FULL SHOW: Corpse Kiss Date, Jeff vs AI Song + Clover DoorDash Detective (5/13/26)

Summary

Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update

Episode: FULL SHOW: Corpse Kiss Date, Jeff vs AI Song + Clover DoorDash Detective
Date: May 17, 2026
Podcast: iHeartPodcasts

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Episode Overview

The Brooke and Jeffrey team delivers another energetic and chaotic morning show, packed with their signature blend of radio games, satirical news commentary, and the ever-popular "Second Date Update" segment. This episode features infamous dating fails (Corpse Kiss Date), office hijinks (Jeff vs AI Song), and a detective parody phone tap (Clover DoorDash Detective). Their sarcastic banter and unfiltered discussions keep things lively, while listener stories add extra spice.

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Key Segments & Highlights

1. What's On Your Mind?

Timestamps: ~00:00 - 17:48

Notable Moments:

• Brooke's Mother's Day Recap (10:54):
  Brooke recounts a "surprisingly amazing" Mother's Day with just her kids, sharing how they arranged for baked goods through a neighbor and made her heartfelt cards and artwork. Even so, her kids mainly wanted to read their books rather than hang out:
  • "Those little brats wouldn't put their books down to hang out with me." (12:02)
• Jose’s Streamer Dilemma (12:27):
  Jose is asked to play Fortnite with a listener’s 10-year-old son on his 18+ stream. The amusing twist:
  • "Ten minutes in, everyone is behaving themselves except for one person… The kid. This kid is swearing. Like a lot at 10." (13:26)
• Alexis’s Duolingo Research Study (14:12):
  Alexis accepts $100 for a Zoom call about using Duolingo, but her confidence crumbles as she’s forced to fumble through the app while being watched.
• Jeff vs AI Song – “Jeff Takes Forever” (15:48):
  Producer Boyd creates an AI-generated song poking fun at Jeff’s perfectionist nature and slow work style, leading to studio laughter and mockery.
  • “Oh, Jeff takes forever. What a paper drag!” (Song lyric, 17:27)

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2. Famous Steves Game

Timestamps: 04:15 - 09:11

Celebrating Stephen Colbert and Stevie Wonder's birthdays, Digital Jake quizzes the crew on the top 20 most famous Steves. Humor abounds as some answers miss the mark (e.g., Steph Curry not making the list).

• “You hear the name Steve and your first thought is butt firecracker.” - Brooke to Jose (05:45)
• Silver Save winner: Jose

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3. Textboard/Listener Reactions

Timestamps: 17:53 - 20:35

Listeners text in reactions and personal thoughts. One references a previous “Second Date Update” as reminiscent of Brooke and Jeffrey’s dynamic.

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4. Battle of the Tinder Dates

Timestamps: 20:35 - 27:32

Two male contestants, Tumbleweed Reed and Stormtrooper Cooper, trade tales of mind-boggling and hilarious dating disasters.

Highlights:

• Screaming in German at the Gym (21:50):
  "She needs me to scream motivation in German."
• AI Romantic Rivalry (23:28):
  A date admits to another “situationship,” which turns out to be with ChatGPT, who then outperforms the contestant in poetry.
  • “In the end, she has me write her a poem. ChatGPT writes a better one. She breaks up with me.” (23:51)
• The Prom Crasher (25:03):
  A woman invites her date, rents a limo and a gown, to crash an actual high school prom at age 29—but they get turned away.
  • “They turn us away at the door.” (25:50)

Winner: Tumbleweed Reed, crowned the “sad single of the week.”

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5. Phone Tap: Clover DoorDash Detective

Timestamps: 27:32 - 32:41

Jose plays "Clover," a former British black ops agent turned building security, investigating a stolen DoorDash lasagna order. The mock-serious parody covers absurd theories about international snack theft and involves "ranch dressing as the cue."

• "This is a matter of national security. If we don’t act now, millions of innocent lunches will be lost senselessly." (31:31)

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6. Second Date Update: “Corpse Kiss Date”

Timestamps: 33:18 - 49:32

Setup:

Listener Colin seeks help after being ghosted by Paige. They had drinks and pizza at an Irish pub, then an arcade, and ended the night with a burrito and a kiss.

Key Moments & Quotes:

• Colin suspects a faux pas:
  He wonders if asking Paige to cover the second round of drinks or a comment about her height might've “ruined everything.”
• Paige’s side:
  • Offended by mention that Colin “usually dates younger women.”
  • Not thrilled at being asked to get a round of drinks:
    • “My mantra is, broke boys never win, so.” (44:22)
  • He comments, "I thought you had model legs from your Tinder picture," making her self-conscious.
  • Paige describes the goodnight kiss as “like kissing a dead body.” (46:12)
• Clash on the call:
  • Colin shoots back: “Kissing her was like kissing somebody on life support. Like she wasn’t giving me anything.” (47:34)
• No second date:
  They both withdraw any interest; Colin vows to quit Tinder.

Memorable quote:

• “After that call ended, we got an email from Colin saying he wishes he was gay or dead after that experience. And he says, why not both?” (49:35)

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7. Other Fun Segments

Baby Name Trends

Timestamps: 50:44 - 52:19

• Top names: Olivia & Liam.
• Fastest-rising: Kasai (boys), Clarity (girls).

Laser Stories (Weird News Rapid-Fire)

Timestamps: 52:55 - 60:44

• Alligator mating on a listener’s porch (“shredded their way through the mesh… biting each other seductively” 53:55)
• Tiffany’s jewel thief swallows the loot.
• NBC turning Wordle into a game show.
• Viral Diet Coke party in India.

Win Brooke’s Bucks

Timestamps: 61:15 - 66:46

• Listener Linda calls in from a park before flying to Tanzania, seeking redemption after a losing streak.
• Fun animal facts: “Bush babies—look like a monkey with a raccoon body… they only come out at night.” (63:15)

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Notable Quotes

• Brooke, on her kids’ bookworm ways: “Those little brats wouldn’t put their books down to hang out with me.” (12:02)
• Jose, about the cursing Fortnite 10-year-old: “This kid is swearing, like a lot at 10.” (13:26)
• Digital Jake on the "Steve" game’s inspiration: "You'll be identifying the top 20 most famous Steves of all time in a special Steve edition of Plenty of 20..." (04:19)
• Jeff, on slow production: “In reality, it takes a lot of work every single day to put this together.” (15:48)
• AI Song lyric: "Oh, Jeff takes forever. What a paper drag!" (17:27)
• Paige, on Colin: “He also had just finished a huge burrito that he was eating in my car... And no lie, you guys, it was like kissing a dead body.” (46:00-46:12)

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Conclusion

This episode delivers the show’s full range: real-life dating disasters, in-studio pranks, interactive games, and wildly entertaining listener stories. The tone remains irreverent and self-deprecating, as the team pokes fun at themselves, each other, and the wider world of dating and office life. The centerpiece “Second Date Update” once again spotlights just how spectacularly awkward modern dating can be—while making sure listeners don’t miss a laugh.

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Additional Timestamps for Easy Navigation

• "Steve" Game: 04:15 – 09:11
• What's On Your Mind: 10:54 – 17:48
• "Jeff Takes Forever" AI Song: 15:48 – 17:37
• Battle of the Tinder Dates: 20:35 – 27:32
• Phone Tap (Clover DoorDash Detective): 27:32 – 32:41
• Second Date Update (Corpse Kiss): 33:18 – 49:32

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(For the full show, exclusive content, and past episodes, check the official podcast links)

Transcript

[A]

Okay, it's a Wednesday and you know what that means. We have a brand new what's on your mind for you.

[B]

Hey.

[A]

And today Jeff gets a little mad at all of us for finding something funny that he doesn't find so funny. I don't know how to describe it. Maybe because he's making fun of him.

[C]

He got bullied by our own coworkers.

[A]

Yeah, you gotta stick around for what's on your mind to hear it. And speaking about what's on our mind, Mikayla commented, you know what's on my mind. But my aunt left my uncle for his twin brother. How do you leave Greg for Craig?

[D]

What?

[C]

And they're twins. What is the tiny slight difference that made him better?

[B]

Yeah, how identical are they?

[C]

It's like gotta be one little thing. He likes cheese and you don't.

[A]

Family dinner's gotta be really awkward now, but yeah.

[C]

Oh my God, imagine Thanksgiving. Now.

[B]

Does she have a twin that her

[C]

ex husband can get messy?

[A]

So leave in the comments what's been on your mind as you listen to ours in a brand new full show starting right now.

[B]

I think I'm gonna have to address the elephant in the room.

[E]

Why are you calling me that again?

[B]

It's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. It is about Brooke.

[E]

I was joking.

[B]

If you've not gone online and read the news this morning, our own Brooke Fox has been featured in a not so great light.

[A]

What are you talking about?

[E]

I'm not in the news.

[B]

We're gonna tell you about the situation and then we'll have Brooke give her official comments. But basically the phones have been ringing off the hook here from media outlets asking if Brooke wants to put out. We're not giving them anything until we address it here on the show first.

[E]

I am so worried about what you're gonna say.

[B]

You should be worried about what you're gonna say to the public because the story in the news is a local burger place at a promotion doing free burgers for teachers because it's national teacher appreciation. And again, I'm just going off the report here. Brooks gonna give her side of the story in just a sec. But the report states she marched into the establishment and told the staff teachers in the house and then she slapped the counter and demanded a free burger.

[E]

Brooke, you're not a teacher. Yeah, Brooke, hold on.

[B]

You're gonna get your chance here. Because when they asked her to show her credentials, she pulled up a photo on her phone of Jose in a boy scout costume and said, this is one of my held back children. From my class. So.

[E]

Dude, Jose's like an entire first grade wrapped into one man.

[C]

I'm the collective Yay.

[B]

Don't try to justify your lies to us, Brooke. Okay, so yes, she did get the free burger, but then Brooke got greedy. Went to four other locations doing the exact same thing. The managers were all talking on the phone about some crazy lady in a 1980s stand up comedy blazer with shoulder pads who's ranting, impersonating a teacher. So Brooke got detained and was questioned by officers. That's basically all that I know.

[A]

Did this really happen?

[B]

Well, we're running a little late here. Had to explain the whole thing. So. Brooke, we have about three seconds for your official statement. Go ahead.

[E]

I appreciate all the teachers and I hope there was enough burgers to go around. That's all. Is that great?

[C]

No. I'm sorry.

[B]

I say guilty. And the text board agrees.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So while we mitigate this PR nightmare on our hands, let's send it over to Digital Jake, who couldn't possibly bring the reputation of this proud show down any farther than it already is.

[C]

Jeff, I don't think she can fit in the jail cell with those shoulder pads.

[B]

Good luck.

[E]

I'll go ins sideways.

[B]

Digital J, take it away.

[F]

Did you know the name Steve is a masculine name of British origin that means crown or victorious or garland?

[B]

Wow, you didn't know that?

[C]

What up, my buddy Steve.

[F]

And it derives from the Greek name Stephanos, because in ancient Greece, wreaths or garlands were given to victors to award them for success in competition.

[B]

So if you want to.

[E]

Gladiators.

[F]

Exactly. If you won a chariot race, they'd give you a nice leafy Steve.

[B]

Leafy Steve. Like something you say.

[E]

I can never talk to a Steve again. The same way if you looked up

[F]

Leafy Steve on Urban Dictionary, it means something totally different now. So don't do that.

[B]

Don't give him a leafy Steve.

[F]

You're asking? Jake, you handsome man. Why the history lesson?

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

Because we're celebrating the birthday of two famous Steves today. Late night TV host Stephen Colbert and Grammy winning artist Stevie Wonder. So you'll be identifying the top 20 most famous Steves of all time in a special Steve edition of plenty of 20. We'll go around the room. You just have to name a famous Steve from my list to stay in the game. And these are all real Steves? No, fictional Steves.

[B]

Okay?

[F]

They could be alive or dead. And I've taken Stephen, Colbert and Stevie Wonder off the list.

[D]

Okay?

[E]

Okay.

[C]

No trick.

[F]

Sorry, Brooke. We'll Start with the woman who's personally puked on four Steves in different bars this year. That's Alexis. Sorry, Alexis. Famous Steves.

[A]

Well, I'm gonna go first one, probably easy one. The office Steve Carel.

[F]

Steve Carell, number two on my list. The silver save is in play. Let's go over to Brooke.

[E]

Okay. That was obviously top of my list as well. I'm sure as everybody's right.

[B]

Not for me, but. Oh, go ahead.

[E]

This is a risky one to me because I don't.

[C]

Interesting.

[F]

It's the first round.

[E]

I don't know if you make lists like this by like putting firecrackers in your butt, but I'm gonna go.

[C]

Steve O. Yeah, I was gonna say Steve O. Yeah.

[F]

Jackass is Steve O.

[C]

He's famous is not in the top 20. Darn it.

[E]

Thanks, Jose. He's on our list.

[B]

You hear the name Steve and your first thought is butt firecracker.

[F]

Yeah, I wasn't sure if you meant me or him making the list that way, But Jose, top 20 most famous Steves. Only Steve Carell is off the board right now.

[C]

I'm gonna go Steve Jobs.

[F]

Steve Jobs, number one on the list.

[C]

Oh, my gosh. Number one.

[F]

That's the silver save, Jose. You get an extra life. Can't believe that came after firecrackers and the butt were referenced. All right, let's go over to Jeffrey.

[B]

Well, if I'm Steves, I have to go with Jose's favorite football player of all time, 49ers quarterback Steve Young.

[F]

Jose, a very famous 49er fan.

[C]

I hate the Niners.

[F]

Steve Young, number 17 on the list. The lefty from BYU. We're back over to Alexis.

[A]

I'm thinking the man whose daughter I was jealous of for a very long time when she dated Michael B. Jordan.

[E]

Good one.

[A]

Sold, my man. Temporarily. Steve Harvey.

[F]

Steve Harvey, number three on my list. The whole top three has gone now.

[E]

Thought of another one.

[C]

Really?

[F]

Because you said Stevo in the first round. You think you'd get another chance?

[C]

Just because he's a legend in my heart and I want it to be true. I'm gonna say, crikey, Steve. Edwin.

[E]

Oh, good one.

[F]

The Crocodile Hunter. Steve Irwin, number 11 on my list.

[E]

I can't believe how many famous Steve.

[F]

It's over to Jeffrey.

[B]

Well, I gotta support my. My fellow Jews in the entertainment industry. Give me Steven Spielberg.

[F]

Steven Spielberg on the list. We're doing well. Back to Alexis.

[A]

I don't know if it counts, but like I remember when I first found out who he was I had to Google it a lot to make sure it was Steph Curry. Not like Stephen. Stephen Curry. Like, you don't have to say his name. I don't know if that's a Steve, but I'm gonna go Steph Curry.

[F]

Steph Curry did not make my list of Steve's. Interesting. Probably because his name is Steph.

[A]

What's it short for?

[B]

Stephanie.

[A]

Yeah, whatever, Steph.

[F]

Let's go to Jose now.

[C]

I'm hoping because he's a billionaire, he's popular enough. I'm going Steve Wozniak.

[F]

Steve Wozniak. Number nine on the list. We're back to Jeffrey.

[B]

West side Story. Stephen Sondheim.

[C]

What the heck? Who's that?

[B]

The guy who wrote west side Story?

[E]

Yeah, he's not gonna be on the list.

[B]

Brooke, if he's on the list.

[E]

Dude, I have two other Stevens. That would be better.

[F]

Brooke, guess what? You said Steven, so I'm not gonna

[B]

let you read those other names. I'm going with my gut. Stephen Sondheim.

[F]

Ste. Sondheim is not in the top 20. Jose, with the silver save in your pocket, you've won today's edition of plenty of 20.

[E]

You're the king of the Steves.

[F]

Let's go over some Steves. You missed. Number four was Steve Martin. Number five was basketball Steve Nash. Number six, stone Cold Steve Austin. Steven Tyler. Steven Seagal. Stevie Nicks was there. Steve Aoki, the son of the Benihana creator Steve Buscemi. Stephen King, the author. Steve Kerr made it. Not Stephen Curry.

[B]

Very close.

[F]

He's the coach of the Golden State Warriors. Steph Curry's coach, Steve Madden, fashion designer Stephen Hawking. And Steve Burns, the original host of Blue's Clues made the list.

[A]

Should have known that one.

[B]

Okay, well, Jose, you win. So you get to choose who gets shocked. Whoever it is is gonna sing Don't Wanna Miss a Thing by Aerosmith. Steven Tyler's band. She's my best friend.

[C]

Brook Fox.

[F]

That was Steven Tyler.

[E]

Don't want to close my eyes. I don't want to fall asleep.

[B]

That's your shot. Collar. Question of the day.

[D]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[B]

You know what I love about the TV show Friends is how realistic their friend group dynamic is.

[E]

What do you mean realistic?

[B]

Like they'll casually walk in into each other's apartments uninvited at any time of day or night, and it's totally cool, just like real friends.

[C]

That's so true.

[A]

Just unlock.

[C]

I have a buddy who has a key to my place for emergencies. And if he Just walked in, I'd be like, what are you doing? Get out of here.

[B]

And plus, in the middle of their workday, they all have hours and hours of free time, so they can just leave their jobs and go hang out at a coffee shop for five minutes and leave.

[C]

Totally. And who meets up before work?

[D]

No.

[B]

Oh, so relatable. Meanwhile, on this show, we barely have enough time to squeeze in one segment per week where we can catch up and find out what we've been thinking.

[C]

Yeah, I wish we all lived together like across the hall.

[E]

I'm good.

[B]

Better make these next seven minutes count. During a brand new what's on youn Mind? Coming up. Right now, it's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. And if a train station is where a train stops and a bus station is where a bus stop. Bus stops. I have a workstation at my desk.

[E]

So

[B]

maybe we should just wrap this up so we can get to what's on your mind. You're supposed to work where we go around the room and learn what each member of the show has been thinking about lately, starting with Brooke. Brooke, what's on your mind?

[E]

I just had the most amazing Mother's Day over the weekend, and it was a little unexpected because my husband's been out of town. We've been dealing with a lot of family stuff right now. I'm not even gonna go into it, but it's a lot. Sorry. My kids. It was just my kids and I. And I didn't expect them to do anything, but they were so stinking cute, you guys.

[B]

What'd they do?

[E]

They coordinated with our neighbor to get some baked goods for me because they can't drive yet, you know.

[C]

Well, they can, but you don't tell the cops on the air.

[E]

They made me these awesome cards and some art, and I just loved it. And I just felt, like, so lifted by them and also by this community. We walked down to the farmer's market, and we went and got books at their favorite bookstore.

[C]

Okay.

[E]

And then we stopped on the way back, and I got a little glass of wine, and we're sitting her seventh of the day.

[B]

Your kids went and bought wine for you?

[C]

They did. They are.

[B]

Cool.

[C]

Take this now to the corner.

[E]

But then I'm sitting in front of them just in awe of these little tiny people. And those little brats wouldn't put their books down to hang out with me. Yeah, is right, Jake.

[A]

Okay.

[E]

I kept flicking the books, and I'm like, hey, it's Mother's Day. You got to talk to me. They're like swatting me away as if I'm a fly.

[C]

You got time to bully.

[B]

Yeah, you need to bully.

[E]

D. What is happening? So, I mean, besides that hiccup, it was a great day. Besides that hiccup.

[B]

What sweet little nerdy children. That's very nice.

[E]

Should be taking their books away from them soon.

[B]

Oh, good hope. Jose, what's been on your mind?

[C]

Well, if you didn't know already, other than being a radio host, I'm a video game streamer. And my crowd for that platform is 18 and older. All right, we talk about adult content. We use adult language. We. We're adults.

[B]

Yeah, it's like a required stream.

[C]

I mean, no, we're very immature. But the other day, one of my subscribers hit me up and asked me a special question. Her son is turning 10 years old and is a huge fan of our show and wanted to know if I could play Fortnite with him him on my stream.

[B]

You said, absolutely not.

[E]

Show me your ID, kid.

[B]

No way.

[C]

So I thought about it and I said, okay, sure, but let me just warn my community before we have a child on. So I tell everyone, I'm like, hey, guys, keep it clean.

[E]

Shouldn't be too hard. I mean, it's what we do here every day.

[C]

So kid comes on, 10 minutes in, everyone is behaving themselves except for one person.

[G]

The kid.

[B]

The 10 year old.

[C]

This kid is swearing.

[E]

What?

[C]

Like a lot at 10. And then he's the one initiating convos. He's like, hey, man, you dating anyone right now? And we are winning games. Like, he's really good. Oh, so we're getting dubs. We're winning more than I've ever won on stream.

[E]

Oh, my God.

[C]

So after it was done, I sing him with the community. Happy birthday.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

And I thank him for listening to the show. But it makes me wonder, did I just put a 10 year old on my stream that is 100 times cooler than me? And people are like asking for him now to come back.

[A]

They're gonna switch to his stream.

[C]

Yeah, seriously, he's not old enough to have one.

[B]

Kid's holding court in there.

[C]

So tune in if you want to my stream sometime. I'm hilarious, Jose.

[E]

Yeah, just watch out for the children swearing.

[B]

Alexis, what's been on your mind?

[A]

So the other day I got like a random email that was like, hey, duolingo user, you want to be a part of a research study for $100?

[E]

Oh.

[A]

And I was like, yeah, exactly. I gonna get $100.

[E]

It sounds like a scam that they're

[A]

I looked into it. Not a scam. Don't worry.

[E]

I'm smart. I checked.

[A]

So I go to do it, and it's an hour zoom call, and you get on with them. And so it's like me and this girl, and they're just, like, asking you one on one. Yeah, one on one. Oh, me and a girl. But she's recording the call to play in a future meeting with the research group.

[E]

Okay, okay.

[A]

And they're asking what they could improve about duolingo. And I was naming things. Like, sometimes it's too easy. You can make it more difficult this way. Like, this is too easy.

[E]

Oh, you had ideas.

[A]

I had ideas. I may have googled and copied other people's ideas online. I had ideas. And then she's like, okay, great. Now I'd love to watch you go on the app and use it. I had to turn my camera, and she had to watch me for 30 minutes do the app. And I was so bad. I was getting everything wrong. And it makes you keep redoing it. I was running out of lives, and I'd have to, like, wait for them to reload.

[F]

See?

[C]

Too easy. Yeah.

[E]

And I hyped myself up.

[A]

But then I got so nervous knowing she's watching me.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

One hour later, I did get $100. It was very embarrassing. And I don't know where that video of me ended.

[E]

Yeah. And could you say that in Spanish? No.

[C]

We're going to end up in a commercial one day, and they're like, don't be like this.

[A]

That's my fear.

[B]

You're the before video. So fun for you.

[E]

Yeah. They email you.

[D]

Watch out.

[A]

Be prepared.

[C]

100 bucks is 100 bucks.

[G]

There you go.

[B]

Well earned.

[E]

All right, Jeffrey, what's on your mind?

[B]

Well, I got to do a little, like, pull back of the curtain here for the show. Like, a little look behind the scenes, because I know if you're listening. This show may sound like it's all put together in less than 30 minutes, 30 seconds, and we just go for it. But in reality, it takes a lot of work every single day to put this together.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

And our producer, producer Boyd, he constantly is preaching speed. He says stuff does not have to be perfect, just good enough to go on the air.

[E]

Well, you are a crazy perfectionist who takes way too long to do well.

[B]

My work style ever since childhood is, yes, the opposite. So you got speed on the producer side, perfection on my side. Those two mindsets don't always mesh.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

Which is why the other day, producer Boyd decided To create an AI song about me so that he could vent his frustrations.

[E]

I can't wait to hear this.

[B]

I. I will say I'm a little annoyed cuz some show members have already heard it and I don't appreciate how hard they laugh whenever they hear it.

[E]

Play it.

[B]

I ever heard it. I don't think Brooke or Jose or I don't know if Alexis has heard it.

[A]

I heard how funny it was from our other co workers.

[B]

Of course you have. So I'm gonna play it for everybody. The title is Jeff takes Forever.

[C]

Let's another Tuesday Staring at the screen. The most elaborate stalling I have ever seen. He's trying to write a single killer tease while doing anything but bring our minds to ease. Oh, Jeff takes forever. It's a total drag. Oh, Jeff takes forever. What a paper jack. He's analyzing every single word. It's just the dumbest thing I've ever heard. We're gonna be here till the sun runs out of light. Cause Jeff takes forever. He takes forever.

[B]

No, Lance, it's not that funny.

[C]

It is fun, dude.

[E]

Every time you and I have to do a commercial together, I'm like, oh God, here we go.

[B]

I like working hard to make this show great.

[E]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[E]

That's what it is, Jeff. All right.

[B]

That's what's been on our minds. You can text into 78592 and tell us what's been on yours or request

[E]

that Jeff takes forever to just play it.

[B]

Don't be laughing at home. It's not that funny. It's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. It's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. And we just shared what's been on our mind. So listeners are texting into 78592 telling us what's been on theirs. Yeah. One says the second date update with Scott and Caroline on your podcast in the fall of 2024 was very interesting. I feel like it paralleled Brooke and Jeffrey's relationship.

[E]

What?

[C]

We gotta turn that one back.

[B]

I gotta go back in here. It's been a long time since I heard a woman crush a man's hopes and dreams. That sounds like fun.

[C]

Oh, I thought it was a sex attention thing.

[E]

Are you listening to the show every day, Jeff?

[B]

I'm trying not to. This next one comes from Sarah in Texas. She says the most shocking part of Jose's birthday video was seeing Jeffrey inside the gaming van playing Super Mario.

[E]

Yeah, Jeffrey loves the game.

[B]

He actually does.

[C]

He's been on my streams before.

[B]

It says, I didn't know y' all let him out of that ox booth.

[F]

Another dark room.

[E]

I mean, we kept him on a leash.

[B]

Yeah, it is similar to prison. I'm allotted five minutes of outdoor time before I'm led back in and put to work.

[E]

That's only one a month that you

[A]

get the outdoor time.

[B]

I enjoyed it while it lasts. And one more. This one is from South Carolina. Says my ADHD loves how dysfunctional you guys are. I've told so many people about y'.

[C]

All.

[B]

I even met a random dude at the gym. Cuz we both listen to second date updates.

[C]

That's so cool. People bond over us.

[B]

Yeah, they probably met in the steam room at the gym. That's how I start. Most of my friendships play second dates on there. It's the best place to listen.

[D]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[B]

I think the most fun part about dating isn't the actual dates. It's overanalyzing every little detail around it. With all of your friends. Yeah.

[E]

Oh, with your friends makes it fun.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

By yourself makes it misery.

[B]

Totally. But when. When you get a group of friends together and it's like, okay, he just texted me haha. And they're like, well, was it haha together or ha space? Ha. Oh yeah, it was a first H capitalized. Cuz if it was huge. Red flag.

[E]

Uhoh, Is this what boys night out looks like for you guys? Oh, yeah.

[B]

It is so fun to overthink it. That's why we do. That's why we absolutely love this next segment where we break down and laugh at every strange detail of the worst and most chaotic dates our listeners have ever been on. So get out your detective hats and magnifying glasses for a brand new Battle of the Tinder Dates that's coming up right after this.

[E]

Two hopeless daters, One dating app that

[A]

dares you to swipe right.

[B]

The question is, whose love life is more tragic?

[E]

It's Battle of the Tinder Dates.

[B]

It's the dating game show that spices up his naughty text by asking his mother what he should write. Oh, no. Battle of the Tinder Dates, where two of our listeners go head to head to find out whose dating life is the most tragic. Yeah, we'll explain the rules in just a second. But first, let's meet today's contestants. Essence. In this corner, he likes his makeout sessions to be as dry as a desert. That's how he got the nickname Tumbleweed. The terrible Tinder Day champ is here, fellas. He's coming in confident.

[C]

He crowned himself the champ already.

[E]

I don't know I feel Dusty just even talking to him.

[B]

And in the other corner, he embraced the dark side and is always down to Netflix and clones. That's why the ladies call him Stormtrooper Cooper.

[H]

What's up?

[B]

All right, our contestants are ready. And here's how the game works. One will start by telling one of their worst date stories. The other will try and counter with a nightmare story of their own. We're gonna go back and forth for three rounds until we declare a winner, starting it off with Tumbleweed Read. Let's do it.

[H]

So I met a girl on Tinder, and she is really into working out. She tells me, and I am too, so.

[C]

Oh, that's good.

[H]

We go to the gym for our date. Very cool. Until she tells me that I need to yell at her in a foreign accent. She needs me to scream motivation in German.

[E]

Wait, oh, German?

[B]

Specifically?

[E]

I mean, it is angry sounding no matter what you say.

[C]

Totally.

[B]

You get like, five more reps in if someone's yelling at you that way.

[E]

Were you able.

[C]

He's trying to yell stop. And he keeps going.

[E]

Were you able to do it for her?

[H]

I tried, but after she kept telling me to get louder and louder, I just couldn't handle the embarrassment.

[B]

Screaming 9 in the middle of the gym.

[C]

She's like, louder. He's like, no.

[B]

All right, Stormtrooper Cooper, can you counter?

[H]

Yeah, man. This girl I was out with, she invited me to come to her house party after the date. Right.

[E]

Okay.

[H]

So we get there and everyone starts congratulating her. And I'm asking, what are they congratulating you about exactly? She said it's her divorce party and she's signing the papers right there.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[E]

But you know it's official, right? There's no gray area.

[H]

Exactly. She wants to make it official before we, you know, do the freaky diggy.

[E]

Uh. Oh, so you did.

[B]

Wait, what?

[H]

I didn't feel good about it, but I did.

[C]

Wait a minute.

[B]

It's not official until you seal it that way.

[E]

So let that woman celebrate however she wants. Okay.

[B]

Oh, God. Reed, we're back to you.

[H]

No, no, that sounds like a great day to me. My date, on the other hand,

[I]

she

[H]

was incredibly honest with me when we met up. She told me she's got another situationship going on.

[D]

Okay.

[E]

And that's good.

[H]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[I]

I'm cool with that.

[H]

I'm thinking I'm gonna win out in the end.

[I]

Yeah.

[H]

So we hang out a few more weeks, and then she admits that the other person is chatgpt.

[E]

Excuse me, I Almost thought you said Chad.

[C]

What kind of is Chad GPT now

[B]

what is she talking about?

[H]

She's telling me that they talk every night. They have so much in common. Yeah, in common.

[B]

Oh, God.

[H]

In the end, she has me write her a poem. Chad GPT writes a better one. She breaks up with me.

[C]

Oh, darn it.

[E]

God. AI's taking over everything.

[B]

Cooper, you got your work cut out for you here.

[H]

Oh, man. I was with this girl, and we stopped in this furniture store, and she asked me to pretend like we were, like, newlywed so that she can get this, like, wedding registry discount or whatever.

[E]

What?

[H]

So I went along with it.

[D]

Okay.

[H]

But what she didn't tell me is that she was then going to frame me for cheating on her, and she pretended that she just found out right there in that moment.

[E]

Oh, is there a cheating discount or something?

[H]

I don't know about that, but she definitely got a sympathy discount because she was in tears. She was putting on a great show.

[B]

Oh. Oh.

[E]

Oh, my God. And the furniture store people are like, oh, I feel so bad for you. Here's another 20% off that couch.

[H]

The worst thing is that she winks at me on the way out.

[C]

That's petty.

[B]

Good work, buddy. You saved me a pretty penny there. All right, we're on to our third and final round here. We need your best stories, gentlemen. So, tumbleweed read. Give it to us.

[H]

So I meet the girl on the dating app. She's 29 years old, says she really wants to plan this first date. Tells me to dress up real nice, that we're going to go somewhere fancy, and she's paying.

[E]

Exciting.

[C]

That's really cool.

[B]

And she's paying.

[C]

Paying.

[H]

And she's paying.

[C]

What a catch, bro.

[B]

Marry her.

[C]

Yeah. Before the date. Yeah.

[H]

So I show up, she's in a full length sparkly dress, tells me she's super excited she went to limo for us, and we're going to crash her old high school prom.

[E]

What?

[C]

Oh, that is so cringe.

[E]

Like, don't even go to, like, the re. She's 29.

[H]

Oh, no, not the reunion. This year's actual prom. Apparently she never went. And she's always wanted to go. They turn us away at the door.

[B]

Yeah. Wait, you actually showed up?

[H]

Yes.

[E]

Yes. You would have been buying beer for so many underage kids.

[C]

Totally. They would just think you guys were cap.

[B]

Oh. It was almost a great date. So, Cooper, this is your last chance.

[C]

That's wild.

[H]

That's this one girl online, and you know she liked that I was fluent in French. I'M fluent in French, by the way.

[B]

Oh, that's huge.

[H]

Yeah, but when I show up to our date, she's there with another guy, and he's French, too.

[D]

Wow.

[B]

Oh, menage.

[E]

Oh, that is a French word.

[B]

Yeah, there you go. Is that what we're doing?

[I]

Yeah.

[H]

So she. She tells me that he just flew over to meet her and hopefully I'd be cool with being their translator.

[B]

Oh, you're not even part of it.

[E]

That's a cheap way to get a

[C]

translator translated everything wrong. Like, she keeps saying, you're ugly, bro. I don't know why.

[B]

What did you do?

[H]

She ended up paying me, like, 50 for, like, half the hours.

[C]

Wait, you did it.

[B]

Oh. Oh, yeah, I did it.

[H]

I got money.

[E]

And the real French guy wins again.

[B]

Yep. Don't they always? All right, there's the final bell. That means the match is over. Judges, we need to score it. Alexis, who you giving it to?

[A]

I'm going Reed for the prom.

[E]

I can't get over that.

[B]

We got one vote for Reed, Brooke.

[E]

Yeah, another vote for Reed for that prom.

[B]

That means, congratulations, Tumbleweed Read. You are our sad single of the week. And as a prize, Brooke will tell you one sexy gift that her husband gave her one time.

[H]

Oh, I can't wait.

[E]

So hard to choose. I got a dish soap container.

[B]

Oh, feel free to steal that idea to get to your next date.

[E]

Read, it was for dishwashing soap, not hand soap.

[B]

Careful, you're turning everybody on. Brooke. Text in to 7859 too. If you want to appear on the next edition of Battle of the Tinder dates, your phone tap's coming up right after this. It's time for your prank phone call to Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. And there's a certain phone tap character who makes an appearance on this show from time to time. His name is Clover.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

He's former British black ops, and today he's been given a new assignment to figure out who stole a young woman's food delivery from the lobby of her apartment. And even though it may seem like a small issue, I guarantee you he is going to take this matter very, very seriously.

[C]

Probably too seriously.

[B]

Definitely too much. So in your phone tap right now,

[E]

Brooke and Jeffrey's phone taps on the 20s.

[D]

Hello?

[G]

Oi. Is this Jane of.

[D]

Yes. Who's this?

[G]

Me name's Frank, but me mates call me Clover.

[D]

I think you have the wrong number.

[G]

I don't believe I do. Is Gina right?

[D]

Yeah.

[G]

Right. Well, I'm the head of overnight security at S Apartments.

[D]

Oh, okay. Hi.

[G]

Hi. I just got word from hq. Says you had a delivery last night that was, shall we say, compromised.

[D]

Yes. I doordashed some food and it said it was delivered, but when I went to the lobby, it was kind of on.

[G]

Good God. That's a hostile acquisition right onto me nose. I can't believe it.

[D]

Imagine me, I didn't get my dinner that night. It completely sucked.

[G]

Oh, I bet it did. Who do you suspect it is? The Russians. The Russians?

[D]

I don't know. It could have been a neighbor. I mean, the guy in 304 is kind of weird. I don't know if he's Russian, though.

[G]

No, love, this isn't just a one and done package interception, all right? This has a smell of a much larger man. More devious operation?

[D]

I don't think so. I think someone got hungry and went ahead and took it.

[G]

I need to know what was in the order. What was inside that box?

[D]

I mean, I don't know what that has to do with anything. It was a lasagna from an Italian place.

[G]

I'm taking some notes. Lasagna? Italian mob. Is that all you want?

[D]

Yeah, there were some garlic knots and tiramisu, but.

[G]

Oh, dear God, this is even worse than I thought.

[D]

What's worse about that?

[G]

Okay, listen to me, all right, 2011, Belarus. I tell the highly trained Parmesan thief who is doing this exact same thing. I lost track of him in the mountains over Tibet.

[D]

What the hell?

[G]

It's possible he's reappeared.

[D]

You know, you're pretty dramatic for a concierge.

[G]

Excuse me, I'm the head of overnight security. You're lucky I'm on your side.

[D]

Okay, this is a little ridiculous. This is.

[G]

Is it?

[D]

This is way overblown.

[G]

If I see any suspicious bloke carrying ranch dressing with a military posture, bingo, bango, we move in and take him out.

[D]

Take him out? What do you mean, take him out? What does the ranch dressing have anything to do with it?

[G]

That's the cue. That's always the cue.

[D]

That's weird.

[G]

Oh, you have a better idea?

[D]

I just think, and I've said this to you already, you're making a bigger deal of this than it needs to be. Why not just look at the security cameras?

[G]

I see. You want to go the easy route then, huh?

[D]

Isn't that the point of the cameras? They do the job for you?

[G]

Okay, let's play your little game. Say we check the footage and find out who took it. Then they get a slap on the wrist. Meanwhile, organized snack crime runs rampant through the streets?

[D]

Are you on drugs? Drugs.

[C]

Drugs.

[D]

What's going on here?

[G]

This is a matter of national security. If we don't act now, millions of innocent lunches will be lost senselessly.

[D]

Okay, listen, if you're not gonna transfer me, just tell the main concierge that I need to know who took my food, and you're not being helpful.

[G]

You know who's helpful is your friend Casey. I just found out he's the one responsible. He's compromised this whole phone call.

[D]

What?

[G]

It means that you've been set up for a prank phone call on a silly morning radio show.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[C]

And you're on Brooke and Jeffrey moaning right now. Cause this is actually Jose from Brick and Jeffrey in the Morning. We're doing a phone tap on you.

[D]

Wow, dude, you really nailed the accent.

[G]

What accent are you talking about?

[D]

That one right there. That's creepy, man.

[G]

You know, you could only hope and pray that Clover would be your building security. You'd be watched all night long. You'd be safer than a prince of Egypt.

[D]

Thank you.

[C]

You're welcome. And honestly, I'm so sorry about your lasagna. That's devastating.

[D]

I know. And the dessert.

[C]

Like, yeah, I almost didn't do this prank phone call because you made me super hungry. Now I want tiramisu. Brooke and Jeffrey's phone taps on the 20s.

[D]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[B]

If a girl you like asks to grab another round of drinks with you, the easy answer is yes.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, obviously. But for some reason, our listener decided he didn't want to to do things the easy way.

[E]

Oh, goodness.

[B]

Now he had to complicate it. And now he's worried that what he said immediately after yes might be the entire reason his date's not calling him back.

[E]

Oh, no.

[C]

He had it right there.

[B]

I'm so close. Could it really be as bad as he thinks? We're gonna find out in your brand new second date update. Next.

[E]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. Second date update.

[B]

You know, you hear a lot. Lot of women say, why are all the good men either taken gay or dead? But we have one eligible guy who's apparently none of those things.

[E]

Wait, he's not Colin from beyond?

[B]

No, he's just confused. Not confused in that way. Confused about why he's not getting a call back after his date. His name is Colin. Colin, can you confirm for us that you are not taken, gay, or dead?

[I]

Yes, I can confirm.

[E]

I think, more importantly, can you confirm you're one of the good ones?

[I]

That's the biggest struggle I think so. Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Okay, well, we're gonna. Since you're such a good guy, we'll try to help you out here. Tell us about the woman that you went out with recently. What's her name?

[I]

Her name's Paige.

[E]

Oh, Paige and Colin sound cute together. Is it, like, a couple's name?

[B]

Where'd you meet her?

[I]

Tinder, actually.

[E]

Are people still doing that one? We haven't heard about Tinder in a minute. You know, it's always been about Hinge and Bumble a lot lately.

[B]

Well, that's where all the good guys are going now, is to Tinder.

[E]

Tinder. It's like, come full circle, Jeff.

[B]

Ye. The thing is, it's so successful usually that they never have to ask for second dates.

[E]

Oh, that's what it is.

[B]

It just goes well immediately. But apparently not for you, Colin. Why? What happened?

[I]

This is a good question. Why any help?

[C]

Let me throw it back to you.

[I]

We had a great date. I mean, we went to this place, Mulligan's. It's like kind of an Irish pub kind of place.

[E]

Good name for an Irish pub. Why'd you choose there? Or maybe you didn't. Maybe she did.

[I]

No, I picked it. It has this great happy hour menu, so I thought it would be a cool, like, kind of casual spot.

[C]

Probably got good fish, chips.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Is that what you guys had?

[I]

No, we actually. We just had, like, a happy hour pizza. We shared it.

[C]

Oh, even better.

[B]

Had an Irish.

[C]

I want to do seafood first days.

[E]

Let's hear about Paige, maybe.

[B]

That was definitely a microwaved pizza that you got.

[A]

Those are good, though, at bar.

[B]

They are. They're really, really tasty after you've had a few drinks.

[C]

So why does it say douro on it? Yeah, but tell us.

[B]

Tell us more about Paige.

[I]

She's really cute. She has, like, great hair. Like, that's kind of why I liked her picture.

[G]

Wow.

[C]

Don't laugh at him, Jeff.

[B]

No, sure, the hair was great.

[A]

Anything about her personality?

[B]

Yeah, does personality even matter if you've got locks like Rapunzel? Yeah, no, I don't care. I want to know about the date.

[I]

No, it was fun. Like, we had a great time. I mean, like, I ordered drinks, ordered pizza, and then I kind of, like, settled up, and then she said, you want to get another drink? And I was like, yeah, sure. Like, you want. I mean, maybe this is it. I was like, do you want to, like, get the second round? And she was like, yeah, sure, sure.

[E]

Oh.

[B]

Oh, you asked. You asked her to pay for the second round of Drinks, huh?

[I]

Yeah. I mean, she said she wanted to get into the second round, and I just said, okay, you want to get it? I mean, I don't know. It was totally, like, not. Not a thing in the moment at all. Like, she was, like, totally cool with it.

[B]

Okay, so she seemed cool with it, but, Alexis, what do you think? If a guy asked you to pay for the second round of drinks, how would you react?

[A]

I mean, if it's, like, natural. Yeah, but the way he said he didn't make it a big deal, but the way he's telling us now, it feels like he made it a big deal.

[D]

I don't know that.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Did she shift at all? Did her energy shift at all after that?

[I]

No. I mean, like I said, she's. We were like, let's go somewhere else. And she was totally into that. I mean, then she was there before me. So when we were kind of, like, getting up to leave, I said something to the effect of, like, I felt like you were going to be taller. I don't know that, like, made her angry, but it shouldn't seem to. I just. I don't know. I'm trying to, like. I'm spitballing stuff here, I'll tell you.

[C]

Sounds like a joke, though, bro. I. I wouldn't. I wouldn't dwell on that.

[E]

As a short girl, I love giving tall girl energy out, so that would actually be a compliment to me.

[C]

Yeah.

[H]

Okay.

[B]

You forgot. I was like, oh, God, you're so short.

[E]

He didn't say that. Yeah, he said, I thought you'd be taller.

[I]

That's all I said. I mean. And she was just like, no. I mean, we kind of just laughed it off. And then we did go to another spot together. We went to this place. It's like an arcade, kind of our.

[E]

Oh, that's fun.

[B]

Did you request a stool for her to play the video games?

[I]

I mean, she's not that short. I just thought from her picture she was going to be.

[B]

I mean, it would have been a funny joke if you had, like, brought around, like, a little, like, child stool for her to stand.

[E]

Tall girl energy was fun. That is just now making.

[B]

Now I'm bullying.

[A]

Like, the joke should end.

[C]

Okay. Back there. Okay, can you see over the bar to order?

[B]

I think that's funny. But apparently it's good that you didn't do that.

[E]

I give you a drive home, but I don't have a child booster in the back seat.

[C]

Brooke has been bullied.

[B]

A lot of traumas coming out. So how was it at the End Arcade.

[I]

Oh, totally fine. I mean, we had a few more drinks, which I paid for. We, like, played some games. It was totally cool. Then we were leaving. I walked her back to her car, and then she's like, well, let me drive you back to where your car is parked. And I was like, okay, sure. But I was gonna go. I mean, we kind of shared a little pizza for happy hour. When I was still hungry. I was like, I'm gonna go get a burrito. Are you still hungry? And she was like, no, but I'll take you. So I went. She took me. We, like, swung through. I got a burrito.

[C]

And she didn't get anything?

[I]

No. I mean, I asked her if she wanted some, and she was like, no, I'm. I'm good.

[C]

What?

[B]

Well, if you just had a pizza, like, an hour ago, it is a little.

[I]

I mean, it was like a small happy hour pizza that we shared.

[B]

Something change?

[C]

I feel a shift.

[B]

Yeah, if you like someone, you'll order food even if you're not hungry.

[C]

No, I didn't mean that.

[A]

Especially if they're paying.

[E]

Yeah, it's interesting, though. Like, she is still adamant about driving you. So she still wants to be around you more like, because that would be an easy out for her. Her to be, like, peace.

[D]

Yeah, you know, I thought so.

[I]

And then we, like, kept talking and everything.

[E]

I mean, you mean, like, texting each other or.

[I]

No, I mean, like, we kept talking while she was driving after I got the burrito, and then I did, like, lean in for a kiss. She kissed me back.

[B]

Oh, a little post burrito kiss.

[E]

I get it. Colin, this sounds like all great.

[C]

Have you even tried to call her?

[I]

I mean, I texted her, like, later, like, had a great time with you, you know, like, let's do it again. And she was just kind of like, yeah, okay, like, me too, or whatever. And then when I've, like, tried to set something else up, she just hasn't even respond.

[B]

Well, it is weird, definitely, but there are two sides to every story. I mean. Yeah, I wonder what she has to say about why she's not calling this good guy back.

[C]

I don't know.

[E]

Feels so accusatory, Jeff. Like he did something wrong. It could just be that she has a lot of options on Tinder.

[B]

I'm not accusing anybody. I just want to know what she has to say.

[C]

I don't know.

[E]

The way you narrowed your eyes, I didn't take it that way.

[B]

Okay, short queen coming at me. Let's see what Paige has to say.

[I]

Thank you.

[B]

She even Answered answers the phone when we come back and do your second date update Good guy edition right after this. Hold on.

[E]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. Second date update.

[B]

We already talked about the saying, why are all the good guys either taken, gay or dead? Yeah, but there's also the saying, good guys always finish last.

[E]

So which one is it, Jeff? Okay, are they all like happy and taken or are they all sad and losers?

[B]

Exactly. The second one is definitely where our good guy Colin is feeling right now after he went on a what sounded like a pretty solid first date with a woman named Paige. They hit up an Irish pub, went to an arcade, got a burrito for him. Not really for her, but there was even a kiss at the end of the night. So how is it possible this good guy is getting cold shouldered? Wow, Colin, if you had to guess the one thing that's holding Paige back, what do you think it is?

[I]

I don't know. If I was a guess, I'd probably say it's just the Tinder thing. There's just a lot of people on Tinder. Like maybe she's just seen other people. I don't know.

[A]

It's like notoriously the hookup app.

[B]

I mean, no, but they do have that saying, why are all the good guys always on Tinder?

[E]

So, Alexis, you wouldn't be on Tinder if you were looking for no more than one date? No.

[C]

In any defense, I've seen many girls that have a whole bio. That's like looking for love. Swipe left if you're here for a hookup.

[B]

Maybe she wanted something else out of this date, Colin, and you didn't give it to her.

[E]

I think that what Alexis is saying is she just wanted a hookup, you guys.

[B]

That's what I'm saying.

[E]

Oh, and then she's done with it.

[B]

Yeah. She didn't get what she was after when she was on the date with you. Colin, you're not. You're not.

[E]

It's not a bad idea because she was adamant on driving him and usually that's your first step into getting them back to your place.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Colin, did you do like the kiss and walk away?

[I]

No. I mean, we were in the car. We were in her car and we kissed. I mean, I would have been down,

[E]

you know, you were eating a burrito

[A]

that doesn't scream I'm down.

[B]

Well, let's see what the actual reason is. If she picks up the phone, we're going to call her right now. Let's see how this goes. Here we go.

[D]

Hello.

[B]

Hey, Paige, this is Jeff from the radio show Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning.

[E]

Hi, Paige. The whole show's here.

[C]

Hey, what's up, Paige?

[D]

Hi.

[E]

Glad you're a big listener.

[B]

Hey.

[D]

Sorry. Wait, wait. What did you say?

[B]

We're a radio show show called Brooke and Jeffrey, and we're calling you right now because there's a rumor going around that you're dating guys and then not calling them back afterwards. It's just a rumor.

[C]

It's just a waiter.

[E]

Put her on the defense immediately. That doesn't sound. It's not a rumor.

[C]

Yeah, it's.

[B]

Well, there is a guy, apparently, that you're not calling back.

[D]

I. I'm so sorry. I'm so confused. What is this? I don't have a lot of time.

[B]

When people aren't getting a call back after a date, we do this segment called Second Date Update.

[D]

Oh, my gosh.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

So we are calling about a guy that you met on Tinder recently, a good guy named Colin.

[D]

Colin? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. He asked you guys to call me?

[B]

Well, yeah. Going back to that rumor I was talking about, apparently you're not calling him back.

[E]

He liked you.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

And so we just want to. To know from your perspective, like, how was the date for you? Because we've heard his side of the story.

[E]

Okay, can you just use a word to describe it to start with?

[D]

Sure. I mean, it was. Whatever. I guess

[B]

that's not the best word. Why do you say that?

[D]

You know, he's cute, but from the beginning, the conversation, it wasn't really flowing. He actually brought up that he usually dates younger girls, which, like, number one, that's rude. Why would you say that on a date?

[E]

Wait, are you older than him or something?

[D]

Maybe by, like, one year. But we're basically, like, the same age.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

And then he also, like, two. Number two, he asked me to cover a round of drinks, which is weird because he asked me out.

[B]

We actually heard about this. He told us that he asked you to do that, and he thought that you were cool with it.

[D]

Well, I mean, I guess I was just like, whatever with it, but my mantra is, broke boys never win, so.

[B]

Okay, well, that's harsh.

[E]

Mantra is usually something you say over and over again to, like, pump yourself up or lead a different type of life.

[B]

Yeah, it's usually an uplifting sort of statement. Not like, broke guys suck.

[E]

But why do you think he's broke? I think that from the sounds of what he was saying, it was more

[C]

like it was your turn.

[B]

Yeah, it was like he paid for drinks and it sounded like the pizza, too.

[D]

Yeah, I don't know. I mean, don't you think it just feels like if you ask someone out on a date. Yeah, you should be the one.

[B]

So are you saying it comes down to him asking you to cover the second round of drinks? That's why you're not calling him back?

[D]

No. Well, there was like. There was more. You know, we. We went to the arcade, which was okay, but he commented about my height at one point, saying, I thought you had. I thought you had model legs from your Tinder picture.

[E]

Oh, whoa.

[H]

Who?

[E]

That was his quote.

[C]

Model legs?

[D]

Yeah, it's like, I'm short and my legs are something I'm insecure about. So it's, like, weird for him to be like, I thought you had model legs. And basically saying, turns out you don't.

[E]

It's interesting because he's bringing up the same moments as you as, like, touch points on the date when we talk to him, but his versions are very

[B]

different, so in a way, there's two sides to every story. Yeah.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

That's insane.

[E]

So we got the younger women, we got the pain for the second round, and we got the weird backhanding and

[A]

him not being aware that he said all of that stuff rudely.

[B]

But the thing is that even if all that was, like, not to your liking, he said at the end of the date you kissed him.

[D]

Yeah, we did kiss, but he also had just finished a huge burrito that he was eating in my car.

[C]

Oh, no.

[D]

And I was trying to kind of end the date, so I was like, okay, I'll just be nice. And then he kisses me. And like, no lie, you guys. It was like kissing a dead body. Like.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Why is that a turn off? Exactly.

[D]

Oh, God.

[E]

So it was just burrito and the kiss. There was no energy on his point or movement or anything. Like, I don't.

[D]

Yeah, like, where is this guy on the kids? Like the morgue or something? I don't get it.

[E]

Well, Jeff did say all the good guys could be dead.

[B]

Okay, well, a lot of points are working against Colin, clearly.

[E]

That's probably a hard thing to hear, but definitely likes to hear that you're kissing sucks.

[B]

And he did hear that page because he's been on the other line of this phone call. Listening, waiting to talk.

[D]

No, he's not. Do I have to?

[B]

Yeah, he's already there. Colin.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[I]

Wow. Ouch. That's. That's pretty harsh.

[E]

Oh, hey, she didn't know your last name.

[I]

Yeah, I don't know like, you're. You're actually saying that like you're mad that I asked you to buy the second round of drinks. I mean, you wanted to get another drink.

[E]

We're just going to forget the kiss.

[B]

The kissing like a dead guy doesn't bother him.

[I]

Yeah, I mean, the kissing thing bothers me. Okay, that wasn't great, but, like, I'm not a cheap skate. I paid for everything else. Like, you're acting like I'm, like, broke guys finished last. I'm not.

[E]

No, I don't think that was the mantra. What was it again? Paige?

[D]

Broke boys never wins.

[C]

Never win.

[E]

And he's not broke. That's what he's saying.

[B]

Colin, sorry to, like, go out of order here, but do you want to defend yourself? Kissing.

[C]

Screw that.

[I]

I mean, there was, like, nothing going on. I mean, like, kissing her was like kissing somebody on life support. Like, she wasn't giving me anything.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[C]

You're both bad kissers.

[E]

But you liked it so much you called us for this.

[B]

I think his feelings might be hurt.

[E]

Okay, yeah. Hurt kissers.

[B]

Yeah. There's so many sayings and mantras that are coming out.

[C]

At least you got a kiss.

[D]

I don't know. I. Like, why would you want. Ever want your first kiss to be a kiss where you've got, like, half a huge burrito in your mouth, little

[B]

extra flavor on the kiss? I don't think it's a terrible thing.

[I]

I offered you if you wanted some. You said no.

[E]

I feel like this is devolving.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Like we're concentrating on all the bad things.

[A]

Like, I don't even know if there is a good.

[C]

Yeah, sure.

[E]

He was cute.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

Remember the dating site where they met? Where honest love happens every single time? It's like a rom com.

[E]

I see.

[B]

It's under True Romance happens here.

[I]

I'm probably done with Tinder, actually. If this is what it's going to be like, if it's just like, girls like her, then I probably will never use that up again.

[B]

Wow, this is not sounding good. It sounds like you two are on totally different pages right now. But you know what two pages make up?

[E]

What's that, Jeff?

[B]

A book?

[G]

Yes.

[E]

They go with a pamphlet.

[B]

Some sort of reading material that could get you through some portion of time. And I would love to pick up that pamphlet and read more of it as we send you out on a second date.

[D]

I think he wants to go out with someone with Model Escalant. So I'm not that, I guess.

[E]

Yeah, I apologize. Yeah. Colin, that was kind of rude.

[I]

Yeah, you know what, though? I do. I do want to go out with somebody with model S legs, so.

[B]

Okay.

[E]

Good luck, buddy.

[B]

All right, so you're rescinding your invite. And I guess that means there's not going to be a second date for Paige and Colin.

[D]

Yeah, I mean, you would have had to pay for it because he's broke, remember?

[C]

No, I'm not.

[D]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[B]

Fun update. After that call ended, we got an email from Collins saying he wishes he was gay or dead after that experience. And he says why not both? He says if any of our listeners actually believe the accusations made against him that he kisses like a corpse, he is more than willing to defend that vigorously.

[E]

Okay, so anyone who laughed at him, he just wants to make out with now.

[C]

Yeah, that'll show him.

[B]

Main point is he's still a fan of the show at the end of the day. So we got what we wanted out of this whole experience?

[E]

No, but now he's gonna go overboard, and instead of having dead lips, he's gonna be way overactive. Colin, my man, if you're still listening, there's a fine middle ground. You'll find it someday. Okay.

[B]

With that young model legged girlfriend that you've always wanted.

[E]

Yeah, that part may happen.

[B]

You get a little bit of something, and we can help you get a little bit of something. If you. If you need help in your dating life, reach out to the show. We'll call that person who's not calling you back. Go check out all of our second dates. They're up wherever you get your podcast at Brooke and Jeffrey. The Social Security administration just released the most popular baby names of the past year. Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning.

[E]

Yeah. Has Jeffrey made a resurgence?

[B]

Absolutely not. Not even close. The top ones for boys and girls. Girls are the same as they've been for the past seven years. I remember when we first reported on this a while back and we were like, oh, that's cute. I wonder how long those names are gonna last. Turns out a very long time because the most popular names are still Olivia and Liam.

[E]

Oh, Liam.

[C]

How do I forget it every year?

[E]

And Oliver's way up there.

[C]

Yeah, I know him.

[B]

Actually, all of the top four boys names are exactly the same as last year. It's number one, Liam, number two, Noah, then Oliver at three, and Theodore at number four.

[C]

Yeah, cuz you can call him Theo.

[B]

Yep. Biggest change that happened on the girl's side was Emma, which used to hold the number two spot for years, has now Moved all the way down to number three. Just the ripples Y in place of being emerging. Charlotte.

[C]

Charlotte's adorable.

[E]

I've got softball teams right now that I'm coaching that they sound like a bunch of grandmas on the roster.

[B]

All those old names are coming back. The Social Security Administration says 3.6 million babies were born last year. And if you're pregnant right now, may I suggest one of the fastest rising names? For boys, it's Kasai K a S A I.

[E]

That's kind of a cool name.

[B]

It means fire in Japanese.

[E]

That's cool.

[B]

And for the girls, also spelled with a K, it's clarity.

[E]

Oh, are the Kardashians pushing this one?

[B]

That's actually not one of the fastest rising names. I just personally like it. In fact, I wish we could get some clarity on this show. Maybe we'll get some during Laser stories. It's coming up right after this. It's the radio segment that's helping you deter unwanted kisses with new Wrigley's arctic albacore, a stick of gum that makes your mouth smell like an open fish market. So now celibacy seems like it's your choice.

[E]

That's right.

[B]

It's all thanks to laser stories, the segment where we read weird news stories around the globe just like everyone else does. Except we've got a laser. Those other tuna tongers. Just. This first laser story is out of Florida. The other night, a 37 year old woman named Kayla Burris was inside her home with her sleeping baby when she heard a loud noise on her screen porch that was steadily getting louder.

[E]

Oh, that's not good.

[B]

Her mind raced to the worst possible situation. That there were intruders trying to break into her sliding glass door. But she wasn't sure. So before. Before calling 91 1, she ran over to the window and looked outside and could not believe what she saw. So right there on her lanai were two large alligators just going at it.

[E]

Wait.

[C]

Oh, going at it like that.

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Oh, they were very happy alligators.

[C]

I don't even know what that looks like.

[B]

One of the beasts had shredded their way through the mesh of her screen and the other was seen biting the other one.

[E]

Oh, they're into that stuff.

[B]

Seductively.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So similar to humans.

[I]

Yep.

[B]

Interviewed by local news, Kayla said it was unlike any mating ritual she'd ever seen before, implying that she's seen many of them before. But this one was unlike those.

[E]

Well, it's Florida.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

She says both animals were making unworldly noises and the largest gator had his jaws forced through her door. Oh my God. That's how you know you're doing it right?

[C]

And that's the pleasure time.

[B]

Oh yeah.

[E]

Do you think she just got the popcorn and sat back for the show

[A]

Watch on her ring camera.

[B]

Cops did send out a licensed trapper to take care of the animals. And that guy couldn't believe how intense the scene was. He deals with stuff like this all over the state, but this was the first time in his life he felt like telling the gators, jeez, get a room, would you? That's how you know it's good.

[E]

Wow.

[B]

Let's go to your next laser story out of Texas. Last year, a 32 year old thief named Jathan Glider stole 3/4 of a million dollars worth of diamond earrings from Tiffany's. Wow.

[C]

How you have to work there.

[E]

Well, he was arrested because we know his name, so he didn't do it.

[B]

Well, when police caught him, Jathan did what any smart criminal would do and swallow the evidence.

[E]

It's gonna come out.

[H]

Yeah.

[B]

Didn't fool anyone. But Jathan wasn't sure. He asked cops quote, am I gonna be charged with what's in my stomach? He even regretted it, adding, I should have thrown them out the window. This was a dumb move. Jason may not seem like the sharpest mastermind, but he thinks that he can handle the currency situation he's in. And I say that cuz he's elected to be his own lawyer.

[E]

All right, good idea, Jason.

[B]

In fact, he just rejected a plea deal offer which would have reduced his time in prison by decades and instead has decided to represent himself at trial. It's unclear what kind of a defense he'll mount since the evidence against him smells pretty foul because he. Yes, he did pass the two sets of earrings while in custody.

[E]

Does that mean they got. Did they get cleaned and put back on the shelf at Tiffany?

[B]

It's evidence.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Okay. And then there's fingerprints on there, I'm sure.

[E]

I don't think there's fingerprints on there by that point.

[B]

Well, who knows?

[E]

I don't think you need fingerprints.

[B]

If you clean them, you'll never know. Plus some unexpected mystery earrings that were not from the Tiffany's heist made their way out too.

[E]

He just had those in his pocket. Pocket.

[B]

Yeah, I'm sure all, all of it's going to come up at trial. If convicted, he could be looking at 30 years for robbery with a 15 year mandatory minimum.

[E]

Yeah, but I'm sure he'll do a great job.

[B]

Of course, worst anniversary gift for his girlfriend ever. Let's go to your next laser story, out of TV town. Just when you thought prime time and network TV was dying, NBC announces the show show to end all shows. Because the powers that be just bought the rights to the online app game wordle and want to turn it into a game show.

[A]

Oh yeah, you have to go on

[C]

it on TV now.

[E]

I'm sorry. I love wordle, but how would that eat? Like, it takes me three minutes to complete the wordle. Like, wow, how do you turn that into a TV show?

[C]

A lot of commercial breaks and if

[B]

you don't remember, wordle is that mobile game where you have five guesses to guess the five letter word of the day. Yeah, and it was fun for a minute during the pandemic, but nerds like Brooks still play it all the time.

[C]

Hey, yeah, the ones that still played are really good at it.

[E]

Digital Jake still plays and he is so crazy about it. He and his friends have a Excel spreadsheet where they track how many tries it took them to get the word correct.

[C]

Didn't he get it once in one try?

[E]

Only once.

[C]

Oh my God.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

If you want to know what cool looks like, look at this. Jake and all of his buddies and their Excel spreadsheets. But now they're somehow turning it into a televised competition series where contestants will play for actual cash.

[G]

That would be fun.

[E]

Took me five tries yesterday. I don't know that I have it in me.

[C]

I would love to see you on this.

[B]

Plus, they've tapped Today show co anchor Savannah Guthrie as the host of it. She says she's been a voracious wordle player for many years and she can't wait.

[E]

Interesting. I think they go with someone younger.

[B]

But does this show make you feel like maybe you're not in the cool group anymore?

[E]

Jake? You know Jake's a Gen Z game

[C]

would have cool young puzzles aren't hip to the kids anymore.

[B]

Applications for contestants are open now if you're interested. Come on, bro. The show will be added to the network schedule next year right after real life shoots and ladders. Oh, that is what I. I would watch that one. Let's go to your final laser story. Out of India oil isn't the only thing being held up by the Iran war conflict. Apparently you can add Diet Coke to the list too.

[G]

What?

[E]

Uhoh. Why?

[B]

We know that cuz stores in India are having a very hard time stalking the beloved beverage. And that's why 25 year old is she. Chika Gupta decided it'd be funny to throw A Diet Coke themed party.

[E]

People who love it, love it for real. It's like a personality.

[A]

It's a cute theme of a party.

[B]

Yeah, it is. And so she put the invite online and thought maybe a handful of her friends would show up. But in 24 hours, tickets had sold out completely and there were hundreds of people on the wait list to get

[E]

in to the diamond Diet Coke.

[B]

Party attendees showed up wearing Coke themed outfits. They danced to house music and made their own Diet Coke concoctions at the coattail bar.

[C]

You know, someone was like, I read Coke party and I am definitely mistaken.

[E]

Yeah, did not get the diet part in that.

[B]

Now the parties are alcohol free, so the hottest thing to put in your Diet Coke is pickle juice or pickled jalapenos.

[C]

Spicy. I was gonna say something spicy.

[E]

See, aren't we crazy?

[B]

And because of the success, Ishika says she'll now host weekly parties all around Delhi. Each ticket will cost around 16 bucks. It comes with two cans of diet Coke mixers and plenty of soda themed props to go around.

[C]

All right.

[E]

I mean, good for her. She just made a business out of it.

[C]

People love it.

[E]

Tell Coca Cola Caesar.

[B]

Yeah, it's probably no Wordle themed party. Never get that crazy. But I know one guy who already will be there cuz he's in charge of the music.

[E]

Oh.

[B]

In fact, he goes by DJ Double Coke can. And it is not a secret. His nickname has nothing to do with the beverage. Just two Coke cans stacked on top of one another.

[C]

Just a little humpage, you know?

[B]

You know what I'm talking about. It's like the gators in Florida all over again. That sound means lasers stories has come to an end for the day. We'll do it again same time on Friday. We're talking to Linda, who you might remember if you've listened to this segment before. Cuz she spends half her time here in the US and the other half in beautiful Tanzania.

[E]

That's right.

[B]

Apparently we caught her just before she left. She's actually at a park right now in America, looking out over a river with her loving husband. The perfect scene to play a radio trivia game. Welcome back, Linda. We are happy to ruin your idyllic peaceful day. How are you?

[D]

We are doing good. Brooke. You have to go down. You really have to go down this time.

[E]

Wow. Are you gonna like get your husband to help? Am I playing two? Is it one versus two right now? What's happening?

[D]

It may be if need, but he'll be speaking Swahili,

[E]

so I won't even know if he got the answer right or not, because I don't speak that.

[D]

Exactly.

[B]

All right, well, let's see if we can send you back to Africa. On a good note, Brooks leaving the studio, you got 30 seconds on the clock to answer as many questions as possible. If you don't know when you can say pass, but you have to beat her outright if you want to win. Are you ready?

[D]

Yes. Yes. Yes.

[B]

You are in the right headspace. Here we go. Your time starts now. Barry Allen is the secret identity of what DC superhero, Green Lantern or the Flash?

[D]

The Flash.

[B]

Skip that one. What airline uses the slogan Keep climbing?

[D]

No idea.

[H]

Pass.

[B]

In what decade did the Nintendo game boy debut? 70s, 80s or 90s 70s? What vegetable is found in a dish served Florentine style?

[D]

Potatoes.

[B]

Which president's likeness is depicted on a purple triple heart?

[D]

Jackson.

[B]

Oh, all right, good.

[C]

No idea.

[B]

There was a lot of confidence in your guests there, Linda, so that was awesome. Now, Linda, real quick, you did tell our producer that you're going back to Tanzania mainly because you miss your animals that you take care of there. Some African dogs, cats, 23 species of birds.

[C]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

Mongoose. And something called bush. Yes. What are bush babies?

[D]

Well, they look like a monkey, but with a raccoon body. And they have really big eyes and they only come out at night.

[E]

Dude, it sounds like a star of the next Disney animated movie.

[D]

There you go. Exactly.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Don't let the eyes scare you.

[C]

Coming to you this fall, bush baby.

[B]

Don't let the eyes scare you. I love it, Linda. Now, Brooke, it's your turn. Are you ready?

[E]

Yes.

[B]

Your time starts now. Barry Allen is the secret identity of what DC superhero, Green Lantern or the Flash?

[E]

The Flash.

[B]

What airline uses the slogan Keep climbing Delta? In what decade did the Nintendo game boy debut? 70s, 80s or 90s?

[E]

80s.

[B]

What vegetable is found in a dish served Florentine style?

[E]

Spinach?

[B]

Which president's likeness is depicted on a purple Heart?

[E]

Roosevelt.

[B]

In the card game, what number must you hit in order to get a black jack?

[E]

Ace.

[F]

Sorry, Brook.

[B]

Interesting.

[F]

Can we go back, Brook? I need a specific Roosevelt. Like every single time we have a Roosevelt question.

[E]

Oh, I'm going to go with the first one.

[F]

Okay. And his first name would be?

[E]

There's Theodore, but it was the one before him.

[B]

Theodore was actually the first one.

[E]

Oh, he was. Who is the next one?

[B]

FDR. Franklin Del Rose.

[E]

Dude, his monument is in D.C. is huge. It's really cool.

[B]

It's like trying to compensate for getting his name.

[C]

Now you're making up for it.

[E]

I mean, it is cool. I never had that one on my list, and you all should go see it.

[C]

Cool.

[B]

All right. What were we doing?

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

To the scoreboard with our own Jose. Oh, sounds like someone's girdle is pinching bolognos.

[C]

Linda, you did really well. You went really quickly, but you got one correct today.

[D]

Oh, my God. That's worse than than last time.

[C]

Linda. Brooke got four.

[E]

Jules, maybe you need to call us when you come back, because, like, right now you have too many things on your mind. Like all the checklists you got to do before you leave.

[H]

Yeah, that is true.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

But you got to throw me a bone sometime.

[E]

That was the bone. That was what? Me making you feel better?

[D]

Yeah, that didn't work yet.

[B]

Let's throw you the answers to the questions today, cuz. Barry Allen is the secret identity of the Flash. From DC Comics. The airline that uses the slogan Keep climbing is Delta Airlines. Nintendo Game Boys debuted in the 1980s and 1989. If a dish is served Florentine style, it has the vegetable spinach in it. The president that's on the Purple Heart award is George Washington. If a soldier is injured in the line of duty. Purple Heart. And in the card game blackjack, you have to hit number 21 in order to get a blackjack. That is an ace.

[C]

Brook, along with knew what she was saying.

[E]

My brain stopped.

[D]

To be fair, I did know 21, but I didn't get to that question

[B]

just to be fair.

[C]

Okay, we will be fair. We will add it. And now you got two, right? And Brooke got four.

[B]

All right, that's a nice consolation.

[D]

A little bit.

[C]

There you go.

[B]

And an additional consolation just for playing, we are going to give you a family four pack of tickets to the festivities at Evergreen Speedway this Memorial Day weekend.

[C]

All right.

[E]

Thank you. All right, Linda. Well, have a great time in Tanzania, and we'll be jealous that you're there

[D]

and you stop winning so much.

[B]

And I will be playing you again

[D]

when I get back.

[E]

Okay, I'm going to go look up what a bush baby looks like.

[B]

Yeah. All right, Linda, you have fun. We're going to do Winbrook's Bucks same time tomorrow.

[D]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.