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Hi, guys, it's Santa Mono. Welcome to my brand new podcast. Or welcome back to my brand new podcast. We are so brand. I am so, so, so, so, so excited for today's episode. And today we are in my baby blue convertible, and I'm sitting in the driver's seat in Beechwood Canyon underneath the Hollywood sign because Kyle and I can't do anything. Firing at 10%. Okay? We were driving the other night. We decided we wanted to do a convertible moment, and now here we are. And honestly, I think that there's so much to be said about this. You know, the first episode, we had so many ideas and back and forth conversations about what the first episode of the Brand Safe podcast should look like and should should be. And it's funny because we literally have episode 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, and 15 shot. Okay, that was Trisha, pay to speed. But we don't have the first episode shot. And originally it was supposed to be this office space that we were all getting that was right under the Hollywood sign. And we loved it so much. And then, you know, the office space was the friends we made along the way. Okay, you can't get an office space in Los Angeles unless your last name is Kardashian. Okay? And honestly, looking back, I think that rejection is divine protection. Ooh. Like, it was just. It was expensive, and the only reason I really wanted it is because it was attached to a buffalo Wild wings. So it's like maybe just Order Buffalo Wild Wings. So that was our original first episode idea. Like to have boxes in the office space. And then the office space went to someone Kardashian adjacent, I'm sure, like Malika or something. And we had to start from the ground up again. And then we were going to shoot it in my bed because so many episodes of the Brand Safe podcast are going to be from my bed and. And just like curling up with me having like 2am style conversation and stuff like that. But then we were just kind of like yawning, boo, Tomato. Let's do something visually interesting. And that's the beautiful thing about this podcast, I think, is that for the past few months, Kyle and I have had so much fun just traveling all around the world and we've shot so many things in Hawaii and Vegas and every episode is truly so different. And we'd been wanting to do something with this convertible. And not to go super poetic, but. But I feel like this is the first time in my life, metaphorically and physically, that I am in the driver's seat of my own life and my own business and that I'm present for it and all of those things. I'm also a permitted driver. I still can't drive this car, though, to be honest with you. It's. It's just a little. It was made in 1976 and like, I'm not good at cranking the head for the turning yet. You know what I mean? The Prindle's a little rickety. Like, it's. I need two years at least before I can drive this car. So I will be passenger princessing with Makoa until further notice with this beautiful, beautiful vehicle. And I went through a lot to get this car. That's a story for a different episode of Brand Safe. But yeah, when it all came down to it, we. We really thought about it. And the first episode, to me, that's what it is. I am metaphorically and physically, for the first time in my life, sitting in the driver's seat solo for my own life and my own business. And I'm present and I'm aware for it. And where better to park this car than such a beautiful visual representation of how far my life has come? Like, even walking up here today, this house is so beautiful. I'm about to, like, find out who I have to inside to be able to own it. Okay. And when I say I, I don't even mean I, I mean like, me and Mokoa, we both can. It's the most beautiful house I've ever seen in my entire life that wasn't very brand safe. But that's also the nuance and almost the irony in the name of this podcast. I feel like I've been getting so many comments about the name of this podcast and it's like a lot of people were really gunning for the name Tangent. And everyone's in my comments, they're like, tangent, Tangent. Why don't you name it Tangent? Please name it Tangent or Tan Agent. But I just feel like Tan Agent sounds like the next GLP1. Like, it's just, it's a, it's almost like a medical name to me. And the name Tangent is already taken by another fellow podcaster. And it's like, I'm not going to take a podcast name that's already taken. You know what I mean? And I feel like truly Tangent would not encompass what this podcast is and what I want it to be. I think that while me going on Tangents is a major facet of who I am, if anything, I think Tangent is almost a segment name for this show or a potential stand up tour name or like there's something to do there. But I, I don't feel like it encompasses all that I want to be on this podcast. I think for so long I was just the girl on a tangent. Always firing with a million things to say, not thinking before I speak, speak. And now it's like a tangent is something that I leave in the drafts for a second and you know, use discretion to decide if I want to post. And I'm doing it thoughtfully. And it's a facet of who I am. And so much of what Brand Safe is to me is I'm wanting to on this podcast, I guess, show all of the facets of who I am and the ones that I, I guess that I kept hidden for so long, the ones that I was insecure about, I lived under this notion almost that if I wasn't always being crazy, wild, insane Tana, that no one would listen to me and that no one would find me interesting. And obviously that was a big battle that I went through with my sobriety as well, but also just with my public image and Brand Safe to me. I mean, first of all, the reason that it's the name is because of you guys. You guys named the frick out of this Brand Safe podcast. It all started with the tarte lip kit and I felt like all of my comments were fake flooded with you guys being like, she is so Brand Safe. We are our Brand Safe queen. And it was funny. There was irony to it because it was the first brand safe thing I'd ever done in my entire life. But you guys were just so supportive and manifesting this new era for me that like I don't even necessarily know if I believed I was capable of being in. And it just kept going. I kept meeting girls on the street who were saying that and then I started to say it and I think that almost the Trisha Paytas of it all, she, she made me really start to believe and learn. It's funny, right now I'm making this book for her for her birthday all about like why I love her so much and why she is my friend. I think she has a lot of inhibitions when it comes to friendship and I wanted to like physically write down into words, you know, why she is my friend and why I am her friend and just have that for her to look at and stuff like that. But as I was writing it, I was really writing a lot about how much she taught me about how your words that you put out into the world every single day hold so much power when it comes to what the universe is giving back to you. And I think I always believed in the value of words. I wanted to be an English teacher before I wanted to do anything else. And then I couldn't stop swearing so that was never going to work out. But I was such a self deprecating person before this era and I think that for so long I was trying to beat people to a punch that I knew they were going to hit. I wanted to beat people to saying the bad thing about me. So it felt like I was on the other side of that and then that ended up actually just bleeding into my self worth and who I was. I also never looked at myself as a role model. I think that for so long I wasn't doing things and I knew that deep down. And there was also like a lining, a little silver lining, a little dash of self hatred in there to where I was saying do as I say and not as I do because of who I was. And this is the first time in my life where I am looking at myself as a role model and I want to be giving advice to the girls and I want to be, I want to spearhead the notion that at any point in your life you can wake up and decide if you want to be a different person and you want to be perceived differently. Even if you've been perceived a certain way for so long and especially as a woman, it's very hard in Society. Society allows us to think that once we are in one bucket, we must be in that forever. And it is something that you have to detest. But if you detest it, and if you continue to say those things and put those things out into the universe, you can wake up at any point and decide that you want to change and pivot your life in the way that you're perceived. And that, to me, is what brand safe means to me is that I woke up and I wanted to be my version of brand safe. And that doesn't mean that I'm not going to say the swear words, and it doesn't mean that I'm not going to go on the tangents now and again. It just. That is just a facet of who I am. And I look at this era as a much more recalibrated one. And I'm so excited for you to see everything that is coming in these episodes, too, because it is. Truly, this podcast is. And I. Influencers say this a lot, right? There's always some girl in like a sparkly sequin midi skirt telling you like, I'm doing something that you've never seen from me before. And like, I get that it's. It's a sentiment that's beaten into the ground by influencers, but truly, to me, this podcast is me. Like, you've never seen me before. And I really wanted you guys to feel like you are almost brand safe to me. I keep equating it to. To you being inside of my iPhone, which at your own risk, you know, it's not always the best. But you are in my iOS, okay. Whether that is my notes app at night and I'm on a 2am tangent about what going no contact with my family did to me, or I'm making a list of all of my biggest pet peeves when it comes to, like, Hollywood and the influencer space and all of the things that go on. Or you're in my group chat with Trevi and Amari and we're reflecting on, like, who we were in the MTV days and like. Or who we were, Amari and I, who we were as children and our dynamic there, you know. Or I'm sitting down and having a conversation with a Chelsea Handler, an idol of mine, and I felt like I really was just asking her everything. I would ask her about ushering myself into this era with or without a camera. And that's a big vibe here as well. Like, as much as there are cameras everywhere and I'm podcasting, I want you to feel as close to me as you would at 2am in my bed or on my lawn in Hawaii, or like, if I'm having a bad day. Sitting down in front of a camera has always, always been my therapy. It was the first time I ever felt, seen or heard in my entire life. Truly. I never, ever, ever felt that until I sat down and I made a video and you happened to stumble across it and you made me feel like I wasn't alone. So I feel like I internalized that almost still to this day that when I'm going through something, most people would probably want to take a nap and put their phone down, but I want to sit in front of a camera and I want to talk to you. And that's what this podcast is. I'm bringing you in the back end of my life, whether it's business, whether it's reflection, whether it's using all of the times I fell down a thousand times to get back up again to give you advice, to navigate your 20s alongside me, or when I just want to talk my shit. And that's the other thing as well. I don't necessarily think that I thought I, I was going to be starting a podcast so soon. And then I found myself yapping into ring doorbells. I found myself talking to any camera that would listen. I'm posting 27 minute TikToks. Like, what the do you mean? Like, I'm sitting there waiting for it to upload for three hours because TikTok is not made for that. Like, I can't shut the up. I can't. I will never be muzzled. And I felt like I was missing this long form identity, you know, and I was ready to get back into it. And I had a lot of, I had a lot of different calls and meetings with a lot of people in my life where we were deciding what this new podcast would look like. And a lot of people were pitching to me, you know, Alex versus Alex. This. I. I should be Alex with a U and alux and become a solo female interviewer and call her mommy, right? Like, but I just felt like it wasn't, I don't know, it wasn't my calling. I guess I feel like on this podcast I will sit down across from people who interest me, but I just was like, I don't want to be the interviewer who's sitting across, who's sitting across from someone that I'm not interested in. I want to bring people even closer into my life because I truly feel like these last six months have been the Most transformative period of my life since birth, and I've learned so much. And they've truly been a roller coaster. I feel like I learned this is the first time in my life as well. Back to the driver's seat of it all, where I woke up and I decided that alongside this brand safe era, I wanted to be a businesswoman and I wanted to be taken seriously and I wanted to be punctual and I wanted to be the best boss I could be. I wanted to become fabulous at hiring. I wanted to curate a beautiful work environment. I wanted to delegate so many of the things that I spend my time doing to extremely talented individuals in their niches and their fields. But I also feel like I went through so many other things. A couple months ago, I found out that my birth mom is basically going to die. And I did an entire episode about that and that will be coming, and I just didn't post about it online anywhere. I really took the time to just go through it off camera. And that is where I couldn't be more thankful for Ashley, Isabella and Amari and just my. My little core four and the. The family that I've chosen because they were picking me up off the ground and they were navigating what that looks like and going, no contact is one thing, but I think death is so finite that it opens an entire new can of worms when it comes to your thoughts and your feelings about the people that brought you into this world. I spoke to my parents for the time first, first and last time, for the first time since they sued me and the last time so long as I'll be alive. And that was traumatizing but also radicalizing. And I think that it made me realize so many things just even further into, like, the person that I want to be and the mother that I want to be one day, and just thoughts on life and death and all of those things. So that was like a very crazy thing to be going through alongside the juxtaposition of the most exciting, happy time of my life where I felt like every dream I ever had was coming true. It was a lot to juggle and a lot of transforming. I also feel like 27 is a very interesting age. I feel like your early 20s, you're supposed to live with no inhibition and you're supposed to fall 40,000 times, and you're supposed to make all of the mistakes and garner all of the lore and learn and live by doing so that you never look back and think, damn, I didn't do that. And Lord knows I lived my life, 20s, doing everything. I will never look back and say, damn, I didn't do that. You could mad lib every scenario on planet Earth. And I got to do it. And after that was over and I got sober and I felt lost, I guess, is the best way to explain it. I think that 27 for me, very much has felt like this analogy that I keep using where I was this crab in this shell for so long, and I finally outgrew that shell, and then all of a sudden, I'm just naked and afraid, trying to find my new shell of who I am and what I want to be and what I want the last of my 20s to look like and entering into my 30s. And I think that there's a lot of societal pressure when it comes to the end of your 20s to just have everything figured out. And the girl in high school that called you fat is married with three kids, and you're wondering if that should be you. Do you love your career? And how do you want to continue to reinvent the things that you work on? And there's just so much comparison when it comes to the end of your twenties and not good enough. I think it was the first time in my life where I felt insecurity and I felt anxiety, and my OCD was, like, worse than ever. And, like, I'm having a panic attack in a grocery store, and I'm like, where's the Tana who was snorting the floor and didn't care? Like, she's gone, obviously, but she had no anxiety. You know what I mean? And now I'm like, beta blocker, gabapentin down. Like, overthinking almost. I think that's another thing. I was never an overthinker. I just did. And obviously, overthinking means that you care, and anxiety means that you care, but there's definitely levels to that. And it was very much this uncomfortable period of, like, who am I and who do I want to be and what do I want to, like, leave this world with? And I know that that's, like, I'm acting like I'm Michelle Obama, like, what do I want to leave this world with? But, like, I do have this platform, and I do have this influence, and, like, even philanthropy. I think that I had a psychic a while ago tell me that I was going to become a huge philanthropist, and this was at a time where all I cared about was views and likes. So I was like, what do you mean? Like, no, I'm not. And now I'm sitting Here. And even, like all of the adsense of this episode, I'm donating to Hawaii Relief. And I'm so excited for everything, so share it with your friends, please. But I'm so excited for everything that I'm doing. So many different things happened across this time, and I feel like it finally all led me to sitting down and starting my first solo podcast. Solo podcasting is such a fierce and different game when it comes to the psyche, okay? And I think that when we decided we wanted to do it, I was like, hell, yeah. Like, I'm just gonna yap and it's gonna be awesome. And then it wasn't until we shot the first ever episode of Brand Safe, which was on my lawn in Hawaii. And Kyle's there, and my living room looks like a Best Buy. There's just tripods in the bathroom. There's stuff. Gear, as he calls it. His gear is everywhere. And I'm like, oh, my. I actually have to do this. And I think that before I actually had to do it, I was kind of flippantly saying all of these things. I was like, I don't care how many views this gets. I just want it to be my authentic self. And I don't care how this performs because I'm bearing my soul. And I understand that when you are forsaking saying less salacious things that you might be appealing to less of a mass audience. That's just a lot of times the way this game. The way this game, bro. The way this game works. And I thought I was so fine with that, and I thought I could do it. And then I sit down on the lawn and I pick up the microphone, and all of these insecurities and negative thoughts start creeping in where it's like, what if this isn't interesting enough? And what if I'm an idiot? And what if I am incapable of doing this? And I think that we all live in this society where it almost is like that episode of Black Mirror where our numbers are our currency. And I'm working in a job where my numbers are my currency. So I'm fighting all of these, like, demons in my head telling me that what if I'm not going to be good at this? And then as I'm sitting there in the lawn in Hawaii, I. You know, I. I sit there, I take a drink of my Dr. Pepper, I look out at the view, I take a deep breath, and for some reason, on some Split the Movie schizo shit, I just have this clear vision, okay? Not tangible. I don't Literally think she's there. I'm all good. Wellness check zero. Like I'm, I'm good. But I have this clear vision of me in the bleach and tone video wearing that halter top with the. I don't even with the, with the design on it. You know the one, she's pink and she's purple and she's yelling about a bleach and tone. And for some reason I just have this vivid vision of her sharing this blanket on the lawn with me. And she's sitting there and she's looking at me and she's like, I'm gonna cry. But she's like, story time. Like you remember story time. Like this is like what we do. And yeah, bitch, like you got this. And it was just so, so, so clear to me because obviously I've never been a short form girl. I'm posting 27 minute TikToks and I started by doing story time videos and I think that I, I've spent the last five or six years really healing her, really healing the younger version of myself and getting her sober and apologizing to her for all that happened to her that she didn't deserve. Cleaning up the messes that so many people, whether my parents and my family or people in this industry, men in this industry like, cleaning up all the messes that so many people made that she didn't deserve. I spent so much time taking care of her and letting her know that like we were going to be okay. That was my mission, to like show that girl and all of you that we were going to be okay. But this was the first time in my life that she was telling me it was going to be okay and that she is still inside of me and that that is what we do. And ever since that episode, I've been living by this practice of bringing her everywhere I go. Like she is sitting here right now and I've made it so anecdotal to the point where it's like she would simply go tacky cardic knowing that we have a Birkin. She would love that our tracks aren't out. She would be like, no way we get to walk this Hannah Montana carpets. Like, no way we get to like work with doordash. Doordash wasn't around at her time. She had to like, you know, sell herself to get a snack, but we get to make a lip kit. Like that was the time of the Kylie. Like we get to talk our shit, but it's not to a cracked iPhone 5. It's like, with a million cameras and with your team. Like, my team is all best friends, girls, gays, and Kyle that we love so much. And, like, I can't believe we get to do this. I've just been doing this practice of this entire Brand Safe era of just bringing that Tana everywhere with me. And she is so excited about everything from the big things that we're doing all the way down to, like, the really cute shoes that she would never believe we would get to own, and to the fact that 10 years later, those people are still listening and giving a about what we have to say. And I don't ever. I will never take that lightly for a second. Like, I. I'm a cockroach in so many ways, and I've watched so many influencers live and die and go in and out of this industry. And the fact that I'm still sitting here 10 years later in front of the Hollywood sign in my baby blue convertible that I have a permit that I'm able to drive, and I drive it around with the love of my life and I'm sober and I'm so happy. And, like, I don't take any of that lightly because it's a miracle. It is a miracle with the cards that I was dealt that I get to sit here and I know I'm getting a little Joel Osteen on you right now, you know, preaching a little bit, but that is what this Brand Safe era is to me. I want to show each and every one of you that with whatever cards you were dealt, you can create whatever life you want and you can wake up and decide that you want it to be different at any point. And I decided that I wanted it to be mother in Brand Safe. I saw someone comment last night. They were like, brand safe, like capitalism. And I was like, oh, my God. Wrong, wrong, wrong. It means so much more to me than the actual physical brands. Like, of course. I'm very excited when a medicube comes across my desk. Chili's still hasn't, by the way. I've been begging. I begged Chili's to be the first sponsor of this episode in a way that no one stand up Tana. Like, maybe go ask Applebee's. Like, they don't want to. I literally told them verbatim. I would love to have them be the sponsor of this episode for nothing more than chips and guacamole. All pay. And it's funny because they messaged me first. That was the thing. I got back into my begging because they messaged me and they were like, we would love to work. And I was like, okay, here's my email. And then they were like, seen. And I was like circling back on the ROI on this. And they were like seen. And I'm just like, damn. And it's. It's crazy. Like, whatever. I was gonna go on a whole tangent about how other willing and able brands like SeatGeek, we love them, they're willing to pay, and I'm just begging Chili's for a chip in a dream. I digress. Today's episode of the Brand Safe podcast is sponsored by Chili's. Just kidding. So. It was good though, Like, I still want it. Today's episode of the Brand Safe podcast is sponsored by SeatGeek. Who needs a mozzarella stick when you can go to a concert? Yeah. I feel like in this era of my life, my go to when I need a fun night out, I've really been enjoying going to a concert. There's nothing like live music and bonding over it with people around you and just creating memories that I'm actually going to remember. And SeatGeek has been so helpful with that. I'm actually so excited to use them to go to every single Noah Khan show this year. Okay, I want to sob. I don't care how good life is, I want the pain. I'm yearning for it. Which is why I want to give the sponsor of today's episode a huge shout out. Seat geek. With over 35 million downloads, Seatgeek is the number one rated ticketing app. And there are more than 70,000 events listed on Seatgeek, including concerts, sports, festivals, and more. And there are so many artists on tour right now. Bruno Mars. Go see him like hit a bongo when I was your man. Olivia Dean. She's the man I need. Sza Good days on my mind. Noah Khan. Like I said, if you want to see me there, you'll get a little bonus. And I love using SeatGeek because truly, for a type B last minute girl like me, it's the easiest way to find the best prices on tickets without overthinking it. And SeatGeek has your back. Each ticket is rated on a scale of 1 to 10, so look for the green dots. Green means good, red means bad, and every ticket is backed by their buyer guarantee. Concert season is officially in full swing. To make it even better, you can use code brand safe10 for 10 off your tickets. That's brand safe10 for 10 off your Tickets. Make sure you click the link in the description to download the app. To have the code automatically added to your account so you can use it later. Thank you so much to SeatGeek for being the first sponsor of this Brand Safe episode. And I'm very happy for Trisha. Okay. Like, it's someone in the family got it, and she absolutely murdered that. And I just want to. Let me lead with that, actually. I'm very, very happy that someone is getting it and I don't need it. I have so much the greed that they talk about in the Bible, like, greedy. Like, just go eat your mozzarella stick, unpaid. But, yeah, the brand Safer to me is so much more than the brands. It truly is the reinvention of Tana Mongeau as a whole. And I'm so, so happy. And thank you for making me feel like I can do this and like you will listen to me, even if I'm not always saying the crazy things or being the crazy girl. And I'm so excited just for the variety of these episodes and for you guys to come on a different journey with me every single week, whether that's emotional or physical. These episodes are great, and I'm so proud of them. And I have been having the absolute time of my life going all around the world with Kyle and Devin and just shooting things about everything under the sun. And I'm so, so, so excited for you to see it and just so grateful to feel the presence of Storytime Tana sitting next to me. I feel like this is the first era in my life where Kyle said something very profound yesterday, but where we are doing something for intention versus attention. And I'm so excited to finally just almost share all the things that are in my book and share all the things that I've learned and give that to all of you to let you know that I am a testament that it gets better. And also, like, are we really even watching a podcast for the name? This is me going back to user9147's comment. But it's like, Theo Vaughn's podcast is called this last weekend and he just, like, interviewed a baby. Like, it's like that has nothing to do with whatever. I also think with sobriety, me just going back into the. It's very cool to be so present in all of this. Not in all of this, but, like, to be so present in the launch of Brand Safe and just present in my own life. And I. I want to continue to always talk about sobriety and what it's done for me across this podcast because it's a huge part of my life. And I do think that there are ebbs and flows with it. Like, I was just talking about all of this anxiety that I've developed, and that's a negative thing. But then at the same time, I'm more present in my life than ever, and that's the most positive thing to ever happen to me. And it is this, this forever ongoing journey with ebbs and flows. But it's something that I plan on being on until I die, you know, and. Or at least until I'm like 50 and healed and can have a glass of wine and my kids are out of the house. I don't know, maybe I'll finally, like, really lock in the father wound and be able to have one singular glass of Sauvignon Blanc 30 years from now. But until further notice, obviously, I plan on being sober. And the other day we were in the car and I just launched the Brand Safe Instagram. And I was sitting there and once again, 2015, Tana was sitting there with me. And I almost had the a flash of when I used to sit and refresh my YouTube subscribers because before a ever made it, I would spend hours every night after I would get off of my job and I would sit and comment on all the, the number one videos on the YouTube homepage of the day. Like, go check out my channel. And so then I would sit on my channel and refresh to see if anyone was going to check it out and if I was going to be get out of this mess that I was in and if it was working or not. And especially when you're in an environment where, you know, my parents are telling me every day that this is never going to work and that all your friends at school, like, I guess I wasn't at school, I dropped out. But like, my friends from school, they're making fun of you. Like, you know, it's a. It's not. They don't come fart sucking until the numbers are there. Right? Like, and I just, I had this flash of that me sitting and refreshing the page, because I was sitting and refreshing the Brand Safe page and obviously younger me was sitting there with me. And it was just like, look at what we get to do now. We're still doing this years later, but it's for this podcast launch that we're so excited about and it's very cool to be so present in the things that I'm doing and know that I'm going to remember this and tell my kids about this one day. And like, from my own memory, you know, and now with all of that being said, going back to the manifestation thing for a second, and I want to do an entire episode with Trisha where we really, like, unpack manifestation. Her and I just did one, but we were like, unpacking dating old men and like drugs, which was still great, but I really, I've been practicing it so much more. And I feel like as after the tarte launch, as I started to say we are so brand safe and like, really try to believe it and stuff, all of these crazy things started happening for me. And it is a lot of imposter syndrome these days where I'm waking up in my own life and I'm like, what the do you mean? I'm doing these things like, like, I met Adam Sandler, for Christ's sake. Like, just the amount. And I can't even believe that's a real sentence. And I've been saving so many of these little stories for this podcast because it's just like, I can't believe these things are happening to me. I guess I'm going to get into the Adam Sandler shit right now because I just want to so badly. I've been saving this. I was going to make another 30 minute TikTok, but I have so much to say. You know what it is about, like, some of these things that I'm doing right now in life or that I get to do? It's that, like, I'm well aware of the fact that you don't just get to do these things. Like, just because I was an iPad drooling psychopath who's obsessed with the sandman, that doesn't mean that I automatically get to meet him. Two plus two is not five. And now I'm actually sitting here and I'm being like, I met Adam Sandler. Like, what do you mean? And I want to talk you guys through, like, all of that happening, I guess. So it all started on a day on the beach in Maui and Mokoa surfing. And I'm sitting there like a dance mom, holding up my numbers, rating each wave. I'm like, that one's a seven. Move your foot. And in between him doing his little. Doing his little waves, I love to go on my phone and just like, scroll. And I'm on Instagram. And for some reason my mind, like, this is a profound thing I'm about to say is telling me to check my verified tab. Okay? And I don't really do that that often. I'll like, check it now and again, like, make sure Kesha's still following me and, like, keep it pushing. It is interesting to, like, just see the verified mentions and the things that people do, you know, But I don't do it very often. And for some reason, I don't know if it's because I was in Maui and, like, Adam Sandler is so Maui. For some reason, the most delusional thought I've ever had crossed my mind. And I was like, what if Adam Sandler followed me? And like, obviously, again, like, lobotomy. And I go to my verified tab and I'm scrolling and all of a sudden I see Sandler. I see Sandler in my verified tab. Okay. We are so brand safe. It wasn't Adam because obviously he wasn't. He's never going to be scrolling and choose to follow me. He's a busy man and there's a thousand other people I'm sure he would rather follow. However, it was his eldest daughter, Sadie. Okay. And I saw Sadie Sandler started following you, and I'm like, no way. And obviously I've just kept up with all of their lore my entire life. That's one thing that I love so much about Adam Sandler, the way that he puts it, his family and his friends and his everything in all of his movies. And I've always tried to live by that notion of, you know, sending the elevator back down and sending it back up and making sure that everyone I love eats with me as well. And I love that he does that. It's always something that's inspired me. So of course I know about Ms. Sadie Sandler, and I wanted to be careful with her following me and me reaching out to her, because I think a lot of times, especially in Hollywood and in this industry, when people are related to someone very famous, whether they're dating them or they're friends with them or they're anything, a lot of these just soul suckers in this industry will use those people as a stepping stone to get to them, to get to the person that they want to. And I see people try to do that to Amari and Ashley and Isabella and Paige. I see people do that all the time to people in my life too. And I just like. It's an icky feeling where it's like, they're a person too. And just because I want to meet Adam Sandler so bad, that does not mean that I'm going to, like, regress my morals in that situation and that I'm going to just use her as a stepping stone to her father. So I'm taking it as Face value for what it is. And I'm like, she followed me. And if we start messaging, like, that's cool. And if that's what it is, like, that's great. I would love to get to know her. And then we end up starting to, like, DM and message back and forth, and she's just so incredibly profound and kind. And she's also like. Like, doing so much for herself, going to nyu, wanting to start acting. I always think that that is so noble and cool, where it's like, she is clearly born into a life where she never wanted to do anything, or if she just wanted to take the nepotism cookies and eat them like a could. And she's actively choosing to do so much for herself and, like, want to build this life for herself and just so incredibly down to earth, which I think also just speaks to my love for the entire Sandler camp, where it's like, again, I think it's so beautiful when someone is in the space where they don't have to. Where they don't have to be so incredibly personable and humble and kind, but they choose to anyways. And she just ends up being so kind. And we're going back and forth, and I'm making tiktoks about it like a murderer, and that ends there. And then I end up seeing Mr. Adam Sandler at two different various locations. Okay. I go to his show in Vegas. I go to the high Limit room afterwards, and I'm gambling there. And obviously, you know, like, I'm in an Adam Sandler shirt and basketball shorts and a fitted, like a moron. And I'm sitting there, like, obviously peering the room, seeing if he walks in after his show. And he ends up walking in and obviously, like, there are not a lot of people in the room. And this could very well be my moment. But I think that it is so much about vibe, right? And he walks in and he puts his hood up, and he's clearly just trying to, like, gamble with his friends. And he ends up walking out, and people are trying to take pictures, and you can tell he's just trying to get out of the room. So I end up saying, love you. He says, love you too. And a lot of people had been arguing with me. Like, that was your moment. You clearly could have gotten the selfie. Why didn't you do it? But I was like, it's just. It's about more than just a selfie to me. Like, hood up is the universal signal for hey, blondie. Off, right? Like, I'm not Going to go shove a phone in this man's face who has done so much more for me than just, like, getting a photo's worth. Like, if I'm not able to tell him that and it be a moment that is reciprocated that he wants to, then, like, I shouldn't meet him so long as I die. And then it happens again in Maui. Okay. I get to a Nobu dinner with all of my friends, and we sit down at the restaurant. And out of the corner of my eye, I see people crowding as far as possible away at another table. And buzz starts circulating through the restaurant. And my sweet friend Justin turns to me and he says, tana Marie, Adam Sandler is across this restaurant. I'm death gripping his thigh under the table. And the thing is, as well as I was with a lot of my close friends, but there were a lot of people at this dinner that were Hunter's that I didn't know super well, Hunter's girlfriend is also a very noble and esteemed woman that I love and admire so much with, who possesses so much more class in her pinky toe than I will ever possess in my entire body. And I'm like, I am just not about to be the person that, like, is freaking the out at this dinner. And I'm watching people crowd his table, and it's the same scenario as Vegas where it's like, I'm interrupting his dinner and, like, how sad that he is, like, robbed from these moments with his. His family. Like, he deserves them, and I just don't want to be a part of that. He gets up and he goes to the bathroom right by us, and I'm watching people follow him into the bathroom, and I just. I know what it feels like when people are overstepping your personal bubble. And that's never what I want to be to someone who has done so much for me. So once again, I write off the moment and I really sit and I tell myself universally, if it's going to happen, it's going to happen, right? And if it's not, that's also okay. We're not supposed to just get everything we want in life. We're not supposed to meet our idols. Like, it's, It's. It's okay if I never do. And then it's a couple days before Coachella and I'd been keeping up with Ms. Sadie. We had been talking back and forth, and I receive an invite to the premiere of her movie Roommates. And once again, obviously, in my head, I'm like, He's probably going to be there, but that is not what this is about. And I never want to make her feel like that's what this is about. I'm so excited to go and support her and watch this movie, and this is her moment, and, like, she's put so much hard work into this, and, like, what an honor to even be considered, to be invited to be in that room. You know, it was the Monday after Coachella, and truly, I don't think that anything other than a Sandler could get me anywhere other than my own bed with Wingstop on my chest. So I gas it home from Coachella, and we make it within 20 minutes. Like, I'm talking as fast as I could possibly get home from Coachella. I get home, I go home, I put on a dress, and I'm gassing it to the red carpet. I live in Egypt. McCo and I are on our way. And as I'm in the car, I'm texting Sadie, and we're just like, what are you wearing? Oh, my God, I'm so excited. What are you wearing? Like, ditto. Back and forth. And she sends me a text, and I will insert how I reacted, but she says, and I quote, by the way, I want you to meet my father. My father. Like, it's just somebody's papa. Like, it's just like. It's like, what do you mean? I want you to meet my father. Oh, my God. I think I'm actually going to meet him. A poor Magoa. But, like, it was beaver, like, all weekend. Now it's this. Like, there's just so much going on. But, like, I just got a text that, like, made me think that things are about to go different. Like, I still was going into this, manifesting it, and, like, with hope that maybe it could happen. But even if not, I love Sadie so much. I'm so proud of her. I was so excited to just go to the premiere, but, like, I actually think that. Like, I actually think that. Like, this is also the moment where I decide if I want to read the script or not. Like, you are the epicenter of my universe. Words cannot express how, in my eyes, you truly hung the moon. I'm gonna leave out the Walt Disney frozen shit. Okay. DreamWorks Dream Works. Sadie Sandler. I literally just texted her, and I was like, I'm putting you in my will. Not that you need it, but, like, I'm already sorry you're out of the will. And I'm like, oh, my God, it may happen today. Today may be the day. And then that's when you're having the moments in your head where it's like, am I gonna say the epicenter of my universe? Like, and, like, no. And, like, I definitely didn't need to, like, say the Walt Disney Frozen shit on the Internet. You're just reflecting on everything that you've ever done, and it's like, oh, my God, Tana, end it all now. And I'm just like, what if this happens? And so I get to the premiere, I'm anxious, obviously. And then we walk in, and the first person that we come into contact with is a comedian by the name of Bill Burr. Okay? He is a comedic genius. And he happens to be. And Mokoa probably hates that I'm saying this, but he happens to be Mokoa's Adam salesman sandler. Okay? He is Makoa's favorite person on planet Earth. Like, he. Makoa loves him the way I love an Adam Sandler or a Theo Vaughn or certain stand up comedians. Like, that is his number one. For our anniversary, I surprised Makoa with Billboard tickets and he literally cried. Like, he. We love him in this house, but Makoa, that is his Adam Sandler. And so we end up talking to Bill and his wife and taking a photo with them. And I almost just felt like that was like this weird sentiment that, like, Mokoa just met his Adam Sandler, and, like, we were so aligned in that way. And. And then we walk the carpet and I end up meeting all of Sadie's friends. Okay. And they are all so sweet. And I think that says so much about a person just to have the same friends for so long and to bring them all to this premiere. And celebrating with her reminded me so much of me in so many ways. You know, she is younger than me and much more refined and classy, and she's everything I wanted to be at her age, you know? But her friends were so kind. But one of her friends ends up telling me, like, I just want to let you know, Tana, that, like, Adam knows that, like, Sadie and Sonny have shown him the videos and, like, he knows. And when I tell you, I'm sitting there in a Dolce and Gabbana denim mini dress, and that is the only reason I didn't myself. Okay? It was a rental. Like, I. Oh, my God. Like, oh, my. It hurts. It hurts me even now to think about just, there are so many things that you would do differently if you think that the person would see it. And obviously he has a phone. Like, I get that Adam Sandler has iOS27. Like, I get that he. But you just don't think that he's consuming that. And, like, obviously I get it. He has daughters and they show them, but it's just, delete, delete, command, Z, undo. There's so many things you just like, oh, my God, kill me. But obviously I just have to eat that on the chin. And I'm like, you know what? Whatever. It is what it is. And just how funny, because obviously in Vegas at the show, I've talked about this on Tick Tock, but I was sitting front row and he threw me a Kit Kat and I caught the Kit Kat and he had this whole bit about the Kit Kat and, like, whatever. The Kit Kat ended up being my, like, most pivotal moment with Adam Sandler up until that moment. And then now I'm having this whole thought where he's not just throwing the KitKat to the girl in the front row. He's like, here you go, stalker. Have some chocolate. Like, like knowing that. That it was what I thought it was, that the eye contact and the whatever. Like, it. Just knowing that he knows, and it's just like, oh, my God, thank you so much for not getting a restraining order on me and for, like, letting me be this super fan, you know? And so the carpet ends. I'm. I'm supporting Sadie. I see her, she's killing all of her interviews. And then everyone is starting to walk inside of the theater, and the security is ushering everyone into the theater. Okay. So we're obviously like, okay, let's walk. I see Mr. Sandman. Like, he'd been walking the carpet. He was walking around, but I just stayed away. I was like, this is Sadie's moment. And, like, he's there to support his daughter. And, like, I'm not going to do anything. Like, that's weird. Like, it's his daughter's night and it is her night. I don't want to take away from that. Whatever. And so as everyone is walking in, being ushered inside, and Sadie comes over to me and she grabs me and she just looks at me and she says, stay with me. And that's when. That's when A knew, you know, like, this. This is the moment, I think, that attests so much to her character as well, that, like, on arguably one of the most special nights of her life, the premiere of her debut feature film, she wanted. Instead of doing another interview or hanging out with her friends, she wanted to take the time to, like, grab me, to make this moment happen for me. Like, what a thing, selfless thing to do, you know? So we're staying with her. It's me, it's Moa. It's Gary, my PR guy. Shout out Gary. Having I need to do an entire episode about that. Like, finally being tamable enough to have people on a PR team working for you is so crazy. Obviously, they're never going to tell me what to say. They just help me get things because now I can get things because I can shut up, right? She grabs my arm and she yells across the room and she says, dad, come over here. There's someone I want you to meet. And now Adam Sandler is walking over to me. 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And now I'm looking at this completely empty red carpet room that was just filled with hundreds of people and just Adam Sandler is walking towards me and, like, giant smile on his face. And so I decide in that moment that just the proper thing to say, it's nothing about the epicenter of my universe. It's nothing about all of that. That, like, he knows, you know, I. I now know that he knows that I think he's the epicenter of my universe and I want him to live forever and all of these awful things I've said online. So I just decide to tell him the God honest truth. And that is, I am your biggest fan. I'm your biggest fan. And he walks over and immediately he's like, hey. And it's like the Sandman voice. And he's like, it's good to see you. Which is crazy town, like, knowing that he's just. He's me before and like, just. What do you mean? And he introduces me to his wife, which I also find so funny because we both know damn well that I know, you know, and she's so sweet and so beautiful in person and just so kind of him to, like, extend that, you know. And for some ungodly reason, I decide to tell him that I love the KitKat bit, okay? Which is an entire bit about him and his wife and them hooking up and him eating a KitKat during it. And it's like, why the would you say that muzzle now. But he ended up laughing. It was definitely a rolling of the dice of saying this, like, jokey. And for him to laugh at my joke, whether he meant it or not, like, just what do you mean? He laughed at my joke. And he's just so sweet. He was just so sweet. And we posed for a photo. He's talking to Mokoa. He says, good to see you too. And it's like they're talking back and forth. All the live photos of Adam and I taking a photo are him talking to Makoa. And Mako is literally responding to him like he's the President of the United States because he is in our house. McCullough's literally going, yes, sir, sir, yes, sir. Like, period king. And I think Mokoa said, yes, sir, like seven times. Like, yes, sir. And we take the photo, him and Mokoa start talking about Maui. And it's just so sweet that he took the time, you know, like, he could be very well inside, sat at his daughter's premiere. And then I end up telling him, like, I love Sadie so much. I'm so proud of her. And he turns to me and he goes, she loves you too. Which I think is the funniest thing to say, because he's not meeting me because I'm a crazed super fan, and he wants to take the time he's meeting me because he's an amazing father, and his daughter wanted me to. And she was just so excited again. And I. I, like, will never, ever forget, like, what she did for me. I literally told her I was like, anything you ever need, I will write you into my will. Like, whatever you need. For you to make this happen for me is just so ungodly kind. Obviously, she doesn't need a damn thing. She's a Sandler. And it was just. It was so sweet. And again, attesting to his character. I think there's something so beautiful about your hero being just as amazing as you'd ever imagined and being such a good father. I think that is a lot of where my love for Adam Sandler really does come from, because not only does he play the good dad, but he's the good dad off screen, and so many people who play the good person are not the good person off screen. And he's humble, and he's genuine, and maybe there is a part of me where he is the father that I always want, wanted, you know? And that's exactly who he was in person. And he was just so, so, so kind to me, and I will, like, forever be grateful. And I'm, like, about to cry, but we watched the movie. It is utterly incredible. I think it is so hard to encapsulate the vibe of a 2010s comedy when comedies were good. Make comedies good again in 2026. I. I feel like it had spoiler alert, but the ending was entirely not what you would expect it to be. And I feel like all of the comedies with the girl as the lead always end with her, like. Like running away into the sunset with the guy. And that is not the ending of this movie. And it was so funny and written so well, and she did so good, and I'm so proud of her. So everyone, please just go watch Roommates. Like, it's. It's an amazing movie, and I. It now will forever. That movie will encapsulate one of the greatest nights of my life. And Sadie Sandler, I just can't thank you enough for being who you are, and it's an honor to call you a friend, and I will cry if I keep talking about it. So we're done. Done. And I will definitely be saying less stalker Sarah Vibe sentiments about Adam Sandler on the Internet from here on out. Now that I know that he knows. It was insane. And as I was walking out of the premiere, I went to the afterparty. I thanked Sadie and Sunny again for just being so kind and incredible. And they're amazing, beautiful people. We were talking about Maui a little bit. And as I'm walking out of the afterparty, Adam is walking into the afterparty. And just, like universally, once again, we're like, in this room, there's not a lot of people. And I just look at him and I say, thank you, Adam. And he turns to me and he says, love you. And. I never in a million years thought that I would get an unprovoked, unwarranted, unasked for. I didn't say it first. Love you. And, like, you. You don't have. You don't love me, right? Like, you don't have to. But to say it, to want to extend the sentiment, to want to say love you unprovoked, is so. Just make a wish. Doesn't even make it. Make a life. Make a life. Like, I can't. I just can't thank you enough. He says, good to see you again to Moa. And we walk out of the door. I'm poised in my little heels, and the second I turn the corner, I just fall to the ground. I take my shoes off. I'm sitting on the cement in vintage Dolce and Gabbana. That's a rental. I don't care. And I'm just sitting there, and I'm like, oh, my God. Then I realized the paparazzi are filming me. I'm like, let me not embarrass Sadie. I put my shoes back on, I get up, and I walk out. And it's funny because I get in the car, and I immediately have to get on a call about paying my tax taxes. And I'm just sitting there, and I'm talking to my bookkeeper about my Roth ira. She's like, the most normal call. And life just goes on. And I had this moment where I was like, I really always. I never got to. After meeting Adam Sandler, right? Like, I always got to, like, I'm going to meet Adam Sandler, and then I'm going to die. That was always how it looked like that I would just meet him, I would take the photo, and then I would croak right there on the spot. Tacky, cardic as hell. Like, I never thought. I can't stop Saying terms like that because of Grey's Anatomy, we'll get into that. But I never understood that life would just go on. And I. I was almost in the state of shock. I get home, I'm packing for New York to go shoot this commercial with Doordash. Like, life just keeps going. It was like Coachella, Adam Doordash. Like, it just again, that's the imposter syndrome where I'm just like, my life is moving so fast with all these things that I'm so grateful for, and I just can't believe it. It wasn't until Trisha tagged texted me, like, so excited for me, and I started telling the story to Ashley and Isabella who were sitting at the edge of my bed that it really hit me. And I was like, oh, my God, like, I gotta get new dreams because they're. They've all come true. I. I'm truly, I'm. I'm living at the absolute, like, mountaintop hilltop of my dream life. And like, I literally, other than releasing a memoir, I feel like I've done it all. And I'm so excited that so much of what this era is as well is crafting new dreams and continuing to figure out who I am. But. But it's so crazy how much the brand safe era, all of my dreams have just come true. Even being unbanned from the win, which I know is not like a very. Like, that's no one else's dream. Like, it's just like, what in the Vegas trash? And Holly Madison just being such a good friend and getting me unbanned from the win. And like, we shot a podcast together and like, just. She's one of those friends that you feel guilty is all hell for having. Okay? Especially being such a type B girly. She is the most type A, organized, giving person in the world. And I feel like if I am like the ratchet Vegas princess, she is like the Disney princess, Vegas queen. Like, she is the absolute queen of Vegas. She has every connection. And for her to extend those to me to get my head ass unbanned from the win is so crazy because the thing is, is you get banned once, okay? You get banned twice. You don't deserve to get unbanned, right? Like, you don't deserve to walk through those halls again. But it was this goal of mine, I think, to get unbanned because it was like kind of the final era of, of rewriting my degeneracy. It's funny because once I was walking through it, I was like, damn, all that hubbub. And it's just a casino, you know what I mean? There are like chrome hearts, Miami douchebags walking through, like pushing into women to like get to the tables faster. Like it's still just a Vegas casino, but it was very much a metaphor. And I got to go in and I got to kiss the ground and I got to be unbanned. And thank you to Holly for that. Truly, I just. She. That's the thing. Every girl deserves a friend like Holly Madison. And you know, I grew up on her. I think the bleach and tone would have truly never happened or been a desire of mine if it wasn't for me wanting to be just like Holly Madison. So to not, that's another thing, like to not only just get to have these beautiful friendships that I'm so present for and I'm actually able to take care of with so many people that mean so much to me, but then the things they do for me, I'm beyond grateful. Hannah Montana was another huge one for me where I think I'm always talking about the idols and the obsessions and the hyper fixations that I had had as the girl with the dirty door and on. But going to the Hannah Montana set was something that I was doing for 8 year old me. And I really don't know if I would be genuinely sitting here with this microphone or this extreme yapping problem to the Internet if it wasn't for Hannah Montana. And I want to do an entire episode about that. Just our generation, how engulfed we became with the icarlys and the sunny, with the chances and the Hannah Montanas. It was almost bled into our brain in our formative years. There's the dream. Life was one either online or in the public eye. That's not necessarily why I loved and idolized Hannah Montana, but I do think that it bled into shaping me in my formative years. And I think that one of the many coping mechanisms when growing up in a toxic household with a lot of screaming and fighting is at least for me, especially as an only child. It wasn't like I had a sibling to go escape to. I would escape to other worlds and the world that I would always escape to do was Hannah Montana. I wanted Robbie Ray to be my dad. I wanted a rotating closet. I wanted to be her. I wanted to be her best friend. It was. It was the first real fandom or obsession that I ever had. And it was the first real thing that brought me joy. Like it was the. It made little Tana. It was one of the few Things that made little Tana so happy. I'm actually writing in my book right now about all of the things I did as a young girl. Scheming, plotting like horrible things, things to get these Hannah Montana concert tickets. And it was the first time I ever stole. And you know, obviously I. There's a bigger message there about how my morals were so skewed from a young age because I was trying to be like my father and I had to unlearn them, but also just straight up stealing for Hannah Montana tickets. You know, duality. But getting to go walk that carpet, like that was just a huge day where I was bringing little me with me and like how cool that I have made friends with her team and that they, they trust me enough to invite me onto the set and not be a hammered mess or not leak that I was on the set before. Like as I was leaving I was like old me would just post this right now and not care that I was leaking it. Like that's who I was for so long. So it was so cool. It's so cool to see in this industry that people are starting to take me seriously and wanting to invite me to things. The same people who invited me to, that invited me to Justin Bieber's private show and, and I got to party with Justin Bieber and 15 other people and have a night with no phones. This night that literally felt like Hollywood in like 2010. Literally with Justin Bieber, my favorite person in the world. Like it's, it's so crazy. Had you told me that if I just shut the up and refined myself and did a little work on myself a little bit, the things that would come, you know, I still wouldn't have listened, but it would have been nice to know, you know, and it was cool. Even that night, like after leaving the Justin Bieber nights and seeing his show with no phones and then being able to go to his after party and it's just like me and Alexis and Isabella and like Sza, Haley, Justin and Shaboozi and I'm like, why am I here? You know? But after leaving that I had this moment where I was like, it's so crazy that who I was for so long would immediately get on the Internet and say everything I heard these people say in their own personal interactions with no fucking phones. Like I would immediately get on the Internet and like expose everything I saw for like attention and just cuz I wanted to, I guess because I was, I didn't care, I didn't care about the repercussions of it. I would just deal with them tomorrow with a bottle of O. Right? And it's so cool now that I don't feel like I have to do that, that I can, like, hold those things close to me and realize that, like, if that's what I have to do is, like, make people uncomfortable to get attention, I don't want that attention. And that brings me back to the intention versus attention point that was made earlier. So it's very cool. Just this brand safe era and the things that I've gotten to do, and I'm excited to keep talking about them. You know, there will always be some that I want to talk about to every last detail. But discretion is a very cool thing that I've learned at 27. I went pee. I need a beta blocker, and I feel like my tooth is loose. Why do I feel like my tooth is always loose? Loose when good things are happening? Like, it's like, I don't want to yeet one of my toilet teeth on the week of my podcast launch. Please. Begging, begging. And then I'm about to go to Hawaii, and it's like I always just lose it under, like, a car over there, under a palm tree. I'm supposed to get new teeth. For anyone asking the update, it just. There is so much wrong. That's going to be an entire episode where I am very, very mean. Very, very mean. Because my is so. That was another thing I did across these last few months was just figure out exactly what's wrong with them and, like, basically, if we can save them. And, like, it's not looking, like, too gorgina for me. Like, I'm looking at Buster, my adopted foster dog, which I also haven't talked about. He changed my life, and I'm a mother, and it's really awesome. I feel like he's preparing me for kids every single day, but also giving me a heart attack. His new thing is walking and pissing. Pissing, walking and pissing. You can piss and you can walk. I mean, indoors, obviously. Like, if you want to piss indoors, that's fine. If you want to walk indoors. If you want to piss, you want to walk. You can't piss and walk. But I'm patient. He's my son. And my teeth, obviously, Buster has more teeth than me, is what I was going to say factually. My Chihuahua from Bakersfield. I'm not. This is. This is a fact. This is not a joke. Look me in the eyes. My Chihuahua from Bakersfield has more real, real teeth than me. What is underneath These is disgusting. But I've been working with a beautiful, amazing dentist, Dr. Kevin Sands, and he is. I have to get all new gums. They have to make me gums. How do you make gums? Sorry. It was. It's that going through the hills. By the way, that's Madonna's house right there. You know, she's like, please leave. Like, please leave. They told us that when we got here that they. Seth Rogen. They were hearing him laughing half from her house. And it's like I'm imagining the, like, inverse of that. Like, them hearing me scream about my toilet teeth from the inside of their home. Scoliosis is still barking. I got my first mri. I should be talking about all the medical things that are wrong with me too. Oh, my God. To anyone out there who's ever gotten an mri, like, I genuinely what nightmare fuel that is. It's like construction noises and you can't move at all. And for an ADHD baddie like me, I was, like, twitching and clenching, and it was insane. But, like, I tore some discs in my neck. This is 27, and I've been watching so much Grey's Anatomy. I guess that is another life update for all of you. I'm going to say some spoilers right now, okay? I'm going to say a spoiler about Grey's Anatomy in a second, and I'm letting everyone know, because you can skip ahead or you can click off. Because I'm a good person, and that is what I do. I don't want something to be spoiled for someone I else. And I say this because people, the only people I've ever blocked on Tik Tok ever to date. I'm not a big blocker. I don't like to block. You know what I mean? I want you to see me. I want to see you. I'm not. I'm not blocking you, like. But if you spoil Gray's Anatomy for me, I am blocking you within 01 second. I was going to say something really, really naughty, and then I didn't. Because we're so brand safe. Grey's Anatomy is still heavily consuming my life. That is the update there. I have never, ever, ever been so consumed by a television show. It's. It's almost getting to this point where it is skits where I'm like, I miss my friends Christina Yang and Meredith Gray. I want to hang out with them all. I get done podcasting all day, and I'm like, I gotta go clock in at Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital where I work and miss, like, it. It is so mentally unhealthy. I have never been so invested. I just watch. Watched the Season 8 finale of Grey's Anatomy, and if you know, you know, it was the most traumatizing thing I've ever been through. That wasn't my trauma. You know what I mean? Like, my trauma trumps that. But, like, I have never been so devastated. And we were on the way over here, and Meg was, like, trying to book me a jet suite to Vegas because I have to go to Vegas for Mother's Day. I'm very excited to see my mommy. And I was like, I don't want to fly on that plane. She was like, what do you mean? Like? Like, yes, you do. Like, you love taking jet suites to Vegas and back. And I was like, well, I hate to break this to you, but a bunch of my really close and personal friends just got in a plane crash and two of them died on this show that I watch where they're. I know them all, and I've been mourning the loss of my two close and personal friends and how much I miss them. So I just really don't want to ride on planes that aren't big Boeings. And she was like, okay, Janet, you've lost your mind. But like, Southwest, it is also all that with Spirit Airlines right now. I have an entire tangent. And that guy who's like, crowdfunding for Spirit Airlines, like, that's not going to end well. His crowdfunding, by the way, I feel sussed out by it. I hope everyone gets their money back if it doesn't end well. But also very sad. The state of the world. So many people losing their jobs and, like, canceling the flights while people are on the tarmac. I mean, like, and every. Honestly, Spirit Airlines right now is feeling something that like. Like, we've all maybe felt now and again in life where it's like, now you're switching up on us. Like, now everyone's talking about how great Spirit Airlines is and how sad they're going out of business. And they're like, where was this energy towards the yellow plane before? You know, but crazy. I also can finally talk. Sorry, I got off on so many ADHD tangents. Okay, Buster, Toilet Teeth, Scoliosis, Gray's Anatomy. We're back. What a nightmare. Blunt Rotation. By the way, way, I also can finally talk about auditioning for Euphoria. Okay, I auditioned for Euphoria, and I have been bound to an NDA, obviously, until the show came out. And obviously also major spoiler alert. I didn't get it. I bombed the audition. I know that, like, whoever, whatever casting director had to watch my audition, sat with his wife and kids. Kids. And cackled at how bad it was that night. Like, I. But I've been wanting to talk about it for so long and I obviously haven't been able to. And I'm so excited Trisha got it. Like, she got a role that was so. That is so her and for her and made for her and like the stars aligned and once again, similar to Chili's, but even more so than Chili's. I'm just like, I feel so happy to like, celebrate her wins and that we have that friendship where, like, she deserved it also. She is becoming more and more each day just such a talented actress and she loves it. She has a passion for it. And I have never and will never understand. I am so enamored by acting and the art of it. I genuinely look at it the same way as, like when Michael Phelps gets in that pool and he does that backstroke, like, it is the hardest thing in the world to me. And obviously I've always kind of said this about acting. I hate it and I'm bad at it. I think that I. I am way too attached to my idea of self and crippling self awareness and have always found my success in my career when it comes down to being almost too much of myself, being too authentically myself, that I cannot detach from that and from those notions and from like embarrassment of being something that I'm not, even though it is playing a character. And I think that that's why my dreams align more with hosting and stand up and different things. Things like that. Right. But I've also always said to, like, my managers and my agents and my team that if something comes across my desk that I resonate with that I feel like is so iconic that I should dedicate my time to doing as good of a job as I can because it would be iconic to be in it. I absolutely will. So when Sam Levinson called, I said, let's do it. We're auditioning for Euphoria. I'm dedicating my time. The only frustrating caveat for me was that they wanted me to turn around my self tape in 48 hours. And I think that it was one of those things where if I had two weeks, I could have maybe been something short of wet hot ass. Right? So I immediately call up the best acting coach that I know and I'm like, we have 48 hours. Let's do Our best job. And they had given me the role of Caitlyn. And as I'm seeing the show, like the girl who got it is so dynamic and so incredible and like, I think that, I mean, I just quit my OF right? Like I, I finally signed off on that era being done and I actually have an entire episode about that and men in this industry because I had a man that I used to work with do the absolute craziest, diabolical, gremlin, warlock behavior from this man that I used to work with as I was quitting my OF trying to like, spread had crazy rumors about me. And I want to do an entire episode about men in power and also just like male managers and having them for so long. It's a big part of my book and just how it me up and like all these awful things. But I quit my OF because I felt like I've learned so many lessons in life right now about if you no longer feel universally aligned with something, that the universe will not reward you accordingly. And I loved that era so, so, so much. And, and it was a lot of fun. And no one was going to sponsor me. And it kept my life afloat. It quite literally paid for the settlement. When my parents sued me, I was able to take care of my friends and my family and my business and keep my life afloat. And I did what I wanted to do with it, which was I had felt sexualized for so long, making no money. I knew I was going to be sexualized no matter what. Some of that at the hands of me and my own actions and the way I was presenting myself, but also just me being young and in this industry and the things that men and people had done to me, you know, So I wanted to flip it on its head and I wanted to make that money and feel like I was getting a reward out of such a negative side of my life. And I got to do it with women who are my friends. And I felt safe in the environment, but I never want to glorify it. And I think that I, if anything, had a very unique anomaly of a situation when it comes to of. But I did. I quit. These are no longer for sale, these dogs. I can't believe anyone ever bought them, to be honest with you. But anyways, the character I auditioned for, Caitlyn, she is like an of girl. So as I'm watching it, I'm like, I. I don't think that's who I am any longer. And it wasn't meant for me and stuff, but I can't wait to show you guys this self tape once euphoria is finally out. I cannot wait to show you how bad I am. Like looking at the fake eyelines. And like every single thing that you do can be perceived in a different way. It's like you can wave at someone angrily, you can wave at someone sexually, you can wave at someone happily. Like, why do. Why do things have nine meanings? Why are there five fake eyelines? How do you forget about all the people in the room? How do you commit? I am the very first person to stand on the front lines and defend Austin Butler when people come at him for being stuck as Elvis. Because if I ever had to act, the only way I would ever be able to execute it is just by fully becoming the character in my entire day to day life. Like, I would be Hunka Hunka burn in love ordering a coffee eight months later. Two, I would not be able to leave Elvis. I would have to get stuck as him. Like, I don't understand how people do it it. And eventually over here on the Brand Safe podcast, we are starting a little patreon. I was like, I don't just want to like launch it right away and like shove content on there. Like, I want to make sure that it is the most insane bang for people's bucks and that I am able to stack months and months and months and months of content to put out for you guys. And maybe that is where a lot of the crazier stories will live as well. I feel like I'm kind of harvesting all of these, these things to put on there and reacting to my euphoria self tape will be one. I've never shown anyone the way that my friends in my real life, the way that Hunter, everyone has begged to see this because they know it's the most embarrassing thing ever. And I'm saving that for the patreon. Okay, you guys, I feel like I am getting to a point where I have began the lifelong conversation that is the Brand Safe podcast. And I have said a lot of the things that I want to say on today's episode episode. And I feel like every single thing I talked about on today's episode will be its own full episode. Like there I want to deep dive into so many things and I've already began that. And I cannot wait for you to see how different and just all of the different episodes that are coming to this podcast. I have so many stacked and I'm just so, so, so excited for each week to take you down a different path of my Life. You know, some are silly, some are super deep, some are super funny, and some are with friends, and some are solos. And I'm just so, so, so excited for you guys to see that. And Kyle and I put together a little sizzle reel for all of you because I want you to see all of the different episodes and how different they are and what is to come on the Brand Safe podcast. So please enjoy this little sizzle reel. Started my period yesterday, and, you know, I woke up in the fetal position. I had some cramps. We're changing tampons. We're doing the whole, whole thing right? But day two, sometimes for me is where things go awry. The floodgates really open, and I wake up this morning to my bed, my bed where I sleep next to my loving husband, looking like Joe from you was just there. And I get up and I run to the bathroom, but obviously, in the seven steps it takes to get to the toilet, nothing makes it there. I am now, like, I'm only Murders in the building. Okay? I'm Martin Short and Selena Gomez. There's a murder in the building on all fours, doggy style at 7:05am this morning, scrubbing the floor. I'm MOA's asleep. And for some reason, I'm embarrassed. I'm, like, embarrassed that he's going to wake up. And I'm like, well, obviously, yes. I'm cleaning blood off of everything, everything I own everywhere. And I don't care. I don't care if you don't like to hear it. I don't give a. Okay? Because it's my truth and it's what happened to me today. And now I'm nauseous. And that doesn't even make sense. Why am I so nauseous? Like, I thought that was the pregnant one. That's cute. I just got, like, butterflies and I forgot we were podcasting. We also also smoked intensively. Or I mean, makoa probably. Actually, you wouldn't say that was an intense smoke session at all for Podcast Realm. For me, I am at my, like, capacity of how high I can be in order to make this a functioning piece of media that lives online forever. I think we've done perfect so far, personally, honestly, you know what it is? I wanted to smoke because if I really had to, like, think about, like, my favorite moments as a couple, a lot of them are us in bed, stirring. We'll, like, have nights sometimes. We love to scroll the Netflix home screen for hours. That's like. That's better than the show because Then we end up finding an option and then I just don't even think, like, yeah, you're right. What a rush. What a rush. Just scrolling the potential. That's the thing is I feel like a Netflix menu is all potential and no, like, execution. Honestly, that's so fair. Like, being like, oh, that could be sick is like, usually better than the whole limited series. We really do do that. Like, that is like our peak date night. Just scrolling the Netflix homepage and never watching anything. Just getting inspiration. It's a field of inspiration. I highly recommend it as like a third date. The first night I ever knew that I didn't just want to. You. You know what I mean? That's not true. I always used to say when I was younger, like, there's no way I'm going to be in front of the camera when I'm 40. You know, it's like, good luck. I mean, that would have been nice if I could just retire and. But I don't even have the mentality for retirement. And I think, no, I don't see myself doing this until I'm 75 years old, but who knows? I would love to see you, like, wheeled onto a stage. I know my brother's like, you know, you can extend your life. There's like this new program where if we all pitch in, we can extend our lives by, like, if you get past the next 10 years of AI and everything that's about to happen, which they've been saying is about to happen for the last five years, they said you can, like, extend your life to live to, like, 125 years old. And I'm like, I can't afford that. And I don't want to live till I'm 125. Take me the out. I've done a dry vagina. Like, and what? And do stand up. What am I gonna do at 125 years old for my big drive? What is that about? What is 125 year old look like? We don't want to know. I don't know. I mean, hopefully they can regenerate that too. The only role I ever knew was both of my parents. They were never my parents. I was parenting my parents. I was parenting them. Whether it was, like, connection, controlling the way that they were acting in public because it was so erratic, or trying to mediate a fight that they were in because it was so volatile, trying to get one of them to calm down because of how angry and abusive they were being, or trying to get my mom out of bed. Just to show up for one thing from me one time from the age of five. You know what I mean? Even. And it's so funny how many of these, like, things bring up so many random memories. Even just now, as I was saying that, I had a random flash to the day I wanted to learn to tie my shoes. I was older than everyone and all the other kids, like, they knew how to tie their shoes, and I didn't. And I kept asking them to teach me, and they would never teach me. I just had this random flash of me being 5 years old, and it's like 2pm And I'm trying to drag my mom out of bed to teach me to tie my shoes before we leave the house. And she gets up and she's like, what the are you doing? Get the out of my room. Can stop asking me that. Like, you're so annoying. You're so awful. Get the out of my room. And I sat outside of her door. And over and over again, I just repeatedly tried to teach myself how to tie my shoes until I knew how to tie my shoes. Shoes. And like that. That's just what it always was. You know what I mean? It was me parenting myself and me parenting them. That's why I still tie my shoes. Like a absolute imbecile, by the way. Two bunny ears. I'm just deep breathing through it. And then she looks at me and she's like, hey, I don't know why. And you never want to hear a nurse start a sentiment off with, hey, I don't know why. Because. And get this, Stephanie, your job is to know why. Your job is to always, always know why. And if you don't bring the book with you, bring the encyclopedia with you and look it up, like, why don't you know why? Because I don't know why I'm not a nurse. And I walk out to this driver, trunk open, hucking, hucking, hucking the duffels out of the car, at the ground, hug. And I. When I say, like, they were catching air, I'm talking like a bocce ball. And I'm like, you, first of all, someone better be going into labor. Actually, that is the only way that that is okay. You better have a wife or a cousin or a niece or a daughter or a. A nephew, for Christ's sakes. That's going into labor for you to be hucking duffels at the ground like that. It's like, what if there was a vase in there? Just the lack of decorum. That's my word, right? Now I can't stop with decorum. I wanted to talk about Shane Dawson with you. Okay. And just like, our experiences with him, because I feel like we never have have. But then I'm kind of like, why do you want to do that? I don't. Can you hit your. It's so good. I'll never forget being in the Coachella Valley. And I just open my eyes. I'm, like, dead from Coachella. And you're over me doing the Shane Dawson click. And it's like what you do to your mouth. Yeah, that's. Every time I do that, I do transition a little bit. Oh, wow. I go down 10ccs. I go on a walk every day. That's kind of like what my day looks like when I'm alone here. I'll wake up, I'll make my little coffee and I'll walk the beach and I'll just kind of, like, try to think about my life and get some steps in and just, like, post up. I, like, lay one of these out and I just sit and think, and I have this day where I walked miles and I just was, like, sobbing uncontrollably. I just felt like so many feelings that were almost, like, pent up across 2025 all hit me at once, and I looked like a certifiably insane person. Okay. I'm alone on the beach. It's not a cute cry. I have Adele hello playing in my ears. I'm like, sobbing, sobbing, scream, crying that whole song too. I always say this mokoa ho always makes fun of me because he says that if I was a doll that you pulled the string to, the one phrase that would come out of me is, do you know Adele's hello is a letter to her younger self. When I found that out, it was obviously just gut wrenching to me. So I tell everyone I know. I swear to God, I'm getting checked out cashier, grocery store. And I'm like, do you know that Adele wrote hello as a letter to her younger self? And then a bee tries to sting me in the face. Okay. Face. And I have typo blood, and we don't talk about that enough. Typo blood is a feeding ground for all bugs, and bugs are my biggest fear. Like, I would rather play Russian roulette than have bugs crawl all over me. I just don't understand. I don't like it. So I'm freaking out alone because of this bee. And it makes me, like, whip my head. And I whip my head to the biggest orange butterfly I've Ever seen in my entire life. And it's just like, flying right past me. And then I had this whole, like, literal butterfly effect thought that, like, if the bee didn't try to sting me, I wouldn't have whipped my head. I wouldn't have seen it. And I go on this whole, like, research tangent of what an orange butterfly means. So the orange butterfly spiritual symbol is transformation with confidence. Butterflies symbolize rebirth and change, and orange adds courage to that message. You're in or entering a period of bold personal growth. Change is happening for you, not to you. And you're meant to move forward confidently, not cautiously. And it's so me. It's so story time. Like, uber story time. Me to be like, what are the odds? Like, obviously, it's an orange butterfly on a Hawaiian beach. Okay. Like, it's not. It does make me, like, that annoying. Ooh. Woo. I'm like, you guys, this is a sign. And mind you, it's just like a soda can falling over. Her mom storms in. This was like a movie. I was so entertained. There's the top of the stairs, and my dad's standing at the top of the stairs. We're cussing each other out. And mind you, again, it's just a situation that I shouldn't be in. It's like, well, you're cussing me out because I don't want to pay for her life, but I'm being forced to. Yeah. I'm sitting at the bottom of the stairs. Her mom storms in, and I'm Louie purse, big ass Louis purse, big Gucci sunglasses. I'm like, what the. Ain't no one taking you serious. The original, like, dance mom, she would have lived. She just didn't have the energy. The argument goes on and on and on and on. Finally, Daniel's like, mario, let's go. We're leaving. And mind you, this is after her being like, you're a I hate you crazy, because that's what she would do. And the second she didn't get what she wanted and I didn't want to pay for this apartment, obviously I never did. But now I was like, I'm not going to. And, like, so she's just calling me every name in the book and having an episode on me screaming, throwing, whatever, and I'm like, I'm done. I'm walking out. And obviously also, this came with them threatening me. Like, okay, then I'm going to go get your bank account shut off. Okay, then I'm going to, like, call the cops on you because you're A minor, like whatever. The highest possible threat to take away everything I had was being threatened to me. So I'm also panicking. Yeah, it was also just interesting to me too because I think this says a lot about your parents too, is like they were letting this happen in front of me. Like, duh, we're going to mine. Taylor's mom looks at her and has the audacity after just going on a tirade. I hate you. I'm going to ruin your life. She slams the garage door. You and I are standing there in the first four second lapse of silence that we've had in four hours. We're looking at each other like we gon do. And within the minute, like a revolving door, the door swings open and she comes in. Soft tone as Helen. She goes, but can you pay the electric bill? And that was the point where like I was silent through all of this. I busted up laughing that I lost my cool. I was like, there is no way this just happened. I was so entertained. I died laughing in her face. Sorry. But when I did my switch, it wasn't necessarily to work with brands. It was more just so I wouldn't die. You know what I mean? I was just like. And then it in turn brought brand deals, I suppose. Yeah. We both went through that where it's like, I'm gonna die and I really want to like protect and foster this life and I'm gonna make this switch to live for this greater life that I believe is going to happen that hasn't happened yet that I believe is going to happen. And then that's what then came. Came then like the fruits of the labor of all these things that we never thought we would do. You are coming off right now a Chili's deal. Yeah. Which is like it's God tier to me. Okay. Chili's is kind of epic. It's some God tier. So brand safe brands too is like obviously they, they're just more tapped. They're not as like fearful I think like 10 years ago either. Obviously I was like nutso online, like acting a really erratic and stuff like that. But I also think they like lean more into just what people want on social media, you know what I mean? And they're not as scared. Fearful is such a. That's such an interesting thing that I've never thought about and like what that does to your psyche because like for so long, yes, like every brand was literally afraid of me. Utter fear. Employees in utter fear at whatever brand. It was even down to just sending me like PR Yes. Even if it wasn't, like, working with you. It's like, we're not even going to center, like, that free moisturizer because we're so afraid. Oh, I'll do one more. I had a company tweet, take this down. It was an underwear company. I won't say who, but it was, like, an underwear that I loved. Gag that. I'm so, so, so excited for you to see these episodes in full. And just even the Chelsea Handler of it all, like, that meant so much to me. The Amari episode is one of my favorites. Trevi and I were riffing about so many things, like, so many deep solos about my parents and all of those things that I was going through that I'm excited to just, like, help anyone out there. I'm. I'm just. I am so. I don't think I've ever been so deeply happy and fulfilled with my life and what I am doing. And there is so much more to come. But before we end this episode on the Brand Safe Socials, a couple days ago, we did a little giveaway. I was shopping in New York, and I came across this beautiful butter yellow Chanel bag that I felt like just really embodied the Brand Safe era. And I really wanted to get it for one of you guys. I feel like I've been a purse connoisseur, a purse enthusiast my entire life, and there was something about buying one for one of you that just signified this entire era that meant so much to me. I also wanted to include a bunch of the products and brands that I've been working with in this era and just send a Brand Safe care package to one of the baddies out there who have supported me from the jump. And this is the first of many things I want to do to give back to you guys on this podcast. But we are announcing the winner. The winner of the Brand Safe giveaway is a baddie by the name of Christine. Okay, Christine, check your socials. This giveaway was, like, very bittersweet to me because I wanted to give it to so many people, but that just inspired me that I want to continue to do more things. So make sure you let me know in the comments below things you would love to see me do on the Brand Safe podcast, things you want to see me talk about, places you want me to go, my deepest, darkest secrets that you want me to unpack and tell you the lessons that I learned or things that I've never talked about. I'm ready to bear it all, and I'm so Beyond grateful to you for the beginning of this era. And I'm so excited. I know I just keep repeating myself, but this is the start of something so beautiful. And how amazing was it today to sit with you in my car as a permitted driver, soon to be licensed driver, under this beautiful view. It is so crazy to me, all of the things that I have done underneath this sign. Like, obviously, Vegas is a huge part of my life and my upbringing as well, but I spent a lot of my formative years right here. Here underneath this sign. It was the first place that I ever found friends and felt like I could live here and could make it here. And I went through my hardest trials and tribulations and mistakes and messes and losing of myself and the. The gremlins I dated and all of the things I did underneath this sign. And to sit here now as the person that I am and still be here, but at a different capacity, and I fully changed my relationship and, like, work worth almost to Hollywood is so cool and so beautiful. And this is the most grounded I have ever felt sitting here underneath this sign. And this is the most in the driver's seat I've ever been in my life. So, again, to everyone, especially those who have been here since the dirty door, me and that girl are sitting here in the car right now just thanking you so, so, so much, because point blank, period, none of this would be possible if it was not for each and every one of you. And just thank you for making that girl, girl and this girl feel like you care about what she has to say. And I will always, always, always be here for you, so long as you are not breaking into my Coachella house or my home or any of the places that I reside. This relationship between you and I is not parasocial because I want to give you my soul. And thank you for giving me yours. So we will talk very soon, next week, Saturdays. And we are so Brand Safe. W. Gag it. Oh, my God. It's been such a long time coming. We've put in so much work. We've shot so many episodes. We've had so many meetings. We've hired so many people. There's so many fabulous girls and gays and Kyle working for the Brand Safe team. It's beautiful. It's consistent. It's everything I've ever wanted. It's everything I've ever dreamed of, and it's finally real. We shot the first episode, and I'm so excited. And this is so annoying, I know, but I'm just so, so, so excited and so grateful and I can't believe it. And I'm just a professional yapper. I could literally go on for days and I'm so excited to finally have a place to do that. Not post any more 27 minute Tik Toks and stop talking to ring doorbells and stop talking Moa's ear off at 3am Like I have a place to just talk my and giggle on all of the things that I've learned, all the times that I've fallen down and stood back up again at all of the things that I'm going to continue to do in my life and my career because we are so brand safe and it's all because of you guys and you name this podcast. And I can't thank you enough for coming with me on this journey on my first solo podcast, Bite. You know what? It sucks to be bored. But when I get on my phone and play real casino games on spinquest.com the time flies by. That two hour wait at the DMV seems like 10 minutes. Play your favorite slots, live blackjack, live craps with a live dealer. New players. 30 coin packs are on sale for 10 bucks. Play spinquest.com and you'll never be bored again. Spin Quest of survival Free to play social casino void where prohibited. Visit spendquest.com for more details. Are you really buying a car online on Autotrader right now? Really? I can get super specific with dealer listings and see cars based on my budget. You can really have it delivered or pick it up. I think kid is walking up the slide. Really? Autotrader? Buy your car online? Really? And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show. Hey everyone. Check out this guy and his bird. What is this your first date? Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird. Yeah, the bird looks out of your league. Anyways, get a quote@libertymutual.com or with your local agent. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.