Podcast Summary:
Building Resilience with Leah Davidson
Episode 246: When Gen Z Walks Away: The Gen X Parent Perspective
Release Date: September 3, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, host Leah Davidson explores the rising generational divide between Gen Z adult children and their Gen X parents, with a particular focus on family estrangement. Leah delves into the nervous system story that underlies relational ruptures, discusses changing cultural narratives about boundaries and healing, and encourages both generations to reflect on their pain and possibilities for reconnection. The tone is compassionate and nuanced, avoiding blame and emphasizing the humanity and wounds on both sides.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Generational Nervous System Gap (00:00–03:30)

• Leah frames the rising estrangement between adult children and parents as a nervous system issue, not just a problem of misunderstandings or generational values.
  • “The gap is real. And it’s not just about hurt feelings or different values. There’s a nervous system story, a cultural story, and a human story here that impacts everyone involved.” (A, 00:13)
• The episode is positioned as non-judgmental, inviting all listeners (Gen X, Gen Z, Boomers, Millennials) to approach the issue with open minds.

The Estrangement Trend: Data & Cultural Shift (03:31–07:50)

• Leah shares findings that estrangement is increasingly common:
  • Research from Cornell University: 1 in 4 adults in the US are estranged from a family member; around 1 in 10 are estranged from a parent.
  • Among young adults, the split is sharper with fathers (~25%) than with mothers (~6–7%).
• What’s new is how estrangement is framed—Gen Z frames it as self-preservation and healing, whereas earlier generations saw it as shameful or a failure.
  • “Estrangement has always been around, but it was often hidden in shame...Gen Z is much more likely to see it as a mental health decision, a boundary, or even about their survival.” (A, 05:30)

Parenting in Shifting Times: The Gen X Perspective (07:51–12:50)

• Gen X parents feel confusion and sometimes betrayal after investing heavily in their children, yet are seen as causes of harm.
  • “Many are struggling to understand...how did we end up here? How is it that I am to blame? Did we really cause that much harm? Or is something else going on?” (A, 08:45)
• Gen X parenting was more involved and accommodating than their own upbringing, emphasizing activities, emotional support, and opportunity.
• The rise of emotional vocabulary and mental health awareness has strengths, but Leah warns:
  • “Having language doesn’t automatically mean you have the maturity or the life experience or even the conflict navigation skills to match the language and vocabulary...” (A, 10:55)
• She acknowledges over-generalizations and the need for nuance: not all children cut off parents out of whim, nor are all parents blameless.

Nervous System Science Meets Family Dynamics (12:51–16:00)

• Safety drives connection: When a relationship feels unsafe, the nervous system pushes for distance, whether the threat is real or perceived.
• Social media and therapy resources have shaped Gen Z’s language for and approach to boundaries.
• Gen X were trained to “toughen up, push through,” with less focus on emotional expression, shaping how they now handle familial friction.

The Boundaries Debate—Bridge or Wall? (16:01–18:00)

• Leah reframes boundaries:
  • “When you are regulated, then the boundaries you set can be viewed as bridges. They protect the relationship while keeping the door open. But when you’re dysregulated...boundaries...are like walls.” (A, 17:05)
• Both generations are right to prioritize their mental health and safety, but may risk premature disconnection.

The Consequences: Loss, Growth, & Ripples (18:01–22:30)

• Both Gen Z and Gen X stand to lose:
  • Gen Z might lose support systems, shared family history, and the possibility that some ruptures could have been survivable.
  • Gen X faces loneliness and loss of familial support as they age.
• Leah sees an emerging trend where Gen X parents are adopting some of the same mental health boundaries promoted by Gen Z—reclaiming time and energy for themselves.
  • “Gen X is the very generation that raised kids to value mental health and personal boundaries. But they may now be starting to use those same values themselves.” (A, 21:11)
• Intergenerational estrangement has further ripple effects—grandchildren missing grandparents, less intergenerational grounding.

Reflection & Moving Forward: Self-Regulation and Repair (22:31–27:22)

• Leah offers reflective questions for listeners in estranged relationships:
  1. What’s my nervous system state when I think about this relationship?
  2. What story am I telling about the other person’s intentions?
  3. Am I living the life I want now, or waiting for someone else to change?
• The conversation isn’t about waiting for others to apologize or change but about living fully and healing in the meantime.
  • “Resilience here isn’t about pretending that pain doesn’t exist or choosing one side of the story to be right. It’s about creating a life that’s grounded and meaningful and open to connection, while also knowing that you can stand steady if that connection doesn’t look the way you hoped.” (A, 26:55)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Safety drives connection. So if someone perceives a relationship as unsafe...their system will naturally push for distance.” (A, 10:28)
• “Having language doesn't automatically mean you have the maturity or the life experience or even the conflict navigation skills to match the language and vocabulary that you have.” (A, 10:55)
• “When you are regulated, then the boundaries you set can be viewed as bridges...But when you’re dysregulated...boundaries...are like walls.” (A, 17:05)
• “Gen X is the very generation that raised kids to value mental health and personal boundaries. But they may now be starting to use those same values themselves.” (A, 21:11)
• “Resilience here isn’t about pretending that pain doesn’t exist or choosing one side of the story to be right. It’s about creating a life that’s grounded and meaningful and open to connection, while also knowing that you can stand steady if that connection doesn’t look the way you hoped.” (A, 26:55)

Important Timestamps

• 00:00 – Introduction and framing the generational divide
• 03:31 – Research and statistics on estrangement
• 05:30–08:45 – Cultural framing and emotional vocabulary
• 10:28–10:55 – The nervous system’s role in perceived safety and conflict
• 17:05 – Boundaries as bridges vs. walls
• 21:11 – Gen X adopting boundaries and mental health focus
• 26:55 – Definition of resilience and call for balance

Tone and Style

Leah maintains a warm, understanding, and balanced perspective:

• Acknowledges her own Gen X bias but strives for empathy on both sides.
• Recognizes complexity and nuance—rejects black-and-white thinking.
• Language is inclusive, compassionate, and oriented around growth and healing.
• Emphasizes the importance of nervous system awareness and regulation in building resilience and navigating family relationships.

For Listeners

This episode is especially valuable for Gen X parents struggling with changing dynamics as their Gen Z children pull away, as well as for younger adults navigating boundaries with parents. It encourages all generations to reflect on their own needs, the stories they tell themselves, and how building resilience rests on both understanding and self-regulation.