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Brooke
Out of y'all this weekend, get an all access pass to Apple tv.
Jeff
No time like the present.
Brooke
Forbes is calling Apple TV plus the best streaming service out there right now, with critically acclaimed hit series and films like Severance, Shrinking Wolves, Ted Lasso, Silo, and the Morning Show.
Jose
We are not finished.
Jeff
We're on a hot streak.
Brooke
But don't just take their word for it. See for yourself.
Noel
It looks fabulous.
Jeff
I can't wait to see it.
Brooke
Stream Apple TV plus for free. January 4th through January 5th. Apple ID required.
Jeff
Second date update. We got an email for a second date update from one of our listeners named Gabe, who says he brought along some friends on his first date.
Jose
Okay, that could be fun.
Jeff
Apparently, Gabe did not get a kiss, but one of his friends did.
Jose
Wait, not the goal from his date?
Jeff
I'm not sure, but all I know is now he wants our help. So, Gabe, what's up, man? Welcome to the show.
Gabe
Hey.
Kermit
Happy to be on. Thanks for taking my call.
Jose
You are a chipper man.
Kermit
I try to be.
Jose
Okay.
Jeff
Okay, we'll get into the details of your date in just a second here, but first, tell us a little bit about the woman that you went out with. What's her name? Where'd you meet her? What's her net worth? Give us. Give us a rundown.
Kermit
Her name's Noel. Very, very pretty blonde girl. We met on a dating app, and we met up to this really great pizzeria in town.
Jose
I was really hoping he was going to give her net worth.
Jeff
Ye.
Kermit
I asked, but she wouldn't tell.
Jeff
Okay. Yeah. Stubborn.
Kermit
So we got some Hawaiian pizza.
Jose
Oh, controversial that you both like Hawaiian.
Kermit
You don't find that many people out there who like it.
Gabe
So I was like, it's not real pizza.
Jose
No, it is. I love it, too.
Jeff
We're not getting into this discussion during this second date update. No, we're not. We're not doing it. Let's just focus on your date, Gabe. Okay. Tell us more about the horrible pizza that you guys share.
Kermit
We had a bunch of that delicious, delicious pizza. And, you know, like you said, I did bring out my friends. You know, it said specifically in my profile that this is who I am, what I'm about.
Jose
Wait, what do you mean? You're about Hawaiian pizza with friends.
Kermit
So I am a professional amateur puppet impersonator.
Jose
Professional amateur also got me lost. That was on your profile?
Kermit
Yes. Yes.
Jeff
And you matched. So your. Your friends aren't actual people, they're puppets?
Kermit
Yeah, that is correct. Yes.
Jose
I see. Are you. You're like a ventriloquist or something, too. Like, you make the puppets talk.
Kermit
I'm not so much ventriloquy as it is just, like, a performance. Like, sometimes I'm behind, like, a fake rock or something, or I'm inside a really uncomfortable couch, and I do Muppet voices and stuff like that.
Jeff
Okay, so I'm just trying to picture this now. So you're in a pizzeria with your. Your Muppet friends now, joining you at the table.
Gabe
You're squatting.
Jeff
Say you say you do the voices, too?
Kermit
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Jeff
Can you give me, like, a sample of how that date would go?
Kermit
So, naturally, I brought out Kermit the frog first. That's how you break the ice, so it was kind of how you do it. Are you enjoying the date? I see you're not eating as many of the pineapple as he is. Okay. You know, he was trying to gas me up a little bit, but okay.
Jose
Okay. Kermit's cute. Yeah.
Jeff
I don't think of Kermit as, like, a typical, like, charmer of women, though. He seems kind of shy.
Jose
No, I think Kermie smooth.
Kermit
That's the thing, you know? No one's expecting Kermit. Everyone wants you to go with Fozzie or Animal or someone crazy, but you bring in Kermit when you want to show a little heart.
Jose
How did she react to Kermit?
Kermit
She was laughing. She was having a good time. Then naturally, I brought out Miss Piggy so that there could be a bit of a back and forth. You know, we had a double date for a little while.
Jose
And how did Miss Piggy sound?
Kermit
I think he's doing exceptionally well on this date.
Noel
Piggy. Don't bother them.
Kermit
They're doing their own thing. Can it, frog.
Jose
Can it, frog. I think that's adorable.
Gabe
I love it.
Jeff
Wa.
Gabe
You're just good enough that I can totally tell which one you're doing.
Jose
So you're sitting at the table. Do you have Muppets? Like, do you have the actual dolls with you, or is this just voices?
Kermit
I have two bags worth. It looked a little weird because I just had two duffel bags with me, but it seemed like the whole restaurant was actually having a good time along with it, because more often than not, when you bust out two Muppets, people are gonna take notes.
Jose
So, I mean, the thing is, if she was laughing through it, Women love humor. But how long did it go for? I was wondering that, too.
Kermit
It was, like, 45 to 50 minutes.
Gabe
Was there a commercial break?
Jeff
Yeah, an intermission where she got to go to the bathroom and then come back?
Kermit
Yeah, Yeah, I did say. You know, I went to the bathroom once, and I was like, hey, if you're just gonna, like, leave right now, I totally get it. No stress. But lo and behold, she was still there when I came back.
Gabe
Give you an invite to walk out?
Jose
Yeah, I wish they all did that.
Jeff
Did you ever get to know anything about Noel?
Kermit
Yeah, she's into pharmaceuticals. I guess that's what she's doing.
Gabe
Wait, wait. Taking them or.
Jose
It sounds like she's a drug addict. Would you say it like that? Oh, yeah.
Gabe
She steals all of her vitamins. Xanax.
Kermit
I mean.
Jeff
Gabe, normally I would ask our listeners if there was any awkward moments that happened during the date. I feel like I don't need to ask that.
Gabe
The whole date was kind of.
Kermit
There was one funny moment when Kermit and Miss Piggy started arguing over the pizza. You know, it got heated.
Jose
Let me guess. Miss Piggy not a fan of pineapple on pizza is what you're saying.
Jeff
Yeah.
Kermit
Miss Piggy was not having the Canadian bacon. She got midway through a splice and just went, wait, what's on this frog? Naturally, Kermit drama.
Jeff
I could see that. Throwing a wrench in your date, for sure. You said, though, that one of your friends got a kiss, so admittedly, I.
Kermit
Kind of went for a kiss. I may have been a little quick to the shot because I had Kermit on me still, and she instead, you know, went to go kiss Kermit, which. I get it. I get it. That's how it goes sometimes.
Gabe
Well, he's a celebrity. Girls want to kiss him.
Jeff
But I'm sure Miss Piggy didn't feel good about that either.
Jose
Good point.
Kermit
It was one heck of a car ride home. I'll say.
Jeff
Wow, two women upset at you after your date.
Gabe
Well, I'm imagining the bags are moving on their own. Duffel bags.
Jose
Kirby, how could you?
Gabe
Yeah.
Jeff
How long has it been, Gabe, since you and Noelle last spoke?
Kermit
It's been like, a week, week and a half. You know, we said we were gonna set up, like, a brunch or something afterwards. Like, she seemed really into the idea. I texted her a bunch of times, but I still haven't heard anything back. I just kind of.
Jose
Did you tell her that the puppets wouldn't come on the second date?
Kermit
I did. I said maybe. It's mostly just Gabe this time.
Jose
Okay. Mostly Almost secure.
Gabe
I may bring Oscar the garage, just in case.
Jeff
We have a lot to work with here. Kermit, what do you think we should do in this situation? I think we should perhaps play a song really quick and then come back and call Noelle and try and get your second aid update for Noel. That's what Kermit does, Right?
Kermit
That was great.
Jeff
That's great. We're going to play a song. We'll come back and we'll call Noelle for a second Date update right after this second date update. If you're just joining us, one of our listeners, Gabe, went out for pizza with a woman named Noel recently, and they were joined by some of his friends, Kermit and Miss Piggy. Because Gabe is a, quote, professional amateur puppeteer, actually.
Jose
Yeah, yeah, we've already gone over that.
Jeff
That's right.
Jose
It's an issue.
Jeff
He actually brought along some of his Muppets with him and basically put on a show at the pizzeria.
Jose
Yeah.
Jeff
And we heard a lot about what the puppets said and did. And eight. But Gabe, we never talked about alcohol on the date. Was Kermit getting turned?
Kermit
Maybe not Kermit, but Gabe was for sure.
Jose
Okay.
Gabe
Drink iced tea?
Jeff
More.
Noel
Yeah.
Jose
Yeah.
Jeff
Than anything that makes sense.
Jose
I mean, the thing is, Gabe, do you have any regrets about your Muppet Show? I mean, it went on 45 minutes long.
Kermit
No. Absolutely not.
Jose
Okay. I like that man that stands behind his people.
Jeff
That's confidence.
Jose
Yep.
Jeff
Women respond to that. So it's been a week, and Noel is still not calling you back. On a scale of 1 to 100%, what are the chances that the reason she isn't calling you is because of the puppets?
Kermit
That's a good question. I'm gonna say 50.
Jose
50. 50. Those are pretty good odds.
Gabe
I can see that. Someone's either gonna be, oh, that's so funny and cute, or they're gonna be like, dude, it's a date. I wasn't feeling that.
Kermit
There's no in between.
Gabe
Yeah, I agree.
Jeff
Okay, well, let's find out which 50% it lies on. We're gonna dial Noel's number right now. We're second date update. Okay.
Kermit
Okay. You know, at the end of the day, it was on my profile. She knew what she was getting into.
Gabe
Yeah, that's true.
Kermit
No regrets.
Jose
All right. I like that. That's what Kermy would say.
Jeff
I'm going dial the number right now. Here we go.
Noel
Hello?
Jeff
Hi. Is this Noel?
Noel
Yes.
Jeff
Hey, Noel. My name is Jeff from the radio show Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning. How are you doing?
Noel
Who is this?
Jeff
From a morning radio show. It's called Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning.
Noel
Yeah, I heard of it.
Jeff
Okay.
Jose
Oh, cool. Thank you.
Jeff
Thanks for listening. Or at least knowing someone that else. Someone else that listens.
Noel
Yeah, I want to know what you want.
Jose
Okay.
Jeff
Okay.
Jose
That was all.
Jeff
I'll just get right to it then. This is a segment that we do called a Second Date Update. That's where if you go out with one of our listeners and afterwards, if you're not calling them back, they reach out to us to call you so we can help them figure out the reason why.
Noel
Okay.
Jeff
Okay.
Noel
Who is this?
Jeff
Well, again, my name's Jeff, like the namesake, Brooke and Jeffrey. I'm your.
Noel
I know who you are. But who is the guy?
Jose
Because Jeffrey is. You're making Jeffrey so nervous for some reason, Noel. It's awesome.
Gabe
Definitely more confrontational.
Noel
I mean, it's a lot of you guys talking. I want y'all to get to the point.
Gabe
Yeah, okay.
Jeff
Sorry. I don't want to waste your time here. We.
Brooke
Right.
Jeff
The listener that we're calling on behalf.
Kermit
Of course.
Noel
She's working. I'm working.
Jeff
The listener's name is Gabe. Do you remember going out with Gabe?
Noel
Yeah. He actually called you guys.
Jose
Yeah, he did.
Jeff
Because Gabe.
Noel
It makes sense he would do something like that.
Jose
Yeah.
Jeff
What do you mean?
Noel
Because he must have too much time on his hands. This makes sense.
Jose
Can I just ask? Because he said that you guys met on a dating app. When you saw on the dating app that he was a professional amateur puppeteer. What were you thinking?
Noel
I was fine with that. I'm into theater.
Jose
Okay.
Noel
I like eclectic guys.
Jose
Okay, so you're kind of excited about the date then?
Noel
Yeah, but he took it too far.
Jeff
Which. Which part of it went too far for you?
Noel
The whole thing, from beginning to end.
Jeff
Oh, so you're talking about the pizza? The pizza was way over the line.
Noel
No, dummy, that's fine. I don't care about the pizza. We talk about the puppets.
Jose
Can you describe the date from your perspective? Because the way he describes it, it sounds like a quirky, fun night of a puppet performance and pizza. Like, it sounded really innocent.
Noel
That would have been fine if that was the truth.
Jose
Okay. I don't get quirky, fun vibes from her. So what's the truth? What was it really like?
Noel
Okay, so from the beginning it was okay. I wasn't really surprised because that's what I read in his profile, but I just felt like it shouldn't have to be on a date, though. That's weird. Off the bat.
Jose
Yeah.
Noel
That's why he's single, if that's what he's been doing.
Jose
Well, he walked in with two duffel bags full of puppets.
Noel
Yes, he did. And I didn't know if he was going to bomb the place or pull out a credit card out of there. I don't know. Yeah, weird.
Jose
So when you got to the first puppet character, what was your reaction?
Noel
That was okay. I was like, okay, let me just endure this and embrace this. It was cute. It was cool. To Karmic and Miss Piggy thing or whatever, that was fine. But then when he. The other puppet was like, this mafia guy, I think it was Joe Lavender. I don't know why he called the lavender. Like, lavender is supposed to be peaceful. Okay. You know how when somebody has the puppet, he's speaking into the puppet and the guy was harassing, kind of suggestive. Like, come on, he gonna put me in a body bag. And he tried to kiss me.
Kermit
Okay.
Jeff
Whoa. So.
Kermit
People in body bags? What's so wrong with that? You know, it's a joke. It's funny.
Jeff
Hold on. Yeah. Who is talking on the matching?
Kermit
The good name of Joe Lavender and Joe Lavender.
Noel
Y'all really got him on the other line like that.
Jeff
So hold on. So no, I was supposed to let you know at a time when it was convenient that Gabe's been on the other line listening and wants to talk to you. But it sounds like Joe Lavender might be talking.
Noel
Weirdo.
Kermit
Man, I sing my songs.
Noel
I'm mafia esque.
Kermit
I'm not involved with no bodies or no things. I'm just talking to Joe, bro.
Jose
Gabe, shut up. She didn't like Joe Lavender. Why would you be doing Joe Lavender? Did you not hear what she said?
Kermit
Oh, I cannot believe you would do this after we shared man after shared Hawaiian slices. This is the disrespect, but you are paying me.
Jose
Wow.
Jeff
Okay.
Gabe
Joe Lavender's gonna kill.
Jose
Can you stop Kermit more. Can you stop Joe Lavender?
Jeff
Yeah, we should put Joe Lavender back in the bag. And we'd like to talk to Gabe, please.
Noel
That's a lot to egg.
Kermit
Oh, hey. Oh, hey, guys. Hey, guys. What's up?
Jeff
Hey. Welcome back, Gabe.
Noel
He gotta get me off this phone. He is weird.
Jeff
We'll get you off weird.
Noel
And it's a waste of my time.
Jeff
Maybe it'd be useful to help Gabe be a better dater in the future if you could.
Noel
I'm not his therapist.
Gabe
She her more and more.
Jose
She brings up a good point. Gabe. Gabe, are you listening to anything she just said? Could you have an apology? I mean, she was offended.
Kermit
What? I will say, Noelle, I'm sorry. That's how you feel it went.
Jose
Oh, that's a bad apology.
Kermit
But I offer no apologies. And now to be my puppets.
Noel
Listen, I'm glad you want to be yourself. I hope it works for your future.
Gabe
Hey, that's a nice way to say get Ben.
Jose
Screw off. So, Noel, I'm guessing you don't really like Gabe that much.
Noel
I mean, no, I tried to, and it just went too extra bizarre. Too extra bizarre. Hashtag that.
Jeff
I'm sensing a lot of. There's a lot of friction here, obviously, but friction is what you need to create a spark, and spark starts a fire.
Jose
I think the fire's burned everything. Is this where you're gonna ask Noelle if she wants to go out again?
Jeff
I would love.
Noel
I'm not going out with him again.
Jeff
Okay, maybe if you won't go out with Gabe, but maybe you'll go out with Joe Lavender. Can we put Joe Lavender on the line? Oh, Jeff.
Kermit
Yes, Joel? Lavender is here. Hey. It's lonely at the top. It's lonely at the top.
Noel
It's lonely at the bottom because you. Weird.
Jeff
Well, this call isn't going very well, frankly.
Noel
Frankly, I can't.
Kermit
He was censoring himself quite a bit. That was holding back that day.
Jeff
Oh, that was.
Gabe
That was pg. Joe Lavender.
Kermit
Oh, after midnight, It's a whole other story.
Jeff
I don't want to know what happens with the puppets after midnight.
Gabe
I want to watch that Muppets episode.
Noel
You guys see him on a Netflix special about being a weird puppet murderer? Hell, no.
Kermit
That is a compliment, and I appreciate that. Oh, my God.
Noel
Okay, I'm hanging up.
Jeff
All right, thank you for your time.
Noel
Radio station. Oh, my God.
Jose
You can hang up now, Noel.
Jeff
Okay. She doesn't like us, Gabe. It doesn't seem like she was the best match for you. Yeah.
Kermit
Hey, you know, there are a lot of fish out in that sea, and I plan on swimming.
Jose
Really? I would say good luck. Maybe rework that whole Joe Lavender character a little bit more.
Kermit
No, no, I think. I think Joe's pretty good. I think it's everyone else with the problem.
Jeff
Hey, gay man, if you hear a knock at your door later, it's not because I had somebody go over to check you out to make sure that you're, you know, okay.
Kermit
Yeah, no need to worry. I'm glad I'm on the radio. Does this mean I get a show now?
Jose
Yeah.
Jeff
You know what, Joe? You can take over from my position because I'm obviously terrible at.
Kermit
Okay, here we go. This is broken. Joe in the morning. Pruning them tunes from morning until noon.
Jeff
There you go. Good luck, Brooke.
Jose
Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning.
Podcast Summary: "Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update – Muppet Dinner"
Episode Overview In the January 1, 2025 episode of Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update, hosted by iHeartPodcasts, Brooke and Jeffrey delve into the quirky and unconventional dating experience of one of their listeners, Gabe. Titled "Muppet Dinner," the episode explores Gabe’s attempt to secure a second date with Noel by incorporating his unique hobby as a professional amateur puppeteer. The episode provides humorous insights, candid discussions, and valuable dating advice, all while maintaining an entertaining narrative.
The episode kicks off with Jeffrey introducing the segment, "Second Date Update," where listeners share their dating experiences for feedback and insights.
Jeffrey (00:30):
"Second date update. We got an email for a second date update from one of our listeners named Gabe..."
Gabe, also known as Kermit, recounts his first date experience with Noel, whom he met through a dating app. Determined to showcase his personality, Gabe decided to bring his puppet friends, Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy, to the dinner at a local pizzeria.
Gabe/Kermit (01:17):
"Her name's Noel. Very, very pretty blonde girl. We met on a dating app, and we met up to this really great pizzeria in town."
Gabe’s unique approach to the date took center stage as he detailed how his puppets interacted during the evening.
Jose (01:25):
"I was really hoping he was going to give her net worth."
Kermit (02:17):
"I'm a professional amateur puppet impersonator."
Gabe clarified that his "friends" were, in fact, puppets, adding a layer of performance to the evening. The infusion of humor was evident as he described the dialogue between Kermit and Miss Piggy, intended to break the ice and keep the conversation lively.
Kermit (03:01):
"Are you enjoying the date? I see you're not eating as many of the pineapple as he is."
(Challenging Gabe’s preference for Hawaiian pizza)
Miss Piggy (03:44):
"Piggy. Don't bother them."
(Expressing disdain for the unconventional pizza choice)
The playful banter between the puppets was initially well-received, with Noel laughing and enjoying the novelty.
As the evening progressed, tensions arose between the puppets, leading to discomfort for Noel.
Kermit (05:00):
"Miss Piggy was not having the Canadian bacon. She got midway through a splice and just went, wait, what's on this frog?"
(Describing the argument between Kermit and Miss Piggy)
Gabe/Kermit (05:37):
"I may have been a little quick to the shot because I had Kermit on me still, and she instead went to go kiss Kermit..."
This unexpected turn, where Noel attempted to engage with the puppet Kermit instead of Gabe, signaled a disconnect. Noel’s reactions became increasingly strained, leading to an inevitable end to the date.
Determined to understand why Noel did not pursue a second date, Brooke and Jeffrey reached out to her directly.
Jeffrey (08:08):
"Women respond to that. So it's been a week, and Noel is still not calling you back. On a scale of 1 to 100%, what are the chances that the reason she isn't calling you is because of the puppets?"
Kermit (08:20):
"That's a good question. I'm gonna say 50."
The hosts decide to contact Noel to provide a balanced view of the date from her perspective.
During the call, Noel expressed her discomfort with Gabe’s approach.
Noel (09:25):
"Yeah, I want to know what you want."
As the conversation unfolded, Noel revealed that while she appreciated Gabe’s eccentricity, the extent of his puppet involvement was overwhelming.
Noel (10:44):
"I like eclectic guys."
Noel (11:14):
"That was fine. But then when he... the other puppet was... trying to kiss me."
She elaborated on how the constant presence and performance of the puppets overshadowed the opportunity to connect on a personal level.
Noel (11:45):
"We talk about the puppets. It sounds really innocent."
Noel (12:18):
"Weirdo."
Noel emphasized that while individuality is important, the execution in this scenario detracted from genuine interaction.
Brooke and Jeffrey synthesized the feedback, offering insights on balancing unique hobbies with dating norms.
Jose (13:18):
"Can you rework that whole Joe Lavender character a little bit more."
They suggested that while showcasing personal interests is commendable, moderation and sensitivity to the date’s comfort are crucial.
Jeffrey (14:15):
"There's a lot of friction here, obviously, but friction is what you need to create a spark."
(Acknowledging that conflict can lead to growth, but must be handled tactfully)
The episode concluded on a light-hearted note as the puppets humorously attempted to take over the radio show's position, highlighting the playful nature of the podcast.
Kermit (16:15):
"This is broken. Joe in the morning. Pruning them tunes from morning until noon."
Jeffrey (16:03):
"You know what, Joe? You can take over from my position because I'm obviously terrible at."
Notable Quotes with Timestamps:
Jeffrey (08:08):
"On a scale of 1 to 100%, what are the chances that the reason she isn't calling you is because of the puppets?"
Kermit (08:20):
"That's a good question. I'm gonna say 50."
Noel (12:31):
"Weirdo."
Jeffrey (14:31):
"There's a lot of friction here, obviously, but friction is what you need to create a spark, and spark starts a fire."
Kermit (16:15):
"This is broken. Joe in the morning. Pruning them tunes from morning until noon."
Final Thoughts The "Muppet Dinner" episode of Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update offers a humorous yet insightful exploration into the challenges of blending personal passions with romantic pursuits. Gabe’s story serves as a reminder that while individuality is attractive, it’s essential to remain attuned to the dynamics of the person you are dating. Brooke and Jeffrey adeptly navigate the conversation, providing both entertainment and valuable dating advice to their listeners.