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John Daly here. You know what day it is? Neither do I. I live life daily. That's why I only spend on Motocasino. Moto's got daily free bonuses, daily tournaments, new slots added daily. And the best part, guaranteed daily jackpots. You can't beat that. So today's the day you gripping and spending with me on Moto America's social casino. Play for free on Moto Us. Moto Casino is the social casino prohibited. The purchase necessary. Visit Moto Us for more details. Download the Motocasino app today must be 21/moto casino america social casino. All new drinks are now at McDonald's with refreshers like the Strawberry watermelon refresher and the Mango pineapple refresher with popping Boba. To crafted sodas like the Sprite Berry blast with berry flavors and cold foam. Who knew ice cold drinks could be so fire six? All new drinks are here now at McDonald's. Refreshers contain caffeine you ain't heard about Moto Casino. Moto has real Vegas slots. 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Honestly, that's such an accurate description, metaphorically, of exactly what the my life looks like right now. Truly, truly, truly. And before I get in to today's podcast, I want to say something to each and every one of you. Well, actually not all of you, just some of you. Okay. I sat down in the last solo episode and I was vulnerable with you. I was accountable to you. I said I got a lip flip. I flipped my lip to the moon, and I. I don't like how it looks, and I made a mistake. Okay? And the people, all of you in the comments, my brand Safers, you guys were very sweet to me. It's kind of almost like a sisterly energy where you were like, hey, diva, you've done too much. Like, we like the natural look better. And I'm in full agreeance with you. Right? Like, that's. That's what I was saying in the podcast, too. I didn't want to flip my lip to the moon. I made a mistake. And we all kind of had this camaraderie. And then the clippers took it to TikTok. Can all of you clippers out there clip this? It's already going down. It will be going down. It's only going to look better and better. I promise you, I won't do it again. I learned, and it is about loving yourself. And I just, like, I relapsed on, like, shooting my lip up to the moon. What is going on out here? Should we be scared? And obviously, whatever they're doing is more important than, like, me podcasting. Like, of course. Like, probably saving a life. Speaking of saving a life, we have to talk about Grays. At some point, I officially quit the show. I'm sure some of you know why. None of that is the point of today's episode. Okay? So today is June 26th, which means 48 hours ago, I turned 28 years old, and it was one of the strangest birthdays of my life because of so many things, honestly. The main thing being my wisdom tooth recovery, which is what this entire episode is going to be about today. It was one of those things where I wanted to, like, almost move my birthday just with the way I'm feeling. And I'm gonna get into all of that. I'm so angry, aghast, beside myself in dismay, like, utter shock at what these past nine days have looked like. It's. I'm on day nine of wisdom tooth recovery. I'm still just a shell of who I once was. The tana that used to see in color. So I think that that kind of did put the pain, really did put a big gray cloud over this birthday. And I decided the night before my birthday that I had just been crying for days and days and days, and. And I should still try to celebrate it. And so I hit up my friend Tal Maimon at the Maiman Group, and I asked for a house in Malibu, and he was nice enough to Help me out with getting one. I invited all of my friends and it's so interesting too as the years go by, seeing how much things have dwindled. Like Paige and I kept making jokes. We were like Lila to the front. Ari, like so many people, just the group has gotten a lot smaller. Things are just so different. And I originally didn't even want to do a group trip on my birthday because I almost feel like I've outgrown them in a lot of ways. Brooke was here and we were just dying laughing at like that whole Turks trip and all the things that went down on that trip and just we really used to like travel to the most beautiful destinations and get in the biggest houses and literally have a week long episode of Bad Girls Club. Like it was so insane and so fun and I just do feel like I've outgrown that. And I originally wanted to just go on a really special trip. Me, Mokoa, Isabella and Sylvain. Obviously Moa and Silvon are best friends. Isabella and I are best friends and Isabella has been there the longest and I wanted to do something really calm and it just ended up being to where I couldn't fly. So I was like, I still want to do something. And I can't thank my friends enough for being who they are. Every single one of my friends, the one thing that they all have in common is they walk into every room and they spark joy. They are the funniest people I've ever met and I love them so much. We all have this very collective way of making whoever's birthday it is or even if someone's going through something, just rallying and showing up for them. And that's exactly what they did for me. And it was so beautiful to witness all of them just in their prime, in their glory, being as funny as possible. I'm pretty sure a submarine is coming up out of the water right now. Like I don't know what's going on. Mind you, this hasn't happened at all this trip at all. Not once. And yeah, everyone was so amazing and I'm so grateful to be alive. I think not even I think genuinely I spent at least five years of my life heavily living under the belief, all jokes aside, fully believing with everything in my core that I would be a part of the 27 Club. So I think turning 28 is a huge milestone for me and all of those versions of me because truly I spent a large fraction, I'm not sure what the exact fraction is of my life thinking that I would not make it to this specific age. And I'm so, so beyond grateful for that. However, I do think that 27 for me was a year of clear shedding. I was clearly, clearly shedding who I once was and becoming who I want to be in the most beautiful way. So grateful for everything that happened across my early 20s. I. I was very well aware that I was no longer that girl, and it was very uncomfortable in a lot of ways. And I was using the hermit crab analogy. A lot of just, you know, feeling naked and looking for my new shell and trying to figure those things out, right? But then 28 comes, and it's still not all figured out, and I'm still discovering who I am. And I don't think I've had a birthday yet where I don't fully know what I want to happen on that birthday or, you know, what I want to be doing or how I want to be spending it. And then obviously, this recovery kind of steered me away from doing what I felt like I wanted to do. And I just. I've really only had two birthdays in my life where I felt emotional pain. On my birthday, it was my 21st and my 28th, and they were very, very different reasons, I guess. And this wisdom tooth, again, was this big, dark gray cloud over it, which I'm going to get into. I'd be lying if I said, like, maybe if I never had to go through this wisdom tooth surgery and feel like this on my birthday, I might have just felt perfectly fine. I think when you're in so much pain and you're just laying in bed and you're on all these drugs and in so much pain, it leaves you to reflect a lot and just what I want. I think 28 is a. Interesting year where it's the last year before you're at the year where it's the last year of your twenties and you really, like. I woke up just immediately thinking about, like, what I want and who I want to be at 30, and just certain ways that I'm not there yet and certain things that haven't progressed. And I just. It was a very, very, very introspective, and I. I was kind of sad. I had spent the whole week crying, and, like, I did cry on this birthday. And it's not to say that there weren't so many good and beautiful things happening as well. It just. Sometimes transformation has those caveats where everything isn't always perfectly positive, and the tooth was just the goddamn mother cherry on mother top. And I'm going To do one of those videos. Where is it a semi truck now? I think it's a cement truck. I'm going to do one of those videos where I talk about the 28 things that I learned at 28. Last year I, right around this time I filmed 27 things I learned at 27. And that was actually the very first time that I ever thought to myself, wow, maybe I would want to do a solo podcast. And the response to that video, you guys made me feel like you do enjoy. Obviously you always have, and you guys are the best. But that 27 Things video really did change my life because it, it gave me the confidence and the reassurance that I could sit wherever, whenever, and talk at length about whatever was on my mind. And so I plan on doing the 28 Things video as well and talking about the 28 Things I've learned at 28 years old in the last year. And they're very, very, very different from, from 27. And I think when I film that I will get more in depth into how I was feeling on my birthday and just where I'm at. I can't decide yet if I want that to be a podcast or a YouTube video. Let me know in the comments below. It started as a YouTube thing and I might want to keep it as one. And before I start, I just want to respond to some of the comments in the last solo episode as well. I feel like I was going really hard on myself for repeating, do you know what I mean? Ending my sentences with and, and saying like it and all these things. And a lot of the comments were like, tana, that's who you are. And while you are transforming and becoming this new person, you still are. Eloquently spoken. That's just the way you speak. And be careful of essentially trying to strip away your entire cadence that makes you who you are because you want to conform to this perfection. I do have a slight rebuttal to that. Where I feel like I am in this transformative period where a new desire and goal of mine is to become as smart as I possibly can. I think for so long I was so content being a dropout with the knowledge I had. And I was getting a little more knowledge now and again on the streets, right like that was it. And as I'm getting older, I have found this deep rooted desire to just not become stagnant in the amount of knowledge I have in my speaking cadence, in my learning of new words, in my whatever. But I also understand that it's a scary tightrope between wanting to be better and being highly critical of yourself. And I appreciate you guys in the comments for kind of waking me up on that. And it is interesting. The brand safe era and just this will probably be one of my 28 things, but I have become more critical of myself than I ever was. I used to and fart out my content and not think twice about it. I don't know, just not think twice about anything. I didn't have any anxiety and maybe there was something great that I can take from that girl and I never want to swing that too far. You know, while I want to get smarter and stuff like that, I'm also me and that's okay. And that is the message I should be spreading. And those type of things aren't linear, you know, and maybe in that last episode there were a few things where I was kind of showing that I get caught slipping. You know, whether that's the lip flip or over critical nature of the way that I speak and who I am, that is a perfect example of kind of getting caught slipping. And that is kind of a big lesson that I had learned in the past year. So I want to appreciate you guys for just reassuring me that even if I say, do you know what I mean every 37 seconds, you will still love me and I still love you. Now, with that being said, we are getting on a roller coaster. Okay, you better have your mother mouse ears on, bitch. We are at Disneyland. We are getting onto Magic Mountain starting now. As you guys know, it has been a fierce month of my life. And I swear to God, the other night I was laying in bed, turned to mokoa and I was like, I can't wait to go to a concert or a live event. Like, I just want to feel dopamine. All we have is human connection. I want to like, use my mouth to sing along to songs. I want to be in public, thriving at a concert. And some of my favorite memories do come from concerts. There's just something about hearing your favorite artist live with thousands of other people singing every single word that just will never, ever get old to me, especially in my sober era. It really is such a way to connect and feel something in a healthy way. So lately I've been looking for tickets at a few different, different shows. And anytime I'm buying tickets, I will always check SeatGeek first. So huge shout out to the sponsor of today's episode seat. With over 35 million downloads, it's the number one rated ticketing app. And there are more than 70000 events on there from concerts and festivals to sports and comedy shows. I was literally scrolling through it the other day looking at upcoming tours and there are so many artists I want to see. One thing I love is that every ticket is rated on a scale of 1 to 10 so you instantly know if you're getting a good deal. The green dots are the good deals. The red dots maybe keep scrolling. It makes finding tickets so much easier without having to guess whether you'. Overpaying. And every ticket is backed by their buyer guarantee which gives me extra peace of mind. Okay. A type B girl needs that. Concert season is officially here. So to make it even better you can use code BRANDSAFE10 for 10 off your SeatGeek tickets. That's 10% off tickets with promo code BRANDSAFE10. Make sure you click the link in the description to download the app so the code is automatically added to your account so you can use it later. Happy dopamine maxing. Thank you SeatGeek for sponsoring today's episode. The only preface I want to put before for the absolute complete and utter tangent of a story time I'm about to go on. The only preface I want to put is sometimes in life you just need to bitch and moan with your girls. Okay? There is a catastrophic difference between being overall a negative person and sometimes you just need to let one rip. You don't have to be negative all the time. I don't think you should be ever stuck in a situation cycle of complaining. But sometimes you got to sit with your girls and just let them rip. You know? And I. I have my friends for that. I have my pages and my trevies and my Isabellas where we will just sit and bitch and moan. I think it's a cathartic part of girlhood and sometimes it is necessary. And there are so many greater problems in the world, I can't even say the word problem. Still. It's day nine. There's so many greater things in the world. I understand that deeply. But I'm going to walk you through my last nine days. And I am going to bitch and moan and whelp and scream and yell about them because I can. That's what I want to do. And you guys are my girls and my gays and my days. And I want you to be here with me along this ride. Because truly I have never, ever, ever experienced. I have never experienced anything like these last nine days of my life at all. And I will start this off by saying when it comes to my teeth, okay, a lot of things have gone wrong. Yeah. And that started at birth. Right. By the time I had received my first AdSense check, I had only ever seen a dentist one time. And that was a big thing that my parents were trying to lie about in court. They were saying we took her to the dentist and they never did. So they were saying that I was slandering them by saying that they never took me to the dentist when they did, and it's just not true. And then they would have arguments like, well, you didn't want to go. And it's like, yeah, every child in the world doesn't want to go. Okay, it's your job. So by the time I was even 17, I remember I was 17 years old and I was on the phone with Jordan and we were talking about some brand deal I was doing, and I just started doing all this stuff. And I was on the phone with him, and I'm looking in the mirror and my tooth fell out. And this was before the veneers. Maybe it was just something that I was always cursed with. And it was just as her left tooth. It was a cavity that had gone too long. It had abscessed. It had just rotted completely, and the tooth completely fell out. I was 17 years old. I was set up to fail, obviously, because of the way that I was raised. Then I went and got veneers and maybe getting veneers on top of those teeth. I can also, like, now recognize that that probably wasn't the smart do. Maybe they needed to have their enamel enameled. You know, they've always been. You know, I've always had a lot of problems with my teeth. And I think that every time I've ever gone to the dentist for something, ever, it can be the most routine procedure and something is going to go wrong or the thing that I get done is going to trigger something else to go wrong. It's just been my experience through and through. Like, I swear, it's like I'll go in to treat a cavity and leave bowlegged. Like, it doesn't make sense to me. It's like this domino effect, and it has created this. A, fear, but B, be like, almost avoidant, anxious, avoidant negligence, like, relationship. I have a negligent relationship when it comes to problems with my teeth because every time I go and fix them, it doesn't actually fix them. It just creates more problems. And obviously, as a child, that was what I had to do, was just live with them. So sometimes I can feel myself falling back into those patterns and anxieties and all of those things, you know, my wisdom tooth, this one had been coming in for over a year now, honestly. Ironically, last year on my birthday, we were all in Hawaii in that beautiful house hanging out. My wisdom tooth was coming in. I was doing saltwater rinses every day and, like, sleeping with gauze in my mouth so I didn't bite down on the gum and, like, all these different things, and it would just kind of flare up and go away. And I would be lying to you if I said that I was not fine with living like that until I croaked with, like, Jade just flaring up, going away, and like, eventually, hopefully coming in. And my thought process towards the wisdom tooth coming in as well, I think was like, I don't even have that many teeth. Like, Buster. You want to show them? You want to show them? Buster has far more teeth than I will ever have. So when my wisdom teeth started coming in, I was like, we can use another one. You know, come on in. Like, welcome to the family. I can't say the letter F. What did you see? Play that back. Welcome to the family. I'm gonna keep these other teeth. I don't need to get rid of them. Like, God forbid I have a little extra chew to work with. You know, maybe I can bite some ciabatta bread back there if I just keep this one. And then I woke up on the day of mine and Trisha's Las Vegas show, and we had spent the last 12 days working our absolute asses off to just prepare for this show and make sure it was perfect. And I wake up at 7am the day of our show, which I also hate waking up early on a show day because I need to conserve my energy. I like to sleep in. So what I give on stage is my best, non anxious, sharpest, wittiest, full of energy self. So I was so livid to be awake, and I just knew how that would go for the show. And I'm in excruciating pain. And my wisdom tooth was doing the gum thing a couple days prior, but it was just kind of normal. And I'm used to navigating life like that. The difference in this pain is that this pain was not in my gum. It was in my tooth and jaw, and my jaw started to swell. And that's when a wisdom tooth can kind of become deadly, genuinely deadly. Like just the infection can spread and, you know, go down to your neck and down through your ear. And I couldn't really talk, and I was just in a lot of pain. I always Say that it is so the mantra of my life that I have. I was talking about this with Alexis and Sarai who do my makeup and my hair on the day of the show because they've seen me through it all. Alexis and I were laughing about a time where during MTV I was doing my press run and I was going on the news every day and like doing all these like random huge press outlets, but at the same time I had periorbital cellulitis. We're gonna put the photo in my eye was the size of a golf ball. We still have no idea why to this day. And it would just flare up like that all the time. And I always use the analogy of like, I have the best, worst luck. Like I will have a Vegas marquee headlining sold out show with Trisha Paytas that night that I'm so excited to do. My whole team is there. We worked so hard for it, we manifested it. But your wisdom tooth is absolutely going to impact itself, infect itself and put you at such a setback for this show tonight. And that's just the way my life will always kind of go. I know that it sucks for my cortisol levels. Like just things do go wrong and you know, that's what created story time, Tana. And that's why I'm here today with a lot to talk about on this podcast. It's actually funny. Literally have been laying in bed for nights and nights and nights on these painkillers. So miserable. Like it's given me so many thoughts. I haven't been so passionate about doing a podcast until this one. Like it. There's just, I have so much to say. I get through the show, but obviously there was a moment where I was just like, okay, this tooth is officially really, really affecting my job in my life. I was in fight or flight the entire time on stage just because of the pain, my inability to talk, my mood. Like, I wasn't able to be my like funniest best self. And thank God Trisha Pat is sitting there next to me to like carry me. And we're doing our thing together and we got through with it, but it hindered a lot of my hard work and it set me back when I had put my all into this. And that's the moment where you have to kind of buck up and realize that this is now not just a flappy gum. It's not giving flappy bird. It's giving like you're gonna die. And this is really bad. I go home from Vegas, I immediately go to the dentist and I get an X ray and they are like, yeah, your tooth is super, super infected. It was like, completely black in my gums underneath my tooth. And I was like, damn. They basically look at me and they're like, if we could take this out today, we would like, you have to come back tomorrow or the next day. You need to get this tooth out asap. Do not put it off. And I'm genuinely in the dentist office. Sobbing, sobbing. And I will say that a lot of my sobbing comes from a fear that I've always had of wisdom tooth removal. Like, I don't even when I see videos of other people, even back in the day, like, the Dolan Twins wisdom tooth video. Like, Larray did a really funny one. Like, I can't watch those. I don't find it funny. I think that it's like, obviously those are content creators who wanted to be recorded. But then I look at other, like, just strangers on the Internet, those videos. I'm like, do they consent to being recorded? My dentist was telling me stories about, like, other people who had gone to him and, like, revealed their deepest, darkest secrets or, like, said the craziest. And I'm like, why are we, you know, saying that? But also, I mean, he wasn't, like, naming them. And so it's fine. It's just a fear of mine. And I think that I've worked so hard to be sober and to never be out of my own that the fear has amplified so much in sobriety. I think Amari is always so funny about it. He's like, tana, I don't. I have no idea why you're afraid of this. You were literally snorting the floor and, like, telling people Donatella Versace was your mother. Like, you've already been out of your own so much. Like, what's one more time, you know? But my OCD really was just getting the worst of me. I think that I have so much medical anxiety now, which is so strange to me that I spent so much of my life not caring at all. Like, literally just living so freely about all of these things. I'd have ringworm and just be, like, doing whatever the I wanted with, like, 90 ringworm all over me and, like, going to One Star Hospitals to treat it and giggling and vlogging. And now I, like, take an ibuprofen and my brain's like, no, no, no, you just took a Percocet. Was that Advil that you take every single day? And, like, it's going to kill you. And Then I'm googling, like, effects of ibuprofen on your liver over the next 20 years, even though, like, your liver's already. Babe, it's such a warp. And for some reason, my OCD had just, like, really hyper fixated on. I'm going to come out of this wisdom tooth surgery and I'm going to be irreversibly horrible. And I don't want to do that because I've worked so hard to not be that. And, like, I'm just scared of this healing process. And, like, I'm going to be the one person who, like, dies and it's going to be so awful. And, like, I don't know, just that's what was going through my head. And I was just sobbing and sobbing and sobbing. And so I go in for the surgery and it's the day of. And I have. I decide to have Paige take me because I think that Paige has had the most experience with Tina, okay? With who I once was. She is the most unfazed by astronomical things coming out of my mouth. I also forgot to say that my OCD won the battle. And they basically said the best way you can do this is by going under anesthesia or doing twilight sedation where you're half in, half out. But I just heard a horror story from one of my, like, celebrity friends. She called me and she told me that the dentist woke her up off of anesthesia to, like, take selfies with her. And he broke hipaa and he showed her, like, photos of Kylie Jenner's before and afters and all this crazy stuff. And, like, I always see the tick tocks and the videos of things that happen to girls under anesthesia. I just. My OCD won the battle. And so I decided to. Even though this is maximum suffrage, I cannot overcome the hurdle that is my brain. And I'm going to do this awake. It's just so frustrating to me, I think almost at myself and at my OCD and at my anxiety. Like, you're choosing to do this the hardest possible way because you can't. The demon is winning. Like, my OCD has just beat my ass for the last nine days. Beat my ass to the ground. It's been literally a miserable existence. And again, I will get into that. So I decide I'm going to do it awake. I decide to bring Paige because she has the most experience with Tina. I also bring my bodyguard, my head of my security. He's like my father, really, Ray. And mind you, I'm not bringing my bodyguard, really, to protect me from anyone other than myself. And I originally tell Mokoa I don't even want him to come. I think it's also like, when you were a substance abuser and I tried it, all right, I know who I am on every single substance through and through. When you are now sober and you know who you were on those substances, there's this fear of, like, is she going to come out again again? Is that person going to come to the forefront again? And like, I just didn't even want Mokoa there because I was like, I don't want Tina to come to the forefront again. And you see that and like, that sucks that, like, my partner couldn't even be there to pick me up because not only is my OCD winning, but, like, Tina's always going to be dormant in there and we're going to get there. So I get to the dentist's office and I'm with Paige, I'm with Ray, and I'm sitting there and they basically tell me that they're going to give me this drug called Halcyon. When it comes to my wardrobe and getting dressed, I feel like I've learned so many lessons over the years, and one of them being that you don't always need more clothes, you just need the right clothes. Also, I'm just a girl and sometimes we all have those moments where you look in your closet and you look at everything and you have an event coming up or you have a trip you're going on or something that you're doing this Saturday and you're looking at all of your clothes and you're like, nothing is right for the moment. I'm crashing out, out. But instead of overthinking it, I swear the seas parted, the heavens parted the day I discovered Revolve. Honestly, we were on tour when I discovered Revolve and they were the only place that would have two day shipping and amazing easy returns and the ability to find an outfit for any weather, any city, any vacation, anything that you need to do. And I just felt like I had discovered heaven. I also feel like the ADHD baddie in me is, is so fulfilled when I'm shopping. Revolve because they have so many curated sections. You know, you can look in the night out section, you can look at the vacation section, you can look at the business casual section and it's just so easy. Even recently, Trisha texted me and was like, let's wear pink sequins in Vegas. So I just opened Revolve. I went to the night out section I made it to Pink Sequin and suddenly I'm only looking at exactly what I need, not just like endlessly scrolling and not not finding anything. I'm also the type of girl who wants to try things on in the comfort of my own home. I want to try things on in this very room. And Revolve has the easiest shipping and the easiest return. So I can order two of something in different sizes and return it so easily. It's just like, especially during the summer when it feels like something is always on the calendar, whether it's someone's birthday or a party or a trip or a holiday, I'm about to show you my fourth of July fit. Revolve has everything figured out. Whether you're going for a girl's night out, whether you're going to a wedding, whether it's your own birthday, like whatever it is that you need to be shopping for, Revolve is going to have something for you. And talk about last minute. I literally placed a revolve order 36 hours ago and it's here. I leave to San diego for the 4th of July in like two minutes. And I got this little sweat. Like I literally didn't even know I was going to San diego until like 3 days ago. And like Revolve had my back. I got a little micro short, short. Look at these. So my girl so tiny. And like, honestly, if I put them on and my cheeks are hanging out, I can return them. Like Revolve is the best little studded flip flop. They have Steve Madden, they have Jeffrey Campbell. They have all the girlies and all the cute trendy shoes and they have lots of bigfoot mama sizes. I got Makoa, some skims cargo shorts because they do have men's little baseball cap for the girls. They also have forward. So I got two bags, little zebra mama for when I'm feeling like hitting the town. And a little summertime time crochet mama. How cute is this going to be? July 4th. So American. Yeah. Giving hot dog real bad. So if you ever need something good last minute that actually will work for you, go to Revolve. It is such an honor to be working with them because I have loved them what feels like my whole life. So make sure you go to Revolve.com Brand Safe to shop my faves and to get 15% off your first order. Fast shipping, easy returns. It just, just makes everything easier. That's Revolve.com brand safe for 15 off your first order and to shop my faves. The offer ends July 27th. So do not miss out. It is active for two weeks only. Okay. A revolve code. I don't know if you heard me. Revolve code. Run, don't walk. I hate run, don't walk. Like, I just hate it so much. But run, don't walk. Over to revolve and make sure to use code. Now back to the episode. Thank you. Revolve. I would compare Halcyon to a roofie. Okay? Like, you kind of take the pill. It's in a benzodiazepine family, but it's in the, like. It's like the big bowser. It's like the final boss of a benzodiazepine. It's in, like, the tria part. Like Trazodone and Triazepam. And like, the sleepy ones. The, like, knock you out for days ones. The, like, stronger than Ambien ones. And, like, I've taken a Trazodone. The last time I took a Trazodone, which is really similar to what they were trying to give me, the Halcyon. I slept for four a half days and I woke up and I, like, broke up with my boyfriend at the time. Granted, I needed to break up with him, but still, I just. I didn't like who I was on that Trazodone. I don't like myself on these drugs. But I had agreed that, like, you're not going to put me out. Like, you're just going to give me this pill and I'm going to do it right. And so I get there with the plan to take the pill from the dentist. And as I'm in the dentist office, my OCD is just firing once again. And so I ask the front desk girls, I'm like, hey, what is the number one? You see people on Halcyon all the time. You guys are, like, at the front desk, you see everyone come out on the Halcyon, and they look at me and they tell me that the number one side effect of Halcyon is extreme rage. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Tana Marie Mojo can't have anything where the number one side effect of the drug is extreme rage. The last time I took a drug where the number one side effect can be extreme rage was at a van. I was in Australia with Hunter on Ativan and I tried to rip up his passport, and I shattered every single one of his camera lenses. I threw his stuff off the balcony into the street in Sydney, Australia. Kyle's just sitting here nodding his head no, you're very lucky to have me at this time. And I told that story on stage across tour. And Hunter, I love you so much. I'm so genuinely happy that I didn't rip up your passport. And it's like, what did you. What did you think you were doing with that Tana? That I'll tell that story in full on the podcast at some point because it really is crazy. But that was the last time I took a pill that the number one side effect was extreme rage. So why the fuck would I want to take it again? And I'm sitting there and I'm staring at this little blue halcyon and I'm just like, the dentists are also kind of rushing me. They're being like, it's time for surgery. Like, we're all here, like, and that's just like fueling into my anxiety more. I'm just not comfortable. They're trying to get me to take this pill, which obviously is protocol. I understand that. But, like, I just found out that the side effect of coming off of it is extreme rage. And, like, I'm going home to Makoa and like, Ray is here. Like, I don't know what I'm going to do. And I know myself. I know if a side effect is extreme rage and I'm up. Like, we saw the Doc and Turks and Caicos. We see it all. Like, we know how I am. Like, I just, I don't like it. I don't want to be that. And I'm just sobbing because I'm like, I'm in this position where every option is putting me to be this thing that I don't want to be so bad, but I need to get it out. So I decide I'm just going to do it dead ass, like awake. And they ended up telling me, like, you don't want to hear the cracking of the tooth. Like, you're going to be so miserable. Like, at least self administer yourself some like Xanax. Like, at least do something so that you're not just like sitting there dead ass in the moment, you know. But obviously I take gabapentin and I take light benzodiazepines for anxiety and OCD now and again. So I have a bit of a tolerance to it. So I'm like, I don't really know what this is, like, gonna do. So I end up taking their advice and taking the Xanax and I end up feeling a little calmer. My OCD thoughts are like firing a little less and I can kind of come to the rational decision that, like, this is a health problem problem, and I should take this out. And I end up going over and laying down to the table, and I am, like, a little. I am a little Tina. I'm not gonna lie. I took, like, a full Xanax bar. You know, I'm telling the nurses, like, it's so funny, too. Like, you can take the alcohol out of the girl, but Tina will never die. Like, I'm laying there on the table immediately to the girl, I'm going, you're my best friend. I love you. So I swear to God. I swear to God in the Bible, I'm looking at this about to go in my mouth, and I'm like, I love you so much. You're my best friend, Ren. You're so cute. And she happened to be a supporter of mine too. And now, just, like, the anxiety of that, I'm like, oh, my God. What did I say? The guy who was doing my surgery looked like Zed. So I'm like, telling him. I'm like, you look just like Anton. Like, he's such a good friend of mine. I'm like, singing to him. I'm like, I love his tragedy. Why? I'm like, I keep calling him Zed. Like, whatever. And they give me laughing gas to, like, really take it over. Because I think that obviously we know the reason I went sober is when I'm up, I'm chatty Kathy. I mean, point blank, period. I'm always Chatty Kathy. Look at me right now. The things that come out of my mouth when I'm up as chatty Cathy are not as coherent. And what I truly believe. So I think they kind of just laid me down and they were like, put the nozzle now. And honestly, I've never had a good laughing gas experience until this one. I used to not like it, but I was laying there, and I was like, I see what Kanye's talking about. I want to feel like Kanye. Like, I was catching a vibe. The birds were chirping. The dental assistant is obviously my lifelong best friend. Zed is taking my tooth. Paige and I are, like, giggling and filming funny videos. It was very short. I was like, oh, my God. What was all the hubbub about? Like, this is amazing. You take that tooth, we're fine, girl. You know, obviously, they had numbed my mouth a bunch. And so I end up leaving. I leave, and, you know, I'm hugging my new best friend's goodbye. I'm singing the black eyed Peas. Paige is driving my car. We go To Chick Fil A. I get a little ice cream, I'm catching a baby, and I'm like, what? What was all the hubbub about? And then I get home and the Xanax wears off, and the laughing gas wears off, and most importantly, the local anesthetic wears off, and I am now immediately in the most. And I mean the most. This made me feel like I could go Kate Gosselin and Papa octomom and pop 8B out of my. With ease, with ease. The most excruciating. I'm sorry, Buster. Excruciating pain in my entire life. Oh, my God. I'm still in excruciating pain. That's the problem. That's the problem. That's the problem. That's the problem. It's been nine God days on the nine days of wisdom my true love gave to me. When will I be okay? Nine oxycodone. Eight. Like, I'm literally. I'm in the most excruciating pain of my entire life immediately. And the problem with this excruciating pain is that it starts in my throat. It felt like, genuinely, I'm talking scream, Drew Barry Moore style. That Ghostface himself took the biggest knife in the kitchen and just stabbed me in the jugular. I know that I'm exaggerated, but I'm looking at you right now. Look at me. Eye to eye, face to face. Heart to heart. You and me, right here, Malibu, next to you. I'm telling you, I have never been. Been in pain like this so long as I live. My nose job. Take a hammer to my nose nine more times, shoot my ass up with as much sculpture as possible. Like, literally migraine central, whatever it is. I've never. I dislocated a rib, for Christ's sakes. That was a cakewalk. I've never felt anything like this. It's in my throat and it's my tooth, and I'm in excruciating pain. And so I turn, it's. It's Meg, my executive assistant, Makoa, and Ray. And I turn to them and I. I'm sobbing. And the ocd, even through just, like, not even being all there, is still firing. I'm like, am I going to die? Am I going to die? Like, I've never felt this in my life. What is happening to me? I'm asking them. I'm like, give me a painkiller. Give me something. I can't take this. I can't live like this. And they all tell me, we don't want to give you the Norco because you've taken Xanax today. And I start, you know, kind of normal and I'm like, please, please, please. And I feel like Fae and euphoria. It's giving Wayne my teeth. My lips are huge. And I'm screaming at the top of my lungs and I'm like, you have to give me this Norco. You're like, there is no other route. I don't care what I have to do. I will sell my hole on the side of the 405. I need this painkiller. I've never felt like this in my entire life. And they won't give it to me. And they're being like, let's call the dentist this. Let's see if we can give it to you. I'm sobbing, I'm screaming, and they will not give it to me. And I'm going to tell you guys something. The next few minutes of this story I'm not proud of. And we will get into that as well. But I'm going to tell you what happened. And I debated saving this for our upcoming Patreon because we are very close to having one because it is awful. And I have not been this person in so long. But I also am under the firm belief because truly, I don't know know. I think this whole experience has made me question if I had ever really felt level 10 pain in my entire life. I think the things that I once thought were level 10 physically are now a 5 in comparison to what this was. And I think that pain will make you be, you know, you see women going into labor, you see, and I was getting so many comments like that too. Like giving birth to my children was so much easier than my wisdom teeth. And I believe you. I see you. I'm stand with you, sister. I believe you. I think pain will make you do things that you don't want to do. Moko is holding the Norcos in his pocket and I. I'm coming down off of this Xanax and this laughing gas and I'm still a little up and no one will give them to me. And I go full tana Turks and Caicos, doc style. I say, if you're not going to give me this Norco, you are going to see a version of me that you have never, ever, ever, ever, ever met. They will not give it to me. I'm running around the house, by the way, which is so awful after your wisdom 2 surgery. But I'm in so much, much pain. I'm trying to check all the cabinets for different. Like, anything to help me with my pain. I'm like, whatever. Moko is trying to, like, hold me back. I'm kicking him. I'm like, it's so bad. I'm kicking him. I'm swinging on him. Like, I'm full. Tana when she's up. And also the pain, like, just the pain. It was so bad that I was like, I don't care what I have to do. I dumped a pink Gatorade all over him. I also dumped it all over myself. So, like, you look so stupid. I end up running outside. I look at them and I say, if you're not going to give me this painkiller, I'm going to do something. This is what my mind was telling me at the time. I'm going to do something to make the police. Police come so I can tell them whatever is happening to me, like, so that maybe they can administer me. Something like that is how much pain I'm in. If you guys are not going to give it to me. I walk out in the street and I start knocking over all of the trash cans on the street. I'm in my underwear. I'm in my underwear. My bodyguards there, he's trying to stop me. He can't. He can't stop me. That is how much fire and rage I'm, like, hopping little fences and bushes. Like, I'm like, I'm not proud of this. I'm not proud. But it's just so insane because I never thought I would do anything like this again ever, in my entire life. What do you mean? You're knocking over the trash cans in the street an hour after your wisdom tooth surgery. And so much for not taking the Halcyon because you didn't want to feel extreme rage. So much for not going under anesthesia because you didn't want to embarrass yourself. You're in the street in your underwear. I'm, like, forgetting some details, honestly. And obviously, it's all a little hazy to me. It's funny. Meg, my assistant, she is, like, very, very tall. She's like Kendall Jenner. Just very, like, tiny and tall. And she was blocking one of the doorways with her arm, and I, like, scurried under her. And I'm running, running like, you psychopath. You psychopath. I'm breaking. I'm not even joking you. I was in so much pain. And this is, like, really, really embarrassing to say, but obviously I was up and I was in so much pain. And it is, unfortunately, the truth. Like, I Took a knife out of the drawer, and I was like, I will kill myself in front of you people. Like, I have never, ever been in that much pain. Like, that is not who I am. I am very much healed. I do think Tina's dormant, but I was never an angry drunk. I was never angry when I was up on anything. I was just in that much pain and I was going to do anything. I was like, spider monkeying at McCoy, like, trying to kick him in the shin. Like, and it's not funn. It's just like, it's insane. Like, I never thought I would be this Tana again, let alone, like, in 2026. It's just like, that's how much pain I was in. I was in such excruciating pain that I was willing to do anything. I started texting my old plugs. I said, if you people aren't going to give me the Norco, I will get one. That is the headspace that this surgery and the pain from it had put me in. I said a lot of things. I really want to go back in time and unsay. But eventually they find out that it's fine to give me the normal Norco after I've just destroyed my whole house and all my relationships. It's not who I am. It is not at all who I am. And obviously, you know, I woke up, I end up taking the Norco, and the pain is kind of starting to subside a little bit. But that's the crazy thing, too, is that this pain is so much that there was, like, no amount of painkiller that was, like, making it stop, which is also very scary. And I don't want to be just like, popping painkillers and popping these things. But I did end up going to sleep, and then I woke up a few hours later, and I'm just screaming, sobbing. I'll insert the video themselves. I want to just get my wisdom, too. This is so stupid. I also forgot to mention that I completely called 911 on myself. Like, how do you like? It's just like a slight blip. Like, eventually they just wouldn't give me the painkillers. So I called 911 to come to my house, and I was like, take me to the hospital, then take me. Give me morphine. I don't care. They had to hop my fence. And there's just nothing like Tana Marie Mojo calling 911 on herself in the big 2 6. I just never, ever thought I would see that version of myself. And, you know, the paramedics were like, what the. They were like, just give her the Norco. I wake up, I'm in excruciating pain. I'm sobbing. I don't think I've ever cried this much either. Even over breakups, even over deaths. It was so traumatizing. I truly was Ariana Grande. No tears left to cry. I've never cried so much in my entire life. And then obviously that next day, I'm laying there and Moko is still sitting there, and I, like, heartbroken. Like, I was just. I was like, I hope you know that that's, like, not me and that's. That's not who I am. I love you so much, and I'm so sorry that I, like, I was spider monkeying myself at you, trying to do taekwondo and, like, breaking everything in the house. And that was like, my worst fear with this wisdom tooth. And also, I think I didn't even know with my fears that, like, there could be a level of pain that could make you crazy. Crazy, like, just crazy. And I was just so disappointed in myself and so sad, and then I'm sobbing. I was just trying to reassure him in the regard that, like, it didn't matter who was there. It wasn't a personal attack to him. It could have been anyone, and I would have done that. That's how much pain I was in. It's funny. Amari called me the next day and he goes, thank God we have high definition cameras. I feel like I just watched a UFC fight. Like, I've never seen anything like it. And I'm so happy I wasn't there. You are so scary, and it's so true. I really don't think it was me being up as much as it was just the amount of pain I was in and the pain medicine being, like, withheld from me. Obviously, they were just trying to protect me. They were very scared of me mixing these two drugs. But I think that I also. I dated Lil Xan for years. I dated Chris Miles for years. I'm not glamorizing or glorifying anything, but, like, I've been to the Olympics, the three quarters of a bar and the half of a Norco was, oh, my God, Lil Xan and I used to take 17 Norcos just to go to CVS. Like, I do think that there's something to be said about, like, training your body. I can't believe that that was. That I ever, like, dated like that and that that was my life. And I'm very happy where I'm at now, you know? But like, y' all are worried about me mixing three quarters of a bar and a painkiller that I absolutely need more than anything in the world after this surgery right now. You should have seen Tina snort a line of Percocet, Xanax and God knows what else after and chase it with Sauvignon Blanc and then do 2 CB and then not sleep for 2 days. I prepped for times like these, like, I'll be okay. And that's sad to say. It's not a flex. And if you're at a young stage in your life, like, don't do that. That was also the thing across this that I hated so much. It's so funny. I wish you could go back and tell Zanna that there would ever be a time in her life where she wouldn't like the ability to abuse painkillers for a couple weeks. Like, that she, she wouldn't want to do that. That she would be afraid of the long term effects of that. That she would miss being cognizant and coherent and intelligent and energetic. I got my first round of veneers like eight years ago to date. I was opening up my Snapchat and I was finding all these memories of me, of me, like, so excited to take that same Norco and ibuprofen, so excited to be popping those Norcos, inviting whichever, whatever school desk looking boyfriend I had at the time over to abuse them with me. Now I'm at this point where it's like, I just, I didn't even want to take them, but I had to, you know. I also think it's one of those things too where like, you tell a couple dentists that like, you're a recovered addict and no one's gonna prescribe you something strong enough for the pain. Like, you can throw me a couple perk 30s, I'll be fine. I never had a problem with those. You know, I'm glad they didn't. But also the pain was so excruciating and nothing was fixing it. And now here's what I want to get into. Obviously we've covered the basis of my psychotic pain induced episode, all of my worst fears coming true, and the absolute misery that was about to clearly ensue. And it was so low too, because it was like I almost wished I could go back in time and tell previous me that like the pain I was feeling the day of mine and Trisha show was like a day at 4 Disneyland with the goddamn mouse in comparison to what I was about to go through. I almost Truly wish I could go back in time and tell that girl like maybe take one more day until you get the surgery or maybe go get a blowout cuz you're not going to wash your hair for eight days. Tell your friends goodbye, tell your business partners goodbye. You are going to be an absolute shell of who you once were. And that's what brings me to my next point. Everyone is a bold faced liar and I, Tana Mojo am here to say today's episode is almost a psa. That your wisdom tooth recovery could be nothing like other people say. Every single person told me like yeah, it's a really miserable two days. Yeah like you're going to be in pain. Pain pain is subjective but you're going to be in pain. When you wake up it's going to hurt a little bit. It is a harder surgery but you're going to be fine. Everyone will was just you're going to be fine. Propaganda parade. It hurts a little bit but it's fine. Someone said maybe it was a miserable couple days of my life. No one prepared me for war. I felt so under informed and almost lied to by dentists and everyone. I think that they just took me in. I took the Xanax and they took it out and then they gave me not a like one. Whispers of aftercare. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to eat, I didn't know I couldn't swallow. I like was using chlorase septic spray like it was water because of how bad the depths of my throat and my esophagus hurt so bad I couldn't open my mouth and talk which is normal. But we're going to get into how mine ended up changing into something abnormal that only happens to 10% of people for the rest of my life. If anyone ever asked asks me how was getting your wisdom teeth out, I'm going to look at them like this and grab them by the shoulders and I'm going to shake them and I'm going to say every trauma I've ever experienced dulled in comparison to what that time of my life was. I can't even say week of my life. I'm still on day nine and I presume that I'm in a seven out of ten of pain right now. I presume it will be a month, month before I feel like myself again. I will shake them by the shoulders and say it was the most excruciating pain of my entire life. And you're almost lost. Like they just send you away with a syringe to rinse with in eight days and a couple painkillers. And they tell you everyone does it and that, like, you're going to be fine. And it's hopeless. It was the worst cocktail for my ocd. I think each and every single day I had a minimum. And this is no exaggeration of. Of like 300 Google searches of just like, is this normal? Can I mix this medicine with this medicine with this medicine? Like, my nightstand looked like the Wolf of Wall street when it came to the pill bottles. I was like, this is awful. And obviously there's all the normal things, you know, where, like, you just can't talk and you're in so much pain and you're crying. I hate ice cream. Fuck Ben, Fuck Jerry. Those 31 flavors. I will never have it again so long as I live. Yogurt, applesauce, sorbet. Any food without a crunch or a chew. I'm so serious. Like, cream this, cream this. But that's a normal thing. I get that. And like soup maxing. I was Grey's Anatomy maxing. I got to the part where I lost my favorite character and I'm done. But that's a different episode. There's all the normal things, right? But then here's the problem. Everyone started telling me that by day, day four or day five, I would start to feel better. And so day four and day five roll around and I am still in the exact same pain I was when I was knocking over trash cans in the street. Norcos really with my sleep schedule too. So I'm just like sleeping so weird and erratically. I'm having the most vivid dreams of my life. And a lot of my dreams also are not even dreams. They're just memories. I had this dream and it was just a message memory of when Mokoa and I were in Paris at the Shangri La and I was still drinking. And I was still drinking in all of my dreams too, which I hated. I almost feel like this took me to such a dark place that it, like my vibration was just so low. That my dreams were like memories of me when I was still drinking. Some good, some bad. A lot of Chris Miles up in my dreams. Like, I very much felt like that Tana, that who I was at that time of my life, I guess across this. And that's no shade to him at all. I'm just saying I was popping pills at that time. Like. Like no other one of my dreams was this memory of Makoa and I wearing. We were at the Shangri La Paris. And I will never forget this day in my life. It was so insane. It's my favorite hotel in the world. It's directly under the Eiffel Tower. It's so beautiful. But unfortunately, I was still Tina at the time. So just like a lot of things, the most beautiful times of my life were ruined by me being Tina. So I was dead convinced that at the nicest hotel in Paris, we had bed bugs. I'm taking my large barrel curling iron to the bed, drunk as hell, being like, they love to come to the heat. The bed bugs are gonna come to the heat. This is a real memory, by the way. I just happened to dream it. After we do that, I decide that instead of actually eradicating these bedbugs that I believed were there, that we would go to the sex store. I was like, let's go to this sex shop. Like, that's what we need to do after bed bug game. I was like, let's show these bed bugs that we bite back. We buy all these, like, chains and whips, and Mo and I are, like, chain and whipping it up. And then afterwards, we order an Apple tv. They bring it down to the room. We watch all three Rush Hour movies. I'd never seen them. I take a Xanax on top of of the V that I'm drinking. And this was when, like, times were just different, you know, I'm always talking about all of the bad memories with alcohol, but, like, this was a great one. I was floating. I order a subway $5 foot long to my bed in Paris, which is astronomical. Like, maybe have some escargot, and the Shangri La would bring your food into your bed. So the worker brings my Subway footlong into my bed, and I eat it off of my chest with the bed bugs I'm vibing. They don't have bedbugs, obviously. I made them up. The chains and whips are everywhere. I ended up reliving that memory in my dream dreams. I was having more fun in my dreams than I was awake because I was just reliving some of the fun Tina had while she was drunk. I guess I wanted to be anywhere other than my own reality. Day five comes along. There were two dentists across this process that removed my wisdom teeth. And one thing that I hate so much, by the way, is whenever I'm going through something, I almost talked about this with my IV nurse who blew up my arm before Coachella. And she was like, I don't know. I've never seen this before. You never want to hear, I don't know, I've never seen. Seen this before from your medical professionals. And so Dentist 1 and Dentist 2 are kind of saying, like, I don't know why you're having throat pain. Why don't you know why I can't swallow? I'm abusing chloraseptic. What, did you drop something in my gullet while you were removing my tooth? Like, why am I in throat pain? And I was also in so much jaw pain. So much jaw pain on both sides. Because I have tmj, which I don't know what that stands for. I always say tana mojo jaw. I think it's something mando. And maybe I have TMJ from swinging it all these years. Who knows? The way I like relieve my TMJ in life is kind of by opening my mouth to the fullest to crack it back into place. And so obviously I can't do that. My TMJ is now giving me extreme migraines. And I'm literally sitting in the bed with an ice pack on my head, an ice pack on my chest, and ice pack on my cheek and ice pack on my neck. And I'm just laying there, like, utterly miserable. Like, migraine on top of all of this. I'm like, on the verge of throwing up at all times from the painkillers and from the pain. It's the most miserable I've ever been. And so dentists wanting to are like, this can't be normal. Normal. We're gonna refer you to Dentist 3. So I crawl to the car to go see Dentist 3. That's another thing. The side effect of the norcos and all of the pain, I couldn't walk. And so Mokoa was having to walk me to the bathroom and back walk me every. Anywhere I needed to go. Which feeling elderly like that at 27, like elderly, genuinely elderly, is so emotionally defeating. Like, I literally needed tennis balls on a walker. So he's like dragging me to the car and we drive to Brentwood Would to see dentist number three. I'm in the office. You already know the. The overhead light is on. I'm dying. I'm filling out the Harry Potter series worth of paperwork. I'm like, can you just see me three pages asking about if I've ever had an eating disorder. And I'm like, I don't really know. I've kind of struggled with it on and off my whole life. Like, I'm not really sure what to classify what I have. Like, maybe body dysmorphia or something. But, like, I don't know. Like. Like, can you just see my jaw? Like, I don't. I don't know. They finally take me back to see this dentist, and I don't ever want to diagnose someone. It's not even about him being on the spectrum. He was the spectrum. Like, it was fierce. There's something I hate so much, and I see this a lot. I've seen this a lot in my life, and I'm sure a lot of you have seen this as a woman. But when you go into a dentist or a doctor and they're a man and you're a woman and you say you're in pain, some dentists and doctors who are men will meet you with such a condescending nature. Nature. And I'm sitting there, and I'm. I'm not crying. I'm just. I'm. I'm very much like this. I'm very much like, can you please help me, sir? Like, I've never been in pain like this in my entire life. Like, this was my demeanor, like, very quiet, very reserved, and just very straightforward and honest and to the point. And this man decides that him and I are going to play a game of 704 questions, which is perfect because I can talk. Perfect because I can move my jaw and talk. At first, I'm kind of like, okay, like, I get it. You want to know what happened with my Wisdom 2 surgery. You need an about how it was impacted. You want to know about my job. You want to know these things. And then it just starts getting, like, super condescending. You know what I mean? He's like, list all of your ailments. Right? And I'm like, I have scoliosis. And he's looking at me, and he's like, how do you know you have scoliosis? Because my spine looks like the letter C, sir. How do you know you have scoliosis? Because I've been going to a chiropractor for years. And why are you talking to me like that? I have tmj. He's like, how do you know you have tmj? And I'm like, because my jaw cracks. Why am I. And, like, because I've been diagnosed with it. And how do you treat that? Oh, with Botox. He looks at me and goes, you are a botox girl, aren't you? Amidst the lip flip, too. You can go yourself, sir. You can go yourself again. If I wasn't in so much pain, it wouldn't have been so infuriating Then he starts asking me, like, how much filler have you had in your lifetime? I'm like, okay, I'm not really sure what this has to do with my wisdom tooth pain. But like, okay, let me walk you through it, right? Like, have you had any filler? And when is the last time that you got it? And I was like, oh, I got lip filler. And Meg is in the room and she goes, I think you got it right before coaching. And then he looks at me and he's like, what's Coachella? Do you know that you can actually go to Golden Voice's website to find the out what Coachella is, sir? And I'm telling you that I'm in level 10 pain. What's Coachella? And I go, a music festival. And he's like, why did you feel like you needed to get filler before you went to a music festival? I'm in level 10 pain. Why are you asking me why I felt like I needed to get. Can you help me? Can you help me, please? And my eyes just twitching. And I'm just looking at him so deadpan. I'm like, I wanted my lips juiced. It's a part of my job. Sir, can we please move on to the part where you help me? He makes me get an X ray. And I'm standing at the X ray and I'm like about to pass out. I'm like falling over from the pain. Literally about. It's a standing X ray and I'm about to fall over. And Makoa asked me, he was like, do you need to use the restroom after this? And the dentist comes over to me and he taps me and he makes me remove my mouth. By the way, in this moment, while I'm about to get this X ray, I'm deep throating like a big piece of plastic, which hurts excruciatingly so that the X ray machine can go around my head. He taps my shoulder and I remove myself from glucking this machine. And I turn to him and he goes, are you tired? And I go, yes, sir. I'm so tired. Like, I. I just. I really, like, I'm in so much pain, I can't really sleep. The Norco. And he goes, well, that's why you need to use the restroom. Find the nearest ceiling fan and the nearest rope and the nearest stool. You know what to do. And I'm sorry if you don't like my verbiage like that, but what kind of. And he's like laughing. He's like, Laughing to himself. I'm like, what kind of sick and twisted do you have to be to make me drive to Brentwood to tell you I'm in level 10 pain? To, like, talk to me like this? I makes you want to cry even thinking about it, like, because it's such a deeper problem of, like, doctors not taking you seriously and like, men not taking you seriously. Dentist not taking you seriously. And now I'm on my third dentist and no one is helping me. No one is taking me seriously. Like, the restroom joke. And then I have to like, redo the X ray when I'm in excruciating pain. You're a sadist. You're a masochist who does that? And so then I walk into the room and he looks at me and he goes, I'm going to prescribe you gabapentin. Maybe it'll work. Buster takes gabapentin. Buster takes gabapentin. What do you not know about level 10 test 10. 10. There's nothing higher than 10 gabapentin. Okay, I'm sorry, the fury. And mind you, I'm also already prescribed gabapentin because I'm an anxious. There was a point in the thing too where I told him I have anxiety. And he looked at me and he goes, I asked you to list all of your medical ailments. You know, anxiety is a medical ailment. Go yourself, sir. And like, you've made this so much worse just to prescribe me gabapentin, which I don't even really like. And he's like, well, you could be having nerve pain. I don't know. And I turned to him and I go, so do you have a diagnosis for me? He looks at me and he goes, yeah, you're just having a weird healing. As you guys know, I don't even own a cat, okay? But everyone in my life does. 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Why did you go to school? Why did you. I'm. I. I dropped out. Why did you go to school? What's up? Oh, yeah, strange. I think he said strange. Like, I'm Millie Bobby brown. Like I'm 11. Like I'm just a little stranger thing. I can't even believe it. I'm like, okay, I just want to tell you again one more time, sir. Like, if I can just tell you one more time, Seinfeld, that I'm in level 10 pain, if there's anything you can do for me. And he just looks at me and he's like, no, I. I prescribed you gabapent. I look at him and I go, before I go, I just want to ask you, I'm a smoker and I just want to ask you, do you think it's two weeks before I can smoke? Like, how long do you think it is before I can smoke? Like, you're a dentist, I'm in your office, I want to know. And he looks at me and he just gets super close and like this. And he goes, never. No, no, but I'm going to. And he's like, never. And then now he's cutting me off and I'm like, okay, well, what would you say to somebody who came in and said, like, I smoke. Like, when can I smoke next? And you would go, I would say, never. I would say, stop. I would say, never. And I go, well, what if I said I'm going to do it anyway? He said, maybe you can get a patch. I said, I have three on my arm right now, sir. When, when can I smoke? He's just going, never. And he's laughing in my face. And I'm like, I understand that, like, smoking is a bad thing, but, like, I came here for an appointment, I'm asking you when I can smoke, and you're just like, laughing and smiling. And my. Never, never, never. I literally walk out of the office, I look at the front desk girl and I go, you are so strong. And she just laughs and agrees. She's like, yeah, I know. And then I get home and the dentist sends over a write up of our appointment. I can't even talk about it, actually, without getting so mad, like, genuinely. All jokes aside, on the write up of our appointment, he wrote, mild to moderate pain caused by smoking. I'm in the trees, I'm in the breeze, on the ground, mild. And that's just like, so rude because, like, had I not asked you the smoking question, you wouldn't have written in that. And like, also, I haven't picked up a vape at all, sir. That it's one thing. There's nothing like getting you to quit or dial back on vaping than, like, fear. I was in so much fear of the idea of having a dry socket because I was already in the absolute maximum pain capacity. This, this really made me realize, like, why people who are diagnosed or suffer with chronic pain end their own lives. I'm so serious. I'm so deeply serious. Like, the pain that I have had and I'm still feeling, I would never smoke until I was cleared to smoke because I knew that, like, I couldn't handle anything more than that. So, like, you think because I smoke in life, I want to say 50% of people smoke in life and get their wisdom teeth removed and this doesn't happen to them. And mild to moderate to me was such a you. I was just like, I sat there and I told him I was in level 10 pain so many times and, like, to write that down and, like, put that in writing when, like, that's not what I said. And it's funny because Meg, she felt that the vibe was off and the way he was treating me. He also kept making jokes about, like, Duran Duran performing at Coachella and like, all these weird things. She recorded the entire appointment, like, tarmac to tarmac. And like, that just goes to show, like, women like, she almost knew, like, I know how this is going to go. So she protected me by voice recording the entire appointment so that we had it all in case something happened. And then to get home. And I just sobbed to Mo. I was like, I just want someone to take me seriously. Like, I'm in level 10 pain and no one is taking me seriously. Like, this is awful. I was going to say some crazy shit about that, man. But, like, genuinely, like, how do you have a license and how do you do that? There is a feeling of, like, knowing, like, had a man came in there and sat down and said, I'm in level 10 pain, he would have taken him seriously. It's moments like that where you hate being a woman. Like, truly, truly, deeply. Also, it was $400. Like, that I'm done after this. But it's like, oh my God, $400 to be like, actually shat on and then prescribed gabapentin, which I have, and then like written up. Like, like, not the truth. Like, it just, I was my money back. And so then I spend the next, like few days just sobbing and sobbing. I've never cried so much. Truly, ever, ever, ever in my entire life. Like, in so much excruciating pain. Why is this happening? And then I'm on this side of Tik Tok and I'm seeing all these people be like, it was the worst month of my life and I'm just so mad at everyone telling me, like, you'll be fine by your birthday. It's like, I'm the type of person who really does pre. I would have appreciated someone saying to me, you know, maybe you will be fine by your birthday. But also, you could be in a lot of pain and this could be a month long healing. Wisdom tooth talk saved my life, by the way. Like, if I wasn't seeing other people say, like, I had a month long recovery, I was in excruciating pain. I. Childbirth was easier. I questioned my entire life. It's the most miserable I've ever been. I wouldn't have even known that that was. Was a thing. And then day six comes along and I develop something called trismas. Trishmas. Merry Trishmas. I develop trismas. And for those who don't know about trismas, let me just. I know everything about it. So I'm going to educate all of you on what it is. Okay? Yeah. Trismus is when your jaw locks. Long story short, and it happens more commonly to people with tmj, which again, I would have loved for someone to tell me there's a chance, chance that this might happen to you. Where after having it propped open for so long and then the inability to open it for days and days and days, you're basically your mandible and your jaw, like, those are two different bones. You have your mandible here. That's the one that I filled to the gods by accident for a very long time. And then you have your jawbone. Your jaw can basically dislocate off of your mandible, and it's not opening and closing the same way. For the next couple days, I could not open my mouth. Mouth the width of one finger. I could not open my mouth the width of a toothbrush. I could not open my mouth at all. I was walking around literally talking like this. And obviously for someone with anxiety and ocd, that's where, like became so unfunny to me. And it was never funny. Actually, I was miserable the entire time. But this was a new level of fear where I'm like, my job is talking, and even now, I still. It's not fully opened yet, and I'm struggling, and, like, I'm in pain and I'm struggling. And this is nice because it's my own podcast, and I can stop it whenever I want. And Kyle's great, and we could show shoot it again if we had to, and all those things. I'm laying in bed and my jaw won't open the width of my acrylic nail, and I'm laying there and I'm like, what if I'm like this for months? And then I'm getting online and I'm seeing other stories of wisdom teeth, trismus, and people like, yeah, after three months, my jaw just unlocked itself, and I'm like, what am I? How am I going to pay the bills? And then it's the same thing as, like, a football player having a torn acl. Like, Tana Mongeau having no jaw to talk. Like, I'm out. I'm on injury leave. Like, I'm done. Like, let's say I was having something really bad happen to my knee. It's not the same fear as my mouth, let alone being me and being a chronic yapper. Like, taking away the one thing that, like, is me and is my thing was so scary. The mental. And then obviously my ocd, I'm like, what if I'm like this for three months? Like, I have so many plans and so many things to do, and, like, no one told me this could be a possibility. I'm just crying and so scared and panic crying, too. It's not even just, like, tears. It's, like, for days because I can't open my mouth. Mouth, and I'm so scared. And the only medical professionals I've seen have made me feel so invalidated in any of this. And then you start to lose hope. I'm like, what if I go see someone else and they just tell me, like, I don't know why this is happening? And, like, the same thing. I can't go see Seinfeld again. I have to find a new doctor. I'm freaking the out. And so, obviously, as my jaw continued to not open and all three of the other dentists told me that this was not normal in a very rare case of trismus. And that was the other thing, too. Everyone was like, just do some exercises. And I was like, well, when's it gonna open? Like, I'm exercising it. I'm shoving my little finger around. But, like, when I decide to call my chiropractor Dr. Amin Javed, he is like family to me, and I want to have him on this podcast at a certain point. Now I'm having a problem with my jaw, which obviously he knows a lot about. He's helped me with my tmj, and he is a man in the medical field that reassures me that there are great ones. He has always treated me with nothing but seriousness. He takes what I say and believes me, and he's helped me, and he walks me through things that give me anxiety, and he gives me all the information I can ever need. And he's an amazing man, and I almost needed his, like, reassurance in this moment. I just needed to talk to someone with a degree who wasn't going to treat me the way that Seinfeld just had. And he referred me to the Los Angeles center for Oral and Maxofacial Surgery. And I just want to come online right now and say that I. I love the Los Angeles center for Oral and Maxofacial Surgery. I highly recommend it to everyone. Everyone there is such a girly pop. I walked in, and I literally started crying because everyone was just being so nice and validating what I was feeling. I found out that they remove wisdom teeth, and I'm like, damn. I almost wish I, like, went somewhere. They were so educational. This doctor comes in. He was like, God. He was like, God. He came in and he sat down at my knees. They gave me a CT scan. It was so nice. I was talking to the girl about the last time I Got an mri. I was like, DJ citing out. We both hated DJ C Salad. She was so nice. The doctor comes in, God himself. He is this kind, tall, like, beautiful, just amazing man. And he like sits down on my level and he's like, what's going on? Like, talk to me. And I told him everything and he told me, like, all of these things do happen to people sometimes and like, you should have been told that. And like, I'm so sorry. I'm looking at your CT and like you are just healing slowly and you are experiencing trismas and you are right. That's the other thing too. Everyone else is kind of treating me like, stop looking on TikTok. And you're just googling a bunch of stuff. You don't actually know what's happening. And it's like, okay. But no one else does either. Like, I'm trying to help myself. He was the first person to like validate me and like not treat me like a crazy lady who's just like, obviously I was a crazy lady to like Mokoa and Ray and Megan on that first day for my Norco. But when I'm coming into the doctors, I'm being this tana and just saying, help me. I'm in excruciating pain. So I was so thankful for. For the Los Angeles center for Oral and Maxofacial Surgery. He prescribed me a steroid. Did tell me that it's one of those things where either it will just unlock on its own or you'll have to come back in for like various treatments on your jaw. And I'm going to see him again this week and I do. That's all I've got. And it stops. It's crazy. Lock jaw because it's not like it just hurts. It does really, really, really hurt. But it feels like metal plates there. It's like God is stopping you from talking. It's so you can't unlock it all the way. But I get to a point where the pain starts to rest at like an 8 out of 10 and I'm at least starting to like be in less pain. Remember my old self. Like, remember that I did used to see life in color again. I will say that all of the things suck. Like I miss soda nicotine patches. Like they work. But like, damn. Especially across that emotional warfare. Like a peach ice hit would have done anything for me. I will say that I'm grateful that this taught me that I can not vape for seven days or for an hour. I think it's sad how Much. I was walking around with it glued. It did show me, you know, that your lungs feel better when you are not smoking as much as I was. It was definitely a wake up call. And it also taught me a lot about quality time with MOA and quality time in general and just how grateful I am for all of the little things. You don't realize how grateful you are for talking and walking and eating and swallowing and breathing. I couldn't even, like, breathe normally because of my throat and my jaw. Like, I couldn't get the air in or out. Like, you don't realize how grateful you truly are for those things until you cannot feel them for days and days and days and days on end. And I think it made me realize that I do just work so much that I don't just lay in bed with Moa sometimes and like, talk about life. Like, I almost feel like him and I bonded across this in a way that we haven't in a long time. You know, when you're in that thing too, like, all the things that you think are important to you, the shopping and the. I love shopping, but I don't know, to work and like, distraction and like, go, go, go. Like, no, like my friends and who are my family and like my health. Those things are so important to me. And Moa is so important to me. Like, the way he took care of me and is still taking care of me. Like, just because I'm sitting here podcasting, I'm still in so much pain and flushing my gums and taking so many medicines, I have to cut up food into little bites. And he does it all. Like, he waited on me in a way that made me feel like a princess. And I was apologizing every two minutes and he just never stopped having a smile on his face. He was waking up out of his sleep every hour to check if I was still breathing just because of all of the medicine that I was on, every medicine I needed to take, he was getting up and administering it and like writing it down when I took it last and like preparing me any meal and little thing that I asked for and like water and just making sure that I like, you know, it was drinking water and like getting protein in with my ensures and walking me to and from the bathroom every second, making sure everything I wanted to watch was on the screen and like texting people for me if I wanted to say something. I was using a text to speech app for a couple days. And just like him dealing with that, like, he was just so. This really is a moment where I just thank Moa for who he is because he took care of me with, like. Like, it was easy. And I know it wasn't easy, like, at all. And, yeah, I'm very grateful for him. However, I will say that I've never missed a straw. More than anything in the world, sipping out of a cup is barbaric. I feel like, genuinely, they invented the hieroglyphs and then sipping out of a cup. I am a straugher girl like nobody else. I have a thousand in my car. I put a thousand in every single one of my purses. Like, the only thing I would ever do in my lifetime without a straw is a shot. And if there was a way to do it with the straw, I would have. Okay. I am such a straw person. And having, like, a up jaw and mouth and sipping has been so miserable. I was going through, like, five shirts a day, just spilling everything all over myself like a baby. I felt like Stephen Hawking, genuinely. I have the text to speech, and I can't open my mouth, and I'm, like, just laying there, like, with ice everywhere, and I can't move, and I'm spilling foods coming out of my mouth. Like, I'm not exaggerating. The only difference is I'm not cheating on an island. And isn't that just so crazy? Like, even Stephen Hawking cheated. Whatever. My dysmorphia. Also, just seeing yourself like that. Like, I would have moments where I would just walk into the bathroom and look in the mirror and, like, touch and be like, this is me. Like, is this me? Like, I literally, I felt like. Like, I. I felt like the act. I felt like Joey King is so disheartening. And I think that that, that is what bled into my birthday a lot too. Like, I just don't feel like myself. And I really don't like taking painkillers, too. Like, I. I feel so dumb. I miss my quickness and my wittiness, and I'm making jokes about it and I'm like, oh, it's the painkillers. Like, it's not funny to me. I like to be present, and I worked so hard to be present. It just really sucks to, like, feel like this. I guess towards the end of it all, like, the day before my birthday, I decide that I still want to come to this house and hang out with my friends, because point blank, period, I was, like, genuine, like, having really bad thoughts and just, like, feeling like this would never end. And so we come to this house. I wake up the morning of Us going there. And I look in the mirror and I'm covered in a rash. God had to have cackled at that one. Like, after everything I've been through, like, to just cover my body in this red. Inflamed. It's still here a little bit, but I covered it up. Like, dotted. Like, they're all, like, pus. Like, they come to a head. Like, I look like a Demogorgon. Like, just. What else can go wrong? I'm covered in this ration. Then again. Again, the. The medical ocd, it's just never ending. What is this from? Is it from the clindamycin? Is it a stress rash? I've never been so stressed or cried so much. Like, it could be anything. It's folliculitis. And I'm like, now I have trismus and folliculitis, and God knows what else is coming next. And I just look like. I feel like I'm. I. I just. I'm pale. I'm from sitting inside. My face is so swollen. Like, my eyes are bloodshot from crying. Like, just every. I can't open my mouth. Mouth. Like, I can't. I can't. I haven't. Like, obviously painkillers do that, but, like, I spent three and a half hours of my birthday just pushing the Miralax, the Colace. Like, at this point, I'm literally taking Miralax, Colace, ibuprofen, Norco, Clindamycin, Prednisone, Naproxen. I. I can't even. Zofran, Xanax if I'm having an absolute and utter panic attack. Gabapentin. I'm. I feel like. I feel like Faye and Rue shoving those balls up their ass to cross the border. Like, my bloodstream. And my nightstand truly is giving periodic table, and I'm so tired of it. And, yeah, I just can't. It's awful. Whatever. I get to this house, and I will say that McCo and I had sex for the first time in eight days. And as he's f. Cked me, my jaw cracked a little bit into place. It opens a little more now, like, we've gotten to here. And I will say the cure was just always okay. And that's another thing, too. When you go days and days without dick, it's just like the light does dim. But obviously he wasn't going to like my, like, gypsy rose body, you know? Like, I understand that, too. I'm bushed up. Not that he wouldn't. I just. I didn't. I. I Didn't. There was no part of me that felt like, yes, Daddy, you know, I felt like, help me God. But if I could go back in time, I would say, like, maybe get dick two days earlier. Like, it does. It does help the mental health. And this birthday was weird. And I did cry and I did sit in pain a lot and I did reflect and all those things. But at the same time, I will say, the outside world is so glo glorious when you are sitting in a blackout room for days. Like, genuinely questioning if you're ever going to feel normal again or sane again or in pain or if anyone's like, out of pain, if anyone's ever going to believe you again. Like, it has been so nice to just like feel a breeze on my face and like kind of chew a meal, hang out with my friends, even if it's for an hour. And I have to go back to like rotting in the bed and kind of dying and like seeing all the people I love. And I can't believe that people take out four wisdom teeth. I can't believe our nation's heroes rose take out four teeth at once. I would have. I'd be gone. Like, it would. It would be in memoriam, like. And I promise you also, I will never do it again. And I know that's not good advice to the youth, but here's. I'm gonna walk you through why I will never do it again, okay? And you know, it's funny because I so much about my parents and how they mistreated me. I'm missing two teeth from them never taking me to the dentist. But my two missing teeth have come in handy for the first time because if this one grows in, there will be room for it it. And if this one grows in, there will be room for it. And up here I have this one little upper decker moment where this wisdom tooth could come in and it could be just like this one. But I will do everything in my power to not remove it. I know that it is not. I see why people get all four out because it's one of those things you never want to go through again. I will do everything in my power to keep it. I will see a million dentists and a million doctors to find a solution of teeth shifting or using Invisalign so it's grows in straight or you know what I mean, irrigating it constantly so it doesn't get infected. I don't care. I will keep it no matter what. It's actually funny because I found out a couple days ago that I asked while I was on the laughing gas, I'm up. I looked at the girl who was my best friend, the girl who was cleaning out my mouth, and I said, can I keep my tooth? So now I just have my wisdom tooth, like, and it's huge, by the way. Like, no wonder I'm in so much pain sitting in my cabinet. Like, that's why I don't drink anymore. Like, why'd you ask to keep this? The tooth? But honestly, after everything I've been through, like, I'm putting it in a frame. I've never experienced anything like this. And I just want to be the PSA to people out there that if you're older, if it's impacted, don't just let people tell you that it could be three days of hell. It may affect you for like months. Like, I still, like, I can't talk and I can't open my jaw and you know, it's day nine and I'm in a seven out of ten of pain. And I'm trying not to take the Norcos cuz I don't want to get addicted. I don't want to keep living life on them. But then I'm just living life in a lot of pain, pain. And it sucks. It sucks horse. It has been, I will say, a radicalizing experience. And I'm trying to be the tana that looks at the silver lining where, you know, I learned a lot about the importance of quality time and the things that I'm grateful for and maybe my desire to dial back on smoking a little bit and your health, you know, maybe had I gotten it out sooner, it would have been better. I don't know though. I don't know. I don't know. I think I'm just lying on that one. I. I don't know. I'm trying to look at the silver lining. But like, also just. And do your research too. I think a lot of times doctors and people will fail you. Like, I almost wish that I saw more people who informed me more even on the like after care process. Like, we just kind of didn't know all these things could happen and how to take care of them in the jaw and like, but then again, had I researched a bunch of stuff and come in with it, like, people would just tell me, oh, you're having anxiety and like, there just is no winning sometimes. I don't know. Even today now I'm on wisdom tooth talk, obviously. I saw a girl who said I ate rice three months after my wisdom tooth surgery. It Got trapped in there and I had to reopen it and re extract the rice and go through the healing process all over again. And that's where it's just like the ocd. I'm living in fear of this. I don't know for how long. For God knows how long will I be living in fear of like this little corner of my mouth. On the bright side, I will say that this has taught me that I Tana Mosiah show can overcome significantly more than I thought I was capable of. I'm getting a boob job tomorrow. I'm getting pregnant tomorrow. And then I'm taking up boxing. And I'm going to be boxing with a boob job, pregnant, because I can do it. There is nothing more painful than what I have just gone through. You cannot convince me otherwise that there's anything more painful I will ever experience in my life. Unless it's like some Grey's Anatomy, like burn victim, like dead ass. Like I'm getting 500cc's in here, I'm getting knocked up and I'm going straight into the ring because I'll be fine. Nothing. It really made me realize I can do a lot more. I feel like my. I am always afraid of pain. It definitely changed my relationship with pain. It also was a big wakeup call, I think, for my ocd. I understand that all OCD has triggers and I think that medical stuff is my biggest trigger. So I understand that that's the thing. But I think I am going to go on kind of a deep dive journey of just understanding my OCD to the fullest extent. Fullest extent, fullest extent. FNs are hard too. Just because who I've been this past week, just riddled, debilitated by my OCD and anxiety and it almost putting me into this, like depression. I just don't want to be that girl. And it. This is very scary. Like, just when will it end? When will I be normal again? When will I not be taking all this medicine? And like, it just, it was really does suck. And going through your birthday across that is definitely a big rain cloud. But there were silver linings and I'm very, very grateful for the people in my life. But like, do not ever get your wisdom teeth out without hearing from me that it could end up being an experience that changes your life forever. Like not everyone has the peachy keen experience. And again, it does all go back to the best worst luck thing, you know. I do understand only 10% of people get trismas like that. I'm going to have this beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful life that I love so much. But like this will happen to me and only me. A very, very weird week in my life and a very strange birthday. It's not that I'm not grateful for everything that I have. There is the part of my brain without anxiety that believes I will be fine again but I'm just like waiting for that day because talking is my favorite thing in the world and it's what brought me this entire life and it's my job and I, I'm losing it. But I love you guys so much. Thank you so much to everyone for all of the so incredibly kind in depth paragraphs wishing me happy birthday. I was laying in bed feeling like all the things I talked about across this podcast and I read so many of your comments and DMS and messages and you are truly the rainbow attached to this rain cloud right now. You know I, I love you so so so much and thank you for stopping me when I'm being too self deprecating and reminding me that I will get through things and reminding me how strong I am and that I've gotten here. Your birthday messages, messages were all seen. Like don't think that any of them went unseen. I love you so, so so so much. Thank you for providing me with a beautiful life, with beautiful friends, with a beautiful boyfriend, with a beautiful everything that I'm so grateful for. This experience really made me remember just all of the little things that I'm so grateful for. And I'm gonna go to dinner right now and I'm gonna have makoa baby bird me a sushi roll roll. Honestly though, I feel like I shouldn't have rice after we just heard that. Some sashimi maybe. Happy birthday to me and we are healing and we are so. Bye. I love you. Moto Casino America Social Casino welcome to Moto Casino where the excitement never ends. With thousands of the hottest free to play Social Casino games. Fastest payouts and the best promotions in the industry. No tricks or gimmicks. Owned and operated in the USA Moto Casinos. A free to play Social Casino. No purchase necessary. 21 plus to play void war prohibited. 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