FULL SHOW: Double Kiss Surprise Date, Dumbest Lies Ever + Battle of the Tinder Dates (2/18/26)

Summary

Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update

FULL SHOW: Double Kiss Surprise Date, Dumbest Lies Ever + Battle of the Tinder Dates (2/18/26) Podcast Date: February 22, 2026
Host: iHeartPodcasts

---

Episode Overview

This lively episode of "Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning" blends hilarious pop culture commentary, trending internet topics, confessions of the dumbest lies ever told, and the show’s signature segments like the “Battle of the Tinder Dates” and “Second Date Update.” The episode is packed with games, listener stories, playful banter, and a focus on the awkward, cringeworthy, and sometimes unexpectedly heartwarming moments in modern dating and daily life.

---

Key Segments & Discussion Points

---

1. Dumbest Lies Ever Told

[00:04–00:47, 51:07–58:12]

• Opening Banter: The hosts rib each other about their clothing choices, tipping habits, and the rising cost of basic fast food like Subway.
• Main Theme: The episode builds on a new survey featuring people’s confessions about the silliest or most unbelievable lies they've ever told.
• Notable Lies Discussed:
  • Pretending to be the voice in Mazda commercials (“zoom zoom”) [53:15]
  • Claiming to be all the background screams on "Grey’s Anatomy" [53:23]
  • Lying about religion to get a discount on an engagement ring [53:39]
  • Faking an inability to pronounce “evil” (pronounced “evile” for years) [55:46]
  • Convincing a nephew there were 400,000 people watching a Twitch stream when there were 6 [56:32]
  • Telling everyone Reba McEntire was their aunt and meeting her at a buffet for proof [57:29]
• Memorable Quotes:
  • “I used to tell people that I was the voice that whispered ‘zoom zoom’ at the end of those Mazda commercials.” — [53:18]
  • “When my family moved to Nashville, I started telling everyone at my new school Reba McEntire was my aunt.” — [57:40]
• Tone: Irreverent, confessional, with the group egging each other on to admit similar stories.

---

2. Shot Caller Question of the Day: Girl Scout Edition

[04:11–09:36]

• Host Digital Jake quizzes the team on Girl Scout lore (e.g., hand signs for the Girl Scout promise, famous former Girl Scouts, and mythical badges).
  • Notable moments: Alexis correctly answers the “three fingers” hand sign [05:49]; Brooke misses on Taylor Swift not being a Girl Scout [06:45].
  • Girl Scout trivia transitions into gags about communism as the “fourth C” and unsuccessful badge suggestions.
• Memorable Quote:
  • "Courage, confidence, and communism." – Jeffrey [08:23]
• Funny Forfeit: The loser has to sing "Milkshake" by Kelis. [09:10–09:32]

---

3. Trending TikTok Food: Glitter Pickles (“Glickles”)

[09:36–11:31]

• Discussion: TikTok’s viral obsession with edible glitter in pickles (“glickles”), how to make them, toxic vs. edible glitter, and jokes about glittery bodily functions.
• Cultural Commentary: A playful critique of food fads, safety hazards, and branding fails (e.g., Jimmy John’s using non-edible glitter).

---

4. Laser Stories — Weird & Wild News

[11:44–18:39]

• Notable Stories:
  • The Bullet Train Clinger: Man in Germany clings between two train cars after missing boarding, leading to arrests and charges [12:25].
  • The Lonely Sunfish: A Japanese aquarium’s 9-foot sunfish is cheered up by life-sized cutouts of people, proving fish miss human interaction [14:10].
  • Locked Pharmacy Cases Backfire: Walgreens loses millions due to products being locked up, deterring buyers more than thieves [15:45].
  • Veggie Superpowers: Reading kids fairy tales about magical vegetables increases their willingness to eat healthy foods [17:41].
• Memorable Moment: Aquarium workers use daily new people-photos for the sunfish: “By the next day, the sunfish was totally happy again.” [14:56]
• Host Commentary: “Maybe he'll finally realize he should give up smoking.” (On the train story) — Brooke [13:48]

---

5. Battle of the Tinder Dates: Nightmare First Dates

[19:01–27:12]

• Format: Two contestants face off over the worst date stories.
  • Contestant #1, Valerie: Mansion turns out to be a frat house, attends a funeral for a dead pet fish in a public bathroom, literal “Chain Smokers” in an alley, and more.
  • Contestant #2, Amanda: Goes on a date with a guy whose “friend” is his parole officer, is tricked into “amateur night” at a strip club (owner kicks her out), recruited as an accomplice to steal an engagement ring from an ex-wife.
• Winner: Valerie, for genuinely believing she was meeting the band “The Chainsmokers,” but it was just guys smoking in an alley.
• Memorable Quotes:
  • "He needed someone for strength, and he was gonna have a funeral for his pet fish." – Valerie [23:32]

---

6. Second Date Update: Double Kiss Surprise

[34:17–50:03]

• Storyline: Listener Trisha recounts her date with Gino: they play competitive basketball (she accidentally hurts his nose), bond over drinks, and have an affectionate (double) goodbye, which she fears may have been “too much.”
• Aftermath: Gino starts to respond less enthusiastically to her messages.
• Host Investigation: Calls Gino to get his side; turns out he’s put off not by the date, but by Trisha’s future-heavy texts post-date (“What’s the best case scenario for us?” and “If we got married, would you give up fantasy football for me?”) [43:44, 44:24].
• Resolution: Gino is open to a second date if things slow down and aren’t so intense up front.
• Quotes:
  • “Would your parents ever let us stay in their house so we can save for our future?” — Trisha (Gino quoting her) [47:12]
  • “Welcome to the rest of your life, Gino.” — Jeffrey [50:00]

---

7. Listener Call-ins & Game Segments

Win Brooke’s Bucks with Tyler [58:20–63:45]

• Feature: Return contestant Tyler shares he previously won $17,000 on Wheel of Fortune.
• Game: General trivia with snappy, light-hearted banter.
• Outcome: Brooke wins, Tyler gets tickets to Cardi B.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I think Jeffrey’s got more personality. And swaggle.” — Tyler (contestant) [60:51]
• “If you want to scream, cry at someone for taking a crouton off of your salad without asking first, you’re just the type of person we need.” — Jeffrey, encouraging wild daters to contact the show [50:50]
• “He realized it's awkward, but he needed someone for strength, and he was going to have a funeral for his pet fish.” — Valerie, Tinder Date contestant [23:32]

---

Important Timestamps

• 00:00 – Banter, opening, and show tease
• 04:11 – Shot Caller: Girl Scout Edition
• 09:36 – Glitter Pickles (“Glickles”) TikTok trend
• 11:44 – Laser Stories: international and viral news
• 19:01 – Battle of the Tinder Dates
• 34:17 – Second Date Update: Double Kiss Surprise
• 51:07 – Dumbest Lies Ever Told: Main Segment
• 58:20 – Win Brooke’s Bucks trivia game

---

Overall Tone & Style

The episode thrives on high-energy, quick-witted, and occasionally self-deprecating humor. The hosts don’t shy away from poking fun at themselves, their guests, and the quirks of modern dating. Listener participation and relatable awkwardness drive the show’s infectious, anything-goes tone.

---

Summary Takeaways

• Best for: Listeners who enjoy outrageous dating stories, pop culture trends, and interactive games.
• Relatability: The episode strikes a balance between light-hearted game segments, genuinely awkward social encounters, and surprisingly heartwarming resolutions.
• Unique Selling Point: The segment blend — from failed second dates to the wackiest lies ever told — keeps the show fast-paced and unpredictable.

---

In short: This episode is packed with “cringe” and chaos, offering a hilarious look at what it means to date in 2026, the lies we tell, and the odd, often funny ways we try (and sometimes fail) to connect with each other.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, Alexis. I like your shirt. Thanks. Hey, it's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[B]

And today, wildly weird.

[A]

Today we're gonna go over the dumbest lies ever told. Oh, ouch.

[C]

Brooke, it's a plain black T shirt, so joke's on you. Everyone likes this.

[B]

It kind of looks like never go out of style.

[A]

It kind of looks like the thermals I wear for my skiing. For skiing, but. Right. Okay.

[C]

I liked you better when you're lying.

[B]

You do kind of look like Steve Jobless.

[C]

I don't know who that is.

[A]

Opposite of Steve Jobs.

[D]

Oh.

[B]

If anyone can picture Steve Jobs, just laugh with this right now.

[E]

I liked it.

[B]

Sorry, it was my usual joke.

[A]

I did not get it. We got a full hour podcast for you. Thank you so much for being here. That is sincere. Yes.

[B]

It's not a lie.

[A]

And also, we've got comments to start us off.

[C]

Gil must be binging old stuff because they said it's fun to hear laser stories from seven years ago predicting things that just never happened.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, geez, dude. I saw someone comment on a 2013 episode and just saying, wow. Dating was wild back.

[C]

Oh.

[A]

I mean, it is a real trip down memory lane how different it was. Yeah. Stay modern with us. Okay.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Listen to this show instead. It starts right now.

[D]

Fun fact about me, most of my co hosts know this. I love Subway. Not being paid to say it. Yeah, I just do. Always have.

[A]

Yeah, I didn't know that.

[C]

I didn't know that either.

[B]

I did.

[D]

I talked about it multiple times on the show before.

[C]

I've never seen you eat Subway.

[A]

Yeah, we always get Jimmy John.

[D]

She's right.

[B]

You never eat it here, though.

[D]

Well, because they're the ones that offer to paint. You guys want the Jimmy John's, so I would go with the free Jimmy John's, but.

[A]

So you're a Subway guy. I know you. You have one sandwich that you order every single time.

[D]

It's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. And I was getting my favorite sandwich the other day.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Foot long turkey with chips inside.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

You ask for the chips there. You don't do it yourself?

[D]

No.

[A]

Are you serious? You're that high demand?

[D]

They're the artists. I'm just letting them do their craft.

[A]

You're just telling them how to art.

[B]

I used to work there and we. I never put chips in for anybody.

[D]

The total came out to around 17 bucks.

[A]

Yes. Probably because of your chip fee.

[D]

And I'm thinking that is quite a bit of dough.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

So I'm paying. And then the prompt comes up on the credit card machine. How much do you want to tip?

[B]

Here we go.

[D]

I'm already paying 17 for this.

[B]

Yes, but you're also asking for chips.

[A]

So what do you do?

[D]

Two things changed my mind. One, I looked across the counter and the employee is standing, staring at me with big puppy dog like eyes, like, I made this for you with my own hands.

[C]

You're probably the only one in there. So they know I'm sweating.

[D]

My blood is in this sandwich. And the second factor, that Subway was playing our radio station over the speakers at the time, so I felt kind of obligated there.

[A]

You tipped, right?

[D]

I tipped them very well. I'm just saying. And then I see an article this morning that says a new survey found 76.1% of people believe tipping has gone too far.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Brooke, you agree?

[A]

I mean, I. Where was I the other day? Where they asked for a tip? And I'm like, I haven't even talked to anyone. So.

[D]

The biggest percentage of people who believe it's gone too far is actually the service workers themselves.

[A]

Oh, really?

[D]

And it's not that they don't want more money. They love more money. They just want a higher wage, so they don't even have to worry about tips.

[A]

I know, seriously.

[B]

Then they have to practice the do eyes that they were giving at you,

[A]

you know, but people don't like living wa wages. You know, the employers don't.

[D]

Anyway, yeah, the anti tipping trend appears to be taking hold now, and around 74% of service workers have noticed customers are now tipping less because people are exhausted by it.

[A]

Right.

[C]

It's so expensive already.

[D]

We're always shouting out our Instagrams on this show. What we should be doing is shouting out our venmos. We'll see how the shot caller question of the day goes. And then maybe if he does a really good job, digital Jake's gonna earn a tip right afterwards.

[F]

Of course, Jeffrey. I do this for the love of the game.

[D]

Go ahead, Jake.

[F]

There's a talented troupe of tenacious tactical tykes that around this time of year engage in covert missions of subterfuge, entrapment and high caliber capitalism right in front of our very eyes.

[B]

What is going on?

[D]

Are we talking about the subway people again?

[F]

I'm talking about the girl Scouts. And today it happens to be National Girl Scout Day.

[D]

Hey.

[A]

Oh, cute.

[F]

Every year, they're solely responsible for adding around £2,000 to our total office weight, thanks to their boxes of delicious cookies.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Worth it.

[F]

Unfortunately, I don't have any thin mints to give you. But instead, I have a sleeve of trivia questions for a special Girl Scout edition of Plenty of Dwenty. All right, let's start with Alexis today. Alexis. Alexis, give me number one through 20, and I'll give you a Girl Scout question.

[C]

Let's go seven.

[F]

Number seven. Alexis. There's an official Girl Scout promise. It's on my honor. I will try to serve God, my country, to help people at all times and to live by the Girl Scout law.

[A]

Intense.

[F]

And they use a special hand sign while reciting it. How many fingers do they hold up during the Girl Scout promise?

[D]

It does sound like the radio promise that we make when we get our jobs here.

[C]

So intense.

[A]

I just swore that I was gonna be here till my death. Did you guys do something different?

[D]

You put a dagger to your own

[C]

throat trying to think. Two is to the Hunger Games. You know what they do, like, do do?

[D]

Oh, yeah. Two Hunger Games.

[C]

Four looks kind of funny, so maybe I'll say three fingers up.

[A]

Jake, Three fingers.

[F]

Alexis said three fingers. That is correct. It's the pointer, middle, and ring fingers.

[D]

You weren't a Girl Scout growing up?

[F]

No, he did Hunger Games.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[F]

Let's go over to Brooke. All right, Brooke, give me number one through 20, please.

[A]

12.

[F]

Brooke, I'm gonna name three famous music artists, and you need to tell me which one was not a Girl Scout.

[A]

Oh, that's funny.

[F]

Your options are Taylor Swift.

[A]

Okay.

[F]

Mariah Carey and Megan Thee, Stallion. Which one was not a Girl Scout?

[A]

So I was not a Girl Scout. I was in Campfire Kids.

[B]

Oh, what's that?

[A]

We sold all Monroca. You were the Girl Scouts from Wish.

[D]

Yeah,

[A]

but I actually think. And I'm just gonna tell you, it's because of age situations here. I don't think Taylor Swift was. I think that she started her music career young, which means she was concentrating on that. So I think she was not a Girl Scout.

[F]

Brooke went with Taylor Swift. That is incorrect. Looking for Megan Thee, stallion. Mariah and Taylor were. So Brooke is out. We're gonna move over to Jose. Okay, Jose, please give me number one through 20.

[B]

Let's go.

[A]

Six.

[F]

Number six. If you've ever seen a Girl Scout, they earn badges that they wear on their uniforms for achieving different things in the past. Which of these was not a real badge? Two of these are real. One of these is not Jose. The law and order badge for polygraph and DNA testing. The cosmetic surgery badge for studying ways to surgically alter a person's appearance.

[B]

Oh, no.

[F]

Or the laundress badge for expertise in laundry.

[B]

I don't want those last two.

[F]

Your options again. Law and order. Cosmetic surgery, surgery, or laundry badge. Which one is not real?

[D]

Each one has its merits.

[B]

All right, everyone, Kimber just got her rhinoplasty

[A]

smell.

[D]

Well, all right.

[B]

I'm gonna say the cosmetic one has to be fake.

[F]

Jake, Jose said cosmetic surgery badge. That is yes, Correct. That one's not real yet. Not with that. We're on to Jeffrey. Jeffrey, Give me number one through 23. What are the three Cs of the girl Scouts? Jeffrey? I'll give you two of them. Courage, competence. And what's the third?

[D]

Courage, confidence.

[F]

It's not cookies.

[B]

Oh, that would be good.

[D]

Courage, confidence, and consistency. That's not a thing.

[A]

That's so boring.

[B]

I know.

[D]

What's exciting. Communism. I have no idea.

[F]

Jeffrey went with communism. That's the fourth C. I'm sorry, Unofficial fourth C. I was looking for character. We're back to Alexis. If you get this wrong, Jose's winning the Girl Scout addition of plenty of 20. Alexis, give me another number.

[A]

Let's go. 10.

[F]

Number 10. The original Girl Scout cookie came out in 1917 when a troop in Oklahoma began baking their own. And it was pretty basic. What kind of cookie was it?

[C]

Oh, if it's basic, it's got to be the shortbread, right? Is it pretty basic? The tree falls.

[F]

Alexis said shortbread. That is incorrect. Is looking for sugar cookie. Jose has won the Girl Scout edition of plenty of 20.

[B]

I'm a girl Scout. They wouldn't let me in.

[A]

Look at me now.

[C]

Is that creepy?

[D]

Since Jose wins, he gets to choose who gets shocked. And someone's gonna be singing Milkshake by Kelis. So who is it?

[B]

It's gonna be you, Jeff.

[D]

Okay, My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like, it's better than yarn.

[B]

They should sell milkshakes, too.

[D]

Yeah, cookies.

[B]

That'd be awesome.

[D]

That's your shot caller. Question of the day. We got your phone tab coming up in just a few minutes.

[G]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[D]

Good news. Your boring lunch from the deli just got a lot fancier. Okay, it's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning because TikTok's newest food obsession is glitter pickles.

[B]

Okay, I like pickles. Not a big fan of glitter, though.

[C]

They make edible glitter.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, really?

[D]

Glickles for short.

[B]

I love the name.

[D]

And there's a video on how to make them. It went viral last month, but a lot of people miss that over the holidays. Plus, the Hashtag pretty pickles is trending right now.

[B]

Wait a minute.

[D]

That's.

[F]

Careful.

[D]

Not just on my computer either. All over the world. And they're actually. They're really easy to make. You just open up a regular jar of pickles and you dump a ton of edible glitter in there.

[C]

I put it in drinks to make them look fancy.

[A]

Emphasize edible.

[D]

Edible. And that's it. Then you just enjoy the fanciest, shiniest pickle you've ever seen.

[A]

It doesn't taste like anything. The glitter doesn't.

[B]

But what's the benefit then? Why do you do well if you

[A]

eat it with your kids? Because we get glitter donuts. Often you get to make jokes about how it's going to come out.

[B]

I was just gonna say, does it make number two more fun?

[A]

I mean, ask Alexa. She's the one that's drinking all the time.

[C]

Never joked about it in that way.

[F]

I'm under your cues, Alexis.

[C]

That's why I use the glitter.

[D]

Since it's trending naturally. A bunch of brands jumped onto Jimmy John's, posted a photo where they were making Glickles, but they got called out for using non edible glue

[B]

inside.

[A]

And it's gonna be in the restaurant forever. Like, you can't get rid of it.

[D]

Totally don't do that. JJ Normal glitter can be toxic. Even if it says non toxic on the bottle, you're eating a spoonful of microplastics. Apparently not really that.

[A]

Yeah, let's just stay away from any glitter like that.

[D]

Yeah, but if you want to try a glittery pickle, you can get jars of the approved edible kind on Amazon right now for about 10 bucks. Nice.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

And we've put some edible glitter onto our laser for a brand new fancy edition of Glazer Stories. It's coming up right after this.

[B]

Hello, it's Glazer Stories.

[D]

It's the radio segment that's been working on a new food mashup with Baskin Robbins and Starkist seafood called the Tuna Milkshake. Oh, no, Jeff, you want that hundred percent natural sea cream Flav, Gulp down a refreshing tuna milkshake Today with Laser Stories, the segment where we read weird news stories around the globe just like everyone else says. Except we've got a laser. Those other swim shamers just don't. You can. This first laser story is out of Europe. Many countries now have bullet trains, and the other day, one was zipping through Germany and had a scheduled stop halfway between Munich and Nuremberg.

[A]

God, I'm so jealous. US of countries that have those fast

[B]

trains they're so cool. Get around the country so quick.

[D]

Well, we have the bullets here. It's not, you know, not so much

[A]

the trains, not as fun.

[B]

Those also send people places.

[D]

During that time, a 40 year old Hungarian man named Laszlo Kovac stepped off the train to smoke a cigarette Y and didn't get back on before they closed the doors.

[B]

Oh, dang.

[A]

Yeah, be careful.

[D]

He saw it leaving, so he jumped onto a bracket connecting two of the train cars and held on for dear life as it hit 175 miles an hour. No.

[B]

And like you said, it's a bullet train. It's not a regular train. These are super fast.

[A]

Just wait till the next train. And catch up with the What?

[D]

Thankfully, after 20 miles, somebody saw him,

[A]

which is actually five seconds.

[F]

Yeah, that's true.

[D]

Officials stopped the train and he was saved. Oh, my God.

[B]

I'm imagining like Spider man when he's in front of the train in that

[A]

way, he better have left like a really important bag or something on that train.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

When authorities showed up, Laszlo said he did it because his luggage was on board and he didn't want to be separated from it. So he's now facing charges for an act disruptive to operations. And shocker. Cops also found he never actually bought a ticket. So he boarded illegally as well. Which is something that they tacked on that infraction to it too.

[A]

Hey, maybe it'll finally. Maybe he'll finally realize he should give up smoking. Yeah, that's the scene. He hadn't done that. Happy in this pickle.

[D]

This next laser story's out of Japan. An aquarium closed for renovation last month, around the same time their giant sunfish had become unwell. Oh, no. The nine foot long fish refused to eat and would rub its belly up against the glass.

[A]

Oh, buddy.

[D]

Marine biologists were doing everything they could to try and fix what they thought was a digestive problem. That is, until one staff member suggested, maybe it's just lonely because it misses the visitors.

[A]

That would be this. It would be. It'd be like a Finding Nemo character.

[D]

It's like, will you rub my belly? Scientists thought there was a 99 chance that was not the case. But they would test the theory just to see. Okay, they printed it, printed out light life size pictures of people and taped them up against the tank windows.

[B]

Oh, not even.

[A]

Right. Because it's closed to visitors, so.

[D]

And by the next day, the sunfish was totally happy again.

[B]

He's like, he just wants attention, sun eating friends.

[D]

It turns out the one staffer was Right. The giant sunfish was just lonely. And aquarium workers have been changing out the people's photos daily and taking turns going to hang out with the sunfish. They spend at least a couple hours each day waving and smiling. Time totally well spent.

[B]

A whole show for.

[A]

Is this sunfish a Labrador retriever of the seas?

[D]

And this isn't the first time an aquarium's had to cheer up lonely fish either. During the 2020 COVID lockdown, Tokyo's Sumida Aquarium asked for volunteers to FaceTime with its 300 spotted garden eels who'd become shy without people around, making it hard for the staff to check up on. Look, they're eels.

[B]

I'm sorry, but.

[A]

But they're shy eels.

[B]

Shy sea eel.

[D]

Come on. This next laser story is out of the pharmacy files. Walgreens just came to a big realization. When you lock stuff up in a store, you don't sell as many of them.

[F]

What?

[B]

Yeah, Jeff, what is duh?

[D]

I know. It's a great big duh to any customer ever. But Walgreens is the first to admit that locking their cases to deter theft actually cost the company a lot more money than they would have ever lost in shoplifting.

[A]

Thank God. I hate pushing that button just to get, like, my kids vitamins.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, at Target or whatever. And then. Then they take 20 minutes, and I finally just give up. I'm like, well, vitamin deficient kids it is.

[D]

The company reported a net loss of $245 million last year, compared to just 39 million a year earlier.

[A]

That math is not good for them.

[D]

Yeah. While the problem theft hasn't gone away, it's a lot smaller compared to them not being able to sell anything behind locked cases.

[B]

Okay, dude, I swear, you can't buy laundry detergent now.

[A]

You can't buy anything.

[B]

You look like a crackhead trying to buy them. Like, yeah, give me the big thing of Tide pods. The big one, buddy. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Your supply, it does make you feel sketchy. Yeah. You're like, I. I swear this is for laundry.

[B]

I swear.

[D]

The company's looking at more creative solutions after the numbers came out, possibly making decoy products.

[A]

What?

[D]

Or equipping their carts with alarms if you try to leave their store with an unscanned item.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

I mean, that's better than the glass cases, I guess. Yeah, or plastic cases.

[D]

They aren't exactly sure yet. Until then, they plan on closing about 1200 stores over the next three years.

[A]

Yikes.

[B]

I can't afford to stay open.

[A]

How many stores do they have? Geez.

[D]

This next laser story's out of the kale connection. Here's a snack hack for people with young children. A new study found they'll eat more vegetables if they think it gives them superpowers.

[B]

Yeah, I love spinach. Cause when I was a kid, my parents would be like, feel like Popeye. Eat your spinach. Get big muscles.

[D]

Yep. Researchers spent 20 minutes reading kids fairy tales that involved magical fruits and vegetables. And the hero in the story was either healed or saved by eating them.

[B]

Wow.

[D]

And then after the story was done, they offered the kids a choice of four different snacks. Fruit, vegetables, cake, or cookies.

[A]

They go with cookies.

[D]

Turned out the story made them more likely to choose the healthier food options and leave the cake behind.

[A]

Okay, would that work on me? Because I would like to choose kale over cookies, and I don't ever.

[D]

Well, plus, the veggie superhero study had a lasting effect on it. 80% of those kids were still eating more greens even weeks later.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

That is cool.

[B]

I like this.

[D]

It just goes to show that everybody should be thinking about going more green. Like this guy.

[A]

Oh, he's very green.

[D]

He would love to be in his own superhero book someday. Maybe even as a villain. Spider man versus the Green Gobbler. It could happen. And that sound means laser stories has come to an end for the day. We'll do it again same time on Friday. Imagine winning an unlimited shopping spree.

[A]

Alexis is so excited.

[D]

But it's at your weird neighbor's garage sale.

[C]

Oh, never mind.

[A]

You never know what you could get.

[D]

Not for us.

[A]

I wanted.

[D]

Or sailing on a private yacht in the Caribbean.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[D]

In the middle of a hurricane cane. Or hiring a private chef to cook for you and your spouse a seven course dinner.

[E]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

But the chef is Brooke.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

No wonder they're private. Extra private.

[A]

I make good food.

[D]

It just goes to show, even the most perfectly planned romantic date can go completely haywire with just one small tweak. That's exactly what happened for some of our listeners who had high hopes of going into a first date, and instead, they ended up right here telling their nightmare stories for a brand new Battle of the Tinder Dates. Okay, it's coming up right after this.

[G]

Two hopeless daters, one dating app that dares you to swipe right. The question is, whose love life is more tragic? It's Battle of the Tinder Dates.

[D]

It's the dating game show that just filed a restraining order against itself for being too dang6.

[B]

Now get away from me.

[D]

Battle of the Tinder Dates. Where Two of our listeners go head to head to find out whose dating life is the most tragic. We're gonna explain the rules in just a second. But first, let's meet today's contestants. In this corner, she was banned from the Lou after challenging the Mona Lisa to a strip staring contest and lost. Oh, no. That's why they call her Art Valerie Gallery. Wait, Art Gallery Val?

[A]

Yeah, sure, whatever one works, it works.

[D]

She's not allowed back. And in the other corner, her secret turn on is when a guy regurgitates inflammatory political opinions, he just read off of Facebook.

[A]

That's a turn on. You're the one person.

[D]

Propaganda Amanda.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[D]

Hello? Hello?

[A]

Hello? Sounded like a conspiracy theory, even that.

[D]

Here's how the game works. One contestant's gonna start by telling one of their work dating stories. Then the other will try and counter with a nightmare story of their own. We're going back and forth here for three rounds. Then afterwards, we'll declare a winner.

[F]

Nice.

[D]

We're gonna start off with Art Gallery Valerie. Go.

[H]

Okay, so once I went back to a guy's place, and it was like a mansion from the outside.

[E]

Gorgeous.

[A]

Did you just call to brag? Like, I thought this was supposed to be a bad dating story.

[B]

And then I lost him in the house.

[A]

Yeah.

[H]

So I was really excited until we got ins and I quickly learned that it was a frat house.

[A]

Oh, they are.

[D]

Oh, even janitors.

[A]

I just thought he wrote his address in Greek letters. Very fancy.

[D]

That means he's a good Time Valerie.

[H]

And he was definitely in his 30s.

[A]

He's not in school, but get out of here.

[H]

Yeah, they let him live there for cheap rent. If he cleans the bathroom.

[A]

Yeah. Okay.

[D]

At least he's a man who's willing to clean the bathrooms. That's a rare find.

[A]

He probably still only does it every other month.

[D]

We're on the propaganda Amanda. Can you counter?

[H]

Oh, I can. So I had plans with a guy, and last minute, he told me that a friend of his would be joining us. I just, you know, kind of ignored those red flags, as one does.

[D]

Good for you.

[E]

Yeah.

[H]

And then I quickly found out that his friend was his parole officer.

[A]

Oh.

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[H]

He hadn't quite yet been cleared to

[E]

go out in public alone.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

But was the parole office officer hot?

[E]

No comment. No comment.

[A]

Yeah, backup plan.

[D]

Let's go to round two. It means, Valerie, back to you.

[H]

So once a guy told me that he wanted to take me to an event for our first date, and he told me to wear a black Dress. So I'm like, oh, yeah, I got

[E]

a few of those.

[D]

That's fun.

[B]

Girls like that. Like, kind of a surprise.

[D]

Yeah. When a guy tells them what to wear.

[B]

No, that's romantic.

[D]

Go ahead.

[A]

The wrong message.

[D]

So funny.

[H]

So I. I meet him, and he's just sitting on this bench, crying. And he tells me to follow him into this public restroom, which I'm like,

[D]

now things are getting good.

[A]

You did. You did that.

[B]

Jeffrey's like, I've been on this date before.

[E]

Yeah, I did. I did.

[H]

And he says he realizes it's awkward, but he needed someone for strength, and he was gonna have a funeral for his pet fish.

[E]

Lump Sucker.

[B]

Aw, Lump sucker.

[D]

Lumpy.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[H]

So he whips out this dead fish, and he flushes them down the toilet and then pulls out a flask.

[A]

You don't even bury him.

[B]

He looks like a shot for Lumpy,

[D]

just like he would have wanted. Amanda, I don't know how you're gonna top that, but good luck. Go ahead.

[H]

So this guy wanted to meet me at a club, and turns out that it is a strip club.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, it was called Lucky Ladies. I did not lie.

[H]

So, you know, when I get there, he looks at me and he's like, all right, are you ready? I'm like, ready for what?

[D]

Yeah.

[H]

And the DJ comes on, and he calls my name to get on stage.

[A]

It was like, amateur night or something.

[D]

Oh, Brooke's dream come true.

[H]

And I was like, no, not at all. And I refused to go up because I refused. He had the bouncers come and escort me out. Turns out he's the owner of the club.

[B]

He was like, we're a sleaze boy.

[A]

He's like a pimp. Oh, my God. Oh, he's terrible.

[D]

Amanda, you could have been a star. On to round number three. Valerie, this is your last shot. What do you got?

[H]

All righty. I'm at a bar with this guy, and he asks if I want to come out to watch the Chain Smokers with him.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

They perform in every city, every night. I swear they're everywhere.

[A]

And the same song over and over again, even if it has a different title.

[H]

Well, I didn't even know that they were in town, so I was elated. And he says, I can even meet them if I want. So obviously, I say yes. So we go out the back door of this bar, and we're in this alley, and there were these three dudes out there in motorcycle jackets, and they're just, like, out there chain smoking. And apparently, that's what he meant.

[B]

Oh, my gosh.

[H]

Yeah, he's like, next.

[B]

You Want to meet 21 pilots? They're real pilots. There's a whole group of them.

[D]

This is last chance. Go ahead.

[H]

So this guy I met, he planned this scavenger hunt for a date, which was like, cute, fun, totally normal until the last one.

[A]

Uh. Oh.

[H]

So he tells me this last one is like this big prize, and I needed to go to this specific address, and part of it was to kind of buzz in and pretend that I was like house cleaning to steal back an engagement ring.

[D]

Whoa. Steal? Oh, my God.

[E]

Yeah.

[H]

That's when I realized that he was recruiting me to help take things back from his ex wife.

[B]

You're like a real person.

[A]

Did you do it?

[D]

Yeah. How many carrots was there in. Absolutely.

[B]

I did not. You should have taken it. Told him you never found it.

[D]

Or at least kept the address so Alexis could do it anyway. Alexis, we gotta score this. Who's it go to today? Hard.

[C]

I'm gonna go Valerie for the chain smokers. She thought she was going to a concert.

[D]

All right, that's one vote for Val.

[A]

This guy wanted her to commit bur burglary. I mean, obviously, Amanda, that's some sort

[D]

of all tied up.

[B]

Jose, I'm going with Valerie for the pet fish. Congratulations. Art gallery.

[D]

Valerie, somewhere up in heaven, a lumpy goldfish is looking down and smiling on you and your sad dating history. You should feel good about that, Valerie.

[H]

Very good.

[E]

Very good. Thank you, guys.

[D]

Thank you for playing that's Battle of the Tinder dates. We got your phone tab. Coming up next, it's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. And you've heard of private detectives or investigators trying to track people down from an incident that happened decades ago?

[A]

Yeah, like.

[D]

And in some cases, the reason why people are looking for them is that they could owe a lot of money. But in today's call, it's actually the opposite. We've spent years trying to track down a guy so we we could pay him money.

[E]

Well, wouldn't that be a nice surprise?

[D]

And not a lot of money either. It's all thanks to a purchase he probably doesn't even remember. We'll hear how he reacts in your phone tap.

[G]

Right now, Brooke and Jeffrey's phone taps on the 20s.

[I]

Hello?

[D]

Hi, my name is Richard Sellsby. I'm looking for Ethan.

[I]

This is Ethan. What's Disregarding.

[D]

No, no, no way. You're Ethan Marx.

[I]

Yes, you called me.

[D]

The same Ethan Marx from 3592.

[I]

I used to live There, like a decade ago.

[D]

Oh, my God. Boys. Hey, boys, I got him on the line.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[I]

What's going on, dude?

[D]

Jordan, I have been looking for you for a long, long time. This is unbelievable.

[I]

Who are you?

[D]

Sorry. Yeah, I'm with Bloco.

[I]

Oh, Bloco, what's that?

[D]

Yeah, it's a power tool company. We're based in the Midwest. And your name was flagged for a pending rebate claim from 2005 for a leaf blower.

[I]

You're calling me decades later about a leaf blower I bought in 2005?

[D]

Right, yeah, I apologize that. I know it's a little bit behind, but I've been working on your case, trying to get the money back to you since, I don't know, like, 2013.

[I]

I have a case number.

[D]

You do. And I gotta tell you, you are a hard guy to track down. Looks like you moved.

[I]

I've lived in, like, a dozen different places since then.

[D]

I mean, I know. I see that. It looks like you were at Missouri at one point, then you went to Colorado, and that's where the trail went cold. Kind of lost track of you.

[I]

My God, you're not kidding me.

[D]

No, I'm not. But I was able to talk to a guy who worked with you at family insurance. Guy named Scott.

[I]

You talked to Scott, Right?

[D]

He gave me your email.

[I]

What?

[D]

Anyway, it's a long story. I'm just thankful I got you.

[I]

That is a lot of effort for a rebate from a leaf blower.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[I]

How much money could we possibly be talking about?

[D]

$11.38.

[F]

What?

[D]

But with interest, it's now $12.06.

[I]

Oh, boy.

[D]

That's into your pocket.

[I]

You're going to give me $12.03 for something I bought 20 years ago?

[D]

$12.06.

[I]

Right.

[D]

I know, I know. It's a lot, so. Probably hard to, like, wrap your mind around.

[I]

It's big bucks. Yeah. I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do with it.

[D]

Good. I'm happy to be the bearer of good news. So let's just get you verified here. First of all, do you still have the original box and receipt?

[I]

No.

[D]

Okay.

[I]

I can't even picture this leaf blower or whatever it is.

[D]

Can you just, like, maybe look around?

[I]

Maybe look around because we prefer that

[D]

they be mailed in laminated.

[I]

You want me to laminate the box that my leaf blower came in in 2005?

[D]

In the receipt.

[I]

In the receipt for $12?

[J]

Yeah.

[D]

Look, I. I understand it's not ideal.

[I]

Well, it's not ideal. It's impossible. I mean, I don't have that. I wouldn't even bother.

[D]

Got it.

[I]

Let's get a cup of coffee.

[D]

You know what I mean? I've worked so hard just trying to track you down over the last like 10 years I've worked here. I'm just going to check you off and say it's okay. Okay. We're fine.

[I]

Great. Well, that's. Yeah, okay. Thank you.

[D]

Yeah, no problem. That step is done. But do you know if the leaf blower was primarily used for leaves or maybe some recreational airflow?

[I]

Recreational airflow? What would that be?

[D]

You wouldn't believe some of the things people use this device for. A leaf blower?

[I]

Yeah. Okay. I'm trying to picture it.

[D]

I could send you pictures of what people use it for.

[I]

No, I will pass on that.

[D]

Okay.

[I]

Are we done? Are we. Are we there yet?

[D]

Almost. Almost there. I just need to ask you if you agree to accept the rebate in store credit from Radio Shack, then we'll double it. Would you be interested?

[I]

Store credit from Radio Shack? Does that store exist?

[D]

Not on this continent. I don't believe. But you could get some value down in South America.

[I]

I will not be traveling there anytime soon, so no, I'll take cash.

[D]

Okay, Got it. It final step. Can you make the sound of a leaf blower for our quality assurance check?

[I]

No, I can't do. I won't be doing that.

[D]

I mean, that's the last thing I need so I can approve you,

[A]

you

[I]

know, leaf blower sound.

[D]

Oh God, that was just terrible.

[I]

Why are you laughing?

[J]

You asked me.

[D]

I didn't think you'd actually do it. Because I gotta tell you, you. I don't work for like a leaf blower warranty company. I'm a radio host. We're doing a prank call on you.

[I]

Okay, now this is all starting to make sense.

[D]

Yeah. My real name is Jeff from the radio show Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning. And your brother Ken set you up for a phone tab.

[I]

Why did he. Why would.

[D]

He said that you've moved all over the country and you're planning to move again soon. So he wanted us to have some fun and play a prank on you.

[I]

I should have known there was a guy working on my leaf lower case for 10 years. You can't even get a hold of anybody at any company now, let alone a private detective. Working, taking on my flipping warranty.

[D]

Because at Bloco we take our rebates very seriously.

[I]

Bloco? Yes, I love Bloco.

[D]

Not for recreational use.

[I]

Yeah, no, we won't be doing that.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Brook and Jeffrey's phone taps on the 20s.

[G]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[D]

It can be so frustrating when you're starting to date someone that you're really into and you're trying to show them that you're excited to hang out. Yeah, without coming off too eager and clingy, though. That's like a fine line. Like, apparently it's okay to send them a text saying, hey, had a great time with you. You're so cool. Can't wait to see you again.

[A]

Yeah, that sounds nice.

[B]

That sounds great.

[D]

Really. Oh. But when I write that same exact message in lipstick on their bathroom mirror, when technically I've never been, quote, lip let into their house before, now, suddenly I've gone too far.

[B]

Suddenly I'm weird, huh?

[A]

It is very confusing, Jeff. Yeah, it's very confusing.

[B]

Just like, can't wait to watch you sleep again.

[D]

Well, I thought it was romantic. Okay, One of our listeners was trying to walk that fine line at the end of her date to show a guy that she liked him.

[A]

Was she confused, too?

[D]

She pulled a move that maybe went a little bit too far. You're going to hear it in your second date.

[G]

Up next, Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning Second date update.

[D]

Making a friendly bet during a first date. It could be a good move. Yeah, flirty a little bit. Adds a little excitement to the night. Like, for example, beer chugging contest. Loser has to do the other person's taxes for the next five years. Ready?

[A]

Go. What?

[B]

None the of.

[A]

Of that was.

[D]

Oh, you suck at chugging beer.

[A]

None of that was hot.

[D]

Okay, so here's my W4 and A list of my assets. So if you could file those by tomorrow, they're already overdue.

[B]

I have a bunch of deductibles, too, by the way.

[D]

That not working for you, Brooke?

[A]

Isn't it supposed to be your W2? You have a W4.

[D]

Good. Good thing you know how to do it, because I certainly don't. But one of our listeners had a friendly wager going during her first date and apparently didn't go quite the way she planned. Planned. So let's talk to Trisha about it. Trisha, welcome to the show.

[E]

Hi. Thank you.

[A]

Do you owe. You owe more to the IRS than you expected to? Is that what happened?

[E]

Not exactly.

[A]

Okay. All right.

[D]

You didn't do the tax bet thing, I'm guessing.

[E]

No, I didn't.

[D]

Look, now he's not calling you back.

[E]

Wow.

[A]

Jeff, who is it? Who did you go out with?

[E]

So I met this guy named Gina.

[A]

Gino.

[D]

Okay.

[E]

And we met online, and he really seemed, like, very kind of happy. He's like a very chill guy.

[A]

Okay. Those are good qualities in a person.

[E]

Yeah, he's super cute. I was like, why not? So, like, I know by his profile that he's like a sporty guy, and I'm pretty sporty myself.

[D]

Okay.

[H]

So I thought we would do a

[E]

game of pickup basketball.

[A]

Oh, okay. That's a great date.

[B]

I thought you'd go to a game, not be in a game.

[D]

Game.

[B]

That doesn't sound as fun.

[D]

But, Jose, that's not like a sporty thing to do. Watching sports is not an athletic thing.

[B]

But that's how I'm not as athletic as I thought I was. Cuz I watch so many sports.

[A]

I mean, that doesn't.

[D]

On my couch downing two plates of nachos in under 20 seconds is.

[B]

I'm good at that.

[D]

It is kind of athletic, competitive food, but I don't think that's what Trisha had in mind.

[B]

Okay, so you guys wanted to do something sporty.

[D]

What was your bet?

[E]

So the loser had to buy the drinks.

[A]

Oh, that's cute.

[B]

Okay, that's easy.

[A]

And it's. It's good to play basketball before drinking.

[D]

Yeah, probably don't want to do that the other way around.

[A]

I mean, you could make it a tummy cramp.

[B]

Not at all.

[D]

Okay, so who won?

[E]

Well, he was pretty good. And I'm not bad at all. So it was close, but I guess we just called it a tie because when I made the last shot, it hit the rim, and when he turned around to make the rebound, it hit him in the nose.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Did it bleed?

[E]

No, but it looked like it hurt.

[B]

Yeah,

[A]

so his pride is hurt. He hasn't, like, really dominated the game. And then he just got an owie.

[E]

Yeah, he had an owie. And then. But he bought drinks anyhow.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

After you hit him in the face with a ball. You didn't pay for this.

[E]

I didn't do it purposely. It hit the rim. Wasn't my fault.

[A]

And she didn't lose, Jeffrey, okay?

[D]

She's a stickler for the rules.

[A]

A bet is a bet.

[D]

Yeah. Okay. The drinks go good.

[E]

Drinks were great. We had, like, really good conversation, too.

[A]

Okay. This all sounds so good.

[B]

Yeah. Even when I'm getting hit. Doesn't sound that bad.

[D]

What?

[A]

Is there any bad things that happened?

[J]

No.

[E]

I mean, he was talking about, like, what he's looking for in a relationship and how he wants an active person, which is awesome, because I do too and he talks a little bit about he loves fantasy football, which I don't understand at all, but whatever.

[A]

Okay,

[E]

okay. And then he talked about, like, how he had a big party for his family for their anniversary for his parents.

[A]

Oh, that's cute.

[E]

And there's, like, 50 people, so like, he's really family oriented, which I thought was great.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Oh, sorry. Yeah.

[A]

Jeffrey, now this is all cute.

[D]

How did you end that date?

[E]

So I kissed him by my car.

[D]

Oh, you initiated the. Did you kiss.

[E]

I did, yeah.

[B]

Did you kiss his nose so it felt better, or did you kiss him on the mouth?

[E]

No, I kissed him on the mouth.

[A]

Okay, good.

[E]

Well, it was great. And then I went to get my car, and he started walking towards his car. So then I figured I was gonna try and be really cute. And then I ran up to him by his car and I gave him another kiss.

[A]

Aw.

[D]

Wow.

[A]

Wouldn't you be so excited if you were a guy?

[B]

I'd love that.

[D]

I don't know.

[A]

You're saying no.

[D]

Jeffrey, is there any chance that maybe he thought you were gonna attack him and try and knock him down again? Finish him off after the nose or something?

[B]

Finish the job?

[E]

No, no, I don't.

[D]

I'm just kidding. So, I mean, all that sounds okay.

[B]

Two kisses are better than one.

[A]

It sounds really romantic.

[D]

Yeah. How's the conversation been after the date? Or has there been conversation?

[E]

Yeah, like, I've texted him, like, quite a few times, and he does respond, but it's, like, spotty. So, like, he'll respond, like, every three texts or something. So that kind of makes me feel like, ooh, maybe I did something wrong.

[D]

Are you texting from the same number every time? Okay.

[A]

I mean, from the same three burner phones that she has.

[D]

She likes to do the sneak attack thing.

[A]

So I'm just wondering, do you have any ideas?

[E]

I have no clue. Did he not like me kissing him? Is he, like, afraid because of the balm? I'm not sure what's going on. Like, it's been a few weeks now,

[D]

too, so sometimes a woman can seem a little bit too overeated. Eager with things, too.

[E]

Maybe I was a little too forward. I don't know.

[A]

I love an eager woman.

[D]

Sure you do, but. All right, well, we'll come back, we'll call Gino for you, and we'll try not to, like, sneak attack him too much, but we'll politely ask if he's willing to see you another time and try and get your second date update right after this. Okay?

[E]

Okay.

[D]

Okay. Hold on.

[G]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. Second date update.

[D]

Out in the parking lot lot.

[A]

She lurks so dumb.

[D]

Ducking between cars, reapplying her blueberry lip balm.

[B]

Not the blueberry.

[D]

Watching. Waiting for her moment to run up and strike.

[B]

Oh, it hurts.

[D]

Her name is Trisha. She is the notorious Southside Surprise smoocher.

[A]

Why did that guy get sick? I thought her date liked it.

[D]

Now, to be fair, it was her second kiss of the night with Gino, and she was just trying to be cute and flirty about it, but we

[A]

had to play a puke sound for her.

[D]

The sneak kiss may have scared him away to the point where he's avoiding her now.

[C]

I mean, if she was ducking behind

[A]

cars, maybe he's just waiting for her to surprise him again and she hasn't done it.

[E]

I should really hope that it wasn't the second kiss. I mean, that's insane.

[D]

Okay, let's call Geno and try and get some answers from him. Maybe it's just a big misunderstanding.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Maybe he's away on business or something and hasn't told you.

[D]

Getting his nose reconstructed after you shattered it into little pieces.

[B]

No, he didn't shatter. It didn't bleed.

[A]

Rhinoplasty, I've heard, takes a while to come back from.

[D]

So maybe he's just trying to get himself pretty again for you. Let's see what he has to do. Here we go.

[I]

Hello?

[D]

Hey, is this Gino?

[J]

Yes, this is Gino.

[A]

As soon as calling doesn't sound nasally.

[D]

No, sounds pretty good. We're. Radio show, man. We're. It's called Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning.

[J]

Oh, that's. I mean, I've heard of you guys. That's kind of cool.

[D]

I think it's cool that you've heard of us. We're doing something on our show called the Second Date Update. You know that? No.

[J]

Yeah, I mean, I. I've heard of that. I. I didn't.

[D]

Okay.

[J]

I didn't actually think that happened. That's kind of.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

No.

[J]

Interesting.

[B]

Do you really do this Happens a lot.

[D]

So you're the lucky guy that we're calling today because you recently went out with somebody named Trisha.

[J]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

It was kind of a minute ago, right? Like a couple weeks ago.

[J]

Yeah, it's been about two and a half weeks.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Okay. So you're one of those guys who likes to just take it slow.

[J]

Oh, I guess. I mean, what, you guys are asking about how the date went or.

[A]

Well, it's just like.

[D]

Yeah, just. Just give us A nutshell. Like your take on that date, Big picture.

[J]

Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I got hit in the face with a. Like a basketball.

[D]

But was that good for you?

[A]

Yeah. No, it wasn't, Jeff.

[B]

No.

[A]

Was it embarrassing? I bet it was embarrassing.

[J]

I mean, I gotta say that the reason I'm not reaching out is because of, like, not the date, but because of, like, some of her texts after. They gave me some red flags.

[D]

Oh, we didn't hear about any of the texts that you had. She just said you guys were kind of in spotty communication. Yeah.

[B]

And you weren't responding to her.

[A]

What she say? Was it clingy or something?

[J]

You can say that. Like, after I got home later that night, I got like a one sentence text that said, what's the best case scenario for us?

[A]

Best case scenario? Yeah.

[D]

Like for your relationship? Is that what she's asking?

[I]

Yeah.

[J]

And I was like, how do I answer this? I literally was like, football in the face and more drinks. I know.

[A]

Is that what you said? That's pretty funny. That's a fantastic response.

[J]

I was like, okay, maybe she's drunk or something, and that was that.

[A]

Okay, but that's funny. But there was more than just that.

[J]

The thing is, the next day she texts me. It was like, if we got married someday, would you consider ditching your fantasy football league to spend time with me? It was something like that.

[B]

Oh, and the immediate answer is no.

[D]

Alexis, a fair question though, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

After our first date, I mean, it

[C]

gives you a good gauge.

[A]

I guess you're trying to be nice. Was she trying to be funny?

[J]

I don't know. That was two serious questions. Like, that's a big picture question. That's two in a row.

[D]

How did you respond to that one?

[A]

I totally ditched my friends and my interests just for you.

[J]

You know, I just got to a point where I thought, okay, this is just a lot off of one date. I don't want to be planning out my future with this person.

[B]

Yeah, that is a lot.

[A]

It'd be a lot for anybody.

[D]

It doesn't sound like you asked her any deep, introspective questions about her life. And now is actually your chance, Geno, because she's on the other line right now waiting to tell you what she wants out of your future together.

[B]

Oh, this is gonna be cute.

[I]

Oh, great.

[J]

So she planned this too? Of course she did. Oh, my God.

[A]

This doesn't make it less intense.

[B]

Her first question is, what would you do if I surprisingly put you on a radio show?

[A]

Would you Love me.

[D]

Trisha, you there?

[E]

I'm here.

[D]

You know, you didn't mention any of this. Those texts that you sent to him.

[E]

Well, I didn't think that they were really, like, that important.

[A]

Oh. So hearing. Hearing what he just said, have you changed your mind about that?

[E]

It's not an issue. It's like. I would like to know. I am a planner.

[D]

I could understand you wanting to, like, plan out your week or your month.

[B]

Thank you.

[D]

Planning out your entire rest of your life. That's a lot to ask a guy after one date.

[E]

No, we're not getting any younger. And. And my deal is I'm not even going to bother wasting a minute if he's not going to tell me honestly what's going on with us. Or I'm not going to waste a minute if he's going to be like, no, I'm totally keeping my fantasy football. And then I lose him like, every Friday night. No, I don't think so.

[A]

It's actually really every Friday. Give up his stuff for you, Gino.

[D]

We don't know that. Gino, are you willing to give up your stuff? Come on.

[J]

I mean, like I said, this is one date. Like, I have to go on a few more dates. You can't. You can't just corner someone like that. I don't think anybody's gonna.

[A]

What?

[E]

That could have been your answer to the first question I asked you. What's the best case scenario? Okay, maybe. Yeah, let's go out a few more times. Okay, maybe that wouldn't have led me to the next question. You thinking me that I'm so psycho or something.

[A]

Okay, but he tripped.

[J]

I don't think you're psycho. I just. I did remember another thing you asked, which is, would your parents ever let us stay in their house so we can save for our future? That was like another one.

[D]

That's kind of a sweet little image.

[J]

But she hadn't met my parents, and I hadn't met her parents or anything.

[D]

Well, yeah, because you're being selfish and you're keeping them all to yourself. You should spread the wealth of this wonderful family that you have.

[E]

You also said you had 50 people in there, so it was big enough for all of us.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Wait, you actually responded that it was okay?

[J]

I didn't. I didn't respond.

[B]

I didn't.

[E]

I already told you guys. And we talked about this. He told me about an anniversary party for his parents where he had 50 people.

[F]

Oh, clearly.

[C]

And your first thought was, I can move in with my future in law.

[A]

Must Be a nice house.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, she's a planner.

[D]

She's got a plan ahead for every bad case scenario that might play out.

[A]

Trisha, it's just a little too much. You know, I know you want to know everything right now, but there's just no way to know.

[E]

I made it this far in life with knowing everything, and I think I'm going to be fine.

[H]

You know what I mean?

[E]

I'll be fine without him. But he could have just been honest and said, hey, a few more dates and I would been like, okay. And then I would have chilled out. But then it led me into this big spiral, wanting to know more and more and more.

[D]

Gina, we could just smooth this whole thing over if you're just willing to admit right now it was all your fault. Go ahead.

[B]

See that coming.

[J]

Yes, this is all my fault.

[D]

Now let's move forward. And since Trisha is such a planner, I would love to help her plan your next date, which we will pay for out of the generosity of our hearts.

[A]

Are we asking Gino or are you asking?

[D]

Well, actually, that's a good point. I do. I should ask Trisha for permission. Trisha, is it okay if I co plan your next date with you?

[I]

It is.

[E]

It is fine with me for you to co plan. Yeah.

[I]

Okay.

[D]

Sounds like she's still up for it. So, Gino, would you like to meet up with Trisha one more time on our bill? Your future bride wants to know.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Oh, wow.

[E]

Yes.

[I]

If.

[J]

If we can just kind of take it a little slower what you're saying.

[A]

Yes.

[J]

Yeah, I mean, like I said, I had a fun time.

[I]

I just.

[J]

If you're really serious about just moving really fast. That's not me. But if you're willing to just, like, go out and have fun, then I'm down to go out for another day.

[A]

Yeah, but what we never heard was about that fantasy league willing to give it up.

[D]

This is a good start to the communication. A little bit of honesty and transparency.

[B]

There we go.

[D]

It never happens on our show. I'm proud of us.

[C]

I don't know if I like it.

[D]

I know it does feel kind of ick to be this honest, but it's what she wants.

[A]

Shocking. Is that okay with you, Trisha, to move slower?

[E]

Yeah. Yeah, I promise I'll slow it down. I won't ask any future questions, like about our children's names or anything. I will reel it in.

[A]

Yeah, because you already have those planned out, and he doesn't really get to say them anyway.

[E]

I do. Dad.

[J]

Yeah. There we go again.

[D]

Welcome to the rest of your life, Gino. Yeah.

[G]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. Morning.

[D]

Brooke, I'm just gonna ask.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Where do you see the show going? Yeah, like what's the best case scenario for us here?

[A]

I feel like it's too soon to ask and that makes me feel kind of uncomfortable. I mean, we've only been together for over a decade and I'm not ready for this level of commitment.

[D]

Well, I'm gonna tell you, I'm scared cuz from what I just heard, I don't think we're heading to a very good place.

[F]

What?

[D]

They.

[A]

They're going out again? Jeffrey.

[D]

Exactly. Suddenly we have people on the phone communicating and listening to each other. Taking a breath and respecting boundaries.

[C]

Too healthy.

[A]

Too healthy.

[D]

Gross.

[A]

No, it's not very funny. I will say that.

[D]

We gotta get cringe. We need to get this train back on track.

[A]

Okay, so if your life is a wreck, that's who we need to have. Yeah.

[D]

If you want to scream, cry at someone for taking a crouton off of your salad without asking first. You're just the type of person we need. Email the show and help us write this sinking ship. We'll call the person who isn't calling you back.

[G]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[D]

We've all told lies before.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And most of the time you're doing it to be polite. Like when you shake hands with someone and you say, nice to meet you.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah.

[B]

I mean it is though.

[D]

For most people in this room it is nice, but for somebody in here, I'm not gonna say who. They always come to me afterwards and say, it actually really wasn't that nice

[F]

to meet that person.

[D]

Now give me my moonshine in my glasses.

[B]

Wow, bro.

[D]

I didn't say any names.

[B]

You said glasses.

[D]

Okay, we don't know that. So.

[A]

Yeah, you said moonshine.

[B]

Actually, that's what gave it away.

[D]

Normally, very, very polite with your lies, but occasionally your brain will tell you it's okay to lie about something totally ridiculous. Which is why a new survey asked people to share the dumbest lies that they've ever actually said to someone before. And the responses were hilarious. We're gonna read the best coming up right after this. Have you ever seen the eight hour long TikTok series who the F Did I Marry? Yes.

[A]

Well, I've seen pieces and recaps. It's a big commit.

[D]

It's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. No, it's a compilation of 52 TikTok videos by a woman named Risa. Tisa. And it got big not that long ago, but people are still discovering it daily now.

[A]

Yes, she was, like, married to this, like, crazy narcissist for five months that lied to her.

[D]

Yeah, she tells about him being a pathological liar and how she ended up divorcing him. We're not going to go into the whole thing, but basically, Risa's ex husband told a bunch of really, really stupid lies.

[B]

The kind of people that tell crazy lies.

[D]

Like saying he was a fan, former professional arena football player, and the vice president of a famous condiment company.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay, well, those lies are pretty bad. Are they the dumbest ever? Because a new survey asked people to confess the most ridiculous, unbelievable fibs that they've ever told someone. And we've got the best responses ready. So let's get into it. Like this person said, I used to tell people that. That I was the voice that whispered, zoom, zoom at the end of those Mazda commercials. You know, zoom, zoom.

[B]

Literally anybody can.

[D]

That'd be a hard one to disprove.

[B]

Yeah, it's a good lie, actually.

[A]

Wait.

[C]

One girl I know told me she's all the screaming in the background of Grey's Anatomy now. I'm starting to wonder if that's fake.

[A]

Oh, that's fake. Grey's Anatomy has been on since you were, like, born.

[C]

Oh, dang it.

[B]

Wait a minute.

[D]

I would trust her, Alexis.

[A]

Okay, another. She does her IMDb is just the screamer.

[D]

Everybody's got their claim to fame. Another person wrote, I was buying an engagement ring when the sales lady asked if I was a Christian.

[A]

Oh.

[D]

I had a feeling that saying yes meant I'd get a better price, so I said yes.

[A]

Oh, yeah, sure. I'll be any religion you need me to be if I get a discount.

[D]

And then she wanted to know what church I went to and my pastor's name and all sorts of specifics. Twenty lies later, I got the deal.

[A]

Oh, nice.

[B]

Oh, yes, the Church of Christ. Pastor Johnson.

[A]

Yeah, no, that's sounds about right. Pastor Tim Tom.

[D]

Oh, there it is.

[B]

Tim Tom.

[A]

He likes to play guitar.

[D]

You guys are so quick to judge people for their lies. It's not fair.

[B]

Hey, they got a good discount and they got closer with the Lord.

[A]

I support it. I think that's what God wanted.

[D]

We're looking at a survey where people shared the stupidest lies that they've ever told someone in the past. This one's kind of a doozy. This woman said, I didn't know how to break up with my boyfriend when I was 22.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

So I just told him I was pregnant with someone else's baby.

[A]

I thought you were going to move cities or something more reasonable, you know?

[D]

She went for the big one there. She says I was. To be clear, I was not pregnant and had never cheated. I just didn't have a better idea.

[A]

I like how that is easier than just saying, I don't like you anymore.

[B]

Yeah, it's good.

[D]

If you're going to lie, like, make it a lie that makes you look bad, I think.

[A]

I guess definitely took one for the team.

[D]

Another. Another person said, when I was 19, I used to fake a French accent to try and buy beer at the grocery store. I thought it would make people think I'm older and more refined. It did work one time.

[A]

It did, huh? It's probably because I was working at that gas station. When I worked at the gas station, I sold to everybody. It was terrible.

[D]

Can you say that on air?

[A]

I was only like 19 or 20 myself, so I was like, yeah, sure.

[D]

You want some?

[A]

That?

[B]

Tell the kid, don't worry, I'm taking the beer.

[D]

What are you, four years old? You know what? Have a Bud Light.

[A]

Not even a lie.

[B]

Wants a little vodka on their binky, huh?

[D]

The next one says, I once convinced my entire school that I physically couldn't say the word evil.

[A]

What? Why?

[D]

I would pronounce it evile.

[A]

Evile.

[D]

Sadly, this went on for almost two years. And everybody would try. Try to teach me the proper way to pronounce it, and I just couldn't get it right.

[A]

I love it. What a great way to get attention.

[D]

Keep going with this. This person wrote, I had to wear an eye patch one summer back when I was 18.

[A]

Oh, that's hard.

[D]

One day, my little cousin saw it and asked what was underneath the patch. And I told them, a tiny hand. Oh, he cried for two hours.

[B]

That is brilliant.

[A]

Lying to kids. I'm sorry. I know I'm a parent, but lying to kids is so fun.

[B]

They just believe absolutely.

[A]

The trust is so deep in them.

[D]

I could see Brooke doing a date night with her husband. Like, you know what? Let's go have dinner and lie to a bunch of kids. So romantic.

[B]

The first time my little nephew ever got on my stream, he asked, how many people are watching? And there was like, six.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was like, I think we have about 400,000 right now. And he got so quiet it. And then I realized, like five minutes later, I had to tell him, wait, you know I'm kidding, right, buddy? There's only five people watching. He goes, oh. Oh my gosh. Okay. And he thought like he was viral on the Internet.

[D]

The fact that he believed that you had 400 is hilarious in itself. These are from a survey of one of the stupidest lies that people admit they've ever told before. This one says I was at a dinner party I did not want to be at. So at the table I told everyone I was a steer wrestler in the rodeo, but I had to quit after I broke my ankle at the Texas championships.

[A]

Ah, I see, I see.

[B]

I would have said after I broke the bull's ankle. Yeah.

[D]

Cuz I'm a little too strong.

[A]

That's a better lie. I actually like that better.

[D]

And finally this person says, when my family first moved to Nashville, when I was in fifth grade, I started telling everyone at my new school that Reba McIntyre was my aunt.

[A]

Good old aunt Reba.

[B]

I believe that in a heartbeat.

[D]

That would only only be cool in Nashville, they say. Then one day I met her at a buffet. I felt so awkward, like she knew I had been lying about her and

[B]

she's like glaring at you.

[D]

But I did get a photo and I used that as official proof with all my friends.

[A]

I like how you felt so guilty. But then continued the line text in

[D]

78592, tell us about the craziest dumb lie that you ever told. We're gonna do your phone tap right after this.

[G]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[D]

We've got a return player, Tyler, who has an all time record of 3. 5, 3 against you all time. But his three victories on this segment don't even matter to him.

[A]

Oh, they don't.

[D]

Because his biggest game show victory ever was when he won one on the Wheel of Fortune. Wow. Took home $17,000 and a trip to Flint, Michigan.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

Sorry. The Caribbean.

[A]

Caribbean, I was gonna say.

[D]

I always confuse though, to those two places. Tyler, welcome back onto the show.

[I]

I appreciate it, guys.

[A]

Did you take your trip?

[I]

Yes, we did.

[B]

That's so cool.

[A]

Was the resort cool or do they put you up in like a Motel 6? You know what I mean?

[B]

Like, yeah.

[I]

Oh, no, they were cool. We gotta stop at like four different port. Disney's private island and we got unlimited drinks, food for free. It was awesome.

[B]

That's vip.

[A]

Almost what you get for playing.

[D]

Yeah, I mean, even though you've been on Wheel of Fortune, you're way more excited to be on our game show, right?

[I]

Definitely. Oh, that's all that matters right now.

[D]

There we go. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'd like to buy a Val. Are we doing that or are we not?

[D]

We will send you to Flint, Michigan if you win.

[I]

So don't buy an A.

[D]

Buy an O. Oh, give me advice. Buy an O. Don't buy a. If you play Wheel of Fortune. Brooks leaving the studio and Tyler. You know the game works. 30 seconds to answer as many questions as possible. If you don't know when, you could say pass. But you have to beat her outright to win. Are you ready?

[I]

I'm ready.

[D]

Good luck, my man. Your time starts now. Johnny Cash was born on this day in 1932. Was that his real name or stage name?

[I]

Stage name.

[D]

A penta decagon is a shape with how many sides?

[I]

12.

[D]

What is the study of fossils called?

[I]

Archaeology.

[D]

Farrah Fawcett, Kate Jackson and Jacqueline Smith were the original actresses to be featured in what 70s TV show show pass. In which decade did seat belts become mandatory in cars?

[I]

1980.

[D]

How many dice are used in an official Game of Yahtzee 5? Speed Demon. Tyler blowing through those questions. Well done. Brook's coming back into the studio.

[B]

Brook. Tyler was really fast. Oh, I know.

[A]

He's already been chosen for, like, major game shows. To get picked to go up is a big deal.

[D]

Yeah. You got to have your stuff together, so be honest. Tyler, do you ever brag to your friends whenever you beat Brooke? Are you the hunter, humble, winning type?

[I]

I don't like to brag in front of people too much.

[A]

Who do you think does a better job hosting game shows? Pat, S.A. jack or Jeffrey DeBeau?

[I]

Well, I think. I think Jeffrey's got more personality. And swaggle.

[D]

Yeah, I do have that swaggle.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Doctor has to check it out, though, so. Probably to get that swag contagious. Yeah.

[A]

Again.

[D]

That's why you're coughing. Let's have Brooke answer some questions here. You ready?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

Throat cleared. Good to go.

[B]

Swag already.

[D]

Here it is. Your time starts now. Johnny Cash was born on this day in 1932. Was that his real name or stage name?

[A]

Ooh, real name.

[D]

A pentadecagon is a shape with how many sides?

[A]

Nine.

[D]

What's the study of fossils called?

[A]

Archaeology.

[D]

Farah Fossic car. Kate Jackson and Jacqueline Smith were the original actresses to all be featured in what 70s TV show?

[A]

Charlie's Angels.

[D]

In which decade did seat belts become mandatory in cars?

[A]

80s.

[D]

How many dice are used in an official Game of Yahtzee 5. What drink's famous slogan is simply oh, yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Mountain Dew.

[D]

Oh, yeah. Let's go to the scoreboard. It's just so terrible. Let's go to the answer and see how you did with Jose, who lives

[B]

in a pineapple under the sea. Hey, Tyler, you got a lot of questions, and very impressive, but you only got one of those questions correct.

[A]

Oh, yikes.

[D]

Oh, boy. Quantity, not quality.

[B]

I mean, speed is the name here, but Brock. Three correct

[D]

wasn't enough today. Tyler. It's all right. Record goes to 3, 6. 6 and 3 all time. Let's go over the answers for everybody. Johnny Cash, born on this day in 1932. That was his real given name. Johnny Cash. So cool.

[A]

You can't have that much swagger without that being your real birth name.

[D]

Swaggle.

[A]

Swaggle.

[B]

That's what I meant.

[A]

Yeah, Swaggle.

[D]

Swaggle, too. Penta Decagon is a shape with 15 different sizes.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

Dang.

[D]

Penta is 5 deca 10. Adam 15. The study of fossils is called paleontology.

[B]

Crossroads from Friends would be so mad at you.

[A]

Yeah, archaeology is people.

[D]

Farah Fawcett, Kate Jackson, and Jacqueline Smith were the original actresses on Charlie's angels in the 70s. Seat belts became mandatory in cars in the 1960s.

[A]

Oh, well, not my household.

[D]

There's five dice used in official game of Yahtzee. And oh, yeah, who says oh, yeah when he breaks through a wall?

[B]

That's the Kool Aid man doing the

[A]

exact sorry,

[D]

not right. Anyway, Tyler, sorry wasn't enough to beat Brooke today. But just for playing, we're gonna give you a pair of tickets to see Cardi B.

[A]

That's crazy.

[D]

Hooking you up to go see her show at Climate Pledge Arena, February 22nd. If you want to buy your tickets, they're on sale right now.

[I]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Now that you lost, what are you gonna do next?

[I]

Just go add another drink? Have another drink.

[D]

There you go. All right, Tyler, thanks for playing, man. We'll have you back anytime.

[I]

Thanks, guys.

[D]

We're going to do Winbrook's Bucks same time tomorrow.

[G]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.