Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update

Episode: "Rez Is Back" (April 13, 2026)

Podcast: Brooke and Jeffrey
Main Theme:
In this highly entertaining installment of "Second Date Update," Rez—infamously known from a prior appearance as "the cantaloupe guy"—returns, hoping to decipher why his recent date, Michelle, isn’t calling him back. What unfolds is a comedic deep dive into Rez’s idiosyncratic approach to dating etiquette, splitting things (sometimes too literally), and culinary oddities, all met with the hosts’ trademark sarcasm and lively banter.

Episode Overview

Rez, remembered by listeners for an earlier segment where he didn’t know what a cantaloupe was, seeks help after a lackluster first date with Michelle. The hosts revisit his fruit faux pas, tease out the details of his most recent romantic misadventure, and, as always, try to get to the root of why there’s been no second date. The journey reveals much about food sharing, awkward Uber negotiations, and the social perils of “diet culture” on a date.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Return of the "Cantaloupe Guy"

• [04:16] Brooke reminds listeners of Rez’s last appearance:
  Brooke: “That man’s name is Rez. And the last time he appeared on this very segment, Rez did not know what a cantaloupe was.”
• The hosts and Rez share laughter about how, since then, he’s become a running joke among friends and family, now even learning what a honeydew is.

How Rez Met Michelle

• [05:48] Rez describes meeting Michelle at a party and his unconventional approach:
  • He arrived unprepared, without a gift, and asked Michelle, whom he didn't know at the time, if she wanted to split the cost of the gift she was already holding—offering a dinner in exchange.
  • Rez: “I was just like, hey, you want to go half on this gift with me?”
• This quirky move led to their first date.

The Dinner Date: Sharing Food... and Confusion

• [07:07] Rez and Michelle meet at a restaurant and agree (in theory) to share food “like modern people.”
  • The hosts dig into whether sharing dishes on a first date is charming or a red flag.
• Rez insists the “sharing” was mutual.

Flirting with Trouble: The Waitress Incident

• [08:01] Rez believes the waitress was “giving me this look…winking, flirting.”
  • The hosts jokingly debate whether this was real or imagined.

The End of the Night: Uber Etiquette

• [08:45] Rez suggests splitting an Uber, but Michelle demurs, insisting on her own ride.
• Discussion ensues about whether Rez’s offer sounded like an attempt to invite himself over, a cost-sharing move, or just socially awkward.
  • Brooke: “Trying to figure out where she lives. ‘We’ll drop you off first, then I’ll go home.’”
• Rez is unsure whether his directness backfired.

Michelle’s Perspective

• [13:08] Michelle joins the call, clearly less enthused. She describes the gift-splitting opener as “kind of weird” but says she agreed because he was cute.
• At the restaurant:
  • Michelle wanted a crispy chicken sandwich—Rez immediately wanted to split it, but also wanted salmon (which Michelle doesn't like).
  • He then orders for himself, meaning he gets half her meal and all his own.
  • Michelle: “He was going to eat half my meal and then also all of his meal.”
• The chicken sandwich order escalated: Rez asked for “the skin off of it”—despite ordering a crispy chicken sandwich.
  • Michelle: “The waitress is super confused…he still made the waitress go back and was like, ‘Can you just ask the chef if they can do a half crispy, half skinless chicken sandwich?’”
  • Brooke: “That’s the crispy part of the crispy chicken!”

Notable Quote: The Calorie Count Conversation

• [16:07] Michelle: “At the end of the day, the dessert menu comes, and I’m still hungry because he ate half of my meal. And he, like, waves the waitress off and is like, ‘No, like, let’s not have dessert. It’s gonna make us fat.’”
• The hosts are appalled, joking that not ordering dessert is a dealbreaker.

Confrontation & Communication Breakdown

• [16:49] Rez joins the conversation, expressing surprise at Michelle’s recounting of events.
  • Rez: “I’m a little flabbergasted, really, to be honest.”
  • He insists that his sharing/eating behaviors were reasonable, citing “I physiologically burn more calories, I need to eat more calories.”
• Michelle doubles down that the experience was off-putting and why she refused to split the Uber home.
  • Michelle: “Oh, yeah. I bet. 100%.”

Memorable Moments & Quotes

• Rez on the Waitress:
  Rez: “I found out what a honeydew was.” [05:25]
• On Sharing Food:
  Rez: “This one was mutual.” [07:24] Michelle: “He made the waitress go back and was like, can you ask the chef if he could do a half crispy, half skinless chicken sandwich?” [15:03]
• Dessert Disaster:
  Michelle: “He, like, waves the waitress off and is like, ‘No, let’s not have dessert, it’s gonna make us fat.’” [16:07] Brooke (sarcastic): “Even if he does have both of your health in your best interest. It’s like, absolutely not.” [16:21]
• Rez’s Defense:
  Rez: “I mean, she absolutely could have had half or more than half of my salmon, but she chose not to have any, and that’s a personal problem.” [17:37]
• Michelle’s Take on Uber:
  Michelle: “Oh, yeah. I bet. 100%.” [19:11]
• Rez: “Sad, Michelle. Sad for you, Michelle. Sad for me. We both lose now.” [19:47]

Timestamps of Key Segments

• [04:16] - Introduction of Rez and the “cantaloupe” saga
• [05:48] - How Rez met Michelle and the “split gift” move
• [07:07] - The restaurant “share each other’s food” plan
• [08:01] - Rez thinks the waitress is flirting
• [08:45] - The Uber splitting conversation
• [13:08] - Michelle joins, describes her side of events
• [14:59] - The chicken sandwich order chaos
• [16:07] - The dessert “let’s not get fat” comment
• [16:49] - Rez and Michelle speak directly
• [19:47] - Closure: “Sad, Michelle. Sad for you, Michelle. Sad for me.”

Conclusion & Takeaways

• Final Outcome: Michelle firmly declines a second date, even when the hosts offer to pay.
• Co-host Reactions: The hosts ridicule Rez’s “half crispy, half skinless” order, his fixation on calorie counting, and see his overall approach as a cautionary tale.
• Rez’s Legacy: He leaves the episode not as “friend of the show,” but downgraded to “mild acquaintance,” with some lingering hope that the original waitress might be available.

Notable Closing Banter

• [22:01] Brooke: “Can’t really agree with his dating dinner strategy in any form.”
• [22:07] Jeffrey: “Any man who does not like dessert…”
• [22:39] The idea of “half healthy sandwiches from Rez” is floated as a joke product.

Tone and Style

The episode is light-hearted, filled with sarcasm, quick-witted digs at Rez, and playful banter among the hosts. The directness and absurdity of Rez's requests provide endless fodder for jokes, while Michelle’s candid recounting grounds the story in cringe-worthy reality.

For listeners, “Rez Is Back” delivers a hilarious cautionary tale about taking "splitting" too far, and the importance (and peril) of making a second impression.