Put Me On Jury Duty

Summary

Bloodline Banter – “Put Me On Jury Duty”

Podcast: Bloodline Banter (2M Media Group)
Date: April 23, 2026
Hosts: Landon & Riley

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Episode Overview

This episode is classic Bloodline Banter chaos – unscripted, wild, and thoroughly Southern. Landon and Riley riff candidly about their night out in Nashville, the mysteries of space travel, family memories, gas station snacks, jury duty, and much more. From deep-diving into bathroom science aboard spaceships to debating mayonnaise brands, they keep the energy high, laughter constant, and rarely stay on track for long. They introduce a new trivia segment (“Bloodline Brain Check”), answer wild listener submissions in “Cousin Council,” and leave nothing sacred or un-sassed.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Night Out on Broadway & “Nashville Experience”

• Timestamps: 00:29–02:25
  • The episode opens with Landon and Riley recapping a spontaneous, wild night out “on Broadway” with friends in Nashville.
  • Riley mentions seeing “a woman leaving a Christian revival, smoking a cigarette as long as this pointer finger, like this hand shaking… She hadn’t had one in about two and a half hours. And she was feening for one.” (01:26–01:44)
  • They witness “two people making love to Country Roads, Take Me Home” and riff on how the song is universal for getting down.

2. Morning Mishaps & Chick-fil-A Drama

• Timestamps: 02:25–03:07
  • Landon shares his Chick-fil-A breakfast order snafu (“they left out my chicken biscuit”) and making a “five-point turn” in a busy intersection.
  • Riley roasts Landon’s driving, “Like we haven’t been here 150 times… cars lined up at least 7,000 people this morning. Cause dumb don’t know how to drive.” (02:49–03:06)

3. Adventures in Fast Driving

• Timestamps: 03:07–03:38
  • Riley brags about her high-speed trip from Georgia to Nashville. “Vin Dasel has never driven as fast as I drove last night… not admitting to any crimes…” (03:21–03:30)

4. Boxed Water & Socioeconomic Status

• Timestamps: 01:10–01:22, 04:00–04:30
  • Riley mocks Landon for drinking boxed water: “My credit score is gonna go up 30 points when I drink this water out of the box.”
  • “Cheez Its come in boxes, Landon, not water.”

5. Space Travel, Toilets, and Moon Conspiracies

• Timestamps: 04:04–08:16
  • They discuss Artemis missions, reliability of Wi-Fi versus space communications, and space toilets.
  • Riley is aghast at toilet tech:

    “If they recycle shit water, then we should just leave them in space.” (05:48–05:50)

  • The conversation devolves into theories about moon landings, with both skeptical:

    “They gotta do it for real this time. They didn’t do it last time.” – Landon (07:50–07:54)
    “We ain’t never been to the damn moon. If Helen Keller knows we’ve never been to the moon.” – Riley (07:54–08:12)

  • On drinking recycled water:

    “Hell no. Does it look like I would go to space? I ain’t in that vacuum toilet, and I damn sure ain’t drinking my piss.” – Riley (08:16–08:25)

6. Generational Humor & Family Antics

• Timestamps: 17:54–19:29
  • Riley recounts how her grandpa gets her dog’s name wrong: “…calls him everything but Ozzy… Roscoe, Fido, Trooper Cooper.”
  • Old people and Starbucks prank trends: sending elders to order “two back shots.”

7. Jury Duty Desires

• Timestamps: 15:38–16:46
  • Landon goes viral with a video about wanting to be on jury duty.
  • “Everybody always bitches about [jury duty]… but I’m nosy as hell and I want to go in there.” (15:43–15:47)
  • He would make it dramatic:

    “The minute lawyer said objection, I’d go ‘hear that’. On what grounds? Hearsay. Sustain.”

  • They fantasize about deliberation-room snacks: “Maybe like Cheez-Its and Biscoff cookies and box water?” (16:43–16:55)

8. Gas Station & Snack Food Hot Takes

• Timestamps: 20:42–24:13
  • Their favorite road-trip snacks: “chicken taquito on a QT Roller,” Cokes, Twin Snake gummies, Little Debbie for Landon; Riley loves Doritos, pork rinds (“chicharrones”), and reminisces on coconut donuts.
  • On their Taco Bell nostalgia and discontinued favorites:

    “The best thing Taco Bell ever did was make a cool ranch Dorito taco. And then they got rid of it.” – Landon (24:01–24:13)

9. School Stories & The Art of Skipping

• Timestamps: 24:31–26:58
  • Riley and Landon retell high school and college stories: skipping classes to go to Olive Garden, erasing absences in deals for blankets, and being Teacher’s favorites.

10. Online Comments, Ranch Fighting, and the Mayo Wars

• Timestamps: 27:11–29:34
  • They react to hysterical internet comments (“I wish you would try to kick my ass in a fight over ranch. I will shank you.” – Landon (28:04))
  • Mayonnaise takes:

    “You can take the Miracle and the whip and shove it straight up your ass.” – Landon (28:42–28:51)

  • Both love Duke’s or Kraft, absolutely NOT Miracle Whip:

    “I want to close my eyes and perform a miracle and make you disappear. I don’t want no damn Miracle Whip.” – Landon (28:51–29:12)
    “Somebody needs to beat your ass with Miracle Whip.” – Riley (28:51)

11. Trivia: "Bloodline Brain Check"

• Timestamps: 33:58–45:53
  • “Bloodline Brain Check” is an Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?–style trivia game.
  • Sample Q&A and banter:
    • Plural of mouse: “Mice”
    • Longest river: “The Nile.”
    • “My girlfriend’s a teacher. Don’t shut the phone. You’ve got the questions. And I hope they’re a little harder than that, because if you don’t know that, then you just need to go to hell.” – Landon (36:04–36:14)
  • Hilarious stumbles on “Ottawa” as the capital of Canada, desert definitions (debating if Antarctica counts), and the intricacies of mitochondria.
  • Disagreements and confusion fuel much of the fun.

12. Cousin Council: Wild Listener Stories

• Timestamps: 51:54–57:58
  • Moving Grandma’s ashes and the washer-flood incident:

    “My roommate ran up, and he was like, hey, don’t be mad, but Grandma went swimming.” (52:32–53:07)

    • Hosts agree: “At least you put Granny in a Ziploc bag.” And: “Our opinion: just take Granny out of the basement.”
  • Roommate-uncle romance:
    • Shock and amusement at a friend ending up married to another's uncle: “Could you imagine, though, taking your best friend to a family function and then two years later they are married and have kids? No, I couldn’t.”
    • “You were a matchmaker. You can add that to your resume.” – Landon (55:41)
  • Friend drama after a breakup:
    • Landon: “You should tell her that she is faker than a monopoly $100 bill, and then you should tell her that she broke the code.”
    • Hosts agree, “You’re not being dramatic,” and encourage a creative insult for the offending ex-friend.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If they recycle shit water, then we should just leave them in space.” – Riley (05:48)

• “My credit score is gonna go up 30 points when I drink this water out of the box.” – Riley (01:14)

• “Hell no. Does it look like I would go to space? I ain’t in that vacuum toilet, and I damn sure ain’t drinking my piss.” – Riley (08:16)

• “You can take the Miracle and the whip and shove it straight up your ass.” – Landon (28:42)

• “I just slingshotted a damn coconut donut straight at that bitch’s pregnant belly. I sure did. Sixth grade.” – Landon (23:23)

• “We ain’t never been to the damn moon. If Helen Keller knows we’ve never been to the moon.” – Riley (07:54–08:12)

• “You should whoop her ass. You should tell her that she is faker than a monopoly $100 bill.” – Riley (56:57–57:01)

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Timestamps to Key Segments

• Nashville tales & wild night: 00:29–02:25
• Chick-fil-A & bad driving: 02:25–03:07
• Space toilets, moon conspiracies: 04:04–08:16
• Jury duty obsession: 15:38–16:46
• Family & generational names: 17:54–19:29
• Gas station & snack food: 20:42–24:13
• School stories: 24:31–26:58
• Ranch & mayo wars: 27:11–29:34
• Brain Check trivia: 33:58–45:53
• Cousin Council submissions: 51:54–57:58

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Flow & Tone

• Chaotic, irreverent, and laugh-out-loud funny; classic Southern wit and storytelling
• Hosts break into tangents, personal stories, and call out each other’s quirks continuously
• Raw, unfiltered, and no topic is too sacred for a punchline

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a wild ride full of wit, affectionate roasting, shared nostalgia, and zero filter. Fans of off-the-cuff humor and southern storytelling will love the banter and real-talk approach. Standouts include the “Brain Check” trivia, jury duty enthusiasm, and the unfiltered “Cousin Council” segment—proving once again that sometimes, life really is stranger (and a lot funnier) than fiction.

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For more, subscribe to Bloodline Banter and follow Landon and Riley across socials for updates, behind-the-scenes, and more outrageous moments!

Transcript

[A]

Get away from me.

[B]

I didn't hear nothing.

[A]

And you go there, you stupid. I don't eat a lot of.

[B]

But I ain't eating no damn tuna fish.

[A]

Riley's trying to compose himself. Anyways, welcome back to Bloodline Banter. I'm Landon.

[B]

And I'm Riley.

[A]

And here we are. How you feeling this morning?

[B]

I'm feeling great. How are you feeling?

[A]

I feel wonderful.

[B]

I bet you do.

[A]

We had a time last night. I'll just go ahead and tell everybody. We went out with our friends. Riley and I decided to.

[B]

We ended up on Broadway again. And I feel like every single time we record, the very first thing is we say, last night we were on Broadway and this happened. But we've had so many friends visiting, it's just like we have to give them the full Nashville experience.

[A]

And there's nothing better than Riley and I a little tipsy on Broadway. Little. This is Riley, last night, trying to talk to Landon.

[B]

Shut up.

[A]

He had one eye closed.

[B]

Anyways, I actually, like, could drink the Tennessee River. Like the water in the Tennessee river right now. I'm so parched.

[A]

Well, do you have. You have a water?

[B]

Landon, this water is in a box. My credit score is gonna go up 30 points when I drink this water out of the box. I can feel my socioeconomic status right now.

[A]

We have no earthly idea what we're talking about today. We've not planned out this episode.

[B]

Let me just tell you, last night we did see a lot of crazy shit on Broadway. I seen a woman leaving a Christian revival, smoking a cigarette as long as this pointer finger, like this hand shaking. She hadn't had one in about two and a half hours. And she was feening for one. She was.

[A]

And she just left a Christian revival.

[B]

And you know what she was smoking Virginia and Slim. Like, Virginia Slim Menthol 1/ hundreds. She was throwing it down last night.

[A]

And then all the rest of them were on Broadway.

[B]

Then I sent. Seen two people making love. Two country roads take me home. I took a video. They are literally, they're. They're. According to them, there was nobody around them because they were bumping and grinding to John Denver. Country roads, take me home.

[A]

And it was a time if you

[B]

can get down to country roads take me home. I think you get down to anything. The ABCs.

[A]

Well, let's talk about my morning. I get in the car. We woke up this morning. I Woke up at 9:30, which is. And I was feeling fine. Everybody was hungry as hell. So we went to Chick Fil A. I've Never been to Chick Fil a where they messed up my order and Chick Fil a left out my chicken biscuit this morning.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I turned around in the middle of a two five five way intersection and just.

[B]

Yeah. Landon also took the wrong turn on the way to the studio this morning. Like we haven't been here 150 times. And then he proceeded to do a five point turn in the middle intersection. Middle of the road with cars lined

[A]

up at least at 7,000 people this morning. Because dumb don't know how to drive.

[B]

Yeah. I don't.

[A]

Surprise.

[B]

And I drove. Let me just tell you what I did yesterday. Riley drove back to Nashville yesterday. Cuz I was back home in Georgia when I tell you that Fast and Furious would have casted me last night.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I ain't kidding.

[A]

Yeah, you were going 93.

[B]

Vin Dasel has never driven as fast as I drive last night. I'm not admitting to any crimes, but I'm just gonna tell you I was breaking the law. Okay. I cannot take you seriously drinking out of a box of water. Why? Cheez its come in boxes, Landon, not water.

[A]

That's all they had over at the will.

[B]

We're gonna doordash here in a minute. Okay. And I'm drinking half of it.

[A]

Okay. You.

[B]

I don't.

[A]

I just lost all my train of thought. This is not a good day.

[B]

That my brain is how you feel right now.

[A]

My brain?

[B]

Yeah, my brain feels like. It's like scrambled eggs.

[A]

You know what I was thinking of Last night at 2 o' clock in the morning because I couldn't go to bed. I was thinking that Artemis 2 went to the moon and somehow them can do an interview from here to space and I can't even get my damn Xfinity Wi Fi.

[B]

Oh my gosh. The past week I keep get. I just spit everywhere. The past week I keep getting notifications saying try using without Wi fi. And then I got a notification this morning saying please hold.

[A]

Holding. Damn. Hurry.

[B]

I got a notification this morning saying thank you for your payment. 5146. Xfinity. Whoever owns Xfinity, I'm gonna need you. My. My Venmo is I'm gonna put it in my Instagram bio like one of the majors. Because I expect a full payment in the morning of a refund because I don't pay 5,146 to not even be able to watch damn Facebook reels.

[A]

Facebook reels?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, that's like an old soul. I love watching Facebook reels is like TikTok videos about three weeks later.

[B]

No, literally.

[A]

Anyways, I just find it hard to

[B]

believe that they is Artemis or Armitage.

[A]

Artemis. Artemis.

[B]

I don't know. Apollo 11 or wasn't Apollo 11?

[A]

Do you think they actually went?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

All I know is if you.

[B]

Did you hear that?

[A]

The chop through the damn space.

[B]

The only toilet. The only toilet on board was malfunctioning.

[A]

Yeah, and the woman had to fix it.

[B]

Not to mention. Where does it go?

[A]

It get recycles so they have something to drink.

[B]

You're lying.

[A]

I'm serious.

[B]

You're lying.

[A]

On the space station, that's what happens.

[B]

That's not true.

[A]

I am not lying.

[B]

If they recycle shit water, then we should just leave them in space.

[A]

I'm sorry. Shit water in space to get water? I'm telling you they do.

[B]

You're lying.

[A]

The one bitch was eating shrimp cocktail.

[B]

You're right, Landon, you're right. Oh, there's no damn way. It says urine is collected via funnel and recycled into drinking water. While fecal matter is pulled into sealed bags for storage and disposal. Often incinerated upon reentry. Sealed bags.

[A]

So they back. There's no.

[B]

There's no gravity in space. What if it went over into the pantry and you thought it was something else?

[A]

Well, how does it stay in the toilet? How does it stay?

[B]

They don't.

[C]

They eat the stuff. The powdered stuff?

[A]

No, it's like the freeze dried stuff.

[C]

It's powdered? Basically. Yeah.

[A]

Not an mre? Well, kind of.

[B]

More or less.

[A]

Well, I'm just curious now. This is so disgusting. But how do they in a toilet and it not float back up.

[B]

How do they pee? It's a vacuum toilet.

[C]

So it sucks it like an airplane.

[A]

It's like a cruise ship.

[B]

You know when you're on the airplane and go.

[A]

Yeah, but it don't do that. Why?

[B]

I bet you money. I bet you money that they and just open the door and let it go out tomorrow.

[A]

They can't open the door in a spaceship.

[B]

Yeah, how do you think they walked on the moon?

[A]

They didn't.

[B]

Yeah, I know they didn't, but there's a footprint on there. They faked it real good.

[A]

Anyways. That just blows my mind. You know what else blows my mind? The Strait of Hormuz can't even open and we've got moon money.

[B]

No, no. I don't give a fuck about the Strait of Hormuz. That's on the other side of the country. Or the world. I'm still Pissed that I ain't got Wi Fi. I'm so serious. I pay $51.46 a month, and there's bitches walking on the moon. And they're already saying we're going back next year.

[A]

We are. They're gonna walk on the moon next year.

[B]

We can't even.

[A]

They gotta do it for real this time. They didn't do it last time.

[B]

They're gonna find a desert in the middle of New Mexico and cut out all the lights and wait till it gets real dark and then jump. We ain't never been to the damn moon. If Helen Keller knows we've never been to the moon.

[A]

Oh. Would you ever go to the space?

[B]

Hell, no. Does it look like I would go to space? I ain't in that vacuum toilet, and I damn sure ain't drinking my piss.

[A]

I wouldn't either. You couldn't pay me a million dollars.

[B]

There's no way that's healthy. What if they have, like, a medical emergency up there?

[A]

I hope one of them's a paramedic.

[B]

What good is that gonna do? You're in damn space.

[A]

I do wanna float. I wanna go to, like, Earth's outer atmosphere, just where I. Where there's.

[B]

No.

[A]

Landon.

[B]

Go to Pigeon Forge and take a right at the second light, and you can do the skydiving indoors.

[A]

I did do that.

[B]

That's as close to floating you're gonna get.

[A]

I would go and then just come right back, but I would only go with Elon.

[B]

I'm not going to Kmart with Elon. You can as much taxes as he pays. There's no way he's actually paying that. They're gonna send him to prison one day.

[A]

What?

[B]

Don't say. That's allegedly for educational purposes only.

[A]

Yeah, so you would never go to space.

[B]

But do you really only, I'm telling

[A]

you only to just float.

[B]

You don't even like leaving your apartment and you want to go to space. I only to fly. I have to fight like hell to get you to go to lunch. And you want to go float.

[A]

And would you not actually like to do that? Let me tell you a funny story. I used to go to the space museum, Alabama, on field trips. And I thought in, like, fifth grade that we were going to get to that space museum and there was going to have some kind of contraption where they took the gravity out of the, like, room. And I was going to get to float.

[B]

Listen. I wonder why didn't they send Katy Perry on Armadis? She went to space, remember? Whenever they took their three minute photo

[A]

op in a spaceship at the Huntsville Spaceship Museum and her ass right back to Los Angeles and now she's dating the damn prime minister of the former

[B]

prime minister of Canada. Hell, she's Canadian royalty. She probably is gonna be on a maple syrup bottle in the next five years. It ain't easy being wheezy.

[C]

She had Orlando blame Maji.

[A]

Huh?

[C]

Katy Perry had Orlando Bloom.

[A]

How's that a message? You know that feeling when a song comes on and you just feel it? Like you want a honky and you want a tonky?

[B]

Yeah. And it hits different when you're in a field with thousands of people who feel the exact same way.

[A]

That's exactly what rock the country is. And it's coming to Belleville, Texas, May 1st and 2nd, 2026 at the Austin County Fairgrounds.

[B]

This is the kind of lineup that you screenshot and send in your group chat. Jason Aldean, Ella Langley, Kid Rock, Brantley Gilbert, Aaron Lewis and the state liners, Diamond Rio, Shannon doa, Chase Matthew and more.

[A]

Artists who've been the soundtrack to people's best nights, worst heartbreaks and everything in between.

[B]

It just hits different in the middle of a cornfield. And let me tell you something, I am an Ella fella.

[A]

And Jason Aldine ain't never done me dirty.

[B]

There's a new Ray Rowdy stage, daily throwback, happy hour, DJ sets. Two full days of the kind of weekend that you actually want to remember.

[A]

And we're going to be there. And we really want y' all to be there with us. Not just watching from your phone, but actually there in person.

[B]

Go grab your tickets @rock the country.com. come to Belleville and make it a story worth telling.

[A]

Anyways, pack your crap and get in

[B]

the car, boys and girls. We'll see you in Texas.

[A]

Hi, it's AT&T. As our customer, you may be eligible for our best deals on the latest smartphones upgrade or add a new line today.

[B]

Yeah, they want you to add a new line when they can't even give you service on the one you've got.

[A]

Amen.

[B]

I was in Target the other day and you know how the salesman stand out there and try. Hey, how are you? Trying to make small talk and try to get Target.

[A]

Yeah, I've never seen that. I've only seen that at a Chevy dealership. Target don't have salesmen standing outside. Those are homeless people trying to tell

[B]

dad your finest pardon. Yes, the hell they do. In the back at the electronics he worked for.

[A]

At least out Front?

[B]

No, in the bag for AT T. And he said, target has an AT T. Landon, just let me finish my damn story. No, he's standing beside the iPhones. Want you to switch to geico to save 15 of or on car insurance.

[A]

He said, hey, I have Geico in there. Oh my God, they did save me 15 or more on car insurance.

[B]

Progressive flow.

[A]

I'm sorry Geico, but I have you and you saved me 30.

[B]

Okay. As I was saying before I was disrespectfully interrupted three times or more. He was like, hey, do you have AT&T? And I was like, yeah, I have AT&T, unfortunately, and you do not want my opinion. And he was like, oh, okay sir, have a good day.

[A]

I was like, is that all you had to say?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, I thought it was going to be a lot more juice than that.

[B]

No, you, you think?

[A]

Hey, I will say this about like Target. They have younger people working in the back in the electronic department. They actually kind of know what a phone is, you know, unlike Walmart, you'll go to the damn technology department. And you've got 77 year old papa that just needs a part time job because he can't afford groceries. The guy that works, you know, is sad because we've got Moon money. It's not funny. We can't help our elderly anyways.

[B]

Priorities. And then, not to mention taxes are due in a couple days. That's a whole nother.

[A]

I filed an extension and I thought by filing an extension you got an extension to pay and that's not accurate. You have to pay them on the 15th. Let's talk about that.

[B]

Mr. President, the IRS is close to constructing a nuclear weapon and they also said you were a. I'm gonna need you to act accordingly. Is it bad that I think he would bomb him for calling him A before he bombed him for having a nuclear weapon? Because he's a puss sometimes. If I'm being completely honest, he'd be getting his feelings hurt a lot.

[A]

Well, let's just talk about politics for like two seconds. Kristy Noem's husband, Landon.

[B]

This water smells so bad. Like I think this is Moon water.

[A]

Kristy Noem's husband has decided that he has taken notes from Caitlyn Jenner.

[B]

And Caitlyn Jenner looks way better doing it than he does. I'm just gonna tell you because he uses plastic tits and straps them on like a Kevlar vest.

[A]

And our friend Brett Cooper calls him Big Booby Brian.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

Oh shit. Okay, we can't talk about that. Can we?

[B]

I don't care what we talk about today.

[A]

Completely.

[B]

To be completely honest, your face is red. My blood pressure's probably pretty high.

[A]

Hey, what was your sleep score last night?

[B]

70, I think.

[A]

Damn, that's good to have. Drinking more trout than somebody in the Tennessee river or whatever the fuck you said earlier. Anyways, mine was 64. Fair. It was fair. But you remember my sleep score didn't

[B]

used to get about.

[A]

I don't sleep. I literally just lay there. Rim sleep or deep sleep has never touched my body, ever.

[C]

I don't think last night it did. You was. You were laying there like you were in a casket.

[A]

Yeah, I sleep with no pillow.

[B]

Landon sleeps with no pillow. Flat on his back. Yeah, might as well go ahead and put a toe tag on him.

[A]

What was we doing?

[B]

I don't know. But I know one thing. I need an industrial size box fan right here.

[A]

You're hot.

[B]

Yes. Landon.

[A]

Hey, did you see my video that went viral about jury duty?

[B]

No.

[A]

Put me on jury duty.

[B]

Everybody always bitches about.

[A]

I know, but I'm nosy as hell and I want to go in there. I want to go sit on the.

[B]

But I will say this. If you're like, in jury duty for a big case, you're, like, locked away from the world for like two weeks or however long the trouble.

[A]

Lock me away. Hey, if I get to juror a motor murder trial, sign me up.

[B]

Don't sign me up. I got anxiety. You don't.

[A]

Wouldn't want to do that.

[B]

No.

[A]

And like I said, my video. I'm not striking from the record. I'm not disregarding any remarks.

[B]

Yeah, how does that even work? The judges, like, strike that from the record. Hell no, I'm not.

[A]

It don't strike from my memory. Yeah, I would like go to jury duty. I would treat it like a TV show. The minute lawyer said objection, I'd go hear that.

[B]

On what grounds? Hearsay.

[A]

Sustain a deliberation room. Would hate to see me coming. I would have a wall with those yarn pieces pointed down.

[B]

Do you think in the deliveration deliver deliberation room they have like a little table set up with snacks for the jury people?

[A]

Yeah. Would you do it then?

[B]

Maybe like Cheez Its and like Biscoff cookies and like box water?

[A]

Yes, box water.

[B]

Honestly, I would rather have like, Aquafina anyways. What?

[A]

How many? What? What are we at, Toby?

[B]

About 15 minutes.

[A]

There's no way I've been talking for an hour.

[B]

We gotta do this again in a minute, baby.

[A]

It's gonna be easier when Skylar's on here. I have been talking for a damn hour, and our producer guy just told us.

[B]

Producer guy? Toby. He has a name?

[A]

Well, I forgot it for, like, two seconds. I just said it. We've been only recording for 15 minutes.

[B]

I will say this. You know, we were. Let's talk about my papa and Aussie. I came home yesterday like I said, Because I usually cut that out.

[A]

We're not cutting it out. We're leaving everything in today.

[B]

Not everything. I'm watching it to make sure I didn't say anything inappropriate. Hell, you done got me.

[C]

You're talking about Poppy.

[A]

Poppy.

[B]

Oh, sorry. I went home. You know, I just got home yesterday, and whenever I am back home, my grandparents watch my dog for me. My grandpa calls my. I have a miniature Australian shepherd. He's like my best friend. His name's Ozzy. And my grandpa calls him everything but Ozzy. Like, he'll be taking him out and he'll be like, come on, Roscoe. Come on, Fido.

[A]

I was like, what'd he call him the other day? Trooper Cooper or something?

[B]

Yeah. He's like, come on. No, he says, roscoe. All that. Come on, Roscoe. I'm like, poppy.

[A]

I think that's just old people with names. We used to have a horse, and his name was desoto. Desoto, desoto. And my papa used to say, come on, De Soto.

[B]

Whenever we go through and order coffee. What does your papa call it?

[A]

A caramel Shar Pei. Have you seen those trends where people go to, like, the Starbucks and they're like, get their.

[B]

Order a fupa chalupa.

[A]

I want to do it so bad. They'll send their parents to the Taco Bell and they'll be like, I want one fupa chalupa. And they video it. And, you know, it's. And yeah, older people don't have any idea what they're talking about. And, well, there's a trend right now going around. People are sending their parents and, like, their grandparents to Starbucks and old asking to add two back shots to their drink. And they'll do it. They're like, can I get two back shots with that?

[B]

Our grandkids and stuff are never going to be able to play jokes on, like, jokes like that on us because,

[A]

like, I'm not having any.

[B]

We grew up.

[A]

Like, I will not have grandkids.

[B]

Are you even gonna have kids?

[A]

No.

[B]

Are you even gonna get married?

[A]

I might adopt a little orphan child or something that is in serious need.

[B]

What were you about to say?

[A]

You are acting so weird, Landon.

[B]

I'm tired. I didn't even rem. Sleep isn't even in my vocabulary today.

[A]

I knew that's what Gina said.

[B]

How would you know him?

[C]

I was the Donor Hill meme.

[A]

Ooh. Okay,

[B]

are we still not editing anything out,

[A]

y'?

[B]

All? I'm not even kidding. I could go for, like, a igloo right now.

[A]

You're hot. You're burning.

[B]

Yes, I'm burning up. Drink the water.

[A]

I'm not drinking that moon water. Bad water.

[B]

Landon, we sing about this hymn every single time we record. And I don't think after last night's activities we need to be singing any hymns. Actually, I think we need to see sing three.

[A]

I will sing.

[B]

Take it away.

[A]

Do you remember that song?

[B]

Yes. I listened to it yesterday on the way home.

[A]

Yeah, I forgot the words.

[B]

Let it spring up like a fountain

[A]

over and over again.

[B]

We're done singing. Okay, but let's talk about gas station food. Okay?

[A]

There is nothing a chicken taquito on a QT Roller will not fix for me.

[B]

What is your.

[A]

I love a chicken.

[B]

What is your go to, like, gas station?

[A]

A chicken taquito.

[B]

Your guest. Like, run me through the list. What do you get whenever you really want something from the gas station? On a road trip.

[A]

On a road trip. Two Coca Colas.

[B]

Two.

[A]

It just depends on how long the road trip is from, like, here to Florida. Two Cokes.

[B]

I mean, we're stopping.

[A]

Twin Snake gummies.

[B]

Oh, yes.

[A]

Probably a purple bag of Doritos.

[B]

I love those. Sweet and spicy.

[A]

And if. I'll go through the Little Debbie section and make sure they're fresh. And if they're good and fresh, I'll. And it's the summer time. I'll get a honey bun and set it up on the dash and let it get warm. Okay, and that's what I'll do.

[B]

Do you like a pork rind?

[A]

I love a pork rind. What are they called?

[B]

Chicharrones.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah, that's what they're called.

[A]

I think I've never heard that word.

[B]

I think that's, like the authentic name.

[A]

A chicharoni. Yeah, that sounds like a pasta noodle. Are we getting a chicharrone? What is that?

[B]

It's a pork rind. It's a dish generally consisting of fried pork belly and. Or fried pork rinds. Okay, I told you.

[A]

Okay? Diverse or whatever it says on the

[B]

pack, you just don't read. What were you saying? Landon, just shut up. Don't tell me what you about said. Just Shut up. You're cut off. Landon, shut up.

[A]

I can't breathe.

[C]

Oh, my God. He's gonna pop a blood vessel.

[B]

If I went without oxygen for as long as you just did, I'd be dead on the floor.

[A]

Okay, Trisha. Pegged. Okay. Damn. Daniel, what were we talking about? The gas station. What's your gas station?

[B]

I don't know. Do you like those little. Do you remember this? Reminded me of a story we can tell. Do you remember those little coconut donuts?

[A]

Yeah, sure do.

[B]

We were sitting one time whenever me and Landon went to the same middle school for one year. And then I hated every one of those bastards and I left and I went to the school up the road and it was.

[A]

And I was in sixth grade, and somebody, some teacher, pissed me off or something. I don't know what happened. And what'd I do?

[B]

You threw a donut at her. And she's pregnant.

[A]

I slungshot a damn coconut donut straight at that bitch's pregnant belly. I sure did. Sixth grade. She hated to see me coming down the hall. I didn't get in trouble, though.

[B]

And she was a good teacher.

[A]

Love her.

[B]

Yeah. She just made me mad, that Miss Milliken. Landon. Sorry.

[A]

Oh, I'm not. I mean, if you've done something to piss me off.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that's true. I don't know. My gas station order. I love a Dorito.

[A]

A Dorito.

[B]

Any flavor, really.

[A]

A Dorito has never done me dirty. Never will.

[B]

The best thing Taco Bell ever did was make a cool ranch Dorito taco.

[A]

And then they got rid of it. It's not on the menu anymore. I'm a frequent on Taco Bell, y' all bitches. They also got rid of their chicken taquitas. Say that. Taquita.

[B]

Taquita.

[A]

Chicken Taquita.

[B]

Me and Landon used to go to get those rolled chicken tacos. Like we would go to the basketball game at our high school.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. I know what we can talk about, but continue.

[B]

And we would order, like, eight of them apiece.

[A]

Five years ago. What grade were we in?

[B]

I was graduated.

[A]

Hey, rally.

[B]

What did we do? Yeah. Landon found a video of us in college.

[A]

College?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, this was five years ago. We was not in college.

[B]

We were going to Dalton State.

[A]

Yes, in college. Somebody should have shot me.

[B]

You did. News flash. I hate to break it to you. Why do you think we would go all the way to Chattanooga from Lafayette? Because we did it every day.

[A]

More of the story is we skipped school to go to Olive Garden.

[B]

I would Skip school to go to the bathroom.

[A]

I used to log in. Jenny Rayburn, if you see this. I used to log in to my mom's email and send an email from like her email telling y' all that I could leave school and check out. And they used to write me a slip and I used to check out every day.

[B]

Well, every single. I don't even think I would do that because I was the favorite. I think I could just leave sometimes. But I will say okay, sometimes I

[A]

can just leave sometimes.

[B]

I'm trying to recollect my story over here.

[A]

You're acting a little.

[B]

Well, I am. That's Medea. But I was trying.

[A]

What were you lost?

[B]

No, I. I lost my train of thought. What were we talking about?

[C]

Skip school, go to the bathroom.

[A]

Skull. Get your together.

[B]

Oh, one time I won't name the school and I will not name the person. You cannot waterboard out of me because I love them. But one time I had like 13 absences and I ran the blood drive at school school and I told someone that if they erased all of my absences I would get them a blanket from the blood assurance bus. I didn't take finals.

[A]

I had at least like 80 absences in senior year.

[B]

She wiped every absence from my record for a. For a five dollar blanket.

[A]

She done it because she loved us.

[B]

I know. That's why I'm not going to tell you.

[A]

Mine was too much to wipe. I missed like 60, 70 days of senior year.

[B]

So the board of education. If you see this and you want to fire somebody, you need to worry about nobody graduating high school, not my absences getting wiped because I didn't take finals.

[A]

I don't even think that made sense.

[B]

Our. Our board of education loves to stir the pot.

[A]

I do too. Are you a pot stir?

[B]

I love to stir the pot. I love to cook too, but I love to stir the pot.

[A]

Okay, I hate when.

[B]

I love you guys, but I hate whenever somebody with us being a smart ass or yard might just be stupid. Get in the comments. And y' all people are like, like we made the video one time about chips and the Doritos having too much air in the bag and those bill now the science guys in there saying that's actually.

[A]

Well, listen to this comment. We're going to start a new segment too and read our comments because it makes me giggle. But we're. We'll do it later. We're just in this one today. Our club about the ranch on how we didn't want damn Greek yogurt ranch. We don't want a salad. A deal. Whatever the hell we said. Or somebody commented and said. Or I can make it however the I want to make it and probably still kick your ass in a fight over ranch. I wish you would try to kick my ass in a fight. I will shank you.

[C]

Good God.

[A]

Am I anyways.

[B]

Well, we're gonna get taken out of the monetization.

[A]

No, I don't. For violence. Will that get us banned? No. Okay. You don't even have to use Greek yogurt. But Hidden Valley is trash. Those are fighting grounds. I'll shank you, too.

[B]

Yeah, I walled over some Hidden Valley ranch, but.

[A]

And someone said this. Don't come at me with no damn craft. Generic ranch foul. Yeah.

[B]

Don't ever look at me. Speaking of that, my grandparents. My grandpa is cheap, okay? And they have money. Like, I don't know why they're so cheap. That's probably why they have money. Because they're cheap. He buys great value mayonnaise.

[A]

Miracle Whip. No ever. Great value Whip. If some. You can take the Miracle and the whip and shove it straight up your ass. Okay.

[B]

Yeah. Somebody needs to beat your ass with Miracle Whip. Oh, you're just kicking back. Just get comfortable. God, yeah. Don't ever look at me and say, do you want Miracle Man? Hell no. I want to close my eyes and perform a miracle and make you disappear. I don't want no damn Miracle Whip.

[C]

I did a back handspring back tuck for some Dukes, though.

[A]

Hey, Duke's is pretty good.

[C]

Duke's mayonnaise.

[A]

And I like Hellman's, too. I like any kind of mayonnaise unless it's Miracle Whip.

[B]

I heavy with craft mayonnaise.

[A]

I heavy with craft mayonnaise, too. I like any kind of mayonnaise as long as it's not Miracle Whip.

[B]

I, I, I think Kraft mayonnaise got me by the.

[A]

You put mayonnaise on a hot dog.

[B]

I mean, I'm not opposed to. But I think I'd put mayonnaise in cereal, to be honest. I love that. Like, literally. Don't even come. Don't even look at me and have mustard in your head. But I, I could up mustard in your what? Don't even be thinking about mustard when you're looking at me. But I can up mayonnaise. I don't even like ketchup.

[A]

Oh, I hate mustard.

[B]

I don't even like ketchup. I do like mustard on a sausage biscuit.

[A]

I hate ketchup.

[B]

I like mustard on biscuit. Yeah. Ketchup scrubs not to mention especially like, when you go to McDonald's and you order a.

[A]

Like a. Sorry.

[B]

And you order, like, a burger, and there's about 4 pounds of ketchup on it.

[A]

I have to poop.

[C]

Consider this episode.

[B]

Anyways, I think we've talked about everything that we shouldn't talk about today.

[A]

I don't think we have. I think this is going great.

[B]

People are gonna think we're alcoholics. People are gonna think that we have lost our mind.

[A]

They already thought that, but go ahead. As long as they know that I will never. With Miracle Whip, I don't care what they say about me. Yeah, Put that on my tombstone. Landon did not. With Miracle Whip.

[B]

There's some people that like, oh, my gosh, Miracle Whip is so good. Bitch, who hurt you? What kind of TR do you have to go through in your life to

[A]

cope with Miracle Whip?

[B]

Because that. You need to be on Dr. What?

[A]

The pictures in the background are literally torn out of a magazine.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I asked Aaron the other day where she got the pictures, and she said, I got a magazine. And I ripped it out and I framed it.

[A]

This is the best damn thing I've ever seen in my life.

[B]

I think it's iconic. Like, I'm about to go buy some magazines. I don't know. He must. It's probably Henry's brother. Than when they invented the automobile.

[A]

Coco Chanel. Okay.

[C]

Kris Jenner.

[A]

Louise V2.

[B]

I seen Kris Jenner making a martini the other day. It's just vodka. It's just vodka. And then she takes olives and she just goes like this. And wash olives.

[A]

No, she don't. She pours vodka and then puts one olive on a skewer and puts it in her drink. So she just dranks vodka. But would you not drink that much vodka if you had to deal with all them children and manage all their

[B]

businesses at that point? Landon, just walk into the CVS and get some isoporable alcohol and just drink it. Just drink it. Put some meat.

[A]

Something just popped in my head, but I have to tell you later. What important. Anyways, are you ready for our new segment?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Pass the finger and the glasses. Riley forgot his glasses. He didn't forget them. We couldn't find them. Okay. This is the dumbest y' all have ever seen in you.

[B]

I'll keep the fingers since.

[A]

Why are they so dirty?

[B]

They came from Amazon on accident.

[A]

If you sat on these and made them this dirty, you need to go watch your ass.

[C]

I got swamp ass a little bit. I mean, it Met. It might be a little hot in here. That industrial box fan might not be a bad idea.

[B]

Yeah, I'm telling you right now, I would hard.

[A]

Are you hot?

[B]

Central heat now.

[A]

I'm actually cold.

[C]

Well, he's got septice or something. He died last night. He's septic if he's cold. If he's cold, he is one foot in the grave because it is hot as hell in here.

[B]

It's not because it's hot in here.

[C]

Like this set is melting. He's going to die, but he's cold. He is a vampire because. No way.

[A]

Where's my finger?

[B]

I've got your finger because you've got the glasses.

[A]

Oh, I'm getting a finger.

[B]

I gave you both things.

[A]

What are we even gonna do with this finger?

[C]

Stick it where the sun don't shine.

[B]

Okay, we have came up with a new. Oh, the last thing I don't remember.

[A]

I don't even remember the answer.

[B]

Well, I. I chat GPT some questions, but the last thing on chat GPT.

[A]

Maddie, my angel. Thank you so much.

[B]

Maddie's iconic, by the way. If y' all don't know. I didn't know we were jousting. I feel like I'm in medieval times. I went to pull up the questions and last thing I looked up on ChatGPT is, is it possible to pass out from a hangover? And that's on anxiety. What is?

[A]

Our intro. You're reading it. Welcome to the bloodline brain check.

[B]

Oh, hold up.

[A]

This is. This segment is called the bloodline brain check, and it's kind of like a spin off of are you smarter than a fifth grader? But it's just pretty much going to to be. Are you? I don't know.

[B]

We are starting a new segment called bloodline brain. Check it out four times. Well, I don't know what we're cutting out and what we're not, so just let me. Yeah, thank you. Shut the up. Okay. Let me just say this before we start our new segment. Landon texted me like the intro because he came up with it cuz he'd be working overtime. And right under that he texted me and he said, don't answer. You dumb. You dumb mother. You dumb crazy hoe.

[A]

God. I said that?

[B]

Yes, you did. Jack. Jack. And I said I had my phone to my ear. He said, no, you can't answer. What are you doing? You should be completely ashamed of yourself. My phone was in the living room

[A]

and I was probably in the shower anyways. Read the intro.

[B]

Okay. Welcome to the Bloodline Brain Check. Where. I'm reading this off my phone. Welcome to the Bloodline Brain Check where we test each other on general knowledge. Real World Cup. I can't even read. Landon, you read it.

[A]

No, you got it.

[B]

No, you keep going.

[A]

Okay, young Sheldon, Read this.

[B]

Welcome to the Bloodline Brain Check where we test each other on general questions, real world knowledge, pop culture and things that every adult should know, but somehow we probably don't.

[A]

Okay, did you prepare the questions?

[B]

Yes, I did. Chat GPT. Did y'. All. I'm struggling, okay? I barely made it here this morning.

[A]

What is the.

[B]

Okay, hold up. They don't have answers on here.

[A]

Well, I know the answers. Just ask me.

[B]

What is the plural of mouse? Landon?

[A]

Mice. Right.

[C]

I think that's right, yeah.

[A]

What did you think?

[B]

Me?

[A]

What in the Betty Crocker are you smoking today?

[B]

My girlfriend's a teacher.

[A]

Don't shut the phone. You've got the questions. And I hope they're a little harder than that, because if you don't know that, then you just need to go to hell.

[B]

I really was thinking last this morning, whenever I was looking up, I was like, mees, mice.

[A]

He's quitting after this.

[B]

What is the floor?

[A]

This is either the best or worst

[B]

that he's ever had. What is the plural of phenomenon? And I think this says pneumonia. I can't really see. Does that say pneumonia?

[A]

Why are you asking me grammar?

[B]

I don't know. Landon, ChatGPT is asking you grammar.

[A]

What is the plural of phenomenon?

[B]

We have questions and then we can both.

[A]

Phenomena.

[B]

I'm sorry. I'm really, really passive.

[A]

Phenomena. It's phenomena.

[B]

No, it's phenomena.

[C]

It is not.

[A]

Oh, what is it?

[C]

I thought it was phenomena.

[A]

It is.

[C]

It is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Phenomenal.

[B]

Okay, what is. What river is the longest in the world?

[A]

The. Hold on, let me think. Get all my rivers in line.

[B]

You know of two. The Tennessee and the Mississippi and the Chattahoochee Motherfucker. You only know that from the song.

[A]

What is the longest river in the world? The Nile River.

[B]

Yeah. You're really? Yeah. You think he has a winning Powerball ticket?

[A]

I do. I'm smarter than I thought I was.

[B]

What country has. Is. What country has the most population?

[A]

China. No, it's Definitely not the U.S. india. India. Really?

[B]

Yeah. What line divides the Earth into Northern and Southern hemispheres?

[A]

The. Say that again. Hey, can I. Can you answer the question? Ask a question again.

[B]

What line divides the Earth into Northern and Southern hemispheres?

[A]

It's not the equator, right? Landon, Is it the equator? Yeah. Oh. I thought that was, like, the center of the Earth where it's, like, real hot.

[B]

It is.

[A]

Oh, but it's called the equator.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The line is called the equator.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

What'd you think?

[A]

Palmer would be so disappointed in me,

[B]

but she taught biology that. You don't learn about the equator in biology.

[A]

She's Ms. Frizzle, though. You don't learn about. She talked about everything.

[B]

I love her.

[A]

I learned how many. How to dissect a starfish in her class. Look.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. One time. I didn't know we were dissecting. We're going off on tangent. One time. I didn't know I was dissecting something in life science, seventh grade.

[A]

What was it, a cat or.

[B]

I walked in and there was a cat spread out like this right next to the door.

[A]

And they also used to dissect cow eyeballs. And we used to get the cow eyeballs at our meat processing plant and put them in formaldehyde in jars.

[B]

Formaldehyde.

[A]

Flamaldehyde.

[B]

Not flu. Formaldehyde.

[A]

Are you sure?

[B]

Positive.

[A]

Is he right? You look smart. Okay.

[B]

Yeah. I think. Anybody knows that. I think Jack, the Reaper. Ask me one more question.

[A]

Ask me another question. Don't ask me nothing about history. All I know is if you. History.

[B]

What force opposes motion between two surfaces?

[A]

Say that again.

[B]

What force opposes motion between two surfaces? Yeah. I did not expect you to get that.

[A]

Yeah, give me a good one. That was easy.

[B]

What is the function of red blood cells?

[A]

The function of red blood cells to circulate oxygen.

[B]

I can't believe he knows this.

[A]

White blood cells are to fight off, like, help your immune system.

[B]

That's because he wanted to be a rheumatologist and cure arthritis.

[A]

That's what it does. It carries oxygen through your body.

[B]

What type of.

[A]

And it's actually blue in your body. And then oxygen hits on the outside of thread.

[B]

Well, damn. Derek Shepard.

[A]

Anyways, go ahead.

[B]

What type of energy is stored in food?

[A]

Kinetic is in motion.

[B]

So it's not that I'm actually impressed.

[A]

Like, oh, I'm having a. Oh, my God. Can you give me some options? If I heard the word.

[B]

I can't give you options because I don't know. More options if I heard the word.

[A]

Well, it's not kinetic because that is energy in motion. Give me some options. Somebody give me, like, ABC choice, like static. It's not static.

[B]

Static. Nuclear or chemical stored in food.

[A]

Nuclear. Chemical.

[B]

You just go boom when you ate your chicken.

[A]

I don't know. That's not even answers. Do you know the answer? What is it?

[B]

It's chemical.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Are you gonna ask me some?

[A]

Yeah. Give me your phone.

[B]

I need the glasses. I need to lock in.

[A]

Okay, lock in. Lock in. Okay. What's the capital of Canada?

[B]

Montre. Ontario.

[A]

No.

[B]

Alberta.

[A]

No.

[B]

Montreal.

[A]

No.

[C]

You just named a whole family of four.

[B]

I just named more Canadian providences than Katy Perry, and she's the prime minister.

[A]

Well, you got all of them wrong. Would you like the answer?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Ottawa.

[B]

When I think of. When I think of Ottawa, I think

[A]

of an A Walla.

[B]

The water bottle.

[A]

Oh, you're never gonna get this one. But I knew this by the way.

[B]

What?

[A]

What's the largest desert in the world?

[B]

The Sahara.

[A]

No.

[B]

The Mojave.

[A]

No. Oh, no, no. Nobody's ever gonna get it.

[B]

New Mexico.

[A]

The largest desert in the world.

[B]

Okay, we're talking about.

[A]

Okay, we'll pause. Let's talk about. On the second episode. Or we can talk about this. I don't give a. It's Antarctica.

[B]

That ain't no desert.

[A]

Yes, it is.

[B]

Oh, hell, no. It's an Arctic desert.

[A]

Boom. What country is. Is both in Europe and Asia?

[B]

I'm dumber than I don't.

[A]

Turkey. Not ham. Turkey. Okay.

[B]

Landon, how many people just study turkey?

[A]

Give me some about.

[B]

I don't even like turkey on Thanksgiving.

[A]

Much less history.

[B]

Much less Damn. Landon, you can't even get mad at me because you didn't even know Abraham Lincoln got assassinated.

[A]

What is the powerhouse of the cell?

[B]

The mitochondria?

[A]

What type of blood vessels carry blood away from your heart?

[B]

Veins.

[A]

No.

[B]

Away from your heart.

[A]

Yeah. What type of blood vessels carry blood away from the heart?

[B]

Not veins. What are they called? Away. I know the answer. Like, I just can't think of what it's called.

[A]

Riley, it's away from the heart.

[B]

Landon. My brain is not functioning out at 100 today.

[A]

This is easy.

[B]

I know it is, and I know the answer, but I can't think of it.

[A]

Arteries.

[B]

That's. Yeah, I knew that. I swear to God, I knew it.

[A]

What is. Oh, this is an easy one. It's taking it back to, like, third grade if you don't know this.

[B]

What.

[A]

What is the process by which plants convert sunlight into energy?

[B]

Photosynthesis.

[A]

Yes. High five. Okay, I'm gonna give you two more. Damn. Damn. If you don't know. What is H2O, more commonly known as. You have unfortunately been deemed dumber than. Yes. What organ is primarily responsible for detoxifying chemicals in the body?

[B]

The liver.

[A]

Yes. You about said the Kidney. There's the liver. You're right. Okay, we're getting into one more question, and this is a history question. And you wanted to be a history teacher, so you should know this. Who wrote the Declaration of Independence?

[B]

Thomas Jefferson.

[A]

Yes. If I wouldn't have seen that, I

[B]

would have said, who has the biggest handwriting? Who has the biggest signature on the Declaration of Independence? I don't know. John Hancock?

[A]

I don't ever think. I don't think I read the Declaration of Independence.

[B]

Have you ever seen it in real life?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, you haven't.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're lying.

[A]

No, I'm not. It's in dc.

[B]

You went.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

With who?

[A]

I've been two or three times. You didn't know that?

[B]

I didn't know you had ever seen that. I've seen it, I just didn't know if you had.

[A]

Yeah, I've seen the Declaration Independence. I saw a declaration that broke Independence from Britain.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Is that right?

[B]

Alexander Graham? I mean, Aaron Burr or Alex.

[A]

Okay, I think we should do one more question. Okay. What year did the Titanic sink?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Guess.

[B]

1492. He probably passed it coming in.

[A]

No, he definitely didn't.

[B]

He's probably like you rich bastards.

[A]

He definitely didn't. And I'm pretty sure, well, Christopher Columbus boat in 1492 was a hell of a lot better than the Titanic, cuz that didn't sink. But they sunk the Titanic. On purpose.

[B]

Yeah. Did you know there was a bunch of rich people on it?

[A]

It was only like elite families. They definitely sunk it.

[B]

It's probably Hillary Clinton. Allegedly for educational purposes only.

[A]

Hey, like the JP Morgan was on there, I think.

[B]

Yeah, I was definitely J.P. morgan from Morgan and Morgan.

[A]

No, like J.P. morgan, the damn Bank Morgan. That's Morgan and

[B]

okay, 1912, Landon. Who in the hell knows that?

[A]

Who's the father of our country? Who was known as the father of our country?

[B]

Well, if you asked Donald Trump, it'd be him. But he also, you know, cured cancer and. And set the. That is getting on my nerves so bad.

[A]

The father of our country.

[B]

Jesus Christ. Well, of course it should be, but it ain't because y' all are all going to hell. Our leaders are all going to hell.

[A]

George Washington, do you want one more question or no?

[B]

Yeah, sure. Why not? Hell, let me redeem myself. Double or all or nothing.

[A]

What category?

[B]

History or.

[A]

We don't have to do school questions. We can do like.

[B]

Just ask me something, Lynn.

[A]

I don't care who said it. Die with a good Snapchat going through you And I am honored that you would say that about me.

[B]

No, it was Kourtney Kardashian, wasn't it?

[A]

No, Kim, it was Khloe.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

And that got that straight out of my brain. You don't know stuff like that, Landon.

[B]

I don't watch reality tv.

[A]

Oh, I love reality tv. Speaking of reality tv. Well, I can't announce that yet, but

[B]

we're having a special guest on the podcast, so drop who you think it is in the comments.

[A]

Yeah, drop who you think is coming on the podcast. It is from a reality television show. Probably the best reality television show I've ever watched in my life. Funny as hell. And y' all are going to yourself. And it's not Todd Chrisley. Everybody guessed that already.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Equally as iconic, though. What are we saying?

[B]

One more.

[A]

What category?

[B]

Hurry, I don't care. History. Science. Give me a science question. I was pretty good at science in school. I, I, I remembered a lot from dissecting that.

[A]

What clouds? This is coming straight from my brain. What clouds are thin and wispy?

[B]

Stratus clouds? No,

[A]

they're thin and they look wisp.

[B]

Are you sure?

[A]

Yeah. A stratus cloud is. What is a stratus cloud. A stratus cloud is when it has completely gray and they only produce rain and sleep.

[B]

Hey, James Span and all that. Calm down. You're up here.

[A]

A.

[B]

Let's take it down here. Paul Baris.

[A]

There's only four types of cloud dryly.

[B]

Helio, nimbus, stratus, cumulus, and the word itself just means.

[A]

It don't mean. But it just makes you think.

[B]

Wisp.

[A]

A cirrus.

[B]

A cirrus cloud.

[A]

Johnny.

[B]

When I hear cirrus, I think either a circus or cirrhosis of the liver. That's what I hear. Think of whenever I hear the word cirrus or seriously serious. That's Madea saying serious.

[A]

I feel like you know this. I don't know why I feel like you know this, but what part of the brain controls balance and coordination?

[B]

I don't know, but mine's up today. Is it the you?

[A]

I've heard you say this.

[B]

Medulla? No, the frontal cortex.

[A]

What part of the brain controls balance and coordination? It starts with a C. Cerebrum. No, close. It's like you just. I think you just mispronounced cerebellum. Yes. That was good.

[B]

I, I literally think I was Miranda Bailey in my last life. I love that. Well, I think.

[A]

What kind of. What type of energy is in motion?

[B]

Kinetic.

[A]

Good. What is the hardest natural substance on Earth. What were you thinking? What were you thinking? I'll tell you.

[B]

A rock.

[A]

What? What's the hardest natural substance on earth? I don't know.

[B]

A diamond.

[A]

Yes,

[B]

I knew that.

[A]

What organ produces insulin?

[B]

Insulin? The pancreas. Okay.

[A]

What is the name of the galaxy we live in?

[B]

The Milky Way.

[A]

What happens to water when it reaches zero degrees Celsius?

[B]

It balls. No,

[A]

the quad.

[B]

Well, we're not in. What mineral is Celsius? Hold up. We poured tea in the harbor so that I didn't have to answer that question. I don't.

[A]

What mineral is essential for strong bones and teeth?

[B]

Calcium.

[A]

Yeah. And I have calcium deposits on my teeth. Don't look at them. I need to go grinding.

[B]

We didn't know until you said that.

[A]

Speaking of my teeth, I got Invisalign. I lost that already. And I'm only on week one one.

[B]

Hey, question.

[A]

These teeth move.

[B]

How long did you have to wait to get your invis on after you had your consultation?

[A]

Becky's calling.

[B]

It's probably not Becky. It's probably the kid in her class.

[A]

I'm answering.

[B]

Don't answer.

[A]

Hey. Hey. We're recording the podcast. I'll talk to you later. Love you. Bye.

[B]

We have a little. My girlfriend has a little kid in her class and she calls me every day.

[A]

School's concluded, by the way. What kind of questions y' all want us to answer next, though? Tell us that. Like pop culture. Like, how do you change a tire?

[B]

Dad, I don't know how to change a tire.

[A]

You jack the car up.

[B]

Landon, you're gonna yourself.

[A]

No, I'm not. And then you literally just unscrew the little. What are they called? Lug nuts?

[B]

You don't do it with your hand, bitch. No, you don't.

[A]

But you. I have a thing.

[B]

We talked about this in the last episode.

[A]

I don't use that manual shit. I have that electronic.

[B]

You have a Tesla, bitch. You press a button and wait 30 minutes until somebody comes with a Carvana truck.

[A]

This is cousin council. Why do you have me doing this submission? It's dumb.

[B]

It ain't my fault someone lives a stupid life. This is severely up.

[A]

Okay, let the Cousin Council begin. Okay, Riley, let's get this started.

[B]

Take it away.

[A]

So my husband and I, we are living with a roommate. That's not weird at all. And we had this creepy basement with a laundry room. One day we had to swap out the washer. Big group effort. All the guys. Plus my father in law and grandpa hauling his hauling this old Heavy beast upstairs. Now, underneath those stairs was a tiny storage nook. Open, like you could see right through the gaps. And not to get too grim, but my grandpa. Grandma's ashes were chilling down there in this black box.

[C]

You.

[B]

Okay, Pause. You couldn't even put Granny on the damn mantle.

[A]

I hadn't figured out what to do with them yet. Yeah, I know. Super weird timing. Anyways, as they're lugging the washer up, suddenly a wave of water crashes down into that storage space. My roommate ran up, and he was like, hey, don't be mad, but Grandma went swimming. Swimming. And I just lost my mind. Thank goodness she was sealed up in a bag. So no muddy grandma. But still. Just imagine telling people, like, oh, yeah, my grandma took a dip in the basement.

[B]

Okay, pause.

[A]

Well, at least you put Granny in a Ziploc bag.

[B]

Granny comes in a Ziploc bag from the funeral home. Oh, okay.

[A]

Y.

[B]

Okay. I just do have one question. As many people as it took you to get that dryer up the stairs, did one of you not think, hey, let's make sure there's no water in the dryer?

[A]

Or.

[B]

Or, hey, washer.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wait. Yeah, washer.

[A]

Or, you know, put all that to the side. If I ever get cremated, which will

[B]

be never, if you cremate my ass, I will play with your toes at night.

[A]

Every time. I would hope that I was loved enough to be put on the mantle like you said and not in the basement.

[B]

What did Granny do? Like, did we like Granny?

[A]

Well, she went skinny dipping. Okay. Anyways, our. Our opinion on this is just take Granny out of the basement.

[B]

And I'm glad that Granny was zipped

[A]

up in a Ziploc baggie and could not get wet.

[B]

Did she like to swim, though?

[A]

She could have been a professional swimmer if she wasn't, she is now. Go ahead.

[B]

Okay. I brought my roommate to a family birthday party with me one weekend. We were 19 at the time. Fast forward two or three years, and she tells me she's dating someone, someone new, and wants to introduce me to her. I hadn't even read this, but I just know it's probably going to be a family member or something. But she was scared because he was older than us. I walked into the restaurant to see her sitting at the table with my uncle, 22 years older than us. They're married now and have two kids of their own. She's younger than his daughter. I don't. Once again, we need Jerry Springer. So, Jerry Springer. If. If Jerry Springer had a son, could that say son, please? Take over the show because we have a lot of to talk about here.

[A]

The gap is not the worst part. Like whatever. Have an age gap as long as it's not illegal and weird.

[B]

But the 22 with the roommate's uncle, that's pretty weird.

[A]

With the roommate's uncle, that's the weird part. No. Anyways, I feel like an age gap is not that big of a deal. In my humble opinion.

[B]

No, there are bigger problems.

[A]

Like family members age gap. But like is like 25 years older than his wife and it's working just fine. They've got two kids.

[B]

In my humble opinion. That's weird. I think that's weird. I mean, I. I don't.

[A]

I mean it's not weirdest thing in the world, but it's. I don't know.

[B]

Could you imagine though, taking your best friend to a family function and then two years later they are

[A]

married and have kids? No, I couldn't.

[B]

To your uncle.

[A]

No.

[B]

You were a matchmaker. You can add that to your resume. Yeah,

[A]

this is a long one. I started dating this boy and long

[B]

story short, there's nothing short about this story. Okay?

[A]

Yeah, there ain't nothing. I started dating this boy and long story short, we broke up. I took it really hard. I literally went silent for a week and only talked to one friend. She was there for everything. My rants, crying and all of it. Well, what a good friend. Here's where it gets messy. Not even a week later, she starts testing, texting him.

[B]

Not a good friend.

[A]

Not a good friend. She kept asking if I was mad and I told her I didn't care as long as she didn't talk about me with him. Which looking back, was my first mistake because I did care. Well, yeah, should have told the truth because I can't tell her who she can talk to. But I feel like betrayal. Yeah, that's breaking the damn code. I was also still trying to process everything. At first everything was kind of fine, but then he started texting me again. I knew it was going to end badly. It turned into this weird competition and he became all she. She would talk about. Eventually I told her to stop. She asked why and I said I needed to distance myself from him, but asked her not to tell him because I wanted to handle it myself. I also just wanted her to keep her nose out of it, you know? Yeah, that's when you tell her to mind her own damn business.

[B]

She went and get her own damn boyfriend.

[A]

Yeah, she went and told him anyway. Now I feel like she might just like the Attention. But I honestly don't know. I'd really like an outside opinion. I'd be. Am I being dramatic? And should I handle this? How should I handle this?

[B]

You should whoop her ass. You should tell her that she.

[A]

Ass. Whoop ass.

[B]

You should tell her that she is faker than a monopoly $100 bill. And then you should tell her that

[A]

she broke the code.

[B]

She's a.

[A]

Is there like a girl code or something? Which one? The girl. There's many girls about dating best when you date exes. That just seems like common decency. Common decency. Yeah.

[B]

Okay, You.

[A]

You're not overreacting. You're not being dramatic. It's okay.

[B]

It's okay, Michaela. Okay.

[A]

That's okay. Anyways, we have a couple people in the audience said that they've done this, so shame on them, too. But what do you have? What advice do you have?

[B]

I think you need to come up with a really creative insult because it doesn't hurt people's feelings when you just call them a. So I think you need to call her like a long necked hippo Potter feather organ donor looking ass. That makes sense. Organ donor.

[A]

No, you should. But something creative.

[B]

Save a life.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Just come up with some.

[A]

Yeah, Anyways. That's kind of crazy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Anyways. Okay. Well, case adjourned. Okay, everybody.

[B]

Well, all right, everybody. We hope you enjoyed today's brand long episode. Ass episode. We love you. Hope you have a great day. Make sure to follow us on all of our social pages and subscribe on YouTube.

[A]

Please subscribe on YouTube. We're getting. We want a damn trophy or whatever it's called.

[B]

I want one of them YouTube plugs so bad I can't see straight. And I can't see straight out of these damn glasses either because scholars ass juices on them. All right, I love y'.

[A]

All. Love you. Bye.

[B]

Bye.