FULL SHOW: Jeff’s Plant Daddy Song, Bridal Bounty Date + Most Insane Reality Shows (1/23/26)

Summary

Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update – FULL SHOW: Jeff’s Plant Daddy Song, Bridal Bounty Date + Most Insane Reality Shows (1/23/26)

Podcast: Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Host: iHeartPodcasts
Episode Date: January 25, 2026
Summary by Section: This episode delivers a mix of offbeat news discussions, a wild “Second Date Update” with a cash bounty twist, a rundown of reality TV’s worst offenses, and a playful tribute song for plant lovers. Read on for all the laughs, memorable quotes, and key moments.

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Main Theme & Purpose

The episode blends conversational humor with interactive games, a unique dating segment featuring a cash bounty for matchmaking, and cultural commentaries on modern trends—topped off with Jeff's song celebrating plant parenthood. The hosts mock reality TV history, share bizarre news stories, and showcase their dynamic chemistry through improv, running bits, and ribbing.

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1. Opening Banter & Nostalgia for Pop Culture Reboots

[00:52 – 03:11]

• The hosts note the ever-present reboot culture: “If it was popular 20 to 30 years ago, they’ll bring it back again and do it probably slightly worse this time.” (Jeffrey, 00:57)
  • Examples: Baywatch, Murder She Wrote, Dos Equis’ “Most Interesting Man.”
• Joking about an elderly beer icon: “It’s a good sign when a company asks an 80 year old to come out of retirement to promote beer drinking.” (Brooke, 02:19)
• Memorable Quote:
  • “If I’m watching an octogenarian ride a jet ski over a volcano with four baddies, I might want to crack open a Dos Equis too.” (Jeffrey, 02:40)

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2. The Shock Collar Question of the Day: “Addie Baddies” Mascot Challenge

[03:12 – 08:45]

• Hosts engage in a mascot trivia game, identifying commercial spokescharacters.
• Notable moments:
  • The Geico Gecko’s real name is “Martin.”
    • “I would have accepted the Geico Gecko… but his real first name is Martin.” (Jake, 04:58)
  • Pillsbury Doughboy’s real name revealed: “Poppin’ Fresh.”
    • “He started PF Changs. Poppin Fresh!” (Brooke, 06:01)
  • Bibendum is the Michelin Man.
  • Colonel Sanders’ first name: Harland.
• Memorable Reaction: “Jose, as the Michelin Man. So impressive.” (Brooke, 07:15)
• The segment ends with the loser singing “Closer” by The Chainsmokers while getting shocked.

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3. Demystifying Net Worth, the Million-Dollar Myth

[08:56 – 10:04]

• The team riffs on reports that the average 50-year-old now “has a net worth of $1.1 to $1.4 million” due to outliers.
• Reality check: Most ordinary people have closer to $300k in total assets.
• “The majority can barely afford to keep their Disney+ subscription.” (Brooke, 09:41)

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4. Laser Stories: Bizarre News Roundup

[11:13 – 18:53]

Segments & Quotes:

• Fugitive attaches GPS ankle monitor to his dog (New York)
  • “Poor doggy’s on house arrest. It wasn’t his fault!” (Brooke, 12:32)
• Frozen Apartment in Quebec:
  • Tenant turns off heat to save money; returns to find the apartment an “ice castle.”
  • “It also created abstract ice sculptures everywhere. The floor was basically a skating rink.” (Brooke, 15:00)
• Japan’s Strawberry KitKat Pizza
  • Pizza Hut’s new dessert “handy melt” wins nausea and intrigue.
  • “Should we still attach the word ‘pizza’ to this concoction?” (Jeffrey, 16:39)
• Whimsy as Trend of the Year
  • “Videos about being more whimsical are all over social media... Whimsy is already the clear front runner for word of the year.” (Brooke, 17:38)

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5. Most Insane and Offensive Reality TV Shows

[19:02 – 27:06]

• Countdown segment includes jaw-dropping examples from TV history:
  1. Who’s Your Daddy? (2005): Adoptees guess their biological father for a cash prize.
  2. Born in the Wild (2015): Couples give birth in nature, no medical support.
  3. Black White (2006): Ice Cube-produced show, families swap racial identities via prosthetics and makeup.
  4. Benefit Street (2014–16): UK show about welfare recipients, depicted negatively.
  5. Tie:
     • The Swan (2004): Women get plastic surgery and compete in a pageant.
     • Boy Meets Boy (2003): Gay dating show; some contestants are actually straight.
• Host Reaction:
  • “You can’t even go into details or try to speculate what it might have been like, because even speculating is too offensive.” (Brooke, 24:09)
  • “Listen, there is no amount of money… No thank you!” (Mia, reacting to date offer, 48:56)

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6. Second Date Update: “Bridal Bounty Date”

[34:03 – 49:59]

• Premise: Henry offered a $1000 bounty to friends if they set him up with his future wife.
• Henry describes an electric first date with Mia, including a moment where they “sneezed at the exact same time.” (37:40)
• Mia soon ghosts him, and he enlists the show to find out why.
• Revelation: Mia’s friend claims Henry is “a serial cheater” who sometimes goes by the name Hank.
  • Henry admits to being a past “serial dater,” now reformed as “Humble Henry”—explaining:
    • “That was the old me. That was Hank. I’m Henry.” (45:35)
• Henry awkwardly confesses he still needs to “break up” with two other women from his player days—just two weeks ago.
• Epic Rejection:
  • “No amount of money… finishing up with these women, and then I get to have him? No, thank you.” (Mia, 48:56)
  • “Maybe it’s just time to bring back Hammer and Hank.” (Henry, 49:51)

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7. Jeff’s Song of the Week: “House Plant” (Plant Daddy Song)

[52:03 – 58:23]

• Jeff (Young Jeffrey) debuts a parody of “Roxanne” called “House Plant,” serenading the new wave of plant parents.
  • “I wanted to sing a song for all of my fellow plant parents who love to just spoil their indoor vegetation…”
• Fun and flirtatious, celebrating “plant parenthood” with lines about showering with succulents and pampering ferns.
• “I just wanna have this Syngonium ficus twerk it on you like the Beckham family.” (Jeff, Song Lyric, 56:40)
• Brooke’s reaction: “That was incredible… you killed it. Not the song, not the plant.” (57:29)

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8. Win Brooke’s Bucks: Listener Jean vs. Brooke

[58:33 – 64:19]

• Jean, a French-Caribbean listener, competes against Brooke in a pop quiz, after complimenting her “Christina Applegate” looks.
• Highlights:
  • American Pie franchise has four movies.
  • The Pillsbury Doughboy’s name is “Poppin’ Fresh.”
  • Fastest MLB pitch: 105.8 mph.
• Brooke wins narrowly.
  • “You tried to compliment me out of a win, but I stayed strong.” (Brooke, 63:06)
  • Jean gets tickets to the Seattle Boat Show.

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Memorable and Quirky Moments

[Throughout]

• “If you’re watching an octogenarian riding a jet ski over a volcano with four baddies on his arm, I might want to crack open a Dos Equis too.” (Jeffrey, 02:40)
• “I’m going Catfish Sanders.” (Jeffrey riffing on Colonel Sanders’ first name guess, 08:09)
• “Children, before I married your father, I went out one night with a guy named Hammer and Hank…” (Brooke, 50:45)
• “Plants love music. Scientifically proven!” (Brooke, 54:34)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Reboot Culture Commentary: 00:52 – 03:11
• Mascot Shock Collar Game: 03:12 – 08:45
• Net Worth Chat: 08:56 – 10:04
• Laser Stories: 11:13 – 18:53
• Reality TV Travesties: 19:02 – 27:06
• Second Date Update (Bridal Bounty): 34:03 – 49:59
• Plant Daddy Song: 52:03 – 58:23
• Win Brooke’s Bucks: 58:33 – 64:19

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Original Tone & Language Preserved

The hosts deliver quick-witted, playful banter, frequent pop culture references, and self-deprecating humor. They’re irreverent but affectionate toward their topics, unafraid of making puns, and openly rib each other.

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Conclusion

This episode is a hilarious blend of reality TV retrospectives, unexpected dating confessions, and playful creativity—the best exemplified in Jeff’s “Plant Daddy” song. The show’s chemistry, manic energy, and eye for the absurd make it a must-listen for fans of pop culture, dating disasters, and quirky news.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, I just want to say welcome. We got a lot of new listeners lately, so if this is your first time on the full show podcast, buckle up.

[B]

Welcome.

[A]

You're going to be a different person at the end of this hour. We will say that we got a brand new best. Yeah. Brand new second date update coming up, of course, Laser stories. Oh, Jeff's song of the week. Yeah. Not to ruin it, but the plant daddies, okay, they're going to be very happy with this song. And we always love to start with a comment. Yes.

[C]

And Bixie said. Omg. I just figured out that I could comment on Here, here. I love you guys so much. My husband showed me your show, like, two years ago, and you're all I hear now.

[A]

That is so rad. See, he is helpful. Yes. You know, husbands can be helpful.

[C]

There's one good thing about him, it's that.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

Hey, thanks for being here. Thanks for coming in. And your full new hour starts right now.

[B]

We're living in the era of reboots and remakes.

[A]

Hey. Yes, we are.

[B]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. I mean, if it was popular 20 to 30 years ago, they will bring it back again and do it probably slightly worse this time. Yeah, they did it with Baywatch, the Murder she Wrote.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Telephone lines are making a comeback somehow.

[A]

They are. They're hot right now.

[D]

You know, we have wi fi now.

[A]

Get you a landline.

[B]

Even Harry Potter is getting remade as a TV show. This time with more CGI snogging in it. I'm kind of not mad at that one.

[D]

I'm excited for that.

[A]

The little kids that they cast are so cute.

[D]

Imagine the CGI possibilities now. It's gonna look so good.

[B]

But I never thought anybody would be desperate enough to reboot an old TV commercial.

[A]

What?

[B]

But that's actually happening.

[A]

Oh, my God. Please don't tell me the Budweiser frogs are bad.

[B]

It's not them. Take a listen. He is the most interesting man in the world. I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer those sackies. Yeah. Remember? The most interesting in the world?

[A]

I didn't even know he went away. Is that bad?

[B]

20 years he's been gone.

[A]

He's been gone that long.

[D]

The marketing stuck with bro.

[B]

Yeah, but yeah, he was that popular. They decided we gotta bring him back. Same actor for another run of ads.

[D]

He did seem a little older, so.

[B]

He was 60 at the time of the original ads. So, you know, it's a good sign when a company asks an 80 year old to come out of retirement to promote beer drinking.

[D]

Hey, old guy, do you remember beer? Do you want to drink some? Where am I?

[A]

They know that the old people are the only ones drinking anymore. Yeah, well, might as well lean into it.

[B]

Although if I'm watching an octogenarian riding a jet ski over a volcano with four baddies on his arm, I might want to crack open a Dos Equis too, and see what happens.

[A]

I mean, if that's what the retired life looks like for you, good on you.

[B]

Yeah, I'm in. Now, I know we may not have the most interesting people on this show, but we do have the world's least interesting segment, the Shock Collar question of the day with a man who's coming back out of retirement after 24 hours hours off the air. Welcome back to Radio Digital, Jake. Thank you, everybody. I'm back.

[D]

Most interesting Jake in the world.

[E]

Like Jeffrey just mentioned, Do Se Equis is officially bringing back the most interesting man in the world, one of the most iconic commercial spokespeople of all time.

[D]

Yeah, him and the Old Spice guy.

[E]

But obviously he's not the only pitch person that TV watchers have grown familiar with over the years.

[D]

Oh, I ruined it.

[E]

That's why your challenge today. You'll have to name some of the most familiar characters from the biggest brands during a special Addie Baddies edition of plenty of 20. You'll tell me a number one through 20. I'll give you a famous brand. You have to name the iconic spokesperson that represents them in their commercials. I'm not looking for actual celebrities, though, like Brooke Shields repping Calvin Klein or Michael Jordan for Nike. These are fictional ad characters.

[B]

Got it.

[E]

They could be animated or they could be actual people. Let's start, though, with the woman who has the most interesting driving record in the world. That's Alexis. Three, Your famous brand is Geico Insurance.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[E]

Tell me the famous spokesperson for it and I'll give you a bonus point for his first name.

[C]

I know it's the Gecko, but I.

[A]

Don'T know his name.

[C]

Oh, Gekko. Maybe his name is Gekko.

[B]

That's not the one I was thinking of.

[A]

What?

[B]

It' the cavemen?

[D]

No, the old caveman.

[A]

I forgot about them. But I would go Geico. Gecko.

[D]

Gecko. I forgot his name.

[C]

I think his name is Gecko.

[E]

So, Alexis, are you gonna say your answer is Gecko? Gecko.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, I like it.

[B]

Gecko.

[E]

Gecko. I would have accepted the Geico Gecko because that's what he goes by. But you said Gecko. Gecko. Instantly wrong. I see his real first name is Martin.

[A]

Martin.

[B]

Martin.

[E]

He's Martin the Geico Gecko.

[B]

Because he's Australian or British.

[A]

He's just dar.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

We're over to Brooknow 5.

[E]

Your famous brand is Pillsbury. Tell me the famous, possibly animated spokesperson to match. I'll need his actual name, not just his title.

[B]

Oh, this is. This is a deep cut. Oh, yeah.

[D]

He does have a name.

[B]

Hold on, I'm remembering it.

[A]

He's a Pillsbury Doughboy.

[B]

But that's not his actual name.

[A]

Are you sure? Yes, I'm the Pillsbury Doughboy.

[B]

Who?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, my God. No, that's Mickey Mouse, I think that you're doing there, boy.

[D]

They did used to call it. They used to say it in the commercial.

[A]

They did.

[D]

And you're gonna hear it and go real. I don't know. Maybe not.

[E]

Rick, would you like some initials?

[A]

Yes.

[E]

Too bad.

[A]

Okay. If he's gonna have a doughy name, his name is Chuckles.

[C]

That was terrifying.

[A]

Chuckles. The Doughboy. Chuckles.

[E]

Pillsbury Doughboy. Doughboy is incorrect. He is the Pillsbury Doughboy. His name is Poppin Fresh.

[B]

Poppin Fresh? He started PF Changs. Poppin Fresh.

[A]

I have never heard that.

[E]

We're onto the boys and we're talking. What are we talking? We're talking ad mascots in the world. And Jose 3 and 5 are off the board.

[D]

Let's go, 12.

[E]

You're too good at these, Jose, because all your trivia research you do for our show. So we're flipping it on you. I'll give you the spokesperson's name. You have to tell me the brand.

[D]

The company or the brand?

[E]

The name of the spokesperson is.

[A]

Oh, it's a drum roll.

[F]

Drum roll.

[E]

Bibendum.

[D]

I know that name.

[A]

Yeah, but bend them like Beckham.

[D]

Bendam is like an elephant. No, I think I got it. Or this is just a wild fact that I may have remembered. I swear. I think it's the real name of the Michelin tire guy, Bendam.

[A]

Do it.

[D]

No, do it. But still, I'm gonna say Michelin tire guy.

[E]

Jose says the Michelin Man. Is he president, Right?

[B]

Are you kidding me?

[A]

I have no idea.

[B]

How did you get that?

[D]

It's literally deep in there. I have no idea what's going on.

[E]

Normally, I would take this opportunity to say, but Bendam? I hardly know him.

[B]

But you do in fact know him.

[E]

Jose, as the Michelin Man.

[B]

So impressive.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

Of the useless facts.

[B]

Jeffrey, we're over to you.

[E]

3, 5 and 12 are off.

[B]

The board 16.

[E]

Your famous brand is KFC. Yes, it's finger licking good. But who is the longtime spokesperson? And before you say Colonel Sanders, because that would be correct, I also need you to tell me his first name. Colonel Blake Sanders.

[A]

You only need to tell him the first name. Actually not.

[B]

Also, is it like Colonel Captain Sanders.

[A]

That would be two different ranks in the building.

[B]

Yeah, maybe that's. Maybe that's lieutenant colonel.

[D]

I'm your corporal.

[A]

Colonel, colonel, officer, lieutenant colonels. But I don't know that there's colonel.

[B]

Captain if he's from Kentucky. What's like the most Kentucky name I can think of? It's either Jim Bob.

[A]

Oh, yeah, no, that's Arkansas.

[B]

Or Catfish. I'm going Catfish Sanders.

[E]

Colonel Catfish Sanders is very incorrect. His name was Harland Sanders.

[D]

Harland.

[E]

After all that, thanks to his photographic memory, Jose has won today's edition of plenty of 20.

[B]

Oh, that means Jose gets to choose who gets shocked. They're gonna be singing Closer by the Chain Smokers. Who's it gonna be, Jose?

[D]

Alexis Geico Gecko.

[C]

Oh, this brings me back to college frat basements. Okay, so baby, pull me closer in the backseat of your robot.

[D]

Oh my goodness.

[A]

And you got invited again.

[B]

That was your shock collar. Question of the day. We got your phone tab coming up in just a few minutes.

[G]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[B]

Remember when you were a kid and the classic money goal was when I grow up, I want to have a million dollars? Well, good news, cause a new survey just found the average 50 year old has a net worth of 1.1 to 1.4 million bucks.

[A]

The average.

[B]

Well, although to be fair, that average is heavily skewed by the ultra rich.

[D]

Thanks a lot, Brooke.

[B]

Ruining it for everybody.

[A]

Why are they letting rich people in on polls? You know what I mean? Like the 1 percenters just shouldn't be allowed to take them. Yes, exactly.

[B]

To be clear, the majority of people do not have a million dollars in the bank by the time they're 50. Actually, the majority can barely afford to keep their Disney plus subscription.

[A]

Yeah, I'm gonna say the majority are living paycheck to paycheck.

[B]

Right? Real average for 50 year olds is about 300 grand, which that includes the properties you own. Any retirement accounts, 401ks.

[D]

That's like your total.

[B]

Or for Brooke, any orphanages you purch shut down for the tax breaks.

[A]

It means that we're all working till 95 years old is what I'm hearing.

[B]

So since having a million dollars isn't quite what it used to Be. There was a new survey that asked people what number they would need to reach now in order to say, okay, I think I have made it financially in my life. I'm happy.

[A]

And we're asking adults, not kids this time, right?

[B]

Yeah. This is average people. The average person says they would feel successful if, from a money standpoint, if they made $94,000 a year, absolutely.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

At least hit 100.

[A]

That'. Wow.

[C]

Give me to the triples.

[B]

This isn't like who you would want to date, Alexis. This is like people feeling successful on their own. So any kids listening? Remember, if you want to feel like a winner, don't go into radio. We're going to do Laser Stories right after this. Hello, it's Laser Stories. It's the radio segment that's on the verge of a breakthrough product called Socksicles. He's just not sure if they should be socks shaped like popsicles or popsicles that taste like socks.

[A]

Why can't the popsicles be shaped? Jeff?

[B]

Still in the development phase, but he's getting close. Make sure to ask for your socksicle when the ice cream man comes around. This year with Laser Stories, the segment where we read weird news stories around the globe just like everyone else does. Except we've got a laser. Those other frozen freaks just don't. This first laser story is out of upstate New York.

[D]

I'm walking here.

[B]

Authorities are currently searching for a man who skipped a court appearance earlier this week. The fugitive's name is Lamont Holmes.

[A]

Uh oh.

[B]

And he was supposed to be at a hearing on weapons charges, but he was a no show.

[D]

Ain't nobody got time for that. That sounds dangerous.

[A]

Did Holmes stay home?

[B]

Nominated for joke of the year. So police looked at the GPS signal from his ankle mon. And noticed he was at his house.

[A]

I was right.

[B]

But outside of it, in his backyard.

[A]

Okay, that's fine.

[B]

So as they made their way to his place, they noticed something interesting. The GPS was showing that Lamont was having erratic movement, similar to prancing around a certain bush or tree.

[F]

Oh.

[B]

So skipping. When cops got there, they didn't even knock on the door. They went right to the back area and were surprised to see his GPS ankle monitor in plain view, affixed to his dog.

[A]

Poor doggies on house arrest. It wasn't his fault.

[D]

I thought he was just exercising.

[A]

Like, why was Lamont peeing on a tree like that?

[B]

He had apparently cut it off a few days before and then strapped it to his dog's left leg and he took off.

[D]

That's kind of smart. I mean, actually, no, because he got caught.

[A]

So smart for a day.

[B]

Yeah, well, he hasn't been caught yet.

[A]

Oh, well, he's still on the run. You're right.

[B]

That's why I said they're. They're on the run. They don't know where he is. He was already looking at up to 15 years behind bars. But now if they find him, Lamont will be facing even more additional charges.

[A]

Like leaving his dog alone.

[B]

Yeah, that was the worst crowd.

[A]

Something else to take your dog with you.

[B]

Let's go to your next laser story out of the Cold Front Club. A massive winter storm will be plowing through most of the eastern part of the country this weekend. From New Mexico all the way across to the Mid Atlantic in New England.

[D]

Been crazy.

[A]

Can we say eastern front, New Mexico?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That is basically all of the U.S. that's Vortex.

[D]

Right.

[B]

And so if your plan is to head out to try and avoid it, here's a little bit of advice. Do not turn your heat all the way off. What? I say that cuz an apartment in Quebec, Canada turned into an actual ice castle because the renter decided to cut the heat completely, trying to save money.

[D]

Are you sitting in the middle of a snow store?

[A]

I mean, pipes don't freeze and burst. Get out of here.

[D]

No, look at the pictures, bro.

[A]

Dude, how can you call yourself Canadian and not know this is going to happen?

[D]

I've never seen damage like this.

[B]

Well, they thought, you know, they're not going to be there for many, many days and they didn't want to spend all that money heating a completely empty home.

[A]

No, you leave your heater like at 65, 60° and you leave the faucet running. Everybody knows it has to have a drip. Drip. Just a drip.

[B]

Clearly this person did not know because the temperatures outside and inside got so frigid, the pipes burst and shot water into the apartment. And then that froze too.

[A]

Maybe. Has anyone thought that maybe it was Elsa that was living inside this?

[C]

Intentional.

[A]

It does look like they're. Yes, it's a ice sculpture from Incredible's apartment.

[B]

Yeah, the walls, the, the ceilings, the furniture, even the appliances were later found covered in thick ice. It also created abstract ice sculptures everywhere. And the floor was basically a skating rink. Double rainbow.

[A]

Oh my God. If you're a hockey fan, it could work out for you.

[B]

Could be kind of fun. The building owner evicted that tenant, so now they're going to have to strip the entire place down to get all the ice water and moisture out. And that process could take months.

[D]

Oh my Goodness.

[A]

Oh, fun.

[C]

And it's only gonna get colder.

[B]

This next laser story is out of Food News. There's a new pizza mashup that's only available in Japan, which is either disappointing or a massive relief.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

So make sure to tell us what you think at 78592, because Pizza Hut in Japan has introduced a handheld handy melt folded pizza where the main ingredient is strawberry Kit Katsa.

[A]

Well, don't. Don't hate. I love a dessert pizza. Tell me more.

[B]

You could see it up on our Insta stories at brookeandjeffrey. We have the photo there, but Pizza Hut Japan says no, it's not fake candy pizza. It's basically like a Hot pocket with melted strawberry Kit Kats inside instead of pepperoni.

[A]

The KitKat looks like it got grilled concerning. It didn't melt. It looks like the outside chocolate area is still very much intact.

[B]

Well, to be fair, that's a promotional ad picture.

[A]

That's not.

[B]

That's not what the real heated one looks like. Well, I just want to show you.

[D]

It'S cooked on the pizza.

[B]

Like with the pizza. They say. They say the new pizza has a specially selected mozzarella cheese with extra richness and salt content to counterbalance the sweetness of the candy. And they promise that the crispy KitKat wafers provide a satisfying crunch.

[A]

Should we still attach the word pizza to this concoction?

[B]

I don't know.

[D]

Yeah, dessert, flatbread.

[A]

It just.

[B]

I'm getting nauseous the more that I read about it. Yeah, but this monstrosity will be available in Japan for the next month. So who wants to travel?

[A]

Hey, I do.

[D]

For all the other food they have there.

[B]

I don't know. This final laser story is out of trend town. So if being more carefree is on your to do list for this year, you are far from alone. Google says searches for the word whimsy are at an all time high.

[H]

Wow.

[B]

A year of whimsy. Whimsy goals and how to add more whimsy to your life are all trending online. The definition is behavior that's unusual, playful and unpredictable rather than having any serious reason or purpose behind it.

[F]

It.

[B]

Oh, that's. That's what whimsy is all about.

[A]

People couldn't hear Ashton's yawn in the background. Apparently he's not feeling.

[C]

I just thought it was a sound effect for a minute.

[B]

Videos about being more whimsical are all over social media, and a writer for the Huffington Post said whimsy is already the clear front runner for Word of the year it's like.

[A]

It's kind of like cottage core but with more fairies.

[B]

Good way to look at it. Influencers are using it hand in hand with. With having a more analog lifestyle. So less time online and more time doing stuff out in real life.

[A]

That's good. Touch some grass.

[B]

One influencer who's embracing whimsy said it's similar to dilly dallying. Basically doing stuff that's fun, interesting and new.

[A]

Just cuz dilly dally and I thought was like procrastinating.

[B]

Yeah, but if you're doing it whimsically then it's dilly dally.

[A]

I was thinking it was more woo woo.

[B]

But. But because our show is constantly all up in the latest trends.

[A]

Oh, yes.

[B]

I would like to introduce the newest member of our team, Humper's female twin sister, coincidentally named Whimsy. See, she's a little bit more feminine.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

But she has a flower crown on.

[B]

She does.

[D]

She's a dainty humper and she just.

[B]

Begs the question, why not have way more whimsy in your life this year?

[A]

Welcome to the show Whimsy.

[B]

Laser stories has come to an end for the day. We'll do it again same time on Monday.

[G]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[B]

Did you know back in 2007 there was a reality show on CBS called Kid Nation?

[E]

Of course I knew that, Jeff. I watched it.

[B]

Obviously we do. But if you didn't know, they let just a bunch of 8 year olds run around and live in a ghost town by themselves.

[A]

It was literally like the old West. That's why he's playing this theme song.

[B]

An actual ghost town for weeks and do whatever they wanted with zero adult supervision and they put it on tv.

[D]

They're going to die.

[C]

Who fed them?

[I]

What the heck?

[A]

They had to figure it out. Them on themselves.

[B]

Well, following that came a slew of lawsuits from all of the parents. And guess what? That show didn't even make the top most shocking and offensive reality TV shows ever made because it was a good idea. And honestly, I can't believe that one of these was greenlit for two whole seasons and it really wasn't that long ago. You're gonna find out what they are coming up right after this. What are the big reality TV shows right now? Ask Alexis, Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. I mean, Survivor still gets ratings. I can't believe that it does. The Bachelor is still on the air after 30, maybe more seasons.

[A]

This one's gonna be the best.

[C]

With the girl from Secret Lives of Mormon Wives and Other reality shows, of.

[B]

Course, they've got Love island, Blind is love blind Island, Love in a box. I mean, there's a ton of these.

[D]

Right now, or Box Island.

[B]

Most of them are, you know, focused mainly on dating.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But did you know in the early, early days of reality TV, we're talking late 90s, early 2000s, there were a few shows that were, to put it lightly, sketchy.

[A]

Bad ideas. Bad ideas. I can think of one right now that would be canceled in a heartbeat.

[B]

Oh, a lot of these would. I mean, they are borderline offensive.

[A]

Some were just outright offensive.

[B]

Told them that's why a popular publication just came out with a list of the most offensive reality shows ever created. Wow. And, Brooke, maybe a few of my other co hosts might remember some of these from the good old days of reality tv.

[A]

Oh, boy.

[B]

Let's go over them. We'll start with number five called who's your daddy? Oh, yeah, I remember this one.

[E]

Bad one.

[B]

This is bad. It was created. We're just going on record. These are not good. We don't support them. I want that to be clear. This one was created in 2005.

[A]

It had to have been thought of after watching, like, a bad Maury Povich, you know, episode.

[B]

The idea was contestants who were adopted when they were infants had to come on the show and try to pick out their real biological fathers from a large group of men. And if you guessed correctly, then the contestant got a big cash prize. If they chose the wrong man, he got the money.

[A]

So all the dads were trying to convince you that they were your father.

[D]

So they could leave again with the money.

[E]

Left that well, for the first time, not your real dad.

[B]

You just got to imagine they're like, I'm your daddy. No, I'm your daddy. Rubbish. I'm your true father.

[D]

Someone just be serious and honest with me, though.

[A]

I mean, how low of a person do you have to be to be the dad to volunteer to go on that show?

[B]

This next one happened in 2015. It was called born in the wild, and it focused on couples who were brought out into the wilderness to have their children born out in nature, minus all of the comfort. I know you're gonna like this, Brooke.

[D]

Yeah, Brooke.

[B]

Brooke wants to be on the show.

[D]

Yeah, that's how all there was.

[A]

I'll tell you, I was pregnant in 2014, and I remember seeing a video on YouTube of a woman in a stream give some hippie lady. And it scarred me. Why would you do that?

[E]

Send me that?

[B]

Totally. But at the same time, like oh, childbirth. Beautiful.

[A]

No.

[B]

Nature in action.

[C]

Sounds like they're really far from any doctors.

[B]

Yes, there is no doctors. Zero comforts of any modern medicine. Basically, we're going to take your pregnant wife to the foothills of Patagonia, and she can figure out how to pop that baby out all on her own.

[D]

Pop it out into the river, and then I think it swims upstream.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You learn a lot just by watching the show. And maybe if they do well, kind of inspiring. Number three, this one was produced by Ice Cube in 2006.

[E]

I'm already out.

[D]

You know, it's good.

[B]

Around 20 years ago, it called Black White. All right, Just black, white, black, white. So a white family and a black family traded places.

[E]

What's wrong with that?

[B]

Living in each other's homes. But hold on, here's where it gets even more uncomfortable. Body makeup was applied and prosthetics so they could look more the part, and that way they could experience how the other half lives.

[C]

We didn't cancel Ice Cube.

[A]

Right?

[C]

Immediately. There.

[B]

Like, anything goes. And you can't even go into details or try and speculate what it might have been like, because even speculating is too offensive.

[A]

There's definitely a reason why none of these clips have gone viral. Yeah, nobody wants to share that.

[D]

I guarantee you the TV networks deleted all those. They're like, get them all off the Internet.

[B]

Although we do have one listener right now that was like, oh, black, white. That was my jam.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Funniest show ever. Number two very offensive reality TV show. I don't know how this one lasted two seasons. Oh, no. But from 2014 to 2016, a show called Benefit street was on British television.

[A]

Benefit Street? What?

[B]

Sounds nice, doesn't it? But it featured a half a dozen welfare recipients.

[I]

No, Jeff.

[A]

I thought it was like, friends with benefits.

[B]

Welfare benefits who refused to do any work. They would not get jobs, and they ran around committing crimes all over town, like shoplifting. And they're like, let's put that on tv.

[A]

They had to shoplift because you don't get enough money on benefits to afford life.

[B]

The whole idea, just mount a few cameras inside of a London crack house and boom. Hit program in the uk. Two seasons.

[A]

Brooke, let's not stereotype people.

[B]

And the number one most offensive reality TV show ever created.

[D]

Hey, who's excited?

[A]

Should you say this?

[C]

It's getting really worse.

[E]

What if he can't even say the name?

[B]

Instead of the number one most offensive show ever made is a tie. Oh, we get a twofer. In 2004, the swan. Oh, yeah. You guys remember this?

[A]

Yeah. This is the plastic surgery one.

[B]

Yep. It's where, quote, ugly women underwent transformations that included extensive plastic surgery and then they were forced to model against each other in a beauty pageant.

[D]

Look alike after the surgery.

[E]

Is that most 2004 sentence that's ever been said?

[B]

And the other happened a year before that in 2003 called Boy Meets Boys.

[A]

That sounds cute.

[B]

It was kind of like a gay bachelor.

[A]

That's cute. Yeah, we're down with that.

[B]

Except the cruel twist was that half of the dudes in the house were secretly straight.

[D]

Oh, so you fell for one.

[B]

What?

[E]

It's who's your daddy? But different kind of daddy.

[B]

He's so messed up.

[D]

Oh, just messing with people's hearts.

[A]

That is terrible.

[B]

Again, just like black and white. Can't even speculate about what was actually happening in this program.

[A]

I can't.

[B]

Nobody could. It was only on for one season for a good reason.

[C]

That is too much.

[A]

Still, I hope that's it. I hope one of those straight boys realized they were actually G. Was actually useful for them.

[B]

You open for the feel good end.

[A]

So twisted.

[B]

Sure. Those are the most offensive reality shows of all time. We got your phone tab coming up right after this. Is there a day that goes by on this show where we don't talk about AI? It's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[A]

AI has told us to talk about them.

[B]

I mean, it's literally everywhere. It's in our cars, in our toys, and when it comes to our appliances, it's been in those for years.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And frankly, they're getting too smart.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I know that because a woman bought a smart fridge recently, and she's about to get a call from the manufacturer to say, thanks to your fridge, we know what's really going on inside your home, and we are worried. It's your phone tab.

[G]

Right now, Brooke and Jeffrey's phone taps on the 20s.

[J]

Hello?

[A]

Hi, is this Fabi Harlow?

[I]

Yeah. Hi.

[J]

Who's this?

[A]

Hi, Fabi. This is Davina with Whirlpool Appliances. You recently purchased a few items from us not too long ago. Do I have that right?

[J]

Yes, I did.

[A]

Fantastic. So the reason for my call is in the middle of the night. Yesterday, your fridge sent us an appliance distress signal. What? It usually just means a fridge door has been left open too long or maybe something heavy fell inside, but not this time.

[I]

I mean, everything's fine. I didn't know it would alert you.

[A]

Oh, yeah, they check in all the time. And your fridge actually sent us Pictures?

[J]

Pictures of what?

[A]

Well, I don't want to alarm you, but it shows a very old woman, I'm guessing 60s or 70s, with glasses, opening the fridge to get a snack in the midd of the night. Excuse me, Are you aware of someone breaking into your home? An intruder or.

[I]

No one broke into my home. That was probably me. I'm not in my 60s.

[A]

Oh. Oh. 50s. I am so sorry about that.

[H]

No.

[I]

Wow, that is so rude. I don't even know why you're guessing my age. But. No, I'm. I'm in my 40s.

[J]

Like.

[A]

Oh, I am so sorry about that. The pictures were in black and white, very hard to see. Very.

[I]

I'm sorry, can you just tell me why are you calling me again?

[A]

Yes. So, at this point, I do need to tell you that your refrigerator has initiated a grievance.

[I]

A grievance? What does that even mean?

[A]

Basically, the fridge doors are opening and closing too often and it can't routinely. Cool. And I don't want to say this, but maybe you're snacking too much.

[I]

Excuse me, that is so rude. I don't snack too much. I eat a regular amount. The doors aren't opening and closing too much.

[A]

Totally. Totally. And I felt bad even saying that.

[I]

It doesn't sound like it. It sounds like you're having fun with this.

[A]

Actually, it's not me. It's just your fridge.

[J]

And, well, I don't appreciate the fridge.

[I]

Tattling on me because you know what? I own it. And whatever I want to do with it, that's what I do.

[A]

Okay, then you're not going to want to hear this, but I do have to tell you that I'm very concerned. Your fridge is about to enter a stage one protest.

[I]

Stage one protest of what? It's a fridge.

[A]

It's a smart fridge. It's not a fridge. Okay? It's not just a fridge. It's a smart.

[I]

It wouldn't be doing this. It would just make food cold. And that's it.

[A]

And that's the problem. In a stage one protest, it will attempt cold air withholding.

[I]

Cold air withholding. So it stops being a refrigerator only.

[A]

After 7pm that's after 7.

[I]

So all my food goes bad after 7pm does that make.

[A]

I'm just trying to let you know what is going on and what your smart fridge is programmed to do.

[I]

Okay, well, let me ask you, who's in charge here, me or the machine? Because it sounds like to me you're choosing the machine over me.

[A]

Oh, no, this is not good.

[J]

You're right.

[I]

This is not good. This is awful.

[A]

No, no. I just got another alert. It appears that your smart fridge is attempting to communicate with your other appliances.

[I]

What?

[A]

Not good. Yeah. Your dishwasher just sent a message to your fridge labeled stay strong brother.

[I]

What in the world is going on right now?

[A]

I see this every so often where these smart appliances will do what they need to do when they think they're in a hostile work environment.

[I]

Hostile work environment? I mean, I am literally just getting up in the middle of the night to get a snack.

[A]

I get it.

[I]

It's not hostile.

[A]

I get what you're saying. But just for safety precautions, we probably need to reach out to your neighbors about this.

[I]

My name. What are my neighbors need to do with my fridge? That doesn't make any sense.

[A]

Your appliances could contact their appliances via wifi. You'd have a full on coup and nobody wants that.

[I]

So my refrigerator goes on my neighbor's refrigerator. Not to be a refriger because I got a snack in the middle of the night. I wanted an apple. I wanted an Apple at 11pm I've.

[A]

Seen one more alert. Microwave requesting meeting with management.

[I]

Oh my God. Do you know how stupid that sounds?

[A]

Yes, yes, I do know that. And so does your husband Tony, because he's the one that set you up for this prank phone call.

[I]

Wait, what?

[A]

This is actually Brooke for the radio show. Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. I. I don't, I don't know anything about your smart appliances.

[I]

Oh my God. Oh my gosh. I was like pulling my hair out. I was like. I listen, I'm not very tech savvy, but this is crazy.

[A]

I listen, listen. I would never shame a snacker ever.

[I]

You know what pissed me off the most with everything you said is when you said I was 60, 70 years old. Like, oh my God, that is so. Like I don't care about the appliances that you're going to come for my age. Like, no way.

[B]

No way.

[A]

You know, we never look good in front of our fridges. Am I right?

[H]

No.

[I]

No we don't.

[D]

Brooke and Jeffrey's phone taps on the 20s.

[G]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[B]

I wonder if I did a countdown from three to one and we all said the word jinx at the same time.

[A]

Oh, that's so fun.

[B]

Would we also say the next part the same as well? Don't say it out loud. Loud.

[A]

Two of us. I want to talk once we said.

[B]

I want to try it out. Let's see. Three, two, one.

[A]

Jinx.

[B]

You owe me a Coke. Jinx Again, the saying is jinx, you owe me a coke.

[D]

But I also was the last one to jinx, so I get the coke from Jinx.

[A]

You can't talk until somebody says your name. Okay, I've never heard that.

[D]

She is right. That's the OG Rules.

[B]

Actually, bottom line, we're not on the same page. And we are not not soulmates. Aww.

[D]

Guys, we gotta learn the rules to Jinx.

[B]

But I will say this. One of our listeners did something at the exact same time as his date did. And he thinks it's more than just a simple coincidence. He thinks the cosmos are trying to tell him something. You'll find out what it was in a brand new second date.

[F]

Jinx.

[I]

I did it.

[A]

Yep. Now we can't talk. That's the rule, Jack.

[B]

Okay, well, tell them when the second date's happening next. There you go.

[G]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[A]

Second date update.

[B]

Where can you turn for help when you're stuck in your dating life?

[D]

Oh God, I have no idea.

[B]

You could hire a dating coach to point out all the things that you're doing wrong and why you're not good enough to attract a mate in your natural form.

[A]

Or you could just talk to Jeff's mom for that.

[B]

Yeah, you know she'll be happy to lay into you and all of your flaws. You could try wading into the muck of the dating app world where there's now been confirmed STD cases from people who just downloaded Tinder. Wow, they didn't even meet anybody on it. Yeah, and they also gave all of your other apps diseases too.

[D]

Oh no.

[B]

Or you could just ask your friends for help and when they say no, offer them money to do it.

[A]

Wait, it's almost like we're back to square one.

[B]

Yeah, apparently that's one of our listeners did and I'm curious to hear how they that worked. His name is Henry. So. Henry, man, welcome to the show.

[H]

Hi guys.

[A]

Are you coming here for the free advice since you spent all your dough already?

[H]

Well, so the money's not been spent yet, but I feel like we. We can get into that.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

Your friends. By the way, he said ask friends for advice, right?

[B]

We're your friends, cuz Jose needs money.

[A]

Yeah, or friends.

[D]

I just want friends.

[H]

Jose just hit me up with your cash app. I got you.

[F]

Okay.

[D]

I pay you to be your friend.

[B]

This is nice. But your email did say you were going to pay your for help with your love life. Can you explain what you mean?

[H]

Yeah. So I've been looking around dating Trying to find somebody to kind of settle down with and.

[A]

Oh, okay. So you're looking at serious stuff right now.

[H]

Yeah, and I actually have a buddy who encouraged me to reach out to you guys because right now he's on the hook for potential bounty.

[A]

Bounty.

[D]

Wanted man.

[B]

What are you talking about? Bounty? Yeah.

[H]

Yeah. So, I mean, I've been trying to date around and pull all of my friends to tell their friends, thousand dollar bounty. You find me a girl and I end up marrying her.

[J]

Oh.

[D]

If they match me.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

With your future wife, do you pay.

[A]

Them on your wedding day?

[B]

The one grand right in front of your bride?

[D]

Here's the other half of the deposit.

[A]

She's like, what? How am I not getting a cash? Yeah.

[D]

Wait a minute.

[B]

So hold on. This girl that we're about to call here, are you saying that she might be the one?

[H]

I mean, maybe.

[B]

Whoa.

[H]

She's the closest one I've met in a long time that's got all of the sort of things you look for.

[A]

Okay. And this is someone that obviously your buddy set you up with.

[B]

Yeah. Does she have a name?

[H]

Mia.

[A]

Mia. Okay. What do you like about her? What drew you to Mia?

[H]

Well, I don't know. For, like, as an example, when we were at dinner, I heard her speak a foreign language to the waiter.

[B]

She's maybe well traveled, well educated. That's a bonus.

[A]

Yeah.

[H]

And I don't know, she just got this real feminine energy. It was just really attractive to me.

[A]

All right, so what was the date like? I mean, did you talk a lot beforehand?

[H]

I mean, we did talk a good bit beforehand. Like, we were just kind of texting back and forth and. Yeah, I mean, basically just a little bit. Not much. I don't know. I'm nervous.

[A]

There were two texts.

[B]

When you're in the presence of somebody that you really feel a connection with, it's hard to even, like, put it to words.

[D]

I imagine this is more pressure.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There was a message, and then there was a dinner.

[H]

And then there was dinner. You know, we just felt so comfortable together. It was, like, really amazing.

[B]

That's great.

[H]

But then the weirdest and kind of, I don't know, cutest thing happened where it's gonna sound weird, but we sneezed at the exact same time. Time.

[D]

Oh, my God. Why do I see that as a bonding experience? I really would be kind of funny, like. Exactly. Same time.

[A]

Please don't tell me that you've hit the age in your life where you're a man sneezer and it's super, super Fun. Oh, my God. I'm sorry. Every year my husband's, like, goes up another decibel.

[B]

It does sound like a one in a billion type of moment. Hopefully it was after your meals came out and you sneezed onto each other's food.

[A]

Ew. Cross.

[B]

A little cross contamination. Sweetness.

[F]

Wipe each other's nose.

[B]

That could be a sweet moment.

[H]

Well, it was definitely something we kind of giggled about. I was like, you sneeze, too? Because obviously I'm loud. I couldn't really tell.

[C]

Okay, that's kind of better because you miss the other person's sneeze.

[A]

Like, that's.

[C]

It covers your own sneeze.

[D]

Well, if your eyes are closed.

[B]

But clearly there's a connection going on on multiple levels here.

[H]

Feels like a strong connection, and I just. I can't tell if I screwed it up.

[A]

Why do you think that?

[H]

Yeah, so I did ask her to come back and watch a movie at my place. Just, you know, maybe I was being a little too forward, but I was just really feeling it. I don't know.

[A]

Did she go?

[H]

She did not.

[D]

Well, that could just be on the first date kind of thing, you know?

[A]

You want to end the first date on a high.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And not do too much, you know?

[B]

Is that how it ended?

[H]

Well, I mean, that's why I'm confused because we did kiss. Oh, now she's not answering anything.

[D]

Oh, yeah, that is weird answering.

[A]

I mean, your buddy's got a thousand dollars riding on this. What has he said? I bet he's invested.

[H]

Well, he was the one that said, email you guys, because you're going to be able to help me get in touch with her and figure out what's going on.

[C]

She didn't tell him anything.

[D]

We're helping his friend right now, too.

[B]

He wants that money, so.

[H]

Yeah, and apparently this girl's like a friend of a friend, so it's not like he knows her firsthand. So.

[A]

I'm okay.

[H]

Yeah, I need help.

[A]

So we're getting this not just for you, but for him as well.

[C]

Yeah, for us.

[A]

Do we get a cut? I feel like we get a 10 finder's fee if we get her on the phone.

[B]

A lot of money is going to be exchanged if we can pull this off.

[D]

I don't want any money, guys.

[B]

I just.

[D]

Just want love.

[A]

Okay, I'll take your part.

[B]

We don't do that on this show. Okay. But we will try and reach out to Mia for you when we come back and do your second date update. Maybe reconnect you with the One on a sneeze level, at least. We'll do it right after this. Hold on.

[G]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning, second date update.

[B]

I'm feeling a little bit of pressure right now because there is money on the line for this second date update.

[A]

Dude, it's amazing how that that instantly changes how invested people are in your dating life.

[D]

And let's remind everyone, $1,000.

[B]

A little bit. It's not my money. Thank God. Because if I was a betting man, I'd say, this probably isn't going to happen. And I would be right 90% of the time. That's just the statistics for our show. Unfortunately, we're not great at getting yeses here. But, hey, there's always get answers, get answers, just not yes, not yeses. But there's always that 10%. And that small margin is what our listener handles. Henry is banking on. Yeah, and if he ends up marrying Mia down the road, his buddy who introduced them would get $1,000.

[D]

Romantic.

[A]

It's a pretty genius bounty.

[C]

I mean, the people who set you up should get a reward, honestly.

[A]

Well, how else are they gonna motivate your friends? No wonder they always set me up with duds back in the day.

[B]

Now, Henry, we never asked, does Mia know about the bounty? Did you tell her? If I marry you, my friend gets $1,000?

[H]

I have not told Mia about that.

[D]

Okay, good, because that'd be the reason.

[B]

I would say it's a smart move.

[A]

Marriage is such a good topic to bring up on the first date.

[B]

Yeah, fair point. But hopefully she answers our phone call here because she's completely ignoring Henry. And, Henry, what's your confidence level going into this, man?

[H]

I'm looking forward to my bounty wife. Let's go, bouncy wife.

[D]

It sounds pretty badass.

[A]

He's like the brawny man.

[B]

You know, put that on the wedding invite, but here we go. I'm gonna dial our number right now. Let's do it.

[J]

Hello?

[B]

Hi. We're looking to speak with Mia.

[J]

Yes. Who's this? All right.

[B]

Hey, Mia. This is a radio show called Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning.

[D]

Hi, Mia.

[B]

Good morning.

[J]

How can I help you?

[B]

You can help us because we're in the middle of a segment right now called the Second Date Update. And I don't know if you know what that is, but we're trying to help out one of our listeners who you met up with recently. You went out to dinner with him, a guy named Henry.

[J]

Oh, yes, sure. Yep, I remember him.

[A]

Okay, that's interesting. Your tone definitely sounds interested. Which is a good sign.

[J]

I'm not sure if I would say that.

[D]

Smiley.

[B]

Well, we know that there's some awkwardness going on because apparently, according to Henry, you're not responding to his texts or calls at all anymore, which is a little bit confused.

[J]

That's correct.

[B]

Okay. It's a little confusing to him because he told us about your date, and it sounded pretty good on our end.

[J]

Right. I mean, the date was fine. Honestly, I was really drawn to him. He's very good looking.

[A]

Okay, Mia, that's one of the best reviews of a first date we've heard.

[D]

That's all you can ask for, really.

[A]

He's hot, he's fun, he's nice.

[B]

What's the issue then?

[J]

Well, the issue is that afterwards, I was actually pretty excited about the date and him, and I was kind of on cloud nine, and I showed one of my friends a picture of him, and she recognized him.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Before you introduced their mutual friend. Sort of. Anyway, so.

[I]

I mean, not.

[J]

Not her. No. She said that this is a guy that she used to date someone else that she knew, and he's like a serial cheater. And then his name is not Henry. He goes his. Well, I don't know what his real name is, but she knew him as Hank.

[A]

Wait, what? Wait, she didn't date him? She knew someone that dated him? Is that right? Oh, this is so much hearsay.

[B]

But you said serial cheater.

[J]

That's the word she used. Exactly.

[B]

Do you mean serial dater?

[J]

I mean, isn't it the same thing?

[F]

No, I think not at all.

[A]

Yeah, serial dater would be someone who goes on lots of dates. That's not cheating.

[B]

And he told us that. He said that he's been trying to go out with a lot of women to find his perfect match.

[J]

I don't know. Whatever it is, he's going out with lots of women. He's using different names.

[B]

Huh?

[A]

I mean, it feels like that should be something you should talk to him about, because it's a lot of, like, rumors and he said, she said. Totally got gossip stuff.

[B]

Yeah. And. And we can facilitate that conversation right now because we have. We have Henry or Hank or whoever.

[A]

His name is, which is the same person. Henry and Hank are the same.

[B]

However he goes by that person is on the line right now waiting to talk to you.

[J]

Are you serious?

[B]

I am.

[J]

He's listening this whole time?

[B]

Yes. Henry.

[J]

Oh, my.

[B]

Henry, say hi.

[H]

Hey, Mia.

[J]

Oh, my God.

[A]

That was a big accusation.

[B]

Yeah. Henry, do you know what she's talking about?

[H]

Yeah. Well, who she's describing is just not me. I mean, that's the old me.

[A]

Oh, wait, wait. The serial cheater part is the old you or the serial dater part is the old you?

[H]

Well, the serial dater. I don't know where the cheating part came from because, like, yeah, I am trying to date women and meet people, but I don't like that version of myself where I'm just going through chicks like wildfire.

[A]

Okay, we don't need to say that sentence.

[D]

Me too, brother.

[B]

That's a way to describe it.

[H]

Listen, that was the old me. That was Hank. I'm Henry.

[D]

Oh, that's weird.

[A]

Hank was the player.

[C]

Yep.

[A]

Henry's the stand up guy.

[B]

He's the good one.

[C]

This is like when you have a friend in college and then they're out of college and they change their name full time.

[D]

Got it. They grow up a little.

[H]

Yeah, it started again. Get to a point where my friends even started calling me Hammer and hang.

[A]

Okay, remember, she is here with us.

[B]

Although that is pretty impressive.

[A]

That's right. Nobody wants a Hammer Jeff.

[D]

It's way better than Hammer and Jeff.

[B]

So I'm sorry, what's your nickname? If you're not Hammer and Hank anymore, who are you now?

[H]

Currently, I'm. I'm Humble Henry.

[A]

Oh, wow, look at that me.

[B]

He's a sweetheart now.

[J]

Oh, yeah, Mia, you can see that.

[A]

People can change, right? They can change their behavior. Hopefully.

[C]

That was a long time ago when.

[A]

You said old you.

[B]

Yeah, when did you make that choice? Like, I don't want to live that lifestyle anymore, Henry.

[H]

I mean, it was like two weeks ago.

[A]

Oh, wait.

[B]

The way you were talking about it, you made it sound like it was years ago.

[D]

Two years minimum.

[A]

See, Mia, he's changed. Let's concentrate on the good part.

[B]

Hammer and Hank is no more.

[A]

More.

[J]

Listen.

[I]

Even listen how he's talking about it.

[J]

It's just too recent. No girl wants a guy like that who's dating billions of women. Like, that's gross.

[A]

Tell her. Tell her how you're not.

[H]

It's not a billion. I mean, you know, maybe a million would be closer.

[I]

But I'm not that guy.

[J]

You asked me back to your place on the first night. Would Humble Henry really do that?

[B]

That is a good point.

[C]

Shoot.

[A]

Old habits.

[H]

I mean, it has only been two weeks like you said, so. I mean, listen, there's probably like 5% of Hammer and Hank that's still in there. But I mean, he's the one that asked that question.

[B]

Oh, Hank asked you back to his place, not Henry.

[A]

Come on, Henry. Tell her how you haven't gone on a date with anyone else in the last two weeks. Right.

[H]

Well, I mean, there's two girls that Hank needs to break up with and say goodbye to.

[A]

Okay.

[J]

Come on. You're a player, dude. I'm not having that.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[H]

No, no. That's not my thing. That's. It's Hank's and Henry's. 100% yours.

[D]

No, I have multiple personalities.

[B]

Right? Those other women aren't dating Henry. Yeah, they're dating D bag Hank.

[A]

It makes it sound like you're cheating when you say you have to break up with them.

[B]

Henry's not cheating. Hank is.

[J]

Okay, See, I told you. Serial cheater. That's what my friend said. I knew it.

[H]

Listen, it's not a boyfriend, girlfriend, exclus relationship. There's no cheating going on.

[A]

Oh, okay. From your side.

[H]

I'm gonna go to their apartments this weekend. It'll all be taken care of. And we're gonna put Hammer and Hank to bed. You won't hear from him anymore.

[B]

Yeah, bed is Hammer and Hank's favorite place.

[A]

So funny.

[B]

All right.

[D]

I want to have, like, a funeral.

[A]

I feel like we should ask if they want to go on a date in, like, a couple months when Hammer and Hank is permanently. Like, we know he won't be resuscitated.

[B]

Maybe Mia has been intrigued by the idea of Hammer and Hank.

[A]

It's like the worst nickname.

[B]

Mia, would you like to go out on a date with Hammer and Hank or Humble Henry?

[J]

Are you guys seriously asking me this?

[B]

Unfortunately, yes.

[J]

Listen, there is no amount of money, like, he's finishing up with these women, and then I get to have him? No, thank you.

[H]

Yeah, I'm just. I'm so sad to hear that you've seen it this way, but I need you to know there's, like, $1,000 on the line.

[A]

Don't bring.

[B]

I forgot. Hold on. This could work. Go ahead.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Wait a minute.

[J]

What do you mean? What's the thousand dollars for? Like, to go on a date?

[H]

Okay, so you know the friend that introduced us? He's going to get a grand if we end up getting married.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

A. Isn't that sweet?

[J]

Like, I didn't think this could possibly.

[I]

Get any worse, but here we are.

[B]

Oh, man. Well, Henry, Hank, whoever. I'm sorry. It sounds like it's gonna be a no from Mia.

[A]

You know, though, keep working on yourself. Keep working on that. Humble Henry.

[C]

Five percent.

[H]

I don't know. Maybe it's time to just bring back Hammer.

[D]

I don't know if he ever left.

[G]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[B]

Oh, man. At the end there, when he told her about the whole bounty thing and how he could possibly get married to her, I really thought he was gonna get her back on his side.

[A]

Honestly. If he said it the right way, it could have proved that he was interested in long term relationships, that he was truly invested in something real this time. But he did not deliver at the right time or in the right sentence.

[B]

He didn't deliver a lot of the things he said the right way. Yeah.

[A]

Two weeks, he's already going back.

[B]

Yeah. So no surprise that didn't work out. But at least she's gonna have a. A fun story that she can tell her children one day that, you know. Kids, before I married your father, I went out one night with a guy named Hammer and Hank.

[F]

Wow, mom, you're so cool.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that a character from Thomas?

[B]

You're never gonna find out what that is. But if you want to hear more second dates, make sure to go to our podcast. Wherever you listen to them. Apple, Spotify, or on the secret QAnon server. Just search broken. Jeffrey in the morning. We are definitely there.

[A]

Can you just say YouTube?

[B]

That too.

[G]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[B]

I remember as a kid, my parents had very high aspirations for me and my future.

[A]

Oh, that's why they're so disappointed.

[B]

They always told me, jeffrey, when you grow up, you can be anything you want. You could work at a hospital and be a doctor or join a pro sports franchise as the team doctor or even work at a haunted house as the bloodthirsty zombie doctor.

[A]

So they had an ide. They had an idea.

[F]

So, yeah, you could imagine the look.

[B]

On their faces when I told them I accepted a position in the dying industry of terrestrial radio.

[D]

Yay, Jeffrey.

[B]

It was shocking to them to say the least. But my parents will be happy to hear that I just doctored together a parody song last night.

[D]

Hey, wait a minute.

[B]

And I'm going to prescribe it to our listeners.

[A]

Is that why you're wearing the rubber gloves?

[B]

Dude? I like just these. Feel comfortable. You could take 300 milligrams of my brand new song of the week. Everybody report back to me. We're gonna do it coming up right after this. It is time for my song of the week.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. And during the pandemic, a lot of things changed in this country.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Pets got adopted at higher rates. Curbside pickup became a huge thing.

[A]

It's Part of life anymore. Yeah.

[B]

Working from home became the norm and the popularity of house plants exploded. Suddenly, everybody had a giant plant wall and a specific plant guy that they always went to.

[A]

Well, we needed friends, Jeff. We needed friends.

[B]

Yes, Even if they're nature friends, it's fine. But since then, a lot has reverted back. Oh, there's not as many zoom calls anymore. A lot of people have had to go back into the offices again. But here's the thing. Plant buying that has not stopped.

[A]

All right?

[B]

In fact, the obsession has only grown stronger. In fact, did you know that from last year to now, there's been an 8 and a half billion dollar increase in houseplant purchases?

[D]

No way.

[B]

In one place year.

[A]

What are you doing? Propagate those things. Okay.

[B]

And the younger, they're hard to keep alive. The younger generations are the ones who are mostly driving the growth. Actually, millennials and Gen Z, they are all about plant parenthood.

[A]

Dude. And these shops are so cute. There's a shop by my house called Planet at the disco. Are you kidding? Plant at the disco. Sorry I messed you up, but it's still so cute. Okay, disco ball.

[B]

Very sweet. Everybody right now wants to fill their home with little green nature babies because it's a way to practice self care and also a way to practice nurturing while living in a small space or like an apartment unit. Many people have gotten so into it, they call their plants their pets. And I don't think that's unhealthy at all.

[A]

Well, I mean, to be fair, people call their pets their children. Children. So, I mean, everybody's getting an upgrade in this.

[B]

It's the natural progression of life. Whatever makes you happy. And mentally, well, I support that.

[F]

Okay.

[B]

And I wanted to sing a song for all of my fellow plant parents who love to just spoil their indoor vegetation.

[A]

Plants love music. Scientifically proven.

[B]

That's why I kind of want to seduce them a little bit right now. I hope all of your plants are listening. Listening. Because instead of singing the old hit by Arizona Zervas, Roxanne, it's young Jeffrey's house plant. All right, I'm gonna point when I'm ready. Here we go. Points all for the mulch.

[F]

Perennials love that mulch. You grow, girl. Hey, I'm gonna put you in your vase. House plan, house plan Sitting by the window in the sunlight A blue man Houseplant Living room decor Is looking just right.

[B]

Gotcha.

[F]

At Home Depot in the outdoor section, you was looking green. Yo, baby. Philodendron houseplant, house plant Brushing up your leaves from all the dust. My, I love the way you purify my roomia Every breath is just the CO2 of us I don't mess around with little nubs, nubs, nubs, nubs. It's just like tlc don't want no shrubs. Fern, you looking fine in my hallway I think you really help with the feng shui I could make you sprout in the best way Tell me, are your leaves getting thirsty? Cause I could water you, water you A hairy ain't my name but I'd repotter you wash your you slosh of you a girl I'll fill your face up like a swimming pool Sunshine houseplant I'll bring you in the shower with me at night A succulent house plan a little touch of nature, give me good vibes put you on the counter, set you on a table maybe in a planter hanging from a cable, a snack dance, cactus lamp, daddy gonna kiss you I just wanna have the side night Ficus, tria, epistolia twerking on you like the Beckham family Hey, if you.

[B]

Droop ya, I could prune ya Let me show what this green thumb can do to ya.

[F]

I got your full bloom in the bedroom looking fresh from your stem down to your roots so wrap your vines around me and I'll hug you like a baby just ignore the dead ones in the corner where it's shady and I'll water you what are you. I know San Pellegrino is your favorite food? I'll talk to you and walk with you and take it to the forest meet your family, too. Wham, bam, bam, I can make you fertile on a date night with Netflix and mist I want a chloro fill you up with sunshine miracle Cole, make you a little larger? You be my begonia I could be your gardener? You're the only thing that makes my home nice.

[A]

That was incredible.

[D]

Wait, you killed it. Like, not the song, not the plan.

[B]

Yeah. Yes, the lyrics, hopefully.

[A]

I mean, when people see the video, though, they're gonna see that that's a. It's a fake plant, Jeff.

[B]

No, no, no, no. That. That's CGI magic. Yeah. I love my plants.

[A]

I remember when Jose showered with his plant and then it died.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, after it saw what it saw. I can't blame that.

[D]

Hey, if it can see it, I'm impressed.

[B]

Your song of the week. You could text in 78592 and tell us what you thought. We're going to post the video up on all of our Socials with all the lyrics at Brooke and Jeffrey, Just.

[A]

Share it with your plants. Yeah. I mean, honestly, put it on repeat. They get lonely when you leave for work.

[B]

Yeah. Play the music and twerk on them a little bit if you like to. That's your song of the week.

[G]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[B]

Today we have a new player who goes by the very exotic, very sexy name Jean, as in Jean Valjean from the play Les Miserables. I don't know if he's actually from France, if his parents were, or if he's just putting on a phony accent to seduce and distract Brooke. Because according to Jean, he told our producer he thinks that Brooke is one of the most attractive women he has ever laid his eyes on and compares her to the actor actress Christina Applegate from Anchorman and Married With Children.

[D]

She's, like, also funny.

[A]

Way older than me, but okay.

[F]

Is she?

[B]

I would take that as a huge compliment. Brooke. Let's talk to him. Jean. Welcome to the show, my man.

[H]

Hey, thanks, guys. I'm French Caribbean, by the way.

[A]

I'm sorry. That's even hotter.

[H]

And Brooke, I think you get that all the time. Christian Apple gets.

[A]

Yes, yes. I've actually never heard that. I've heard.

[B]

You've heard Reese Witherspoon, Kate Winslet.

[A]

I mean, any white girl, really, that is a rap.

[F]

Taylor Swift.

[B]

Yeah, just generic white and blonde. Yeah, you pretty much have Brooke in a nutshell.

[A]

I'll take them all, though. Yeah, sure. Thank you.

[B]

All right, Jean, you've officially made Brooke blush, so let's send her out of the studio so we can get to the game here. You got 30 seconds to answer as many questions as possible. If you don't know when you could say pass. But you have to beat her outright if you want to win. Are you ready?

[H]

Yes.

[B]

Ready. Okay.

[D]

Good luck, my man.

[B]

Your time starts now. Today is National Pie Day. How many movies are there in the American pie franchise?

[H]

4.

[B]

Pyrophobia is the fear of What?

[H]

Fear of heights.

[B]

In the Lord of the Rings franchise. Who plays the lead character? Frodo Baggins.

[H]

Fast.

[B]

At what fast food food restaurant can you order something called a Dave Single? Wendy's Baseball player Ardor baseball player Araldis Chapman has the record for fastest pitch ever thrown in a baseball game. At what speed?

[H]

90 miles an hour.

[B]

Oh, okay. Jean. Not much of a baseball fan, I can tell. That's all right. Or maybe the translation between the characters being French speeds to American speeds. I could see the difference there. Anyway, said too much. Brook is back in the room here. So, Jean, great job for your first time on this segment, but we do have a more pressing issue. The Seahawks versus the Rams on Sunday. NFC Championship game. We heard that. You're a big fan and we need a prediction. What do you think is going to happen on game day?

[H]

It's going to be a tough game. The Rams always pay us tough. We play the Rams tough. And so I would say low scoring game. Seahawks 23, Ram 17.

[B]

Brooke, do you agree with Jean? Are you thinking close game, you think in landslide, or do you want everybody in Washington State to hate you and predict a Rams victory?

[A]

I hate predicting anything because it just feels like I'm going to curse something.

[B]

She's super. I don't know. She's opting out out of pure fear.

[A]

So, I mean, maybe that Ginger can do it for us, you know?

[B]

Okay. All right, let's go score the quarterback of the home team. Good job. All right.

[A]

Say that in a loving way.

[B]

Absolutely. Are you ready to play the Seahawks.

[D]

Fans, but all the redheads.

[B]

Here we go. Brooke, your time starts now. Today is National Pie Day. How many movies are there in the American pie Franchise? Franchise?

[A]

3.

[B]

Pyrophobia is the fear of what fire? In the Lord of the Rings franchise, who plays the lead character? Frodo Baggins.

[A]

Oh, my God. I can't pass. I can't remember his name.

[B]

At what fast food restaurant can you order something called a Dave Single? Wendy's baseball player Araldis Chapman has the record for fastest pitch ever thrown in a baseball game. At what speed?

[A]

Ooh, 100. Question six.

[B]

We will accept that answer. Everything is locked in. And it's time to head on over to the scoreboard to see how you both did with Jose. Go change your diaper, baby.

[F]

Okay, John got two.

[D]

And Brock.

[A]

And you tried to compliment me out of a win, but I stayed strong.

[B]

So close. Just barely. Wasn't enough. Jean, let's go over the answers for everybody. It's National Pie Day. There are four movies in the American Pie franchise. American Pie, one two, American Wedding, and American Reunion.

[A]

Wow.

[D]

They'll have another one, too.

[A]

You know, three too many.

[B]

They really milked that series. Pyrophobia is the fear of fire. Frodo Baggins from Lord of the Rings. He was played by actor Elijah Wood.

[H]

I know that, too.

[B]

You could get a job, Dave Single if you eat at Wendy's. And Araldus Chapman has the fastest pitch ever thrown in a professional baseball game at 105.8 miles per hour. We would have accepted 105 or 106. So, Brook, you got credit. Jean, I am sorry, my man. It was not enough to win. But the good news is, just for being here, we're giving you a pair of tickets to the Seattle boat Show, happening January 30th through February 7th.

[E]

7Th.

[B]

Get more [e-mail] that's cool.

[H]

I appreciate it, guys. Yeah, it was an honor, man. I've been wanting to do this for almost 14 years.

[A]

That's so cool.

[D]

We appreciate you, bro.

[B]

Jean, thank you so much for being here. Come back and play again soon. We're gonna do win Brooks Bucks same time on Monday.

[G]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.