Breakup Bootcamp

Summary

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Call Her Daddy – “Breakup Bootcamp” (Nov 19, 2025)

Host: Alex Cooper
Guest: Lauren (close friend & confidante)
Theme: Deep dive into navigating breakups — from pain to empowerment, closure musts and no contact, to building a fresh chapter post-heartbreak.

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Episode Overview

In this candid and compassionate episode, Alex Cooper responds to an overwhelming number of listener DMs following her last solo discussion about choosing the right partner. Recognizing many Daddy Gang listeners are struggling with breakups or relationships they know aren’t serving them, Alex reframes the topic of heartbreak, advocating for breakups as necessary, often transformative rites of passage. Co-hosted with her close friend Lauren, who’s supported her through the worst and vice versa, the episode delivers survivor stories, hard-won wisdom, and practical tips for anyone finding themselves at a painful crossroads.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Reframing the Breakup

• Breakups as Transformation:
  “Yes, they absolutely suck... breakups can take you to some really dark and hard places. But I really do think they are also necessary in getting you closer to what’s actually meant for you. Right? You can learn so much from yourself from a breakup.” (Alex, 04:12)

• Grieving the Dream, Not Just the Person:
  The hardest part isn’t always the person leaving, but grieving the imagined future (the marriage, vacations, house, kids) now lost. Reframe ending a relationship as "succeeding at moving into a healthier stage" (Alex, 06:04).

• Social Pressures and Guilt:
  Women especially are conditioned to measure success by having a partner — Alex insists, “No one cares as much as you think they do...a decision on your relationship only actually affects your life.” (Alex, 07:08)

2. Alex’s Worst Breakup: Storytime & Lessons

(08:00–16:36)

• The Story:
  Alex shares in detail her most traumatic breakup: living with her boyfriend, envisioning a shared future, only to discover he was cheating. After a failed attempt at couples therapy, she returned home one day to find all her belongings in trash bags — she’d been dumped (and locked out) with no conversation, only to see him partying on social media while she cried on the sidewalk, “begging my parents to come pick me up.” (Alex, 08:58–11:57)

  “I literally thought my life was over. I was so lost after this happened to me. I felt so discarded and disrespected.” (Alex, 12:30)

• From Rock Bottom to Reinvention:
  That devastation eventually propelled her toward self-reflection and launching Call Her Daddy:

  “Guess what that directly led me to? Right after that breakup, I went on to start Call Her Daddy.” (Alex, 14:46)

• Message:
  You may not see it in the moment, but loss can spark your best new life chapter.

3. Friendship as First Aid

(19:35–21:26)

• After acute heartbreak, Lauren came over, bought sandwiches, and spent the night comforting Alex—with no “I told you so.”

  “All we did. We just slept and cried...that’s the perspective of a friend versus the person in it.” (Lauren, 20:52)

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Practical Bootcamp: How to Break Up, How to Heal

Closure Conversations

(21:41–36:07)

• When Do You Deserve Closure?
  Especially crucial if you’re blindsided, but closure is often messy and prolonged by mixed signals (“he was saying ‘I love you,’ but also not coming back”—Alex, 24:11).

• Don’t Get In the Weeds:
  Avoid pressing for minutiae (“But did you really mean it when we looked for houses?”). Ask high-level, non-obsessive questions:

  “Try to stay more high level about, like, do you have an idea of when you knew, what is the biggest factor for this?” (Alex, 26:55)

• Clean Breaks vs. Lingering:
  Both Alex and Lauren admit to “lingering” instead of a clean break.

  “I have never, ever…been able to do a clean break…I have always lingered.” (Alex, 29:13)

Notable Advice – Closure

• Don’t offer false hope if you’re ending it:

  “If you're the one breaking up with someone...don’t do that. Especially if you know that’s not your true answer…just close the door.” (Alex, 28:35)

Scripts & Evolving Wisdom: How to Say “It’s Over”

(31:05–36:37)

• Lauren’s Script:
  Practiced: “I’m not in love with you and I’m breaking up with you.”
  In hindsight, Lauren feels this was overly cold and now advocates for nuance:

  “Can you say ‘I still love you’?” — “I think you can say ‘I still have love for you,’...but you cannot be madly in love with someone and be like ‘I’m leaving you,’ unless…” (Lauren & Alex, 34:09–35:29)

• Don’t Ask, “Do You Still Love Me?”
  When getting dumped, don’t cling to hope with this question—“Take the L and your pride.” (Alex, 32:45)

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Key Segment Timestamps

| Time | Segment | |---------|-----------------------------------------------| | 02:10–06:00 | Reframing breakups: grief, pressure, and fear | | 08:00–16:36 | Alex’s worst breakup story and reflections | | 21:41–29:13 | Discussing closure conversations, pitfalls | | 31:05–36:37 | How to break up and handle emotions | | 37:06–43:10 | Lauren’s more mature breakup, moving out | | 45:09–51:02 | The No Contact rule—strategies & slip-ups | | 52:44–59:57 | Shared friend groups—triggers & boundaries | | 62:53–66:43 | Changing routines and spaces post-breakup |

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Handling No Contact

(45:09–52:44)

• Strong Recommendation:
  “If someone were to ask me…if you can give one piece of breakup advice…Without question: no contact.” (Lauren, 45:45)
• Delete Texts, Unfollow on Social:
  “Delete your text messages with them…put the pictures on a hard drive.” (Alex, 51:04)
• Stalking via shared digital photo frame:
  Lauren confesses to watching her ex’s life for a month through a family photo-sharing app (“That’s like a different level of creep”). (Lauren & Alex, 47:42–48:26)

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Navigating Shared Spaces & Friend Groups

(52:44–59:57)

• Limit Contact, Avoid Triggers:
  If you can’t move away like Lauren did, communicate with friends about not wanting to overlap at gatherings; avoid alcohol with exes present (“He may start to look nice again or you’re looking for a fight”—Alex, 56:38).
• Open Communication with Friends:

  “I think you need to have an honest conversation, like, guys, I know this is really annoying…just help me out a little bit here in this transition.” (Alex, 58:00)

• Avoid using mutual friends as spies for updates: – “Don’t do the thing where you start…sitting people down like, ‘So, do you know if he’s going on any dates?’” (Lauren, 58:46)

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Creating a New Life After the Breakup

(62:53–66:43)

• Change Your Routine:
  Swap out coffee shops, gyms, even perfumes to unhook associations—“You want to limit the amount of constant reminders.” (Lauren, 66:25)
• If possible, change apartments/shared spaces. If not, redecorate:
  Rearrange furniture, switch decor—anything to refresh the environment and energy (Lauren, 66:25).

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Advice to the Recently Dumped & Dumpers

(66:43–71:44)

• If You Did the Dumping:
  Don’t feel guilty—you’ve allowed both of you to seek genuine happiness. “Breaking up with someone, especially if you have people-pleasing tendencies…is so, so hard to let go of someone you love.” (Alex, 66:43)
• If You’ve Been Dumped:
  The pain is real and heavy, but “in a couple fucking months, you will be back…you will find a new person and you will be thanking yourself for having the strength to actually get out.” (Alex, 68:10)
  Lauren:

  “Three months post breakup…the most common thing people were looking at me and saying was, ‘I have never seen you look lighter, freer, or happier.’” (Lauren, 70:58)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “No one cares as much as you think they do…a decision on your relationship only actually affects your life.”
  – Alex (07:08)
• “Getting dumped set me on a complete new path that changed my life for the better.”
  – Alex (14:46)
• “If you're the one breaking up…don’t give false hope. That is you being selfish.”
  – Alex (28:35)
• “After a breakup, you have to switch up more than one thing from your routine.”
  – Alex (62:53)
• “Every person that you date gets you one step closer to the person you're supposed to marry if you do it right.”
  – Lauren (71:23)

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Final Words

Alex and Lauren close with a reminder that heartbreak is universal, but also transitory. Navigating the hard stuff builds resilience and ultimately leads you to better places—whether that means starting a new business, meeting your true love, or, as for Alex, launching a podcast phenomenon.

• “Be nice to yourself and gentle with yourself…any hiccups or whatever—the main thing is, you’re gonna be okay.”
  – Alex (71:44)

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For anyone mid-breakup, this episode feels like a warm, if slightly unfiltered, hug—full of empathy, practical wisdom, and some well-needed tough love. As Alex says: “Maybe you’re about to start a Fortune 500 company. Boom, bitch. Let’s fucking go.” (72:59)

Transcript

[A]

Hi Daddy Gang, it is your father. I am so excited that Caller Daddy has officially joined the Sirius XM family. I cannot wait to talk to new guests and continue to share my crazy personal stories and experiences with you every single week. If you want to hear new episodes ad free, subscribe to Sirius XM podcasts plus on Apple Podcasts or visit siriusxm.com podcastsplus to start your free trial today. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Domino's.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

With Call Her Daddy. Hello, Daddy Gang. Welcome back to another episode of Call Her Daddy. I just wanted to start out by saying thank you to everyone who watched and listened to my last solo episode about choosing the right partner. I am so happy that so many of you are resonated with that one. A lot of you also reached out to me saying that the episode made you realize that you are in fact not with the right person. I got a lot of DMS that started to sound very similar. Like, you know, Alex, I don't think I'm with the right guy. But I'm also scared to lose this person. I'm scared to be alone. I don't want to go through with the breakup and have to start over and so on. And so first thing I want to do is like validate you today because I know that breakups firsthand are so hard and a really big deal. And it can sometimes I get. Be easy for me to just sit here and joke around and be like, oh my God, dump him. Like we don't need him. Like he's not, like he doesn't match your standards and he doesn't respect you and all this. But in reality, I do know that relationships are such a huge, huge part of our lives and ending a long term relationship is a very big decision and it is extremely emotional and draining. So the reason I wanted to talk more about this today is because I actually think we need to reframe how we look at breakups. Yes, they absolutely suck. I'm not going to sugarcoat that. Breakups can take you to some really dark and hard places. But. But I really do think they are also necessary in getting you closer to what's actually meant for you. Right? You can learn so much from yourself from a breakup. They can end up being extremely important, transformative periods of your life. When a relationship ends, that just means that there is a lesson you still need to learn before you're able to choose and find that right partner. And if done right, a breakup can completely redirect your life into something so much better. But I also get that there's so much fear, right, that comes along with realizing you need to end a relationship. It can seem like you're completely losing the version of your future that you thought you were heading towards. The marriage, the house, vacations, kids, whatever you were looking forward to with this person. You now need to accept that you aren't heading down the path that you pictured and fantasized about and dreamt about. And sometimes that can make it feel like you're failing. When a relationship ends, sometimes it's not even about the person and actually losing them. It's also just. It's mostly about the idea of everything that you were building towards. And I just want to say the reality actually is, is that you are succeeding at moving into a healthier stage in your life. If you are having to go through a breakup that was not meant for you, and you have to believe you're moving towards something healthier. But again, I know when we're in the thick of it, it is really hard to feel like something good is waiting on the other side. We always have our friends being like, girl, it's going to get better. And your parents are like, it's going to get better. And you say the same thing to your friends when they're going through it, but when it is you, it is so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I also think that we can fuck ourselves over with worrying about what other people are going to think about our relationship ending. And it's sucks to admit, but it's true. I think it can be really overwhelming wondering, you know, how is their family.

[A]

Going to take it?

[B]

How is their mom going to take it? How are his friends going to react? Will people in my life be disappointed or mad? Like, that's a legit fear, right? It's this huge mental load because society still puts so much pressure on women specifically to be in relationships. And it's really scary to feel like you're not hitting an expectation. But I am here to remind you, daddy gang, that you have to remember, no one else has to live with your choices but you. After a breakup, people are going to make dumb comments like, oh, my God, you guys were so cute together. Or like, oh, my God, I'm going to be honest. Like, I hated that guy. Thank God he's gone. Either way, you're gonna get in your head and start spiraling if you put too much weight on how other people are viewing your situation. The truth is, and I hate to say it, but no one actually cares. No one cares as much as you think they do because a decision on your relationship only actually affects your life. The only thing that you need to do when it comes to thinking about other people is remind yourself that they're on their own path and it doesn't need to look like your life, right? What they're up to doesn't really impact you. So every breakup that I've been through, I now, again, emphasis on now, can look back today and be like, seriously, thank God that didn't work out. And I have been through some pretty rough and heartbreaking breakups. In my worst breakup, I was completely blindsided. I remember feeling like the rug was just ripped from out under me on everything I had pictured for my future life. I can quickly tell the story if you are OG Daddy gang You probably already know this one, but. So one of, yeah, the worst breakup of my life. It happened in my early 20s when I was living in New York City after college, and. And I was living with my boyfriend. We were super in love, or so I thought. And we were always talking about the future and marriage and kids and where we wanted to buy a house. And at that time, we were so deeply ingrained in each other's lives. Like, you guys know how it goes. My friends were his friends, his friends were my friends. All of our free time was spent together. And. And because of that, understandably, I truly couldn't imagine a life without this person in it. And then I found out that he was cheating on me. And I still was willing to try to work through it because, again, I just couldn't see a future for myself that he didn't exist in. He was my complete life at that point. So we did couples therapy. We went to, like, one session. And I could see that he wasn't.

[A]

Really.

[B]

Going to fully take accountability. And so I kind of ended up, like, taking the blame of, like, well, I could have done this better and I could have done this, and maybe that's what drove you to feel that way. And I just tried to make it work, and I was essentially willing to do anything, even though in my gut I knew this relationship wasn't working. But it's hard, again, to see when you're in it. And you'll put up with things that once you get out, you wouldn't put up with, but when you're in it, it's really hard to be objective with yourself. And then one day, I will never forget this. It was a gorgeous fall Saturday in New York. My best friend was in town, and I told my boyfriend that I was going to take her around, and we were just going to go around the city and have, like, a fun little girls day. And we kissed goodbye. All was fine. I headed out. I didn't hear from him all day, but I wasn't too concerned. And then when I got back to our apartment, as I walked into our lobby, my doorman stopped me and he looked at me and he said, alex, I'm so sorry, but you're not allowed to go upstairs. I was like, wait, I'm sorry. Like, I. I live here. Like, what do you. I live here. Like, I was so confused. I'm like, what do you mean I can't go upstairs? Like, all of my stuff is upstairs. My life is up there. I'm just trying to go home to my apartment. Like, what is going on? And before I could get any answers, he just proceeded to lead me towards a storage closet. And inside were garbage bags. Just a bunch of garbage bags filled with all of my clothes, all of my belongings, everything I owned, laptops, cards, everything had been thrown into garbage bags and tossed out of my apartment. And when I tried to call my boyfriend and figure out what was going on, I got no response. He was completely ghosting me, and he essentially ended our relationship without even having the breakup conversation. I remember I went onto social media that day to see if I could even just, like, figure out where he was. And he was at a football game with his friends, drinking beers. He's at the Giants game. I was like, oh, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. I'm. And I'm, like, sitting on the side of the road with garbage bags, calling my parents, like, begging them to come pick me up and help me, because I'm like, I don't know what to do. I literally, in that moment, remember tears coming down, but also feeling numb but confused and scared and all the things. And I remember just like, I literally thought my life was over. I was so lost after this happened to me. I felt so discarded and disrespected. Like, you. Wait, you cheated. I agreed to stay and try to make it work, and now, out of random, you're just. You're done. And so I had no apartment, no boyfriend. It was like everything in my life that gave me a sense of stability just suddenly was ripped from out under me. And it's so crazy to think now I'm sitting here almost ten years later, and I am so grateful that all of that happened. Yes, I was heartbroken. I was embarrassed. I was devastated. But I was also forced to literally pick myself up off the side of the road, get my together, and really look at myself and look inward. After I got broken up with, I needed to figure out what I actually wanted out of life. And had this not happened, I probably would have continued trying to make it work with this guy and would have sacrificed parts of myself to just preserve what was left of the relationship. I know it wouldn't have lasted forever, right? But it probably could have kept going. And I felt, without a doubt, rock bottom, because I had completely merged my identity with this person. I was relying on this person. It was just. It had just gotten so toxic. And even though it felt rock bottom, I got through it. I got a shitty little apartment that I rented for a couple months off of Facebook Marketplace. I started figuring out what actually made me happy. And guess what that directly led me to. Right after that breakup, I went on to star call her Daddy. So, like, if I really look back, I want to send all of those flowers that made that breakup happen and be like, kisses. Thank God. Thank you so much. Like, getting dumped set set me on a complete new path that changed my life for the better. In the moment, I was like, I'm. I actually feel like I'm gonna die. And meanwhile, little did I know, I didn't see any of that at the time. I wouldn't have believed that things were going to get better. My mom kept saying, it's going to get better. I was like, you don't get it. You don't get it. Because after something flips your whole life upside down, understandably, it can feel impossible to move on. But, Daddy gang, listen to me when I say, I promise you, you can and you will get through it if you know your relationship is coming to an end or maybe you're fresh out of a breakup and you're struggling with how to cope. This episode is about to be for you. Okay, today I want to share some breakup wisdom. Whether you are the one who's doing the dumping or the one who just got dumped, we've got you. What? We? Who's we? What are you talking about, Alex? I thought this is another solo. No, honey, we. I am not going to do this whole episode alone. There is one girl who has been by my side for all of my terrible breakups, and I have been there.

[A]

Through all of hers.

[B]

So Daddy gang makes a motherfucking noise for Lauren. Hi, Lauren.

[A]

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[B]

Okay, Lauren, welcome to call Her Daddy.

[C]

Thank you. I've never been invited to podcast in this studio before.

[B]

I know. I. I think it's time. You deserve it. I've made it. This means literally nothing. We were just saying, like, oh, I feel like we. This is a more serious topic and let's really, like do full interview conversation style. Okay. Yeah. So you heard my breakup story.

[C]

Yeah. Every time you say it, it's always like, damn, like, I forgot that happened.

[A]

I know.

[C]

And I can't believe that happened and I was literally there for it.

[B]

No, you guys, not only were you there for it, but I have it ingrained in my mind that when I was going through that breakup and I found that random because this is before Lauren and I lived together. I found that, like, random spot that I got for two months, and I called you. You came over because you were living in New Jersey.

[C]

Yeah, I was living in Hoboken.

[B]

She comes over, and I'm. I. All I have in this place that I rent for get. For the night is this, like, mattress on the floor. Yeah.

[C]

Cause you were doing, like, a subletter situation with, like, random roommates.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And I, like, roll up. We've got the mattress on the ground. And I remember Lauren's looking at me, and she's like, let's go get a sandwich. And so we walk to this deli, we get a bunch of, like, shit food. We go back, we both, like, lay on my mattress, and I just cry in your arms.

[C]

I think that's what we did that night, though.

[B]

That's all we did. We just slept and cried. And you were like, dear, dear, dear Alex. Meanwhile, you're like, who didn't see this one coming? But again, I think that's, like, the perspective of a friend versus the person in it. Because you've been through breakups, too. And it's like, when the person is going through it, the friends in the back of their head are a little bit like, I knew this was coming most of the time.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But I wasn't saying that to you that night at all.

[B]

You were like, this is horrible. How dare he.

[C]

Like, oh, my God. I didn't see it coming. Like, I can't believe. Like, you're probably so. Like, I was not telling you, like, Alex, like, you needed to get out. Like, you don't. It was too early for that.

[B]

No, no. And I think what's so weird about breakups is, like, I've been the person that's done the breaking up, and I've been broken up with, and both sting so much. So, Lauren, why don't you take us through this conversation today? Really lead us in.

[C]

So I have, like, a few things that I like, topics that I want to talk about that I think apply to both, whether you're breaking up or getting broken up with.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And the first one I want to talk about is the closure conversation and kind of hear your thoughts on when you think closure is necessary, when to have the conversation, what to say in the conversation, and kind of both of our experiences with it.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But let's start, because I even have more questions about this with your breakup you just described. So can you, like, take me through and talk about, like, when you had that first conversation? Talk to me about that.

[B]

Yeah. Well, that's interesting of, like, when you deserve closure, because I think my first reaction goes to. This is a pretty perfect example, because I think you deserve closure when you're blindsided, right?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I was completely blindsided. So it was like, no, no, you now cannot disappear off the face of the earth and just never give me an explanation as to why this is happening. Especially since he was the one that cheated. I was like, wait, I've put in so much work. Like, if anything, I should be the one breaking up with you. Like, what the fuck? So, yeah, it was pretty brutal. I didn't hear from him. I'm again. And this is, like, 10 years ago. So this is just, like. From what I remember is about a couple days went by, and then I got an email from him.

[A]

I forgot about that.

[B]

I know that email, but I think I remember. I will never forget. Like, the subject line was like, hypocrite. And I was like, oh, hello. But I, like, saw his name, so I was, like, happy and also terrified. And we then went back and forth on email for about 24 hours. And it started with him being, like, super nasty. And it was clear that, like, his friends had gotten into his head. And then slowly it got to him being like, I've never been more miserable. I miss you so much. And that really, with my head, because as hard as a breakup is, for those 72 hours, I was slowly trying to, like I said, pick myself up off the side of the road and really start to, like, repair. I was in no way, shape, or form ready to completely be like, all right, I'm back on my feet, but you start to grieve. So then for him to come back and be like, I miss you, was so disorienting. But I think I also clung to it because it felt like it. I don't know. It felt like, why wouldn't I take that, right? Like, I was angry, but I also. When you're angry at the person that's breaking up with you, there's also a part of you that's like. But they also were the closest person to you in your life. So I was kind of, like, wanting to get.

[C]

That's what I was gonna ask, like, conversation that you guys had going into that. Were you hoping to get back together?

[B]

I think I was just looking for some form of. I know this is up to say, but, like, closure in the concept of, like, somewhat getting my power back. I felt so embarrassed and hurt that I felt like when he was telling me that he loved Me. And, like, he was. I remember him, like, texting me after we transitioned, and he unblocked me, and we got back to texting. He was like, I'm still your person, right? And so imagine the mind, which I think we should get into today, is like, I'm looking for closure. But he's still saying, I love you. You're still my person. So it's like, but why did. Then did you break up with me? And he. I think he kind of was unresolved in what he wanted, and so it made it really, really hard on me. And so the closure ended up lasting for, like, three months. We ended up ongoing conversations, ongoing, like.

[C]

Trying to get back together, just trying to, like, figure out, like, I think it was a little, are we making the right decision? Is this really over?

[B]

I think that was, like. I think a part of us knew it was over, but then we wanted to, like, see if we could relive it for a second and maybe, like, maybe we could make it work. And it was so clear that there was so much hurt on my end of, like, you disrespected me. I mean, he had publicly tweeted our breakup. I guess when I look back, the closure was not. The closure I would suggest for anyone listening is like, you should not allow closure to be that long and to continue to be that long, because you're really only hurting yourself by engaging in it. But who am I to say at the same time? Because it's like, well, I lived it, and I did that.

[C]

So that was gonna be my next question. Like, now, where you are and, like, the experiences you have, the other people you've dated, the therapy you've done. What advice would you give now?

[B]

Okay, so I think my biggest advice, which is really, really hard again, and I'm giving you the advice that I wish I could have given myself, is like, trying to avoid getting so into the weeds when you're having a breakup conversation, when you're the person that's getting broken up with. Because, for example, I remember saying to him, like, we literally were, like, looking at houses in Westchester. We were talking about getting a dog. Like, we were like, what do you mean? So, like, how did this happen? And so pausing right there, I'm asking him, like, how were we talking and planning our future? And then you're doing this to me. That's, like, something I needed to work on in therapy. Because what I now have perspective on is I was asking those things because my reality had just been completely shifted, and it was now distorted and literally less than 10 minutes ago. @ one point I was like, oh.

[A]

My gosh, I wonder, like, what color.

[B]

We should paint the walls of that house that we're looking at. To then all of a sudden, he's no longer in my life. But asking the person, like, but so did you not mean it about the Westchester house? No, most of the times they do mean it about the house and planning and everything, but something shifted for them. And so getting so in the weeds of, like, okay, but what about when we were looking for a dog? Did you know then you're only going to upset yourself more and they are not going to give you the answer that you want. So try not to get so deep into, like, but this, this, this, this. And just I think try as hard as you can to stay more high level about, like, do you have an idea of, like, when you knew what is the biggest factor for this? And, like, was there anything that we could have each done or have you known this for a while? Like, it's pretty much that.

[C]

And I think you can kind of get clarity on, like, is this done? Done? And like, do you see this as, like, completely not being fixable and, like, not holding on to hope? And if you're the person doing the breakup or initiating the closer conversation, like, not giving false hope.

[B]

No. And I think that that is one of the biggest traps on both sides that people get most of the time. Even if it's a nasty breakup, this is someone that you were in love with, you sleep with, you are building a life with. When the person that's getting broken up with looks at the person and it's like, wait, but wait, but like, so this is it. I think the person that is doing the breaking up, there's a part of them that is like, if they loved you at all, is trying to ease the blow in any capacity you think.

[C]

It feels better if you're like, well, like, maybe there's a chance sometime.

[B]

And it's like, do not do that. Makes it worse because it feels better. It's selfish. That that is you being selfish. If you're the one breaking up with someone and they ask you if it's completely over and you're like, well, maybe, I don't know, like, let's. We just need some time. Do not do that. Especially if you know that's not your true answer because you're leading them on. And it actually is so much better if you just close the door. Like, you guys, as I'm saying this, I'm realizing and we've talked about this before, Lauren. Like, I don't know who I am to be giving advice. I guess now, because I've, like, found a relationship that is working and works, but I have never, ever in the history of all of my relationships ever been able to do a clean break. I have never been able to be like, okay, this is over. Goodbye. I have always lingered. Most of the time, I'm the one that's doing the breaking up. Except for that really, that tough one. We still lingered. When I've been breaking up with people, I still am going back, they're coming back, and we're. And it is so messy again. I think it depends on what point of your life you're at. Like, I can sit here and tell my college, like, guys don't do that. Who am I kidding? You. Are you? So hard. It's so hard. It's so fun. Like, it's so fudged up to be like, oh, my God. Then you see him the fudgeing dining hall, or you see him at the frat party, and then, like, you're getting each other jealous. So it's like, I don't want to also be like, you know, don't go back and have a clean cut. If you're engaging in a little less mature relationships, I think that's normal. If you're really talking about life, partner, marriage kind of shit, you gotta close the fudgeing door right then and there.

[C]

Kind of keeping on this, like, closure conversation.

[B]

Why don't I turn the tables on you, you little bitch? Because, Lauren, we lived a breakup of yours, and you've broken up with two people.

[C]

I've ended two serious relationships.

[B]

Yes, you've ended, and you've gotten better. That's so fun to say. Like, you've gotten better at it. The first one, I remember Lawrence, like, going to.

[C]

We had to call your mom that morning. I'm breaking up with my college boyfriend. We're living in New York City, and.

[B]

I'm like, look at me in the eyes. Not more than an hour. Okay? I know that it's tempting because at that point you were like, he's going to be so blindsided, and, like, I need to really ease in. And I was like, not more than an hour. I'm not kidding you. I think it's five hours later, I'm looking at your location being like, they're getting back together. They're getting back together, or something's happening. Talk to me about that breakup, of how you handled that conversation. And, like, any advice you have for people or like, learnings you had from that.

[C]

I think, like, my biggest thing that I went into that one with was I was going to lead with, like, we were just gonna sit down. I was just gonna lead with the line, I'm sorry, I'm not in love with you, and I'm breaking up with you.

[B]

We practice it so many times, we add a little bit more emotion. She's like, literally, I remember telling Lauren, you have to let him know you're not in love with him anymore. And Lauren's like, okay, I'm not in love with you. And I'm like, lauren. Lauren can be so, like, analytical. But I was like, no, no, no. Like, like, welt up a little tear. I'm like, all right.

[C]

Well, the whole, like, thinking behind it was that, like, we weren't sure if I was going to get literally anything else across. So I'm like, I just need to, like, rip the band aid off immediately and lead with that line.

[B]

So why do we think that I.

[C]

Wasn'T in therapy then? I don't know. I was kind of like, avoidant. I don't know what we thought, but we were just like, I need to get in there, sit down, look him in the eyes, and say, I'm sorry, I'm not in love with you, and I'm breaking up with you.

[B]

Wait, I'm literally listening to us, and I'm like, that is horrible. We were like. We thought. We were so locked in. We were like, rehearse it again. Wait.

[A]

One more time.

[B]

She's walking out the door. I'm like, one more time. She's like, I'm not in love with you. I'm like, oh, man, it's gonna be great. That is not the way.

[C]

No, I was going to say, I actually have a different opinion on that now.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Because one of the things I.

[B]

So do. I.

[C]

One of the things I had written down was, when you're breaking up with someone, can you say, like, I still love you? Is that fucked up? And if you're getting broken up with, can you ask, like, do you still love me? And if they say yes, like, okay, what does that mean?

[B]

Two things. Number one, if you're getting broken up with, I will actually fudge punch you in the head if you're like, but do you still love me? Shut the fuck up, girl. Take the fucking L. And your pride.

[C]

Actually, though, you feel that way.

[B]

Lauren, what do you mean if someone is like, I don't want.

[C]

Like, we've been dating for, like, five years, and, like, I thought we were about to get married and, like, you're breaking up with me. I can't be like, so do you not love me anymore? Oh, my God, I just said that.

[B]

Do you see how crazy and delusional that is? It's like, does it matter? He's breaking up with you.

[C]

Okay, so if you're getting broken up with, don't ask. Do you still love it?

[B]

So interesting. But if you're breaking.

[C]

Breaking up with someone, because. Okay, now I have thoughts on this, but I'm hear your thoughts first. If you're breaking up with someone, can you say, like, I still love you?

[B]

Okay, first of all, I just want to be clear. Clearly, we're not. We haven't had the best track record with this.

[C]

No, my second one was better. Yeah, but I spent thousands of dollars in therapy preparing for that breakup.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But still, we could have done better.

[A]

We.

[B]

Oh, we did plan that one. We're getting to that. But for this, I think I want to be clear. I'm saying don't do that. I'm not saying I haven't done it or I. Like, I get it. It can happen. If you're like, but do you still love me? Because I think it's a natural thing of, like, maybe it's your only hope left of being like, wait, this part of this was real, right? Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And again, that goes to the person getting broken up with. You're trying to find some semblance of, like, your reality, and you're trying to ground yourself in, like, I just got whiplash out of this thing. This has been my life. Now it's not. Hold on. Give me one morsel of, like, hope that I wasn't fudgeing, missing everything, and.

[C]

I'm not, like, crazy, like, am I just, like, a dumbass blind? Like, yes.

[B]

But to answer that, I think that it is not appropriate to say, I'm still in love with you. I think that's beyond inappropriate if you're breaking up with someone and saying, I don't want to spend the rest of my life with you anymore. This isn't going to work out, but I'm still madly in love with you. Oh, okay, Fernando. Well, what do I do with that? Like, awesome, should we go to dinner? Like, okay, because that's. That's where the person getting broken up with it. You've seen the movies where they're kind of like, so are you still coming to my cousin's wedding with me this weekend? Like, what are we doing? I think that you can say, I still have love for you. And I will always, like, feel love towards you. But I just think because you cannot be madly in love with someone and be like, I'm leaving you. Unless. What I talked about the other week was like, I am madly in love with you, but you don't want kids and I do. And so, like, I have to leave for myself and for you. This is not that. If it's a very specific, yeah, baby. If you're just like, oh, it ain't working, but, like, so obsessed with you, where do we go? Do you disagree? You disagree?

[C]

No, I agree. No. This is the evolution from Breakup 1 to Breakup 2 for me. Breakup 1. Like, I wasn't in love with him. I still had love for him. Just because there was so much history there.

[B]

And I think you said, I, like, of course I still love you.

[C]

No, for some reason in my head, we drilled it in that I had to go in there and say, I'm not in love with you.

[B]

You were like, you disgust me. He's like, wait, what? You're like, I don't know.

[C]

I just said that in my mind. It was like, if I even say, like, I have love for you, like, that's misleading, you know?

[B]

I think it was. And this is why that one was really difficult, is because the length of it.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Seven fucking years. I mean, that's longer than most marriages.

[C]

Like, I need to, like, go in.

[B]

And be like, we Audi. We go hard break. So, yeah, that's true. I think we thought he was going to, like, fight you a little bit on that. We were worried he was going to be like, lauren, calm down. Like, hold on and talk you lightly out of it in a way that you were like, oh, I'll fully get talked out of it. Yeah, I'll say another year. Yeah, because you would already. You guys.

[C]

I already say 5 extra.

[B]

For context. For context. We knew by about, like, year two, and then all of a sudden, she's hitting year seven, and she's like, what's another year? So I was like, you will not get talked out of this. That's why we.

[C]

I went down and laid the hammer down.

[B]

Okay, so any learnings from that breakup?

[C]

I think my breakup one was cold.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So breakup two. I was in a very different place in life. I'd been through therapy. This was a much more mature relationship.

[B]

Let's talk about this.

[C]

So I think something I was thinking about the other day, like, knowing we were gonna, like, talk about this when I was living with him, and we were having these very, like, everything on the table, conversations acknowledging, like, like, can we make this work? Is there compromise here? Are these differences too big to move forward? And when we were living together and, like, just in this house that we both lived in, and that kind of represented, like, us trying to, like, have this adult relationship and, like, look to the future, I just, like, couldn't get myself to end it and, like, couldn't really picture ending it. And then I. We were going on tour for, like, two or two, and I came out to LA to do rehearsals for, like, a few weeks with you and, like, getting out of our shared space and kind of just having time away. And it was at the point where we were having those, like, every single night. Those, like, exhausting conversations where you wake up, like, I'm so, like, emotionally exhausted. Like, I can't see straight. Like, I don't even have the energy to, like, you guys were a little.

[B]

It wasn't even, like, fighting.

[C]

No, it was just like. Like, we were hitting such walls because we just wanted such different things. And I was just so emotionally exhausted and, like, also, like, confused that it took me, like, physically leaving our shared space and, like, not that, like, I got to LA and you sat. You didn't, like, sit me down and be like, you need to leave or like, anything like that. It was just, I think, the act of, like. Which is my advice for people if you're in something, like I just described, where you feel like you're in this cycle and, like, we just keep hitting the same dead end over and over and over. And you have that gut feeling. You're just like, I know. And I think. But you wake up and, like, you're kind of oscillating. Like, you go to sleep knowing you want to do it, Then you wake up and you see them and you're like, but wait, do I. It just made, like, the world of difference. Getting out of our shared space, having a week away. And then I literally. I remember it. I woke up. You had. We hadn't really talked about anything. I woke up.

[A]

Up.

[C]

We sat at the breakfast table and I was just like, alex, I need to end my relationship. And you were kind of like, wait, what?

[B]

Yeah, I remember that too, because I remember where, again, we had gotten to that point where you were so drained. And I agree with you. I think had you been not able to get away, I think that it probably would have gone on longer.

[C]

Oh, I know for a fact.

[B]

Literally, Daddy gang, Even if you go away for a girls trip, if you go stay with your parents, go home for A weekend.

[C]

Like, ask your friend, like, like, can I sleep over a night or two and just, like, clear your head, because.

[B]

I agree with you. You were like. But then we're like, have we had a nice dinner? Yeah. So then, like, does that mean I should stay? And it's like when you're in the weeds again of, like, life, and then you have these moments where you're. It starts to kind of with you because you have one little good moment, and then you can be like, okay, I can push it off. No, maybe it's gonna love there.

[C]

So that, like you're saying was what was confusing? Like, like, we'd have this fight and, like, be crying and, like, can we make it work? And then the next morning, we'd be laughing over breakfast and I'd be like, I'm so confused.

[A]

There is nothing that makes me happier than when I get a compliment from someone and they say, alex, you smell delicious.

[B]

Okay. I mean, is there anything better than someone telling you you smell good? No. And you want to know what I'm wearing? You already know what I'm wearing.

[A]

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[B]

Okay?

[A]

One person's blinking, another hates their angle. And of course, the one where you.

[B]

Look amazing is the one that your friend absolutely hates.

[A]

So relatable. That is where The Google Pixel 10 Pro's camera comes in. This thing is wild. Let me explain it to you.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

It has auto Best take that automatically finds and combines similar photos into one where everyone looks great.

[B]

I know this is literally a dream.

[A]

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[B]

Great photos of your friends, but they can't seem to take a decent picture of you?

[A]

Well, the Google Pixel has a feature called Camera Coach that literally coaches you on how to take the best photo. Left, right, zoom in, step back. It maps it all out. So when you ask someone to take a photo of you, you know it's going to look good. It's the girls trip essential I didn't know I needed, but now I've got it. So, yeah, get outside of your comfort phone and try the Google Pixel 10 Pro. Check it [e-mail] Camera Coach. Results may vary. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Cozy. Here's the thing, okay? We all know at this point, I hope that life at home never looks like Instagram, right? Like, sometimes you see people out and.

[B]

They'Re laughing with their friends. Hey, but like, we never really show us crying on the couch, right?

[A]

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[B]

And so you do it on tour. Yeah, it went as good as it could go.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Now let's fast forward to closure. Talk to me about that part. Because you ended up going back and seeing him and going back to your shared space because you had to get Your.

[C]

I think, like, the main driving force of the closure conversation was like logistic based because we live together and we needed to figure out, like, when I was moving out, what. How we were dividing up all the stuff in the furniture. So that was like the main reason that we were having the closure conversation. And I also kind of just like opened the floor and was like, you didn't ask a single question, really, during the breakup. So, like, if you need me to answer anything or explain anything during the closure conversation, like, I'm open to do that.

[B]

That's really nice. Most people wouldn't do that. That's really nice.

[C]

Oh, thank you.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, I cared about him totally.

[B]

So I think overall closure conversations, a lot of times I've learned don't go in asking for the weeds, don't ask all these. You can ask a couple questions, but at the end of the day, most of the closure is going to come from within yourself. After closure, without a doubt, something that I failed at, but we should talk about now that I'm reformed, is no contact. Let's talk about no contact. Lauren, how are your thoughts on it? Have you been able to achieve it? Because we know. I didn't. Tell me.

[C]

I think if someone were to ask me and say, like, what if you can give one piece of a breakup advice, what would it be? Without a question? No contact.

[B]

Yeah, I wish I could have done that ever. The. The self restraint is impeccable over there.

[C]

Oh, well, okay. I lied. So I did go no contact in theory in the sense that, like, after the closure conversation, we, like, never texted. I didn't have social media at the time, so, like, I had.

[B]

That makes it so much easier.

[C]

So I had no social media to follow him or anyone. And we like, really didn't even have like a mutual friend. So, like, it was like no contact. And like, I actually had like not the slightest clue what he was up to. Except I did this one, like, slightly creepy thing that was like my like, back doorway into like, a little bit of contact.

[B]

You don't come off as a creepy. So I'm ready for whatever this is about to be.

[C]

I don't think I'm normally a creep. I think this was just like my.

[B]

One little thing mentality.

[C]

Yeah, this is like my one thing where I kind of like look back and I was like, whoa.

[B]

I mean, breakups can make you go fucking crazy. Yeah. Okay. What did you do?

[C]

So the year prior, for Christmas, I got his parents one of those digital photo frames that you can control on the phone.

[B]

App.

[C]

So I had the phone app. App for his parents photo frame. And I still, like, had the login was like, WI fi up to date, getting all the live time. So the photo frame app became, like, my social media, and I would just go in daily and see what photos the family were uploading to the family photo frame. I watched him go to a baseball game the week after we broke up. One of his little cousin's birthdays was a few weeks later. He looked pretty happy there.

[B]

And you're, like, waiting to see him pop up with a new girl. How long did you do this, Lauren?

[C]

Just, like, a month.

[B]

And then. And then I was.

[C]

And then I was like. And then I was like, I need to delete this photo frame app. But I think they may be caught on because, like, you can, like, see, like, the little bubbles, like, who's in the app, like, who's logged into the photo frame. And I think they saw me in there because they then, like, really slowed the ropes on, like, the amount of photos they were uploading.

[B]

Creeper. They're like, I mean, Lauren's in here every day, 24 hours. That's. Yeah, that's gonna do it. That's creep. That's creep mentality.

[C]

But I agree, that's, like, creeping on the family.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. That's like, a different level of creep. You're kind of like, what's your dad up to? And it's like, why do you care? I think that that's normal, though. Not that.

[C]

To go on the person's photo. No, no family photo frames.

[B]

I think the curiosity. When you know someone's family and have been to family dinners and functions, it's weird to just be like, okay, see you around, or I guess I won't. Like. It is an odd feeling to lose essentially this new community that you built into your life through this person. It's an extension of your life, and then it gets completely cut off. And every weekend you were going and seeing his family, and now they're gone. You kind of need to wean off, you know? And so no contact can be a little difficult because when you go cold turkey, you can start to have, like, the jitters. Oh, my God. I think I'm like. I'm like, it's. It's too much. So I agree. I think social media plays that part. But my biggest advice for social media was I remember when door number three and I. If you guys remember door number three, we had a very serious relationship, and we ended so cordially, which is such a weird.

[C]

It's almost harder.

[B]

Oh, it's horrible.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And we had a really tough breakup because we were long distance and we decided it wasn't right. But then we continued to follow each other on social media because thinking you.

[C]

Could do it like, amicably because there was no bad blood.

[B]

Yes. And then I would see him post or post on his story, and every single time I saw his face pop up, I had either a negative or positive reaction. Some days I would be laying in bed and I would miss him. And then I'm seeing him on social and then I'm romanticizing and then I'm going through our dms. Sometimes I would see it, but I'm on a date with another guy and I'm like, why am I looking at this? And so eventually I did unfollow him and I knew it was the best decision, but it was really difficult because I think, as much as I hate to admit this, we all take social media followings and blockings, like the word of God. Like, people will be like, you unfollowed me, like, or you're so immature, whatever.

[C]

That it's almost like a flex. Like, oh, no. Like, we can still follow each other and be cordial.

[B]

And it's like, please hear me, daddy gang when I say I would rather you have your now ex get pissed at you temporarily to be like, you're so immature that you can't follow me. And then that be the one conversation. And then you keep moving forward rather than you stay following someone and you stay having to follow your life and listen, you're all like, well, you can just mute the person. No, no, you can feel when you're following someone, get this person out of your life.

[C]

I so agree with that.

[B]

I also think for no contact, something that I would put into the category of no contact, which is really, really, really, really hard, is I am someone who takes pride in the amount that I save things. And prior to being married, when I started, Call Her Daddy was like, almost validating for me that I had kept all of my exes and I conversation, all of our pictures, all of our screenshots. And then it was great content for Call Her Daddy. And I was like, I knew I needed this one day. But in hindsight, when you do break up with someone, I really, really believe that if you know in your heart that you're never going to go back to this person, you really should be deleting your text messages with them. Because in dark moments where you're in bed and it's raining and you've got the notebook on and you're crying. You're like, what did he say to me on December 15th? And you go back to your text and you're reading it, and it's only hurting yourself because you're rereading a reality that doesn't exist anymore. And you can trick yourself into being like, I miss that. I want that, but there's a reason it ended. So I would say delete the text. And I'm not saying you have to delete the pictures, but put the pictures on a computer or something that are not hard drive. Yes. Because let me fucking tell you, as a girl that has 500,000 photos on her phone, when I'm scrolling and I'm like, oh, I need to find that picture from 2020. And I'm like, oh.

[C]

Or when your phone's like, featured photos.

[B]

Of the day, and it's like you two cuddling and you're like, no, no, no. So I think delete. No contact, though, is hard. Let's pivot into when you have a similar friend group.

[C]

Oh, I've been there.

[B]

Yes, so have I. Let's talk about that. Because. So when you do a breakup, the best success you're gonna have is if you can literally cut off every single form of everything and you act like this person literally died. I know it's morbid, but that's the truth. Because you need to start to, like, flush your system of this person and that life that you had with them.

[A]

Them.

[B]

When you have a similar friend group, it's close to impossible. And I remember, so I had a boyfriend in college that we were really serious. And when we broke up and I broke up with him, I remember being so resolute in this decision. I knew at the bottom of my heart I loved him so much as a friend. And I just didn't see us romantically lasting, but we were intertwined in everything in college. And then. I will never forget. I think the bar is shut down now. It was called Tease Back in the day at bu, we were all at teas, and he shows up with a girl on the field hockey team. And I am like, what is he doing? And in my head, I'm like, he's still mine. Meanwhile, it's like, you broke up with him. Alex, let him go. He's with this girl on the field hockey team. And I'm really not proud of this. After, like, my, like, third shot, I remember being like, I'm gonna get him back tonight. And I was so immature. And I went up to him And I ruined his good thing. And I seduced him into coming back with me, and we had sex. And in the morning, I woke up being like, why did I do that? It was like, my ego needed to, like, not let him go, even though I was the one who let him go. But the proximity of seeing him with another woman clouded my judgment so heavily in believing that I still wanted him, but really it was just jealousy. And all these things led to. I hurt him because he woke up and he asked me, so what does this mean? And in my heart, I was like, this means nothing. And so having similar friend groups, I started to realize, like, I need to stop when I know he's going to that bar, go to a different bar that night. The temporary annoyance of having to pivot with my friends to go to different places was worth me able to start to move on and him also being able to move on. More importantly, what do you. What is your friendship situation?

[C]

My solution is, I think, a little unrealistic. So I'll also give some, like, realistic solutions. But when I broke up with my college boyfriend in New York, we. My whole New York friend group was our college friend group. Like, we had, like, the most overlapping possible friend group. And that's when I moved. That's when I was like, you're like a outie. Oh, yeah. So, like, okay, yeah, to back.

[B]

She moves from New York to la.

[C]

So that's when I sat down and I was like, hey, so I'm breaking up with you, I'm not in love with you, and in a week I'm moving to la.

[B]

He was like, are you going through an episode or something?

[C]

Like, I actually knew if I did not move because our lives were so ingrained, that, like, there's no chance that I would have stuck with the breakup up. So, yes, I know that everyone can't just break up with someone and pack up their life and move. I know that's not realistic, but I really do think if you share a friend group, you need to do, like, at least one month of. It's gonna be annoying. But, like, being mindful of, like, we're not gonna go to the same things. And, like, asking your friends, asking people, do you know if he's gonna be there? Sorry, can you find out if he's gonna be there? Like, don't just, like, do the thing where you go and being like, oh, like, I don't think he's gonna be there, like, knowing he probably will. And, like, because every time you see them, it's just literally, like, Setting you back and setting you back. And I also think, like, don't let it become an ego thing where it's like, well, these are my friends. Like, he needs to be the one to not come. Like, no.

[B]

And when alcohol is involved, oh, my God. I just feel like every time you go out and you run into your ex and everyone's drinking, you're at bars or restaurants or whatever, it be really watch yourself. If, you know, you do have to randomly be in a situation where you're going to be with a recent ex, I think protect yourself from, like, do not overindulge. Maybe don't drink that night, because the minute you hit that second drink, he may start to look nice again or you're looking for a fight. It's gonna go wrong. I agree with you, though, Lauren. I think this is probably one of the hardest situations is when, I mean, even if you have a co worker, that's also horrible, because when you go.

[C]

Through a breakup, you're like, I want to lean into, like, the social element to, like, distract myself. So it's so much harder when you're like, oh, cool. Like, now I have to, like, decide, like, is he gonna be there? Am I gonna be there? That's giving me less social opportunities.

[B]

I do think, though, something that I could give people advice for if you are in that situation with a friend group, is being really open with your friends. Because I do think sometimes when you are the person that you guys are both in the same friend group, you both broke up. Everyone's kind of like, okay, we know you broke up, but, like, we're now not gonna, like, not go enjoy our Saturday night because you guys don't want us to all be together.

[C]

I think you can make that clear. Like, guys, I'm not asking you to pick sides. I just need you to help me because I want to navigate this, like, the most respectful way.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. I think you need to have an honest conversation. Being like, guys, I know this is really annoying. Trust me, I didn't want this. Like, I really didn't want this. Like, I knew this had to happen for our relationship, but I didn't want this to impact the friend group. Unfortunately, this is my reality now, and I don't want this to fudge up your plans and everything. I just need you guys, if you don't mind, like, just help me out a little bit here in this transition. And I know it's annoying, and I love you guys so much. I think just giving your friends a little Bit of that. Like, just acknowledgement that, you know, this is not ideal and you don't want.

[C]

Them to pick sides at all. Oh, you know what else this reminds me of? Kind of if you're navigating. I think if you're navigating a shared friend group or you just have, like, a few mutual. Mutual friends.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Don't do the thing where you start, like, sitting people down. Like, so do you know if he's going on any dates recently? Like, oh, like, do you know what he's up to?

[B]

Like, you literally did.

[C]

I wasn't gonna throw that out there.

[B]

Like, rewind and zoom in on Lauren's face. She's like, don't do this. You literally go, oh, my God, Alex. Calling me out.

[C]

No, I didn't think you were gonna call me out for that. I didn't even think I told you about that.

[B]

I know. Sweetie, sweetie, we. I will not specify when and where, but I. Trust me, you're talking to the queen of the fudgeing crazy back in the day. Are you kidding?

[C]

I only have one. I actually only have one mutual friend with my ex.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And, like, the odds that I see this person are so low. So I'm like, oh, my God. The universe, like, just wants me to, like, corner this person and, like, grill them. I'm, like, going to the bar and being like, you need another drink. You need another drink. I'm buying this, like, mutual friend. Like, all of these drinks to get them sauced up and then grill them.

[B]

You're like, so it's going on, and we'll take. You have. That's also what's so fudge. And that's why you have to get away from your ex, is because there's such an ego trip. Or, like, you. I couldn't pay you to get back with this man. No, I couldn't pay you to even kiss this man ever again. You have no interest.

[C]

I was just curious.

[B]

It's the curiosity. Like, I used to have memorized, like, grid for grid, row by row. Some of the fucking bitches that were dating my exes. I'd be like, wait, why did she delete that picture? It's, like, from, like, 15 weeks ago. I'm like, where did the picture go? I was such a creep. A creep on creep. But I get it, and that's natural. So if you can indulge a little, but don't overdo it.

[A]

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[B]

So Daddy gang, whether you have overlapping friend groups or not, one of my biggest pieces of advice is after a breakup up, you have to switch up more than one thing from your routine. You just lost your girlfriend or your boyfriend. That is a big blow. But you now need to kind of like implement a couple other changes so there is not just one glaring gap in the corner of like I lost this person, but I'm still going to our favorite restaurant every Friday and I'm still going to the workout class we frequented. Like change it the up so you almost just feel like you're entering into A new season of your life and you're trying new, different routines means. Because I also think that can be extremely helpful in, in forcing you to re. Engage and like stimulate yourself and focus on things like literally as dumb as like if you went to the same coffee shop when he would sleep over and you would go down to this one coffee shop, go to a different one. Because guess what's gonna happen? Not only are you not gonna think about your ex, you're also going to be stimulated by a new experience that then you're not even thinking about your ex. Oh, this new coffee shop. Oh, this aesthetic is cute. Oh, I just met this cool barista. Like, like change it the up.

[C]

Oh fully. I was even thinking like this is like such a smaller example, but I changed my perfume because you know like how like scents can like you smell life. Like.

[B]

Oh, it's a good.

[C]

Yeah, like I, towards the end of that relationship, I had bought a new perfume and I didn't even like realize it, but like that perfume was just like reminding me. Like I would spray that perfume after I moved out of the place we shared. I would spray that perfume and it would literally just like jolt me to like our shared bathroom of me getting ready in the morning.

[B]

That's so. Oh my God.

[A]

I didn't.

[C]

That's a neuroscience fact.

[B]

No, that's like a really good point. Also, this was hard for me because you guys know I'm such a hoodie girl. But like I would always have hoodies from my exes and I think a lot of times I would justify keeping them because I'd be like, oh, I get the rid of their stuff. Yeah, I know that sounds so simple, but I do think we hold on to little things and like, like again as the lingerer, like I, I don't know if I've ever not gone back to an ex in my life. So I think if you're one, if you're someone like me in that way, I think that we ourselves, by not getting rid of the hoodies, not getting rid of the text messages, cuz why am I not deleting them? Because a part of me thinks, oh, I'm definitely going to get back with them at some point. Like with door number three, we would end. And in my head I'm like, I'll talk to him in three weeks. That's not healthy for anyone involved if you really want to move forward. So you gotta kind of get rid.

[C]

Of it all, like restart some stuff. I think my final thing about redoing, making changes post Breakup. I think it is definitely really hard if you shared a space and like, you were living together. If you have the option. If, like, you guys are figuring out logistics and he's like, do you want the place or do you want, you want if you have the option? Because I know, like, financially this is like a huge thing. So, like, you might not have the option. If you're trying to figure it out and you have the option, leave, leave and start with a new place. If you don't and you guys break up and you are now living alone in your shared space, mix some things up, have some friends come over, do some rearranging. Even if you just like, feng shui, put the bed facing a different way, like, go get a different pair of, of curtains, maybe put up a different piece of art. Ask a friend if they want to trade some stuff with you. If you, like, you want to be financially, like, savvy.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Go on Facebook Marketplace. Just like, as much as you can mix up if you have to stay in your shared space after. So, like, you're not just like constantly looking around. I think what we're saying is just like, when you're going through a breakup, you're essentially going through with a withdrawal. So you want to limit the amount of constant reminders you have.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And my last point would be, because I know that there's probably a very, very just black and white line on you either recently got broken up with or you recently broke up with someone. To the people who just recently broke up with someone, I'm assuming that there is a form of guilt that you have. And there could also be doubts. Right. Because when you do break up with someone, and as much as we always wish in our head, like, oh, I wish I was the one that was doing the breaking up up, it's still really hard, especially if you were in love with this person. And my advice to you would be, you did this person such a favor by being honest. And again, I get you probably are like, well, I could have done it a year ago. It doesn't matter. You did it. Breaking up with someone, especially because if you have people pleasing tendencies, if there is an emotional true, true connection, it is so, so hard to let go of someone that you love, no matter what the circumstances. It's really hard because it's really rare to actually have like a genuine connection with someone. So I would say be proud of yourself, but also be proud of yourself for the other person as well. That you made a call, that was hard, but in the long run, you're releasing that person and you're giving them the ability to now go find what will make them happy. And a lot of times, I think when people are gonna have to break up with someone, one something that, I mean, we've discussed when you were doing it, where it was like, oh, my God, it's gonna hurt them so much, and it's gonna. No. What would hurt them more is if they know that you are in a relationship that you're. When you're not 100 in it. If you're faking being with this person, don't stay with someone out of pity. Because, yes, at first glance, that person would be like, wait, no, don't leave me. No, no. They will thank you in their head. It may not be tomorrow, and it may not even been in a year, but eventually they will. Will see. Thank God that that person let me go. So you're fine. You did the right decision. Because when you know, you know. And you gotta do it then to the people that just got broken up with. And it kind of goes back to the beginning of this episode. You are, without a doubt, probably feeling like you are at one of the most devastating points of your life. You feel confused. Depending on how close you were to the ring and the house and the marriage and the kids, you can feel, especially as a woman, like, I would almost just rather go back to him than start over. Because starting over, actually, as we continue to get older as women, looks like a bigger and bigger and bigger mountain to climb. And it feels almost close to impossible. That settling feels easier than starting fresh. And what I will say to that is, my best friend sitting across from me had the ring, had the idea of the house and all of it, and we had these conversations, and now she's entering this new chapter of her life. And we were literally sitting together last night over wine, and we were like, can you imagine if you stayed? Yes. We're both 31, and we were like, guys, it changes. In a couple fucking months, you will be back. You will find a new person, and you will be thanking yourself for having the strength to actually get out. It is the momentary discomfort that forces you to think, oh, my God, maybe I should go back. Lean the in. Everyone goes through it, you guys. Everyone goes through heartbreak. Everyone goes through breakups. You're not the only person that's had to deal with it and prove to yourself you're strong enough to not just settle and accept something. Force yourself to go forward, because you're going to get something so much better on the other End of it. Because that's where my best friend is right now. And I'm really proud of you. So this is a heavy topic, and it's not a fun topic, but it's also. It should start to. Once you get out of the weeds of, like, the first, like, three months, four months of a breakup, it is kind of a fun topic because it's also just, like, the beginning of something so new that's coming that you have no idea what's about to happen, and that. That is exciting.

[C]

Three months post breakup, the most common thing people were looking at me and saying was, I have never seen you look lighter, freer, or happier.

[B]

And if you asked her one month after, even though she was the one that broke up, you were doubting yourself a little bit. You were wondering if you made the right decision.

[C]

I was overwhelmed. We talked about. I was like, oh, my God, I'm 30. I am starting my life over.

[B]

And now here you are, better than ever.

[C]

Don't let it be for nothing. Like my. My therapist used to say, every person that you date gets you one step closer to the person you're supposed to marry if you do it right. Because you're not just, like, having these past relationships and past experiences for, like, the hell of it. And for companionship, like, take stuff away from all of them. Like, let them be life experiences that inform the next person that you're gonna be with.

[B]

So, Daddy gang, if you are going through a breakup right now, please be nice to yourself and gentle with yourself. This is not something that you're gonna wake up the next day and be able to just get over. Especially again, if you were actually genuinely in an honest relationship where there was love, like, that shit's gonna sting, and it's gonna take a lot of time. And you may have moments where you regress, right? You may go on a date with someone and think that you're ready to date again, and then you end up crying at home because you may miss your ex. This is all normal. But overall, all I can say is just be really, really honest with yourself about what that was and what now you want in the future. And if you do that with yourself, any hiccups or whatever, the have your friends and your family there for you, but you're gonna be okay. Because we both have gone through kind of really messy breakups. Some good, some really bad. And look, one of them led me to start. Call her Daddy. Maybe. Maybe you're about to start a. Yeah.

[C]

Like, what did they lead me to?

[B]

Soma.

[C]

To call her daddy because I wouldn't have moved with you to la.

[B]

Boom Boom.

[C]

They let us both to call her daddy.

[B]

So what is it gonna lead you to? I don't know. DM me and let me know maybe. You're literally about to start a Fortune 500 company. Boom, bitch. Let's fucking go. Love you guys and we will see you next Wednesday.

[A]

Goodbye. Today's episode was sponsored by Yves Saint Laurent's iconic Libre Eau de parfum. This daring yet distinctly warm floral and feminine fragrance is for those who do what they want and dare to be exactly who they are. Shop now at Sephora. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Game Day Men's Health. If he is spending 10 hours managing his fantasy football team, but he can't manage his energy or performance in real life, girl, you. You already know what I mean to say. It's time. Okay, Game Day Men's Health has actual solutions for guys who need more drive, stamina and bedroom.

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Okay?

[A]

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I have been doing it. Okay.

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This thing called Padel. And it's basically like a version of pickleball, but it's this whole thing, and.

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Like, yeah, yeah, I'll get on board.

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