Wheels Down... No Landon (ft. Skylar)

Summary

Bloodline Banter – “Wheels Down... No Landon” (ft. Skylar)

Podcast: Bloodline Banter
Host: 2M Media Group
Guests: Skylar
Date: April 30, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this hilariously candid episode, Riley, Landon, and guest Skylar (their close friend from back home) reunite to dish on chaotic group travel, family food traditions, Southern nostalgia, and more. The trio reminisces about a notorious Disney trip Landon skipped last-minute, Skylar’s role as the group’s “walking DSM-5,” and the joys and horrors of Southern comfort food. They answer wild listener “Cousin Council” questions about tattoos, cheaters, and narcissistic relationships, never losing their trademark irreverence, roast-heavy banter, and storytelling flair.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Podcast Beginnings and Group Dynamic (00:18–02:00)

• The hosts joke about past failed podcasts and early episodes recorded in Skylar’s house and Riley's basement.
• Skylar teases Riley for being too nervous to post their “Unnamed Podcast” and recounts how the group always loved to "shit talk and stir the pot."
• Quote: “We were gonna talk about everybody but not tell anybody who it was...there’s like three people in our hometown. They all know we don’t like them. So it wouldn’t have been that unnamed.” – Skylar (01:30)

2. Psychology & Group Quirks (02:00–04:40)

• Skylar shares she’s in a PhD program for cognitive psychology and is often treated as a “walking DSM-5” by the group.
• Riley and Landon reveal their respective obsessive quirks, with Riley joking about checking numbers and the oven, Landon about his temper and “turning purple.”
• Quote: “One thing about Landon, too. When he’s mad... it’s just, if he does produce words, it’s a cuss word, and your neck turns purple.” – Skylar (03:18)
• Playful jabs and stories about their childhood interactions and sibling-like fights.

3. Disney Disaster: “Wheels Down... No Landon” (04:44–16:29)

• The infamous Disney trip: Landon booked everything, then bailed last minute—after everyone else had already arrived in Florida.
• Skylar’s obsession with Disney as a “Disney Adult” (been 100+ times!) is roasted.
• Hilarious food adventures ensue at Disney and beyond, from Dole Whips to corn dog nuggets, with commentary on nutritional misconceptions.
• Riley’s epic fear of roller coasters and traumatic ride stories (“I am passed out deader than damn Abraham Lincoln in Ford Theater”) get teased mercilessly.
• The recurring motif: Skylar = the “only child” who inherits two wild brothers.
• Memorable Quote: “When my mind’s made up, I’m done. God himself ain’t changing that mind.” – Landon (06:34)

4. Family Events & Southern Food Nostalgia (16:42–20:57)

• The group shares stories about Skylar’s family gatherings, food traditions, and Riley’s “adopted” status in her home.
• Patsy (Skylar’s grandmother) gets high praise for her cooking; southern staples like deviled eggs and sweet tea are celebrated.
• Quote: “If you're still get me...legendary foods...that is a Michelin tire. Them Pop Tarts...taste like the bottom of a tire.” – Skylar (18:02)

5. Fast Food Deep Dives: Crystals, Chili’s, Waffle House, and More (20:58–25:56)

• The trio debate which fast food joints reign supreme, from Crystal’s soggy buns to the heavenly grilled chicken at Waffle House.
• They roast friends for being calorie-counters while sharing how “hole-in-the-wall” Mexican spots are soul food for bad moods.
• Food habits: massive takeout orders, leftovers in butter containers (“country crock = chili, not butter!”), and kitchen shortcuts.
• Quote: “Anything red you put in a plastic container, it'll never be the spaghetti again.” – Skylar (26:26)

6. Trash Meals, Skinny Tacos & Comfort Foods (28:51–33:40)

• Comfort meals are heavily debated: Hamburger Helper (“struggle meal, but I’ll fuck up Hamburger Helper”), peanut butter and jelly (air-fried!), fried honey buns, and more.
• Death row meal picks, Olive Garden vs. North Italia, salad drama (“Don’t give me no pokey lettuce...it will cut me, it’s like a thorn” – Landon, 31:44).
• Weight Watchers is discussed with playful jabs about “points as currency.”

7. Listener Questions: Cousin Council Segment (43:39–48:00)

Three wild audience dilemmas are tackled:

• Hiding a tattoo from Mormon parents
  • Advice: “Butter her up, take her to Swig, and just tell her. Could be worse, could be pregnant or worse!”
• Married to a narcissist with feelings for someone else
  • Advice: “D-I-V-O-R-C-E. It's better to leave before the kids remember the trauma!”
• Secretly staying in touch with an ex who’s cheating
  • Verdict: “Everyone's in the wrong here. Don’t help him cheat.”

8. Heartbreak Country & More Randomness (48:18–57:00)

• Riley and Skylar bond over “heartbreak country” music on Buc-ee’s runs, while Landon prefers uplifting African choir music.
• Extended nostalgia trip for Zoo Pals plates, Easy Bake Ovens, and Skylar’s infamous modeling portrait.
• Pop-culture detours: Kardashians trivia, Keeping Up With the Kardashians on Hulu, and a touch of Taylor Swift shade.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On failed podcast attempts:
  “The original Bloodline Banter was in my basement. We also had a podcast with Skylar. It was called the Unnamed Podcast… we were gonna talk about everybody but not tell anybody who it was.” – Riley (00:45-01:27)

• On Landon's rage:
  "It's Jack Jack from the Incredibles. You just light on fire...tiny and furious all the time." – Skylar (04:03)

• Disney Absence:
  “When my mind’s made up, I’m done. God himself ain’t changing that mind.” – Landon (06:34)

• On food at Disney:
  “I literally have dreamed about a Dole Whip since I came out of the womb.” – Riley (05:29)

• On leftover containers:
  “If it’s in a country crock, it is the last thing but butter. Let me tell you what it is. It’s usually chili, is it not?” – Skylar (27:00)

• On emotional music:
  “I could be in the happiest relationship of my life and I would still listen to a song that made people think that somebody shot my dog, stole my truck, and ran it through, or cheated on me.” – Riley (38:49)

• On advice to listeners:
  “D-I-V-O-R-C-E. Get the hell out of it. It’s better to be safe than sorry.” – Riley (45:41)

• On containers:
  “Anything red you put in a plastic container, it'll never be the spaghetti again.” – Skylar (26:26)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:18–02:00] – Origins and group dynamics, failed podcasts
• [02:00–04:40] – Skylar’s psychology program, group quirks
• [04:44–16:29] – Disney trip story, food, and amusement park chaos
• [16:42–20:57] – Family gatherings, Southern food, Pop Tarts
• [20:58–25:56] – Fast food & leftovers, microwave/food storage drama
• [28:51–33:40] – Comfort foods, Olive Garden debates, Weight Watchers
• [43:39–48:00] – Cousin Council segment – listener dilemmas
• [48:18–57:00] – Road trip jams, random nostalgia, episode close

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Tone & Style

The episode is fiercely conversational and improv-heavy, full of jabs, inside jokes, and exaggerated Southern storytelling. The group is unfiltered, roasting each other as often as they reminisce. Reactions come quick, and pop culture references, family roast sessions, wild food takes, and over-the-top laugh moments never let up. It’s all about real talk, with lots of heart beneath the witty banter.

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Summary Takeaway

This episode is a wild ride through the trio's shared history, their dysfunctional but tight-knit friendships, monumental road trip failings, food obsessions, and a blaze of pop culture and relationship advice. Through humor and sharply honest opinions, the hosts paint a vivid portrait of growing up in the South—equal parts chaos, comfort, and familial love.

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For fans of unscripted, no-holds-barred banter about food, family, pop culture, and messy real life—this is can't-miss podcasting.

Transcript

[A]

Get away from me. I didn't hear nothing and you go there.

[B]

You're stupid. I don't even love this, but I

[A]

ain't eating no damn tuna fish bread.

[C]

Welcome back to Bloodline Banter. I'm Skyler.

[B]

I'm Landon.

[A]

And I'm Riley. And Skyler's our best friend from home. She is joining us today. So this could be either very fun or self incriminating.

[B]

So anyways, you. I just lost all my train of thought. But you're the first guest we've had on like Family and Friends.

[C]

Yeah, I should be. Cause we started this in my house and we took about two takes and said scratch that, not gonna do this anymore.

[A]

We've actually had two podcasts. The original Bloodline Banter was in my basement. And then we also had a podcast with Skylar and it was called the Unnamed Podcast. Tell em why we didn't even post our first episode.

[C]

You wanna know why we didn't post our first episode? Raleigh was terrified. He used to be camera shy, then he. He got him some confidence. Now he want to say whatever he wants. This was the first episode in my house that my mom created just for the podcast. Yes. Me and Landon were over here conversing, having a great.

[B]

It was. And this is Riley's life.

[A]

£350. I wasn't hiding behind nothing. Okay, but whatever.

[B]

Anyway, got on the show. It was called the Unnamed podcast cuz for one, we couldn't think of a name for the podcast.

[A]

And two, we were going to talk about everybody but not tell anybody who it was.

[C]

It would have been obvious. I mean, there's like three people in our hometown. They all know we don't like them. So it wouldn't have been that unnamed.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, but that was the fun of it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, we can still talk.

[A]

We've always loved to shit talk and stir the pot.

[C]

Yeah, we have.

[B]

Anyways, what are we going to talk about? You wanted to tell a couple stories.

[A]

There are so many stories that we have together, but there's so many stories we also can't talk about because I mean, we can't tell everybody our secrets.

[C]

It's incriminating.

[B]

Well now, what story you want to tell first?

[C]

Let's just start out by saying I'm in my PhD program and cognitive. Keep in mind if you know anything about academia. PhD, cognitive psychology. Mind you, I'm not a clinician. I can't diagnose. However, these students.

[A]

You're using big words. And let me tell you something, we literally have a group chat On Snapchat. Called academia and the dropouts. Anyways, I dropped out.

[C]

Cannot diagnose, mind you. These people use me as a walking DSM 5. Landon will call me, be like, you know, like, I think I have Tourette's. I'm like, well, Landon, why do you think that? And he'll just be like, fuck. Or, oh, my God. And I'm like, oh, okay.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

This is my favorite one, though, mind you, I cannot diagnose. That is not what I do.

[B]

Okay, you can.

[A]

Disclaimer.

[B]

Disclaimer.

[C]

So the first time I meet Riley and, like, actually have a conversation with him, he goes, I heard through the grapevine that you do psychology. I'm like, yeah, you know? And he goes, is it normal that if I open my phone and it's on an odd number, I have to sit there and watch it until it turns even? And I looked at him, like, step into my office. Don't even have an office. I said, come into it, though, because we need to talk. Then he said, well, you know, I feel different, bitch.

[A]

What can I say?

[C]

And then he goes, well, I mean, sometimes I have to, like, take steps, and if it's not on an odd number, I have to go back to my car. And. And also, sometimes I, like, check the oven, you know, to make sure I checked.

[A]

I used to. I would check the oven a hundred times to make sure I turned it off. And then I would make sure that my door was locked. I think it's ocd.

[C]

You don't need to think I'm allegedly. I can't die. Yes. Got something that's not even heard of yet. I've never in my life. In the last episode or one episode you're talking about, you went to Chick Fil A and they got your order wrong, so you turned around. I was with you in that car. You turned around in the middle of the street, almost hit every pedestrian in sight. Rolled up to that window and said, y' all forgot my biscuit. Give it to me now. One thing about Landon, too. When he's mad, I don't think he produces any words either. It's just if he does produce words, it's a cuss word, and your neck turns purple.

[B]

I get. I get purple, I get mad.

[C]

It's Jack, Jack.

[B]

It's bipolarism.

[C]

I think you got something. We don't even know what it is. I think you are a case study in itself.

[B]

Who you think?

[C]

Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack from the Incredibles you just light on fire, and you're so. Just tiny and furious. All the time. Y' all don't see that side of him.

[B]

No, they don't.

[A]

I live with it every single day. And y' all wonder why I'm.

[C]

We could have had a Logan Paul brawl in the living room at my house one time. Y' all tackled each other for no reason. Then ten minutes later, y' all are fine. Ten minutes later, y' all going to make.

[A]

Me and Landon can go from choking each other completely the hell out to

[B]

like, that's just how brothers are. And we're not brothers over others, like

[A]

a biscuit or something.

[C]

And I'm just here. I'm an only child, so I've just assumed them as my brothers. But one thing about Landon is me and Riley, you know, we stick together. Landon, if he's in a bad mood, he's going to go off. And he's not going to be. He's not going to do whatever.

[A]

He'll leave. Just like Irish goodbye.

[C]

Not even Irish. You don't even show up to Irish goodbye. And I'll give you an example. We're very close. For my mom's birthday one year, we all went to Disney, or we were supposed to go to Disney. Landon booked the entire trip on his credit card. He had the confrontation confirmation number. He had the key code to get in there, everything.

[B]

I had the Airbnb booked.

[C]

I'm pretty sure you bought your park tickets, too.

[B]

Yeah, I did.

[A]

Yeah, he did buy his park tickets.

[C]

So anyways, they're on the flight. I drove. It's a different side story.

[A]

She drove because her mom didn't want to check her bag.

[C]

She's busy. She made me drive nine hours because she didn't want to check a bag. Whatever. Anyways, so we are wheels down in Florida. I mean, we are ready to go. I got my mouse ears on. Riley's already looking up what kind of churro he's getting. This is when. Yeah, we'll talk about that.

[A]

I've dreamed about a dole whip, but keep going.

[C]

Yeah. So we are wheels down in Florida, and then something just doesn't feel right. And we go, where's Landon? Where's Landon? So we. We call him and he goes, about that. Mind you, he booked the entire trip.

[B]

That's your favorite thing to say is mind you.

[C]

Mind you.

[B]

Mind you.

[C]

Well, I mean, you did. And you just. What were you doing, twiddling your thumbs?

[B]

I don't know. I was not going. I changed my mind last minute.

[C]

This is the one thing about Landon. He hates a good time and he hates happy People non stop. You're. You're happy yourself, but something about being around happy people makes you want to kill them all. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Animated things. I don't even know why we animated things.

[C]

Oh, my God,

[A]

Disney Park.

[C]

One time I asked you to watch Moana Te with me, and you would have thought I asked you to sit in the middle of the highway, crisscross applesauce. I mean, he thought it was the biggest disgrace. You said, oh, I don't do animated. What, you watch growing up Judge Judy.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Makes sense why you want to be on a jury so bad.

[B]

No, listen. Anyways, I had booked the whole trip and I just decided the day before I was not going.

[C]

That's one thing about you, and your mind's made up.

[B]

When my mind's made up, I'm done.

[C]

God himself ain't changing that mind.

[B]

No, when I was done, I wouldn't go no damn Disney Park. I hate kids. I hate all that. And I didn't go. And they all went down there without me. And they had a glorious time.

[C]

We did. I turned around, looked at Raleigh. He had a dole whip. One hand, chiro on the other, and just double fisting.

[A]

I was gobsmacking. I was sitting there. I tried. I literally have dreamed about a dole whip since. I think I came out of the womb.

[B]

And did it live up to the standard?

[C]

No, you said it didn't, but you still ate it. Oh, he ate the hell out of it.

[A]

Yeah, I felt eight over a span of two days. We got park hoppers. And so we went. No, it was one day. We only went to the park one day.

[C]

Then what? We did the other five days. No, we did. I'm pretty sure Landon had something planned for us. We'd probably go to SeaWorld with dolphins. But God, we didn't get to do that. Cause he was in Georgia.

[A]

No, we went to the Halloween party. First time I'd ever been to Disney. Skylar is a Disney adult. She's been. How many times do you think you've been? Yeah.

[C]

Oh, well over 100. Well over. Don't look at me like that.

[B]

200.

[A]

She's a seasoned teenager.

[B]

You go 40.

[C]

I'd annual pass for a few years. Then I just didn't use it enough. My PhD. So I'll let it go. But I would get it back.

[B]

Now I ain't getting it.

[A]

The bitch is related to Walt Disney. I like Dollywood. Walt Disney is actually her stepdad. We just don't want to tell anybody because of popularity, but we went to the Mickey's not so scary Halloween party.

[C]

And the only thing was scary is how many calories we ate that night. That's the only thing that was scary. Riley was popping in Fun's eye.

[A]

Snickers, they give you.

[C]

Listen.

[A]

They give you a bag and you walk around and trick or treat. Well, me and Skyler and Skyler's mom Miranda were. We went trick or treating and I ended up at Casey's Corner and I ate more corn dog nuggets. And corn dog nuggets got me, by the way.

[C]

Make shout. I mean, I get it.

[A]

Bought a Toyota. Should have bought a hand day. I just spoke in tongues. They will make you preach from the Tower of Babel. They are so good. And anyways, so they have the Halloween party and they have the Halloween parade. Me and Miranda found a carriage that said do not sit on it. We climbed up in the carriage and we ate enough fun sized Snickers to fill up the Mayflower.

[B]

Then

[A]

me and Miranda got pissed off about. Because we were eating a hot dog. No, we were eating a hamburger Epcot. And we thought it was healthy because it was on sourdough.

[C]

Don't get me started.

[A]

And then Sydney's ass looks at us and says, you know, just because that sourdough doesn't mean that it's helping.

[C]

God love her. We all have.

[A]

Me and Miranda both got so pissed off that we left and we drove

[C]

to Chick Fil A, everybody. I waited for this. A calorie counter, a protein counter. Do you know how many calories are in that? I've never in my life cared if I want something.

[A]

I'm like, sydney is a walking keto, okay? That is in ketosis 100% of the time. And I love you, Sydney.

[B]

And she goes, I can't attest to any of this.

[C]

Yeah, he was sitting at the house.

[B]

I was laying in the bed.

[A]

You know what I was doing? I was double fisting a sourdough hamburger and feeding a squirrel at the same time.

[C]

That squirrel. Y' all were connected.

[A]

Hell, we were on the same damn wavelength.

[B]

Are both on the spectrum.

[A]

It was on what. What is that Disney movie where they talk to the animals? Snow White.

[C]

Pocahontas. Snow White. Yeah. You.

[B]

You were.

[A]

I was Snow White. Call me Dwarfy the dwarf or whatever.

[C]

It's dopey.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, dopey. I was.

[B]

Did you ride any rides?

[C]

Let me. I. Let me take this one. Right.

[A]

Okay, let me preface. Riley does not like a roller coaster.

[C]

No one told me prior to Disney either. No one told me this the world.

[A]

One time we were at Dollywood. This is important to. I'm laying the bricks. The one time I went to Dollywood, I begged my grandpa to let me ride the Tennessee Tornado, okay? He rode it with me. And at the top of the second loop, I am passed out deader than damn Abraham Lincoln in Ford Theater. I mean, I. Like I'm dead. This is me in the pictures, more or less.

[B]

Riley will hold your at Amusement Park.

[A]

I will hold your and I will have a churro waiting for you when you get off the road.

[C]

No one told me this.

[A]

Don't invite me to shoot you.

[C]

No one told me I was having

[A]

a panic attack in the line.

[C]

Anybody that's been to Disney. I asked Riley to ride Tron with me. Riley would have thought I was asking him to meet the devil himself by getting on that ride. And there was kids the size of this couch getting in line just laughing at Riley. Loser. I mean, that's how it was. You know what?

[A]

I hope those kids have fun.

[C]

So this is what happened. I'm sitting there begging, Raleigh, Raleigh, it's gonna be so fun. So my friend and my boyfriend at the time. So me and Raleigh, I'm just sitting here just reasoning. Raleigh, Raleigh, I'll pay you. Like, I'll buy. You know, we do whatever you want

[A]

to ride by myself, please.

[C]

So I turn around, my friend and my ex boyfriend, they're already up there, probably about to get on it. I mean they just left me. So I'm sitting here distraught, like, oh my God, my party just left. They're probably macking in line. Raleigh's sitting here acting like I'm trying to kill him. And then Riley goes, Sydney.

[A]

She was like. Scholar was like, riley, don't make me ride by myself. I was like.

[C]

Then I. I see them in the. They're just a vague memory at this point. They're already in line. And I look at Riley. I'm like, oh my God, you have to go with me now. He said, sucks. Don't it turned around, got on the people mover. I could walk faster than the people mover.

[A]

With her grandma.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And her mom.

[B]

She never wrote Tron.

[C]

God no.

[A]

Hell no, bitch. I rode one ride. It was the first ride that. It was the first ride.

[C]

I got you on the mon train. And you would have thought that you were a four year old girl on that thing.

[A]

Mission Everest.

[C]

Oh yeah, you blacked out on that. Yeah, we got a picture with the yeti in your eyes.

[A]

I look like I was not even two sheets A fucking comforter to the wind, okay? I am literally drunker than damn Barney Fife in this thing. And we get up to the top, and then the track is down, broke. And I didn't realize that it was part of the ride. I was.

[C]

You wouldn't have got on it. You wouldn't have got. There is no way you thought the Riley Scholar.

[A]

I didn't know. I didn't know.

[C]

There's no way you thought a Disney park would have a ride malfunction that bad where the track is hanging by a thread. You did not think that was real.

[A]

Did you see some of the big people on that line? Yeah. They had one too many Mickey Pretzels. So.

[B]

I love a roller coaster, but I.

[A]

Unfortunately, that's where the ride started going backwards.

[C]

I didn't tell you that this was me.

[A]

I said, scholar, scholar, scholar, scholar. I'm going to pass out.

[C]

You would have thought Riley was going into labor. He had my hands.

[A]

I was 10cm dilated. I was having a conniption. Okay?

[C]

You were. I mean, I've never heard you yell like that in my life. You were gripping my hand so tight to circulate. I. It fell off. I still had to get a new arm after that. He said, and that there was like, oh, my God.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

I remember there was this little girl in front of us, and she looked at you like, damn, shut up.

[A]

She probably thought I was a puss. And you know what? I am. I don't like her because, I don't know. I don't understand the adrenaline that people feel whenever they get a problem.

[B]

I don't feel adrenaline. It's just fun.

[A]

What is fun about hanging from.

[B]

I wonder. Like a scrambled egg on there.

[A]

Yeah, you're gonna be. Whenever you fall off the damn thing and you splat on the concrete like, flat. Stanley, bitch, they're gonna write a damn book about you.

[B]

I like Landon and the dog roller

[A]

coaster that killed him.

[C]

I like a roller coaster. But you don't go to Disney for the insane roller coasters. Like, they're manageable. What do you go for, Landon? You just hate everything, don't you? You hate a good time.

[B]

I love Disney is not.

[A]

You know what the funnest ride that we rode was? The Dumbo ride where you get on the elephant.

[C]

I didn't ride Dumbo. You were my grandmother.

[A]

No, we did. Yeah, the picture.

[B]

Picture.

[C]

I didn't do Dumbo. I was probably on Space Mountain that you would have rather die than ride.

[A]

I'll pull up a picture. I got.

[C]

We did not ride Dumbo. We rode Splash Mountain.

[A]

We did.

[C]

Did you like Splash Mountain? No, we got stuck on Splash Mountain.

[A]

Wasn't Splash Mountain. It was Tiana's Bayou. Oh, right. It was.

[B]

Next week it's going to be damn Landon's mind Party or something.

[A]

It's from Princess and the Frog.

[B]

I've never watched that.

[C]

They changed flashback onto Tiana's. Yeah, okay.

[A]

Tiana's by you.

[B]

I thought Tiana was like. Oh, never mind.

[A]

What?

[B]

I don't know what I was thinking. Tiana's body is what I was thinking.

[C]

But that's toddlers, Honey Boo Boo.

[A]

Listen. So we were riding. We stood in line for an hour, and it was the same day as the party. We were dressed up as the Disney games.

[C]

We should. Let me say one thing, too. We were both. We. Me and Riley were some heavy back then. We should have been participating in them Disney games. That should have been a costume.

[A]

I was bigger than hell. Like, actually bigger than hell.

[B]

How big were you at that time?

[A]

Too damn big. I look like I ate the Seven Dwarfs and the Man Train. Let me find this picture of us on Dumbo because it's. This is personal. I have to prove it to her.

[C]

I know for a fact I never got on Dumbo.

[A]

I promise. We did, because Miranda and Cynthia were in front of us and we all read in the same one, and she looked at us and she was like, put your hands up.

[C]

We were like, that's the magic carpets, Raleigh. Same thing, though.

[A]

No, it wasn't the magic we were in.

[C]

This is too.

[B]

I don't know why any of this is too long.

[C]

Yeah, this is too long on Disney.

[A]

This is me riding the. The Tiana's Bayou.

[B]

Let me see.

[C]

Raleigh, you look more.

[B]

God, were you.

[A]

It was more.

[C]

We were the Disney Channel games. Anyways, we got stopped a million times because our costumes, we got so wet

[A]

like it was insane.

[B]

Well, I'm so glad y' all had a good time. I was laying in my bed. I booked a trip. Did not go. I don't give a. I don't. I ain't going to Disney. I'll go one day.

[C]

He won't, but thank you, Landon.

[A]

So, yeah, you lying. What am I talking about?

[C]

Next we talk about our family events. We can talk about how Landon orders enough food for a family of six and eats two bots. We can talk about.

[A]

Let's talk about your family events.

[C]

My family events?

[A]

Skyler is, like, literally our sister. We just hang out with her all the time. I mean, I think I'VE spent more hours at her grandma's house in the past three years than she has.

[C]

Oh, 100%.

[A]

I love Cynthia and I love Patsy. Patsy's are a great grandma and I literally would take a bullet for that woman.

[C]

So.

[B]

And she can cook. Martha Stewart ain't got nothing on anybody

[A]

in that family or that anybody. Because whenever she starts cooking, I start crying like.

[B]

It's like heaven ascended from the pearly gates of.

[C]

I'll never forget one time angels ascended down. I'll never forget this. It was Easter, Christmas, something. One of y' all opened the door, had a devil an egg in one.

[A]

No, no, it was me.

[C]

Devil an egg in your mouth. And my plate, my plate in his hand said, we've been waiting for you. He already was. He was already two sweet tea glasses down already sitting on the sun room talking with my grandma, sitting on the

[A]

sunroom talking to Patsy and Skyler. I don't even know where the hell she was. And I had already made her a plate. I know what she eats. So I made her a plate and

[C]

said to me, I'm not that healthy.

[B]

We were trying to go eat breakfast.

[A]

You hit that Weight Watcher.

[B]

We wanted to go to like Pancake Pantry or something. Like, do they have k?

[A]

Do you know what she has for breakfast? One of those protein pop Tarts that taste like the bottom.

[C]

Okay. Those t like a m. Those taste like a Michelin tire. I don't eat those anymore.

[A]

If you're still get me.

[C]

Am I allowed to say the brand? Am I allowed to say the legendary foods? I don't know what the hell y' all got going on, but that is a Michelin tower. Then Pop Tarts. One time I pulled one out and it was eating it with you. They forgot to put the iin on it. It was just the. The awin was just introduced to. To the pop Tart.

[A]

Remember that? They just met one drop.

[C]

We got it from Buc EE's. I will never forget cuz I tried. That's Bucky's house. I never had a damn protein bars like healthy stuff. Oh, it tastes like the bottom of a tire. It does. It. It tastes horrible.

[A]

I am notorious for hanging out with Skyler's family. Literally. I have spent more time with Miranda.

[B]

Well, damn. That was a Go back on the topic.

[A]

Well, we're talking about like family.

[B]

I was just talking about how Skyler eats. She woke, she. I said, let's go to Pancake Pantry. She's like, well, probably first watch because I don't know if Pancake pantry.

[A]

Well, it has an avocado.

[C]

Don't even talk about first watch out.

[A]

The first watch and gets avocado toast with damn sprouts on it.

[C]

And it's great. But don't you at me on. I'll eat that million dollar bacon with y' all every day of the week. And I see y' all story every day getting a million dollar bacon.

[A]

Oh, you damn right I do. I think I'd pay a million dollars for the day. Not to mention we went to first watch. You can get million dollar bacon at 6.49.

[B]

You can go to pancake picture and get the same Damn million dollar BAC. $10 for five pieces.

[A]

That is highway robbery. I would rather throw up a dollar.

[B]

I would rather throw up and die than to spend $15 on five pieces of bacon. That is some Ford.

[A]

It is. I will get me some damn Blackshire Hill Farms whatever bacon myself.

[C]

No Oscar Meer bacon slaps.

[B]

Oscar.

[A]

Only Oscar Meer I'm eating is Oscar Meyer Weenie.

[C]

Let me.

[A]

Or a ballpark Frank.

[C]

Seriously, let me taste that ballpark hot dog. I love a hot dog.

[A]

I do too.

[C]

I love a hot dog and I

[A]

don't want anything on it. I don't want to fucking ketchup. I don't want a mustard. I don't want to raw dog your hot dog. I do. I want.

[C]

You don't put that dark relish mayonnaise.

[A]

I want it the color of a newly paved road. So burnt that it could drop and crumble.

[C]

Back to my. My career, though, for a second. A reason I don't counsel or do anything like that. Because if somebody told me their problems that I'm sad, I would literally ask them, have you tried a hot dog in a baseball game? I never been sad doing that. Or a Mexican restaurant with cheese dip, hot and fresh list. My God, when it looks like Elmer's glue. God. When it's crispy on the top. And they would say, you know, I'm really sad about this. I would say, have you tried Don Lelo's? Have you tried El Trio? Have you tried a hole in the wall Mexican place? I ain't never been sad there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To a Mexican restaurant that I can't even pronounce. And I don't want to understand a damn word any of them are saying because I'm white.

[B]

The top of the cheese dip, whenever you like. When it's like crunchy, it looks like a condom.

[A]

Yeah, that's.

[C]

That's when it's good, though. And the chips, the Chips. The chips gotta be hot, y' all like. I like the thin chips, though. I like a Chili's chip. Chilies make you shout. I'll do a cartwheel, back handspring, back tug for a chili. Triple dipper. Triple dipper.

[A]

The triple dicker has me by the throat. That's what people. That's what they call them on Tick tock.

[C]

Y' all seen that cheese pull? Yeah, that makes me.

[B]

I doordashed a triple dipper two days ago.

[C]

See, I don't know about door.

[A]

That's what I'm doing when I get home.

[C]

Did it get like.

[B]

No, I put it back in the airfryer.

[A]

That's what I'm doing when I get home. I think we just had a spiritual. Whenever I was fat, as at my heaviest at 320 pounds and I worked in Dalton, I would door dash Chili's or no. I would call in place and order. I would get the smokehouse combo, where you pick six. I would get the little hamburgers. I would get the hot tenders, the Southwest egg rolls.

[B]

Honey chipotle chicken.

[A]

Honey chipotle chicken crisper.

[C]

You got all that?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

I ain't going to judge you.

[A]

And sometimes. Sometimes he went back for more.

[C]

No.

[B]

And sometimes he'd go to multiple different restaurants. But I do that.

[C]

I don't.

[B]

I went to Sonic the other day, got some cheese sticks, went on down the road, got some chicken nuggets from.

[A]

And then I went to Chili's. If you're listening to this, I would literally wipe your ass if you should.

[B]

Chili sponsor.

[C]

This may ruffle some feathers, but I really have a question about one fast food place in particular. I want to know your honest opinion.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Crystal.

[B]

I love a Crystal.

[C]

I do anything for Crystal. I would do anything. I'd bark like a dog for a Crystal for Mayonnaise company.

[A]

If you don't know what poverty is, the sister company for rich people is the White Castle.

[C]

I don't know what that is. Crystal up in Mickey Stack, remember the take home? A take home a sack. I'd get every Crystal chick they had. Extra mayonnaise, two pickles.

[B]

It's just so good, that soggy bun. Soggy bun.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

The women that work at the Crystal back home have worked there since the Great Depression. And she's had the same haircut her whole life. And she's dated four and she's got a chili bowl. So she's dated four men from my church.

[C]

I live in Atlanta now. And y' all have Crystal there. Let me get to the story, when we go out late, all of the. The Atlanta folk be like, let's go to cookout. Cookout and get to chicken quesadilla. There's a crystal right beside cookout. So anytime we go out, they'd be like, I want a tray with a corn dog. And I'm just staring at crystals like I do anything.

[B]

I'm just looking at like.

[C]

Like they're right beside each other. I would do anything. You know, one time I actually did. They went through the drive through for cookout. They'd wait two hours for cookout. Kristen don't have a soul. Even that. It's not even a thought in anybody's mind.

[A]

I can't believe they're.

[C]

Listen, listen. I said, I think I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick. What? The crystals closed. What 3am they ever closed? Hell, I don't know. I don't think they ever close. But I just see that lot, that, that sign. It's like Krispy Kreme donut that lights on and it's got. It's like buns are steaming right now.

[A]

Oh, when you get them and the buns are soggy.

[B]

I love the buns being soggy.

[C]

Yeah, I do too. So they were in line and I

[B]

said, do you get cheese on your crystal?

[C]

I don't eat crystals. Just them chicks do something. I will add cheese to a chick, though. Y. You ain't living till you get cheese on a chicken.

[B]

I might put Miracle Whip on a crystal chick.

[A]

No, that Dukes Dukes.

[C]

Already did it. But listen, y', all, they were in the cookout drive through. I said, I think I go to the bathroom. You have.

[B]

It's a crystal.

[C]

I want myself right over to Crystal's. I said, give me every crystal chick you have right now.

[A]

Oh my gosh, Miranda, if you're watching, I already know you're thinking of this before I even say it. One time after we left church, we were. It was me, Cynthia, Miranda. Me and Miranda. Cynthia is Miranda's grandmother. As her mom. Me and Cynthia, Miranda went to Eaton Dalton together. She was at school. She was in Atlanta.

[C]

I'm never there, by the way.

[A]

And we walked into the crystal and a guy walked out of the back and he looked like Hammer, dammit. I mean, he looked like he had done more drugs than damn.

[C]

Woodstock 1999.

[A]

I don't know what that is, but yes, and I don't know what. We walked in, he came around the corner and Cynthia went, yeah, I'll be there in just a second. I'm on the way, we turned around and walked right the hell back out. I think I would have gotten syphilis if I'd eaten at that crystal that time.

[C]

I tell. I probably would have done anyways. I will say one thing, though. The only time is acceptable for a server to look that. Look like that, y'.

[A]

All. The waffle Waffle House.

[C]

If they just got in a brawl

[B]

and they're smoking, Miranda will not eat waffle House.

[C]

She won't. But if they looked like they just got done or actually smoking inside waffles.

[A]

Grilled chicken.

[C]

Oh, I put you onto that.

[A]

Yes. And it will make you wet. They're sopping wet.

[C]

Their grilled chicken. If you hadn't tried this.

[A]

This.

[C]

They marinate it in, like, pickle juice. But it's grilled chicken, which, I mean, they just say that. I probably.

[A]

They probably pull it.

[B]

Let's go to chili.

[C]

They marinate it in cigarette butts.

[B]

A damn cow right now, starving to death.

[A]

Well, you got me one measly little bit.

[B]

And then Skyler wants to on my parade because I'll order 150 worth of food from, like, Chili's.

[C]

Don't get me started on Landon. Landon will literally look at the menu item. He won't even look at the menu. He'll be like, I'll take this, this, this, and this. Don't even look. And then it feel like you're on

[A]

a Royal Caribbean cruise. You just order one of everything.

[C]

Yeah. It comes to the table, and he'll take three about. Say, I'm full. This we did yesterday. Where'd we go yesterday?

[B]

North Italia.

[C]

North Italia. If you're listening to me right now, I never in my life. That Alfredo sauce. I make you slap your mama, grandmama, whoever. Dear God. That's despite the point, though. We were eating. Landon ordered spicy Bolognese, spicy vodka ricatoni, a Caesar salad. I mean, whatever. And he ate three bites and full. I said, okay, so we got a box. Then this morning. This was last night. This morning we got there, and your car smells like a meat factory. That spicy Bolognese was.

[B]

In my humble opinion, you can't take your food to go without just taking it, put into the go box, leaving it in the car and everything. Just like leftovers. We have leftovers in my house. The leftovers get put in a lock and lock container. They sit in the refrigerator.

[C]

Really? Mine are in a butter container.

[A]

I don't put long. I don't waste.

[B]

I don't.

[A]

Let me tell you something. If there's one thing away if there's one thing about Riley Garrett Mitchell III and I ain't even the. I don't even know the first and second, I will not dirty a dish. I'm putting that right in the styrofoam container in there.

[C]

It ain't styrofoam if you grew up in a southern household country. If it is in a country crock, it is the last thing but butter. And let me tell you what it is. It's usually chili, is it not? It's usually chili or tomato soup.

[A]

Last week I was, I was. It was like two o' clock I the morning I got up to go get a snack at my grandparents house and I got the munchies real bad and I wasn't even doing nothing. I was just laying in bed watching Tik Tok and got starving and I went in there and opened the cabinet, there was a damn daisy sour cream container of peanut butter cookies.

[C]

That'd be the least thing. I was expecting a daisy thing.

[A]

Peanut butter cookies.

[B]

Well, I just use a lock and lock.

[A]

I hate to do.

[C]

What is a lock and lock?

[A]

Tupperware.

[B]

No, it's like a Tupperware.

[A]

I never heard my leftovers in Tupperware.

[B]

It sits in the refrigerator for seven days and I throw that out some.

[A]

Listen this how bad I am sometimes.

[B]

If kid in Africa with a lot done leftovers.

[A]

Damn, that was dark. No, that's what other comments are going to be Whenever. Okay, sometimes.

[B]

Y' all been talking this whole damn time. Don't ever yell like that. You dumb. See get purple.

[C]

Jack. Jack on the move. Jack that about to jump on this

[A]

couch and you sometimes, whenever I like make food and put it in a lock and lock container. It will sit in the back of my refrigerator for four months and instead of washing the dish I'll throw it away.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Hey, sometimes when dishes don't get clean in the dishwasher, I'll throw them away. I rinse them off.

[A]

Have you ever tried eating spaghetti out of a bowl? That is like a tattoo. It stays on that Tupperware for three years.

[C]

Anything red you put in a plastic container. It'll never be the spaghetti.

[B]

I don't like spaghetti.

[C]

You like that spicy Bolognese. Bolognese?

[A]

I thought Bolognese was spaghetti.

[B]

I don't like a meat like a red sauce bitch.

[A]

I like have to have like a

[B]

vodka sauce or an olive oil.

[C]

You can tell you don't like a red saucer. That's saucy.

[B]

That's not meatball sauce or whatever.

[A]

Olive Garden what's it called?

[C]

Hamburger Helper Marinara. Oh, my God.

[A]

They say Hamburger helper is a struggle meal. I up a Hamburger Helper.

[C]

Oh, there's some struggle meals. I love peanut butter and jelly. I just now realized this. I've been making peanut butter jellies. Have you ever tried to air fry them before?

[B]

No, but that's a iconic idea. Oh my God. Big Matt came up with that.

[A]

If you came up with air frying and peanut butter and jelly. Jelly sandwich, I will kiss you with tongue.

[B]

Hey, I have something I didn't come up with, but I do it and it's gonna. It'll make you fry the honey bun. Put you a little country crock. Butter in a skillet. And then fry your honey bun. Yes, fry it in a skillet.

[A]

Jesus.

[B]

It will make you turn cartwheel straight off the top of the mountain. And he went down to the valley and praised the Lord. Can I get an amen?

[A]

Preach A to the King. Speaking of singing, she has Tourette's. I have diagnosed her. And we'll be walking around Scholar's house and Scholar Skyler will bust out in song. She will be walking through the house getting dressed.

[B]

I've done that this morning. What was I singing?

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

Drive a Yukon.

[C]

But I used to like. I sing randomly. Not like. I'm really not trying to sing, but if something comes to my head, I'll sing it. I don't care where we are. I don't care what we're doing. So I mean, I do. Take me to the King. Who sings that? Lord, it's somebody. I mean, I've never felt, you know,

[B]

can we get a one more?

[C]

Take me to the King. I don't know why that's my. I just go. Take me to the King. I don't have much to bring. Tamela, man, you. You. Calvary. Calvary is what that is. That. That is God rest. Go rest high on that mountain is what I feel when I hear Jesus

[B]

on a pogo stick.

[A]

What is.

[C]

That was my vocal stem. But. But let me finish this and I'm

[A]

gonna ask something totally.

[C]

Landon would always record me when I sang and I didn't know. And he was like, you're. You're really good.

[B]

You can actually sing good.

[A]

We used to put on full fledged concerts.

[C]

I would meet people and they would say, you sing so good. Yeah.

[B]

Flash on my Snapchat story.

[C]

Yeah. And I think you blocked me from her Snapchat story one time. Cuz you posted me and I didn't let You, Landon.

[A]

Let's do what I want. Landon's notorious for that. I'll say. Lena, don't post it.

[B]

He's like, why?

[A]

I'm posting it.

[C]

I bet you you're a little bit of a bully.

[B]

That's not bullying. That's me doing what the I want to with my own cyber bully.

[C]

Okay? So raise your hand if Landon's a bully.

[B]

Y' all are so rude.

[C]

Us? Jack. Jack.

[B]

Y' all are going to make me mad, and I am going to bully y'.

[A]

All. Listen, there you go. What is yalls favorite food?

[B]

Don't piss me off.

[A]

What is yalls favorite food?

[B]

My death row meal is a 20 oz ribeye steak, very well marbled, no bone in a get loaded baked potato with extra butter and sour cream and ranch on that. And a salad with no tomatoes, no cucumbers and ranch dressing, and enough croutons to choke a damn mule.

[C]

And the salad basically got your salad.

[B]

And it has to be iceberg. I don't want no pokey lettuce going down my throat. It will cut me. It's like a thorn.

[C]

Yeah, I've been at Landon before. They bought them that briar lettuce, that barbed wire fence, and, you know, the. The spring mix from Kroger. I've been. What do I do when you wear that? You don't even say anything. You say, bring me romaine or iceberg immediate immediately or I die.

[A]

And everybody don't like the spine of the lettuce.

[B]

I love it. I love the backbone.

[A]

I do, too.

[C]

Oh, I eat a little lettuce boat.

[B]

I love a lettuce.

[C]

Remember we used to go psa. Skinny tacos, lettuce tacos.

[A]

Me and. Me and Skyler will up a skinny taco. Okay? Don't come anywhere between me in a skinny taco.

[C]

My mess.

[A]

Listen, I say all that to say that olive. I love any kind of pasta. When I walk into Olive Garden, they. They might as well have Paul Revere come out and tell them that the British are coming because they better be going to get more salad, more bread. I don't like Olive Garden.

[C]

It needs to be in a. I

[B]

like the salad and I do like Olive Garden. But, like, after you go to North Italia, you just never want to go to Olive Garden again.

[A]

Okay, well, North Italia is for rich people. Olive Garden's for poor folk.

[B]

No, it's not.

[A]

The zuppa Tuscana at Olive Garden I like that. Makes me want to just go, oui, oui, bonjour. Oui, oui.

[C]

I like the menstruum. Okay, listen, is healthy though. I made it to a little bit of tomato broth.

[B]

She ordered a damn cucumber noodle last night.

[C]

I went to the zucchini noodles. Zoodles. Zoodles are good, Landon. They were. It was good. And they don't make you bloated. I'm gluten free.

[A]

You sound like Melania Trump. Listen, what were we saying?

[C]

Olive Garden.

[B]

What are we.

[A]

No, no, we went to.

[B]

Oh, we're doing good.

[A]

We went to Olive Garden one time and it was whenever they were on their Weight Watchers kick and they were counting points.

[B]

I'd be out of points by nine

[A]

o' clock and I. I had to. We were sitting there eating them in soup and Miranda was like, it's good, isn't it? And I was like, yeah, this is me.

[C]

So for the viewers, if you've ever done Weight Watchers, you know I'm talking.

[B]

You only get 30 points a day. I would have all my points each by 8:30 the morning.

[C]

It's not like calorie counting. It is like points. And you eat something, you count your points. For some reason it never occurred to them, they thought of it as currency. Like they would ask me when I was like hard on Weight Watchers, they would say, how much money do you have left? I what are y' all talking about? How many points do you have left to spend?

[A]

And she like, that's zero points. And I say no, that's free.

[C]

Yeah, that you thought of it as currency.

[B]

Yeah. A baked potato is free. On Weight Watchers it is. Cuz it's no points.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Miranda probably has enough points cuz she walks so much.

[B]

Oh my gosh.

[A]

If you do exercise, you get what's called a weight weekly point. You get extra points. This walks more. She sent us her ordering stats the other day.

[B]

She had one over like a million steps in.

[A]

In three months.

[C]

Tell her what she sat us down and told us.

[A]

She sat us down. Serious as a heart attack. I thought she was about to put us in her living will and testament. She said I have to go to the heart doctor in the morning and if anything happens to me, I want you to put on my watch. And you cannot lose my activity streak. This has had a. She's hit her move go for like two years, 1100 days.

[C]

She moves more than the Wiggles.

[A]

She moves more than one of those damn things outside of a car wash that go. Listen, I've never in my life. This Covid. She can have Covid. She could have she could be amputated. She could have her leg amputated, and she'd be out there like Abby Lee Miller rolling.

[B]

She would.

[C]

She'd be like, peg leg made out there. No. She would give one of us our watch, and we'd lose £100.

[B]

She.

[C]

I don't know how she does it. That streak. And it's like, engraved in her brain. If she makes.

[A]

I have Covid. And I was like, oh, my gosh, are you okay? She was like, yeah, I'm fine. And three minutes later, 30 minutes later, she's walking dugout when. When it rains outside. She ordered a treadmill walking paddle.

[C]

And then that broke. And then she over knotted one because she was seasoned like this.

[A]

Yeah, she couldn't walk one time it broke, and I walked in the house, and she's walking around.

[B]

She would murder somebody if she couldn't walk, though. She would murder somebody.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

We go to Disney World with her, and she thinks that she has to walk before Disney World, Yo.

[A]

She'll get up in the morning at the Airbnb. She got up and walked three miles before we went to Disney.

[B]

That is on the DSM 5.

[C]

She's not. Yeah, she. That's something. I hadn't figured out what it is yet. Allegedly. Allegedly.

[B]

Allegedly. Anyways.

[A]

But I just. I can't.

[B]

I don't ever want to take.

[A]

You know what? My favorite moment I think I've ever had with you is?

[B]

Oh, God. That's took and turn.

[A]

I walked into Scholar's house a couple months ago. She still had a zoo pal.

[B]

What's a zoo pal?

[A]

Plates.

[C]

Oh, a zoo pal.

[A]

I do.

[C]

Yeah. I don't eat it unless I don't cancel. You ain't never had the plates with the faces on it, Landon.

[A]

I know damn good and well you did not just ask what a zoo pal was. Yeah, you did.

[C]

Plates with the faces on it. Them animal plates. A zoo pal.

[B]

Maybe if I've seen one.

[A]

I used to eat goldfish and a peanut butter sandwich off a damn zebra.

[B]

Is it like the plate that had, like, the ears?

[C]

No, it's like a. It's got, like, a face. Like, they have, like, zebras, frogs.

[A]

Oh, we.

[C]

Was it. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

And.

[B]

Oh, no, I never ate off that.

[C]

Oh, I had a zoo pal. Yeah, that's what's wrong.

[B]

I had those plates that were, like, actually shaped, and it was, like, shaped as an animal's face. And in the ears, you could put like, like, fruit. And this ear, you could put like.

[A]

Well, that's what is.

[B]

You know, Goldfish. And then this in the big portion, you put your meal. But it was.

[C]

That's a zoo pal.

[B]

I don't think that. I don't know.

[C]

Right. Yeah, I had a. I'm 25. I still keep a Zoo Pal to my. I keep a Zoo pal.

[B]

You ever have an Easy Bake?

[C]

To my right. In case things go left.

[B]

I used to bake a cake in my Easy Bake Oven.

[A]

I never had an Easy Bake Oven.

[C]

No.

[B]

Me and my sister used to play restaurant.

[A]

Not really.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I didn't have a sibling, so I guess I was probably reciting the Declaration of Independence by the time I was 18 months. I mean, my parents treated me like I was like Juilliard.

[A]

Listen, Juliard. Miranda has a portrait. Scholar used to be a model. Whenever I first walked into her house, there was a portrait of Skyler hanging on the wall.

[B]

Bigger.

[A]

Size of somebody's couch.

[B]

It's bigger than a trailer.

[C]

That haul it on a trailer. It's bigger than, like, the whole wall.

[A]

You see the shelf behind me? And for some reason, four of those.

[C]

For some reason, what I'm doing in the photo, I'm a fairy.

[A]

Yeah. We walk in and Landon goes, who's that in the picture? And Skyler goes, that's me.

[C]

I'm a fairy. She ain't have no business keeping me on a Tinkerbell on the wall.

[A]

But it looks good, though.

[B]

Yeah, it did.

[C]

It's a weird picture, I think, but everyone's just thrown off by that. When I walk in. They're just so thrown off that flow.

[B]

I would have that.

[C]

I want.

[B]

I want to hang a picture of a big picture like that of myself when I have a house on the wall.

[A]

But me and Skyler, like, whenever we all hang out, Landon and Miranda will stay at the house.

[B]

And me and Miranda are best friends.

[A]

They be talking and watching.

[B]

And Riley and Scholar will go to the damn buc ees.

[A]

Well, me and Scholar don't like to

[C]

just sit r. Don't. L doesn't understand Nan's Heartbreak Country. Me and Riley, I mean, we are younger, but you would have thought that we've been. Been smoking reds and drinking Folgers Coffee Pot and we got our heart broke five times.

[A]

Listen, I could be in the happiest relationship of my life and I would still listen to a song that made people think that somebody shot my dog, stole my truck and. And ran it through or cheated on.

[C]

You mind you, me and Riley are both, like, happy and healthy in our relationships. Whatever. We will drive to that Buc EE's though. And I look at him and I just know. I said, you think what I'm thinking? I'll just put on Settle for a Slowdown by Dirk Spentley and I'll look out that window like.

[A]

Like we're like.

[B]

Like this.

[C]

Mind you, who wants to listen to

[B]

that sad all the time?

[C]

Me, me, me. Oh, my God. Top three. Which ones? What hurts the most?

[A]

Oh, anything by Rascal Flats. No. What's that song by Lady Annabellum needs you now.

[C]

Oh, God, yes. Need you now. I was 10 years old thinking my husband went to war.

[A]

Stay, Stay by Sugar Lip what happened? Don't you stay?

[C]

Oh, sure.

[A]

I'm down on my knees.

[C]

Jennifer Nles, Jennifer Nettles if you're listening.

[B]

I mean, good songs, but like, nobody wants to listen to that on a regular day basis.

[C]

I do. Oh, God.

[B]

That just puts you in a depressing.

[A]

You know what Landon listens to? Landon watches African choir music on America's Got Talent reruns.

[C]

Okay?

[B]

And that makes me happy. I'm sorry. I don't want to be a depressed.

[A]

His apartment and he's moving his hips like Shakira listening to.

[C]

Africa.

[A]

Literally.

[B]

Anyways, that's landing. Did that make you want to move your hips and put you in a good mood? I'm talking. Sh.

[C]

It does. It does, but listen, you don't understand. Like, you don't really.

[B]

I don't want to be heartbroken and depressed in the damn driver's seat of my car listening to them.

[C]

There's a fine line. There's a fine line. Between that one time, though, Riley had the. The courage, the balls to play Whiskey Lullaby. I said turn it off. That's too far.

[A]

Oh, I love that song.

[C]

Turn it off.

[A]

No. Have you ever heard that song? On your side of the bed there's a burned out candle flame.

[C]

Jesus, that was good.

[A]

Listen, you need.

[C]

Oh, my God. That made me want to go to church. No, Riley actually can sing. Lance, you can too. Both of them. I swear, y' all could be a barbershop quartet in here. What's it called? A barbershop quartet? That.

[B]

No, I don't think that's what it's called.

[C]

Give me a tune. Riley. Riley. Y' all can both sing. Both of y'.

[A]

All. Landon loves like. I don't know why I'm thinking of this. Landon will walk through the house and he'll be like, shobab Sh.

[B]

Water.

[A]

He's never watch.

[B]

What are you chang? That's the way it should be. Yeah, y' all Never watch Greece.

[C]

I did, but I don't remember that part. I just remember Sandy.

[B]

We go together like dip to dip.

[C]

Okay, Landon, that was a Broadway performance.

[A]

I'm about to call Whitney Le and get you casted.

[B]

Oh, don't even call her. I don't like her.

[A]

I don't like her either.

[C]

She's growing on me, y'.

[A]

All.

[C]

She's growing on me.

[B]

She ain't never grown.

[C]

Y' all say where.

[B]

This is so further away.

[C]

This is so totally unrelated to anything we talked about, but did you say where Jen and Zach split?

[B]

I don't even know that is.

[C]

Okay. They did Affleck. Yeah.

[B]

Jim Affleck.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Who's Jenna Affleck? I thought that was the Dutch.

[A]

She was on Secret Life.

[B]

I thought Aflac was an insurance company.

[C]

We've been talking way too much about insurance. I talked about Geico last episode.

[B]

I thought Ben Affleck was married to Jennifer Lopez.

[C]

No, it's. They're.

[B]

Are they related?

[C]

There's a controversy behind that. So on the show, they go back.

[A]

Now we're gonna start talking about pop culture. Yeah, let's not talk about that culture. I don't know this. Like, that's why podcast. Because they were talking about Taylor Swift and I didn't. I don't listen.

[C]

No. Yeah. Like, we're. We're pretty caught up. I would say pop culture wise. Like Landon knows.

[A]

So when we first Fred Flintstone. When to. It comes. It comes to keeping up with the times, bitch.

[B]

I keep up with the Kardashians like they're my dad.

[C]

Oh. I've been keeping up with the Kardashians since the day I came out the wind.

[B]

Me, too.

[C]

I remember. I. That was the first thing I remember watching on E. Network. I was with them since E. Network, and now they're on Hulu.

[B]

Their original seasons are on Hulu now.

[C]

Oh, I know. I've watched every single one I rewatched.

[B]

Me love them.

[C]

I love them, you know, And I use y' all sometimes because y' all are my famous friends, I guess.

[B]

Yeah, we just.

[C]

If you could get me in with anybody, though.

[B]

Oh, God. Who's it gonna be?

[C]

Any single one. Any single one of them.

[B]

Which one?

[A]

I don't think we got that kind of connection.

[B]

Oh, the Kardashians.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, no. Couldn't never do that.

[C]

Well, a girl can dream.

[B]

But I will say, if I ever do get the chance to meet them,

[A]

I feel like we need to know. Anyways, in five minutes into our ditching

[B]

the Kardashians this is cousin council. Why do you have me doing this submission? It's dumb.

[A]

It ain't my fault someone lives and stupid life. This is severely up.

[B]

Okay, let the cousin council begin. You ready, Riley?

[A]

I'm ready, Judge Malt.

[B]

I got a tattoo and I have been hiding it from my Mormon parents who are extremely against tattoos. Summer is coming up and I'm not sure I'll be able to keep hiding it. How do I break the news to them? Well, you know, take her to swig. Yes.

[A]

Get her a Texas tab and those little good chocolate chip cookies.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Butter her up real good.

[B]

Maybe take her to a dance class because you know all the Mormons in

[A]

Utah, everybody on dancers from Utah.

[B]

And, and just tell her, break the news, just say, mom, I got a tattoo. And if she gets mad, say, well, it could be way worse. I could be pregnant, I could do coke, I could do all the above. But I didn't. I just got a tattoo and that's it.

[A]

And it depends on what the tattoo is. You know, it needs to be something, you know, know, not awful, but you know, tell her has some kind of meaning. Even if it doesn't because one time somebody asked me what my tattoo of a river meant and I told him I was baptized in that river. I wasn't. I was baptized in a church in the Baptistry.

[B]

But they don't have to know that.

[A]

But that's okay, you know.

[B]

Anyways, and if you want us to tell her you had got a tattoo, email us your name and like your mom's number. We'll have a three way FaceTime call.

[A]

I'll call her and I'll even brush up on my Book of Mormon.

[B]

Yeah, anyways, okay, Help.

[A]

I'm married to a narcissist, but my best friend who's an independent music producer has recently told me he has feelings for me. And now I have those same feelings for him. But I don't know how to get out of my narcissistic marriage because we have three kids together who were six, eight and eight months. Well, you know, I fear it's actually

[B]

a little bit easier when the kids are younger.

[A]

Well, let me just tell you this. If you don't get out of that relationship before the kids grow up, the

[B]

kids are going to have trauma. Okay? And they're going to have a narcissistic dad and they're going to remember.

[A]

Yes, they will.

[B]

Will right now. They're going to remember now, but they're not. It won't be as bad.

[A]

I feel like how much money does the independent music producer make?

[B]

That's a good question.

[A]

Who does he independently produce music for?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And if.

[B]

And if he could give you a better life and he's not a narcissist. D I V O R C E.

[A]

Get the hell out of it. You know what? It's better to be safe than sorry and get the out of there. Just tell him. Send him on a trip and pack your. And leave.

[B]

And leave.

[A]

That was great, babe. I really need you to go to Costco for, like, five hours. And then don't you want to go

[B]

on a hunting trip with your buddies for about two weeks?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But, yeah, he would love that.

[B]

Yeah, I keep in contact with my ex situationship, even though he has a girlfriend. Apparently his girlfriend might be cheating on him, but he still won't break up with her or confront her. He has a whole separate SNAP account to snap and text me under a fake name. I still. I'm still head over heels for this guy, but I don't know if he feels the same way. We text and SNAP all the time. I need opinions. Let me read this one more time. I still keep in contact with my ex situationship even though he has a girlfriend. Well, you know what? You're kind of in the wrong, too.

[A]

Yeah. Let me tell you something. I hate to bring it to you, and I'm glad that you watch. Watch the podcast, but if you are currently cheating and you're. You're helping him cheat, you're. You're a piece of too.

[B]

Well, you know, that's just how we feel.

[A]

No, that's just the truth. But you know what I think?

[B]

Apparently his girlfriend might be cheating on him.

[A]

He needs to confront her about cheating. You don't need to be a cheater.

[B]

Apparently, his girlfriend might be cheating on him, but he's still. Still won't break up with her or confront her. Well, it's.

[A]

It's obviously not bothering him. Yeah, I mean, they're both doing the same thing, so I don't know that unless he's gonna be like, are you cheating on me because I'm cheating on you.

[B]

And I think, like, a whole big bunch of. And I don't know how to tell you this, but y' all are all in the wrong.

[A]

Listen, I'm like the male version of

[B]

a girl's girl, and I made me sweat under my left armpit.

[A]

I don't deal with fake ass.

[B]

Well, y' all are batshit bananas.

[A]

And, you know, every time we do this, I think to myself, there's no way that these can get worse. And they always.

[B]

And they always do.

[A]

So we're now this episode we dealt with Mormons, narcissists and cheaters. So I hope y' all enjoy.

[B]

What a combo. Not the kind of combo you want. Okay, Combos. Y' all know those. Remember those snacks? They were like, combo snacks.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think that tasted like those little dog.

[A]

I grabbed them one time before I got on a plane to go on a trip. And I literally would have rather ate dog.

[B]

Yeah, which you've done before. Anyways, that's another story.

[A]

Moving on, we love y'. All. See you next Thursday. Bye. Bye. Whenever me and Skylar go to BUC EE's, we can either jam out to Heartbreak country on the way there, or as soon as we leave the driveway, Skylar will turn the music off. She'll look over at me. I'd be like, what? She's got. I gotta tell you something.

[C]

I'll be like, you know, I am one of those friends, too, you know? You have friends. Check your phone. Now check Snap. Now check Snapchat. And, you know, I have to poop. And it's something random, like, you know, like, I'm bored, literally.

[A]

Me and Scholar will go with sense

[B]

of urgency with her. She'll be like, check your phone. Right?

[C]

And I'll just be like, what are you doing?

[A]

We will drive all the way to bucky. We'll spend 45 minutes in Buc EE's. And mind you, we don't dress our best. We dress in, like, something that I look like. I just walked out of a trailer park smoking a Virginia Slim and Virginia and Slim. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I walk out of the. We walk into the BUC EE's and I get more. I get that hot dog wrapped in a tortilla.

[C]

Oh, you got enough? Yeah.

[A]

Hot, fresh brisket on the boiler.

[B]

Steak burrito thing.

[A]

Texas cheesesteak burrito.

[C]

I don't know. That one time I had that I could bend over and ship from here to China to Kuwait, whichever one's further. I mean, I would have landed her right there.

[A]

Guam.

[C]

I'd have been somewhere in the Pacific. I mean, it was a chicken fajita burrito. I loved it, but it did not love me. I'm telling you, before I got out of the parking lot, my stomach sounded like a John Deere trying to start.

[A]

Me and Skyler, listen, we don't sit there and, like, eat before we drive. Like, we literally don't start eating until we start driving and before we make it back back to the Interstate. We're like, damn, I wish I would have bought two of them.

[C]

And we'll go right back around, turn

[A]

back on the damn. The heartbreak music. We're going.

[C]

This is when my period where I actually was very restrictive my diet. I wouldn't eat nothing. And I would try to give you stuff that I had. And one time I got like a zero sugar Powerade and I put it over ice free. I was like, really? You know, try.

[A]

I would have rather drank anaphylax. Breathe.

[C]

He did call it antifreeze.

[A]

I said, skyler, why are you drinking antifreeze? This is worse for you than 12g of sugar.

[B]

I don't drink no.no zero sugar. It tastes like Pepto Bismol.

[A]

I only thought I'm drinking is a Diet Coke.

[B]

I don't even want a Diet Coke.

[C]

Y' all remember Motrin? I used to pretend to get.

[A]

I remember medication.

[C]

I remember to pretend get sick when I was little. Cuz I want to drink the bubble gum Motrin. Miranda gave it to me too. I never had bubblegum Motrin. I have anybody it doesn't know I slap. Not the great flavor. Great flavor make you.

[A]

I would rather die than to take liquid medicine. They're like, take the liquid. It will make your headache go way faster. I don't give a. Give me the pill. Give me a horse tranquilizer.

[B]

I'll pour Tylenol before I drink.

[C]

No, I'd still take liquid Bismol. I still take liquid.

[B]

Or milk of magnesia. You ever had that?

[C]

What's that? Breast milk.

[A]

Milk and magnesium milk. Magnesia is constipation.

[C]

Oh, I like it. What's it called?

[A]

We eat a Texas cheese.

[C]

What's the medicine? Miralax. One time I. This is. I'm sorry. Really, Tama. I couldn't go for 12 days. I should have been in 12 days.

[A]

You probably had.

[C]

You know what I did, you know what got the job done.

[A]

You probably still have.

[C]

Yeah, let me just. Y' all just get. Yeah. So I got Miralax and I mixed it with a drink. I mixed it with a drink that makes you go immediately. And if you know anything about Duncan, Duncan make you go. Duncan is like somebody. I mean it runs that shit run down to a leg.

[A]

But here's the thing about Dunkin Dunkin Donuts. Somebody could give me a Dunkin and then hold the donut out here and I'd shit straight.

[C]

You could run a Dodge Ram 3500 off of a Duncan Americano. That was, I mean motor Fuel I mixed. Couldn't go for 12 days.

[B]

You run straight to the toilet.

[C]

I was in. I'm. So I got the Miralax from Whole Foods. Whole Foods.

[A]

A Whole Foods.

[C]

And then I went into a prune juice.

[B]

That's what you did if you got.

[C]

No, I got pruned, you see. But Duncan worked faster than that prune juice ever thought about. Actually, I don't even think the Muralite wax was necessary. That Duncan.

[A]

Duncan needs diapers with their coffee. They need to give out.

[C]

Pamper swallows Duncan. But Duncan is so hit or miss, though. It really is.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It's either sink water or literally milk magnesia.

[A]

Starbucks is too. Starbucks either tastes like, damn, you got pot and soul and ran it through somebody's carburetor of their car, or it tastes normal.

[C]

The older I get, I'm really wanting to support, like smaller coffee shops. Shops, though, we'll say that, like chain.

[A]

The most consistent coffee I've ever had is probably Dutch Bros.

[B]

I've never been. Don't want to go.

[C]

I like seven Brewer.

[A]

Me and Scholar were sitting there on the couch and she looked over at me, she goes, you want Dutch Rose? And I was like, is there anyone around here? She's like, yeah, it's like a two hour drive. And I was like. We went, yeah.

[C]

If y' all ever been to Dutch or Seven Brew. I don't know if y' all been in Seven.

[B]

I've never been.

[C]

There is a trend right now on Tick Tock. Seven Brew has great coffee, but you pull into the drive through and it is just. They play music louder than. You were there. I pulled up the other day and all I heard. I just cracked my wind a little bit. I know when the holl I bling. I mean, they were blasting and they said, what can? And it's always, anytime it's loud, you got a quiet waiter. Have y' all ever noticed that in a loud restaurant? She goes, what can I get you? Just like y' all ever seen Pitch Perfect, that lady. Yeah. She said, what can I get you? And all I heard was, I know in the hall, I'm Ling. And I just couldn't even. I really. I was too stunned to speak.

[B]

I had to back up and leave.

[C]

I was way too s. This is why I said. I said, what's your favorite thing on the menu? She gave me some kind of energy drink I could have. I don't. You could ran my car off of that. I don't. I. I'm just scared of 7 bruto.

[B]

It is so I just not want to go anywhere but Starbucks. I love Starbucks so bad. It's just consistent for me.

[C]

I know when that hotline bling, it

[B]

could only be balance. Anyways, I think that's a good note to end on.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's been fun. It's been real, and it's been real fun. Fun. And if you want to see Skyler back on, let us know.

[B]

Did you have fun?

[C]

It was a lot of fun. Thanks for having me, guys.

[B]

Wait, this is completely unplanned. I told her last night, said, you're coming on the podcast.

[C]

No, well, not last night. This morning.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Landon called me and he said, well, I texted Michaela, hey, I've made the executive decision. And I thought he was about to tell me, like, that we were going, like, to do really something very important. He was like, scholars coming on the podcast tomorrow. And I was like, I don't give a.

[C]

Well, I mean, it started like, full circle. Riley went from hiding in the corner to, I mean, you got your own couch.

[B]

Damn, that does taste like a.

[C]

Anything in a box got to be true.

[A]

It's a box.

[C]

Anything in a box has got to be true.

[A]

They literally produce this, and at the same time, they're thinking about how they can conserve turtles.

[C]

Anything in a box got to be true.

[A]

If I'm going to drink, if I'm going to eat something out of a box, it's going to be Fruity Pebbles.

[C]

Next time I want to play that game they all played in last episode. The Are you smarter than whatever?

[B]

Uhhuh. Bloodline brain check, cuz.

[C]

I thought that chocolate milk came from brown cow till I was about 14.

[A]

I didn't know girls could poop until I was 16. I just don't think it's okay, y'.

[B]

All. We're done.

[C]

That's it.

[B]

That's it for tuning in to Bloodline Band. Subscribe everywhere and follow us everywhere.

[C]

My Instagram handle is SJ Oxford.

[A]

All right, I love y'. All. Bye.

[B]

Love you. Bye.

[C]

Bye, Sam.