FULL SHOW: Romantic Corndog Date, Brooke’s Theater Debut & José’s Bathroom Encounter (1/28/26)

Summary

Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update

Episode: FULL SHOW: Romantic Corndog Date, Brooke’s Theater Debut & José’s Bathroom Encounter (2/1/2026)

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Overview of Episode Theme and Purpose

The episode delivers the classic Brooke and Jeffrey blend: humorous morning banter, relatable personal stories, awkward encounters, and the signature segments “Second Date Update,” “Busted,” “Phone Tap,” and “Win Brooke’s Bucks.” This episode’s thread weaves through cringe-worthy dating moments (including a corndog-related “date”), family and work drama, and the hosts riffing on each other’s quirks for high-spirited, listener-centered entertainment.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

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1. Hosts’ Banter & Morning Hijinks

• Opening Jokes: Jeffrey playfully mocks old-school radio traditions—time, temperature, weather reports—and how irrelevant they are now, but with the playful suggestion to bring them back.
• Listener Comments: Read on-air, including a suggestion about filming Alexis’s driving as “redemption” after her previous car troubles.
  • “I don't know that it’s going to go in your favor.” – Jeffrey (00:46)
• Shot Caller Game: “Famous Ricks and Nicks” trivia in honor of Rick Ross and Nick Carter. Fun, irreverent banter as hosts compete.
  • Most memorable was Alexis confusing Rick Astley for "Rick Assley" (05:07)
  • Brooke’s flub: “Rick, Ricky, Dicky…” guessing Rick Springfield (08:31)

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2. What's on Your Mind? Host Stories

• Brooke: Her daughter writes a play featuring a “cringey” mom character inspired by Brooke, who says “slay” & “no cap” incorrectly. Brooke is half-proud, half-mortified.
  • “She’s like, yeah, I’m actually playing her...she says the word ‘slay’ all the time. And she uses like ‘no cap’ when she shouldn’t.” (11:35)
• Jose: Tells a wild bathroom encounter during a hockey game—someone broke into his locked stall and offered him a hit from a vape, then kept talking even after Jose left.
  • “He busted open and he goes, ‘Oh. Oh, my God. Oh, man, I’m so sorry.’” (13:10)
• Alexis: Now rents clothes like Brooke, but religiously avoids picking pieces Brooke has worn.
• Jeffrey: Ongoing feud with his mail carrier, who deliberately leaves his packages as far from his door as possible after he called to “complain.”
  • “…lately I’m getting my mail in all my boxes found at the very edge of my property. Not by my front door or at the bottom of the stairs. Literally 60 yards away. Crammed into a bush, tossed in the mud.” (16:41)

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3. Busted: Scandalous Cheating Stories (21:09–26:22)

A trio of listener stories featuring absurd and unfortunate tales of cheating:

• Dana: Catches her boyfriend’s ex obsessively texting during an escape room—turns out they still share locations and the ex is possessive over the spot.
  • “Michelle is his ex…The reason she was so upset and blowing up his phone…is because that was supposed to be their spot and she wasn’t there with him.” (22:33)
• Scott: Notices girlfriend’s suspiciously frequent eye appointments, only to see her optometrist boyfriend kissing her in the parking lot.
  • “He leans in her car window to kiss her…looks like your eyesight is getting worse. We should probably book another appointment for tomorrow.” (24:11)
• Courtney: Finds public-speaking note cards where her boyfriend rehearses confessing cheating—with her sister.
  • “It was a written out speech about how he wanted to tell me he felt guilty about cheating on me last Thanksgiving with my sister.” (25:33)
• Memorable Quote: “She’s the real escape room.” (22:40)

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4. Phone Tap: Fake Caribbean Cruise Prize (27:12–32:13)

• Prank call to a mom (Mary?) who “won” a Caribbean cruise, only to discover cruise days are non-consecutive, require “fending for yourself” Robinson Crusoe–style, and she’ll have to captain her own boat. Classic escalating absurdity.
  • “You will be left on one of the islands for you to enjoy and fend for yourself. Does that make sense?” (28:59)
  • “You may get to take the wheel. Actually, you will have to take the wheel. All passengers are going to have to captain the vessel since there is no captain on that one.” (30:25)

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5. Second Date Update: Romantic Corndog Date (33:46–51:13)

Case Summary:

• Eric recently moved, connected with colleague Anna, gave her a dog mug and took her to interlock arms and toast corndogs at dinner.
• Now Anna is cold at work, and Eric doesn’t know why.
• Anna reveals Eric is flirting with multiple coworkers and has a girlfriend—she and others found it on his Instagram.
  • “My girlfriend and I were talking about how my new job, I don’t know anyone. And so she suggested… I should try and make more friends.” (46:57)
  • Anna: “He asked her out, too…We found out he has an actual girlfriend that’s not someone in our office.” (44:14)
  • Eric: “I never said that I didn’t have a girlfriend…It was not a date, it was dinner so that you and I could become better friends.” (46:09)
• Eric tries to backpedal (“that was just making friends”), then offers to go bikini shopping with Anna, claiming it’s “what friends do.”
• The hosts, especially Brooke, are appalled.
  • “His girlfriend would not be okay with him bikini shopping with other single women.” – Brooke (51:08)
  • “I think I’m gonna pass on Eric at the office.” – Anna (50:01)
• Hosts agree Eric should probably revise his “friend-making” strategy.

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6. Candy Segment and Laser Stories (52:25–61:28)

Candy News:

• Brooke’s spirits get a lift after “rough times” with news of 3 new M&M flavors:
  1. Cherry Chocolate Cupcake
  2. Lemon Meringue Pie
  3. Peanut Butter Cinnamon Roll
  • “Why would you put chocolate with that?” – Brooke on Lemon Meringue (53:32)

Laser Stories Highlights:

• Pittsburgh: A man tries to escape by riding a stolen $30,000 harp down a river. (55:01)
• Vancouver: Museum of Personal Failures opened, displaying divorce dresses, dead plants, rejected job applications. The point is “failure is okay.”
• Groundhog Day & PETA: Calls to replace Punxsutawney Phil with an AI hologram.

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7. Win Brooke’s Bucks (61:33–67:24)

• Listener Jessica competes against Brooke, with travel stories and playful intimidation (Jeff dubs Brooke “the Wolf Warden”).
• Sample Q&A:
  • “If someone takes your axillary temperature, where did they put the thermometer?” (Answer: armpit)
• Jessica scores 3, Brooke wins with 5.
• Jessica receives a $50 Graze Craze gift card.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with timestamps)

• Alexis nervously spells Rick Astley’s name (05:08)
  Alexis: “A, S, T, L, E, Y.”
• Brooke’s mom character in her daughter’s play: (11:54)
  “She says the word ‘slay’ all the time. And she uses like ‘no cap’ when she shouldn’t.”
• Jose’s bathroom encounter: (13:10)
  “He busted open and he goes, ‘Oh. Oh, my God. Oh, man, I’m so sorry.’”
• On the escape room cheater: (22:33)
  “The reason she was so upset and blowing up his phone…is because that was supposed to be their spot.”
• Eric’s backpedal after being exposed for having a girlfriend: (46:09)
  “No, no, it was not a date. It was dinner so that you and I could become better friends.”
• Phone Tap surreal cruise prank: (28:59)
  “You will be left on one of the islands for you to enjoy and fend for yourself. Does that make sense?”
• Bikini shopping is ‘what friends do’: (49:33)
  Eric: “That’s what friends do. They go shopping together, they have a laugh, they give each other their opinions. On their bikinis.”
• Brooke, appalled: (51:08)
  “His girlfriend would not be okay with him bikini shopping with other single women.”

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Opening Banter & Shot Caller Ricks/Nicks Game: 00:00–09:17
• What’s on Your Mind?: 11:00–17:30
• Listener Texts & Response: 17:44–19:02
• Busted: Cheating Stories: 21:09–26:22
• Phone Tap: Cruise Scam: 27:12–32:13
• Second Date Update: Corndog Date: 33:46–51:13
• Candy/Laser Stories: 52:25–61:28
• Win Brooke’s Bucks: 61:33–67:24

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Tone and Language

Comedically irreverent, rapid-fire, self-deprecating, supportive when it matters, but always with a nudge or a wink. The hosts interlace pop culture references, gentle ribbing, and over-the-top dramatic play with genuine advice and comfort for callers.

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Summary in a Nutshell

This episode captures the magic formula of “Brooke and Jeffrey”—delivering relationship cringe, misadventure, and workplace weirdness, with a heavy dose of inside jokes (and outside-the-norm stories) among the hosts and listeners alike. The Second Date Update is classic fiasco fare, the Busted segment brings jaw-dropping stories, and between candy, harps, and fake cruises, there’s something for both the fans of chaos and heart.

Transcript

[A]

Jose, I gotta say, before the brand new episode starts right now, thank you for getting us a glimpse of what it's like to be in a men's restroom. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I also, now that I'm sober, it's a lot different experiences for me when.

[C]

I ran into other drunk people. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

You gotta hear this story. It's coming up in a brand new. What's on your mind? We've got a brand new second date today. A lot of fun laser stories. We got it all. But first, comments.

[D]

Yeah, JC said I think we should have a spin off series for Alexis on YouTube. Oh, road adventures with Alexis. So we could see how she drives, but also be redemption for her in case she gets in an accident and it's not her fault.

[A]

Dude, it would be pretty fun to just put a dash cam on your car for a week and. Yeah, just see who survives. Yeah.

[D]

And then I have witnesses, guys.

[C]

There you go.

[D]

This is great.

[A]

I don't know that it's going to go in your favor.

[D]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

But I love your positivity. I do. Your brand new full hour starts right now.

[C]

They say time and temp is the secret to having a great radio show.

[A]

Oh, is that temperature? I thought we were talking about cookies.

[C]

Yeah. Brook and Jeffrey in the morning. No, you know what I'm talking about. Like, good morning Poughkeepsie. It's 6:14 in the a.m. a balmy 87 degrees. We're gonna keep that hot ball rolling with some J.

[E]

Lo.

[C]

Let's get loud.

[A]

Dude, are you reading a radio handbook from the year 2001?

[C]

Brooke, if you don't know that saying, obviously you're not in the biz now we do.

[A]

Never done radio before.

[C]

No, we have always said doing lots of weather and traffic updates. Mix in a birthday shout out to Ron the mail carri and you have got an unbeatable trifecta of hot live and local entertainment.

[A]

Don't forget to say Ron's hometown.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[E]

Also Poughkeepsie.

[C]

Always from Poughkeepsie.

[B]

Such a hot zip.

[C]

Fun fact. In 2016 we paused doing second date updates for an entire month just to focus on time and temp. Yeah, and give the people what they really wanted to hear in the morning.

[B]

Those are the best ratings.

[D]

I wish I worked here during our day.

[A]

I will say Jeffrey may be biased because he did start out doing our traffic reports.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Up in Curiosity 2.

[A]

Helicopter.

[C]

Those are the good old days, so why not bring them back? Let's do a little weather right now.

[A]

People have their phones for that, Jeff. Nobody needs.

[D]

Well, I think everybody's together into the.

[A]

Snow and knowing what's happening.

[C]

I'm not talking about the weather around here. No. I'm talking about the record heat wave happening in Australia right now. Oh, I did just see where temperatures are currently soaring well above 120 degrees.

[A]

Is it the Australian Open going right now?

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

They're, like, playing tennis in this. Oh, my God.

[C]

In slow motion, basically. So if you're sick of the cold where you are right now, why not take a trip down under and boil yourself alive?

[B]

There's got to be a middle zone on Earth right now that's, like, just kind of mild.

[A]

Nope, that's global warming.

[C]

Also, side note, a dog was allegedly caught driving a vehicle on an Australian beach with a human in the passenger seat.

[A]

That was this. Was this a heat hallucination?

[C]

That's real life.

[A]

Okay, see?

[C]

Who says time and temp can't be fun? Morning radio is back, baby. They'll maybe go triple T, time, temp, and trivia with the shot caller question of the day. Jake, you give us some TT and.

[E]

T. Well, today is a huge day in history. Cause we're celebrating the birthday of not one, but two music icons.

[A]

Oh, really?

[E]

I'm Talking about famed 2000s rapper Rick Ross and the third most popular Backstreet Boy, Nick Carter.

[B]

Behind who?

[E]

AJ McLean, of course, and Kevin Richardson.

[A]

Duh.

[B]

Duh.

[C]

Sorry.

[E]

Yes. Brooke, don't say Brian.

[A]

I'm sorry, Brook.

[E]

Don't bring up Brian again. Now, between Rick Ross and Nick Carter, one sold us luxury wraps and smooth beats, and the other sold us choreographed dances and cargo pants.

[C]

Yeah, he did.

[E]

It's proof that if your parents named you anything rhyming with ick, fame was just a hit song away.

[F]

Wow.

[E]

That's why today, in honor of these two music legends, we're doing a special Famous Ricks and nick's edition of 20.

[C]

Of 20.

[E]

Say at number one through 20, I'll tell you about a famous person whose first name is either Rick or Nick.

[B]

Ah, see? I see now.

[E]

Okay, you just have to name them to stay in the game. The name of the game is tricky.

[C]

But Rick's and Nicks is what we're doing.

[A]

I get it.

[C]

This makes sense.

[E]

Let's start with the woman who doesn't matter. Rick or Nick. She always has the ick. That's how Lex is.

[A]

Such a good model for you.

[C]

It is.

[E]

Alexis, this guy promised he's never gonna give you up and made the whole Internet regret it. Name that Famous Rick or Nick.

[C]

Telling a woman that you're never gonna give her up is a great way to give her the ick.

[A]

True.

[D]

I'm actually sorry. I got nauseous. I am pretty sure it's Rick. Astley is his name.

[E]

Sorry, say that again.

[A]

Astley.

[D]

Is it Ass, A, S, Taylor Dunlop.

[B]

And she swears.

[E]

Alexis, I need you to spell out the whole name for me. I can't really understand you.

[C]

Come on.

[D]

A, S, T, L, E, Y.

[E]

He got exactly right.

[C]

Alexis.

[E]

Something with my ears. I tried to get Alexis out, Jeff. I'm sorry.

[B]

Oh, you tried.

[E]

Alexis again. Getting one right. Brooke, we're over to you. Seven is off the board.

[A]

Felt a little unfair there, Jake. I'm gonna go with eight.

[E]

The game is exactly as fair as I allow it to be. Brooke, here's your hand. Brooke Parks Woodworking and mustache Discipline. This man teaches by example. Is that a famous Rick or a famous Nick?

[A]

No, he is an incredible man and his name is Nick. Offer.

[E]

It's all for me. Correct, Brooke, Alexis and Brooke are still in. Jose, let's go to you. Seven and eight are off the board.

[B]

Let's go number five.

[E]

This guy started in a boy band and now shreds on social media and sometimes on the drums with his bros. Named this famous Nick or Rick.

[B]

Huh? Well, I found Nick Carter right away.

[E]

So another Nick and a boy band.

[B]

I mean, it could just. Got it. Because I'm still trying to watch the Christmas movie of them that the girls told me. I would love to. Is it Nick Jonas? I don't know.

[E]

Yes, it is Nick Jonas.

[C]

Jose.

[E]

He does play the drums. Alexis. Embarrassing for you not to know that.

[B]

She'S the one who wants her to watch the movie.

[E]

Big fan of drummers Jeffrey. 7, 8 and 5 are off the board.

[C]

Let's go to this actor shrank kids.

[E]

Hunted ghosts and stole every scene with a little nerdy Canadian charm. Name that famous Rick or Nick.

[C]

Oh, you made a big mistake.

[E]

I never did.

[C]

Because you pick the only Canadian comedian who's also Jewish. You don't think I've seen a signed headshot up in a Canadian deli of this guy? Rick Moranis.

[E]

Rick Moranis.

[C]

Little Giants, Spaceball.

[E]

He's correct.

[A]

There has to be another Jewish Canadian comedian.

[B]

He's the only one.

[A]

Why are we passing a picture of him around? I know.

[C]

Why not? Brooke.

[E]

Brooke, I'm hearing a lot of complaints.

[C]

Don't hate. On the one Jewish Canadian perfectly normal segment.

[E]

Brooke just has to find something to complain about. Rick or Brian. Let's go. Back to Alexa.

[C]

Gold star human being.

[E]

We're Back to you 9. This is a funk legend who told us that super freaks are everywhere. Name that famous Nick or Rick.

[D]

I don't think I got the reference. I have no idea.

[C]

Not a super freak fan.

[D]

Jose said Nick Carter, and I know that's some boy band guy, so I'm gonna say Nick Carter.

[E]

You have interviewed Nick Carter on our podcast. That's incorrect. Just wanna remind you of that.

[A]

You're the Backstreet Boy.

[E]

The Nicker Rick I was looking for was Rick James.

[C]

A super Rick James. He's a singer.

[E]

He's Rick James. That's all you need to know.

[B]

Brooke, we're over to you.

[E]

You can save this for the ladies if you get this right. Oh, my gosh. Go ahead and interrupt 19.

[A]

Well, I just.

[E]

You know, Brooke, this rock star turned soap opera heartthrob had a mullet that conquered the 80s. Name that famous Rick or Nick.

[A]

I don't know. Oh, it's got to be a Rick. If he's in the 80s, it is a Rick.

[E]

Brook tell you this, Brooke. His biggest song was titled Jesse's Girl.

[A]

Oh, don't you know that I am Jesse?

[E]

We all know the song, Brooke.

[A]

Rick, Ricky, Dicky.

[C]

Ricky, Dicky, Dope.

[E]

That's a Simpsons reference book. Because I was looking for Rick. Springfield was his name. And after that. That means the boys have won today's edition of plenty of 20.

[F]

All right.

[C]

The boys win the round of Nick or Rick. So Nick, he's Rick. We get to choose. I think the girls are gonna do a joint sh. Shock today. They're gonna be singing Never Gonna Give youe Up by Rick Astley.

[D]

A S T L E Y.

[A]

Let's just go to here.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you that was.

[C]

You got Rick rolled on your shot collar. Question of the day.

[G]

And Nick rolled Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[C]

You know, when most people travel, they pack the normal stuff. Clothes, sunscreen, maybe an extra pair of emergency flip flops just in case. What?

[F]

I thought first.

[B]

Emergency flip flops?

[C]

Sure.

[A]

You were gonna say underwear.

[B]

Yeah, me too.

[F]

Sure.

[C]

Those too. Those are all normal. But not Jose. His brain works differently.

[A]

No, that's true.

[C]

He packs things that nobody else on Earth would ever think to bring on vacation.

[A]

Jeff has not exaggerated.

[C]

No, Brooke has lived it. Jose's brought his PlayStation, a second flat screen TV, drink vouchers to an airline. He is not even flying on that trip.

[A]

And he doesn't even drink it's just in case he needs to give him out to someone else.

[C]

And three dozen sugar free cookies that he bought off of the Dark web. Meanwhile, he forgot to pack his own pants. Cause Jose's brain just works differently.

[B]

It does.

[C]

He's kind of an over prepper in all the weirdest ways. The one thing he doesn't prepare for though, whatsoever. This next segment where we ask him, what's on your mind? Even he has no idea it's coming up right now. It's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. And I don't know about you, but gravity is constantly trying to take my pants off. I'm like, whoa, gravity pump the brakes. Maybe buy me dinner first. Like, could we at least chat for a second like we do on this segment? What's on your mind? Where we go around the room sharing what we've all been thinking about lately as gravity tugs on our drawers trying to get us naked.

[B]

I'm literally pulling my pants up.

[C]

Yeah, I don't know why gravity doesn't like that. We're gonna start with Brooke. Brooke, what's on your mind?

[A]

Well, my daughter and her friends are writing a play, which.

[C]

Is.

[A]

They've been working on it for weeks. I haven't heard much about it. And so I, I picked her up from her friend's house and I'm like, so how's the play? You know, tell me about it. And she's like, well, a character based on you.

[E]

Oh no.

[C]

What? Which character?

[D]

And I am like, oh.

[A]

She's like, yeah, I'm actually playing her.

[C]

And I'm like, she's playing her mom.

[A]

That's. I thought this was the sweetest thing. And I'm like, well, what is she like? And she's like, oh, she's like the cringiest mom that ever existed. She like, she says the word like slay all the time. And she uses like no cap when she shouldn't.

[C]

Yeah, super non judgmental, not competitive in any way, shape or form.

[A]

She's like, everyone. All the other characters are super embarrassed. I was like, well, when do I get to see it? Because I'm still kind of proud to play. Yeah, I said, I bet you'll slay at that.

[D]

I wonder how it's going to end for the character in the play.

[A]

I'll keep you updated on if the character evolves to be cool at some point. I don't know.

[B]

Sell tickets to this. Listeners will want to buy. I want to see the play of.

[A]

Bro or she just remains annoying in the end. Entire town that's why I want to see it.

[C]

Good luck with that.

[F]

Brook.

[C]

Jose, what's been on your mind?

[B]

Well, I was at a hockey game recently and I'm going to use the restroom. And the game I go to, I got these really cool fancy seats.

[A]

So, like you, every game, this was.

[B]

The fancy seats I ever got. But anyway, I go in and in this middle of the game, and I have the whole bathroom to myself. And within a few minutes, my door is locked, but I hear a fan walk in and then I see a hand and it's like, yank.

[C]

Trying to open your door.

[B]

Trying to open the door.

[A]

And there's two other stalls and they're all open.

[B]

And then he goes, yank. Doesn't work.

[C]

Yank.

[A]

Yank what?

[B]

Yank until it pops open.

[A]

You're not even saying anything to him?

[B]

Like, no, wait, no, it happened quick. I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm sitting down, right? And he busted open and he goes, oh. Oh, my God. Oh, man, I'm so sorry.

[C]

It's all good.

[B]

I shut the do.

[C]

He gets into the stall next to me.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

He's like, I mean, you should probably close the door next time. I'm like, the door was shut and locked. And he's like, all right, all right, I'm sorry. We're talking to the stalls now.

[D]

I'm jealous of the level he's at.

[B]

And then he's like, you want to take a hit of my vape pen?

[A]

No.

[B]

And I'm like, no.

[C]

He's like, no, come in here.

[A]

I knew he was going to hit.

[F]

My.

[B]

Into his stall and I literally had to like, like sneak out. Cuz he wouldn't stop talking. He's like, oh, man, Wolf.

[C]

You want it?

[E]

I'm here.

[B]

I go wash my hands. And as I'm literally leaving, he's still talking to himself in the skull, making friends with me.

[A]

So I hope somebody else walked in.

[E]

Continue the convo.

[C]

Vape party in the VIP bathroom.

[B]

Let's go.

[C]

Oh, man, you missed out. Jose. Alexis, what's on your mind?

[D]

So we have like a running joke on this show. I mean, it's also true, but that Brooke rents her clothes all the time.

[A]

Well, like, these pants were rented, but they bought them.

[D]

This is my moment to talk.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

I have to say, I did start renting clothes as well. So now there are two renters in the building.

[C]

That's right. We always joke that you're slowly turning into Brooke and now you're literally doing.

[D]

That's the problem is I am renting from the same place. As Brooke.

[C]

There we go.

[B]

Matching outfits.

[A]

Abby, are you following my profile too? No.

[D]

So this is what I'm trying to do though, is avoid matching Brooke, obviously. So what I do have going for me is when you click on closers photo review of it. So if I see one with Brooke, photo review instantly on favorite. Don't wear it.

[C]

You don't want to have Brooke's rental Hand me down.

[A]

Yeah, you can't pretend like you started renting from the company that I'm renting from. You obviously liked what I was wearing.

[C]

No, no, no, no, no.

[A]

You know what I'm saying.

[D]

We haven't matched anything yet. When I go to pick up my clothes in person, I'm going to. I double check, ask them what Brooke has taken out that same month. So we don't have a monthly match. But I am renting and I'm admitting it now.

[A]

So let's wait a month. Month and see how many of the outfits that she's like. Well, it just was cute. It wasn't, cuz Brooke wore it.

[C]

Yeah, she's gonna be saying slay all day long too.

[B]

Good Lord, here comes the baggy jeans, big glasses, and beanies.

[A]

I can't wait.

[C]

We're all in trouble now.

[A]

All right, Jeffrey, what's on your mind?

[C]

So I've been having issues with my mail lady ever since I moved into my house over a year ago.

[A]

After you tried to put that mailbox up.

[C]

That was just the start of it. But for months, I'd come home and I'd find notices on my mailbox saying, attempted to deliver package address unreachable.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[C]

And that's happened like at least a dozen times. And I'm like, how is it unreachable? You can literally see my house right there.

[B]

You can drive up.

[F]

There's a driveway.

[C]

Yeah, it's right at the end of that road. Just drive to it. So finally, after driving back and forth to the post office to collect my boxes for months and months, I called the post office and I told them the situation.

[A]

I like how you guys make fun of me for being old, but Jeffrey's over here calling the post office. Continue.

[C]

Continue. Well, they don't have a website that works, so I have to go through that. And did that help?

[A]

No, no.

[C]

Actually, the total opposite.

[A]

Are you getting blacklisted? Is there like a blacklist they put you on?

[C]

It's possible that they must have talked to the mail lady, though, because lately I'm getting my mail in all my boxes found at the very edge of My property. Not by my front door or at the bottom of the stairs. Literally 60 yards away. Crammed into a bush, tossed in the mud. Wow. Left overnight to be rained on. And I want to call the post office again to tell them what's going on, but I'm scared of what the mail lady's gonna do to me next.

[A]

Should you complain about the price of stamps while you're on the phone with them?

[C]

I do have a problem with the price of stamps, but I didn't think I'd have to go to war with the mail. Here I am.

[G]

Here you are.

[D]

Just give her a gift.

[A]

Oh, that's what my mom does. She's friends with all the ladies at the post office. Oh, call her. She brings them cookies sometimes, too.

[C]

That's what's been on our minds. You can text in 78592 and tell us what's been on yours. It's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. We just told the world what's been on our minds, and now the world is coming right back at us, telling us what's been on theirs. I love it.

[A]

Thank you, world.

[C]

I'm going to read three texts in a row because they're all kind of in the same vein. Here. It says, loved the scam. The scammer calls last month. Another please, please, please get rid of blind love is and keep scammer calls as a regular. Someone's kind of my favorite. Another text says, hey, guys, longtime listener, love the show. Wanted to say I'm loving the new spam caller segment and I hope you keep it. I hate spam callers and they deserve it.

[B]

Hold up, though. If a spam caller called us about spam, that would work on me.

[C]

Oh, they just Nick injured you.

[B]

No, wait a minute. I got a phone tap idea.

[C]

Yeah, if you do want to hear more scam the scam phone taps. You could throw up a W in the chat fam.

[B]

W's in the chat. Or L's, if you think Jeff is being weird right now.

[C]

Oh, that's what the cool kids say.

[A]

Yeah. Clock it, Jeff.

[C]

Okay, and one more text. Final text says, Jeff is so cute and fancy.

[A]

No one text.

[D]

No one text.

[A]

He did.

[B]

Look at it.

[C]

It's centered right there. You know what?

[A]

No one believes you.

[B]

I think that's bagel texting.

[C]

Haters gonna hate. You can bet that's your what's on your mind part of the thing.

[G]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[C]

Well, no surprise. Once again, management is going against me and my sound advice.

[B]

Oh, man.

[C]

Because I Told them I know what the listeners want to hear. Yeah, they want more weather, more traffic updates, and way more random testing of the emergency alert system. It's their favor.

[B]

All the time.

[C]

But no, no. Apparently management has shot down my gold content ideas once again. How is it.

[B]

I know, Jeff, we're all disappointed.

[A]

How is this the first time I'm thankful for management?

[C]

Apparently, they think people want to hear about relationship drama.

[A]

Yes, Jeff, that's it.

[C]

They believe our listeners want to hear stories about scandal and cheating and hot, passionate backseat Inc. Infidelity.

[B]

Oh, now that's the te.

[C]

So I am sorry to all of our listeners, but our 15 minute weather breakdown of cloud coverage has got to wait.

[B]

There's a cloud over there I want to talk about.

[A]

Is it cumulus or is it not?

[C]

We're never going to find out. Instead, we're doing management mandated cheating stories in a brand new Busted. Coming up right after this, Brook and.

[B]

Jeffrey in the morning.

[A]

Sneaky husbands, two timing wives, bad boyfriends.

[C]

And even worse girlfriends.

[A]

They thought they could get away with.

[C]

It, but now they're about to get busted. You know, when Beyonce got cheated on, she turned around and made a groundbreaking album called Lemonade.

[A]

That's right.

[C]

That's right.

[A]

Turn those lemons into lemonade.

[C]

And when our listeners get cheated on, sure, they could go the Beyonce route. How hard could that be? Or do you do the slightly easier thing, Come on our show and tell the story of how you caught them right here on Busted. Some argue that's what Queen Bay should have done.

[A]

You can still take a baseball bat to their front windshield.

[C]

Yeah, a lot of ways to go about it. It's not really for us to decide, but we do have a few listeners on the phone right now ready to tell us their stories of how they caught their lying no good exes. Starting with Dana. Tell us how you busted your significant other.

[G]

My friends and I did an escape room, and before they would let us go into the actual room, the front desk person had us all leave our phones up front with them in a basket.

[A]

Is that normal? I've never done an escape room.

[G]

Yeah, I think so. The other ones I've done, they do it just so you're not like googling cheating, things like that.

[A]

I love that you would pay for an experience and then cheat your way out of it.

[B]

I get frustrated two minutes in, like. Okay, hold on.

[C]

Let's.

[B]

The first.

[C]

If it's too hard, then it's not fun anymore. Okay. Okay. So you had to lock up your phone.

[G]

Yeah. And when we Came back out after we finished. We did escape. The employee started handing everybody's phones back to them. And as she was handing my boyfriend's phone back, she said somebody named Michelle has kept texting and calling this phone non stop.

[B]

Oh, she's probably looking out for you.

[A]

Wait, wait. That's got to be his sister, right?

[C]

His mom, maybe?

[G]

Oh, no. Michelle is his ex.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Oh, geez.

[D]

What did you do?

[G]

I mean, immediately I, like, turn red and I ask what's going on? And he tells me that apparently they've still been sharing locations with each other.

[C]

So that they could stay far away from each other. They don't want to, like, bump into each other in the same room.

[G]

Well, apparently the reason she was so upset and blowing up his phone when she saw that he was at the escape room is because that was supposed to be their spot and she wasn't there with him.

[B]

Oh, she was jealous.

[D]

She's actively checking it.

[A]

She sounds fun, too. He deserves her.

[B]

She's the real escape room.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

I take it you guys broke up.

[G]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, I'm guessing they're still together. They sound like a match made in hell immediately.

[C]

Sorry that happened to you, Dana. Let's keep going to Scott. Tell us how you busted your significant other.

[H]

Okay, so here it goes. My girlfriend told me she had to get glasses.

[C]

Oh, yeah, I would have dumped her.

[A]

Too, but nerd, that vision is fine.

[H]

Okay, well, it wasn't just that. The doctor was having some kind of issue with her prescription.

[A]

Oh.

[H]

So she always had these eye appointments, like, once or twice a week, and.

[C]

That doesn't seem normal. So often.

[A]

I have the world's worst eyes, and I go in once a year.

[C]

Okay, already a red flag.

[H]

Yeah, so would put the scheduled appointments on our shared calendar. And one day, I text her about an hour after one of her appointments, and she texts back saying, still at eye doctor. And, you know, I was already in the area, so I figured I'd come by and say hi. I park outside of the place, and I see the doctor. He walks her out to her car.

[A]

Oh, so nice.

[C]

And then he.

[H]

He leans in her car window to kiss her way.

[B]

Is he kissing her eyes? Because that would make them feel better.

[C]

Yeah, I haven't done a lot of eye appointments, Brooke. Is that how it normally goes?

[A]

Left? Right? My lips. Which one looks better?

[C]

Which one looks better?

[F]

Okay, that.

[C]

That cannot be a good feeling.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, man.

[H]

Yeah, it was brutal. And, I mean, my window was rolled down, and I heard him say, looks like your eyesight is Getting worse. We should probably book another appointment for tomorrow.

[C]

Ew. Wow.

[B]

Creepy.

[A]

It, like, can't you take it out of the office? Like, all the workers that have to.

[C]

Work with this guy?

[A]

He did.

[C]

He took it to the parking lot. How far away do they need to.

[B]

Get that role play?

[C]

We get old real quick. Oh, my God. Yeah.

[H]

The worst part, to top it all off, I wait a few minutes and sure enough, I hear the ding that she just added it to our shared calendar.

[C]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

Man. God. I'm sorry. Sorry.

[H]

Yeah, that's my busted story.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The next girl makes sure she's blind.

[D]

Get a girl that has Lasik.

[A]

That's what you need.

[D]

Opposite.

[C]

Okay, we got time for one more. Finally, let's talk to Courtney. Tell us how you busted your significant other.

[G]

My boyfriend works for, like, a public speaking class, and it was just to help him out with presentations. And they did that so he would stop saying, like. And you know it always.

[A]

Maybe we should sign up for that.

[D]

Yeah, for real.

[C]

Those are my favorite parts of the presentation where they say absolutely nothing.

[G]

And one day I saw note cards on the table. So, like, I snuck a peek at what he was talking about that day.

[A]

Yeah, for sure.

[F]

Okay.

[G]

And it was a written out speech about how he wanted to tell me he felt guilty about cheating on me last Thanksgiving with my sister.

[A]

Oh, with your sister? No.

[E]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Tell me it was a fictional speech. Fiction.

[G]

I don't think so.

[A]

I really don't think so.

[G]

Because when he got home, I had him tell me himself. And while he, like, as a person sucks, I will say that the classes, they did work because he was a much better speaker when he was telling me about his cheating.

[C]

Oh, that's nice. You don't want lots of ums and us and pauses while he's telling you about being unfaithful presentation.

[B]

Yeah, he can finally tell you how he feels.

[C]

Weird. That's horrible.

[A]

So sorry.

[G]

Thank you.

[A]

Yeah.

[G]

We're not together anymore.

[A]

All right. That one was messy.

[C]

Yeah, I don't. I'm trying not to stutter before we end this, but I have to be like, I don't know. Hit up our text board. 78592. If you have a funny story about how you caught your ex cheating, you could be on the next edition of Busted. We got your phone tab. Coming up right after this. It's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. And today we call a mom of an elementary student to give her some great news. Apparently, at their recent school auction, they had a rabbit raffle for a 10 day Caribbean cruise. That's exciting. But they have not announced the winner yet. All right, so we're gonna take advantage of that and tell her she won. But like with many of our prank calls, there is a catch where her 10 day cruise isn't happening on consecutive days.

[E]

Nice.

[F]

Wait a minute.

[C]

There's some things that are gonna happen in between and you're gonna find out what they are in your phone. So tap right now.

[G]

Brooke and Jeffrey's phone taps on the 20s.

[F]

Hello?

[C]

Hi, Mary. This is Charles Asphalt.

[G]

I'm sorry, I don't recognize that name. Do I know you?

[C]

Well, you should. I handle all the particulars with financials for the pta. Your child's elementary school.

[F]

Oh.

[G]

Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry.

[B]

Sure.

[G]

Hi.

[C]

Hi. Yeah. Did they already call you and tell you about the raffle situation?

[G]

No, no one's called me.

[C]

Oh, wow.

[G]

What's the situation? I don't know what you're talking about.

[C]

Okay, I guess I'm gonna have to be the one to tell you. You won the cruise.

[G]

Really?

[C]

Yeah.

[G]

I won the cruise.

[C]

You did. Congratulations. You won the 10 day Caribbean cruise. That's so awesome.

[G]

Oh, my God.

[F]

That's.

[G]

Wow, that's amazing.

[F]

Oh, my God.

[C]

I know, I know. So here's the deal. Even though it is a 10 day cruise, it's gonna last for about two months. Okay.

[G]

Wait, what?

[C]

Yeah, it's a deal that we got through the wholesale. So the first night you will be on the cruise. I know that for sure.

[G]

Okay, I'm sorry, I don't understand.

[C]

Well, then, so for the next six days, you'll be left on one of the islands for you to enjoy and fend for yourself. Does that make sense?

[G]

No, no. I'm sorry. I used to fend for myself.

[C]

Yeah, fend for yourself on the island. And then at the end of that week, they'll come back and they'll pick you up with a different boat and you'll be on that cruise for a day and a half, it looks like. And they're gonna drop you off on whatever the next island is, possibly Cuba. I don't have the full itinerary in front of me. I just.

[G]

I'm sorry, you're saying that I'm doing like one day cruises? Getting dropped on an island for like days and days and then being picked up from. Wait, another boat and then being dropped.

[C]

In total, it will be a 10 day cruise. That's what was in the promotional material. And we asked a lawyer and we're good. On our in there. So. No, there's no way to change that.

[G]

That sounds like a reality show. Like, I don't.

[C]

That's a fun way to think about it. No, and speaking of. Actually, have you seen the show Survivor?

[G]

Yes.

[C]

Okay, good. Well, you may want to rewatch season 32. That's the one where they have issues creating their own shelter because you're probably going to have to do that. I'm a big fan of the show, by the way. You're welcome for the free advice.

[G]

I'm sorry, all due respect, but I did not sign up to be on, like, some Survivor experiment thing.

[C]

Here's something fun that you might like. Apparently on the third leg, it's going to be a smaller boat and you may get to take the wheel. It's kind of cool.

[G]

Are you kidding me?

[C]

Well, actually, you will have to take the wheel. All passengers are going to have to captain the vessel since there is no captain on that one. What? On that one only.

[G]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't.

[F]

That.

[G]

That's. No, no. That's dangerous and that sounds incredibly shady.

[C]

So you don't want to do anything with this? Do you just want your kids to go? Is that what you're saying? No, because we can't make that happen. I just have to adjust some paperwork.

[G]

No, no. I don't want anyone in my family to go on this shady cruise.

[C]

Wow.

[G]

I'm going to have a talk with the principal because whatever company you guys are using is not appropriate for families.

[C]

Okay, your reaction is baffling to me. Not a lot of people want turn down free prizes. Okay, what if I did this? What if we threw in one free mixed drink? It's gonna be in a canoe, but the drink will be free.

[G]

Are you kidding me?

[C]

No, serious. I think I can hook that up if the wholesaler agrees.

[G]

This went to a 10 day Caribbean luxury cruise. To a mix drink on a canoe. A canoe.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

But your friend Nicole said you would love it, so now I'm not sure what to believe.

[G]

You told Nicole all these things?

[C]

No, she's. She told us when she asked us to do this prank call on you because you're on the radio right now on a show called Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[G]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. It's all a joke. Nicole said that you both put entries into your school raffle and it was a huge long shot that either of you would win. You're probably glad you didn't win now.

[G]

Holy. You had me the Canoe in the.

[C]

Middle of the ocean. You need to hydrate so that your arms have energy to row.

[G]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Brooke and Jeffrey's phone taps on the 20s.

[G]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[C]

Someone should really develop a color coding system for who you can and cannot ask out.

[B]

You know, they do that at parties sometimes.

[C]

Okay, yeah. Like your best friend's ex husband, obviously. Code red. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Your best friend's current husband, though, maybe a little yellow.

[A]

No. What?

[C]

You can't claim every husband that you've ever had.

[B]

That should be, like, black.

[A]

If you're gonna have multiple. He has a point, right?

[C]

It depends on the situation. But then there's the girl greens. The full fledged all clear. And I know Kermit the Frog says it's not easy being green, but he probably says that because Kermie's been on the dating apps and seen the scraps that are available. Greens are usually unwanted.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Miss Piggy was like, his prize.

[A]

Yes. I don't know where we went with the colors at this point. I don't know where we went.

[C]

Yeah, usually if you're a green, that's a red flag. So what happens next? One of our listeners dips his toe in the yellow and asks out a girl from his work. A little risky. And we did not expect what would happen after that. You're gonna find out in your second date update colors edition. Coming up right after this, Brooke and.

[A]

Jeffrey in the morning second date update.

[C]

We've heard from a lot of people on this show who've moved cities and started over that it's not easy.

[A]

No, I mean, what a challenging thing to do. But so rewarding. Yeah, so awesome. Good for you.

[C]

But a lot of stress. You gotta get a whole new driver's license, memorize a whole new address.

[A]

That's what you're worried about? Not like making new friends and having a community?

[C]

No, that's easy. But changing your favorite inflatable store location on your app? I mean, where are you gonna find your inflatables now? And will they be as sturdy as the previous ones?

[A]

Yeah, Blow ups are us. Is that it?

[C]

No, they don't exist here, Brooke. Now you're out. Who knows where you're gonna blow up and didn't realize you're gonna spend time with lots of headaches and roadblocks when you move? No one knows that better than our listener Eric, who's requested our help today. Eric, welcome to the show, man. We appreciate you listening to us in both cities. Your old one and your new one.

[F]

Yeah, thanks for Having me.

[C]

Guys, what was the reason behind the mover? Is it a work thing? A criminal past that you're trying to out outrun?

[A]

What are we working with an ex? An ex is always a good reason to move cities.

[F]

I mean, I did recently change jobs and.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[F]

I work in an office with a lot more people that are my age now. Nothing against older people, but it's nice to have some people that are my age now.

[C]

Yeah, I wish we could have that here, but Brooke just keeps on coming back.

[F]

I don't know how it's happening.

[C]

I know.

[B]

We're all like, geez, I am not.

[A]

That much older than you.

[C]

No, that's fine.

[A]

You are also getting older, Jeffrey. It's how it works.

[C]

No, I enjoy having you. Your presence. It's like a nice, warm wisdom sort of thing.

[A]

So were you nervous moving to the new place, or did you know anyone there?

[F]

I didn't know anyone at the time. You know, I'm pretty friendly. I can get to know people. I mean, there's actually this one girl, Anna, and we've been friendly at the office, and we actually just have, like, a naturally good vibe together.

[C]

Oh, okay. That's a little bit dangerous territory, dude.

[E]

Right?

[A]

When you come in and just move somewhere. Yeah. Were you thinking, like, romantically, immediately with this woman?

[F]

No, not at all. I just like her vibe. And it was her birthday the other day, actually, so I wanted to do something special for her. So I got her a birthday cake. But I also got this coffee mug with a dog on it. Cause she said that she really loves dogs.

[A]

I'm confused.

[C]

Is this.

[A]

Did you go on a date with her?

[C]

Yeah. Did you hang out outside of the office?

[F]

Well, she really liked the mug that I got her. And she came to my desk and thanked me, and I was like, you know what? Grab dinner sometime after work. And she was like, all right, yeah, that sounds great. And so after work, we headed over to this restaurant. It wasn't anything too fancy, just like a diner. And I got to know her some more, and I just. I realized that I really enjoyed her energy. And we kind of had a funny little moment. We ordered corn dogs, and we interlocked our arms, like when you would drink champagne to eat them. That was kind of funny.

[A]

Like when you do a big fancy toast with your new bride or whatever, and you interlock arms.

[C]

Yeah, but with corn dogs, it's a little bit of a different.

[A]

You mean it's classier, isn't it?

[C]

What do you mean? I feel like you must have been Getting a lot of looks from other people in the restaurant. Seeing the corn dog interlock thing, I.

[F]

Thought we were just having fun and we were just in our own world. And at the end of the night, I walked her back to her car and I asked if she wanted to go on a hike sometime, and she seemed really into that. And now she's just being super cold to me at the office, and I'm not really sure why.

[A]

Okay, so at any point was it established that. I mean, it sounds like you were feeling romantic vibes from her, but did you ever clearly state, I think this.

[D]

Is a date and, like, you know, she's single?

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

We didn't talk about anything romantic. And I never. We never brought anything up. I thought we were having fun.

[C]

Yeah, but Brooke, it still doesn't change the fact that she's acting cold towards him now at the office, because it seemed like, for the most part, they were getting along.

[A]

You don't think that that's just because she got freaked out? Like, she thought it was a friend situation, and then there was a moment. Moment. Maybe it was with the corn dogs where she's like, oh, whoa, this guy thinks that we need to be dating.

[B]

He went real far down the corn dog.

[A]

Yeah, he likes me.

[C]

Whose idea was the corn dog arm interlock? Yeah, who brought that up?

[F]

It kind of just happened. I. I don't.

[C]

How does that just happen?

[B]

I love it.

[C]

Dude. It seems so unnatural.

[F]

Well, for the record, we toasted the corn dogs, and then we just.

[C]

Oh, no. You touched corn dogs. That could be on sand.

[B]

Yeah, they touch tips and then they interlock. I love, love this. I want to do this with somebody.

[A]

So is there any awkward moments that stand out to you where you're like, whoa, maybe we're not on the same page?

[F]

Not in my mind. I thought we were just having fun. I thought we had a good time.

[B]

All natural, all genuine.

[C]

I will say, I did buy coffee mugs for some of my friends here at the office, and I have been reamed endlessly about how horrible the mugs are.

[D]

Started a fire in my home.

[B]

I can't wash it.

[C]

But the thought behind it. That was pretty nice. And yet you are all obsessed with, oh, I nearly lost my life, and.

[A]

You stood at an ABC wall of mugs and then picked out our first initial.

[C]

The fact that I remembered what your name start with should say wonders about how much I care about each and every one of you.

[D]

I'm surprised you went into anthropology to buy those. That was impressive.

[C]

Okay, wait, wait.

[A]

I Want to know? Is there any office gossip that you've heard of? Because somebody's got to be talking like, oh, did you hear the new guy went out to dinner?

[F]

I mean, I'm not a gossip myself. I try to focus on my work. I mean, I'm still friendly with people, but I haven't heard any nastiness. No one's tried to, like, pull a prank on me or anything. Should I be looking over my shoulder?

[B]

He doesn't know anybody yet. To hear the tea, like, that's what I realized.

[C]

I mean, in the few minutes that we've spoken to, you seem like a really nice, pleasant guy, but who knows? We could be totally wrong and you might be a total nightmare. So let's find out. You might be the worst person we've ever spoken to.

[A]

So we're going to call someone that's in his office with him.

[C]

I mean, is that what you want.

[A]

Want here?

[F]

I would like to find some answers why she's being cold to me now because I was nothing but a gentleman.

[C]

I thought so.

[B]

We need her extension.

[C]

Yeah, we'll figure it out. We'll reach out to Anna, hopefully find out if you're the best or the worst guy to work with when we come back. And do your second date update right after this.

[F]

Thank you.

[A]

Yeah, that's the correct response.

[C]

We will help you. We'll try. Hold on.

[G]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[A]

Second date update.

[C]

We've had definitely, like tense second date calls before where things get surly between people. But this could be a first where we're calling a woman who went out with a guy from the same office. Our listener, a guy named Eric. And our producer has asked Eric if he would stand up above his cubicle and look across the office, down into the cubicle as we move. Make this phone call. Just to make it even more juicy and dramatic.

[B]

Oh, my gosh.

[C]

And Eric has selfishly refused to do that. Wow.

[B]

Don't let them make you do that.

[C]

Not much of a team player, are you, Eric?

[F]

It would be a little weird and I might get fired for something like that.

[A]

I mean, I thought you'd want to alienate everyone in your office space before, you know, you really got to know him.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that not how it works? Set the tone.

[C]

I mean, it works for us on our show. I don't know if it would work for him and his career. But just to recap. Recap real quick. Eric just moved to a brand new city. He was liking the vibe he was getting from his co worker, Anna. While they were working together.

[A]

There's even presents exchanged. Yes, well, not exchanged. He gave one way. Okay.

[C]

For her birthday, so he took her out to dinner. They toasted corn dogs, interlocked arms while eating them. And now all of a sudden, it's weird. Not sure how that's possible.

[B]

What you mean is they were having fun. Like, he thought it was a genuine thing.

[C]

We've worked together for over 10 years. Has any of it been fun? No. No. That's why this is so strange.

[A]

We actually have a lot of fun when you are in the other room. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

When. When I'm doing all the work.

[D]

Yes, yes, sure.

[C]

Well, fun for you guys. Let's continue to do our work and call Anna here. Hopefully she picks up the phone and we can get some answers.

[B]

I just realized. This is your fun, huh?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

When you're on the air, this is the only fun.

[C]

This is all I get.

[D]

That's sad. Brook and I hit Starbucks after this.

[C]

Well, good for you.

[A]

Thank you. Ale this.

[C]

All right, I'm just going to dial Anna. Maybe she could be my friend. Here we go.

[G]

Hello.

[C]

Hi, we're looking to speak with Anna.

[G]

May I ask who's calling?

[C]

Yes, you may. You're so polite.

[A]

It's business call, Jeff.

[C]

Oh, yeah, I forgot. We're a morning radio show. We're called Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning.

[A]

Hi.

[C]

Let's keep it casual over here and do a segment. You know, not the business stuff. Sorry.

[B]

You're so weird.

[A]

This is why we don't let him out of his room.

[C]

Okay, I'm just saying. Sorry to interrupt your day, but we're doing something that's called a second date update, and we're trying to help out one of our listeners that you went out to dinner with recently. A guy named Eric that you work with.

[G]

Yeah. No, thanks.

[F]

Thanks.

[G]

I wish I hadn't gone out with that guy.

[A]

Oh, wait, okay, so there's a regret there.

[C]

Yeah, that's a little bit unexpected, honestly, because we talked to Eric, and from what we heard about your hangout, it sounded like it was a really fun time.

[G]

I mean, this is kind of awkward.

[C]

Yeah, but we know that.

[F]

Yeah.

[G]

This guy Eric, he puts out this, like, really nice guy energy, but he's involved with a lot of other people that I didn't know about.

[A]

Wait, wait, wait, wait. What do you mean? Like, you're saying he has other girlfriends?

[G]

Well, I know he has one girlfriend.

[C]

Oh, wait, just one?

[A]

Wait, how do you know that? Like, I thought he was brand new to the city.

[C]

How could he already.

[G]

Well, for one, like, one of the girls in my office. He flirts with her all the time.

[A]

Okay, okay. Are you sure he's not just being friendly?

[G]

No, he asked her out, too. Oh, he asked her out? Yeah, and luckily she didn't go out with him. But we looked into this guy, we did some research on him, and we found out that he has an actual girlfriend that's not someone in our office.

[A]

Wait, really? So he's asking out multiple women in your office while being in a relationship?

[D]

Like a distance relationship maybe, or something?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Is it long distance?

[G]

I mean, yeah, I don't know if it's long distance or what. It is.

[A]

What kind of. I'm sorry, it's just so weird always to have, like, a cheater like that call in to a very public radio station and.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Risk outing himself.

[C]

Like, what alleged cheater?

[A]

Well, that's what I'm getting.

[B]

Like, what an allegedly popular.

[A]

What did you see? Did you see something online where he said, I have a girl girlfriend?

[G]

Yeah, I found his Instagram, and trust me, it just shows everything.

[C]

Okay, well, people can say anything on Instagram. It doesn't mean it's true.

[B]

Wouldn't put out lies about themselves on their own.

[D]

Happy anniversary to my girlfriend.

[C]

It might just be like, you know, for cloud, for looks. Might not be real.

[A]

He doesn't get how. Say this. A better argument would be it's could be old photos from an ex, right? Like, maybe he hasn't taken that stuff down.

[G]

The last one that he posted was, like, three or four days ago together.

[A]

Oh, isn't that like the same time frame of when you got to dinner?

[G]

Yeah, I went out with him, like, five days ago.

[A]

Oh, wow. This is going to be awkward for not the reasons I thought.

[C]

Yeah. So clearly you're not into guys who already have girlfriends, which, and, you know, I'm saying good, good for her. But we didn't know about a girlfriend or anything like that when we talked to Eric. And you should probably talk to him, too, because he's on the other line right now waiting to speak.

[G]

Oh, my God.

[C]

He's probably actually across the office, too, but it'd be more fun if we could hear the phone conversation.

[F]

I'm confused because I don't understand what the issue is here. I really.

[G]

You don't see the issue? Eric, you already have a girlfriend.

[F]

I never said that I didn't have a girlfriend.

[G]

You took me on a date.

[F]

No, no, it was not a date. It was dinner so that you and I could become better friends.

[B]

Now you're backtracking.

[A]

What?

[C]

Wait, what?

[B]

It was totally a date.

[D]

This is a second date update.

[F]

Yeah, you call it that? I didn't call it a date. It was a dinner.

[A]

So what were you wanting to do? Just be friends with her? Like this whole thing is a big misunderstanding. Is that what you're trying to claim?

[F]

Look, here's what happened. My girlfriend and I were talking about how my new job. I don't know anyone. And so she suggested. My girlfriend suggested I should try and make more friends. And she was supportive of that. So then I go to work after our hangout and you've been treating me so cold. I've been just doing what my girlfriend told me to do is to make friends.

[G]

Yeah, well, I mean, Eric, I'm treating you cold because you're also hitting on another coworker and flirting with everybody.

[C]

Yeah, that's a little suspicious.

[F]

Flirting with anybody, being nice, not hitting on anybody. I'm just being friendly and playful.

[A]

You're only being friendly to the attractive single women in the office.

[F]

Those are the people I vibe the best with you.

[C]

They are friendly and fun. So you say that your girlfriend is supportive of you meeting new people and making new friendships at work. Does she know the full extent that you're like asking these women out to dinner with you?

[F]

She knows that I'm going out with people from work. She doesn't need to know specifically how they look or their attractiveness level or what we. With our food.

[A]

Does she know you're riding into radio stations for dating segments and not you.

[D]

Have a girlfriend at all?

[C]

He says he's not. He's not after that. I guess.

[G]

I think that Eric is just trying to completely spin this because he was definitely into me.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

I'm sorry. I think you're flattering yourself a little bit.

[B]

So now he can play the I have a girlfriend lady.

[F]

Yeah, she wasn't even my type anyway.

[C]

Oh, well, that should be reassuring. Anna, he's not attracted to you. Even if you wanted him, he couldn't.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, this is a new work environment for you.

[D]

What are you doing?

[F]

Well, I'm sorry you got the wrong impression.

[C]

That's what I will I. I will say. Brooke tries to buy me dinner all the time and it is a huge turnoff to me. She's always like, jeff, can I get you lunch? Jeff, can I buy you meals?

[B]

She's direct. She says, I'm attracted to you, Jeff.

[A]

The only turn off. The only turn off is when I asking you to pay me back.

[C]

Yeah, oh, okay. So you want this to be a date then? You want to go havesies?

[A]

I buy Ledger, everybody.

[C]

Brooke, your husband listens to this.

[F]

Well, you guys sound just as dysfunctional as this situation has been. You're really making it worse. I want you to know that I do still like you as a friend. And if you are interested, I would hang out with you again in a non romantic way.

[G]

So this whole time all you wanted to do was to be friends with me?

[F]

Yes. I mean it was coming around the corner. Maybe we can go bikini shopping sometime. Right? My treat.

[B]

What the heck?

[C]

Yeah, that's friends.

[A]

Is that a joke? Are you joking?

[B]

Jeff?

[C]

Do you?

[A]

But we're shopping for his bikini. Oh, that's right. Yeah.

[B]

Jeff gets the tiny ones because we.

[C]

All know who looks better.

[F]

I'm being serious. That's what friends do. They go shopping together, they have a laugh, they give each other their opinions. On their bikinis.

[A]

On their bikinis? You know, creepiest.

[C]

I was skeptical at first, but I'm fully come around on Eric and his desire for deep passionate friendship with you, Anna. And if you agree to see him one more time, we would pay for your hangout. Your non romantic bikini hangout.

[A]

I'm starting to understand why Eric had to move cities to find a new job.

[C]

You don't know that. Anna, what do you think about giving Eric one more shot?

[G]

I think I'm going to pass on Eric at the office.

[B]

Oh, no coworkers, huh?

[A]

Yeah, I just say try not to get yourself reported over there, Eric.

[G]

Exactly.

[F]

That's the last time I make friends in the office.

[C]

Your girlfriend's gonna be so disappointed.

[G]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[C]

I had no idea that the number one friendship test to gauge how close you are as friends involved trying on bikinis and rating each other's looks in a torture, totally platonic, non sexual way. That's so reassuring.

[A]

That's normal. I don't even want to try on bikinis with my girlfriends.

[C]

You must not like them very much.

[A]

Lonesome dude.

[C]

No, Brooke, that's just what normal male and female friends do.

[B]

Do you even have any friends then? Brooke, if you haven't done this, seriously.

[A]

I'm sorry. I can't stand that guy.

[D]

He's the worst.

[C]

I know. For trying to find friendship at work.

[A]

Boom.

[C]

Screw you.

[A]

He was not trying to find friendship.

[C]

He's adjusting. Thing on the fly. Yes.

[A]

Yeah, and I'm sorry, but his girlfriend would not be okay with him bikini shopping with other single women.

[C]

Come on, you don't know it. Relationships look different to everybody.

[A]

You keep defending him.

[F]

That's all right.

[C]

I think for our annual show camping trip, we need to scrap that. Do an annual show shopping trip to Pacific Sun. Get all matching swimwear.

[B]

Dude, I'm down.

[D]

Somehow that's still better than camping.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Right?

[C]

Alexis is in. We're all going bikini shopping this summer. Guys, it because we're friends. But honestly, if Eric is being serious and he's looking for friendship, he probably should change his approach drastically.

[B]

Dude, way to set the tone in a new city too. Yeah, workplace environment for him. When that gets out.

[A]

Dude, seriously, I think it's out.

[C]

Yeah, he's gonna be moving cities again very shortly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Honey, good news. I'm moving back.

[C]

But we're in cities all over the country, so no matter where you need help in your dating life, you can always email the ship show. We'll call that person who's not calling you back. It's Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning, and I feel like we need to throw Brooke a bone every now and then. She goes through a lot in her life. Her husband wants to drive a minivan. Her children aren't winning state softball championships, just coming in seconds. Yikes. And her mother in law tries to show her how to be be a better parent and a better lover. Brooke just won't listen.

[B]

You don't want to be a better parent.

[C]

Which was so gross.

[E]

The second one.

[A]

Did you hear the second part of what he said?

[C]

Yeah. Brooke's never listening to the full thing, does she? So to cheer Brooke up today, let's do a quick candy update. Since just like Brooke, America loves candy.

[A]

What do you got?

[C]

Candy. Especially M and M's.

[A]

Yes, those were my favorite growing up.

[C]

And they just announced three brand new M and M flavors that are coming from their factories to your mouth.

[B]

Honestly, the caramel one is so good.

[A]

They still haven't ever outdone the peanut butter. Those peanut butter Ms. Okay, what do you got, Jeff?

[C]

Okay, Brooke, after I say each flavor, feel free to say yum as enthusiastically or non enthusiastically as you want based on your excitement level. So. So the three new flavors are M and M's. Cherry, chocolate, cupcake, cherries and chocolate.

[E]

Oh, tiny yum.

[C]

Very small yum.

[A]

Cherry's my worst. Hated. I hate cherry.

[C]

Flavor's her favorite. How about M? M's lemon meringue pie? Yeah. Yeah.

[E]

I barely opened her mouth on that.

[C]

Yum.

[A]

Why would you put chocolate with that?

[C]

They say it tastes good.

[B]

It's the tart with the sweet.

[C]

And Eminem's peanut butter. Cinnamon roll?

[D]

Are they going through an identity crisis over at M's? What is happening?

[A]

Yum.

[D]

That's so much confused.

[C]

Yum.

[A]

It's so much together. I don't put peanut butter on my cinnamon rolls.

[C]

Yeah, not yet. Yeah, not yet. Till you taste this.

[A]

I don't put chocolate on my cinnamon rolls either.

[C]

You're doing it wrong. Another thing that your mother in law tries to tell you to do and you won't listen. So did these new candy options bring any joy to Brooke's cold black heart?

[A]

Yum.

[C]

Okay, we're defrosting a little bit. It's a process.

[A]

I mean, I'll eat them to try it.

[C]

Yeah, of course. But you all like it. Maybe Laser Stories will do the trick. It's coming up right after this.

[B]

Hello, it's Laser Stories.

[C]

It's the radio segment that just partnered with Life Alert in France to read rename their famous monument the Eiffel Tower. And I can't get up. Book your getaway now with Laser Stories, the segment where we read weird news stories around the globe just like everyone else does. Except we've got a laser those other Paris grannies just don't. This first laser story is out of Pittsburgh. If you've worked in law enforcement long enough, you may believe that you've seen every everything, especially if you work in Florida. But this criminal in Pennsylvania is a true original.

[A]

Oh, really?

[C]

A man named Theo Radson allegedly stole a thirty thousand dollar full sized harp last week. You know, the large musical instrument?

[A]

What are you gonna do with that? Like, where's the market to even resell that?

[B]

Sneak away and play it crazy.

[C]

He took it down to the riverbank because it had wheels on it. And then for some reason, Theo removed his clothes, jumped into the water with the harp and started struggling in the river.

[D]

Obviously that's what you do with it, Brook.

[C]

Right. There it is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He thought he was a cherub.

[C]

Not surprisingly, a few minutes later, the police were called about some idiot drowning in the river holding a large harp. At first 911 thought that must be a joke, but nope, it was actually true. And luckily rescuers were able to get there in time to pull both to shore.

[B]

I'm imagining he's playing the harp as they pull him out. So it's like.

[C]

Why isn't the magic working? Come on. Theo is at the hospital now and is in stable condition. He did speak with deputies and they found out that somehow Theo thought the instrument could float and that he could ride it down the river to his grandpa's. House and then sell it on Craigslist.

[A]

I mean, you can do that. You can do that with a banjo, right? Oh, yeah.

[C]

It's got enough air in it.

[B]

Piano.

[C]

The owners are pursuing charges related to the stolen harp, so Theo most likely will be serving time.

[B]

It cost $30,000.

[A]

I know. That's more than most boats.

[C]

Good. That's actually. This next laser story is out of Vancouver, British Columbia. Finally, a place where my work might actually be appreciated. Cuz a new museum just opened in downtown called the Museum of Personal Failure.

[A]

How are we not a sponsor?

[C]

Been waiting so long. It's a pop up. For now, it's not permanent. So the person behind it is a man named Aven Collins. He came up with the idea after a recent breakup. So a failed relationship.

[A]

Oh, and God, way to show her you bounce back.

[C]

Yeah, he's proud of it. He wanted to put posters up around Vancouver with the headline Failures Wanted.

[A]

All right, what do they got?

[C]

So what's in the museum? Featured items include a dead plant, a divorced woman's wedding dress.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Failed art projects, an entire wall of rejected jack job applications.

[A]

Oh, I bet.

[C]

And a producer's music album that went absolutely nowhere.

[A]

There's a place for it now, and I love that. Yeah.

[C]

Each one has a little write up next to it that explains the entire backstory. One guy just wrote a long list of all of his biggest fails in his life personally, and that made the cut. He told a reporter that having his list of failures accepted into the museum felt like a success in a weird way, ironically.

[B]

I feel like I want to get in here.

[A]

I know. I feel like you'd leave the museum and being, like, not doing too bad.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. My life could be sadder. Yeah. So good for that guy. And Aven's message overall is that his museum is just a celebration of the fact that failure is okay.

[A]

Yeah. Just part of the road to success, Jeff.

[C]

Yes. Everybody fails. It's the. The only way you'll actually learn and grow.

[B]

Absolutely.

[C]

Let's go to your final laser story out of Hibernation Heights.

[A]

I want to be there right now.

[C]

Groundhog Day is coming up on February 2nd, and you know who is not looking forward to it?

[A]

Who?

[C]

PETA.

[B]

There we go.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

They've been calling for Punk Satani, Phil's replacement, for years now, and this time, they may have hit on a solution. They want the Ground Groundhog Club to quote Chuck its tired tradition of harassing a shy animal, and instead replace him with a giant 3D hologram.

[A]

I thought we were gonna for sure. Do AI film.

[C]

Well, that's basically what it is.

[A]

Oh, it is.

[C]

It's an AI mock up where he's 20ft tall with words over his head that say six more weeks of winter or early spring. Him talk.

[B]

You can give him, like, celebrity voices and stuff.

[C]

They said they can make him talk, too.

[A]

Wow.

[C]

And just so you know, the winter version of Punxsutawney is blue, and the spring one is pink with flowers all around.

[A]

I see. So that's how you know it's kind of like a gender reveal for weather.

[C]

Exactly.

[B]

We get to see summer Phil for the first time. Put him in all the seasons shorts.

[A]

Jumps out in a bikini.

[E]

That's hot.

[C]

PETA says they'll even cover the cost of the hologram projector if the Groundhog Club is willing to, quote, retire Phil to a reputable sanctuary with his family.

[D]

You know, I feel like they should.

[A]

Take him up on that offer. Who's still going to watch the groundhog come out? Is that still a thing?

[B]

Like they don't kill him?

[A]

It's so inaccurate.

[D]

How dare you say that about Phil.

[C]

Well, honestly knows Brooks is looking at him like lunch. I know.

[D]

I just don't.

[A]

If he sees his shit, that means the sun is out, so shouldn't it be early? Okay. It's always bothered me. It doesn't make sense.

[C]

Really? A tradition that's 200 years old is bothersome to you?

[A]

It should be that spring is coming early because the sun is out. Because if you have a shadow, there has to be light.

[C]

All right.

[A]

But it's the opposite.

[D]

This is why we just watched a groundhog.

[C]

Brooke, I wouldn't question it. It's just a fun tradition. But the Groundhog Commission is not going to budge on it. And this isn't the first time PETA's pitched an alternative option. Last year, they offered a vegan friendly weather reveal cake cut into it. And two years ago, they suggested flipping a giant golden coin because that would technically be more accurate since Phil's only been right on his predictions about 40% of the time.

[A]

Embarrassing don't even come out of the hole. This year, Phil. Shockingly bad results.

[C]

I've never seen Brooke so angry about anything stupid. Okay, personally, I mean, I do have a different idea. Why not put this guy front and center, and if he pokes his head out of his shell, it means he's gonna be horny for six more weeks. And that's something I think we can all get behind. Sound means laser stories has come to an end for the Day. We'll do it again same time on Friday.

[G]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.

[B]

Twin Brooks Fox.

[C]

I am tired of our listeners living in fear. Yeah, Fear of humiliation, fear of condemnation. Fear of. Of Brooke Fox and her endless reign of terror. I look around, and I do see some brave souls who are tired of being pushed around and constantly told, hey, I'm richer and I'm smarter than you. And they are ready to rise up in resistance. Okay, like today's caller, Jessica, who says she harbors a healthy mix of fear and respect for the woman we fondly nickname the Wolf Warden. So, Jessica, what would you like to say to the warden's face? And make sure you don't look her directly in the eyes when you say it. What do you want to say?

[G]

Oh, God.

[A]

Don't look away.

[C]

Don't look away or away.

[G]

That was a really big setup. I don't know how to finish that one.

[A]

You're not leading the revolution, I'll tell you that. I know.

[G]

I'm really not.

[C]

Oh, man.

[A]

Like. Well, I don't know, guys.

[C]

Terror wins this round, but Brook's gonna leave the studio. We can muster up some courage for you, Jessica, after you play the game. 30 seconds on the clock to answer as many questions as possible. If you don't know when, you could say pass. But you have to beat her outright if you want to win. Are you ready?

[G]

Yes.

[C]

Good luck. Your time starts now. Today is Lego day. A Lego is a German, American or Danish company.

[G]

Danish.

[C]

Australia is a continent. And what else? A country or a province?

[G]

Country.

[C]

In what sport could you find the lpga? Golf. If someone takes your axillary temperature, where do they put the thermometer?

[G]

Oh, your butt.

[C]

Shooting star is actually a what?

[G]

Supernova.

[B]

Good answer.

[C]

I feel like that's a music lyric that she almost supernova. All right, done there, Jessica. Now Brooke is back in the studio. It's okay.

[B]

Oh, Warden's back.

[C]

We'll keep you safe. It's okay. Something about Jessica that I like here I'm seeing on my screener is she's hoping that this year she gets to go on at least one vacation.

[A]

Oh, that's fun. What are you gonna do on your vacation, huh?

[G]

Thailand is the number. Like, it's a front runner.

[B]

I also in Thailand right now.

[C]

It looks so.

[G]

Yeah.

[A]

That's where I spent my honeymoon. 10 out of 10 would recommend.

[G]

Nice.

[C]

Brooke, are you offering to give Jessica your husband to take with her to Thailand so she can have just as magical an experience?

[A]

Him and a really cool Thai guide that we had up in the northern part. Two men for one. That is a bogo. Perfect.

[B]

Thailand's got something for everyone.

[C]

What are you really most looking forward to about Thailand? Like, what intrigues you the most?

[G]

Oh, my gosh. It's just so luxurious and, like, relatively affordable for what you're getting, that's for sure.

[A]

We did eat some snake that the guy had shot with a pistol.

[B]

Handgun.

[A]

Yeah. I'm like, where did you get that? And he's like, by the river. And he held up his gun. I was like, all right, looks like.

[B]

We have a delicacy tonight.

[A]

Snake for dinner.

[C]

Luxury. You, Jessica? I can't wait. Wait. Now it's Brook's turn. Brooke, are you ready?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Your time starts now. Today is Lego day. Is Lego a German, American or Danish company?

[A]

Danish.

[C]

Australia is a continent. And what else? A country or a province?

[A]

Country.

[C]

In what sport could you find the lpga? Golf. If someone takes your axillary temperature, where did they put that thermometer?

[A]

Oh, in your ear.

[C]

Shooting star is actually what meteorite? How many states sit on land bought by the Louisiana Purchase? More or less than 10 states. Brooks, feeling confident in that last answer? We're gonna go to scoreboard and see how you both did with Jose. Naughty boy.

[B]

Jessica, you got three correct today.

[G]

All right.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Brooke.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

You did get an extra question. And five correct.

[C]

The warden strikes again. The rain continues. I'm sorry, Jessica. Let's go over the answers for everybody. It's Lego Day. Legos are a Danish company. Australia is both a continent and a country. The LPGA would be a ladies golf sport. Ladies Professional Golf Association. If someone takes your auxiliary technique temperature, they put the thermometer in your armpit.

[B]

You both got it wrong.

[A]

She said, but I was gonna say that one, too.

[C]

That's a different type. A shooting star is actually a meteor, and we did give you that. It's a meteor that's coming through the atmosphere, burning up. And how many states sit on land bought by the Louisiana Purchase? It is more than 10 states. Fifteen, stretching from Louisiana all the way up and west to Montana.

[A]

It used to be a lot cheaper, huh?

[C]

I'm sorry, Jessica. It was not enough to win. But just for playing, win a $50 gift card to Graze Craze. Graze Craze opened its fourth Washington location in Tacoma. Celebrate everything with made to order charcuterie boards featuring handcrafted arrangements of meats, cheeses, breads, fruits, veggies, sweets, and more. Order for pickup, catering, or Delivery@Graze Craze.com.

[G]

All right. Thank you so much.

[C]

Y.

[G]

What does that mean?

[A]

It's a hello in.

[B]

Teach her how to say where's the jacuzzi?

[C]

I need that. All right, we'll get that to you time you play because we want you back on the game again. Soon. We're going to be back to do Winbrooks Bucks same time tomorrow.

[G]

Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.