
What happens when a controlling partner takes over your income and spending?
Loading summary
Felicity Hannah
This BBC podcast is supported by ads outside the uk.
Mary
I love ravioli. Since when do you speak Italian?
Felicity Hannah
Since we partnered with SAP Concur. Their integrated travel and expense platform and breakthrough solutions with AI gave me time back to dive into our financial future. We expand into Europe in 2027, so I'm getting ready.
Dr. Nicola Sharp Jeffs
Well, you can predict the future.
Felicity Hannah
I can predict you'll like that message.
Mary
What message? Oh, hey, we all got bonuses.
Felicity Hannah
You can save for college now.
Mary
I don't have kids.
Felicity Hannah
You don't say SAP Concur helps your business move forward faster.
BritBox Advertiser
Learn more@concur.com Vanity Fair calls BritBox a delicious streamer. Collider says everyone should be watching. Catch Britain's next best series with Britbox. Streamer claim new originals like Code of Silence. You Read Lips right And Lindley, based on the best selling mystery series Take it From Here. And don't miss the new season of Karen Piri coming this October.
Bobby Gray
You don't look like.
Dr. Nicola Sharp Jeffs
Please.
Mary
I'll take that as a compliment.
BritBox Advertiser
See it differently when you stream the best of British TV with BritBox. Watch with a free trial today.
Felicity Hannah
Hello and welcome to Business Daily from the BBC World Service. I'm Felicity Hannah. Today we're talking about economic or financial abuse within a relationship. This is where someone controls your income, your spending, your bank accounts, even borrowing. It may not leave bruises, but it can cause serious harm financially.
Mary
I was controlled by him because he was the one with the money and I was working with him, so I didn't have anything of my own.
Felicity Hannah
Most often the victims of economic abuse are women and they often feel trapped in dangerous relationships. In many countries around the world, women are earning more, launching businesses and becoming more economically powerful than previous generations. But that that can put them at even greater risk.
Samila Gagoba
Women now are becoming doctors, lawyers, they're earning more money and therefore that's going to increase economic abuse.
Felicity Hannah
So what can be done to help people who are victims of economic abuse? That's all coming up on today's Business Daily. One of the main challenges with economic abuse is that it can be difficult to even recognize when you're living with it.
Mary
So it started very similar to a normal relationship. No red flags.
Felicity Hannah
Here's a woman we're calling Mary. It's not her real name. She's based in the UK and experienced financially controlling and coercive abuse at the hands of her husband alongside violence and other controlling behavior. I just want to warn you that her interview is quite upsetting to listen to at times. She began by telling me how the Relationship started, we just had a good.
Mary
Time, fell in love, all the things that you normally do in a relationship. And it wasn't until probably a good six months or so in that things started to change. And it was few little things that initially, few crosswords, few horrible things said to me. And it just continued to get worse and worse and worse until I realized that this wasn't right and it. It's not normal and something needed to change. But by that point I was too trapped, I guess. I was working in his business, so I didn't have my own income or a way to get out. I was living with him. I had children or had a child on the way. And it was just a case of, like, what? I can't do anything, can't go anywhere, and was just completely and utterly trapped, basically. Financially, I was controlled by him because he was the one with the money and I was working with him, so I didn't have anything of my own.
Felicity Hannah
And you're holding your wages.
Mary
He didn't withhold my wages. He gave me an allowance. So I had an allowance for myself and I had an allowance for, like, the home and everything. But he was quite, quite forceful in how to spend that money and what I was and wasn't allowed to spend money on, like with the children and things like that as well.
Felicity Hannah
Can you give me an example of a time where he frightened you?
Mary
There was quite a few, actually. So there was a few. A few violent incidents. There was a lot of shouting at me and telling me how rubbish I was. One of those incidents, he was shouting and shouting and shouting at me and I put my hand up to defend myself because he was becoming quite aggressive and he kicked out and he broke my arm another time with an argument. He. He brought a knife out and threatened me with that knife. And a few times, especially when I was voiced a desire to leave, he was saying, like, if I ever left, I wouldn't see the children or I'd be put under the patio and things like that. And to a point where I actually believed it.
Felicity Hannah
Would you have escaped sooner if you'd had more of your own money? If he wasn't having that financial, coercive control over you?
Mary
Yeah, definitely. There was a time he went away and a friend and I went to look at a flat for me to move out and was just. I can't even remember now the reason why I didn't go for it. But the main reason would have been because I didn't have my own money, I didn't have a job so how would I been able to afford that flat? I couldn't do it because I was trapped because I didn't have my own money.
Felicity Hannah
Did you recognize it as abuse while it was going on?
Mary
No, I didn't. I. I knew at a certain point, I knew it wasn't normal and it was a bit. It was bad because there was very little violence. Very. Didn't really believe that it was abuse because at the time, when you think of abuse, you just go straight to violence. You didn't think of the coercion, coercive control, the, the financial abuse and things like that. It's only now there's a lot more awareness around it that you. You can recognize it a lot easier. And it wasn't until years and years later that we had an incident and had to get the police involved. And then when I was going through it with the lovely officer that I had and she shared it with her boss, and her boss turned around and said it was one of the worst cases you'd seen of the control element. When she shared that with me, that was when I finally actually accepted it and believed it. It kind of validated everything. And I was just like, okay, it was now I can. Now I can move on, now I can deal with it kind of thing.
Felicity Hannah
And you did move on. How did you get away?
Mary
He left, moved in with a friend, thinking that I would beg him to stay. But I saw that as an opportunity to get out. And I spoke to a solicitor at that point and got some free legal advice and I managed to get my own property and move out with just me and my boys, which was amazing. So I set up my own business initially just doing bookkeeping, but that kind of grew and grew and grew. Eleven years later, I now have a business where I employ other women and we, we look after lots of people's accounts. And, yeah, I still pinch myself that this is my life, really.
Felicity Hannah
As Mary's story shows, economic abuse can trap people in extremely dangerous situations. One UK charity found that 95% of women who reported domestic abuse said it included financially controlling behavior. But like Mary, many people don't recognize financially controlling behavior as abuse. Part of that could be that there are lots of different ways that an abuser can weaponize finances against their partner, making it hard to come up with a simple definition. Dr. Nicola Sharp Jeffs is based in the UK where she founded the charity Surviving Economic Abuse. Now she works internationally to raise awareness and try to combat this issue.
Dr. Nicola Sharp Jeffs
Put simply, economic abuse is the use of money and the things that Money can buy. So economic resources more broadly to control another person. That control usually takes three different forms. So the first is restriction. So that might be stopping someone from going to work, preventing them from accessing their bank account, perhaps making them ask before they spend any money. Control can also take the form of exploitation. So someone might be allowed to work, but their wages are taken by the abuser so they don't have the ability to spend them. Or the abuser might take out debt in their name, which they're then responsible for paying back. Or, and we see this increasingly often, the abuser might refuse to contribute to household costs, such as the rent and mortgage or food, utilities and childcare. So the victim survivor might be working multiple jobs and having to pay out for everything. The third form of control is sabotage. So this is causing someone to lose their job, which then creates dependency. Or if an abuser has taken out debt in their name, that often leads to a destroyed credit rating and removes the safety net that having access to credit provides. Moving forward, we also see a lot of abusers destroying a victim survivor's property. So that means they have to to replace the property they need. And that might be their laptop, for example, in order to work, or their mobile phone, you know, which they rely on. And that absorbs any spare income again and creates that economic instability.
Felicity Hannah
Who does it mostly affect?
Dr. Nicola Sharp Jeffs
People who experience inequality have less power. And so abusers, because they're all about controlling and using power, are more likely to target them as victims. So for that reason, women are disproportionately the victims of domestic abuse. And those women who have multiple inequalities are at even greater risk. So disabled women and women from black and minority ethnic backgrounds, for example.
Felicity Hannah
Now obviously this kind of abuse will be incredibly unpleasant to experience. Is it dangerous?
Dr. Nicola Sharp Jeffs
It's so interesting because I think one of the reasons why it's taken us so long to talk about economic abuse is because people don't think it's particularly dangerous. I talk about a hierarchy of harm where perhaps physical and sexual abuse is seen as more dangerous than just and inverted commas, economic abuse, or perhaps emotional abuse. But economic abuse really does underpin physical safety because if you're dependent on someone or you haven't got a stable economic kind of foundation, it really limits your options and ability to make the decisions that you want to. So if you want to leave someone who's abusing you, but you don't physically have the means to do so, you don't have the money for the petrol, for the car or to buy a bus or a train ticket, you can't leave and therefore you have to stay in a situation which is harmful. And it's going to continue to be harmful because we know generally that abuse escalates over time. So in those scenarios where you see economic abuse alongside other forms of coercive and controlling behaviour, women are actually at increased risk of being killed. And we also know that there's a strong correlation between economic abuse and women who take their own lives as well. And that's also because there's a really strong association with emotional abuse. So if you're struggling to meet your basic needs, that's really psychologically terrifying and it really creates feelings of worthlessness as well.
Felicity Hannah
Dr. Nicholas Sharp Jeffs. This is Business Daily from the BBC World Service.
Mary
Felicity.
Felicity Hannah
I'm Felicity Hannah and today I'm looking at economic abuse. The financial insecurity created by economic abuse can last even once the relationship has ended. One survey from the Institute for Women's Policy Research in the us, for example, found that having their credit rating damaged by abusive partners prevented 66% of survivors from getting a loan, 63% from accessing housing and 21% from getting a job. Samila Gagoba works as department manager for Mylaw Legal in Cape Town, South Africa. Her company specializes in helping people navigate debt management and she sees many women who've been left in debt as a result of abuse. I asked her if that's risen as women increase their earning potential.
Samila Gagoba
I think it is increasing in South Africa because women are increasing and being economically active, right? So women now are becoming doctors, lawyers, they're earning more money, they are able to have. Have assets, they, they're able to attain a lot of things that we were not or we were, we were not privy to prior, and therefore that's going to increase economic abuse. There's a lady who reached out to me on LinkedIn and she had like, a very sad story where she's going through a divorce, but the husband is finding loopholes and dragging the whole case not to finalize the divorce. And she's finding herself in a financial burden because now she and her kids are out of the house, right? And he's staying in the house, he's not paying for the bond and all of these assets and all of the stuff that they actually own are under her name. So now every time that he's not paying, the arrears are accumulating and accumulating for her. Now she's getting in a tighter position because she wants to maintain the kids School fees and the lifestyle that they're used to. But at the same time, now she's got an additional expense which happens to be now the ex or soon to be ex husband. And in South Africa, there's a lot of the men of the house, right? A man. A man is the provider. The man is this, the man is that. The man holds more power. So now if you're gonna get to a household and the woman earns more, then that with the social stereotypical norms is an indication that the woman wears the pants. And now that's how I feel that the abusers get the motivation. Because now there's absolutely no way that you're going to be running my house just because you earn more than me.
Felicity Hannah
Do you think enough women recognize economic abuse as abuse?
Samila Gagoba
No, I don't. The lack of awareness is the significant barrier into addressing this financial abuse or economic abuse. Normally abuse is seen as, oh, we recognize abuse with the scars that it comes with. So now when it, when it's just a matter of manipulation and restricting people of access of their funds or sabotaging them of employments is actually disregarded or it's not seen as abuse. And that is why I feel as if it's not as high as a physical abuse or an emotional abuse.
Felicity Hannah
Banks and other financial institutions are starting to recognise the role they must play in preventing economic abuse. Bobby Gray works on this issue at the Grameen Foundation. It's an international non government organization dedicated to empowering people across the world to escape poverty through systems such as investment and access to banking. Her work focuses on Latin America, Southeast Asia and Africa. But she spoke to me from her cattle ranch in Texas, usa. She told me about the work the foundation has been doing with banks and lenders to ensure women's safety.
Bobby Gray
I think in the conversations that we've been having, when you describe what financial abuse looks like, they clearly have seen it. They just didn't have a word to describe what it was. And so when you call it financial abuse or economic abuse and you kind of describe it in that way, then all of a sudden just even clearly naming it gives them some idea of the ways that they might be able to start responding to that. And I think to me that's been one of the most promising things I found in the conversations with many of them is that now that we've defined it, they can think about how to address it. Whereas before they might see, you know, these sorts of behaviors play out, but they weren't, they didn't really know what to do. About it. When we want to think about how financial service providers can respond to financial abuse, we have to kind of think about how a person interacts with financial services and how that interaction can be weaponized by an abuser or perpetrator of economic or financial abuse in a partnership. Somebody in the partnership may have access to the other person's identity information, their Social Security number, for example, and a lot of that information is what's needed to open up accounts. So I think when we can link those behaviors or transactions back to the financial service provider, then it provides them a better way to think about how they can respond and kind of disrupt the way an abuser can use those financial services to harm.
Felicity Hannah
What can they do to try and make sure it's not happening to their customers?
Bobby Gray
Some of it is raising awareness within the financial institution and some of that comes from training, but it can also come from just doing research in this area so that they can start to see the actual experiences that their clients are having. Then being able to articulate to a client, if you disclose to us that this is happening to you, here's how we can respond to that. And so I think having those processes and procedures in place that inform how a frontline worker of a bank or financial institution would respond just standardizes the experience that somebody can have instead of it kind of being this ad hoc, sometimes they'll help somebody, sometimes they won't help somebody. And then I think where we're really at once you kind of address those low hanging fruit is how can you actually design products and services so that somebody can't, you know, there's less opportunity to exploit somebody or weaponize the use of those financial services for somebody. And I think when you get into that kind of more product design area, then you start to think about the innovative ways that joint accounts, for example, are usually the most weaponized. Like how can you design mortgages, joint savings accounts in ways that limit the way somebody can use that form of financial service to harm somebody?
Felicity Hannah
Bobby Gray there. There are good reasons to be hopeful. 113 countries now have laws which recognise economic abuse. Although not every country implements them. There is still a long way to go. But there's also a real sense of momentum. Just last year, the impact of economic abuse was raised at the United nations with its Human Rights Council calling for more to be done by members to tackle economic violence against women. That brings us to the end of today's Business Daily from the BBC World Service, produced and presented by me, Felicity Hannah. I wanted to leave you with a final thought from Mary, who we heard from at the start of the program. She had this message. For anyone seeking to escape their abuser, anything is possible.
Mary
Don't lose hope. Whatever it is that you want to do with your life, you will be able to get out of that situation, and you will be able to go on and build a life that you're proud of and that you love.
Business Daily: "Fighting Economic Abuse"
BBC World Service, Hosted by Felicity Hannah
Date: September 30, 2025
This episode of Business Daily delves into the often invisible yet devastating phenomenon of economic (or financial) abuse within intimate relationships. Host Felicity Hannah, alongside survivors, experts, and advocates, explores how controlling a partner's access to money, credit, and resources can trap victims—most often women—in dangerous and lasting abuse. The discussion spans personal stories, the struggle for global awareness, legal and financial system responses, and the emerging hope for change.
"Economic abuse is the use of money and the things that money can buy... to control another person. That control usually takes three different forms: restriction, exploitation, and sabotage."
— Dr. Nicola Sharp Jeffs [07:46]
Timestamps:
"Financially, I was controlled by him because he was the one with the money and I was working with him, so I didn't have anything of my own."
— Mary [02:28]
"There was a lot of shouting at me and telling me how rubbish I was... he broke my arm ... he brought a knife out and threatened me."
— Mary [04:11]
Timestamps:
"One of the reasons why it's taken us so long to talk about economic abuse is because people don’t think it's particularly dangerous ... but economic abuse really does underpin physical safety."
— Dr. Nicola Sharp Jeffs [09:40]
Timestamps:
"Now, if you’re gonna get to a household and the woman earns more, then with the social stereotypical norms... abusers get the motivation. Because now there’s absolutely no way that you’re going to be running my house just because you earn more than me."
— Samila Gagoba [12:49]
Timestamps:
"Now that we've defined [economic abuse], they can think about how to address it... Joint accounts, for example, are usually the most weaponized. How can you design mortgages, joint savings accounts in ways that limit the way somebody can use that form of financial service to harm somebody?"
— Bobby Gray [16:28]
Timestamps:
Final Message:
"Don't lose hope. Whatever it is you want to do with your life, you will be able to get out of that situation, and you will be able to go on and build a life that you're proud of and that you love."
— Mary [18:34]
"Financially, I was controlled by him because he was the one with the money ... so I didn't have anything of my own."
— Mary [02:28]
"If you want to leave someone who’s abusing you, but you don’t physically have the means to do so... you can’t leave and therefore you have to stay in a situation which is harmful."
— Dr. Nicola Sharp Jeffs [09:40]
"Now that we've defined it, they can think about how to address it."
— Bobby Gray [14:53]
"Fighting Economic Abuse" exposes not only the insidious ways in which financial control can devastate lives but also the growing recognition and collective momentum to address it. Real stories—including Mary’s powerful journey from survivor to entrepreneur—combined with expert analysis, urge listeners to notice, name, and confront economic abuse, while highlighting nascent changes from legal, social, and financial sectors. Ultimately, the episode inspires hope: with awareness, support, and determination, escape and recovery are possible.