A (2:41)

And Bowen for their hit podcast.

B (2:43)

Well, we are the Milan Cortina of America. What do you think you are?

A (2:47)

I think I'm more Cortina.

B (2:49)

Listen to Two Guys Five Rings on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

C (2:56)

I feel like today is really a what people will do for love type of day. Oh, yeah. Hey, welcome to a brand new second date episode. And the guy on the phone, I can't believe he's willing to share this story, but he is. He is. In exchange for our help. It's definitely humiliating. Love when people are willing to do that for us. Thank you. That's desperate.

B (3:16)

He is.

C (3:16)

You're gonna love this. Can't wait to read your comments. Let's start with what you see from yesterday. Alexis. Yes. Robert Reyes said, I listen to you guys every morning. You're like my best friends. Not sure who should be more depressed about that. Robert. Robert.

B (3:30)

Oh, I got excited. I got a new friend.

C (3:31)

Yeah, come on. I just bought us BFF necklaces. Robert.

B (3:34)

Oh, no.

C (3:35)

She's gonna regret this. It's not cool anymore. All right, let's get your new episode started right now. Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. Second date update.

B (3:44)

Brooke, in the history of doing this segment, what is the biggest disaster date ever? Remember hearing from a listener. Oh, that's a big question.

C (3:53)

I know, I know.

B (3:55)

Dude.

C (3:55)

Pooping accidentally in the back of a cab. Oh, do you guys remember that one?

B (3:59)

I might have all pooped, too. Behind a tree in a park. That's the one that I remember.

A (4:04)

Yeah.

C (4:04)

Remember this was. There was too much alcohol.

B (4:08)

Oh, and the girl.

C (4:09)

Yes.

B (4:09)

Okay. Yes.

C (4:11)

I feel like this was before my time. It was, like a decade ago. I'm traumatized by this. If I was here, it stuck with me to this day.

B (4:21)

A lot of, like, bodily functions involved in terrible disaster dates on this show.

C (4:26)

It's like the worst nightmare of anybody.

B (4:29)

Well, we have a guy on the phone who thinks he may take the crown for the new number one most embarrassing date of all time. His name is Nick.

C (4:38)

Oh, God.

B (4:39)

And let's welcome him to the show for this moment. Nick, how you doing, man?

A (4:42)

Oh, I'm good. I mean, I'm okay. How are you? Good morning.

C (4:46)

Hopefully. Hopefully. We made you Feel better. But with those two stories, because you're like, it can't be that bad, right?

A (4:53)

Oh, this one's pretty gnarly.

C (4:55)

If it involves any bathroom thing, hang up now.

B (4:57)

Yeah, no, we want to hear. Yeah, whatever's going on, let's start from the beginning of the story, at least. What's the name of the girl that you met?

A (5:05)

Yeah, her name's Crystal. I met her on a dating app.

B (5:08)

Okay.

A (5:09)

We went to the zoo lights. I mean, we had a. Oh, that's fun.

B (5:12)

Like the Christmasy zoo light.

C (5:14)

Yeah, everyone should do that. It's a really fun walkthrough.

B (5:17)

I like the zoo in the dark, personally, but that's okay.

C (5:20)

I mean, how can day at the Zoolites go bad? You know, they have some, like, mold wine and you have kids around, did you say? Yeah, mold wine is a moldy wine. Mold. M U L L E D. Mold.

B (5:32)

Like, to mullet. Oh, mold. Yeah. Yes, I heard. M O L D. I mean, I.

C (5:38)

Would drink that, too.

B (5:39)

Yeah, I know you would. Okay. A little more, but, yeah. So tell us how zoo lights went, Nick.

A (5:45)

I mean, we definitely had some drinks, you know, and we hit it off great. But the thing was, is there's, like, only one bathroom there.

C (5:51)

Oh, no. I don't like where this is going.

B (5:53)

This is a bathroom thing.

A (5:54)

This is the embarrassing part. Oh, they're like, all the way in the back. Then the bathroom's, like, all the way in the front.

C (6:01)

Oh, you're in the back of the zoo, and you have to go all the way to the front to get right.

A (6:04)

Right. And it's kind of, like, raining hard. My body's, like, telling me, like, yo, dude, you gotta go, man.

C (6:09)

Oh, no.

B (6:10)

Oh, no. Can we ask number one or two?

C (6:11)

No, no, no.

B (6:12)

I don't think we need that. I don't want to know. Although, I mean, the animals in the zoo can go wherever they want. I'm sure human policy has to be similar. Yeah. Why can't you just do it in the middle of the pathway and be like, I think giraffe'?

C (6:23)

Yeah, it's a good point. There must be an incredible pooper scooper.

B (6:27)

I feel like they'd be used to this. Elephant.

C (6:29)

Yes.

B (6:30)

So what happens?

A (6:31)

So, like, I'm asking the employees. I'm like, hey, man, where's the bathroom? Where's the bathroom? Like, 20 minutes that way. 20 minutes this way?

B (6:38)

Like, really minutes?

A (6:40)

Jeez, dude, I gotta go. Like, I gotta go now. I'm not gonna make it in 20 minutes.

C (6:45)

Yeah, yeah. Wait, and is Your day still with you? Or have you left her, like, back at a table or something?

A (6:52)

No, no, no. She's, like, looking for me, helping me.

C (6:54)

Oh, no.

B (6:55)

Both. Trying to track down the bathroom for.

C (6:57)

You, and you're trying to be cool, but you can't, Right?

A (7:00)

Like, trying to play it off, but we find an employee bathroom, right? And then I just tell her, like, hey, just wait right here and I'll be right back. But I don't know if she heard me, because once I went, it was gnarly. And then when I came out the bathroom, I saw her just standing in the bathroom, and I'm like, whoa. Like, you were here the whole time. Like, what are you doing?

B (7:19)

She was, like, right outside the screen stall.

A (7:22)

She was by the sink, and her eyes were, like, big, you know? And I'm just like, what are you doing?

B (7:27)

That's probably horrified. Oh, my God. Or smell. I don't know what's going on. All of it.

C (7:32)

Why was she in there?

A (7:34)

She goes, oh, I didn't want to get caught by the employee. Standing outside actually makes sense, actually.

B (7:40)

Yeah. Instead of being out there lingering, I'm.

A (7:43)

Just like, oh, my God, dude. I really. Just like.

B (7:48)

That'S something. Like, you have to be married for 10 years to be in the same room.

C (7:51)

Nope, not even then.

B (7:52)

I don't do it then.

C (7:54)

If you want your marriage to last. I'm sorry. I know people have different opinions, but I say, that's a hard no.

B (8:00)

Eating lunch on the toilet. That's okay in Brooks's mind. Not with your partner there. That's for sure.

C (8:07)

Oh, no.

A (8:08)

I mean, she, like, said, like, she covered her ears, but I'm just like.

B (8:12)

She had to say that.

A (8:16)

You know, she was trying to make me feel better. Like, look at the lights. They're shaped like a tiger. And I'm just like, dude, you just heard me. Like.

B (8:25)

I mean, did you could be the hottest guy in the world.

C (8:27)

That's really.

B (8:28)

Yeah. Some sounds you just can't recover from.

A (8:30)

Okay, but hear this. It even gets crazier. Watch, like, we start leaving, right? And we're, like, heading back to the house or whatever. I'm dropping her off. And to make things worse, I gotta stop and go again to the bath.

C (8:42)

Oh, no.

B (8:42)

On the drive home, you had to pull over.

A (8:45)

Yes. And then I told her, don't follow me in this time.

C (8:49)

Did she laugh? That's pretty funny.

A (8:51)

I don't know. I was just out the door. I was just like, I had to get out of here.

C (8:55)

Oh, no.

B (8:55)

Oh, wow.

C (8:57)

Sounds like you maybe had a nervous tummy issue.

B (8:59)

Yeah, that. I mean, you weren't lying when you said that could be the number one disaster date story. So.

C (9:08)

Hard to recover from. I mean, do you even ask, like, if there was a kiss or a plan for a second date?

A (9:13)

Yeah, you know what? I didn't even go in for the hug when we said goodbye. I just felt bad we had to, like, endure that.

C (9:19)

Oh, my God.

B (9:20)

Yeah, she's been through enough.

C (9:22)

Yeah, but she's a good person for trying to make you feel better. You know what I mean? Like, she was quiet after.

B (9:29)

We shouldn't mock you mercilessly like we would have.

A (9:31)

Yeah, I like that about her. You know, that's why we hit it off. That. I just. I feel awkward and maybe it's in my head. I don't know.

C (9:38)

It's not in your head.

B (9:38)

Yeah, it's in a string of restrooms leading from the zoo back to your house, so.

C (9:45)

You poor thing.

B (9:46)

Okay. I mean, sometimes you set a tone like you may be bathroom boy to her and her friend group right now, and you'll never recover from.

A (9:53)

Yeah, that makes me feel worse. I really hope she's not calling me bathroom boy with her friend.

B (9:57)

We hope that, too, and we'll find out.

C (9:59)

Bathroom boy would be the nicest.

A (10:00)

That's what I'm thinking.

C (10:02)

I would have got a lot more brutal than that.

B (10:04)

Yeah. Let's find out what nickname she actually uses when we call Crystal in just a few minutes here and try and get you your second date update.

A (10:12)

I don't really know if that's the goal, guys.

B (10:14)

Maybe it's not your goal, but it's our goal.

C (10:16)

Yeah.

B (10:16)

When we do the second date update.

C (10:18)

Next, Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. Second date update.

B (10:22)

If you're just joining us for the second date update, let's hit the highlights of Nick's first date with Crystal.

C (10:29)

Oh, man, there's one.

B (10:31)

Yeah, they went to Zoolights together.

C (10:33)

That's a highlight.

B (10:35)

It's pretty much all the highlights.

C (10:37)

She was really kind.

B (10:39)

Yes. And the glowing tiger. There was a glowing tiger that was kind of cool. The lights had, like, tiger eyes.

C (10:44)

He didn't see it, but she did.

B (10:46)

The low lights include a very embarrassing bathroom in incident where Crystal witnessed more than she probably wanted to inside of an employee restaurant. Not just witness. She got the whole thing.

C (10:58)

If you have to say, I covered my ears afterwards.

B (11:02)

Yeah, that's really all that needs to be said, I think. And there was a second bathroom stop on the drive home.

C (11:09)

Luckily, she did not attend that one.

B (11:12)

As far as we know, anyway. It's been two weeks, and while Nick's body has finally settled down, his mind is going crazy, wanting another chance. Right, Nick?

A (11:23)

Yeah. I mean, all I can think about is like, why did I do this? And how did I screw it up so bad?

C (11:28)

But the thing is, none of it's your fault. It's a situation like that's a problem. Like your body just defied you.

A (11:35)

You guys think, like, if this doesn't work out, I could do like an awkward Tuesday thing where I do the zoo or something.

C (11:42)

To the zoo. For you not being able to get to the bathroom in time.

A (11:47)

They should have more bathrooms instead of one bathroom.

C (11:50)

Probably been a lot of kids that have also gone all over the place.

B (11:53)

That's a good point.

A (11:54)

It's like the only time in my life I seriously wish I just like had old man diapers or something.

C (11:59)

No, that smell.

B (12:01)

No.

C (12:02)

No, man, no.

B (12:03)

You imagine the dinner tables, your face look like that. You can always do it on a future day. Don't quit on yourself. But here we go. Yeah. Don't give up, Nick. I'm going to dial her number right now.

A (12:19)

Hello?

B (12:20)

Hi, is this Crystal?

A (12:24)

Yes, it is. Who's this?

B (12:26)

Hey, Crystal. This is a radio show called Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning.

C (12:29)

Hi, Crystal.

B (12:30)

Hi, Crystal. Good morning.

C (12:32)

The whole show's here.

A (12:34)

Okay.

B (12:36)

I know it's probably weird that we're reaching out to you out of the blue, but we're doing something called a second date update.

A (12:45)

Okay. Why?

B (12:46)

Because one of our listeners said they went out on a very interesting date with you about two weeks ago.

C (12:52)

They said. Embarrassing.

B (12:53)

Well, trying to sugarcoat it.

C (12:55)

Yeah. I mean, she knows.

B (12:57)

Yeah, it's true. A Zoolites date with a guy named Nick.

A (13:02)

Oh, my God.

C (13:04)

Appropriate response. Oh, he told us everything, I think.

A (13:09)

Why? I'm sorry. Why would he tell you that?

B (13:12)

I mean, that's kind of how this works. We asked Nick to give us some details about your hangout so we could kind of gauge how it went. Yeah, that was kind of how we responded to when we heard it. But we were curious to hear your take on the night.

A (13:26)

Oh, God.

C (13:27)

We'll just start with how it started. I mean, were you excited about Nick?

B (13:30)

Can we start?

C (13:31)

I mean, I want to start with the good stuff. Right?

B (13:33)

Sure. You don't want to get right to the bathroom part, Brooke?

C (13:35)

No, I just feel like if we're going to set him up for success, we have to remind her that some point. I think you probably liked him.

A (13:42)

Right.

B (13:43)

Remember the good times Yeah.

A (13:47)

I was excited about the date. Like it was a cute little wholesome date we were going on and then it just kind of took a turn.

C (13:56)

Yeah, yeah. Turn right through that employee only door. Can I ask though? Can I just ask real quick? Why, after you maybe heard what was happening in the stall, did you not just run out of the bathroom real quick and, like, act like you were never in there?

A (14:11)

You know, I think I was just kind of in shock.

C (14:14)

Oh, is that bad?

A (14:15)

Like, I had gone into the bathroom because I didn't want to get caught by the employees. I didn't want us to get kicked out. I didn't think what was going to happen was going to happen.

B (14:24)

Sure. And it's probably like witnessing a car accident where it's horrifying, but at the same time you can't look away.

C (14:31)

Yeah, all of traffic comes to a.

B (14:33)

Crawl so bad you had to call your insurance. Okay. I mean, that's what we thought. Is this must be the reason that you haven't been staying in contact with Nick after your hangout?

A (14:45)

Yeah. I mean, like, I know it's not his fault, but I can't get that out of my mind.

C (14:51)

Yeah.

B (14:52)

Oh, man. Okay. I mean, that's understandable. They always say first impressions, and that's unfortunately his.

C (14:58)

Yeah, yeah.

B (14:59)

Not to big impression. Not to shock you with any more crazy information, but I do need to let you know that Nick has been listening to this phone call on the other line waiting to jump in and surprise you again.

C (15:14)

He's secretly waiting this time.

A (15:18)

What?

B (15:18)

Are you.

A (15:19)

You're joking.

B (15:20)

No, no, unfortunately. Nick, are you there?

A (15:24)

Hey, what's up? It's Bastion boy.

C (15:26)

Oh, don't give yourself that nickname n owning it Tuning.

B (15:30)

Come on.

A (15:31)

Dude, what are you doing? You're like making this way worse for yourself.

B (15:35)

I mean, Nick, you feel bad that happened?

A (15:37)

Of course I feel bad. I thought that we had a connection. I just had like a bathroom emergency. I mean, look at it like this. What if the roles were reversed and you went to the bathroom and it's like you don't even have to really go to the bathroom. You can make all the noise that I'd still be attracted to you.

C (15:53)

That's not the argument you think it is.

B (15:56)

Are you throwing out a hypothetical or are you actually suggesting that this happens? Why would you even out the score?

A (16:03)

I'm just trying to get us back on track, you know?

C (16:05)

That's not the way.

B (16:06)

Yeah, okay.

C (16:08)

I mean, maybe the better idea. Crystal.

B (16:10)

Right.

C (16:10)

Is like, maybe we can forget this happened and start fresh I don't know.

B (16:14)

It's up to Crystal which one she prefers. Crystal.

A (16:17)

I mean, you guys. Like, this whole thing could have just been between me and Nick, and now it's on the radio. Like, I just don't understand why you thought it would be better to bring this thing to a public space. Like, I'm just. It's weird. This is weird.

B (16:33)

Because you weren't answering him. Crystal so ghosted me.

A (16:36)

I didn't know what to do. Yeah, I had to get some professional help.

C (16:40)

And it shows, doesn't it show, Crystal, that he's. He's a guy who's willing to be vulnerable and share embarrassing stuff with other people. Like, you want that in a person and a partner, right?

B (16:51)

I mean, Crystal, just hearing all this, I'm thinking a little bit is kind of on you. Did you not offer him toilet paper underneath the stall? If you're gonna be in there being supportive, you should really support him. That is true.

A (17:04)

Look for the bathroom, though.

B (17:06)

She did help you locate the bathroom. Yeah.

C (17:08)

Crystal's not even talking anymore.

B (17:09)

Yeah, I don't know. Crystal, are you still there?

A (17:11)

You know, I'm still here. I'm just wondering if this is like a real thing. Like, is this really happening right now?

B (17:17)

Yeah. You're in just as much shock as if you were standing in that bathroom all over again. You don't know what to say. Even more shocking. This is like top tier radio for us. This is great segment.

A (17:27)

Is it? Because I don't think your show is doing that. Okay, this is what we're bringing.

C (17:32)

Like, maybe this will be your memory now instead of that other memory, you know.

B (17:39)

Because we're already at the ultimate low point of this relationship. There's only upwards to go from here. Yeah. And that type of optimism is what I hope influences you to say yes when I offer to send you two out on another date. But before we get your answer, Crystal. Nick, do you have any last words that you want to share?

A (17:59)

Well, you know, I do want to say, Crystal, when I went to the bathroom the second time, it was a lot less gnarlier than the first time. It's just when I went the first time, it was just. I was like holding it in for a while.

C (18:12)

No more details. Why would you give her what that was an aberration.

B (18:16)

Crystal, going forward, it's all gonna be normal.

C (18:18)

Nick, your statement should have been about how great she is and how much you want to see her again.

B (18:22)

This might have worked though. Let's find out. Crystal, do you want to go out with Nick, after hearing that one more time, just don't get him taco or anything.

A (18:29)

Look, like. Nick, I'm sure you're a nice guy, but I gotta be honest. Even if you paid me money to go, I would still say no.

C (18:40)

We're not paying you, giving you dinner.

A (18:43)

So you're telling me that the comparison between the first bathroom and the second bathroom wasn't convincing at all? No, Nick, it wasn't.

B (18:54)

Oh, my gosh.

C (18:55)

I'm glad she clarified.

B (18:56)

Nick, this is the state of the dating world. Judgy women.

C (19:01)

I was thinking that maybe he needs to check where the restrooms are before he plans his next date.

B (19:05)

Actually, that's a good point too.

A (19:06)

No, no, you know what, dude? It's fine. I'm just gonna sue the zoo. There's no way that they should have one bathroom.

C (19:13)

Next Tuesday on our show.

B (19:15)

It's going right up to the Supreme Court with that one. Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning. Hey, everyone, it's Ed Helms. And I'm Kalpen and we are the hosts of earsay, the Audible and I Heart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am talking to film and TV critic, radio and podcast host and Harry Potter super fan Rhianna Dillon to discuss Audible's full cast adaptation of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. What moments in this audiobook capture the feeling of the magical world best for you or just stood out the most? I always loved reading about the Quidditch matches and. And I think the audio really gets it because it just plunges you right into the stands. You have the crowd sounds like all around you is surround sound, especially if you're listening in headphones. Listen to Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Like, if we're on the air here, and I literally have my contract here and I'm looking at, you know, as soon as I sign this, I'm going to get a seven figure check. I've told them I won't be working here in two weeks. From the underground clubs that shaped global music to the pastors and creatives who built a cultural empire, the Atlanta Is podcast uncovers the stories behind one of the most influential cities in the world. The thing I love about Atlanta is that it's a city of hustlers, man. Each episode explores a different chapter of Atlanta's rise. Featuring conversations with Ludacris, Will Packer, Pastor Jamal Bryant, DJ drama, and more. The full series is available to listen to now. I really just had never experienced anything like what was going on in the city as far as, like, you know, seeing so many young, black, affluent creatives in all walks of life. The church had dwindled almost to nothing. And God said, this is your assignment. And that's like, how you know, like, okay. Are you from Atlanta? For real? I ain't got to say too much. I'm Grady, baby. Shut up. Listen to Atlanta is on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. There must be some type of global restroom app out there that starts beeping an alarm when you're farther than five minutes away from any public bathroom.

C (21:35)

I don't know about that, but there. There is a public restroom app for sure. Is there to find the closest one.

B (21:40)

Did you create it, Brooke?

C (21:41)

No, I just cups Brooke.

B (21:44)

You created it to meet up with you.

C (21:45)

I'm like a camel, dude. I can wait for hours before I need to go.

B (21:49)

I'm like a rat peeing right now. Well, we need. Everybody needs to get that bathroom app because I swear we have more dates ruined on this show by bathroom breaks than anything else.

C (21:59)

It is weird at the beginning of this when you ask the most, like, horrific date stories we remember from doing it. And Jose and I both said bathroom issue.

B (22:07)

Exactly.

C (22:08)

The guy on the phone.

B (22:10)

Not only that, if someone ever just goes to the bathroom real quick, bad stuff happens. They check their phone, they get numbers from the waiter. Nothing good happens when you use the bathroom on a date. So just don't do it.

C (22:21)

Okay?

B (22:22)

Hold it.

C (22:23)

I don't know that that's healthy, but yes.

B (22:25)

All right. That's our best advice. But I'll tell you, good things always happen when you subscribe to our podcast, Apple, Spotify, wherever you get yours, you can find us at brookeandjeffrey. Hey, everyone, it's Ed Helms. And I'm Kal Penn, and we are the hosts of Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club. This week on the podcast, I am talking to film and TV critic, radio and podcast host and Harry Potter super fan Rihanna Dillon to discuss Audible's full cast adaptation of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. What moments in this audiobook capture the feeling of the magical world best for you or just stood out the most?

C (23:11)

I always loved reading about the Quidditch.

B (23:13)

Matches, and I think the audio really gets it because it just plunges you right into the stands. You have the crowd sounds like all around you. It is surround sound, especially if you're listening in headphones. Listen to Earsay the Audible and iHeart Audio Book Club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

C (23:39)

The more you listen to your kids, the closer you'll be. So we asked kids, what do you want your parents to hear?

B (23:47)

I feel sometimes that I'm not listened to.

C (23:49)

I would just want you to listen.

A (23:51)

To me more often and evaluate situations with me and lead me towards success.

C (23:56)

Listening is a form of love. Find resources to help you support your kids and their emotional well being@sounditouttogether.org that's sounditouttogether.org brought to you by the ad.

B (24:08)

Council and pivotal I didn't really have an interest in being on air. I kind of was up there to just try and infiltrate the building. From the underground clubs that shaped global music to the pastors and creatives who built the cultural empire, the Atlanta Is podcast uncovers the stories behind one of the most influential cities in the world. The thing I love about Atlanta is that it's a city of hustle Wrestlers, man. Each episode explores a different chapter of Atlanta's rise, featuring conversations with Ludacris, Will Packer, Pastor Jamal Bryant, DJ Drama and more. The full series is available to listen to now. Listen to Atlanta is on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast. Seems like just yesterday that the Two Guys Five Rings podcast was in Paris for the Olympics and now we're heading to Milan for the 2026 Milan Cortina Olympic Winter Games. I'm Bowen Yang. And I'm Matt Rogers. You are the Pan Mediterranean icon and I've always said that I think they really thought about us when they picked these cities out and said, you know, what would be easiest for Mount and Bowen for their hit podcast. Well, we are the Milan Cortina of America. What do you think you are?

A (25:17)

I think I'm more Cortina.

B (25:19)

Listen to Two Guys Five Rings on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast. The social media trend is landing some gen zers in jail. The progressive media darling whose public meltdown got her fired and the massive TikTok boycott against Target. That actually makes no sense. You won't hear about these online stories in the mainstream media, but you can keep up with them and all the other entertaining and outrageous things happening online in media and in politics with the Bread vs Everyone podcast. Listen to the Brad vs Everyone podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.