Building Resilience Podcast

Episode 224: Shower Power: Strengthening Bonds & Boosting Wellbeing

Host: Leah Davidson
Guest: Netta Tamore
Date: April 2, 2025

Episode Overview

In this lively and insightful episode, host Leah Davidson welcomes special guest Netta Tamore to unpack an unconventional but powerful secret to strengthening relationships: showering together. Drawing from their own marriages and experiences, Leah and Netta explore how the shared ritual of daily showers can deepen connection, spark creativity, regulate the nervous system, and enhance emotional wellbeing. The conversation is candid, humorous, practical, and peppered with research-backed insights, tips, and personal anecdotes to inspire listeners to consider the “shower power” in their own lives.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The “Secret” to a Thriving Relationship (05:11)

• Discovery: Both Leah and Netta, who first bonded at a mastermind in Vienna, realized they share the same “secret” to maintaining a healthy, lasting marriage: showering together daily.

  • Leah: 17 years married
  • Netta: 30 years together

• Netta reveals: "The secret to a healthy marriage is showering together every day. In our case, twice a day." (05:18)

2. Beyond Physical Intimacy: Redefining Showering Together (06:34)

• Intimacy Reframed:

  • Netta explains that showering together isn’t necessarily about physical intimacy but about sharing quiet, undistracted time—"the intimacy that we get in the shower." (06:34)

• Family Norms:

  • Netta’s children grew up with the daily shower routine, making it a normalized, non-taboo part of family life.
  • Leah shares the difference of introducing the routine later, with older kids.

3. The Many Benefits of Shared Showers

a) Deepening Connection and Quality Conversations (07:32–09:25)

• "It's quiet time…our special time. 10, 15 minutes, just us talking, sharing our thoughts, what we're going to do today, relaxed...the best ideas, discussing business, trips, the kids…all goes into those 15 minute chats."
  —Netta (07:32)
• Shared showers become a “shower agenda,” a space devoted to checking in, planning, and meaningful dialogue.

b) Ritual, Gratitude, and Wellbeing (08:47–10:24)

• The sensory experience fosters gratitude and mindfulness.
  • Netta: "Can you believe it? Hot water comes out of the wall...such luxury. It's so simple, but it's such luxury." (08:47)

c) Co-Regulation and the Nervous System (09:25)

• Leah links the practice to co-regulation: "You’re being able to regulate yourselves by being in the presence of each other in very intimate surroundings. And it's very calming to the nervous system." (09:25)

d) Mood and Daily Routines (10:52)

• Showers mark transitions—starting and ending the day—helping with energy, cleansing, and winding down for restful sleep.

4. Creativity and Problem-Solving in the Shower (14:05–16:47)

• Netta: "For me, creativity usually comes in work...business ideas, new product. My husband is an artist...ideas come to mind there and we discuss it there." (14:05)

• Both note that the relaxed, rhythmic environment of the shower is ideal for brainstorming, “brain dumps,” and innovative thought.

• Leah: "Having a little bit of that slow down pace, then it can help relax me...where my brain can be free to wander and come up with different ideas, problem solve, creative insights. And there's something also very rhythmic about the shower. Just even like...almost like a white noise effect." (15:01–16:21)

5. The Invigorating and Stress-Regulating Power of Water (17:32–21:50)

a) Cold Showers: Building Stress Tolerance

• Leah introduces the idea of cold exposure as “deliberately stressing the system in a safe place” to build nervous system resilience. She describes her own practice of ending with cold water and focusing on breath and cognitive tasks to “train the brain to stay functional in a stress response.”
  • "My why behind it is training the brain to stay functional in a stress response." (20:03)

b) Physical and Emotional Health

• Benefits discussed include improved mood, reduced stress hormones, better sleep, potential reduction in depression symptoms, muscle relaxation, and pain reduction (especially for chronic pain and recovery).

6. Making It Work: Addressing Resistance and Logistics (24:30–27:14)

• Common Pushbacks: Concerns about logistics, kids, or privacy.
  • Netta’s practical take: "What logistics are we talking about? You take off your clothes, you go into the shower." (24:40)
• With Kids:
  • For parents, options discussed include showering after bedtime, making it a “shower date,” or even bringing young children in the bathroom in a car seat/bouncy chair as needed (25:56).
• The 30-Day Challenge:
  • Netta’s advice: “Try it for 30 days, come back to me. No one has ever come back to me by the way.” (27:06–27:14)

7. Modeling Healthy Relationships for Kids (27:42–29:05)

• Advocating for children witnessing their parents prioritize connection:
  • Leah: "Kids always do need to see their parents prioritizing their relationship...this is a really easy way to do it. It doesn't cost you money. You don't have to get extra sitters...and it's consistent." (27:42)
  • Netta’s family did not have childcare or family support, so, "This was always...our little daily date, twice a day, little snuck a date without officially calling it a date." (29:05)

8. The Magic Factor

• Netta: “Maybe we didn't touch on the je ne sais quoi element...there's something magical about doing it...something happens that maybe science can't exactly explain...that bond in the relationship...an ideal way. Cheap, easy, in your house, convenient, takes 10 minutes a day, literally. And it can really turn things around or elevate them.” (29:42–30:21)
• Leah: “So it's the magical power of the shower.” (30:21)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Netta: “The secret to a healthy marriage is showering together every day. In our case, twice a day.” (05:18)
• Leah: “There’s actually science behind why showering is so powerful. It has huge benefits for our relationships, for our creativity, for our mood, and of course, for our nervous system.” (05:31)
• Netta: “Can you believe it? Hot water comes out of the wall…such luxury.” (08:47)
• Leah: “You’re being able to regulate yourselves by being in the presence of each other...very calming to the nervous system.” (09:25)
• Netta: “We unload in the shower…we clean the brain as well.” (16:38–16:47)
• Leah: “Try it for 30 days, come back to me.” (27:06)

Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Topic | |-----------|-------| | 03:12 | Netta’s introduction and business background | | 04:37 | How Leah and Netta met, bond over shower “secret” | | 05:18 | The “secret” revealed: showering together daily | | 06:34 | Intimacy, family norms, and comfort in the practice | | 07:32 | High quality connection and conversations in the shower | | 08:47 | Gratitude for small luxuries like hot running water | | 09:25 | Co-regulation and calming the nervous system | | 10:52 | Routines: differences between morning and evening showers | | 14:05 | Boosting creativity during shared showers | | 17:32 | Cold showers and stress resilience explained | | 24:30 | Addressing logistics and resistance to showering together | | 27:42 | Modeling healthy couple relationships for children | | 29:42 | The “magic” of the shared shower ritual |

Resources and Guest Contact

• Netta Tamore:
  • Website: no hassle website.com
  • Membership: themomentummakers.com
• Leah Davidson:
  • Instagram/Facebook: @leahdavidsonlifecoaching
  • Newsletter: leahdav.life/newsletter

Final Thoughts

Through laughter, practical tips, and open sharing, Leah and Netta illuminate how a simple habit can become a cornerstone for emotional health, partnership, and personal resilience. Their invitation? Try shared showering—perhaps for 30 days—and see its transformative impact for yourself.