"Elizabeth Banks: How Do I Know If He’s My Soulmate?" — Call Her Daddy (Feb 13, 2026)

Episode Overview

In this insightful and candid conversation, Alex Cooper sits down with actress, director, and producer Elizabeth Banks. Together, they explore Elizabeth’s journey from small-town Massachusetts to Hollywood, her long-term relationship and marriage, motherhood through surrogacy, and her firm stance on feminism, work ethic, and reproductive rights. The episode balances frank life advice with heartwarming stories and tough conversations on societal expectations, equality, and women's autonomy.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Elizabeth’s Background: Small Town to Ivy League to Hollywood

• Family & Upbringing

  • Elizabeth shares her working-class roots in Pittsfield, MA, and her ambition to leave her hometown in search of bigger opportunities.

    “I had city blood from birth and I just knew I was meant to go live in a city somewhere. [...] I grew up working class and my parents wanted more for me and I wanted more for me.” (04:01)

  • Emphasized how her parents were chill about alcohol but she was a "goody two shoes."

• College Experience at University of Pennsylvania

  • Attended on scholarships and grants, worked throughout college to maintain grades and support herself.

    “I worked the entire time. I never went on spring break. [...] I was choosing between, like, a shift at work or studying for a test. [...] So now we're gonna have bagels this week at every meal, you know?” (04:37)

  • Struggled with fitting in among more privileged students, taught her respect for “the dignity of work.”

    “It makes you a person who is respectful of the dignity of work.” (06:00)

• Transition to Acting

  • Did not grow up dreaming of being an actress; followed her interests gradually.

    “I did not go to school to be an actor at all. [...] I kept going to school because I knew how to do that.” (07:00)

  • Success came after college, but she didn’t have her life perfectly mapped.

    “Dream bigger. Dream bigger. Dream bigger.” (09:13)

2. Careers, Ambition & Advice for Young Women

• On Not Having It All Figured Out

  • Both Alex and Elizabeth share the reality that careers unfold unexpectedly, encouraging listeners not to compare themselves to peers who seem more certain.

    “It is nice to hear sometimes people who are so successful…to be like, yeah, no. I didn't have it all figured out until, like, after college almost.” – Alex (08:03)

• Dreaming of a Life, Not Just a Job

  • Elizabeth shares wisdom from her own kids about dreaming of a happy life, not a specific job.

    “They don't have a dream job. They have a dream life.” (09:47)

• Career & Employability

  • Advice to young women: specialize and strive for employability, but take pride in any work you do.

    “You can’t make money if you don’t create employability for yourself. [...] Take pride in what you're doing, no matter what it is.” (11:19)

3. Love, Fate & Soulmates: Elizabeth’s Marriage Story

• Meeting Her Husband

  • Met Max Handleman the first night of college.

    “The main thing I remember is that he was not that interested in me. [...] We were coy...but we had a great energy between us from jump.” (12:54/14:53)

  • Memorable first date: jazz club, underage, her first taste of city life.

    "We went on, like, the greatest date of my life. [...] This woman sang...‘What a Wonderful World’...and then he said to the taxi driver, ‘I just need two back.’ [...] I was blown away." (15:15)

• Navigating Early Relationship Challenges

  • Long periods apart post-college; prioritizing individuality before merging lives.

    “We needed to feel as young people that we had our individuality and that we were our own people before we could, like, join up with each other.” (22:39)

  • Passion is kept alive by time apart and intentional reconnection:

    “I’m a makes-the-heart-grow-fonder person. [...] Coming back together has always been awesome.” (23:37)

• On Commitment and Longevity

  • “If you choose well, right, and you keep recommitting to it, it’s actually not that hard. The hardest...I'm always like, don't cheat." (24:50)
  • Importance of honest conversations about long-term intentions and commitment.

    “It was more of just like, look, if anything's happened...Let's just talk about what the future looks like for us.” (25:22)

  • The proposal wasn't a grand theatrical moment, just authentic to them.

    “He did it exactly how he and I were supposed to get engaged.” (33:14)

4. Motherhood and Surrogacy: Breaking Taboos with Honesty

• Wanting Children & Infertility Journey

  • Elizabeth openly discusses never having been pregnant, despite always wanting children.

    “I have a small percentage of women who basically have unexplained infertility, and that is me.” (35:56)

  • Details her difficult IVF journey, and accepting surrogacy as the path to motherhood.

    “The advice I got was, you will be so grateful. And the other advice I got was: is your goal to be pregnant or to be a mom?” (40:25)

• On Shame and Social Pressures

  • Candidly addresses the stigma around infertility and alternative paths to parenthood.

    “My fertility was something that I had to mourn. I had to grieve for...before I could invite someone else to help me make my family.” (41:15)

  • Calls out societal messaging that links a woman's value to her reproductive ability.

• The Importance of Perspective

  • The focus should be on parenting, not the pregnancy itself.

    “Being present, what that was like, nothing compared to...the rest of my life is taking care of this other human being.” (44:08)

5. Women’s Rights, Feminism, and Hollywood

• About ‘Call Jane’ and Reproductive Rights

  • Elizabeth describes taking on a film about the Jane Collective and abortion access pre-Roe v. Wade, underlining its importance today.

    “When she makes this very life-affirming choice for herself to save her life, [...] everything begins for her.” (45:46)

• Changing Perspectives and the Power of Empathy

  • “It’s mostly people that change us...” (50:07)

• Women in Male-Dominated Spaces

  • Shares experiences being the only woman on set or in business, and how progress is still recent.

    “Women as having political and economic power is brand fucking new in the scope of human history.” (53:45)

  • The power of safety in numbers and the role of #MeToo and data in empowering women to speak up.

    “You're almost probably never alone...look for those mentors, talk to older ladies, reach out across your network...” (55:43)

• Practical Advice for Young Women

  • Don’t be complicit in your own isolation; find community and solidarity.

    "You're being isolated on purpose. It's a tool. Don't let yourself be isolated." (57:43)

6. Abortion Debate: Clarity, Compassion, and Constitution

• Responding to Opponents

  • “If abortion is not for them, they should not get an abortion. But I don't think that they have the right to tell other people what to do with their lives and bodies.” (58:02)
  • Emphasizes the need for reproductive autonomy as a matter of liberty and equality.

• Societal Realities

  • “Abortion exists because...we have sex for fun. [...] Abortion is the insurance policy against unwanted pregnancy when we're just trying to have sex for fun. That's it. That's our lived reality.” (60:48)

• On Feminism & Leadership as a Woman

  • Rejects fear-based decision-making and upliftment for women.

    “I do not make decisions out of fear. I really try not to. [...] I do things from a place of positivity and wanting the world to be more equitable for people.” (62:40)

  • Clarifies that feminism is gratitude for women who fought for your opportunities.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Don’t flush condoms down toilets, assholes. Stop it.” – Elizabeth Banks [06:14]
• “Dream bigger. Dream bigger. Dream bigger.” – Elizabeth Banks [09:13]
• “They don’t have a dream job. They have a dream life.” – Elizabeth Banks (on her sons) [09:47]
• “Be confident, you know, think, work hard, any job you're doing...Take pride in what you're doing, no matter what it is.” – Elizabeth Banks [11:36]
• “If you choose well, right. And you state and you keep recommitting to it. It's actually not that hard. The hardest, like, keep. I'm always like, don't cheat.” – Elizabeth Banks [24:50]
• “You can't make money if you don't create employability for yourself.” – Elizabeth Banks [11:19]
• “My fertility was something that I had to mourn. I had to grieve for was a loss, and I had to really work through that before I could invite someone else to help me make my family.” – Elizabeth Banks [41:15]
• “Is your goal to be pregnant or to be a mom? And I was like...I just want the baby, right?” – Elizabeth Banks [40:25]
• “We live in a democracy. And I am trying to live the values of the constitution of our country: life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, a sense of equality and fairness.” – Elizabeth Banks [58:02]
• “I do not make decisions out of fear. I really try not to.” – Elizabeth Banks [62:40]
• “If you have any gratitude in your life, you as a woman, you have to kind of be a feminist because, like, we only have these opportunities because of those women who left the house and took jobs and proved that women could work, could earn money, that women could make their own decisions.” – Elizabeth Banks [64:30]

Important Segment Timestamps

• [04:01] – Elizabeth on her upbringing and drive to leave her hometown.
• [07:00] – Her path to acting and advice to “dream bigger.”
• [12:54] – Meeting her husband on the first night of college.
• [14:53] – The story of their memorable first date.
• [23:37] – How time apart keeps a long relationship strong.
• [24:50] – On commitment, faithfulness, and longevity in marriage.
• [35:56] – Elizabeth’s honest account of infertility and surrogacy.
• [41:15] – Navigating shame and stigma around infertility.
• [45:46] – On her role in "Call Jane" and its relevance to today’s reproductive rights debate.
• [53:45] – Observations on women’s recent advances and ongoing challenges in society.
• [58:02] – Clear and concise response on abortion rights.
• [62:40] – How feminism and gratitude shape her career and choices.

Final Thoughts

The episode is a masterclass in authenticity, resilience, and women supporting women. Elizabeth Banks doesn’t shy away from the tough stuff—whether it’s the hard grind of working-class roots, the vulnerability of surrogacy, or the ongoing battle for women’s equality. Her mix of sharp humor, humility, and boldness shines through, making this a must-listen (or highly useful summary) for anyone interested in love, ambition, motherhood, and owning your story in a complicated world.