Podcast Summary: "The Nervous System Side of Your Relationship with Food"
Building Resilience with Leah Davidson
Guest: Jane Pilger (Coach, Binge Eating & Food Freedom)
Date: September 10, 2025
Episode: 247
Main Theme & Purpose
This episode explores the deep connection between the nervous system and our relationship with food. Host Leah Davidson and guest Jane Pilger discuss how struggles with food—especially binge eating and feeling out of control—are often not problems of willpower or morality, but signals from a dysregulated nervous system seeking safety and connection. They unravel the shame and judgment attached to food behaviors, and offer practical, compassionate strategies for awareness, regulation, and healing.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Food Struggles as Signals, Not Moral Failings
[00:00–06:26]
- Jane shares her personal journey with binge eating, which began in college. Her experience was clouded by shame and secrecy, and she tried various therapies and methods over 25 years.
- She realized that food issues were not purely about habits or cognitive patterns, but were deeply tied to the body's quest for safety and the state of the nervous system.
- Leah points out that maladaptive coping mechanisms can take many forms, not just food (e.g., perfectionism, people-pleasing).
"Binge eating or showing up with food in ways that you don't like—it's really a light on the dashboard...telling you something is going on underneath the hood."
– Jane Pilger [08:14]
2. The Role of Shame and Judgment
[06:26–14:05]
- Jane identifies shame and self-judgment as the biggest barriers to understanding and resolving food struggles.
- Until we remove shame, we cannot be curious or compassionate toward ourselves, which blocks healing.
- Both agree that societal hierarchies judge some coping mechanisms as “better” or more acceptable, amplifying shame.
3. The Safety Paradox and the Nervous System’s Role
[12:33–14:05]
- Food can become both a source of safety and a source of threat, due to conflicting cultural messages and personal experiences.
- The nervous system seeks safety; when food stops reliably providing it, confusion and distress result.
"Food simultaneously is a source of safety and not safe at all...and so that's what creates so much complication for people."
– Jane Pilger [12:33]
4. From Judgment to Curiosity: The Three Powerful Questions
[14:26–25:00]
- Jane introduces a practice to shift from judgment/shame to self-awareness:
- What do I notice?
- Interoceptive awareness: physical sensations, thoughts, emotions.
- Many people dissociate or “turn off the lights” during eating episodes.
- What do I need?
- For many, this question is new and initially draws a blank.
- Encourages continued inquiry: the answer might be rest, connection, or simply to “get rid of this feeling.”
- What's next?
- Permission is key: always allow yourself the choice to eat or not eat.
- The act of choosing creates a sense of agency, reducing the nervous system's feeling of being trapped.
- What do I notice?
- Leah notes the importance of distinguishing between externalizing needs (“I need others to change”) and tuning into what one can provide for oneself.
"We can't change what we're not aware of. And so that really is the first step, is just gaining this awareness in whatever amount your nervous system will allow."
– Jane Pilger [19:47]
5. Choice and the Nervous System
[25:00–27:44]
- Granting yourself multiple options (not just “eat or don’t eat”) reduces black-and-white thinking, which is a hallmark of a dysregulated nervous system.
- Leah explains the three C’s the nervous system needs: Connection, Context, and Choice.
"Anytime there's black and white thinking, we're likely in a dysregulated state."
– Leah Davidson [27:12]
6. Building Awareness of States and Patterns
[27:47–32:10]
- Begin by regularly checking in with your nervous system state and note how those states influence eating behaviors.
- Leah and Jane discuss how different states (e.g., hyper-arousal or hypo-arousal) can generate cravings for particular types (e.g., crunchy for anger).
- Keeping the “lights on” (remaining present) during eating—even if you don’t change your behavior—cultivates self-understanding.
7. Hunger, Interoception, and Further Exploration
[33:20–34:48]
- Jane recommends her podcast’s hunger series, including an episode with Leah, for those with complicated relationships to hunger cues.
- Being able to recognize and respond compassionately to hunger signals is vital for regulation.
8. The Healing Power of Connection
[34:48–39:09]
- Self-work (journaling, learning, self-awareness) is valuable, but true healing often requires supportive human connection and co-regulation.
- Leah emphasizes that trauma occurs in relational contexts, so healing likewise requires connection—not just information or self-guided work.
"True healing happens when we're in connection…You can make a ton of gains on your own…but a substitute for connection—I don't know if we're ever going to find it."
– Leah Davidson [36:37]
Notable Quotes
-
"Safety and connection…those are the two words that I say are the key to overcoming your struggles."
– Jane Pilger [06:26] -
"It's a brilliant adaptation. Somebody else has this, this is what you have."
– Leah Davidson [14:05] -
"If you can bring awareness into your eating experience…you don't have to change anything. Can I just bring some awareness into the experience?"
– Jane Pilger [18:45] -
"You can do it on your own, but it is challenging…Sometimes it does take somebody else to give you a different perspective, show you something through a new lens, to co-regulate."
– Jane Pilger [35:40]
Practical Takeaways
Timestamps for Key Tools & Segments
- Dashboard Lights Metaphor & Eight Reasons People Binge
[08:14–10:56] - The Three Powerful Questions for Self-Awareness
[14:26–25:00] - Mapping Food Patterns to Nervous System States
[28:23–32:10] - The Value of Connection in Healing
[34:48–39:09]
Resources
- Jane Pilger’s Podcast: [Binge Eating Breakthrough] (contains hunger series with Leah Davidson)
- Jane’s Free Resource: Video miniseries on food struggles ([link provided in show notes])
- Leah Davidson Coaching: Instagram, Facebook, and website newsletter
Final Thoughts
Whether your struggles with food are obvious, subtle, or somewhere in-between, this episode reframes them as wise but outdated strategies for seeking safety and comfort. Regulating your nervous system, practicing curiosity over judgment, and building connection—with yourself and others—are crucial stepping stones toward true food freedom and resilience.