2: Imari and Tana reflect on adoption, parental traumas, and endless Vegas lore - Brand Safe Ep. 2

Summary

Brand Safe Ep. 2 – Tana Mongeau & Amari Stewart: Adoption, Parental Trauma, and Vegas Lore

Date: May 16, 2026
Host: Tana Mongeau
Guest: Amari (Amari Anthony Stewart)

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Episode Overview

In this heartfelt and nostalgic episode, Tana Mongeau sits down with her lifelong best friend Amari Stewart for a conversation that is both vulnerable and chaotic. They reflect candidly on their tumultuous family histories, Tana’s unofficial adoption by Amari’s family, the deep scars left by their biological parents, and how their shared past in Las Vegas shaped who they are. The pair reminisce about their high school antics, the ups and downs of navigating messy home lives, the impact of chosen family, and growing up together—culminating in reflections on loyalty, healing, and their signature unfiltered humor. This episode is a blend of raw emotion, hilarious storytelling, and genuine friendship.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Unbreakable Bond: From Friendship to Family

Timestamp: 01:31–17:45

• Lifelong Friendship: Tana introduces Amari as her "recurring guest," highlighting their enduring friendship and how Amari became her chosen family.

  • “We are attached at the hip and I think it does make sense…” – Amari, [01:51]

• Mutual Rescue Missions: Both share how they’ve alternated being the “stronger one” and pulling the other through difficult times.

  • “There have been lots of phases of our friendship where the other person might have been stronger than the other...” – Tana, [14:21]

• Evolution of Communication: They’ve matured past "attacky" arguments toward loving, honest confrontation and growth.

  • “We've gotten so much better at finding the exact ways to communicate… this isn't an attack.” – Tana, [15:58]

• Fighting for Friendship: Unlike many friends who drift, Tana and Amari “fight first for the friendship” and treat each other like family.

  • “It’s always just living with you, and I couldn’t imagine living without you.” – Tana, [16:08]

Memorable Quote:

“You'll never be too much for someone that can't get enough of you.” – Amari [21:43]

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2. Chosen Family and Found Homes

Timestamp: 17:45–34:41 | 34:41–53:44

• Adoption Story: Tana opens up about being “adopted” by the Stewarts and how their loyalty gave her what her own parents never could.

  • “It is my life's greatest honor to be a Stewart…” – Tana, [34:33]
  • “For some reason, [my mom] saw something in me that I didn’t see, where she was like, ‘I’ll keep this one and work on it…’” – Tana, [46:23]

• Contrast to Birth Family:

  • Tana discusses her father’s narcissism, abuse, and both parents’ inability to provide love or emotional safety.
    • “I was not getting anything a child needed at my house, and you guys were giving it to me.” – Tana, [48:01]
  • Both mourned the trauma their biological parents caused but bonded even more through chosen ties.

Memorable Moment:

The “electric bill story”—ironic and darkly funny—epitomizes Tana’s fraught dynamic with her mother:

• “Door slams 30 seconds later…all of that…‘but can you pay the electric bill?’” – Tana, [69:53]

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3. Growing Through Each Other: Loyalty, Honesty, and Non-Yes-Men

Timestamp: 24:41–30:53

• No ‘Yes Men’: Tana refutes claims that her friends are just hangers-on, insisting that Amari and the core crew call her out and ground her.

  • “I don’t do that [surround myself with yes-men]… I care so much about that because I don’t think I’d be where I am in any regard without you guys.” – Tana, [26:25]

• Mutual Support: Both friends share stories of sticking together through “hell and no hell,” making sacrifices for each other without keeping score.

  • “Hell or no hell, like we just love you.” – Amari, [27:50]

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4. High School Vegas Lore, Survival & Social Climbing

Timestamp: 39:37–53:44 | 74:44–81:58

• Insider Vegas:

  • Riotous tales of high school mischief—power boxing, stealing lawn gnomes, hustling for Instagram likes via LB (like back)—paint an authentic portrait of adolescence with a side of delinquency.
    • “Not only would we be like, ‘we’re down,’ but we’d be like, ‘check this one out…’” – Tana, [39:00]
    • “We post a photo and it would always be, I commented ‘LB’ too early…” – Tana, [81:33]

• Popularity Politics: They craved being “high school famous,” and laugh at their “fraudulent” rise to popularity through social media schemes.

  • “I wanted to make it out of this life. And that was, I guess, came with fame.” – Tana, [78:09]

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5. Healing from Generational Trauma and the Power of a “Real” Parent

Timestamp: 53:44–74:41

• Comparing Upbringings: Amari’s family environment was strict but safe, loving, and honest—everything Tana’s household was not.

  • “It’s not that the Stewarts are perfect. It’s that we’re loyal and we ride for each other…” – Tana, [47:37]

• Stewart Family’s Influence: Deborah (Amari’s mom) is painted as relentlessly patient but tough, a “ride-or-die” who doesn’t give up on the kids she cares for.

  • “She is so to her core... but tomorrow you don’t have to be that person.” – Tana, [45:23]
  • “[Deborah’s] patience is insane…” – Amari, [45:36]

• Generational Healing:

  • Tana and Amari talk about cycles of trauma—Deborah’s tough childhood and dropping out of high school, Tana’s need for worth, Amari’s need to belong—and how being together interrupted those cycles.

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6. Adult Reflection: Clubs, Comfort, and Quiet Growth

Timestamp: 83:12–87:52

• Nightlife Evolution: Now they laugh about Vegas clubbing but admit they’ve “outgrown” the wildest aspects of their old life.

  • “There’s a high to not caring if you live or die… And we lived like that for a very long time. And now…we have discretion.” – Tana, [83:13]

• Laughter as Survival: Even now, small moments (“Locked in!” memes, accidental flatulence at the club) keep their humor sharp and their bond light, despite the heavy past.

  • “Being memeable shows that you are authentically yourself…” – Amari, [10:35]

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “We can't always be shocking, still together. Always.” – Amari, [87:48]
• “I'm grateful for this Brand Safe era, bringing me peace… For a long time, you and I shared the same value: that entertainment value had to be shock value. And it’s very nice to see the way we've evolved.” – Tana, [87:27]
• “She’s going to yell at the top of her lungs...but she's still going to be there for you tomorrow, relentlessly.” – Tana referring to Deborah, [45:37]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |-----------------------------------------------|----------------| | Recurring friendship, communication growth | 01:31–17:45 | | Marbles in the jar & family loyalty | 21:01–22:21 | | Tale of “Electric Bill” – peak family drama | 62:33–70:09 | | Hilarious high school antics | 39:37–41:45 | | IG “LB” Fraud & popularity | 78:09–81:58 | | On Deborah’s patience and chosen family | 45:17–46:36 | | Clubbing, “locked in,” and adulthood | 83:12–87:52 |

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Final Thoughts

This episode captures why “Brand Safe” is Tana’s most vulnerable, honest project to date. By letting the lens linger on Amari and her makeshift family, Tana exposes how real connection, tough love, and true loyalty have been her survival tools. “Brand Safe” is—and will continue to be—an ode to the families we choose when the ones we’re born into aren’t safe.

“Always, always, always, no matter what, we can’t always be shocking. Still together. Always.” – Amari [87:48]

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Summary prepared for listeners who crave all the emotion and the lore—without the ads or the chaos.

Transcript

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[Tana]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Today's guest is so late and they're just so rude. It's just like, don't you understand that we're shooting a podcast? Like, just have some etiquette, you know, have some decorum. How embarrassing for you to talk about decorum.

[Amari Stewart]

Class, respect even. Honestly, oh, my God, no.

[Tana]

Yesterday I had such a right now.

[Amari Stewart]

But it's high.

[Tana]

Amari Stewart. Amari Anthony Stewart. We are so brand save. I've been dreaming of this episode. I will say, like, you are definitely going to be probably the closest thing to me on this podcast when it comes to permanence and, you know, regular and just showing up and, oh, like recurring guests. That's what I was looking for.

[Amari Stewart]

We are attached at the hip and I think it does make sense just because you always have me, like, come along for things where you're like, oh, like, this is going to be so miserable. Like, please come. And I'm like, oh, my God. Wow, it's going to be so miserable. Sounds like a treat.

[Tana]

I know, it's so true. I'm always pitching something to Amari. Like, I have a day from hell on Tuesday. Can you come?

[Amari Stewart]

And it's like, what in the invite sounds amazing.

[Tana]

I think I used to lie too. I, like, I really did. Honestly, I'd be like, amari, you should come. Like, I have a photo shoot all day. You're going to be on this bar, bar stool in the corner. It's gonna be amazing. And then I think over time you were like, like, I know what it is and I'm going to like be there for you.

[Amari Stewart]

And it got to the point to well, yes, that. And it got to the point where I was like, okay, she's going to go do this with this person. And obviously like you've got a lot of like friends with clout and in the space and everything like that. And I'm like, well, I'm gonna utilize that to my advantage. Like I'm gonna get that TikTok with Harry Jowsey. I say dance monkey. He's like, okay.

[Tana]

We were laughing the other day at Trish's because Harry Jowsey is always, and I mean always at the scene of the crime.

[Amari Stewart]

Always.

[Tana]

Like even just right now in current time where I almost had Real Housewives. We're Secret Life of Mormon wiving. There's so much like, well, we're not.

[Amari Stewart]

I've been watching the show. I'm on season two.

[Tana]

Can I please tell this from my perspective? I'm scrolling tick tock the other night and this is right after. And I know that you had just started Secret Lives in Mormon Wives, but this is obviously right after a very unfortunate video of Taylor Frankie Paul was released. And just anytime there's a child in the room, you guys already know exactly how I feel about some shit and how you feel, how anyone feels like. I know that there's so many arguments like reactive abuse and just all these things and all those arguments can stand unless there's a child in the room. It's like, what's going on? But Amare had just started Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. And so he, he's not on his phone, he's not looking at anything. He's watching it. And you're a big binge watcher. Like you hide in a room and that's what you do.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

So you're not on your phone. Like you just, you know. And I'm scrolling my for you page and I just, I just see my best friend, my ride or die. My person amidst this God awful scandal post a video saying, Taylor Frankie Paul is that girl. I assume everyone was calling you and

[Amari Stewart]

oh, it was so funny because my comments were like, oh, oh girl, girl, girl. And I'm like, what? And I post a TikTok, put my phone down, start season two. I'm like, hell yeah. Binge watching some more. My phone buzzes and I'm like, what is it? Grab it it news article. 25 minutes after I post this TikTok. It's an E News article and it's like Taylor Frankie Paul, blah blah, blah, Bachelorette season canceled all this stuff because of, like, that. Another notification comes in TMZ with the video. I'm like, oh, I gotta get on there and retract my statement. This would happen to me.

[Tana]

Yeah. No, and me, I completely resonate. And honestly, I'm going through something similar right now. I was so locked in chairs at people.

[Sponsor Voice]

No,

[Tana]

no, because we're actually in the win, right? I'm not throwing anything at anyone. I'm unbanned. We've been having a weekend in Vegas, and we're going to get into that. But before I got to the wind, I was playing in a celebrity poker tour tournament. And I love doing them, but the experience I had the other day was just devastating. Like, I fly in. There's 54 people in the tournament. I. I've never placed lower than 20. Like, I play poker. People were betting on me to be final table good at it.

[Amari Stewart]

I've placed second before.

[Tana]

I've placed second multiple times. It's the worst thing to get all the way there, and then someone else just takes your cake, and you're, like, nine hours deep and whatever. But I love poker. But I have started to move like, I'm Daniel Negreano. Like, I'm Phil Ivey. And it's like, no, you still have to learn. And at the end of the day, it's also luck. I placed 54th out of 54. Out of 54. I was the first person out. People were going like, no. Like, it was so embarrassing. It was. Zach justice took all my money. And it's like, I love Zach justice and all, but I like to think that I, like, know how to play poker. And maybe I would. Maybe, yeah. But not that day. And it was so humbling. And before I left, too, I was deciding between two outfits.

[Amari Stewart]

One, this is why she lost.

[Tana]

I honestly agree. One was so, like, classy. Like, almost classic, kind of classy.

[Amari Stewart]

Decorum, Respectful.

[Tana]

Classy. Still a reach because it was leopard. But, like, it was just a nice jacket. Very, like, Kendall Jenner. Like, it's just a nice jacket. My stylist picked out this whole outfit, and in the final moment, I'm like, I'm gonna wear this kid Hardy tank, right? I do it with this little, like, red bag, and it's just, like, it is definitely giving. You can take the girl out of Vegas, but you can't take the Vegas out of the girl, the outfit. And I knew that I was like, let me have a little edge, right?

[Amari Stewart]

Instead of listening to the woman that I pay to pick out my Outfits.

[Tana]

Yes, yes. Literally, I'm like, should I do that? And it's like, put on what Justine said. We walk in and there's a paparazzi outside. They ask me, you know, tana, have you seen that Taylor, Frankie, Paul stuff? And I said, that was crazy. I was locked in this morning. And it's funny because I almost said more. Like, I almost. Like, I had a lot more to say, obviously. I always have a lot more to say. And in my head, even in the moment, I was like, you know what? Just shut your trap. Just shut your trap and walk inside. And then after I lose this tournament, I wake up yesterday to just this locked in video of me looking identical to Team Bryce. Like, I turn over the shoulder. I laugh.

[Amari Stewart]

The bag.

[Tana]

The bag is little.

[Amari Stewart]

The jeans. Any thoughts on the Bachelorette being canceled?

[Tana]

Oh, my God, that is crazy. I was locked in this morning.

[Amari Stewart]

That's over with.

[Tana]

I mean, you know, I'm being sorry about that. It's not my beef. But, you know, we Team Bryce out here. That's right. Even the paparazzi Team Bryce people were

[Amari Stewart]

commenting, like, are these the same jeans? Yes.

[Tana]

And it's like, no, they're not. They're a brand. They're really nice. They're my favorite jeans. And now they have a stain on them forever. Like, I can never wear them again. I don't know. I guess I'm realizing just as time goes on that it's like, brand safe and like, this rebrand, and you're, like, really rebranding and like, Sarai looked at me yesterday and she was like, the only thing thing that's changed is the tone of your hair. And it's just like, I'm dead sober in the video. Obviously, I was dead sober for Team Bryce as well. I hate to admit that, but, like, just some things never change.

[Amari Stewart]

That's just how I talk. What's up?

[Tana]

Yeah. And it's like, oh, my God. The way I respond to paparazzi is really the way I would, like, respond to you. Like, if you were like, did you see that stuff? I'd be like, yeah, that was crazy. I was locked in this morning. Can I ask you a serious question?

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

What was I supposed to say?

[Amari Stewart]

I was so heavily invested this morning. Oh, my gosh. I saw that stuff online and it's so crazy. I was so invested this morning.

[Tana]

Like, pip, pip, cheerio.

[Amari Stewart]

I saw that this morning. It was so crazy. I was so invested this morning.

[Tana]

I'm about to start responding to paparazzi. I think, like a chat bot you're

[Amari Stewart]

like, no, that shit was nuts. You finna come inside, slide twin?

[Tana]

And that. That is the problem. And, like, I owe Tara's world a huge apology.

[Amari Stewart]

Huge, by the way.

[Tana]

Like, I'm so, so. Because I am so finna be in the bit goated.

[Amari Stewart]

Oh, my God. I just saw one of the hustle boys, like, in the lobby when I was coming up. Bring him up here, getting out of the elevator. And, like, so fine, by the way, my job dropped.

[Tana]

You have been doing that, letting your jaw actually drop at a man.

[Amari Stewart]

Because some people, it's just like a natural response. Sad to say, I just aired myself out yesterday. There was this hot, like, cowboyish looking man in the lobby. Honestly, he'd probably want me dead. Let's be real. You don't know. Yeah, you never know. I make eye contact with him and my jaw just drops. And I was like, pick it up. Oh, my God.

[Tana]

And then you came up to the room just yelling, drooling, drooling, get me a bib.

[Amari Stewart]

Drooling.

[Tana]

Get me a bib.

[Amari Stewart]

Find shit in the lobby. Find in the lobby. There was also a group of men screaming at the craps table. And I was like, do I just pivot, turn and say the podcast? Yes.

[Tana]

It is crazy being in the wind too. It's just such a different environment, the people. And like, even yesterday, I, like, walked downstairs to shop and I was in a black tank top and jeans. Okay. Little bag, locked in. That's also the other frustrating thing about the locked in shit is that whenever I see this, I already know how it went with Team Bryce. Like, that's going to be 365 days a calendar year. Before I can escape it, I'm probably going to have to make merch. Yes. And at the end of the day, I do think, even with Team Bryce, I guess, can look at those moments and, like, I think it's so, so, so, so important to laugh at yourself. Even today in the group chat, we're laughing at it. Even, like, yesterday, you and Sarai were being so funny about it. So Sarai was going, grown woman, mind you.

[Amari Stewart]

I think there's something awesome, though, about, like, being memeable, because I just feel like that shows that you, like, are authentically yourself.

[Tana]

What I was going to say is that, like, my takeaway from Team Bryce, at the end of the day, it kept me relevant. And, like, at the end of the day's day, and at what cost is an argument? Okay, at what cost is definitely an argument, but also it's the currency that My business thrives off of. And if I have to be locked in to launch this podcast, I'm grateful to have a space.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

And at the end of the day, it's also harmless. I think when things are harmless, if you get agitated at it and you can't laugh at yourself and you can't understand that people are going to bring it up because it's funny and stuff. I don't know, I just would be doing myself in my career a disservice. And at the end of the day, it is who I truly am. Like, I forget what I was saying to you yesterday. Like, I was, I was starting to be hyper aware of just the way I talk and I was like, this fit is like something. Like, I forget what I say. It was right after it. I just immediately started and I was like, maybe I should be saying, like, this outfit isn't that like just this fit is like this.

[Amari Stewart]

Not five.

[Tana]

Okay, fine. The only five I know is cadre.

[Amari Stewart]

Okay, so fine. The way you said that, like, laughing at yourself is important and stuff. Because if you were to just live in a world of like, embarrassment and stuff, I feel like that's the kind of thing that some people actually, actually do in real life. And then it just like affects them in the future. And then like, what if you were just like, oh, I'm so embarrassed. Like, I'm never going to talk to a paparazzi ever again.

[Tana]

Oh, no, I'm never talking to a paparazzi ever again. But that's beside the point. Or I'm gonna get weird with it. Or I'm gonna like, respond like this and like go all Siri on them. Like, I don't know what I'm gonna do next in that regard. But also I will say that I'm like, well aware of the fact that I lean embarrassing. I'm just doing some shit always. That's like, why are you doing that? Like, even just like with a toothbrush, like, just like always been that way. I think that I'm just always talking and I try to think before I talk as much as I can now in this era. But I'd be lying if I like, if I always did that slash.

[Amari Stewart]

If I like sometimes just falls out of you.

[Tana]

Sometimes you're just locked in.

[Amari Stewart]

Sometimes you're just locked in. Twin. That's all. God.

[Tana]

That's what we were laughing about yesterday. Is that all that was missing was Twin.

[Amari Stewart]

Twin. I love twin. What's poppy Twin.

[Tana]

It's like, shut up.

[Amari Stewart]

Like, we grew up in Henderson.

[Tana]

Henderson Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. And I'm wondering if we, like, do that today. If we, like, take a trip down memory lane slash Vegas lane, slash, like, just.

[Amari Stewart]

I'm down. I feel like we've talked, like, quite a bit about some stuff, like, from high school, but not everything. And we haven't gotten into, like, the

[Tana]

nitty gritty, because as I've been like, preparing for this episode, obviously it's you, and I think we could just riff no matter what. But I'm so happy that we are finally at a place where we've grown so much.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah, like. Like seven. That was 10 years ago.

[Tana]

Yes. But even just, like, up until five years ago, we were kind of messy. Up until maybe even three years ago, we were very messy. Like, we're finally, like, on the outside because we're at the win right now. And obviously, the first time we got banned, we got banned together. First time I got banned, we got banned together. You did not get banned a second time. You remained inside during my second band. For some reason, I also, like. I don't know if I blocked it out or just drunk or what, if it's proximity. Like, I think my memory is one of those things where until I go into a moment or go into a place, it's not. Not that good. Even with my book, I have to, like, really, like, mentally take myself to the place and, like, sit in it to start remembering things. Whereas, like, I've been living, like, oh, I don't have that many memories at the wind. And then, like, as we've been walking around the wind, every single corner of it, I'm having these flashes of things that I, like, thought I completely forgot. And just, like, as I walk through more and more, I'm like, damn straight, they banned me. And here I go. Damn straight. It was. It was accurate that they banned me.

[Amari Stewart]

Rightfully so.

[Tana]

Yes. Like, just the amount of memory, like, flooding through. And even in the bathroom, Devon and I were talking about, like, our friendship and how much you and I have helped each other grow over the years. And I almost think that, like, there have been lots of phases of our friendship where the other person might have been stronger than the other person. Do you know what I mean? Where, like, one was kind of dipping and falling, and then it was the other person's job to kind of grab that one and, like, continue to carry on. I was even talking about how you don't lean sensitive. You're not a sensitive person.

[Amari Stewart]

Very true.

[Tana]

But the amount of growth I've seen in your sensitivity over the years because of us communicating about that and stuff is, like, beautiful. Or, like, I don't lean being more

[Amari Stewart]

patient and, like, respectful of other people's feelings.

[Tana]

Yes. But, like, I don't lean responsible. You've helped me with that so much over the years. I'm like, hey, you were wrong there, and you need to be better.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah. I feel like we've gotten really good at explaining to each other, like, in a way that both of us will, like, understand, like, this is why you're wrong and stuff, as opposed to, like, I don't know, because, you know, like, I'm pretty argumentative, and I feel like you're good at, like, explaining things to me in a way to where I don't necessarily. Like, I might start off argumentative. But you're able to get through. Same way with you. Like, I'm able to get through to you, and I feel like. Because I'm just not a serious person in general.

[Tana]

Yeah.

[Amari Stewart]

So I feel like if it takes me to, like, sit there and, like, have a serious conversation with you about something, whether it be, like, you or just something that's going on with me, then, like, you know, it's, like, probably pretty serious.

[Tana]

Yeah. But I think that we both. I haven't thought about this until right now, but, like, we can lean, especially in our earlier years of friendship and stuff. Attacky. Like, I think that if someone's trying. Yes. Yes. And that's why we're best friends. And, like, we love to, like, argue for fun.

[Amari Stewart]

What's Poppin Twin?

[Tana]

Yeah. Over the years, we've gotten so much better at finding the exact ways to communicate with each other where it's like, this isn't an attack. And, like, you don't have to come back at me just because you don't like what I'm saying.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

And, like, really be able to get through to each other, which is cool, because I think that a lot of people also ask me a lot. And they ask you a lot, I'm sure. How do you foster a friendship like, the one that the two of you have? I guess it's always been so effortless to me. Or just. Just living. It's just living with you, and I couldn't imagine living without you. Like, that's what it's always felt like. But the more that I actually deeply think about it, we have always, like, fought for this friendship first.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

There have been moments where we're fostering it and we're watering the garden and the plants are growing, and, like, that is, like, something Beautiful.

[Amari Stewart]

I guess I think it's what makes it beautiful is that we like care enough to like do that.

[Tana]

You know, it's funny, I. This was like a year ago and I had just put you through hell with so much of just me drinking and being insane and like whatever, obviously over the years. And we should talk about that as well. You were just like, you were off, you were in Vegas, you were doing your crazy and you, you're giving me some grays, you know? And I was like preparing to talk to you and I had this like moment of just like clarity where I don't know how to explain this, I guess, but like, we've always shown each other family in the loving way. But I never realized that family is also equally as much as it's love. It's knowing that you are not going to give up on each other no matter what.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

No matter how much the person is giving you grace or pissing you off or doing the wr. Wrong thing or like you can't watch what they're doing right now.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

Or like it's harder to get through to them, but vice versa. Also. I'm not just like saying this about you, I'm saying but like, I just had this moment where I was like Amari showing me family right now, but like not necessarily in the like way that we always do. And that's what family is, you know? And that's beautiful.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah. And I think that's the difference too is like we look at each other like family as opposed to like friends. Like, think about how many people we've just like that have fizzled out over the years and stuff because we're just like, oh, they're just like friends, but like we're together forever.

[Tana]

Yes. There was this moment where you and I, we were going through kind of ending a friendship with someone else else. And we were both.

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[Amari Stewart]

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[Tana]

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[Tana]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Choosing to distance oursel with someone else.

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[Tana]

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[Tana]

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[Tana]

I remember the person had they done something super wrong, right? And I was just like very done with something. A million things. Like it was just kind of my final straw with this person. And you know, I wish the best for them and I always do, especially if I spend a lot of time with someone. But where I was like my proximity to them is going to change. And I remember that their fighting argument was like one of the things that they had done. They were like, well Amari does this and you're always gonna forgive Amari. And I was like yes.

[Amari Stewart]

And when I found that out, I was so pissed off because it's like I'm not you. Me looking at the I'm not you, we're family.

[Tana]

Well, yes. And just I am always going to forgive Amari, like, if. No matter what, even if you do something that I find to be unforgivable, the answer is not. Not friends.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah. You care enough about me to, like, let's talk about this. Let's get through this.

[Tana]

Yes. The other day, Chelsea Handler said this analogy to me, and I feel like she's always saying something to me that, like, sticks with me forever. And it was. It was someone else's analogy that she was telling me. And I forget who it is. Obviously it's an analogy about marbles and having marbles in a jar that eventually you get to a certain point with someone where you can't up how many marbles you have in the jar. Something might take three marbles out, but you still have so many and you'll end up putting back in more. And like, that's. That's what it is. You know what I mean? It's like our jar of marbles is far too full to ever. You know what I mean?

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah. You know, it's funny, since you're talking about, like, an analogy, I saw a quote the other day. I didn't even, like, tell you about this, but it was like the other. I was laying in bed and I saw a quote and I started crying because I started thinking about you See

[Tana]

the sensitivity it was.

[Amari Stewart]

You'll never be too much for someone that can't get enough of you. And I. Oh, my God. I saw that. I was, like, laying in bed. I literally started crying. So I was like, Taylor, to me, I was like, oh, I will never

[Tana]

get enough of you. That is what. I also think that that's a beautiful thing about this time of our life, like, getting old.

[Amari Stewart]

I literally saw that quote in bed and just started crying. I was like, oh, my God. Like, you're definitely, like, honestly, like, the only person on this planet that, like, I feel that way about. And I feel, like, feels that way about me.

[Tana]

Yes.

[Amari Stewart]

So I was like, damn, I can be a lot sometimes. And I was like, but you can just never get enough.

[Tana]

And 100.

[Amari Stewart]

Like, you don't make me feel like I obviously can do too much, but, like, you don't make me feel as though I'm too much.

[Tana]

No, exactly.

[Amari Stewart]

And I was just. Wow.

[Tana]

To add on to that, I think that in life too, when you're younger, you're trying to almost put your partner in a certain place. And I think that Makoa almost meeting Mokoa made me really realize that, like, I don't know how to explain this. He is my best friend and he is my partner. But there are certain quirks about me and certain things and certain where we're different and I can respect that. Like, he's not gonna sit and be like, so loud with me.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

Top of the lungs. He's not gonna sit and like, cook the out of someone with me. Die laughing at, like, certain.

[Amari Stewart]

That give you different releases, honestly.

[Tana]

Yes, exactly. And like, over time, like, I don't know, as I. As you get older, you realize that, like, that is what your best friend is for.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

Like, you're my person in that way. Like, you're just like my number one in that way.

[Amari Stewart]

And like, he's not gonna ask you questions about a lip liner.

[Tana]

Yes. Like.

[Amari Stewart]

Like, I'm only asking because I know it. Like you want to talk about it

[Tana]

and like, he can ask, but it's like you're playing house. And.

[Sponsor Voice]

Thank you.

[Tana]

But that, that's like also a beautiful thing, I guess because sometimes in partners too, you need opposites.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

Right. Like, Lord knows you and I both have tried to date people that are just like us. And I, me, at least I realized, like, I don't think that works. I need someone who's calmer. I need someone who is significantly more responsible, who's not down all the time things to balance me out in that way as a partner. Whereas in my best friend, like, you and I are identical. What we want to do and the things we find funny. Like, we are identical and we would obviously fail in any way like that.

[Amari Stewart]

Duh. Like, I always wonder, like, when, like, we're just being us, I was like, I wonder, like, what's going through Makoa's head right now.

[Tana]

Like, just watching us. Elevator music. Yeah.

[Amari Stewart]

He's just like, these two are at it again.

[Tana]

Yes. And I think it's very cute in dating him how much he, like, knows that. It's like, okay, Tana and Amari are having their, like, moment. Or like, like, even if it's like 3am, we might FaceTime for like an hour in bed and beyond. Fine with that.

[Amari Stewart]

Or I'm pulling out my phone and like, forcing him to film a TikTok, asking if he knows what DL trade means.

[Tana]

Yeah. Yes. Like, if you're dating me, you're also like, I'm like, basically dating. And you're very helpful in that regard too.

[Amari Stewart]

Can you please help me lift this?

[Tana]

Yes. Like, they were a package deal, essentially what I'm trying to say. And that is also the best in a partner. You know, when they're just so accepting.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah. And I Just I love Makoa so much. Like, yeah. Even, like, when you're like a. To him, I'm like, better shape up.

[Tana]

No. 100. You're so good about that. Oh, my God. I was talking about that. And I was talking about salmon in the kitchen gate.

[Amari Stewart]

Oh, my God.

[Tana]

I told him to cook salmon outside from now on.

[Amari Stewart]

My jaw was on the floor. I was like, girl, I got downstairs, my phone, texted her and was like, you better apologize. You are not gonna make that grown man who does so much for you cook his salmon outside because you don't like the smell of it.

[Tana]

Open a window, you go outside town.

[Amari Stewart]

Right, Exactly. I'm sure he doesn't like the smell of your morning breath.

[Tana]

And I apologize. I came correct.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

I think that is like.

[Amari Stewart]

And I think that's important, too. Just to have a best friend that's not necessarily a yes man. I feel like you have people online, honestly, do think that all of your friends are yes man. And I do think that you've surrounded yourself with. There are some people in life that I've looked at and, like, that's just a yes man.

[Tana]

But, like, I'm not going to go to Natalie if I need to be told what to do. Like, you know, I do know that some people are more just overly supportive and that's just who they are.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah. Which is good.

[Tana]

But at the same time, like, you need. And, you know, I really think that, like, pretty much all of us. I mean, like, Isabella, you, Paige, Ashley, like, we have a. Like, a system where, like, we all do just keep it a buck with. Keep it a buck do. Locked in, keep it a buck twin where we, you know, keep it a buck with each other. I get really offended by that for some reason when people say that I have yes men around because I, like, do everything in my power to ensure that I don't.

[Amari Stewart]

I think it stems from, like, you do make a lot of good decisions these days. And I feel like 80% of the time you're doing great for yourself. So obviously we're gonna, like, be supporting you through that and, like, hype you up and, like, this is awesome. And then there's like, 20% of the time where it's behind the scenes, typically, where we're, like, having these conversations and telling you, like, like, not, yes, manning you. Yeah.

[Tana]

I don't do that.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

And I care so much about that because I don't think that I would be where I am in any regard without you guys. Like, really. I wouldn't be, like, I always Say that. I know I wouldn't be here today, I wouldn't be sober.

[Amari Stewart]

So you'd still be drinking.

[Tana]

Like so many things. If I didn't have people grabbing me and people yelling at me and people telling me I got into a fight with a friend and then they were just saying things to like, hurt me. This was like, not a best friend, just a friend. And like, honestly, don't get me started on that fight. Cuz I didn't do like, someone just kind of came at me and they had said they. They were like. And all your yes, man. And for some reason it sent me into like a rage, like, we are still not good to this day. Because it made me like, I don't know why. It's just one of those things that I think that when people are in my position, it's a dig that people resort to when it's not the truth.

[Amari Stewart]

And it also just makes it sound like these people only like you because you're successful. That's like a dig at like the people around you and a dig at you.

[Tana]

Yes.

[Amari Stewart]

Because there's so many other things besides your success that make you like a lovable person. Because like, you were loved when you had nothing.

[Tana]

That's the thing that I always, like, say. I'm like, yes, the money is nice and yes, the jets are nice and yes, our house is nice. But also everyone pays rent and stuff. Like, everyone contributes and stuff and works hard and like, I love to see that. But also, like, I have put you guys through so much at my lows that there is no world where it was worth staying for, in my opinion. Like, how bad I was in like certain eras. Like, it doesn't matter if you're on a jet, if the person on the jet is trying to make it crash.

[Amari Stewart]

Like real shit twin. I know that you know that no one cares if you have anything. Well, like us at least. Like, we don't care if you have anything. And it is awesome, like going on the trips and doing nice stuff with you. But I don't think you should ever look at it as like, repayment or like, oh, it's the least I could do. I put these people through hell. Cause I. It's like, hell or no hell. Like, we just love you.

[Tana]

Yeah, like, and I know that so deeply, I wouldn't have anything if it wasn't for you guys. So I think that's a. It's not necessarily repayment, but it's like, what are the fruits of this labor if I cannot?

[Amari Stewart]

I'd be Doing the exact same thing. If the roles were reversed, I'd want to like, put you in my pocket and take you with me everywhere and like, on my busy ass days. And I'd want you on this trip and I'd want to bring like your boyfriend on this trip and like all the people that like, are around me and stuff. Because it's like, I enjoy these people's presence. And you do make me so happy.

[Tana]

Like the second you just got a big check, you went and bought me Chanel.

[Amari Stewart]

Okay.

[Tana]

Like you do, you really do. And we all, we all do have that mentality just with anything. Like, it's like, even if one person has a plate of literal food, like we're going to look at everyone and be like, are you hungry? Do you want some? And I think that's so important. Cuz as we've been in LA for longer, you just realize how many people. I almost think being in LA for so long has made us all closer to, like, driven us literally closer. Because you realize how many people don't want other people to eat, how many people are jealous, how many people are fake as.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah, our friend group has diminished to like, like damn near nothing.

[Tana]

I mean, it's like, what, it's like eight of us.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah, but I just mean like characters and like the way that we'd go out and socialize and the people that we cared to see versus the people that we care to see now.

[Tana]

Yes.

[Amari Stewart]

That's more so what I mean, it's so true.

[Tana]

And with age, there also comes such gratitude. I was even just thinking as you and I were like crying over that quote for so long. You're just young and you're expectant of the things around you and you think that the things around you are going to be there forever. I think that comes with your early 20s. And as you get older, you realize, like, no, like these four friendships are gonna be there until I die. And as we have kids and go on, we will still foster them. And like, as you get older, you don't see so many people so much. And like, at one point our group chat was like, 17 people.

[Amari Stewart]

Hell yeah.

[Tana]

And it's like we were drunk and partying and we thought that'd be forever. And I think the gratitude for this, like, relationship came later.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah. You know, I do think it's important to experience those kinds of things. Things just because of the fact that then the gratitude comes in, you know, as opposed to like, if that was still going on, we wouldn't like, grow in the areas that you're, like, meant to.

[Tana]

I want a lot of those people to thrive no matter what. But you do realize over time that certain people are. Aren't forever and, like, liability. I think for a long time I was looking at liability as an equal to entertainment because my morals weren't great. All I cared about was where, like, the next bottle was and the next fun night, and if the person was fun but at the risk of liability, I would keep them around and they

[Amari Stewart]

had a big boat in Miami.

[Tana]

Yes. Yes. Or a connection to one. Yeah. And then over time, obviously, that. That's the biggest change is that, like, I now can look at our friend group and be like, nobody is a liability. And that's awesome.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

You know, I can't believe we're sitting in the wind. I really just. I just keep having these moments where I'm like, oh, my God. I'm peeing at the wind. Like, oh, my God. But I also will say the bed is so. I slept like a baby last find

[Amari Stewart]

this bedding and, like, this mattress.

[Tana]

Oh, it's at wi home downstairs. I'm stopping by after Roberto Cavali. I love it here. I am realizing, though, how much resorts world, like, still has a your heart. Major place in my heart. I gambled here last night, and I was like, I do love the dining and the shopping and stuff here. And, like, I'm so happy to be back.

[Amari Stewart]

But I mean, just the, like, table minimums alone loan is crazy here.

[Tana]

Diabolical. Like, I forgot how it's one of one. It is like, the highest luxury and like, the slot minimums and the table minimums. I'm like, how do. Who has the funds? I don't want to gamble like that.

[Amari Stewart]

It's upper echelon as all hell. And I'm just seeing all these people walking around gambling too, and I'm like, what do you do for work? What do you do for work? What do you do for work?

[Tana]

Literally, last night I put money into a slot, and the minimum for each spin was $50 a spin. I find 10 to be high limit. And then we go out into low limit out of here, and it's $10 minimums for one slot spin. And that's the maximum. Like, at any other casino, that's the

[Sponsor Voice]

maximum you can, like, you.

[Tana]

And then you can go from 10 up. But, like, I don't know, 50 being the minimum.

[Amari Stewart]

It's crazy.

[Tana]

I was like. Because that just means you have to put like three or four grand into that machine to even get enough spins to, like, Start cooking.

[Amari Stewart]

Yes.

[Tana]

Which sounds electric, but someone's got to fund it.

[Amari Stewart]

When you're gambling, you are essentially like thinking with the mindset that you already lost this money and that way your. That way you're like, your feelings don't get as hurt if you lose it all.

[Tana]

Mine do. Even last night though, the roulette table in the high limit was 500 minimum. So like one spin. You had to have 500 out on the table. And I'm looking at like 40 people around it and ships stacked up here. I was like, what the. Where am I?

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah, you want to find a daddy, do it at the win.

[Tana]

That's very true, but I'm.

[Amari Stewart]

Maybe I'll download Grindr.

[Tana]

I'm so grateful I was banned for like the time of my life that I'm single. I would have been here. Lot lizard underwater. Yes, yes.

[Amari Stewart]

Lot lizard.

[Tana]

And he's laughing cuz it's true. Like holy hole. For sale. For sale. Two for five, one for eight.

[Amari Stewart]

You want to tell you more don't cost you a thousand.

[Tana]

I will say that I never. Well, I sold a lot of online but I came close. Like remember my sugar daddy era that I would meet him at Mandalay Bay. I've obviously told that story.

[Amari Stewart]

I was like so terrified me checking for Mao.

[Tana]

Cuz One thing about McCoy is he's so like if it's out on the Internet, I don't think he cares at all. He knows what I do and like I lived a grand life before him and it all led me to him. But obviously if he's in the room, I'm not gonna like, yeah, you know, like that's. I was daddying and I ended up not being able to. Cuz I do think that like the age gap of it all, it was just gross.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

But I am so grateful for our dynamic and I think that like, let me dial it back. Me locking back in. I think before we get into all the funny stuff, cuz we do have a lot of really crazy memories here. And we were about to go down the rabbit hole. I felt it happening. One thing I. I think that we've never talked about online that like, not never. I talk about it a lot. Like, and I feel like in interviews I talk about it a lot. People always ask me, I'm like, Amari's family adopted me and like we share certain things and stuff, but we have never really like gone in depth about our family dynamic. I'm kind of just like, oh, I'm a steward and like they adopted me and it's the best. But obviously, it took a lot to get here, and, like, now we do have this very special family dynamic that I'm so grateful for. It's. It is my life's greatest honor to be a steward. It is my number one life's greatest honor. Without question. Question. And I don't know where I would be. Well, we know where I'd be, actually. At the same time, I don't know if I'd be alive. Like, I don't know where I would be if I never met you and if I never met your amazing. Our amazing mother and father and siblings. And I. I don't know. I just want to talk about it, but I don't know where to begin.

[Amari Stewart]

I think because we were, like, kind of. We were kind of cooking toy when we decided to, like, take you in, I guess, or they have you around, like, so much more.

[Tana]

Yes.

[Amari Stewart]

I don't know if there was ever necessarily, like, a point where, like. Like, it was just, like, a switch flipped or anything like that. Like, you did come around a lot. And I think that, like, I don't know. This is gonna sound, like, so lame, but, like, growing up, like, I really wanted friends, like, and me, too. Only child. Anything in my power to, like, make friends with people and stuff. And, like, I grew up in my beginning stages of life. I was, like, going to school in California. And so when I moved out here, I was, like, the odd one out. Everyone was already friends with people and stuff. So making friends for me, it was, like, a lot harder every time you and I would hang out. And I feel like my parents would see this, too. For the sake of this episode, too, I'm gonna, like, refer to, like, Deborah Raj as, like, my parents, and then, like, your parents as your parents.

[Tana]

Yes. No, I'm kidding. I know. It is, like, that is so funny. Like, obviously, for context, it makes more sense saying, like, your parents when telling stories of my parents. But we don't normally do that.

[Amari Stewart]

But I feel like my parents saw me, like, hang out with different groups of people and stuff, and they would see that I was happy. But I think they saw me happiest when I was with. With you. Like, I think that they could see, like, literally, like, how happy you always made me. And I feel like that stems from just the fact that, like, you never, like, made me feel judged. Like, you never made me feel like I was too much.

[Tana]

Yeah.

[Amari Stewart]

You never made me feel weird or, like, you always, like, matched my weird and stuff. And I was just, like, I was so Excited to finally become friends with you because of the fact that I already knew who you were and I don't know, like, I didn't really know much about you, but I was just like, from the things that I would see or like the way you would like act around school and stuff, I was like, she just seems so funny and I feel like we would just like get along so well and I don't even know when we started like hanging out more and things started like speeding up. Like, do you remember?

[Tana]

Well, I have, I have a turning point from where I think that like which I'll get into. But what I always loved about us is I think that we had the same motive. We wanted to be popular and we were going to make it in that group because I think that for me, mine came from kind of my fan.

[Bretzky]

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[Liberty Mutual Ad Voice]

Liberty Mutual customizes your car and home insurance. And now we're customizing this rush hour ad to keep you calm, which could help your driving. And science says therapy is great for a healthy mindset. So enjoy this 14 second session on us. I think you've done everything right and absolutely nothing wrong. In fact, anything that hasn't gone your way could probably be blamed on your father not being emotionally available because his father wasn't emotionally available and so on. And now that you're calm and healing, you're probably driving better too.

[Tana]

And just the way that like they were like, I almost felt like I needed to find worth somewhere else. That like I felt worthless at home. So I didn't want to feel worthless at school too. And unfortunately that came with social hierarchy. So that was kind of where my head was at, where I was like, if I could be the at school, then like at least I'm at school because I'm not the at home. I hate it here, right? But I always will say that like when you and I first started to become popular and stuff, we were both leaning weirder and leaning nerdier, but we had each other. And then eventually got to this point where it was like, how are we popular? How did this. This happen? Mine came from chaos, for sure, and I think yours came from just being who you are and so likable. We always had that solace in each other that we were like, we're gonna scheme on going to this party tonight, but then we would, like, do our weird, too. You know what I mean? And, like, go gnoming and, like, steal from people's lawns, which was not nice, but. Oh, my God, I used to love that. Going to your house and going gnomeing.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

And that night, where was it me that fell so hard on the street, sprinting.

[Amari Stewart]

I've never. I'm running, like, so many feet in front of you, and I just hear,

[Tana]

like, because we had just stolen from someone's lawn.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah. I'm talking, like, being fierce and, like, passing power boxing people and stuff.

[Tana]

Oh, my God. Power boxing, where you'd shut off the power in an unassuming family's home. It was so bad, and we were bad kids, but that was also what it took to be popular. It wasn't ever just us. It was, like, always the other kids wanted to, like, do that, and we

[Amari Stewart]

were like, just us two power boxing houses together. Like, we all need juvie.

[Tana]

Not only would we be. We needed juvie. We did. But not only would we be, like, we're down, but we'd be like, check this one out. Like, we wanted to spearhead it to be cool, I guess. But the falling was what.

[Amari Stewart]

You were, like, sprinting. I was sprinting ahead of time of you, and all of a sudden, I just hear, like, a face plant in the street. And obviously it's the street, so, like, you just hear, like, vans sliding against gravel and, like, I don't even know. And then I just hear a shriek so loud. And I turn, and Dan is just, like, face planted on the ground. I was like, get up. Get up. We're gonna get in trouble. Get her up. I was like, oh, my God.

[Tana]

I've always been the Shrieker.

[Amari Stewart]

Not even like a. Are you okay? Get up.

[Tana]

Yes. Get up. Like, we're in fight or flight.

[Amari Stewart]

Like, we'll.

[Tana]

We'll figure out the injuries when we more home. And that was at the house on Jorge way. And what I was gonna say is that that is where I feel like, because you had a house before that and you would have these big movie nights, and this is. This just attests to Deborah Narage so much. They would let.

[Amari Stewart]

And.

[Tana]

Oh, my God, like, they. They did lean a little. Mean girls in the regard of, like, if you Guys are gonna do it. Do it here.

[Amari Stewart]

Yes.

[Tana]

Right. They weren't ever crazy. Like, if someone was crazy, like, you know what I mean? They would definitely be. Be like. I think Deborah always has been. Like, have some decorum. Like, that's always been her. Or, like. And she's just very funny. Like, I even would remember the next day, like, Nick or some of the people we go to school with, she'd be like, that douchebag can't come back here. Like, he was trying to. Everyone he was blacked out. Like. But I almost think that their, like, realness with it was what kept us having such a great relationship with them. Because we never felt like we had to lie to them. We always felt like we could come to them. Whereas, like, everybody.

[Amari Stewart]

Quite a few times.

[Tana]

Yeah, that's true.

[Amari Stewart]

But only they knew we were lying.

[Tana]

Yes. And only if we were doing something really bad that we weren't supposed to do. And they would guide us back in the right direction. Whereas the little things of, like, I like a boy. Or like, I. I drank for the third time the other night. And, like, at this party, like, they would obviously be like, well, you shouldn't do that. But also, let's help you navigate it. And that was very important. But anyways, they would have these movie nights at the house before Jorge.

[Amari Stewart]

25, 30 kids.

[Tana]

They would have 30 kids over, and they would cook for all of us. And we. We would, like, watch scary movies, and everyone would hang out, and it was like, oh, I like this boy and he's coming. And that was kind of our.

[Amari Stewart]

Some kids, like, Loki making out in the bathroom. And, like, there wasn't, like, alcohol really involved. I mean, some people probably did bring alcohol, but I know I wasn't drinking at the time. And, like, it was, like, very, like, innocent fun. But, like. Like, I don't know, it was. You see in movies.

[Tana]

Yes. And it was just the first era. Like, obviously that was when all of us were at the age where we were figuring out, like, oh, I like a boy. Or, like, your first girlfriend. Or, like, you know what I mean? Like, just all the things. And they were nice enough to kind of just, like, be there for us. And even if someone was, like, making out Deborah, I'd be like, what the. I would remember. It'd be, how little hussy. It'd be Halloween, too. And we'd all be in immediately slutty shit. That was just how Vegas was. Like, I. Like, all of us would come over and, like, I'd be a bunny.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

And like, Deborah would be like, get a jacket like, you know, but still allowing us like in her home, you know. And that was always the best thing about her, you know.

[Amari Stewart]

They also knew I wanted to be popular so bad.

[Tana]

Yeah. So they were find our house. But that house was more of us kind of fostering a friendship. Whereas you moved to the next house on Jorge way. And that was where it was so much more just you and me. Maybe a little bit of Monique, a little bit of Taylor, a little bit of Mercedes. Like we had our other friends, but it was just you and me. And I was there every day. And the first time I ever had a one on one moment with Deborah. And I've told this story, but I had been at the mall all day. I don't even know if you were you with me.

[Amari Stewart]

No.

[Tana]

Yeah, that makes sense because. Yeah, that makes perfect sense. I had been out, out stealing all day. I had just hit a massive lick on the Galleria Mall. Massive in Henderson, Nevada. And I. I talk about that a lot in my book. House stealing. I don't know. It was a big part of my life and shaping me as a person because I think that my dad specifically had such bad morals his whole life. And obviously like he wasn't raising me with any intention of, you know, like my dad wasn't thinking about like, oh, who I am is going to make her who she is.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

You know what I mean? And so I became very bad before I became good. And my morals were very bad from a very, very, very, very, very. I'm talking about my first time ever stealing from like a craft store right now in my book, in fifth grade, because I wanted a cell phone so that Victor Aguero would like me back. And I knew that my parents weren't going to buy me a cell phone, so I had to like do it myself. And what I did was I went to the craft store and I bought all these like popsicle sticks and stuff. And then immorally I went around and was selling them to the neighbors. Like telling the neighbors, like, we have a soccer fund at school, we to get the money to do this.

[Amari Stewart]

So funny.

[Tana]

Yes. It's insane, right? And it's something I hadn't thought about in so long. But it was, you know, like that had been instilled in me almost to like lie and cheat. And it doesn't matter what other people think. And you deserve it. The narcissism in my house. My dad would go do anything wrong and then it was someone else's fault.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

And it Was almost like that was bleeding into me. Like I could do no wrong, you know, which we saw for a long time before. I was like humbled, you know. But stealing was a big thing. I think when I discovered stealing, I was like, oh, I can steal this and sell it for money. I can steal this and wear it and be cool. Cool just like everyone else. Like it became this thing. And so I just had a big old lick. And at the time, big earrings were really trendy. Just the feathers and like the dangly ones and whatever. And I had my purse and I had my pouch in my purse and I'm talking. The pouch was just as heavy as it could possibly.

[Amari Stewart]

It was so heavy.

[Tana]

And I came over and I sat down on the living room and Deborah was sitting like probably watching her show, having like a peaceful day. And this was our first like one on one moment, obviously you there. And I just walk in. And she'd already fostered this environment where I felt so comfortable to tell her anything.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

So I dump out my bag. There are 50 pairs of earrings.

[Amari Stewart]

There's so much jewelry.

[Tana]

Like 50 pairs of earrings on the floor.

[Amari Stewart]

Like you had more than some Etsy shops.

[Tana]

Yes, well, I had more than this. One of the stores in the mall. Like I collected so many from every store and I ended up getting banned from this mall for a year. And thank God, like, obviously don't, you know, don't steal any hoozy. I dump out all these earrings and obviously Deborah is sitting there and she's telling me like, like this is bad. Yeah, like don't. You don't do this. And she's always been very funny. Like just Tanner, you don't need all these earrings. Like one pair would be understandable. Why do you have 50 and you're

[Amari Stewart]

stealing them, you hooligan.

[Tana]

Yes, literally. But then at the same time, sitting there and being like, oh, I do like the orange and like, are you going to wear the pink? Can I have the pink? And what do you want for dinner? Because I know you're not getting it anywhere.

[Amari Stewart]

Cuz she just like, you can't un. Steal them.

[Tana]

Yeah, exactly. I think she's always very much been. You can't unblank that.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

Like, you can't undrink that bottle. You can't undate that guy. You can't. She is so to her core, like a. But tomorrow you don't have to be that person. Person. And that. That is what she's always raised in us and her patience. Good God, that woman's patience.

[Amari Stewart]

Her Patience is insane.

[Tana]

And she's gonna talk through it and she's gonna yell at the top of her lungs and stuff, but she's still gonna be there for you tomorrow, relentlessly. And she's. Even if tomorrow you are still the shitty person, which I was for years, she is still going to hope that tomorrow's tomorrow. Even if it takes years. She's just going to.

[Amari Stewart]

That woman does not give up.

[Tana]

Yes. God, I know it. No, but it's true.

[Sponsor Voice]

And on us.

[Tana]

And I think that there's something very special because she does give up on people she doesn't like. I think that she's a very good judge of character.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah, she really is.

[Tana]

And who someone is deep down and within minutes, the amount of times in our life and she's vocal where she's like, I don't like that person. And then nine times out of seven, 10, she's right.

[Amari Stewart]

Yes. It's actually insane. Cuz, like, it'll be like, in the beginning, she knows from the jump, like, that's not a good person.

[Tana]

Like. Yes.

[Amari Stewart]

And then a year, two years passed by and we're like, she was so right.

[Tana]

But for some reason, she saw something in me that I didn't see where she was. Like, I'll keep this one and I'll work on it. You know, I'll keep her and I'll work on her and I'll show up for her. That's what makes her the greatest mother in the world.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

You know, is how much of that she did for me. And shortly after that, too, you and I, we got suspended together. And even at that time, I remember because I had had other friends too, but, you know, before you, where I watched their parents slowly get fed up with, like, that Tana girl is bad news. Because I was. And I've been raised to be bad news. And I remember even that, like, walking into your house that day, I remember thinking, like, this might be the end of my run with the Stewarts. And then, like, there she was on the front lines, fighting for us, even though we were wrong, like, literally. And then beating us afterward, like, being like, I'm gonna make sure you guys don't get expelled. And I don't know where my life would have gone had I gotten expelled either. You know what I mean? Because then what? We went to different places and, like, just all these different things.

[Amari Stewart]

I got my ass beat.

[Tana]

Yes. And we deserved it. Yeah. I mean, she just rode for us and then beat our asses and parented us and continued to. And just. And Then even if your family ever went through anything, like, I was there. And that's the other thing too, is it's like, I don't know. It's like, it's not that the stewards are perfect.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

It's that we're looking loyal and we ride for each other in a way that is like, you know what I mean? Like, family first, no matter what. And I had never seen that. And that was one thing that my dad had always done, I think, that a narcissist cannot handle. They can't handle losing their grip on the person that they are trying to narcissistically abuse. And they also can't handle the idea that someone is better than them.

[Amari Stewart]

And they were losing their grip on you.

[Tana]

Yes. And like, I was coming into you guys, and in a narcissist head, it's like, what do you mean? Mean? Like, you eat here and you're parented here, and, like, those things just aren't true. You know what I mean? They just factually were not true. I was not getting anything a child needed at my house, and you guys were giving it to me. But the narcissist in my parents could not take that, especially my dad. And he would love that to be like, the stewards aren't perfect either.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah. It's like, duh.

[Tana]

Yes. But it's like they're also not abusive. You know what I mean? Like, the. The logic. And it's funny because even to this day, they say. Say that. You know what I mean? Like, even recently, and I did a whole episode about this that I don't know when it's gonna come out. It might. It might already be out, or it might have been out before this, but we just got the news that my mom is, like, probably dying, and my birth mom, you and I have been navigating that together, which has been very interesting.

[Amari Stewart]

It has been very interesting too, because, like, I don't know, I think, like, growing up and stuff, the way that obviously the way that I was raised is different than the way that you were raised. And I would see the way that. That, like, your parents would treat you. And I think my parents saw the way that your parents would treat you too. Or, like, you would, like, tell stories and stuff. And I think that, like, they knew enough to know that that's not a good environment for you. And once again, they also saw how happy you made me. Like, that you were like, literally my person. So they were like, this person's like,

[Tana]

whether we gotta fix her, too.

[Amari Stewart]

I think they knew that whether they approved of you or not, you were going to be around. And like, if I meant me lying to go hang out with you and stuff, then, like, that was what was gonna happen. Happen. Yeah, because of how happy you made me. So I think that they were like, he loves this girl so much for like some reason. Not for some reason, like, yeah, but

[Tana]

like this girl so much they didn't know what the reason was and they chose to find out.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah, exactly. Like, let's find out and stuff. And I think that like a lot of the ways that you would act, even coming over and stuff, they were like, oh, that Tana girl. Like, I'll never forget my dad being

[Tana]

like, that girl's got a mouth on her.

[Amari Stewart]

He's like, that girl's got a mouth of a sailor on her.

[Tana]

Yes. I remember because I was swinging, saying everything you could possibly think, like, just the most awful.

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[Tana]

At the top of my lungs. That was the house on Jorge way.

[Amari Stewart]

Yes.

[Sponsor Voice]

Today's episode is sponsored by Better help and May is mental health awareness month. Nobody has life fully figured out and I am here to always tell you that that is okay and life Comes with highs and lows. And it is completely normal to. To feel like you are presenting, like you're okay on the outside, while on the inside you might be anxious and overwhelmed and going through a lot. But there is also something so powerful about checking in with yourself and choosing that you don't have to navigate everything alone. And therapy is such a helpful tool for that. There is something so nice about having someone unbiased to talk to you about your problems in life, help you navigate them, help you feel like you don't have to go through things alone, give you feedback and help you grow. It can make such a huge difference in helping you feel confident and grounded moving forward. Better help has over 30,000 licensed therapists, and they match you with someone based on your needs and preferences, which makes getting started feel way less intimidating. And if you want a different therapist, you can switch at any time. You don't have to be on this journey alone. Find support and have someone with you in therapy.

[Tana]

Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] Tana that's better.hp.com Tana now back to the episode. I came in much worse than. Worse than, you know, I. I gained. They taught me decor.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

But I'll never forget that, too, because our dad is. He is a man of very few words.

[Amari Stewart]

He's a quiet guy.

[Tana]

He is. And he's. He's very much like, even on Christmas morning, he's like, he's smiling in the corner, taking the photos. He's like, pose for the photo. If you really are going through something, he's gonna sit down and give you words. Like, his words almost hold more power because of that, though, because he chooses when to use them. He's the only one of us stewards who's quiet, so. So the things he says are always just so much funnier.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah. It's always, like, jarring when he says.

[Tana]

Because, like, when he chooses to speak up, it, like, even, like, the pepper, we always laugh at that. Like, damn, she really loves that pig. Like, we laugh at that because it's like, the first thing he'd said in years about it.

[Amari Stewart]

It's so funny.

[Tana]

But that was another one where I was just, like, coming in the house screaming profanities. And, like, after a while, it was just like, damn, that Tana girl's got a mouth on her.

[Amari Stewart]

You know, obviously he's not going to be the one to tell you to, like, stop talking like that. But, you know, like, Deborah, she'll be like, you can't just run around Talking like that.

[Tana]

Yeah.

[Amari Stewart]

Act like a lady, Tana.

[Tana]

Yes.

[Amari Stewart]

Like, you know, for so long. And I think that they. Because of the way that you came in swinging.

[Tana]

Yeah.

[Amari Stewart]

I think they were like, something's not right at home.

[Tana]

Yes.

[Amari Stewart]

And as they got to know your parents a little bit more because obviously, like, when you would get dropped off or like if you were getting picked up and stuff, they'd exchange some words and stuff. And I think that they could like read the situation for what it was.

[Tana]

Yes.

[Amari Stewart]

And they were like, weari loves this person so much. We'd rather her be protected here.

[Tana]

Yes.

[Amari Stewart]

Than in this like, abusive environment.

[Tana]

Yes.

[Amari Stewart]

Because she doesn't deserve this.

[Tana]

Yeah.

[Amari Stewart]

And there was also this one thing that happened to where I was like, I already knew that you were my person, but when I really, really, really knew that you were my person, there was like one specific thing that I went through in high school and you were there for me throughout the entire thing. There were other people that were like there for me and stuff. But like, you were really, really there for me. And I was like, I don't know, like if I would have even made it through that situation because I couldn't believe that like, that was my life and everything and like, that this was happening to me. And like, I was like embarrassed and stuff. And like, you always made me feel so comfortable and like, it's okay, Amari. It's okay. Like, you know, and just like, was there for me and I was like, this is the only thing keeping me calm and like my saving grace. Because that situ, like that thing that happened was probably, I'm not gonna lie, like, probably the worst thing that will ever happen to me in my entire life besides like my parents passing away. But like, that was just like insane. So I literally could not imagine, like how I would have even made it through that without even you. And they also saw that you were like getting me through that. And so they were like, this girl's locked in twin. She's in it for life.

[Tana]

And 100%.

[Amari Stewart]

You just like made me a stronger person.

[Tana]

Like actually 100% same. Cuz it's. It's funny that what you were just saying, I was thinking about the same thing because as you know, with my dad being in the war and his PTSD and just up his brain his whole life, he was and is single handed, handedly the most embarrassing person I will ever, ever meet.

[Amari Stewart]

And my dad hates being embarrassed more than anything, which I love. If like friends are coming over, people are coming into town, if there's Like a dish in the sink. He's like, this place is a disgusting pigsty. It's like, there's a dish in the sink.

[Tana]

Yeah, Relax. Or even just in public, like, the decorum. And I love. I've always loved that about Iraj. That is why I see a father in him. Like, even just I remember being so little. Being so worried about, like, my wedding day one day, or like, just anything that ever made mattered. Anything that ever mattered, my father was going to ruin and just embarrass the. Out of me and just, like, be so awful. And whether that was mean embarrassing or, like, lying embarrassing or loud at the top of his lungs embarrassing, or, like, just inappropriate embarrassing. Like, my dad was the type of person who, if anyone ever was, like, overweight, he's going up to them, like, asking if they're pregnant. Like, if someone's tall. He's like, the.

[Amari Stewart]

He's not supposed to.

[Tana]

Yes. Always, like, just screws loose. And I talk about that a lot in my book, like, what that does to your brain. I think that it made me understand social cues almost too much. And then, like, I lost that at times. You know what I mean? But at the same time, like, it made me, from a very young age, very even. They need to be popular and so very socially aware of, like, you know what I mean? Like, what. What you're not supposed to do and what you're supposed to do. And that was so, like, the way I never wanted to have friends over or, like, have my friends be around my family. Because even just, like, my mom not being able to, like, she was embarrassing in another way where it was like, she. It was so embarrassing that she was like, my, like, weak, sad sister that couldn't cook or drive us anywhere, do anything. Like, you know what I mean?

[Amari Stewart]

That she was bringing new friends over. It was only friends that you had had for a long time that you knew, like, kind of already knew the score.

[Tana]

Yes, exactly. And it, like, you were the only person that made me feel like it was, like, us against them. Not, like, oh, my God. God, this. This environment is so weird and bad. You know what I mean? Like, you were down and Isabella, too.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

The way you guys would just deal

[Amari Stewart]

with them and stuff. And I was never, like, I was raised, like, you don't disrespect your elders. Like, you don't talk to. You don't cuss in someone else's house. Like, unless, like, that. That environment's creative, which, I mean, it kind of was, like, just going into it, like, in the beginning, though, like, I wasn't cussing in their home. And it was like, you do not talk back. Like, respect your elders. And they were just the kind of people that you just want. Wanted to disrespect. And it took everything in me to just keep my mouth shut. And I always did. I always did. I was always respectful to them. And I think that's why even, like today, like, you don't talk to your mom, but your mom will reach out to me.

[Tana]

Yeah.

[Amari Stewart]

And I think that's why.

[Tana]

Yes.

[Amari Stewart]

There's, like, something.

[Tana]

And that you love me. Like, I think that you love me so much that you're able to be this buffer of saying, like, hey, her health is bad, but you don't want to talk to her, obviously.

[Amari Stewart]

Exactly. And it's like, I'm going to, like, keep you in the know.

[Tana]

Yeah.

[Amari Stewart]

Just for the sake of, like, I have. I'll always look at it as, like, at the end of the day, like, that is your birth mother and father. And yes, like, the history there is really bad. But there's still some things that I think that you should know.

[Tana]

Yeah, of course. Of course. I think knowledge is power. You know, knowing what's going on, obviously, I. I still choose to remain no contact. And I made a whole episode about that that you'll either see or have. See. As to my thoughts as to why that was, like, a big thing for me as well with you and Isabella, is that, like, obviously we spent the majority of our time at your house, but, like, that was still my house and I was a minor, you know, Like, I had to go there to, like, do certain. You know what I mean? Get my. Get my shit minor. Yes, literally.

[Amari Stewart]

You'll pick up some makeup products.

[Tana]

Yes, like, literally. Or just whatever it was. Or sleep there if I had to. Or just like, whatever it was.

[Amari Stewart]

And I sleep over quite a bit, too, and.

[Tana]

But you and Isabella were so good at fighting on the front lines. You know what I mean? Like, if the situation was too bad. You know what I. You know what one I just thought of because you were there as a buffer and would probably tell the story better than me. But this was later in my life way. Do you know which one I'm talking about?

[Amari Stewart]

Was it the. Are you going to pay the.

[Tana]

The electric bill? We're psychic. We're psych. This one was later in my life.

[Amari Stewart]

This is such a crazy.

[Tana]

You were also a great buffer for that, too, because obviously you were there. I mean, you were in one of my first YouTube videos. You were Also the person always supporting me. You know what I mean? Because it is embarrassing as well. Like, it's not until the videos blow up that all the people, people at school and the friends and the whatever want to suck the fart out of your ass. When you're first starting that, especially at that time in that generation, people are talking about it, people are discouraging it. I had dropped out. Like, everyone, people are looking at me

[Amari Stewart]

funny for even being in the videos and thinking this is going to go somewhere. And I'm like, this is awesome. I'm having fun with my best friend.

[Tana]

Yes. And it like very much that goes back to us, like always just making each other feel comfortable. But like it was very much a what the is she doing? Until it was like, oh my God. Tana's always been my best friend from of a lot, lot of people.

[Amari Stewart]

You hit 100k, they said, I love her.

[Tana]

Yes, exactly. Like, whereas before it was like, she dropped out and she's a loser and what's she doing? Like, you know what I mean? You were also very there for me because then once I started making money, but I was still a minor, the dynamic with my family changed immensely where they were sucking me dry and they, you know, they didn't believe in me at all doing it. I remember my dad being like, what the are you doing online?

[Amari Stewart]

And so that would like, make me so angry too because then it's like you come over to like my house and my parents are telling me you like, that video was so funny.

[Tana]

Yes. You know, and like being so amazing. And it was like I dropped out because I couldn't make it to school.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

And like that is just the God honest truth. I was so depressed. I was so suicidal. I remember the, the day I chose to drop out. My dad is screaming at the top of his lungs in the car at me, like, and I'm just so exhausted and I'm working this minimum wage job as well because I'm trying so hard to get out of the situation. I know they're not going to pay for college. I know they're not going to pay for a car. I know everyone else is going to graduate and go on. But I also had like, you know, because I wasn't sleeping at home because of the fighting every night. I wasn't getting good grades. Like, I wasn't. I knew what it was. You know what I mean? And it's like to then on me for trying, like YouTube and it's like you made me drop out. The reason I dropped out is because you guys couldn't parent me well enough to, like, stay in school because my life was in shambles because of you. And now I'm trying so hard to get away. Then I make the money. And then all of sudden, a sudden it's like my daughter's a star and she.

[Amari Stewart]

He's at the Wendy's Drive Thru talking about, do you know Tana Mojo?

[Tana]

Yes. And very much to this day, even, like, when I just recently spoke to them, their mindset was like, you're so funny and you're so famous because you're just like us. You know what I mean? And you're so.

[Amari Stewart]

No, no.

[Tana]

Like, it's because I'm nothing like you. And it's because everything I did was in spite of being nothing.

[Amari Stewart]

Like, if you were anything like them, you. You'd be the most canceled on the

[Tana]

planet and I'd be in a ditch. Like, and we know that. And obviously that that's one of the million reasons why we're. No contact.

[Amari Stewart]

Jarring for them to even say something like that.

[Tana]

Yeah.

[Amari Stewart]

This traces back to like, same. Same people.

[Tana]

Yes. And just like, there's no fighting them on the way that they, you know, we wouldn't. I wouldn't be no contact if there was room to grow, you know?

[Amari Stewart]

And it sucks when it's like the people you can't get through to are your parents because all you want to do is be understood.

[Tana]

Yes.

[Amari Stewart]

Maybe not necessarily agreed with, but at least understood.

[Tana]

And I was never understood until I met the stewards. Ever, ever, ever, ever in my life. And like, oh, my God, I don't. Again, I just don't know what I do. The dynamic changed so much once I started having money. But I wasn't 18 because to them, that was their money that they deserved because they made me that way to earn it. And. And they just wanted it. They were scammers their whole life when it came to money and the amount of debt they were in and credit

[Amari Stewart]

cards and even like double charging. My parents were cleaning their pool.

[Tana]

Yes. Yes. And then having the audacity to spread that they didn't pay that. I forgot about that.

[Amari Stewart]

Insane.

[Tana]

Yeah. My dad had ostracized himself from seven siblings. Imagine financially over seven of your siblings. And that just shows where your character's at. So I was really just the eighth. And I was really just the next person in line to get on by Richard and Rebecca. Right. So the dynamic changed so much from 15 to 18.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

Because it was about me trying to protect myself and my Money and, like, whatever.

[Amari Stewart]

And that them taking it and having the power over it legally.

[Tana]

Yes. Oh, my. And they wouldn't. They're not going to emancipate me because that's signing away power. And I don't have grounds to be emancipated because I'm a dropout and all these things. You know, the electric bill is where that one comes in. And I. That story is just so fucking funny.

[Amari Stewart]

So they get into, like, this big argument that, mind you, at this point, like, Tina's doing, like, a lot better for herself, like, financially. Like, it's been a couple years. And so she was able to put her mom in her own apartment, and not by choice. That was, like, one of the biggest things, too, is she always wanted her mom. Mom to be, like, separated from her dad and was like, I'll do anything for you. Which was, like, so sweet of you. Every time that you would, like, throw this out on the table, like, I was like, that is, like, probably the nicest thing you could even do.

[Tana]

But I also think. I disagree. I think that it didn't come out of the kindness of my heart. I think it came out of guilt. I think that she guilted me into that. And my mom was always that way. Even before we had money, it was like, well, I'll get a job if I have a nice shirt, because then I can go to an interview, I go steal a nice shirt. And then it's like, if you. I had a car, then maybe I'll, like, get out of this situation. And then like, it was always, if something is different. And from the moment that I was a kid, she was that way. If. If my dad was still alive, I could leave your dad and he wouldn't be abusing you if my. You know, if this was this way. And then eventually, obviously, I realized that that was insatiable, that she was insatiable. That there was nothing that you could get her to make her help herself, that she was stuck in this abusive relationship. And as we now joke, they are at end game. Yeah. You know, that was what ended up happening from 15 to 18, where it was like, well, if you get me my own apartment, I'll leave him and I'll be better. And all this.

[Amari Stewart]

You did.

[Tana]

And obviously also, if I didn't do that for her, that meant that she was screaming at the top of her lungs.

[Amari Stewart]

You were a little.

[Tana]

Yes. And she was screaming at the top of her lungs that I was a. Yeah. Every hour of the day. That is one thing that I always say Is that like the way my mother. I. That's like. I'm talking about that in the first chapter of my book.

[Amari Stewart]

Screams.

[Tana]

The way she screamed was unlike, to this day, I don't know if you agree with me, like, anything I've ever heard in my entire life. And for a 5 foot 2 woman to take it to that decibel, like, good God, how do you have it in you? And, like, send herself into, like, sickness from the screaming. And it's like, yes, this situation is bad. But also, if you just stopped screaming for two

[Sponsor Voice]

seconds.

[Tana]

That's why I think I hate frantic nature so much. Because just it, like, it triggers me.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah. The screaming was. It was like, literally like a baby knee against pacifier.

[Tana]

Yes. And you couldn't get through to her. And, like. And if you didn't do what she wanted, that's what was gonna happen.

[Amari Stewart]

So you did all the things.

[Tana]

Yes.

[Amari Stewart]

And we're at her mom's apartment, chilling or whatever, and they get into, like, this big argument because, like, her grandma said something, and it was just like. It was. It was all jarring. And Dana's arguing with her grandma.

[Tana]

Oh, no. Yeah. They were, like, saying slurs. And you were there. Yeah, And I was lost. And I was my.

[Amari Stewart]

And I was just. I was sitting there and I was like, this is kind of crazy because, like, I didn't really know her grandma very well. Yeah. She just said, like, some crazy. And it just, like, fell out of her too. Like.

[Tana]

Yeah.

[Amari Stewart]

And it was obviously, like, very derogative and, like, trying to, like, and from the south.

[Tana]

And it was just like, obviously you could imagine. But that was one thing that I was just like.

[Amari Stewart]

It was not because I was just sitting there and I was like. I didn't say anything because, like, I said, you. I was taught, respect your elders. Like, you know, D. Like, lose your cool or anything like that. So I was just in. Uncomfortable. She loses her. She was like, are you serious? Like, don't. You shouldn't be saying like that. And like, none. Amari's also right here. This is my best friend. And what the is wrong with you? Loses her. And honestly.

[Tana]

And it's that feeling of, like, you've guilted me into this apartment. And now I'm sitting in this apartment, fully furnished. I've paid for everything. And you people can't follow these most simplistic rules. You can't change. You can't grow. You can't do anything. And I'm stuck until I'm 18 doing this. Like, yeah, you. You know, and it was crazy to

[Amari Stewart]

me because of the, like, I honestly, like, I respected you so much too for like, the way that you, like, stood up for me and well done. Well, yeah. But I also feel like we grew up around like a lot of stuff that was normalized and everything that like, shouldn't have been. But at the same time, like, you could hear the disrespect in your grandma's tone. And I think that was like, what? Kind of like shell shocked me. It's like if someone calls me like a. And they're trying to like, put me down. Down. Like, yeah. I'm like, ew. Like, what?

[Tana]

Yes.

[Amari Stewart]

It was like crazy. So then watching you stand up for me and like, just go ballistic, I was like, hell yeah. I was like. Because I want to say something, but I'm not gonna.

[Tana]

Ballistic is the word.

[Amari Stewart]

Yes. So then it turns into this whole argument. Tana storms out and it's funny because she stormed out and it's like, where are you going? Like, you don't have my car keys.

[Tana]

Yes. Drive Uber doesn't exist.

[Amari Stewart]

I'm like. Then I'm like talking to like, her. I was like, okay. Like, I'm gonna go talk to her. Like, bye. Like, it's okay. Okay. Like, so awkward.

[Tana]

And then I storm out to where my dad was still living. And then my mom followed. Yes, yes, yes. That's what I'm saying. This argument went across Henderson.

[Amari Stewart]

Yes. We drove over there. Cuz I don't know where you were going. I think you were just like telling your dad, like, I'm done with her. Like, blah, blah. This is so.

[Tana]

This is take her back type.

[Amari Stewart]

Yes, exactly. Like, you know, he's just like, can I have some money? Like, you know, it's just like that

[Tana]

was the thing too, being so helpless in that situation. You know what I mean? Because she was like a kid. She was like that almost the later years. That's what it felt like. Is that like I was trying to reason with this absolutely insane man to like take the, the child back. Like she, my mom was always a child to me.

[Amari Stewart]

Like, her mom follows us over. Now she's talking to her dad about it, and her mom storms in. This was like a movie. I was so entertained.

[Tana]

There's the top of the stairs and my dad's standing at the top of the stairs. We're cussing each other out. And mind you, again, it's just a situation that I shouldn't be in. It's like, well, you're cussing me out because I don't want to pay for her. Her life, but I'm being forced to.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah. I'm sitting at the bottom of the stairs. Her mom storms in and I'm just, big ass Louis purse, big ass Gucci sunglasses. I'm like, what the. Like, like, ain't no one taking you serious.

[Tana]

The original, like, dance mom.

[Amari Stewart]

The original.

[Tana]

She would have, she would have lived. She just didn't have the energy.

[Amari Stewart]

The argument goes on and on and on and on. Finally, Dan is like, mario, let's go, we're leaving. We, like, are on our way out. And her mom literally looks at her

[Tana]

and mind you, this is after her being like, you're a I hate you crazy. Cuz that's what she would do the second she didn't get what she wanted. And I didn't want to pay for this apartment. Obviously I never did. But now I was like, I'm not going to and like, whatever. So she's just calling me every name in the book and having an episode on me screaming, throwing, whatever. And I'm like, I'm done. I'm. I'm walking out.

[Amari Stewart]

And.

[Tana]

And obviously also, this came with them threatening me. Like, okay, then I'm going to go get your bank account shut off. Okay, then I'm going to like, call the cops on you because you're a mom, a minor, like, whatever. The highest possible threat to take away everything I had was being threatened to me. So I'm also panicking.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah. And it was also just interesting to me too, because I think this says a lot about your parents too, is like, they were letting this happen, like, in front of me.

[Tana]

Yes.

[Amari Stewart]

Like, and like I said, the stewards aren't perfect. My parents have always been the type to, like, if they're fighting, like, they're not doing it in front of the kids. Like, when we were growing up, especially when we were little, it was like, if we're gonna fight, we're gonna do it like the kids are in their room. Like, we're not doing this front of the kids.

[Tana]

Yeah.

[Amari Stewart]

You know, so that was just crazy to me that, like, they could even like go at it like this in front of me and talk to her the way they were talking to her in front of me. I was like, holy. Like, duh, we're going to mine. Yeah. And we're done. We're leaving. Tato's mom looks at her and has the audacity after just going on a

[Tana]

tiring bitch, I hate you. I'm gonna ruin your life. She slams the garage door. You and I are standing there in the. In the first four second lapse of silence that we've had in four hours. We're looking at each other like we gonna do. And within the minute like a revolving door, the door swings open and she comes in soft tone as hell. And she goes but can you pay the electric bill?

[Amari Stewart]

And that was the point where like I was silent through all of this. I busted up laughing that I lost my cool. I was like there is no way this just happened. I was. I was so entertained. I was like I died laughing in her face. Face. Sorry.

[Tana]

But I cuz it really was like you. I'm going to send you to jail. I hope you die. I hope you never succeed. You hunt. I'm going to ruin your life. I absolutely hate you so much. We're so brand safe. That's all getting censored. Door slams 30 seconds later. Top of her lungs, by the way. All of that. But can you pay the electric bill?

[Amari Stewart]

Like I lost it.

[Tana]

Yeah. You and I were just cackling like what?

[Amari Stewart]

Like girl, let's go to McDonald's. That's like going in like your parents fighting and like just like that. Hall of fame.

[Tana]

100% the electric bill is in the hall of fame. And so many things are. Like when Isabella threw a chair at my dad is in the hall of fame because he was throwing chairs at us. And then she. And that's also crazy. Like that. That is someone else's kid. That is Isabella Fusco. That is a Fuscos child. And you're throwing a barstool. Word to Taylor Frankie Paul with a back to wood.

[Amari Stewart]

He walks so she could run.

[Tana]

Yes.

[Amari Stewart]

Like holy.

[Tana]

At someone else's kids. Kidding. She huck that back. That one's in my hall of fame.

[Amari Stewart]

Isabella was such a bad when it came to like I would always watch. Like because Isabella was raised like you. You deserve respect. You demand respect. And I think that she's a Chicago baddie. Yeah. He was disrespectful. So she was like not taking that. I just took that. I was like whatever. I was like dad, come pick me up.

[Tana]

Yeah. Isabella was. Amari was definitely like very like I'll be quiet, we'll talk and we'll navigate this. Whereas Isabella was on the front lines with me for years and like I can't imagine how crazy that is too. Like someone else's faul father throwing a chair at you.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah. Like that happened to me. I don't know what would happen.

[Tana]

Like well, Deborah would have killed him.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah. For sure.

[Tana]

Yes. In cold blood for sure.

[Amari Stewart]

Scary day.

[Tana]

That is so funny. We have so many like hall of fames with them. We should like do all the. Because they're all so crazy.

[Amari Stewart]

Going back to the parents thing though I do think that like part of the reason why I feel like you and Deborah, like obviously you're close with my dad too, but I think you and Deborah are close served because you're both just girls, you know. And I think that she has always seen like parts of her in you. Like she had a really shitty relationship with her mom and I know you guys have talked about that before and they're just think she also dropped out of high school. So like, you know, I think that she has always looked at it as like we've got some similarities and stuff. And I've already navigated some of this stuff so I want to help her navigate it because I wish someone was there to help me navigate it. And like she lost her dad like pretty young and I think he was like her favorite person on the planet and there's me. But I think that she saw so much of herself or like the issues that you were facing in herself and like really was like, I know how to get her through this and everything and like I want to help get her through this and.

[Tana]

So true.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah. And I just think that's like awesome because I've actually never even thought about it really that you guys have like more similarities than like I actually thought.

[Tana]

Yeah.

[Amari Stewart]

And I do think that's really cool.

[Tana]

And like I think that she. She's also very great because like we are similar in the sense that like she's a loud woman and she's going to share her opinion no matter mattering what, no matter what someone's telling her, whether she's right or wrong, she's going to stand on what she believes in. Like. And like just she's very honest. She's the most honest person I've ever met, which I love about her. You know what I mean? And I think that that also was a big help in her because it's not like she is this like Betty Crocker silent type of like mom or wife. So it like she was able to raise me in that way where it's like t. You can still stand on your opinions and what you believe in. Like all these things. You just have to. It's always been class. It's always been more class.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah. And I think that she's always. Both of my parents actually have always treated us and reminded us that like we do deserve good things. And like, we do deserve to be treated well and stuff. Like, even like just when we go visit now, it's like, what do you want for dinner? Like, when you come into town, like, what foods do you want? Like, what have you not had in a while so we can go pick it up and stuff.

[Tana]

Or like the above and beyond.

[Amari Stewart]

Like, they're like Christmas lists. And like, I've said this before, my parents aren't rich, but they're going to do what they can to like, make us feel like kids and spoil us because they want us to feel like we deserve those things. And it's crazy because even at our. We're 27 now and it's like we, we go there, we get babied, we get. They're like, you are. At the end of the day, you'll be 40 and you will still be our children.

[Tana]

No, the last time, one of the last times I was like, hung over at the house before I went sober. I'm not even joking you, I laid on Deborah's lap and she read me a Peppa book and spoon fed me food like I was sick.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah. She's like, oh, my little idiot. Can I get you some water with ice?

[Tana]

Like, she like the lemon cucumber water with ice. When I was hungover was actually the only. The only reason that ever even that, like, it's like, she knows that I just went to Omnia all night with like, an ex of mine that she hates and did.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

And then the next day she's cutting lemons and cucumber and putting the Chick fil a ice in the Mason jar.

[Amari Stewart]

It's like, it's just crazy. Like you said, like, they always just show up. And I think this is something that, like, we would see a lot, even just in high school too. Like, I'll never forget that one time, like, I was super busy during the summers because I was in dance and I just had like, like a lot on my plate. I would go to these workout classes three times a week and they were really early in the morning. Tana had called me and she's like, trying. She needs a ride.

[Tana]

And oh my God, it was me and all my girls. We had like a night out. We stayed at, like, a friend's house. We obviously drank all night. Like, all the bad things. And this was before Uber and life before Uber was just so fierce. Like, and if you really couldn't get a friend to pick you up and like, we were just irresponsible. Stayed out until, like. And it's 7am and the parents had gotten home so they kicked us out of like that house. And we're roaming the streets and we're trying to get the money together for a taxi. But it's over two hours.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

And it's 105 degrees outside. Like.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah. She's calling me and like it's like, what do we do?

[Tana]

And we're an anthem.

[Amari Stewart]

Which. And luckily like where I was doing my workout class, even if it was far, like way further, like I don't know, she was on speaker and my dad heard what was going on. He's like, I'm gonna drop you off right now, your workout class and then tell him I'm coming to get them. I was like, wow, like go off and like thank God for him, you know, like that was so.

[Tana]

Yeah. We would have had to walk miles in the heat.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah. And like that's just what's awesome too is like I said, my dad's a man of very few words and like he still is like such a dad.

[Tana]

He's also, but he's also very like actions like he's always going to do the thing for you that you need. You know what I mean?

[Amari Stewart]

And so he went, picked them up and then I just remember like these bitches. I'm sitting in my workout class and like there's like windows and stuff so you can see out. And they start walking towards the building. Mind you, I'm with my varsity dance team.

[Tana]

Yeah. In like high waisted shorts and tie

[Amari Stewart]

bras and they're like trying to like come up and I was like, are they trying to come in? Like I know it's hot outside but you can't come in my private workout class. And they're just like, like, just. I was like, oh my God. I was like, go, go, go get the, go get his car.

[Tana]

Yeah, like the are here too. The other day I like found the Instagram feature that you can sort your likes from the first photos that you ever liked and look at the first photo you ever liked. And obviously I'm scrolling through it at like 3am and it's just like a. Not only the photos of you, like you're just such a baby and stuff. But like we were such like the

[Amari Stewart]

outfits and it's funny too, cuz I feel like a lot of people, like social media was like a thing for everyone in high school, but because we went to a high school with 4,000 students and like the next high school that was 20 minutes away also had like 3,000 and stuff like, social media was. Was it.

[Tana]

And like, and it was two schools merged. It was like Green Valley and Coronado. Like, every. Everyone was friends. Like, when there was a party, it was both schools. So, like, even the parties would be like a thousand kids.

[Amari Stewart]

Everyone's hooking up with each other. Like, it was just like, it was fierce, Mama. And so social media was like such a big thing. And I feel like we were always like, posting like spirit weeks and everything and like, you know, getting all those pictures and going to those parties and taking pictures with each other and like the new checkered printed vans or whatever and stuff.

[Tana]

And your Instagram presence matters a lot. Like, we were very much. We were the start of Instagram and like, the start of that generation. Like, you know what I mean? And we had to like, download that app. But it mattered. And it mattered so much.

[Amari Stewart]

We even just wanted to be like, high school.

[Tana]

That's what I was gonna say is that because people always ask me that. They're like, did you want to be famous? And it was like, no. I never envisioned myself, like, on red carpets and stuff, like, actually famous. I think that I did love Hannah Montana a lot. And I would, like, I don't know, I spent a lot of my life, like, young childhood manifesting that. Like, I would wake up in that life, I guess. But other than that, like, I didn't start YouTube thinking, like, oh, my God, I want to be famous. Like, just traditional. I was like, I want to make it out. Like, I want to make it out of this life. And that was, I guess, came with fame, obviously.

[Amari Stewart]

But however we want to be popular

[Tana]

in high school, we wanted to be high school famous so bad. We were all posting on Instagram and stuff just at the the time. And I remember you started because what was the normal? The normal was probably getting like 100 likes.

[Amari Stewart]

Like a hundred, like 200 right in there.

[Tana]

Yeah, I feel like like 70, maybe even 70 to like 150.

[Amari Stewart]

Yes.

[Tana]

Like, was like what you were wanting to get on your photo.

[Amari Stewart]

So true. Yeah, that's very.

[Tana]

Yes. And Amari was. All of a sudden, we're all doing the same thing. We're taking the same photos. We're like somehow getting our hands on the same trendy tie dye vans. We're all like. And especially you and me, I'm like, we are doing the same, you know, so it's like anything that, like, is happening for one of us is usually happening for the other and stuff. And you just all of a sudden start getting like 4 or 500 likes a photo. And I'm like, how the. And at the time, obviously, just the way. Especially when you're in high school and you're young, things feel so big, you know? Like, it was a problem for me. Like, it was a bit. I was like, how the.

[Amari Stewart]

He's leaving me in the dust.

[Tana]

How the is he getting this money? Like. And obviously also as kids, like, we would tell each other everything and stuff, but, like, we would have little things where it's like, I'm telling you that. You know what I mean? And so I call Amari, and I'm like, how. How does your new photo already have 300 likes? And you're like, I don't know. Like, I'm just the. Like, I'm just. I'm just the tana. Like, on some, like, get your money up. On some, like, get. Get your cloud up. Like, you were like, I don't know.

[Amari Stewart]

I think I would, like, pull lies out of my ass, too. Being like, I've been going to a lot of dance competitions and, like, track meets.

[Tana]

As if you're garnering 300 new people to, like, your photo. Overnight night.

[Amari Stewart]

And I remember, put the fries in the bag.

[Tana]

It was me and someone like, me and, like, Mercedes or one of our friends. We were just like, how the Is this happening, right?

[Amari Stewart]

I'm just, like, sitting at home, like,

[Tana]

and I don't remember how. So obviously, one thing about all of us, too, is we were very sleuth. Like, if you were gonna keep something from the other, like, if it was a hookup or if it was anything. Like, we were. We were going. We were digging. We were asking other people at school. We would spread a rumor if need be. Like, it. It didn't matter. Like, we were going to find out the things the other person was doing. And so I don't remember how I found out. I don't know if I Googled, like, how to get more likes on Instagram or if I just happen to actually stumble across it. And I go to Kylie Jenner's photo, and I see in the comments that all of these people are commenting lb. And I'm like, what does lncb? And so then I'm like, let me do it, right? Like, let's just, like, all these people are doing it. I comment LB on Kylie Jenner's phone photo, and all of a sudden, for the first time in my life, my notifications are popping.

[Amari Stewart]

And I think you saw me comment.

[Tana]

The likes are pouring in. No, I realize. And then I text you. Nothing else. I just Say lb and you go, you respond, you go. Because I think you wanted this dirty little secret, like you wanted to win. And then I started sweating and we all, all like, like, we put Monique on, we put everyone on. We all start doing it. Now we have our little pack where everyone in high school is like, how the are they getting likes? And we're like, we're so popular. And like, we are eating fraud. Yeah, Fraudulently popular. But that was where we were at. We are eating it up. You know what I mean? But then we started taking it too far because we post a photo and it would always be, I commented LB too early. Because if you commented LB within a few seconds, you'd immediately have like 75 likes on your photo.

[Amari Stewart]

It was just like, once you pop, you just can't stop. Okay. Like a Pringles can, bitch. Like, oh my God. Like, hopefully, like, let's let some time pass and stuff. I was like, this is getting too fraudulent. We got too lost in the sauce. I wonder when the day came when we decided we were done with it. Maybe we just finally got enough followers.

[Tana]

Like, I actually don't remember either. But it is funny because it's like, what an accidental manifestation of getting likes.

[Amari Stewart]

I know. Like, oh, God.

[Tana]

And then it's like, funny too, because then you actually get into it and you're like, eventually you realize that likes and attention and views and whatever mean nothing.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

And you're filling this relentless void.

[Amari Stewart]

I'm still insecure.

[Tana]

Yes. Yes.

[Amari Stewart]

It was just, yeah. Such a funny thing. Like we've experienced so many crazy, funny little like just anecdotes that I kind of like, forget about as time goes by.

[Tana]

Marbles in the jar.

[Amari Stewart]

So many marbles in the jar. But I forget about so many of the things that like, we've seen and we've done and like, I don't know, just cuz like now our lives are so much more calm and like, honestly boring. Like, we still do fun things.

[Tana]

They're not. They're not boring.

[Amari Stewart]

Not boring.

[Tana]

We're just. It takes a while to unlearn.

[Amari Stewart]

But even like that harmless fun, it was just like so crazy and still

[Tana]

have that harmless fun. Like even yesterday that laughing about, locked in.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

Was like, just as fun. Like, truly. And being here, even like being in Vegas and just walking around and knowing like a whole. Hopefully by the grace of God, we will never raise hell the way that we once did again. And there, obviously there's a high to not caring if you live or die. You know what I mean? There's a high. To not caring about your reputation, to not caring about all of those things. And we lived like that for a very long time. And now we. I mean, you don't really have anxiety. I mean, I do, but, like, we have discretion.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

And anxieties. And, you know, if I do this, like, consequence, you know, we. Those. Those things lead now, whereas they never did before.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

You know, which is cool. But everyone else in this room is sleeping.

[Amari Stewart]

Are you tired? I'm, like, wide awake.

[Tana]

I'm Vegas tired where, like, it hurts that. You know what Vegas tired is, is it's like, I'm gonna go do today and it's gonna be fun as. And I'm gonna dopamine max. But, like, my body could use a little more sleep and food and hydration than it's had.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

You know, especially with just how dry it is here. And we went to excess last night. Which.

[Amari Stewart]

Flopping around in heels that, like, they were like, stop.

[Tana]

They were just falling off of me.

[Amari Stewart]

Okay.

[Tana]

I don't like going to the club now. I really don't. Like. I. There's not a part of me that enjoys it at all. I think that it's one of those things where I can recognize that it's a fun environment, but I'm kind of like, this just would be fun if I was up. Like, I don't think that I've. I don't know. I've had, like, certain moments here and there across my sobriety where, like, I'm like, okay, that was like, as fun as it can be. You know what I mean? I saw people that I like or like, they played music that. That I like or whatever. But, like, I did really have a full 180 where it's like, wait, I hate yelling over loud music. I literally hate it.

[Amari Stewart]

I've fallen out of love with the club. Nightclub especially. But honestly, I'm not gonna lie. Mama does love a dayclub. There's just something about the daytime. Like, you have more energy. You wake up and stuff. And then like, oh, I disagree completely. You get with. Well, you don't wake up with energy.

[Tana]

Yeah.

[Amari Stewart]

At all. The vitamin D or something.

[Tana]

Vegas dayclubs are disgusting. I couldn't disagree with you.

[Amari Stewart]

I'll do anything for John Summit. Okay.

[Tana]

That's okay. And I love that for you, Vegas State clubs, to me are way too std forward. I. And I think that seeing people do those things in the daylight is so gross. Like, and just the outfits. I think that, like, at night there's more Grace. That a lot of people are just kind of in dresses and shirts and whatever. Whereas in the daytime, I'm like, why the do you have that, like, neon?

[Amari Stewart]

But I think it really depends on, like, who you go with.

[Tana]

And it's too hot here.

[Amari Stewart]

Yes, I will say that.

[Tana]

Because, Molly, it's like you're so sweating out your literal. But it used to be me.

[Amari Stewart]

It's so hot here. Even coming here right now, like, it's hitting 100. Thank you.

[Tana]

It is so funny how much when you live here, you adjust to it being 100 degrees and it being so dry. But then when I come back here, I'm like, oh, my God, I remember. What in the desert. My skin is flaking on my voice. Even my voice drops a full, like, decibel when I'm here.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah. Yeah. Like, it's literally because my body's not used to Vegas anymore. Anymore. Like, I don't. I'll come here for whether it's a week, two days. Like, I'm gonna be using head and shoulders when I get home.

[Tana]

And it's the. The dehydration is insatiable.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah.

[Tana]

Like, Yesterday I had 50 bottles of water and I was indoors and I was just like, it's not working. Do we have something stronger when you're

[Amari Stewart]

getting ready to go shopping? Well, I mean, are you just changing? Yeah, I'm gonna run down to the lost and found. I don't know why I'm talking to the mic.

[Tana]

No, I'm kind of into this.

[Amari Stewart]

Yeah, I'm gonna go run down to the Lawson Foundation's.

[Tana]

Never change.

[Amari Stewart]

I left my card at a restaurant yesterday. It was really funny too, because we had plans to go to the club. And mind you, she's having a shopathon. Like, we get up to the room, they order a bunch of room service. Tana's like, do you want to split this stuff? Mind you, she wants to eat a beef birria quesadilla before the club and a Philly cheesesteak and a margherita pizza.

[Tana]

Farting on people at excess.

[Amari Stewart]

You're gonna be shitting on Holly Madison.

[Tana]

Thanks for having me back.

[Amari Stewart]

Like, I was like, no, no. And I was like, she's already spending enough money on all this food. Like, let me just look at my own food downstairs. So I run downstairs and I grab some food chilling, and I'm like, scarfing this food down. Cuz I'm like, oh, we have to get the club really soon. And then I leave my card there. Like, I was using my card instead of tapping to pay. So then I just even think things through. I left my card there not to go to the lost and found.

[Tana]

I can't believe how many people I know are just Apple pay people. Like I'm type B. But the idea of leaving the house without a proper physical card is. And you do it. Meg. Does it like Apple pay in a dream? Yes. Like and like phones on 12 does that like pages. So phone on 12 with Apple Pay in a dream. And I'm like how? How does no one have a physical card through their own life? I'm not even saying like with me. I don't know why that is one thing where I'm like I can't type be that hard.

[Amari Stewart]

The way I look at it is if they don't take Apple P, I shouldn't be there.

[Tana]

I love you so much.

[Amari Stewart]

I love you.

[Tana]

Like this was the first of very, very, very many brand safe episodes with you. Because we just have the lore is endless.

[Amari Stewart]

I also think it's fun for people to see us get deep because we are always like silly goofy, haha.

[Tana]

You know, and I'm just I yeah, I'm grateful for this brand safe era bringing me peace. Knowing that if we do that that you know, people will still listen and that we are just as entertaining. I think for a long time you and I shared the same value. That entertainment value had to be shock value. And it's very nice to see the way that we've evolved. But always, always, always, no matter what,

[Amari Stewart]

we can't always be shocking still together. Always.

[Tana]

I love you.

[Amari Stewart]

I love you.

[Tana]

Bye bye.

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