Parenting styles, being annoyed with ourselves

Summary

Books With Your Besties – Episode Summary Episode Title: Parenting Styles, Being Annoyed with Ourselves
Hosts: Emily and Ashley
Release Date: November 22, 2024

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1. Personal Updates and Daily Life

The episode kicks off with Emily and Ashley sharing updates about their families. Emily mentions that her younger son, Hunter, is sick and has been staying home, highlighting the challenges of managing children’s health.

• Emily (00:34): “Yesterday he woke up and just was, like. Had so much gas in his tummy.”

• Ashley (00:36): “Oh, no, he's sick again.”

They discuss the difficulties in adjusting parents' schedules and routines when children fall ill, touching upon the stress and frustration that comes with such situations.

2. Exploring Parenting Styles

A significant portion of the episode delves into the different parenting styles, emphasizing the importance of understanding and applying the most effective methods to foster well-adjusted children.

Authoritarian vs. Authoritative Parenting

Ashley outlines the primary parenting styles, emphasizing the contrasts between authoritarian and authoritative approaches.

• Ashley (03:17): “Authoritarian is that like, it's my rules, my way or the highway. [...] Authoritative parenting is evidence-based to be by far the most effective.”

Emily shares her personal experiences, illustrating how authoritative parenting, which combines clear rules with high warmth, leads to better understanding and compliance from children.

• Emily (04:45): “If I were to parent my second child that way, whatever I'm telling him not to do, he would do. But when I say to him what you're saying with authoritative, I'm like, no, you can't be pulled on the back of an ATV with skis because it's a danger because of these risks, then he. And he won't because he understands why this rule has been set in place.”

Neglectful and Permissive Parenting

They briefly touch upon the other two styles—neglectful and permissive—highlighting their shortcomings and the potential negative impacts on children.

• Ashley (05:09): “Neglectful or permissive, because you have rules and is permissive. [...] We would lead with the most effective type of parenting, which is authoritative.”

3. Current Events: The Menendez Brothers Case

The hosts transition to discussing the Menendez brothers case, exploring the societal and familial factors that may have influenced the tragic events.

• Emily (07:57): “Kids Hunter's age are on this, like, whole side of TikTok, Instagram that's talking about it. [...] was this really more of, like, a self-defense?”

They ponder whether the abuse and household environment played a significant role, questioning if a more supportive and understanding upbringing could have altered the outcome.

4. Community Interaction: Addressing Sensitive Issues

Emily shares an emotional email from a community member who is hesitant to attend their upcoming retreat due to her son's LGBTQIA identity. This sparks a heartfelt conversation about privilege, safety, and inclusivity.

• Emily (10:09): “She was like, I love everything you guys do. [...] but my son is part of the LGBTQIA community, and right now I'm having to take a firm stance on not traveling to or spending money on states that are not firmly blue.”

Ashley responds with empathy, acknowledging her own privileged position and reaffirming her support for the LGBTQIA community.

• Ashley (11:26): “I am extremely privileged in all of the identity ways, frankly. White, you know, middle class, educated, cisgender, all the things straight. [...] You can't be around those folks and still maintain fear or concern about them because there's nothing scary.”

5. Book Recommendations and Reading Habits

The conversation shifts to their current literary interests, discussing various books and audiobooks they are excited about or have recently enjoyed.

• Ashley (18:33): “The Anxious Generation [...] It is supposed to be very good.”

• Emily (17:39): “Barbara Kingsolver book [...] Demon Copperhead.”

They exchange recommendations, touching upon themes like anxiety in children, true crime, and historical fiction, and share personal anecdotes about their reading habits and preferences.

6. Holiday Plans and Festivities

As the holiday season approaches, Emily and Ashley discuss their plans for decorating, attending events, and managing family gatherings amidst the festivities.

• Ashley (33:32): “We celebrate Christmas in my house and that's fun Thanksgiving food. [...] they're the absolute best.”

• Emily (34:23): “Your lights always look so good with your green garland that you do around your front like porch. [...] how they do it.”

They share decorating tips, their favorite holiday activities, and the challenges of balancing family expectations with personal preferences.

7. Engaging the Community: Future Content Ideas

Towards the end of the episode, Emily and Ashley brainstorm ideas to engage their Patreon community with diverse and interactive content beyond book discussions.

• Ashley (24:43): “One podcast episode we listen to and then talk about it, or a show. [...] Let's ask them who they want to hear about.”

• Emily (26:44): “Yes, I like that idea a lot.”

They propose options like podcast episode reviews, holiday movie nights, cocktail recipes, and Q&A sessions, aiming to create a more dynamic and inclusive experience for their listeners.

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Notable Quotes:

• Ashley on Parenting Styles (03:17): “Authoritative parenting is evidence-based to be by far the most effective and produce kids with like the best outcomes in all kinds of capacities and ways.”

• Emily on Privilege (12:55): “I'm privileged to live in a place like Oregon. I'm privileged not to have to think about some things.”

• Ashley on LGBTQIA Community (14:28): “You can't be around those folks and still maintain fear or concern about them because there's nothing scary.”

• Emily on Community Member's Email (11:23): “It made me think about the actions people are taking because they don't feel like their kids are safe and that those have to be respected, but it's heartbreaking.”

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Conclusion: In this thoughtful episode, Emily and Ashley navigate through personal anecdotes, in-depth discussions on effective parenting, reflections on current events, and heartfelt interactions with their community. They seamlessly blend their love for books with meaningful conversations about family, societal issues, and holiday preparations, offering listeners both entertainment and valuable insights.

For more content and to support the podcast, visit their Patreon page.

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Happy reading and listening!

Transcript

[Emily]

Hi, I'm Emily. I'm Ashley, and this is Books with your besties. I'm already recording, and when you came on, I couldn't. There was nobody there. It was already recording when you came on, and it just was a. It was just a blank screen. Today you'll jump right into chatting with Emily and I. I'm currently in my younger son's room because you'll hear why. Because he stayed home sick, and he's in Hunter's room.

[Ashley]

Oh, no, he's sick again.

[Emily]

So yesterday he woke up and just was, like. Had so much gas in his tummy. So we were like, oh, your tummy's just gassy. Like, you know, farting, whatever. And then this morning, he woke up and he was like, my stomach hurts.

[Ashley]

So wash. Start washing your hands.

[Emily]

Is that. Well, RFK said that doesn't help.

[Ashley]

Okay. I hope. Yeah. I'm stoked about RFK.

[Emily]

It's. I. I did not 911 call our pediatrician to see if I could up Durham's HPV vaccine, because he's up for his second one. And they were like, you can't change the date. Like, you have to wait until it's been however long. And he had his last one in March, so I'm like, great. It probably won't even be around then.

[Ashley]

I mean, maybe not, but we can go to Mexico.

[Emily]

Actually, I should ask Mary about that. She's got the hookup on all those things. As a pharmacist, I'm like, wait, before we go further, I'm going to tell you something that's going to surprise and shock you.

[Ashley]

Okay?

[Emily]

People. Most people don't change. Some people do. I have changed in the last 24 hours of my life in a very unpredictable way.

[Ashley]

Oh.

[Emily]

Do you want to know what. How I'm different now? How I have a clue in my picture, what do you think is in my coffee mug? Tea, coffee and cream.

[Ashley]

Why?

[Emily]

Do you know why? Marketing. I was at my grocery store, and I know you like oat milk in your lattes. I will have just oat milk and things. But there is an oat milk, and on the front of it, it said, yes, this is the one that tastes like an oatmeal cookie. And I was like, I have to. I have to try it. Like, how is it? It's so good.

[Ashley]

This is the thing is, I want my coffee to be delicious every day, so I need that one, too. Probably because the oat milk's not cutting it all the way. Just like plain oat milk. That's like light sweet, low sweet. I think I need a little flavor or something.

[Emily]

It's so the marketing is what got me. And anyway, so every cup of coffee I've had today I just put a splash and it's perfectly sweet. It's so good.

[Ashley]

Yum.

[Emily]

So here I am.

[Ashley]

Congratulations.

[Emily]

And of all woman who puts cream in her, maybe that's why. Oh no, it's non dairy. See, we're good. We're winning.

[Ashley]

Well done.

[Emily]

Thanks. Hey, friends. Emily and I had a private and personal conversation about some things happening within our own homes as women do. But I think the next part of the conversation is really important to share.

[Ashley]

There's actually four parenting styles, primary styles. Well, three that people talk about a lot. So authoritarian is that like, it's my rules, my way or the highway. That's it, like you're done. That's a parenting style. Authoritative parenting, which is evidence based to be by far the most effective and produce kids with like the best outcomes in all kinds of capacities and ways. Like most self adjust or well adjusted, like self esteem. All of those kinds of things come from authoritative parenting. I will say the kids themselves that may be prone to have being well adjusted and having these great characteristics might also help elicit authoritative parenting. So just to be clear, there's like a correlation there. Like, I don't want to overstate that, but authoritative parenting is. We have rules, we have requirements. You have to abide by our rules. But let's talk through why. Let me. And there's lots of high warmth. Authoritarian parenting has low warmth. So you're not like, oh, I understand, that's frustrating. Oh, come here, I love you. Let me give you a little bit of, of comfort while I explain to you why we can't do that kind of a thing. That's authoritative. Authoritarian is no. And that's the end of the conversation. And stop crying.

[Emily]

Which feels very much like when I think of my children, if I were to parent my second child that way, whatever I'm telling him not to do, he would do. But when I say to him what you're saying with authoritative, I'm like, no, you can't be pulled on the back of an ATV with skis because it's a danger because of these risks, then he. And he won't because he understands why this rule has been set in place.

[Ashley]

And that's the thing is like kids are able to start to reason through those things at a specific age. I mean, the third primary type of parenting that is neglectful because it's Low warmth and low rules. So there. There's actually one more permissive, which is. Which is low rules, high warmth. So we have those two. Right. Permissive. They wouldn't have any of these arguments. So it doesn't. It's not really relevant in this. Neglectful or permissive, because you have rules and is permissive.

[Emily]

Also, though, the type where, like, you want. You're trying to be your kid's friend instead of a parent kind of.

[Ashley]

Yeah, it's just sort of like the household where the kids can go and do whatever, drink and, oh, it's not my house. There's not really any. There's no curfew. You kind of can do what you want. It's lots of. Yeah, like you're kind of their friend. There's no real boundaries as much, at least mostly not. But you know, you're loved. And that works for some. Like, sometimes there's kids who don't need a lot of rules, or they. They do. They are worse and they act out if they have a lot of rules. So that's. That's the catch with all the parenting styles, right. Is you have to be like, well, sometimes my kid actually does better if they just have, like a firm hand. Or sometimes my kid, and he won't listen if I say, here's all the reasons. Let's talk this through. Like, that doesn't work with him. Right. And so you have to think about each kid being eliciting a type of parenting too. But certainly we would lead with the most effective type of parenting, which is authoritative, not authoritarian, not permissive, not neglectful.

[Emily]

Can you do a study for me in your line of work where you look at people like my husband, who would be fine with me saying this, who come from an authoritarian household and somehow without the explicit tools, are able to then become more of an authoritative parent? Like, I wonder, like, Ben will just say, well, I looked at the way I was raised and I knew I don't want to. I don't want to do it this way. But that has to be hard when you have no. No models for how that looks.

[Ashley]

I am sure that there's already research out there. I just don't know it because developmental is not my area of expertise. But there. There's definitely research showing that we are likely to repeat the patterns of our parents. Right. Without kind of lots of introspection and reflection and intervention for ourselves. But I don't know the parameters. I'm sure that there's a lot of research out there about, like, what causes someone to not repeat those same actions.

[Emily]

Total trillion percent pivot. But I actually have been dying to talk to you about this. Are you following the Menendez brothers? You?

[Ashley]

Yes and no. So I started the documentary on Netflix, but then it was stressing me out or something, and I needed, like, a. Something lighter. So I'll go back to it and finish it. And then I need to catch up on all the news of what's going on because I. I've seen some headlines.

[Emily]

I haven't watched it. It just seems like such a commitment of time. It's like 11 episodes, a trillion hours per episode. But what's fascinating is kids Hunter's age are on this, like, whole side of Tick tock, Instagram that's talking about it. Because the reason they're looking at. Looking at, trying to look at their case again isn't because there was an issue with, like, trial, like an error, but it's. Did we not consider how abused these boys were to make this decision? Like, do we need to look at the household that they were raised in and how abusive it was? And was this really more of, like, a self defense?

[Ashley]

Right. I am. That's why I want to watch it, though, because I am not familiar enough anymore with the details of the case.

[Emily]

My friend Mary started watching it, and she is just. She's like, borderline horrified at if it's factual, the amount of abuse that happened in the home. And how did it just get to the point where they had been so abused for so long that this felt like the only option for safety? Right. So I guess we do have to watch it.

[Ashley]

Okay, I'll watch it. I guess.

[Emily]

Maybe not. Maybe we'll make Mary finish watching it and just tell us what happened. Do you want me to tell you about the email we got today from one of our members that made me sad, but also, I totally understand where she's coming from.

[Ashley]

Yeah. Okay.

[Emily]

We have our retreat coming up at the end of January, and we have gone in years prior to Denver, New Orleans, and we decided this year to go back to Arizona to go to Scottsdale, because obviously we talked a lot about, A, weather is nice since we were in a snowstorm in Denver. B, location's pretty easy for people to get to. This member wrote to us and just said, A, like, I love everything you guys do. I love being part of the book club. I totally planned on coming to retreat. And she was like, but my son is part of the LGBTQIA community, and right now I'm having to take a firm stance on not traveling to or spending money on states that are not firmly blue. And her email was like, I don't fault you guys at all for doing it, but I just have to choose to, like, take a stand. And then she offered to not have us refund her ticket, but if we weren't going to. To. To donate that money towards a cost that would basically support her son and the choices she's making.

[Ashley]

Wow, that's.

[Emily]

It made me think about the actions people are taking because they don't feel like their kids are safe and that those have to be respected, but it's heartbreaking.

[Ashley]

I. Yeah, I mean, I don't. I don't even have a response, really, because I don't have a child that's lgbtq. I don't have a family member even. I mean, I have some dear friends who are. And I would defend them to my last breath. One thing I will say is we're going to a blue city in a red state, and not that that means that the state's decisions are maybe in line with their values. And I understand each person has to make their own decision, but that's. That's just sad that she feels that way.

[Emily]

Yeah, it was an understandable request by her, but just sad. And again, made me think about just privileged. Like, I'm privileged to live in a place like Oregon. I'm privileged not to have to think about some things. I think we think about them in a bigger context because you and I vote and look at how the world impacts everyone. But also in my little house in Portland, Oregon, with my kids, there are a lot of things I don't have to think about if I chose not to.

[Ashley]

Yeah, totally. Yeah, I'm. I am. I'm lucky for that. I will say, though, I feel. I feel really beyond. I'm going to use privileged in a different way. I am extremely privileged in all of the identity ways, frankly. White, you know, middle class, educated, cisgender, all the things straight. But I'm also very fortunate, I'll say instead of the word privilege, I'm very fortunate to have worked with a pretty diverse population of students and faculty and my. My colleagues. I mean, I have a couple of people that I would say are very close friends. I mean, one of those is Heather, obviously, or Heather, who are lgbtq. I have a student who I consider a friend now who graduated years ago, who is now a friend of mine, is in graduate school, who I still work with because I just love working with him who is trans. I have had the opportunity to meet many, many, many Many trans folks, and more than I can count people who are part of LGBTQ.

[Emily]

Community. And.

[Ashley]

You can't be around those folks and still maintain fear or concern about them because there's nothing scary. I. They've literally never been even, like, the tiniest bit put off or concerned by one of my trans students. If anything, my worry about them obviously is for them, for safety or something like that, but is that they are so meek because they don't want to be big in the space or take up space. Most of the trans people that we interact with, you would never know. No, the vast majority, you would never know. And, in fact, you'd be shocked. So people interact all the time with trans people. They just have no idea they're trans because they're regular people.

[Emily]

They're just people.

[Ashley]

They're just people.

[Emily]

Total, complete pivot to a different conversation. I just got a text from our friend Kelly, who we love dearly, and she said, it says, 911911. We have zero sports this weekend. For once in my life, what books do I need to stay on my couch and read?

[Ashley]

Oh, cute.

[Emily]

I know. But now I feel stressed about what books I should. I should recommend she's our. She's. She wouldn't be too embarrassed for me to say. She's a really anxious person. So I don't think I'm going to recommend some of the stuff we might usually recommend.

[Ashley]

Is this R. Kelly B. Or Kelly G. This must be Kelly.

[Emily]

G. Kelly G. Yeah.

[Ashley]

Okay. I love her. So, I mean, we'll have to come.

[Emily]

Up with a list for her. Or we can give her ones not to read. Like, not the Women by Kristen Hannah.

[Ashley]

Oh, my gosh. Do I have anything I can tell her to read? I'm like, okay. My favorite books are Behind Closed Doors, Real dark. If you like something that's going to make you have nightmares. Oh, okay. Or other than that, American Dirt, because that one's light.

[Emily]

She can't read anything about kids, so I'm like, you can't read the Push? You can't read the New House.

[Ashley]

There's a lot she can't read. I. Who is she asking? Seller. Wrong number.

[Emily]

She has Christina on this too, and Christina definitely will have more like Beachy. Christina goes between Big, heavy, hard stuff and then just like the Nanny Diaries. Yes.

[Ashley]

Let's tell a remarkably Beach. Right Creatures. That's the only one I've read in the last, like, two years that is not dark.

[Emily]

Do you know which one I didn't finish yet, and I really want to The David Copperfield one. Do you know what I'm talking about?

[Ashley]

No.

[Emily]

You'll know it when I say the title of it. Let me look it up. I started it. It was like on everybody's must read maybe six weeks ago or six months ago.

[Ashley]

Do you mean Demon Copper?

[Emily]

Yes.

[Ashley]

Barbara Kingsolver book.

[Emily]

Demon Copperhead.

[Ashley]

Barbara Kingsolver. Yes. That is. I want to read that too. I haven't read that.

[Emily]

I started it and just didn't finish it.

[Ashley]

I've heard that's amazing. And I love Barbara King Silver.

[Emily]

Yeah. Poisonwood Bible, I felt like was one of the first grown up books I read. Like I felt like it took. It was just a bigger leap of the type of book.

[Ashley]

I read a bunch of her books around that same time. After I read that, I was just so taken with her. Okay, yes. Demon Copperhead, I want to read that too. You know what else? There's a few. So I really do want to read the one that I mentioned to you this morning. I just. The in the Garden of Beasts by Eric Larson. My mom said it's just really good historical fiction and that some of it can help us understand some of the social happenings of today. So that is going on my list.

[Emily]

Did you know that Eric Larson was one of the first books I read that got me into kind of wanting more true crime stuff. He wrote the Devil in the White City.

[Ashley]

Oh, I never read that one.

[Emily]

Yeah, I think you would really like it.

[Ashley]

I do have lots to read right now. I also just got. I put on my audiobook hold. I have. I'll have you know, I have Audible where I get monthly credits. I also use Libby, my library app, so that I can put things on hold. So I have. Because I'll go through an audiobook in like a few days. So I just have a billion options here. But I just received the Anxious Generation. Have you read that one?

[Emily]

Is it about like raising children and how they have anxiety?

[Ashley]

Yeah.

[Emily]

Great.

[Ashley]

It is supposed to be very good. My neighbor read it and recommended it at the beginning of the summer. Ryan, who was just like, dude, we gotta do this with our kids more. And then another friend, Gina, read it and recommended it. And then the Medford school district picked it up as a book club book they recommended and they were hosting a book club about this book. Essentially I think the primary message and I want to read it to get the nuance and get all the detail. But is less screen time more. More than it's about the screen time. It's more supervision online. We give Way too much freedom online to kids. So way more supervision online and way less supervision in the real world. Letting them go and have autonomy and be free and make decisions like we used to do. So I, I love the concept and I've been trying to own it more like, yes, you want to go out there, that's fine, you can go do that. Right. Kinds of things with the kids. But I never let them leave my side or my site. Just so everyone knows. But I, I do think like, you know what, you can figure it out, give it a try, you know about stuff more.

[Emily]

I think we've talked about this before, but it's why even though we really don't love our house, like our structural house we live in, our neighborhood has that 80s vibe where kids really do just kind of run around with one another and there's not, I wouldn't say there's not a lot of adult supervision because I feel like we have all corners of the neighborhood solved so we kind of always have eyes on them. But it is very much like, yeah, put on your waiters and go look for frogs. Yeah, like, you know, ride your bikes down to Plaid Pantry. Just like be aware of your surroundings. I think the, the part about being online that I need to be better about is during the pandemic, I think both of our boys got started on playing video games online. Before we would have wanted them to have access to that, but it felt like a social piece they needed. So now I have a hard time because I don't play games online. Understanding how to keep that community safe for them. I'm like, I don't, I don't want you playing with some man who says he's, I don't know, like if Durham's homesick. I'm like, wait, who's, who's playing video games online in the middle of the day? Is that a grown up you're playing with?

[Ashley]

Right. Some of that is, I mean, and I need to have this conversation again. It's just a reminder. Conversation all the time is that you never ever get to chat publicly. And if you do, then your identity is you're Martha and you're 62 years old and you live in Texas.

[Emily]

We like coming up with the names Emma. Like who, who am I when I'm playing today? I'm like, well you are never Durham. 11 year old from Oregon. That's a non option.

[Ashley]

I, I test, I test them all the time. I'm like, oh, it's me, your online friend.

[Emily]

What's your name?

[Ashley]

And Rosie's always like, Rosie. I'm like, take. No, it's Kevin.

[Emily]

Oh, my gosh. Perfect segue. It's like you're in my brain. I just opened my audible and the top book I have geared up to read is called we need to Talk about Kevin.

[Ashley]

Oh, I've read that.

[Emily]

You have? Okay. So it came recommended to me a bunch after I shared that I liked Saving Noah and books like the Push. People are like, you have to read. We need to Talk about Kevin.

[Ashley]

You should read it.

[Emily]

Okay. Or listen to it.

[Ashley]

Yeah, that's what I mean. The same. Same Z's. Read it with your ears.

[Emily]

I also have had Next to My Bed for maybe a year now, the Great Alone. That's the one. Kristen Hannah. I haven't read.

[Ashley]

I haven't either.

[Emily]

You have. We should do it together. Maybe over Christmas break.

[Ashley]

People do love that. Hey, I gotta tell you, we're doing this Read With Us book. Can I just put this out publicly? I don't want to do that anymore on paper.

[Emily]

I don't either.

[Ashley]

I can barely get through our book of the month some months because. Not because it's a bad book, but because I get so busy for some random months. Right. You know, doing all the works and all the things and all the kids and all the things. So I think our members probably don't want to have to try to read two books also.

[Emily]

I agree.

[Ashley]

So let's come up with a different fun activity for Patreon.

[Emily]

Maybe. Maybe online. Maybe watching a show. I love watching shows.

[Ashley]

Ooh, watch the Genetic podcast. What?

[Emily]

Listening to a podcast.

[Ashley]

One podcast episode we listen to and then talk about. Or a show. I also like to be chaotic. You know this. But I think our members would also like it if it's a little mixed up. We don't have to have a set everything. I love that we're doing a Q A. Ooh, we need to ask our Patreon folks who they want. We should put that up today. Let's ask them. Who do they want to hear about? Who do they want to hear a Q and A on? Because we've done you, me, and Lucinda Berry so far.

[Emily]

And we could say like an author or do you want a member or.

[Ashley]

Right. One of our friends. Do you want to finally hear Ben's side of the story?

[Emily]

I do like the idea of. Because I feel like we can stay a week ahead of it. Like, we are going to listen to this podcast episode and talk about it, because that's so easy and so accessible to everyone.

[Ashley]

Well, and let's Just mix it up. Let's be like, guess what? It's holiday season. We're going to watch a holiday movie.

[Emily]

I applied, like I did every year this year, to be the person. Do you see this? That go. Did you apply that watch? 25.

[Ashley]

You got to send me the link. So this is. You get paid, like, I don't know, $200 or.

[Emily]

I'll do it for free.

[Ashley]

I know it's like, to watch every holiday movie and rate them.

[Emily]

Yeah, watch 25 holiday movies. Rate them. They pay you. I don't know. I applied. I never get in, but I applied.

[Ashley]

Yeah, that sounds fun. Yeah, I think it does. Then you can be like it. This is my job right now. Can you everyone leave the room? I have my hot cocoa.

[Emily]

This is why we started book. This is why we started our book club. I'm like, I have to read for work. Leave me alone.

[Ashley]

That's right. I told Steve yesterday, I said, oh, gosh, I've. I've got two books I need to read in the next week or so. It's. And he laughed. And I said, it's my job.

[Emily]

I mean, it is.

[Ashley]

It is.

[Emily]

But also, our Ben is smart enough, too. He'll be like, that's not a. That book's not a thriller. I'm like, shut up.

[Ashley]

You're like, but we have to broaden our horizons. It's still my job. I agree. I think a podcast would be fun. I think a show would be fun. I think month over month, we can do different things. We talked about, you know, if we had some sort of fun cocktail recipe to make, we could do that some month. But we'll just come up with a fun activity each month, don't you think?

[Emily]

Yes, I like that idea a lot.

[Ashley]

And maybe we'll do lots of repeats. But I think asking people to read two books a month is pushing it.

[Emily]

And it's just confusing.

[Ashley]

And it's confusing. People are like, well, which one's the book of the month? We have a book of the month. Let's just talk about the book of the month. The book of the month. It's easy to figure out our book of the month every month. And we will almost always talk to the authors when we can get them on a call and have that on our podcast and Patreon. We will all almost always talk about the book. Not always, because it's suit. It's kind of duplicative if we talk about the book. And so sometimes we'll talk about the book, but we'll reference Them. And you can always find out on the creepy bookclub.com what we're reading and what's next that keeps it easy.

[Emily]

It's straight. You know that my other favorite podcast than ours is, um, I've had it with Jennifer and Angie. Do you ever. Do you ever listen to it? You can say no, it's okay. But I have to tell you something.

[Ashley]

Here's why I don't. I don't listen to any podcasts right now. I'm so busy reading these second book of the months we have.

[Emily]

So you. They always open it with what you've had it with. So you would say, I have had it with myself for choosing this Read with us. It's stupid book because I can't do it.

[Ashley]

Yes, I have had it with designing the Read with Us concept.

[Emily]

Here's what I had it with. You know that my favorite channel at nighttime is the Food Network. I love Beat Bobby Flay. I love Chopped. I love Triple Threat. But from October to December, all they play is holiday bullshit like holiday baking Championship. And I. I have had it with my shows not being on because of stupid holiday stuff. I don't know what I'm supposed to watch and I hate it.

[Ashley]

Okay, all right, all right. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to pile on. I was going to get mad at you and say, leave them alone. The holidays are the best thing ever. But that's a lie. The holidays are the best. I love Christmas season and New Year's Eve, but also it's because my neighborhood is amazing and we do a progressive dinner as a street and it's so much fun. And we range in age from 7 to 88. It's a great time. So I get to do that. I love Christmas season because I love all the Christmas lights. And I. We celebrate Christmas in my house and that's fun Thanksgiving food. I will. I'm gonna give you. I'm gonna give you that one.

[Emily]

I love the holidays a lot. I just got tickets to go see John Legend do his Christmas show here. Well, he'll just sing Christmas holiday tunes. I just don't like my regular comfort television programs being completely hijacked because they want to show me how to make a turkey because I also don't care about turkey.

[Ashley]

Okay.

[Emily]

Was that not.

[Ashley]

My mom sent me that TikTok. I sent you a real or whatever. It was the absolute best. It's a woman who's like, I as a professional chef have seen cookie or turkey cooked every which way. I have seen turkey cooked every way that you can think about it. It never tastes good, so just don't worry about it. Just put some butter, salt, and pepper on it, and then you serve it with gravy and cranberry sauce. That's why. So that'll taste good. I made me laugh so hard.

[Emily]

The best comment was the guy that said, my turkey tastes the best because it's a brisket.

[Ashley]

Exactly, exactly. The comments were so funny. But it's. I know. I mean, I enjoy the meal one time because I don't eat any of that stuff that way the rest of the year. So it's once a year. It's fine. I will tell you that. One year we were sick, and so we stayed home alone, our family, and we cooked tri tip and, like, Brussels sprouts and had a big charcuterie board around the fire pit, and it was divine.

[Emily]

That sounds like the best. I. You know, my sister is due almost any day or up to three weeks from now, and my only hope is that she has the baby. And because the baby is here and healthy and everyone's well, we just don't have to have a turkey. And Thanksgiving can just be like, we're all tired because she had a baby and we love the baby. So instead we're gonna just have cereal.

[Ashley]

Or, like, happy knock it out.

[Emily]

Or breakfast for Thanksgiving.

[Ashley]

Your whole family's gonna be like, we have to make Thanksgiving. So that for Jojo and Eric, my.

[Emily]

You know, my mom is stressing about everyone doing lefsa because we do that every year. But until we know what's going on with Joe, I'm like, Mom, you can't invite 30, 000 people over to make lefse because we all might have to leave in the middle of making it because your daughter's having a baby. Like, you gotta wait to be paused.

[Ashley]

And you have to consider with the baby situation if she's gonna want to bring that baby around a ton of people or if you want to keep it a couple little sessions this year or what, you know, winter germs and stuff.

[Emily]

I know, I know. Hunter's in Arizona right now with a soccer team, and I'm just like, what are you bringing home with you from that trip? What kind of hand, foot, and mouth norovirus disease is coming home with you?

[Ashley]

All of those things.

[Emily]

Are either of your kids going to entertain you this year with a holiday program show?

[Ashley]

Luckily, just a short one at. At school. It's only 30 minutes, December 19th, so that's good. How about You.

[Emily]

Well, Durham's been practicing because we're gonna go to our first band concert.

[Ashley]

So that's exciting.

[Emily]

That should be loud.

[Ashley]

That should be loud. That. That will be sounds.

[Emily]

I know, I know you're sad that you might not be able to come to town to. To take part in that, but I'll send you video.

[Ashley]

Oh, if you don't mind, send me a like a couple seconds clip. That'd be great.

[Emily]

Oh my gosh.

[Ashley]

Rosie does have a dance recital, which is always cute.

[Emily]

Yeah, I'll go watch Avery. She's in the Nutcracker every year. But I like that a lot.

[Ashley]

We have something new and actually a lot of pressure situation. I'm going to have to get off here soon so that I can go and. And talk to my husband and really encourage him some more. Because the Christmas trolley. This year we have trolleys in our little historic town. It's so cute. And they usually go into Medford and it's this big trolley tour. And this year they're doing the Jacksonville trolley tour lights. And I'm pretty sure the trolley is going by my house. And so I want to do extra lights. So we always do pretty lights. We always do lots of pretty lights. But I want to do more this year so that I make it really spectacular for the trolley. So we gotta get a move on. I actually literally have started decorating for Christmas so that I'm not super overwhelmed with that because there's plenty to do and it starts December 1st.

[Emily]

Your lights always look so good with your green garland that you do around your front like porch. They're so pretty. Do you do or do you know how people do this? The lights around your window, but it then doesn't show the trail of lights to the next window. Does that make sense? Like there are these people that just have perfect lights around their windows. And I don't understand.

[Ashley]

Are they on the inside?

[Emily]

No, they look like they're on the outside and they're perfect. And I want to do it and I can't understand how they do it.

[Ashley]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Emily]

Well, that's an. That's a question for the Internet.

[Ashley]

It is a question for the Internet. I will want to wrap a tree. You know how they. Like in sun river and lots of places, they fully wrap a tree so it goes up the trunk and then like hits all the branches. I want to do that with two.

[Emily]

Of our trees outside.

[Ashley]

Yeah.

[Emily]

Would you do white lights? Like the house?

[Ashley]

We don't have any trees growing inside, but outside, yes. White lights. But here's what we do. We do all white lights on the house, white lights on these Christmas trees. Inside I have like a little Christmas tree that's like fake tiny one that I put on a pedestal. And it makes it look like upstairs we have a full Christmas tree through the window. Like you would think it's full because it's just the way it sits. And then I have a Christmas tree for downstairs that you can see through the window too. And that's really pretty. But then I put this fake Christmas tree I got at a yard sale in colorful lights on the porch. So we, we sprinkle in some color now.

[Emily]

Well, one of my biggest pet peeves is mixed mixed lights. I hate, not yours. Like one color is okay, but I can't stand if someone has white lights and twinkly lights. And I, I absolutely hate it.

[Ashley]

Icicles and blue lights and red lights. So the way we do it is on the side we have three trees that look like little Christmas trees. So we make those colorful and then the whole house is white. And then a colorful Christmas tree. And then I might put a little bit more like some pops of color on the bushes. It'll be cute. It'll look good.

[Emily]

It'll look really good. And then the trolley will come by. Yep, she put ours up soon. Rachel already has hers up because she's. She loves a deal. And the company she uses, if you get them up before Halloween, you get like 20 off. So hers have been up since Halloween.

[Ashley]

I. If I were gonna pay, I would.

[Emily]

Do that too, because you just don't.

[Ashley]

Have to turn them on. Well, this might be a boring chit chat.

[Emily]

Figure it out. Thanks for listening.

[Ashley]

For more content, find us on Patreon at the creepy book club.

[Emily]

Happy reading.