Y'all Better Start Praying

Summary

Bloodline Banter – Episode: "Y'all Better Start Praying"

Bloodline Banter, 2M Media Group | June 18, 2026

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Episode Overview

This lively installment of Bloodline Banter finds hosts Landon (A) and Riley (B) in classic bantering form. The conversation ranges from productivity brags and Southern home décor to hot takes on tipping, wild road trip stories, vehicle preferences, Southernisms, controversial advice segments, and plenty of roast-worthy laughter. The hosts swap anecdotes about their personal lives, debate etiquette and “proper” Southern behavior, and tackle listener-submitted questions in their signature irreverent, witty style.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Morning Routines, Productivity, and Decor Dreams

• Landon’s Unusually Busy Morning (00:41–01:06)

  • Landon shares a rare productive morning, running errands, and fixing his tire at the Tesla dealership before 10am.
  • Riley’s humorous reaction:

    "Well, hellfire. Save the matches, fuck a duck and see what hatches." (00:59, Riley)

• Home Organization & ChatGPT for Décor (01:33–02:27)

  • Riley uses ChatGPT for old-money-inspired décor ideas.
  • Sibling squabbles over taste: Landon criticizes Riley’s décor while being mocked for his minimalist choices and failed HomeGoods art installation.

2. Rock the Country Recap: Redneck Chaos & Road Trips

• Festival Encounters and Sassy Comebacks (04:02–04:21)

  • Riley recounts a cheeky audience heckle at Rock the Country:

    "I walked past one guy...he told me I had nice tits...That's why you're in General admission and I'm on the stage..." (04:02–04:21, Riley)

• Misadventures in a Ford Expedition with Three Women (04:29–05:02)

  • Multiple pit stops and road trip horrors; Landon is mocked for sleeping through most of the ride.

3. Can You Land a Plane? (06:14–07:38)

• Delusional Confidence & Gender Differences
  • Landon and Riley debate whether they could land a plane in an emergency.
  • Riley's skepticism:

    "90% of men can't even not piss on the toilet seat whenever it's down. They forget to put the toilet seat up. And you're wanting to fly an airplane." (06:38, Riley)

  • Both agree they’d fare better leaving the controls to the professionals.

4. Tipping Culture and its Excesses (07:42–09:46)

• Out-of-Control Tipping Requests
  • The hosts discuss the growing prevalence of tipping prompts—even at fast-food chains.
  • Riley’s standard: Always tip at sit-down restaurants, but not for counter service like Chipotle.
  • Notable callout:

    "If you don't have the money to tip, don't have the money to go out to eat." (08:20, Riley)

  • Both agree to tip well for good service, but draw the line at self-serve or limited-service spots.

5. Southern Observational Humor: Sidewalk Sagas & Paper Towel Fetishes

• Nashville Oddities

  • Street-level fashion fails (“at least it'll cover the cooter and the tutor.” (10:05, Landon)).
  • Homeless etiquette: Riley shares a story of a rib delivered to a homeless man by a woman in a Kia Soul—complete with paper towel branding analysis.

• Paper Towel Rant

  • Both vent about hating dish rags and explain why paper towels are essential for everything but glass.

6. Classic Southernisms and Pronunciation Debates

• Chester Drawer vs. Chest of Drawers (13:11–13:43)
  • Landon: “A Chester drawer.”
  • Riley: “It’s actually chest of drawers.”
  • The banter extends to other beloved family names (“I’m not saying Grandfather. No, I’m saying Papa Paw.” (14:01, Riley))

7. Church Potlucks & Southern Social Life (14:39–15:29)

• The importance of potlucks at church, and how a lack of fellowship food is a dealbreaker.

8. Car Talk: Landon’s Fleet and Flip-Flop Controversy (16:02–22:21)

• Vehicle Musical Chairs

  • Landon lists a rapid succession of cars he’s owned, fantasizes about a Cadillac Escalade, and contemplates a new truck.
  • Riley roasts his "new vehicle every month" tendencies.

• Flip-Flop Fashion Emergency

  • Riley threatens to quit the show if Landon starts wearing “rainbow flip flops”:

    "Over my cold dead body will your ass ever wear a flip flop..." (16:27–16:38, Riley)

9. The Olive Holistic Product Scanner App (23:23–24:01)

• Navigating Product Safety
  • Landon scans household goods; Riley recommends the app for health-conscious shoppers, with humor about potentially carcinogenic snacking.

10. DoorDash & Meal Choices (25:13–25:37, 43:57–44:10)

• Both admit to excessive DoorDash dependence, joke about budget priorities, and rhapsodize about delivery convenience.

11. Southern Hospitality and Neighborhood Drama (27:03–27:54)

• Riley snubs a neighbor with a questionable dog for failing to say “bless you” after a sneeze:

  "If I sneeze around you and you don't have the due diligence to say excuse you or bless you, we're in the South. Southern hospitality is a real thing." (27:13, Riley)

12. Bloodline Brain Check: Southern Trivia & Shenanigans (28:03–36:32)

• The duo quizzes each other on regional knowledge and classic trick questions.
  • Timestamps for sample questions:
    • Tennessee nickname (29:35)
    • Part of the pig for pulled pork (29:49)
    • Main ingredient in grits (30:30)
    • “How many months have 28 days?” riddle (31:06)
    • “What is the only US state that starts with P?” (32:12)
    • World’s food that never spoils: Honey (34:14)
    • “Which animal can't jump?” Elephant (35:03)

13. Cousin Council: Listener Advice (37:27–43:36)

• Scandal: Third-Cousin Dating (38:05–39:36)
  • Listeners write in about a sister dating her cousin; the hosts react with hilarious revulsion.
  • Riley:

    "If you have suspected that you could be dating your cousin... we will expose that." (39:27)

• Relationship Timelines and Proposals (39:44–41:36)
  • Hard opinions on dating-to-engaged timelines (“If you date for more than two years, get engaged. What the hell's the hold up...” (39:54, Landon))
• Toxic Relationships: The Calorie Counting Boyfriend (41:49–43:36)
  • Jaw-dropping story of emotional abuse:

    “He tracked my calories, reviewed my bank statements... had me weigh myself in front of him pretty much every week.” (42:08, anonymous listener)

  • Riley:

    “I'd give him a knuckle sandwich and ask him how many calories that was.” (43:03, Riley)

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• “Save the matches, fuck a duck and see what hatches.” — Riley (00:59)
• “If you don't have the money to tip, don't have the money to go out to eat.” — Riley (08:20)
• “If I ever catch you in a pair of flip flops, I am calling the Federal Bureau of Investigation.” — Riley (16:38)
• “If you ever ask me, you want some soup? I'm expecting some damn tomato basil. If you come at me and give me a bowl of cereal and tell me it's soup, I’ll slap the out of you.” — Riley (36:04)

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Important Timestamps

• 00:41–01:06: Landon’s morning of productivity
• 04:02–04:21: Riley’s festival heckler story
• 07:42–09:46: Tipping culture debate
• 13:11–14:01: Southernism: “Chester drawer”
• 14:39–15:29: Why church potlucks are essential
• 16:27–16:38: Flip-flop rant
• 23:23–24:01: Olive app and health scanning
• 27:13: Not blessing someone after a sneeze—unforgivable
• 28:03–36:32: Bloodline Brain Check trivia segment
• 37:27–43:36: Cousin Council advice: cousin-dating, proposals, toxic boyfriends

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Tone and Style

Lighthearted, irreverent, and distinctly Southern, Landon and Riley pepper their candid observations with playful jabs, outrageous metaphors, and classic regional slang. Their banter, quick wit, and willingness to get personal make for consistently entertaining listening, with an undercurrent of genuine friendship and lived Southern experience.

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Takeaways for New Listeners

If you’re new to Bloodline Banter, this episode is a high-energy sampler of what to expect: comedic Southern storytelling, unfiltered hot takes on modern etiquette and culture, relatable oversharing, and listener-driven advice as real—and wild—as it gets.

Transcript

[A]

All right, everybody, welcome back to Bloodline Banter. I'm Landon.

[B]

And I'm Riley.

[A]

And he's starting out on the phone.

[B]

I'm sure he'll be on the phone pretty soon. Well, he's already said I'm probably gonna get 14 calls during this episode, and I probably will. Okay.

[A]

Anyways, how'd you sleep? How'd you sleep last night?

[B]

I actually don't know. I haven't even checked.

[A]

I haven't checked mine either, but I felt like I didn't sleep good because I had to wake up this morning at an hour that's reserved for fishermen, outdoorsman, and I. God knows I'm not that. Oh, yeah, mine was a 68.

[B]

Mine was a 70. So we're about on the same wavelength.

[A]

Well, I'm in a good mood today.

[B]

I am too.

[A]

You know, I went this morning. This is unheard of. This is probably breaking some kind of record.

[B]

Landon has been productive.

[A]

I woke up this morning at 6:50, was out of the house by 7:05, drove to Franklin to get my tire fixed at the Tesla dealership, went to the car wash after that, drove from Franklin back to Nashville, went to the Walmart. After the Walmart, I came back to my apartment, drive, done a load of towels, and that was all by 10:09am this morning.

[B]

Well, hellfire. Save the matches, fuck a duck and see what hatches.

[A]

That's insane.

[B]

You are productive today.

[A]

But I'm running out of juice. I will say that.

[B]

Are you? I think whenever we get done filming today, I'm gonna go to chicken salad chick.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because that's like church to me.

[A]

Yeah. And you really love that place. I've not been in a while.

[B]

I need to go. Really love that place. And I think we're gonna go to, like, Home Goods or something because I got a wild hair yesterday to redecorate my apartment because I cleaned yesterday. My apartment is spick and span.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I was cooking last night with my good friend Chat Gptwa, and I'm gonna. You were cooking as in like, really focusing and doing good.

[A]

Well, what were you asking? Chatgpt?

[B]

How I should redecorate my apartment. Oh, it gave me a lot of inspo.

[A]

What was the vibe you're going for?

[B]

Like, very classic.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Old money.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So you're gonna have like, a vintage car hanging on the wall?

[B]

No, that would be man cave.

[A]

Well, what is old money?

[B]

Like,

[A]

You don't even know.

[B]

Well, I do, but, like, I don't know how to explain it to you. Because you're not gonna like it. Like vintage pictures, brass accents. Like, I was cooking last night, stupid. Well, that's your prerogative.

[A]

I don't have anything in my apartment.

[B]

You have intaglios or whatever the hell they're called. Landon tells me that my decorations are stupid. His decorations is a big white picture with a dot this big in the middle of it. A black dot. That's pretty stupid. So stupid that you hung it behind your couch and then two days later it fell because it hated it so bad.

[A]

No, that wasn't an intaglia. That was a picture bought at HomeGoods. And it was about £70, it felt like. And my dumb ass tried to hang it with command strips. And I was sitting on the couch and all I hear is. And I looked up and got the hell out of the way. It fell.

[B]

See, I'm not going to buy anything. I'm probably. I'm not really going for wall decor because I don't want to hang that. So I don't even know how I'm going for, like, tabletop if I.

[A]

If it comes down between me hanging a picture with a nail and a hammer and trying to get it level.

[B]

Me too.

[A]

Or me having to use a command strip.

[B]

Listen, you gotta find the stud in the wall. The only stud in my apartment is me, okay? I'm not finding no stud in the wall.

[A]

I know how to do that.

[B]

I. I don't. But you have to knock on it and make sure it's hollow. Or not. Yeah, yeah. Remember that time you got really pissed off at me and you got so mad you punched the wall and you punched the concrete?

[A]

That's what karma's a. Yeah, well, you pissed me off.

[B]

Well, you should.

[A]

Anyways, what do we got on the agenda today? Anything pressing on you that you just need to get off your chest and talk about?

[B]

No, not really.

[A]

Okay. Really?

[B]

Yeah, we. Since we've recorded last, we went to Rock the Country in Bloomingdale.

[A]

Yeah. Savannah.

[B]

It was fun.

[A]

It was fun.

[B]

I walked past one guy that was made out of bad decisions. Copenhagen, Skull and bush lot. Okay. And he told me I had nice tits. When I walked past him, not sure if he was hitting on me like a yee. Trying to roast me. He was like, no. Oh.

[A]

Like, was that supposed to be rude?

[B]

That's why you're in General admission and I'm on the stage and is also. We put that in your pipe and smoke.

[A]

What else do we do down there? The car ride. You about had a heart attack. Riley thinks he likes a road trip.

[B]

We just decided that it was pro appropriate to road trip as in four wheels, three women with three women. I love those three women. Don't have anything against them, but I don't think I'll ever road trip with another woman in my life because we stopped about 82 times to piss.

[A]

It took us at least 14 hours to get to Savannah. And it was.

[B]

We drove from Coleman, Alabama to Savannah, Georgia in a Ford Expedition. Landon's ass wants to sit over here and act like he hated the drive. The was asleep in the back the whole time.

[A]

I didn't hate the drive. I slept.

[B]

And about halfway through the drive, I went and my book bag was in the back seat where Landon was sitting. And I went to get my computer. I was like this far away from his face and I was trying not to wake him up. And I went down to grab my computer and he looks up like this. I. My soul left my body. Scared the out of me.

[A]

Hey, I need you. Now that we're talking about a road trip, I need to ask you, what

[B]

if I'm not. If I can't fly there, I'm not going from now on.

[A]

Okay. I would feel like it's like two hours.

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay. I thought about getting my helicopter license and buying a helicopter. You know you can buy them.

[B]

I would not trust you to fly me on Black Ops 3 on the PS5.

[A]

Riley.

[B]

Landon, do you see this? I have driven with you. The only reason that you are a good driver is because you're a fairly good driver. But the only reason that you haven't killed us yet is because your Tesla drives itself. I have been in the back of a car with you when you got in the back seat of a.

[A]

A KIA to prove a point.

[B]

And you want to drive a helicopter?

[A]

Yeah, I could fly a helicopter.

[B]

If you can't control your emotions when I piss you off in ikea, you're not flying me no damn where.

[A]

That was a long time ago. I don't give a when I wasn't medicated.

[B]

You ain't medicated now, but I've learned patience.

[A]

Anyways, the statistic is like 90 of men think that they can land a plane if it's going down. Do you think you could?

[B]

Listen, I am man enough to say that if the plane's going down, don't ever look at me and say, sir, we're gonna need you to try to land the plane because I'll kill everybody on board.

[A]

You'll.

[B]

Don't look at me. And 90% of men that think they can land a damn plane. 90% of men can't even not piss on the toilet seat whenever it's down. They forget to put the toilet seat up. And you're wanting to fly an airplane. I think I could do it.

[A]

Not because I know how to do that, but because I'm good under pressure.

[B]

You're good under pressure, but that doesn't mean you can land a damn airplane.

[A]

But I'm good under pressure. If somebody's in my ear saying, mash this button, mash this button, I could do it. I think. I think I could.

[B]

You're crazy.

[A]

You don't think I could.

[B]

No, absolutely not. I don't think either one of us could do that.

[A]

Now, if somebody's having a heart attack or something, don't. I can't give them.

[B]

You think you can't give somebody CPR, but you can land a plane with 300 people on it? Bitch. Let's be. So.

[A]

Have you ever heard of anybody cpr?

[B]

No, thankfully not. Have you? I hope I never do.

[A]

I hope I don't either, but I. I just don't think I could deal with that.

[B]

Well, I would deal with the. Before I dealt with boom and the damn plane flying into the side of a building.

[A]

Anyways, let's get on topic.

[B]

I'd fuck up so bad, I'd wreck into a Walmart.

[A]

Let's get on. On topic. Somebody slipped my story and asked what I thought about tipping culture and if I think it's gotten out of hand.

[B]

As in like tipping at a restaurant?

[A]

Yeah, well, like, you know, they ask for tips anywhere you go now. Like, they'll hand the pad out the damn window at Starbucks.

[B]

It's going to ask you a question first.

[A]

It's going to ask you a question first. Are you tipping or are you not?

[B]

Okay. It depends. If they're very busy and they're under pressure, or if they're really nice, I might tip them.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I think that when it comes to tipping, if you're going out to a restaurant and you don't tip, if you don't have the money to tip, don't have the money to go out to eat.

[A]

Amen. Amen.

[B]

Like, don't. If you're gonna sit here and say, well, tips are optional. Those wait. Some wait staff make $2.85 an hour plus tips. They are not working. And some people will run their asses to death and then not tip them anything. That's.

[A]

Yeah, some people. I was a server.

[B]

Eat at home.

[A]

You'll have three Glasses of sweet tea drink before I can even get to your order.

[B]

Yeah, I know.

[A]

And then you'll tip $4 on a damn 100 bill.

[B]

If you can't tip at a restaurant, that's. I tip 20 wherever I go. Unless the service just sucks. And then I'll tip, like, 15. But I don't do that when it comes to, like, whenever you.

[A]

Well, I get if the barista is making your coffee, but, like, if I talk to him.

[B]

Right. Like, the coffee shop we go to regularly, I tip them because I like them. They're my friends. But, like, I see some people that are, like, taking your order at, like, a barbecue restaurant.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or just somewhere, and then they turn it around, and it's like, tip. And sometimes.

[A]

Or like, restaurants like Chipotle, where you go in.

[B]

Yeah, I'm not tipping you at Chipotle. I'm sorry.

[A]

That's what I'm saying. Like, do you think that's gotten out of hand? Like, they'll flip the thing around?

[B]

$15 an hour.

[A]

You make my food, and then you don't wait on me the whole day.

[B]

I do all my own shit.

[A]

If I'm not drinking napkins, I get my own silverware.

[B]

I. I don't think you could go wrong with tipping, but I don't think you're entitled to. Okay, does that make sense? Like, I don't feel bad for not tipping somebody at Chipotle.

[A]

Tell them what we've seen on the way here.

[B]

I seen a woman walking down the side of the road. She was sagging so bad that everything was out.

[A]

Naked as hell. Naked as a jaybird.

[B]

Like, I get. Maybe you're homeless. Maybe you fall on hard times. But if you'll come on up to my apartment, I'll give you a shirt. It might be a 3x, but at

[A]

least it'll cover the cooter and the tutor.

[B]

You know what I saw yesterday?

[A]

What'd you see yesterday?

[B]

I was driving yesterday. Came up to a red light. There was a homeless man selling newspapers.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I respect the hustle.

[A]

Hey, you know what? If I pass a homeless man and he's selling newspapers, I'm gonna buy one because he's working.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

He's trying. And if I at least stand there with a sign saying, lord help me,

[B]

most of the time, if I have cash, I'll give it to the homeless. But I don't ever carry cash.

[A]

Ever.

[B]

I did pass homeless man the other day that had his Venmo on his sign.

[A]

Oh, so he's moving on up. He's got a phone. He can get that money. Which means he's got money somewhere.

[B]

Anyways, I rolled up and I look over and I'm in the right hand lane. In the left hand lane, the one furthest away from the sidewalk, there is a woman in a black Kia soul.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

White woman, blue hair, nose piercings. And she waves the homeless man over to her window. She hands him one singular baby back rib wrapped in a paper towel.

[A]

I wonder if it fell off the bone.

[B]

He ate it right off the bone. You know, I. I'm not congratulations for, like, good for you for feeding the homeless, but I think if somebody handed me one baby back rib, I'd be pissed off.

[A]

That's like eating one potato chip. You can't just eat one. You gotta eat seven more.

[B]

You should have just handed him the whole damn toe box. You have money, go buy you another one.

[A]

And if it ain't sweet baby rays, I don't want it.

[B]

Yeah, if I was homicide, I had to inspect it before I ate it.

[A]

Yeah, he must have been hungry, though.

[B]

He was. God love him. But that is probably the most redneck thing I've ever seen. Handing somebody a singular baby back re wrapped in a bounty paper towel.

[A]

How do you know it was bounty?

[B]

It looked strong and durable. Durable bounty.

[A]

Hey, I.

[B]

I am a whore for a paper towel. If you get triggered by people using a lot of paper towels, don't ever come up in my damn apartment.

[A]

I hate a damn dish rag.

[B]

I will take 52 paper towels to wipe up a damn spill that is the size of my fist.

[A]

I hate a damn. And don't you hate.

[B]

I need that with a dish towel. I don't like it. It repels the water. Nope, not doing it.

[A]

No, me either.

[B]

The only thing I will not use a paper towel for is wiping off glass. I need a microfiber cloth for that.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

Bougie. Because it leaves paper of the towel on the glass.

[A]

That means you're not getting enough water on that.

[B]

I'll be soaking that in Windex.

[A]

Unpopular opinion. Not unpopular opinion. I don't even know why I just said that. But I clean everything with Windex.

[B]

Yeah, you say nobody says Winda X. Landon, It's Windex. W I n D E X. Winda. Wind X would be W I NDA X.

[A]

That's what I say.

[B]

Windex.

[A]

Windex. Windex.

[B]

Windex.

[A]

Windex.

[B]

Windex.

[A]

How do you say weed eater, weed eater. I say weed eater. Like weed eater, weed eater. Yeah.

[B]

How do you say. This always cracks me up. What do you put your. What is another word for a dresser?

[A]

A Chester drawer.

[B]

Yeah, it's a Chester drawer. Like Chester?

[A]

Yeah, Like C H E S. No,

[B]

it's actually chest of drawers.

[A]

Yeah. I've never been.

[B]

If you walk up and say, I have a chest of drawers for sale, I'm gonna say, you belong across the pond. Get back on the airplane, go back to the United Kingdom. Because don't ever come at me and say, chest of drawers. I have a chest of drawers for sale. Hell, no. It's a Chester drawer. A Chester drawer. Cheat. C H E S T E R D R A W E R Chester drawer. Not Chester drawer.

[A]

Have you ever met anybody that says that?

[B]

I've seen it.

[A]

I don't associate with people, though.

[B]

I don't either. I don't deal with people who use proper grammar. Speaking of one time, the very first time I ever met my grandpa's dad, my Poppy's dad, he was like. I was like, what do you want me to call him? He was like, just call him Grandpa.

[A]

Grandpa.

[B]

I will never hurt Grandfather, bitch. I will never call somebody Grand Grandfather. Do you have time for a spot of tea, Grandfather? Hell, no. What do you say we signed the Declaration of Independence? I'm not saying Grandfather. No, I'm saying Papa Paw.

[A]

Paw.

[B]

Pawpaw. Papa, Mama, Mimi, Granny, Nana, Granny Gigi. We call one of my grandpa's old man.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Grand Grandfather. Grandmother. Do you have lunch, Grandmother? Hell, no.

[A]

That's. Go to the chest of drawers.

[B]

Go into the chest of drawers and grab Grandmother a sock.

[A]

It was really a hit last week when we started talking about potlucks.

[B]

I love a potluck.

[A]

And I just have to talk about it again. I've not been to one in a long time.

[B]

I haven't either. So if you're having a potluck in the Nashville area, I know who you can call.

[A]

And I don't have homecoming at my church anytime soon. I know, and that is the only reason I go.

[B]

It is? Me, too. There's a lot of people who only show up to eat. And you know what? I used to judge those people.

[A]

And I'm going. I mean, I go for other things, too. The singing.

[B]

Yeah. But our new church, it's bigger than our little white Baptist church on the hill. Whenever homecoming comes around, they don't have a potluck.

[A]

Oh, I'm quitting then.

[B]

They don't have a potluck.

[A]

Quitting. I'm not going to a church. I don't have a potluck.

[B]

They have donuts out in the front.

[A]

I'm not going to a damn church ain't got a fellowship hall. I like to fellowship.

[B]

Amen. I love to fellowship. Yeah, I need a hall to fellowship in.

[A]

Yeah, I have to fellowship.

[B]

Yes. I love to walk up to the white folding tables with dollar store paper cloths on on it and have to check my phone. Oh, of course. You remember whenever he just bitched at me 35 seconds ago I'm looking at

[A]

our because I'm running out of to

[B]

talk about and I was checking an email from our ad agent.

[A]

Well, a good email.

[B]

Well, I mean he's our ad agent. He gets us ads, makes us money.

[A]

You know, I went to University of Alabama watch a baseball game.

[B]

Yeah, he went to University of Alabama. Before he finishes this statement, he looked at me yesterday and said riley, I think I'm gonna buy me some rainbow flip flops. If you're a parent, pay attention to this. More kids today are developing myopia, also known as nearsightedness. And when it's left unaddressed, it can do more than affect how clearly they see a screen or a whiteboard. Over time, myopia can increase the of more serious eye health challenges later in life. That's why regular eye exams are so important. An eye doctor can help determine whether your child may be developing myopia and talk to you about management options designed specifically for kids like Essler Styles lenses. Styles lenses are created with children in mind and are part of a modern approach to managing myopia while still correcting everyday vision. If you're unsure where your child stands with their vision, start with an eye exam. It's a small step that can make a meaningful long term difference. Visit Slur to learn more about styles lenses and to find an Essler expert eye care professional near you. That's ess I l o r.com over my cold dead body will your ass ever wear a flip flop? I will call Governor K. Ivy and have her put a moratorium on your ass to never enter that state again. If you ever say you're going to wear a flip flop again because that is a bad one where influence. I don't give a shit if King Charles comes out of Buckingham palace in the morning wearing rainbow flip flops. If I ever catch you in a pair of flip flops, I am calling the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

[A]

I think I should just stick to like a Choco.

[B]

I think you should stick to whatever else you want to wear, but not a flipflop. Landon we talk mad about people who buy flip Flops? Yeah, when we were 13 and going to the beach because our parents made us. I don't want to hear it.

[A]

I also talk mad about flip flops

[B]

every time you take a step.

[A]

I think they're ugly, but I. I'm going to try to wear a pair.

[B]

No, you're not.

[A]

Yes, I am.

[B]

I'm quitting the podcast. Then I need a co host who wants to come bloodline banter with me, because if this rolls up in a flipflop, he's out of here.

[A]

Somebody slid up on my Snapchat story the other day and said that our podcast was dumb.

[B]

You know what I think about you? You can suck my ass, bitch.

[A]

Someone's calling me from Franklin, Tennessee. And I guarantee you it's.

[B]

It's probably a car dealership because Landon wants to get a new car, and he made the dumbass mistake of putting his phone number into a dealership, and now he going to get a call from everybody who's ever step foot through that dealership saying, hey, we're offering $400

[A]

off 0% APR for 130 days.

[B]

Yeah. New or used vehicle today. Today.

[A]

I want a new vehicle.

[B]

Landon, you get new damn cars like you change your damn underwear.

[A]

I know, but I can.

[B]

I've had the same car since I graduated high school.

[A]

Let's go down the list of cars that I've had.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. My very first vehicle was a Dodge truck.

[B]

Okay. Backed over everything, including.

[A]

Including the Sonic stalls. Pulled through them, and then I went from that. What was the next one?

[B]

A Range Rover Evoke, because we hit it at my house the night before Christmas.

[A]

No, it wasn't hidden at your house. The Evoke was not hidden at your house.

[B]

Oh, no, that was a four wheeler.

[A]

Yeah, because I went by your house, couldn't find it. And then it was a Kia after that.

[B]

Kia K5.

[A]

And then it was another Range Rover.

[B]

Then he bought a Range Rover, and

[A]

four months later, I traded for four

[B]

months, decided he wanted a Tesla. He called me one morning, he said, hey, come with me. I'm going to buy a Tesla. Like, good morning.

[A]

Had already ordered it. You can buy them bitches with Apple pay.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, Apple Pay to a damn Tesla. And now I Knoxville and got it.

[A]

Now I've decided that I want a bigger vehicle.

[B]

He wants a truck, and then he wants to wear flip flops. Before you know it, he'll be dipping Copenhagen skull and saying, roll fucking Tide.

[A]

I already say Roll Todd. But no, I want. Or an suv. I want a Cadillac Escalade. Is What I want.

[B]

You don't need a Cadillac Escalade. You're not a mom of four taking Jimmy and Jerry to soccer practice. You don't need a Cadillac Escalade. You just love having that has three rows of seats. Who are you gonna put in the third Expedition?

[A]

That Ford Expedition we drove was nice.

[B]

Landon, you can't drive a Ford.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Found on rev dead.

[A]

Well, what can I drive?

[B]

Not a Ford.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

Ford.

[A]

I like a Ford.

[B]

Okay, You've never even owned one.

[A]

I own one. Right. My parents own one right now.

[B]

Okay, well you don't need a Landon, you don't need a truck.

[A]

I don't want like a big fucking 2500 series dually or some bullshit.

[B]

Well, the way you be talking about rainbow flip flops, you sure do look like you'd drive one. Well, I'm about to start sitting there on your golden goose wanting a truck

[A]

I can wake up. I might keep my Tesla and get a truck. Where? You're going to get to find a

[B]

new parking spot for it.

[A]

I know you're roasting the fuck out of me today.

[B]

You're just being ignorant.

[A]

How.

[B]

Why do you want a truck? I want.

[A]

I don't. It don't have to be a truck. I'm saying I want a bigger vehicle.

[B]

Okay, but even if you get a bigger vehicle, you don't need a Cadillac Escalade. I don't care what you do, it's your money. Listen, I'll ride in it despite whatever you will.

[A]

And you know what? I'm. Whatever I get, you're not riding in it.

[B]

Okay, that'll last a whole 30 minutes. Because I'll go with his ass if I can get it.

[A]

No, you won't. Not this go around. Since you're shitting on all my ideas over here. What kind of car should I get?

[B]

Well, if you're one suv, I would recommend you getting like a mid sized suv.

[A]

Like what kind?

[B]

Well, I don't know.

[A]

I only do luxury Saudi maybe.

[B]

I would drive the shit out of a Volvo.

[A]

Those are nice, but they're too small.

[B]

Well, how big are you?

[A]

I want something like a. I mean

[B]

you already really drive the Lexus. You already really drive a midsize suv, but you drive a Tesla Model Y. That bitch is huge.

[A]

No, I'm tired of having to charge it. I never said I'd say that.

[B]

I told you that when you bought it.

[A]

But here's the problem. The self driving feature outweighs to having to stop and charge it.

[B]

Okay, well you should get. But you're not gonna find another car. I don't think with the same self driving capabilities that your Tesla.

[A]

I never will. No. No. So I'm just gonna have to. I don't know. Okay, but did they have. Does any of the electric trucks have self driving? They make like a Ford electric truck.

[B]

Yeah. Why would. If you're gonna get a. You just said you didn't want to

[A]

buy a lake house, so I have to have something.

[B]

Why would you get an electric truck if you just said you didn't?

[A]

We've been talking about this long damn time. We'll keep you updated on what I decide, but I'm getting a real bad itch that it has to be scratched. And so I will have a new vehicle within the next five days.

[B]

Okay. What are you making for dinner tonight? Topic change. But I was just curious because I'm kind of hungry.

[A]

What am I making for dinner tonight? Could be a doordash. Not.

[B]

Okay, but when's the last time you went and got groceries? Because you've been out of town about a month.

[A]

But I still have groceries at home.

[B]

Well, I guarantee you those groceries are not approved.

[A]

I've literally eaten out every single day.

[B]

If you have groceries at home that

[A]

have probably spent $5,000 this month eating out.

[B]

If you have groceries at home that have not went bad in a month, there's no way they're approved on the aisle.

[A]

Speaking of grocery shopping, I went earlier to Walmart and scanned all of my food stuff on the Olive app.

[B]

You just said you hadn't bought groceries in a month.

[A]

All of my stuff, my body wash, my deodorant, my toothpaste, my stand.

[B]

Correct. All that stuff.

[A]

How was it not good?

[B]

Did you buy it?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, well, that defeats the whole purpose.

[A]

My bought. Some of it was good, some of it was like above a 70.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I think the native stuff is pretty good.

[B]

That's considered green. That's good.

[A]

Good, good, good. We're talking about the Olive app. You don't tell them what it is.

[B]

The Olive app is a holistic food and product scanner. You scan it, it tells you if there's any bad stuff in your food or your products. Seed oils, chemicals, all that, additives, preservatives. It gives you a health score whenever you scan it. So it tells you and helps you make better decisions. And our viewers can go to the app store and download the Olive app and get a seven day free trial.

[A]

Yes, you can. Do you like like that app? Yeah, I love it.

[B]

I do too.

[A]

I don't listen to it sometimes. But I like to know.

[B]

I do too.

[A]

I scanned some chips the other day in my apartment. I'm having cancer by 12:00pm tomorrow.

[B]

Oh. Well, maybe at least you'll have a new truck by then.

[A]

You're right. You're right.

[B]

Should we bury you in it?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. Well, hell, they cost. My budget's like 75,000. I don't think there's even a Toyota Camry on the market right now cheaper than that.

[B]

Yeah, there is. Toy the new Toyota Camrys are not that expensive. Toyota, if you're listening to this, give me a discount because I want one. But I don't want to call her

[A]

a DMC 1500 series. Sierra Denali.

[B]

You just said you didn't want a big truck.

[A]

That's 1500.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

That's not a big truck.

[B]

Okay. I'm so sorry. I don't have a PhD in fucking truckology, am I?

[A]

I think my parents want me to get a truck.

[B]

Well, I think if you want a truck, you should get one. But if you just said you wanted to see.

[A]

Okay, I'm not talking about this anymore.

[B]

Hell, that defeats the purpose.

[A]

They'll buy you. You need to buy you a new car.

[B]

I don't want a car payment. My Toyota Camry is still kicking 140,000 miles.

[A]

You're looking for one. I know you want one.

[B]

I've been wanting one for a long time, but I don't want it bad enough to want a car payment you can get.

[A]

Pay it cash.

[B]

I could pay it, but I don't want to because the more I.

[A]

The less.

[B]

The more I don't have a car payment, the more doordash I can get.

[A]

I'd take out a $200,000 loan if it came down between me not being able to get doordash or afford my car payment.

[B]

I think I would, too.

[A]

I love a good doordash.

[B]

I'm a whore for a doordash. I have the dash pass.

[A]

Me too. Best $10 a month you'll ever spent.

[B]

This episode is not brought to you by doordash. But it should be.

[A]

It absolutely should be.

[B]

Because I love doordash. I'll plug them even if they don't give us any money. But they should.

[A]

And we've been talking.

[B]

I know we've been on a roll.

[A]

This is nothing important.

[B]

Y' all know I enjoy getting together with friends. Whether it's a night out in Nashville, a concert, a ball game, or just sitting around talking and laughing way longer than we planned to. One thing I' doing before those nights is having a Zebiotics Pre alcohol probiotic drink. It's the world's first genetically engineered probiotic drink, and it was invented by PhD scientists. How fancy. To tackle rough mornings after drinking. Here's how it works. When you drink alcohol, it's converted into an unwanted byproduct in the gut. According to Zebiotics, it's a buildup of that byproduct, not dehydration, that's responsible for those rough days. After drinking Zebiotics Pre alcohol produces an enzyme designed to break down that unwanted byproduct. The key is making it your first drink of the night. Then drink responsibly, stay hydrated, get a good night's sleep, and enjoy tomorrow. For me, it's just become more of the routine before a night out. I drink one before that first round and let it do its thing. It's an easy habit to build, especially when I've gotten a packed day ahead of me. Recording a podcast, filming content, hitting the gym, which rarely happens, running errands, knocking out my to do list. Life doesn't slow down just because you went out the night before. Go to zebiotics.combanter and use code Banter at checkout for 15% off your order that zbiotics.combanter and use Code Banter for 15% off. Oh, speaking of this morning, do you know that girl you don't like with the dog?

[A]

Yeah, I sneezed, bitch.

[B]

I sneezed in front of that bitch this morning and she didn't bless me. She didn't excuse me. She didn't say, fudge you kiss my ass. Have a good day.

[A]

She's rude as hell.

[B]

Oh, my God. If I sneeze around you and you don't have the due diligence to say excuse you or bless you, we're in the South. Southern hospitality is a real thing. It does not hurt.

[A]

She's clearly not from here.

[B]

Oh, no, she's not. Because she did not say a damn word to me this morning.

[A]

She never does. She rolls her eyes at me every damn time she sees me, and I don't know why. I ain't never even said a word to her.

[B]

I neither.

[A]

She's miserable as hell.

[B]

I. I don't deal with a miserable.

[A]

She's probably in a studio apartment and working at the damn Dairy Queen.

[B]

Yeah, if you're miserable, don't come up to me.

[A]

You know what? If she's working at the Dairy Queen, I hope she dumps over one of them damn Blizzards. And it falls right out on her toes anyways.

[B]

And your dog is ugly.

[A]

I don't even remember what dog she has.

[B]

Well, I can't say it on here because she might watch.

[A]

Oh. Anyways, you want to do bloodline brain check?

[B]

Yeah, let's get into that. Okay.

[A]

Well, I don't have anything prepared.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, I don't know what we.

[B]

Landon's on his damn phone over here. Who are you talking to?

[A]

I'm in the group chat, figuring out if Abdul is going to refund me my Airbnb. And let me tell you something right now. If I don't get my $2,500 Airbnb refunded for this weekend, I will not do anything. But I might make a TikTok about it.

[B]

Abdul, if you know what's in your best interest, you better be refunding that.

[A]

I said something very ugly and I had to stop so I don't go to jail.

[B]

Good idea. We're not trying to end up on a list.

[A]

We also Leanne Morgan seen our cry for her to meet us and we are getting to go to her show.

[B]

The queen herself has entered the chat.

[A]

Okay, they really did email me back or text me back. Do you got bloodline brain check ready? VRBO people.

[B]

What are they gonna give you?

[A]

I don't know. I'm looking right now. Please, Lord. Well, I thought they did.

[B]

Okay, ready? Well, we're sitting over here trying to do bloodline brain check and Landon can't get off his phone.

[A]

Well, I thought they emailed back back

[B]

or text pan to Landon.

[A]

What?

[B]

Still over there on the phone.

[A]

They didn't text back. Oh, well, okay. Let's do bloodline brain check.

[B]

What state is known as the Volunteer State?

[A]

Tennessee.

[B]

I'm so glad you know that as a Tennessee resident. What meat is traditionally used in pulled pork? Barbecue pork. What. What part of the pig.

[A]

Oh, wait, ask that again.

[B]

What meat is traditionally used in pulled pork? Barbecue. What part of the pig? Landon, Both of our papers.

[A]

That's bacon. No, that's.

[B]

Well, you almost got it. Not the ass. But another word for. Another word for ass would be butt.

[A]

The butt.

[B]

What part of the pig is that you eat is also called a butt?

[A]

Oh, a Boston butt.

[B]

There you go. I thought what soft drink was invented in Atlanta?

[A]

Coke. Yeah.

[B]

Coca Cola. What is the main ingredient in grits?

[A]

The main ingredient in grits is. I feel like I. A grit grit. No. I don't know.

[B]

You think we have a grit tree?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We don't.

[A]

What is it?

[B]

Corn. Oh, yeah.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

Corn is also, like, the main ingredient in moonshine. And you can ethanol make, like for gas. How many months have 28 days?

[A]

Two. Three.

[B]

How many months have 28 days?

[A]

How many of the 12 months have 28 days in them? Four.

[B]

All 12.

[A]

Oh, I thought. Well, I meant because some of them have 31.

[B]

Yeah, but they all have 28.

[A]

Just. Yeah, that's a trick question. Damn. People are gonna think I need to be in special ed.

[B]

If you pass a person and say,

[A]

I did not ride the short bus.

[B]

If you pass. We probably should.

[A]

No. Yes, we can.

[B]

No, we can't. We're gonna get canceled for being able

[A]

to give a damn.

[B]

Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the tallest mountain in the world?

[A]

I don't know. Mount Rushmore.

[B]

Are you kidding me? Mount Rushmore is a statue?

[A]

Oh, I don't know.

[B]

Mount Everest. It's still the tallest one in the world, even if it's not discovered.

[A]

Why are you giving me questions like this?

[B]

Because Chat. GPT is giving me questions like this.

[A]

Come on now.

[B]

What is the only US State that starts with the letter P?

[A]

B?

[B]

P. P as in people.

[A]

There's only one state that starts with P.

[B]

What is it? I don't know, Dan.

[A]

Are you kidding me? I mean, if I had a list, I could. Well, I sure hope you could tell

[B]

me if you had Alias.

[A]

Is it on the east side or the west side of the country?

[B]

It's on the east side. Really, Lynn? And the only state that starts with P? Are you kidding me?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know. That champagne's getting to you, ain't it?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Pennsylvania. Oh. Oh, my gosh. Damn.

[A]

But you.

[B]

What? I've guessed.

[A]

I got you a similar question the other day, and you were like, what

[B]

is the most popular last name in the U.S. yes.

[A]

I knew that.

[B]

All right, do me.

[A]

Give me your phone. You're gonna have seen all these, right?

[B]

Yeah. You're gonna have to give you more.

[A]

Me more?

[B]

I'm looking over at myself in the wide angle, and my tits are really titting today. So if you see me stretching at this shirt. That's why maybe that kid at Rock the Country was right. Maybe I do have big tits. I need to hit that.

[A]

Okay. What is the only letter found in any US State? Name. Wait. What is the only letter not found? You had this last week. Actually, you should. Yeah,

[B]

you gave me. You gave me a repeat.

[A]

Oh, you're never gonna guess this, but I'm gonna ask anyways. What is the only food that never Spoils. And it's not really a food. It's like a. I mean, it is a food, but. But it never spoils.

[B]

Yogurt,

[A]

Riley. That's what yogurt is.

[B]

Cheese.

[A]

No. What? It's like a.

[B]

That's what yogurt is. What do you mean?

[A]

Yogurt's already spoiled?

[B]

That's my point.

[A]

Yeah, but it. What's the only food that never spoils?

[B]

One that I'm not eating. If that can't go bad, I'm not eating it. That's just.

[A]

Oh, you eat it. It's a good natural sweetener for like smoothies. Honey. Yeah. Really? Do you like honeycomb?

[B]

No. Remember that? We bought that. She had the island in Pigeon Forge one time to eat it and it just tastes like.

[A]

Which animal cannot jump?

[B]

Cannot jump?

[A]

Yeah. Which animal can't jump?

[B]

Oh, I know this.

[A]

And it's like, honestly, like, self explanatory. You ain't. No way you're jumping on a crocodile.

[B]

Have you ever seen a crocodile jump? Tell me the truth.

[A]

Yes. Where they jump up out of the water and eat.

[B]

Well, they don't necessarily. Okay, Okay, I guess.

[A]

I mean, this is like.

[B]

Can't jump an elephant.

[A]

Yeah. How the hell you gonna jump with all them pounds? That's right.

[B]

I've seen elephants stand on their two back legs at the circus.

[A]

That's not jumping.

[B]

No, but they're holding up that big ass somehow.

[A]

What color is polar bear skin?

[B]

Black.

[A]

Yeah, I would have said white.

[B]

That's her hair.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Polar bears are by racial.

[A]

How many bones do sharks have?

[B]

None.

[A]

Yep. That's weird. I didn't know that. Okay.

[B]

Yeah, it's cartilage.

[A]

Ooh. This is not really a right or wrong question, but I need you to know, is cereal a soup?

[B]

Okay, this is. This is the same dumbass questions like, is water wet?

[A]

And is hot dog a sandwich?

[B]

Oh, my God. Is cereal a soup? I don't think it's a soup. No, I don't.

[A]

It ain't a soup. Has got some chicken and noodles.

[B]

If you ever ask me, you want some soup? I'm expecting some damn tomato basil. Tomato chili. If you come at me and give me a bowl of cereal and tell me it's the out of you.

[A]

I really don't think chili is soup.

[B]

What is chili?

[A]

Chili.

[B]

That's valid, actually.

[A]

You know, it's not like brothy or nothing.

[B]

You know, I was looking at. I seen a girl.

[A]

That's good chili. Waffle House?

[B]

Wendy's. Yeah, I could go for some chili right now.

[A]

Me too.

[B]

I don't give a how hot it is. I'm eating something out of.

[A]

Okay. Is hot dog. Is a hot dog a sandwich?

[B]

No, it's a hot dog. Right.

[A]

And cereal. Cereal.

[B]

It's not a. Yeah.

[A]

You think we're going to have anybody argue with us on this?

[B]

Probably. People would argue about the sky being blue. It's 2026. Always got.

[A]

I don't know why it's giving me questions like this, but if animals could talk, which do you think would be the rudest?

[B]

The rudest.

[A]

And it gave me an answer. But. And it makes sense now. And just think of Mr. Jim's house. A goose. A fucking geese.

[B]

I thought I was about to say that. Yeah. I just don't think the goose would have anything positive to say.

[A]

Not kind of like you. Kind of like me on this podcast.

[B]

Well, yeah. All they do is fly north and south in V lines. That's all they do. They fly in migration. I mean, how boring do you have to be to fly around shit in a pasture and everybody.

[A]

Okay. Let's get into Cousin Council.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

All right. Welcome back to Cousin Council. I just dropped my gab on the floor.

[A]

You get disbarred for that.

[B]

Do judges have to pass the bar?

[A]

You know, actually, because some judges are official. If an elected official. Judge. You don't have to. We should run for judge. I think we could win.

[B]

Do you have any experience? I do.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. Hey, Landon and Raleigh, hold up. I'm having to balance it on my kneecap.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

Trying to get it perfect. Hey, Landon and Rally. So my sister has a boyfriend and after they started dating, she found out they were cousins. Well, hell, we're off to a good start today. She said she would tell him, but honestly, I don't believe that she actually told him because she doesn't want him to break up with her. They are third cousins, so technically it's legal. But I still feel like he should know. I also feel like they should just break up because they're literally cousins. Should I tell him myself or what should I do here? I need your opinion. By the way, I'm from Indiana and not Alabama. I don't give a Damn if their 15th cousins twice removed related to the dog. That's weird as.

[A]

That's disgusting you were doing. Your kid is going to be deformed

[B]

and you're doing yourself a great disservice by not walking up to him and being like, hey, yo, we have the same grandpa.

[A]

That is. Ah, that's scary. They're Gonna have a kid and it's gonna be deformed. It's gonna come out with four heads and 19.

[B]

Well, it's not that. It's the fact that that's weird as shit. Why? Yeah, you're in love with your cousin, so you're not gonna tell him that your cousins. That's fucked.

[A]

He would be disgusting.

[B]

As a matter of fact, I'm gonna call the CIA right now.

[A]

As a matter of fact, let's tell them. Was there a name on there? I want a name.

[B]

If you have suspected that you could be dating your cousin. Email team bloodlinebanterofficial.com and we will expose that. Yeah, we definitely will.

[A]

Okay, that one threw me for a loop.

[B]

Okay, well, we're off to a wonderful start.

[A]

Well, come on.

[B]

So I'm 30 and my boyfriend is 40. I know, age gap. Yuck. We've been together two years now. Is it too much for me to expect him to propose soon? I feel like the engagement bell should be ringing by.

[A]

Okay, Unpopular opinion. If you're dating. I feel like if. Okay, I don't know how to say this without being like. If you date for more than two years, get engaged. What the hell's the hold up if you can't financially do it?

[B]

Okay, I have mixed feelings about this. Don't rush into. Don't rush into an engagement because you'll probably end up divorced. But if there's a. If you're been together for two years and you're not engaged, there's probably a reason.

[A]

I mean, make sure.

[B]

I think you should sit down and be like, hey. No, I think you should sit down and be like, hey, you know, we're going on two years. We've been dating for two years.

[A]

If you're in a place, is there

[B]

a reason you haven't proposed yet?

[A]

Yeah, if there's a maybe. A reason. Like maybe the financial stability is not there yet, or you're in college or something, or not got a good job. I don't know.

[B]

I just feel like I don't know either.

[A]

I know a lot of people that get engaged. Like, I think you should date a year, be engaged a year, and then get married six months after that.

[B]

I think when the time is right, do it no matter how early it is.

[A]

But if it goes on past two years, three years, you. You wait.

[B]

Yeah, you're wasting your. At some point, you're wasting your time at some point, especially if you're old enough to wear. Like, you need to be having kids if you want to have kids. Or you won't be able to, like, just come on now.

[A]

Also probably unpopular opinion. I think people need to pop out kids before the age of 30. Well, did you see where our generation's like, not having kids until they're 30?

[B]

Our generation's not having kids, period.

[A]

Because they can't afford them.

[B]

Because they can't see kid. They see kids as an inconvenience.

[A]

They are.

[B]

Okay, I agree. They could be. But eventually you're gonna have to start having kids. Or we're gonna be. Damn.

[A]

There's a lot more people out there that want to have kids. And they can have them, but I ain't.

[B]

Well, that's fine.

[A]

Anyways, next.

[B]

Okay, 99. Sure. His sister listens, so keep my name anonymous. Oh, I thought it was over the. This is a new one.

[A]

Oh, this is a new one.

[B]

Okay, the title is Boyfriend who Tracked my Calories. You know what? I think his sister needs to know that her boyfriend, her brother, is a piece of. I was with my now ex boyfriend for a little over two years. A few months in, I asked him why he always. Why he never hung around my. Okay, hold up. Let me restart.

[A]

You're having a stroke.

[B]

Yeah. I was with my now ex boyfriend for a little over two years, a few months, and I asked him why we always hung around my friends and family but never his. He told me that he didn't want his friends or family to know that he was dating a fat girl. Holy, that is rude. Over the. Kinda. Over the next year or so, he tracked my calories, reviewed my bank statements every month to make sure I wasn't ordering out, and had me weigh myself in front of him pretty much every week. He slowly started introducing me to his friends and family. The more weight I lost, I ended up losing about 50 pounds and I finally left him. It took you losing 50 pounds to realize you were dating a douchebag?

[A]

That is quite crazy.

[B]

That is insane.

[A]

What would you do in that circumstance?

[B]

If I was her and he was tracking my calories?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'd give him a knuckle sandwich and ask him how many calories that was.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How many calories is his foot up your ass?

[A]

See, she couldn't even sneak a damn cheese stick from the Sonic.

[B]

You should have never stayed in that shit for that long. Oh, hell, you should. If I. If that was. If I were you, I'd have went out and I'd have gotten 50 pounds heavier to prove a point.

[A]

Me too.

[B]

I'm so glad you're away from that asshole.

[A]

And I Think she's had a. I

[B]

think you should make a TikTok about it and go viral.

[A]

I do too.

[B]

And I name drop him.

[A]

And we'll bring you on the pod.

[B]

Yeah, come on.

[A]

We'll bring you on the pod.

[B]

Come on. Fuck him. Okay. What an. Anyways, that's all for cousin council today. What you got going on the rest of the day?

[A]

What I got going on the rest of the day? I need to get off here. Get off here. I don't know what I was eating.

[B]

Yeah, I'm hungry. Did not hold me over.

[A]

I'm door dashing.

[B]

I kind of want to go somewhere.

[A]

I'm kind of doordashing. Wingstop.

[B]

Oh, that sounds good. Good.

[A]

Or chilies. I'm going.

[B]

I want some damn chilies.

[A]

And chilies. I'm not going to the chilies close to our apartment because I feel like I'm shot walking up in there.

[B]

Well, we went to it one time and the damn AC was cut on 32.

[A]

Oh, yeah. And I was frozen and my cheese got so cold.

[B]

Underneath the building is where they had the trash. That's also where you parked. And it stunk like ass.

[A]

Yeah, I'm not going back over to that chilies.

[B]

But anyway, it's not safe over there. No, it's probably not.

[A]

And I don't want to side of gunpowder with my mozzarella stick.

[B]

Yeah, that's valid.

[A]

Yeah. What are you doing for the rest of the day?

[B]

I'm gonna go to home goods, find stuff to redecorate my house.

[A]

Oh, I ain't doing that.

[B]

Find some lunch somewhere.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I don't know. My house is clean, so I really don't know how to feel yours.

[A]

Your laundry done.

[B]

My house is clean. I don't really know how to feel.

[A]

Is your laundry done? No.

[B]

Laundry room is not.

[A]

I bet that your laundry is stacked at least 11 and a half foot tall.

[B]

No, it's only one big basket, but three foot above the basket. But it's okay. We'll get the laundry fixed. If there's a laundry company out there that wants to sponsor yours.

[A]

Hey, I'm pretty sure there is. No, not sponsored. Just like I'd pay somebody 500amonth to my laundry.

[B]

I'd pay them 500 a week to do my laundry. Oh, hell, I have so much laundry. It is. I have more clothing than a.

[A]

Is there any services out there where they just, like, come by, pick up the laundry and take it?

[B]

Yeah, there actually is.

[A]

That's a good business. Again.

[B]

But the only reason I don't want to do is because I'm damn lazy. I just need to do it.

[A]

We'll do it.

[B]

Okay, well, I'm gonna get off here, go do my laundry. I said that like we're on FaceTime. We're gonna go do our laundry in doordash. And make sure you're following us on all of our social pages.

[A]

Subscribe.

[B]

Subscribe. Follow us on Apple Podcasts. Do all the things and. Yeah, and we will see you next week.

[A]

Yes, we will.

[B]

Love you. Bye.