. And I kept going and I hit the front of the treadmill. There were people behind me lifting weights. I'm sitting here thinking, okay, new year, new me, I'm going to get into the gym and it's going to be good. I'm going to, you know, and I about died on the treadmill.

[B]

So then was that your story you had to tell me this morning?

[A]

Yes, I almost died. And so next time instead of winding down on the treadmill, I'm just going to wind down on the couch with a bottle of like Pinot noir. And because the couch has never almost killed me. Just the gym first. You know that, that just takes me set the day.

[B]

It set the, it set the tone.

[A]

It set the tone for failure. But then I went down and got a coffee at the coffee shop and everything was okay. But this isn't the first time this has happened to me because I remember one time I was driving to the gym, workout anytime and back home and this was like a.

[B]

There's too many damn people.

[A]

A year ago. There's too many damn people in every gym because around this time of year everybody wants to do like I did and then they end up killing themselves on the treadmill. But did I tell you the story about the time that I was driving? And so the gym back home is next to the Walmart so we just pull into the Walmart parking lot and go. So we miss a couple of red lights. I think that's illegal, but whatever, it don't matter. So as I'm getting into the turning lane, I hit something and pop a damn tire. I popped a tire in the Walmart parking lot. So I've popped a tire, headed to the gym and I've almost Died on the treadmill.

[B]

Just not for you.

[A]

You know what? I think I'm just gonna relax on the couch.

[B]

You. You said that. And that's fine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Walk around your apartment.

[A]

Yeah. Pace around the island. The kitchen island.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I can't do it anymore. I've given up on things.

[B]

Okay. I kind of want to talk about something different than the gym, because the gym is just disturbing to me. Can we talk about how when we were going home the other day, we stopped at a Cracker Barrel?

[A]

Yes, we did.

[B]

And Cracker Barrel, you know, they. They learned their lesson. They done that little rebrand for like four seconds, and then they retracted.

[A]

And, you know, whoever's idea was modernized. There's a couple things in this world you don't modernize. Okay? The Cracker Barrel. You never would modernize like a funeral home, you know, you. There's just some things that are better stuck in the past, and a Cracker Barrel is one of them.

[B]

Well, we stopped at a Cracker Barrel, and it was a. A brand new Cracker Barrel, and it was white on the outside of the building. You walked in, we pulled up and the floors were polished. It looked like a Beverly Hills modern California.

[A]

They didn't even have old pictures hanging on the wall. And I'm pretty sure they had a gas fireplace, which is like a crime against humanity. In a Cracker Barrel.

[B]

I was appalled. Yeah. And when they brought out the biscuits, they were in like a basket with the towels. It was just on a glass plate.

[A]

And they had a booth. The Cracker Barrel had a booth. Have you ever been in a Cracker Barrel that had a booth?

[B]

I've never. Oh, yeah, we just went in one.

[A]

Yeah. And unfortunately, I lost

[B]

my grandma Edith's aprons in there. Like, it was just all modern. You'd get it like White Fox Boutique.

[A]

Every single person in that Cracker Barrel, every worker there, had one star on their apron. They were every single star. If your apron doesn't look like the Milky Way galaxy, I don't want you serving me.

[C]

No.

[B]

If you don't have at least five stars, I'm done with you.

[A]

No, no. Do you remember Miss Betty at the Cracker Barrel? Man? Landon used to go every Wednesday before we were in college. And we never went to class. We just showed up late.

[B]

Did you pass?

[A]

There are some. Hell, no. I dropped out and there was.

[B]

We.

[A]

We used to go to the Cracker Barrel because we had to go the interstate to get to the college. And the Cracker Barrel was on the interstate. That's the classic one too.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

Excuse the hell out of me. Sorry. Ms. Betty at the Cracker Barrel, I loved her. We used to go in and she would send me a landing to school with like to go 12 biscuits a piece. She'd be like, y' all want a biscuit? To go? She'd bring back a damn whole batch and stick them in little things with little jellies and we'd eat biscuits all damn day. Did you know that the sea turtle is not endangered anymore? All those VSCO girls in 2015 with their hydro flask and saving the turtles. They actually saved us.

[B]

No possible way that my plastic straw is ending up in the ocean.

[A]

Well, we live in Tennessee. We're landlocked. Like how is my. Which I'm also not throwing it out here on the ground.

[B]

That's what I'm saying.

[A]

Like

[B]

how. How It's a shark.

[A]

Do you know what you know goes

[B]

to the landfill and then they dump it.

[A]

You know, whatever.

[B]

How.

[A]

If. If we're trying to protect the environment, then why are we dumping a whole bunch of trash in one landfill? Why are we putting it. So it's illegal for me to litter, but it's not illegal for the government to throw it in a pit.

[B]

This is above my pay grade. I have no idea why I went down this topic. But anyways, let's move on. Riley me out the other day because I don't like to leave my apartment.

[A]

It's not that you don't like to leave your apartment, it's that you don't want to ever do anything ever.

[B]

I don't.

[A]

I don't remind you. I'm not asking him to leave the apartment to go have a drink on Broadway and get lady titty every night. I'm asking him to leave his apartment to like

[B]

go grab lunch. I've not left the apartment.

[A]

He won't go grab lunch with me. But he would rather pay for doordash.

[B]

Yeah, I'm not leaving tomorrow. No, I am leaving tomorrow because we have things to do tomorrow. I didn't leave yesterday. I didn't leave the day before that. I don't think I left day before that. I said to my I if I could just never leave the apartment, I would never ever.

[A]

It's so depressing.

[B]

No, it's not.

[A]

Why is it not depressing? Because you get up and open your blinds and let the natural light in and crack a window. You need some vitamin D. That vitamin D is not getting through them glass. That glass. It is floor to stealing window.

[B]

It is not.

[A]

You need skin to skin from the sun. You need to at least go up instead.

[B]

Do you even know what you're saying right now?

[C]

He's getting that from his neighbors.

[A]

You told me that your New Year's resolution was to wake up early and go to bed early and spend more time outside.

[B]

You told me were psychotic yesterday.

[A]

Neighbors. And they just walk around butt ass

[B]

naked and do the dirty with their blinds open.

[A]

I didn't believe it until I was over there one night.

[B]

We were watching Dancing with the Stars one night and I said, riley, look. And he looked over and I turned

[A]

around and there was a whole.

[B]

I mean, you might as well put a damn.

[A]

It was quite disturbing. I mean, they're just walking around and all natural. They.

[B]

They do it so much. They're 1000% doing on purpose.

[A]

Maybe you should keep the windows down. Maybe you shouldn't watch.

[B]

I don't watch.

[A]

I'm not saying you watch. Maybe you shouldn't, like, let yourself see it. Maybe you should put your windows down so that.

[B]

Well, when I look out my freaking window and I just glance over and there's freaking on the couch.

[A]

So Landon has kinky neighbors, basically, is what he's saying. And I had to experience it firsthand.

[B]

Whenever I have another neighbor that's up in like, the front and she keeps her windows open all.

[A]

You know what I can't stand about your neighbors?

[B]

This lady has not left her couch. She's a homebody too. She don't leave her apartment.

[A]

Hey, I'm pretty sure I could sit at my window, like, pull a chair over to my window and watch a whole Netflix series because there's one apartment, like, up and to the left of out my window. They're always watching something.

[B]

What do they watch?

[A]

I don't know. I really haven't made it out. I think they were watching Stranger Things the other day.

[B]

I'm not a stalker.

[A]

I don't look at it. But sometimes I like to, like, look at the city and look at the views. And every time I do it, they're watching something. So they are chronically online. I can't stand Landon's neighbors because every time I go up to his apartment, the. The. The neighbor next door has a dog that sounds like it would rip your throat out my. And play with it.

[B]

My floor on the apartment I'm about to.

[A]

Every time you walk in, it's like the people.

[B]

The people. I just can't on my floor.

[A]

And the one on the other side has a freaking bird.

[B]

Let me damn talk.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

The people on my floor There's a zoo. My floor is a zoo. And it's a CBD dispensary.

[A]

Oh, mine is too willing.

[B]

Somebody on my floor that lights up a joint. Am I allowed to say joint? Lots up a joint. Every damn day, every minute of the day. It smells like straight up weed.

[A]

I don't know, but I know that Willie Nelson has to live on my floor.

[B]

He has to.

[A]

Because every time I step outside, I feel like I need to have a boombox on my shoulder and just.

[B]

I get second hand.

[A]

It's start singing the blues or something. I just feel high instantly.

[B]

And there's no balconies on our floor, so they're smoking the real thing inside the apartment.

[A]

Didn't you get an email, like the first couple weeks we moved in?

[B]

Yes. I've gotten like seven. Because they literally, they never do anything about it.

[A]

I never get one.

[B]

They're just like, we've had complaints on floor N of a smell. Please know there should be. They don't say, like, we smell weed. They just say. They say there's been a smell on floor nine. Please ensure that you're not smoking inside the complex. Well, if you're not smoking, you've got a great dang. Whoever lives right beside me, their dog. Every single time I walk past their door, I feel like I'm going to get eaten by a damn monster.

[A]

Whenever I'm at the elevator, all from the time I open your door to the time that I get on the elevator to go down to my floor, it's like,

[B]

is that my neighbors?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And then the other side, it's a bird. Somebody's got a damn parrot on my floor nine. And I don't know why, but that damn bird will not shut the hell up.

[A]

You don't want a damn cracker. Shut your bird up.

[B]

Please, Lord. Every single time I open my door, that damn bird is chirping.

[A]

I can't. I can't deal with any kind of an. If you have an animal that is outside of a dog or a cat.

[B]

I don't if you've even got a dog or a cat.

[A]

Like, there are some people who would just take anything as an animal. Like, I. I came across something on Instagram reels. A fish is different. I came across something on Instagram reels the other day. This woman had a pet raccoon. I have a friend that has a pet snake and every time he feeds it, he sends me a video of it grabbing the rat and like constricting it. That is the most bothersome thing I'VE ever seen in my life. Don't send me that.

[B]

People that.

[A]

If I wanted to say that, I would go walk around in the people and rats and.

[B]

And spiders and like that. That could kill you as pets. You might need to check yourself into an institution.

[A]

I've never in my life thought about maybe I should get a fish.

[B]

I'm getting a fish.

[A]

Get a beta fish.

[B]

It would match up too delicate. Delicate.

[A]

They're mean as hell.

[C]

What are you gonna get a damn trout?

[B]

Well, I was thinking like, you gonna

[A]

get a damn Nemo.

[B]

Y' all remember when Walmart used to have the fish tank? I'm thinking of like just a little goldfish.

[A]

Do you remember whenever.

[B]

Forget to feed it and I have to flush it down the toilet because it died. It won't hurt my feelings. So I don't want to get a beta fish. I would hurt my feelings if I forgot to feed my fish. And I would forget to feed my fish if I get a fish. Will you babysit while I'm out of town? Yeah, it will.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Maybe we should just go to fair and win. Win a fish.

[A]

Okay. Do you remember whenever Walmart used to have like the fish tanks like on the wall? But no. Do you remember whenever they used to have like the Wii and the Nintendo Switch and you could sit there and play on the TV above you? They would have it sticking out of like Sean remembers they'd have it sticking out and you could literally play like and look up at a TV before you bought one.

[B]

I don't remember that.

[A]

Now it's so boring. You just go back there and everything's locked up. You go back there and get it and you try to have the photo center unlock it and they're like, where are you taking it? What do you want? I'm taking it. They treat you like pay for it. I hate the people in the photo center back home at Walmart. So if you're seeing this and you work at the photo center in Walmart back in our hometown.

[B]

Except for the one lady.

[A]

The one lady is nice, but that older lady, she's a. Okay, I'm just gonna say it. I'm sorry. If you say this, I'm not really. I'm sorry. And the guy, he's old.

[B]

God love him. Why are we.

[A]

I don't care how old you are. If you're. Why are we mission 75?

[B]

Why are we putting 75 year olds in the electronic department?

[A]

I hope at least one of them knows how to work Facebook.

[B]

Well, the old people on Facebook are The worst.

[A]

I know somebody hated on me yesterday from their farmstand account. Literally, they commented, it says granny's farm and bread stand. And they started on me. Go make a sourdough loaf and leave me alone.

[B]

The first week that we ever moved

[A]

here, you moved here week before I did.

[B]

Well, you were here. So maybe the second week I decided to go to the Walmart and I don't know why I went to the Walmart. And wherever I went to, it was the smallest Walmart I've ever been to.

[A]

Is that the one we always go to? Yes.

[B]

But I was in there and I was in the sports section looking for a wagon to carry my groceries back and forth in the apartment. And there are literal kids kicking a

[A]

freak. Freaking, Freaking.

[B]

We can bleep soccer ball and throwing a basketball and. And having a good old time, right? Four foot in front of my damn buggy. Psychotic. Their parents were nowhere to be found.

[A]

They never found.

[B]

And it's just like that.

[A]

Well, parents around the world, if you see this, just know that if your kid bumps into my buggy, I'm gonna cuss them out. And then I'm gonna find you and cuss you out for raising a hellion. So don't come to me saying, did you speak to my child? Hell yeah, I spoke to your child because I couldn't find you.

[B]

I. I have to show you this video.

[A]

Sorry, got a little bit of passion. I just got a text from Dillard's.

[B]

I just got a text asking if

[A]

I. I just want to see what they said.

[B]

Do you have a Dillard's credit card?

[A]

No. I do. Dillard save now on men's outerwear. Hurry for the best selections of styles and sizes. So Dillard is here saying this. You just got a free advertisement. You should sponsor the podcast.

[B]

If Dillard sponsored this podcast, I would roll over and pass away. That is my favorite store ever. And I have a credit card.

[A]

You always make fun of me for shopping there because you say I buy old man clothes. So don't even jump on the dealer's train now.

[B]

No, you buy old man clothes. Go to the damn section that don't look like a damn 80 year old. Like what?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

From Dillards.

[A]

Okay, whatever you have.

[B]

I showed you the video of the people in the Walmart.

[A]

Yes, you have.

[B]

Okay, then I'm not going to show you now.

[A]

And I would have taken that soccer ball and boom.

[B]

What am I doing?

[A]

If I was on the phone right now, you would blow a damn gas.

[B]

I'm Waiting for the podcast. I'm working on business stuff.

[A]

Oh, okay. Business stuff. Could you not.

[B]

Yeah, I'm looking at what we need to talk about next, you dumb bastard.

[C]

Pour you more champagne while you wait on him.

[B]

It's okay. Let's talk about how I am not available. I have office hours.

[A]

Landon's office hours are just. But they're never at a set time.

[B]

No, they are.

[A]

No, the hell they're not. Because I can call you one day at 11 o' clock and you're all hunky dory. And I can call you one day at 2 o' clock and you're like, why are you talking to me this early in the day? You know, it's true.

[B]

It might be, but I work for myself, so I'm allowed to make my own office hours. But generally speaking. Generally speaking, my office hours are be 11am to 6pm don't call me before 11am don't text me before 11am don't. Don't face. All right, well, because everybody's.

[A]

Yeah, everybody's what? Say it up. Everybody's playing with Landon's cards all the time.

[B]

Yeah. My way or the highway.

[A]

Welcome to my life, ladies and gentlemen. How's it you are full of. If you called me at 9 o' clock in the morning, you'd be pissed off that I didn't answer.

[B]

Because if I'm calling you at 9 o' clock in the morning, it's about something important.

[A]

How do you know I'm not calling you for something important at nine o' clock in the morning? Because you never answer. Because it's outside of it's not important. How do you know it's not?

[B]

Because you call me to tell me dumb. Don't call me before 11 o' clock in the morning unless somebody is on fire or dying.

[A]

How do you know they're not on fire or die?

[B]

You could text me first and then I'll answer the call. That's, you know, really don't call me. Period. Don't call me. I hate a phone call. There is nothing more in this world.

[A]

But Landon's New Year's resolution was to go to bed early, wake up early and open the blinds. That first don't damn matter.

[B]

That'll have a phone call.

[A]

If you are starting to your day. On that positive of a note, you wake up every morning, you make your coffee, you do your little Bible study, and you roll up your windows. If you're doing all that and you're not in a good enough mood to

[B]

call me, it's not about being in a good enough mood to call somebody or answer the phone. It's about me not wanting to talk on the damn phone.

[A]

I agree. I don't want anybody calling me at a certain point, but I don't want Joe Blow calling me. If someone that is important to me or that I talk to regularly calls me early, it's not going to bother me as long as they wake me up.

[B]

There's two people in this whole entire world that I will answer the phone for. For. If they call me before 11am and that is my grandmother and that is my mother, that's it.

[A]

But if the person that Landon's trying to call doesn't answer, it's like World War Three. He's going to bust down my door and tell everybody that I'm a lazy slob that sleeps till 9 o'. Clock.

[B]

Riley, that's not true. I don't ever call you that early in the morning.

[A]

No, but I call you because I need.

[B]

So you're talking about hypotheticals. You're talking about hypotheticals. Quit talking about hypotheticals.

[C]

I thought you were going to say, he calls. You go. He calls. I never call you. And I thought he was going to say, I don't call you lazy or

[B]

a. Oh, I do call him lazy and a slob. No, I don't.

[A]

You looked at me the other day whenever we were in the lobby. He said, you're going to wear that? I said, yeah. He said, you look stupid.

[B]

Would you rather me tell you that you look good when you don't?

[A]

Hell, a good morning is also on the table.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

Yes. Yes.

[B]

This is actually.

[A]

You could say, good morning, Raleigh. What are you wearing? You don't have to say. What the are you wearing?

[B]

Good morning's not my vocabulary. You just got to cut to the chase. If you look dumb, I'm gonna tell

[A]

you I am too.

[B]

You know what? You know what? I'm not going to tell you anymore that you look dumb. I'm not gonna tell you if you have a booger. I'm not gonna tell you if you have lice in your hair. I'm not going to tell you I don't have loss. No, but I'm not. If you did, I wouldn't tell you

[A]

I never gonna have it. So I don't really. Never say never on the desk and run a pencil through it like they did in the second grade. I don't need you to tell me I got lost.

[B]

You're never gonna get it because you're already balding.

[A]

That's okay. I would rather bald than have lost. If I ever got lost, I would literally get my head waxed. Wax. Pull the follicles out of my scalp. I don't want it. That was my worst fear. You could say the word loss around me in middle school and I'd get

[B]

the more of the story. I'm a good friend because I tell

[A]

you the truth, but he's a good friend. That's where it stops. He is only a good friend if you don't call him.

[B]

Between before 11, 11am and 6pm Those are my office hours. I. I don't have time to talk to you ever. Really. Even between 11 and 6. If you can't get a hold of me through text or if you can't tell me something that has to be said over like don't tell, just don't call me.

[A]

Yeah, but I tried. I tried to call.

[B]

I'm not really talking about you. I. I call you all the time between 11 and 6.

[A]

Yeah, but if I call you, it's a problem.

[B]

No, it's not. You call me all the time.

[A]

It is a problem. And you never answer. And you'll say, what do you want? That's how he answers. What do you want? I could be done. I could have slipped and fell in the shower, broken my leg and be bleeding out in the bathtub. And you say, what do you want?

[B]

I love a text. Or a Snapchat.

[A]

I like a text. Snapchat me.

[B]

Snapchat. You know, I sent you a Snapchat, Aaron, a while back ago and you've still not opened it. I don't think you've opened it.

[A]

Aaron is never on Snapchat.

[C]

I'm definitely not.

[B]

This is definitely a problem.

[C]

Let me see what it is.

[B]

Oh, you did open it and you just never responded.

[A]

Oh, maybe now you know how I feel.

[C]

I didn't know it was just for me.

[B]

And it was me drinking a glass of wine and I was like, I'm thinking of you.

[C]

Oh, that was sweet.

[B]

Not sweet enough, I don't guess.

[A]

The other day I was laying in my bed and all I hear is a boom. And then I lost power in my

[B]

unit and I did too.

[A]

And I opened the door and all of the emergency doors were closed so I couldn't see down the hallway. And I smelled smoke right there.

[B]

I was already. You called me and I. I was

[A]

already shitting my pants and I said, what's happening? I grabbed my dog. Well, I remember one time the fire

[B]

alarm went off more and I Answered and I said, what's up?

[A]

But, yeah, you answered that time and you did not say what's up. You have never said what's up to me ever. You're probably like, what? Why are you calling me?

[B]

You're so full of dog.

[A]

No, I'm literally not. You know, it's the truth, everybody. Yes, it is.

[B]

Maybe once, cross my heart, hope to

[A]

die in my eye. It's the truth.

[B]

Riley calls me.

[A]

Who do y' all believe?

[C]

Riley.

[A]

Who do you believe?

[C]

Riley.

[B]

That's fine. Y' all can believe Riley.

[A]

That.

[B]

That is fine. But I'm gonna. Riley calls me at least 12 times a day.

[A]

And I, out of the 12 times, say I don't call Landon a lot. It's. If Landon calls me and I don't answer, it is actually the Civil War all over again.

[B]

We've been talking about this for a long time, but I just want to let y' all know that he calls me about 12 to 14 times a day. Out of the 12 to 14 times

[A]

a day, he answers maybe three. And when he does, he has a shittiest tone you've ever heard in your life. Damn.

[B]

Choking.

[A]

Choking on the truth over there. How's it taste?

[B]

Shut the up. God, and you wonder why I don't talk to you. Oh, well, anyways, what were we talking about before the phone call situation?

[A]

I heard a loud boom in my apartment, and one time the fire alarm went off like 3 o' clock in the morning and I slept right through at Landon told me the next morning that it went off, and instead of, you know, coming by and told me, hey, there might be a fire coming. Come on. He didn't. But anyways, we went down and wake the up. There wasn't anything. I literally ran into the maintenance guy. I said, hey, what's going on? He said, I don't know. I'm like, well, hell, I'm so glad I'm paying that service fee every month for your ass to get paid. You don't even know what's going on as hell. And yeah, moral of the story is I still don't know what happened, but the whole road was out of power and I went right back up and

[B]

Federale's is out of power the whole road.

[A]

I went right back down and laid down in the bed and just, you know, accepted my fate. If it burnt down, I'd.

[B]

What happened? I think somebody hit it.

[A]

I still don't remember.

[B]

The transformer blew up.

[A]

They got it on quick, though, before the apartment complex. Texted me, I got a Text from the electric company saying we're aware of an outage at blah blah, blah, blah, blah.

[B]

I was like, well, you know, we don't have to park in BFE anymore.

[A]

We don't. We're valet in our cars.

[B]

We're valeting now. We're moving on up in the world. Yeah, but it's about to walk miles and miles and miles and miles now.

[A]

Right now we have to walk to our car, which is.

[B]

What did you do yesterday?

[A]

Don't know. Let me look.

[B]

No, I'm serious.

[A]

Snapchat.

[B]

Because we've not left the apartment in like three days.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's because you don't ever want to do anything.

[B]

Well, Riley wants to do dumb. We did leave the other day on an outing and I thought I was going to die. Where I. I hate a HomeGoods and a TJ Maxx.

[A]

It was your idea to go.

[B]

I know, and you should have cut me.

[A]

No, I was seizing my opportunity because I'm always wanting to go do something and hell, Landon wanted to do it. And I decided it was stores like

[B]

TJ Maxx and like home goods and stuff where you have to hunt for your.

[A]

You can hate on it all you want to do. Get. I will go with you. I'm pretty sure walking into a TJ Maxx for me. Oh, please.

[B]

I hate to hunt for my.

[A]

What are you hunting for? Everything.

[B]

I like stuff to be in order and like, I can go to the

[A]

section and I just go attention in one because everyone that I've ever been in has been perfectly in order.

[B]

No. If you ever go to the back of a TJ Maxx or anywhere, what

[A]

the hell are you shopping for in the back of the store?

[B]

That's where they have like all their just miscellaneous.

[A]

What kind of are you looking for?

[B]

I'm not looking for anything in particular because I don't go and shop at those stores. But if I go back there. You gotta hunt for your.

[A]

I've never.

[B]

And I don't like to hunt. If I want a damn pot or pan, I want to go to the pot and pan aisle.

[A]

They have a whole cooking section.

[B]

Yeah, but it's all just.

[A]

It's all pots and pans.

[B]

It's all disastrous. It's just people will know what I'm talking about.

[C]

The hunters and the gatherers. Landed's more of a gather.

[A]

I'm so sorry that the TJ Maxx doesn't have their.

[B]

Y' all know what I'm talking about. Chaotic in there. And then you go to like the closed section. And they have the little things that's like small to large or small. The small section on the rack and then the medium section. And then you'll pick something from the medium section and it'll be in the dam. It'll be a 3X.

[A]

Well, how do you think the people feel in the damn 3x section that has six damn shirts to choose from. They all look like damn parachutes.

[B]

No, that's not what I'm saying.

[A]

I know how hard it is.

[B]

That's not what I'm saying is it's just unorganized in stores like that. And I don't like it.

[A]

It's unorganized because people don't know how to put back the way they found it.

[B]

Well, that's why they pay people to work there to do that. American Eagle's not unorganized.

[A]

Yeah, but I'm not going to go into American Eagle and cause the damn mess just because I have my own free will and I'm paying somebody to fix.

[B]

So why would you do that?

[A]

The problem. Well, the shitty humans that shop in there apparently. Well, I shop in there. Hell, we can't say that I love the TJ Maxx, but hell, people don't know how to push it back the way they found it. And then it leaves an impression, a bad impression on people like this. So the moral of the story is be a good person and put back where you found it.

[B]

Or just don't go into a TJ Maxx and go into like a real store if you want something. Or go into the damn Tommy Hilfiger store and buy it.

[A]

Landon, you can only buy clothes at Tommy Hilfiger. Why would you go into Tommy Hilfiger? They're not even on the same. You're not even comparing two stores?

[B]

No, TJ Maxx is just one of them places that have like ever brand. If you want the brand, just go to the damn store and buy. I sound very self consistent.

[A]

You sound very privileged.

[B]

Yeah, dude, I need to take a step back as hell. Yeah, a couple if you can only afford to.

[A]

J. I'm so sorry. If you're watching this, you like to shop at the TJ Maxx that you've been victimized over here. I love you and I'm glad you're here.

[B]

Do I hear that?

[A]

It's your conscience. It's your damn attitude. Ding and ding and dinging over here. I need to get drink another ship of the champagne and calm down.

[B]

Ah, you're right. I'll take responsibility for this conversation.

[A]

Do you see what I live with

[B]

my whole life, Riley?

[A]

You are.

[B]

You're a hypocrite. You at me for. You do yourself. But if you do it, it's fine.

[A]

You do the same damn thing.

[B]

Well, then why are you bitching at me for. For it?

[A]

Because you at me for it. Maybe try not being such a hypocrite and I wouldn't have to call you out on.

[B]

You're a hypocrite.

[A]

Tell me how.

[B]

You tell me how.

[A]

Back up your facts.

[B]

You tell me.

[A]

Making the claim. Back it up.

[B]

No, you made the claim first.

[A]

I didn't make the claim. Did he just not call me?

[B]

Okay, I called you a hypocrite first. But.

[A]

So I make the claim. Back it up.

[B]

Okay, Come on.

[A]

Prove me wrong.

[B]

Okay. Prove me wrong.

[A]

Yeah, come on.

[B]

Anyways, because all the you're bitching at me for, you do yourself. Like what? Like when I call you, you don't answer.

[A]

I always answer. No, you don't call me. Yes, I do. And if I don't, it's because I'm doing something.

[B]

Because you're on the phone with somebody else.

[A]

Call you back. No, I'm not.

[B]

He'll be like, I'm pooping. And then he'll be on the phone with freaking Becky.

[A]

I'm so sorry.

[B]

Just tell me. Don't lie.

[A]

You do the same thing. Not me.

[B]

If I'm pooping, I'm pooping.

[A]

You're so full of.

[B]

No, I'm not.

[A]

Whatever.

[B]

Because if I don't want to talk to you, I'll just not even answer. At least. At least I would rather not answer. To be lied to.

[A]

I could be done and bleed out. And Landon says his favorite sports to sit and watch the phone ring. You're lying. But my favorite sport. At least I'm watching a phone ring. Someone was calling you, and you said, someone's calling me. I'm just gonna sit here and watch it ring.

[B]

And I did.

[A]

You sure did. And then you take.

[B]

But at least I don't answer and say, hey, I'm pooping. I'll call you back. And I'm not really. You're not really moving, and I'm damn. On the phone with somebody else.

[A]

Sue me. I'm so sorry.

[B]

Don't lie.

[A]

I'm not lying.

[B]

Liars go to hell.

[A]

I'll save you a seat. I feel like you've actually kind of pissed me off in this episode.

[B]

I don't give a. Y', all. This is kind of just like a pat yourself on the back kind of moment. Riley and I's views combined last year were over 800 million. That's almost a billion.

[A]

Hopefully we can keep it up.

[B]

That's crazy. I just feel like I need.

[A]

Thank you. If you watch us, if you're part of the 800 billion, even if 800 million whatever. Even if you shop at the TJ Maxx. I'm glad you're here.

[B]

I love the people that shop at the TJ Maxx. I just don't like teaching.

[A]

Just thinks you're ghetto.

[B]

Well, sorry.

[C]

Or a peasant or.

[B]

Yeah, no, I don't.

[A]

I just started world citizen for walking into a damn TJ Maxx.

[B]

People are gonna hate me after this episode for that. T.J. maxx, everybody.

[A]

Every middle aged mom just thought of you differently. I don't care if you go into.

[B]

I don't get from a middle aged mom.

[A]

If you're a middle aged mom at home and you shop at TJ Maxx, just know there is a place here for you. Hit subscribe like down below.

[B]

There has to be somebody out there that don't like a TJ Maxx notification. There has to be somebody out there. Do you like a teacher?

[A]

Have you ever met a white woman who didn't shop at TJ Maxx? Hell no. There's not one. That's like a rite of passage in full transparency.

[B]

Like I like if you shop at TJ Maxx, like I'm really not judging you, but it's unorganized in the store.

[A]

I don't think it's unorganized.

[B]

It's like going into like a Gabes or a Marshalls.

[C]

I only go if I need like a, a gold rhinestone, like elephant stuff.

[A]

I think the reason that I like that so much is because I have a shopping problem and I just go spend money to spend money sometimes and I'm not worth. No, it's not cheaper, but you can get everything you want in there. Like if you just want to spend a dollar, you can go into TJ Maxx. You can get a T shirt, you can get a damn dog toy, you can get a pot and pan or you can get a damn.

[B]

It's just very unorganized. It's just very unorganized. I can't deal with stores like that. Marshalls, T.J. maxx, Gabe's, Ross.

[A]

My life is unorganized. Landing on everybody that could potentially, potentially sponsor the podcast right now. So Ross is a drug cover, huh?

[C]

Ross Dress for Less has to be a drug cover.

[A]

There's nothing I've not been in A Ross. I don't think in my entire life the Ross back home has about. You got in there. No, I don't go to the Ross. I go to the TJ Maxx. I go to the Marshalls. I go to the Hobby Lobby because they're in a straight line. And then I go my ass home. I don't try to chick fil a way home. Hell, I'm a basic white woman. Thrift.

[B]

You like to thrift? I want to try.

[C]

Sean likes to thrift too.

[B]

You like to thrift?

[A]

You want to try thrifting Laden? You would never wear something at some.

[B]

But not like thrifting, like. Like a Goodwill. Like, I want to go to like a thrift shop. Like a real one.

[A]

That's called the Goodwill.

[B]

Is it?

[A]

Yes. People don't thrift at antique malls. They don't thrift at damn Balenciaga Goodwill because people have donated their hand me downs.

[B]

I donate to Goodwill.

[A]

You, you might donate to Goodwill, but you would never.

[B]

If anybody goes in the Goodwill that I donate to, they are lucked up.

[A]

When's the last time you donated to Goodwill?

[B]

Like last year.

[A]

Do you even know where the Goodwill is?

[B]

Not here, but back at home I do. People be shopping the frick out of our Goodwill back at home.

[A]

Remember one time.

[B]

Anyways.

[A]

Remember when it burnt down?

[B]

It did.

[A]

Yeah. They just reopened like about a year ago.

[B]

No, because I donated. It wasn't burnt.

[A]

When I can rest rest assured, the Goodwill burnt down. Or they had a fire or something. I think you were stupid. No, it did. I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure the Goodwill burned. Definitely did. Or there was a fire and it caused some fire damage. Because they had to renovate. Yeah, they did. Because it was closed for forever. My nana didn't have to do. It's all she did.

[B]

Shop the rifter.

[A]

She's not just a threat. Mono spins.

[B]

She will shop until she drops.

[A]

That's where I get it from.

[B]

Bad.

[A]

That's where I get it from.

[B]

She could. I could give her a million dollars. She'd be blown through it in three seconds.

[A]

48 hours. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. This is Cousin Council. Why do you have me doing this submission? It's dumb.

[A]

It ain't my fault someone lives a stupid life. This is severely up. Okay.

[B]

Let the Cousin Council begin. Welcome back to Cousin Council. This is where you submit your confessions or ask us advice and we give it to you. If you would like to do that. I don't know what's so funny, but if you would like to do that. I don't know why I'm laughing. And you would like to do that. You can submit it at bloodline [e-mail] My college roommate keeps eating my food but never helps replace or buy the groceries. I want to tell her maybe to pitch in a little, but I don't want to be rude. That's all she said.

[A]

Maybe you should tell your college roommate that she should change her major to responsibility and that your groceries are not hers.

[B]

Groceries are expensive as hell. Ain't no damn body eating my Raymond Noodles.

[A]

What is she eating, though? Like, I can get by with someone eating my chips. Like, you know, though, if you just ask and be like, hey, can I have like a Coke or can I have some Doritos?

[B]

She's continuously eating the groceries.

[A]

That's when you look at her. Say, I look at her next time you went to the grocery store. I'd be like, hey, what do you want from the grocery store? Since you eat all my and make her pay. And like, that's kind of hinting. And if she says, can you pick up some Doritos? I'm gonna say, that was a joke. Go to Kroger.

[C]

Or she could. She could introduce this girl to Yalls fans and the girl would never want to eat again because y' all have got some brutal fans in your comments calling you big backs and all sorts of stuff. I mean, she just met a couple of things.

[B]

Say that the chip company shouldn't put more air in the bag. I'm sorry, not air. I was educated.

[A]

It's nitrogen gas. You had Bill Nye the science guy and Ms. Vicky herself. You know the one that sells the. The kettle cooked jalapeno chips in the comments, saying, actually that's nitrogen gas and it protects the chips in transant.

[B]

I don't give a. I don't care

[A]

if my Cool Ranch dera I like. Whenever I get to the bottom of the bag and the dust is in the bottom of my Cool Ranch Doritos and I just tip the bag up and eat it. I don't need to pick it up one by one by one. I'll crunch those myself, fill up the whole bag. I can deal with a little mismatched piece every.

[B]

If you can fill up a whole entire. I don't even know.

[A]

Someone said, well, you're actually paying for the weight of the chips.

[B]

It's shrinkflation. It's capitalism. I don't give a damn. Just accept the fact that we want more chips in our damn chip bag.

[A]

I really didn't think that was very controversial.

[B]

I didn't either, but we've pissed the damn grannies off.

[A]

This is proof that everyone will find something to bitch about. So you let me eat my lays and you go to hell.

[C]

We have also inserted some cast collective. Would you rather. Questions from the staff. Okay, so we have thought about these and we. We're taking them very seriously. So we need you guys to do this. Okay? Okay.

[A]

So.

[C]

Okay. Would you rather have. You know what a baby carousel is? That thing that hangs over the crib and, like, sings songs? Like, spins around, has little characters on it? Would you rather have one of those that's grown that comes out of the top of your head and hangs in front of your face and spins and sings in nursery. Baby nursery rhymes forever.

[A]

Okay, my. I'm gonna pick. Or.

[C]

Or would you rather have no teeth except for one really sharp off center black baby tooth on the bottom?

[B]

I'm picking the carousel. Grow a damn sprout out of my head.

[A]

I'm not picking a carousel. It's 20, 26. Do you know how many people are on the list? And then you're gonna sprout a carousel that sings nursery rhymes out of the top of your head first.

[B]

I wasn't even thinking of that.

[A]

You're gonna look like Jeffrey Epstein's biggest brother, Riley.

[B]

I wasn't even thinking like that, but I was just thinking the first thing I look at on somebody is their teeth. And I just would rather have a damn carousel hanging out of my noggin than a one little snaggle tooth.

[A]

But you don't have to open your mouth all the time.

[B]

I have to open my mouth every day.

[A]

You could get dentures.

[B]

No, you can't. That's just not how that works.

[C]

No, I don't think so.

[B]

No. I'm growing a carousel out of my head.

[A]

I'm going with the tooth.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I mean, I don't want to look like I have no teeth, but I would rather look like I had no teeth than to have a carousel out of the top of my. My head? You. You want a carousel out of the top of your head that stains nursery rhymes. You don't even like kids. I don't, but it's better than.

[B]

To me that's better than having one tooth sharp. Austin as hell.

[A]

Honestly, I think we're going with the tooth.

[B]

Okay. I mean, I wear a mask. I take pride in my teeth.

[A]

I do, too. But I also take pride in my head, and this is not so noticeable.

[B]

Go big or go Home.

[A]

I'm going home.

[B]

Perfect. Okay.

[C]

Sean, you have one.

[D]

Y' all know this song?

[A]

I do not know.

[B]

I don't know that song. Okay.

[D]

It's the Heat Is on by Glenn Fry.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Would you rather turn on the radio? You walk into a shopping mall, the heat is on anywhere you go. You're at a wedding, everyone else is hearing other music. The heat is on for you.

[B]

Okay, so that's the only music that

[D]

we're ever going to ever listen to again?

[A]

Well, Landon, don't even listen to music.

[D]

Well, yeah. Or the only thing you can ever watch is The Sister Act 2, back in the Habit.

[A]

I've never seen that.

[D]

You're on the TV. Sister Act 2, you cannot escape. Sister Act 2.

[B]

I'm picking the only music I ever hear. I've never watched it. Even though I don't listen to music, I could never imagine watching a movie that I didn't like the rest of my life. I'm picking the song.

[A]

I'll be honest with you. I don't watch a lot of stuff. Like, I'm really bad about not watching anything because you can't get your phone

[B]

out of your ass.

[A]

You're exactly right. And I love listening to music. So I would take the show. Is it like a movie? Is it a horror movie?

[D]

No, it's not a horror movie.

[B]

I've never watched that.

[D]

A choir movie with Whoopi Goldberg as a nun.

[A]

I'm gonna watch it when I get home.

[B]

Whoopi as a nun. Whoopi.

[A]

So I thought it was joyful noise, but Whoopi Goldberg.

[B]

Whoopi Goldberg.

[A]

What did you think it was?

[B]

Whoopi.

[A]

It is Whoopi. Yeah.

[B]

Y' all are saying, whoopee, whoopee, whoopee.

[A]

Well, same damn thing. Tomato, tomato. Whoopi Goldberg.

[B]

Whoopi Goldberg.

[A]

Don't invite me on the View.

[B]

Invite me.

[A]

I think you're kind of a. I

[D]

do have one more. Okay. Would you rather run everywhere you go?

[A]

No.

[D]

You answer the door, you're running. There is no wall.

[B]

Any physical movement, you're running.

[D]

Or would you rather shout every single thing you ever have to say? You answer the phone, it's like, hello.

[A]

I kind of already do that. That's, like a thing.

[B]

I'm shouting.

[A]

That's a thing in our family. Because our family's always worked around, like, heavy machinery our whole life. Anytime someone in the family answers the phone is like, hello.

[B]

And you're like, yeah, I'm shouting.

[A]

Yeah, I'm shouting, too.

[B]

I'm shouting from the rooftops. I'm not running. Riley, would you rather squirt ketchup out of your belly button or mustard out of your titty?

[A]

I don't like mustard.

[B]

I don't either.

[A]

Probably ketchup, but it should be so more.

[B]

Much more funny to

[C]

you.

[B]

Don't think it'd be funny to go. I'm not doing either. Anyways. Do you have a. Would you rather. Michaela.

[A]

The question is, if you were to

[C]

be taxidermied, what position would you be taxidermied in?

[A]

Yes, Hang me on the wall. What would you say?

[B]

I would want to be laying on my belly with my feet kicked up, going like this. That's how it would be.

[C]

I set a standing position to which I could be decorated per holiday.

[A]

That's iconic. Yeah, or mid cartwheel was my second option. Okay, not for me, but get it. I don't know. I always joke that whenever I die, bury me face down so the world can kiss my ass goodbye. So whenever I die, maybe I.

[B]

Put me in a jar. I don't want to go under the ground. I don't want to be cremated. I don't want to go in a mausoleum, pickle me and put me in some formaldehyde in a jar.

[A]

I don't want to die. Really, to be honest, not afraid of death. I know where I'm going, but, like, I, you know, it's not really on my bucket list.

[B]

Okay, well, I don't want to talk about this. Pickle me and put me in a jar.

[A]

Don't bury me or put me in the ground. Honestly, just.

[B]

That's your only two pickled.

[A]

Don't cremate me. I have a really fear of cremation. I'm afraid I, like, wake up or something. I'm so serious. I have a fear of being cremated. Do not cremate me. If I wanted to burn, I'd go to hell. What's the point in burning if you're going to heaven?

[C]

Do you not think it's weird to just be laying in a box, too?

[A]

Absolutely. I'm terrified that I'm gonna be buried alive one day.

[C]

Oh, that's what you're saying?

[A]

I don't want to be buried alive. I don't want to be cremated. I just don't want to die.

[C]

Elaborate, Landon.

[B]

I just like feeling it. Getting cremated, you have a fear of waking up. I'm sorry to tell you, but if you're getting cremated, you've been dead for a minute.

[A]

Okay, but what if you wake up? They say the brain works seven Minutes after you're dead.

[B]

Unless you're getting cremated. I don't think you're getting cremated, like eight minutes after you die.

[A]

But what if I feel it? Like, I. I'm not kidding. I'm not even being funny. It doesn't matter. I don't want my body to burn. I've worked hard to lose this much weight.

[B]

I don't want my good work to

[A]

go into a damn incinerator and up in fumes.

[B]

So you'd rather get eaten by groundworms?

[A]

No, I don't want to be buried either. I just don't want to die.

[B]

Okay, so Riley wants to go out with the rapture? Yes. Okay.

[C]

I mean, it's going to be scarier than waking up in a coffin with some air in it.

[B]

The word coffin gives me the ick.

[A]

But then you know your destiny. You're like, well, what.

[B]

What are you even saying?

[A]

I don't even know.

[B]

I arguably think this is the dumbest human I've ever sat beside in my life. And I'm not being rude. I just really, really think that you don't have sense sometimes.

[A]

Knock, knock.

[B]

Who's there?

[A]

You. My shirt is wrinkled and I'm not sitting up very straight, but the judge is tired, so please forgive me. Been in jury deliberations all day.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

This is an anonymous submission. One day I was hungry, so me and my friends went to this sandwich place on our college campus and they have a tomato bisque you can dip your sandwiches in. Well, I loved that tomato bisque or soup or whatever you call it. Well, later that my. Well, later that night, me and my boyfriend were doing things. Keep in mind, we really had not been together very long. I was on. Oh, my God, I was on top.

[A]

Oh, shit.

[C]

Giving him. Well, you know what? And sure enough, I threw up. Tomato bisque all. All over him. Probably the most embarrassing thing of my life. What do I do? By the way, obsessed with y'? All. Haha. Exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point.

[A]

Oh, thank you.

[B]

Well.

[A]

Well, last week.

[B]

Last week at cousin council, Landon said, swallow and move on.

[A]

I just think that's so funny for

[B]

this submission, but that's not.

[A]

Not my advice. Okay. The gavel was not banged. And ne ever mind

[B]

I. I don't

[A]

perhaps be more conscientious about the tomato bisque that you ate.

[B]

Perhaps let your food settle before you do any awful stuff like that. Or perhaps just not do any awful stuff like that. You know, just.

[A]

I think my advice. I don't Think you want to hear my advice, but I think my advice is more geared toward your boyfriend than it is for you.

[B]

Tell them.

[A]

Run.

[B]

I think my advice is just let the food settle before you. You know, I mean, I'm not doing this strenuous activity. What? Strenuous is that extraneous activity.

[C]

Strenuous.

[B]

It's what?

[C]

Okay, really strenuous.

[B]

Strenuous. Let your food settle before doing strenuous activities.

[A]

Listen, they say you're not supposed to swim 30 minutes after you eat, Apparently. Perhaps let's keep the water sports to a minimum after the tomato bisque. Water sports is wild. I mean, things got wet more than one way.

[C]

Landon, just intimacy shamed the out of her.

[B]

What? She said, well, don't do. Oh, yeah, don't be a. We can't put that in.

[A]

You know what? Get it when the getting's good. At least now you got a story to tell everybody. But perhaps think about it before you do it again.

[B]

Perhaps just let your food settle before you.

[A]

And now you're probably gonna be known as the tomato bisque girl.

[B]

Oh, hey, I have a funny story to tell. Can we tell it about what?

[A]

No, you can't tell that.

[B]

We went to school with somebody. No, we went to school with somebody, and they were doing activities and let's just say nature. Nature took its course. And let's just say whenever she walked around the graduation stage at high school, they all called her dookie butt. Yeah. Shouted it from the rooftops.

[A]

Anyways, she got her diploma. As she got her diploma, and that was Cousin Council. Make sure to submit your stories. Anything you got to tell us at Bloodline Banter atthecast collective.com. do the outro.

[B]

You do the outro.

[A]

I did the intro. You did that.

[B]

You did the intro and the outro.

[A]

The.

[B]

I don't feel like doing the out. Hello, everybody. Thank you for tuning in.

[A]

Okay, he don't even know what the hell he's talking about. Thank you for tuning in to this week's episode of the Bloodline Banter. Make sure to, like, follow, subscribe, wherever you get your podcast. And until next week, we will see you next time. Was that not good enough for you, King?

[B]

What did he say? Until next week. We'll see you next time.

[A]

I'll see you next Thursday. Bye.