FULL SHOW: Jeff’s Spider-Man Song, Park Mugging Date + Craziest Pet Owner Demands (7/31/26)

Summary

Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update

Episode: Jeff’s Spider-Man Song, Park Mugging Date + Craziest Pet Owner Demands (7/31/26)

Published: August 2, 2026
Podcast: iHeartPodcasts

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Episode Overview

This episode is a vibrant rollercoaster of humor, pop culture references, quirky listener stories, and unforgettable Second Date Update shenanigans. The Brooke and Jeffrey crew crack wise about everything from mishaps in the studio to bizarre pet owner demands, and even honor National Spider-Man Day with a custom song. The show’s highlight is a Second Date Update involving a meme-based dating app, a wild car make-out, and a stranger-than-fiction “park mugging” role play—all unfolding with their signature banter and wit.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Studio Hijinks & Banter (00:00–04:22)

• Brooke gets called out: Jeffrey humorously accuses Brooke of causing a studio sound problem and not apologizing to the technical director, Ashton.
• Playful roast: The team jokes about Jeff’s baby beauty pageant trophies in the studio.
• Quote (Jeffrey about Brooke): “It’s been proven once again that our own Brooke Fox is not a good person.” (01:33)

2. Shot Collar Trivia – Jeopardy Edition (04:23–09:39)

• Ken Jennings-inspired trivia: The team answers music questions in Jeopardy style (form of a question), covering songs beginning with “G.”
• Notable moment: Jeff loses the trivia and is “shocked” while singing “Girls Just Want to Have Fun.”
• Quote (Jeffrey): “What is G Strings in Paradise?” (08:51), his wrong guess, gets groans and laughs.

3. Bizarre Cakes & Oscar Mayer’s Wiener Mobile (09:40–11:53)

• Conversation on odd cakes: From poison cakes to a “wiener cake” by Oscar Mayer, with jokes about hotdog-themed cakes celebrating the Wienermobile’s anniversary.
• Fun fact: The Wienermobile was created in Chicago in 1936 to lift spirits during the Great Depression.

4. Laser Stories – Absurd News from Around the World (11:54–19:49)

• Criminals googling forgiveness: Woman googles if God forgives murderers before being arrested (Connecticut story).
• Disastrous Wedding Arson: Bride-to-be starts church fire with odd items—including a tampon—while trying to sabotage her own wedding.
• Shipping hack: A man in Colorado adds rocks to increase package weight and lower shipping costs.
• Special phone voices: Survey reveals that 40% of people use a special phone voice, women more likely than men.
• Quote (Alexis, fake phone voice): “Hi.” (18:51)
• Memorable moment: Responding to the bizarre pet ownership expectations that are coming up.

5. Craziest Pet Owner Demands (19:50–26:26)

• Notable pet-sitting stories:
  • Dog only eats if pet sitter wears a blonde wig.
  • Dog refuses to leave kennel unless greeted with “What’s cookin’, good lookin’?”
  • Cat demands Hallmark channel at a precise volume.
  • Dog needs string lights and live piano for meal times.
  • Quote (Brooke): “I hope she’s blonde. The owner or the owner put the blonde wig on every night as well.” (21:51)
• Team relates to the insanity, shares their own quirky pet stories.

6. Phone Tap Prank (26:27–31:26)

• Premise: Jeff plays a customer service rep offended that a caller didn’t say “goodbye” after her warranty call—turning customer service etiquette into comic drama.
• Quote (Jeff): “I told you I was going to go speak to my supervisor, and then I said bye, and then I waited, and you just...you hung up on me.” (28:07)

7. Second Date Update: “Park Mugging” (31:27–48:11)

The Story:

• Chris & Teresa’s date: Matched via Schmooze, a meme-based dating app.
• First meeting: Awkward start at bubble tea, but after making out in the car, things escalate.
• Park “mugging” role play: Teresa asks Chris to mug her in a public park for excitement.
• The twist: Teresa reveals she only set up the date to make her ex jealous—her wild requests were attempts to be seen by her ex, who never showed up.
• Chris’s heartbreak: He learns on-air that he was used, but maintains a sweet disposition.
• Memorable exchange:
  • Brooke (to Teresa, about her ex): “Girl, you need to get over this ex. Like, he obviously is over you!”
  • Chris: “I was the guy that showed up that day. I was the guy that chased you. I was the guy that wrestled to the ground. I was there.” (45:49)

Second Date Offer

• Brooke & Jeff: Offer a paid second date, but Teresa isn’t ready, still hung up on her ex. Chris is promoted to “backup plan” status.
• Quote (Chris, meme referencing): “The most interesting man in the world says, I’m not usually a backup plan, but this time it’s okay.” (47:57)

8. Song of the Week: “Peter Parker Face” (49:24–56:55)

• National Spider-Man Day: Jeff creates and performs “Peter Parker Face”—a Lady Gaga “Poker Face” parody about the struggles of wearing Spider-Man’s mask.
• Hilarious lyrics:
  • “Can't see my, can't see my, can't see my Peter Parker face...” (53:25)
  • “It's way less fun to French her when the fabric blocks my tongue.” (54:00)
• **Team laughs about the hidden hardships no one considers for superheroes.

9. Win Brooke’s Bucks – Listener Quiz (57:01–62:44)

• Listener Jesse: A massage therapist, shares funny job stories.
• Trivia contest: Tightly matched round between Jesse and Brooke.
• Notable moment: Jesse imagines massaging wild grizzly bears in Montana (59:53).

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• [01:33] Jeffrey: “It’s been proven once again that our own Brook Fox is not a good person.”
• [08:51] Jeffrey guesses “G Strings in Paradise” during Jeopardy trivia.
• [21:51] Brooke: “I hope she’s blonde. The owner or the owner put the blonde wig on every night as well.”
• [28:07] Jeff (as customer service rep): “…you just. You hung up on me.”
• [34:03] Chris, memorializing meme banter: “Most interesting man in the world makes that says, ‘I don’t always go for blondes, but with you, I’ll make an exception.’”
• [45:49] Chris (heartfelt): “Teresa... I was the guy that showed up that day. I was the guy that was chasing you. I was the guy that wrestled to the ground. I was there.”
• [53:25] Jeff: “Can't see my, can't see my, can't see my Peter Parker face…”

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Highlights & Memorable Moments

• Brooke’s lack of an apology: Long-running gag and playful roasting.
• Pet owner insanity: The team is flabbergasted at the levels of pet pampering.
• Second Date Update’s twist: What starts as an absurd “park mugging” date quickly becomes a nuanced, awkward real-life drama.
• Jeff’s Spider-Man song: Witty original performance poking fun at superhero practicality.
• Engaged audience: Multiple callouts encouraging listeners to DM Chris or share meme-based comments—a testament to the show’s active community.

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Segment Timestamps

• [00:00] – Studio hijinks and opening commentary
• [04:23] – Jeopardy Shot Collar Trivia
• [09:40] – Bizarre birthday/wiener cake chat
• [11:54] – Laser Stories (weird news)
• [19:50] – Craziest Pet Owner Demands
• [26:26] – Phone Tap prank call
• [31:27] – Second Date Update: Chris & Teresa's meme-mugging saga
• [49:24] – Song of the Week: “Peter Parker Face”
• [57:01] – Win Brooke’s Bucks listener quiz

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Tone & Language

The episode thrives on quick-witted sarcasm, playful roasting among co-hosts, and a willingness to laugh at both guests and themselves. Despite its zany scenarios, the show sprinkles in real insights about human (and pet) behavior, dating quirks, and everyday absurdities—with a warmth that keeps the laughs coming.

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For listeners:

If you want a primer on modern dating absurdities, internet meme culture, pet parent insanity, and superhero satire—all delivered with a radio morning show’s comedic energy—this is the episode to hear.

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Transcript

[A]

We got your full hour right now and it's a fun one. Thank you so much for being here. It's Brooke and Jeffrey. And you found the official podcast. Jeff's got a song for everyone's favorite superhero. Yeah, and a problem that I never really thought about until he sung about it. Oh, you think anyone is dressed up as it as they're listening right now?

[B]

Maybe.

[C]

I hope.

[A]

It's got to be one of you. Yeah. And they're going to be like, you're right, this thing is hot. I got to take it off. You're going to hear that song of the week coming up. Brand new second date. Oh, a really fun, demanding pet owners segment that we've got on the way. But first, comments. Yes, aj CLT guy said love your show. I have put so many people onto it. Oh, cool. I've been listening to your podcast and it gave me the idea that Jeffrey should have a D bag jar like Schmidt in New Girl. Oh, I don't know that reference. Did anyone watch New Girl? Oh, dang it. I read it because I thought you guys would know it. No. Do you know it, Ashton? What is it?

[D]

Every time that he would do something stupid douchey that they would make him put like money in a jar.

[A]

Oh, like a cuss jar, but different. Chef would lose so much money. I like it. Yeah, it's a great idea.

[D]

And I can replace the baby picture and the trophies.

[A]

Oh my God, seriously, why do we still have his baby? $10 itself right there looking at those baby beauty pageant trophies from Jeff in the studio are still here. Okay, we'll trash those. But hey, enjoy your next full hour starts now.

[D]

It's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning and I need to bring something up that happened in studio the other day and I would really appreciate if I wasn't interrupted.

[A]

Okay, I hate when you start something like that off to a hot start.

[D]

Because it's been proven once again that our own Brook Fox is not a good person.

[A]

I do really like hookers.

[D]

It's not even what we're talking about.

[A]

Why? Why would you preface that and then say I can't interrupt you? Of course I'm going to argue that I'm not a bad person.

[D]

You don't even know what I'm talking about.

[A]

I don't even care.

[D]

But you're ready to argue. Cuz you remember the other day we had some microphone issues pop up here in studio and we have a technical director who you may have heard featured on this show. Our little web fingered, red haired stepchild named Ashton.

[A]

Orphan too?

[E]

Yes.

[D]

Too many words to describe him to fit into this. The orphan that lives with his parents. And when the problems arose, Ashton dutifully went around the room checking all the microphones.

[A]

He didn't touched him.

[C]

He didn't? No.

[D]

Remember what I said about the not interrupting thing? He was checking all the microphones, seeing if some weird button had been pushed or some switch got swatched. Because there's a million, million of them in the studio.

[C]

Yeah, it's happened before.

[D]

And when Ashton got over to Brooke's microphone, she basically mocked him.

[A]

I did.

[D]

And Jake, we have video proof of this because we were filming at the time. Yes, we do. Brooke scoffs directly at Ashton for even considering it could possibly have anything to do with her equipment.

[A]

Well, I had done the switch on it already. I had done the switch back and forth and it hadn't changed.

[D]

An hour later, engineers come in.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Turns out the culprit of the studio sound debacle was a button pressed on Brook's microphone.

[A]

Okay, listen, to be fair, it was a button that's under a black piece of tape. And Ashton wasn't going to touch that button anyway because the black piece of tape tells everyone.

[D]

I don't know why the color of the tape matters so much to you. But Brooke, I know this is tough, cuz you haven't apologized to anybody in over a decade. But you have the floor. If you want to do the right thing, now is your chance. You can look into that redheaded boy's eyes. Take accountability. Because this is part of being a leader and a role model in the community. So, Brooke, it's yours.

[A]

Here's the thing, Ashton. I don't believe that you would have looked under the black tape. You didn't look under the black tape for any of the other things. If you did, that would have been great. And you would have been right and I would have been wrong.

[C]

If that's a few days. You're gonna get, brother.

[D]

I don't know how she turns an apology into an insult, but yeah, it's something bro only can do.

[A]

Cheers to you, Ashton.

[D]

And you don't even want to know what Brooke says to Digital Jake after the shotgun question of the day.

[A]

Well, he does bring an electric dog shot collar into this room.

[D]

Jake, I'm so sorry for what's about to happen when we're done, but let's do it.

[A]

Get him, Jeff.

[E]

Doing my job.

[A]

Wait.

[E]

Exactly 22 years ago, in the summer of 2004, a man named Ken Jennings went on the biggest Run in Jeopardy history.

[A]

Get it, Ken?

[C]

Let's go.

[E]

His win streak spin started in June and continued all the way through November, where he walked away with over $2.5 million and 74 consecutive regular season wins.

[C]

Didn't realize it was millions.

[E]

I'm still mad at Nancy Zerg for beating him on that fateful 75th day.

[A]

Wow, he must have been so tired.

[E]

And fast forward to today, he now hosts that very show.

[A]

Isn't that crazy how life works?

[E]

Which is why, in the honor of the epic Summer of KJ Ra, we're doing a special daily double down edition of 20. So here's what's happening. Ken was hosting Jeopardy. The other night, and one of the categories was songs that start with the letter G. Oh, and since all of you radio Mensa people obviously listen to music all day, you should get these right. No problem.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

I'll play a clip of Ken reading the prompt, and you just have to answer correctly, of course, in the form of a question.

[D]

Oh.

[E]

We'll start with the woman whose natural voice makes it always sound like she's asking a question. Alexis.

[B]

Five.

[E]

Number five, Alexis. Listen to this Ken Jennings Jeopardy. Clip and name this G song to stay in the game.

[C]

In this song, Drake summons a higher power to tell a paramore he only

[D]

loves his bed and my mama. I'm sorry.

[A]

Okay, so you say what is right?

[F]

That's the.

[E]

That's what a question is? Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

What is God's plan

[E]

Is the question.

[D]

Never would have got that God's plan.

[C]

Good one.

[E]

Everyone understand how it works?

[A]

Yep.

[C]

All right.

[E]

Shouldn't hear any complaining then when we go to Brooke. Brooke, 5 is off the board.

[A]

7.

[E]

Are you a Ken Jennings fan, Brooke?

[A]

Yeah. I think he's awesome.

[E]

Because in 2011, you tweeted that he reminded you of a creepy dentist you once made out with.

[F]

Ken.

[D]

We're sorry, but she still made out with him.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Unrelated to the question,

[A]

Was I wrong?

[E]

Listen to this Ken Jennings Jeopardy. Clip and name this G song. Make sure you answer in the form of a question.

[D]

This potent, potably laid back bop by

[C]

Snoop, D, O, double G includes the

[D]

line, with my mind on my money

[C]

and my money on my mind.

[A]

I love this song. What is gin and juice?

[D]

Gin and juice is correct. Give me an easy one. We're two for two.

[E]

We're over to Jose. Five and seven are off the board.

[C]

Okay, let's go. 12.

[E]

All right, Jose, listen to this Ken Jennings Jeopardy. Clip and name the G song to stay in the game. Remember, answer in the form of A question.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

According to Cyndi Lauper's producer, Ms. Lauper initially didn't want to sing this song

[C]

because it was written by a man.

[A]

Oh, that's interesting.

[E]

What's this G song?

[C]

Cyndi Lauper? I don't know any of her songs.

[D]

I can only think of her one big song.

[C]

Oh, Jeff just helped. Is she the one who sings Girls Just Wait, what is Girls Just Want to have Fun?

[D]

That was still a question.

[E]

Would have been a question. Is she the one that sings Girls Will Just Want to have Fun?

[D]

It is.

[C]

Can they do that in Jeopardy?

[A]

Can you ask in that way?

[C]

They always say what? But, you know, whatever says is the answer. Apple.

[E]

Well, there is the Alexis rule. If you just kind of went like Aaron Rodgers, like, every time. That should count.

[A]

Life hack.

[C]

Girls just want to have fun.

[E]

Girls just want to have fun is

[A]

like, I can't believe that's written by a man. Yeah, that's weird.

[E]

Interesting. What are you doing, brother?

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

All right.

[E]

Jeffrey, over to you. We're three for three so far. Please get this wrong.

[D]

We'll go four.

[E]

The next G song category is a tough one. It's the one on the board worth $1,000. But I believe in you. I know Brooke doesn't just name this song to stay in the game.

[C]

This Paul Simon track begins, the Mississippi Delta was shining like a national guitar.

[D]

Freaking kidding me. Paul Simon.

[C]

What was that?

[D]

Paul SIMON from the what, 60s?

[A]

80s, I think this is an 80s one.

[D]

It's from Hot right now.

[C]

Thanks, Kyle, Gordon and Garf. Oh, man.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I'm sorry, Jeff. I feel for you.

[A]

No, I don't know this.

[D]

There's not a single G word in anything that Brooks said, so I'm gonna give me what is G strings in paradise. G strings in paradise.

[E]

I'm sorry, Jeffrey, you did not answer in the form of a question. That was more of a. I said, what is Please give me.

[D]

That's a demand.

[E]

So no matter what, that's not going to be right. But the song was also incorrect. Graceland by Paul Simon is what I was looking for. And that means Jeffrey's lost. Today's plenty of Kenji.

[D]

Well, losing streak continues for me. And I'm going to get shocked today while singing Girls Just Want to have Fun written by a man.

[A]

Sing it like a man, Jeff.

[D]

I come home in the morning light and my mother says, when you're going to get your life right?

[C]

Sounds like a truck commercial.

[D]

What was your shot Collar? Question of the day.

[B]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[D]

If you're At a birthday party, Is there any kind of cake you wouldn't want to eat? It's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[C]

Oh, man. Maybe a poison cake I wouldn't want to eat.

[A]

Jeffrey. What? Have you been to a birthday party where they serve.

[C]

If I saw cake and it had poison written on it, I wouldn't eat it.

[D]

I'm just saying maybe you'd be okay then with eating a wiener cake.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Who's in on wiener cake?

[A]

I need to see it. Yeah, talk to me first.

[C]

Take the poison.

[A]

Is it cold wiener cake or hot wiener cake?

[D]

The temperature matters.

[C]

You had to ask.

[D]

I bring it up because Oscar Mayer is celebrating their 90th anniversary of the wiener mobile this weekend with wiener cakes.

[A]

Oh, that's so cute. It's like a diaper cake but instead of diapers all put together. You guys don't know what a diaper cake is really. Popped to a baby shower once. Geez, poor guys.

[C]

We don't go to a lot of hotels.

[A]

It's hot dogs stuffed all around in circles.

[D]

Yes. It's basically a bunch of hot dogs stacked vertically around a two tier cake.

[A]

That's so cute.

[D]

Along with with ketchup and mustard confetti.

[C]

Okay, I can mess with that.

[A]

Dude, if the middle of the cake instead of cake was just some sort of like solid potato salad, it would have been incredible.

[C]

Oh, you can dip.

[A]

I mean, I got ideas.

[D]

Yeah, they would have taken it next level. But there's also a wiener mobile cake topper.

[A]

It's so cute.

[D]

And they're making them available for a limited time this weekend.

[B]

Oh.

[D]

You can buy one only at a few places in New York, Louisiana and Chicago. And let's put the music down here because I want to give an interesting fact about wieners. Did you know the wiener mobile was was created in Chicago in 1936 to lift American spirits during the Great Depression?

[C]

Hey, we love big wieners.

[D]

We sure do.

[A]

They're probably like glad we can't eat anything because we're so poor. But there's a wiener driving by.

[D]

Absolutely. And now there's six wiener mobiles traveling around the US as we speak, making people happy.

[A]

Who knew you were gonna do wiener facts today?

[D]

I know this weekend I'm gonna have a six inch glizzy in my hands. Maybe even two if I'm lucky.

[A]

Okay, I know.

[D]

Jose's with me celebrating birthdays. Oh yeah, whatever we're celebrating. It's Laser Stories coming up right after this.

[E]

Hello, it's Laser Stories.

[D]

It's the radio segment that's taking one of America's favorite snack food brands into a whole new direction. Forget about Hostess pastries that last forever. Now introducing Hostess meatballs. They've been sitting on the shelf for six years and still taste like they were cooked an hour ago. You'll be saying, that's a spongy meatball.

[C]

I hope it's not juicy.

[A]

I hope it has a creamy filling.

[D]

With laser stories, the segment where we read weird news stories around the globe just like everyone else does. Except we've got a laser and those other stinky twinkies just don't. This first laser story is out of Connecticut. Earlier this month, a 27 year old woman named Cynthia Martinez was charged with murder after she allegedly killed a man earlier this year.

[C]

Ain't nobody got time for that.

[A]

I thought we were supposed to cover like light hearted criminal stories.

[D]

Jeff, wait.

[C]

Jeff, are you being sarcastic again?

[D]

I'll get to the fun part in a second. So police haven't revealed what the motive may have been.

[A]

Oh.

[D]

But they believe it was premeditated. Of course, Cynthia is denying any involvement, but one of the detectives found a pretty big clue.

[A]

Oh.

[D]

Earlier that day on her own home computer, Cynthia googled does God forgive murderers?

[A]

I mean, you just go to God's website and then if it's listed there, then you're cool, right?

[D]

I think that's how it works. Now, it's unclear what answers she found, but then later she googled this sentence. I was just joking when I said, does God forgive murderers?

[A]

It dawned on her like, what if someone sees my Google search? I know how to fix it.

[D]

Yeah. So she may have been trying to cover it up, but the damage was already done. And Cynthia remains in custody.

[A]

Good.

[D]

In custody or custody, I don't care.

[C]

You decide if she arrests herself. It's customy.

[D]

I guess so, but whatever it is, it's a $1 million bond. And a spokesperson for the police said you don't have to be a serious Bible person to know that one of the ten commandments is do not kill. And yet this person wanted to know if there was any wiggle room in there.

[A]

Yeah. You know, there's a loophole in every rule, isn't there?

[D]

It's worth asking. Let's give her credit for that. This next laser story is out of Kaysville, Utah. 25 year old bride to be Tessa Moreno was at the church of Latter day Saints decorating with her groom and relatives the day before her wedding.

[A]

That's exciting. It's always so fun the day before when everybody's Helping out. And you're like, oh, my God, we're doing it. It's gonna happen.

[C]

It was.

[D]

Until, shockingly, a big fire broke out. Oh, my God. It was started underneath a stack of chairs using what firefighters later described as items that were out of the ordinary, including what appeared to be a tampon. Calm down.

[C]

That's a good fire starter. We go camping.

[A]

I hate when they don't have those little, tiny garbage cans inside the bathrooms. And maybe they just trying to dispose of it.

[D]

Well, family members and the groom rushed in to see flames climbing the wall. Luckily, the groom was able to grab a fire extinguisher, while relatives threw water from the centerpiece vases onto the flames.

[E]

Oh, wow.

[A]

There goes the centerpieces.

[D]

In the end, they were able to put out the blaze, but it caused more than $100,000 in damages.

[A]

Yikes.

[D]

So the wedding had to be canceled.

[C]

Why didn't they just grab, like, a

[A]

big maxi pad and put it over the pocket? Put.

[D]

Yeah, I'm sure that would have worked.

[A]

How absorbent are these things?

[D]

That's when police got involved, and the groom told investigators he'd visited Ace Hardware with his bride the night before to buy hooks for the wedding setup. And when they reviewed surveillance footage from inside the store, they watched Tessa swipe at least two lighters when the groom wasn't looking and slip them under her shirt.

[A]

Did Tessa start the fire?

[C]

Oh, my gosh.

[F]

My goodness.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Instead of getting married, Tessa was arrested for intentionally igniting the fire. Still, a little bit time in jail is better than marrying the wrong person.

[A]

So she's not wrong. I don't actually disagree with that statement. Glad she didn't go through with it.

[D]

Yeah, maybe she did the right thing. Minus the arson, of course.

[A]

Yeah, there's other ways to run away from a wedding, but I hope she

[C]

got her deposit closet back on the venue.

[D]

I was thinking the same thing. This next laser story is out of Colorado. Man who runs a small business has found a way to keep his customers shipping costs down. Oh, just include a small bag of rocks.

[C]

Why? Wouldn't that make it way more?

[A]

Yeah, that would be more expensive, wouldn't it?

[D]

I'll explain. There's a. Apparently a strange oddity in the USPS's shipping rate calculation. In. In this guy's case, Something that weighs 13 ounces costs almost 8 bucks to ship to Colorado from where he is. But if he adds a couple small bags of rocks, that same package weighs more and actually costs $2 less to ship.

[A]

Why does it cost less?

[C]

It bumps Into a different category.

[D]

Well, his business sells razors and shaving supplies, so the rocks inside would obviously be very unexpected. And that's why he includes a little bit note explaining the situation, adding, enjoy your free rocks.

[A]

All right, I got a razor and rocks.

[F]

Cool.

[D]

The mail service hasn't commented, but there are a couple theories. One person says that slightly heavier packages between 2 and 5 pounds are able to go through automated sorting machines without getting stuck. Meanwhile, those lighter packages require manual hand sorting, and that's why they might cost more money.

[A]

I see, I see.

[D]

So if you're shipping something to your sister in Toledo this Christmas, check the weight requirements and then maybe toss a few small boulders in there.

[A]

Or send only rocks, see if she likes it.

[D]

Bunch of gold. That's a nice Christmas gift. Let's go to your final laser story out of the study of you. When you make a phone call, do you change your voice to make it sound deeper or smarter or more confident or whatever?

[A]

What was your smarter voice again?

[D]

I was trying to go into, like, a nerd voice. I'm a super smart guy.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Does it ever have, like, a customer service voice you like? Don't purposely do, but it just, like, it feels like us when people are like, use your radio voice. And I'm like, this is it, my friend.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I'm like, I don't have one.

[A]

It's Jose now. Nice to meet you.

[C]

What are you talking about? Back to you.

[D]

If it does describe you, you're definitely not alone. According to a new survey, 40% of people say that they have a special phone voice. That's so funny.

[C]

I don't even know if I do.

[D]

Women are more likely to use one than men. So, Alexis, let's pretend that you actually answer your phone.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Let's try it. Say hello, and then we can judge if it's different. Okay. Ring, ring.

[B]

Hi.

[C]

No way.

[D]

Flirtier.

[A]

You thought that was flirty?

[C]

Oh, God, Alexis, was it the voice

[A]

crack at the end of high?

[D]

That one word said a thousand different things.

[A]

Why I don't answer the phone? It's too much for people.

[C]

Oh, man. People are texting in. What did you do, Alexis?

[D]

The main situations where people bust out their fake voice are business calls with clients and important calls with their bank. But plenty of people use it when they're talking with their parents or with their significant other. As for this guy, do you want to hear his phone voice? He actually goes the opposite with it and sounds like Donald Duck drinking a thick milkshake.

[A]

That's a good description.

[D]

So sexy. Sound means laser stories has come to an end for the day. We'll do it again same time on Monday. There's a common saying in America, pets are people too.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And it's true. In fact, sometimes they're actually even pickier than real people. I know that not just from personal experience as a pet owner, but also from a new survey that came out that asked people, what's the strangest, craziest instruction you've ever been given while watching somebody else's pet? And once you hear these, you're gonna realize you're actually low maintenance compared to some of these terriers. We're gonna tell you the most unhinged pet sitter instructions coming up right after this. It can be nerve wracking to go away on a trip and leave your pet at home. It's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. I know personally, whenever I travel, I book a suite for my dog Bagel at the Wolfdorf astoria. I see 5 star dog hotel with a lady lakefront view.

[A]

I'm sure that they appreciate the lakefront.

[D]

Absolutely. And just to make it easy on them, I'll give the staff a few simple guidelines they should follow for taking care of him. You know, like Bagel's water bowl must be replaced, not refilled.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[D]

Using only Saratoga Spring water from the blue glass bottle, not the boxed crap.

[C]

Oh, he will spit it out.

[D]

He will. And he'll only go for walks. Walks over marble floors.

[A]

I see.

[D]

If it's granite or, God forbid, limestone, he will not go.

[C]

He's just barking at the floor.

[D]

This is helpful tips for them.

[A]

I didn't know that you had such a particular pooch.

[D]

Yeah, but listen, I'm easy compared to other pet owners.

[A]

Yeah, it does.

[D]

And I know that because a popular publication asks people to share the craziest instruction you've ever been given while pet sitting.

[A]

Oh, Alexis, you've done some pet sitting. Yeah, you bet.

[D]

Sit for Brooke before. So let's see if it was crazier some of these. One woman was given a note that said, I left a blonde wig on the kitchen table for you. Just put it on and the dog will follow you upstairs for bed.

[A]

I hope she's blonde. The owner or the owner put the blonde wig on every night as well.

[D]

He's got a thing for those blonde baddies. Yeah, that's very specific.

[A]

It's so wild. I'm glad there wasn't a corset next to it.

[D]

Could get real weird. One person wrote, I work at a doggy daycare and we had a specific instruction to say, what's cooking, good looking? Whenever we took him out of his kennel, he would not get up from his spot if we didn't say it.

[A]

That dog loves cheesy humor. I don't like that about him.

[D]

Yeah, well, and just like children, sometimes pets, they can be a little bit finicky when it comes to how their dinner is prepared.

[C]

Oh, yeah, that's true.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Especially the.

[F]

The.

[A]

The full bread one.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I saw a dog online where the owner had to fake microwave every kibble.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Literally put it in, close it one second, take it out, and then the dog would eat it.

[A]

My dad sits with his dog every day. It's like, go ahead and eat, Louise. You can do it.

[D]

It's not that out of the ordinary. To provide instructions. That's why one pet owner left these rules. They said, make small, round meatballs out of the wet canned food, sprinkle cheese on top of them, put a circle of dry food around it on this specific type of paper plate, Microwave it for 5 seconds, then hand feed him the meatballs after you dab some of the dry food into them.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[D]

But he has to be sitting beside you watching you do it all, or he won't eat it.

[C]

Watch the preparation, dude.

[A]

This couple, I can't even.

[C]

Those are like the people that go way overboard. They're like, he's vegan.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

And you're like, your dog is not vegan.

[D]

Have you ever seen the episode of the Office where White puts Angela's cat in the freezer?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

That's where my head goes. It's gonna be easier. These are the crazy it would be. These are the craziest instructions and rules people have ever been given when pet sitting for somebody else. So back to more feeding instructions. Somebody wrote, we have a set of string lights that plug into the wall near the dog's food bowl. He will not eat unless his lights are plugged in.

[A]

He likes mood lighting. He likes aesthetic. I will say I hate going into a restaurant that has terr terrible overhead lighting. It just feels wrong.

[D]

Set the ambiance. Yeah, it's not so much to have.

[A]

When do you light the candles for the dog?

[D]

Another person wrote in, I had to play the piano for a dog every single day.

[A]

How are you finding a dog sitter that not only will sit your dog, but can also play the piano?

[D]

Job market's tough because his mom was a piano teacher and she thought he would get depressed not hearing live piano every day. Side note, out. I Don't know how to play the piano, so I just banged random keys for a few minutes.

[A]

That dog heard Chopsticks so many times.

[C]

My dad plays videos for the our dog for my. My sister's dog. When they leave the house, like, he puts the TV on.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And he swears like, no, you need to do that. It relaxes him.

[A]

Nice.

[C]

But I've never came back home and seen the dog watching tv.

[A]

No, no, that's because his favorite show ended already.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, my dog likes watching, but

[C]

oh, yeah, I don't know where he goes.

[D]

Not sure where he gets that from. This next one was for a cat and it said, whatever you do, do not ever say the word soup out loud. He knows what it is and will expect to have some.

[A]

Please tell me the cat's name is Campbell. Would that not be the cutest thing ever?

[D]

Fit too perfectly. This one is from a woman. Woman who said, I worked for a family with a cat who asked me to leave the television on the Hallmark channel all day long and set the volume at precisely 14. Any higher or lower, the cat will become upset.

[A]

The cat is a middle aged woman.

[D]

Some animals can go through midlife crisis too, Brooks. Let's be fair. And finally, this last one is from a client talking about their wiener dog. They said he eats two eggs, green beans and cheese for breakfast every morning. You'll need to know how to cook an egg over medium because he won't eat it any other way.

[C]

If it's too runny, he won't eat it.

[D]

Those were the craziest instructions that people ever got Wall Pet scoops in.

[C]

If you're a pet fanatic like this, tell us what your regimen is.

[A]

This is why when we get another dog, we're getting another rescue. Because those dogs eat anything.

[C]

Anything.

[D]

Phone tap is coming after this. Because we do a lot of dating stuff on this show. It's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

We've talked about how it's a good indication of character if the person treats the waiter or waitress well.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

And that branches out to anyone in the service industry, even customer care reps over the phone.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

If they don't feel like they were treated right, I think they should take it extremely personally, sulk about it for a few days and then call them back to tell them.

[C]

Hey.

[A]

Hey.

[D]

You hurt my feelings. That's what I did to this woman in your phone tap right now.

[A]

Brooke and Jeffrey's phone taps on the 20s.

[B]

Hello?

[D]

Hi, is this Abby?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Who's calling my Name's Hal from by customer service.

[B]

Oh, yeah, hi. I was trying to get ahold of you guys. I'm, like, really wondering what's going on

[F]

with this fridge warning.

[A]

Right.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

I mean, I don't know if you remember, but we spoke a couple days ago about that.

[B]

Yes. And I asked for a supervisor, and

[F]

I haven't heard from that person.

[D]

I get that. It's just. I don't know if you realize this, but when our call was over, you never said goodbye.

[B]

What does that have to do with getting a supervisor?

[D]

Oh, okay, so I guess that just doesn't matter to you? No, common courtesy.

[B]

I wanted to speak to your supervisor, and I didn't get that, so I hung up.

[D]

Ma', am, I don't think you're hearing what I'm trying to tell you here. Because. Because I told you I was going to go speak to my supervisor, and then I said bye, and then I waited, and you just. You hung up on me.

[B]

Okay, moving on. So can I speak to a supervisor?

[D]

Yeah, there's no really moving on here. Like, that's just the right thing to do is to say hi and bye to people.

[B]

Okay, I'm really sorry. I was probably just busy or, like, maybe I just said it really fast and you didn't hear it.

[D]

No, no, I would have heard it. I'm, like, looking out for that.

[B]

Okay, so can we get over this goodbye thing? Like, I actually really just want to find out about this warranty.

[D]

Let's get over it. Okay, so I see customer service people aren't worthy of a buy.

[B]

It's literally not what I'm saying.

[D]

I know what you're saying. You don't think of us as real people. We're like Klingons or residents of Maine.

[A]

That's not what I meant.

[B]

That's not what I meant at all.

[D]

Like, stressed out, I get you're. You're busy, you're important. I'm just, you know, blue collar trash. So what, Deserve common decency?

[B]

Listen, you're twisting this thing into something bigger than it should be. Like this. This isn't the ethics committee.

[D]

Okay, My fault again.

[B]

I should have said goodbye. Fine.

[D]

Yeah, you probably should have said goodbye.

[B]

I just said that.

[D]

It doesn't make any sense to say goodbye halfway through the call if you didn't want to. I would have accepted. Adios. Au revoir.

[B]

Where are you going with this? Like, okay, bonjour, goodbye, au revoir, ciao.

[D]

Bonjour is hello. That doesn't make any sense either.

[B]

Do you know how frustrated it is to talk to you right now.

[D]

Well, I guess. Okay, so at this point, we've talked about this for a while, so you understand now where I'm coming from. I'm a real person and I have feelings and.

[B]

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, I understand.

[D]

Okay, great. Well, it's been really nice talking to you. I'm about 10 seconds away from my lunch break, so.

[A]

Wait, what?

[D]

Well, unless you don't think I deserve to eat.

[B]

Oh, my God, are you joking?

[D]

I'm actually not. I do need to eat. So is it okay that I transfer you to our customer satisfaction survey and you leave me a positive review?

[B]

You never help me.

[D]

I'm hoping for five stars.

[B]

This whole time we spent dealing with your f. Cking feelings and not me.

[D]

Okay, four stars then.

[B]

Oh, my God. I've had enough of this crap. I demand to talk to your supervisor. This is ridiculous.

[D]

Okay, well, I mean, your neighbor Chloe told me that you would be rude over the phone, but I just. I never expected anything like this.

[B]

Wait, what? Chloe called you?

[D]

Yeah, she. She's the one who set you up for this prank phone call.

[B]

What? Are you kidding me?

[D]

No, I'm not kidding. Cause really, you're on the radio right now. My name is Jeff.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[D]

From Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning. This is a phone tab, Abby.

[B]

Oh, my God. Now I'm embarrassed. I feel like I went full mom.

[D]

I mean, Chloe said that you've been really frustrated waiting to hear about your refrigerator warranty. So she wanted us?

[B]

Yes. They still haven't told me.

[D]

Maybe if you're a little bit kinder to the customer service agents, they'll get back to you quicker.

[B]

I am kind. I'm a kind person.

[D]

No, I. I agree. You. You sound like a nice person. It's just. Maybe you need to say goodbye.

[B]

Fine. Maybe you need to work on that goodbye.

[D]

Okay, yeah, but I don't feel like you meant it there.

[B]

Oh my God.

[C]

Brooke and Jeffrey's phone taps on the 20s.

[B]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning.

[D]

We've covered hundreds of unique and dare we say, strange date ideas on this show before from. From Sriracha factory tours to crashing funerals. But nothing can compare to the date that one of our listeners went on where being weird was kind of the entire point. It started at bubble tea and ended with him tackling his date in a public park.

[A]

Oh, what the heck?

[D]

He described it as a good thing.

[A]

I wonder if she does.

[D]

We'll see. Brace yourself because it's gonna get super weird in your brand new second date. Update. Next.

[A]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. Second date Update.

[D]

Over the years, we tend to hear about the same dating apps over and over. Here, Hinge, Bumble, CPAP singles. You know their tagline.

[C]

That should be a thing. What is it?

[D]

CPAP singles. Less snoring, more scoring. Cpap.

[B]

I like it.

[F]

That'd be so fun.

[C]

Funny. Going to bed next to each other, just.

[D]

That's hot. But I'm about to introduce you to a brand new matchmaking app that we've never heard about on the show before.

[A]

That's a big promise, and I feel

[D]

like it's gonna arouse a lot of interest from people in this room.

[A]

Really?

[D]

At least one person. And that person could be me.

[C]

Are you already around?

[A]

Maybe you don't need a truck stop

[D]

app, but you just go, it's not that one. Apparently it's called Schmooze. And our listener Chris said he used it to find his dates, so I'm interested. Chris, you're on the phone with us. What is Schmooze?

[C]

I like it. Sounds fancy.

[A]

It's a cute name for a dating match.

[F]

It is Schmooze. Like, basically uses funny memes instead of standard bios to match people up.

[C]

No way.

[A]

Wait, how does that work? Instead of a profile, you just put up memes that you think are humorous.

[F]

Exactly. So basically you have your profile, right. And you have your favorite memes on it.

[C]

I like that. I really like them a lot.

[A]

Keep the meme people together. I think so. Curious, what memes did you have on your profile?

[F]

I like a good old Chuck Norris meme.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Like, nothing kills Chuck Norris type of. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Gonna get some hot 50 and 60 year old women interested in that one. I think so.

[A]

Yeah. Who'd you match with? Chuck Norris. Do you have any better ones who vibed with it?

[F]

Well, I send one girl a most interesting man in the world makes that says, I don't always go for blondes, but with you, I'll make an exception.

[D]

Wow, what a charmer.

[A]

Yeah, that's kind of backhanded, right?

[F]

I mean, what do I get back? A woman named Teresa. She sends me a distracted boyfriend meme. You know that one?

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[F]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Where is it? The one where he's walking with his girlfriend and then there's another girl walking by and he's turning to look at the hot girl behind him.

[F]

Exactly. And she changed the caption to say, are you talking about me?

[A]

Oh, okay.

[D]

I don't know who you're talking.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[D]

I'm so Lost.

[C]

You would never use this app.

[A]

I'm curious, on Schmooze, how many memes do you go back and forth before you actually have a conversation?

[F]

Well, about half a dozen.

[A]

Oh, dang.

[F]

And then we exchange phone numbers.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[D]

Via meme or just straight up?

[C]

It was a meme for

[F]

straight up.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Chuck Norris calls this number when he wants a date.

[D]

Yeah,

[A]

that's pretty good me.

[C]

You can make one.

[D]

All right. So does this eventually lead to an in person date?

[F]

Of course. You know, next thing you know, we're on a date getting bubble tea.

[A]

Oh, can you communicate without memes in person?

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

How does that go?

[B]

That's the problem.

[F]

I mean, it was awkward, but, you know, I'm an awkward guy, too.

[A]

Can you describe the awkwardness?

[F]

Well, it was dead silence here and there, but eventually I'm like, hey, do you want to go to my car and make out?

[A]

What? What? So you're not awkward?

[C]

I don't know. That was the vibe.

[A]

You're having awkward silent moments during boba tea, and then you just offer a midday makeout in a car?

[F]

Well, we met on a meme site, so obviously we aren't great talkers.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Did she say yes?

[F]

She says yes. Wow.

[B]

All right.

[A]

You were reading it, right? Apparently. So you went to your car and need help.

[D]

How did that go?

[F]

Well, we were all all over each other. You know, front seat and back seat.

[A]

Oh, my God. Are there people walking by your car?

[F]

Our car was right in front of the window in front of, like, the door.

[C]

Can you imagine? Like a strip? That is parking lot wild.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, did you guys notice the people watching or.

[F]

I kind of got the vibe that she was into that.

[B]

Wow.

[D]

A little voyeuristic.

[B]

Okay. Wow.

[D]

And so is that how the date ended? With a car make in front of bubble tea?

[F]

No, I said, maybe we get out of here. And she suggested we walk to a park across the street and role play.

[A]

What? What? Role play? What, like LARPing.

[F]

Or. So we go over there and she's like, I'm going to start walking. You come up from behind and take my purse. What?

[D]

Role play? Mugging.

[F]

She said, I'll run after you and tackle you behind that tree, and then whatever happens, happens.

[A]

Whoa.

[F]

But now she's not calling me back.

[D]

Well, wait, what happened when she tackled you behind the tree?

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

No comments.

[A]

Wow, she is a feisty lady.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

She likes a little bit of danger in her life.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

So, Chris, I hate to ask this, but how are you going to feel if it Turns out Teresa got turned off because your mugging wasn't aggressive enough. Wasn't. Yeah, it wasn't believable enough. She was like, I expected to get mugged by Chuck north, not Pee Wee Herman. So maybe you disappointed her.

[C]

Oh, that's gotta be it.

[F]

Well, I didn't tackle her at 100%, so maybe that could have been.

[A]

But did you keep her wallet? Because that might be a plus for you.

[F]

You know what? I should have done that.

[A]

There we go.

[D]

That's probably why she's not calling you back. But before we get to it, like, how did it end? How did you two leave it?

[F]

Well, she ran one way and I ran the other.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

After you guys were done.

[A]

That is so weird. Is that an inside meme joke?

[D]

Just sounds hot.

[A]

Yeah, I'm as confused as Spider man in that one meme where he's pointing to himself in different costumes.

[F]

We're different types of people. We met on a different type of app. And that's just how things go.

[A]

Well, there's going to be a learning experience for all of us. I can guarantee that.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. But you do. You do like her, though.

[F]

I do.

[A]

He wants at least one more mugging.

[D]

Yeah. Okay.

[C]

I mean, more answers at least.

[D]

Yeah, that's exactly what we'll, like, ask for permission to do when we come back and do your second date update. We'll see if Teresa is open to being mugged in a public park by you one more time when we do it right after this. Hold on.

[A]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. Second date update.

[D]

If you're just joining us, it's definitely a second date update. On the odd side. Yeah, it's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[A]

Let's call it unique. Jeff. That's a nice way to start.

[D]

Extremely unique. And I'm going to recap this. This, and I'm not embellishing in any way. This is exactly how Chris described what happened.

[A]

I'd love to hear it in a full sentence.

[D]

He met a woman named Teresa on an app called Schmooze, where you flirt via meme. Then they met up at bubble tea, where the conversation wasn't great, so they switched it up and went to go make out in Chris's car directly out front of the bubble tea shop.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

For everyone to see.

[A]

It was not night and there was no alcohol involved.

[D]

She seemed to like that. Actually, Chris described it as different but pleasurable. And we know that because they continued the date afterwards with a little role play fake mugging in the park edition, which was Teresa's idea we should mention.

[A]

And he said it went pretty good.

[C]

Pretty good.

[D]

And it just sounds so romantic.

[A]

And then wait, they ended by running off in different directions?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

It does beg the question though. Are you just plain weird or the right kind of weird for somebody else? That's sometimes what love really comes down to. We're gonna find out here. Chris, what type of weird do you think Teresa is?

[F]

Well, she's my kind of weird.

[A]

We might be the weird ones for not doing this. I mean, you've never mugged your date in a park and gotten a makeout session out of it.

[D]

Jeff, I'm not romantic in the way Chris is.

[A]

That's right.

[C]

I've role played. I've never had a girl ask me to mug her, so that is a different level.

[A]

So you don't role play?

[D]

Not really. But let's find out. I'm going to dial Teresa's number. We'll see if she picks up, and hopefully she agrees to play more with you.

[E]

Uhoh.

[D]

Let's do it.

[B]

Hello?

[D]

Hey, is this Teresa?

[B]

Yes, this is.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Hey, Theresa. Thank you for answering. We're a radio show called Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning.

[A]

Morning?

[C]

I thought you were gonna mug her.

[D]

No, we don't know each other that well.

[F]

That's right.

[B]

Sorry. Hello?

[A]

Hi, Teresa.

[C]

I'm so sorry.

[D]

Good morning.

[A]

It's a studio full of people.

[D]

Yeah, we're called Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning and we do this segment called the Second Date Update. We would really like you to be a part of it.

[B]

I'm sorry, how did you get my number?

[A]

Great question to start.

[C]

Somebody gave it to us.

[D]

Yep, a guy named Chris gave it to us after he went out on a date with you.

[B]

You.

[D]

And now you're not calling him back? Yeah, and we're all wondering why. Mostly Chris.

[B]

Oh, wow, that's weird.

[A]

But it's probably kind of flattering, right? Like he likes you that much that.

[B]

No, no, no.

[D]

Well, what'd you think about Chris?

[B]

The whole date was just a mistake, so I don't think there's anything to

[F]

talk about

[C]

from beginning to end.

[A]

You're regretting even saying yes, but you.

[D]

You matched with him. You went out on a date with him, and from what we heard, you had some suggestions for activities that you two should do together. So what do you mean that it was a mistake?

[B]

Okay, this is embarrassing to say, but I. I was just trying to get back with my ex, and so I just planned this date and. And that's why it's a mistake.

[C]

Wait, you were just trying to make someone jealous.

[B]

Yeah, I was trying to get back with my ex since I planned this date with Chris and.

[A]

Wait, I don't understand. Can you just explain the plot of your idea here?

[D]

Yeah, how are you trying to get back together?

[B]

Okay, so I had texted that Boba place to my ex, like, meet me here, and I planned this date and I was hoping he would see me on the date and he would get jealous and get back with me. That's why the whole thing was a mistake. I shouldn't have done it and it was stupid. Yeah.

[A]

Was the ex there?

[D]

What happened?

[B]

No, the ex didn't show up. And I don't know if Chris told you this, but he was like, do you want to make out? I was like, okay, because we're parked right in front of the boba shop. He'll still see us if he's late.

[D]

Is that why you were being so passionate in the car? I mean, we did hear about the car make out. Just so you know, he said it was extremely passionate.

[B]

It was awkward.

[A]

Probably because you had one eye on the street the entire time looking for him.

[D]

You gotta commit.

[A]

Did the ex ever show up and see you?

[B]

No. So then I messaged him, like, oh, meet me at the park.

[A]

Wait, you messaged him in the middle of your date?

[B]

Yeah, you know, you check your phone, like really quickly, you know?

[D]

Yeah, you don't check your phone mid makeouts.

[F]

Brooke.

[A]

So the only reason you continued to the park with Chris is because then you were hoping he'd be there?

[B]

Yeah, and I'm ashamed to admit it because this is pretty bad, but I. I asked him to, like, pretend mug me and then he. I just thought, okay, my ex boyfriend will run in and save me, you know? And then none of that happened. It was a stupid idea. Wow.

[C]

So wait, so you kind of, like, made out with the guy, fooled around with the guy, and your boyfriend never saw any of it?

[B]

I can't believe I'm telling you guys this, but, like, I own up to it, like it was a mistake. I. I shouldn' it.

[A]

No, no, you don't own up to it because you're just telling us you never called Chris back. Poor Chris. I know, but why do you tell

[B]

somebody you went on a date with, like, hey, I was just using you? I'm sorry, it was a mistake.

[C]

That is mean. Yeah, I'd rather ghost somebody than tell them.

[D]

Well.

[A]

Oh, you just.

[D]

Maybe your ex didn't show up to your plan, to your, you know, fake dates, but maybe your ex is Listening to this segment right now. Cuz I know Chris is, since he's on the other line listening to it, waiting to talk to you.

[B]

Oh, my God, really?

[D]

Yeah, that's how this works. Sorry, Teres.

[A]

Oh, I'd be so mad if I was. Chris?

[D]

Chris, are you there?

[F]

Hi.

[B]

Hey, Chris. You heard all that?

[F]

Yeah. So I just need to understand something. Listen, so our conversation at Bubble Tea wasn't real? You weren't feeling anything?

[B]

Not that it wasn't real. I did have a good time with you. I just was. Was more focused on getting back with my ex.

[F]

Okay, like, you mentioned the ex, but our messy kiss, that was definitely different. It was so much teeth. It was my teeth and your teeth. Like, that wasn't real.

[A]

That sounds like they're just banging their teeth. Oh, that's the word.

[B]

And that sounds awful, doesn't it? Like it wasn't a good makeout session.

[A]

Girl, you need to get over this ex. Like, he obviously is over you. He didn't show up to boba tea. He didn't show up to the park.

[F]

And you know what? He's not weird like me. Okay, yeah, I'm. You're weird.

[B]

Like we.

[F]

We.

[B]

We match.

[A]

Like, it's actually kind of cute and romantic.

[D]

It's a good point.

[A]

I'm not even gonna lie.

[D]

Would your ex boyfriend pretend to mug you in a park just to win you over?

[B]

No. I mean, he'd rescue me, though. I know he would if he showed up.

[F]

Teresa, I was the guy that showed up that day. I was a guy that was chasing you. I was a guy that wrestled to the ground. I was there.

[A]

It's like a Ryan Gosling movie.

[C]

I mean, I mugged you in the sake of love.

[D]

If you don't pay attention to the specific wording of it, the sentiment behind it is really sweet.

[A]

I mean, Chris should be really mad at you, and he's not.

[B]

Yeah, I know. But you guys realize none of this would have happened with the TT makeup and the mugging if my heart wasn't in the right place. You know what I mean? Like, I planned this whole thing and it was stupid, but none of this would have happened.

[D]

But just because it didn't go according to your plan doesn't mean fate wasn't involved. Maybe you were meant to meet Chris in this weird, fun way just so that you two could ultimately be together.

[F]

Teresa, right now I'm sending you the piano playing cat meme just to show you how much I like.

[D]

Oh.

[A]

Oh. Cute how that works, but yes.

[B]

Yeah, thank you. But I'm still hung up on my ex, and I don't know how to, like, let go of that yet.

[D]

You're in denial about the ex is what's happening, Teresa. And once you're finally over it, you're gonna realize that you let the good one get away.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Right after he Maybe.

[B]

Maybe. But I don't know.

[D]

Let's find out if you know for not. Because I'm gonna offer you a date with Chris. Paid for by us.

[A]

Is there a meme for that?

[D]

I don't know, but maybe this time you chase him through the park.

[F]

I'd be totally into that.

[D]

Oh, he's. He's weird enough for it. Are you, Theresa? Teresa.

[B]

Listen, Chris, you're so nice. Like, you don't want to start a relationship with someone who's hung up on their ex. I wouldn't want to do that to you because you're so nice.

[F]

Your ex didn't understand you're weird. Like, I like your weird. I love the unpredictability. I think it's fun.

[D]

I mean, Teresa, we. We understand it's a no, but could you at least be open to considering reaching out to Chris if it ever finally falls through with your ex once and for all?

[C]

Send him a message, meme.

[B]

I think I can do that.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, look at that. We got Chris upgraded to a backup plan. That's good.

[F]

You know, the most interesting man in the world says, I'm not usually a backup plan, but this time it's okay.

[A]

I think that'd be funnier if we could see it.

[C]

I think it would be. That's a bad meme.

[A]

Takes other people.

[B]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[D]

Oh, poor, sweet, considerate Chris being weird for the wrong lady.

[A]

Yeah, how is he gonna find someone else that is on his same wavelength?

[D]

I will say a lot of people are texting in 78592 saying, oh, I love Chris. I want Chris to mug me, and

[C]

there's a whole app meant for him.

[D]

Yeah, so go tell him yourself. Log on to the Schmooze app.

[A]

I thought you were talking about the mug me app. Oh, but that's different, right?

[D]

We'll have to build that one.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Or you can go tell them on our podcast. You can comment whatever weird role play you'd like Chris to do for you.

[A]

No, do not comment that, Jeff. We don't want that type of comment.

[D]

I want to read the comments.

[C]

Rob me at a movie theater.

[D]

Yeah, do it to make your ex jealous. Anyway, if you ever want help with your dating life, email the show, we can call that person who's not calling you back. And like I said, find our podcast. We have literally thousands of second dates up online, wherever you find them at Brookie, what's that famous saying that's like when you tell somebody, don't do something that only makes you sound like your dad?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

No. It makes you want to do it more.

[A]

No, I think Jeffrey got it right the first time.

[D]

No, I think, Jose, it makes you want to do it more.

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

Okay.

[D]

Well, in that case, for our next segment, definitely don't picture me singing shirtless.

[C]

Aw, now I pictured it.

[D]

Don't do it. Don't Venmo me or text me compliments about my voice and my body. And do not, whatever you do, I repeat, do not have a conversation with your partner saying, I'm your hall pass for this year.

[A]

What?

[D]

Do not do it.

[C]

Oh, dang, Jack, don't.

[D]

But let's say you do. Then this song of the week is for you.

[A]

Hall passes need to be somebody that's not accessible.

[B]

Shh, shh.

[D]

Don't do it. It's coming up right after this. It is time for my song of the week week. It's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. Has there ever been a time in the history of this country where we faced more turbulence and uncertainty?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, yeah, definitely.

[D]

Take our soccer team, for example. One second we're blowing out Bosnia, certain we're going to win it all. Next thing you know, we're laying an egg against Belgium.

[A]

Wait, this is.

[D]

They only have like four McDonald's there. We're way better than how did this happen?

[A]

This is the adversity you think our country's facing right now?

[D]

Just some of it. The job market is basically a total clown show. Not to mention Bed, Bath and Beyond. They're bankrupt, then they're back again, then bankrupt again, then restructuring. I mean, there's no other time in the history of this great nation where we have needed somebody, anybody, to step up and say, don't worry, I've got you. You all right?

[A]

Who is it?

[D]

Jeff, thank God. This Saturday is National Spider man day. Talking about the red web and blue. And coincidentally, America's favorite wall crawlers also coming out with a brand new movie this weekend. Spider Man. Brand new day.

[A]

I've heard. It's so good.

[D]

And unlike all the other superheroes out there. Thor, Hulk, Captain America, Spider man wears a full on face mask. No skin showing anywhere on that body.

[A]

No, but you can still see a lot.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, but not really. Well, I'm talking about the face car.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah, it's not there. And while that's great, you know, for protecting his identity and whatever, I realized it probably brings up a lot of other problems in his life.

[A]

Skin issues, clogged pores, all sorts of

[D]

stuff that you never really think about. Like when he goes to a bar, do they card him and then are they like, take off your mask and he has to leave?

[C]

Man, no one's carting Spider Man.

[A]

I mean, how do you know? Cuz he's pretty agile.

[D]

Exactly.

[A]

I bet you're pretty young to be that agile.

[D]

Think of all the weird issues that he has to face with his mask on. And that's why I had to sing about it in honor of Spider Man Day instead of singing Lady Gaga's Poker face. It's young Jeffrey Peter Parker face.

[A]

Now I'm just starting to think, like, what if the holes on the eyeballs don't line up correctly? You know, after he's doing so much

[D]

movement, so many issues, hopefully we cover some of them. I'm gonna point when I'm ready. Here we go. Point. Hey, it's me, your friendly neighborhood Spider Man. Sorry I can't come to the phone right now, but I'm out searching for a dry country cleaner that knows how to clean blood stains out of a spider mask without telling anyone. I'll get back to you when I can. Leave a message.

[B]

Bye.

[C]

I'm swinging through Manhattan Flying over trees Dropping villains web em Leave them tangled

[D]

in the streets Spidey senses tingle and

[C]

I'm sweating quite a lot Cause underneath this polyester mask it's freaking hot oh

[D]

whoa, oh whoa oh.

[C]

And if I jog my eye holes

[D]

get fogged oh whoa, oh oh oh.

[C]

Can't text or talk Cause my phone is face locked can't see my, can't

[D]

see my can't see my Peter Parker face Head is covered like a rubber

[C]

can't see, see my can't see my

[D]

can't see my Peter Parker face Costume blunder so I suffer Pup Peter Parker

[C]

face pup, pup Parker face. It's not an ugly thing. It's just to be safe. This mask will smell if I don't wash it constantly. Every time I wear it only triggers my acne When I'm saving MJ off

[D]

the rooftop where she clung.

[C]

It's way less fun to french her when the fabric blocks my tongue.

[D]

Oh oh, oh whoa.

[C]

Allergies Got my mask filled with snot oh whoa, whoa. You know I rock. Bad hair day's a lot. Dinner time Was a crime My mouth

[D]

is cut covered in mustard stains Glizzies yummy Spidey's hungry watered eyes Muffled cries

[C]

Cause I got coffee breath trapped all

[D]

day justice lover so I govern a

[C]

puppy jerk Parker face Pop pop Parker face no sunlight hits my face My skin is like paste

[D]

Kid with great power comes great responsibility Other heroes I don't get it. There, I said it.

[C]

Hardly masking with their fashion Hawkeye slack in his disguise is just some dinky glasses Meanwhile Cap is on the TV with his prominent jawline out and Black Widow ain't harmless but her face card

[D]

is marvel can't see my can't see

[C]

my can't see my Peter Parker face

[D]

Spark Spider brother undercover super shy private

[C]

guy that's why I live at my

[D]

auntie's place not my mother but I

[C]

love her I design my disguise to

[D]

be as tight as skims by Kincai Tightly squeezing, trouble breathing don't know why

[C]

Every night people in gimpa masks try

[D]

to wave our outfits matching different pizza

[C]

slice hot as fire But I can't

[D]

blow so I got away. My mask is blocking air from coming.

[C]

Tell me why Iron Guy just tells

[D]

the whole world his real name? That's just reckless. I'm protecting my pup.

[C]

Peter Parker face Pup pup Parker face. Although I kind of hate the mask that I made. I can't not itch my face in a public space. Just throw my mask away and give me a cave.

[A]

That was a terrible design by him.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, you bring it up. I never thought.

[D]

Poor guy.

[A]

I bet that thing stinks so bad by the end of the day.

[D]

And he's a teenager. You think he knows how to watch that thing properly?

[C]

And in the summer in New York.

[A]

Got to be so sweaty. Dude. And he's already having acne issues just because of his age.

[D]

Oh, my gosh. Let's all give our sympathy to Spider man and his math.

[F]

Tonight.

[A]

A good recommendation for a face cleanser.

[D]

Something. He's gonna need it. And text in 78592. You could tell us what you thought about the song of the week. And go share this with a fellow spidey lover. Right before you go check out the movie this weekend. Happy Spider man day to everybody.

[A]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning

[C]

twins. Brooks Fox.

[D]

Does it feel significantly warmer in the studio right now or is that just Brooke's hot flashes?

[A]

I do not have hot flashes. Why do you keep saying?

[D]

Well, it's only gonna get hotter, hot flash or not? Cause we have a professional massage therapist on the phone. His name is Jesse and his hands are filled with lotion.

[A]

That's right. Jesse, how are you even holding onto that phone? It's gonna slip out of your hand.

[D]

He's on speakerphone, right?

[A]

Oh, I see.

[D]

Jesse, be careful. Don't try to grab the phone in the middle of your trivia because I can't restart it even though I am partial to people with lotion hands. So how you doing, man?

[F]

Got it in the middle console here. So good to go.

[D]

Awesome.

[A]

Dude. I want to know, as a massage therapist, what's the most awkward interaction you've had?

[F]

Oh, without going into too much and giving too much away. Just honestly, a lot of the stories, a lot of the comfortability. There's always awkward how much people will tell a stranger.

[C]

Oh, yeah, it's like therapy.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

Yeah, exactly. Once those door clothes, everything comes out,

[A]

it's like therapy without any sort of oath attached to it.

[D]

We're gonna try to make this experience even more awkward for you once we're done with the questions. But let's send Brooke out of the studio. And you know how it works. You got 30 seconds to answer as many as possible if you don't know and you could say pass, but you have to beat her out outright if you want to win. Are you ready? I am ready. Good luck, my man. Your time starts now. In what decade did Nintendo's handheld video game system called Game boy get released? 80s 90s or 2000s?

[F]

1980s?

[D]

What do Mountain climbers rub on their hands for extra grip? Chuck Bramble is the formal name for what kind of fruits? Bush.

[F]

Blackberries.

[D]

What east coast state is the only one in America to border both a great lake and an ocean?

[F]

Ocean. Oh, gosh.

[D]

Virginia Name the famous video game that introduced us to characters such as Scorpion Sub Zero and Raiden.

[F]

Mortal Kombat.

[D]

All right, good. That was. That was a solid performance.

[C]

Well done.

[D]

Brooke is going to rejoin us in the studio, and honestly, this summer, we really haven't been doing squat. We've mostly just been in the studio the entire time. So we like to live vicariously through our listeners. And Jesse, it says here on my screener, your summer Highlight was a 12 day trip to Montana.

[F]

Yes. Wife and I just got back from that.

[D]

Yeah, nice.

[C]

O.

[D]

We want to know all about it. And if you didn't actually do this, that's okay, but I'm trying to picture a massage therapist in chaps. Tell me that that happened.

[F]

It did. Whole cowboy get up. Had my hat, my stirrups, chaps and everything.

[A]

Yeah, Feels good. When those spurts dig into your back.

[F]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yep. It was beautiful rhino force out there.

[C]

You're opposite of the guy that got kicked by the bison recently. You would find one in massage it.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[F]

Now, we did see some good bison out there, but stayed far, far away.

[C]

Okay, that's smart. Don't touch animals.

[A]

Yeah. Grizzlies aren't angry. They just need a good rub down.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[F]

Good rub down. Good hug, you know?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Find those pressure points right next to its temples. Here we go. It is Brook's turn. Brooke, are you ready?

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Your time starts now. In what decade did Nintendo's handheld video game system called Game boy get released? 80s 90s or 2000 90s? What do Mountain climbers rub on their hands for? Extra grip.

[A]

Shock.

[D]

Bramble is the formal name for what kind of fruits? Bush?

[A]

BlackBerry.

[D]

What east coast state is the only one in America to border both a great lake and an ocean. New York name the famous video game that introduced us to characters such as Scorpion Sub Zero and Raiden.

[A]

Mortal Kombat. Finish him.

[D]

No game. You called it. Let's end it. And we're going to head on over to the scoreboard to see how you bol did with our own Jose. Why would she have you meet her at a bar at 10 in the morning? I just figured she was a raging alcoholic. But Jesse, you did well.

[C]

You got four correct today. Pretty darn good. And br. Also four. That was so close.

[A]

If I would have let him win, I may have gotten a free massage out of it.

[F]

Only if you do, Brooke. Only if you knew.

[D]

Sorry about that, Jesse. Let's go over the answers for everybody. The Nintendo Game Boy first got. Got released on this day in the 1980s.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

1989. Mountain climbers rub chalk on their hands to get a little extra grip. Bramble is the formal name for a bush of blackberries or raspberries. We would have accepted either one for raspberry. The east coast state that's the only one in America to border both a great lake and an ocean would be New York. And the video game with characters like Scorpion, Sub Zero and Raiden would be Mortal Kombat.

[F]

Yes.

[D]

So, Jesse, it was barely not enough to beat Brooke today. Good news is just for playing, you get a pair of tickets to the Mariners game tonight when they take on the Minnesota twins for Mariners 50 seasons fireworks night presented by Moving 92.5.

[F]

Awesome.

[D]

Appreciate you guys.

[F]

That's great.

[A]

I just keep thinking about how lucky your wife is to like, come home. Do you give her free massage.

[F]

I do gotta say, I make her schedule a little bit. After a long week, I'm like, okay, weekends, days off. I'm like, just make sure you get on that schedule.

[D]

I'll get you,

[C]

dude. I want to be just your cat.

[F]

She gets lots of massages and lots of good left. So he gets all the freezes without

[A]

getting on the schedule. Yeah,

[D]

it's good to live in Jesse's house. Dude. Come back and play again soon. We're gonna do Winbrooks Bucks same time on Monday.

[B]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.