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A.J. Jacobs
Dressing. Dressing.
Jeffrey
Oh, French dressing.
A.J. Jacobs
Exactly.
Jeffrey
That's good.
A.J. Jacobs
I'm A.J. jacobs, and my current obsession is puzzles, and that has given birth to my podcast, the Puzzler.
Jeffrey
Something about Mary Poppins?
A.J. Jacobs
Exactly.
Jeffrey
This is fun.
A.J. Jacobs
You can get your daily puzzle nuggets delivered straight to your ears. Listen to the Puzzler every day on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
A.J. Stephens
$1.4 billion in NFL quarterback contracts. The untold stories behind the biggest deals in football history. I'm AJ Stephens, Vice president of client strategy at Athletes first, introducing the Athletes First Family podcast, the Quarterback Series. My co host, Brian Murphy, Athletes first CEO, and I are sitting down with the agents who have negotiated contracts for Justin Herbert, Deshaun Watson, Dak Prescott, Tua Tagovailoa, and Jordan Love. Listen to athletes first family podcasts on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Minnie Driver
What if you ask two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minidriver, and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast. And now Mini Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Listen to mini questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Seven questions. Limitless answers.
Erica
The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and better than ever. I'm Erica. And I'm Mila. And we're the hosts of the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday. Yeah, we're moms, but not your mommy. Historically, men talk too too much, and women have quietly listened. And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your try. Listen to the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect podcast network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you go to find your podcast.
Jeffrey
Second Date update. You know, in all the years that we've done this segment, we've had a few listeners call up saying, I know that we only hung out once, but I'm pretty sure they're the one.
Mila
Oh, my gosh.
Jeffrey
We've had other people say, I am ready to mar this person right now.
Mila
Yeah, that's not a red flag on the phone.
Jeffrey
Yeah, that's a little too much. But rarely do we have people email and tell us I want a date, even though I'm not 100% sure. I really want to go out with them again.
Mila
Okay, well, I mean, even if they don't tell us, most of them are thinking that, you know.
Jeffrey
Sure. But it's a little bit confusing to me, so we're just going to get the listener on the phone who said that to us today. Her name is Ari. Welcome to the show. You do realize this is second date update, not second date. Maybe. I don't know. We'll see how I feel at the end of the call. Right?
Ari
Hi. Yes, I do understand.
Jeffrey
Okay, so you're committed here?
Mila
I mean, are we just calling this person because they rejected you? Like, let's be honest for a second.
Ari
No, it's not even like that. Like, I like this guy.
Jeffrey
Okay, well, tell us a little bit about him. What's his name? How'd you meet?
Ari
So his name is Victor. I met him online and he really looked so nice. He had a really nice beard.
Jeffrey
Oh, I'm so jealous of doing beards.
Mila
I love a good beard.
Jeffrey
It's just Jeff looking at you. Of course she brought it up because I'm in here.
Mila
That's not what I meant when you said it.
Jeffrey
And I know the winks were a little bit aggressive, but that's okay.
Mila
Okay. God.
Jeffrey
Anyway.
Mila
So uncomfortable.
Jeffrey
Clearly you're not alone, Ari. So good beard stuck out to you.
Ari
Yes, yes, it was really nice. So we went on three dates.
Mila
Three?
Jeffrey
Three. Hey, you're already breaking the rules on.
Mila
The second date, so now this is a fourth date update, actually today.
Jeffrey
Why?
Ari
Okay, well, listen, the first two, they went really well. Okay, so what'd you do?
Mila
Just real quick, are you doing coff or what?
Ari
So the first day we showed up in matching outfits first.
Jeffrey
Oh, on purpose? Yeah.
Ari
No, this was like. It was an accident.
Mila
That's. So was it like jeans and a plain T shirt or like something crazy floral print?
Ari
It was like white tops, brown bottoms and white shoes.
Jeffrey
Like couples will dress. That is good chemistry. Like, you naturally have the same sense.
Mila
You're on the same wavelength.
Ari
That's what I thought.
Jeffrey
The room thinks this is a good thing. Okay. What were you doing for your date?
Ari
Oh, so like, we just went for a drink and it was a really good time. So he's like, look, let's go for a second one.
Mila
Right.
Ari
So we did something fun again. Just drinks, nothing too heavy.
Jeffrey
Okay, so you basically went on the same date twice.
Mila
The same good date twice, just with.
Jeffrey
Different outfits both times. Yeah.
Ari
Yeah.
Jeffrey
Unless you guys decided to wear the exact same one for date number two again. Because the first One went so well. How am I going to find you in the restaurant?
Ari
We were just wearing different clothes on it.
Jeffrey
Oh, okay.
Mila
Okay. So that. That one obviously went well because there was a third date, right? Yeah.
Ari
Yeah. So we decided to go a little more upscale for the third date.
Mila
That's the right timing.
Ari
We did dinner at this fancy restaurant. It was really nice.
Mila
Yeah.
Jeffrey
Okay, so how did date three go once you got to this nice restaurant?
Ari
So, like, I had got there first. And in order, you know, to get seated, you have to have a credit card on file with the host. So I put my credit card down so we wouldn't lose the table.
Mila
Okay.
Ari
You know, he was running a little late.
Mila
Okay, that's nice.
Jeffrey
Yeah, well, that's not nice that he's late. What? That's a bad move.
Mila
Well, I mean, it's a third date. Like, things happen, right? Like, maybe got caught at work or.
Jeffrey
Something super late, or, like, normal. Four hours later when he finally showed up, how did it go?
Ari
No, it wasn't that late. It was like he was about, like, 15 to 20 minutes.
Mila
Okay, so you're still feeling good?
Ari
Yeah, everything is fine. And then, like, the bill comes and the waiter is like, hey, should I just go ahead and run the credit card that's on file?
Jeffrey
That's your card?
Mila
Yeah. What happened?
Ari
Well, like, he just looking, like, stupid.
Jeffrey
The waiter or Victor? You're dead.
Erica
I think Victor.
Jeffrey
Confused.
Mila
Is he confused or is he trying not to hear it? Like, I don't know.
Ari
Yeah, he's making it awkward because he's very, like, hesitant. He knows that my card is on fire.
Jeffrey
He does know he's defaulting to you, I guess, to be like, it's your card. You get to make the decision.
Mila
Did you pay for the last two dates? Because then I could kind of see it.
Jeffrey
Oh, that's a good question.
Ari
He paid for them, but, I mean, he's the guy, so.
Jeffrey
Yeah, traditional guys would go, oh, no way. Give me that bill.
Mila
But after a few days, I don't know, like, every day, like, and she's the one that put the credit card down, I would think that you're telling me that you're, like, wanting to pay.
Jeffrey
So what happened?
Ari
So, because things is just so weird and awkward, and the waiter just standing there looking at both of us, I'm like, well, just go ahead and run my card.
Mila
Okay.
Jeffrey
Okay.
Ari
Once the waiter walked away, he was like, well, your card is already on file, so, you know, we should just make it less of a headache for the waiter.
Mila
He didn't Say thank you.
Ari
No.
Mila
Oh.
Ari
Oh, yeah. And the bill. The bill was over $200.
Jeffrey
Oh.
Mila
What?
Jeffrey
It's a nice place. Oh, okay.
Ari
But I'm like, whatever. I'm like, I'm not tripping about it.
Mila
Okay.
Ari
But, like, after that date, we haven't really been talking as much. Like, at first, I felt like he's really putting a pressure on me and keeping in contact and, like, when I'm going to see you again type of thing. Yeah, like that day, everything slowed down a lot, and I really don't know why.
Mila
Oh, that's weird. Because you paid. Like, it feels like.
Jeffrey
Yeah. So going back to the beginning of this call, is that why you were saying? Because of the whole bill situation? Maybe you're not 100% sure you really want to see him again for another date.
Ari
Yeah, and if he doesn't want to see me again, I feel like he needs to run me my money. Like he needs to pay for half of the day.
Jeffrey
Oh, wow.
Mila
His half. Okay. He should. There's Venmo. It's easy. Yeah. Seriously, you can't say that if like. Like a guy can't come back and say you didn't go out. I mean, if you're never gonna see him again, what's the harm in asking? You know, Alexis, if a dude asks you that, you'd be so upset. But I would do it. Cause I can't say no.
Erica
Y.
Jeffrey
But if he says yes, then you don't care about the bill situation?
Ari
Yes, if we say yes, I don't care because it's like, we'll probably go to more fancy restaurants, and then he'll pay.
Jeffrey
All right, well, we're gonna see how this goes when we call Victor to get you your second date update and maybe half of your money back. Hey, debt collector, right after this second date update, we're in the middle of a second date update. And if this doesn't go well with Victor.
Mila
Yes.
Jeffrey
We may need to go full godfather on him.
Mila
Oh, that's the music I see. Wait, I haven't seen these movies. Explain.
Jeffrey
It's Jeffrey from the second date update. I'm going to make you an offer you can't refuse.
Mila
Oh, that's pretty good, Jeff.
Jeffrey
Either you pay the nice woman, or we can make it real uncomfortable for you, send you a gift card to Applebee's with half of the balance. Gunka put. It's actually the worst thing that we could do in this situation. Give a half use gift card to somebody. It's just disrespectful.
Mila
Do you have an old Italian monster living inside your body? Actually. Good.
Jeffrey
I'm not going to tell you where we can't really threaten Ari's date here. But if he says he does not want to see her again, Ari wants to ask him to pay her back for half of the bill from their final date. Cuz it was at this nice upscale restaurant. He kind of stuck her with it.
Mila
Yeah, so kind of.
Jeffrey
Kind of. It was a little awkward.
Mila
Like, don't you think, Ari, that he thought you wanted to pay?
Ari
Absolutely not. He should have never thought that.
Jeffrey
Oh, he showed you disrespect. And it's not okay.
Mila
Okay. We hyped you too much. You lost him in that one. I think you need the music.
Jeffrey
Yeah, that's what it is. Anyway, we're gonna call Victor here. Hopefully we can avoid all of that. And he just says, yes, he would love to see you again. It's all a big misunderstanding, but I'm gonna dial his number right now. Here we go.
Victor
Hello?
Jeffrey
Hey, is this Victor?
Victor
This is Victor. How you doing?
Ari
Oh.
Jeffrey
Oh, you're so. You're so polite. I'm good.
Mila
I'm good too, Victor.
Jeffrey
Thanks for asking. What about you, Alexis?
Mila
I don't think he cares. Yeah, to be honest.
Jeffrey
Sorry to confuse you, but you're on a radio show right now.
Victor
Okay, all right. About what?
Mila
For what you said.
Jeffrey
Yeah. About what? Well, good question. How do you feel about us setting you up on a hot date with a sexy woman that you've already been out with multiple times?
Mila
Why did your voice get deeper and deeper?
Jeffrey
Because I wanted it to sound enticing.
Victor
All right, I'm interested to tell you.
Jeffrey
More because there is a woman who has gone through us to reach you and her name is Ari.
Victor
Oh, yeah, I remember her.
Mila
Yeah, I hope so. You guys went on three dates together?
Victor
Yeah, we went on a couple days together. We had a good time.
Mila
Okay, this is sounding positive.
Jeffrey
We're trying to help Ari feel this out and get a vibe of where your relationship with her is at. Not that it's a relationship, but just she wants to see more of you and it hasn't happened and she's not sure why.
Mila
It feels like the momentum has stopped a little bit.
Victor
Yeah, but I'm gonna explore my options. I mean, I'm new to the city, so I wanted to, you know, date a little bit. So I want to see who's in the. But she's still, you know, in the fold.
Mila
She's still in the fold.
Jeffrey
Okay. And of course you're not Going to tell her that, like, hey, sorry, I'm not hitting you up. I'm going on a lot of dates. Yeah, yeah, of course.
Victor
Of course not.
Jeffrey
I mean, you're. You're allowed to do. How many women are in the. Are in your fold?
Victor
I've been on maybe two other dates, probably.
Mila
Oh, that's not too bad. Okay, that seems normal.
Jeffrey
So you're not completely cutting her out. It's just you're also opening yourself up to other possibilities.
Victor
Yeah, like I said, I was one of my options in the city.
Jeffrey
You're scouting the roster, huh? It gives a little bit of clarity.
Mila
It doesn't feel great to deliver that news to her.
Jeffrey
Yeah, because what we do have to deliver it.
Mila
I mean, this is the awkward part.
Jeffrey
Yeah. Victor, the part that you might not know about this is that Ari is actually already on this phone call, listening, waiting to talk to you.
Victor
You mean this phone call right now?
Ari
Yeah.
Jeffrey
Yeah, that's what I meant when I said this call.
Victor
Okay.
Jeffrey
So, yeah, I'll just.
Mila
Assessing the damage right now.
Jeffrey
I think you're okay. Yeah, let's ask. Ari, are you there?
Ari
Yeah, I'm here. Hey, Victor.
Victor
Hey, Ari. How you doing?
Ari
Oh, I'm doing great. But, yeah, like, I heard everything that you said.
Victor
Yeah, so like I said, we went on a couple of days, had a great time. I'm still new to the city, so I'm exploring my options, seeing what's out there.
Mila
Okay, you're gonna say it again?
Ari
Yeah, like you already said that. You keep saying it over and over. Nervous or something?
Victor
Yeah, I'm not nervous at all.
Jeffrey
Oh, you're not nervous?
Victor
No.
Ari
Okay, well, you should be. You should be nervous because I'm. I'm not with. None of that, like, I'm not part of your starting lineup, buddy. I don't know what you think you got going on here, but, like, we've been on three dates, so you should have, like, some type of idea, like whether you want to take this farther or not. I don't care about you being new to a city. Like, I'm not one of your little flings. I don't move like that.
Jeffrey
I mean, how many dates does it take for you, Victor, to decide whether or not, like, it's the real deal with somebody?
Victor
I don't have to answer that. I mean, it takes the amount of time it takes me to fill person out, so I really don't have to answer that.
Jeffrey
I'm trying to help Ari. She just feels like she's waiting forever.
Mila
Well, she. I don't know about forever. I think she's just saying three days. You need to know.
Ari
Come in. The names of the girls you've been dating. Who are they? I might know them.
Mila
Nope, never do names. Never show insta zeit there.
Jeffrey
Okay. Maybe just addresses or something.
Mila
What a welcome to our city.
Jeffrey
We're really nice here. I promise. We got a lot of people to date.
Mila
The dating scene is totally cool.
Ari
Victor, you're not saying anything. What are the girl's names?
Victor
I don't need to tell you that information. That's my information. Like I said, I'm exploring out in the city. I had a great time with you, bro.
Jeffrey
You're saying he's, like, reading the script at this point?
Ari
I feel like that's a BS experience. Excuse. I feel like that's a BS excuse.
Jeffrey
Because he can't stop saying that.
Mila
Do you think that he's just trying to cover, like, maybe he just doesn't like you that much or something? All right, I don't mean it in a mean way.
Jeffrey
Maybe trying to be nice.
Mila
Yeah. Yeah.
Ari
Or maybe he just wanted a free meal that night because I paid, remember?
Jeffrey
I knew this was coming.
Mila
Here we go.
Ari
Since you don't want to, like, you don't really care, like, going on the date or whatever, I'm fine with that. You need to go ahead and pay me up half for that dinner. So you need to go ahead and, like, Venmo me half of that bill. I have to receipt. If you need me to text you a picture of it and you can put it down the middle and send me your half.
Mila
Oh, okay.
Victor
I can say the same thing for you. I paid for the drinks for the first two days, so why don't you send me that money back, too?
Ari
Drinks and a whole steak meal appetizer. You had a four course meal. Onion.
Victor
You had four lemon drops on the first date.
Jeffrey
What are you talking about?
Mila
4.
Jeffrey
And that's a classic.
Mila
No wonder it was a nice date. I appreciate that. She's doing all the work for us.
Jeffrey
The sugar on the rim, too. Do you see the point here? It's okay if you're asking, but not okay if he's asking.
Ari
Oh, no, it's definitely okay if I'm asking. He's a man. A real man. Wouldn't even have let me pay. You should have pulled out your credit card. Let's start there.
Victor
Oh, I mean, the reason why you pulled your credit card out is because I got there late. I was stuck in a little traffic getting there. But at the same time, I Mean, I thought you were paying for dinner because I paid for the drinks on the first two days, so it seemed.
Mila
Like it was fake, but. But you didn't even say thank you afterwards.
Victor
I'm sure I said thank you afterwards. We had a little, you know, situation in the parking lot afterwards. I gave her a nice little kiss, said thank you, and kept it moving.
Jeffrey
A kiss is a thank you, isn't it?
Mila
No.
Ari
Running me my money back would be a thank you.
Mila
Okay, I don't think she's gonna drop it.
Jeffrey
She's pretty. She's pretty strict. She wants the money back. So do you want to give your Venmo out right now? No.
Mila
Do it all.
Victor
No, I'm not giving my Venmo.
Jeffrey
Are you sure? Okay, well, I guess you do really well.
Ari
Guess what. This city isn't that big. I'll see you around, buddy.
Jeffrey
Oh, ye Godfather. Godfather, we need you to make an offer. He was unprepared. Olive Garden. No, this is not.
Mila
Sounded like the Godfather having a stroke.
Jeffrey
Jeff, bread sticks. We got all the bread sticks that you can put in your mouth if you're willing to go out one more time. And that.
Victor
That we.
Jeffrey
On our. On our tab.
Erica
Okay?
Mila
Victor, you want to go out again?
Victor
Ari, it was nice meeting you, but I'm never paying you that money back.
Jeffrey
Oh. Oh, God.
Ari
Okay, that's fine. That's cool. I'm not gonna trip. But.
Jeffrey
Hey, ladies.
Ari
Victor, don't date him.
Mila
Don't date him.
Jeffrey
Cause if you do, we're gonna have to break some kneecaps.
Mila
That got too dark too quick. Jeff, find him. Go back to the breadsticks.
Jeffrey
Maybe we'll see you two on small claims court on Judge Judy. All right, good luck. Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.
A.J. Jacobs
Dressing. Dressing.
Jeffrey
Oh, French dressing.
A.J. Jacobs
Exactly.
Jeffrey
That's good.
A.J. Jacobs
I'm A.J. jacobs, and my current obsession is puzzles, and that has given birth to my podcast, the Puzzler.
Jeffrey
Something about Mary Poppins?
A.J. Jacobs
Exactly.
Jeffrey
This is fun.
A.J. Jacobs
You can get your daily puzzle nuggets delivered straight to your ears. Listen to the Puzzler every day on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
A.J. Stephens
$1.4 billion in NFL quarterback contracts. The untold stories behind the biggest deals in football history. I'm AJ Stephens, vice president of client strategy at Athletes first, introducing the Athletes first family podcast, the Quarterback series. My co host, Brian Murphy, Athletes first CEO, and I are sitting down with the agents who have negotiated contracts for Justin Herbert, Deshaun Watson, Dak Prescott Tuathailoa, and Jordan Love. Listen to Athletes First Family Podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Minnie Driver
What if you ask two different people the same set of questions? Even if the questions are the same, our experiences can lead us to drastically different answers. I'm Minnie Driver and I set out to explore this idea in my podcast, and now Mini Questions is returning for another season. We've asked an entirely new set of guests our seven questions, including Jane Lynch, Delaney Rowe, and Cord Jefferson. Listen to Mini questions on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. 7 Questions Limitless answers the OGs of.
Erica
Uncensored motherhood are back and badder than ever. I'm Erica. And I'm Mila, and we're the hosts of the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday. Yeah, we're moms, but not your mommy. Historically, men talk too much and women have quietly listened. And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your try. Listen to the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect podcast network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you go to find your podcast.
Release Date: February 8, 2025
Hosted By: iHeartPodcasts
In the episode titled "Second Date Update Classic: Offer He Can't Refuse," hosts Brooke and Jeffrey delve into the complexities of post-date communications and the elusive quest for a second date. This episode showcases a real-life scenario where a listener seeks clarity on why their potential match has gone silent despite having a seemingly positive initial interaction.
The segment begins with Jeffrey introducing a listener named Ari, who shares her experiences with a man named Victor:
Ari recounts meeting Victor online, being impressed by his appearance—particularly his beard—and the natural chemistry they shared:
Their dating progressed smoothly with three consecutive dates:
The crux of Ari's dilemma surfaces during the third date when she had to leave her credit card to secure a table. Victor's hesitance to pay his share of the dinner bill led to awkwardness and a subsequent cooling off in their communication:
Ari expresses her frustration and disappointment, contemplating whether Victor's reluctance to cover half the bill indicates a deeper disinterest or financial irresponsibility.
Brooke and Jeffrey decide to intervene by bringing Victor onto the show to address the situation directly. The conversation unfolds as follows:
Victor explains his stance, mentioning he's new to the city and exploring his options, which inadvertently places Ari in a state of uncertainty:
Despite his explanations, Victor's lack of concrete commitment leaves Ari feeling undervalued and financially exploited:
Victor's defensive reaction and refusal to reimburse Ari's expenses escalate the tension:
The episode culminates with Brooke and Jeffrey humorously threatening Victor with over-the-top consequences reminiscent of The Godfather, emphasizing the seriousness of Ari's predicament:
Key Takeaways:
Notable Quotes:
Ari on Feeling Undervalued:
[13:03] "We've been on three dates, so you should have, like, some type of idea, like whether you want to take this farther or not."
Jeffrey on Financial Fairness:
[08:11] "Oh, wow."
Brooke and Jeffrey's Humorous Threat:
[17:26] "That got too dark too quick. Jeff, find him. Go back to the breadsticks."
"Second Date Update Classic: Offer He Can't Refuse" serves as a poignant reminder of the intricacies involved in modern dating. It underscores the necessity for open dialogue about expectations and financial responsibilities, fostering healthier and more respectful relationships.
Listen to the full episode and more engaging content on iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.