FULL SHOW: Jeff’s Dating Studs Parody, Funny Teacher Confessions + Wrong Way Cruise (5/1/26)

Summary

Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update — FULL SHOW: Jeff’s Dating Studs Parody, Funny Teacher Confessions + Wrong Way Cruise (5/1/26)

Podcast: Brooke and Jeffrey
Date: May 3, 2026
Episode Theme: High-energy morning radio comedy featuring “Second Date Update,” comic song parodies, weird news, classroom confessions, scam calls, and pop trivia—all with a tongue-in-cheek look at modern dating, teaching, and everyday absurdities.

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Episode Overview

This episode delivers trademark Brooke and Jeffrey energy with a packed hour of comedic segments. The team dives into a tongue-in-cheek song parody about the modern male dating mindset (“Jeff’s Dating Studs Parody”), hilarious real-world teacher confessions, a fresh batch of “Laser Stories” (their signature weird news), and a classic “Second Date Update.” There’s a running motif of people getting into awkward or unlucky situations, from a girl named Taylor Swift in Scotland to listeners caught cheating—romantically or academically.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

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1. Show Open & Light Banter

00:00–03:45

• Hosts joke about internet comments, old episodes, and bath water.
  • Memorable Quote (Brooke): "When you're in a bath, you're sitting in a pool of drinkable water. Your booty is in it." (00:51)
• Smooth segue into honoring their “Hero of the Week”—a real person with an unfortunate celebrity name.

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2. Hero of the Week: The Real Taylor Swift of Scotland

01:12–03:49

• 19-year-old Scottish girl named Taylor Swift whose life is complicated by her name.
• Anecdotes: trouble at airport security, with employers, and getting banned from Facebook for allegedly impersonating the celebrity.
• Quote (Host): "She has to carry her passport everywhere…even after sending her birth documents to Facebook, they still wouldn't allow her to use Taylor Swift..." (02:21)

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3. “Plenty of 20” — Wonder Woman Trivia

04:09–09:31

• Jake quizzes the crew with fake vs. real Wonder Woman facts, mixing real comic history and wild made-up scenarios.
  • Memorable Fake: Wonder Woman defeats villains with a game of Twister.
  • Real Fact: Wonder Woman once worked at “Taco Whiz”—an actual comic issue.
• Gendered banter and the crowning of “Wonder Man.”
  • Quote (Jake): “Her thighs could crush a Ford Pinto.” (04:43)
  • Quote (Brooke, re: cookbook): “It's so bad to put Wonder Woman in the kitchen.” (06:31)
• Alexa’s and Jose’s banter about superhero logic.

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4. Shot Collar Karaoke & Morning Show Gags

09:10–09:29

• After the trivia game, Jose gets to choose who gets shocked while singing “I Kissed a Girl.”
• Banter about “protecting the women” in the studio and “villain origin stories.”

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5. Laser Stories – Weird News Roundup

09:37–19:42

• Starbucks’ new fashion/mood-based AI drink recommendations

  • Hosts riff on uploading outfit pics to Starbucks.
  • Quote: "Is that UBE or something? ...You should order tea." (10:48–11:08)
  • AI being misused—people uploading nudes to Starbucks.

• Massachusetts: “Bee-sting” Eviction Protester

  • Woman unleashes thousands of bees on cops.
  • Sentenced for assault with hive weaponry.
  • “Biggest sting operation” pun.

• Japan: Boss Punished for Forcing Employees to Play Homemade Board Games at Work

  • Team-building backfires—boss is suspended.
  • “Green is automatically out!” Improvised rules. (14:54)

• Wisconsin: Speed Limit Woes

  • 17.3 mph speed limit sign.
  • Raises driver awareness—or confusion (“Did it say 173 mph?”).

• Viral “Ghost Tapping” Credit Card Scam

  • Criminals using card readers to “bump” people and steal money wirelessly.
  • Advice: Use carbon fiber wallets/phone cases.
  • Banter about grinding in crowded lines as a scam risk.

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6. Teacher Confessions: Funniest/Dumbest Things Students Said

19:45–26:49

• Survey of real teachers sharing their wildest classroom moments:

  • Student thinks humans built the sun.

  • Belly button rumors about gender.

  • “What year is it?”—students have no idea.

  • Professor CC'd on email proof that a student bought their paper.

  • Kid tries to pass off the professor's own thesis.

  • Girl thinks England is a US state.

  • “You don't need a passport for Canada—my grandma lives there, in Chicago.”

  • Ford/Star Wars confusion: “Henry Ford is the guy from Star Wars.”

  • “How do you spell VCR?”

  • Student: “70 minutes? Why does it feel like an hour?”

  • Quote (Brooke): “It's not cheating if you’re just making out with the mascot head, right?” (49:17)

  • “Is the Earth bipolar or something?” (re: weather)

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7. Phone Tap: "Nipples Farnsworth" the Clown Painting

27:09–31:49

• Prank call to a guy awaiting an art appraisal.
• Appraiser claims painting is by “Nipples Farnsworth,” a disgraced children's clown.
• Building to landmark status for his home—absurd scam references.
  • Quote (Pranker): “Congratulations, your house will be called Nipples Place.”

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8. Second Date Update: Daniel’s UberPool Mystery Girl

32:43–48:57

• Daniel reappears—his last relationship failed after more public makeouts.
• This time, he meets Harper in an UberPool from the airport.
  • He can't figure out why she’s familiar—20 minutes of location-guessing.
• They grab drinks but she ghosts him.
• On the call, Harper reveals: She was his TA years ago…and caught him cheating on a college test!

  • Daniel takes it with grace, admits it, says he learned from it, and both laugh at the awkwardness.

  • They agree to a second date, sponsored by the show.

  • Memorable Line (Daniel): "Not every day you get to meet your own stool pigeon." (45:17)

  • Host commentary: Daniel may be "the most cheated-on person" they've ever had.

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9. Song of the Week: “You’re So Lucky to Roll With this Stud” (Dating Parody)

50:07–57:14

• Jeff sings from the perspective of a “confident” modern guy, lampooning male online dating habits:
  • Brags about cars, gym selfies, financial “flexes,” blaming all exes as “crazy,” late-night texts, and ignoring red flags.
  • Parody of Olivia Dean’s “It’s So Easy to Fall in Love.”
  • Quote (song): "My room’s Febrezy, because my mom didn’t clean it."
  • Hosts and audience invited to share what the song missed about bad dating behaviors.

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10. Win Brooke’s Bucks: Trivia with a Twist

57:20–63:08

• Real scammer accidentally calls in, is challenged to trivia, and hangs up.
• Listener Bailey steps in; she has a rough showing, but wins Demi Lovato tickets.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Brooke on bath water: “Don’t double down!” (00:51)
• Jeff on dating apps: “You’re only getting the real dummies right on you.” (03:25)
• Jake on Wonder Woman: “Thighs could crush a Ford Pinto.” (04:43)
• On Starbucks AI: “Girl, you look teen. You should order tea.” (11:08)
• On scam phone call: “I don’t want to live in a place called Nipples Place.” (29:49)
• Second Date Update twist: “She was my TA…and she caught me cheating on a test.” (43:41)
• Song Parody lyric: “I’ll give you a TED talk about myself / Watch me gush.” (53:00)
• Host riff: “Cheating in college may not have helped academically, but romantically…it’s finally paying off.” (48:51)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00–03:49: Show intro, “Hero of the Week”
• 04:09–09:31: Wonder Woman trivia/parody game
• 09:37–19:42: Laser Stories — global weird news
• 19:45–26:49: Teacher Confessions
• 27:09–31:49: Phone Tap — art appraisal prank
• 32:43–48:57: Second Date Update — Daniel & Harper, cheating twist
• 50:07–57:14: Song of the Week — dating parody
• 57:20–63:08: Win Brooke’s Bucks trivia

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Tone and Language

• Sarcastic, playful, and self-deprecating—a blend of affectionate teasing and sharp pop-culture references.
• The cast keeps things moving with improv humor, punchy asides, and authentic surprise at their own stories.
• Regular callbacks to previous podcast characters and inside jokes.

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Closing Thoughts

This episode is a top-tier example of why “Brooke and Jeffrey” attract die-hard listeners: excellent pacing, memorable guests and callers, and a comedic lens on modern love, media, and daily absurdities. The Second Date Update is a standout, with a uniquely awkward twist, while the song parody skewers online dating with relatable, laugh-out-loud accuracy. The team’s chemistry and comic timing keep every segment lively—even the trivia losses and scam calls are a treat.

Perfect for: Fans of light, fast-paced morning radio comedy, anyone who loves dating drama, teacher stories, and quirky news with running jokes.

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Official Links:

• iHeartRadio
• Apple Podcasts
• Spotify

Transcript

[A]

Hey, it's Brooke and Jeffrey. We've got a great fun hour planned for you. Oh, my gosh, Jeff's song. Yeah. Don't you think he nailed it this week? He did. And guys, he hit a note that you have to go listen to. The high me note.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

If you've ever been frustrated in the dating world, Jeff's got your back. It's very tongue in cheek. And you're just gonna love it. I just know it. Yes. And then we're gonna go over. We got new lasers, we've got teachers sharing stupid things students have said. Yeah, there it is. I almost said it, stupidly so. Thank you, Alexis. We get to everything. What are the comments? Yeah, well, when you guys comment back on old episodes, you're binging. We see them because they still show up. And one from 2020, Corey Curry said, I don't know what we were talking about Brooke. But they said, how is Brooke gonna say that when you're in a bath, you're sitting in a pool of drinkable water, your booty is in it. Well, it is potable when it comes out of the faucet. I'm just saying, don't double down. Same thought a few years later. All right, let's get to the brand new full hour right now.

[C]

Oh, man. There's a four letter word I want to say on the radio right now so bad.

[A]

What is it? Let's do it.

[C]

I'm gonna do it.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Hero.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

Because it's time to recognize our hero of the week.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

I mean, it would have been exciting if you would have started with that. Now it was kind of a disappointment,

[C]

but you know, yeah, you're hoping for a different one. But it is time for our hero of the week. And today's hero is. Is a 19 year old girl in Scotland who says her life has been an absolute living hell for the past few years. And it's all thanks to her stupid name, which just happens to be Taylor Swift. She was actually born Taylor Swift. And now wherever she goes, no matter who she meets, everybody thinks it's some sort of weird joker scam.

[B]

Or like she's crazy. Like, wow, you changed your name, weirdo.

[A]

I mean, that is hard.

[C]

Listen to how bad it is for her. Taxi drivers, bar bouncers, even the officials at the airport don't believe it's her real idea.

[B]

I think she's praying, dude.

[A]

Honestly, like, she probably gets like reservations canceled and stuff like that.

[B]

I was going to say opposite. She probably gets the best reservations anywhere she goes.

[A]

No one would believe that Taylor Swift would use her.

[C]

No one buys it. She has to carry her passport everywhere to prove that she's not just pretending to be the singer. She also struggles to find work because employers see the name Taylor Swift on her resume and instantly think it's a fake application. She's even been banned from using her own name on social media. She tried to put it in Facebook and they came back with a cease and desist saying you're trying to copy Taylor Swift.

[A]

Can you imagine if her parents had the wherewithal to have purchased Taylor Swift.com when she was born? She would have been set for life for sure.

[C]

No, they didn't think about that. The funny thing, even after she sent her birth documents to Facebook, they still wouldn't allow her to use Taylor Swift because she said they're still imitating a celebrity.

[B]

But she gets on Facebook in her first post is like in a relationship with Travis Kelce.

[C]

No, it's not the real.

[B]

I swear, it's another guy named Travis.

[A]

I mean, maybe she shouldn't use a profile pic of her playing a guitar. Just an idea.

[C]

Could you imagine how hard it must be for her on the dating apps if you see a profile that says Taylor Swift?

[A]

Yeah, you're only getting the real dummies right on you.

[B]

Some guys like I don't even look like her.

[C]

Yeah, but despite all the problems her name causes, Scottish Taylor Swift says she still loves it. And she's actually a fan of the real Taylor Swift.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And her dream is to go to one of Taylor's concerts with a sign that says we have the same name.

[B]

That's great.

[A]

Quite clever sign, but sure, very literal.

[C]

Yeah. This is why Scottish Taylor Swift is our hero of the week. Just imagine how miserable Scottish digital Jake must feel knowing he'll never compare to the real digital Jake that we have in the studio. I'll never compare to the real digital Jake. Show them why no one matches up to you, Jake.

[E]

Well, it's time to polish up your metallic bras, fuel up your invisible jets. Cause we're taking to the skies to celebrate Wonder Woman's birthday. Well, I mean, technically it's not Wonder Woman's birthday, but still close enough. And to celebrate, we're gonna your knowledge of the famous heroine with a special true or false Wonder Woman edition of plenty of 20. Okay, so I'll tell you some interesting and little known facts about the Amazonian demigoddess whose thighs could crush a Ford Pinto. And you just have to tell me if they're true or if I just made them up.

[A]

Same girl on that thigh thing.

[E]

Let's start with the lady who thought the DC in DC Comics stood for Diet Coke. That's Alexis. Alexis, your question? Wonder Woman's invisible jet was actually an accident. She once tried to clean her regular jet with a powerful cleaning solution, but it turned invisible instead of getting shiny. Is that a real Wonder Woman fact or did I just make that up?

[A]

Is that a big part of the movie? I don't know. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, I feel her. It's like when you wash a wool sweater and you accidentally dry it and then you add something white and it accidentally turned red.

[C]

Even superheroes make mistakes sometimes.

[B]

True. They're so human.

[A]

I don't know, though. I think it's fake. Jake.

[E]

Alexis says that's made up. That is.

[F]

That's made up.

[E]

Good eye, Alexis. Let's move over to Jose. All right, you're fact. Wonder Woman's first comic book came out in the 1940s, but her popularity rose sky high in the 60s when, in one edition, she defeats an entire army of supervillains by challenging them to a game of Twister. Is that a real Wonder Woman fact or did I make that up?

[A]

That is so funny.

[B]

I already thought this was fake. When you said she became popular on this 60s, I was like, that still probably wouldn't have happened.

[A]

No.

[C]

No matter what, I would definitely watch that movie, though, of like, an epic game of Twister.

[A]

She was popular in the 60s.

[B]

No, I know.

[A]

In the 70s.

[B]

I'm just gonna say that's false.

[E]

Jose said that's made up. That is. That is made up. We're two for two. We're over to Brooke.

[A]

Okay, Brooke.

[E]

In the 1970s, Marvel released a full Wonder Woman cookbook that included recipes for Golden Lasso lasagna and Justice League jello. Is that a real Wonder Woman factor? Did I make that up?

[A]

Oh, man. It's so bad to put Wonder Woman in the kitchen. To me.

[C]

Why? What's wrong with. What's wrong with people cooking?

[A]

Yeah. Where's the Batman cookbook?

[C]

I'm sure he has a butler right now.

[E]

He has a butler.

[A]

I'm gonna say that's true.

[E]

Unfortunately, Brook said that's a real fact. That is. That's a made up fact. I can't believe you'd be so misogynist.

[B]

Brooke.

[A]

Thank you.

[E]

It's over to Jeffrey Free. Okay, your fact. In the mid-90s, Wonder Woman applied for a job at a fast food joint called Taco Whiz. She landed the gig and for months. Worked hard behind the counter and got paid minimum wage. Is that a real fact or does

[C]

I just make that up side hustle or what?

[A]

Well, maybe she was trying to go undercover.

[C]

Oh, yeah, Taco Whiz.

[A]

Yeah, maybe there was a villain that loved tacos and she was setting up like some scam to get him.

[C]

It's the long play. I'm gonna work here for months until I finally defeat this villain.

[B]

Yeah, sure. I'll get you that chicken burrito.

[C]

Got you the most boring comic of all time. There's no way that's real.

[E]

Jeffrey said that's made up. That is.

[C]

That's true.

[E]

It came out in 1993, edition 73. Wonder Woman said it was a tough job, but it felt like feeding people was a noble cause. It's not always about villains. It's about nobility.

[C]

Wow, that's a good person.

[E]

Let's go over again. Here's your fact. Wonder Woman's golden tiara isn't just a costume accessory. It's because in one of her early comics, she wins runner up at the Miss America beauty pageant. But ends up getting first when they discover the winner is actually an evil blood sucking alien. Is that a real Wonder Woman factor? Did I make that up?

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

I could totally see it.

[B]

That's a cool episode.

[A]

And I mean, Wonder Woman is gorgeous. She deserves to win a pageant. I'm gonna say this is real.

[E]

Alexis said this is real. That is made up.

[B]

That seemed real.

[A]

That's a good makeup one, Jake.

[E]

Hey, thanks, Alexis. That means, Jose, you've won today's edition of Valentium 20th.

[B]

He's the only guy who's pro women who obsesses about women on this show.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

You are so pro women.

[C]

The champion of Wonder Woman gets it right.

[A]

Can we call him Wonder Boy from now on?

[C]

Absolutely. How dare you, Wonder Man.

[D]

Thank you.

[C]

There we go. Well, okay.

[A]

How about Wonder Tea, Wonder Child?

[C]

Jose gets to choose who gets shocked today. And they're going to be singing I Kissed a Girl by Katy Perry. Who's it going to be?

[B]

Because I stand in front of the women. It has to be you, man. I will never shock one of the women.

[A]

Okay, I'll take it until tomorrow. Yeah, right, Exactly.

[C]

I kissed a girl and I liked it.

[B]

Go kiss the women protecting them. How dare you.

[E]

Villain origin story.

[A]

Stay away from us.

[B]

Jeffrey.

[F]

Where are you?

[B]

Wonder Woman, we need you in studio.

[A]

Where's my lasso of truth?

[C]

Foiled again. Okay, that's your shot collar. Question of.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

I'm Gonna go put on my metallic bra.

[C]

We all should do that.

[A]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[C]

I know it can be frustrating getting stuck behind someone at Starbucks who isn't quite sure what they want to order yet.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

Actually, yeah, it is annoying.

[C]

But now you can be stuck behind someone at Starbucks who's trying to find a drink that matches their outfit.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Oh, great.

[A]

I mean, that would be cute for Insta.

[C]

It's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. And I say that because the other day, Starbucks unveiled a new beta apple where you can ask for suggestions on what to order based on your current mood or what you're currently wearing. Those poor baristas commingled with chatgpt so that you can ask it stuff like, hey, Starbucks, I'm craving an afternoon boost that isn't too sweet, and it'll come up with a suggestion for you right there.

[A]

Well, what are you wearing?

[C]

Or you can say, hey, Starbucks, recommend a drink for me that matches the vibe of my tube top. And then you can upload a photo of what you're wearing.

[A]

I see.

[B]

It's like, girl, you look teen. You should order tea.

[C]

Doesn't sound weird at all. Just post your outfit pics to Starbucks

[A]

and I'm sure that you don't get it and say, this isn't the right pink. This doesn't match at all. Can you remake it?

[C]

It will suggest orders, though, that match the look of your outfit. So what does Starbucks think?

[B]

Kind of cute, though.

[A]

Oh, it is cute. Like, look at her little lilac outfit.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that UBE or something?

[B]

Yeah, I was gonna say purple. She's saying UBE and lilac.

[C]

This is gonna be very specific. But Starbucks says it's supposed to be natural and fun and personal. But already there's issues, especially with dudes uploading nudes.

[A]

Oh, already?

[C]

What drink matches with this?

[B]

Oh, God. They're like, the smallest size that we have, sir. Here's the water.

[A]

That's right.

[C]

But if you can behave yourself, they say, try it out. Because the AI has access to all the trending drinks along with secret menu items from Starbucks.

[B]

I'm gonna upload a shirtless pic, and they'll be like, caramel Frappuccino.

[C]

You look like one, but there you go. I'm updating the world one story at a time, and it's about not sending Starbucks your nudes. It's important, even though you totally can. They don't want them. Laser Stories is right after this.

[B]

Hello, it's Laser Stories.

[C]

It's the radio segment. That's promoting the next big cosmetic trend. Forget microblading or bleaching. Now it's all about vertical brows.

[A]

What? Oh, is that where they stand out? Like straight out from your face?

[C]

No, if you're bored with your regular horizontal eyebrows, go vertical up and down with them. Like having little dual skyscrapers right there on your forehead. Everybody at the club will be looking at you.

[A]

That's right.

[C]

Thanks to laser stories, the segment where we read weird news stories around the globe just like everyone else does. Except we've got a laser. Those other bass faces just don't. This first laser story is out of Massachusetts. Back in 2022, cops were evicting a guy from a 1.5 million dollar home. And in the middle of it, a woman in her 50s named Rory woods showed up and unleashed thousands of bees on them.

[F]

Oh, my God.

[B]

All the bee ladies here?

[A]

Why? Yeah, what?

[C]

Rory was there protesting the eviction, so she pulled up with some hives in the back of her SUV and tipped them over to try to sic them on the cops. Oh, my God. And a few officers did get stung, so she was even arrested in her beekeeping gear.

[A]

Oh, I'm glad she was suited up. Yeah, she was protected.

[C]

Well, Rory's trial was this month, and she was just convicted on six charges. Oh, four counts of simple assault and battery, along with two counts of reckless assault. Yeah, she was sentenced to six months in jail and will receive credit for the 148 days that she's already served. So she's only got 32 days left.

[D]

Look at that.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

There you go, Rory.

[C]

And even though this happened years ago, local police still refer to this as the biggest sting operation that they've ever been a part of.

[A]

You know, she's like, well, if I bring the bees, it won't count because they're the ones doing the damage.

[B]

Yeah, it's a natural weapon.

[C]

Let's go to your next laser story out of Japan. A lot of people complain about workplaces being less fun and relaxing these days. So how would you feel if your boss decided to mix things up by bringing out a copy of Monopoly?

[A]

I'd be down to the longest game ever. Every time my kids want to play, I'm like, I don't have eight hours,

[C]

but board games at work? Is that cool or is it horrifying?

[A]

I mean, I think I could go for a quick connect four in the middle of a break. That's fast.

[C]

Well, in Tokyo, a fire department Sergeant in his 40s was suspended. Suspended last week for forcing his co workers to play board games during work

[A]

hours would force us to play Scrabble. I was just thinking that one would be fun for us. It'd be good for the show. I mean we would remember other words we haven't used in a while. It's good to expand your vocabulary.

[C]

You're not selling anybody on it right now. But even stranger, it wasn't Scrabble or Catan or Battleship. They were all self made board games that he came up with and he needed people to play test them for him. So this is just one of those

[B]

adult guys that likes to make up his own rules. Yeah, no, I'm sorry. Actually I forgot to tell you the.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I get to jump you the next turn.

[A]

And green is out.

[B]

Yeah, green's automatically out.

[A]

I don't know why, but it is.

[C]

There were over 10 types of board games, all originals and created on blank pieces of paper. That's kind of cool. One staffer estimated that they played around 14 times in two weeks, totaling 35 hours.

[A]

It wasn't that they refused. It's just like they couldn't do it any longer.

[B]

They couldn't finish working. Please.

[C]

Nine workers who played but lost because of dumb strategy were also given written warnings, but they weren't suspended. So the whole thing stopped when somebody snitched and reported it to the higher ups.

[B]

Boo.

[C]

The boss said he thought it'd be good for communication, but now he deeply regrets it. Team building backfires again.

[A]

I don't want to try one of his games.

[B]

I know. Me too. I wonder what it's like.

[C]

This next laser story is out of road sign roundtable. A road in Wisconsin now has a decimal point in the speed limit.

[A]

What?

[C]

Officials change the sign to read 17.3 miles per hour.

[F]

What?

[D]

Why?

[C]

And it's not a major road.

[B]

You were going 17.4?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It's on a smaller street outside a recycling and solid waste facility. And the county shared a photo on their Facebook with the caption saying, you may notice something a little different on your next visit. Our posted speed limit is now 17.3. This place is starting to suck. Yeah. So why are they doing it and

[A]

why are on the dump?

[C]

They say the idea is it makes you pause, it makes you look twice, and most importantly, it breaks that autopilot feeling we can all fall into when we're driving around familiar room routes.

[B]

That is true. Sometimes I get somewhere and I'm like, wait, was I awake for that?

[A]

I know, but see, it kind of makes me want to pull out my phone and Take a photo of it.

[C]

Well, guess what? So far it's working.

[A]

Oh, really?

[C]

Speeding in that area is way down. But there is one issue. Some drivers have commented saying if they're already going too fast, it kind of looks like it reads 173 miles an hour.

[A]

Which is kind of fun.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

So I can't even go. I'm trying to get up to 173.

[C]

Either people go way under the speed limit or they try to back to the future. It's not great. This next laser story is out of scam central. Oh, the next time someone's grinding up against you at a club, they could just be dancing. Or they could be trying to steal from you. Charging five easy payments of $19.99 from your credit card.

[A]

What?

[C]

How I say that? Cuz there's a new viral credit card scam out there called ghost tapping. Oh yeah. And if you haven't heard about it yet, it's where thieves use cheap generic card readers. And they'll bump into you to trigger a wireless transaction from a tappable chip credit card that's in your wallet.

[B]

Ain't nobody got time for that. You get your bank info?

[A]

A friend of mine had their phone stolen and she didn't have face ID on Venmo and they took 30 grand out of her savings account cuz it was connected to her savings account and she can't get it back.

[C]

That's sad.

[A]

Well, as far as I know. I mean, the drama on my group chat is real high right now.

[B]

Oh my goodness. Why don't you just send her 30 grand, bro?

[C]

Yeah, the thing is, they don't even need to physically touch your back pocket or purse in order to do this. Yeah, they just need to get pretty close. And it could also trigger a transaction from the mobile wallet on your cell phone. Yeah, which is annoying because chip cards with tapping functionality were supposed to be more secure. I agree. This is why Brooke was trying to get me to join Ash Apple Pay recently. She was trying to get my money.

[A]

Just trying to pay myself back for all those lunches I bought you.

[C]

Jeff, the scam is more likely to happen in crowded spaces, like on public transportation, at concerts, or on busy sidewalks,

[A]

or that Costco sample line that gets packed.

[C]

Are you bumping up against a lot of people in the Costco line? You're grinding on them.

[A]

It's hard to jostle your way to the front, I'll tell you that.

[C]

Well, what can you do outside of of closely monitoring your bank accounts? An investigative news team tried several different safety items and the best option was a carbon fiber wallet or phone case that can block the signal.

[A]

Yeah, I got my carbon fiber wallet and it's ready to take on any hackers.

[C]

They can cost around 20 bucks, but they do work.

[A]

Oh, that's good to know.

[B]

Everybody had a fanny pack like this the whole time we were in Europe.

[A]

I bet he was a cool one.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Yeah. As for this guy, you can bump into him anytime. But just know this, he's probably gonna bump into you first and you're gonna like it. And that sound means Laser stories has come to an end for the day. We'll do it again same time on Monday.

[A]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning

[B]

in

[C]

school, you may have heard teachers say there's no such thing as a stupid question. That's just what educators say to make dumb kids feel less self conscious.

[B]

Thanks guys.

[C]

We know there's such is a stupid question. Cuz a survey just asked teachers across the country to share the funniest and dumbest things their students have said or done in class over this past school year. And I will tell you, the struggle is real. We're going to read you the best ones coming up right after this. We're approaching the end of yet another school year.

[B]

Wow. Congrats guys.

[C]

Can you believe it?

[E]

We did it.

[A]

My kids. Kids keep getting older.

[B]

Oh, they're gonna graduate soon.

[A]

Brooke.

[C]

It's Brooke and Jeffrey in the mornings. Well, did you know between all the secret note passing and the monkey bar swinging and hallway hand clap games, these kids are supposed to learn stuff too.

[B]

I don't like that.

[A]

That's not fun.

[C]

We are asking so much of these children and if you ever went to school, you might remember the academics didn't always make sense. Sense, no. And nobody understands. A young person struggled to learn quite like the teachers giving them the lessons.

[B]

Oh, poor teachers.

[C]

That's why a new survey asked teachers to share what's the funniest or dumbest thing a student has said or done in your class this year?

[A]

They're like just one.

[C]

Yeah, they could share as many as they wanted. But here were some of the top responses. One middle school teacher said she was explaining sunlight and how potentially dangerous UV rays can be. And one of her students asked, if the sun's so dangerous, why did we build it?

[A]

Oh, good point.

[C]

Another one of Elon Musk's inventions. It's come back to bite us. Meanwhile, at an elementary school, one kid told his teacher that having a baby, boy or girl, was determined by whether or not they had an innie or outie? Belly button?

[F]

Button.

[C]

Oh, I remember that.

[A]

Was that a rumor?

[B]

Yeah, I remember that as a kid.

[A]

That it was the belly button that determined it. Huh.

[C]

Enies make girls. Audis make boys. You're about to learn a lot about yourself, Jose.

[A]

They're close to, right?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

If they just move that into a different area.

[C]

Yeah. Anatomy is hard. I've heard a lot of kids, like, don't know how to read time on an analog clock anymore nowadays.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But apparently it's even worse than I thought, because one high school math teacher asked her juniors, what year is it? And she heard answers from 2008 to 2012, 1985, and 2020, until finally a student asked if she could just look it up on her phone.

[A]

They don't know the year.

[C]

They have no clue.

[A]

Thank you. Or she's a bad teacher and said it wrong because, I mean, it's not the kids, you know, the year because, you know, know you're graduating here. Yeah. And everything goes based on that in high school. And it's in your Instagram bio. Class of 2016.

[C]

Not anymore. Kids have no clue.

[A]

Maybe they didn't understand what the 26 stood for. Maybe.

[C]

You know, if you're just joining us, we're looking at a survey that asks teachers what's the funniest or dumbest thing a student has said or done in the past school year. A college professor wrote in calling out one of her students for turning in a paper that she clearly had not written herself.

[A]

Oh, AI.

[C]

So the student emailed the professor and cc'd the dean of the school saying it was hers because she paid her own money to have it written for her and even included an image of the receipt. So legally, that is my paper.

[E]

Accountability.

[B]

This is the kind of person that calls the cops when their drug dealer

[E]

doesn't give them their drug, you know,

[B]

and it's like, excuse me, I have a complaint.

[A]

And it's like paying double for school because you're paying for the class and then you're paying someone else to do

[C]

the class and whatever it takes to get that in.

[B]

Oh, my goodness.

[C]

Meanwhile, at another university, one resourceful student found his professor's master thesis that he published on a journal years ago.

[A]

Oh, that's cool.

[C]

And tried to turn parts of it back into him verbatim to complete the assignment.

[D]

Okay, wait.

[A]

Kind of funny to see if you notice.

[B]

I mean, that's pretty ballsy.

[C]

Yeah. Back to high school. One history teacher was going over World War II when a girl raised her hand and asked, completely serious. Wait, are you saying England isn't a state in the us?

[B]

New England, which is also not a state.

[C]

Oh, that's a good point.

[A]

Actually, she has plans for the United States future.

[B]

She's a colonizer.

[C]

That's right. It's not a state yet. Give us a little time. We'll work on it.

[A]

With enough creativity, we're taking England back. I'm joking. To any of our international listeners, that is a joke, not an international.

[C]

Speaking of geographic struggles, one teacher overheard a 10th grader arguing with another student, saying, you don't need a passport to visit Canada. In her defense, her grandma lives in Canada. Specifically in Chicago,

[E]

Southern Canada.

[C]

So many problems with all of those statements.

[A]

You've never been to the Chicago in Ontario?

[C]

No, no, you can't say I have. Again, these are from a survey that asked teachers to share funniest or dumbest thing one of their students said or did in class this past calendar year.

[A]

I'm really relieved. I haven't heard anything from my kids yet on this list.

[C]

There's still more to be had. Because one teacher was telling her freshman about an upcoming field trip to the Henry Ford Museum that was going to be happening later on that semester. One kid raised their hand to ask who Henry Ford was, and another student chimed in, you idiot, he's the guy from Star Wars. I'll give him a half a point there.

[A]

That would have been probably a way more fun museum for the kids.

[B]

Why do we not have him endorse it? And they come out with a Ford Falcon?

[C]

Such a good idea. Apparently, one middle school teacher had to answer the question, how do you spell vcr?

[E]

That's true. If you've never read it, it might be tough.

[A]

I know you probably don't even know what it is. And why would they be writing about it? Yeah, yeah, probably.

[C]

This one says, I had a high school student ask me, how long is next period? I told them 70 minutes, just like all of them are. And the student went, oh, why does it feel like an hour? Well, more than that. Kind of is a little bit longer, in fact. And finally, it's so funny.

[A]

I don't know why I feel like that's what people say about our podcast.

[C]

Finally, one middle school educator was asked, why is it always so cold in the morning, but then so hot in the afternoons? Is the Earth bipolar or something?

[A]

Yeah, it's because of the sun that we made. Remember we learned that at the beginning.

[C]

Oh, yes, it's a timed sun. Keeps coming back to bite us. Those were the funniest and weirdest things students have said or done in class in the past calendar year.

[A]

That was really good texting.

[F]

Yours.

[B]

I love to hear songs.

[C]

Yeah, definitely. 78592 phone taps. Coming up right after this.

[A]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[C]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. And in today's prank phone call, we reach out to a guy who recently moved into a house where him and his wife found an old painting up in the attic upstairs.

[A]

That's fun.

[C]

It looked like it could be worth something.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

But they weren't sure, so they brought it to an appraiser and now they're waiting. And in the meantime, the wife reached out to us to tell us about their situation so we could give our own appraisal in your phone tab right now.

[A]

Brooke and Jeffrey's phone tabs on the 20s.

[F]

Hello?

[B]

Hi, is this Evan?

[F]

Yeah, who's this?

[B]

Good morning. I'm calling from Appraisal and Consulting. My name is Stuart Ladouche.

[F]

Um, hi.

[B]

Hello,

[F]

Yaak. How can I help you?

[B]

I believe your wife Scarlett dropped off a painting with us to be appraised. But she's not answering my rings. I've been trying to call her.

[F]

She usually always has her phone on her.

[B]

Oh, but also your number was listed on the sheet, so I thought I'd give you a ring.

[F]

Okay. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. I am her husband.

[B]

Well, we are finished with the appraisal.

[F]

Okay. I'm curious to what you found. I mean, is it worth anything?

[B]

Hopefully you're sitting down.

[F]

Yeah, I'm sitting down. Must be something exciting to tell me if that's what you're asking.

[B]

Well, based on my initial research, I believe there's a good chance this could be an original Farnsworth.

[F]

A Farnsworth?

[B]

Yes. Can you believe it?

[F]

I don't know much about art. I'm sorry, who is that?

[B]

You don't know? Farnsworth v. Leonard. Nipples Farnsworth.

[F]

Did you say Nipples Farnsworth?

[B]

Absolutely.

[F]

I mean, is this person famous?

[B]

More like infamous.

[F]

Okay.

[B]

Before he painted, he was actually known as a disgraced children's party clown from the 1940s.

[F]

A disgraced party clown?

[B]

We believe Nipples may have lived in your home when he was under house arrest for balloon animal related charges.

[F]

What?

[B]

Isn't that fascinating?

[F]

No, not really.

[B]

I know this is a lot to take in all at once, but starting next month, your residents will be granted historical clown landmark status.

[F]

What?

[B]

We're calling it Nipples Place Iconic.

[F]

No.

[C]

Yes.

[F]

I don't want my. I don't want to Live in a place called Nipples Place.

[B]

I'm sorry, sir, but you already do.

[F]

No, I don't.

[B]

Yes, you're there right now, and I'm just letting you know it's not good landmark status like you normally hear about it. A lot more scandalous.

[F]

Okay, well, I don't want to be associated with anything scandalous.

[B]

Oh, no, you don't. But it is too late because this has leaked on social media.

[F]

What?

[B]

So I predict you'll see as much foot traffic as the Dahmer house.

[F]

Did you think Dahmer isn't Jeffrey Dahmer, that guy who like, is known for eating people?

[C]

No.

[B]

Oh, I was referring to Mari Dahmer, the disgraced children's magician. He lived two doors down. They're still looking for that little rat.

[F]

What are you talking about?

[B]

I'm sorry, do you have a question about Maury?

[C]

Oh, my God.

[F]

No, I don't have a question now about Maury. This is crazy. I just want to know how much the painting might be worth his old. It was just a simple appraisal. And now you're talking to City Hall.

[B]

It ended up being worth about. Are you sitting down?

[F]

Yes, I'm sitting down.

[B]

Around $4.

[F]

$4? You've been wasting my time for $4.

[B]

All the hosts at Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning appraised it, so you may want to get a second opinion because they are idiots.

[F]

What?

[B]

This is Jose for Brick and Jeffrey in the Morning. We're doing a fo tap on you, man. I'm so sorry.

[F]

Oh my goodness. Yeah.

[B]

Your wife Scarlett set you up for this one, bro.

[F]

It's. Yeah, she got me good cuz she knew. She knew I really wanted. I was hoping that the actual thing would be worth something.

[C]

It is.

[A]

It is.

[B]

I believe an original nipples Farnsworth would be going up in value and someday would be wor worth almost $10.

[F]

Oh my God. I believed you completely.

[B]

As you should. Because Stuart Ladouche doesn't lie. Brooke and Jeffrey's phone taps on the 20s.

[A]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[C]

If you're single, there's never a perfect time to meet someone. Especially if you're at a wedding, cuz there's so many things going on there. You got the garter toss, the bouquet toss, or my personal favorite, the flower girl toss.

[A]

Oh, this the whole

[F]

damn.

[A]

Oh God.

[C]

Really hard. Gotta lighten up on the overhand there. Sounds like a fun wedding.

[B]

No one's getting married next.

[C]

For one of our listeners though, he tried all the almost everything to meet a cute Girl that he saw at the reception. And you won't believe what sneaky trick he pulled to finally make it happen. Oh, okay, you're gonna find out when we do your second date update. Next.

[A]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. Second date update.

[C]

This is a show first for us, and I don't know if it's a good thing.

[A]

Uh.

[C]

Oh, it's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[A]

We like not good things. So tell us, Jeff.

[C]

Well, just a couple months ago, we did an update update with a guy named Dan. Daniel. Who told us that he was still together with the girl from his original second date call.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Even though he did catch her making out with another woman at a bar.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I do remember.

[C]

Remember she claimed it wasn't cheating because it's a girl on a girl thing. Yeah, he wasn't so sure, but they decided to stick it out. Well, that didn't last very long.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Because now he's back out on the open market needing our help once again.

[A]

Let me guess. She's in a relationship with a woman that she made out with.

[C]

Who knows? But, Daniel, I am sorry to welcome you back to the show. I was hoping we would never hear from you again. Honestly.

[F]

Yeah, it's a dubious honor.

[C]

Guys, what happened with the last woman that you were with?

[F]

So good news, bad news. Good news, she's not with the girl she made out with. Bad news is I saw her at a bar making out with two other guys.

[A]

But that's not. It's not cheating when there's two of them.

[B]

That's just fine.

[C]

You can't fall in love with both.

[A]

Right?

[F]

Yeah, that's. Nah.

[C]

Yeah, she kisses a lot.

[A]

That was finally the straw that broke it.

[F]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If it wasn't, that would say more about me. So. Yeah, no, it's not how I roll. But we're still friends. She's very cool. She's very fun.

[C]

Well, clearly.

[B]

Yeah, she sounds fun.

[C]

Puts even more to shame. Doesn't know how to respond.

[A]

I mean, impressive that you can still be friends with her. Good for you. That's an immature thing to do.

[C]

And sounds like you've moved on to somebody else. Who's the new person?

[F]

Person I have. So this new person I met in kind of a strange way. I was getting off a plane at the airport and I pulled up Uber and I wasn't really looking at what I was doing. And instead of ordering a regular Uber, I ordered an Uber pool.

[C]

Oh. Oh, my God.

[B]

I've done that by accident. Sometimes it suggests the cheapest Thing to you.

[C]

Oh, I would have canceled that, like, immediately.

[B]

Yeah, that was.

[A]

Usually Jeff is like, oh, my God. Conversations with another person.

[D]

I don't know.

[B]

Yes. Pay the $50.

[C]

Ye walk home instead.

[A]

Oh, my God. What are the chances you get a hot girl in your Uber pool?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Was she hot?

[F]

Well, she was, because I was gonna cancel it, but then it said harper is on the way and, you know, there's a tiny little bubble. But I was like, well, let's roll the dice on life and see what happens. So it was great. She was nice. It wasn't too awkward at the beginning.

[A]

Did she accidentally also do the Uber pool and was confused when you got in?

[F]

Yeah, no, no, she meant to do it. So, you know, frugality, I respect it.

[C]

Anywhere else outside of the airport, you're not getting a good looking person sharing that car with you. You really got lucky.

[F]

Yeah, airports are long drives.

[C]

They're okay.

[A]

Yeah. Okay, so I mean, that gave you guys to connect and get to know each other then, right?

[D]

Yeah.

[F]

And actually, like, the second she got in the car, I was like, I know you from somewhere.

[A]

What?

[F]

And she kind of laughed and I was like, no, no, no. I didn't request this Uber knowing I would see you. But I also couldn't figure out where I knew her from.

[A]

Did she recognize you?

[F]

No, she definitely does not know me. But let's.

[C]

Wait, was that a line or did you really think you recognized her?

[F]

No, I really did. And I kept saying, this isn't a pickup, but I feel like I know you from somewhere. And I kept listing off the places where I thought I could know her, you know?

[B]

Okay, hold on. This is important. Where did you say you may have known her? Because I'm hoping you were like, oh, it's fashion magazine, or like something complimentary.

[A]

I can't just be like a grocery store.

[B]

Oh, no, you should compliment her. Be like, oh, I've seen you on a billboard.

[A]

Right. I'm pretty sure you work at the Dollar Tree.

[C]

Yeah, that doesn't work.

[F]

I just listed off a couple of parties that I had been at. Like, maybe she was a friend of a friend. I threw out a couple of names.

[C]

Did you happen to make out with a girl at a bar one time while I was present?

[A]

Oh, my God, that was pretty. I didn't even think about that. Jeffrey, if it was not your girlfriend made out with, was it?

[F]

I would definitely remember that girl. But no, it wasn't.

[B]

Now I know. What? You look familiar.

[A]

How did you know her?

[F]

I never figured it out. And I was going deep. I was going, like, maybe it was summer camp, like when I was a kid. Nothing.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Did you spend 25 minutes listing off places?

[F]

Not 25, but yeah, that's. Sure. 20, yeah.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Did you actually go out with her on a real date or was the Uber ride the entire experience?

[F]

No, seriously. I wound up finding a lot about her just because she would tell me what she actually did when I would ask, you know, guess a wrong one. And then when they were about to drop me off, I was like, I've got to figure this out. Is there like a bar we can go to? And she said, yeah, there's actually a bar around the corner.

[A]

And wait, she agreed to it? She wasn't tired of.

[F]

I know.

[A]

I'm with you, Alexis. I would have been exhausted from all the questioning.

[F]

We were actually, like, laughing about it. And it was really fun. It was really, like, really casual.

[A]

I wonder if she knew, because you feel like it'd be fun if you know the answer and the other person doesn't. That's the only way I'd put up with it.

[C]

Or maybe she, like, didn't want to admit that she knew him somewhere and maybe that's why she's not calling you back after all of this.

[A]

Yeah, but they went to a bar together, right?

[F]

Yeah, we did, and we had a great time. And this is the question. I don't understand why she hasn't responded to the texts I sent. Like, I get it, it's a weird meeting, but it was also kismet. Like, I turned the encounter into a date.

[B]

Yeah, she thought about it and was like, oh, you're my ex husband.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And then remember? Oh, yeah, I didn't work out.

[A]

And he doesn't recall that he doesn't remember.

[C]

Or maybe it was the 200 follow up text about, was it here? Was it there? Wasn't that.

[B]

Maybe it's I'm your future husband.

[A]

That sounds like a Dr. Seuss book.

[C]

But we're gonna find out because we're gonna call Harper for you here in just a minute. We'll try and figure out where you know her from if that's true, and get you a second date update right after this.

[F]

Thank you.

[C]

All right, hold on.

[A]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. Second date update.

[C]

Today's second date update is sponsored by UberPool.

[A]

Yay.

[C]

Want to ride with a hot stranger? You got a 1 in 10,000 chance that'll actually happen. But just make sure you're near an airport and then roll the dice with Uber pool. Yeah, and I bring that up. Cause that's exactly what happened with our listener Daniel recently. Recently, who's actually been on with us before for a second date. He's back again. And this time he met a very pretty girl named Harper because they had a ride share together back from the airport. The majority of their conversation was dominated by, hey, don't I know you from somewhere?

[A]

Oh, my God. And then guessing how many places he

[C]

could put her for about 20 straight minutes.

[B]

But he said they were having fun with it, and she was laughing.

[C]

Otherwise, she wouldn't have agreed to go to drinks with him at the bar right afterwards.

[A]

Yeah, and yeah, ask more questions about where.

[B]

So she knew what she was signing up for.

[C]

So there was hope. But now there's nothing. And that's why we're stepping into hell. Brooke, what do you think?

[A]

I don't know. Did you guys ever even get to the point of is she single?

[C]

That's a good question. Did you ask that?

[B]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

Okay, so she's married.

[B]

And now we get it.

[C]

Okay, there's no need to call. These are important questions that we need to ask.

[B]

But nobody asked. Not even him.

[F]

They were more important questions.

[B]

Yeah, you're just trying to find out how you know.

[C]

And honestly, she probably never would have gone out with you to the bar if she was with somebody else.

[F]

That wouldn't be a good one.

[A]

Unless he's friends with her husband. Who knows?

[C]

That's how they know.

[B]

You're my.

[C]

You're my husband's boss. I have to do that. Okay, well, now we have some guesses. Let's get some definitive answers when we call her right now. You ready to do this, Daniel?

[F]

Yeah. And you know, I never really thought of that, so. That could be the truth. Anything's possible at this point.

[C]

Yeah, that is true. Anything is possible with Uber pool.

[A]

Oh, again, we're actually not getting paid for this.

[C]

Get your discount code with somebody else's name. Uber pool.

[B]

Uber advertise. Do they not advertise? Regular pool part.

[C]

Anyway, we got to call Harper here. Here we.

[F]

Hello.

[C]

Hi, we're looking for Harper.

[D]

This is she. Who's this?

[C]

Hey, Harper, this is your lucky day because you're talking to Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning right now.

[A]

Hey, Harper. Hi.

[D]

Hi.

[C]

Hi.

[B]

Feel like I know you.

[A]

Don't start that.

[C]

We're a radio show.

[B]

Sounds familiar, right?

[C]

Brooke, we're on in the mornings. We're called Brooke and Jeffrey, and we're doing something called a second date update date. We're trying to hook you back up with one of our listeners that you met recently named Daniel.

[D]

Oh. Oh, okay.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

This Daniel that you met riding home in an Uber pool together.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, my God. Were you shocked when attractive guy got in the car?

[D]

Yeah, sure. Yeah, I guess.

[C]

Yeah, sure, sure. Whatever you say.

[D]

I don't know. It's always a question when you do an overpool, right? Who are you guys to get stuck with?

[C]

But, yeah, no, I'm sorry to, like, bombard you with all these questions, but what we're trying to do is, like, help Daniel figure out if you guys had a connection because he felt like there was something going on between you two in the Uber ride and at the bar that night.

[A]

Did you feel that at all?

[D]

Yeah. Yeah, I did.

[C]

I don't believe her. I, I know it may have been hard to get that because he was asking you a lot of questions about if he knew you from somewhere before.

[D]

Yeah. And I, I really, genuinely didn't know he. What he was talking about. Like, we were. I mean, ran through, like, the full list of all of the potential.

[C]

Like, so you didn't know him?

[D]

I did know him. And I didn't realize it until I got home, like, unpacking, and then it hit me.

[B]

You figured it out.

[A]

I can't believe it. You figured it out. We've been dying to know because he said he spent, like, 20 minutes just questioning you over and over again, and

[C]

I don't think he ever serenading you with guesses.

[A]

Clearly, he wasn't even asking questions. It clicked for you. You didn't tell him.

[D]

No, I didn't, because it was back in college, so it's been a while.

[C]

No wonder he had a hard time remembering.

[D]

Yeah, he was a student. I was a TA.

[C]

A TA?

[A]

That's not a big deal. Like, TAs are like grad students. Maybe. I want to hear what happened. Okay. Sorry.

[D]

Like, it's not what you think. It's not like we hooked up or anything. Like, I, I, I caught him cheating on a test.

[F]

Oh.

[D]

And I brought it to the professor and got him, like, failed out of the class and.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

So you're not calling him back because you're still upset about him cheating?

[D]

Yeah, no, I just, like, I just feel so awkward.

[B]

You ended his college career, so you just.

[A]

One class. You're not kicked out of college for the that?

[D]

No, I mean, he did get suspended. Like, that's a big deal.

[B]

You snitch.

[C]

My thought here is, if you remembered him after all this, why wouldn't you at least call him back or text him back to tell him that.

[D]

I don't know. I just don't want to, like, deal like, oh, my God, that's so uncomfortable. Like. Like, hey, remember that horrible thing that happened to you? Like, I was in charge of that.

[A]

Yeah, well, he initiated it. Let's remember he's the one that cheated.

[C]

She.

[B]

That's true.

[C]

Just to be clear, the reason is not because he's a cheater. It's because you feel uncomfortable revealing that you were the one that caught him.

[D]

I mean, I didn't even think about him being a cheater. I just, like, figured it was awkward. But, yeah, you're right. Maybe he's that type of person. I don't know.

[C]

Well, no, I'm not trying to plant that. And I'm just. I was trying to get clarification, but just tell her. Yeah, we need to just tell you that Daniel is not a cheater, and he's actually on the other line listening right now. Sneaky, though. Yeah.

[F]

Thank you guys, for planning that in her mind, first of all.

[C]

No, that was my bad, Daniel. I'm sorry. I was trying to get clarification.

[A]

So now he knows. He heard it all.

[C]

Oh, funny, right? Daniel?

[D]

Oh, God. Okay. Well. Hi.

[F]

Hey. Hi.

[D]

Sorry.

[F]

Yeah, you know, it's not. Not every day you get to meet your own stool pigeon. That's it. That's a big deal for me.

[B]

Like an insult. But I don't know what that mean.

[F]

A stool pigeon is like, a term that they used to use in the mob when someone would snitch on somebody. Like a rat. I guess you have to be a criminal. You have to have a criminal mind to understand what it is.

[A]

Now you're evading taxes or what are you doing now?

[C]

We're. Yeah, let's. Let's get off the crime talk and back on to the relationship that you guys were starting to form.

[F]

Yeah, I'm embarrassed for sure. Okay, I'll let you know that. They let me retake the course, and I took, like, a no pass, which I guess is less bad than a fail.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Mean NP saves everything.

[C]

You are kind of putting all of that on her, though. Were you cheating on that test or not?

[F]

Yeah, I was definitely cheating on that.

[A]

So she shouldn't feel bad is what you're trying to say.

[D]

Yeah, that's about to say, it's like,

[F]

in a way, you saved me. I never cheated on Testa ever again.

[B]

Hey, she's been improving you as a man for a long time.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

How does that make you feel. Harper,

[D]

this is so awkward.

[F]

I don't know.

[D]

I'm glad that you learned your lesson.

[A]

I don't know, like, he's not upset or mad or anything. He's also embarrassed by it. Harper, you guys are experiencing the same thing right now.

[D]

I guess. I just. I feel so weird. I'm sorry.

[F]

Well, let's.

[C]

Let's take all this awkwardness, ball it up and move it to the side. We have all the awkwardness out of the way now. Let's just.

[A]

Is that how it works, too? Yeah. Pure chemistry.

[C]

Just snap the fingers. Boom, awkward, gone.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Smooth sailing from here on out.

[C]

So, Daniel, go ahead, start again. Where do I know you from?

[A]

That is not the question. We want to leave Jeffrey.

[C]

Some sort of party?

[B]

That was a joke. Don't answer.

[F]

I remember you. You narc on me in college.

[A]

No, Daniel, you said you're the hot TA from that class. I told.

[B]

Yeah, you're that snitch I hate.

[D]

Yeah, this is why I didn't text you back.

[C]

This is better than the text back.

[A]

It's actually pretty cute.

[C]

And we could keep this good energy rolling into a second date of, like, a real meetup where you guys can create all new memories for yourself. We would pay for that date.

[B]

College cafeteria date.

[C]

But it's up to you, Harper. You get to say yes or no to this.

[A]

I mean, if you like the guy to go to a bar enough after he peppered you with questions for 20 minutes, you have to give him another chance.

[B]

Or she just really needed a free

[D]

drink and with, like, airplane. You're right. You're right.

[B]

That's true.

[C]

Brooke, what do you think? Harper?

[D]

I mean, Daniel, if you're. I don't know, who would like moving past it or whatever. I did have fun with you. Like, you're cute, you're funny. Yeah, I am.

[F]

Well beyond it. That was not the peak or the bottom of my life, so I would love to go on another date.

[A]

His life got worse later.

[C]

So his last girlfriend and made out with many, many people.

[F]

Oh, no.

[C]

Don't worry.

[A]

They're still friends.

[D]

I can tell you definitively I'm not a cheater. So.

[C]

So you guys are going out. Officially. And we're paying for it. Congratulations.

[F]

Thank you.

[D]

Thanks.

[A]

All right. This feels a lot better than the last time he called it.

[F]

Yeah, it does.

[C]

Cheating in college may not have helped him academically, but romantically, years later.

[A]

Later.

[C]

It's finally paying off.

[A]

That's a really good point.

[C]

Cheating works, everyone.

[A]

That's not the message.

[C]

Wait, Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[A]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[C]

Well, another successful second date for Daniel.

[A]

I mean, another one.

[C]

I've done it again.

[A]

More successful second date for Daniel.

[C]

Yeah, but wait until the update. Update? When Daniel tells us he caught this girl making up with the college mascot. Oh, boy.

[A]

I mean, if they don't have a humor human face, does it count?

[C]

Yeah, it's not really cheating if you're just making it with the mascot head.

[B]

Is he just the most cheat on person ever?

[A]

I think they're really cute. I think this could actually work out.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, they have a history already. They have a fun how you met story.

[A]

Totally.

[C]

They're all set up for success here.

[A]

I mean, it would be a great wedding reception story. And then the radio's involved. You don't think so?

[B]

Yeah, she's the reason I didn't. Well, I guess you didn't get kicked out of college.

[A]

You did. Yeah, it all worked out, man.

[B]

Your mom almost failed me.

[D]

Right?

[C]

It could be cute. And you could be our next cute couple that we set up on our show. All you got to do is email us first. We'll call that person who's not calling you back. Go check out all of our second date updates, including that last one with Daniel. Wherever you get your podcast at. Brooke and Jeffrey.

[A]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[C]

There's a trend that's been going around network television lately, and on this show we are very, very good at borrowing ideas from tv.

[A]

That is a nice way to say it, Jeffrey.

[C]

I think today we need to try it again today. Cause they've been using this tactic lately to spice things up, add a little sizzle to their shows just by adding one word to the end of it.

[A]

Ooh, what are they adding?

[C]

That's why we're doing it too. And I'm proud to announce coming up, it's young Jeffrey's song of the week, Island.

[A]

Let's go to the island.

[C]

Is it, Jeff, just a parody song or will there also be hot shirtless 20 somethings fooling around in a hot tub by the beach while I sing?

[B]

All right.

[A]

Alexis is mad that that's not real.

[C]

Only way to find out what it really is going to be like is to be here for my brand new song of the week Island. It's coming up right after this. It is time for my song of the week. It's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. And we're making mid spring.

[A]

Yeah, we are.

[C]

It's already May. And did you know this month is the number one time of the year for online matches.

[B]

Oh, I did not know that.

[A]

See, people are getting out there. The sun's out. You're feeling better.

[C]

Yeah, could be. Cuz, like, the weather's getting better. Your hibernated winter body is now ready to be unveiled and loved appropriately.

[A]

That's right. There's more of me.

[C]

Well, whatever the reason. Reason is people are online and they are meeting up, and the whole goal of going on a date is just have fun, get to know the other person. Maybe get some action if you can. And if there's enough chemistry, might even go halfsies on a gallon of gas. It's a big step.

[A]

I mean, you might as well open a checking account together at that point.

[C]

But how do you actually achieve those things? That's the tough part when it comes to dating. Cause sometimes men and women have very different views about how the courtship should go.

[A]

I see. How to attract someone else.

[C]

Exactly.

[A]

Especially with those online profiles.

[C]

Or how to impress the other person when you're out on a date.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[C]

Some men I know will have an idea in their mind of what they think ladies will appreciate.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, things that work in the male mind.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

And it doesn't always match up with what women are actually looking for in their female brains.

[B]

That's actually very well said, Jeff.

[C]

I just felt like someone had to sing about that awkward, mismatched energy.

[A]

I see.

[C]

Let's call it.

[A]

Men don't realize that women have never talked about how much weight they can lift.

[C]

Sometimes that's a shocker to us.

[A]

Not part of our checklist.

[B]

She still hasn't brought up my car.

[A]

But you will.

[C]

I know she likes it. So? So there's a popular song by Olivia Dean called it's so easy to fall in love. And if that's the modern female perspective, I'm gonna take the modern male perspective called you're so lucky to roll with this stud.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

He's gonna, like, man sing to us.

[A]

At least he's confident.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Confidence is key, at least in the male mind. So I'm gonna confidently point when I'm ready. Here we go. Points. I could be your man. The one who gets your hot a peep. The tinder photo of this fish I caught the selfie with my car is making your heart race. You could be Mulan, I'll be your captain Lee. Cause we'll do do things that bring shame to your family. So generous. I'll let you plan our whole first day. And you must feel so lucky to roll with this stud. I'll give you a TED Talk about myself Watch me gush. I'm the perfect mix of confident vibes as I tell stuff speaking entrepreneurially

[B]

it's

[C]

so tricky to find any faults with the way I overshare, the way I double park, the way I smugly laugh after my own remarks I may ask you a question some point later. We'll see. I'm quite the romantic texter Daily sends close ups of my male anatomy I snap dumb at work while thinking of the it's chivalry. Now I may seem too busy or drunk to meet up but I'll always bust your phone 2am Seeking love. I'm the perfect blend of finding financial flexes and blaming my exes cuz turns out they're all crazy. You're so pretty but let's talk more about me. It ain't sleazy. My room's Febrezy because my mom didn't clean it. Yeah, yeah, no Ds. That girl's wanting some as I'm snapping my fingers at the server to come I'm an alpha fun mix of protective tones but I won't walk you home unless it's the same direction as me. I'll ghost you briefly to build a mystery. Wow, so accurate.

[E]

Very toxic.

[C]

The room is really toxic but you like it.

[A]

You forgot to mention the waitress coming over liked him.

[C]

Well, she started flirting with me, so don't be mad at me about that.

[B]

Don't worry, I don't diffuse the situation. I got her number for later.

[A]

God, it almost made me think I'm missing out on the men of today.

[C]

Modern dating. Fun.

[B]

It really shows you though. A guy can go home and be like, I thought that date went great. He's not calling me. There you go.

[C]

That's your song of the week. Look into the male mind of modern dating. You can text into 78592, tell us how accurate it is. Tell us anything that I missed and texted.

[B]

Did you learn something about yourself?

[C]

That'd be a good text.

[A]

I guarantee there's a handful of guys who are like, yeah, we're awesome.

[C]

So we're gonna post a video up on all of our socials at Brooke and Jeffrey so you can go like comment, share and enjoy dating everybody. It's love season.

[A]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[B]

Brooks box.

[C]

Well this is fun. We had a scammer call in to try to sell us something. Let's see if they want to play some trivia against Brooke and maybe take her money.

[F]

Hello?

[C]

Who's this? Hello?

[F]

Yeah, I'M here.

[C]

Would you like to play some trivia on the radio right now?

[F]

Guys, I could hear all everything that you were speaking and everything that you were talking in the background. I think you made a mistake while putting me on hold.

[A]

Why?

[C]

Oh, why? What happened?

[A]

What's our mistake?

[F]

I don't know. You were talking about some kind of things on the radio. You're there, and I don't know what is going on, but we are a tax relief company.

[A]

Oh, but don't worry about that. Don't worry about that.

[C]

Beautiful.

[A]

We are a trivia company, and we've got you covered with a fun little game. You want to play.

[F]

My time is not worth. I wish you great day. Forward, guys.

[C]

Bye bye.

[F]

Have fun.

[A]

Your time isn't worth me.

[C]

You called us, bro.

[A]

That hurts my feelings.

[C]

Oh, they hung up.

[A]

Shocking.

[F]

What?

[E]

I seem nice.

[A]

Not even scammers like us.

[C]

I was ready to give him all of my tax information once we were done playing. Oh, well, guess we're gonna have to go to a new player. Let's go to line four and talk to Bailey. Bailey, are you there?

[D]

I'm here.

[B]

Are you a scammer?

[D]

No, I'm not a scammer.

[A]

We just had a scam call. We tried to get them to play trivia before you got on the phone, Bailey. And they would have been so happy when they found out the first question was about my Social Security. But they didn't stick around.

[D]

Oh, no.

[B]

Darn.

[C]

All right, well, we might ask you your Social Security number. Bailey is one of the questions, so get ready. Brooks leaving the studio, and you got 30 seconds to answer as many as possible. If you don't know when you could say pass. But you have to beat Brooke outright if you want to win. Are you ready?

[D]

I'm ready.

[C]

Good luck. Your time starts now. Which of these shows came first? SpongeBob SquarePants or Dora the Explorer?

[D]

Dora the Explorer.

[C]

In the TV show SpongeBob SquarePants, what instrument does his neighbor Squidward play?

[D]

The trumpet.

[C]

According to science. Does alcohol really raise your body temperature?

[D]

Yes.

[C]

Name the Australian host of a popular nature show in the 90s called the Crocodile Hunter. The tallest mountain in America is located in which state?

[D]

South America. Oh, my God. State, you said.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, my gosh.

[C]

Okay, I'm gonna let you reevaluate all your life choices while we bring Brooke back into the stud studio. And let's get to know a little bit more about Bailey. Bailey, what are you doing this summer? Do you have any plans?

[D]

Yeah, we're going on a few Trips? We're going on a golfing trip and a football trip for my son.

[C]

Oh, where are these trips to?

[D]

One of them is near Lake Chelan, and then the other one is in California.

[A]

That's great.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

So is the football trip just. You going to to watch his football team play some tournament?

[D]

Pretty much, yeah. Like a three day tournament.

[A]

It's kind of a party on the sidelines with these kids. Tournament? Sports.

[C]

Oh, really?

[A]

Yeah. Bailey will have a good time. Am I right?

[D]

Yeah, it's a lot of fun.

[C]

You're gonna have a good time this summer, I bet. Now it's Brook's turn. Brooke, are you ready?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Your time starts now. Which of these shows came first? SpongeBob SquarePants or Dora the Explorer?

[A]

SpongeBob.

[C]

In the TV show SpongeBob SquarePants, what instrument does his neighbor Squidward play?

[A]

The trombone.

[C]

According to science, does alcohol really raise your body temperature?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Name the Australian host of a popular nature show in the 90s called.

[A]

Oh, dang.

[B]

Just any host.

[C]

The tallest mountain in America is located in which state?

[A]

Alaska.

[C]

All right, got it all in. You're gonna head on over to the scoreboard to see how you bolted with Jose. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. Balanya.

[B]

Bailey, you got zero correct, friend.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[C]

I'm so sorry.

[A]

Good thing you didn't travel for this tournament.

[B]

Well, Brooke, you got three correct.

[C]

Oh, wow. Oh, Bailey, I'm sorry. Let's go over the answers for everybody. Between SpongeBob SquarePants and Dora the Explorer, SpongeBob came first in 1999. Dora first aired in 2000. The year after, in the TV show SpongeBob, his neighbor Squidward plays the clarinet.

[A]

Yeah, I can see that now. Dang it.

[C]

According to science, does alcohol really raise your body temperature? No. That is an urban myth. It's false.

[A]

I get hotter.

[C]

Yeah, that's a different type of hot brook.

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

The Australian host of a popular nature show in the 90s called Crocodile Hunter was Steve Irwin.

[A]

Great work, Brooke.

[D]

I knew that after.

[C]

Yeah. Rip to Steve Irwin. And the tallest mountain in America is located. Not in South America, Bailey. It's located in Alaska. Mount Denali.

[D]

That's embarrassing.

[A]

Yeah, we're just gonna pretend that last one didn't happen for you. It sounds like.

[D]

Yeah, scratch that one.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Here's the good news, Bailey. Just for playing, we're giving you a pair of tickets to see Demi Lovato perform at Climate Pledge arena as part of of her it's not that Deep Tour on Wednesday, May 13.

[D]

Yay. That sounds so exciting. Thank you.

[B]

See?

[A]

Bailey, will you ever call back and try again, or was this just too much humiliation for one day?

[D]

No, I'm gonna call back until I win.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

This was loss number five for her.

[A]

All time.

[C]

So she's zero and five. But keep on trying, Bailey. Never give up.

[B]

We still.

[D]

I love you guys, too.

[C]

Oh, good luck to your son, too. We're gonna come back and do Winbrooks Bucks same time on Monday.

[A]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.