Books With Your Besties: Episode Summary

Episode Title: This Book Will Bury Me and The Idaho Murders
Release Date: May 9, 2025
Hosts: Emily and Ashley

Introduction

In this episode of Books With Your Besties, hosts Emily and Ashley delve into a detailed discussion of Ashley Winstead's book, "Will Bury Me", drawing parallels to the real-life Idaho murders. The conversation navigates through personal experiences, the intricacies of web sleuthing, and the controversies surrounding the book’s portrayal of true crime elements.

Initial Impressions of "Will Bury Me"

Ashley Winstead's Perspective:
Ashley begins by introducing the book, emphasizing that it contains spoilers and encourages listeners to read it beforehand. The book intertwines themes of grief and true crime, reflecting Ashley Winstead's personal journey following her father's death.

Emily's Rating:
Emily shares her lukewarm rating of the book, stating, “I enjoyed it. I would give it maybe a four or a three and a half” (00:44). She appreciated the narrative but found certain aspects, particularly the heavy focus on grief, challenging.

Ashley’s Reflection:
Ashley concurs, noting, “I think the further away I get from reading it, the more I think about the parts of it that I really did enjoy” (00:56). She connects deeply with the book’s portrayal of losing a parent under similar circumstances to her own.

Personal Connections and Processing Grief

Shared Grief Experiences:
Both hosts relate to the book’s depiction of grief, acknowledging the dual emotions of connection and devastation (01:16). Ashley explains how her grief led her to become obsessed with true crime, seeking solace and distraction.

Emily’s Critique on Grief Portrayal:
Emily criticizes the book’s intense focus on grief, describing it as “grief porn” (02:38), suggesting that the book leaned heavily into eliciting strong emotional responses without overarching intent or purpose.

The Web Sleuthing Community

Definition and Influence:
Ashley introduces the concept of web sleuthing, highlighting the community's role in solving crimes through online collaboration (16:44). They discuss the demographic makeup of web sleuths, noting that “60% of active members on platforms like websleuth and Reddit are women” (16:44).

Positive Impacts:
The hosts acknowledge successful cases influenced by web sleuths, such as the findings in "Don't F with Cats" and the Gabby Petito case, where online communities contributed valuable information (16:44; 17:55).

Negative Impacts:
Conversely, Emily expresses frustration with the web sleuth community’s tendency to jump to conclusions and blame victims, particularly in recent cases like the Idaho murders. She criticizes the perpetuation of harmful rumors and the lack of empathy towards victims (07:31; 08:46).

Controversies and Criticisms of the Book

Use of Real-Life Cases:
A significant portion of the discussion centers on the book’s controversial use of real true crime cases as inspiration, specifically the Idaho murders. Emily points out deviations from actual events, such as altering the number of victims and introducing fictional elements (06:05; 07:02).

Ethical Concerns:
Emily voices concerns over the sensitivity of using ongoing or recently resolved cases, arguing that it can retraumatize those affected and exploit real tragedies for fictional narratives (07:31; 08:46).

Author’s Intent:
Ashley highlights that the author, Ashley Winstead, intended the book as a form of autofuiction to process her grief and obsession with true crime, suggesting that understanding this context might alter readers' perceptions (27:05; 27:44).

Portrayal of Characters and Themes of Misogyny

Character Development:
The hosts critique the book’s characterization, particularly the portrayal of female characters. Emily finds the depiction of a 19-year-old girl as incapable of committing murder offensive and indicative of underlying misogynistic tones (14:15; 26:33).

Gender Bias:
Ashley adds that the book exhibits subtle misogyny by dismissing the potential of female perpetrators, reinforcing harmful stereotypes about women’s capabilities (14:15; 14:34).

Author’s Commentary:
Emily challenges the author's assertion that women might be underrepresented as serial killers, providing biological and sociocultural counterarguments about aggression and nurturing behaviors (24:17; 25:54).

Real-Life Cases and Web Sleuths’ Impact

Success Stories:
Emily and Ashley recount cases where web sleuths made significant contributions, such as identifying the “Tent Girl” decades after her murder and assisting in locating Gabby Petito’s van (17:06; 17:55).

Limitations and Risks:
Despite acknowledging successes, they caution against the pitfalls of web sleuthing, including the spread of misinformation and the potential for unsourced claims to damage reputations and hinder investigations (19:07; 21:20).

Psychological Insights:
Emily explains the concept of “Theory of Mind” to critique how web sleuths often fail to understand the complexities of victims’ and perpetrators’ behaviors, leading to misguided judgments (09:31; 10:05).

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Mixed Emotions:
While Emily and Ashley express appreciation for certain aspects of "Will Bury Me," such as character depth and community portrayal, they remain critical of its handling of true crime sensitivities and gender biases (26:00; 27:05).

Final Ratings:
The hosts conclude that "Will Bury Me" is a “middle-of-the-road” read for them—enjoyable yet flawed. They recommend readers understand the book’s premise beforehand to mitigate potential emotional impacts (29:38; 29:48).

Listener Engagement:
Emily humorously advises listeners to share their opinions carefully, emphasizing respectful discourse, while Ashley promotes upcoming content related to the Delphi murders, encouraging engagement through Patreon (31:04; 31:13).

Closing Remarks:
The episode wraps up with a reminder for listeners to support the podcast on Patreon and a cheerful sign-off, despite the complex and critical nature of their discussion (31:29; 31:33).

Notable Quotes

• Ashley: “I became obsessed with the Idaho murders, Gabby Petito and one other case, but there was a lot of contra controversy around using those.” (07:02)

• Emily: “It almost felt like grief porn.” (02:38)

• Emily: “This is the same fricking thing to me. Develop your theory of mind all the way.” (09:31)

• Ashley: “I completely agree. And that's the. So when I first got to that part of the book, I.” (08:46)

• Emily: “You have no idea until you are there and God forbid you are there.” (10:05)

Timestamp Reference

• 00:44 - Emily rates the book
• 00:56 - Ashley's connection to the book
• 01:16 - Discussion on grief
• 02:38 - Emily's critique on grief portrayal
• 06:05 - Use of real-life cases
• 07:02 - Controversy around true crime inspiration
• 07:31 - Ethical concerns of using recent cases
• 08:46 - Critique on web sleuth community
• 09:31 - Theory of Mind explanation
• 10:05 - Personal anecdotes from hosts
• 14:15 - Misogyny in character portrayal
• 16:44 - Demographics of web sleuths
• 17:06 - Success stories of web sleuthing
• 17:55 - Gabby Petito case involvement
• 19:07 - Discussion on misinformation
• 21:20 - Limitations of web sleuth efforts
• 24:17 - Debating female serial killers
• 25:54 - Biological arguments against female serial killers
• 26:00 - Final thoughts on the book
• 27:05 - Author’s intent and perspective
• 29:38 - Recommendation for readers
• 29:48 - Listener advice
• 31:04 - Patreon promotion
• 31:13 - Final sign-off

Note: This summary captures the essence of the episode, highlighting key discussions, insights, and critical viewpoints expressed by Emily and Ashley. For a deeper understanding, listening to the full episode is recommended.