A (4:17)

I love that.

B (4:18)

Isn't that a good. I got that from Word Glennon Doyle.

A (4:23)

Yeah, I think I. Yeah, that seems right. Maybe I've read it there, heard it there.

B (4:29)

I just. I love that word because it's been that I have so many amazing, beautiful things in my life and there. And that's one thing to know about me and is one of my very favorite words. It is that life did not turn out the way that I expected it and it's been filled with lots of joy and fun and sunshine and laughter and unmet expectations and trauma and tears. A couple other things about me. I'm a certified life coach. I'm a mental health presenter and I also am the host of the Mixed Faith Relationship podcast. So that's a little bit about.

A (5:08)

Thank you. Yes. I'm excited to have you on today to talk about our topic of fun. You came into my world. I can't remember how long ago now, but we met. I was on your podcast a while back and then you since joined my Connections membership and now you're in the advanced training and right away I saw this is a fun girl. This is somebody that if we were sitting beside each other in class, we'd be kicked out of class. I could totally tell for sure. I yeah, I knew that. And I know every time even like our I have to Share with everybody that right before we got on to record this, of course before I hit record, I hopped on Zoom and there Chris was wearing a gorilla mask. And it just made me laugh right away. I'm sure she has it there. It is so there.

B (6:03)

Pull it out right there.

A (6:05)

For those of you, you can go check it out on YouTube to see she just showed the mask. And I love that about you and what was so interesting for me too. And we're going to talk all about fun today and all about nervous system. While I love having fun and I consider myself a fun person, I consider myself pretty funny and I enjoy having fun. I have also had a hard time having fun and had a hard time playing. And I think that really does relate to nervous system stuff. And you and I had talked about that and that's why I wanted to bring you on the podcast. I want to talk about how to create more fun in your life because it doesn't come easily for everybody. Yeah. So I'm happy to have you here to talk about how you recommend creating more fun and we'll see where this goes.

B (7:02)

Well, I'm, yeah. Super excited about this. All right. Oh, sorry.

A (7:08)

No, go ahead. You can start that.

B (7:10)

Oh, well. And I think just as I'm taking your class, I love, I love the nervous system that, that advanced training because it's, there's so many cool things to understand about the nervous system and fun. Fun is important. It's not just like fun is a, like a frivolous thing to do once in a while. There are so many benefits to fun. I think the first thing that I would think of is fun helps our mental and our physical health and it can definitely be a stress reliever. I think of, I love the analogy that life is like a pressure cooker, an instant pot. And that stress is building and building and building and fun is a fantastic way to open up that little pressure release valve and let out some of that stress. So it's. I, I love, like this is actually good for my mental health and my physical health. And you could probably talk about all the, like when with the fun helps us to reduce cortisol level and increases serotonin. All those things that you've taught us about and just the, the whole that that old adage that laughter is the best medicine. It is. It's amazing. It just, it feels good.

A (8:35)

Yeah, I totally. I, I agree. It's a built in stress reliever. It allows us to access safety. It allows us to release those hormones that it really invites in. It invites In a different environment, it invites in just a change in our nervous system state when we can have fun. What are your thoughts, though? Now I feel like I'm going to be quizzing you. What are your thoughts, though, on why some people have a hard time accessing fun?

B (9:10)

Well, I think it all goes back to the nervous system. If you are not. Yay, I passed. Do I get extra credit?

A (9:18)

That was the right answer. Yeah.

B (9:19)

Yeah. If. If you are not feeling safe, it's going to be very hard to have fun. And I think it's. I think it's interesting. A lot of times we'll. Someone you'll go to a party and one person will be like, that was so fun. I loved it. And the other person's like, this. This was stupid. Let's get out of here.

A (9:40)

Yeah.

B (9:41)

And looking at it as like, are you feeling safe or not? Because if you're not feeling safe, it's probably not going to feel very fun. Yeah. And that whole, like, your thoughts about the situation that are going to be based off your nervous system. Here's an example. I love picnics. Picnics are probably one of my very favorite things. And anytime I suggest a picnic, I've got with my. Whoever's home at the time, I've got one that's like, I'll only do it if we're in the backyard so no one can see me. Or someone will be like, oh, it's so much work. Because then we have to bring everything out and take everything back in. And then someone's going to be complaining about mosquitoes. So the picnic isn't fun.

A (10:29)

Right.

B (10:29)

It's how we're looking at it. It's how like the lens that we're wearing about the picnic. And I think it's just important to recognize that I always say that to my kids. It's is not fun.

A (10:42)

That's right. Yeah. Just a. And it's also. And the broader this. The whole overall state that you're in, because I think if it, like, if I'm in a team hyper state, which I've spent many parts of my life in that state, then even the idea of fun is taking me away from the busyness, the things I have to do, all the things that keep me in team hyper fun seems like a waste of time. Very frivolous. It's kind of how I have felt about rest. And, you know, just like, I don't need to rest. Like, I'm not being productive. This is a waste of time. Fun fell into that category for me that it's not productive enough because I've spent so much time in team hyper that everything is focused on productivity and busyness, and my worth ends up being associated with that. So I think then fun and rest and play, it does become, quote, unquote, dangerous to me because it's outside of this, the rules that I've set for myself, the rules that my nervous system have created for myself of what a productive, good person is supposed to do. And so fun is threatening, play is threatening, rest is threatening. Now, all these things have been changing as I've been learning and growing and developing nervous system, which is the best part about neuroplasticity and building up that awareness. But my guess would be a lot of people who struggle with fun, they are stuck in a survival state. State hyper or hypo. And that survival state, fun is not a priority when you're in survival.

B (12:35)

Yeah. And the. It's interesting because as you're saying that I'm working on rest because I'm the. I. I guess I see fun as being. It can be productive because I'm connecting with other people, which I know is great for my nervous system. But the rest is something that I'm working on where it's like just sitting on the couch, I'll notice if my husband. I'll hear him pull up and all of a sudden I'll sit up and I'll go. I'll go start walking around the kitchen. And he doesn't care. But it's. I noticed if those rare times where I do sit down and rest, I'm like, yeah, it doesn't feel. It doesn't feel safe.

A (13:14)

Yeah, that's pretty common. And. But I do think fun falls in that category as well. Now, before I want us to talk how to create more fun, what do you think of fun being a distraction? A buffer Is fun good all the time. Should we be chasing fun?

B (13:35)

I love this. I think it's when we're talking about buffers. So a buffer, just to go over that quick definition, a buffer is something that we do so we don't have to feel an emotion. And it has a net negative. So when I'm done, if I'm just always having fun, then I'm probably not getting my laundry done or taking care of clients. So if there's a net negative, then yes, I think it definitely can be. And that's a question I'm often asking myself because I grew up in a home where we did have a lot of fun. My mom was the. She was. She had her own Super Soaker 2000. Big old, like a double barrel squirt gut. And she would be. I couldn't. If she was outside watering the garden, I knew she was going to spray me. It was just, you know, we'd. We had a lot of fun. And it was. He was fun, was definitely part of the environment. And looking back, I think a lot of it was, wow, that was really hard. And I think it can be a coping mechanism. So to just. I check in with myself, like, am I doing this because I want to have a good time and to relieve stress, or am I doing this because I can't handle. So I think it's important to just to have that awareness. Why am I doing this?

A (14:59)

Am I. Yeah, I agree. And I think sometimes having fun deliberately because we want to build connection, we want to build unity, we want to build memories, experiences, is very different than having fun because I want to avoid certain things. I don't want to feel certain things, I don't want to have conversations about certain things. I'm in constant mode where I don't want to feel the boredom. I look at it like when. As we're raising kids, I know your kids are. They're a little bit younger than mine, but I do look at. I knew that I want to have fun with my kids, but life isn't all about fun. So every weekend there is sometimes this mentality of, what are we doing this weekend? And I was like, we're doing chores and then we're going to make lunch and then I'll take you to soccer practice like the 3,000th time. And then we're going to come home and eat and watch some TV and go to bed. And then sometimes I would try to deliberately, like, yeah, we are going to do something creative or something fun. I wanted to include. Especially since I struggled with fun. I tried to include different things. But I think it's balancing also that not everything is going to be fun. Now we had a blended family, so that was particularly challenging because we didn't have our kids all the time. So it was almost like there was competition with the other house. Yeah, of course it was more fun. And I can tell you, hands down, our house was not the fun house for both. There were lots of other activities, and that was hard because I was like, yeah, but we have homework to do and we have chores to do and we have five kids all together. But the deliberate planning of fun was something helped us. And still to this day, I plan a. At Christmas time, we have a family fun day. This year we went and played laser tag, went for Chinese food, and then went to a karaoke bar in a private room and sang karaoke. Now, my kids may argue not all of that was fun, but I have the videos that prove they had a good time. But that deliberate planning of fun was because I deliberately wanted the connection, and I still do. The connection, the unity, some time to be together as opposed to I don't have to deal with this. So we're just going to have distractions of fun.

B (17:39)

Yeah, that makes sense. And I think too that I think there's the deliberate planning of it. And some of the things I want to share in just a minute are the non deliberate, just the spontaneity. I think that. And that depending on your nervous system, that might not feel safe either. But I think that, yeah, it's we and we all. And I think it's important to recognize that we all have fun in different ways. So to. To look at it and to ask the question, how can I create fun for me or for my family?

A (18:11)

Yeah, I love that. Yeah. And I agree the spontaneous. Because some of our most fun moments are moments that were unexpected, unplanned. I. But I will say it's nervous system and environment. Like I knew I had to very deliberately for my family do some creation of fun because we only had limited time together and yet also leaving, like you said, that space for fun to naturally occur and whenever it would occur, wherever it would occur. So let's dive into your how to create more fun.

B (18:48)

And I have a fun little title for this. The fun dementals. Fun in all caps F U N all caps Dementals of fun.

A (18:58)

Beautiful.

B (18:59)

Beautiful. So I want to look at there. I broke this down into three main buckets. So to look for it, to create it and to share it. And. And then under that, I pulled Aaliyah. And I've got lots of things under there. So the first thing with to look for fun. And I like to think of it as looking through the lens of a child. Kids are so good at having a good time. They don't need to plan it. It's not. It's. They just do it. So I like to think of that as to release your inner child. What are the things that you would have loved to do as a child? So like jumping in the leaves or a Snowball fight. I'm 51 years old, and one of my very favorite things to do is to jump in puddles. Like after it's rained hard, I'll put on my choco sandals and just go, I'm gonna take you puddle stomping. Leah. I'm gonna get you puddle stomping.

A (19:55)

I don't know if I'd like that. No, I' getting better at being able to walk through a puddle if I have to.

B (20:05)

I'm gonna get you. So we're gonna go on a trip and we're gonna puddle stomp. I think that's my thing now. Yeah. Or just maybe puddle stomping isn't your thing, but things, you know, just like moving your body in fun ways. I have one of my besties. We went on a girls trip and there was this suspension bridge that was a little bit rickety, and we skipped across the suspension bridge, and it was just like doing those things. And I love being at the point now where I don't care what people. Well, you can't see I do care, but.

A (20:36)

I know, I know. I know what you mean. As you've hit a certain age where it becomes less and less important what it looks like to others.

B (20:43)

Yeah. So if I want. I was. My husband was running with his running partner, and I was riding my bike, and there's a big pile of leaves. And so anytime I notice, I want to jump in those. I'm like, you know what? Stop your bike and go jump in the leaves. So he looks at me like I'm bonkers a lot of times. But it's. You know what? I want to go have a good time. So just looking for those opportunities. Dancing in the rain. One of my favorite things to do. So much fun. And then another thing to ways that we can look for fun is to be creative. Like with. I love your doodling. I love that. That's not something I normally would do. And I've been doodling almost every day. I love. Because it's fun. It's just like letting that out and it's good for your nervous system.

A (21:29)

Yeah.

B (21:30)

Or like making. My son and I, a couple months ago, we were bored and we made a video of, you know, how you stand behind someone and you put your arms and.

A (21:40)

Oh, yes.

B (21:42)

So he was brushing my teeth and it was just, you know, like doing those.

A (21:45)

So fun. Yeah.

B (21:47)

And there's a lot of times where they look at me and it's like, oh, mom, seriously, are we going to do this again? But if they'll do it with me. I love creating those opportunities.

A (21:57)

When you said the inner child, like, finding access to your inner child. And I think that stems back to why some people do struggle with fun, is that there are A lot of people who have challenging childhoods, adverse childhood experiences, that life wasn't so fun. And it can become even more discouraging if you're thinking like, think of what your child would like. I have no idea what my child would like. My child wasn't allowed fun. My child didn't have fun. And so I love that as one perspective. And I like that you're giving us ideas, too. And I just want to normalize it for people that if you hear what did you like as a child? And you come up blank. Okay. You're not broken. It's okay. It just means that throughout your childhood, your nervous system was probably primed to be more in survival mode and had a harder time with that. And this is why listening to things like this podcast and hearing, like, the way Chris has fun is just an opportunity for you to start saying, maybe I can try that now because I'm not my child anymore. This is why we're working on our nervous systems. We're working for this change. And can I introduce the idea of stopping my bike and going and jumping into leaves and trying it out and seeing what happens and it may not work for you? That's exactly what happened to me with doodling is like, I saw. I started, well, this is weird. Not gonna do this. I have no talent, no creativity. Once I started doing it, it became, like you said, fun. And, oh, this is something I've never experienced. So I just wanted to add that in for the people who struggle with this idea of, I don't know what my child did for fun, quite frankly.

B (23:42)

Yeah. And giving yourself just because my definition of fun looks one way. Fun could be like baking something or knitting, crocheting. Finding different things that are fun for you and it doesn't. That's all going to be very relative.

A (24:01)

Yeah.

B (24:01)

I think another thing that it's important to. I've got friends that they love to find heart, like in nature. They'll go on a. It's like, oh, there's a heart rock or a heart cloud. And having little things like that, almost like little games to. To we can train our brains. The whole idea of neuroplasticity. Yeah. To look for it. I. This might be tmi, but the other day I was in the shower and there was hair in the shape of a smiley face and I just smiled at that. I'm like, it is smiling at me and looking for those little opportunities to, you know, and just to slow down and enjoy the funny things. Or sometimes my kids will. I walked in the kitchen once. And there were. The fruit bowl had been arranged like a smiley face. Just looking for those little goofy things. And then to appreciate that and to just soak it in, like, this is funny. That made me smile. How does my body feel right now as I'm enjoying that little. I think of it as like a glimmer. Just enjoying that little bit of excitement. Excitement. Another thing. My dad's the cutest. He's 91, and he always talks about the 11th Commandment. And it's funny because he never swears. And I'm not one to swear either, but you can during this one. And that is thou shalt not get too damn serious. And I love that because so much of life is so serious. And what can we do to just to. I actually. I made a photo book that I've got here. These are all the times where my kids made a massive mess. And I learned to take a photo of it. One of my favorites. When my son, my middle son, he helped us paint, and he was just covered in paint. It was a disaster. And it's like, you know what? There's nothing I can do about it. Take the picture. And now it's like one of my favorite pictures.

A (25:59)

So just so looking for the fun in a situation that appears so great.

B (26:07)

Great suggestions that might not be so fun. Yeah. Another thing is to create more fun. So there are a lot of times life is not fun. And it's one of my favorite things. And I should have had you sign a waiver that you'll still be my friend after I tell you all these things. But one of my favorite questions is, how can I make this more fun?

A (26:29)

Right.

B (26:30)

So, for example, you get the little postcard that said, it's time to schedule your mammogram. So one of my favorite things to do. And they're probably catching on to me now, but I'll call and I'll say, this is Chris Rich. I'm calling to RSVP for my mammogram.

A (26:48)

I love it.

B (26:49)

But just making those. I don't want to go have it done. I'm going to. But I'm looking for ways to create fun not only for me, but to make someone else smile in their day. Because they're just scheduling these and they're hearing hard things. I love being spontaneous. Those little times where, you know the point. I can't tell you how many times I have been doing laundry downstairs in my basement and our cost. When we used to have a lot of costumes, I would pull out the gorilla mask or the horse head. And I'll just walk through the kitchen and my people just look at me like, come on, mom, seriously, you're doing this again. But it just makes me giggle. And they don't. One day they'll realize that most moms didn't do that. But those little goofy things. Or one of my favorite. What I'm. This is a super fun one. When you're making lasagna, to have a noodle fight with those. Those cooked noodles. My kids know, watch out, because I will chase you down and start beating you with a wet noodle. But that. Or like making bread dough. When I love to make bread. And sometimes they'll walk by and I'll just grab the dough and just, you know, bop them on the cheek. It's not gonna hurt them. Just, you know, having a good time to just. So it's not planned fun, but it's like when I noticed the thought come up, like, you know what? Go chase them with a water gun or whatever. To just let myself slow down and have a good time. Another. I've got a bunch of things under here, but to say yes, take the dare. I was with my son in Boston the other day, and he's like, mom, I dare you to run through that flock of pigeons. And I'm like, I'm doing it. So just, you know, have the. Take the dare. Or to. We had, I think, one of my favorite. My husband, we were talking about going to Canada, and I just. I remember it was Easter Sunday and we had all just got our passports. For some reason, I can't remember what was going on. But he's like, when are we going to Canada? And jokingly, he's like, we could go today. And we literally packed up our Easter dinner and hopped in the car. He's like, we're leaving in 15 minutes. It's going to be cold. Go grab a coat, a hat, a change of clothes. And that trip was so fun. We had no idea what we were doing it. But just having those spontaneous things and saying yes, I think can be super fun.

A (29:23)

Yeah, I love that one.

B (29:25)

And have just little traditions we've made up. We have different holidays that we've made up in our family. One, we have what we call the no manners dinner. We don't do it now, but when my kids were little, we would go outside and like, you can't say please. You can't say thank you. I wouldn't give them silverware. And it turned into a big, gigantic mess that we learned to do it outside. But just Making or. Here's one. I'm. I actually have a visual aid. Are you ready for this? Promise you'll still be my friend?

A (29:56)

I. Let's see it. No.

B (29:59)

I'm gonna have you send a waiver. Anytime I have grapes or cherry tomatoes, I have to do this. You put them in your lip. Oh, you.

A (30:12)

Oh, my gosh. That is so funny. Yes. You've got to go on YouTube and just watch. Watch what she's doing.

B (30:17)

Yes. But having those little goofy things that. It's just like. I've even done it, like, at a funeral luncheon before. It's like I've got my grapes and having those little things to just make life. So it's not so serious.

A (30:32)

Not so heavy. Lighten up. Make it easy. Make it light. Make it.

B (30:36)

Yeah, yeah. Novelty going. Trying the. When we're on vacation or something. Trying the lobster ice cream. I don't recommend it, but go try it. Yeah. Or the cheeseburger. Yeah, the cheeseburger on a glazed donut. Trying those little unique things.

A (30:53)

That sounds good.

B (30:56)

So good. Or the Rice Krispie chicken. It was a chicken sandwich on Rice Krispies squares.

A (31:02)

Oh, that is. Yeah. So fun. Is. I see fun often being tied to creativity, too. Is that just creatively doing things differently can be fun. Like taking an everyday thing and being fun. I think of that even, like, sometimes with. For things like dinner can be fun when you change things up. I know we did a couple of years ago. I had all my kids home, and I didn't know what we would have for dinner. And I'm like, let's just get a ton of McDonald's cheeseburgers. And we just walked in, and I know they're not good for you. Nobody has to tell me that. But I just ordered 25 McDonald's cheeseburgers because there's, like, a lot of us. And it ended up being. We took a picture of it, and it reminded me of when I was a kid. I used to have this book about Shamu the whale, and he was a killer whale. And they had a picture. I've looked for this book. If anybody remembers this book and knows where to get it, please find it and send it to me. And they just showed how many cheeseburgers Shamu the whale would eat. And so there was a whole pile, and it was, like, thousands.

B (32:15)

Right.

A (32:15)

And so I had told my kids about this. So we piled all the cheeseburgers and took a picture. And this past Christmas, we were talking about, should we do that again? And then I had forgotten about Shamu but one of my kids was just like, oh, you want to do the picture again because of your book and the whale. I'm like, I forgot about that. But it made it fun because then it also. It creates the memory dividend. I remember when we did that. And then we're like, let's go do it again. Because it was fun. So doing something like the ordinary. It's just dinner, but taking it and making it a little bit more fun.

B (32:52)

Or having like breakfast for dinner or pulling out the you are special plate. Life can be so boring and mundane, but just those little tiny things. And the last thing that I was going to my third bucket was to share it. And you mentioned, you know, take a picture. I love those. You talk about those memory dividends. I love looking back and at those great memories or sharing it. Find your people that want to have a good time with you and hang out with them. I've got one of my best friends from kindergarten. We've gone on a couple girls trip and we always, I shouldn't tell you this. Gotta promise again, you'll still be my friend. We always jump on the bed in the hotel. We find a slide at a park. We jump in puzzles. We have our not in puzzles. We jump in huddles. Although puzzles, that could be fun too.

A (33:49)

You could jump in and do a puzzle. So fun.

B (33:51)

Yeah. And that can be. That can be a fun people.

A (33:54)

Yeah.

B (33:56)

Or just those little. I've got another friend where we were training for a marathon and we were running and I thought we were actually going to die. It was horrible. And. Okay, I'm being dramatic. I didn't. I just didn't want to run anymore. But there was a sheet of bubble wrap on the sidewalk and you bet we stopped and popped. We were jumping on it and just taking the. Finding those people that want to have fun. Fun.

A (34:23)

And I think it's a. It is a connecting, a bonding activity. Like even like our relationships. Who are you closest with? And they're usually people you do have fun with. And as I was saying that, I was thinking, what is fun? Like, how do I know I'm having fun? How do I. And for me, having fun, really, it's that feeling, that internal feeling, lightness, aliveness, openness. And for me, fun almost always is paired with laughter. So when I look at who do I laugh with? What do I laugh? Where do I laugh? And I'm attracted to looking forward to certain friends that I know I just have a great time with. I know like with my husband. We are laughing non Stop. With my kids, one of the things I look forward to the most when everybody's together is how much laughter there is. That's for me, laughter and fun. What about you is that similar? How do you define what fun is for you? How do you know you're having fun?

B (35:22)

We were talking about this in our class the other day. That. How can. And I can't remember exactly the quote, but when my. There's something. My eyes will light up.

A (35:32)

Eyes light up.

B (35:34)

Yes.

A (35:34)

Yeah.

B (35:34)

And recognizing my eyes are lighting up and the. And thinking about that, how can I make other people's eyes light up? How can I help my kids to lighten up their eyes? And just. That's something I think about that. And I do. I'm very deliberate and intentional with that. About sharing the funny story with someone. Making the little comment to. Just to help people smile. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like this. A light, open, safe feeling is how.

A (36:04)

Yeah.

B (36:05)

And it. I mean, it doesn't. Yeah, it doesn't. And I think I. I love a good belly laugh. I was with some girlfriends a couple weeks ago, and I. We were laughing so hard, I could not breathe at all. And I love that. I love those times. Are we gonna have those all the time? No, they're. It's great when they come up, but having just putting a little sparkle in someone's eye and sometimes that's just. I. Another thing that I do. I have pep talks with myself multiple times. Every time I wash my hands in the bathroom, I'll kind of smile at myself or give myself a little wink or even a goofy face.

A (36:46)

Yeah.

B (36:46)

Just.

A (36:47)

I love it. I love it. Thank you so much. I think it's awesome that. Look for fun, create fun, share fun, and the mixture of deliberate creation and then spontaneous creation as well. And then I love sharing it. Thank you so much for being here. Can you share with everybody where they could find fun Chris?

B (37:13)

Yes. So you can find me on my website, ChrisRichCoaching.com I'm also on Instagram and Facebook, and I'm also the host of the Mixed Faith Relationship podcast. So those are a couple of places. Or you can just come and show up on my porch and I'll go have fun with you.

A (37:32)

Don't give your address, but I may just do that after we hit, you know, stop recording. I'll get that. All right. Thank you so much, everybody. Thanks for being here.

B (37:42)

Thank you.

A (37:44)

Thank you for listening to the Building Resilience podcast. If you're interested in learning a little bit more about managing stress building resilience resilience and leading a more purposeful life. Then make sure we're connected on Instagram and Facebook @leah davidsonlife coaching. You can also subscribe to my weekly newsletter at www.leahdavidsonlifecoaching.com newsletter. Looking forward to connect.