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- [00:00]
A
Peace is literally already here. And the challenge for a lot of people is like, when you realize you don't have to do anything.
- [00:09]
B
That was crazy. Yes. That. That was it.
- [00:12]
A
Your mind's trying to make sense of it. It's like, wait, I didn't just work my ass off. I didn't have to work a thousand hours. I didn't have to do all this to achieve peace. Like, no, this can't be real. Then you're gonna. Then you try to, like, make it make sense, or you try to create a recipe to repeat it again and make it more predictable. No, it's here.
- [00:29]
B
That's such a crazy thing. It sounds simple. That's why. And this kind of supports the idea that you can build your empire.
- [00:37]
A
Yes.
- [00:37]
B
You're listening to this and you're like, how do I have peace while also, like, grow myself and expand myself? You can do both at the same time.
- [00:43]
A
Yes.
- [00:44]
B
Hey there. I'm Cody McGuffey. I'm a husband dad of three and I'm the founder of Ever Be, Ever Be. Ever Be. Ever Be, where we serve over a million creators across the globe, helping them grow thriving online businesses. I believe every single human is a creator, and I believe every single creator should own a business. It is that gives them the freedom to build the life that they dream of. Built online is where creators, entrepreneurs, and leaders get real insights, real stories, and the edge to build something that actually lasts. This is where the next generation builders get built. Samson, I'm so happy you're here, man.
- [01:20]
A
I'm so happy to be here.
- [01:21]
B
Thank you for coming.
- [01:22]
A
Of course.
- [01:23]
B
We've had. We've been friends for how many a year now? It's been a year and a half year.
- [01:29]
A
A little over a year.
- [01:31]
B
It flies by really fast. And before we hit record, we were already catching up a little bit, but I was recapping for the preparation of just us getting to spend some time together.
- [01:43]
A
Yep.
- [01:44]
B
I'll do the same thing, actually. Turn it off. Do not disturb for your call after you missed. I already know that'll blow up. Yeah. I was spending some time thinking about, man, what are we going to talk about today? Because we can go so many different angles. And I was reflecting on how we met originally, which I don't know if you recall fully.
- [02:16]
A
I remember.
- [02:17]
B
You do? Well, tell me how you remember it at least.
- [02:20]
A
So fortunately, I have a great partnership with Hamptons and supporting them when they do retreats in Austin. So for me, I think the beauty of it is I get to share what I love doing. But the direct byproduct of that is connecting with amazing people like you. And I remember during the integration process, after a breathwork session, I remember seeing you, like, you weren't like. It wasn't like you were shook or anything. It was almost like, oh, I remember feeling like this. I remember the benefit of what it's like to be present and connect with the asset, like my breath. And then I remember you just kind of like being in your own space, but you were also like, there was this hunger I saw in your eye to, like, go deeper. And then we connected.
- [03:14]
B
Thank you for saying that. And I remember it very similarly, actually. I remember that session. By the way, what Samson's talking about here is Hampton's a, like a founder and CEO entrepreneurship community, and Samson was leading it. And it was a beautiful, beautiful event that you had, like, it was a beautiful, like, session. It was like in a courtyard. We were like, laying down, comfortable, doing these breathwork sessions. And my experience was before that was I did some breath work originally. Wim hof was the YouTube sessions. Awesome. Did some other in person sessions. And I remember just having, like, great, surreal kind of experience from it. After you come out of a breath work session, I remember just being like, I feel like, better than I've ever felt. Which is wild because we. We think that we're feeling good a lot of times. And then you do a breath work session and you're just like, dude, I didn't even know what feeling good was.
- [04:13]
A
Yeah.
- [04:14]
B
You know, like, I had so much baggage, so much weight on me. And after a session with you, for example, you just feel like that's just unloaded.
- [04:23]
A
Yeah.
- [04:24]
B
And you feel clear.
- [04:24]
A
Yeah.
- [04:25]
B
Is that typically how it is for everyone or is that just my experience?
- [04:28]
A
I mean, it's different for everyone. I mean, there. There is a common, common theme with that, with that experience. I think everyone is different. Some people, it's like, you know, they don't even. I don't want to say they don't feel anything, but they're not present to feel, let's say, open or light simply because, again, everyone's coming in at different stages. So for a lot of people, you know, to be open or to allow yourself to, you know, feel or be present in that way is actually a threat to their system because they're so used to being closed off and being tense and being in a state of defense, if you will. And then for the most part, a lot of people, they actually get the benefit of just being present a session. I just did for another leader more recently, which was. It was so fun. And what he shared was. He's like, interesting. He's like, I've been here for a few days and I didn't hear. And he was speaking of the cicadas. He's like, now I hear them. They've been there the whole entire time. So, you know, what I. What I get from that is there's a level of awareness and presence, like something like that drops you into that you weren't aware of before. But, yeah, there's a bunch of different experiences that people have. But for the most part, people do get this feeling of, like, lightness or deeper presence. I think that's the most common one. It's like they feel more like here. Yeah. It's because we're breathing. That's the effect of just being, like, breathing.
- [06:08]
B
I try to remember, like, because it's interesting. In my experience, like, with breath work, I'll do it and then I'll feel amazing. Like, for there's, you know, there's a long tail. Typically. Well, for me, I don't know if I really thought about this too much, but typically, for sure, the same day.
- [06:22]
A
Yep.
- [06:23]
B
Like, I feel the benefits of it. And the next day I kind of, like, my system goes back into, you know, by its default settings. And it just. I probably have to do it again if I want to feel that feeling again.
- [06:33]
A
Yeah.
- [06:34]
B
Is that. Is that pretty?
- [06:36]
A
Yes and no. And, you know, my mentality. I mean, I've had the opportunity to kind of work with this tool for the last, you know, over a decade. And, you know, I always go in knowing that when something is a tool, that's what it is. It's a tool. My job is to not become the hammer, is to use the hammer.
- [06:56]
B
Interesting.
- [06:57]
A
And why? Well, breathing is a natural function of just who we are as human beings biologically. Like, it's. It's. Again, because of the likes and of our central nervous system, we don't have to worry about it. Like, it does it for us. So it's. It's a direct. Like, it's correlated to just our existence, to living, to being alive. So that's. That's. There's. That. But what I've come to understand is that it's important that we understand the fundamentals of just breathing, rather than just seeing it as this novel thing or this session or activity that I have to do. Otherwise we'd be relating to it as a thing that's outside of us. I won't be present until I do this. Session. I won't feel light until I do this session. So you know what I try to get people to understand, including myself, because it took me getting to this place was, how can I breathe regularly in a way that acknowledges my ability to get present? And then when you open that or you are curious about that, you realize it's not just about the session. The session is just inviting you to what's possible. It's like a glimpse. It's like a. You know, it's like a. It's like an idea that drops into your mind, Right? But this time, it's like a visual experience. Like, oh, if I allow myself to be present, the tool just giving you the access to what's available. But if I can practice making it a way of life to soften, to regulate my nervous system, to. To essentially put my brain in a state to where it doesn't have to be tense or look at the world as a threat, then I realize I don't need as much sessions because that's the way. That's how I'm living.
- [08:55]
B
The goal is to change your identity, not just have a session every single day.
- [08:58]
A
Exactly. Now, the sessions are great. I kind of call them like. You know, when people ask at the end of a session, like, oh, how often can I do this? Because they love that feeling. I tell them, like, hey, like, once or twice a month is great. Like, if you need to clean the gutters out for a little bit, if you realize that you are, like, really, really, like, tense and, you know, you're full of baggage, then a great session to help, kind of like meet you where you are and almost get you out of your mind so your body can do what it needs to do. But outside of that, it's just one session. What's more important is how we're living. So it becomes more of a daily, fundamental practice to retrain yourself, retrain your brain, retrain your nervous system on how to breathe in a way that actually evokes presence, evokes safety. And by safety, I don't mean, like, perfect safety. I mean capacity. Capacity to be with, like, what is.
- [09:55]
B
Yeah, that's interesting. I think we all want to. I personally want to always be able to handle. I want to be the person able to handle the hard stuff.
- [10:04]
A
Right.
- [10:05]
B
I think most people listening to this, and I'm sure you would probably agree with yourself too, is like, we want to be the one. We want to be the man or the woman or the mom or whatever to. To carry the weight of the family. And we want to be strong for the. For our loved ones. Do you feel like living in this way actually helps you do this? Because I think a lot of times.
- [10:23]
A
So. Good question.
- [10:24]
B
We feel like, yeah, I guess. Do you feel like breath work or living in this way would actually help you almost callous your mind? And I'm using that word.
- [10:33]
A
Yeah.
- [10:34]
B
And you can correct that.
- [10:35]
A
Yeah, yeah. No, I love the way you frame this question. So first and foremost, like, even though, like, I'm a practitioner with breath, I don't even like associating it or calling it breath work anymore, because it insinuates this toiling that I have to do with something that comes natural to me. Right. It's like, why do I have to work something where in however long we've been talking, we've already had, like, hundreds of breaths? Right. So that's. That's the first idea. And I think it has to do with our relationship to work. So people like us, we're, oh, we got to work. We got to figure it out.
- [11:10]
B
Totally agree.
- [11:11]
A
So now it's something with breath. Like, why do I have to work.
- [11:14]
B
That something I have to do something I always have to do, and check off the list.
- [11:16]
A
Right.
- [11:17]
B
Make sure I'm doing the right things.
- [11:18]
A
Right. So when it comes to, like, developing, I would say, internal resilience and capacity, yes, it could help. But I think it's how we're going about doing it, and it's so interesting you brought that up around, like, being the strong one, being the one to handle things. I actually just had an experience because before this, you asked how I been, and I'm like, bro, it's been a ride. And the last week, I had an experience that was deeply revealing. And, you know, I'll share.
- [11:47]
B
Yeah, sure.
- [11:48]
A
I had an opportunity to jump on this free workshop with really what I. Based on the small amount of time I've gotten to know him, like, incredible. Like, coach, like, mastered what he does. In fact, I see a lot of myself or essentially, like, what I get to really step into in him. His name is Joe Hudson, if you're not familiar with him.
- [12:08]
B
No, no.
- [12:09]
A
And I went into his ecosystem because I was curious. I'm like, okay. I really love how this. How he handles these sessions or how he handles these interactions or connections with people. So I was like, let me go into the ecosystem, and I jump on his workshop. When I checked the participants, when I looked at it, it was over 800 people. Right. So he normally does, like, this intellectual Q and A first, kind of get the intellectual questions out the way. And then he does rapid fire coaching. I just so happened to get picked out of like 800 people and there were 300 with their hands raised. I didn't raise my hand. So I'm like, okay, that's already for me. It's an indication I'm meant to be here. So he's like, what's your question? And you've known me for a little bit, right? I couldn't get my question out. I froze. And then I realized that I'm like, I'm trying to perfect like the question. He was like. And I said, okay, let me set some context. He's like, no context needed. What's your question? And then I like close my eyes, I try to go within. He's like, no, stay here. What's your question? And.
- [13:25]
B
What were you feeling right now? Were you feeling a sense of, you said, perfectionism? Is it also leading to panic a little bit too? Is there a heart racing? What are the physical sensations?
- [13:35]
A
I don't remember. But looking back, I think that's what it was. I think I felt so, so exposed and helpless in that moment that I couldn't result to my mechanisms.
- [13:46]
B
What you're actually good at.
- [13:47]
A
My adaptations, my ability to gather myself.
- [13:52]
B
Which your identity is actually, this is as part of your identity. Like you look at yourself probably I imagine like somebody that's able to keep their composure under construction.
- [14:00]
A
Oh, wow. Just wait, bro. Cause it gets crazy. So he's like, look at you. He's like, you're trying to hold it together. And I said, and this is. I've had to learn how to do this. I've had to learn how to challenge kind of like what I'm being told or what I hear. Because I used to be someone that just was agreeable, right? Like, that doesn't. That doesn't fully resonate, but I can see that. And then some time went by and he said these words. He said, samson, there are worlds upon worlds that are waiting to help you. And I cracked. I like lost it. I was in tears for maybe a good two or three minutes. Again, I don't know. No recollection of time, but I lost it. And I think it's just also the compound effect of what I've went through over the last two months. But just honestly the reality of.
- [14:57]
B
What.
- [14:58]
A
I was unconsciously still living in. So after he said that, he shared his story because he works with a lot of high capacity, high output individuals, him being one himself. He shared a story how for him, he resisted feeling helpless.
- [15:16]
B
Hmm.
- [15:17]
A
Right.
- [15:18]
B
He resisted feeling.
- [15:19]
A
He resisted feeling his helplessness. And it's back to your question. Being the strong one, being the one that had to hold it all together. Right? It's like, I'll give. I'll get to that a little bit. But after the calls when I unpacked so much, because for the. For the next two days after that, I was so disoriented. I experienced, like, vulnerability, hangover because I was now in front of 800, maybe 900 people, which I don't have an issue with. But I realize even in that, there's a part of me that is. Seeks to control and is selective with how I'm being vulnerable simply because I vigilantly pay attention to cues and facial expressions to see who could handle, like, what I feel is a lot. And there hasn't been many people who could do that, because guess what? We're the ones that always do it. Right? So I've been used to scanning, like, when I allow myself to just be. And, you know, I could be in emotion and just without needing to justify it, I see someone's face and they try to fix that. I was like, oh, it's not safe to let it down here. So I became very selective in who I allow myself to fall apart with. But even in that, I realized there was still a form of control that was hindering, essentially, the support that I deeply desired and needed but couldn't ask for because of my story around it. Meaning that I'm weak or feeble or you're broken. Right. And then I realized how much I committed to these identities at a very young age. You know this about me. My parents separated when I was 4, and I told my father, just out of the necessity and desperation of not wanting him to leave, if you leave, I'm going to hate you. And he still left. And I made those words mean something about me. I was like, oh, I caused that. So as a result, I compensated and I adapted to not use my words or be direct or be truthful. You know, at a very young age, a year and a half old, I was. I was. I internalized that. I was too much. And I even heard it from my mom. Like, your power, your energy is too much for us. And, you know, they started calling me by my middle name instead of my first name because they realize every time they call me my first name, I'd be hyper. And for a lot of people listening, they don't think, oh, you don't. You don't remember that? Like, we remember everything. It may not Be conscious. But we remember everything. So starting at a very young age, I started to like, almost reject who I was. But it was replaced with compensation and adaptive strategies of how I could be accepted so I'm not kicked out the pack. And what that looked like was the one who held it all together. What that looked like was the wise one. Because it's young as six years old. Oh, you're wise beyond your years.
- [18:17]
B
You probably heard that many times.
- [18:20]
A
You're wise beyond your years.
- [18:21]
B
You're old soul. You're an old soul.
- [18:23]
A
And for me I'm like, oh. And I wasn't trying to be wise. I was just being myself. I was being curious, I was being reflective. I was being. Yeah. I wasn't just being myself. Oh, you're wise beyond your years. So I saw.
- [18:35]
B
Which was true, actually. It was very true, probably.
- [18:37]
A
Yeah. I saw the connection. I saw the validation. I saw the being seen. And now instead of doing it out of just being or the love of it, it became a duty. It became a duty to be the wise one. It became a duty to be the strong one. It became the duty to be the stabilizer for the entire family. So when things were chaotic, he's got it. And I unconsciously bought into those things, which essentially became a crutch. And the cost that I paid was now not only did. I was selective of who I let in, but receiving became a very difficult thing to be with. I was good at giving, but to let it in and to welcome just support became very challenging. Because if I allowed someone to support me, then in my mind it meant that I didn't have it together. And that was what I bought into. That was what I invested in most of my life. Like I needed to have it together so people didn't see me a certain way.
- [19:38]
B
I was recalling too, when we were at that. In that session originally when I first met you, something you said, something that struck that I was. For weeks and weeks and weeks I was thinking about. And you mentioned something during. During the breathwork session. Like, I think we're in like full on meditation at this point. You said something about, you are not broken.
- [20:00]
A
Yeah.
- [20:00]
B
And that was the first time I heard that.
- [20:03]
A
Wow.
- [20:04]
B
For a long time. Maybe I've probably heard it before, but I just didn't hear it.
- [20:07]
A
Wow.
- [20:08]
B
And I remember just being like. Because for those. For so many probably months or weeks, that was the story. It was being played in my head. Something's wrong with you. Something's wrong with you. Like, why are you this way? Like, you're broken. Like, you need to just fix it. It's okay. Just like, fix it. Find the problem. Fix the problem. Yeah, right. Because we're problem solvers. Entrepreneurs are like, we. We solve problems.
- [20:29]
A
That's literally the foundation of our.
- [20:31]
B
Of our.
- [20:31]
A
Of our role is to solve problems.
- [20:32]
B
Absolutely. Yeah. So when you're like, oh, I'm feeling anxious for no reason.
- [20:38]
A
Yeah.
- [20:39]
B
For me, it was like, why am I feeling anxious about this? There's literally no reason. I've done this 10 million times.
- [20:43]
A
Yeah.
- [20:44]
B
Why am I feeling anxious? And there must be something wrong with me. There's something wrong with me. And. And you kind of, like, you start to justify it and, oh, my God, my dad had this disease. My sister had. Has this disease. Oh, maybe I have, like, something too. Maybe we're cursed. Like, everyone dies early. Maybe I'm going to die early. So many stories that just get played and played and played. Or worst case, you're not even sick at all, but your mind is sick. And then it's like a whole nother story. And so when you said that, it really struck with me. I'm like, wow, it made me feel so good. And that's what made me want to go deeper with you and actually, like, you know, work together and stuff. And I'm so grateful that we.
- [21:24]
A
Bro. Thank you for sharing that.
- [21:25]
B
I had.
- [21:26]
A
I had no freaking idea. Like, okay, now I want to ask you, like, when do you remember feeling like, when was. You may. You may not even recall the first time, but let's say you do. Like, when do you. When did you start to feel that belief be palpable in your world that caused you to always, like, have to fix. Like, when did you notice that narrative?
- [21:51]
B
Such a good question.
- [21:53]
A
The narrative of like, I'm broken or something's wrong with me.
- [21:57]
B
Pretty young. Yeah. It was in elementary school. Yeah. I was probably like, we've talked about a little bit of this, a lot of this, actually 10, maybe 11 years old, when for me, it was like, I was a really anxious kid. I was. Something was always like, I just didn't, you know what, Reflecting back on it. I was afraid of my own feelings. I was afraid of the anxious feelings.
- [22:22]
A
Yeah.
- [22:23]
B
I wasn't afraid of anything externally happening. It was actually like I was afraid of my own mind feeling an emotion that was very natural to me. But I thought for some reason that these feelings were very unnatural. And I remember that's. Looking back, that's when I felt like I was different than the other kids in a not good way. Like, in A not good way. Like they were somehow. They were all enjoying their lunchtime.
- [22:46]
A
Yeah.
- [22:46]
B
And I'm, like, worried about breaking down in front of all my friends. And so I think that's when I probably felt the first signs of being broken and then just it being reinforced over time.
- [22:59]
A
Yep.
- [22:59]
B
Not intentionally. My. My parents tried their best, of course, but.
- [23:04]
A
Of course.
- [23:04]
B
But I remember being labeled with, like, an anxiety disorder. So now it's like, oh, dude, I'm. I have a disorder. Like, I'm sick, you know, and then just feeling like, oh, I'll never be able to get over this. And there were times where I felt not real suicidal thoughts. Like, looking back on them, I don't think they're real, but I remember being like, I don't want to live like this. This is a terrible feeling, and this scares the shit out of me. Yeah. Hopefully that answers your question.
- [23:35]
A
Yeah, man.
- [23:35]
B
No, never really shared that ever on the podcast.
- [23:38]
A
Thank you for sharing that. I'll tell you this much. You're not even close to being alone in that. And I relate to it, but in a different way. Ever since I could remember, I carried the narrative that something was wrong with me. You know, I shared at a year and a half old, being told or being hearing by your. Your mom or your parents that, you know, who you are is too much for them. Like, oh, well, damn, let me, like, dim myself. Because if my mom doesn't accept me, then who am I acceptable by? So now this primal sense of belonging is triggered, and then all of a sudden, like, that's what becomes priority over everything. It's like we choose attachment over authenticity.
- [24:28]
B
What do you mean by that?
- [24:30]
A
So for us at those young ages, we're more invested in survival than anything else. So what's in it for us is shelter, food, nourishment, belonging, warmth, and ultimately love. And in any moment that we essentially feel a threat to any of those things, it signals that, okay, there might be something. We automatically take fault for it. We fault ourselves for whatever happens in our environment because we haven't developed the discernment yet to separate or to see, oh, that was just dad having a bad day, or that was mom having a bad day, or that was the dog or whatever. We don't have the ability to discern yet. So we internalize majority of what happens in our environment. And if we don't have anyone there to help reinforce or reassure us that we're okay, that it's safe, that it's not our fault, that there's nothing wrong with us, we will essentially calcify those beliefs or those narratives into an identity that becomes the world through which we see ourselves and through which we see externally. And for me, it's true. It was true because that's what I kept telling myself, that I was broken or something was wrong with me. And I think there's so many people, especially entrepreneurs or high capacity individuals, that that is their internal dialogue. And the thing is, the benefit of it is they now the reaction is to go build something epic. It's like, I don't want to deal with this feeling, so I need to.
- [26:19]
B
Go keep myself busy and my purpose aligned with something different.
- [26:22]
A
I need to go build a massive empire to deal, to not deal with these feelings. And no matter how big the empire is, the void is still there.
- [26:30]
B
That's the scary part.
- [26:31]
A
The void is still there because it's. It doesn't matter. Like you can, you can be given heaven on a platter, it still won't compensate for the void that can only be filled internally. And that void was created by, I would say, misinterpretation and misunderstanding of, like, reality that nobody was there to help you correct. For me, if my mom would have, not saying she could have or she should have, I'm just looking back, right? My mom would have had the awareness to say, hey, you know, I just don't, I don't have the energy to support you. And it has nothing to do with you. It just, it's just my own lack of emotional capacity. And guess what? I've been like, oh, okay, we're good. Like, I just continue to be myself. But then what, what tends to happen is that when you practice various iterations of a belief like I'm broken or something is wrong with me, eventually, over time, that's what we start to think that we are.
- [27:40]
B
The neuropathways start to solidify.
- [27:43]
A
The mind starts to literally solidify this consistent program, this consistent iteration of this same dialogue, right? And it starts to eventually harden into this personified expression of I'm broken. And the thing about that is now you create a feedback loop of that. If you believe that you're broken, well, then by the nature of the survival self, that that was built upon. And then the next level of that, the ego, which is just the constructed self on behalf of the survival self, it has to find evidence to make.
- [28:20]
B
That right 100% right.
- [28:24]
A
So I started to notice all the ways that my life was matching the very belief that I was trying to run away from.
- [28:34]
B
Question.
- [28:35]
A
Yeah.
- [28:37]
B
You figured out a way.
- [28:38]
A
Yeah.
- [28:39]
B
To have this feeling.
- [28:40]
A
Yep.
- [28:41]
B
This feeling that something was wrong with you.
- [28:43]
A
Yep.
- [28:44]
B
And you've turned it into something that somehow had served it. Served you.
- [28:47]
A
Yes.
- [28:49]
B
I imagine that's probably pretty common too.
- [28:51]
A
Yes.
- [28:51]
B
I mean, you could take the victim mindset, of course, and let it be the reason why you amount to nothing and your life is a failure, and you feel like you just ruin other people's lives and all these things, or you can take it to where it's like, okay, I'm gonna go and overcompensate, and that's obviously what you've done.
- [29:08]
A
Yeah.
- [29:09]
B
Why is it that it's like, why have you made it something where you can actually take that and turn it into a positive?
- [29:15]
A
Such a good question. So, I mean, I think from my perspective, the only way we can even create a comparative analysis to both of those things is the only thing that's different is the tangible results that we have. But I still think both sides of the spectrum feel the same thing. It's just one just has the things.
- [29:40]
B
Has the things. Yeah.
- [29:41]
A
Has a thing to try to at least compensate for the. For the. For the. For the feeling. The other just doesn't. But they're still equal in part because it's still coming from the same place.
- [29:52]
B
Interesting. Yeah.
- [29:53]
A
And what I recognized, just through patterns of frustration and internal strife and just inner conflict, is that it wasn't about what I was doing. It was about who I was when I was doing it. Right. And what I've noticed across the board is it has really nothing to do with action. It's all about the identity that precedes the behavior that's driving the action. So one of the biggest issues that I recognized was I remember at one point wanting to be the best version of myself. How many times have you heard that I want to be the best version of myself?
- [30:29]
B
I literally have it written down everywhere.
- [30:31]
A
The best version of myself, 100%, the.
- [30:34]
B
Ideal version of myself.
- [30:34]
A
I want to make a massive impact. I want to be the most ideal version of myself. But the question I eventually had to learn to ask is, what self. What self am I referring to? Right. The only reason I want to be the best version of myself, because internally, I don't like the version of myself. If I think something is wrong with me or I'm broken, of course I want to fix that by being the best version of myself. And I realized that internal dialogue was.
- [31:03]
B
An illusion, compounding into something that you don't actually.
- [31:08]
A
And being the best version of myself was just trying to be the best version of my constrained in prison self, which is just literally repeating the cycle because it was about who, who was driving that.
- [31:22]
B
I've never heard that before because I've only heard that my entire life. I played high school sport, youth sports, high school sports, college sports, literally competed my entire life. And the idea is that you should always be the best version of yourself. Now running businesses, you need to be like continuing to elevate yourself. I've never heard somebody question that. Yeah, that, that frame of thinking. What is the best way to. What is a better way?
- [31:49]
A
Right. To say that, what's the self essentially? So it's not about not doing that. Like I'm not. I'm also not dismissing our.
- [31:57]
B
Yeah, obviously you believe in self improvement.
- [32:00]
A
I think it's all about the come from. So my work has now evolved into helping people realize, well, what self is driving the show. Right. If I were to think of little Samson, he was curious, he was awe inspired, he was full of life, he was excited, he loved depth. But over time I suppressed that because it wasn't welcomed. And over time I start to live from the compensation so I can survive the circumstances that I felt were threatening my safety. So I started to live from the survival self, the constrained self, the limited self, the imprisoned self, rather than the original authority in Samson, which was full of wonder, awe, was excited, was interested, and the difference becomes, now what can I create from that versus the constraint? A lot of times we're creating from the constraint and wonder why we don't feel resonance or fulfillment.
- [33:06]
B
What's an example of that in business?
- [33:08]
A
Let's just say, okay, this is the perfect example of the guy who did everything right, worked his ass off, built the empire. Look at his account, the zeros are there. Look at his family. There may be some. There may be some stuff there, but he has a family, he has everything. You can consider on paper that. But then he can't sleep at night, he can't. He feels irritable, he feels uneasy. It's like he still has that angst. It's still not enough. And this is not the case for everyone. At that point. What we can begin to explore is maybe the success that you're not connected to or you don't feel connected to has come from the party that's created the success to try to fill the void that you feel now. It's about how can I create from who I am, not who I think I am. The disconnect exists because there is, there is a gap between the who and the what.
- [34:28]
B
Can that man. Have both.
- [34:31]
A
Yes, I believe so.
- [34:33]
B
I think there's this narrative, at least in my head coming growing up is you have to be, if you want to be super successful and have that empire, have all the things, have the. Then you have to make sacrifices. And one of those sacrifices is your probably mental well being.
- [34:48]
A
Yeah, I think that's a fallacy.
- [34:51]
B
I think it's a fallacy.
- [34:51]
A
I think it's one of the biggest fallacies and I think it's a fallacy that serves the machine that we're all a part of. I think it's a fallacy that serves the system.
- [34:59]
B
So you can say you could have the cake and you could also eat it too. You could be happy and you can have the empire, you're saying.
- [35:05]
A
So again, there's spectrums of that. Right. My thing is I don't think feel in what world does, and this is just a question for you, in what world do we think, in what sane world do we think that we can sustain sacrificing our well being just to achieve something and then eventually get to the thing and not be able to be present with it because we sacrificed ourselves getting there.
- [35:31]
B
What a terrible feeling. Yeah. What a terrible thing.
- [35:34]
A
But yet again, we don't, we don't sit and actually like meditate and like think about this because it's all about that thing now. It's not wrong. It's not wrong going after that thing. I think it's all about what, not even why, like how we're doing it. Right. I think there's a bunch of science now because now we're in a society that needs peer reviewed research before we do anything right. There's now science coming out confirming that rest is one of the most productive things you can do. But we live through an era where rest was frowned upon because we watched our parents not do that. We watched our parents have to deal with giving most of their life to a company or to something and eventually retire in a way that you don't even see them enjoy it. Like now they're suffering on the back end of choices that they made in the first half of their life. Like my father just, just passed and I remember watching him stress. I, I think stress is what broke his health down.
- [36:41]
B
So I want to talk about that for a minute.
- [36:43]
A
Yeah, absolutely.
- [36:46]
B
When did he pass?
- [36:47]
A
He passed July 22nd.
- [36:50]
B
I know we talked about that a little before we hit record. Sorry to hear that.
- [36:53]
A
Yeah.
- [36:56]
B
That's so heavy. And you said it was unexpected as well.
- [36:59]
A
Yeah.
- [37:00]
B
You mind sharing how he passed and.
- [37:02]
A
Yeah, you know, without obviously going into too much detail, he's just. He's dealt with health issues, health challenges over the years. And I remember since I was a kid, and this is my stepfather, but, you know, just for me, he's been in my life since I was five. So he's a father. Especially in my culture, there's no. We don't have those lines. So I remember as a little kid, like, watching him deal with, like, migraines, and he would go to the hospital and be like, oh, there's really. There's nothing here. He'll get scans, X rays, nothing. And then it'll keep happening. We realized, like, it was stress related, you know, and then he eventually got diagnosed with hypertension, which high blood pressure, stress related. And, you know, I just look at. I look at all that, and from a man's perspective, that had to essentially, like, you know, support the family and do what he did. I just think he didn't have an outlet. He didn't have the resources that now I'm not only creating, but I'm making available for people or I have available to me to reflect back to him that it's okay. Like, you're not crazy. Like, I know how difficult it is. I even share a story with you. Two years ago, this is why when he passed, even though, like, I'm moving through my own grieving process, which is ongoing, there is this sense of completion that I felt right. Which I remember questioning, like, maybe weeks after. I'm like, should I be grieving differently? I feel, like, kind of weird not grieving how the rest of my family was grieving.
- [38:47]
B
Or the movies. Yeah. Kind of say that you're supposed to.
- [38:50]
A
And I'm like, no, it's because I allow myself to feel in the moment. Like, I remember we were taking a trip as a family to Dallas to meet my cousin. And, like, for 30 minutes of that car, I was just, like, bawling my eyes out because it was just there. It was just raw. But two years ago, I remember having a conversation with him, and I'm gonna kind of share some context. You know, they got to a point where in my early 20s, like, start actually starting 18. And then really to my early 20s, I became very, like, obsessive over my health. I used to work in the medical field as an ER tech, so I got exposure to the realities of what it's like to not take care of yourself. I fortunately and unfortunately, I say fortunately because of how much death has been a teacher for me, but unfortunately, because I Like, had to witness it. I've witnessed many people die. So for me, it gave me the edge. It gave me the inspiration to take care of myself in a new way. But I would also admit that a lot of it, because I was so young and still developing in maturity when it came to a lot of things and my understanding of the world, I can see where my ego led a lot of it. And I'm sharing this because, you know, my pops, he didn't really take care of himself in the way that he could. And I would always like frown upon that and look down on it. So he had a mild stroke, like years back. This is when I still used to live in Philly and I was around him and we got ahead of that and we were able to take care of him, helped him lose a bunch of weight, got his health back in order, and then eventually just stopped, snuck back. And I think I have my reasons why, which there was a lot of, like, again, stress. But I share that because when I had this conversation with him two years ago, a different part of me showed up. At this point, now married with kids, so my perspective of life is different. I'm more grounded in reality, if you will. I've already had multiple initiations with life. I've already crossed over certain thresholds. Right. That would welcome me into the understanding or visceral reality of like, what a man is and responsibility. So, like, my come from was a lot different compared to the early 20 year old boy and literally a boy just in a grown man's body. Because this is at the beginning of when I started, like, to really do my own personal work. So I was still a boy in an adult body. My come from, my perspective was different. So I was on this call and we were just chatting and I was just asking him about how he was doing. And I can also feel almost the resistance to kind of telling me about his health because he knew it would come with like some sort of judgment or like, correction.
- [41:53]
B
So you're a fixer. You'll probably give us a bunch of suggestions of, yep, all right, I gotta do this, this, this. Maybe a couple articles.
- [42:00]
A
Exactly.
- [42:00]
B
After a couple of YouTube videos.
- [42:02]
A
Exactly. I'm like, okay, what do I got to do? What packages do I got to put together for my pops to get his health?
- [42:06]
B
Been there, done it. Yeah.
- [42:07]
A
Yep. So in the back of my mind, something was telling me, shut up, just listen. I was listening to what he was telling me and we were talking and then something in me just told me to recognize him. I said, Pops, you know, I just want to. I want to let you know something. Thank you for everything you've done for us. I know most people may not recognize what you've been holding, and it's bringing up emotion right now. I know sometimes it feels like what you do isn't enough. And I also don't know what man could handle what you've handled, because I think I told you. My mom was deported in 2005. And literally, like, as he was passing, I had to, like, FaceTime my mom in. So there's all of that. And I just shared that with him. And there was this moment of silence. Like, it was silent. And then literally, you hear a grown man start to weep. He just started to weep. Like, when I say cry, I'm talking about, like, you know, the ugly cry. Like, this was a soul cry. And I realized in that moment. Holy shit. How much he's been holding. Heavy, heavy. And I would just like, for me, when I now, when I look back on his passing, that's the completion I felt in my heart. I felt so fortunate and blessed enough to be there for him in that way.
- [44:21]
B
You got to be there. That was you. You guys. You got to do that.
- [44:24]
A
Yeah. And it didn't take me fixing anything. It didn't take me solving anything. It didn't take me trying to figure anything out. And that has been one of my biggest lessons up to date, despite the however many years of whatever I've done or created, is learning to take a step back from having to solve or fix anything, especially if it's out of my control.
- [44:51]
B
Almost like a let go type of moment, literally.
- [44:58]
A
And it's tied to that helpless feeling. It's like the things that I think every entrepreneur, every high capacity man, every man, just because I think it's also inherently how we're wired and designed to give and support in the way that we do. We have it in us to want to solve and stabilize and figure things out, which I don't think is wrong at all, but sometimes I think it crosses the line into things that are out of our control, and that almost irritates our identity or our utility or function. For me, I'm learning right now how it's kind of like the serenity prayer. It's God, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change. The courage to change the things that I can is the biggest thing, the wisdom to know the difference. And when I'm. When I'm led or driven by a survival self, that was an adaptation to A moment that was overwhelming for me to handle. I have now defaulted into this idea of myself that is subject to living in a way that blurs the line of the wisdom to know the difference in thinking that I can control all of it. And no wonder why, you ask. A lot of entrepreneurs, they feel lonely, they feel overwhelmed, they feel burdened, they feel heavy. I think a lot of that has to do with it because there's only so much we can take things with our will before having to get to a place where we have to surrender that to the will that's bigger than us.
- [46:45]
B
Surrender?
- [46:46]
A
Yeah.
- [46:47]
B
That word has come up more frequently from my life in the past one month, probably you and I. Is that right, man?
- [46:56]
A
Yeah, bro.
- [46:57]
B
I never even thought about that word surrender. It was my identity to push back on. Surrender. Like, never surrender kind of mentality. Right. Like, never give up. Never, never give in. Never surrender. And I was talking with another, like, kind of a mind coach friend, and I was kind of experienced. I was expressing to her some. My. I don't know what it was. It was like. Like I was fighting these feelings. Like, I hate these feelings that I have, you know, like, I'm frustrated, maybe. Or maybe it's the business, or maybe it's myself or mostly frustrated myself. Typically. It's not usually with external factors. It's usually myself. Like, why am I feeling this certain way?
- [47:38]
A
Y.
- [47:38]
B
And I usually get upset with myself.
- [47:39]
A
Yep.
- [47:41]
B
And because I have a higher standard for myself and what it comes down to be. And you have helped me realize this. And also, she kind of brought it up too. And three different people, kind of like different angles. I could think about them, including my wife, actually. So four of perfectionism.
- [48:00]
A
Yes.
- [48:01]
B
This. I was mixing high standards.
- [48:03]
A
Yes.
- [48:04]
B
With being perfect.
- [48:05]
A
I was literally going to ask you where. Where did those standards come from? Exactly.
- [48:10]
B
And this. She asked me this. She was like on this call, she's like, you seem. You seem. You're spiritual. Right, Cody? And I'm like, yeah. And she was like, you're a Christian, right? I'm like, yeah, I'm a Christian. She's like, yeah, I think you need to surrender. And I'm like, huh? What do you mean by that? And she says, surrender to the feelings. Stop trying to fight them. They're your feelings. Just let them be. And since that day, I've taken a way more intentional approach to when I feel a feeling, instead of trying to fix it or judge it or, oh, where's that feeling coming? Trying to analyze it and try to dissect it. And try to make sure it doesn't go any deeper. I simply just say nothing. I don't have to do anything actually. And I'm not going to say this like cures me because there's not a cure to be had. But man, the feeling just is so relieving.
- [49:22]
A
It resolves the thing.
- [49:24]
B
Resolves a thing.
- [49:26]
A
Majority of the narratives that we carry, and this may sound like a generalization because I do also want to acknowledge and honor the nuance and complexities. But the meta perspective I want to give to this is the majority of narratives that we carry that are limiting are tied to emotions and feelings that we haven't felt. And I think it's because again, there is this standard or idea of what a man is, what a woman is, what an entrepreneur is. Whatever title and label that we put out there socially to be, to fit in. I think that's one of the biggest issues is this over identification and attachment to this idea of what something is rather than what it is to you in that moment. So let's say you're experiencing anxiety, Right. Because that's what it is. It's an experience. You don't have it. You're experiencing and you are attached to this label, this perfect idea of what a man is. High standards, entrepreneur. He's strong, he's tough.
- [50:40]
B
It's the ideal self. Yeah. It's like you're. You're super. Super Samson.
- [50:43]
A
Right?
- [50:44]
B
Super Cody.
- [50:44]
A
Exactly.
- [50:45]
B
For someone listening to this, it's super. Their name is like the, the ideal pinnacle version of themselves. And to me, I. I picture this person thinking a certain way.
- [50:57]
A
Yes.
- [50:57]
B
Acting a certain way, saying things a certain way, never letting certain thoughts come into my mind.
- [51:04]
A
Yes.
- [51:05]
B
Which is a form of perfectionism.
- [51:08]
A
Control.
- [51:09]
B
Oh yeah, totally.
- [51:10]
A
Control. It's a high form of control. So now you have this idea. But how I see it is any idea that you're overly attached to or you over identify with is a prison. It's a box. I have to live up to these rules or else I'm blank.
- [51:25]
B
Yeah. Or I'm failing.
- [51:27]
A
So now broken. See what I'm saying? So now you can see why the idea or belief that you're broken is. Causes a reaction to live up to a certain standard that's not really you. When in fact is just an opposition to what you don't want to feel. I don't want to feel broken. So I have to be this perfect human being. So anytime the experience of anxiety would come in. Oh, that's associated to being broken. I'm going to Avoid that at all cost.
- [51:57]
B
And when you resist, what you resist.
- [51:59]
A
Persists, comes back, you end up fulfilling the prophecy because all it is, is like a guest in the house. It's just a guest that wants to be invited in, that has wisdom and information for you to let you know about how your life is, what's happening in your life in this moment. Another way to explain it. When we pathologize or we other an aspect of us that's a natural human reaction to an abnormal environment or situation, what tends to happen is we automatically cause a war between who we are. Why? Well, anxiety, an experience that happens to try to protect ourselves now from a projection of something we think is going to happen then. So it's future based. Anxiety could be experienced in many different ways with people, but majority of the time it's a higher increased heart rate or shallow breathing or tightness in the chest or the upper area, tingles, sweaty hands. It could, it could. There's a physical sensation, it can manifest physically different, differently for people, but the reaction is to a system. It's a, it's a reaction from a system that does not feel safe. So I'm anticipating danger. So anxiety is a signal in your body to help protect you now from what you think is going to happen then. Now a question to you, like, do we know what's going to happen then? Exactly?
- [53:45]
B
No.
- [53:46]
A
No. So how could you be afraid of what's going to happen then if you don't know what's going to happen? Right. You can't. Because we don't have no data or information. So is it safe to say that the experience of anxiety in the moment is tied to something that you probably don't want to experience again?
- [54:06]
B
Of course it is. Yeah.
- [54:08]
A
Right. So now what if anxiety is actually a way to inform you about. On one hand, hey, I don't feel safe in this moment, which is fine. But on the other hand, it could be an invitation to help you see, prepare what you. Yes, it's helping you prepare and in.
- [54:26]
B
A lot of cases, actually trying to protect you.
- [54:27]
A
Yeah, exactly.
- [54:28]
B
Where a majority of people I think that experience anxiety, typically it is, I can relate to this. They see it as a problem, the problem. But in fact it's actually, it's a natural human reaction. It's a natural human emotion. Just like fear and happiness and sadness and anxiousness. It's an emotion.
- [54:50]
A
It's exactly what it is.
- [54:51]
B
Yeah, but we think of it as a broken thing that's in my way because I could experience like, yes, we're.
- [54:59]
A
Still living from disconnection. And we also have a society that validates that. Again, just to say on record, I'm not a doctor. I'm also not dismissing people's experiences when it comes to, let's say, a certain diagnosis. But we've gotten to a place where we're diagnosing something that's a natural reaction which solidifies it as a problem. So if I believe that I have this disorder, right, that perpetuates the belief that I'm broken. But if we're willing to stop and pause for a little bit, safely explore what the anxiety is and how it's manifesting in us, follow the breadcrumbs of how it's showing up in our experience, I'm not going to say almost or always. Most of the time, we'll be led to something that we're still carrying from our past. And it may not be just our past. It could also be generationally. Right. So anxiety becomes now a natural reaction to protect us in the moment from something that we're anticipating is going to happen in the future. Same thing goes for other emotions. They're information. That's what they are. They're information about our personal experience. And if we live in a reality that dismisses the emotions as a problem simply to maintain an idea of who we think we are, then we're essentially perpetuating the very idea that we're trying to run away from by avoiding ourselves. And it's just this cycle that just keeps happening over and over and over again until somebody comes in or we stop or unfortunately go through a crisis or a big accident or some sort of devastating event that has to force our attention before we redirect that. So when you hear surrender, even within the Christian faith is like. And this is just my experience of it, like, emotions are sometimes demonized.
- [57:29]
B
What do you mean?
- [57:30]
A
Let's say you're having depression or anxiety, right? Sometimes it's demonized as an external force that's working against you when it's in. When it's just you having that feeling to something that's happening in your environment.
- [57:44]
B
You're saying that maybe happens in the. In the religious aspect?
- [57:48]
A
Yes.
- [57:49]
B
Like, for example, give me an example of that.
- [57:51]
A
So there is. There is another. It's like there's so many layers to it. Right. So let's say you're having anxiety or depression, for instance, and it's really challenging as time tough. Right. And there are many reasons one could be, indeed I think of, like, depression. What I know about depression today Is not what I knew back then. Depression today, on some level, is the. Is the result of being cut off from feeling, right? To depress, push down, press down, right? When you press down something, when you suppress, repress, depress, you're pushing it down. You don't want yourself to experience, experience the reality of it. So depression on some level is being cut off from feeling. And when I look at that now, I'm like, oh, this person is depressed physically and emotionally because they don't want to feel spiritually. Depression not all times is also a state where you're asked to transition, right? It's a spiritual transition that I've witnessed that is asking for metaphorical death. So us as a soul has hit a limit with this version of ourselves, and we can no longer live as this version of ourselves. So we hit a wall and the soul's like, hey, it's like trying to imagine being a size 15, trying to still fit a size 6 shoe. You feel very uncomfortable, like. And there's been a lot of thoughts and a lot of actually correlations to even suicidal ideation, right outside of the, you know, maybe the pathology that has to do with that and many other factors. On a very deep spiritual level, suicidal ideation has to do with soul expansion. Like, our soul feels too tight and constrained in this body or this version of ourselves that it wants to evolve into the next, but we're not letting it because we're so attached to who we've been and we don't know how to cross it. There are many traditions and cultures that have spoke to this, and they've had rituals, they've had rites of passages in place to help someone move across. So I'm saying all this to speak to depression or these emotions not as something bad, but as an indication that is unique and subjective to each individual's journey, as a way to pay attention to something deeper that's asking for your attention. So when you have an external system, let's say, like religions, not everyone that says, oh, let's say your depression, no, that's the enemy. No. What if it's not the enemy?
- [60:40]
B
That's interesting that you say that, because for me, yeah, using kind of keeping on the anxiety thing for a second. I can look at mine too. Like, I can. I could. I could think about this, these. These emotions that I've had since I was. I was a little kid. And I can point to so many decisions that I made because I was experiencing this thing that have benefited me, my family, people around me, friends, simply because I Was listening. Yes to, to that. Now there's times where it. It hindered me, of course, because I let it hinder me. I mean, I wasn't. I wasn't in touch with myself in that way. But I certainly use it as a lover in many, many ways. And I still am actually. I'm using his lover right now, actually, to like, go deeper and to understand what's happening and to question what is. It's what is truth.
- [61:29]
A
That what you just said, I think is what one of the biggest keys that we have is. We don't question enough. And question has different layers. The questioning I'm talking about is not from the fixer or the figure outer question from curiosity. So there's this playful energy instead of investigating to get to an answer, I'm allowing myself to rest in the question. So the, the temporary or at least present. I don't even want to call it an answer because it almost assumes finality. So maybe the present expression of how. Let's call it an answer. Right. The present answer that I know is eventually going to change shows up. But you're being pulled by the question. Right. And questions create continuation.
- [62:24]
B
It's actually trying to make me evolve. It's trying to let my soul expand, actually, because I think it's partially the universe and I think it's God in a lot of ways. Of.
- [62:33]
A
I. I believe that.
- [62:34]
B
Okay. And I believe that, like, God knows exactly who I want to be. Like, I've been very clear with who I want to be. And maybe I called it my ideal self. Whatever it is, like, he knows because my actions are backing it up and my intentions are there. And what is in my, my perspective, he's saying is like, okay, cool. You're. That's a pretty tough man. You know, it's a. It's a man that can handle a lot of emotions, a lot of things external, internal. Cool. All right. I'll put you through the fire.
- [63:01]
A
Yep.
- [63:02]
B
To make sure that you become that.
- [63:04]
A
Yep.
- [63:04]
B
And so naturally, like you, I absolutely, all of a sudden, I have to deal with these, these things in my, my own heart, my own mind of like, I don't know how to handle that. And I need to figure out what's happening right there to. And on the other side of that, just like on the other side of all challenges, you typically become better.
- [63:26]
A
Absolutely.
- [63:27]
B
And I think that's what's happening for me personally.
- [63:29]
A
I agree.
- [63:29]
B
And probably with you too. I agree with your father and like all this stuff happening right now, sharpening you.
- [63:35]
A
And I think that's one of the biggest things that I realized. Like, there's. Everything has a purpose, but when we are disconnected from who we are, we're disconnected from the purpose of essentially what we were created for, how we were created. I always say, like, the physical body that houses the spirit and the soul is the vehicle through which we're meant to create through. I see it as like, where the receiver God, which is in everything and everywhere, is the transmitter. And if I'm demonizing my experience of anxiety or joy or depression or whatever emotion is happening, like, it's not a. It's not an idea. That's the thing about emotions. They're real, they're present. Like I feel them in my body. If I'm demonizing any aspect of that or othering it or blaming it on something else, I am now removing myself from the very vessel that's bringing me, that's connecting me here. So one of the most powerful things we can do is create connection with this body. Not be attached to it, but create connection with it.
- [64:54]
B
Practically, how does somebody do that? Let's say if they're listening to this and just like, okay, cool, I'm experiencing all that.
- [64:59]
A
Yeah. I mean, we've done it in our work. And. And the first things. First is like, can I. Do I have the capacity to be curious? Right? Do I have the capacity to be curious about my thoughts? Like, not try to stop them, not try to.
- [65:15]
B
What does that mean? Like, so if I have a thought and it's. Let's say it's a negative thought. Okay, what is somebody. What is practically, what are they doing?
- [65:23]
A
That's a such a good question. You know, that's a great question to start with, because under what form of measure can I judge that as negative? So it's even starting there. It's like, why am I judging this thought as a negative thought instead of just a thought? So imagine yourself. Literally, the best way I could explain is there's a projector. Imagine watching a TV or a monitor, and the pictures on the monitor are your thoughts. What if you just stand and just watch them without acting or reacting? That's the first thing. And the second thing, which could be a bit more challenging, which could take some more practice, which can take patience, because a lot. I've witnessed a lot of many people are cut off from their body. We're a society that overthinks and under feels for many reasons. Right. We weren't taught how to. It's not in our curriculum. In most households, you're not Even like feeling is shunned.
- [66:28]
B
What do they. Sorry.
- [66:29]
A
Yeah.
- [66:30]
B
So it's interesting thing you're saying. I agree with you and I. I want to get to.
- [66:33]
A
Yeah.
- [66:34]
B
What do you. What do you think they're missing out on?
- [66:37]
A
With what?
- [66:38]
B
Because of they are shut off to all those things, they're not connected. What are they missing out on? What are the good things that they're missing out on?
- [66:47]
A
Presence. If there is anything you're missing out on, there's a lot more, but Presence. If my mind is always in the future or the past, I can't be here. If I can't be here, then I can't. If I'm not here, that means I'm not with you. Cody, if I'm not with you, then I can't love on you. I can't receive from you, I can't interact with you. If I'm not here, I'm not actually choosing something else is choosing for me. So now the so called business I'm building is not from me here, it's from the part of me that does not want to be here.
- [67:30]
B
So interesting, right?
- [67:31]
A
So like this, there's the connection with life that you feel. There's the pulse that you feel like.
- [67:36]
B
I feel like the vibration is the energy.
- [67:38]
A
I'm in touch with life. Another benefit. Right, Ask me the question again.
- [67:46]
B
When they are not connected with themselves and their emotions and these feelings, what are they missing out on?
- [67:52]
A
Yes, they're missing out on. And this is. I'm just gonna, I'm gonna full send it on this. In my opinion, you're missing out on.
- [68:07]
B
Say it.
- [68:08]
A
God. And when I say God, not the religious dogmatic God that we've been told, talking about source.
- [68:17]
B
Yes, I'm talking about the creator.
- [68:19]
A
The one that can't be boxed in. The one that has no name. Right. The one that's present right now in this conversation that I feel chills like right now in this moment, it's in everything. And, and it permeates everything. Everything. And here's the reason we miss out on that. Because God is nowhere else but here. This is the only thing that exists is here, now, this moment. There is no future. There is no future. There's literally no future. The past as we know is already. It's done. It's only here. So if I'm existing everywhere but here, I am missing out on God. That always is happening now. I mean we can go into many layers of that. If I'm not present with my emotions, then let's say as a Parent, when my child emotes, now who they are authentically is a threat to me because I don't know how to hold for that because I don't know what it feels like in me. One of the biggest benefits as a father that has supported me in raising me and my wife in raising our daughters was us being able to feel our emotions. The big and the small ones, the heavy and the light ones, all of them. So when babies, and you have three of them, right, you have a younger one right now that probably has tantrums and it cries all night.
- [69:54]
B
Nine months, right.
- [69:57]
A
If I don't know what anger feels like in my body, then now my child's anger is a threat because I don't know how to be with it. I'm going to try to attempt to fix the anger because I'm uncomfortable with my own, so I can be with that. Now, when my child is having a tantrum or they're very uncomfortable or they're having big feelings, there's no part of me that wants to fix them. All I'm doing now is just being present. Why? Because I understand it as a natural human experience. Children that don't, they can't communicate yet. Babies that can't communicate yet, they can't convey words to let you know what's happening. There are myriad of things that are happening. And if I'm frustrated in trying to figure that out and I'm annoyed by how they're feeling, then I'm invisibly communicating to them that who they are is an issue. It's a problem. Babies feel it all right? More than anything, more than words. Our children watch, but they also feel our energy. So it's. What are we missing out on? You're also missing out on, like, really deepening your relationship with your children. I don't know if you heard it, but I heard it growing up. Don't cry. I'm going to give you something to cry about. Now. What did that teach me as a man? It teach me that, well, boys, crying isn't safe. Crying is a human experience, right? It's not like this fixed thing or it's not like an upgrade. It's part of the human experience. And crying is just a way to physically release emotion that's present. It could be connected to sadness or anger or joy. It's not limited. It's just tears. But I'll give you something to cry about, right? So what did I learn? Oh, it's not safe to emote. It's not safe to cry, right?
- [71:56]
B
It Made me think about something. When I was having the telling you the perfection story that day, I had this like epiphany.
- [72:04]
A
Yeah.
- [72:04]
B
After that. And it occurred to me that if I feel like I need to be perfect and I need to like do the right thing at every, think the right thought, even not even do the right thing, like do the right think the right thought, what are my kids gonna expect from themselves? And the last thing I want for my child is this pressure feeling perfect, perfect. The last thing I want them to feel. So immediately what I did after that is after the work day, I went and just sat with both my older kids, 6 year old and 4 year old, and like whispered in their ear separately. I'm just like, you know, daddy's not perfect. And they have no idea what I'm talking about.
- [72:46]
A
Right. Yeah.
- [72:46]
B
They're just like, what? Yeah, you are. You know, it's like so cool.
- [72:50]
A
You're the superhero.
- [72:51]
B
Yeah.
- [72:51]
A
So you can't take that away from them.
- [72:52]
B
Yeah, exactly. But I had to tell him that. And it was more selfishly for me. It's like I don't need to be perfect for these kids. In fact, I don't want to be, you know.
- [73:02]
A
Yeah.
- [73:02]
B
I need to be able to show that we're human. And I don't know, I felt like that what you were mentioning right there is. I had to just kind of say that because it's such an important thing that we're leading.
- [73:14]
A
Yes.
- [73:15]
B
For our children.
- [73:16]
A
Well, we were once children that we were. That were being led.
- [73:19]
B
Yeah.
- [73:20]
A
And our parents. Same thing. So I think the biggest thing from this is like, what are we unconsciously passing down? A lot of times we think we're passing down values or wealth or whatever. No, we're also passing down the things that are unsaid, that are uncommunicated, verbally or physically based off of what they're gathering from our body language, what we're putting out there. Kids read every again.
- [73:47]
B
It's the vibrations, it's the energy that's coming in all the time.
- [73:49]
A
I don't like this rhetoric or thought that kids don't know. Kids are brilliant. They have to be brilliant for their survival. They have to pick up on every nuance, on everything. And they're learning whether we know it or not. So when we are uncomfortable or deny any aspect of ourselves, we're teaching them the same exact thing. And I think this journey becomes one of self acceptance. That's what it's been for me. It's like if I could accept myself, then I'm accepting how I was created. Who am I to deny any aspect of me if I believe in a creator that created things that are good? I mean, that'd be egotistical. Think about that. For me to think that something is wrong with me is egotistical when I know I come from a creator that created everything and it was good. So you can see the fallacy.
- [75:00]
B
Very interesting.
- [75:02]
A
And I think it comes down to us forgetting our inherent goodness. When you forget that, then you try to live a life trying to prove that you're good instead of just, oh, I'm good.
- [75:13]
B
True. Yeah. It's not actually that challenging. I remember that. And I want to get the rapid fire questions. Yes. Too. When I said, when I started surrendering.
- [75:24]
A
Yes.
- [75:24]
B
Just these feelings. And I'm mentioning this so much because it was just recent and it was actually a very big breakthrough for me is I remember just like after a workout I was doing like meditation, this mindfulness. I was just kind of like sitting there listening to something and I just started like to tear up and I just started thanking God and I'm just like, God, like I was trying to over engineer this answer. I was trying to like do this many workouts per week, do this many mindful meditations per week, go on walks. Oh, I was nervous because I didn't work out before. Oh, I felt this way because I didn't do this external thing and all I had to do was just let it be.
- [76:10]
A
Yeah.
- [76:11]
B
And it dissipated.
- [76:13]
A
Yeah.
- [76:14]
B
And I just felt like I'm just like, man, I just felt such a big. I felt gratitude.
- [76:19]
A
That's the recipe for peace, by the way.
- [76:21]
B
I felt peace. Interesting. Tell me more about the piece.
- [76:24]
A
When you ask about what benefit? Right. Or is that. Was that your question? As you were speaking, I was like, oh, it's peace and not peace connected to the absence of chaos. No, peace with what is. If I'm busy trying to deny something that's happening in me, I'm never going to be at peace. If I'm trying to fix this experience of anxiety because I feel I shouldn't be having it, I'm never going to be at peace. If I try to shun the depression or keep it together and don't allow myself to be happy because my family is still going through things, I'm not going to be at peace. Like, the absence of peace is the denial of what is. And again, it's like, how many of us are actually in search for peace? We're trying to build the thing. Then I'm Going to experience peace.
- [77:13]
B
That's the whole point of what we're trying to do.
- [77:15]
A
When peace is here. Peace has always been here, but it's going to come from us choosing to surrender to what is.
- [77:25]
B
That's interesting. That's it right there. And that's so interesting because we over complicate, including myself, over complicate this.
- [77:32]
A
Yes.
- [77:32]
B
Peace is already here.
- [77:33]
A
Peace is already here.
- [77:34]
B
Let it in it.
- [77:36]
A
Peace is literally already here. And the challenge for a lot of people is like, when you realize you don't have to do anything.
- [77:44]
B
That was crazy. Yes, that. That was it.
- [77:47]
A
Your mind's trying to make sense of it. It's like, wait, I didn't just work my ass off. I didn't have to work a thousand hours. I didn't have to do all this to achieve peace. Like, no, this can't be real. Then you're gonna, then you try to like, you know, make it make sense, or you try to create a recipe to repeat it again and make it more predictable. No, it's. It's here.
- [78:06]
B
That's such a crazy thing. It's so simple. That's why. And this kind of supports the idea that you can build your empire.
- [78:14]
A
Yes.
- [78:14]
B
You're listening to this and you're like, how do I have peace while also, like grow myself and myself?
- [78:18]
A
Yes.
- [78:19]
B
You can do both the same time.
- [78:20]
A
Yes. It's because, yeah, I can. I can sometimes sense the fear. And I've heard it before. It's like, if I begin this work, am I going to lose the edge?
- [78:33]
B
I was worried about that too.
- [78:35]
A
And I always ask, am I, am.
- [78:38]
B
I going to get soft or am I going to like, get too easy on myself?
- [78:41]
A
Right. And I always ask, where is that voice coming from? The idea of the edge that you have, who is actually driving it? And nine times out of ten, it's fear based. The edge is fear based. The edge is reactive rather than from truth. So I tell people, you're not going to lose your edge. You're going to gain your truth. And, and that will always surpass an edge. Because in the moment when you're choosing from what's true, your head, heart, gut, and every part of you are in alignment with that choice, as opposed to you choosing from something you don't want to have. It's like I'm playing not to lose instead of just playing.
- [79:30]
B
Good, temporary strategy. But eventually.
- [79:33]
A
Eventually, yeah. The chicken comes to roost. It's like, okay, you gotta pay the price for this.
- [79:37]
B
Yeah. And you pay the price in weird ways. It's not like the clear, like, go out of business way.
- [79:42]
A
Exactly.
- [79:42]
B
It's like internal war.
- [79:44]
A
Which is. Which is it hurts a lot more than anything else.
- [79:47]
B
It does. Yeah.
- [79:49]
A
And it's because it's the absence of peace. So when I could be connected to what is this is not saying that life is going to be perfect is. Let's say, yeah, today is a shitty day. Okay, great. You notice that the shitty day does not last or the effects of it are not as heavy when I don't resist it. If I allow myself to just be with how shitty it is. You notice that. Oh, it's not as bad because I'm not fighting. Most of the suffering comes from fighting reality. I'm trying to fight. I'm trying to oppose the truth.
- [80:20]
B
Interesting.
- [80:22]
A
I'm trying to force my will on what's true. So if I could just keep practicing, like surrendering and again surrendering sometimes again. It could assume that there's weakness or I'm soft. No, surrendering is letting go again. It's the wisdom of knowing the difference of what you can control and what you can't. And the reality is, I'm going to just drop a bomb here. We can't really control. Not long ago, when I asked you, do we have any information in the future, what'd you say? I mean, no, I mean, this building could collapse right now, Cody. It can literally. This building could collapse. Something can fire through the wall. Like my chair can break. Anything could happen. But if I'm okay with that, I notice I don't have to carry as much weight. It's like, this is the true. This is the true idea. In my opinion. This is the true testament of giving it to God. A lot of people think they're giving it to God, but no, it's masked as control. I'm saying it's lip service, but my ego is still holding on. I'm still edging God out in whatever way, shape or form. No, this is the, like, I don't know.
- [81:58]
B
You ready for the rapid fire question?
- [81:59]
A
Let's go.
- [82:00]
B
What's your favorite business book? Or really any book that's really made an impact on your life?
- [82:06]
A
Ask that question again.
- [82:07]
B
What's your favorite business book?
- [82:09]
A
Oh, business book. Oh, this is good. O.
- [82:15]
B
I know we didn't talk a lot about business today.
- [82:17]
A
Yeah, yeah.
- [82:18]
B
But man, you're a businessman yourself and you're an entrepreneur yourself, so I know that you have something.
- [82:25]
A
I'm trying to. I'm trying to pick one that's like universal.
- [82:34]
B
Or impactful. Book doesn't have to be business.
- [82:36]
A
Yeah. The Greatest Salesman by Augmentino.
- [82:44]
B
I read that yet.
- [82:46]
A
It's a very short read, but it's. Yeah.
- [82:48]
B
What's the one thing that you wish that you knew before starting your business?
- [83:00]
A
That it's okay to honor my rhythm and be patient with the process.
- [83:17]
B
Are you religious?
- [83:26]
A
Yes, but not in the fundamental way. When I say religious, I. I love the routine of certain practices and rituals to, to like, keep me honorable. But I'm more spiritual than anything.
- [83:41]
B
What's the difference between spiritual?
- [83:42]
A
Yeah.
- [83:43]
B
And religious? Yeah, I tend to answer that question similarly. Yeah, I. I would say that I'm a Christian, categorically.
- [83:50]
A
Yeah.
- [83:51]
B
But I still don't really. I say that.
- [83:54]
A
Yeah.
- [83:55]
B
Yeah.
- [83:56]
A
So religion, to my understanding, obviously you can get into the etymology of it, but I'm just going to give my understanding of religion is you take a spiritual system and it's limited to some form of institution that has practices, has rituals, has a set of rules and guidelines that you need to follow in order to blank. Spirituality, on the other hand, is the relationship with the unseen. The unseen forces. Right. So it's. It's the Creator and it's, It's. It's essentially living in a way that you are able to merge the unseen and the seen. That's what spiritual is pretty much. So it's similar. But what I feel with dogmatic religion and where it's kind of taken a step aside is we've removed the mysticism from it. Like every spiritual tradition, first they have a mystical side to it. It's this, like the unknown is the thing you can't touch. That keeps it. That keeps it innocent. But it also. There's no finality to it. It's not boxed in. Yeah. Yeah.
- [85:22]
B
Last question. Who do you think should be a business owner?
- [85:29]
A
Ask it in a different way.
- [85:32]
B
What type of person should be an entrepreneur? Is everyone cut out to be an entrepreneur or is it only for like the.
- [85:38]
A
The.
- [85:40]
B
The blessed by entrepreneur God?
- [85:43]
A
No, I don't think everyone is cut out to be an entrepreneur in the traditional sense, but I do believe that everyone's cut out to share their gift. It may not be in the entrepreneurial way.
- [85:57]
B
How do you know if you should be an entre? You should be a business owner. How do you know? Yeah, because there's a lot of people right now that are driving in the car right now listening to this or during their lunch break, and they're working a job that's. They don't necessarily hate. They don't. They don't love. Yeah. And they're questioning, do I have what it takes or am I, Am I, am I like Samson? Am I like Cody? Am I like these other people that are business owners? I don't know if I am. You know?
- [86:21]
A
Yeah. I mean, I'll say entrepreneurship takes a different level of commitment to be self sufficient and sovereignty that you can maintain long term devotion to something that you're not going to yield an instantaneous result, which can be uncomfortable. So if you can tolerate that, you could be an entrepreneur. But you also have to be willing to deal with the storms and the waves and the nights where nothing shows up and the nights where you look into your bank account and there's nothing there. And then so you got to deal with the spectrum of what it takes to be an entrepreneur. But to answer your question, I'll share.
- [87:06]
B
I love that answer. That was a really great answer.
- [87:08]
A
Yeah. If something is gnawing on your spirit, if you know that you literally are uncomfortable like at a job and this is not to say like leave your job instantaneously, but you know, you were created for more. You know, you have something to give and the, the voice of doubt is higher than your comfort at the job of starting something else. You're meant to be an entrepreneur.
- [87:35]
B
I love that. Yeah, I really love that. And last thing I'll say to that is piggyback on that is you don't need to know how to do any of that stuff.
- [87:44]
A
Yes.
- [87:45]
B
You just have to know that you're willing to do it.
- [87:47]
A
Yes.
- [87:47]
B
Or you're willing to figure it out.
- [87:49]
A
Out. I had no idea.
- [87:50]
B
No one does. And it's okay to be questioning yourself a little bit, but the idea that the mindset that you need to be in is I'll just do whatever is required. The goal is too big or it's too important for me to do this. Samson, brother, thank you for this conversation.
- [88:08]
A
It's been exceptional, man.
- [88:09]
B
Where can people find you and learn more from you and all that connect with you?
- [88:13]
A
Just currently on Instagram right now, Samson underscore strength. And we're, we're working on some things in the background to kind of widening my reach as well. But right now, just on Instagram.
- [88:22]
B
Follow Samson on Instagram. Incredible human being, as you guys all know. Samson, thank you for spending hour and a half with me, brother.
- [88:30]
A
That was perfect.
- [88:31]
B
Yeah, beautiful.
- [88:32]
A
Yeah.
- [88:33]
B
Talk to you soon.