Books With Your Besties - Episode Summary: "Ashley Winstead on Grief and True Crime Obsession"

Release Date: July 6, 2025

In this poignant and insightful episode of Books With Your Besties, hosts Emily and Ashley engage in a heartfelt conversation with bestselling author Ashley Winstead. The discussion delves deep into themes of grief, true crime obsession, and the intricate process of writing thriller novels influenced by personal loss.

1. Welcoming Ashley Winstead

The episode kicks off with Ashley introducing the guest, Ashley Winstead, highlighting her impressive bibliography which includes titles like Will Bury Me, Midnight Is the Darkest Hour, and Fool Me Once. She emphasizes the focus on Will Bury Me, cautioning listeners about spoilers and encouraging them to read the book before tuning in.

Ashley Winstead [00:55]: "All right, besties, today we have Ashley Winstead. We know she is the national best selling author of this book, Will Bury Me... we're lucky enough to talk with her today."

2. The Impact of Bryan Coburger’s Plea

The conversation swiftly moves to discuss the recent legal developments surrounding Bryan Coburger, a central figure in Winstead's Will Bury Me. Emily shares her shock and mixed emotions upon learning about Coburger's decision to plead guilty, juxtaposing her personal beliefs against the victim families' pursuit of justice.

Emily [01:44]: "I am not someone who personally believes that the death penalty is just. So, getting life in prison without the possibility of parole is like the greatest possible punishment."

Ashley echoes similar sentiments, questioning the fairness of the plea deal and the exclusion of victim impact statements in the process.

Ashley [03:56]: "I just think it's only fair. And that feels like such a trite word, but for the family members of these victims to get to say something to his face, I. I hope that there's."

3. Navigating Grief and Its Influence

Both hosts openly discuss their personal experiences with grief, having lost their fathers. Ashley shares a touching moment where Emily comforts her about never feeling the same post-loss, highlighting the transformative nature of grief.

Ashley [12:31]: "Do you think I'll ever feel, you know, like my... like, myself again? And she said, no... You're learning how to be a new person without him."

Emily reciprocates with her own reflections on grief, emphasizing the importance of speaking about loss and the ways it shapes one's desire to find meaning.

Emily [10:08]: "I am both like a daddy's girl and a mommy's girl... The opportunity to speak about someone you've lost is, like, the greatest opportunity."

4. Crafting "Will Bury Me" Amidst Personal Struggles

Winstead delves into the genesis of Will Bury Me, intertwining her personal grief with an obsession over the University of Idaho murder case. She describes her descent into internet sleuthing as a coping mechanism to grapple with unanswered questions about her father's death.

Ashley [13:53]: "You cannot say how you would have reacted if you were in that house. You have no idea what you would have done."

Winstead elaborates on her dual role of being both a passive consumer and an active researcher in true crime forums, ultimately channeling her experiences into writing.

Ashley [16:58]: "...appealing to switch from being just a lurker to doing formal research for the book."

5. The Role of Internet Sleuthing in True Crime

The hosts and Winstead explore the fine line between beneficial crowd-sourced investigations and the potential harms of misinformation. They reference cases like Gabby Petito and Kyron Horman to illustrate how online communities can both assist and complicate criminal investigations.

Emily [18:02]: "Just talking about how you did the whole Internet sleuthing piece of your book."

Winstead shares her fascination with amateur sleuths and the psychological drive to seek answers in the face of tragedy.

Emily [13:53]: "There's something so soothing about watching people test theories and have these conversations."

6. Character Study: Jane in "Will Bury Me"

Winstead offers a deep dive into her protagonist, Jane, portraying her as an avatar of her own experiences with grief and the quest for meaning. Jane's journey mirrors Winstead's introspections, highlighting the universal human desire to construct narratives from chaotic life events.

Emily [19:58]: "Jane is standing in more than any other character I've ever written, kind of as an avatar for myself."

She discusses the intricate balance of creating a sympathetic antagonist, emphasizing the importance of making even the most flawed characters relatable and compelling.

Ashley [30:05]: "I love writing because that's true to life. Right. Everyone, no matter how villainous, is the protagonist of their own story."

7. Exploring Female Serial Killers

A significant portion of the discussion is dedicated to the underrepresentation and unique profiling of female serial killers. Winstead passionately argues for more nuanced research to uncover the prevalence and distinct patterns of female perpetrators, challenging existing stereotypes and scientific gaps.

Emily [33:13]: "One of my favorite little niche lines of research... about female serial killers and how under the radar..."

Ashley and Emily share anecdotes from their book club, reflecting on societal perceptions of female killers and the complex emotions they evoke.

Ashley [34:22]: "We did talk about female serial killers... and if a woman kills someone, probably they deserved it."

8. Upcoming Projects and Recommendations

As the episode wraps up, Winstead teases her upcoming projects, including the romantic drama Future Saints and another thriller slated for release in July 2026. She also recommends Party of Liars by Kelsey Cox, a debut author she admires.

Emily [36:00]: "Future Saints is a romantic drama about a lead singer who spirals into grief and sudden fame."

Ashley highlights her and Emily's efforts to support debut authors through platforms like Thriller Fest and Murder by the Book bookstore.

Ashley [38:18]: "We thought we need to give a platform to people to come with an audience of our size."

9. Closing Thoughts

The episode concludes with heartfelt thanks to Ashley Winstead, anticipation for her participation in the 2026 retreat, and encouragement for listeners to support authors and engage deeply with literature.

Emily [39:04]: "You are literally angels... we love supporting debut authors because it is hard to be a debut."

Notable Quotes:

• Emily [10:08]: "This is up for public consumption... trying to immortalize him."
• Ashley [24:15]: "Her desperation for answers was such a through line throughout the book."
• Emily [19:50]: "The act of writing stories... trying to construct that narrative."
• Ashley [30:36]: "Citizen was like a whistleblower... not less likable."

Key Takeaways:

• Intersection of Grief and Creativity: Ashley Winstead's personal loss profoundly influences her writing, driving her to explore themes of grief and the human need for meaning through true crime.

• Ethics of Amateur Sleuthing: The episode highlights the benefits and dangers of internet-based investigations, emphasizing the responsibility that comes with crowd-sourced information.

• Representation in True Crime: There's a significant discussion on the portrayal and recognition of female serial killers, advocating for more comprehensive research and understanding.

• Character Development: Winstead's approach to creating complex, relatable characters like Jane underscores the importance of depth and vulnerability in storytelling.

For fans of true crime, grief narratives, and intricate character-driven stories, this episode offers a rich blend of personal anecdotes, professional insights, and thoughtful discourse.