Second Date Update Classic: Mistah Secure

Summary

Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update Classic: Mistah Secure
Hosted by iHeartPodcasts
Release Date: November 23, 2024

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Introduction

In the latest episode of "Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update Classic: Mistah Secure," hosted by iHeartPodcasts, listeners are treated to an engaging exploration of modern dating dynamics through the lens of attachment theory. The episode delves into the experiences of Justin, a listener navigating the complexities of securing a second date, while intertwining humor and insightful commentary from the hosts, DJ Dramos and Callie. This summary captures the key discussions, insights, and conclusions drawn from the episode.

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The Premise: Justin’s Second Date Endeavor

The episode centers around Justin, a listener who previously reached out for assistance in securing a second date after his initial outing didn't lead to another meeting. Justin's approach is heavily influenced by his understanding of attachment theory, as outlined in the book "Attached," which categorizes individuals into three attachment styles: secure, anxious, and avoidant.

Justin explains his strategy:

“I put this on my dating profile where I said, secure attachment styles only, and it didn't really get me any clicks, but then I put that smiley emoji with, like, the sweat drop coming on the forehead, you know, and that got me a few done.” (04:10)

Despite his efforts, Justin encounters challenges in translating his theoretical knowledge into successful dating interactions.

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Unpacking Attachment Theory

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing attachment theory, particularly how it applies to dating. Justin categorizes himself as secure with traits of anxious, believing that open communication and self-awareness can enhance his romantic prospects.

DJ Dramos introduces the concept:

“Secure, anxious, and avoidant. Anxious people are like the super needy ones where it's just like, no, you gotta text me.” (04:26)

Participants explore how these styles influence behavior in relationships, emphasizing the importance of recognizing and adapting one's approach to foster healthier connections.

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Justin’s Date with Kelly: Initial Attempts

Justin shares his first dating experience post-rebranding his profile to emphasize secure attachment. He matches with Kelly, an interior designer, and initially feels optimistic about their compatibility. However, complications arise:

“She is an interior designer. Absolutely. Very, very secure.” (06:30)

Despite Kelly's secure nature, unexpected circumstances lead to challenges in establishing a meaningful connection.

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The Second Date: A Rap Show and Miscommunications

Justin's second date with Callie (referred to as Brooke in certain segments) takes an unexpected turn when he invites her to one of his rap performances. While Justin is passionate about his music, his approach during the show reveals underlying communication issues.

During the performance, Justin engages with the audience and Callie, leading to a series of misinterpretations:

“I kind of worried, like, maybe my lyrics were a little bit too vulgar.” (07:32)
“But then while the people were taking photos, she was just like, I gotta go.” (08:30)

After the show, Justin seeks a second date update, which prompts the hosts to reach out to Callie for her perspective.

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Callie’s Perspective: Overanalyzing and Miscommunication

Callie shares her experience, highlighting how Justin's focus on attachment theory overshadowed genuine connection:

“He just wouldn't let it go. Like, on a first date, the first time I'm ever talking to him, he's like, psychoanalyzing me.” (12:21)

She elaborates on how Justin's continuous reference to the book made the conversation feel forced and unengaging:

“Thirty minutes of that conversation.” (13:26)

Callie emphasizes the importance of natural conversation topics over theoretical analyses, suggesting that Justin's approach may have come across as insincere or overly analytical.

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Hosts' Insights and Humorous Interjections

Throughout the episode, DJ Dramos and Callie provide humorous yet insightful commentary on Justin's dating strategies. They discuss the balance between passion and receptiveness in conversations, the significance of reading social cues, and the challenges of transitioning theoretical knowledge into real-life applications.

DJ Dramos humorously points out:

“You could be secure.” (14:22)

Meanwhile, Callie offers constructive feedback:

“This strategy doesn't work. Like, women aren't into that.” (14:32)

Their interactions underscore the delicate interplay between self-improvement efforts and authentic interpersonal connections.

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Conclusion: Lessons Learned and Moving Forward

The episode culminates in a candid conversation about the pitfalls of overanalyzing relationships and the importance of adaptability in dating. Justin acknowledges his missteps and expresses a desire to refine his approach:

“I thought this girl was secure. I'm getting so much avoidant and anxious vibes from her, I don't think I'm ready for a second date.” (16:06)

The hosts celebrate the attempt, highlighting the learning opportunities from such experiences:

“We have definitely never gotten on base.” (18:05)

Key Takeaways:

• Authentic Communication: Balancing self-awareness with genuine conversation fosters more meaningful connections.
• Reading Social Cues: Understanding and adapting to a date's responses can prevent misunderstandings.
• Flexibility Over Rigidity: While theoretical knowledge like attachment theory is valuable, flexibility in its application is crucial for real-life interactions.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Justin (04:10): “I put this on my dating profile where I said, secure attachment styles only, and it didn't really get me any clicks…”
• Callie (12:21): “He just wouldn't let it go. Like, on a first date, the first time I'm ever talking to him, he's like, psychoanalyzing me.”
• DJ Dramos (14:22): “You could be secure.”
• Justin (16:06): “I thought this girl was secure. I'm getting so much avoidant and anxious vibes from her, I don't think I'm ready for a second date.”

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Final Thoughts

"Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update Classic: Mistah Secure" offers a humorous yet insightful examination of the challenges faced in modern dating. Through Justin's journey, listeners gain a deeper understanding of how attachment styles influence romantic interactions and the importance of balancing self-improvement with authentic connection. The hosts' engaging discussions provide valuable lessons for anyone navigating the complexities of love and relationships.

Transcript

[Jana Kramer]

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[DJ Dramos]

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[Justin]

Let's see.

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[Justin]

Heads up.

[DJ Dramos]

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[Jana Kramer]

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[Justin]

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[Justin]

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[DJ Dramos]

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[Callie]

Now, we have a level of privilege.

[DJ Dramos]

That our parents never had. So what do we do with it, right? How do we.

[Jana Kramer]

How do we utilize the opportunities that.

[DJ Dramos]

We have that they don't, right? And a lot of that is educating ourselves. Educating ourselves on how to not make the same mistakes they did. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. State Farm. Proud sponsor of my Cultura podcast network, Second date Update. This happens every so often, but sometimes a listener will do a second date update with us that doesn't end with a yes.

[Callie]

Oh, just every so often.

[DJ Dramos]

But the thing is, they're so impressed by us, specifically me and my efforts to jumpstart their love lives, that they're willing to call back and give it another go.

[Callie]

You know, you don't have to do mouth to mouth anymore with cpr, but.

[DJ Dramos]

I like to do that.

[Callie]

Yeah.

[DJ Dramos]

That's why Justin has reached out to us once again. He was on a few months back, and last time the lady he went out with was not impressed because she showed up an hour late to dinner, but said Justin wasn't man enough to be mad about it and cancel.

[Callie]

What?

[DJ Dramos]

Oh, I think I remember that. It was really weird. And that call definitely crashed and burned. But we promised to try and do better for Justin this time, so. Justin, welcome back.

[Justin]

Hey, thank you guys for having me.

[Callie]

Oh, man. How long did you wait for your date to show up this time, Justin?

[Justin]

No, she actually came right on time this time.

[Callie]

Another test and you failed it, I'm sure.

[DJ Dramos]

Get up and leave and make her way. Yeah, I think that shows improvement. And I heard that you've been actually doing a little bit of research since the last time you were on with us.

[Justin]

Yeah, I feel like the learning process never really ends. I'm always trying to better myself, you know?

[Callie]

So deep. That is so deep. Justin.

[Justin]

I heard about this book called Attached. Have you guys. Are you familiar with it?

[Callie]

Attached? I don't know.

[DJ Dramos]

Yeah, reading is not on the top of the list of hobbies for this group, so. But tell us about it. What is Attached about?

[Justin]

So this book basically talked about how most people come into three different psychological categories while dating.

[Callie]

Okay.

[Justin]

Secure, where you can communicate openly. And, like, I could be like, hey, I know you're busy, but I just kind of get nervous when you don't text back. Could you text me? Just let me know, Even if it's just like a little thumbs up or something.

[Callie]

Oh, it's like the type of communicator you are.

[Justin]

Exactly.

[DJ Dramos]

And so three groups, they're secure.

[Justin]

Yeah. The other two categories are anxious and avoidant. Anxious people are like the super needy ones where it's just like, no, you gotta text me. And if you don't hear a text back, you're texting them, like, 20 times. Like, where are you?

[Callie]

Where are you, Jose, Register for you.

[DJ Dramos]

I don't know if I'm necessarily anxious in that sense, but in real life, I'm anxious a lot.

[Callie]

Yeah. And then what's the other one again?

[Justin]

The last one is avoidance, where, like, if things start getting real, they'll push apart a little bit. Like, they want distance. They don't want to be smothered or anything.

[Callie]

Okay, can you be more than one?

[DJ Dramos]

Like, I feel like I'm the first two combined.

[Callie]

You have to read the book and find out. Oh, no, I don't gotta read now.

[DJ Dramos]

I'm just gonna wait for the movie to come out.

[Callie]

Sounds really like a fun movie, Jeff. The Netflix one too, if they can.

[DJ Dramos]

Make it really short because my attention span isn't gray. Okay, so which one are you? Justin.

[Justin]

So I'm secure with traits of anxious, and so you can be more than one.

[DJ Dramos]

Okay.

[Callie]

Okay. So how did that change? Dating?

[Justin]

I'm just really open and communicative about what I'm expecting, how I feel. No more games of like. Like, you know, with the girl who was late, I could just be like, hey, you're late. That made me feel this way. What's going on? You know, just talk about it.

[Callie]

So wait, did we go on a date or are we just hearing about how your love life has improved? Which is great.

[DJ Dramos]

This is just a therapy session for everybody in the room. Or Justin wrote this book and he trying to sell.

[Callie]

Yeah, exactly.

[DJ Dramos]

So how does all this relate to your new and improved dating life?

[Justin]

So I put this on my dating profile where I said, secure attachment styles only, and it didn't really get me any clicks, but then I put that smiley emoji with, like, the sweat drop coming on the forehead, you know, and that got me a few done.

[DJ Dramos]

So who matched with your secure people.

[Justin]

Only demand with this wonderful woman named Kelly? She is an interior designer. Absolutely. Very, very secure.

[DJ Dramos]

Okay.

[Justin]

And I kind of wanted to have her see what I did. I don't even know if we spoke about this last time. I'm a professional rapper. Like, at least part time.

[Callie]

What?

[DJ Dramos]

What? Wow.

[Callie]

How did that not come up?

[Justin]

Because, like, you know, unless you're super duper famous, people just presume you're crap.

[DJ Dramos]

Oh, Jack Harper. You invited Callie to what, watch you rap somewhere?

[Justin]

Yeah, to a show that I was doing. And we hung out before we got to know each other. And then it was time for me to go on stage. And I had a couple songs that night, so I did those. The crowd was really into it. Like, I was a little nervous, you know, sometimes the crowd might not be into it, but I don't have a bad set.

[DJ Dramos]

Before you date.

[Justin]

Yeah. But when I got off stage, she said it was awesome.

[Callie]

Oh, good.

[Justin]

Like, people were coming up to me just, like, taking photos and things of that sort, which is always fun.

[DJ Dramos]

Oh, damn.

[Justin]

But I kind of worried, like, maybe my lyrics were a little bit too vulgar. But that's kind of also, like, the nature of the beast of being an artist.

[DJ Dramos]

Too vulgar.

[Callie]

I mean, you're a rap artist. Like, unless you're Will Smith. What type of rapper are you?

[Justin]

She did say it was awesome, but I remember, like, there was a point where I made eye contact with her while I was rapping, and I noticed her eyes were kind of big where she liked. I don't know if she thought this, but my read was like, she's like, what the hell did he just say?

[DJ Dramos]

Oh, boy.

[Callie]

Can you give us subject material on that one? Like, do you get to know anything?

[Justin]

Some of it gets political. Some of it is just, you know.

[Brooke]

Like, okay, that might widen demise.

[DJ Dramos]

What's up, y'all mother Democrats? It's little Mr. Secure up in the building.

[Callie]

All right, well, okay, you got your openers for you the next show.

[Justin]

I wanted to stay a little longer and hang out more, but, like, while the people were taking photos, she was just like, I gotta go. It was so great seeing you. And then.

[Callie]

Oh, she bounced.

[Justin]

Yeah, I had a tough time getting another date, and I really, really did like her, you know, way more than the girl who made me wait an hour.

[DJ Dramos]

Yeah, but this time you kind of made her wait. Yeah, same thing. Well, we'll see what Callie has to say, because we're going to drop some beats right here just for you, and then we're going to come back and get your second date update right after this.

[Justin]

All right, Sounds great.

[DJ Dramos]

All right, hold on, man. Second date update. He's smart, he's sexy, and he's totally secure. I'm talking about our listener Justin, who's back doing a second date update for the second time on our show because we failed him the first go round. Yeah, sorry. But this time, Justin went out with a woman named Callie, who he described as also secure and all right.

[Callie]

Like, that's. That's their attachment or whatever it is.

[DJ Dramos]

It's a good thing.

[Callie]

Yeah.

[DJ Dramos]

Okay. And she got to see him in his elements Mad bars at a rap show. Weird part was, while he was taking photos with fans after his performance, Cali suddenly ducked out Said she had to go. Yeah, and we don't know why. I'm sure Brooke has some theories for why.

[Callie]

Well, I don't know. Maybe she just was sick of being there. I mean, it's a long time to go to a rap show and then to sit and all his little fans coming up. Yeah, your date. Like, being on stage and not with you. You say you're by yourself, and then you're by yourself. More I can compare.

[DJ Dramos]

If you're, like, literally, like, as a comedy show, you're doing a meet and greet, and your date is just watching everyone. Like, you just. Yeah, you can totally see.

[Justin]

I don't. I didn't get that at all. I mean, I didn't want to be rude to the people who come up. You know, I'm not like a Kanye west or anything. They came to the show. I'm gonna take a second to say hello back.

[Callie]

Oh, yeah, no, we're not saying that that's bad. It's just that, like, on a first date, that may be. You know, it kind of just sucks from her perspective, you know?

[DJ Dramos]

But everyone else gets time with you. But her real stars don't take photos with their fans because they're past that. Yeah, that's true. Real shows don't even do meet and greets. Maybe it came across as kind of that you need your fans in order to seem cool.

[Callie]

He said he was secure, but maybe this whole time you were reading your maybe.

[DJ Dramos]

Yeah. What's the other ones? Anxious.

[Justin]

I have trace of anxiousness.

[DJ Dramos]

I said that maybe the anxiousness turned her off, but we're gonna call her and find out. Let's dial Callie's number and see what she has to say.

[Justin]

Hi.

[DJ Dramos]

All right, here we go.

[Brooke]

Hello?

[DJ Dramos]

Hey, is this Callie? This is her secure Callie.

[Callie]

No.

[Brooke]

Excuse me.

[DJ Dramos]

Who is this? My name is Jeff. I heard that you were secure. Sorry. My name is Jeff from the radio show Broken Jeffrey in the Morning.

[Callie]

There it is.

[Brooke]

Which radio show?

[Callie]

I don't even know.

[DJ Dramos]

Don't worry about it.

[Callie]

We have a podcast, too. Maybe you listen to that.

[Brooke]

I don't think I've heard of you guys. What's this about?

[DJ Dramos]

Well, we do a segment on this show called Second Date Update, and we're trying to help one of our listeners get a hold of you because you went out with him the other night and now you're avoiding him. His name's Justin. Oh, well, you guys went to a rap show.

[Brooke]

Yeah, I remember him. How much do you guys know?

[Callie]

Well, we know that he is an up and coming Rap star. And he took you to his show.

[DJ Dramos]

But he said you left while you were doing a meet and greet.

[Brooke]

Yeah, I did. So I didn't really enjoy him very much.

[DJ Dramos]

Oh, oh, like the show you didn't enjoy or.

[Brooke]

No, the show was fine. He's actually a really talented rapper. Like, I. I didn't mind the show at all.

[DJ Dramos]

Oh, I thought he was pretty good. You weren't.

[Callie]

You liked him on stage, but you didn't like him on stage.

[DJ Dramos]

Is that what you're saying? His on stage Persona? Yeah, it's better.

[Brooke]

Yeah. He lost me. I mean, before the rap, like, we were talking before the show, he just kept going on about the book. The attachment theory book?

[DJ Dramos]

Yeah.

[Callie]

Was it too much for you?

[Brooke]

He just wouldn't let it go. Like, in on a first date, the first time I'm ever talking to him, he's like, psychoanalyzing me. And, like, we're trying to figure out if our personalities match. And I'm like, I could find out if I click with you through just having a conversation about what we like to do. Like, I mean, it's cool to click with someone in their values, but you don't normally figure that out on date one. And, like, just based on this one theory, like, it was boring to just talk about that and only that.

[Callie]

It's like, people who won't date, like, other horoscope signs.

[DJ Dramos]

Actually really good comparison. Yeah.

[Callie]

And you didn't feel like. I mean, you weren't interested. You knew from the beginning that you weren't going to give him another shot.

[Brooke]

Well, I knew after about 30 minutes of him talking about this over and over that I was bored.

[Callie]

30 minutes?

[DJ Dramos]

You went on for 30 minutes about attachment theory.

[Callie]

We talked to him for, like, five minutes about it, and it felt like a lot. Thirty minutes of that conversation.

[DJ Dramos]

At least he's passionate about it. Passion is a good quality to have about things.

[Brooke]

But he wouldn't let it go. And it was like a tedious breakdown of the book. Like, all the categories, who they match with and deciding that, okay, I'm secure and he's secure. I was like, okay, but only one of us is boring.

[DJ Dramos]

Ouch.

[Brooke]

That hurts.

[DJ Dramos]

That really hurts. Gotta hurt to hear. Or, I don't know, maybe Justin's secure enough to take it in stride. Because, Cal, I need to tell you, he's on the other line listening right now and wants to talk to you. It's a secure line. Yes, it is.

[Brooke]

You had him on the whole time?

[Callie]

Yeah.

[Brooke]

He heard all of that?

[DJ Dramos]

He did.

[Callie]

That's all right, Justin.

[DJ Dramos]

He needed to hear that. You there?

[Justin]

Hey, Callie.

[DJ Dramos]

You hear how secure he sounds?

[Justin]

You could be secure.

[Brooke]

I didn't want to be mean to you. I just. You need to know that this strategy doesn't work. Like, women aren't into that.

[Justin]

It's not a strategy. I just really like the book I read, and I thought you were enjoying the conversation, like, the vibe that I was getting, you know, I'm sorry I misread the situation. I didn't know. Maybe it was because I was pre show jitters or something and I missed.

[Brooke]

The signs, but I don't think you were reading that situation right at all. And it's just not a good strategy. Like, it's D1. We're supposed to just talk about, you know, the trivial things. Likes and dislikes, what pizza toppings you eat, what Netflix shows you're currently binge watching.

[DJ Dramos]

Like, well, he's talking about his favorite book. You know, it's not 50 shades of gray, but at least it's, like, adjacent.

[Justin]

I'm sorry. I'm not basic. I don't want to go on multiple talk about, like, pizza toppings. Like, do you know how many girls I go out with? Like, I'm trying to find somebody who's special.

[DJ Dramos]

Hey, some people can talk about pizza toppings for 30 minutes. Thank you very much.

[Callie]

Justin. That just came off a little hot.

[DJ Dramos]

Yeah, came off confident. I don't think so.

[Justin]

The first dates get so repetitive. I thought we connected on something deeper, you know, but.

[Callie]

But it sounds like you weren't listening to her. It sounds like you were just, like, monologuing about a book that you read.

[Justin]

You know, I thought she was into it, and I apologize. I didn't mean to be boring. Okay, I got a B word for you, and it's not boring.

[Callie]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[DJ Dramos]

She said you were a good rapper.

[Callie]

Why are you being mean?

[Justin]

I'm a dope rapper. I'm one of the best to ever do it.

[Callie]

Oh, okay. Okay, what's happening? Remember, you're taking pictures of fans, and as Jeffrey proved.

[DJ Dramos]

Yeah, you don't see Kanye taking pictures of anybody. Callie, let's just pretend that you didn't hear him call you the other B word.

[Justin]

Wow.

[DJ Dramos]

Can you see how it was maybe a little bit your fault because you were encouraging him?

[Callie]

He says that she go back.

[DJ Dramos]

She seemed interested.

[Brooke]

Yeah, that can definitely not be blamed on me, just because I didn't step in and say, hey, stop talking about this. Now you're boring me. Like, that would have been a very.

[DJ Dramos]

Helpful clue to him that he needs to change the subject.

[Callie]

And if he was really secure, he would have been fine with it.

[Brooke]

I just think he's not the best at reading people because it was very clear that I was bored. And, you know, when you say to somebody, like, oh, cool, like, four times in a row, it means you're not really there.

[DJ Dramos]

Luckily, I'm very good at reading people and reading situations, and I'm sensing a vibe right here. I am. I'm feeling the love connection happening, and that's why I'd like to offer to send Cali out on another date with Justin. We'll pay for it.

[Justin]

I'm gonna stop you right there. I thought this girl was secure. I'm getting so much avoidant and anxious vibes from her, I don't think I'm ready for a second date.

[DJ Dramos]

You know, I'm still sensing some vibes going on.

[Brooke]

I don't want.

[Justin]

I not only.

[Brooke]

There's something we agree on.

[Callie]

Okay.

[Justin]

Yeah. I not only misread that conversation, I misread her entire profile and who she was as a human being. So, yeah. Hard pass.

[DJ Dramos]

Okay, so I'm getting a sense this is more of just a hookup, one night thing. Oh, okay. She's not gonna stay the night. She's just gonna be in and out before the sun even comes up. He said hard pass. Unless that's the name of his album, I don't think. Okay.

[Callie]

It's a good album name.

[DJ Dramos]

Single Heart. I'm just trying really hard because I don't want to go over to with Justin here.

[Justin]

Listen, you guys, this is not your fault. I mean, I love you guys. I love the show. I love that you, like, are taking the time to help me. You're 0 for 1 batting.500.

[DJ Dramos]

It's pretty good.

[Callie]

Hey.

[DJ Dramos]

I'm calling it 50 50.

[Callie]

Okay. We have definitely never gotten on base.

[DJ Dramos]

It's a victory in my book. Congratulations.

[Callie]

Justin just got hit by a pitch. Brook and Jeffrey in the morning.

[Jana Kramer]

This is Jana Kramer from Wind down with Jana Kramer. This podcast is brought to you by Kim Crawford Wines. As the leaves turn and the air gets cooler, Kim Crawford invites you to take a breather and enjoy the beauty of fall. Whether you're carving pumpkins, planning a cozy night in, or just taking a moment to appreciate the season, take your time to savor amazing with a chilled glass of New Zealand's finest experience. Your own golden hour with Kim Crawford Sauvignon Blanc. Visit Kim Crawford wines.com to learn more and find Kim Crawford wine near you. Savor Amazing for those 21 and over, please savor responsibly. Constellation Imports, Rutherford, California Looking for excitement? Chumba Casino is here. Play anytime. Play anywhere. Play on the train, Play at the store. Play at home. Play when you're bored. Play today for your chance to win and get daily bonuses when you log in. So what are you waiting for? Don't delay. Jumbo Casino is free to play. Play Experience social gameplay like never before. Go to Chumba Casino right now to play hundreds of games, including online slots, bingo, Slingo and more. Live the chumba [e-mail] VGW Group no purchase necessary Void were prohibited by law. See terms and conditions 18/.

[Callie]

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[Jana Kramer]

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[DJ Dramos]

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[Callie]

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[DJ Dramos]

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[Justin]

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[DJ Dramos]

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[Justin]

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[DJ Dramos]

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[Jana Kramer]

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[DJ Dramos]

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