← Building Resilience
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Imagine this. You're walking down the street, lost in thought, when suddenly a car horn blares. In a split second, your heart races, your breath catches, your muscles tighten as you jump out of the way. Now imagine your body reacting the same way when you open an email, or when your phone dings, or when your boss calls you into a meeting. That's what happens when your nervous system gets stuck in survival mode. It's like a smoke alarm going off in your house all the time when you burn toast, even when there's no fire. And the scariest part is, most of us don't even realize it. We just think that this is normal. Welcome back to the Building Resilience podcast, episode 22510 signs you're stuck in survival mode and how to get unstuck welcome to Building Resilience, a podcast where theory, practical strategies and inspiring stories show you how to unlock your best life. I'm your host, Leah Davidson. As a certified life coach, speech language pathologist, and nervous system resilience expert, it is my mission to teach you how to be more resilient to life's adversities. I will show you how to manage your mind, befriend your nervous system, process your emotions, and even eliminate stress. It's time to do more than just survive. It's time to thrive. Let's get started. Foreign hello. How are you all doing? It is springtime for me here. Spring's my favorite season. New beginnings. Things are budding. Things are feeling lighter and easier. Just want to start off with a reminder. If you haven't already heard, I have a super cool way for us to connect more. I have opened up the Nervous System Journaling Club over on a platform called school. You're going to love it. Amazing community. We're going to Doing some doodling. We're doing some journaling. There's even a course in there that can help you implement my guided journal, so make sure you grab a copy of that as well. It's available on Amazon. And if you're unsure about the idea of joining something new, Journaling or doodling, here's what I want to say. From the perspective of being a speech pathologist for over 26 years, focusing on brain health, your brain really benefits from new learning. So if journaling and doodling is foreign to you, perfect. You're in luck because you need this for your brain health. And there's a massive bonus with both journaling and doodling. It is regulating for your nervous system. And lastly, you've probably heard me say over and over and over again, we heal in connections. So having a community to get to know, to learn with, to grow with is what your nervous system needs that. So please come on over and join us. It's going to be linked in the show notes. Okay, back to today's episode. If you've ever wondered why you are constantly feeling on edge or maybe totally wiped out and exhausted or you're running on fumes, this episode is for you. Because when your nervous system is dysregulated, it tricks your body into thinking you're in danger all the time. The time. And the worst part is we get used to it and we just kind of think that's how life is. You see, it's not normal for us to be feeling anxious all the time or exhausted all the time or disconnected all the time. It's not normal to have chronic pain or insomnia or burnout. Well, we may have gotten used to it, but it's still not normal. So today I'm going to break it down really simply into 10 signs your nervous system is dysregulated. Maybe some of them are going to surprise you. And then we're going to talk about three simple science backed ways to start regulating your system today so you can finally stop running on fumes, start feeling safe in your own body again. All right, let's dive in. The first sign that your nervous system is dysregulated is you're always on edge. It's like anxiety that just doesn't quit. So you're always scanning for the next problem, the next thing that could go wrong. Even when things are fine, your brain is likely running these worst case scenarios. You could also be doing things fast, talking fast, moving fast, eating fast. Because your system is in this team hyper mode, this fight or flight mode, it's convinced you're in danger. When you're convinced you're in danger, you've got to do things quickly. So signs of this, even internally, you got a lot of racing thoughts. Check in with your body. You may notice shallow breathing. Maybe you'll also notice you just can't feel like you can relax even when you're trying to relax. So the second sign is you could feel completely numb or shut down, which is the opposite of this anxiety, this total disconnection. You don't feel sad, you don't feel happy, you just, you don't feel anything. You're going through the motions, but everything kind of feels heavy and you're tired all the time. And this is what we call team hypo. A state of hypoarousal. It's your body's way of shutting down when fight or flight hasn't worked, or when things are so threatening. It just goes right down there as the survival mode. You're here, but you're not really here. Now, the third sign you could be stuck in dysregulation is you're relying on quick fixes to cope. So maybe it's something that you're eating or drinking at the end of the day, or maybe you're scrolling on your phone through social media for hours, or maybe you're working out obsessively just to feel something. You see, when your nervous system is dysregulated, we reach for things that give us this temporary sense of control or relief. And listen, this is not about shaming yourself. We all do this. But when the only way you can feel calm is by numbing out with food or drink or social media or overworking, your system is telling you it's stuck. Now, the fourth sign is you're an overachiever or a people pleaser or both. Now, I'm not saying you can't work at achieving things and being your best self or at doing things that do allow people to feel happy. I'm just saying you need to watch when you're saying yes, when you really mean no. You need to watch when you push yourself way past your limits. Are you always busy because slowing down just makes you feel uncomfortable? We want to check in with those questions because your nervous system can have learned that doing makes you feel more safe, and then the more you do, the safer you feel. But real safety, it doesn't come from doing. It comes from rest and connection and boundaries, not from overextending yourself. So check in to see if you're pushing it beyond the limits. Now, the fifth sign is you do feel burned out, but you just can't stop pushing. So burnout isn't about being tired. It truly is a nervous system challenge. It's about feeling disconnected from yourself. It's that deep, nothing I do matters anymore kind of exhaustion. And yet often we just keep going because slowing down or stopping doesn't feel like it's an option. This is survival mode again. Your body is constantly running on the adrenaline, and eventually it will crash. Now the sixth sign of dysregulation. Your body is always tense or even in pain. Do you have tight shoulders? Neck pain? A clenched jaw? Chronic headaches? Diabetes? Gut issues? This isn't just stress. It's really your body carrying unprocessed survival responses. It's kind of like you have a smoke alarm that is never turning off. Your nervous system doesn't just affect your thoughts and your emotions. It really does live in your body. And when you are dysregulated, your body holds on to this. Stress leads to pain and tension and even chronic illness. Now, the seventh way you can tell you're dysregulated is your sleep is all over the place. So maybe it's you can't fall asleep because your brain won't shut off, or you're waking up at 3am wired but totally exhausted still, or no matter how much you sleep, you just never feel rested. Because when your nervous system is dysregulated, sleep gets thrown off because your body isn't shifting into true rest mode. It is still in the space of constantly scanning for danger, even though you may be safe. I always say that your sleep is very representative of your nervous system during the day. And we don't just have a switch that can turn things off at night. So we have to work at regulating and befriending our nervous system during the day to make sure that we get adequate sleep. Now, the eighth way you can tell that you're dysregulated is you may be constantly overthinking and replaying conversations. So do you ever lie in bed at night replaying, like that one awkward thing that you said in a meeting? Or do you worry obsessively about whether somebody is mad at you? What did they mean when they looked at you that way? Or what did they mean when they said that? This is what happens when your nervous system doesn't feel safe. Your brain stays in these loops and it gets stuck and it's trying to solve for problems that sometimes aren't even there or they're not even happening anymore. Now, the ninth way you can tell that you're dysregulated is you zone out or feel disconnected from life. Think about this. Do you ever drive anywhere and not remember how you get there? Or you may even feel like your life is happening, but you're not really living it? There is an automaticity to your life, and this is a form of dissociation, a sign that your nervous system that has learned to disconnect or when things feel overwhelming. So if you find yourself checking out or living on autopilot, it's a sign that your system needs support. Now, the tenth way you can tell that you're struggling with nervous system dysregulation is you struggle with boundaries and emotional regulation. So maybe one minute you feel fine and then the next minute something small sets you off and you may not even know why. Or maybe you find yourself agreeing to things you don't want to do just to keep the peace. Now, when your nervous system is dysregulated, it's much harder to regulate your emotions and it's much harder to set boundaries because your body is stuck in a reactive and protective state. All right, so those were 10 signs that maybe your nervous system is dysregulated. Now let's look at how to start regulating your nervous system. Now that you know the signs, the question is, how do you get unstuck? So if you're feeling dysregulated, I want to give you three simple and effective ways to bring your nervous system back to safety. And these aren't just self care tips. These are biologically proven ways to shift your nervous system so that you can move out of survival mode and into resilience. The first one is what I call the safety sequence where we're going to reset your nervous system in three simple steps. When you feel activated, whether it's anxiety or overwhelm, or even shut down or even just feeling off, this three step method helps bring you back to safety. The first thing you're going to do is you're going to ask yourself, am I safe? And I'm talking about safe right now. Not five minutes ago or in five minutes from now, but right now, as you're watching this video, right now, as you're listening, am I safe? 99% of the time, the answer is yes. This simple question sends a powerful message to your nervous system, letting it know that even if your body is starting to react like there's danger, there actually isn't any. Now the next step is asking, do I feel safe? Because here's the thing, even if you are empirically safe in the moment, you, your body might not feel safe. And instead of getting stuck in, your thoughts shift into your body. You're going to scan for tension. Where do you feel it? Maybe your jaw is clenched, maybe your stomach is tight, maybe you feel fluttering in your chest, or maybe you feel nothing at all, like you're numb or shut down. So just noticing this is a step towards shifting it. So am I safe? Do I feel safe? You can actually do those in either order. It doesn't matter which one comes up for you, you first, the thought or the body emotion. The point is you want to do both. You want to get the empirical proof that you are safe and you want to get into your body and acknowledge what's going on in your body. And then the third step is you're going to acutely relax your body. A body that is relaxed cannot hold stress. And one of my favorite ways to do this is what I call the ragdoll technique, where you scanned your body for the tight muscles. Then you're going to consciously release them for five seconds. So kind of imagine yourself going totally limp like a rag doll. Even if it's just for a few seconds, this signals safety to your brain. Now, when you do these three steps, your nervous system gets the message. You're safe, you can relax. And you're going to keep getting confronted with activated systems. You're going to feel your body rise with the energy. You're just going to keep repeating these three steps. The more you practice them, the easier it is to access them. Now, the second thing that you can do is just move your body. Your nervous system needs movement to process stress. So if you're stuck in fight or flight, you may feel restless or fidgety or on edge, which means your body is already looking for a way to discharge energy. Now, if you're more in a shutdown mode, you might feel heavy and sluggish and numb, which means you may want to try to gently wake your body up with some movement. So a couple things that you can try. You can try just shaking your hands or bouncing lightly on your heels or in your chair, just doing some slight movement. You can even try swaying from side to side. If you're up for it, take a slow walk, even if it's just around your home. And then even things like stretching or rolling your shoulders can be really beneficial. If your body has been holding on to stress, movement helps release it. And then the third thing you can do is the physiological sigh. This is a two breath reset. Your breath is the fastest way to tell your nervous system, hey, we're safe now. And not just any breath. One of the most effective ways to downshift from stress and anxiety is the the physiological sigh. So here's how you do it. You're going to take a deep inhale through your nose. And when it's almost full, you're going to take one more kind of like a quick sip of air to completely fill out your lungs. And then you're going to exhale slowly and completely through your mouth. And you can purse your lips a little bit. So let me model it for you. The second inhale is what's helping reset the nervous system. Okay, so try that inhale Now a little bit more air and then exhale slowly and you can use this anytime before a meeting, before bed, before a stressful conversation. It really takes seconds and the impact is huge. You can even do the physiological sigh at the start of your day. It's an excellent way to get your day going and you can do it multiple times in a row to have the best impact longer term. So if you recognize yourself in any of the 10 signs that we talked about today, I just want to remind you you're not broken. Your nervous system is just stuck. And the more you understand your nervous system, the more you get to know your nervous system, the more you can help your nervous system befriend your nervous system and help it be more flexible. Go back and forth to a state of calm and connection and resilience. I hope you found this helpful and I will see you next time. Thank you for listening to the Building Resilience podcast. If you're interested in learning a little bit more about managing stress, building resilience, and leading a more personal, purposeful life, then make sure we're connected on Instagram and Facebook at Leah Davidson Life Coaching. You can also subscribe to my weekly newsletter at www.leahdavidsonlifecoaching.com newsletter. Looking forward to connecting.