Welcome Back to Big Back Banter

Summary

Bloodline Banter: Welcome Back to Big Back Banter (July 23, 2026)

Hosts: Landon & Riley

Podcast: Bloodline Banter
Episode Theme: Southern Food, Culture, Struggle Meals, and Relatable Life Anecdotes
Recorded in their signature unfiltered, conversational style, Landon and Riley bring listeners into their world of Southern living, food, and humor, with a focus on daily life, family, and listener questions.

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Episode Overview

This episode is a deep dive into Southern comfort food, regional habits, and life’s hilarious yet relatable setbacks—ranging from sleepwalking snack attacks to waxing horror stories and passionate debates over grits. The hosts share personal stories, food recommendations, Southern traditions, and respond with their signature candor and comedic flair to listener questions in the recurring "Cousin Council" segment. If you’re hungry for laughter and Southern nostalgia, this episode is a must-listen.

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Key Highlights & Discussion Points

1. Sleepwalking & Midnight Snacks

Timestamps: 00:08 – 02:43

• Landon shares his wild night, waking up four times to eat various snacks:
  • Late July chips, beef jerky from Buc-EE's, Fruity Pebbles cereal, and microwaved chicken apple sausage.
  • "I bit into that chicken apple sausage and it was so hot, I scalded my mouth." – Landon [02:50]
• Riley laughs about leftover cravings and wishes she’d taken home leftovers.

2. Product Shoutouts: Late July Chips & Cowboy Colostrum

Timestamps: 01:10 – 05:56

• The hosts rave over Late July chips, especially jalapeño lime from Costco or Whole Foods.
• Detailed breakdown and honest praise for Cowboy Colostrum supplements.
  • Benefits: hair/nail growth, helps bloating, immune support, general well-being.
  • “100% grass fed colostrum. They only take the colostrum on the first day.” – Riley [04:58]
  • Exclusive listener discount code: "banter" for 25% off.

3. Body Waxing Storytime

Timestamps: 06:06 – 08:32

• Landon details his recent experience waxing his chest, belly, and back ($200 plus $50 tip).
  • “It felt like the devil was dancing on my chest. Hell, hell, hell.” – Landon [06:38]
  • Both discuss the pain, pricing, and likelihood of returning.
  • Hilarious banter about waxing sensitive areas and the “sunburn” aftermath.

4. Road Rage and Southern Drivers

Timestamps: 08:34 – 13:48

• Both hosts rant about Nashville traffic, slow drivers in the fast lane, and experiences with road rage.
  • “Put your foot on the gas or get your ass out of the way.” – Riley [08:50]
  • Anecdotes include slamming on brakes for squirrels and a story about Riley’s grandmother’s Corvette vs. a deer.
  • “My insurance is phenomenal. One bad day that my intrusive thoughts take over, y’all have had it.” – Riley [09:13]

5. Friend Shoutouts & Toothbrushes

Timestamps: 14:14 – 16:57

• Weekly friend shoutout initiated—Colton & Kaylee, and Lauren (the “dental genius”) are this episode’s picks.
• Electric toothbrush shopping with Lauren’s advice; heated debate between electric and manual brushes.
  • “Lauren has the prettiest teeth I’ve ever seen. They’re so white every day.” – Landon [15:36]

6. Defining a "Southern Breakfast"

Timestamps: 17:31 – 21:55

• The duo constructs their perfect Southern breakfast line-up:
  • Homemade cat-head biscuits, bacon, sausage, pork tenderloin, cube steak and brown roux gravy, hashbrowns (with peppers & onions), eggs (various styles), molasses/jellies/honey, plus grits (sugar or salt).
  • “If you can throw it against the wall and it busts a damn wall, a hole in the sheetrock, you’re fired.” – Landon [18:37]
  • Debate over instant vs. “real” grits: sugar vs. salt.

7. Southern Dinner and Salad Discourse

Timestamps: 22:11 – 27:37

• Favorite items for a Southern country dinner: fried chicken, meatloaf, roast with potatoes/carrots/cabbage, soup beans, fried potatoes, cornbread, and more.
• Building the ideal Southern salad: iceberg lettuce, shredded cheese, bacon bits, cucumbers, ranch in a squeeze bottle. Arguments about tomatoes and croutons ensue.

8. Struggle Meals and Food Nostalgia

Timestamps: 27:50 – 31:04

• Discussing the concept of “struggle meals”—affordable, filling dishes common in lean times or just Southern households.
  • Fried bologna sandwiches, beans & cornbread, Hamburger Helper, cinnamon sugar toast, ramen with an egg, tomato sandwiches, biscuits with tomato gravy, cornbread in buttermilk.
  • "That ain't a struggle meal. That's damn good eating." – Landon [28:26]
  • “Apparently we did, but, hell, I didn’t know we were struggling. That shit was a delicacy.” – Riley [30:38]

9. Gas Station Orders & Southern Food Outlets

Timestamps: 31:41 – 35:43

• What to buy in a Southern gas station: glass Coke & peanuts, hand-made biscuits wrapped in white parchment, boiled peanuts.
  • Descriptions of roadside stands and quirky local gas stations (“Catlet Grocery”).
  • “There’s nothing better than stopping at one of them gas stations owned by an old couple and going in.” – Landon [34:19]

10. Country vs. "City Folks": Grocery Stores & Produce Stands

Timestamps: 35:44 – 39:53

• Critiques of influencers mocking rural stores—defense of the charm and quality of small-town produce stands/grocery stores.
• Definition differences: produce stand vs. farmer’s market, and “buggy” vs. “shopping cart.”

11. Chili Cook-offs & Meals from Cans

Timestamps: 40:09 – 42:09

• Debating the merits of Wendy’s and Van Camp’s chili.
  • “Van Camps. You open that up and it's like grease on the top that have a layer of trans fat on the top of it.” – Riley [41:17]

12. Chicken Salad, Egg Salad & Bougie Gas Station Eats

Timestamps: 42:09 – 43:19

• Bucky's chicken salad praised for its simplicity and flavor (“A good chicken salad: tender chicken, mayo, seasonings, no celery!”).
• Quick tips for using up eggs: make egg salad.

13. Bloodline Brain Check: Trivia Game

Timestamps: 43:36 – 52:09

• Interactive trivia session with listeners encouraged to play along. Topics included:
  • Longest bone in the body (femur)
  • National sport of Canada (lacrosse)
  • World’s smallest country (Vatican City)
  • US time zones, the “red planet,” origins of paper, and more.
  • “You know what? I bet you every damn thing in this room was made in China.” – Riley [47:58]

14. Cousin Council: Listener Problems & Nashville Tips

Timestamps: 52:11 – 58:53

• Ben from Maryland: Asks if they should stop giving money to their sister, who once faked his death for a scam. Hosts recommend providing for the kids directly (food/supplies), not giving her money.
  • "I'd say, you know what? I'm dead. I thought I was dead. And now you're dead to me." – Landon [53:59]
• Flip Flops Debate: Listener bans her mom from flip flops after an accident; Riley defends the comfort and versatility.
• Nashville Visitor Tips: Detailed local recs for sightseeing, shopping, coffee (“La La Land”), and food (Jack Brown's Burgers, Gumbo Bros, 1230 Club, Bar Louie, Neighbors, Jeff Ruby’s, Halls).
  • “Go to Broadway...even if you’re not a drinker, still go.” – Riley [57:29]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "It felt like the devil was dancing on my chest. Hell, hell, hell." – Landon (waxing story) [06:38]
• "If you can throw it against the wall and it busts a damn wall, a hole in the sheetrock, you’re fired." – Landon (on proper biscuits) [18:37]
• "Put your foot on the gas or get your ass out of the way." – Riley (on bad drivers) [08:50]
• “That ain't a struggle meal. That's damn good eating.” – Landon [28:26]
• “You would have to sedate me. You would have to give me anesthesia.” – Landon (on waxing sensitive areas) [08:13]
• "I like a manual toothbrush ... I know that I get up in there." – Landon [15:54]
• "Apparently we did, but, hell, I didn’t know we were struggling. That shit was a delicacy." – Riley [30:38]
• “Shout out, Lauren. Love you big time.” – Landon [17:29]
• “You know, I want a salad that you bang the ranch on the table like Subway.” – Riley [26:12]

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Important Segments & Timestamps

• Sleep & Midnight Snacks: 00:08 – 02:43
• Chips, Colostrum & Waxing Stories: 01:10 – 08:32
• Road Rage & Driving Rants: 08:34 – 13:48
• Friend Shoutouts & Dental Products: 14:14 – 16:57
• Southern Breakfast/Dinner Discourse: 17:31 – 27:37
• Struggle Meals: 27:50 – 31:04
• Gas Station/Food Memories: 31:41 – 35:43
• Country vs. City Grocery Culture: 35:44 – 39:53
• Chili Cook-Offs & Canned Foods: 40:09 – 42:09
• Chicken/Egg Salad: 42:09 – 43:19
• Bloodline Brain Check Trivia: 43:36 – 52:09
• Cousin Council (Listener Q&A): 52:11 – 58:53

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Episode Tone & Style

Landon and Riley maintain playful, candid, and slightly irreverent banter throughout. The episode is loaded with regional humor, nostalgia for small-town/high-southern life, and raw honesty—especially when it comes to food, family, and daily struggles. Their energy is high and their chemistry, as always, is infectious.

Who Would Enjoy This Episode

• Fans of Southern culture & food
• Listeners who enjoy relatable, family stories with humor
• Anyone interested in life outside the big city and comfort food nostalgia
• Those seeking genuine product recs and travel tips for Nashville

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Listener Tip: Have a snack ready—you’ll be hungry and laughing through most of this episode!

Transcript

[A]

Hello, everybody. Welcome back to bloodline banter. I'm Landon.

[B]

And I'm Riley.

[A]

Well, how'd you sleep last night?

[B]

I slept good. My sleep score was like an 89.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I know.

[A]

I did not sleep good at all. I woke up at my. I had an eventful night. Yeah, I did. Let me just tell you about it. I went to bed at like 11:30, 12:00'. Clock. I woke up four different times in the middle of the night.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And every single time I woke up, I went to my kitchen and ate something. Oh, gosh, I don't know why I've done that.

[B]

It's a good thing. You have a good metal.

[A]

And I ate last. I ate dinner last night. Like, it wasn't. Like, I was just impoverished. I don't. Impoverished or whatever the hell that word is. I don't even remember.

[B]

What is that word?

[A]

We went somewhere, did we not?

[B]

Yesterday?

[A]

Yeah. Last night we went eight Federales. We ate fajitas.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that's right.

[A]

Yeah. We had a vegeta. I had a big old steak vegeta. And then I finished all of my leftovers at like 8:30.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. I was sitting on my couch last night and I thought to myself, I wish I would have taken my leftovers home.

[A]

Because I was like, oh, my gosh, they were phenomenal. Even better left over.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

They were good when you were there.

[A]

I'm telling you.

[B]

Anyways, I normally don't like their rice, but it was good yesterday.

[A]

Wonderful. Anyways, ate that, went to bed, woke up. The first thing I ate. When I woke up, I needed to eat a little something salty. So I had a late July chip. Late July, Late July chip. Let me put you on. This is not paid. This is not sponsorship. This is nothing. Late July chips.

[B]

But at late July, if you want to send us like a box.

[A]

If you want to send us a box of free chips, I'll. I will.

[B]

Oh, my gosh, they're so good. The only place you can find them is Whole Foods. And Costco just started selling them. They may sell them other wonderful. Get them in bulk. Oh, the Costco bags, the jalapeno lime ones are big.

[A]

I ate those last night when I left over Mexican food. Well, anyways, if you remember, a couple

[B]

weeks ago, we said we were going to go to the Whole Foods whenever we left. I think it was two weeks ago. And Landon wanted some Doritos, but we didn't expect the Whole Foods to sell Doritos. And they don't. No, but they sell Substitute, which is late July. And they're better, I think.

[A]

Oh, they're 1,000% better.

[B]

And they're made with like, avocado oil or something.

[A]

Yeah, they're very good.

[B]

Yeah, they're really good.

[A]

Anyway, so I ate them. First time I woke up. Second time I woke up, ate some beef jerky that I had gotten from Buc EE's earlier in the early in the day Korean barbecue, I think.

[B]

Ooh, yeah, that's good. Yeah.

[A]

And then third time, I ate a bowl of cereal.

[B]

What kind of cereal?

[A]

30 Pebbles.

[B]

Okay. Dang, Landon.

[A]

Fourth time. Yeah, I'm not. I was like, I need like, some protein or something. Like, I need something good. So I warmed up a chicken apple sausage in the microwave for about 45 seconds. Now it's about half asleep.

[B]

45.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You that bitch.

[A]

I exploded that thing and ate it with cottage cheese and mustard. But this is at like 4:35 o'clock in the morning. I bit into that chicken apple sausage and it was so hot, I scalded my mouth.

[B]

Like, oh, my gosh. There's nothing worse than burning the top of your mouth.

[A]

I have fifth degree burns on the roof of my mouth. I need to go to the Shriners hospital immediately.

[B]

I did that to a sweet potato one time. I bit into it doing the Courtney Cook trend where you put cheese in it. And I didn't wait long enough to cool it off and I didn't want to cut it because I didn't have enough. So I was just going to bite the top off of it and then stick the cheese down in there. It, like the. The roof of my mouth, the skin started peeling.

[A]

That's how mine is right now.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Huh.

[B]

It's awful. On the way over here, I got here. We're recording today at like 5:30. And I got here at like 5:25 and realized I forgot my book bag,

[A]

which has our stuff in it, which

[B]

has our stuff in it for Cousin Council and all that stuff. So I was like, crap. So I ran back home and got it, texted our producer, told him we were going to be late, ran back home and got it. Got up, waited for three minutes on an elevator to get up. Got up and I tried to unlock my door with. We have apps that we unlock our door with. My app wasn't working. I tried to get my door code, tried to punch it in my pad on my door wasn't working. Nothing was working. I went down to the front desk, told the leasing crew, they said, okay, well, I'll have a maintenance man Come up to it, got back up there, it started working. So there's probably a maintenance man standing at my door right now knocking on it and my dog's probably going barrel.

[A]

Anyways, I meant to ask you this. Did you have your coffee this morning?

[B]

I did. I actually, I made like my version of like a latte and like I got cinnamon and swerve, which is like brown sugar substitute that certain calories. And I brewed an espresso pot over

[A]

it with honey and it dissolved all that.

[B]

And then I put milk, a scoop of my vanilla cowboy colostrum.

[A]

Cowboy colostrum. Aren't you so glad I put you onto that?

[B]

Yes, I am. It is so freaking good.

[A]

What's your favorite flavor?

[B]

Vanilla.

[A]

Vanilla? No vanilla.

[B]

The cookies cream that they just come out with is so good.

[A]

Oh my gosh. They just came out with a new flavor called cookies and cream and it literally, it, it's wonderful. Anyways, strawberries. Really good too. I don't like the chocolate.

[B]

Chocolate colostrum is.

[A]

I don't like chocolate.

[B]

100% grass fed colostrum. They only take the colostrum on the first day.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So there's nothing in it but whole colostrum. It helps bloating women with their hair and nail growth and all kinds of stuff and debloats you like if you take it. I've noticed really, really good and you're not bloated in the morning.

[A]

It's also really, really good for your immune system. It's just a good like every day, you know, take a skin. It's easy to do. It's so good. It tastes so, so good. I think our users have a discount code.

[B]

Our users can use discount discount code banter for 25% off their order. Go to cowboycolostrum.com forward/banter and check it out.

[A]

Yeah. And it's also in the description below.

[B]

So yeah, just click the link box below, go hook it up and we have it behind us on the shelf. You can see it over, see what

[A]

it looks like and you've seen me talk about, I've talked about this on my page for the past four or five months.

[B]

Yeah, I love cowboy cluster, but. And then I mixed it up, put some milk in it and drank it. Was good.

[A]

Did you have yours? I had mine. I have mine every morning.

[B]

Good.

[A]

Yep. Sometimes if I'm not even drinking coffee and I, I always do my cowboy colostrum. I'll just put it in a scoop, put a scoop of it in some milk, froth it up and drink it anyways. It's better. Good stuff in the morning.

[B]

You.

[A]

You've got, like. Honestly, go get some, probably. Let me tell you what I was just doing. I wasn't going to talk about this. I don't give a shit. I decided that. Listen, I'm a hairy individual. I get very hairy and I have to trim so I don't look like a woolly mammoth every day.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I decided that I was going to go get my chest and my belly and my back waxed.

[B]

Oh,

[A]

that shit.

[B]

How did that feel?

[A]

Felt. Look, I. It felt like the devil was dancing on my chest. Hell, hell, hell.

[B]

I'm afraid if they did that to me, because, you know, the back wasn't bad at all. You know, I'm a big individual. I have boobs, and I'm afraid they'd, like, rip my nipple off.

[A]

Let me tell you something. The nipple was a sensitive area. Oh, I'm pretty sure.

[B]

Did they have a chart in there that had, like, the red on the nipple and, like, the.

[A]

No, it didn't tell me where it

[B]

was gonna hurt the worst spots.

[A]

Not like a tattoo wasn't. No. But that chest hurt bad. Yeah.

[B]

Your chest is red.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, I'm burnt. It feels like you're like. I feel like it's a sunburn right now.

[B]

How much was it you said?

[A]

$200.

[B]

That is insane. That is insane. I am going to listen. I know you waxing people. You do hard work.

[A]

And I tip for $50.

[B]

I'm going to milk Crayola Wax and start my own wax service. So if y' all need wax, hit me up.

[A]

It wasn't that bad, but, like, it was bad.

[B]

That's a lot of money. I mean, that's a. They're making a good.

[A]

Apparently, they don't come back for, like, four. Four weeks.

[B]

You're gonna go back?

[A]

Don't know. I'm scared.

[B]

Think you're gonna stick to a razor?

[A]

I don't know. Well, no, I just have my little trimmer things. But.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But let me tell you something right now. That hurt bad.

[B]

I don't think I could have done it. I think, honestly, that they'd have ripped my nipple off.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I could never imagine getting the.

[B]

My skin is more, like, sensitive.

[A]

And the women and the men out there that get their hoohas and their ding dongs waxed. Let me tell you something.

[B]

I don't think I could ever.

[A]

You would have to cuff me to the.

[B]

Oh, that sounds bad. That sounds.

[A]

You would have to sedate Me? You would have to give me anesthesia.

[B]

I don't even want to think about it. That makes my skin crawl, I'm telling you.

[A]

But it wasn't. On a scale of 1, the experience was like a 7 out of 10. Probably. I would rate it 7 out of 10. Don't know. The foul would go back. Give me a little while and I'll let you know.

[B]

Okay. Well, hopefully so. There.

[A]

There's that. I've done that. Traffic here is awful.

[B]

It's over the damn bumper, and it's gotten worse every day. We've lived here for going on eight months.

[A]

There's nothing worse that I can't stand than a. That won't drive, Pat. Mash in that gas pedal and go like you got some damn sense. Put the pedal to the damn metal.

[B]

Put your foot on the gas or get your ass out of the way.

[A]

Shit or get off the pot.

[B]

I cannot stand a bitch who likes to get in. And if you're riding in the left lane and you are not going at least 20 over the speed limit, get your ass over. Because I've got ticket money.

[A]

I do, too.

[B]

And I've got good enough money to

[A]

plow your ass out of the way, too. I've got enough money to plow your

[B]

ass out of the way. My insurance is phenomenal.

[A]

One bad day that my intrusive thoughts take over. Y' all have had it.

[B]

I. I have come close, real close to passing somebody grass.

[A]

You know what I do.

[B]

Y'.

[A]

All.

[B]

Y' all got me so flustered I can't even speak. I have come so close to passing in the grassy median. Oh, and if I wasn't afraid of popping my tire on the nail, I'd pass you on the right.

[A]

Anyways, drivers, they're psycho. Remember we were trying to get somewhere earlier? They drive like they ain't got no damn sense. 14 miles under the damn speed limit.

[B]

The other day, someone cut me off and I laid on my horn and flipped him off. And I looked over and it was two old people. And. Listen, I. I'm not trying to be rude, but old people can catch these birds just like anybody else can. If your ass can't drive, I don't care if you're 17 or 75, I will flip your ass off and hunt

[A]

lay on the hill.

[B]

Do not cut me off and about. Make me hit your shit.

[A]

Now, I will say this. Sometimes I get a little road rage. And I'll honk in. I'll honk and flip. Oh, my gosh.

[B]

Listen, let me finish okay, go ahead

[A]

and I'll get up there. And it's like a 87 year old grandpa and I get a little remorseful.

[B]

I do too. I feel bad, but then like I. I think like.

[A]

But the other half of me is

[B]

some of it's different if they look old and feeble but like if you're just look like you'd at somebody for stepping on your grass and then you want to cut me off.

[A]

So it just depends on what you're looking.

[B]

Learn how to drive.

[A]

It depends on what you look like.

[B]

It does. The other day I was coming through. I was coming down the mountain to come home and, and come back to Nashville to get on the interstate.

[A]

She be coming around the mountain when she come. She be coming around the mountain when she come.

[B]

Okay, well that was. Wait. I'm sorry. Please excuse our brief intermission. I was coming down the mountain to get to the interstate and now I've got that damn song stuck in my head. So riding I was. She'll be riding, she'll be. She'll be coming.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Anyways, I'm going down the mountain. There's somebody in front of me and they had a dumb ass sticker on the back of their car and they. A squirrel runs out in the road, they slam on their brakes. I mean lock that down. Okay, I am coming. I'm cruising at a good 45 right behind them. I wasn't too close to him, but we were going down a hill. They locked their shit up like stopped in the name of the law. And Ozzy went flying in the floorboard.

[A]

You about sling your dog through the window chair.

[B]

He did. Hell, he was in his car seat. His whole car seat went in the floorboard and it ties around the back of my headrest. Well, hell, everything come crashing down. My Louis Vuitton duffel bag come hitting the back of my seat. Everything went everywhere. And so I laid on my horn and flipped him off and he, you know, typical hippie, long hair, long beard, doesn't looks like he hasn't taken a shower in 14 days. Probably uses. I'm sure he was smoking the wack his backy.

[A]

Probably uses the all natural deodorant.

[B]

Probably makes out his own.

[A]

And then what did he do?

[B]

He held his finger out and flipped me off. I said, you. And then he stopped. Gas you shout out the viral podcast anyways, but what the hell? Why are we stopping for a squirrel? No, you know, and there was nobody coming like this way.

[A]

Like I'm not stopping for anything.

[B]

I'LL stop for a dog, I will too.

[A]

But if it jeopardizes my safety.

[B]

Oh, if it jeopardize my safety, I'm not stopping.

[A]

If I have to go over ten foot ditch, I will try my best

[B]

not to hit anything. But like, if there's a car coming and there's an animal, I'm sorry.

[A]

You're hitting the animal.

[B]

Yeah. I'm not gonna kill myself, but I

[A]

think that's the right thing to do.

[B]

I'm not gonna kill myself. To miss your dog just because you can't keep him.

[A]

Not my worst fear is never knock on wood. Never hit a deer. But I'm afraid of a deer hitting me. Like it done to your nana that day.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. I was at the high school basketball game one time and my grandma, two days before this, had went and bought a brand new Corvette. There was. It was like limited edition. They only made 50. She got one of them and she called me. I'm at the high school basketball game and she called me squalling her eyes out.

[A]

A deer like jumped into her car.

[B]

She's like crying frantically. I thought somebody died. And I answer and she's like. I was like, what's wrong? What's going. She said, a deer hit me. And I was like, a deer hit

[A]

you or you hit a deer?

[B]

She was driving and a deer ran into the side of her car and smacked the shit like her door wouldn't open. Dwinda probably busted. No, it didn't bust the window.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But it messed it up and sure did. A dare ran into the side, she said. I didn't even see it. No, they will. Into the side of the car.

[A]

Into the car. Yeah, yeah. So I'm getting a text. Please hold.

[B]

I just got a damn political text. Let me tell you something right now. Just anybody out there, I don't care who you vote for. I don't care what you believe. If you text my ass, even if I planned to vote for you, I ain't voting for you no more. Kiss my ass. Take your data polling and shove it where the sun don't shine. I don't give a shit.

[A]

Shout out. Let's. Let's shout out a new friend I was texting Kate that time around, but let's shout out a new friend every single episode of the podcast and see how many friends that we have. See how many episodes we're able to do this because we really don't have a lot of friends. You should you find a friend to shout out first.

[B]

I'm gonna shout out Colton and Kaylee because I texted Kaylee the other day and told her because her boyfriend or her husband Colton's Birthday is on 77 11. August 11th or no, July 11th. And every year on his birthday, he would post a picture of himself at the 7 gas station. And the other day I sent a 711 and remembered it was Colton's birthday. So I texted Kaylee. I was like, I just remembered it was Colton's birthday. Tell him happy birthday. And he said, okay. He wants a shout out on the podcast, so.

[A]

Oh, well, here we go. Shout out them. Love them. By the way, I'm shouting out Lauren today.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

Not my aunt Lauren, but my friend Lauren, because she is, like, a dental genius and works in the dental field. And every time I need something to do with my teeth, I text her and she gives it to me. Like, today, we FaceTimed her in the Target, and we said, hey, we're about to get a electric toothbrush. Which one do we need? And she told us the one we needed. And of course, it was the one that was $300, but we got it.

[B]

$300 for a damn toothbrush?

[A]

But it does connect to your phone.

[B]

Listen, y' all are probably thinking, like, I'll be honest. I've. I've had an electric toothbrush before, but I just. I always go back to Old Faithful.

[A]

Lauren has the prettiest teeth I've ever seen. They're so wide every day. Her brother Braden has same thing. And I'm like, what do y' all do to your teeth?

[B]

So I just thought about getting one. And the past couple weeks, I've been like, I want an electric toothbrush. And a lot of people think if you don't have one, you're gross. I don't necessarily think that.

[A]

I like a manual toothbrush.

[B]

I do toothbrush.

[A]

I know that I get up in there.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. So I've been thinking about getting one. So we did. We got the oral B IO5 or something.

[A]

10. Something like that. Whatever.

[B]

It's oral B IO5. And earlier I realized I'm so used to, like, scrubbing my teeth.

[A]

Like, you don't do that.

[B]

You just do that. You just let it, like, massage each tooth for, like, three seconds. And I'm sitting here trying to.

[A]

And you do it for two minutes. You brush your teeth for two minutes.

[B]

Like, whenever I brush for two minutes, I'm like. I feel like it's very action packed. Like, I'm scrubbing my teeth here. I'm just like, it really takes about five minutes.

[A]

No, it takes two minutes.

[B]

Well, I didn't use my app this time because it was the first time doing it. What?

[A]

You're kidding me.

[B]

What are you looking for?

[A]

My Invisalign. I just got new Invisalign today and

[B]

he just went to the orthodontist this morning looking for his getting to get a new tray and he's already lost his image.

[A]

I fear that it's in my car or in the. What's it called?

[B]

Wax place. Why'd you take it out?

[A]

To get your. Because when I'm talking, you don't just lay there.

[B]

Yeah, but can you not talk with it in your mouth?

[A]

No, because I have a lot.

[B]

Yeah, but.

[A]

So I don't know. Anyways, I find it.

[B]

Anyways, if you go get wax and you need some Invisalign, you find it. It's Landon's. I already.

[A]

I already know who I'm showing this week.

[B]

Who?

[A]

I can't tell right now.

[B]

Well, I want to know.

[A]

Well, you'll have to figure out next week.

[B]

That's bullshit. Anyway.

[A]

Shout out, Lauren. Love you big time.

[B]

Yeah, so, yeah, I've been thinking today. I was thinking today about what we should talk about today. And I know we don't really ever plan our episodes, but the big controversy about around us saying that Texas isn't the South. We talked about that in the last episode and we talked about what we thought was the Deep South.

[A]

Okay, so get any feedback on that?

[B]

Not that I know of. But our episode just launched today. Thursday. We're recording Thursday. This episode goes out next week.

[A]

Yep. So we're a week ahead, everybody. Week ahead.

[B]

So I was sitting there and I was like, just singing of the Deep South. What is your idea of a good Southern breakfast? Walk me through everything.

[A]

You're putting good Southern breakfast.

[B]

If you have a plate and there is a table with anything and everything on it, what are you putting on your plate?

[A]

I'm going to go through my Christmas breakfast lineup.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because that's Southern breakfast for me.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Homemade biscuits.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Cat head biscuits.

[B]

Yes. If they're not as big around as a small dinner plate, don't even bring them. And they gotta be fluffy. I don't want a flat ass.

[A]

Fluffy as hell. Nobody wants scone.

[B]

I don't want a damn hockey puck.

[A]

No, no. If you can throw it against the wall and it busts a damn wall. A hole in the Sheetrock. You're fired. Taking your shutter, I need to be

[B]

able to pull it open and see the steam come out. Go Ahead.

[A]

Biscuit, biscuit. Now, listen, I'm gonna go crazy with the meats here, okay? Bacon, okay. Sausage, pork.

[B]

I'm not big on.

[A]

I'm not big on sausage. But, like.

[B]

But we have anything.

[A]

But we're.

[B]

We're having.

[A]

We're having a holy spread.

[B]

This is like the last breakfast.

[A]

Biscuits, bacon, sausage, pork tenderloin.

[B]

Okay? That's new for you. You don't like tenderloin. You don't like pork.

[A]

You ever had cubed pork tenderloin?

[B]

Hell, yes.

[A]

Cube steak.

[B]

Oh, my. With gravy. With a roux gravy. I don't want that peppered shit. I want you to put some damn flour, some. Melt the white up in that bitch.

[A]

And you need to use the oil, the grease from all that shit.

[B]

Make a roux.

[A]

Yeah, I want the gravy to be

[B]

brown as this chair.

[A]

Yeah, you like brown gravy, but I

[B]

like brown roux gravy.

[A]

Well, you can't make gravy without a roux, can you?

[B]

I. I'm not talking about the brown gravy you put on mashed potatoes, though. I'm talking about that thick.

[A]

No, you're talking about gravy. Real gravy.

[B]

Yeah, but a lot of people, you say gravy that think of the you get at Hardee's. The white peppered. Oh, no, no. A southern gravy.

[A]

Linda Mitchell. Gravy.

[B]

I'm sorry, I'm interrupting. Go ahead.

[A]

Gravy. I'm getting so I need every kind of molasses, jelly, syrup, honey that you can think of. Hash browns, potatoes. You got to have some form potato. And I even like the hash browns to have little onions and bell peppers cut up in it, you know? Ketchup on those. Ketchup. Yucks. My yum. I hate ketchup.

[B]

But the wise words of Hannah Dasher, Shondo.

[A]

Shondo. And then, of course, an egg. And when my family does breakfast, we all like our eggs a different way. I love a good over medium egg. I like a good over easy egg. I like a scrambled egg with cheese.

[B]

Yeah, that'll do me. What else? Anything else? Have I missed anything to tickle your fancy? Just anything you can think of. You're going in. Are you going in for some oatmeal, some grits?

[A]

I love both. Oatmeal and grits.

[B]

Okay, this is very controversial, and we're gonna lose some of y' all here.

[A]

Uh. Oh. Sugar in the grits or salt in the grits?

[B]

I love a good sugary grit.

[A]

I do, too.

[B]

I Do I love some sugar and grits? And I know a lot of people say that's crazy. I grew up putting sugar in grits. Will I eat cheese and grits? Yes, I will. I like shrimp and gr. But if you hand me breakfast food and you're saying, how would you like your grits? Bring me some damn grits and some Domino sugar white packets. Enough to make me have insulin resistance.

[A]

I tell you what's even better. Not even better, but let me show you something. Somebody taught me this one time. It was Janie Durham. Janie. If you're watching this, I think it was Janie Durham. She put like a tablespoon of maple syrup.

[B]

Maple syrup, yeah, we've done that at the Waffle House before. I have a picture of you putting your grits are piled to the top of the damn Eiffel Tower with sugar and syrup. You definitely had your A1C went up five points. Yeah, okay.

[A]

And I like I said, you just said like you'll eat shrimp and grits. Like I'll eat shrimp and grit. I love that. But I don't want no damn.

[B]

But if I'm eating breakfast, I don't want no damn cheddar grits. No, I'm not. And don't come at me with no damn instant grits. Instant grits. I don't like instant mashed potatoes. I don't like none of that shit.

[A]

Well, would you. Are we in agreeance on the breakfast situation?

[B]

Okay, so yeah, I would definitely.

[A]

Was there anything you would add?

[B]

I would add some country ham.

[A]

Oh fuck yeah. Salty as fuck. You gonna need to.

[B]

I need that country ham. You're gonna hydrate my ass.

[A]

You're gonna immediately 3 gallons of water for the next week.

[B]

I'm telling you right now, I need that. I need to be eating it and go like this.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Country ham.

[A]

Country ham and egg biscuit. Oh.

[B]

Whenever I was in the peak of my big assery, yeah. I would go through the Bojangles and get a country ham, egg and cheese biscuit. And I get the eggs scrambled with cheese and then they put cheese on it too and they'd wrap it up. Sometimes I'd get two and I'd get a family sized bow round and I'd eat 1300 calories by the time I was.

[A]

People might not agree with this, but you gotta have some kind of potato with your breakfast.

[B]

You do.

[A]

Whether it's a hash brown, a bow round, a hash brown. One of them.

[B]

You know a hash brown is good, but I prefer like a home fry Like a. Like that's where you. That's where you get the hash browns. And you, like, make peppers and onions in them. And then like. Yeah, you got that film on the bottom of the cast iron. You scrape up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, hell, I'm about to bust.

[A]

Uh huh.

[B]

Okay, what about your. Same thing? Anything and everything you've got out on the table. Dinner.

[A]

Country dinner. Country dinner.

[B]

I know it is, but you can have anything you want. Who said you can't have three plates cornbread? Everybody in the south, cornbread. Okay.

[A]

Three or four gallons of milk.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Some kind of potato.

[B]

Whole milk.

[A]

Whole milk.

[B]

Some kind of potato, Mayfield?

[A]

Some kind of potato. Usually a fried potato, but like a fried. Like a cast iron skillet fried potato. Not like a. Some kind of bean. A soup bean. I love a black eyed. But I know those are, you know,

[B]

But I like putting mayonnaise in black eyed peas.

[A]

I. Onions sitting on the table.

[B]

And onions and water. Water with cucumbers.

[A]

Yeah. Some kind of chow. Chow. A beet. A pickled beet, if you like that.

[B]

And then this is Southern, right?

[A]

Fried chicken.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Unpopular opinion. I'm not a fan of meatloaf, but meatloaf has to be on the table. And if I do eat it, I want it to be on the very, very end. I want the very end piece.

[B]

I do like meatloaf, and I'm just

[A]

gonna say I don't with ketchup, but my mama gets barbecue sauce and ketchup together.

[B]

Sauce? Meatloaf. Oh, that shit's good.

[A]

My mama also does a stuffed meatloaf, and I do like that one. It has Swiss cheese and ham and bacon in the middle of it. It's gourmet. But anyway, some kind of meat lover and shit.

[B]

She brought that down from country fried steak.

[A]

Yeah, A pork tenderloin, a roast, anything

[B]

in the dinner in the crock pot

[A]

with potatoes and carrots and cabbage and onions and you could put in a

[B]

crock pot and I'd probably eat it.

[A]

Like, dinner's hard.

[B]

It is. I would. You know, I feel like this isn't really southern, but I feel like anytime you're going to like a buffet or anything, I need a good salad before I have my meal.

[A]

Oh, I love a good salad. What's on the perfect salad for you?

[B]

Okay, go in, you grab your little bowl and you look past all the green leafy, and you go straight to that romaine or iceberg.

[A]

Romaine or iceberg.

[B]

Romaine or iceberg.

[A]

If the lettuce pokes your damn throat going down you don't want it if it looks like it came straight off the tree, I don't want it.

[B]

Spring mix?

[A]

No, I don't want to be briar cut on my esophagus.

[B]

So I'm gonna grab a bowl, and I'm gonna grab iceberg. The lettuce is, like, the main entree for me.

[A]

No, it is.

[B]

I don't want no side salad.

[A]

No, I want.

[B]

Just give me a plate. Actually, the bowl. Give me a plate. I'm gonna put some iceberg lettuce, and then I'm gonna go down and grab some shredded cheese. Then goes the cheese. Then I'm gonna grab those fake bacon bits. Yeah, I think they call it bacon, actually, the bacon bits. And then I'm gonna grab some cucumbers. You don't.

[A]

Okay, I don't like cucumbers.

[B]

And then.

[A]

Oh, I have to tell you something.

[B]

What?

[A]

My mom.

[B]

Well, let me finish saying what I'm gonna put on my salad. I like a boiled egg on a salad.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Then sometimes I risk it for the biscuit, and I grab some sunflower seeds. I have a little bowl, little glass bowl they got sitting there.

[A]

You're thinking. I know exactly what restaurant you're thinking about making a salad out.

[B]

Chichu barbecue.

[A]

Chichu barbecue.

[B]

Actually, I am. It's a little barbecue restaurant back home.

[A]

And I don't even fuck with the bacon bit, but they got them crunchy bacon, baby.

[B]

And I want the ranch and the squeezed bottle, the white, unmarked squeeze bottle that you have to bang on the table like they do at Subway, and you have to bang it on the table and then squirt it. And depending on.

[A]

I hate a dip out of salad.

[B]

I don't like to dip that. No. And I like a little salt and pepper, you know, for cucumbers.

[A]

You know, me and my pepper.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

What about a tomato?

[B]

Tomato?

[A]

Really?

[B]

On a salad?

[A]

My mom the other day had a baby, tiny cucumber. And I don't know what kind it was. She told me it was a specific kind.

[B]

Persian cucumber.

[A]

No, I don't know what it was. We'll have to call her and ask her. Afterwards we get done with this. It could have just been a baby cucumber, but it wasn't cucumbery at all. Like, it didn't really taste like a cucumber. And she made me sprinkle some sea salt and vinegar seasoning on it like a salt and vinegar chip.

[B]

I've seen it on Tik Tok Shop.

[A]

It was not bad at all. Like, it didn't really taste like a cucumber.

[B]

You're talking about someone who, if he tastes a cucumber and sushi, literally acts like he ate poison.

[A]

Well, I. Do you not remember the time that we went through the Taco Bell? Do you not remember the time I went to the Taco Bell and ordered a chicken power bowl, and it had cucumbers and tomatoes on it and I puked it right out of my. My window?

[B]

How you know Landon's gonna be sick? He goes kind of like a dog when it's about to throw up.

[A]

Like a cat that's trying to have a cup of hairball. Yeah.

[B]

And then he goes, that's a good salad.

[A]

I'm not putting a cucumber on mine, and I'm adding a ton of croutons and some. And a pepperoncini.

[B]

I don't care for a crouton. And sometimes I can eat a pepperoncini. I don't call it a pepperoncini.

[A]

Let's talk about something different. Let's talk same food. Food. What do you consider a struggle meal?

[B]

Okay, I was actually about to go there, so you read my mind.

[A]

A struggle. Did you have struggle meals?

[B]

You know, I have. I keep seeing people.

[A]

I don't know what a struggle meal is. Well, is it like, sardines and saltines?

[B]

Okay, a struggle meal, essentially, is what you eat because you grew up and, like, money was tight and you had to grab something that stretched a long way.

[A]

Well, look up some struggle struggle meals.

[B]

Struggle meals. Like, I don't think that struggle meals are necessarily struggle meals because a lot of this shit you just ate when you grew up in the South.

[A]

Well, I don't like.

[B]

I looked it up earlier, and it said some of it was, like, pinto beans and cornbread.

[A]

That ain't a struggle meal.

[B]

That ain't a struggle meal.

[A]

That's a damn good eating.

[B]

Hamburger Helper. I don't care if I'm the king. I get that Hamburger Helper's cheap, but

[A]

it's not, like, bad. It's not struggling.

[B]

If I'm the President of the United States, my executive chef is getting me some beef stroganoff. Hamburger Helper. Helper.

[A]

That's a 99 cents.

[B]

99 cents. Cooking it up with some 80, 20 ground beef. I want to drain the fat off that.

[A]

Yeah, With a little ranch on the side.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it takes it to the top.

[B]

Over the top, it does cinnamon toast. See? Half a cinnamon sugar toast. How the hell is that a struggle?

[A]

No, I used to do that all

[B]

the time and we weren't struggling is a Southern delicacy. The only struggle I have is not my back knob getting bigger when I eat that.

[A]

Butter, cinnamon, sugar.

[B]

This is struggle meals. Okay. A fried bologna sandwich. I ate that all the time growing up.

[A]

Gosh. With some cheese and mayonnaise. Yes. Oh, yeah.

[B]

I want that bologna black as tar.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I love a fried bologna. Beans and cornbread. Love that ramen with an egg. That's bougie as hell. An egg? You're gonna make an egg with your ramen? Why open the packet?

[A]

Brand Mar Maruchan. Moroccan. Moroccan.

[B]

No, it's maraschan.

[A]

Well, maraschino is a ch.

[B]

I think we're. I don't think.

[A]

I don't know. That was not a orange pack.

[B]

Chicken flavored chicken. If you pull egg in that, you were high class. Tomato sandwich. I don't like tomatoes, but that's a very common meal in the south.

[A]

10 pounds of mayonnaise on there and I'd probably eat it.

[B]

Tomato gravy over biscuits. I don't know about that.

[A]

But you don't need the tomato. Just biscuits.

[B]

Tomato gravy. I don't think I'd like that cornbread crumbled into a glass of buttermilk. Our whole family has always done that.

[A]

Oh, now, like, my hair just stood up on my arms because I want it so bad. Like. And if you're feeling very bougie, spread some peanut butter in the middle of that cornbread and then crumble it up.

[B]

That will take you to a place to a hill called Mount Calvary.

[A]

Danielle taught me that.

[B]

That shit is so good. Fried salt pork with beans. That's every New Year's. We eat hog jaw, black eyed peas, turnip greens, collards. It's like for wealth and wisdom or some shit. Yeah, okay, on that topic, but not

[A]

so we ate struggle meals every day.

[B]

Apparently we did, but, hell, I didn't know we were struggling. That shit was a delicacy. What did y' all eat that you weren't struggling? I would think, like, excuse me, That I didn't wake up and go to my cupboard and grab the caviar and the creme fresh on a Triscuit. Not a Saltine, a Triscuit.

[A]

I mean, I think a struggle meal. Like, I don't even think a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is a struggle meal.

[B]

No, bitch, that's just something you eat when you're on the. The run.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And whenever you went on field trips to school, you got the peanut butter and honey sandwiches. Those slapped, uhhuh, on that topic, but kind of non.

[A]

I can't say peanut butter at school anymore. I'm sorry if you're allergic to peanuts. I really am, but I probably sent

[B]

several kids in anaphylactic shock because I'd be up some peanut butter crackers.

[A]

Them knee cot.

[B]

Oh, yes. Oh, that knee cock crackers. Will you up.

[A]

They're good.

[B]

They are so good. Dip them in coffee. Coffee and vanilla wafers. Anyways, gas station order. What are you getting at the gas station?

[A]

Which gas station?

[B]

Just a Southern gas station you stop in after a long day.

[A]

Southern gas station. I stop in after a long day. They've got something on a roller.

[B]

I'm not. But I'm not talking about like the qt. I'm talking.

[A]

Okay, you're like the

[B]

Catlet Grocery. Like one that's owned by an old couple. They've owned it for years and years and years.

[A]

Okay, I'm going in. I'm gonna find something to drink.

[B]

What are you grabbing?

[A]

Probably a Coke.

[B]

Yeah, Diet Coke for me.

[A]

If it's at an old Southern place like that, I'm going to get a glass Coke and a bag of peanuts.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Putting it in there. You know, stores like that have a really good selection of the individual Little Debbie's.

[B]

Yes. But stores like that also have somebody's grandmother who has only ever worked there. Cause she dropped out of high school and had seven kids. And she wakes up at the crack of Dawn's ass, goes in there and makes biscuits for the whole county and

[A]

wraps them in that paper, that damn

[B]

parchment, white parchment paper, butcher paper. You go in and she has SEC for sausage, egg and cheese written on there. That's the original SEC bitch.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A beautiful DC Bacon, egg and cheese you had. Damn. They had steak, biscuits, had an S on.

[A]

Well, I didn't know. Like breakfast. It was breakfast time. If that's the case, then yeah. But if not, they all have bold peanuts.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Getting bull peanuts.

[B]

But if you're gonna get bull peanuts in the South, I want to roll up to somebody on the side of the road that has gotten a white door from Home Depot and spray painted bull peanuts on the side of it.

[A]

And it needs to be some kind of old ass produce stand.

[B]

Yes. And I need a man with a white rustic pickup truck sitting on the back.

[A]

And he has to come out in

[B]

overalls and that propane tank and it'd be D. Yes. And he needs to have a big oar like you'd row a paddle boat.

[A]

And he needs to be wearing a hat. Not a cowboy hat. Just like an old hat.

[B]

Maybe an old hat or maybe like

[A]

a John Deere hat or something like

[B]

that so the sun don't hit.

[A]

He's wearing overalls. I'm thinking we're naming the exact place on the way to Ella Jay.

[B]

Yep. And it has to be at like the. There's a four way stop but it's

[A]

like on the corner and his wife

[B]

has to be there and she's in there ringing up tomatoes or water in

[A]

the plants or the flowers. You can also buy.

[B]

Yeah, I mean yeah, I seen a woman the other day on.

[A]

People are going to think this is the dumbest episode we've ever probably done because I don't know that they're going to understand our way of living.

[B]

But you know, but even if people don't, I still like to listen to people that grew up different than me.

[A]

If you didn't grow up like this comment below and let us know.

[B]

But if you did, let us know too. What's your favorite part about growing up like that? Yeah, put it in the comments. You know, there's nothing.

[A]

Hungry as hell.

[B]

I am too.

[A]

And I only want to go to nanny's house and make her cook something big.

[B]

There's nothing better than stopping at one of them gas stations owned by an old couple and going in.

[A]

What you ever went deep sea fishing? Yeah, deep sea fishing. Getting all your fish clean and bringing

[B]

it back home and cooking at the same time.

[A]

Fish fry.

[B]

Oh, my nana makes fish fries ever so often. Last time I went home I said what are we eating for supper? She said fried fish. But don't tell your dad because if she makes fried fish the whole family wants to come over and eat it. Hell no. We had a fish fried. Just me, Nona and papa. I'm sorry Nona, I'm letting the cat out of the bag. You spent a long time ago. I'm sorry for the phone calls you're gonna get. We ate the shit out of some fried fish and hush puppies. Hush puppies, fried fish, coleslaw fries. She even cut the fucking potatoes up and made homemade french fries. Oh speaking of french fries, there's nothing better than going in a gas station and getting some damn potato logs that have been in that freezer for seven fucking years. They're probably freezer burnt wiping the damn.

[A]

You know we are ghetto.

[B]

That's country people would. There's a difference between yee haw and yee Yee bitch. We're yeehaw. Yeah, well I don't. We're really more like, y' all come back.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There was a woman.

[A]

Like, this whole episode's about food.

[B]

It's okay. Welcome to the Big Back community. Welcome back to Big Back Banter.

[A]

Welcome to Big Back Banter. I'm your host, Landon Mock and Rowley Mitchell.

[B]

There was this woman. She's like a big, confident creator.

[A]

If you just had to do this alone, that's exactly what it. Yes, it would. But, you know, there's such things as skinny, big back. I've got good taste in food.

[B]

Yeah, you're a big back. You just. Your back don't get big. No. You lucky fucker.

[A]

So what is that?

[B]

Little back, big appetite, little bag. But there's this con. There's this influencer going around, and something about. She posted a video.

[A]

Some. Right now people are getting diarrhea from the lettuce.

[B]

Okay, well, let me finish my damn story. She went into, like, a Mom and pop grocery store. Like, you remember the shop right in Lafayette?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay, you're not paying attention.

[A]

I am the shop right in Lafayette. I'm not texting anybody. I was checking.

[B]

Okay. Shop, right? Anybody has a shop? Right? The closest chain, I would say, is close to this kind of grocery store is like a Piggly Wiggly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Going in there. She went in there, and she's like, talking shit. She's like, this place is so dirty. This. It's just like your country grocery store. It's not dirty. It's just not. Damn Trader Joe's.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And she's like, this place is so dirty. I can't believe people get their food here. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Where I come from, I know exactly

[A]

who you're talking about. What's her name?

[B]

I don't know, but she.

[A]

I think even Trisha made a video about her.

[B]

Yeah, there's a lot of people have made videos about her. She was just being a. And let me tell you something. Where we come from, there is a produce stand in our hometown, and it is a little shack that looks like the Big Bad Wolf could blow its house down. Yeah. And the owner lives in the back of that.

[A]

You know, I don't think that's open anymore, though. Are you thinking. Are we thinking of the same produce?

[B]

Jimmy Danes.

[A]

Yeah. He died.

[B]

Are you kidding me? If you really didn't die, we're sorry.

[A]

No, he passed away.

[B]

Well, I hate that. But I loved his produce stand.

[A]

Oh, he had little peanuts.

[B]

Oh, that had everything.

[A]

Oh, we would come through and get a watermelon.

[B]

We would he. My nana, my mama and papa. Live like half a mile from here.

[A]

I love the peaches. Georgia peaches.

[B]

If you have ever been lived in a small town or went to a small town or maybe they're in big place cities and you go to a produce stand or I guess the farmer's market. Everywhere else a damn produce stand. There's a difference.

[A]

No, there's a difference between a farmer's market stand. Farmer's market is. Everybody else got their shit set up.

[B]

I think right. The farmer's market is probably has to be like USDA inspected. You go into a damn produce stand and there's damn shit everywhere. There's tomatoes in boxes on the floor. There's hay that's been. They always got them big abandoned 18 wheeler tractors trailers out there with no back doors and they're selling straw shit,

[A]

tons of wood pallets stacked over to the side.

[B]

And ever so every so often they put out the ferns and every white mom in America stops and fills up

[A]

her Tahoe with ferns and because they would rather buy a fern there than buy a fern at like because they last Home Depot and they're bigger or Walmart.

[B]

You go to Walmart and the damn

[A]

place we support the people unlike that that went grocery shopping and started was bitching.

[B]

Let me tell you something. There's a grocery store in my hometown called Cost Cutters. And the. The buggies are. Yes, I'm not referring to his shopping cart. It's a buggy, bitch. Like a horse and a buggy. It's a buggy.

[A]

A buggy.

[B]

A cart is I think something you smoke marijuana out of.

[A]

It is. And a shopping cart is. What even is a shopping cart? I don't know.

[B]

It's not right. It's a buggy, bitch. A buggy. Or sometimes you'll grab a basket.

[A]

Yeah. And that's a basket.

[B]

These buggies are like they don't have like the place to put your kids like most places do. It's a buggy and it's all flat. It's not like slanted and it doesn't get narrow at the top. It looks like a big pallet. And they're sitting up like this. And whenever you pull one out you have to throw the damn thing down. And you. It looks like you're pushing around a damn forklift.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You wouldn't last a damn day in southern America.

[A]

And she ran her mouth. And as she ran her mouth them same southern women would stomp her ass in the ground.

[B]

Stomp a hole in that ass. Take your ass to Erewhon and buy a damn $52 strawberry smoothie.

[A]

Do you remember drinking that thing?

[B]

Yeah, we'll see. It was good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That Haley boober smoothie at Erewhon. It's worth all $23 that they charge us.

[A]

It is. Anyways. Well, this has been a wonderful episode. I feel like.

[B]

I feel like y' all should be on Food Network.

[A]

We are. Maybe Food Network will sponsor maybe. You know what? Let me judge a cooking competition.

[B]

Okay. I was thinking about.

[A]

Talk about this chili. Let's talk about chili. I wholeheartedly believe that the Crystal or the Wendy's could win a chili cook off. If I'm going to a chili cook off and I taste Wendy's chili in

[B]

my crock pot, I know somebody who was doing a chili cook off. Like a church chili cook off. And they went to Wendy's and got a gallon of it, put it in a crock pot and they won.

[A]

I know the same. I don't remember who that was.

[B]

Don't say their name. But

[A]

I tell you what else can win.

[B]

What?

[A]

And I'm pretty sure I've done this before because we have used to have chili cooks off at the church. Or I know somebody that did. Van Camps.

[B]

Don't come at me with no horror. I don't want Hormel. I've never actually tried camps with beans.

[A]

It's Debbie Phillips used to buy Hormel.

[B]

God love her. Leanne Morgan talks about Hormel chili.

[A]

Maybe I've never tried it. I haven't because I've never not had.

[B]

You've always said that it's bad, said I've trusted your judgment and I.

[A]

Why, why switch it up when you've got Van Camp?

[B]

Don't sit something that's not broken.

[A]

Van Camps. You open that up and it's like grease on the top that have a

[B]

layer of trans fat on the top of it. And whenever you pour it out into your pot, you want it to hold

[A]

the shape of sour cream. Jalapenos and some Fritos in mine.

[B]

Oh, I love a corn chip and soup. I love a dandy corn chip and soup.

[A]

Chicken chili.

[B]

I've. You know, I've never had that.

[A]

Well, I made some the other day. Well, not the other day. It was in the fall, remember? I made it in my red Dutch oven. That's 32, 33 years old.

[B]

I don't remember that.

[A]

Yes, you do. It was cold outside.

[B]

I remember you making chicken tortilla soup.

[A]

Oh, that's what it was. That's what it was.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

White chicken chili. And chicken tortilla soup is about the same damn thing. You just don't put the tortilla chips in there.

[B]

The other day, I was making salsa chicken in my crock pot, and it was, like, really soupy because I put too much chicken broth in there. So I just. Whenever my chicken was done, I shredded that up, added some beans to it, and ate some damn taco soup.

[A]

Let me tell you something. I know you're a chicken salad connoisseur.

[B]

You're chicken fajita soup.

[A]

I know you're a chicken salad connoisseur.

[B]

I am.

[A]

And I know a good chicken salad. I don't want to eat chicken salad every day, but I know a good chicken salad.

[B]

What's that?

[A]

Well, I just. Would you like me to tell you my.

[B]

Oh, you're two different chicken. Oh, no.

[A]

When I taste a chicken salad, I can tell you that it's good.

[B]

What were you gonna say, though?

[A]

Bucky's really has some really good chicken salad.

[B]

Have you ever had Bucky's? They don't have potato salad.

[A]

No. But let me tell you about their chicken salad. It ain't got no mess in it.

[B]

Good.

[A]

It ain't got no. In it.

[B]

Good.

[A]

The chicken is tender.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's mayonnaise. It's got some salt, some peppers, some seasonings, honey, the tiniest little things.

[B]

Does it have any celery?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay, good.

[A]

It's got some. I think maybe like, an onion or. Or something. I don't know what it was, but it wasn't, like, crunchy. It wasn't like. You could just. It was a good chicken salad.

[B]

You like egg salad?

[A]

I love egg salad.

[B]

You know, I make egg salad sometimes I have eggs that are about to go bad. I'll just pull them, put make egg salad. It say they're really good, and. But, like, if you.

[A]

I just thought of something.

[B]

I got the damn hiccups. But I'm.

[A]

If eggs going bad and you bull it. Well, never mind. No, that'd be like. If a chicken was going bad and you cooked it, how long would the chicken last after you cooked?

[B]

I. I knew where you going with that? But no, that's okay.

[A]

I'm done. You want to get into bloodline brain check? Yeah.

[B]

We've been talking this whole damn time, okay? If your ass is hungry, go grab a snack and come back and answer questions with us.

[A]

I'm actually about to lose my mind, actually.

[B]

I want y' all to start doing this thing, okay? Whenever we're doing bloodline brain check, type in Your answer.

[A]

Pause.

[B]

Type in your answer in the comments and you can't change your answer. So if we're gonna look stupider than hell, you gotta look stupid in hell with us. And then after we're done.

[A]

So we were gonna see all the

[B]

dumb answers and after we're done with it, just comment what you thought it was. Just put like 1, 2, 3, 4. You don't have to list out the question because I wanna. I like reading the comments.

[A]

Let's go back and forth, back and forth with the question. We've never done that before.

[B]

Okay. Didn't you say you did trivia yesterday? Because the bloodline brain check you won.

[A]

Yeah. Let me ask you some of the questions that I. I remember them. Sure. They weren't. It wasn't yesterday. It was the other night. But what's the longest bone in the body?

[B]

The femur.

[A]

Yep. What is the most. I think it was like most popular scary movie of all time. Like the like most scream. No. Everybody got the strong except for me.

[B]

It.

[A]

Nope. Pennywise.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

No, there's a movie called Pennywise, I think. Okay.

[B]

Bloodline brand. Check.

[A]

Okay. What is the national sport of Canada?

[B]

Hockey. Is it like a common sport?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Lacrosse.

[A]

Yes. Hockey is Canada's national winter sport.

[B]

Okay. What is the world's smallest. What is the smallest country in the world? I did not know this was a country. You may not get this.

[A]

I definitely don't know.

[B]

Vatican City.

[A]

I don't even know what that is.

[B]

That's a country. That's where the.

[A]

Nevermind.

[B]

Oh no.

[A]

How many time zones does mainland. Oh, how many time zones does mainland United States have? Mainland.

[B]

Like eastern, Pacific and Central. Three.

[A]

There's one more.

[B]

Mountain.

[A]

Yep. Yeah. Okay.

[B]

Mountain times like Utah up there.

[A]

Uhhuh. I forget that they exist up there, but I really want to go.

[B]

Really. What planet is known as the red planet?

[A]

Mars.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I don't know why the hell we're trying to move there. Dumber.

[B]

Yeah. Wanting to go down.

[A]

Why do people want to do that?

[B]

Because the US Thinks it's going to be cool. We never even been to the moon and you will never convince me that we have.

[A]

No. We didn't put somebody else behind a damn.

[B]

They're gonna. They're gonna put somebody in a field with red lights in Arizona and tell everybody.

[A]

Just like Katy Perry didn't go to space.

[B]

Katy Perry took a joyride and she said she went to space. Whatever. Anyways, now she's married to the damn ex prime minister of Canada. You could have been Royalty on the bottle.

[A]

Up.

[B]

Bottom of a maple syrup.

[A]

Which state was the first to ratify the United States Constitution?

[B]

Virginia. Is it a Southern state?

[A]

I don't. No.

[B]

New Hampshire?

[A]

No.

[B]

West Virginia.

[A]

Which state was the first to ratify the. You the ratified the U.S. i forgot what ratify means.

[B]

It means change. Right? Colorado. I don't know.

[A]

You were over there. I think you were. I think it's over there, close to. When I say, you're gonna be like. Oh, yeah. Any final guesses?

[B]

Over there, close to.

[A]

Starts with a D. Delaware. Yes.

[B]

Okay. What is. How many stripes are on the US Flag?

[A]

Thirteen.

[B]

What do they stand for?

[A]

The thirteen colonies.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Which country invented paper? This is actually common sense. Not common sense, but like England. No, but they.

[B]

They what?

[A]

Do everything.

[B]

China.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Damn. Everything is made in China.

[A]

Damn it. I'd hate to know that.

[B]

You know the other day, like, somebody said, we don't need trade from China. I think it was Trump.

[A]

We'd have nothing on the show.

[B]

What the would we do if we didn't have trade from China?

[A]

I bet you $100 I'll pick.

[B]

I bet you every damn thing in this room was made in China. We need to get better at that. I want my shit made in America, bitch. And I want a damn bald eagle Stamped on the bottom of it is Hong Kong.

[A]

In China. Same damn.

[B]

I think might be Japan.

[A]

I don't know. Yeah. I don't know.

[B]

What colored are emeralds?

[A]

Green.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I think that's my birthstone.

[B]

Mine's diamond.

[A]

Oh, I just pulled a piece of wax off my neck.

[B]

Go ahead. Come on.

[A]

I don't know. I know, but like, I'm making sure. I've never asked. I've never even heard of this. And I think you've asked me this one time. I don't know. What is the smallest bone in the human body? The smallest bone in the human body?

[B]

Phalanges. Your metatarsals? Metacarpals. I don't know. Ears. The bones in your ears.

[A]

Yes, but what are those called?

[B]

Audio auditory.

[A]

S, T, A, P, E, S. I don't know if it's stapis or stapes.

[B]

Stapis. I don't know.

[A]

Yeah, I don't know.

[B]

What is the main ingredient in hummus?

[A]

Chickpeas.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You little Mediterranean.

[A]

Which bird can fly backwards?

[B]

Hummingbird.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, I've seen them. What? Indie.

[A]

What?

[B]

Oh, shit. I've already given you the answer. What ocean? Lots. Between Africa and Australia, I wouldn't know.

[A]

But India, the Indian Ocean. Indian Ocean.

[B]

How Many strings is the standard guitar have?

[A]

6.

[B]

Yes. 6 strings. In the truth, how many stars are

[A]

on the Australian flag?

[B]

Six.

[A]

Yes. How'd you know that?

[B]

I didn't.

[A]

Okay. Which country consumes the most pizza per person? Italy? No.

[B]

Us.

[A]

No.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Country consumes the most pizza per person. I would have said Italy too.

[B]

Romania.

[A]

They probably don't like. No, don't even get started on Romania. Which country? I didn't even. It's definitely not Italy. They invented pizza, I think.

[B]

I don't.

[A]

What does it say? They're probably tired of that. I would be Norway. Oh. Oh my gosh. It's Norway. N O R W a y.

[B]

What?

[A]

I thought it was always Nora way. N O R a W a Y. I'm so dumb. I thought for my whole life that it was Norway.

[B]

What is it?

[A]

Norway.

[B]

I knew that.

[A]

I didn't.

[B]

Norway. That's just because we sound like.

[A]

After you answer, ask me this. I have one more for you.

[B]

Okay, this is your last one. Which bird is often associated with delivering babies in folklore?

[A]

A dragon.

[B]

A dragon?

[A]

What bird? I don't know.

[B]

First of all, a dragon is folklore. Like just in people say, like whenever a woman gets pregnant, they'll say you got blanked.

[A]

Like you got fucked, Bitch. Really?

[B]

A stork? You've never heard somebody say you got storked?

[A]

I've never heard that. Which I fucked.

[B]

Well, yeah, that too, I guess.

[A]

Which state has the most active volcanoes?

[B]

Hawaii. Montana. Well, hell if I know. Which one?

[A]

Alaska.

[B]

You tell me. They got active volcanoes, but they got glaciers. How the hell does that work? Yeah, I don't want to hear a damn thing about no damn global warming. I got volcanoes up there.

[A]

Which USA has the most active volcanoes? Answer is Alaska.

[B]

I think somebody was smoking crack when they did that shit.

[A]

I didn't know this either. What is a group of cows. Crows called? Not cows.

[B]

I've heard that before. What is it?

[A]

A murder.

[B]

Damn. No, I didn't know.

[A]

A group of crows. What is a group of crows called?

[B]

Okay, we gotta get into cousin council.

[A]

Okay, let's get it.

[B]

Okay, everybody, welcome back to cousin council. Cuz council is brought to you by Morgan and Morgan.

[A]

Yes, it is.

[B]

Go to forthepeople.combanter. okay. I'm Ben from East shore of Maryland.

[A]

Hey, Ben, how are you?

[B]

It's crazy to me that people watch us in Maryland. Whenever I think of Maryland, I think of y' all up there eating lobster.

[A]

I wish I had some.

[B]

And I could really use some cousin counsel. Okay, a Few years ago, I found out my sister had been going around our small town telling people that I had died. Okay. Now, I don't remember dying, but apparently the rumor was convincing enough that people started feeling sorry for her and giving her money and other things. It's a strange experience finding out you're dead. Even though the lows hit through the local gossip. If that wasn't enough family drama, she also gave my mom two black eyes during an argument. Fast forward a couple of years and she has her first child. I even tried to get custody because I honestly don't think she was fit to be a parent, but that went nowhere. Now, last week, she reached out to me asking for money to help me take care of her. To help her take care of her second baby.

[A]

You know what I'd say?

[B]

With a different baby daddy? I've been giving her money cause I don't want the kids to suffer. But every time she asks, I think, I thought Venmo. I thought dead people weren't supposed to have Venmo.

[A]

And that's exactly what I'd say. I'd say, I'm sorry.

[B]

What's her name? I like you, Ben. You are a petty. I like you, Ben. You are petty.

[A]

I would say I would text her back, or I'd call her and say, it's finished. It ain't done yet.

[B]

No. So here's my question. Should I stop giving her money? Parts of me wants to help the kids. However, I can't. However, I can. But other part of me feels like I'm rewarding someone who literally held my funeral without inviting me. And what does the point. Why enable her?

[A]

Don't enable her. I'd say, you know what? I'm dead. I thought I was dead.

[B]

And now you're dead.

[A]

And now you're dead to me.

[B]

Okay? But I do see where you're coming from. You want to help the kids? I would. Gosh, I don't know.

[A]

I don't know either. I'd say I'm sorry.

[B]

I mean, has everyone not looked at her and been like, you're a liar.

[A]

Your mother is a liar. You're crazy?

[B]

Yeah, I would have her evaluated.

[A]

And yeah, what, it takes, like, two or three people in the United States to get someone checked into a middle school?

[B]

Just buy a whole bunch of lunchables for the kids and like Capri Suns. Don't give her any more money. I'd give her food instead.

[A]

Give her items. Yeah, yeah, buy the kids food.

[B]

Buy the kids things.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Buy food that the kids will Eat. If she's stuck eating lunch bowl every night for the rest of her life, that's her problem.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

Anyways, next up on the docket. Hi Riley and Landon. First of all, love the pod I found you through TikTok and watching Chelsea and Paige Snapchat stories. We love Chelsea and Paige.

[A]

Yes, we do.

[B]

Go watch the viral pod. Pretty sure I seen Landon at Zany's one time at Chelsea's show. You probably did. Probably did flip flops. My 54 year old mother is now banned from wearing flip flops. We went out for a Mexican one night, dropped her off at home after wash. It was raining I might add. And of course she was wearing her flip flops. As soon as she went inside the door, she slipped and fell on her rug landing straight on her ankle and broke it in half. When that was. This was literally days before we were supposed to go on vacation. So yeah, no more flip flops. And I have to join Riley on the flip flop patriot. Okay, love you, bye.

[A]

I used to be on the flip flop hate train.

[B]

You know, I will say this.

[A]

Uh oh, he's coming around already, y'. All. Wait. Just wait. I told y' all that he would is a follower.

[B]

This is not why. That is not where I was going with this.

[A]

And he's gonna want to try on flip flops and see how comfortable they

[B]

are and then he's gonna be wearing

[A]

them within the next six months.

[B]

No, actually this has nothing to do with that. I like a Birkenstock and you know that. I am talking about it doesn't matter what shoe you're wearing. I was wearing tennis shoes one time and I sat down and you failed and broke my leg the night before I left to go to the beach. And my blood pressure was so high at the E.R. they almost didn't. They made me stay.

[A]

Flip flops are a little bit more of a liability.

[B]

Myself out and wore a boot to the beach. They are a little bit more of a liability. Yeah, but still.

[A]

Okay, I love my flip flops now.

[B]

We get this question a lot. This a third cousin council. We get this question a lot. And so I figured we'd just add it in here. Hi, Landon and Riley. They spelled my name R H I L E Y. Okay, that's new.

[A]

That's very new.

[B]

I love your podcast so much and I listen to it every day on the way to work out or whenever I drive. You guys are some of the funniest people ever. Well, thank you, Ava. You got also, I'm coming to Nashville next week. So can you give me some places to go and places to eat when I'm here?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. Places to go. Go to the Grand Ole Opry. It's like.

[A]

Go to the Grand Ole Opry.

[B]

Even though I've never been. It's like a staple in Nashville and I can't wait to go. Okay, what, what to do? What should they do?

[A]

Go to 12 South.

[B]

Okay. Yes. Go to 12 South. There's a bunch of shopping. Go to La La Land. Coffee.

[A]

Very good.

[B]

Super good. The line's gonna be four.

[A]

A little bit pricey. The store's there. But if you find. If you're able to find something good and you know there's a place of women down there. It's a little easier for women to shop on 12 south too, for sure. So you'll have probably better time there. Go to 12 south and then go to the Green Hills Mall. I think it's a really good mall. I was out actually with some friends and they were talking about how good the Green Hills Mall was. Love the green.

[B]

They have everything. Have everything from designer Gucci, Louis Vuitton, Prada to like American Eagle Hollister.

[A]

Go to Broadway.

[B]

Go to Broadway. If you're into that. Even if you're not a drinker, still go.

[A]

Go to Broadway. They got a really good candy kitchen down there.

[B]

There's a lot of stuff.

[A]

Get you a caramel apple. Yeah.

[B]

With peanuts on it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Places to eat, go to the 1230 Club.

[A]

1230 Club.

[B]

There is a burger restaurant on Music Road called Jack Brown's Burgers.

[A]

You know, that's not only in Nashville. I just discovered that.

[B]

Did not know that.

[A]

But there's one in Tuscaloosa.

[B]

Really? It's really good.

[A]

In South Carolina.

[B]

Where else could they eat?

[A]

Jack Browns is really good.

[B]

It is really good.

[A]

And I doordash it to the bar the other day. Where?

[B]

Oh, in Tuscaloosa.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where else should they eat? If you're looking for somewhere to eat in the Gulch, Neighbors is good.

[A]

I love neighbors. It's bar food.

[B]

Bar Louis is good.

[A]

Bar Louie has good happy hour on Tuesday.

[B]

Gumbo Bros. And the Gulch is good. Where else on Broadway, Morgan Mullen's bar actually has decent food.

[A]

Yeah, but

[B]

you can't place on the

[A]

rooftop has a really good hamburger. I'm trying to think what the Marshall,

[B]

the Marsh house and the Gulch. If you're wanting a higher end restaurant, Jeff Ruby's is really good. Halls is really good.

[A]

So you're just gonna eat the whole

[B]

time you can't say damn.

[A]

Yeah, I can.

[B]

We need to get clarification on that because this is not the same as it used to be.

[A]

But anyways, I tell people that they're stupid, I have to cut it out.

[B]

All right, well, that's all for Cousin Council today.

[A]

Yeah, that is. But I don't know, just. You'll have a fun time here. It's a good time.

[B]

And reminder, this is a paid advertisement for Morgan and Morgan.

[A]

Yes, it is.

[B]

Court is out of session.

[A]

Yep, adjourning.

[B]

What you got going on for the rest?

[A]

I don't know how I'm going to eat, though.

[B]

Yep, we're going to eat.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Be sure to subscribe to the YouTube. Follow Us Anywhere you get your podcast. Follow us on Apple podcast. It helps us out even if you don't listen there. Yeah, descriptions below. Add our socials at us and Snapchat and we'll talk to you later.

[A]

Love you. Love you. Bye.