FULL SHOW: Jeff’s Iconic Thanksgiving Song, Turkey Day Mishaps + Late & Petty Date (11/21/25)

Summary

Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update – FULL SHOW: Jeff’s Iconic Thanksgiving Song, Turkey Day Mishaps + Late & Petty Date (11/21/25)

November 23, 2025 | iHeartPodcasts

---

Episode Overview

This special Thanksgiving episode delivers the signature blend of humor, honesty, and a touch of chaos that defines Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning. Packed with festive mishaps, a petty and hilarious Second Date Update, laser-sharp banter about holiday stressors, and the debut of Jeff’s wild new Thanksgiving song, the show leans into the messiness (and joy) of the holidays.

---

Key Segments & Insights

---

1. Holiday Spirit Kickoff & Listener Commentary

[00:00–00:56]

• The show opens with the team discussing how the program has finally gotten them into the holiday spirit.
• Readout of a listener’s comment roasting Jeffrey for his pre-answer stories on Shot Caller.
• Hosts set the tone: fun, festive, a little messy.

---

2. “Hero of the Week”: Buried Treasure in France

[00:56–03:41]

• Story of Olivier Marchand in France, who discovers $800K in gold while digging for a pool.

  • He nobly turns it over to authorities—only for it to be returned to the previous owner, due to traceable serial numbers.
  • “If you forget to dig up your buried gold before you move, you didn’t really need it anyway.” – Host A [03:03]

• Dialogue pokes fun at doing the right thing but losing out.

• Olivier is (ironically) crowned “hero of the week.”

---

3. Shot Caller: Thanksgiving TV Moments Trivia

[03:41–09:29]

• Game segment: Answer trivia about iconic Turkey Day moments on TV.

  • “What famous CBS show had an episode titled ‘Happy Slapsgiving’?” [A: How I Met Your Mother].
  • “Which Friends character dropped the turkey on the floor?” [A: Rachel Green].
  • “Which Simpsons character gets a giant turkey stuck on their head?” [A: Homer Simpson].
  • “Which show had a character named Andy put fireworks in the stuffing?” [A: Parks and Recreation].

• Signature player banter, laughter about turkey-on-the-head tropes.

• Ending: Group singalong of “I’m a Believer” as shot collar penalty [09:17–09:26].

---

4. Thanksgiving Food Fails & New Products

[09:33–11:49]

• The crew debates store-bought vs. homemade gravy.
• Introduction of Heinz’s new “leftover gravy” squeeze bottle.
  • “The color really puts the gray in gravy.” – Host D [10:15]
  • Consensus: probably a gag gift, and, yes, it’s already sold out.

---

5. Laser Stories – Offbeat News Roundup

[12:07–20:32]

• Florida Man Drives Drunk: Claims unique medical condition (“EFD”) to avoid sobriety test—gets arrested.
• Cinnabon Scented Wrapping Paper: Smells like cinnamon rolls, comes with coupons (and jokes about people eating it).
• Eminem vs. Swim Shady: The rapper is suing an Australian beachwear company over their pun name.
• Nate Bargatze’s ‘Nateland’ Theme Park: Comedian to build a themed amusement park in Nashville.
• Raccoons as Pets?: Study shows raccoons (and other animals) evolving to become cuter and more tame as they adapt to living near people.
  • “Foxes and mice that live in urban areas also are having softer facial features.” – Host D [19:36]
• Humor, audience callouts, and playful skepticism over each story.

---

6. Thanksgiving Mishaps – Listener Stories

[21:17–28:33]

• The hosts share real survey responses detailing Turkey Day disasters:
  • Grandma runs herself over with her own SUV but survives [22:45].
  • Aunt caught shoplifting a turkey while another was already cooking at home [23:42].
  • Host ruins dinner by tossing burning turkey into a dumpster, which then also catches fire—”literal dumpster fire Thanksgiving” [24:36].
  • Grandma rubs dish soap on the turkey instead of oil [25:07].
  • A rubber chicken prank turns tragic when it’s melted in a preheated oven [25:55].
  • A child vomits into grandma’s mouth while being comforted—seconds before a section of ceiling collapses where grandma was sitting [26:24–26:58].
    • “Did the vomit just save grandma’s life?” – Host A [27:00]
  • Wedding video played at Thanksgiving cuts to a taped-over Dale Earnhardt funeral: “It felt like I was in a sitcom, but it was real life.” – Listener Story [28:15]

---

7. Second Date Update: “Late & Petty Date”

[34:30–52:49]

Introduction & Kevin’s Quirky Hobbies

• Previous call: Kevin, known as “Fridge Scaper” for turning fridge interiors into art.
• New hobby: “Microwave mosaics”—artfully arranging and photographing the splatter patterns of leftovers.
  • “I rearrange the leftover stains into abstract pieces. The splatter patterns, like, they tell a story now.” – Kevin [36:03]

The Date that Wasn't

• Meets Audrey at Michael’s (craft store). Good vibes, plans a bar date.
• Audrey arrives one hour late with no text or apology. Kevin is furious, gets up as soon as she says “hi,” says “bye,” and leaves [38:15–38:42].
  • Later, Audrey texts: “What you did was rude, and you have no idea what I'm going through.” [39:13]

The Call

• Audrey finally agrees to speak (reluctantly).
• Reveals–or pretends to–that “one of my parents had passed away that day” [45:16]. But quickly walks it back as hypothetical: “...they didn’t really die. But like, they could have.”
  • The hosts are floored by this misdirection and rollercoaster of emotions.
• Eventually, real answer: she simply forgot the date until Kevin texted “where are you” [47:46–48:13].
• The two bicker about who should apologize, each goes into petty hypothetical scenarios (“what if I told you my parents died?”) [48:55–49:27].
• No real apology given.
• Both are stubbornly holding on to their grievances, making jokes, and refusing to budge.
• Kevin’s “goodbye” echoes the way he left in person; Audrey jokes she just received a text that her parents died, to which the team explodes in laughter [50:25–50:54].

Notable Quotes (Second Date Update)

• “I was going to show you my microwave mosaics. I’ve never even shown that to another woman in person.” – Kevin [50:07]
• “Well, look at that. I just got a text that my parents had [died].” – Audrey, deadpanning the absurdity [50:40]
• “If this doesn’t make you feel optimistic about love, what will?” – Host D, deadpan [52:30]
• “Kevin, you need to date an accountant.” – Host A [51:21]

---

8. Jeff’s Iconic Thanksgiving Song

[54:03–60:44]

• Jeff delivers an epic medley parodying classic holiday tunes, covering:
  • Travel woes (“TSA felt me up like we were on a date”)
  • Political family debates (“There will be loud name calling and in-law squabbling feuds”)
  • Drunken relatives (grandad relieving himself on the dog’s potty pad)
  • Awkward introductions (dad’s 19-year-old girlfriend, Zoey)
  • Burned food, vomiting at the table, Black Friday brawls (“Grandma just got trampled for a blender... she’s my bargain hunting ninja nana”)
• “That was so good... You brought us through the entire holiday.” – Host A [60:12]
• “That’s what the holidays are really all about.” – Host D [60:22]
• Consensus: it’s instantly relatable, chaotic, and destined to be replayed at family gatherings.

---

9. Win Brooke’s Bucks – Thanksgiving Edition

[61:16–65:56]

• Christina, a tech worker and mini donut truck owner, faces off with Brooke in trivia.

• Thanksgiving hosting chat: expectation of “10 to 20 people, depending on family drama.”

• Sample questions:

  • Carly Rae Jepsen’s hit (“Call Me Maybe”)
  • What type of cheese are Gorgonzola/Roquefort/Danish? (Blue cheese)
  • Dress style of 1920s jazz age (Flapper dresses)
  • State that produces most lobsters (Maine)
  • Boxing Day’s timing (December 26, after Christmas)

• Christina loses narrowly but receives tickets to “Holiday Magic at the Washington State Fair.”

• Warm mutual compliments exchanged, ending in high spirits.

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• “If you forget to dig up your buried gold before you moved, you didn’t really need it anyway.” – Host A [03:03]
• “The color really puts the gray in gravy.” – Host D, on Heinz’s squeeze bottle [10:15]
• “Did the vomit just save grandma’s life?” – Host A [27:00]
• “I was going to show you my microwave mosaics. I’ve never even shown that to another woman in person.” – Kevin [50:07]
• “Well, look at that. I just got a text that my parents had [died].” – Audrey [50:40]
• “She completely forgot about the date and then tried to gaslight him and make him feel guilty by inventing dead parents.” – Host D, diagnosing dating culture [51:46]
• “That was so good... You brought us through the entire holiday.” – Host A, on Jeff’s song [60:12]

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Time | Segment | |--------------|----------------------------------------------| | 00:56 | Hero of the Week: French Gold Bars | | 03:56 | Shot Caller: Thanksgiving TV Moments | | 09:33 | Gravy Debates & Heinz’s Squeeze Bottle | | 12:07 | Laser Stories (News Roundup) | | 21:17 | Thanksgiving Mishaps (Listener Stories) | | 34:30 | Second Date Update: Kevin & Audrey’s Date | | 54:03 | Jeff’s Thanksgiving Song | | 61:16 | Win Brooke’s Bucks |

---

Episode Tone

• Light-hearted & irreverent: Jokes, sarcasm, and rapid-fire banter fill every moment.
• Relatable chaos: The show embraces the stressful, messy parts of the holidays as source material for humor and camaraderie.
• Self-aware: Hosts poke fun at themselves, each other, and the quirks of their listeners.

---

Conclusion

This Thanksgiving-themed show is a wild ride: from stories of disaster and familial bickering to competitive trivia, petty dating drama, and a show-stopping parody song. If you’ve ever felt like your family holiday was a little dramatic or your dating life a little cursed, you’ll find laughs and commiseration here. Jeff’s song alone is worth the listen—and destined to be a holiday cult classic.

---

Listen to more at Brooke and Jeffrey on iHeart, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.

Transcript

[A]

You know, I gotta say, I wasn't really in the spirit of the holidays until today. This show did it for me. About time. And it really did.

[B]

Yeah, dude, I've already moved on to Christmas, so I'm glad you're catching up.

[A]

I. Dude, I'm here. I'm here for it. It's Brooke and Jeffrey. We got a full hour for you with a lot of fun. We got some Thanksgiving funny horror stories coming up, and Jeff's song, I am sorry. He nailed it. So good. The amount of sound effects and background vocals he put into this. Yes, yes. I mean, it will be the Thanksgiving anthem from here. Eternity in my mind. So definitely stick around for that. And you know what? We're in the spirit of giving, let's read a comment.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Mota said, am I the only person who likes Jeffrey's stories before he gives an answer to the shot caller questions? Oh, and to answer that, yes, you are the only one who likes those. Come on. Always has something to do. Well, maybe he'll do it again today.

[C]

Yeah, maybe.

[A]

You know, I guess you're about to find out because the full hour starts right now.

[D]

The listeners have spoken, and they want one thing.

[A]

What do they want?

[D]

More hero of It's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. And today's hero is a man in France named Olivier Marchand. He recently bought a house and wanted to put a swimming pool in his backyard.

[A]

I want to go visit French house.

[B]

Of the swimming pool.

[A]

Doesn't that sound. It's a chateau, I think.

[B]

Oh, my apologies.

[D]

So he started digging, and that's when he unearthed something incredible.

[A]

What?

[D]

Buried under his property were five solid gold bars and a stash of gold coins worth over $800,000. Oh, my God.

[A]

That's when you're so happy that the former owners were bank robbers. Yeah, like, thank God.

[D]

The question is, when you find literal buried treasure in your property, what do you do? Well, Olivier did the noble thing, and he contacted the local authorities to report it.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Police are gonna come and be like, oh, yeah, we gotta take it. Gotta take it.

[D]

Well, he figured, you know, they'll study it, maybe find the historical significance behind it, determine the real value, and then they'd let him keep it since it's on his property. Or maybe a museum would pay him a huge sum so that they could display it at the Louvre.

[E]

Oh, cool.

[A]

Why do I feel like this isn't gonna work out for him?

[D]

Well, turns out Olivier was a le screwed. The discovered gold bars were only about 15 years old.

[A]

Oh, yikes.

[B]

I thought they were ancient.

[D]

That's what he thought. But no, they had serial numbers on them that could be traced to the person who made them, which, come to find out, was the previous owner of that house.

[B]

So he, like, forgot.

[A]

Yeah, but then, isn't there a finders keepers rule in France?

[D]

You would think. Nobody knows why they buried it in the backyard, but rightfully, the gold belonged to the original owner.

[A]

I'm sorry.

[D]

Come on.

[A]

If you forget to dig up your buried gold before you moved, you didn't really need it anyway. Yeah, right.

[D]

You don't hear that advice very often.

[A]

Well, if you need the money, you know exactly where it is. Exactly.

[D]

So Olivier was forced to give up the entire $800,000 treasure trove, and he ended up with nothing. I shouldn't say nothing. He got his pool.

[A]

Oh, great.

[D]

I know. Saddest pool ever. And thanks to his terrible decision to do the right thing, that makes Olivier our new hero of the week.

[B]

Should have just stole it.

[D]

Yeah. Come on, Olivier, don't call the cops. Now we're gonna move on to the shot collar question of the day with a man who's about to drop some gold bars of trivia right on our faces. Ouch. Jake, go for it. Take it away.

[F]

Back in the 1970s, there was a popular TV sitcom called WKRP in Cincinnati.

[B]

Oh, how do I know? Jake?

[F]

No, it's a different show. It's called Breeze Radio. My bad.

[B]

Oh, wait.

[F]

WKRP in Cincinnati followed the crazy antics of employees who worked at a fictional radio station called wkrp.

[A]

We're Wacky.

[F]

And that show had one of the most iconic Thanksgiving episodes of all time, called Turkeys Away, where the radio station does a promotional stunt. They drop live turkeys out of a flying helicopter, not realizing the turkeys themselves can't fly. So the turkeys fall.

[A]

Dude, what a great episode.

[B]

How have I never seen that?

[F]

Chaos ensues. Television history was made. But it's not the only TV show to have an unforgettable Thanksgiving episode. That's why today we're doing a special cranberry classics edition of plenty of 20. Okay, you guys will say number one through 20. I'll give you a hint about the iconic Turkey Day TV moment. You just have to name the show. Or possibly a character to name. Stay in the game.

[A]

How many?

[F]

We'll start with the woman who also just now learned that turkeys can't fly.

[D]

That's Alexis.

[A]

Seven.

[F]

Number seven, Alexis. What famous CBS show had an episode titled Happy Slapsgiving where one character slapped the other one across the face to fulfill a slap bet.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

Oh, all right.

[D]

CBS show.

[A]

I know CBS is cbs, not cvs.

[D]

That's a drug store.

[A]

I don't know what channel this is.

[B]

Yeah, somebody can slap into cbs. It's pretty common there.

[A]

I think the major networks are feeling very important after that comment. Sorry. Modern Family. I'm sure they have. Not a bad idea.

[D]

Don't think that's cbs.

[F]

Modern Family.

[D]

Incorrect.

[F]

The CBS show was how I met your mother. Stemmed from a bet between Barney and Marshall.

[A]

That's kind of fun.

[B]

More slap bets around here.

[F]

I would love slap bets. Brooke, it's your turn. Seven is off the board.

[A]

Give me 15.

[F]

Brooke, which friend's character accidentally drops a full turkey on the floor during Thanksgiving dinner, creating chaos for the whole apartment? I need the first and last name of the character. No help from anyone else, please.

[B]

The one who dropped it.

[A]

The one who dropped it. Is the person who drops it the same as who gets it stuck on their head?

[B]

See, I don't think it is.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I don't.

[B]

That's why I'm thinking. But I don't want to say who gets stuck on their head.

[A]

I feel like it's funnier if the person who drops the turkey is the one who would never drop the turkey. Yeah, that's why I feel like it's Monica.

[B]

Yeah, that's a good strat.

[A]

But I don't know Monica's last name.

[F]

I'll give you a hint. It's the same as Ross's last name.

[A]

Oh, Bing.

[D]

Well, I guess at the end of the show it is.

[A]

Oh, that's Chandler's last name at the end.

[F]

Wait, I guess I can accept Monica Bing.

[D]

Wow.

[F]

Monica Bing. Wrong person the entire time.

[D]

Yeah, that was terrible.

[F]

Yeah, Geller is Ross. And Monica's last name. Rachel Green.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

Jennifer Aniston's character was notoriously clumsy in the show.

[A]

Oopsie.

[F]

Jose, we're over to you. 7 and 15 are off the board.

[B]

5.

[F]

Jose. Which Simpsons character gets a giant turkey stuck on their head every Thanksgiving, much to everyone's horror?

[B]

I should know this. It should be like, oh, duh. And that's what's weird, because I don't remember this happening. But the only person that I could fink would just be clumsy enough would be Homer.

[A]

Don't forget his last name.

[B]

Yeah, Bing. Homer Simpson.

[A]

Jake.

[F]

Homer Simpson is correct.

[D]

I didn't realize so many TV shows use the turkey over the head trope.

[B]

Yeah, it's pretty funny.

[D]

Yeah, I guess it's funny every time.

[B]

One writer thought of it.

[A]

One of us should try it at our family's dinner just once this year.

[B]

No, you couldn't really fit. I don't think it really works.

[A]

Think of how hot it would be.

[D]

Sexy.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

No.

[A]

As in a cooked turkey on your head would hurt.

[D]

Okay, sure.

[F]

My head definitely wouldn't fit in a cooked turkey. But Jeffrey, we're talking about Thanksgiving TV moments in history. And we're over to you now.

[D]

Number nine.

[F]

Name the show where the character Andy decides to cook Thanksgiving and puts fireworks in the stuffing. Thinks it'll lighten things up.

[B]

What the heck?

[F]

What show is that?

[A]

What a dumb concept.

[D]

Hmm. Andy should be a pretty strong hint, but I can't think of any shows featuring somebody named Andy.

[A]

What about the Andy Griffith Show? Go real old school.

[D]

That could be. I feel like it'd be newer. I don't know if there's an Andy on this show, but I know one that has a lot of crazy antics with people doing wild things. Sometimes illegal. Maybe they confiscated some fireworks. The cops from Reno 91 1.

[F]

Interesting. Jeffrey says Reno 911. It is an authoritative agency. The show is called Parks and Recreation.

[D]

Andy is Chris Pratt's character in Parks and Rec.

[A]

An idiot in the show in real life.

[F]

And Jose, that means you have won today's edition of plenty of 20.

[D]

All right, well, Jose, you get to choose who get shocked. They're going to be singing I'm a Believer by Smash Mouth. Who's it going to be?

[B]

I got to go. Brooke Geller.

[D]

No.

[A]

I thought love was only true in fairy tales. Meant for someone else, but not for me.

[D]

That was your shot collar. Question of the day.

[A]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[D]

Less than a week now till Turkey Day. It's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. Make sure to hit up our podcast, Brook and Jeffrey. And also the Brooke and Jeffrey second date one wherever you get them. If you have some extra time off next week, good chance to binge a bunch of our episodes. But speaking of turkey day, I think we can all agree the store bought gravy could never compare to the homemade version.

[A]

Yeah, totally store bought.

[F]

Yeah. Kill him. Right, Brooke?

[A]

Yeah, that's right. Definitely.

[D]

My family. We've always known this until now.

[A]

What?

[B]

What do you mean?

[D]

Cuz the company Hines just stepped up to the dinner plate with a new option called leftover gravy.

[B]

E. Don't tell me.

[A]

It's in a bottle.

[D]

And it's in an actual squeeze bottle like a regular condiment would be. And the Color really puts the gray in gravy.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Okay. I will say, though, the picture of the sandwich on the bottle, because that's the best part of Thanksgiving, is not the dinner, but it's the next day when you get to make the leftover sandwich with the gravy. A little cranberries.

[D]

That is specifically what it's designed for, for sandwiches. But it does look like an old bottle of stadium mustard that's been left out for a few years.

[B]

Why couldn't they change the color?

[A]

I mean, it's one of those things where you think food dyes are a good thing.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Maybe we could add that.

[B]

Bring back Red 40 for this.

[D]

Yeah, bring it for sure. Heinz, they. It's delicious. And like most of the food products that we cover, it is available at Walmart exclusively, of course. And to get one, you have to buy a jar version of it first for A$88. Then they'll include a limited edition Heinz leftover gravy kit with the squeezable version inside, along with a recipe card if you want to try to make it yourself.

[A]

Oh, hey, yeah.

[B]

Maybe if I didn't see it and I just tasted today.

[A]

Yeah, the bottle's empty. You have to put it in the bottle yourself.

[D]

Yeah, you have to make it.

[A]

What a pain in the butt. Like, that's the whole plan of buying.

[F]

Yeah, let me go buy chores at Walmart.

[D]

Last we checked, it was completely sold out.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[D]

People obviously think it's a fun gift, so you are welcome. And because I mentioned gift, I do need to give it a dank rating.

[F]

Okay.

[B]

Oh, dang. That's a new word that you learned.

[A]

Well, that's what we're doing this season.

[D]

For all the gifts. And we're calling Heinz squeeze bottle of leftover gravy Y Giga tank. Okay, There you go. Take your turkey and put some dank on it.

[A]

I'm glad you interpreted that for me, Jose. I couldn't quite tell what he said.

[D]

Laser Stories is coming up right after this.

[B]

Hello, it's Laser Stories.

[D]

It's the radio segment that's teamed up with Oprah to surprise an entire live studio audience with free colonics. You get a probe, and you get a probe. You get three probes.

[B]

Darn it. I just had one yesterday.

[E]

Good.

[D]

Don't worry. She's covering all the taxes for it during Laser Stories, the segment where we read weird news stories from around the globe just like everyone else does. Except we've got a laser. Those other bottom busters just don't this first laser story is out of Florida. All right.

[B]

It's gonna be good.

[D]

The other night, a 39 year old guy named Adam Peacock was pulled over after witnesses called 911. Cause he was driving erratically.

[B]

Ain't nobody got time for that.

[A]

What are you doing, Peacock?

[D]

You're not supposed to do that. So deputies had him get out of his car, and at first glance, it seemed like he was pretty loaded. So they had Peacock do a few field sobriety tests, and that's when he said there's a very good reason why he's not able to complete them. Oh, apparently he had a medical condition.

[A]

Where he had to drink a bunch.

[D]

No, not that.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[D]

An actual medical condition. He even gave the cops an acronym for it, but struggled to pronounce it correctly.

[A]

Oh, I think I've heard of it. I mean, but who can really pronounce their diagnosis? Yeah, I have that thing. You guys know what it's called? You know? Yeah, sure.

[D]

Just listen to the clip from the officer's body cam.

[F]

Just follow.

[D]

Tip my finger with your eyes and your eyes only. Don't move your head.

[B]

I see the finger.

[A]

Okay. Oh, follow it.

[B]

You gotta track my finger. That's where I've always had a problem. Which one?

[C]

I.

[B]

My.

[A]

What is your efd?

[B]

Oh, boy.

[D]

One of those. All right, we do believe you're impaired. So close to passing the test.

[A]

He did try to go with add. Is that what he just tried to go with? Like, I can't focus on the finger that long. It's too hard for me to follow. I'm distracted.

[D]

Yeah, I think he said efd, though.

[A]

But I heard hyperactive in there. I don't know.

[D]

There's no. There's no H in efd, so whatever.

[B]

Know what he was saying?

[D]

Whatever happened Afterwards, Peacock was arrested on suspicion of dui, and he was told to see his doctor to find out what that acronym actually meant.

[A]

That's good.

[D]

It's probably a good thing to know.

[B]

They should probably print out, like, a little card for him just to hand to people. Yeah, I have this.

[D]

Yeah, don't drunk test me. This next laser story is out of holiday headquarters. This is an exciting surprise. Cinnabon just introduced a holiday wrapping paper that actually smells like cinnamon rolls.

[B]

Oh, wow, this is so smart.

[A]

Wait, is it edible? Wouldn't that be cool?

[B]

Anything's edible if you try hard enough.

[A]

That's true. That's true.

[D]

Good point, Jose. Now, it comes in a two pack with one teal and one pink roll for just $8.99. And each is decorated with Cinnabon themed icons and even includes 20 off coupons that can be cut out of the paper.

[A]

This is right up the alley.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

People buy this.

[D]

People who've had a chance to sniff it say they absolutely nailed the scent. Wow. It smells just like one of their ooey gooey classic rolls.

[A]

Nice.

[D]

So at this point, I can't wait for the news report to come out that people in Florida are being arrested for eating wrapping paper inside cvs. You know what's gonna happen, Jeff?

[B]

They'd smoke it.

[D]

My bad. This next laser story is out of Celebrity Corner. Eminem takes his brand very seriously. Okay, so seriously that he's going after an Australian beach company called Swim Shady.

[A]

That is kind of a ripoff of Slim Shady.

[D]

Yeah, a little too close for his comfort. The rapper filed a petition with the US Patent Office asking them to cancel Swim Shady's US Trademark because he thinks the name could lead the public to believe that he. He is associated with the company, which he's not.

[A]

Okay, if it's cool.

[D]

But in a surprise move, Swim Shady isn't rolling over.

[A]

Oh, really?

[D]

The company says, quote, we are a grassroots Australian company that was born to protect people from the harsh outback sun. We will defend our valuable intellectual property.

[B]

Okay, they got good lawyers.

[A]

That's why they're protecting from the sun. Because they're shady. Is that what that.

[B]

Maybe that's why.

[D]

Very, very clever. In other celebrity news, soon Dolly Parton won't be one of the celebrities with their own theme park. What the. Stand up comedian Nate Bargazzi is set to open his very own no way. Yes way. Called Nateland.

[B]

He's Southern. Boy, is he Tennessee as well?

[D]

Yep. And this isn't a joke.

[B]

I can't believe this.

[D]

Nate has partnered with the people behind Legoland and Knott's Berry Farm to make this happen in Nashville.

[A]

Roller coaster. And then a punchline hits you in the face.

[B]

The irony is he has the funniest joke about taking your kids to death. Disneyland too young. And now he's gonna have to live his own theme park jokes.

[D]

Yeah, I love it. What exactly is the theme of Nat Land? Yeah, well, it's hard to describe. They say that the entire park will reflect the unique humor and heart of the comedian behind it.

[A]

Okay, yeah, that's vague. I don't know. I mean, it sounds. I mean, it's pretty vain to name.

[B]

A whole theme park after.

[A]

Yeah, Dolly did it.

[D]

Come on.

[A]

And she is an icon. I don't know. That he's on the same level as I don't even know him.

[D]

It's probably going to be a theme park with no swearing allowed cuz he's a clean comedian. He never says curse words on stage.

[B]

So popular.

[A]

So you get on the oh gosh ride.

[D]

Yeah. Also alongside the rides there will be retail dining and even a possible Nate hotel.

[A]

O how is there not a comedy club? It would be so awesome if they hired all of the people that work there were struggling comedians.

[B]

Like oh, I'm just in town for the weekend working the rides. I had a show.

[D]

So once that opens, make sure to book your tickets to Nateland. Let's go to your final laser story out of the Pet Palace. I am not joking when I say this, but researchers believe raccoons may be inching closer to becoming pets.

[B]

Some people keep them as pets.

[A]

Yeah, they do. I had a friend who had a pet skunk for gosh sakes.

[D]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

What are you doing in spray?

[A]

You could take the sack out. You can have it removed so it smell good. Anything could be a pet.

[D]

I guess that's true. But a study from the University of Arkansas. Of course, it's from the University of Arkansas. They found raccoons are physically changing in response to their interactions with humans. And by physically changing they mean their faces are evolving to look cuter.

[B]

Dude, that's for sure. You're seeing a baby raccoon.

[A]

They're so cute. Job raccoon.

[B]

They're so cute.

[A]

Just worm your way into our lives so you can eat the scraps right off the table instead of when they're in the garbage can.

[D]

Plus they're dumpster diving less and becoming less disease written.

[A]

Oh well, good job.

[B]

That's a big sell.

[A]

Good for them. I think there's part of the human population that could probably benefit from that.

[D]

One researcher says once wild animals start spending time in the proximity of people, they become a little less afraid and perhaps even start showing physical signs of domestication. And raccoons aren't the only animals that this is happening to.

[A]

Oh my God. Say otter. Please say otter. Please say otter.

[D]

Foxes and mice that live in urban areas also are having softer facial features.

[B]

I have seen a cute mouse before.

[D]

Yeah, but let's not make this a new tick tock trend. These animals do not. Let's be clear, they do not make great pets. Even illegal to own them in some areas.

[A]

So there's the buzz kill of the room. Yeah, I think it's a little late. It's already on tick tock. Yeah.

[B]

You know, it's gonna get worse if.

[D]

You'Re still still stuck taking care of that turtle that your kid desperately needed 15 years ago. It's still alive, and now it's your problem. Just know there's a worse pet that kids could demand in the future.

[A]

This guy.

[D]

Okay, yeah. Well, no. Hey. And if that's happening, just imagine what a pet raccoon would try to do to your leg. It would not be pretty.

[A]

Actually, never thought of that.

[D]

This guy's a dream. And that sound means laser story has come to an end for the day. We'll do it again same time on Monday.

[A]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[D]

When you think of the most stressful, dramatic holidays of the entire year, you've got Valentine's Day up there for sure.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Flag day. That one's always rough.

[A]

What? Really? Where's the pressure on flag day?

[B]

What flag do I put up?

[A]

Oh, I see.

[D]

Do I salute with this hand or that hand? High salute or lower salute?

[A]

Always supposed to salute with the same hand, Jeff.

[D]

I always forget. And of course, national. Swallow your corn dog whole day. One's surprisingly easy for me.

[A]

I was gonna say yeah.

[D]

But somewhere high up on the list has gotta be Thanksgiving.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

The travel alone is stressful.

[A]

Dude, I'm just singing to the dishes.

[D]

Yeah, just the super bowl of weird family drama. I'm not just saying that. It's actually been confir confirmed because a new survey had people share their most hilarious turkey day mishaps. And you won't believe what one grandma rubbed on the family turkey one year.

[A]

I don't know that I want my imagination to go anywhere else.

[D]

Don't let your imagination do anything, Brooke. I'm just gonna tell you when you hear it coming up right after this. Ah, family.

[A]

Sorry, Wait, did that hurt you?

[D]

I said that wrong. I meant, ah, family. It's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. Every holiday season, you're obligated to spend time in the same house as your relatives.

[F]

Okay.

[D]

And sometimes even talk directly to them.

[A]

I mean, yeah, we like most of them.

[D]

Do we? Nothing dramatic or traumatizing ever happens when you're around your relatives. Right.

[B]

You just gotta add a little alcohol.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then all the drama goes away.

[A]

Oh, for sure.

[D]

Yeah. Now it seems every year, something is bound to go horribly, horribly wrong. Which is why a new survey asked people to share their funniest, most dramatic Thanksgiving mishaps. Oh, my God, these lists are always fun. So let's get right to your first one. Someone Said one year, my grandma ran over herself with her own suv.

[B]

What? I'm sorry, what?

[D]

She was getting food out of the back of her car and put it in neutral instead of park.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[D]

Slowly rolled over her, and nobody noticed until they heard the car finally bump up again against the house.

[A]

I feel like this is something Alexis has to work to. You know, like hitting yourself with your own car is pretty impressive. It's like a future goal.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

You can still get the insurance money after that, right?

[A]

Can you? I don't think so.

[B]

I don't think you're covered under. Under you.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You sue yourself.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah, it's worth a shot. Now, I noticed nobody asked if the grandma was okay.

[A]

Well, I hope they would share. Wouldn't share the story. Yeah, it was the end of grandma's life.

[B]

She died immediately.

[A]

Ye.

[D]

Just a peace of mind. Turns out she was fine, but now she isn't allowed to go outside alone anymore on the holidays.

[B]

Yeah, that's also true. The kids are supposed to go get the groceries from the trunk.

[A]

She sells her license, though.

[E]

Don't worry.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

Next up, my aunt wasn't able to come to Thanksgiving one year because she got busted that morning at a grocery store trying to shoplift a turkey. Whoa.

[B]

How do you shop like a giant?

[A]

I mean, you put it in your bra. Well, for. Yeah, I mean, that would be the only solution.

[D]

You're going uniboob. Giant uniboob in the front. Okay. The craziest part is, our family already had one at the time of her arrest. It was literally coming out of the oven while she was stealing it, but my aunt wanted another.

[A]

Okay, two turkeys.

[B]

One for the road.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

These are the funniest, most dramatic Thanksgiving mishaps that people had to suffer through, and they shared them in this survey.

[A]

God, I love that. The first two involved jail time and a. A really terrible accident.

[D]

Yeah, let's see if it gets even worse, because this one says it was my first time hosting dinner, and somehow I caught the turkey on fire.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Oh, no.

[D]

Yeah, that happens. She says I ran out of my apartment with the turkey in the pan still on fire.

[A]

Well, at least it's not in the apartment anymore.

[D]

Yeah, and I proceeded to, without thinking, toss the whole thing into the dumpster, which also caught fire.

[B]

The problem is the bird is the grease.

[D]

We ended up only eating sides that night, but it's REM Remembered as being our literal dumpster fire. Thanksgiving. That's kind of special.

[A]

I like how she set the bar so high on her first Thanksgiving too.

[D]

Yeah. Here's a nice short one says one year my grandma accidentally rubbed the turkey with dish soap instead of oil. Might have been one of the funniest but most upsetting things I've ever witnessed.

[B]

Hey, the dawn soap does clean birds like the ducks.

[A]

Oh yeah, they show that on.

[D]

But that's when the feathers are on. Probably makes a little bit of a difference.

[A]

That's why you can never store your dish soap in the same type of thing that you store your your oil.

[D]

Yeah, I never thought about that before. Another one says, I thought it'd be funny prank to put a rubber chicken inside the oven on Thanksgiving. Assuming my mom would open it and see it and she'd laugh and laugh.

[B]

That's innocent. But while she's gonna put the turkey in.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wait a minute.

[D]

13 year old me didn't realize that normal adults usually preheat an oven before placing the turkey inside. Oh, no spoiler. No one laughed.

[A]

Oh yeah, I bet it smelled great.

[D]

Lord, these are the funniest, most dramatic Thanksgiving mishaps that people have ever had when celebrating with family. Another one says my four year old sister at the time was sitting next to our grandma at the table A After taking a bite of something, she said, my tongue hurts.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

To which my grandma replied, oh well, come over here and let me kiss it to make it feel better.

[A]

Better? Weird. It's your tongue, but okay.

[C]

Wait a minute.

[D]

You understand the sentiment?

[B]

I guess, yeah.

[D]

The moment their lips touched, my sister vomited directly into my grandma's mouth.

[B]

Oh my God. What is happening?

[D]

My dad burst into laughter and my grandma ran to the bathroom. Seconds after she stood up, a 2 by 2 foot square chunk of of ceiling caves in and falls directly onto her chair.

[B]

Wait, what is this, a cartoon?

[A]

Did the vomit just save grandma's life?

[D]

Somehow my barfy little sister was the hero of the night.

[A]

Wow. Wow.

[B]

I still don't think she was.

[A]

I still went over the grandma kissing the tongue.

[B]

I know.

[A]

This is really grandma. I think I'd rather be hit by the ceiling than get vomit in my mouth. I don't know.

[B]

I think it was all bad.

[D]

I think that might be the follow up to the dish soap turkey story.

[A]

Oh, that makes sense why someone got sick.

[D]

It may have been the end. Finally, time for one more. Thanks. Thanksgiving tragedy. Says I was at my uncle's house for Thanksgiving. His wife decided to play their wedding video for everybody right after dinner since it was their anniversary weekend.

[A]

I mean, I guess, but you don't want to sit through Somebody else's wedding video. Whatever.

[D]

You better have a lot of wine ready for it.

[A]

But.

[D]

So she looked for half an hour to locate the videotape and gathered a group of 25 to watch it in the living room. Okay, in the video, right as she's starting to walk down the aisle.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

The video goes fuzzy, then cuts to NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt's funeral. Apparently, my Uncle Joe used that tape to record Dale Earnhardt's funeral.

[A]

It's probably the only copy they have.

[D]

Yeah, for sure.

[A]

It's not like it's digital.

[D]

Yeah, if it's on a vhs, it's for sure.

[C]

Only one.

[D]

Everybody froze in complete shock and I started laughing. It felt like I was in a sitcom, but it was real life. Oh, my God.

[A]

So funny. So I wonder if they stayed and watched Gail Earnhardt's funeral.

[D]

Somebody didn't even realize it was the funeral. They were like, gosh, you look really.

[B]

Different on your wedding day.

[D]

Those were the funniest, most dramatic Thanksgiving mishaps people have had to suffer through. We got a phone tab coming up right after this. Is there any tradition more sacred than messing with a bride on the week of her wedding?

[A]

Oh, my God, is that a tradition now?

[D]

At least? Not on our show. That's as big as it gets.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

We've done over a dozen of these and only been able to answer Air4 because the others are still angry about what happened.

[A]

Something Borrowed, Something Blue.

[D]

We're gonna try again today, and this time we're gonna replace the efficient with a backup person. Oh, no, that has a bad case of dopeticulitis.

[B]

Is this the fifth one?

[D]

Are we airing the fifth one? If you don't know what dope ticulitis is, you're about to hear it in your phone tab right now.

[A]

It's another phone tab.

[D]

And weekday mornings on the 20s.

[E]

Hello?

[B]

Is this the Cassie that's getting married this weekend?

[E]

Yes.

[B]

Soon to be Mrs. Cassie.

[E]

Um, yes, who is it?

[B]

Congratulations, first, but my name is Henry Wilde. I'm from officiance.

[E]

Oh, okay.

[C]

Hi. Hi.

[B]

Now, look, I know you're supposed to have Mark officiary at your wedding this Saturday. Is that correct?

[E]

Yes. What's going on?

[B]

Well, unfortunately, he had an ER urgency and his cat actually got his tongue.

[D]

What?

[B]

Sounds worse than it is. He's gonna be okay. He just may not a frickin frickin not be able to be there Saturday.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Yeah, he Ricka won't be there.

[E]

What are you doing right now?

[B]

Well, I'm trying To tell you about the replacement that we're giving you.

[E]

No, no, it's me.

[B]

I'm gonna be your officiant now.

[E]

What are you. What is happening?

[B]

Wait. With me filling in for the wedding or Rick, a brick of what I was talking about earlier.

[E]

Your voice. What is happening? What are you doing?

[D]

Oh, you.

[B]

You heard that?

[E]

Yes, I heard it.

[B]

Oh, no, that. Oh, no, that's just a thing. It's not gonna affect anything. It's just a little.

[E]

What thing?

[B]

It's a. What's it called? A Frick A Rica. What's it called? It's just a thing.

[E]

What thing? What is that?

[B]

It's called Do. Have you ever heard of it?

[E]

No, I'm not. I'm not really interested.

[D]

I'm not either.

[B]

It's one of those things that happens like once every few years. It's kind of like hiccups. Like musical hiccups. I get them. Comes in and out, maybe a day, maybe two. Maybe Frick a frick up maybe three days at a time and then it's gone.

[E]

Oh, my God.

[B]

I'm sure I'll be fine for the wedding. Don't you worry.

[E]

Are you joking right now? Because I don't want anybody joking this close to my wedding.

[B]

I've actually done over a hundred weddings myself. And this dopaticulitis thing is so minor. And it's never ever once happened during a Frick a Frick a ceremony ceremony. Frick a Fricka Sing I do.

[E]

You need to stop, okay? You need to stop talking right now.

[B]

I would love to stop a rot.

[A]

Stop.

[B]

Lob and drock it.

[A]

Stop.

[B]

I'd love to stop, but I can't.

[E]

I don't. I don't care. I don't care if this is some sort of condition or you are joking or whatever. You are not officiating my wedding. We have had this on the books for a very long time. Who else can I talk to?

[B]

I have no control over what happened with Mark and his cat and the tongue and all that stuff.

[E]

I don't care.

[A]

I wish.

[B]

I freaking, freaking wish it never happened.

[E]

Stop.

[F]

Don't you wish.

[E]

This is ridiculous.

[B]

Things never happened.

[E]

Put me on the phone with someone else.

[D]

This is not the phone. Put me on the phone. Put me on the.

[E]

What are you doing?

[B]

Raymond Jason Derulo.

[E]

You understand that my wedding is this weekend, okay? I can't have somebody breaking out into song or rap. Whatever the hell you are doing is not okay. So we need to fix the problem right now.

[B]

Okay, I hear you. It's your wedding. I want to help you with whatever you want. And did you hear that, by the way? I just went five seconds without doing freaking frickin frickin frickin muffin on the beat.

[E]

Shut up. I don't care. I don't care.

[B]

She doesn't care.

[E]

I'm hanging up the phone.

[B]

No, your bridesmaid Candace would hate it if you hung up right now.

[F]

What?

[D]

Prank phone call.

[E]

What?

[B]

Yeah, I'm her favorite dj. Well, radio dj, but not like a radio.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[E]

I hate you so much. I hate you so much right now.

[B]

This is actually Jose from Brick and Jeffrey in the Morning. We're doing a phone tap on you.

[E]

Oh, my God.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[B]

And I don't care how much you hate me. I love. Break it down.

[D]

I love you.

[B]

So Brook and Jeffrey.

[E]

Freaking heart attacks. This is not cool.

[A]

Wake up every morning with phone tabs. Weekday mornings on the 20s. Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[D]

Over the years, we've had a lot of memorable, quirky listeners appear on this show.

[A]

Yes, we have people like Roofer. Oh, yep.

[D]

Matt Man. Even a guy named Guru.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that's old.

[D]

Very classic. And now we're ready to add another to the list.

[E]

Whoa.

[C]

What an honor.

[D]

Yes. Joining the hall of fame. Talking about Kevin.

[A]

His name doesn't have quite the. Yeah, no, doesn't hit the same job.

[D]

It's not quite as fun or as memorable of a name, but his unique hobby, that for sure is.

[F]

Yes.

[D]

It's one of the weirdest things we've heard in a while by far. And we're wondering if maybe it had an impact on why he hasn't got another date. You're gonna hear it in your brand new Second Date update featuring Kevin himself. That's coming up next.

[A]

I'll remember it with a horn.

[D]

There you go. Second date update on the phone. Right now we have a return caller who's more than just a man, really. He's an artiste. Okay, you may remember Kevin from a previous Second date call call where he decorates the inside of his fridge as part of a tik tok trend.

[A]

Fridge scape, Kevin.

[D]

That's right. Fridge scaper. Couldn't be more thrilled to have him back on the show. Okay, Kevin, real quick, could you remind us what happened the last time you were on with us for a second date?

[C]

Well, I had a girl around me place and I ran out toilet paper for her.

[A]

Oh, yeah, you'd used it in this sculpture that was inside your fridge. Right? Right.

[C]

Yep. She didn't like that. Thought of using the toilet paper out of the fridge.

[D]

Okay, okay.

[B]

Cold toilet paper, actually. Pro tip.

[A]

Yeah, for those reasons, you can't ruin art just for the bathroom.

[D]

Exactly. Some people are particular about lots of weird things. So obviously she wasn't your match. But you're back today, cuz maybe you found yourself a new romantic interest. Is that right?

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay. Did she get to see your fridge scaping skills?

[C]

No, actually, that TikTok trend kind of died out now, so.

[A]

Oh, you're not doing it. But you only go with the trends. You don't do it because you like it.

[D]

No.

[C]

Yeah, I got a new. Got a new thing.

[A]

I'm so curious. What's your new hobby? Yeah.

[C]

Do you guys know microwave mosaics?

[D]

Microwave mosaics?

[A]

Sounds like it shouldn't be metal.

[D]

Yeah. What is that?

[C]

So what I do is I rearrange the leftover stains into abstract pieces. The splatter patterns, like they tell a story now.

[D]

Wow. Patterns inside your microwave. You turn that into, like a scene.

[A]

What do you mean? Do you, like, paint it onto, like, what it looks like? You paint it onto a canvas or what?

[C]

No, I just. I'll leave, like, soup in there way too long and then I take some pictures of it.

[A]

Oh, that would have totally earned you an A in one of my art classes in college.

[D]

Right back to this new girl. What's her name?

[C]

Her name is Audrey.

[A]

Okay, Audrey. And how did you meet Audrey? Audrey?

[C]

I met her at Michael's when I was picking up some art supplies.

[A]

Okay. She's a crafty girl, too.

[D]

Shared interests.

[C]

Yeah, it was pretty awesome. Like, I was picking up a jumbo of googly eyes and she was getting some sort of acrylic paint. And. Yeah, we just started talking about art.

[B]

The googly eyes is a conversation starter at checkout, for sure.

[A]

I think that's so fun. Like art. Art is so important, you know, especially to your life. So that's cool that you bonded over that immediately.

[B]

Very true.

[C]

Yeah. Just asked her if she wanted to grab a drink sometime and she gave me her number. So sweet.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

Isn't that wild? Like Michael's the hookup spot.

[D]

I know. It feels like fate intervenes in the arts and crafts section.

[B]

Michaels is a good place to find a girl.

[A]

I mean, hot tip. Make sure you have the app and the coupons, because you could really save somebody a lot of money.

[D]

Okay, you lost me there, bro.

[A]

Yeah, excellent.

[D]

It's like the granny tip.

[A]

But no, I'm just saying.

[D]

Where did you and Audrey go for Your date?

[C]

Well, the. The date sort of didn't happen, and now I. I feel bad about kind of how it went down, you know?

[A]

What happened?

[C]

Well, I had a reservation at this bar, and we were supposed to meet up there.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

You know, I even brought my whole portfolio to show some of my microwave mosaics to her because I thought, like, she's an artist. She's gonna appreciate this. And. Okay, I get there first, and I'm waiting for her. Her 15 minutes goes by, 20, 30, she's not there. And then after one hour, she finally shows up.

[A]

Oh, she does? That's shocking.

[C]

No apology. I mean, I'm. I'm super upset at this point. Like, I'm, like, internally fuming. I just decide, you know what? I'm leaving.

[A]

Whoa.

[D]

Some of those artists, creative types, not as, like, on schedule.

[B]

But being late, the no apology, I mean, doesn't mean it's excusable, but at least have some empathy.

[D]

Like, there a conversation that happened at all.

[C]

I mean, it was just like, hi, she said, and I was like, bye.

[A]

What? Oh, you. Wait, you didn't explain why you were.

[C]

Mad, which is an hour late.

[A]

I know, but you didn't even give her a chance to apologize. Like, she literally said hi, and then you said, bye, like, got up and left. What if the apology was coming?

[C]

Well, I wasn't. I didn't hear anything, so I decided.

[B]

That actually makes sense.

[D]

You have to wait till at least after dinner to get the apology, and then you can storm off.

[A]

Are you regretting that because you're calling us to get her back, right?

[C]

I mean, that's the thing. Like, that's why I'm calling, because she did text me after the fact and was like, what you did was rude, and you have no idea what I'm going through.

[A]

Oh.

[D]

I mean, she's going.

[A]

It was rude. I will say. Like, I mean, her showing up that late is also rude, but, like, without any texts.

[D]

Yeah. She didn't even say, like, hey, I'm running late. That's even happened. Yeah.

[A]

So it's.

[B]

So then we could find.

[A]

She just got a huge car accident. You left before she got to tell you.

[D]

Well, if her fingers still work, she could at least be like, hey.

[A]

I mean, did you ever find out?

[C]

No. At this point, like, I reached out and, like, I. I don't know if I'm, like, blocked or what. What Not. Because there's just, like, no response, and.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

I guess I don't know whose side to be on because they both were kind of kind of balanced rudeness.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, they both have.

[A]

I mean.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Could have worked it out better.

[A]

Yeah, it's one of those situations that I think we could maybe fix, honestly. Yeah, it sounds like it went from 0 to 100 way too quick in frustration, so.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Kevin, do you still want to, like, try again to get another date with her out of this? Is that your hope?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yes. Yeah. Like just like a redo.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

And how are you gonna feel if she doesn't apologize? Apologize still? Oh, really?

[C]

Good question. I hadn't thought about.

[A]

Okay, maybe you can think about that one.

[D]

She doesn't get to see his microwave mosaic portfolio, and that's going to be her loss.

[A]

I bet the tomato soup one is going to be one of the faves.

[C]

Have you seen it? Do you follow me?

[D]

No. You gotta DM some of the photos, though, over to us. Just on Brooks profile.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

Okay.

[A]

Oh, and the oatmeal. Because that oatmeal always explodes. You know what I mean? It really does.

[D]

This is a totally different segment of the microwave mosaic art breakdown. Yeah, we'll do that on your Fun little side podcast.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

All right. But now we gotta stick to the second date update. Hopefully get some answers for Kevin and find out why Audrey didn't show up for an hour.

[A]

Yeah, I hope we're not prying.

[D]

Yeah, I hope we are. You'll do it with your second date update right after this second date update.

[B]

You know.

[D]

You know, a true artist is able to move between mediums like Picasso did when he shifted from his blue period into surrealism.

[A]

I don't know that that's correct.

[D]

Oh, really, Brooke? Oh, technically that was not the right age period. Nobody likes that person, Brooke. Okay, you're not backing down. The point is, our listener Kevin was able, miraculously, to move from fridge to into microwave mosaics.

[A]

Show me those splatter patterns.

[D]

He takes photos of abstract soup splatter in his microwave and posts them online.

[A]

Dude, you should try butter. That stuff explodes like crazy in the microwave.

[D]

Kevin, she's telling you you're doing your art wrong.

[A]

No, I'm not. I'm excited about it, Jeff. I want to.

[D]

Like you're telling him how to do it.

[A]

Sorry for suggestions. Jeff. I will never suggest anything ever again.

[D]

An aggressive suggestion. But thing is, Kevin wears his emotions on his sleeve. And if I'm reading him right, today, he's feeling a little guilty. Wow.

[A]

Way to imply how he's feeling, Jeff. Okay, I think maybe you should, Kevin.

[D]

Am I in the ballpark?

[E]

Yes.

[A]

This is Kevin.

[B]

We May be having an internal struggle here. Can we call you back tomorrow?

[D]

The issue is Kevin's date showed up an hour late, and when she arrived, she said hi. Kevin just said bye and walked away.

[A]

Which I don't blame you. Like, wait in an hour and is. Oh, God, I can't believe you did that.

[D]

Yeah. Afterwards, though, she did send a text saying, you were rude. You don't even know what I'm going through right now. So that made Kevin feel like, oops, maybe he messed up, which is kind.

[A]

Of a good life lesson, you know? You just don't know what people are going through ever.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I mean, as soon as we get her on the phone and we get you on as well. Are you wanting to apologize or lay into her?

[C]

I do want to hear what she has to say, which is what I didn't do in the first place.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And also, I really want her to see my portfolio.

[D]

Right.

[A]

Because she's an art lover, too. Yeah, we want to see it too.

[B]

Oh, yeah, we do.

[D]

Or was it for something else? But anyway, I can't get into the mind of the artist right now.

[A]

There are a lot of horny, weird men in. Okay, I'll say that.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

I'm just gonna call Audrey, and hopefully we can move past the mental images going on in my head right now. All right, here we go.

[E]

Hello?

[C]

Hello?

[D]

Hi, is this Audrey?

[E]

Yeah, this is her.

[A]

I'm so excited to talk to her.

[D]

Yeah, we're all excited to talk to you, Audrey, because you're on a radio show right now called Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning.

[A]

Welcome to the show, Audrey.

[B]

Hi, good morning.

[E]

Yeah, I know. I'm all set, guys. Thank you so much.

[A]

Please don't hang up, because it's not a telemarketer call.

[D]

We're doing a segment from our show. This is called a second date Update. Have you ever heard of that before?

[E]

I guess. How did you get my number?

[D]

We have a listener named Kevin who says he went out. Well, he almost went out on a date with you recently.

[C]

Oh, God.

[A]

I know. I know. It wasn't a good interaction. We know that.

[E]

Yeah. No, I. I mean, did he even tell you what he did?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then he walked out.

[D]

The full story that we heard is you had planned a date at a restaurant. You were running about an hour late. There wasn't a whole lot of communication. And so when you arrived, he just decided to get up and. And leave.

[A]

Like, you said, hi. He said bye.

[E]

Yeah, I mean, like, I showed up, and he never even asked me why I Was late. He never checked to see if I was okay, you know, if I was going through something.

[F]

Right.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

And he never.

[B]

Why didn't you text him at all? Like, oh, My God, it's 15 minutes late. I should probably say something.

[E]

Like, I was. You know, I was going through something, and I just. It wasn't okay. Gonna get there when I was gonna get there.

[A]

That's.

[D]

That's understandable. And Kevin has looked back on the entire experience, and he feels like he met messed up. That's kind of why we're calling now.

[E]

Okay, well, what if I told you guys that one of my parents had passed away that day?

[A]

Oh, my God. So sorry. That's terrible.

[E]

Yeah. I mean, I tried to pull myself together after. I had, like, an hour to process it.

[A]

What?

[E]

And I made my way over to the restaurant, and then I walked in. He was just so cold to me, and, like.

[A]

No, I can't even believe that you even Even. Yeah. Showed up. I mean, maybe you were just in shock.

[D]

I only need 30 minutes to grieve personally, but for most people, yes, that. That is. That's a lot.

[E]

Well, I mean, in my defense, it didn't. They didn't really die.

[A]

What?

[E]

But, like, they could have. And at least then, like, he could have asked me what? He should have asked me what was going on.

[A]

No, she didn't say someone died. She said her parents died. Her. Your parents didn't die?

[E]

Well, I mean, I said, what if my parents died? Like, if that was a scenario.

[D]

That was a theoretical situation you threw at us.

[A]

I just felt really terrible. It was an emotional roller coaster, all.

[D]

Of us, for you, Audrey.

[A]

I didn't know we're playing what if. Let's emphasize the what if. Maybe stronger next time. Yeah, definitely.

[E]

Well, I mean, I was trying to just give an example of how you don't know what's going on in somebody's life. You know, like.

[D]

Yeah, okay, you went with a really dark example.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Can you just tell us what was going on with you? I mean, we don't mean to pry personally, but I just. Recovery. I don't know if I want to.

[D]

Know what was the real reason that you were an hourly?

[E]

I don't know. Maybe if Kevin were to ask me, then maybe I'd answer him, but I don't think it's really any of your business.

[A]

Oh, okay. Well, that works.

[C]

Sure.

[D]

It actually. It works perfectly because Kevin is on the phone on the other line right now waiting to talk to you.

[C]

Hi.

[A]

He almost felt like the worst person in the World with that parent thing.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

Kevin, what did happen? I still don't really understand. I get it that maybe you were going through something. You know, I feel bad that I didn't give you a chance to explain yourself.

[A]

She's still there.

[E]

I mean, well, what if I told you that my parents passed?

[A]

What? You already said that.

[D]

Yeah, he heard that part.

[E]

Audrey, wait, you were here the whole time?

[C]

Time?

[D]

Yes, yes. We have them listening. So he knows that that's not true.

[C]

Yeah. So why were you really late?

[E]

If you really want to know, I. I kind of just forgot about it.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Wait.

[D]

What's worse? The parents passing or her forgetting about things? It's pretty close.

[A]

Why is there no in between? Can we just lie? There's something else. I think forgetting is forgivable. I don't know. I forget stuff all the time if I don't put it in my calendar.

[B]

Like you have to write stuff down too. Totally.

[A]

But you gotta be honest about it.

[E]

Well, because he had. He had texted me, you know, where are you? And then that's when I realized, like, oh God, I forgot I'm supposed to go on a date with that curly haired art guy.

[A]

And.

[E]

I realized. And then I tried to get ready and you know, like I. Where we were meeting wasn't super close, so I needed like time to drive and I got over there and. And you know, I show up and then all of a sudden he's just like, bye. And I was like, okay. You didn't even give me a chance to say anything.

[A]

What were you gonna say?

[E]

I mean, I don't know. I was gonna say something about my parents. I don't know.

[D]

You were gonna lie to him?

[B]

She's gonna say, what if first though clears everything up?

[D]

What if I told you, kevin, how are you feeling hearing all of this?

[C]

I mean, I'm just kind of like wondering, what if I told her when I was about ready to storm off like that I had to go because of my parents, she funeral.

[A]

Okay, let's not. Okay, why are we both throwing hypotheticals at each other? Like really dark ones?

[E]

Yeah, now I just feel like you're being petty.

[C]

I'm just using the example that you use Audrey for me. So if I'm being petty, then that's your fault.

[A]

Oh, God.

[E]

Okay, no, that's not. No. Those aren't even close to being the same.

[C]

Exact same. That is the literal shame.

[A]

Yeah. They're doing it again though. They're trying to out petty each other again. Just like they did that first night.

[D]

I Know, the thing about a successful relationship is somebody has to be willing to admit that they were wrong and they messed up in order to move forward.

[B]

And you both kind of messed up in your own rights, right?

[A]

It's powerful to apologize.

[C]

No, I mean, you're right. I like that you're right. Someone needs to apologize. I'm going to give her three seconds to do it.

[D]

Audrey, balls in your court. Do you want to toss out an apology?

[E]

I think you know that it's going to take me at least an hour.

[B]

Hey, that was funny. She's joking.

[A]

I don't think so.

[D]

Really? Definitely some nuggets of truth to it.

[C]

And I can't believe, like, that I was actually going to show you my microwave mosaics. Like, I've never even shown that to another woman in person.

[D]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Special.

[D]

Audrey. Did you even know he had those?

[E]

He told me about it. He wouldn't shut up about it.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yikes.

[D]

Well, shoot.

[C]

Well, I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Bye.

[A]

Whoa, wait. Does that mean he doesn't want to date?

[D]

Kevin, you can't say bye, because I haven't even asked Audrey yet if she would like to go out on another date with you, because, Audrey, Audrey, if you're up for it, we would pay for it.

[E]

Oh, wow, look at that. I just got a text that I think my parents had.

[D]

Oh, my God, the timing.

[A]

Yeah, that's it. The information to deliver via text.

[D]

Kevin, at this point, do you want to check in with her and see how she's doing?

[C]

I mean, are you okay?

[D]

Kevin, she was being sarcastic with you there. Her parents aren't dead.

[A]

Oh, Kevin.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[E]

All right, Kevin, I think you stood in front of the microwave too many times.

[D]

Yeah. Okay, we're never having two artists on the same call ever again. This is too messy.

[A]

Yeah. Kevin, you need to date an accountant.

[D]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. And that whole call really symbolizes the state of dating today.

[A]

You think it's that bad?

[D]

The degree. Degree of pettiness where you just can't let the other person win or feel good about anything. No mistake will ever go unpunished in the dating world.

[A]

Oh, God, that is a bleak outlook, Jeff. I thought you were gonna come with something more positive and hopeful. Dang.

[D]

She completely forgot about the date and then tried to gaslight him and make him feel guilty by inventing dead parents.

[A]

The thing is, is I think that's so understandable to forget. Like, she actually put effort into still making it there, and then she Made it work worse. Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

But for me, I'd be like, oh, if I'm not important enough for you to remember our first date, if you're not excited about it, then I'm obviously not important.

[D]

Is showing up an hour late really putting in a lot of effort?

[A]

Well, I mean, I think it's forgivable to forget a date. Like, especially a date of a person that you had a brief interaction with. You know, if you don't write it down, how do you remember? I think that she could have just been honest, but it was late for that. That's lame.

[D]

There's another theoretical out there that you just can't work with anymore. Would have been great, but it didn't happen. Happen. Yeah.

[B]

I don't know.

[D]

If this doesn't make you feel optimistic about love, what will? Yeah.

[B]

Go on a date today, guys.

[A]

I mean, his microwave mosaics were pretty uplifting.

[D]

That was say that I for sure feel inspired. So make sure to go find our podcast. Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. Home of the second date Update on Apple, Iheart, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[C]

YouTube too.

[A]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[D]

I'm sure you've all noticed my last few performances have just been off.

[A]

Really?

[D]

What?

[B]

I don't think so.

[A]

Doing a great job.

[D]

Don't pander to me. I know something wasn't right, so I had to go to the doctors to figure it out. They ran a bunch of tests. Turns out my throat is too powerful. So the doc, he prescribed me a couple of things. One, we go V for my throat.

[A]

We go voice for your for my throat.

[D]

Trying to tone that back.

[F]

Okay.

[D]

And then ozempic for a different body part of mine that also needs to be reduced.

[B]

So fat down there.

[C]

Huh?

[D]

Embarrassing.

[A]

I like how the throat chor is checking two things on you.

[B]

Yeah, he's thorough. They go hand in hand.

[D]

I did not even want to have to say it out loud, but you all made me. Are you happy? I'm the only man in the world with one particular body part on Ozempic.

[B]

Oh, sorry, J.

[D]

Now everybody knows. I'll do my best to keep it in check with my brand new song of the week that's coming up right after this. It's time for my song of the week. It's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[A]

Love this time of week, Jeff.

[D]

And I'm gonna give you all a few hot stats before the upcoming holiday season.

[A]

You know you're warmed up if you're coming in with hot stats.

[D]

That's right. 17% of Americans say it's very likely someone will argue about politics over dinner this year.

[B]

Oh, definitely.

[A]

That's a pretty low number.

[D]

That's just the very likely. There's somewhat likely sort of likely.

[B]

That's like the 99%.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

That's people saying, I'm coming in with a political fight. Ready?

[B]

That's one guy going, I'm wearing the hat to dinner.

[D]

Yeah. Meanwhile, in an unrelated note, the average American will consume 3.1 alcoholic drinks on Turkey Day 3.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[D]

And maybe the most shocking stat of all, 15% of us don't use any gravy.

[A]

They just dry it up.

[D]

Luckily, Brooke makes up for that entire 15% in the boat.

[A]

I'll drink it.

[D]

I know what you're probably thinking. You're probably thinking what I'm thinking. Why aren't there holiday songs about this type of stuff about like the petty stuff now there is.

[A]

All right.

[D]

And this isn't going to be about the wonder of holiday lights or the magic sound of jingle bells ringing while angels are singing or whatever the lyric really is. This is about the real struggle of what it's actually like to visit your family and take on the holidays.

[A]

Let's go, Jeff. The anthem we all needed.

[D]

I'm kind of doing a sort of parody medley of famous holiday tunes. Okay, so there's not one big title for for it, but the first one. Well, actually, you'll just, you'll hear it.

[F]

Okay.

[D]

All right. No spoilers. I'm just gonna point when I'm ready.

[B]

Turkey medley.

[A]

Uh huh.

[D]

Points. Oh, there's no plane that's flown in these flight delays. What that airport announcement say? Who knows? TSA felt me up like we were on a date. When they frisk your leg, it's frowned on if you moan I've been camped outside of gate B3 just sleeping on the floor on a diet of Cinnabons and Miller lice. The third time they changed the gate on me, I hit the airport bar once more. Hudson News. I bought some chicklets. They cost more than my plane tickets. Flying coach means there's no chance of personal space and you're always the lowest boarding zone. They say only the Epstein files had more delays for the holidays. Be faster if you drove. Just hear the family bickering. Vital points differing too. See uncle Ned Turner at her as he yells what they said on Fox News. There will be loud name calling and in law squabbling feuds Our family get togethers like a Jerry Springer venue Stir it up, whip it up, serve it up. Oh no. Where did the cat go? And why do I hear meowing from the stove? Pour a cup, fill it up, tear it up. Grandad the fifth Jaeger he's had. His bladder is small so we all saw him use the dog's potty pad. My dad's new girlfriend, Zoe. It's weird cause she's only 19 so when my sister met her she said, hey home wrecker. So me this bird is so enormous. Like a big brontosaurus.

[C]

It's huge.

[D]

As we break bread together, let's address Zoey's daddy issues. I read an article in the New.

[A]

Yorker that says eating mashed potatoes too.

[D]

Fast can spike your stress hormone. My vegan step aunt Heather complains that there's never tofu. Got way too drunk with my cousin but we stopped after rounding base two at dinner. Lungs are choking we're all smelling smoke in the room mom left her gloves in the oven Till the flames had the kitchen consumed. Grandma left and said she's going to Sears Wait, isn't that close? We think she probably meant JCPenney in her lawn chair with a case of white claws She's a door bustin Black Friday bargain fee I've been here in 3am in her handbag she got coupons her rascal scooter by the door it's got a V8 engine when they opened up she floored it and plowed over a family of four later on Black Friday morning Both my grandma's eyes were black clutch into a cheap air fryer with her cane carved to a shiv over her back oh, grandma just got trampled for a blender Got back up and choked a mom of three she's my bargain hunting ninja nana so the blood stains on my dips don't bother.

[A]

Me Step away from the Lego set, you tramp.

[D]

Oh my God. So good.

[A]

You brought us through the entire holiday.

[D]

Yeah, it's gonna be a fun one this year.

[B]

Fun always is.

[A]

I'd say highlights, but really they're lowlights. But they're really the parts that you remember.

[D]

That's it, you know, that's what the holidays are really all about. So you can text into 78592 and tell us what you thought about the song of the week. We'll post the video up with all the lyrics on all of our socials. Just find us BrookeandJeffrey on YouTube and TikTok and inst everywhere, you know.

[A]

And share with all your Uncle Neds out there.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Play this on Thanksgiving.

[D]

Yes. Your Dad's new girlfriend is going to love it.

[B]

Oh, man, I love this show.

[D]

Tik Tok, that's your song of the week. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. We're going to do a phone tap right after this. Christina is a new player with us on the phone today. She is married with two kids, both teenagers. She works full time in tech, but also owns a mini donut food truck on the side. Christina, is it possible you could just park that in my mouth later? Just the whole truck?

[E]

Probably. I could probably arrange that.

[A]

Oh, my God. I bet you're like, the most popular teen mom ever.

[E]

Absolutely. As long as I have donuts in my hand. Absolutely.

[D]

Do you have, like, a specialty donut that you serve from your. Your truck?

[E]

So our favorite is the maple bacon, and people go crazy for it. But you'd be surprised. People also just love traditional chocolate with sprinkles. Or the ever popular with the young folks is the fruity pebble one.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, man.

[D]

All right, well, we. Unfortunately, we have to bring donut talk to an end for the day because we gotta play a game here.

[B]

I could go for a hot glass.

[D]

I know it's such a bummer, but we got 30 seconds on the clock to answer as many questions as possible. If you don't know when you could say pass. You have to beat Brooke outright if you want to win. Are you ready?

[E]

Yes.

[D]

Let's do it. Your time starts now. Carly Ray Jepson celebrates a birthday today. What 2012 song of hers sold 18 million copies?

[E]

Pass.

[D]

Gorgonzola, Roquefort, and Danish are forms of what type of cheese?

[E]

Cheese.

[D]

What specific type of dress was popularized in the 1920s by women dancing to drink jazz?

[C]

Pass.

[D]

Which U.S. state produces the majority of America's lobsters? Maine Boxing Day is a British holiday celebrated December 26th. After what American holiday?

[E]

Oh, Christmas.

[D]

Well done. Now Brook's back into the studio here.

[A]

Terrible.

[D]

Oh, you did great.

[F]

Brook is nice. Christina, come on.

[D]

It says, this year, Christina, you're going to be home hosting Thanksgiving for anywhere between 10 to 20 people. You're not sure who's coming?

[E]

Well, you don't know what family drama is going to unfold, so, you know, we just keep it open. Everyone's invited.

[D]

Are you the source of the drama?

[E]

No, it's never me. I mean, come on, guys.

[B]

Donuts solve problems.

[A]

Do you stuff your turkey with donuts?

[E]

No. That's a thought, though.

[D]

Hey, Christina, take a break for a second because it's Brooke's turn. Brooke, you ready?

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Your time starts now. Carly Rae Jepsen celebrates a birthday today. What 2012 song of hers sold 18 million copies.

[A]

Call me maybe.

[D]

Gorgonzola, Roquefort, and Danish are forms of what type of cheese?

[A]

Mock me cheese. Well, what type of cheese? Oh, it's gonna be cheese. They're a hard cheese. They're. Yeah, I know what to tell you.

[D]

What specific type of dress was popularized in the 1920s by women dancing to jazz?

[A]

Flappy dresses.

[D]

Which U.S. state produces the majority of America's lobsters?

[A]

Maine.

[E]

Wow.

[A]

It's probably gonna be Alaska. Dang it. I mean, Maine's no more known for Alaskan lobsters.

[D]

It's okay. Let's let Brooke question herself for another five minutes.

[A]

I thought you were gonna ask me what they were, and I was like, those are cheeses, Jack. They're probably blue cheeses. That's why I shouldn't get too full of myself.

[D]

Let's go to the scoreboard and see Abel did with Jose getting drunk in the morning. Who are you, Kathy Lee Gifford? Banos.

[B]

Christina, you got two correct today.

[D]

Oh, it's pretty good. Oh, my.

[B]

And Brook. Three correct. Barely win.

[D]

So close, Christina. Just barely wasn't enough. Let's go over the answers. It's Carly Rae Jepsen's birthday in 2012. Her song Call Me maybe sold 18 million copies, and it's haunting us to this day.

[A]

I love it, but I feel like it's that. That decades bop.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

Just won't go away. Gorgonzola, Roquefort, and Danish. Yes, they are types of cheeses.

[F]

Brooke.

[D]

Blue cheeses.

[B]

Christina said cheese too, so don't worry.

[D]

This specific type of dress popularized in the 20s by women Dancing to jazz were flapper dresses. Majority of America's lobsters come from Maine. Over 80% of all lobsters in America are from there. That's.

[A]

That's a lot.

[D]

Boxing Day is a British holiday celebrated after which American holiday? Christmas. I love that we're calling Christmas American only.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

We own it.

[E]

Strange.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

It started in Germany.

[D]

Christina, thank you so much for being on. It wasn't enough to beat Brooke, but just for playing, we are going to give you a pair of tickets to holiday magic at the Washington State Fair event center. Step into a glittering wonderland this December and experience why holiday magic is the right region's fastest growing holiday tradition. It starts December 5th and then runs on select dates through December 23rd.

[E]

Thank you so much. And Brooke, you're such a great player. I love you. Wow.

[A]

You're so lovely, too.

[D]

Yeah. What about that host that did this segment? He's pretty cool.

[E]

Oh, my gosh. For sure.

[D]

Christina, come back and play again soon. We're going to do win Brooks Bucks same time on Monday.

[A]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.