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Brand Safe
12: My thoughts on Clavicular, I hate Kate Gosselin, and I hate Mercury Retrograde. - Ep 12
01:10:36
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Here's golf legend John Daly. Hell, yeah. These wins are piling up faster than my divorces. I only spent on Moto, America's social casino. You know, I've won a couple of majors, and on Moto, I've won majors, grads, and epic jackpots on their classic Vegas slots with huge, huge bonus rounds. Moto Casino adds new games and awards. Players free coins every single day. Grip it and spend it on MotoCasino. Download the MotoCasino app today. Moto Casino is a social casino board. We're prohibited. No purchase necessary. Visit Moto Us for more details. I feel like you're about to tell me something. And the problem is. Are you about to tell me something? Me and Ryan are pregnant. No. No. Wait. That, like, gagged me for some reason. I, like, genuinely believed you. It's funny, because I did that to you. And I got you, too. What is this? Lift it up. Is this for brand safe? Is this. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This did pick my mood up, Kyle. I haven't gotten one of these since the 90s. Oh, my God. Our little baby. You look just like mommy baby. Oh, my God. Thank you, guys. If you're one of these hundred thousand people, I want to smooch you on your little face. I won't, because I don't drink anymore, and I'm out of my licking and kissing strangers era. But not that you're strangers. Just not that I should put my tongue on you. You know, I just. I just want to say thank you. That's what I want to say. We should put it with the little babies back here. Maybe one day we can put it with my creator of the year award from the Streamys. If I can ever get that back. You know who you are? No. Everything about the way you're filming this is perfectly fine. Do I have tech neck from hunching over my phone and scoliosis? Yes. Should I have maybe gotten that nose job revision instead of sulking about an apology video in 2016? Absolutely. Do I want a facelift to fix my nasal labial folds? But I know it's not a good decision because I'm under the age of 30. Absolutely. Am I not a candidate for jawline lipo, even though I think I should be? Of course. That's where my mental health is right now, by the way. And I honestly, I should probably cut that, because it's like none of it's true. My brain is just telling me those things right now. Hi. Honestly, before I start on today's episode, Because I have a lot to say. The retrograde that we have been experiencing, especially those that are cancers and libras, is a huge, huge topic of today. Today's podcast. I have so much to say about this retrograde. I will be 90 years old with a cigarette in hand going. The retrograde of July 26th was something I'm gonna be telling my kids, my grandkids, everyone. I know forever about this retrograde. And I wanna. And like, what the was that? We have one more day left. I can finally stop talking, like split. What the is this retrograde? And I really wasn't a big of me just going with you in the back. I really wasn't a big retrograde believer. Don't get me wrong. I always believed to them. And I could feel electronics glitching and certain things like that, but this retrograde changed my entire outlook on Mercury and its capabilities. I think Kyle's as well. I don't really feel like you were a retrograder not last year. Yeah, like, it just. It's. You have one real retrograde and everything changes. But I want to start today's episode by talking about clavicular. I have to like pop culture topics before I get into the things I want to talk about. And I just want to get them off my chest. Okay. Ever since woe vicular happened. Okay, whoa, Vicki. Clavicular. They cross over. It's giving Jesus and bone smashing all in one. I was plagued with the consumption of clav clips. It's my whole for you page. I can't stop watching in fascination even the live plastic surgery. And just like, what is happening as. I just made like nine plastic surgery comments. But, like, I was kidding. The hyper fixation on the, like, symmetry of the face and stuff. It's so interesting. I'm such a psychoanalyst at my core that I cannot look away from what clavicular is. And obviously that I assume is, like, why he's doing the things that he's doing. And then you see certain clips of him being like, nice or normal. But then you see so many clips, at least I do, of him being so insane to women. There's a whole huge conversation to be had, really, about these girls that are being in these streams. And I get it. Attention is currency in today's day and age. And like, rage baiting is so real. And maybe every. Everything he's doing and all of these girls are in on it, and everyone's in on it. It's all just one big bait. And us consumers are the sheeple and he. They're all laughing normally on the way to the bank. What leads me to believe that a lot of it is genuine and not baiting is how much of it is just out in the public and in real environments. Like the way that they're just in clubs and clapping out all the different girls coming up and saying crazy things. Like, it would be really hard to orchestrate all of that. Right. And so he's in this relationship currently, and correct me if I'm wrong, and I'm old, honestly, to be knowing any of this, but he's in this relationship currently with this girl named Lily. And when I first saw her, I literally was shocked, stunned. That is a Victoria Secret supermodel. She is so beautiful. And I'm watching him just break up with her every other stream, and she's begging for him back. And I don't know, some of the streams, to me, even just little moments, are very, like, reminiscent to me of lives that I lived when I was, like, dating people for attention. And just all the different things, fake dating people and the narcissistic guys and just all the different things. Like, almost a conglomeration of a lot of toxic relationships I've been in Will. Or just toxic moments that I've been in or whatever it is Will, like, remind me. I'll see parts of myself in some of these clips of this girl. And she's just begging for him back. And I saw this clip last night where she literally was going on and on being like, I know that you have to cheat on me, but it's your job. I'm going to stay anyways. And then people are, like, coming for her in the comments. And it's so interesting to all the, like, she's mogging him, he's mogging her. That other girl comes in like she's mo. Like, it's all about looks and vanity. And they've garnered this insane society and viewership. And I keep looking at this girl, Lily, whether it's a bit or not, whether it is all for attention, they are telling themselves that they're fine as they go to bed at night. Or she's getting hers and she's getting her own bag, which I hope she is and stuff. What I see happening to this girl on this stream is psychological damage for life, is attachment issues, for life, is traumas that will take decades to work through the longer that it goes on. And it's so concerning to me. And I'm no better. I'm just sitting and watching. And I've debated, like, Sending her a message. But I also think any time in my life that I was in mindset similar to those. It's very hard for someone to tell you, like, you shouldn't be doing this. I also know that goes to where, like, when you fall for someone and maybe their image is a lot crazier than who they are in bed at night, and their image is a lot crazier than who they are. Like, at a lunch off camera, it's very easy to tell yourself they're just putting that on. And, like, I know that I know the real him. Like, if someone is willing to allow you to look like that for money, for whatever it is, they don't love you, in my opinion. And I'm sure I'm about to get, like, Clav mog to whatever the it is on one of his streams. Like, this nostril is so unsymmetrical to the other one. Like, I'm sure my score is a three. I don't know. I don't care. Like, it's just so interesting. Interesting to me, the clavicular world. And, Lily, I just want you to know that there's an entire other world out there, even other sides of the Internet of women who are supporting you to mog your little ass out of there, especially just with how young she is. I just. It's so sad. Like, these are her formative years that are being, like, taken from this thing. And, like, you're so beautiful. You will receive attention regardless in any way. And, like, you know, many men look like clavicular. If you walk down Melrose, you will see 100 men who look like clavicular. However, if you walk down Melrose, you will not see 100 girls who look like her. Like, she literally is a Victoria's Secret supermodel. And watching this girl get so mistreated and broken up with and begging for him back. And I saw this clip the other day where she was like, my grandma watches the streams. I like, almost whatever. And maybe I just need to Clav off. Right? I need to get off clav talk. Because here's the thing, Tana. Yeah. You couldn't even save people that you knew. I can't save people in the clavicular universe. And it's very sad to me. I would honestly love to sit down with him. I'm so intrigued just on the psychology behind all of it. And I get that it works. But if the only answer is that it works, if the only answer is that it's bringing in views and revenue, what switch is flipped in your brain to be so okay was being so immoral and cruel to people just for like the benefits of it working, you know. And I know that the streamer universe, kind of a lot of them, it teeters along the line of that. Right. And this isn't me putting the gavel down on anyone. I'm just genuinely deeply interested in the psychology behind being okay with being any way to people. Morals aside. All morals aside too. I think there's lines to it, right? Like sometimes you do something a little outlandish for views. I see things like that and I would never say anything about it. I just think it's like the way he's being to this woman is like jarring to me. It's just crazy. Lily, I love you. Please come on. Brand safe. I would love to hang out. I would love to tell you all about all the times I was in situations very similar to yours and they didn't end up working and how they ended up me up for the next six, seven years to come killing myself and just dating. And how it ends up then like up your actual patterns for love and children. You know, it's very hard to. When you're 19 and 20 and 21, you know, it's easy to be with a man and romanticize like oh my God, we're going to have a family. But like that's as far as the thoughts go. You're not actually sitting and deeply thinking about what if the father of my children spoke to me this way in front of my daughter, you know, and maybe you are thinking about that but then like you're letting the toxic patterns convince you to still stay and that change can be had and that that's not who the person really is and like etc. Just I don't know. I've been really clav bothered. I'm so sorry for all of that. We're having a four drink day. Okay. Also which I'm sure the collab streamers are going to have so much to say about, we're starting with an erewhon smoothie. We have Electrolyte Coco Lit. This is my dream sponsor. Electrolyte Coconut Coco Lit. My favorite. Need ensure protein calories. Need brew mate filled with water. My absolute obsession. I never thought I would be a water bottle girl. Okay. I really wasn't into the hydro flask wave. I was always saying like you look like you're carrying a blender around and I thought it was just this thing and it's always some girl like my emotional support water Bottle my me and my emotional support water bottle and she' worst person you've ever met. It was never my vibe. The awala I'm not into. I also don't like to suck on anything that's hard. Like my teeth. And they're just their looseness. I need something. This has a squishy straw. It's changed my entire outlook. I now have it in motion. Also heart water bottle. And I'm literally the worst. But, like, check this one out. That's okay, roommate. Well, actually, I just said that's they don't want anything to do with me. I'm also so obsessed with ice cold water right now. Like, I want my esophag to feel like Elsa from Frozen is dancing around in there. I've hated ice cold water my whole life. Always a room temperature girl. Always room temping it up, you know, I want it to feel like it was from the garage. Little arrowhead poured over a rock. That was always my vibe. I thought I was anemic, but I'm not. I got a blood panel. We're going to get into that. Before I get into the meat of today's episode of my actual thoughts, I also want to come for a lizard. Kate Gosselin. Okay, my younger viewers may have no idea who I'm talking about, but Kate Gosselin, first of all, she, in my opinion, was the inventor and the peak of the Karen haircut. The Karen haircut that we all now know and reference today. That looks like Helen Keller took a pair of shears to, like, choppy highlights on every angry mom in America. Right? That all began with Kate Gosselin, in my opinion. Maybe I'm wrong, but this is, to my knowledge, in the early 2000s. Okay? Kate Gosselin was the originator of the Karen haircut and that whole energy. Okay, she is. So let's speak to the manager. Like, just honestly, she became famous because she had a television show with her husband on tlc. Her husband John. And get this, it was called John and Kate plus eight. Okay. I'm pretty sure they did some type of IVF or therapy to end up having kids. I think they had like two kids and then six more at once or something like that. Okay, so it was John and Kate plus eight. Yeah. I weirdly watched a lot of John and Kate plus eight growing up. I just loved the show as a kid. I think because I was an only child, obviously, up until I met Amari, I would watch John and Kate plus eight because I was like, how cool would this Be to have like seven other siblings in this family unit. And almost like the way Kate was to them was kind of toxic. And you could see them even as children and even with the dad like seeking solace away from her, like insane behavior on the show. I resonated with that. And it was almost like as a young child, like a fantasy of mine to have lots of siblings to go through life with. Now as I get older, I think everything happens for a reason. And I don't know what I would have done had I had younger siblings that I would have had to get out of the situation, situation that I grew up in. I'm happy it was just me and I'm happy I found Amari and I'm happy with the way everything worked out. But as a little kid, I would watch them every week. Every Wednesday it came out on TLC. I would be watching Johnny Kate plus 8. It was always a very toxic dynamic and she was honestly such a raging. As I got older and I would look back and I would reflect on the shows just ever so often, like once a year I would, I'll kind of go on a deep dive to be like, where are the kids now? How are they now? If you go back and watch that show now, it is so jarring. Like the way she was to them and as a mother and just the whole dynamic and then the cameras, like, what does that do to you? Like, you're literally a toddler, an infant, and your mom assigned you on to one of the biggest shows in America. They were so famous. This is when TLC shows were huge. So I've always kept up with the John and Kate plus eight universe. Okay. And so recently there's been a new development in the John and Kate plus eight universe. Okay. Colin, one of the sons, I don't know if he's younger or older, but I always remember him like from the show for some reason I think he was one of the ones where I and the two twin girls, like, I just, I felt so bad for them. You could tell they were uncomfortable and unhappy. Obviously in the press cycle, as time went on, you would see news articles now and again being like, they're estranged. Certain ones are estranged from the mom and living with the dad and it was all just a very interesting thing. And now he's finally old enough that he's writing a tell all book about the John and Kate plus 8 universe. I'm pretty sure it's coming out or it's already out and I am on the edge of my seat. Okay? You know, I Love a Jennette McCurdy. I'm glad my mom died. You know, I am picking up a memoir like that every single time. Not only am I writing a memoir similar to these, but I find them to be so interesting and empowering, I think, to take your story back and to finally write your story and to tell your story and to release a book. It is the most inspiring thing in the world to me across my writing process. And just in life in general, it is so healing to me to see other people doing that from their childhood. So I'm rooting for you so much, Colin. And if you ever want to come sit down and talk about it, I would love to talk to you about anything. Right. But here's the thing. Kate Gosselin and her gas haircut. This lizard of a woman, she is suing him for defamation. Obviously, you know that. Just if you follow me for a long time, you know, that hits home for me so hard. Because here's the thing. I think 9.850 times out of 10 that a parent is suing their child for defamation. The parent is a narcissist. They cannot handle the accountability. The child is telling the truth about their story, and that is their retaliation in trying to, A, get them to stop, but B, feel vindicated when they go to bed and sleep at night. And I'm just like, you have had so much time. Like, what have you been doing? Extreme couponing? What have you, like, genuinely, what, organize reorganizing your pantry a thousand times. I know she used to love the cereal in the tubs. You know, what have you been doing for the last decade that you could not have done the inner work. You lost, John. You lost several of your kids. That's the thing that I've never understood as well with parents. And obviously this all goes back to my own. But parents who end up, you know, their kids end up estranging themselves from them. It is so wild to me, narcissistic parents, like, they will really do everything. They will go to the circus and be a can seal with a beach ball on their nose before they can just say, I'm sorry, my bad. What did I do? Like, if I was ever in a position as a parent to where my kid didn't want to talk to me. Like, I would be so receptive and open to trying to hear them out. Listen, grow, apologize for what I can't change. And you're suing the kid for defamation. And also, how the do you think that makes you look like I'VE never understood that either. Like, how do you think that makes you look? Even if you really are, like, a true narcissist, which it seems as though she is, she always kind of gave that on the show, even in the way that she treated her husband and stuff like that. How can you be so stupid to think, oh, yeah, people are going to ride with me while I sue my kid for defamation for his tell all memoir. How could he not write a tell all memoir? Before he could even subtract an ad, he was signed on to a TLC show with his seven other siblings and his crazy mom and a crazy ride and a crazy life. Like, oh, shouldn't you want him to tell his story? Even if it does make you look bad a little bit and grow from it and come together and discuss that? Like, that would be the redeeming moment. And it's just so crazy to me, especially in that generation. They just don't see it. Kate Goslin, you are a lizard. And it is not too late to try to de lizardify yourself and retract. That's the thing, too. I almost feel like people start to dip their toes in the water of doing something like that, and then they feel this pressure to, like, see it through, to, like, vindicate themselves in their own mind. And it's like, it's never too late to actually retract that and put out a statement and try to work it out and let him release the memoir because that's your kid who. And who's now an adult and can make his own decision. It's just jail. John and Kate plus Kate in prison. Kate plus prison. Now that I've discussed clavicular and Kate Gosselin, I would like to get in to my own life for this solo episode. Okay. And I have to pee. 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To get started on ro, go to Ro Co Safety for boxed warning and full safety information about GLP1 medications. Thank you so much Ro for sponsoring today's episode of Brand Safe. Now that we're back from the ad, I just want to show you guys how cute my shoes are. They're so cute, but they're too big for me. Oh, I need to talk about shoegate too, but I just wanted to show these because I can't wear them anywhere other than sitting down on this podcast. Okay. And I think I just like literally pulled a muscle in my hips. So I want to talk about this retrograde. I want to talk about the last month of my life. Before I get into it, I want to preface two things. Okay, this isn't really a rant and I also don't want you to feel bad for me. I really don't like to be a woe is me individual because I do think I try not to be a woe is me individual as often as I can, even when objectively bad things happen to you. Rejection is protection and redirection, and I genuinely believe that everything that happens there is a lesson to be learned from it. That is what this retrograde has been for me in a lot of ways. However, I can also recognize that I'm kind of in this time right now where I'm just like ready for new things and I'm trying to use my words very carefully Because I think our words are truly our power. Even back in the episode that I did where I was on that big couch and everyone was saying I look like I was on a Jeffree star couch at the Westgate, I kept saying a phrase. I kept saying, I have the best worst luck. Okay, beautiful things do happen to me all the time. But then when it comes to small anecdotal things I had been experiencing in my life, and that's why I'd always said this, a pattern of just kind of like the little unlucky things may happen, okay. But I always approached it with this verbiage that that's how it's always going to be. And some of you were kind enough to clock me in the comments and be like, girl, why are you saying this? Stop saying you have the best worst luck. Start saying you have the best luck. You're almost putting it out into the universe that that is exactly how your life is going to go and you're going to keep receiving that. That, and I do feel like that was one of the biggest lessons I learned across 27 to 28 was the genuine, true power in our words and a lot of correcting. I felt like a lot of the things that have been coming out of my mouth over the last year, I've had to immediately correct them with something else because I can lean negative. And it was something I never wanted to admit. I always wanted to say that, like, I am just a realist, and that's just how things go, because I'm a realist. And looking back, it's like that was your reality that you were saying you were being a realist about, but in reality, you were leaning pessimist. And like, for every situation that you can think about what if the worst thing happens? You can also think about what if the best thing happens. And I don't think I was doing that enough. And I think that I had let these little, you know, phrases and buzz phrases and certain things slip through the cracks. And I want to continue to be better in the regard of manifestation. So I almost feel like it all kind of started on that gold couch with me saying that and manifesting that. And then obviously, we saw the wisdom tooth and we saw the recovery. It was a very, very difficult recovery. And a part of me almost thinks I even manifested that when it just comes to my anxieties towards health things and recovery. I think that's been a big lesson for me that I took from that, though, is that that's a big childhood wound that I've been really avoiding growing up. Obviously, as we all know, I was neglected. Okay. We know that in one of the areas that I was very, very neglected was health and wellness and workout and routine. And these are things that I've been trying to work on, whether that's doctor's appointments, whether that's check, whether that's like, you know, being better and being healthier. Because I got to this point where I was like, I don't want to be the mother that is not healthy for her kids. I think that's the biggest lessons thus far coming into 28 years old that I'm really having to learn. And I've noticed in this as well that I have a lot of anxieties towards going to the doctor and going to the dentist. And I almost have adapted this mentality of, like, I would just rather not know. And I think that that's. That's not a way to live. It is important to know. It's important to catch things before they could be too bad. It's important to be proactive and on top of your health. But when it actually comes to getting me into the place to do the thing, I have maximum resistance and maximum anxiety. And I'm crying and I'm shedding all these tears and it's these things, and I'm realizing that it is. It's something from my childhood, whether it's that I only ever saw my parents neglect themselves and me and never go to the doctor, and people only ever went to the doctor if you literally were going to die. And maybe that is my ideology towards that. And I'm trying to change that, I guess, which I'm going to get into more in this podcast. But again, I do kind of think I might have manifested that recovery slash some retrograde. My words ended up making it that way. But I do think that I learned a very big lesson across it. I also forgot to mention crashing my car. That did happen before the teeth. So I guess it all started with crashing my car the night before. Honestly, we had gone to get dinner in Woodland Hills and I had drove my car home with Moa and Amari in the back. Back seat. I drove fine. And that's kind of been the. Even with my little GTA car chase story. Like that's kind of been the story with all of these things is that I'm driving pretty fine, but I live in the city where everyone is driving like Mario Kart. I live in the honk of palooza. Karen a Palooza. Kate Gosselin behind the wheel, thinking she's more important than you honking boots at you. The lane, changing the lane, splitting. And with the motorcyclist. L. A is crazy. We had gotten home and I driven, fine, fine. But Makoa sat down with me and he was like, tana, I really, really think that you should get a driving instructor if you want to keep learning to drive in Los Angeles. And for some reason, I think that I let my ego take the forefront in my responses to him. You know, I was kind of like, 90% of people get their license without an instructor. Why do I have to be that 10%? I think that that also comes from the childhood of it all. Again, it's like another lesson where it's like, I'm trying to conquer this thing that is so much harder for me because I was robbed of learning about it in my formative years. And there's almost. It is ego, or maybe it's retaliation of older versions of my parents that I'm harboring, where I'm like, I'm going to learn it all by myself. I don't want help, I don't need help. I can do this. I'm doing great. Like, right. Those were kind of my responses to him where I was like, no, I don't need that. And like, whatever. And so the next day, I'm in the car with Meg and she's like, hey, do you want to drive home? And I was like, well, Nicole and I had this conversation last night. Like, I'm feeling a little unsure of myself and I don't know, and whatever. And she was like, but you've been progressing. And that is the truth. And I do. I know my limits as well. I know the times of the day in LA that I can drive and certain things. Right? Finally we come to the conclusion that, like, where we're at the time of day, it's all going to be fine, and I can drive home, okay? And I drive home flawlessly. And the entire car ride, I'm having a conversation with Meg where I'm like, please hold me accountable whilst driving, because I want to be the. The safest possible driver I can be. I want to be the best driver I can be. I want to learn everything. Like, feel free to call me out on even the smallest things. Like, I want to be as good as possible. That is the meat of our conversation on the car ride home. And then I come home and I slam into my own gate. Own car into own gate. You might have seen the video. We can play the video, Video, video, video. I don't care own car into own gate cracked the cement of my home. Like what kind of gas it forward is cracking the cement of your own home gate doesn't work. Whole side of car is. And I'm devastated. What I will say, I think everything is redirection. It was the immediate wake up call that this could have been out in the real world. And Makoa is right as he is a lot of the time obviously also just like the car itself, choosing to buy a big ass boat of a car because you like it and you think it's beautiful and you've worked your whole life for it and, and all of these justifications that I had made that if I had had cars all of the times I was driving it would total the price of this car and that I love it and whatever but like maybe the mega yacht of a ing car get a Civic like you're an idiot moron. Don't think for any part of this that I am saying feel bad for me at all. Consequences of my own actions. Right? Obviously a lot of the girls in my life ended up kind of texting me and being like, listen, we've all hit a gator, we've all made too close of a turn and like that car is hard to drive. It's going to be okay. We were safe and we were healthy and that that's truly all that matters. Like the material thing does not matter. But obviously now my car has been in the shop for like four weeks, maybe five. State Farm is not a good neighbor. They are not always there in my opinion. They just now showed up like two days ago to finally assess the car and assess the damage. The problem is it's not that they just now showed up, it's that they keep telling us every single day that they're going to show up and then just not showing up and then being, oh, I have no idea, like I'll send someone out tomorrow and I'm just waiting for my sweet baby car. But I am going to get the driving instructor and I do think that it was divine protection. And then I talked about this in the Trevi episode. So I won't like keep harping on this, but we had a little slip up almost theft moment at Target with my things and then I see the billboard on the way home about theft. I'm hyper focused. There's gunshots on my street. I'm paranoid about that. I'm freaking out. I can't discern OCD and intuition. I'm hyper focused on the fact that I Think someone's gonna get something stolen from them? Meg gives me a call. She was at the Abbey, which Lisa Rinna, if you'd like to do a Shane Dawson style documentary. She doesn't want to do a Shane Dawson style documentary at all, actually. She has so many people, she can call it bravo. If you want to do a documentary on the Abbey, just know I will be a testimony. I will be your girl. They are, in my opinion, I believe that everything that happens at the Abbey, West Hollywood, is an inside job. That is my opinion. Meg went back there after they're stolen, after her phone got stolen there the next day. It was our work phone. They bring her out back to the parking lot of the Abbey, and they drive. Just show her, like, 200 phone cases. And they go, are any of these yours? And she goes, no. It's like, first of all, why do you know about the phone case? Graveyard. You're doing nothing to stop it. Like making girls and gays sift through wildflower and velvet caviar to see if they're in. IPhone 17 Pro Max was stolen. And even if you see the case, it's already in Guam. If you check the location of the phone, it's a ring. It's been happening forever, in my opinion. Meg also asked them to see the security camera footage, and they said, well, have you been roofied? And my sweet, honest girl said, no, but why do you have a system of you can see the cameras only if you've been roofied? Like, why don't we get to the bottom of why people are getting their stuff stolen, why they're getting roofied, and why are we just creating systems about, you know, if you. You can. You can see the camera if you've been roofing. Yeah. So then obviously, we had to go buy a new work phone. That was expensive. Just a little bit of a retrograde l. But however, we learned a lesson about the Abbey and about, you know, not all people's intentions being good in this world and just protecting your things and being super aware there. Yeah. And then I spoke about this one, too, so I'll keep it very light, but I'm on the phone with my real estate agent after all of this. And, you know, just even with the gunshots on my street, I look at where Trisha lives, I think it's a lot safer. I also think I purchased this house in a time of filling my validation with material things, and it's huge, and it's beautiful, but I think a beautiful family, even this room actually sells a child Lock on the door. Because this at one point was a nursery, and now it's for shoes and YouTube plaques. And I was. I want to either sell or rent out my asset and move somewhere that is less hoardy. That's one thing I've been doing a lot across this retrograde is just donating and getting rid of everything I own because I'm really trying to become a minimalist is a stretch. I'll always like cute shoes. Okay. But a lot less of who I once was. But I'm on the phone with her for so long, and I'm going, yeah, I'm just ready to get out of this house. I'm ready to get out of this house. Like, let's do it. This is someone else's house today. I hang up immediately. Immediately. Coming out of my phone, there is a fire in the same exact zone that I'm in. Like one little inch over. The wind is blowing directly towards my house. The sky is filled with black smoke. We're in the house with all of the doors closed, and it smells like smoke so bad. And it's evacuate. And I've done that before in this house. And just the anxiety of that is so scary. So I'm ripping everything off the wall and packing suitcases. And once again to the universe, I'm like, what I was saying out loud was not what I meant. And I don't even know what the lesson is on that one. I'm so serious. Like, that's just not what I meant. I think downsizing would be a healthy thing to live a proper lifestyle now. So then post evacuation, you know, we're. We're chilling for a second. Then the other night, I'm laying in bed with Mokoa, and honestly, I was asking him to teabag me. And so maybe God was like, let me just have you stop, okay? And I've said this before. I honestly like teabagging. I think it's fun. It's like a little stress ball on your forehead. And it's not sexual. I'm not like, sexually teabag me. I'm just like, but then I'll have a blacket on my forehead. And it's like, yeah, because you asked to get teabagged. And honestly, this is like, look at that plaque. Like, it's a brand safe podcast. I didn't need to say any of that. I could have left this detail out. Whatever. I take in an edible, too, which I don't do very often now. McCo and I will only just do it now and again. When we want to feel, like, silly. So we took a little 2 milligram edible nothing. I'm feeling silly. I'm laying there. I'm like, teabag me, right? Whether he did it or not, I'm gonna leave it off the podcast. So obviously he did it. And then I'm laying there on my side, and I turn over, and immediately I feel the sharpest pain in my lower right abdomen. And I've actually been working out a bunch of yeah. Which is my favorite thing in the world. But it's been a goal of mine. I've been trying to work out a lot and stretch. I'm not even gonna lie to you, Kenzie Love island slamming her clam inspired me in a way that I don't think it inspired anyone else. Okay. I think we all should have open hip flexors. I know that we store a lot of trauma in our hips. The only time in my life I've ever had the splits was when the wap dance was popular and the hype house was my neighbors. Okay? And that is the wrong reason to have the splits. So I've been trying to get them again just to open my hip flexors and feel better and just stretch and all these things. And I've been running a lot of miles. This is actually a good thing from the retrograde where I spoke it out into the universe and it immediately happened. So I could tell you a little about that. I've been running a lot of miles because a couple days before I went to film the last Not Loveline that I did with Trisha, Moa was on the phone with his best friend Jack. And Jack was talking to me, and he was talking to me about, like, an iron man, right? And he was like, tana, would you ever do an iron man? And I was like, no, Jack, I would never do an iron man. But then out loud to him, I say, however, I would do a marathon if the right person asked me. And then I get in the car, I drive to Not Loveline the next day. I don't drive. Meg does. We make it there perfectly fine. I walk in and I sit down, and Trisha's like, I'm doing a marathon in October. Do you want to join me? And I'm like, I'm. Money is falling from the sky. Money is falling from the sky. And Adam Sandler is my best friend. Everything I say comes true. And obviously now the right person is asking me, we're going to do a half marathon. I honestly also love doing things like that with Trisha and Like I feel, feel like she has inspired me so, so, so much to care about my health more. I feel like ever since she gave birth to Elvis specifically, I noticed this extreme change in her where she made this huge goal to just be the healthiest she could be for her children, be able to run, to get them at the park, be able to pick them up, doing pilates a few times a week. Like just handling all of the her thoughts with food and just different things. And it's been so inspiring to me because I think her and I are very, very similar in so many ways. Ways. I'm sitting here and I'm like, well if she's doing this marathon, like I should do it with her. Like this is the right person asking me. And before I could even let my self doubt creep in, I just said yes, yes, I'm gonna do the marathon. Let's do it. I don't the lungs, we gotta work on them. It's a half marathon. It's 13 miles. It is in the fall, so I have time to prepare. So I came home and I just immediately. Yeah. And get this, hit the ground running. So I've been running, I've been clam slamming, I've been really just trying to become my best little agile self. And so now back to the teabagging. I'm in bed, post teabag. I'm laying on my left side and I turn over and again, sharp pain in my lower right abdomen. And at first, immediately I'm like, I just pulled a muscle. I've been doing things. I've also pulled a lot of muscles before. Like I just tweaked myself and then I tried to get up and walk to the kitchen and I was hungry. Okay. I was going to go to the kitchen and get food and I immediately stand up and I'm folded over like a birthday card just folded over. I cannot stand up. If I move or twist in any way, the pain is so, so, so sharp. I want to be very careful with my pain levels. And just being very, very honest. It was probably like an 8 out of 10. And so then I'm kind of trying almost to like crawl it off, like birthday card, walk it off and it's just not going away. And all of a sudden my appetite, I was just starving. It's completely gone. And I'm like, that's really strange, right? And so I get back in the bed, I put a heating pad on it, I put my Dr. Javid cream on it. I love you, Dr. Javeed. And I'm like, rubbing it in. I'm just trying to feel better, and it's not. Not getting better. And obviously the lower right side of the abdomen is the appendix. Okay. And it's always been the golden rule that if you're feeling extreme pain there, you have to go check it out because it's your appendix. And so I'm laying there. I'm still trying to, like, justify this and figure it out. But another thing with appendicitis that happens a lot in cases of appendicitis is a thing called rebound pain, where if you kind of push on it and remove your hand, the pain will worsen as you remove your hand. And I was experiencing a lot of rebound pain in that area, and then it just started getting kind of worse and worse and worse to where I'm laying there and, like, doing, like, the contractions, breathing, you know, like. And I'm like, okay, fine. And I will never go to a hospital unless I feel like I'm dying. And then that goes back to the. The parent thing and just how my brain is. I will try every other solution. I'm afraid of them. I don't like them. Two days prior, I had been at another doctor for another appointment regarding my jaw and the healing of my wisdom tooth. I talked about that on the Not Loveline Patreon. I'm not going to talk about it here, but to give you one anecdotal tidbit, they could not find a bed for me or a room in this doctor's office. So they were just stabbing the inside of my gum in the waiting room. And the entire consensus was that I'm still having a strange healing. Different doctor, by the way. I digress. While I was at that appointment with Meg, I had said something to her where I was like, I really want to get a comprehensive blood panel. But my anxieties towards going to do things like that are quite literally debilitating me and stopping me from doing the thing that I need do medically to make sure I'm doing okay. I want to test for Ehlers Donlo syndrome. I think I have a lot of. Just a lot of other things I want to know all about, like my pancreas, my liver. Lord knows she's been through a lot. My lungs, everything. I want to test what are my white blood cells at? Is there inflammation in me, is there infection in me, etc. We drive to the nearest hospital to me, and I've watched too much grays. Okay. I genuinely felt so horrible for the people working at this hospital because There was one emergency doctor on the case of 40 patients and they had just had like a stroke come in and another trauma come in. I'm using words like that because I watch Grays. I just know everything. And I felt so bad for this one doctor having to do everything. They get me in my room, they immediately offer me morphine. I am in this much pain, my OCD and everything. I was like, I can't. I couldn't accept it. I was just like, I need to be cognizant to know what's happening. And like, I'm scared of being that up and I don't want it. So I turn down the morphine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I turned down the morphine one more time. Just if you didn't hear me, I turned down the morphine. I'm sorry. Like, that's so major for me and like, I wanted it, like. But I turned down the morphine. And the nurses are kind of coming in. My first nurse, I could tell it was kind of her third day out there, which just always kind of freaks me out a little bit. She couldn't think of the term CT scan. And she was like, we're just going to put you in this machine. You're going to get the. This. She couldn't think of it. She kept thinking about it. And obviously I watched so much grades that I ended up being like, are you talking about a CT scan? And she was like, yes. And I, like, was like, that's concerning me. Word to clavicular. I should not be mogging you on this knowledge. Okay. Several nurses are coming in. They're all offering me different things. One wants to do a blood draw, one doesn't. They're kind of going back and forth. Like, it made me feel really sad for, like, the American health care system and just like, where we are at. I'm also living in this fear right now of like, do I have to get my appendix out? Am I going to be here for so long? I'm so scared. I'm sobbing. There was a moment where I was really. I was getting my blood drawn and I was just like, sobbing. And McColl was being so sweet. He's like holding my hand and just like telling me to go to Hawaii in my head. And, like, I'm getting through it, but I'm sobbing. And I had this moment where I really reminded myself of my mother. It was such a wake up call for me, a thank you universe for giving me the comprehensive blood panel that I asked for 48 hours ago. Okay. But it was Also this wake up call of like, I don't want to be like this when I have kids. I want them to see mommy go to the doctor and handle things in a strong way. And that's not to say that we can't experience fear, but working through these anxieties and it just like was a very big wake up call for me. And then I was wait six hours, just six hours laying there in a nine out of ten of pain. One doctor, this man doctor is trying to shove a probe the size of the biggest dildo you've ever seen up my vagina to get an ultrasound. The other one is saying I don't need that and I need to fill my bladder with water so that they can give me an over the stomach ultrasound. Just all of these things were reminders to me that I don't think I can ever be pregnant. Maybe if I work through all these health anxieties I can be, I don't know, the gels on my stomach too. That's, it's so weird because that was one thing I never thought I would do in my entire life. Get an ultrasound. Loaded as all hell, honestly, looking pregnant as while they're like rubbing the thing across my stomach and I was like, oh my. It was just like a trip. They still can't figure out what's wrong with me. I end up having a cyst on my left ovary which I now have to kind of like figure out. But my pain is in the right side. They're trying to get me to do a CT scan, but one doctor is saying that I have to do it with the contrast in my bloodstream, but I'd never had contrast in my bloodstream and my OCD and anxiety was telling me that I could very well be allergic to it or allergic to iodine or allergic to shellfish because that like coincides with that. And like I don't eat shellfish. And so my OCD is freaking out. I'm asking for no contrast. The other doctor saying I can have no contrast. They're going back and forth. I end up getting a CT sc, still can't stand up. Everything ends up coming back perfect. Other than my ovarian cyst, however, that's on the left side and my pain is on the right side. And so finally I stay so long in the hospital that I'm there until the morning shift. So all of the employees switch out and obviously I had just been dealing with people who had been working an eight hour shift towards the end of their shift. So they Obviously were unhappy. And it was interesting, too, because all the doctors were coming in, talking about the other ones. I was like, this dynamic. Like, I feel so bad for everyone involved. The morning shift people came in, they were a little more chill, chipper. And I end up getting this ER doctor who is so kind. Okay? It's honestly giving Derek Shepard. It's giving McDreamy. He's so nice. He's like, yeah, a lot of the tests that they ran were, like, the wrong ones. So, like, now I'm gonna run the correct tests on you. And a part of me is like, damn, I should have just laid in bed in the fetal position until the 7:00am Like, I've been here for six hours, and it's still inconclusive. And so McDreamy ends up running, running a few more tests on me. Another girl comes in. We're talking about Dexter and Grey's Anatomy, and, like, we had all the same favorite shows. And she was about to go to Mykonos, and we were talking about it. She was a vibe. Mia, wherever you are, I love you. I end up finding out that McDreamy is tick tock famous. Okay? My ER doctor is tick tock famous. I love 2026. And so then I look him up on Tick Tock, assuming he has a couple hundred thousand followers followers. This man has 4 million TikTok followers, and he just details his life in the ER. So he comes back in. I'm sitting there in level 10 pain. We still don't know what's wrong with me. I look him dead in the eyes, and I say, I have a podcast called Brand Safe. Will you come on it? He said, yes. I'm going to have my ER doctor on the podcast soon, which I just again, I love 2026 so much. They end up telling me that they think I have a pulled muscle, but they don't really know. And so they prescribe me stuff for a pulled muscle, and I go home. But here. Here's my issue. I've had several pulled muscles. I have scoliosis that results in pulled muscles in my neck and in my shoulders and in my traps all the time. And a pulled muscle usually ends up being immediate pain that kind of levels down. It hurts more when you move it in the direction that you, like, pulled it in. And then it gets better across, like, seven to 10 days. But I get home at, like, 10am I end up sleeping all day. I'm really just, like, devastated about that too. Which I know devastated is a stretch, but it just goes to this retrograde where like, like, I'd finally been starting to feel like myself again and working out for the first time and, like, choosing all these great things for myself. And now I've, like, slept until 5pm and I just feel like. But I wake up and I'm in, like, virtually no pain. And I'm like, that's not a pulled muscle. And I just had been bubbling all night in my sleep. And, like, obviously your colon is also kind of right there. And this leads me to my own conclusion now because it's been 48 hours since my hospital trip and I'm going to see a doctor tomorrow to find out. But, like, I think I have Taco Bell. Itis. I've been at, like, jetpacking through the ceiling. And I vowed, I promise you, I vowed to stop talking about diarrhea on podcasts, but I'm just telling you the truth. And 10 days ago, I ate three Doritos Locos taco Supremes with the lettuce. Okay? And I actually don't want to blame Taco Bell at all, because Taco Bell, I love you. And if you're actually trying to work on any type of campaign to show people that, like, you are not the enemy and that, like, you are the best thing ever and, like, whatever, I'm your girl, I will be the face of, like, I'll be the Taco Belchihuahua. Like, whatever you need. I love you so much. I'm not necessarily saying that I think I have Taco Belitis. I think I'm having a gastrointestinal problem and that was like a major gas bubble or like a major. Which is the sexiest thing you can say on a podcast, by the way? The only interesting thing to me is that I developed this across eating healthy and working out. Like, there's also a part of me that is like, does my body just prefer crunch wraps and bedrotting? Does my body just prefer being a lard? Like, because the second I start putting in the work to feel better and be better is the second that I'm in the hospital in excruciating pain. I don't know. I'm not going to give up. I'm not going to let it discourage me. Same with the car. Same with the driving. Same with the health anxiety. I think that that is my lesson of everything across this retrograde. It's like, I'm not going to give up and healing a lot of my anxieties. I'm going to sit see an extremely renowned therapist tomorrow. And I'm very Very excited to see if we can make some headway on some of these things. I'm also going to a doctor to figure out what is going on in my gut. Okay. Because a lot of things have entered my gut over the years and I can see all those things together. The conglomeration of red 40 and lots of yellow cheese and maybe some GLP ones, not maybe at all. And just, you know, so many different things that my liver, alcohol, like I'm excited to find out what's wrong with me and conquer these demons and see if any of them in relation to Ehlers Danlos syndrome. Then a day passes from hospital gate. I wake up and I decide I really want to go to the grocery store and get some healthy food to just be eating at the house, trying to take a step in the right direction. Now I decide before going to the grocery store because one rule as a fat fatty is you can never go to the grocery store on an empty stomach. I will leave the grocery store with everything. I will leave the grocery store with Doritos, Oreo fusion flavor blasted red 49, 9000 strawberries and cream, Dr. Pepper Strudel Toaster uncrustable Nutella, right? So I decide that I want to go through In N Out and I want to just get a little protein style burger and try to get some protein in and like whatever. As I'm going through the In N Out drive through, I just left the house and I left Buster with Ashley and Winnie. Ashley texts me, buster took a tumble. She's very good at regulating my emotions as well. By saying Buster took a tumble. She goes, but he's okay now, I promise. He's jumping around, he's acting fine, but obviously he is my whole wide entire world. And now I'm in the In N Out drive through, freaking the out and of course I'm in my convertible and I'm meeting so many of you guys. So I'm literally going, trying to watch the footage and like figure it out. He was in the backyard with Winnie. Ashley was supervising them. He sees a squirrel and at lightning speed he's just like, mommy squirrel. He tries to clear our Olympic sized pool. He obviously cannot clear up the pool and he hits his widow neck outside of the pool and then he gets out. I've been teaching him to swim and he learned like I'm so proud of my little son for being able to get out of the pool. Like I taught him. He's so adaptive and the best and whatever. And I come home and he is acting perfectly fine. But obviously, he is my whole wide world. So immediately we rush him to the vet, and I'm like, guess what? Guess what you and Mommy are getting this week. A CT scan. Yeah, it's $2,000. Yeah. I love the vet. I have pet insurance doesn't cover it. Yeah. And so he gets a CT scan, he gets an X ray. He is perfectly fine. He just scratched his skin. So I've been treating it with hypochlorous acid, which Mommy also loves. Hypochlorous acid for pets. Before the pet people come to my comments. Okay, he's just fine. But now I'm having to give him just little medicine so that he heals, like, properly and stuff. And I'm just like, oh, my God. What do you mean? Buster? And mommy needed ER visits back to back in 48 hours. Like, what is going on? And again, he's fine. I'm doing all right. Like, I don't know. It's just this retrograde. It's funny, this retrograde, being in cancer and Libra, all of the cancers and libras in my life. Trevi being a Libra. Paige is a cancer. Isabella's a cancer. Like, we all have really felt this retrograde, Kyle included. Kyle just, like, broke his toe yesterday. Like, going through certain things. Like, I don't know what's in this. This retrograde. Even just interpersonal problems that I'm, like, not even going to get into in this episode. I feel like this retrograde has been a big, overarching feeling of miscommunication in so many aspects with certain people. Lots of, like, true colors being shown of certain people. And just, like, I filmed a video about it, my 28 Things video. I assume it'll be out by the time this podcast is out, but my mental state, I've been trying to just remain as positive as possible and understand that all of these things are redirection and that it is teaching me that I'm, like, stronger than I know, that I will prevail. And it is making me do lots of great things, you know, even though I said I really, really needed to get a comprehensive blood panel and work through that anxiety, obviously I didn't want it at the stake of being at the hospital and stuff like that, but I got it. The blood panel came back really great, which was something I was so afraid of and avoiding at all costs. And now I'm going to see a therapist about these things. And I'm just really trying to look at the good. Eventually, maybe one day in 2026, I'll get my car back. I'm going to get lessons, you know, not let my ego defeat me on that one. And do the safest possible thing and understand that I was just robbed from learning at a more formative time of my life. And I now live in Los Angeles, and someone can help me. And I'm so lucky. Also, across all of this, you know, I knew what it was like to have problems like these or even just problems with no resources. And I feel so grateful to. To be able to pay for that vet bill for Buster. You know, when I was little, a dog of mine got sick, Lily. And she was like, my whole world. And she was my childhood dog. We didn't have the money to help her, and it was just, like a skin condition that we could have helped her. My dad went and put her down without telling me and came home and just told me, like, lily's dead. And it was, like, so traumatizing for me. And now I look at, like, Buster and I'm like, I get to be able to pay to make sure that everything is okay with this foster dog that I love so much and save him. You know, I can be in the hospital and. And notice little bits of the way that my mom was maybe seeping into my subconscious, but I have the cognizant thoughts and emotional skills to be able to understand that I need to work through that in therapy and the resources to do so. And I'm not in an abusive relationship with someone stopping me from taking care of myself because I did the work on that as well. And no one should go to the Abbey. I don't really have an answer for that one. This retrograde. Oh, my God. And I forgot to talk about Shoegate. But even that, I feel like you can catch up on all of it on TikTok. But Louis Castro and I, we got together because he made a podcast talking about being on Reality House. I would love to do a podcast with him, by the way, and just with so many other people that I was on so many of those, like, shows, different things with. Because there's so much to be said about those times of my life. Reality Houses and Escape the Nights. And it's not all bad. There are lots of good memories, bad memories. I learned a lot of things on these sets and stuff like that. He thought that I had taken a pair of his shoes. The entire Internet is then in my comments, blowing up my comments saying, thief, thief, thief, thief. And I'm like, oh, my God, I'm not a thief. I'm Making a video, trying to, to like clear it up. And it's, it's, it's one of those Internet things that is now like funny to me. You know, the takeaway from that whole thing was like I was getting out of reality house cuz I wanted to get Fousey the away from Fousey tube at night and I was packing my stuff. And the takeaway was that I do not think I ever had them. But at the off chance I guess that I ever did, obviously I would not steal them from him. And I've always said that. I think if you're in a time of need and you need to go steal from a major corporation to eat the. That's life. People in times of struggle need to do that. But you know, when it comes to taking things from other people, especially at a time in my life when I like had money and I had my own panda dunks that Amari and I shared, I got him a pair and we were sharing them, you know, different stuff like that. It was just kind of funny to me. I was like, obviously I did not like actively steal these panda dunks. But then he ended up picking me up and we ended up having a really cute shopping day and we had a lot more in common than I thought. You know, I've always loved Louis Louie and I always say that, you know, we were, we never knew each other super well but in this time of my life I can always remember who was nice to me and who wasn't either in the beginning of my career or in times where I was crazier or if like the Internet didn't like me. People who only liked me when the Internet liked me and then didn't like me when the Internet didn't and then came crawling back. I can just really remember how and who everyone in the influencer space was. Not even to just me, but to other people. And he was always and has always been so kind to me. And we ended up having a great day and we found out that we had a lot in common and I think think that that is a huge win. And I, I got to get him shoes. And even in the comments I still had people being like you bought him shoes cuz you're guilty. And I'm like, why not turn a negative thing in a negative comment section into a positive one. Gift giving is and has always been my love language. And I thought it would be a fun time. And at the off chance that I did take them in like a Fousey tube panic, like why not do the kind thing and then go shopping and bond and get more shoes and just have fun. So Shoegate ended up having like a fun, fun turnaround. But that was one of my retrograde things where in the moment I was like, oh my God, I didn't think I would be responding to thief allegations in the big two sex, but, you know, it is what it is. It's funny though, the other day because I was on the phone with Brooke and she, she just said something to me and she was like, tana, you can't go off just your memory alone. You always are going to need to fact check with someone else and all of those things because we have seen time and time again, you can't go off just your memory alone, you know. So I ended up texting Key and Lolly trying to, to get like fully to the bottom of it, but him and Ayla were in the hospital because she just gave birth. And even that made me so happy just seeing all of the, I don't know, the Internet kids that I grew up with and how much we've all grown. I love him and Ayla so much and I'm so happy for them. So that's kind of all of my thoughts on the retrograde. I will say that as much as I could look at all of this as like my luck has just been bad lately. I'm really trying to transform that way of thinking. And I think that every single thing that happens, there is a lesson, lesson to be learned from it. Even if it is just that, like, you can deal with more than you think you can deal with. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't excited for it to be over. However, I do think that I learned more about myself across this retrograde and just about life and about manifestation, about the power of your words and about being careful. I literally have been walking around like split the movie, just with everything everyone says. I'm like, we're knocking on wood. It makes me notice how deprecating, like we all can kind of be in a joking manner. And I'm just wanting to continue to be better with that. And to anyone else who had a fierce retrograde or who has ever had one, just know you are more seen than ever. Like, truly, I, again, I, I think that it was kind of a bit for me always Mercury retrograde and Gatorade and all those things. And it's like, no, Mercury has power and I believe in it. But even that, I've just been doing so much more, deep diving on like my sign and who I am spiritually. And that is also a plus and a bonus. And everything is going to be so great. Could I have gone without the Abby phone and, like, Buster pool, squirrel gate? Like, maybe. But, like, I. I truly do believe everything is divine protection. And it's so easy to focus on only the bad things that are happening. You know, like when unlucky things are happening or you're in the hospital or just certain things. It's easy. But at the same time, across this retrograde, a lot of manifestations that are good things came true. I always joked about headlining a festival. I never thought that would be a real thing. And when there's this new festival called for you fest, they reached out to me. I couldn't believe it. And Kyle and I even, like, sat and made, like, a joking reel about just, like, how that never seemed possible to all of us. And now it's happening. As we launched too, I started seeing so many videos about Tanacon. Okay? And I want to talk Tanacon for a second, which I never like saying in the big 2 6. But as I launched being a part of this festival, I started seeing tiktoks of people being like, is this going to be like Tanacon? And I'm like, hold your horses, okay? I'm not the fire fest guy. This is not my festival. It's not my festival, but someone else. It's being put on by a very reputable company. Trisha's doing it. Quinlan's doing it. Drew and Caleb are doing it. So many funny, incredible people. And I'm so honored to be a part of it. Definitely, in true tana fashion, I agreed to it. And then I was like, okay, what am I doing on stage? Obviously, it's in November. I have plenty of time. But I don't think it was until I saw the lineup and I saw that I was truly headlining and, like, no one else was performing at the same time as me. On the day that I am slotted for that, I got a little. A little nervous, you know, because that means that theoretically there can be people in the crowd that are just there, you know, they came to see someone else, and then they end up just going to your set because there's nothing else at the same time, like, they're already there, but that's also focusing on the negative. I hope to see so many of you guys there, and we're gonna have a great time. I started to see tiktoks of like, is this gonna be like Tanacon? It's Funny because I opened one of the tick tocks to comment on them and be like, no, this is put on by like a reputable agency. And in true Trisha Paytas fashion, she has a different Twitter 24 hours in the day than all of us. She had already seen the TikTok and was in the comments going, no, this is put on by a reputable company. And I was like, that is my girl. She got to it before I did. So excited. Because I think I finally do know what my show is and I'm almost going to take inspiration from people saying that it could be like Tanacon. I think, I think we need some segues. I think we need a Shane Dawson look alike. I think we need a couch that looks like Hunter's old apartment. I think we need some funny things. And I'm excited for the people to see the comedy show that I'm putting together and I appreciate for you fest for, for, you know, getting me back on a stage and I'm very, very, very excited to meet all of you and thank God it is being put on by reputable people. So that was a great manifestation across this retrograde. And there's another huge one. There's two that are huge. One is objectively huge. One is huge to me and maybe a more niche community, one I cannot talk about at all. But I never thought in a million years I would be doing this thing and I cannot wait to talk to you guys about it. No one likes an influencer saying big things. Coming. Yeah. So I'm just going to shut the up about it until I can talk about it and then I'm going to have my dream guest on my podcast. And by that I do not mean Adam Sandler or Miley Cyrus, although they are my dream guest forever. It's a new dream guest. It's someone that I've been really, really, really obsessed with newly. Their story is so fascinating to me. It is a woman and thank God. I just can't wait to sit down with her. I have so many questions and it's an interview on like one I've ever done before. I think I lean normally towards pop culture and I lean towards maybe Internet stuff and this is a little different and I'm very excited. I'm also excited for a lot of the interviews I have coming up. I want to do like a pet psych. This brand safe episode was filmed during the famous retrograde of 2026, resulting in the camera capturing the wide angle to power down at this moment. However, as you may have Noticed the angle was still shown through the entire episode because Kyle was able to recover the corrupted file successfully. Back to the episode. Oh, retrograde. The camera battery just died and we lost all the footage from the wide shot with my cute little shoe rack and my Adam Sandler picture and all my favorite pictures and all my stuff behind me. Because it's retrograde. That's my song. Cause it's retro. And like what, what, what lesson? What? What's the lesson there? Like we've spent 40 brillion dollars on camera equipment. Like, like what's the lesson there other than retro grade Mercury retrograde. And I love it. And like before you comment, charged. Like they were charged. We don't know why it happened anyways, we might have a pet psychic on and I'm really excited about that. I have a lot of fun guests and just different stuff coming up and I'm excited to get a little sillier and random with this podcast and I'm excited about, about that and I'm just going to try to remain excited. Okay? And one major positive truly of this retrograde has been the dehoarding. I actually want to start talking about that in videos. I've been seeing this trend right now. It is, it is all over my for you page of 5 things you need to buy and it's always some with glass skin and a two piece set on telling you that if you don't have these five things you are inadequate and worthless. They're not saying that. It's just the societal feeling. And I'm so happy that across this trend happening, my entire living room was filled with trash bags of things I'm donating and getting rid of things I once spent money on and was so convinced I needed. Okay, the amount of neon, the amount of spikes, the amount of chains, the amount neon spikes and chains. Oh my pants with Jesus pieces on them. Them and bomber jackets that talk to you, bikinis that don't even cover your areola. Like just so many things. I am so happy to be getting rid of everything and it's given me this beautiful new lens on life that is not me saying that I still am not occasionally falling victim to certain things, whether it's tick tock shop or buying stuff. But in so many other times of life, that trend would have probably gotten me to buy so many things or want so many things. And a big thing I just want to say here right now is, is like you don't need any of those things. Don't get me wrong, if you really want something For a long time, treat yourself. And I think that that's one thing I worry about with this generation. I always talk about this, but I kind of have like a ring of goddaughters, right? Or like little sisters. Like for some reason Kyle has a little sister and my goddaughter, Kiki and Moa's little sister and they're all like 12 or 13. And they're these girls in my life that I see all the time and I often think that God gave me them. You know, I think I was so robbed at that age, especially at that age. That was like the hardest time of my life. Being a 12 or 13 year old girl with no one to help me, no one to teach me anything, you know, shave my legs or hygiene or your period or how to deal with the heartbreak or what you should look for in a boy or the, you know, alcohol and drugs and substances are starting to get introduced at that age and I had no one to guide me. So I like almost am getting to see this generation's youth, youth at such a personal level and them all being like girls. I, I take pride in like being there for them and you know, giving them stuff and giving them advice and just always like giving them gifts, being a text away if they need anything. Like almost like a big sister or a godmother. You know. What I see in them so much though, it's insatiable. The consumerism is insatiable. The way they want something immediately from TikTok, they get it and then by the time it's even in their hands, they already are talking about the thing that they want next, right? Even the Christmas lists and just the different things, you know, it's not ever like orbe', it's tarte shape, tape. Like it's just happened so much faster to this generation. As I started to really think about it and notice it, I was thinking about the fact that my generation has children. Like the way that it usually worked for most of us. Some, maybe not, they were lucky or whatever, but the way it worked is that you wanted something as a kid for a really long time, you know, maybe from the time of your birthday to Christmas or the time of like Christmas to the next question, Christmas, that's how long you wanted something for. And then you had to do chores to get it in some households or like in my case you had to go like pseudo work to try to get that money, to get those things, borrow your friend's thing or whatever it was. So then if you did end up getting the thing that you wanted, you'd wanted it for so long that it wasn't this instant gratification and on to the next. It was your prized possession. It was all you wanted to play with. And you took it everywhere. You loved it so much because of that yearning, period, period. Or that feeling of needing to like, work for it or earn it to get it. And then it. We also weren't being fed short form a million other things to like fill that void. It was just like TV commercials are going to the toy store, you know, and it's so interesting, obviously, just the way that this new generation is, but also not even just the new generation, even just us in our generation. We've now all become Max consumers in so many ways because of how often something is being fed to you. And the goal, Honest truth is 80% of the time it's a quick dopamine hit and you might enjoy it for a short period of time and then it's going to end up in a landfill. And I'm just trying to be as good as I can. So if anything, I think if I participate in any form of that trend, it's going to be the five things that you don't need to buy, because Lord knows I am the expert in it. There are things that I think that like, five things you should buy, you know, if you're going to treat yourself to certain things, you know, like, I love a good massage. I love like anything that helps me try travel comfortably. Lola blankets are worth every penny. Like there are certain things where I love them and you know, I have a lot to say about things like that, but it's just not what I want to be putting out into the world, I guess, even though I just kind of did. But oh my God, designer luggage, owning a car, like any micro trend ever. Boof, boof, boof. That's another thing. A lot of the times we are being sold something like luggage is always my example where it's like, get the nice thing and like whatever, and then you end up getting, getting it. And it's the same thing as the thing you get at TJ Maxx. Like I am to me, remoing all the way to TJ Maxx, you know, and that's often a lot of times the answer. You know, a drugstore lipstick is usually just as good as the nice one. Like there's the tried and true things that you've been using forever. You'll probably end up loving more than the product that like, you know, everyone's shoving down your Throat. However, you know, there are also great things I don't know. It's about discernment. I'm just trying to discern, you know, if I really need and want to try something or if I want something for a long enough period of time. I'm just trying to be better. And that's been a big thing of this period. And donating. Everything has felt so good. I'm about to start doing a bunch of giveaways for you guys too, because we as influencers also just receive factually, way too much pr. Like the mountains at the front door. It's like, I don't need the new lipstick in every single shade, so I'm gonna keep one and give the rest to you guys. I'm excited to start doing that. But there has been good things from this retrograde. Such as that, such as just a zest for gifts getting back to life as well. Like feeling good, you know, I just had a little setback and I'm not gonna lie, after waking up after the hospital, I did spend the day feeling like about myself and just like sorry for myself and like just wanting to feel on 10 and like wanting to work hard and wanting to be present in this beautiful life. But sometimes I think a want for that is just as important, if not more important than having it. You know, this entire last month has changed my entire perspective on my health and my anxiety, all of the different things. So shout out to this retrograde. But I'm very excited for it to come to a close. Kate Gosselin, wherever you are, just know that the only way you will have no haters is if I'm dead. Lily from Clav World, if you need a friend who's been through some similar shit, I'm right here and now. I am actually about to hop over to our non existent Patreon and I've been stacking content for our upcoming Patreon on so that when it's finally yours, they are all edited, all done and coming out on time and stuff. And obviously there will end up being, you know, like new things that I throw in now and again. Kind of similar to how I do this podcast. You know, you just saw Paige and I from months and months ago, but then Trevi and I in current time. Me in current time. Next one might be like me and Holly Madison or something, you know, from a while back. That's kind of the system I found out that works for me. So I want to do the same thing with our Patreon. However, I'm going over There because I did dated musicians and I just recently had a development. I'm not going to say too much. I have a story of something that happened across this retrograde with a musician that I dated. And I'm going to tell the story. And it is. You know, honestly, it's not even fierce to the actual person. It's fierce to another person, another celebrity who I absolutely just will not like until the day I die. I will be saying names. I'm going to tell the story. And I'm so excited to launch this Patreon and have a safe space to get things like this off my chest without doing it on the main frame. But just know I'm very excited for that. But I love you guys so much and I just want to say thank you for just showing up for me always. I think that I had a lot of days, you know, I. That was another lesson that I learned. Sorry, ADHD kind of side tangent. But another lesson that I learned across this retrograde is, like, bad days are a part of a beautiful, perfect life. That came from my birthday. You know, I don't necessarily think I had. It was one of the hardest emotional birthdays I've had had in like five or six years. But it made me kind of zoom out and say, like, yes, maybe June 24th of this year was a very hard day for me. However, this is the most beautiful my life has ever been. And how many years of my life did I have an absolutely beautiful birthday. But then the other 364 days were just the worst, right? And turmoil and chaos. And I can definitely be so aware of that, that these, you know, harder days are a part of a beautiful, beautiful life. But what I will say, say is on those days, there is never a day that goes by that I don't open up my phone and look at my DMs or look at my comments or messages, anything, and see so much love from each and every one of you. And I just want you to know that I read all of that and I see all of that. A couple weeks ago, I opened up my drawer and I found all the letters from all of the girls that came to meet me and Trisha in Vegas. And I ended up being in so much pain and then leaving Vegas to immediately, immediately get surgery that I didn't read the letters. Like normally I go into my hotel room after a show and I read them all right then and there. And I didn't do that because I was just in so much pain. I came home, I got the surgery So I kept the letters to read later and I read them and I would love to maybe even start reading some on the podcast because your guys's stories are so inspiring and profound and is so I'm so amazed by you. You are all such strong, incredible, smart individuals that I am so lucky to know and to love. I I think that that's always more prevalent to me in times where I am having a harder day or a harder time is just that the one constant I will always have is this beautiful family. And I know I'm always saying that. And if you want to call me repetitive Nelly, that's fine. I wouldn't have anything if it wasn't for you. And I wouldn't have anything if it wasn't for you. So I just thank you so so so much and I love you so, so so much and I love doing a solo and sitting down and just yapping with you guys. Please tell me in the comments below about your July 2026 retrograde or any retrograde experience. I will be deep in the comments and I cannot wait to see what you have to say. And I love you guys so much and thank you to everyone too who was looking out for me. Even the Ehlers Donlos Comments I'm excited to go figure that out and I just love you down divas. I love you down. And we will always prevail. Okay, One thing a bad will always do is prevail. And I will talk to you in the next episode when it's not Mercury retrograde. Yeah. Bye. My fellow American. This July, we're celebrating America's birthday at Moto Casino by giving away 1,776,000 in prize. And one lucky winner is going to take home 1,000,000 SC. Happy 250th birthday America. You're welcome. Download Moto Casino today Download the Moto Casino app today. Moto Casino is the Social Casino board. We're prohibited. No purchase necessary. Visit Moto Us for more details. Moto Casino America Social Casino.