Poop Fumes in the Mouth Wash

Summary

Bloodline Banter

Episode: Poop Fumes in the Mouth Wash

Date: May 7, 2026
Hosts: Riley and Landon (with guest Kirsten, off camera) Podcast: Bloodline Banter (2M Media Group)

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Overview

In this rollicking, off-the-cuff episode, Riley and Landon—joined by their friend Kirsten—dive into a whirlwind of travel mishaps, hygiene debates, and laugh-out-loud personal stories. They offer their usual blend of unfiltered banter, southern-tinged humor, and conversational tangents, all while sharing memorable adventures from their recent trip to Texas, concert experiences, and thoughts on everything from sleep habits to whether giving kids cell phones is a mistake. This episode also features their "Cousin Council" advice segment, tackling listeners’ questions on jobs, relationships, and daydreams.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. New Podcast Setup & Transition (00:00–01:00)

• No intro or typical cousin council video; set is new, described as "bougie"—evokes feelings of luxury and "Biltmore Estate" vibes.
• Working through transition but promising normalcy will return soon.

2. Sleep Struggles & Travel Hangovers (01:00–03:10)

• Sleep Issues:
  • Floor-to-ceiling windows and no curtains mean waking up too early.
  • Riley: “All you can see is a damn 2 o'clock… in my damn bedroom at 6:30 in the morning.” (00:41)
  • Sleep tracking: Sleep scores of 75 (Riley), 55 (Landon)—both suffering from bad nights, largely due to travel and late-night events.
  • Kirsten is present, and her score is referenced.
• Rock the Country (Concert):
  • Late concert night, minimal sleep before early flight.
  • “My aura ring did not even track my sleep. An hour and 20 minutes. It said log your nap.” — Riley (02:29)

3. Bathroom Humor & Buc-ee's Bathrooms (01:37–02:29)

• Landon’s travel-induced GI disasters: Stops to go to the bathroom FOUR times en route to the airport.
• Texan Buc-ee's: Compared with local Buc-ee's, noting how huge, yet underwhelming they are in Texas.
• “I would eat a brisket on the board off the Bucky's bathroom floor. Okay, that's how clean and pristine.” — Riley (02:16)

4. Waffle Obsession & Flour Sponsorship (03:04–04:32)

• Landon made the “best damn waffle” of his life.
• Comedic endorsements for "Sunrise Flower Waffle mix":
  • “It will make you shout glory hallelujah.” — Landon (03:30)
  • Taste descriptions (“melts in your mouth”, “makes you want to slap your mama…”)
• Discussion of needing different flours for baking, confusion at Walmart.

5. Airport Antics & Flying Woes (04:42–08:14)

• Riley hates airports except for people-watching; TSA agents are described as “the most miserable people…”
• “My bag is sick and tired of getting a damn MRI every time I want to travel.” — Riley (05:07)
• Plane jokes: Old aircraft with “square” windows, compared to historical planes.
  • “That plane was older than Methuselah. Amelia Earhart flew that son of a bitch.” — Riley (06:41)
• Turbulence was extreme and hunger rampant.
• Landon deals with unpleasant smells from his neighbor (“my mom beside me totally shit herself. That's all I smell all day.”) (08:10)

6. People Watching & Irritating Co-Travellers (08:14–11:42)

• Observation of a “5-star general” type passenger eating “damn granola and pumpkin seed”— “no wonder why you’re depressed.”
• On flight back, stuck near a robotics team: Overheard debates about hand-washing in the shower, body odor complaints.
• “You need to be more concerned about washing your ass in the shower.” — Riley (09:34)
• Interactions with a self-proclaimed orthodontist parent with suspect dental hygiene:
  • “If she would have bit me, I would have needed a tetanus shot.” — Landon (11:16)

7. More Travel Mishaps (11:42–13:02)

• Wild bus ride to rental car center.
• Extra charges for mud left in rental car (“We didn’t really have a choice…”)
• Both hosts defend not clearing out the car due to tight travel schedule.

8. Bathroom Etiquette & "Poop Fumes in the Mouth Wash" (13:19–14:21)

• Landon says Riley should leave the hotel room to use the restroom (“go to the lobby, bitch, I'm paying for this room…”)
• Riley attempts to mask odor by pouring LISTERINE in the toilet:
  • “I didn't want my poop to stink so I poured [Listerine] at the toilet.” — Riley (13:54)
  • “I threw that Listerine away. You don't want your poop fumes coming up on my Listerine bottle.” — Landon (14:21)

9. Packing, Toiletry Habits & Louis Vuitton Flex (15:00–16:15)

• The saga of forgetting personal care items, only to discover them in a different bag compartment.
• Riley’s joy at new Louis Vuitton duffel bag—airline staff never ask to check it for fear of damaging luxury luggage.

10. Uber Drivers & Oversharing (16:15–18:00)

• Host’s mixed feelings about Uber drivers talking too much.
• Ruth Ann, their latest Uber, is friendly to the extreme, asking personal questions and knowing the ins and outs of their apartment maintenance staff.

11. Concert Recap: Kid Rock, Ross Smith’s Granny Crowd Surf (18:16–19:34)

• Rock the Country highlighted—Kid Rock’s high-energy performance.
• World record moment: Ross Smith’s 99-year-old grandmother crowd-surfed.
  • “This 99 year old woman crowd surfed around. I mean, she was right under me…” — Landon (18:55)
  • “Carrying a Coca Cola. That was the most American I’ve ever seen.” — Riley (19:13)

12. Random Food Tangents (19:34–22:16)

• Riley craves Din Tai Fung dumplings after seeing them on TikTok, spends $70 on Asian takeout after Doordash mishap.
• Hulk Hogan death confirmed (July 24, 2025), with banter about his physique.
• Landon’s Pizza Hut order: He hates marinara and subs in BBQ or Alfredo sauce.
  • “Marinara is the most God awful, sinful thing you could ever put in your mouth.” — Landon (21:53)

13. Podcast Purpose, Humor & Audience Reflection (23:43–24:44)

• Riley: “We’re not influencing anything…if you are here for anything other than pure entertainment, you have come to the wrong spot.”
• Landon: “They’re getting a giggle. Laughter is the best medicine.”

14. Cars, Adulting, and AT&T Rants (24:44–26:20; 30:03–31:03)

• Landon talks about his electric car, forgetting to turn off rental’s engine.
• Riley would “rather pitch a tent” than go back to college, and is annoyed by lack of cell service:
  • “I have AT&T. So I could walk up into an AT&T and I still wouldn't be able to make a phone call.” (30:03)

15. Childhood Phones & Parenting Reflections (32:14–36:07)

• The hosts reflect on getting phones as kids (third or fourth grade) and what they’d do for their own kids in 2026.
• Opinion: Would give a child a limited/minutes-only phone to avoid Internet pitfalls.
• “When children get unbridled access to the Internet, that's when the world went to [shit].” — Riley (36:26)

16. Cousin Council: Advice Segment (39:03–43:09)

• Content Creation as a Career:
  • “Don’t quit your 9-to-5…because we both did. And by the grace of God, it worked out for us. But it don't work that way for everybody.” — Riley (40:29)
  • Social media creation is hard work and “so much more than just making a video.”
• Relationship Boredom:
  • Advice: “Your relationship is only as boring as you make it.” — Riley (41:52)
  • “Women nowadays want toxic. … The toxic. Don’t they, too?” — Landon (42:23)
• Imaginary Arguments & Daydreams:
  • Both regularly play out arguments, awards, and scenarios in their heads.
    • “I will have arguments with my shower head.” — Riley (44:18)
    • Kirsten brings up that Riley jumps out of bed in his sleep; Riley describes wild dreams.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Bad Sleep:
  • “It's been hell. Hell fire and brimstones.” — Riley & Landon (03:00–03:04)
• On Buc-ee’s Cleanliness:
  • “I would eat a brisket on the board off the Bucky’s bathroom floor. That’s how clean and pristine.” — Riley (02:16)
• On Old Planes:
  • “That plane was older than Methuselah. Amelia Earhart flew that son of a bitch.” — Riley (06:41)
• On Flight Neighbors:
  • "No wonder why you’re depressed. You’re eating [granola and pumpkin seed]. That's negative calories. Like what? Eat a damn Snickers.” — Riley (08:33)
• On ‘Poop Fumes in the Mouth Wash’:
  • "I didn't want my poop to stink so I poured [Listerine] at the toilet." — Riley (13:54)
• Relationships:
  • "Your relationship is only as boring as you make it." — Riley (41:52)
• On Making up Daydreams:
  • "Every night, I make up fake scenarios in my head. Arguments, interviews, winning awards. Is this normal?" — Listener (43:47)
  • “I will have arguments with my shower head.” — Riley (44:18)

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Memorable Tangents & Humor

• Arguments about toilet etiquette and how to properly mask odors, including Listerine being poured in the toilet.
• Musings on American Idol and Dancing With the Stars daydreams.
• Ongoing rants about cell service, rental cars, and the pitfalls of having an “old” iPhone.
• Wild dreams (ostrich riding, cruise ship whales) and sleep habits (optimal hotel room temp is a constant debate).
• Wistful nostalgia for Game Boys, DS, Farmville, and classic mobile games.

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Important Segment Timestamps

• Bad sleep & travel chaos: 00:36–03:10
• Buc-ee’s bathroom discussion: 01:38–02:29
• Airport & TSA rants: 04:48–05:28
• Old plane/flight neighbor complaints: 06:41–09:06
• Robotics team/shower hand-washing debate: 09:12–10:17
• Listerine-in-toilet story (“Poop fumes”): 13:54–14:23
• Relationship advice segment: 41:30–43:09
• Imagined arguments/daydreams: 43:47–45:44

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Takeaway

“Poop Fumes in the Mouth Wash” is a prime example of Bloodline Banter’s signature irreverence—funny, relatable, and deeply unfiltered. Riley and Landon deliver a Southern-fried, shameless, and totally entertaining look at life's oddities: from the mud and mayhem of concert travel, to the strange logic of hotel bathrooms, and the hilarity of making up imaginary beef with your shower head. The only thing you’ll likely learn is that laughter really is the best medicine.

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For More:

• Send advice questions/stories: TeamBloodlineBanterOfficial.com
• Follow/Subscribe: New episodes every Thursday.
• Direct Links: Podcast platforms, show notes, and bios.

Transcript

[Riley]

Hello everybody. Welcome back to Bloodline Banter. I'm Riley.

[Landon]

And I'm Landon.

[Riley]

And we're back. And things look a little bit different. Bear with us. We're in a transitional phase, but sooner than later we will be right back up and talking shit normal.

[Landon]

You know, this episode is going to be a little different because there's no intro video.

[Riley]

No intro video. There'll be no cousin council intro video. And the set is a little bit different.

[Landon]

I love it.

[Riley]

I feel like very bougie.

[Landon]

I feel like I need to go. Bonjour.

[Riley]

I literally feel like I'm in like the Biltmore State.

[Landon]

Anyways. Did you sleep good last night?

[Riley]

You know. No, not really. I don't feel like I ever do because I've said this a hundred times and I'll say it again. The floor to ceiling windows are a blessing because they're real good to look at. But whenever you don't have a damn curtain on them, all you can see is a damn 2 o'. Clock. It's 2 o' clock in my damn bedroom at 6:30 in the morning.

[Landon]

Yeah. What was your sleep score? Do you know?

[Riley]

75.

[Landon]

What was your sleep score, Kirsten? Okay.

[Riley]

Our friend Kirsten is here with us today, so she's just off camera.

[Landon]

Yeah, mine was 55 because I didn't go to bed until 4:30am this morning.

[Riley]

The night before last, whenever we were in Texas, we didn't get back from the contra. What the hell am I even saying? I literally, I. I don't know.

[Landon]

We didn't get back from Rock the Country.

[Riley]

We didn't get back from Rock the Country concert until like one o' clock in the morning. So my sleep. And we had to be up at the airport at 5:30 and.

[Landon]

And on the way to the airport I had to.

[Riley]

That tea was crisp.

[Landon]

What?

[Riley]

That tea was crisp.

[Landon]

Airport. Anyways, on the way to the airport, I had to stop and shit at least four times. Yes.

[Riley]

Four times we stopped at a Buc EE's that was like the size of a QT. Yeah, I've never seen in Texas. There's Buc EE's everywhere. Nobody gives a shit about them because they're everywhere. You go to a Bucky's here and it's like a damn tent revival. There's more people there than there are bags of chips. And at BUC EE's they just don't give a shit. In Texas, I mean, you're going into a 200 square foot shack with beaver nuggets and brisket on the board.

[Landon]

But the bathrooms are always nice. I had a few.

[Riley]

I would eat a brisket on the board off the Bucky's bathroom floor. Okay, that's how clean and pristine.

[Landon]

I had a very bougie doo doo in the buc EE's bathroom.

[Riley]

But anyways, that night we had to be up at 5:30 to go to the airport. And my aura ring did not even track my sleep. An hour and 20 minutes. It said log your nap. I woke up and I was like damn, was awful.

[Landon]

My sleep score that night was like 62. My sleep score last night was worse than that night because I don't know, I didn't go to bed till 4:30, 5 o' clock in the morning. I was stressed the hell out. I couldn't sleep. I had a mental breakdown last night, which don't usually happen and I was just having a time.

[Riley]

I'm telling you, it's been hell.

[Landon]

Hell fire and brimstones. Anyways, woke up this morning, cooked breakfast and that was the best damn waffle I have ever made in my entire life.

[Riley]

That shit was better than the Waffle House.

[Landon]

It was so fluffy and Riley was like, what'd you do? It's that waffle mix.

[Riley]

That Sunrise Flower Waffle mix it. I can't even begin to explain how like it just melts in your mouth.

[Landon]

It was. It will make you shout glory hallelujah.

[Riley]

It'll make you want to slap your mama, your grandmama and your grandmama's grandmama.

[Landon]

And it's from. Where was it from?

[Riley]

Sunriseflowermeal.com and if you're interested you can go to flower meal.com use code banter at checkout for 20% off your first order.

[Landon]

And it is so good, y'.

[Kirsten]

All.

[Landon]

It literally. They have all kinds of stuff here.

[Riley]

They have flour, they have pizza flour, bread flour. I've always wanted to make sourdough bread, but my ass don't know what to buy. Whenever I got. Whenever I go into the Walmart to look for bread flour, hell, I thought all flour was the same.

[Landon]

Sunrise flower meal.com use code banter B A N T R for 20% off your first order. It is literally the best thing.

[Riley]

And let me just say this. The bag says that it's organic and whenever they told me it was organic I was like, there's no way this is going to.

[Landon]

It's also milled in the United States of America, farmer owned.

[Riley]

I don't deal with stuff that's organic. Organic is not in my vernacular because in my opinion when it's organic. It has no flavor. But I was wrong.

[Landon]

We stand corrected. And it's. It's just.

[Riley]

So check it out. Use code banter at checkout for 20% off your first order.

[Landon]

Okay? Anyways, that was a whole little spiel, wasn't it? Yeah. Give these people the hookup.

[Riley]

I'm telling you. Do we have anything fun coming up.

[Landon]

Let's go back to Texas. Actually, let's recap. Traveling through the airport.

[Riley]

Okay. There's nothing worse that I hate than an airport. And I disagree.

[Landon]

I love people watch at an airport.

[Riley]

That's the only good thing, in my opinion. I hate going through tsa. Those are the most miserable people that you've ever met in your whole damn life. They hate their life. I've said it before. I'll say it again. They don't even know their favorite color,

[Landon]

and they don't even know their name.

[Riley]

And then they'll say, you'll have one agent tell you not to take your computer out of your bag. And then you'll have the next agent tell you to take your computer out of your bag, and then you have to worry about moving your tray through the damn X ray machine. I mean, my bag is sick and tired of getting a damn MRI every time I want to travel.

[Landon]

At least we don't have to take off our shoes.

[Riley]

My suitcase is going to have cancer.

[Landon]

At least we don't have to wear shoes.

[Riley]

Well, that's just because we have TSA Precheck.

[Landon]

No, you don't have to wear shoes to the airport. Like, you don't.

[Riley]

You don't have to take your shoes off. We have TSA Precheck, which makes it a little bit better, but they just put the less bitchy people in line for the TSA PreCheck. It's like, congratulations, I hate your life as much because these people tell me,

[Landon]

if y' all do this right before you get on the plane, you scout out who you don't want to sit beside. Well, Riley and I. Riley's sitting right here. I'm sitting, like, right behind him. Diagonal. We're in the aisle seats because we choose. We. We prefer an aisle seat over a window because you can get up and you can get out easy and you can go to the bathroom and don't have to ask people to wake up. Anyway, so we.

[Riley]

I used to love a window seat because I like to take a picture.

[Landon]

Not wanting a window seat is maturing.

[Riley]

Yeah, it is. It really is.

[Landon]

Amen.

[Riley]

Anyways, you will never catch my big, fat ass in the middle, though. I will not be stuck in between two people that you. That you will never catch me there.

[Landon]

I'm just not doing it anyway, so we.

[Riley]

I'll ride on the damn wing before I get in the middle seats. Ratchet strap me to the damn wing of the airplane. Anyways, I'm sorry.

[Landon]

Anyways, we were scouting out who we didn't want to sit beside. And out of all of the people that we decided we didn't want to sit beside, there was only one.

[Riley]

Riley got him right beside me. I literally contemplated jumping out the window at least four times. And the plane, I'm telling you right now, that plane was older than Methuselah. Amelia Earhart flew that son of a bitch. I'm telling you right now, it is older than.

[Landon]

Damn, it's older than the Declaration of Independence.

[Riley]

I mean, Thomas Jefferson, that was his private jet before they sold it to Southwest. I've never in my life. I. So the windows were square. They were about 2ft long and they dropped.

[Landon]

I could have bought it in Hiroshima with that plane.

[Riley]

Yeah, the damn Enola Gay. That was the Enola Gay plane right there. Southwest fleet from Nashville to Houston.

[Landon]

It was old.

[Riley]

I really felt very.

[Landon]

Felt like I was on the Tennessee tornado the whole way there was from Dollywood.

[Riley]

That's generous. It felt like. Have you ever seen the movie Cars where Tow Mater paves the road? And then he's like, it's the first time on Lenny Road. And like he's like losing parts and shit. That's how I felt, okay. I literally felt like we were going down an old dirt road with potholes big enough to fit an apartment complex in the sky. And then halfway through the flight, the captain says, all right, everybody, I'm going to ask the flight attendants to take their seat. We're going to experience some rough air. If the damn air would have got any more rough, we would have fallen out of the damn sky like a meteor. I mean, and we were so damn hungry, I was praying we'd fallen apart.

[Landon]

And then my mom beside me totally shit herself. That's all I smell all day.

[Riley]

There guy in front of you on the jet bridge. He was such an asshole.

[Landon]

He was miserable. He didn't.

[Riley]

He reminded me of like a five star general in the army. Like very stern, very like buzz cut just an. And halfway through the flight, he opens up a snack. And you know what he's eating?

[Landon]

What?

[Riley]

Damn granola and pumpkin seed. He looks like he stole it out of his wife's bird feeder. No wonder why you're depressed. You're eating. That's negative calories. Like what? Eat a damn Snickers.

[Landon]

Go get some potato chips. He looked like a Paul. You think he looked like a Paul? Yeah, I think he looked like a Garrett. Well, no, you remember Garrett landon?

[Riley]

He was 85. How many 85 year olds? Maybe a Gary.

[Landon]

A Gary? A Gary. A Gary. Paul.

[Riley]

Gary. You were an asshole.

[Landon]

Anyway, so traveling through the airport, and then we on the way back home from Texas, we got stuck behind the damn robotics team.

[Riley]

There was a robotics competition in Houston. I'm not gonna judge, so I really should just shut up, because if you don't have nothing nice to say, don't say nothing at all. That's right. They were talking the entire flight home as loud as I'm talking right now. And we were in the about shit

[Landon]

that you would not even. I mean, it sounded like they were speaking Spanish.

[Riley]

They started talking. It was like six of them. There were three right here, and then three behind him. They were like, do you wash your hands in the shower? I'm sorry, but the way y' all smell, you need to be more concerned about washing your ass in the shower, okay? Because I. I literally. You can wash your hands in the sink. Okay, don't wash your ass in the sink because everybody has to use that sink. But get in the shower, wash your ass. And. And they were like, yeah, I wash my hands in the shower because I washed my body with my hands, bitch. Have you never heard of a loofah?

[Landon]

A wash rag, A war shrag.

[Riley]

Put that Old Spice on a loofah because if you don't see the suds, your ass ain't clean enough. Sorry, I don't make the rules.

[Landon]

Anyways. And then I'm trying to think. Then they started talking about their robotic shit, and they all scored a 36 on the ACT for sure.

[Riley]

37. That's not even possible. Yeah, they definitely graduated from MIT and Harvard.

[Kirsten]

They were in high school.

[Landon]

Oh.

[Riley]

Oh, they were in high school. You're definitely going to MIT and Harvard. And then we got on the bus to go to the rental car center with some of their parents. And listen, I'm all for being that one lady. I'd been proud of my kids, too. She was talking about her son like he cured cancer.

[Landon]

I know. God.

[Riley]

She was saying, my son's here for the robotics competition.

[Landon]

The same woman looked at me and goes, do you have Invisalign in? And I went, yeah. And she said, I'm an orthodontist. And I went, oh, okay, that's nice. Bitch. This woman's teeth. If she would have bit me, I would have needed a tetanus shot. She was not.

[Riley]

The teeth were the color of this credenza.

[Landon]

Yeah, yeah, the candle.

[Riley]

Yeah, the wood candle.

[Landon]

And I was like, oh, you are. And she went, yes. And I went, okay, well, you have coffee stains, ma'.

[Kirsten]

Am.

[Riley]

Consider a straw.

[Landon]

You can't. There's no way she was. You think she was.

[Kirsten]

She sold that Invisalign from 500 people.

[Riley]

She did.

[Landon]

She saw that Invisalign from.

[Riley]

I mean, where was she from? Rhode Island?

[Landon]

Are they.

[Riley]

It's the smallest state in the country, and it's. It's.

[Landon]

They live like the Amish or something?

[Riley]

No, you just probably could throw a paper airplane from one side of the state to the other.

[Landon]

So they don't. They're slim pickings for orthodontists there, I guess.

[Riley]

I mean, yeah, you've got about 12,000 people to choose from, probably.

[Landon]

And so they just. No other options.

[Riley]

You get what you can get up there in Rhode Island.

[Landon]

Yeah. Anyway, so that was weird, but those bus drivers that take you to your rental car station drive like a bat out of hell.

[Riley]

She was super nice, though. She said, is everybody in here. Sit down. Because I drive this thing like I stole it, but I'm a good driver. And I was like, you know what, Brenda? Hell, yeah.

[Landon]

Her name was definitely not Brenda.

[Riley]

Well, whatever. Hell, yeah. I just needed to get there and get there quick.

[Landon]

And we did.

[Riley]

We did.

[Landon]

And I think we got a rental car. We got charged $100 extra for our rental car because I wasn't 25, which is the dumbest shit I ever did here. And then we got charged $50 extra because we left mud in the car.

[Riley]

Okay, well, we left mud in the car. We didn't really have a choice there. And before y' all say, oh, y' all are just pieces of shit, y' all don't go clean out your car before you return.

[Landon]

No, we just don't.

[Riley]

We had to be at the airport at six o' clock in the morning. We were up before the damn car wash was. And we didn't leave the concert till one o' clock in the morning. So I'll gladly pay the service fee for them to clean it. I do apologize.

[Landon]

I was probably still a little intoxicated when I woke up.

[Riley]

So we definitely ubered to the airport, but it was an hour and a half Uber ride.

[Landon]

I mean, I only had, like, four hours to sleep off my little tipsy situation.

[Riley]

That I was going in one and a half hours of sleep.

[Landon]

You had a nap.

[Kirsten]

Riley was up at 4:15 taking a shit. Okay.

[Landon]

Yeah, you were?

[Riley]

Yes, I was.

[Landon]

If you ever room with Riley, I say I'm weird.

[Riley]

Landon's like, riley, go to the lobby, bitch, I'm paying for this room. I'm not walking down to the lobby to take a shit.

[Landon]

Okay, you need to do that. You need to be respectful of other people's nose nostrils. Nobody wants to smell that.

[Riley]

Have you ever heard of Pu Pori?

[Landon]

No.

[Riley]

It's this big and it's like very strong Febreze. You need to get some. Keep it in your bag. Yeah.

[Landon]

You know what Riley did? Were going home and he.

[Kirsten]

Oh my God.

[Landon]

He said.

[Riley]

Oh God, I really don't remember.

[Landon]

No, it's nothing like crazy or bad. You just let me get up. He said, hey, I used your Listerine and I went for what? And he said, I didn't want my poop to stink so I poured at the toilet. Okay, and you thought that was going to work?

[Riley]

Well, Landon, if you would have went in there, you would have said, oh my God, Riley, it stinks in here. So I try to take matters into my own hands. I mean, it was a travel sized bottle.

[Landon]

I threw that Listerine away. You don't want your poop fumes coming

[Riley]

up on my Listerine bottle. You don't even take. You, Landon, you don't even take travel sized toiletries home with you. We leave them in the hotel.

[Landon]

I'm very bad about that. Do you do that?

[Kirsten]

Every single thing in there? I almost put in my bag because I thought you were.

[Riley]

I left my toothbrush travel size toiletries so I can leave them there behind. The maids will throw them away or they'll keep them if they want them. I'm sure an extreme cheapskate would love to come across something like that.

[Landon]

And I buy native.

[Riley]

Yeah, I mean, Landon, it doesn't matter if it's native. They're all a dollar.

[Landon]

Yeah, I didn't feel.

[Riley]

How much was it?

[Landon]

You know what I did though?

[Riley]

I thought you said 70. And if I buy a $70 razor, that bitch better grow legs and shave for me.

[Landon]

You know what I did though? You remember? Yeah, we had to go to the Walmart because I left all my soap and all that stuff at home. I opened my Louis bag and unzipped the middle and it was all in there. I didn't forget it. I just didn't look.

[Kirsten]

Wait, so we didn't have to go get all that? Unless you cry and complain about how you needed to go get all that.

[Landon]

I had to, because I was in there.

[Riley]

I finally bought a Louis Vuitton duffel bag. And my favorite thing.

[Landon]

How do you feel about that?

[Riley]

Well, let me get to it. My favorite thing about having it isn't having a Louis Vuitton devil mug. It's the fact that the Delta people and the Southwest people don't ever ask you if you want to check your bag.

[Landon]

No, they don't.

[Riley]

They don't want to fuck it up.

[Landon]

That's right. And then you dropped it on the concrete and scratched tail.

[Riley]

Well, Landon, whenever I'm having to roll my suitcase and your suitcase and my Louie and your Louis. Because the damn. Because Ruthanne, the Uber driver, parked 15 minutes away from us and you had to run down and zoom your camera to 25 to see her license plate so we knew if it was the right car. And I'm trying to. Shit, I'm trying to wheel two roller bags with two duffel bags on top and carry a water under my armpit. It's kind of hard to balance them. And if I'd have dropped yours, I probably wouldn't breathe it. Be breathing right now.

[Landon]

You wouldn't have. So that was good.

[Riley]

But it's okay.

[Landon]

Ruthann was a good Uber driver, but she took forever. Did your Uber driver take forever?

[Riley]

Okay, listen, I'm gonna sound like a bitch when I say this, okay, so

[Landon]

you sound like a bitch.

[Riley]

I don't always want my Uber driver to talk to me when I get in the car.

[Landon]

I don't either.

[Riley]

And Ruth Ann pretty much told us her damn Social Security number. Yes, she was. What are you guys.

[Landon]

We put on our business profile.

[Riley]

Quite preferred. Are you guys headed home? And then we rolled up to our apartment complex. How long have you lived here?

[Landon]

Is it owned by Graystar or Elmington? Well, Ruthan. Hell, I don't know. It's the maintenance snap. What he. What he say?

[Riley]

Does Al still work there? I was like, yeah, he did. Cuz he brought me a new dryer last week because my dryer bit the damn dust because I would have to dry my clothes, start the cycle 52 damn times to wash. Because we've talked about this before, too. My washer is this damn deep and my dryer could fit a small human in it. And so I'm washing two damn shirts because I wear extra large. I'm not. I'm fucking fat, okay? My clothes take up surface area. I'm having to throw my shit in the dryer and Then I'm having to dry it four fucking times. It's just a pain in the ass. So Al brought me a new dryer and it works now. So. Thank you, Al. Shout out to Al.

[Landon]

Anyways, moral stories. Our Uber driver was asking all kinds of shit and I just didn't want to talk. Then she said, did y' all go to Stagecoach? No, we went to.

[Riley]

I'm gonna be honest. I'm honest with you, Ruthanne. I don't hardly know what Stagecoach is.

[Landon]

I don't either. All I know is Coachella and they wear Nike shoe on one foot and a mukbu on the other.

[Riley]

At Coachella, they need to be wearing damn.

[Landon]

Do you know you know what I'm saying?

[Riley]

Have you seen the best crazy out there? Yeah, he wants to go party in a desert.

[Landon]

Well, hell, have you been a Coachella?

[Kirsten]

I've been a stage coach.

[Riley]

We partied in a damn cornfield this past week. So I don't guess we can talk. And it rained one day and there was so much mud. But they fixed it up and we were good to go.

[Landon]

I know they poured mulch in and everything.

[Riley]

Yeah, they were out there fixing that. And it was a hell of a concert.

[Landon]

It was. And I'm gonna be honest. Kid Rock. Say what you want to about the man, the can play every.

[Riley]

I've never seen damn instrument year old jump as round as much as he did y'. All. If I have, I would have to

[Landon]

do a line of yes to be able to have that much energy on stage.

[Riley]

If I had the energy that he has in his damn big toe. When I'm his age, you're gonna live tired. I will be on this damn podcast until I am.

[Landon]

Oh, my gosh.

[Riley]

Southwest plane we flew with to haste Houston.

[Landon]

And then in the middle of Brantley Gilbert set, Ross Smith and his grandmother,

[Riley]

she became the oldest person to crowd surf at a concert.

[Landon]

Yeah. So they broke the Guinness World record and they. She crowd surfed. This 99 year old woman crowd surfed around. I mean, she was right under me. Did she come under y'?

[Riley]

All? Who the hell did?

[Landon]

I was scared shitless. I thought they were gonna drop granny. I know if they would have dropped

[Riley]

her, I'd have died. I would have had a stroke.

[Landon]

I would have stroke. A heart attack and a stroke mixed together.

[Riley]

Yeah, yeah. She was like strapped in and she was carrying a Coca Cola. That was the most American I've ever seen in my life for 99 years old carrying a Coke.

[Landon]

I kind of want to bring her

[Riley]

on the I had to do coke.

[Landon]

Me too. Yeah. Anyways, concert was a good time. Takes good time. Where are we going next? Do we have any trips coming up?

[Riley]

Are we still going to Vegas?

[Landon]

I don't know.

[Riley]

We debated on going to Vegas for something.

[Landon]

Should we go to Vegas?

[Riley]

Okay, well, we debated on going to Vegas.

[Landon]

The only reason I would go is for dentai funk.

[Riley]

Well, I wasn't going to say that because the brand's probably watching, but yeah, we can't wait for the event. But we can't also cannot wait a little more to eat chocolate dumplings. As you can tell, I really need one. And I. I could. I just could it up the other day. I was so hungry. And listen, one thing about me, if they ever do away with doordash, oh, hell, I will be able to blow away in a stiff wind. It's the only thing giving me fat.

[Landon]

Really?

[Riley]

And yes, I was really craving a dumpling because I seen damn din tai fung on TikTok. And so I looked up dumplings. I ordered dumplings from some hole in the wall. Look like somebody's damn backyard kitchen. Which would have probably slapped harder than. Than.

[Landon]

Damn kid. Not kid Rock. The Hulk.

[Riley]

Hulk Hogan hook. Yes, and rest in peace. He died. Yeah, like a long time ago. Oh, I didn't know that, Lynn. He died, like months ago.

[Landon]

Like years.

[Riley]

No, like a cup. Maybe a year. Maybe months. I don't know. It's been a minute.

[Landon]

Okay.

[Riley]

Anyways, rest in peace, Hulkan. Oh, sorry.

[Landon]

Squirrel Doordash.

[Riley]

So I ordered dumplings. Well, they canceled my order, so then I spent 70 damn dollars. $70 ordering more Asian food when he died.

[Kirsten]

July 24, 2025.

[Riley]

Yeah, so like almost a year ago.

[Landon]

I didn't know that. Sorry.

[Riley]

Anyways, I got like $70 worth of food, but I only ordered that much just because there were so many things I wanted to try. That's why I don't like everything and then just kind of throw it away.

[Kirsten]

He died of a heart attack.

[Riley]

Okay, how old was he?

[Kirsten]

Like 71.

[Riley]

And he looked like he was built like a damn Maytag refrigerator. I mean, bigger. Bigger than he was really eating his protein.

[Landon]

You know what? I doordash Pizza Hut last night.

[Riley]

Yeah, you told me that. And I was really surprised because I don't feel like you like pizza very much.

[Landon]

I don't like pizza. I don't like pizza at all. And it's not because I don't like the pizza, the dough, or the cheese. It's because I don't like marinara sauce. I Think marinara is the most God awful, sinful thing you could ever put in your mouth. So when on my pizza, I get barbecue sauce, like a barbecue pizza, or I'll do Alfredo sauce and replace the marinara sauce. And it's very good. Same thing.

[Riley]

Arizona.

[Landon]

Like spaghetti? You like spaghetti?

[Riley]

Yeah.

[Landon]

I fuck up a spaghetti, I don't like a spaghetti.

[Riley]

The only thing I hate about is if you don't put the spaghetti leftovers in a glass container, you're giving your damn Tupperware a tattoo. Because you might as well run that through a car wash because that spaghetti sauce is not coming off the plastic,

[Landon]

not coming off the Tupperware.

[Riley]

Like you were going to need a Brillo pad and Hulk Hogan to get that off.

[Landon]

Mr. Clean, too.

[Riley]

Potentially a flame.

[Landon]

Throw in Mr. Clean and some Clorox.

[Riley]

I mean, Mr. Clean has to through the TV.

[Landon]

Anything you can find down the cleaning aisle of the wall, Walmart, you're gonna need it.

[Riley]

As many chemicals as you can. They say don't do that because it could be bad for your lungs. So really don't do it. But. And then try to get some damn spaghetti sauce off the Tupperware after it's sitting there for two or three days.

[Landon]

You probably could get a Guinness if you do it.

[Riley]

You're coming on the podcast.

[Landon]

There's gonna be an old lady that's like, no. There's gonna be a mom out there that's like 43, no. And she's gonna say, I get spaghetti sauce off my Tupperware all the time.

[Riley]

Women can clean any damn thing. Just like women can find any damn thing. I will be looking for something and I will have my mom help me. Like, not anymore, because I don't live with her. And you know, I'm a grown ass man. But whenever I was growing up, I'd be like, mom, I can't find this. And she'd be like, riley, it's in there on the counter. And I would look all over that damn counter. Might as well pick the damn counter up, look under it. I'd come in there, she'd find it in two damn seconds. My mother could find a needle in a damn haystack. All women are like that. They're just good at it.

[Landon]

I can't.

[Riley]

I can't either.

[Landon]

Anyways, you know, I was thinking earlier, we are recording a podcast. We're in our new, like, studio or whatever. People that watch our show take nothing away from this. You know, we're not influencing anything. We're not talking about anything important. We're not, we're not.

[Riley]

If you are here for anything other than pure entertainment, you have come to the wrong spot. If you want to be educated, the only thing I can educate you on is probably how to up a Krispy Kreme doughnut and like, perhaps talk some shit, watch some Netflix and drink some wine. If you need to know how to do any of that, hit me up.

[Landon]

But I was just thinking, you think people care that they're not getting anything from this? Like, except for a giggle? They're getting a giggle. They did learn how to make.

[Riley]

Yeah. You know, laughter is the best medicine.

[Landon]

It is.

[Riley]

So maybe they're getting something out of your.

[Landon]

I just watch all these other podcasts and they're like talking about sports and, and listen documentaries and true crime and all this other shit.

[Riley]

I just, I respect people who love sports and love cars. You know, a lot of guys love sports, have cars, they love all that shit. I respect the hell out of you because it takes a lot to be able to look at some shit and know exactly what's going on. But if you ever put me behind a tv, the only thing I understand is like, college football, because I watch football.

[Landon]

I don't even understand that.

[Riley]

Don't put my ass in the NFL. Don't ask my ass about baseball. Don't ask, oh, I know about baseball. Cars. I get in my damn car and I drive it. And if the check engine light comes

[Landon]

on, you take it to the.

[Riley]

I take it to the damn Toyota dealership. Okay, I'm just being honest. I can change a tire. I can do all that shit so I'm not stranded on the side of the road. But you know what? If I don't feel like it, I've got a button I press up there and it's called OnStar.

[Landon]

And he don't feel like it 100% of the time, so he's mashing that damn button.

[Riley]

Yeah.

[Landon]

Yeah.

[Riley]

But if you want to know anything else, hit me up.

[Landon]

Well, when we were in let's go Back talking about cars, I drive an electric car so I don't have to cut my car off. I just get out of the car and it goes off. So we have a rental car, we're in a sport. What are we on?

[Riley]

Well, we told him, get us something really cool. Get us like a Bronco because. And they were like, oh, yeah, we have a Ford Bronco. We were expecting like a jacked up Bronco, fully loaded redneck ass. They bring out a damn Vatoswagen Jetta looking Bronco Okay. Two feet. One and a half feet off the ground. No bike rack or anything on top of it. It looked like.

[Landon]

It looked like a little hamster car.

[Riley]

Yeah, it looked like a Fisher Price Bronco.

[Landon]

And that's what it was.

[Riley]

You know what it was. It did feel.

[Landon]

But it was a nice car anyways. They made me drive everywhere.

[Riley]

No, we didn't make him do shit. He said, I don't trust you to drive. You're not driving.

[Landon]

Would you.

[Riley]

I offered to. Did I not offer to drive? Like at least three times.

[Landon]

Would you have trusted yourself to drive, though?

[Riley]

Yes.

[Landon]

Where did you drive?

[Riley]

I did drive once to the festival

[Landon]

and he about killed us pulling into the Water Burger. You got killed as coming out of water?

[Riley]

That's because everybody in their damn mom an unpopular opinion.

[Landon]

I don't. With a whataburger.

[Riley]

Okay, listen. I do.

[Landon]

I don't.

[Riley]

I do. But I will say this.

[Landon]

They take forever.

[Riley]

I took a bite out of my.

[Landon]

And my Patty.

[Riley]

Matt was shot out the end of that like a damn bazooka.

[Landon]

Oh.

[Riley]

Because I don't. God, we're.

[Landon]

Electric car ADHD at its finest.

[Riley]

I got 80 of them. Go ahead.

[Landon]

I was just saying I don't have to cut my car off in my Tesla. When I get out of the car, it just automatically like, just goes to sleep. And when I was driving the Bronco in Texas, every time I got out of the car, I left the car running.

[Kirsten]

You would be inside the dang grocery store and I'd like the cars run.

[Landon]

I mean, hell yeah, it was.

[Riley]

It was.

[Landon]

And also, I don't even have to do that one my. With my car.

[Riley]

Landon was like, this damn thing has taken forever to go.

[Landon]

When I press the gas, the transmission was messed up.

[Riley]

No, it wasn't. Landon, you're just used to driving a damn Michelin. I mean, a damn Energizer Bunny battery. You get in the damn thing and you just

[Landon]

don't work for. I just felt like I had to mash the damn.

[Riley]

I drive a gas burner because I don't have time to sit and charge my shit. I want to be able to pull up to pump number three and pay $9 a fucking gallon for gas. And here.

[Landon]

Thank you, come again.

[Riley]

Yeah. It is no secret that Landon and I used to vape.

[Landon]

Yes, we did. But we don't anymore. Thank goodness. Cravings aren't just about nicotine. They're about the habit. The hand to mouth motion. Oral fixation. The momentary pause when that loop is broken. Craving spike fume replaces your Habit with a flavored air fidget device that gives your hands and mouth something to do, which is literally huge. I just remember like being in my car just wanting to.

[Riley]

You just hand to mouth motion of actually hitting.

[Landon]

Anyways, it's distracting you. Without nicotine vapor or batteries. Don't just try to quit. Upgrade the habit loop. Reach for fume instead.

[Riley]

Fume has already helped over 700,000 people take steps toward better habits. And now it's your turn. Use our code bloodline to get a free gift with your journey pack. Head over to trif.com that's T-Y-F u-m.com and use code bloodline to claim your free gift today.

[Landon]

Yeah, you can get a free gift with if you purchase a journey pack.

[Riley]

If you're with your purchase of a journey pack and go over and tell them we sent you.

[Landon]

I'm telling you, if you vape, you actually do this.

[Riley]

Try fume.

[Landon]

It's good.

[Riley]

What were we saying? Cuz I about said something. I about said something. What were we talking about?

[Landon]

I don't know.

[Riley]

I was about. I was set up to tell a real damn good story and you it up.

[Landon]

Well, come on.

[Riley]

I. I'd say it if I could remember it.

[Landon]

What was it about?

[Riley]

I don't remember. What were we talking about?

[Landon]

Talking about?

[Riley]

No, before that.

[Landon]

Doordash food. Whataburger. I hate Whataburger.

[Riley]

Damn it, Raleigh.

[Landon]

Come on.

[Riley]

Welcome to my life. And every time I do this, my grandparents are like, son, it ain't gonna get any better when you get older.

[Landon]

Well, if he gets older in a

[Riley]

damn dementia home right now. Because if I didn't have my damn head, I'd lose it. What are you gonna talk about? I don't remember. I really don't remember.

[Kirsten]

Driving to the vet school?

[Riley]

No, it was before that.

[Landon]

Okay, well, let's just move on.

[Riley]

Just move on. I broke and forgot.

[Landon]

You know, I was thinking, does your. We already talked about this last episode. But my wife. I don't work.

[Riley]

Still, I will say this. The one thing I hated about being out in the middle of a damn cornfield, I didn't have no service. I mean, not a lick of service. And I'm telling you right Now, I have AT&T. So I could walk up into an AT&T and I still wouldn't be able to make a phone call. Not to mention every time Landon calls me or I call Landon, the phone drops 15 minutes into. And then we end up bitching at each other because we think the other one hung up.

[Landon]

I'm gonna get a new phone. Let me tell you something. My phone is a piece of shit.

[Riley]

I have the iPhone 16 Pro Max. There's only like three phones new since this. And whenever they hit that button to turn everybody else's to shit when they release the 17, they really told me to throw this in the Old Faithful Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. Cuz I couldn't call somebody. I couldn't call him from where he's sitting right now.

[Landon]

It's awful.

[Riley]

I mean, you can't.

[Landon]

You can't call me? You can't get a hold of me? No.

[Kirsten]

Like, I called you three times this morning. It didn't ring.

[Landon]

It literally don't ring. And it's because they mashed that damn button. They put out the new phone and all the previous ones turned to shit. I mean, I'm about to whip out my damn BlackBerry.

[Riley]

I. I'm telling you right now, a BlackBerry will never steer you wrong. No, I want to have to push the damn 73 times to select R when I'm texting.

[Landon]

I want to slide it up. Do you remember them?

[Riley]

Turn it sideways and slide it up and use it like a damn MacBook.

[Landon]

That's how I used to think I was the shit when I had those.

[Riley]

My grandma had a phone like that one time and there was this app, it was called Bookworm. And I think that's how I learned to read really? Because I played Bookworm, not school.

[Landon]

You just.

[Riley]

Hell no. I didn't pay attention in school. I barely passed and I never went to college. I'm doing this and hopefully it works out. Because let me tell you something, if I ever have to go back to college, your ass won't catch me in college. I'll work at the damn Kroger.

[Landon]

You'd rather pitch a tent and be honest.

[Riley]

I would rather pitch a tent.

[Landon]

No, you'll work.

[Riley]

Speaking of the Kroger, the other day I was making an instacart order and I bought two cases of waters this big because they were bogo. Buy one, get one free. Yeah, I wouldn't get one.

[Landon]

Come on. Hell, bitch.

[Riley]

I'm trying to remember. And yeah, I've drank about two cases.

[Landon]

I don't have any groceries at all.

[Riley]

Yeah, I don't either.

[Landon]

At all.

[Riley]

I don't either. I could probably go to the Sam's Club right now and fill up one of them rolly trays.

[Landon]

I was gonna ask you something about parenting. I think whenever we were talking about phones and stuff. When did you get your first phone.

[Riley]

Oh, hell, y' all are about to judge my mom and dad.

[Landon]

Like when I was third grade, second grade.

[Riley]

Yeah.

[Landon]

I used to call my mom from elementary school, fourth grade, I will say

[Riley]

this one time I used to go

[Landon]

to the bathroom and say, mom so and so is being mean to me.

[Riley]

One time I was like the teachers.

[Landon]

And she'd call up there and be like, get the on the phone.

[Riley]

One time I was like, eight o'. Clock, eight o'.

[Landon]

Clock. Come on, Riley, you're broken today.

[Riley]

Welcome to my world. One time I was like 8 years old and my parents left me at home by myself, which I lived in the middle of nowhere. We lived on a 300 acre family compound. Like it's not out of the ordinary

[Landon]

to stay at home when you're eight.

[Riley]

Yeah, well, yeah, I mean, we learned to take care of ourselves. Hell, I was making ramen noodles by the time I was five anyways. And one time I didn't put water in and put them in the microwave

[Landon]

and blew the hell out the out of them.

[Riley]

Anyways, my iPad was dead. This was before I had a phone. And I couldn't use text now or whatever the hell I was using to get a hold of my mom and dad. And it fell down in the couch. Well, I flipped the couch up, cut the back of the couch with a kitchen knife to get my iPad out. Then it was dead. And my charger wasn't working. So I went out to the main road.

[Landon]

Riley.

[Riley]

I flagged down a crackhead and asked if I could use their phone. They could have trafficked my ass right there because didn't. I didn't know. I was like, can I call my

[Landon]

mom on your phone?

[Riley]

Thank God they didn't take me to social media.

[Landon]

Was different though. Back whenever we had phones in school, it was awful.

[Riley]

Like.

[Landon]

Like there was no Tik Tok. There was no nothing. Like, what did we do on phones? I played Farmville.

[Riley]

We went, oh, that was.

[Landon]

And Heyday and Temple Run.

[Riley]

You know, Temple Run don't hit like it used to hit.

[Landon]

I ain't played it in about 15 years.

[Riley]

I don't think sometimes, every once in a while, I'll get a wild heron, flappy bird.

[Landon]

Why'd they discontinue that?

[Riley]

Because it was like addicting or something. But sometimes I'll get a wild hair and I'll get really bored. I'll download Subway Surfers.

[Landon]

Hey, I love Subway Surfer. Did you ever play that? What'd you play? An Atari? Yeah. No shit.

[Riley]

Yes, you did. Did you really do you remember the Game Boy?

[Landon]

Yeah.

[Riley]

Hey, I messed up the damn Game Boy. What was that farming game we used to play on the ds?

[Landon]

John Deere.

[Riley]

Yes, the John Deere farming game where you would have to work your farm

[Landon]

and you go to the market chickens

[Riley]

and then you'd go in and buy a combine and shit.

[Landon]

If I had a DS right now, I would mess that up.

[Riley]

You know, a lot of people played the Sims and stuff. I never did that.

[Landon]

I played like, I actually did play Sims.

[Riley]

I didn't.

[Landon]

I did. I have like a family.

[Riley]

I never played.

[Landon]

I had like 11 kids. Killed one of them one time because you can make them like do whatever you want them to do.

[Kirsten]

Music and AOL messenger.

[Landon]

Aol.

[Riley]

Oh my God.

[Landon]

Listen, if you email me and it's Hotmail or aol, I hate whenever someone's

[Riley]

like, text me and they, you text them and it's like, Bob, Joe27.com like, bitch, get a phone number. Come on, it's 2026. Get a damn phone number. I get the ATT is. Damn. A thousand and twenty seven dollars a month and you don't have service. Standing on top of the Celtic.

[Landon]

We really talk so much about att.

[Riley]

Well, you know what? Maybe if we talk enough, they'll fix my damn connection.

[Landon]

Amen.

[Riley]

It ain't slander if it's true.

[Landon]

Amen. Let's switch. Who should we switch to?

[Riley]

Hell, I don't know.

[Landon]

I've seen wonderful things about T Mobile.

[Riley]

Everybody sucks.

[Landon]

I've seen wonderful things about T Mobile.

[Riley]

Well, T Mobile sponsored the podcast and you then maybe one day you can use code bloodline for 20% off your phone bill. Not really. Don't try that. But in a perfect world

[Landon]

anyways, if you had a kid, what age would you give them a phone now?

[Riley]

Oh God, in 2026?

[Landon]

I don't think I'd give them one

[Riley]

until they were 20. I mean, people are wild as hell out here. 20 years old, you're in your first phone. Like, I don't really know. To be honest.

[Landon]

A part of me is like, I need to know.

[Riley]

I would give them a phone, I think, with minutes. Because when children get unbridled access to the Internet, that's when the world went to.

[Landon]

Is that what happened to us?

[Riley]

I mean, that's what happens to everybody. People be posting any damn thing on Tick Tock. Have you seen people younger than us dancing with no damn clothes on? Like, it's, it's embarrassing.

[Landon]

It's awful.

[Riley]

Like, I don't want my. I don't Know, I'm probably gonna give my kid like a phone that only

[Landon]

has minutes or they can only call. Is that even possible?

[Riley]

Only call the people you want it to call? Yeah, they can't even dial numbers. You program everybody's phone into it. I'll download them. Surface subway surfers, huh? And Temple run, they can. Yeah, they can go in there and do their thing and.

[Landon]

Huh. I would die if I wasn't able to call my mom at school. When I was a kid, I call my mom every day. If a teacher pissed me off, I'm calling my mom and telling on them because I had a cool parent, I had cool parents.

[Riley]

And my grandma was really overprotective and she still is. If you know my nana, you know that she will be your best friend and then she will fuck you up in the same week. And she's made an impression on every one of my teachers and it was quite embarrassing because I wouldn't even say anything to her. And somehow she'd find out. I guess she wiretapped my ass. Somehow she'd find out that like my teacher was being a bitch and she would get a hold of my teacher's email. Speaking of being a one time whenever my great grandma passed away.

[Landon]

Oh Lord.

[Riley]

Yeah. My little brother's AG teacher would not let him make up the test that they were supposed to take because he had her funeral that day and didn't come to school.

[Landon]

And you handled that one.

[Riley]

And she said, it's just a part of life, you just have to do it. Hell no.

[Landon]

But you email her.

[Riley]

I emailed her some. I was cooking.

[Landon]

You were cooking with before I even

[Riley]

knew how to use chat gp. You were frying open AI needs hire my ass to write. Right, okay. Because I.

[Landon]

You probably told her that her I

[Riley]

was cooking with bacon grease. I was like, this is absolutely ridiculous. Have some damn compassion.

[Landon]

You probably told her she was fat and ugly too.

[Riley]

Well, anyways, guess what you got to do.

[Landon]

Yeah. Okay, well, you want to get into our. Our, what's it called? Cousin Council.

[Riley]

Oh yeah. All right. Everybody, this is Cousin Council. We are not in our attire this week.

[Landon]

I think we're doing away with the attire.

[Riley]

You know, I got a retire but

[Landon]

I think we're retiring the attire.

[Riley]

It was a vibe for a while, but I'll be honest with you, I hate wearing that damn white undershirt.

[Landon]

It's awful.

[Riley]

The only time I will ever wear one of those damn white undershirts is at my wedding.

[Landon]

And you might not even wear it then.

[Riley]

Might not. Hell I don't, I don't really know, to be honest.

[Landon]

Anyways, you have the submission.

[Riley]

Anyways, I have this submission. So welcome back to cousin council.

[Landon]

Oh, and we have a new email.

[Riley]

We do have a new email. So you can send in your submissions advice if you want advice your crazy unhinged stories to Team Bloodline Banter official dot com.

[Landon]

We'll put it in the show notes.

[Riley]

Yes. And we'll, we'll see if we'll pop it up on the screen.

[Landon]

Yeah, well it's in all of our bios and stuff. We'll do all that stuff.

[Riley]

Go hit it up. Send in your crazy. Cuz let me tell you something, y' all be sending in some.

[Landon]

This week's actually not as crazy as

[Riley]

it usually is as crazy. So this actually we didn't get a

[Landon]

lot of good crazy ones for this.

[Riley]

No. But these are useful. I feel like.

[Landon]

Okay.

[Riley]

Okay. So I hate my 9 to 5 and want to go all in on content creation, but I'm scared. Should I just take the leap? I will tell you that a lot of people think that this job is just showing up and making a five second video and doing not shit the rest of the day, but it really is so much more than that. You cannot have the mentality that you're just going to go in and post a video and be done shit and yeah, sleep.

[Landon]

But I think you should do it. Definitely should do. I mean everybody should try, I guess, if you want to. But I'd be honest, if you're sick in the mud, don't even try. You got to have a personality and you got to be able to talk to that camera or you're cooked.

[Riley]

I will also say this in the beginning. Don't quit your 9 to 5 because we both did. And by the grace of God, it worked out for us. But it don't work that way for everybody. And it's a lot harder to monetize on social media than it is. It's so competitive too now because everybody does it. Yeah. Which is great. Get your bag. But like it's just the truth.

[Landon]

Tell us the answer, yes or no. Should we?

[Riley]

Well, another thing, you can work one hour a week doing this, but you'll make no damn money. So. And there's so much more to it on the back end than there is showing the camera. You're answering emails, you're talking to lawyers, doing all kinds of shit.

[Landon]

So heavy on the talking to lawyer part.

[Riley]

If you want to do it, do it. If not, don't anyways.

[Landon]

Yeah.

[Riley]

So.

[Landon]

Okay, that was. That was a good question. That was a serious one. Yeah, we just preach. I don't like the serious ones. Don't ask me serious.

[Riley]

This one's asking about a relationship. Okay. My boyfriend treats me amazing. I cannot speak.

[Landon]

No, you have your. You had a stroke.

[Riley]

I've not had any. Damn.

[Landon]

You had a stroke.

[Riley]

I've not had any.

[Landon]

Are you hungry?

[Riley]

Hell, yeah.

[Landon]

What are you gonna eat after this?

[Riley]

I don't know. I'm probably about to hit up doordash again. Doordash. If you say this, please sponsor the damn podcast.

[Landon]

I want to go to neighbors.

[Riley]

Okay, yeah, we're gonna go eat anyways. My boyfriend treats me amazing. Communicates well. No red flags at all. He's a 10 out of 10. But I'm bored. Do I stay or do I leave?

[Landon]

Go buy a damn board game, then

[Riley]

get a damn hobby. Learn to sew.

[Landon]

Get some Monopoly.

[Riley]

But why is your relationship boring? Your relationship is only as boring as you make it. Mine and my girlfriend's relationship isn't boring.

[Landon]

So what do you. What did she say again?

[Riley]

She's bored. But he's perfect, apparently. Hell, well, you need to lower your standards.

[Landon]

It sounds to me like you need to. He needs to find a new new one.

[Riley]

Don't settle for anything ever. But, like, lower your damn standards a little bit. Shit.

[Landon]

I mean, hell, that's kind of rude to say, right? If she's bored, do you want to

[Riley]

run up like Prince Charming to your castle with a white?

[Landon]

Women nowadays want toxic. I have a theory. I have a theory that women nowadays, they like the. They like the toxic. The toxic. Don't they, too?

[Riley]

They all do.

[Landon]

Yeah.

[Riley]

I mean, if they're not. If. I mean, honestly, in 2026, if you're

[Landon]

not getting cheated on or in an open relationship, then you're just not doing it right, apparently.

[Riley]

Speaking of open relationship, we were at the festival the other day and somebody walked by me with an upside down post pineapple shirt, and it said, it's not cheating if my wife watches. Y' all are crazy as hell. Like, get a. Learn about cars. Get a damn hobby. Do something that is cheating.

[Landon]

People are freaky.

[Riley]

Want to call it a damn polyamorous Polygram jam? No, that's cheating with a little out of touch. Okay, I don't understand that. And why would you wear that T shirt in public? There's children around and they're all going to be like, mom, look at the pineapple. Yeah, you don't eat that kind of fruit. It's fucking poisonous.

[Landon]

Yeah, that was kind of. I feel like that's kind of bad. I hope he sees this and leaves.

[Riley]

Actually, yeah, I don't know her name, but if. Check her. Maybe check her email. Okay. Third one, Last one. Every night, I make up fake scenarios in my head. Arguments, interviews, winning awards. Is this normal?

[Landon]

Oh, it is for me.

[Kirsten]

Well, hell, let's talk about your dream.

[Riley]

We'll get to my dream that I had the other day in just a

[Landon]

second, and then we'll get to mine.

[Riley]

Okay, I will say this. Whenever American Idol or Dancing with the Stars is on, if you could be a fly on the wall in my damn living room, they'd cast my ass.

[Landon]

Really?

[Riley]

I'm doing the tango right there with Carrie, Anna Naba. I'm shaking what the good Lord gave me. I mean, you might as well call me Lynn Goodman. I know. Rest in peace.

[Landon]

Damn.

[Riley]

We're all about talking about dead people today.

[Landon]

Anyways.

[Riley]

I will have arguments with my shower head.

[Landon]

I will, too. Don't you hate whenever you're in a conversation and then you get out of the conversation and then you replay it and you're like, damn it, I want to say this.

[Riley]

Yes, I.

[Landon]

If I could go back, I would have told so many people that they just to kiss my ass.

[Riley]

And right off, sometimes I'll be driving down the road and I will be talking to myself, playing out like I'm talking to somebody else. And then I realize that the people driving by me are probably thinking, this damn person has schizophrenic. Damn Skype to psych ward.

[Landon]

I think you actually kind of have been schizophrenic here lately.

[Riley]

I think that. I don't know if you can develop that, but if. If it's possible. I've definitely developed it over the past month. But what were you saying? Oh, my dream the other day. So apparently, Kirsten. I wake up and Kirsten's like, riley, if you don't stop moving in your sleep, we're gonna have a problem.

[Landon]

Yeah, because we're on a hotel and Rally's in this bed. Me and Kirsten are in this bed, and we're sleep with people, and Riley, all I hear is, boom. Like the springs in the bed go,

[Riley]

okay, this is what I had a dream about. Don't ask me. I don't know why I fell asleep. I had a dream that I was on a cruise ship in the Bahamas. I'm standing up on the pool deck and I'm looking out, and all I see is whales jumping and I see ducks in the water. I don't know why the hell a duck would be in the ocean. And then I see people riding ostriches on the beach.

[Landon]

Riley.

[Riley]

And apparently I jumped up.

[Landon]

We're gonna have one of them dream interpreters comment and be like this means you.

[Riley]

Someone's gonna read a tarot card or something and be like this means that you've been very stressed. And the jump was to symbolize a new beginning.

[Landon]

You did.

[Riley]

I came up like a fish out of water.

[Landon]

You did like he's laying there and goes boom.

[Riley]

Anyways. Yeah. What'd you dream about?

[Landon]

I dreamed that I was killing zombies. I had watched like a clip or something of the walking dead come up on my TikTok. And I look over and I just vividly remember going and stabbed Kirsten in

[Riley]

the head with your hand. She threw your hand in the middle of the night.

[Landon]

And then Riley likes to sleep with the temperature at 63.

[Riley]

Okay. Kirsten sleeps with the temperature at 72 degrees.

[Landon]

Now that's a little wild.

[Riley]

That is literally hell. Okay. I don't want to fall asleep in hell. If I wanted to be in 72 degree weather, I would live in a damn shack with no central heat. Narrow. Okay. I put the very first thing that anybody does that is in their right mind whenever they go into a hotel room is they crank that damn AC as low as they can get it. Because you can sleep in a damn igloo and you ain't got to pay the power bill.

[Landon]

Okay. I keep mine on 68.

[Riley]

I put. I put it on 64.

[Landon]

That's cold. Raleigh.

[Riley]

Well, hell. Hell, it was 60 outside. Scorpion on a rock over here. Slipping on a 72 degree damn gas stove. 70 with a fan. It's just circulating the hot air.

[Landon]

I think 68 will do. 67. 68. I think 64. I think I woke up and my damn nipples were icicles.

[Riley]

I don't know. It was quite literally awful. If I could sleep in a damn igloo, I would like. If you. If you can order an igloo on Amazon, I will be ordering one of those bitches and getting it tomorrow. Because we live in a.

[Landon]

We went way off track.

[Riley]

Yeah, I know. That's the story of our life. Anyways, this has been all over the place.

[Landon]

Yeah, I think we can end it here.

[Riley]

Maybe. I think so. It's been.

[Landon]

Let us know what we should put behind our shelves.

[Riley]

Yeah, this. We are going to customize it and then next week we're going to actually have our logo on this tv. But until then, Then we have this beautiful scenic picture.

[Landon]

Is that Nashville?

[Riley]

Nashville, yeah. And if you can see right up there, that's the Batman building. And you call. It's actually the AT&T building. So I may have to walk up in there and cuss all those bitches out because I know I can't speak today.

[Landon]

Okay, well, just.

[Riley]

I ever have service.

[Landon]

Yeah. Let us know what we should put behind our shelves. I'm thinking a picture of me. And, like, I don't even know. Let me know.

[Riley]

Something very aesthetic.

[Landon]

I'm going aesthetic.

[Riley]

Yeah. I'm going for, like, clean. I don't want a whole bunch of, like. I love the way that looks.

[Landon]

I would say you would keep it

[Riley]

a little bit, but I really do.

[Landon]

Like, I kind of want a picture, just my face behind me.

[Riley]

You know what? It's your shelf.

[Landon]

It is my shelf.

[Riley]

For an hour. However long the episode is, it's your shelf customized the way you want.

[Landon]

48 minutes, I think. Yeah. Pretty good.

[Riley]

All right, everybody will. Well, it was good to talk to you. We will see you every Thursday. Make sure to subscribe anywhere you get your podcasts. Follow us on Apple Podcasts, find our socials, and until next time, we'll see you later.