FULL SHOW: Anti-Baseball Date, Butter Personality Test +  Worst Company Gifts (1/2/26)

Summary

Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update

FULL SHOW: Anti-Baseball Date, Butter Personality Test + Worst Company Gifts (1/2/26)

Date: January 4, 2026
Host: iHeartPodcasts

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Episode Overview

This episode of "Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update" is packed with humor, audience engagement, and the show’s signature mix of weird news, personality quizzes, and listener call-ins. The main highlights include a hilarious "Second Date Update" involving a misguided baseball-themed date, a quirky "Butter Personality Test," a discussion of companies' worst holiday gifts, and several signature rapid-fire bits, such as the Shot Caller Question of the Day and Laser Stories. The tone remains energetic, comedic, and self-deprecating throughout, with frequent playful jabs among the hosts.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Bug Squishing & Morning Banter

(00:00–02:00)

• The show opens with light banter around a listener poll: Are you a "squisher" when it comes to bugs?
• Brooke reveals her more compassionate approach: “I actually like to let the spiders outside.” (00:58, Brooke)
• Jeffrey and Jose discuss which bugs people are most inclined to squish, with spiders defended as ‘team players’ in the home.

2. Shot Caller Question of the Day – National Farmer’s Day

(02:07–08:22)

• Jake delivers farm-themed trivia to the team:
  • Pigs earn recognition as the smartest barnyard animal. “Some pigs know how to open doors, guide sheep, or even play video games.” (04:03, Jake)
  • “Your stream would explode if you played video games with a pig.” (04:12, Brooke)
  • American Gothic painting trivia: The ‘farmer’ posed by the artist’s dentist.
  • Bananas are revealed as the world’s #1 fruit crop, surprising the crew.
  • The Queen Salvaba Memorial Institute raises poisonous snakes to make antivenom, not leeches or silk spiders.
• Pun-laden humor, especially aimed at the trivia questions (“If you’ve seen Shrek, donkey can talk.” – 03:45, Jeffrey)
• Loser Alexis sings “Sorry Not Sorry” badly and gets shocked.

3. Laser Stories: Weird News Roundup

(10:05–17:40)

• Stories include:
  • A drunk Nebraska man calls 911 to report a wrong-way driver—but he is the culprit. (“That’s a unique level of dumb right there.” – 12:04, Beat Reporter, paraphrased by Jeffrey)
  • In China, construction workers arrested for digging a shortcut through the Great Wall: Some locals secretly approve. (“It cuts down commute times by hours. Should’ve done this years ago.” – 13:53, quoting villager sentiment)
  • Google’s new Duet AI can attend (virtual) meetings and take notes for you. “Corporate’s not gonna okay that.” (15:39, Brooke)
  • New research debunks ‘opposites attract’: Most couples align on 80%+ of core values. “Birds of a feather are indeed more likely to flock together.” (17:01, Jeffrey)

4. Icebreaker: Butter Personality Test

(17:54–24:25)

• The team discusses a study linking your toast-buttering style to personality:
  • Brooke: “Every corner is covered...nothing worse on toast than unmelted butter.” (19:39)
    • Her type: Methodical, precise, ‘clear browser history regularly’. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah” (20:15, Brooke)
  • Jose is a simple glider: “Laid back, easygoing, and you don’t believe in contraception.” (20:52, Jeffrey)
  • Alexis admits to not even buying butter (23:35).
  • Other types: Clumpers (Jeffrey), over-butterers, double siders—each with their own psychological profile.
  • Brooke’s mom is called out as a “double sider” (butter both sides)—“That’s your mom?” (23:56, Jose)—who is “creative but can’t stay faithful.”
  • Playful embarrassment and family teasing throughout.

5. Prank Call: The ‘Forced Retirement’ Phone Tap

(24:39–29:52)

• Douglas, a long-time employee, receives a prank call from the “Good News Trio,” wrongly congratulating him on retirement.
• Hilarity as Douglas protests: “I’m not retiring!...I just got a new trailer.”
• Trio sings, makes references to AARP, hard candies, and the classic “Lollipop” song.
• Reveal: It’s a phone tap set up by his coworkers.
• Douglas’ relief: “Now I want to retire!” (29:44, Douglas)

6. Second Date Update: The Anti-Baseball Date

Main Segment: 30:04–47:59
Key Moments:

• Noah, longtime listener, seeks help after a first date flop with April.
  • His "surprise" date based on her love of singing? A baseball game, anticipating she'd enjoy the 7th-Inning Stretch singalong.
  • April arrives expecting karaoke or open mic. She hates sports and is baffled by the plan.
  • “I will never be impressed by watching someone throw or catch or hit a ball...I need a plot!” (41:35, April)
  • Noah admits he misjudged her interests: “Looking back, it wasn’t the smartest thing...I was trying to do something unique, something safe.” (43:52, Noah)
• Special Request:
  • Noah asks Brooke, “Don’t say how much I liked her, don’t make me sound like a simp.” (36:07)
  • Brooke struggles but tries her best, humorously failing to be ‘chill’.
  • “I am the chillest!” (38:17, Brooke, ironically)
• Resolution:
  • Hosts ask April to sing for the national audience—she does, impressively.
  • April takes control: “Noah, stand up. Ask me yourself. Tell me you’re taking me to karaoke. And I want sushi too.” (45:44)
  • Noah nervously obliges and April accepts—second date set!
  • “Dude, that was sexy. That was hot.” (45:18, Brooke, about April’s singing)
  • Hosts and listeners are invested in a follow-up.

7. Worst Company Gifts

(48:05–54:43)

• Hosts exchange stories and review a survey of worst company ‘bonuses’—ranging from a single Lifesaver mint on copy paper to an autographed David Hasselhoff photo for women, whiskey for men.
• Brooke recalls their station's own low-rent gifts: “The year we got bogo...to a barbecue place...The Hoff beats it.” (54:15, Brooke)
• Listeners prompted to text in their worst holiday gift stories.

8. Win Brooke’s Bucks (Listener Quiz Game)

(54:52–58:46)

• Contestant Jessica outperforms Brooke 4-3, bantering about pajamas and New Year’s resolutions.
• Both miss the "darts" and "Ford Econoline" questions.
• Jessica wins $100 and some show swag.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Bug Debate:
  “I like to let the spiders outside. I love spiders.” – (00:58, Brooke)
  “Brooke is with the 12% who feel it’s their duty to catch and release.” – (01:04, Jeffrey)

• On Pig Intelligence:
  “Dude, I want to play video games with a pig.” – (04:10, Jose)

• On Second Date Mishap:
  “Do you go that hard with ‘Take Me Out to the Ballgame’ you consider it a performance?” – (33:41, Brooke)
  “I will never be impressed by watching someone throw or catch or hit a ball. I need a plot.” – (41:35, April)

• Brooke’s ‘Chill’ Challenge:
  “No, it’s cool. He’s got lots of options…” (40:26, Brooke, failing to undersell Noah)
  “I am the chillest!” (38:17, Brooke, clearly not)

• On Butter Styles:
  “Every corner is covered…nothing worse on toast than unmelted butter.” – (19:39, Brooke)
  “You don’t believe in contraception.” – (20:52, Jeffrey, diagnosing Jose’s buttering personality)

• Prank Call Singing:
  “Lollipop, lollipop, oh lolli, lollipop…” – (28:20, the ‘Good News Trio’ tortures Douglas)

• Humor on Worst Gifts:
  “Instead of clocking in, you’ll be clocking Werther’s till you die, you idiot.” – (28:46, Jeffrey, joke to Douglas)
  “Women got an autograph photo of David Hasselhoff…not the young David, David in his 60s.” – (53:54, Jeffrey)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Time | |------------------------------|-------------| | Bug Poll & Banter | 00:00–02:00 | | Shot Caller (Farmer's Day) | 02:07–08:22 | | Casino Story & Laser Stories | 08:25–17:40 | | Butter Personality Test | 17:54–24:25 | | Prank Call: Forced Retirement| 24:39–29:52 | | Second Date Update | 30:04–47:59 | | Worst Company Gifts | 48:05–54:43 | | Win Brooke’s Bucks | 54:52–58:46 |

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Conclusion

This episode showcases the show's unique chemistry and formula: relatable second date disasters, ridiculous corporate gifts, playful debates over toast techniques, and the endearing dysfunction of the morning crew. The “Second Date Update” is a standout, featuring self-aware, awkward daters; April’s on-air singing and assertiveness are especially memorable. Overall, the episode delivers top-tier entertainment for listeners craving relatable mishaps, workplace gripes, and irreverent, rapid-fire banter.

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For more like this, find Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update on Apple, Spotify, or iHeartRadio.

Transcript

[Jeffrey]

Hey, this is Ashton. I accidentally deleted all the other podcast intros that we recorded, so this is me making up for it. Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. The question of the day is, are you a squisher? It's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[Brooke]

Oh my God, I hate that sound effect.

[Jeffrey]

Because there's a new poll update on the poll that found the average person encounters a bug or a pest five times per week.

[Brooke]

That's a lot.

[Jeffrey]

That's seems low to me.

[Jose]

Fly or something.

[Jeffrey]

And for most of us, the immediate reaction is to just squish them. But 20% would rather report it and let somebody else come do the squishing for them. Outsource your squish?

[Brooke]

Well, you know, it depends on the bug. For us in our family, Brooke, I.

[Jeffrey]

Know you don't like to squish them. You like to collect them and blend them into your morning green smoothie for extra protein.

[Brooke]

I mean, that or I actually like to let the spiders outside. Yeah, yeah, because I love spiders.

[Jeffrey]

Brooke is with the 12% of people who say they feel like it's their duty to catch and release the bug back into the wild like Shamu.

[Brooke]

Yeah, true. I'm free and willy is actually how I like stand and I yell free willy.

[Jeffrey]

But the survey found we're more likely to squish a bug if we find it inside of our home or if they're on our bodies.

[Jose]

Oh, yeah, duh, for sure.

[Jeffrey]

It did it to itself.

[Brooke]

If it's on my body, I don't squish it. I just scream and jump around.

[Jeffrey]

The top bugs that we tend to squish on site are beetles, cockroaches, centipedes and spiders. Yeah, Which I personally think are the best ones to keep alive in your house because they catch all the other bugs that are in there.

[Brooke]

Yeah, I'm with you.

[Jeffrey]

I'm on the spider gang, so, yeah, spider crew. Yeah, we're rolling tough this week.

[Brooke]

We are, we are. I hate cockroaches though. They're just like.

[Jeffrey]

Yeah, no, Those gotta go. Texan7592, are you a squisher? We're gonna move on and get into the shot collar question of the day with the ultimate morning show squisher, but in a different meaning of the word digital. Jake, Jake, give it to us.

[Jake]

Today is National Farmer's Day.

[Jeffrey]

Oh.

[Jake]

And I wanted to make sure I had the most up to date information to quiz you on. So I spent hours scoping out farmersonly.com asking around for an expert to help.

[Jeffrey]

Me that's a different kind of stuff. I'm not sure what you're gonna get.

[Brooke]

Glad you didn't go to the almanac.

[Jake]

It wasn't as successful as I hoped. But I did receive a pretty handsome offering of a dowry from a landowner named Claire Cletus.

[Brooke]

Hello, Cletus.

[Jake]

With that going for me, I decided to plow on for a special one. And done. Crops, slops, and barnyard plops. Shot caller, question of the day. We're kicking it off with Jose. Hey, Jose. According to scientists, chimpanzees, dolphins, and elephants are the three most intelligent animals in the world. But a barnyard animal comes in at number four. Researchers say which one of these is the smartest on the farm? Is it, A, a pig, B, a sheep, or C, a donkey?

[Jose]

That's a really tough one.

[Alexis]

Doesn't everyone always say pigs are smart?

[Brooke]

Yeah, I feel like it's kind of.

[Jose]

Easy, but they can't, like, look up in the sky.

[Jake]

So to me, I feel like dexterity is a big indicator of intelligence.

[Jeffrey]

Shape. I don't.

[Jose]

I think they're dumb.

[Jake]

Very dumb shaped animal.

[Brooke]

Yeah.

[Jeffrey]

When you think back about all the other smart animals that he said first, we don't tend to eat any of those smart things.

[Jose]

Yeah.

[Jeffrey]

And out of the ones that he listed, the only one that I don't know, we eat. I don't know about Brooks hometown, but donkeys. Yeah, we don't tend to eat that well.

[Jose]

Donkeys are related to horses. Horses are super smart.

[Brooke]

I don't think horses are as smart as you think they are.

[Jeffrey]

If you've seen the movie Shrek, donkey can talk.

[Brooke]

Yeah.

[Jeffrey]

So that's pretty much as smart as it.

[Brooke]

Yeah, but what about Charlotte's Web? You got a pig in that one that can talk. Okay. Or, babe, that was a pig.

[Jose]

All right, well, I think it's a consensus.

[Douglas]

Jake.

[Jose]

We're going to go with pig.

[Jake]

Jose said pig. That is correct.

[Jose]

Thanks for the help.

[Jake]

They're among the fastest learners in nature. And some pigs know how to open and shut doors, guide flocks of sheep, or even play video games.

[Jose]

Dude, I want to play video games with a pig.

[Brooke]

Wouldn't that be crazy? Your stream would explode. Yeah, that's what you need to do.

[Jose]

Yeah.

[Jake]

Brooke, it's your turn.

[Brooke]

Okay.

[Jake]

In the famous painting American Gothic, it shows a man and woman standing in front of a farm holding a pitchfork. But the models the artist used for the painting weren't really farmers. It was someone he knew personally.

[Jeffrey]

Oh, really?

[Jake]

Was the man in the picture a. The artist's electrician. B, was it his dentist or C, was it his proctologist?

[Brooke]

Proctologist. That is a much. That's why he went with a gothic theme on that one.

[Jake]

More like American Graphic.

[Jose]

Very dark. There you go.

[Jeffrey]

You can picture their faces. Like, does that look like a.

[Jose]

He kind of looks like a dentist.

[Brooke]

I mean, here's the thing. My dad was an electrician. He would not sit. Sit and model for an artist. He just wouldn't. But if you're a dentist, you got a lot of spare time.

[Jose]

Spare time.

[Brooke]

I mean, you work three days a week. You know, it's like an artist thing to do. If you're a dentist, you're trying to go up the social ladder.

[Jeffrey]

I'm going, Dennis, Dennis, don't work hard. So she's going to attend.

[Brooke]

I mean, honestly, look at their hours. They are not working five days a week.

[Jose]

Text it. If you're a dentist. Unfollow us.

[Jake]

Brooke went with the entitled profession of dentist.

[Alexis]

Yeah. You know how I feel.

[Jake]

That is correct.

[Jeffrey]

Those lazy dentist told you sitting in.

[Jake]

The dentist chair for so long gave the artist time to study his face and features. And then the woman was his sister.

[Brooke]

She was his sister.

[Jose]

Does that make sense?

[Jake]

We're two for two. Alexis, it's your turn. Which of these is the most grown fruit crop in the entire world? Is it A, apples, B, bananas, or C, oranges?

[Alexis]

Ooh, I wish I had any idea of how to answer.

[Jeffrey]

If you think about, like, how these things are grown, some of those fruits need a certain type of climate in order to grow, and some of them are able to grow in pretty much any climate.

[Brooke]

I knew that.

[Alexis]

I just don't know the answers to which I don't.

[Jeffrey]

I don't want to. I guess I think they all need.

[Brooke]

A certain area to grow. Jeff.

[Jeffrey]

Well, just bananas are so, like, island tropical.

[Brooke]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jeffrey]

And how many island tropical bananas to.

[Brooke]

Be able to grow?

[Jose]

Exactly.

[Jeffrey]

Is there a banana Bell? Yeah. Okay. I know there's a culture. Yeah.

[Alexis]

Okay, then no bananas. So apples or oranges. They're selling oranges in the big bags of cuties. So maybe there's a lot. Let's go oranges. James.

[Jake]

Alexis said oranges.

[Jeffrey]

Cuties. Whiskers. That is.

[Jose]

It's gonna be right.

[Jeffrey]

Incorrect.

[Jake]

Bananas are the number one fruit crop and the fourth largest crop overall, behind wheat, rice, and corn. Then it goes bananas.

[Jeffrey]

That's what I said. The tropical area of, like, India, Asia.

[Jose]

India, Asia.

[Jeffrey]

That's what I meant. You need to read between the lines. No.

[Noah]

Help.

[Jake]

Jeffrey, your.

[Jeffrey]

Okay.

[Jake]

The Queen Salvaba Memorial Institute in Bangkok is both a popular tourist site and an important farm. Their animals are just a little less cuddly than a farm we think of here in North America. What animals are raised there? Is it A, poisonous snakes to make anti venom, B, poisonous silk spiders to make fabric or C leeches, a popular animal used in the practice of bloodletting.

[Jose]

Oh my gosh.

[Jeffrey]

You say called a popular practice.

[Jake]

It's a popular animal. It is a practice. Not necessarily a popular practice, but the animal can't miss leeches when it comes to.

[Jose]

You're telling me you never go pick up a leech on a Friday night on the way home?

[Jeffrey]

That is true. We're getting leeches. Just need a good leeching.

[Brooke]

There's some like beauty trends that are leeches actually. Yeah.

[Jake]

Really?

[Jeffrey]

They make a lot of pharmaceuticals over in Asia and so doing the poisonous snakes to get the antivenoms.

[Jose]

Antivenom.

[Brooke]

Logically it fits.

[Jeffrey]

Yeah.

[Jose]

Someone's got to do it.

[Jeffrey]

Seems right. We're going with poisonous snakes.

[Jose]

Good answer.

[Jake]

Jeffrey said poisonous snakes. That is poor. You can pay a small free and watch a snake get milked.

[Jeffrey]

Alexis is the only one who got hers wrong so she's going to take a soul shock while singing Sorry, not sorry by Demi Lovato.

[Alexis]

Baby, I'm sorry. I'm not sorry. I'm sorry. I'm not sorry. Being so bad got me feeling so good.

[Jeffrey]

That's your chocolate question of the day. We got your phone tab coming up in just a few minutes.

[Announcer]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[Jeffrey]

One man is living the fantasy that we all have. 32 year old Andy Elliott walked into the Venetian Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas the other day.

[Brooke]

And what happened? What happened, Jeff?

[Jose]

I love the Venetian.

[Jeffrey]

A half an hour later he walked out $3 million richer.

[Brooke]

Oh, come on.

[Jose]

How did he do it?

[Jeffrey]

He sat down at one of the slot machines for Ultimate Texas hold' Em and was dealt a spade royal flush.

[Brooke]

God, I get excited if I win like 10 bucks on a slot I would wet myself. I would be so excited.

[Jeffrey]

Luckily for Andy, he made a five dollar side bet which promoted his win into the game's mega tier progressive jackpot. Yeah, that was worth 2.7 million dol. Should he have let it ride maybe? No, he called it quits.

[Brooke]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jose]

Get out of there.

[Brooke]

Could you imagine if it was still quarters that fell out?

[Noah]

Oh my God.

[Brooke]

The slot machine is three million.

[Jose]

He goes to roulette. I'd like to put three point something million on black. Oh no.

[Jeffrey]

Officials say it's the biggest jackpot since the game's inception in 2017. And I know it sounds impossible, but the progressive jackpot has minted 11 total millionaires over the last few years.

[Jose]

Wow.

[Jeffrey]

There's a chance.

[Jose]

I do I. One day I'm going to win it. I don't know if it's on a scratch ticket or on a slot machine. I'm going to win a jackpot 11.

[Brooke]

Out of just a couple of millions of people that play.

[Jeffrey]

I like those odds.

[Jose]

Yeah, me too.

[Jeffrey]

Jeff, here's the real question. Would you rather have millions and millions of dollars or a free episode of Laser Stories?

[Brooke]

Oh, definitely laser.

[Jose]

Definitely the million.

[Jeffrey]

Sorry, we're doing the free Laser Stories.

[Jose]

Okay, I'll take. Hello, it's Laser Stories.

[Jeffrey]

It's the radio segment that's offering a special just this month. Do you have a stuffed bear that seems a little overweight?

[Brooke]

What?

[Jeffrey]

He's offering discount teddy tucks.

[Brooke]

What?

[Jeffrey]

For just 29.99? Send your Fat teddy bear in the mail. It'll come back in a week looking slim, trim, and ready for action.

[Jose]

They'll go from Winnie the Pooh to Winnie.

[Jeffrey]

Winnie the Ooh. Ooh, yeah, baby.

[Brooke]

Who wants a skinny one?

[Jeffrey]

Laser Stories does Rib game, where we read weird news stories around the globe just like everyone else does. Except we've got a laser. There's other Paddington Pudge lovers just going, that's me. This first laser story is out of Nebraska. Not too long ago, local cops got a 911 call from a guy freaking out. He called in to report that someone was driving the wrong direction down a highway.

[Brooke]

Oh, my God. That would be so terrifying to see headlights coming at you on the freeway.

[Jeffrey]

He told the dispatcher that a truck going the wrong way almost ran him off the road. He also gave other important information before getting off the line. But it turned out the guy missed one minor detail. Oh, and that was. It wasn't the truck. He was the one driving the wrong.

[Jose]

Way down the highway. Wait a minute. He's like, and another one's. Oh, and another one's.

[Brooke]

Oh, my God, they're so big. Coming at me.

[Jeffrey]

Regardless, they sent a cop out to stop whoever it. But when the officer eventually caught up with the wrong way car, the guy who called 911 was sitting in the driver's seat.

[Brooke]

He's like. And all the signs are backwards. I can't read any of them.

[Jeffrey]

By that point, he'd realized his mistake and apologized, saying he must have just missed the exit. But the real reason was he'd been doing some drinking, so he was arrested for going over the legal limit.

[Jose]

So the call was like, I'm sure you guys got to help. There's a crazy people on the road today.

[Brooke]

I love that he's on the phone while drinking and driving going the wrong way. He is so lucky that he's alive.

[Jeffrey]

A beat reporter covering the incident started his live shot by saying, that's a unique level of dumb right there. It is. Well, let's go to your next one. Out of China, the Great Wall is one of the seven wonders of the world and also apparently really annoying for anyone who has to go around it to get to work.

[Jose]

I didn't even think about that.

[Brooke]

Do they not have holes you can't like walk through or anything? There's no. There's no overpass situation.

[Jeffrey]

You can't put a hole in a wall that's supposed to keep the invaders out.

[Brooke]

That's a good point. I've never been so. But that would be. It's really long.

[Jose]

It's like, where's the drop?

[Jeffrey]

I say that because two construction workers in the Shangzi province were tired of having to take hours out of their workday to get their excavator from one job site over to the other.

[Brooke]

Oh, yeah.

[Jeffrey]

So they just went ahead and dug a hole right through the Great Wall so that their machinery could slide through.

[Jose]

Oh, that's part of history you're destroying.

[Jeffrey]

Police were called around 4:20pm that same day after the big gap was found.

[Jose]

Oh, no.

[Jeffrey]

Didn't take long for authorities to track down the criminals and their excavator.

[Brooke]

Why do I see tourists on top just falling into the hole? Like walking to. Must go this way.

[Jose]

Yeah.

[Jeffrey]

The part of the wall they dug through is believed to be built the Ming dynasty in the 1600s. So that's actually relatively newer than some of the other areas of the wall that date back to 220bc.

[Brooke]

Oh, so you just patch it up? You know, a little reto project?

[Jeffrey]

Well, no. Unfortunately, the damage is irreversible, and the two construction workers now face criminal charges.

[Brooke]

You about to lose your job.

[Jose]

Yeah, you are. However, Freedom probably.

[Jeffrey]

Some in the village on one side said they're secretly happy for the convenient shortcut, saying it cuts down commute times by hours. Should have done this years ago.

[Brooke]

Jim.

[Jeffrey]

Snex Laser Story is out of the future Headquarters. We've seen lots of negative reviews about AI But I could maybe get on board with this one.

[Brooke]

Okay.

[Jeffrey]

Google just released a new artificial intelligence tool that can go to work Meetings for you.

[Brooke]

Oh, wow.

[Jose]

Game changer.

[Brooke]

Yeah, it's going to end up, though. It's all AI in the meeting. Nobody real human is there.

[Jeffrey]

It's called Duet AI They've been testing this for a while, but just opened it up to everyone this week. Before you get too excited, it's only for virtual meetings, okay? You can't trick your boss into thinking you're there at the office. They still know you're not.

[Brooke]

It's a robot with a blonde wig. Alexis, we know that's not you, but.

[Jeffrey]

It will join the meeting on your behalf and deliver any important info that you need people to know and recap the meeting for you later on if you choose to hear about it.

[Brooke]

That's amazing.

[Jeffrey]

If you ever do decide to show up for one again, there's also a take notes feature, so at least you won't really have to pay attention anymore. It'll just take notes for you while you zone out.

[Brooke]

I mean, we all have those friends that their job is literally only going to meetings. I'm like, what else do you do? Yeah, I don't get it.

[Jeffrey]

Sadly, corporate will need to be on board in order for you to use this. It runs within Google workspace, so you can't just plug it into your Zoom and go back to bed.

[Brooke]

Yeah, corporate's not gonna okay that.

[Jeffrey]

No, Right now, you'll have to subscribe and pay $30 a month per person.

[Brooke]

There goes our hopes and dreams, Jeffrey. I'd be worried out the window.

[Jose]

I'd be worried AI does better than my job than I do, and then.

[Brooke]

I go, wait a minute.

[Jose]

Let's inspire Jose. This is way better.

[Brooke]

Yeah, he's paying attention.

[Jeffrey]

This next laser story is out of Couple Up. Buttercup central. Would you say your relationship is an opposites attract scenario? Well, I don't know. You might actually have more in common than you think. Because a new study found opposites attract might just be a big load of crap.

[Brooke]

All I smell is poop.

[Jeffrey]

Really? Apparently, we're way more likely to end up with people that we actually have stuff in common with. Because overall, they found most couples have similar habits and views on more than 80% of things, from stuff like religion and core values to each person's drinking habits.

[Jose]

Oh.

[Alexis]

I mean, it's.

[Brooke]

It's hard to be sober with, like, a raging party or in the relationship. That's not a good balance.

[Jose]

I've never drank in my life, but Bill here, he can't go two minutes without.

[Brooke]

Yeah, that'd be so obnoxious.

[Jeffrey]

And this Might be the most interesting. The study found that extroverts don't necessarily go for other extros.

[Brooke]

Wait, so then that would be an opposite sitch, wouldn't it?

[Jeffrey]

But they're also no more likely to go for introverts either.

[Brooke]

Oh, they just love themselves. I just love myself.

[Jeffrey]

You know, whoever's willing to put up with me, it's a coin flip.

[Brooke]

Oh, there's tales loser.

[Jeffrey]

Bottom line. Bottom line is that they found that opposites attract is definitely overrated. Quote, birds of a feather are indeed more likely to flock together.

[Jose]

Yeah, that's true. I mean, if you like doing all this stuff, you go do it together. You go outdoors.

[Alexis]

Opposites get annoying.

[Jeffrey]

Yeah, yeah, but that saying is only for humans. You know the saying for turtles, right? Uh oh, those that gel together actually shell together.

[Brooke]

Oh, gel sole shoes.

[Jeffrey]

He's gelling right now. Sound means laser stories has come to an end for the day. We'll do it again same time on Monday.

[Announcer]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[Jeffrey]

What's the one thing that can instantly make everything else a hundred times better? Ooh, besides money and alcohol and Taylor Swift?

[Jose]

Warm cookies.

[Jeffrey]

The answer, my friends. Ice cream Butter.

[Jose]

Oh, we were close.

[Brooke]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true, Jeff.

[Jeffrey]

You can add butter to anything and improve it. Use it as a flavor enhancer in your food, as a massage tool on your dates, as a father figure to your children. Listen to butter. Butter knows best. But did you know it can also be used to predict your personality? Because a new study just found the way you butter your toast actually says a lot about who you are as a person. So find out if the predictions match up with your buttering technique. We're going to do it Coming up right after this. What has happened to our food? It's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. More and more we're living in a gluten free, impossible meat, alternative milk type of world.

[Brooke]

Oh, you're coming for oat milk now too, huh?

[Jeffrey]

It's a shame because experts say you can actually tell a lot about a person based on how you butter your toast.

[Brooke]

Oh, interesting.

[Jeffrey]

And I know most people now don't like toast or butter.

[Jose]

Yeah, I was gonna say I stay away from the butter.

[Jeffrey]

Instead, you prefer to spread cucumber oil over your organic flaxseed loaf. But you know what? Either way, psychologists have weighed in and broke down different buttering techniques and what each one says about you as a person.

[Brooke]

I thought there was only one.

[Jeffrey]

There's a lot of different ways to do it. Text in 7 8, 5, 9, 2. Tell us if this accurately describes you and your buttering technique or not. But, Brooke, real quick. How do you like to butter your toast? If you think about it, I'm assuming that you're a busy mom, so you like to butter it fast and dirty, in and out type of thing?

[Brooke]

Oh, no, I make sure every corner is covered a B. It really, really bothers me if you don't get the toast it as soon as it pops up because then you have unmelted butter. And there is nothing worse on toast than unmelted butter.

[Jeffrey]

You're a total coverage type of butter where every square inch of the bread must have butter on it edge to edge.

[Brooke]

I love butter.

[Jose]

I'm not like that at all.

[Jeffrey]

That means you're methodical, precise, and like to be in control all the time. And you're deathly afraid your work will check your browser history so you clear it regularly. Sound about right?

[Brooke]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jose]

There we go.

[Jeffrey]

Don't want anybody that Ashley Madison account popping up.

[Brooke]

Come on now, Jose.

[Jeffrey]

What's your go to buttering style when you're an apartment? To me, you seem like a methodical spreader.

[Jose]

No, see, I'm the opposite. I literally take the butter and I go from upper right corner to bottom left corner in a diagonal motion. A few swipes.

[Jeffrey]

You fit the simple glider technique. Yeah, I casually toss butter on glide it across the blood like once, twice, maybe three times. And that's good enough. That means you're laid back, easygoing, and you don't believe in using contraception.

[Jose]

I don't even know what contraception means.

[Jeffrey]

The simple glider.

[Jose]

And I also don't need it because I'm not having it. Jeff.

[Brooke]

Yeah, I was gonna say, how are you not a father? But then I realized, oh, okay.

[Jose]

I'm alone eating toast by myself.

[Brooke]

I get it now. I get it now.

[Jeffrey]

We're looking at a study that broke down how you butter your bread and what that says about your personality.

[Jose]

And it's been accurate so far.

[Brooke]

Don't even ask Alexis. I know. She doesn't even eat butter.

[Jose]

Jesus.

[Jeffrey]

I'm guessing she's the type that stumbles home at the end of the night and drunkenly dunks the entire bread directly into the butter jar.

[Brooke]

But you're right.

[Alexis]

I don't buy butter.

[Jeffrey]

You don't? Yeah.

[Brooke]

I knew she didn't. I didn't at that age.

[Jeffrey]

So you're not a butter eater.

[Alexis]

It's just kind of like an extra ingredient I got money for. So I just eat bread plates Right.

[Jeffrey]

Well, then I guess you would fit the. Barely there.

[Alexis]

Yeah.

[Brooke]

Okay.

[Jeffrey]

Just enough butter to hardly get the job done. Not a drop.

[April]

Yeah, yeah.

[Alexis]

My roommate has, like, an extra little bit. I'll rub it on, you know.

[Jeffrey]

Okay, let's see. It says. It means you're a go getter.

[Jake]

Oh.

[Jeffrey]

You like to move quickly. You don't waste any time. And you pro. You're a runner. That makes sense.

[Noah]

Yeah.

[Jeffrey]

And you probably have lots of corny motivational sayings and posters up around your house and workspace that help get you through the day.

[Brooke]

Oh, my God.

[Alexis]

I mean, I have hot men above my desk.

[Jeffrey]

Does that count? Does that motivate you to get going?

[Brooke]

I mean, yeah, she works hard for Harry Styles and Michael B. Jordan. Yeah, that's okay.

[Jeffrey]

I'm personally more of a clumper.

[Brooke]

Oh, what does that mean?

[Jeffrey]

Get it on the toast in, like, a couple clumps. And then I like to, like, let my mouth do the spreading. Clumpers involve minimal spreading. Just one or two clumps of butter mashed into the bread. It means you think outside of the box and you like to do things your own way. You also tend to be forgetful and disorganized, but you do have an active libido, and many people adore you.

[Brooke]

I mean, I think you may have added a couple of sentences there for yourself.

[Jeffrey]

Right on point. I mean, almost. Almost said you're basically Prince Charming.

[Jose]

When I hear the words active libido, I think of jazz.

[Brooke]

Yeah. When I heard the words clumper, I think of Jeff.

[Jeffrey]

So right there, we're looking at a study again. It's breaking down how you butter your bread and what it says about you as a person. Oh, man. So some of the ones that we didn't mention because we covered everybody in the room, there's. Would you like some toast with that butter? If you're the type of person who use way more butter than normal to the point you can. Can feel the moisture on the toast.

[Brooke]

My mom, when she makes toast for us, she does it in the pan and she.

[Jose]

Oh, a pan toast.

[Brooke]

And she puts butter on both sides.

[Jeffrey]

I actually have one for that. I'll get to that in a second. But people who like to over butter their toast means you have a happy disposition, you enjoy life, and you don't mind overindulging. But there's a 60% chance you'll spend most of your life alone because you're so sloppy and unpredictable.

[Brooke]

Ouch.

[Jeffrey]

Take the positive with the negative. But good thing she's married. Back to your mom, the Double Sider. Yeah, apparently the Double Sider is a sign of high creativity. You live by your own set of rules and don't mind being the weird one in your friend group or your family.

[Jose]

That's your mom?

[Brooke]

Yeah, that's my mom.

[Jeffrey]

But this is not good. You also struggle with staying faithful. You think more is better both in butter and in lovers.

[Brooke]

You guys, my mom and dad listen to this show together.

[Jose]

Oh, she's eating Home record toast.

[Alexis]

Don't get divorced, please.

[Jeffrey]

Arlene, who are you listening with right now?

[Brooke]

Yeah, which man, I don't know where you found that. Butter Lovers Newsletter.

[Jeffrey]

Yeah, Butter Lovers Weekly.

[Brooke]

It's part of the comfort. Yeah, got it.

[Jeffrey]

That's what your buttering technique says about your personality. Again, text in 78592, let us know if you think it fit. And it was true to who you really are. We got your phone tab.

[Announcer]

Coming up next, Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[Jeffrey]

Today we call a guy who's been working at the same company for a long, long time.

[Brooke]

I feel you, buddy. I feel you.

[Jose]

That's true, Brooke.

[Jeffrey]

Co workers wanted to acknowledge that and honor his years of dedication by setting him up for a prank call. That's why we reach out to tell him, hey, congrats, he's retiring. The problem is he doesn't know about that.

[Brooke]

Oh.

[Jeffrey]

Till we come up with a very special way to deliver the news. It's your phone tab.

[Announcer]

Right now, it's another phone tap.

[Jeffrey]

Weekday mornings on the 20th.

[Douglas]

Hello?

[Jose]

Hi, is this Douglas?

[Douglas]

Yeah. Who's calling?

[Jeffrey]

Oh, it's him. Hello? Hello? Hello.

[Jose]

Douglas?

[Douglas]

Hello? Do I know you?

[Jose]

Hello and good day to you, Douglas. We are the Good News Trio.

[Jeffrey]

Trio.

[Brooke]

Trio.

[Jeffrey]

Trio. What?

[Jose]

Gotta put a little flare on that one.

[Noah]

Okay.

[Douglas]

I've never gotten one of these before.

[Jeffrey]

Hey.

[Jose]

Well, today is your lucky day. Are you ready, Doug?

[Noah]

Sure.

[Jose]

All right. Are you ready, gang?

[Jeffrey]

That's right.

[Brooke]

Let's go.

[Jose]

Happy retirement.

[Jeffrey]

Happy retirement.

[Alexis]

Happy retirement.

[Jose]

You're doing more work.

[Noah]

Wait, wait.

[Douglas]

But I'm not retiring.

[Jose]

Well, not yet.

[Jeffrey]

A little early on it. We know.

[Jose]

No more work. No more work. It feels good to say.

[Brooke]

Yeah. You're retiring, Douglas.

[Jeffrey]

Oh, man.

[Douglas]

No, no, no. I. I just got a new trailer. I. No, I. I'm not retiring.

[Jeffrey]

Hold on. Is this.

[Noah]

Is this the right guy?

[Jeffrey]

I thought.

[Jose]

Did we screw up?

[Jeffrey]

Did we screw up?

[Brooke]

Did we screw up?

[Jeffrey]

Up.

[Jose]

Sorry about the singing, by the way. It's kind of a habit. We just do it.

[Jeffrey]

We work together a lot, so it just kind of comes. It's not enough.

[Brooke]

If you ask me, though, you aren't so funny.

[Douglas]

God, I love you, but you guys did mess up. You got the wrong person.

[Jose]

Hold on, let me check the paperwork. Yeah, this is a Douglas from insurance. Is that correct?

[Douglas]

Yeah, that's me, but I'm not retiring.

[Jose]

Right guy, folks?

[Douglas]

No, no.

[Brooke]

Right guy.

[Jose]

Right gu.

[Douglas]

No, you guys have the wrong guy. I'm not retiring.

[Brooke]

Oh.

[Jeffrey]

Oh.

[Brooke]

Maybe he doesn't know.

[Jose]

Does he not know yet?

[Jeffrey]

I told you, his management was very specific. We shouldn't call him before Friday. Do you think that's the problem?

[Douglas]

Oh, hey, I can hear you. I'm still on the line, Doug.

[Jeffrey]

Pretend you didn't hear that, Irma.

[Douglas]

But I did hear that. You're saying management had you do this?

[Brooke]

Douglas, I think you need to focus on the important things right now.

[Douglas]

Yeah, I am focused on the important things. You're saying I'm being forced out?

[Brooke]

No, I'm saying life is but a dream.

[Alexis]

It's what you make it.

[Brooke]

Aarp, sailboats and discount movie tickets.

[Douglas]

Stop freaking singing. You sound like, like, dying cats.

[Jose]

That's our job.

[Brooke]

Come on now, Jug.

[Jeffrey]

Too excited for retirement? Probably.

[Brooke]

You know, retirees love hard candy.

[Jose]

Oh, yeah, they do.

[Douglas]

I don't. And I'm not retiring.

[Brooke]

And a one and a two.

[Jeffrey]

Oh, lollipop, lollipop. Oh, loll, lollipop.

[Douglas]

Oh, my God.

[Jose]

Lollipop, loll, lolly, loll, lollipop, lolli, lo.

[Douglas]

Please, like, can you just talk to me?

[Jeffrey]

We are talking to you, Doug. Yeah, we're talking to you and telling you you get to enjoy hard candies. Instead of clocking in, you're going to be clocking Werther's till you die, you idiot.

[Douglas]

I'm trying to tell you I'm not leaving this company, and as far as I know, I'm not leaving.

[Brooke]

Oh, gosh.

[Jeffrey]

Oh.

[Jake]

Oh.

[Brooke]

We should just tell them.

[Jeffrey]

Oh, you think?

[Douglas]

Tell me what? Don't you think you've done enough?

[Jose]

It's a prank call.

[Jeffrey]

It's a prank call.

[Alexis]

It's a prank a.

[Jose]

It's a PR baby.

[Jeffrey]

What?

[Douglas]

What do you.

[Brooke]

You mean you're not retiring? Nobody's forcing you to do anything. Douglas, this is actually Brook, Jose and Jeffrey for Brook and Jeffrey in the Morning.

[Jeffrey]

What's up, man?

[Brooke]

Oh, you poor thing.

[Jose]

Can you hear the relief? Yeah.

[Jeffrey]

Your co workers, Tanisha and Lane, set you up because they said you've been working at the company for almost 20 years now. They thought it'd be funny to say that you're going into early retirement.

[Jose]

Force him out.

[Brooke]

That was nice, Jeffrey.

[Jeffrey]

Do you want to retire now?

[Douglas]

Yeah, maybe. But I got a ring there next first.

[Jeffrey]

You can hire us for that, too.

[Brooke]

Choke him out.

[Jeffrey]

Choke him out.

[Announcer]

Wake up every morning. Morning with phone tabs. Weekday mornings on the 20s. Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[Jeffrey]

It's almost time for your second date update. And there's a danger in these segments when we have people reach out who are longtime listeners. Oh, and today one guy came on the show and made a bold request.

[Brooke]

Oh.

[Jeffrey]

Before we even called the other person. And it had to do with our own Brook Fox. Was it a fair ask?

[Brooke]

No.

[Jeffrey]

Absolutely no. Did Brooke take it a fair offensively? Absolutely, yes. You're gonna hear what he wanted.

[Jose]

Oh, boy.

[Jeffrey]

It made Brooke so upset.

[Brooke]

Like, come on.

[Jeffrey]

You're gonna hear it in a brand new off the rails second date update. Yeah, that's coming up right after this second date update. We've got a loyal listener to the show who says he's been tuning into our second dates for years.

[Brooke]

That's so cool. Thank you.

[Jeffrey]

And one of his worst fears finally came true.

[Brooke]

Oh, no.

[Jeffrey]

He had to email us to be in one of his own. His name is Noah. So let's talk to him. Noah, I'm happy you're here, even if you're not. Glad you came to us for help. How are you doing today?

[Noah]

I'm pretty good. How are you guys doing?

[Brooke]

I mean, it is such a double edged sword, right? Like you want to be part of the show, but then you don't.

[Noah]

Yeah. Be careful what you wish for, right?

[Brooke]

Totally. Totally.

[Jeffrey]

Well, we'll try to make this as seamless and gentle on you as possible. Let's start with the girl that you met recently. What's her name?

[Noah]

April.

[Brooke]

April.

[Jeffrey]

Okay.

[Jose]

All right.

[Brooke]

Strong start. You almost forgot it. I appreciate that.

[Noah]

Now I just nervous on the air. It's weird, but.

[Brooke]

No, you're good. You're good, man.

[Jeffrey]

You're doing great. So far, our ratings have never been higher, so thank you.

[Jose]

30 seconds in, Jeff.

[Jeffrey]

I'm feeling good about it already, so let's keep going. How did you meet April?

[Noah]

We met off an app. Dating app.

[Jeffrey]

Oh, our ratings just plummeted. You're going to need to be more fun.

[Brooke]

We had that moment.

[Jose]

By the way, we have a live ratings meter.

[Brooke]

Okay, wait, how did you strike up conversation with her?

[Noah]

The cool thing about apps, if you do them right, you have little bios and you can get a little nuggets from there. And I was able to kind of tap into a couple things I saw, and it was fun, but, okay. She was funny. You know, she doesn't take things too seriously and has a. That kind of fun perspective on life, and that's kind of how I roll. It's. I'd like to think that's me.

[Brooke]

Oh, that's interesting. I mean, that's a cool thing. Like, you guys match up. Your vibes are similar. Right.

[Noah]

When you're using the apps. Right. That's how they work.

[Douglas]

Right.

[Jeffrey]

So, yeah, that's awesome.

[Jose]

So wait, you're, like, attributing like, that you believed everything in her bio. Everything in your bio is legit and everything checked out?

[Noah]

Well, you know, it's funny when she says something like that. She loves to sing. I would think that would be a weird thing to lie about.

[Jeffrey]

She's a singer, okay.

[Brooke]

Hey, I love to sing, and that does not mean that you have to be good at it.

[Jeffrey]

Okay.

[Noah]

This is a good segue, actually, so. Oh, I just said, hey, can I take you somewhere to go sing? And she got excited.

[Brooke]

So, like, karaoke, right? Like, what is the other option?

[Noah]

Well, yeah, karaoke would have been.

[Douglas]

Bro.

[Noah]

I chose. I chose a baseball game.

[Brooke]

A baseball game.

[Jose]

A baseball game.

[Brooke]

Because of the seventh inning stretch.

[Noah]

Yes. I know in retrospect, it's regretful, but that's. That's exactly it. Of course, she was bored out of her mind, and I just. I don't know, maybe I built it up too much or something about the singing part, and that's on me.

[Jeffrey]

No. I know you can't see Brooke right now in the studio, but she has never looked more confused and concerned in her entire life.

[Brooke]

It's just the connection between baseball and singing.

[Jose]

Yeah.

[Brooke]

That's wild. I've never heard anyone make that connection. Like, do you go that hard with Take Me out to the Ball Game that you consider it a performance?

[Jeffrey]

Do you not go that hard with it?

[Douglas]

Brooke, you know, it's something that is.

[Noah]

Fun and interactive and. And. And quite honestly, like, the singing's there kind of as an option, but, like, if she didn't want to, she didn't have to.

[Brooke]

A baseball game is a great date. It's just like, if she didn't know that's where she was going. Did you tell her?

[Noah]

Not so much. I was just trying to keep it mysterious and, you know, cool and have a little guessing game. And, I mean, I went. I was all in. I was, like, superstitious with the specific.

[Brooke]

Chairs, the softest, like, for your teeth, I think.

[Noah]

Yeah, I was really into it. I just.

[Jeffrey]

I Think this is great. Great. Don't listen to everybody, like, trying to poke holes in your date idea and say that it was horrible or, like, not well, put it.

[Brooke]

He said it was a bad idea.

[Jeffrey]

He's not getting a call back right now, so he thinks maybe that was the reason. We don't know, and he doesn't know.

[Noah]

Well, here's the deal. I thought she would be playful with it and think it was cute, cool, whatever. But no, it was more. It was more eye rollish.

[Brooke]

But eye roll.

[Jose]

Eye rollish isn't good.

[Brooke]

Did you guys make it to the seventh inning stretch to finally get to the singing?

[Alexis]

That's a long time.

[Brooke]

Yeah.

[Douglas]

And.

[Noah]

And she was like, when are we singing?

[Jeffrey]

So is it something, like. She doesn't know that in baseball, the seventh inning, like, in between, everybody sings a song together.

[Noah]

She did not know that.

[Douglas]

No.

[Jeffrey]

Okay, this is gonna be.

[Noah]

That's why I thought that would be cool.

[Alexis]

Alexa, I didn't know that.

[Jose]

I know.

[Brooke]

That's what I'm saying, but now that you say it.

[Alexis]

I've seen it happen.

[Jeffrey]

But I didn't know.

[Alexis]

It's a good thing. People look forward to.

[Jose]

Yeah.

[Jeffrey]

Everyone's so happy, all of a sudden.

[Jose]

It'S a weird lacrosse game.

[Noah]

Okay, here's the deal. You know, you guys have done. It's very, like, contagious. And you get there and. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was more just a symbolic gesture, right?

[Jeffrey]

Like.

[Brooke]

Okay, okay. Did you have any fun?

[Noah]

Yeah, I mean, I did have fun, but she didn't really have fun, which is what.

[Jeffrey]

Why?

[Brooke]

Okay, so you just want to redo?

[Noah]

Yeah, that's a great word. I'd love a redo. And I need some help, you know, convincing her to do that, but I kind of have a rule for Brooke.

[Douglas]

Oh.

[Jose]

Someone listens to the show a lot.

[Brooke]

Okay, stop you right there, sir. I do not listen to rules.

[Jeffrey]

Brooke, just hear it. Just hear him out, okay?

[Jose]

He.

[Jeffrey]

He's a big listener to our show. He deserves.

[Noah]

Heard you say this on the show to some of the guys. Like, don't say, oh, how much he loves spending time with you. Or he had such a great time with you. Like, don't make me sound simpish, you.

[Jeffrey]

Know, don't say that.

[Brooke]

He liked you.

[Jeffrey]

Ew, Bro. Yeah.

[Noah]

Why does me, like, just make me sound.

[Jose]

Yeah, it's a new thing girls do not like.

[Brooke]

I see. Like, he's pretty indifferent.

[Jose]

Yeah.

[Noah]

Yeah.

[Jose]

You play hard to get.

[Brooke]

He's got so many options.

[Alexis]

That's why he called a radio show.

[Jose]

Alexa, we're talking.

[Jeffrey]

I mean, this is going to be the easiest second date we ever done. If you talk like that to her when we get April on the phone.

[Jose]

Seriously?

[Brooke]

God, I wouldn't go out with him.

[Jeffrey]

Yeah, I think you're leaning too much the other way now.

[Brooke]

That guy's the worst.

[Jeffrey]

Okay, now you're jumping off the deep end. We need to find the happy medium when we come back and reach out to April for your second date update. We'll do it right after this. Hold on. Second date update? We're in the middle of a second date update, and for maybe the first time ever, one of our listeners made a polite request of Brooke.

[Jose]

Was gonna be a thing.

[Brooke]

Now, I am not the one that ruins dates for people.

[Jeffrey]

Okay, you're screaming already and we're barely even.

[Brooke]

That was not a scream.

[Jeffrey]

Well, whatever it is, I just. Just hear this. This out.

[Brooke]

That is my laughing. That is my disappointed voice.

[Jeffrey]

Okay, all right, well, even that, it's coming off a little harsh because he has asked if Brooke can please, if we get this girl on the phone, not make him sound like a total.

[Brooke]

Simp by simply just not saying that.

[Alexis]

He likes her, he's going to regret he didn't ask you to stop saying other things. Besides that. I feel like there's worse.

[Brooke]

Alexis, I don't need anyone to pile on. Right?

[Jeffrey]

Wow, Noah. Noah is a regular listener to our show and he's noticed that sometimes your sales pitch can make the guy sound a little bit desperate.

[Jose]

Brooke, it is so funny. I wish you could see just the way guys.

[Brooke]

A little bit desperate already.

[Jeffrey]

See, this is not a good look right here.

[Brooke]

No, I can do this.

[Jeffrey]

From what I could understand, Noah wants you to make him sound like he is just a regular dude. He's a little confused. Just wants to know what's up. But hey, not a big deal either way. No, Noah, is that right?

[Noah]

That's exactly on the nose right now.

[Brooke]

Okay, when it comes to chill, I am the chillest.

[Alexis]

Okay, you don't want Brooke to make you sound cool.

[Brooke]

Don't ask me. I hype Alexis up all the time and look how cool people think she is.

[Alexis]

I think people think I'm cool.

[Jeffrey]

Okay, well, no, we're gonna try our best, but I'm dialing April's number right now. Here we go.

[April]

Hello?

[Jeffrey]

Hey, we're looking to speak with April.

[April]

This is April.

[Jeffrey]

Hey, April, thanks for picking up the phone.

[Brooke]

Yeah, that seems like a little much. Jeffrey.

[April]

Oh, more of there's more than one of you.

[Brooke]

Hey, good morning.

[Jose]

Hi, we're not addressed what she just.

[Announcer]

What's happening?

[April]

Do I know you?

[Jeffrey]

I don't know if you know us. We're. We're a radio show called Rook and Jeffrey in the Morning.

[Brooke]

I'd say hi, April, but I don't know if I'm allowed to.

[Jeffrey]

I don't know.

[Brooke]

I don't know how not to be myself.

[Jeffrey]

You don't have to say anything. Just.

[Brooke]

Hey. Sup, April?

[Jeffrey]

April.

[Jose]

I said, sup, April.

[April]

I'm so confused.

[Brooke]

Oh, my God.

[Jeffrey]

I'm sorry. We do a segment on this show. Show. It's called Second Date Update.

[April]

Okay.

[Jeffrey]

Most people to have that reaction when we tell them second Date Update, but I don't know if you've heard of it.

[April]

I. I mean, I've seen it on Tick Tock.

[Brooke]

Cool.

[Jose]

We're pretty viral.

[Jeffrey]

Nice. Okay.

[Brooke]

I mean, it's not that big of a deal though.

[Jose]

No, it's chill.

[Jeffrey]

You could always like, scroll up if.

[Jose]

You don't want to watch them.

[April]

I mean, I do usually scroll past them because I hate a two parter.

[Brooke]

Okay, well, just go to the podcast and you can get all of it together.

[Alexis]

Brooke, that sounds desperate for it.

[Brooke]

No, it's problem solving, Alexis.

[Jeffrey]

Okay. You know, podcast and all that stuff aside, Tik tok, whatever. What we're more focused on is one of our listeners who's been trying to get a hold of you. His name is Noah.

[April]

Like the guy went on a date with recently.

[Jose]

Yeah.

[Jeffrey]

Yeah.

[Jose]

Okay.

[Jeffrey]

Yeah. And Brooke, why don't you tell April about Noah? Here we go.

[Brooke]

No, it's cool. He's got a lot of options and he just like, wondering why you're not calling him back.

[Jeffrey]

There we go.

[April]

Wait, hold on. You guys just called me to tell me that Noah has other options?

[Jeffrey]

No, that said that.

[Brooke]

Yeah, he's just chill, you know, he doesn't. He doesn't really care one way or the other.

[Jeffrey]

Okay? He has a little bit of stake in the game.

[April]

Am I being pranked right now?

[Jose]

What's happening?

[Jeffrey]

I can understand why you would think that, but that's not what's happening. We. We just want to know what your take was. Was about your hangout with Noah the other day.

[April]

I mean, I thought it was bad.

[Jose]

Or he was.

[Alexis]

Wait, I think it was all.

[Brooke]

No, the question is, when did you start thinking it was bad?

[April]

I mean, pretty much as soon as we got there because I guess he was trying to surprise me. But he. I mean, he told me he was going to take me somewhere to sing because he, like, looked at my profile and we had talked about, like, I like to sing, and I, like, used to perform, and I don't anymore, anymore. So I thought it would be like, karaoke or an open mic night or something. And he. We. It was a baseball game.

[Brooke]

Yeah, he knows. I mean, we made it clear that he messed that up.

[April]

I mean, honestly, I hate sports. Like, I just. I will never be impressed by watching somebody throw or catch or hit a ball. Like, I couldn't care less. I need a plot if I'm going to be watching people do something.

[Jeffrey]

I think we get it. You didn't like his choice of date, and that's totally fine. You're allowed to feel that way. But we were more wanting. Wondering, what did you think about Noah? Like, as a person?

[Brooke]

Yeah. Did he attempt to help you understand the game, or was he just fun.

[Jeffrey]

To, like, chat with?

[April]

Yeah, I mean, not really. A baseball game is kind of a bad situation for a first date because, like, you're not even facing each other, and then I'm like, am I supposed to be talking to you or am I supposed to be watching the ball? Like, what?

[Alexis]

Yeah, I have heard that from a lot.

[April]

I mean, I don't go to games, so I don't know what the vibe is.

[Jeffrey]

Gotcha. Okay, look, April, I know this is kind of a weird thing where we just blindside you and ask you all these questions, so thank you for opening up to us. The one thing that you may or may not realize is Noah is also here on the other line listening to this conversation.

[April]

Oh, great.

[Brooke]

Oh, she never listens to part two.

[Jose]

That's right.

[Jeffrey]

She skips over Tik tok. This is actually the fun part, April.

[April]

Where Noah jumps in being pranked.

[Jeffrey]

No, it's not a prank. It's not a prank.

[Jose]

Like a small portion.

[Brooke]

Yeah, no, now's your time to come in and act cool.

[Jeffrey]

Go ahead, Noah. Hey.

[Noah]

Hey, April, it's Noah. How are you?

[April]

I mean, weird, I guess.

[Noah]

Sorry. It is weird. The date was weird. Everything's weird.

[April]

It is weird.

[Noah]

No, well, and listen, on that. On that note, let me just. This is something I've been hoping to say to you. So I knew that singing was just something you love to do, and I was not trying to put pressure on you. I was trying to do the exact opposite by taking you somewhere to do something in your comfort zone and have fun. And I'm, you know, I'm like. I'm glad, though, that I was able to hear how you felt, because it helps put things in perspective for me.

[Brooke]

That was some emotional maturity. Right there.

[Jeffrey]

Are you into emotional maturity, April?

[April]

Um, sure. I just. I am confused about you saying you picked a place based on my interest and singing being the specific thing and choosing a baseball game.

[Noah]

I understand. And obviously, looking back on it, it wasn't the smartest thing. I was trying to do something unique, something safe.

[Jeffrey]

So just real quick, what I'm hearing from April is she really wanted to sing on their date.

[Brooke]

She had her heart set on it.

[Alexis]

Yeah.

[Brooke]

I mean, that's. You know how that can feel.

[Jeffrey]

Totally. So this is what I'd like to offer, and it's 100% up to her, but in front of a nationwide audience, listening all across the country. April.

[Brooke]

Pressure.

[Jeffrey]

April, seriously, no pressure. We would like to give you the chance to sing right now on our show, finally get it out there and show Noah what he missed out on. Again, it's totally up to you. You can do it or not do it, but here's your shot.

[Jose]

She sounds excited.

[April]

I mean, I wanted to sing last week and I didn't get to, so I. I mean, I guess it's better late than never.

[Jose]

All right, sing Take Me out to the Ball Game in three.

[Jeffrey]

Well, maybe a non sports one for her.

[Brooke]

I don't even know that she ever knew that. That song.

[Jeffrey]

You sing whatever's in your heart.

[April]

Okay. Something's got a hold of me lately.

[Brooke]

Okay.

[April]

I don't know myself anymore.

[Jose]

Wow.

[Brooke]

There you go. I want to go to open mic with you. Yeah.

[Noah]

Amazing. Amazing.

[Brooke]

Dude, that was sexy. That was hot. That was like a turtle.

[Noah]

That was hot. Yeah.

[April]

It helps that my voice is a little scratchy today. It makes me sound bad for that song.

[Noah]

Yeah, you just did it on the fly. That's crazy impressive.

[Jeffrey]

So, April, I know this has been a lot, but we would like to send you out on another date. It could be like a karaoke date, or we could do something.

[April]

Wait, hold on just a second.

[Jeffrey]

What?

[April]

You're acting me out for him? Noah, stand up. Ask me yourself. Tell me you're taking me to karaoke. And I want sushi, too.

[Brooke]

I like this girl. Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Jeffrey]

Okay.

[Brooke]

Get him.

[Jeffrey]

No. I guess you're up.

[Noah]

April, will you please go out on another date with me and have some sushi? Have some fun? And please sing as well. Please.

[Jeffrey]

We'll do Carolina karaoke and we'll pay for it.

[April]

Fine.

[Brooke]

I love it.

[Jeffrey]

All right. Congratulations.

[Noah]

Thank you, guys.

[Douglas]

Thank you.

[Noah]

April and Brook, thank you. And I think you kind of came through for me there. I'll take it.

[Brooke]

That was so hard for me.

[Jeffrey]

She didn't throw a guy underneath the table. Well done, bro.

[Brooke]

I never threw one of the tables.

[April]

I want to tell them how much that they are like.

[Jeffrey]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. All right, here's the good news. Yeah, they said yes.

[Brooke]

Oh, my God. I want an update from them. I mean, I'll be really cool about it, but I really want an update for them.

[Jose]

I want an update. Or not.

[Brooke]

Like, yeah, I thought they were so cute.

[Jose]

They were.

[Jeffrey]

It turned out to be actually a good match. The bad news, though, and this isn't necessarily for me, me, but there are 15 more requests on the text board from guys wanting Brooke to do something better or improve in the second date update.

[Jose]

I knew we were going to open that game.

[Brooke]

Listen, I'm not listening to any of y', all, okay? I live by my own rules, and I am myself. I can't help it. I can't be anybody else, Jeff. It's just who I am.

[Jeffrey]

No one's asking you to be anybody else. Just a better version of you.

[Brooke]

There is no cool or chill inside this body, and you know it.

[Jeffrey]

I say any feedback is good feedback. Right, bro? They're invested in you and your success. All they want to see you do is be good.

[Brooke]

Block.

[Jeffrey]

Okay, well, you can still try. Doubt she'll listen, but keep your requests coming in to 78592. If you want help with your dating life, email the show. We'll call that person who's not calling you back. And go check out all of our second day podcasts wherever you get yours at. Brooke and Jeffrey, we're up on YouTube, so go subscribe. And also Apple, Spotify, anywhere. We're chill about it.

[Brooke]

Yeah, it doesn't sound like it right now, Jeff.

[Jeffrey]

Totally.

[Announcer]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[Jeffrey]

You know, I think back over the last decade that I've worked at this station, and other than that Coupon for the 50 off holiday ham, that. Which that may have been back in 2015. I don't quite.

[Brooke]

I remember that.

[Jose]

Oh, yeah.

[Jeffrey]

But I don't think they give us gifts anymore.

[Alexis]

No, I've not come since I've been here.

[Jeffrey]

Other than, you know, the no Booze holiday party that they throw for us every year, which I guess we're supposed to be excited about.

[Jose]

Pizza pockets.

[Brooke]

By the way, the no Booze holiday party didn't even have coffee.

[Alexis]

I went to try and get a.

[Brooke]

Cup of coffee and I was like, what?

[Alexis]

I think it was just soda.

[Jose]

No, they don't even trust a punch bowl in case someone spikes it.

[Alexis]

I Don't know.

[Jeffrey]

But maybe we're the lucky ones. Because a list just. Just came out of the worst gifts a company's ever given people instead of a regular Christmas bonus. And you're not gonna believe what number one is. Brooke, you're really gonna like this. It's coming up right after this. It's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. And if you work in an office, everybody's getting back from break and asking each other, how was your time off? Did you go anywhere? Did you have a fling with the mall Santa again? What'd you get for crew Christmas this year?

[Jose]

A lot. Because I had a fling with them all.

[Brooke]

I mean, Santa pay is good.

[Jeffrey]

That's when the whispers start. Like, did you see what the company got us for our holiday bonus this year?

[Brooke]

Oh, yeah.

[Jeffrey]

And that's why a brand new survey just came out asking people for the worst gifts their company ever gave them at the end of the year.

[Jose]

Oh, my gosh. I have one. Tell me when I can add mine to the list.

[Brooke]

We all have one in this room, and I don't know if you remember the one. I'm thinking enough.

[Jeffrey]

Well, we might be able to get to that. But let's go over the top answers from this survey. Number seven says, one time, everyone got a $1 lottery ticket with a note attached saying we have to share if we win.

[Jose]

They don't even want to risk losing.

[Brooke]

Please sign note so that it is authentic.

[Jeffrey]

It's a verbal contract.

[Jose]

That is so funny.

[Jeffrey]

Number six. My mom's boss gave everyone a pen. Not a nice one. A really crappy, normal ballpoint pen. He printed her name out on white printer paper and scotch taped it down the side. They say this sounds made up, even to me as I type it, but it's still in our junk drawer.

[Brooke]

It's a prize pen, man.

[Jake]

Yeah.

[Noah]

You know what?

[Jeffrey]

You always need a pen.

[Brooke]

Sure. Did we get anything this year as a company holiday thing? Did they do chocolates this year? Are they in my mailbox and I haven't?

[Jose]

Yeah, they did. They did. Our CEO gave us chocolates again. Those are always.

[Brooke]

There's four chocolates.

[Jose]

Yeah, they're very nice chocolate.

[Jeffrey]

Are they? Yeah. Oh, they're pretty good.

[Jose]

But there's four of them, so they're gone in, like, one bite.

[Jeffrey]

Number five. One year, they gave everyone a bottle of wine and a wine glass that had different sayings written on them, specifically chosen for each of us.

[Brooke]

Okay.

[Jeffrey]

Mine said, if you touch my wine, I'll punch you in the throat.

[Brooke]

I just. I just had A feeling that there was an HR vibe violation coming up. Said personalized wine glasses, they say, by.

[Jeffrey]

The way, this is at a health care company that provides care to disabled children.

[Jose]

Oh, my God.

[Brooke]

I was laughing till the end. It was terrible.

[Jeffrey]

We're talking about a survey that found the worst gifts that people ever receive from their company. Instead of a holiday bonus, number four says for the holidays, our bosses gave us an efficiency advent calendar where behind every door store, there was a tip on how we could be more productive at work, including answering emails during lunch.

[Brooke]

Suddenly, our four box of ch. Our four chocolates was looking better.

[Jeffrey]

Seriously, perspective is everything on these. Number three. One year, we all got leftover promotional giveaway mugs. Oh, yeah, Mine had a picture of a stapler, and it said, whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my word. That one's good. That's actually.

[Alexis]

How do those words fit on a mug?

[Brooke]

Like Microsoft Word.

[Jeffrey]

Microsoft Word is one of the features in Microsoft Office.

[Jose]

I would just stop me, honestly.

[Jeffrey]

Microsoft Word is the one that you type all the. The things in.

[Jose]

I would stop.

[Brooke]

I love PC jokes, but hold on.

[Jose]

Speaking of promotions, I was a server, okay, A long time ago. And our company. Company gave us. And I. It was so funny. They buy their bottles in bulk, obviously, for the bar. And these bottles from, like, Smirnoff came with covers just for the bottle. Like, oh, those are so cute.

[Alexis]

The sweaters and stuff.

[Jeffrey]

No, no, no.

[Jose]

It's just a plastic, like, container to put a bottle in. It doesn't have any use. It's not like a martini shake or anything.

[Jeffrey]

Okay.

[Jose]

And it just is like. And they gave all of the free plastic promotional.

[Brooke]

Not the bottle of alcohol.

[Jose]

Not the bottle of alcohol. They just gave us all. All like, here you go. Merry Christmas. And we're like, these literally just came with the shipment of liquor. We saw these.

[Brooke]

Merry Christmas. We unloaded them.

[Jose]

What did we do with these?

[Jeffrey]

Anyway, let's go back to the list. Number two, former teacher here. The principal gave me a single white piece of copy paper with a Lifesaver mint stapled to it and a printed note saying, you were a lifesaver this year.

[Brooke]

Put it in a hard.

[Jeffrey]

And the number one, worst holiday gift someone got from their work, according to this survey. Says last year, the owner of our company decided to give the men and women different gifts.

[Brooke]

Oh, no.

[Jose]

Oh, that doesn't sound right.

[Jeffrey]

Already problematic. Says all the guys received personalized bottles of craft whiskey.

[Brooke]

Oh, okay, I want in on that.

[Jeffrey]

The women, we all received an autograph photo of David Hasselhoff.

[Brooke]

Shut up. Shut up. Get out.

[Jeffrey]

Not the young David. David in his 60s.

[Jose]

Chomping David Hasselhoff.

[Jeffrey]

A signed autograph photo of the Hoff. That's worth way more than a bottle of craft whiskey.

[Brooke]

I was gonna talk about the year we got bogo. Bogo coupon. Buy one, get one to a barbecue place. Do you remember that?

[Jose]

Oh, I don't because I threw it away.

[Brooke]

Yeah, the HOF beats it.

[Jeffrey]

Yeah, that's probably the worst of all time, but I don't know, maybe one of our listeners can beat it.

[Jose]

Oh, I bet they can.

[Brooke]

Text us. Don't you dare text us your good holiday gifts, okay? We don't want jealousy.

[Jose]

I work for a small private company.

[Brooke]

We all got helicopter R. Text in.

[Jeffrey]

To 7859 to tell us what is the worst gift that you ever got from your company right before the holidays? I can't wait to read some of these.

[Announcer]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[Jeffrey]

All right, Brooke, New day, new game, new mentality. New player you're gonna be taking on. Her name is Jessica from Sammamish. Hello, Jessica.

[April]

Hi there.

[Brooke]

What's new about you today, Jessica? New pair of underwear on today?

[April]

No. All of us can say that I'm not doing great on my New year's resolution to change out of my pajamas before noon at least three days a week.

[Jose]

Okay, well, I'll allow it. I like it.

[Brooke]

We can't expect much of ourselves.

[Jose]

Yeah, you can fail at that one. That sounds fun, actually.

[Jeffrey]

All right, we're gonna send Brooke out of the studio while that happens. Jessica, you know the game's played. You have 30 seconds to answer as many questions as possible. If you don't know when, you can say pass, but you have to be Brooke outright to win. Are you ready?

[April]

I am.

[Jeffrey]

All right, good luck. Your time starts now. In 1908, on this day, what president declared the Grand Canyon a national monument? Was it McKinley Roosevelt, or Taft?

[Noah]

Roosevelt.

[Jeffrey]

What dessert topping is simply made of egg whites and sugar whipped together.

[Noah]

Meringue.

[Jeffrey]

Does the human heart weigh more or less than one pound More? Which famed university is home to the fighting Irish? Notre Dame, A cork, a double, and a double bull? Are all terms you'd hear associated with what game starts. All right, got that in. We're gonna bring Brooke back into the studio. And what else do you have planned for the new year, Jessica, for yourself?

[April]

My birthday's on Groundhog day, so that's.

[Noah]

About what I'm looking forward for.

[April]

Now.

[Jeffrey]

Isn't that like April or something?

[Brooke]

No, I think it's February. When's your birthday?

[April]

February 2nd.

[Brooke]

There you go.

[Jeffrey]

Oh, there you go.

[Brooke]

The only one on it when it comes to Groundhog Day.

[Jose]

Hey, does that mean if he sees a shadow, you get to celebrate your birthday again?

[Brooke]

Ooh, I like that.

[Jose]

You know what I'm saying?

[Brooke]

That's a pretty good tradition.

[Noah]

All right, Brooke, let's do it.

[Jeffrey]

It's your turn. You ready?

[Brooke]

Yep.

[Jeffrey]

Your time starts now. In 1908, on this day, what president declared the Grand Canyon a national monument? Was it McKinley, Roosevelt, or Taft?

[Brooke]

Roosevelt.

[Jeffrey]

What dessert topping is simply made of egg whites and sugar whipped together meringue? Does the human heart weigh more or less than £1?

[Brooke]

More.

[Jeffrey]

Which famed university is home to the Fighting Irish?

[Brooke]

Notre Dame.

[Jeffrey]

A cork, a double, and a double bull are all terms you'd hear associated with what game pass. What car company makes the Econoline van?

[Brooke]

Volkswagen.

[Jeffrey]

All right, answers are in. We're going to the scoreboard to check out how you did with Joseph.

[Douglas]

Oh, geez, look at the butt on there.

[Jeffrey]

Yeah, he must work out Balanus.

[Jose]

God, that's my favorite movie. Jessica, you got four correct today.

[Brooke]

Oh, come in with a fire in your PJs, too. Yeah, and your old undies.

[Jose]

And Brook. Yeah, he's not in PJs, but also in old undies. Only three correct.

[Jeffrey]

Okay. Congratulations, Jason.

[Brooke]

And a maniacal laugh on top of it all. Jessica, that hurt.

[Jose]

Good job.

[Jeffrey]

Let's go over the answers here. In 1908, President Teddy Roosevelt declared the Grand Canyon a national monument. The dessert topping made of egg whites and sugar whip together. That's meringue. You guys both got that one. The human heart weighs less than 1 pound. Men's weigh an average of 10 ounces. Women's are 8 ounces.

[Brooke]

My heart's so big, though. That weighs more.

[Jeffrey]

Well, you should get that checked out. The famed university home to the Fighting Irish is Notre Dame. A cork, a double, and a double bull are all associated with darts. A double bull is a double bullseye. A cork also refers to, like, the material that it's made out of.

[Brooke]

I didn't think of it.

[Jeffrey]

And the car company that makes the Econoline van, that would be Ford.

[Brooke]

Ah, I knew that, too. That's where I went wrong.

[Jeffrey]

Shoot, Jessica, New Year, you have a new $100 bill coming to you from Brooke. And just for playing. Playing, you do get some free Brooke and Jeffrey swag.

[April]

Thanks so much. Love you guys.

[Jeffrey]

Thank you for playing. We'll be back to play win Brooks Bucks same time on Monday.

[Announcer]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.