Call Her Daddy – “How To End A Relationship Rut”

Host: Alex Cooper
Date: January 4, 2026

Overview

In this Sunday Session episode, Alex Cooper tackles a common but rarely discussed struggle: what to do when conversations and excitement stall in long-term relationships. Inspired by a viral TikTok about couples running out of things to say, Alex unpacks relationship ruts, recounts wisdom from older couples, and delivers actionable — and hilariously blunt — advice on reviving connection, breaking routine, and nurturing growth both together and apart. As always, Alex shares personal stories, memorable listener questions, and some brutally honest truths about emotional connection and relationship maintenance.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Silence at the Table: Not Always a Bad Sign, But Can Be a Warning

• Kicking Off the Topic: Alex discusses a TikTok where a woman wonders what couples who've been together for years talk about at dinner: “At a certain point, after years of being together, you kind of just know everything about each other. So what the fuck are you going to talk about?” (07:14)
• Silence Isn’t Always Negative: Alex notes that comfortable silence can be a hallmark of deep intimacy but cautions that if it becomes the norm or feels lonely, it might signal a deeper rut:

  “It's great to be so comfortable... you can sit in silence. But it is also really easy to become complacent in long term relationships.” (09:44)

2. Wisdom from 60-and-Me: The Value of Novelty

• Anecdote from Older Couples: Alex finds an article by Pam Lamp on 60andMe.com about couples running out of things to talk about after decades together.
• Therapist’s Take: The couple’s therapist notes they’ve grown “complacent and stale and stagnant” and prescribes a shot of novelty — not just grand gestures but small changes:

  “Cooking new recipes or sipping coffee in a trendy neighborhood or watching a wildlife documentary all contributed to our relationships reboot.” (Pam Lamp, read by Alex at 15:08)

• Alex’s Reaction:

  “I don't know about you guys, but I'm fucking crying... 60 and Me coming through.” (16:46)

3. Why Ruts Happen: The Gravity of Comfort & Routine

• Alex explains that while comfort is addictive (“It's so much easier on a random Wednesday night to come home... get your favorite takeout, watch your favorite show... and do your favorite sex position”), if repeated too often, it starves the relationship of new experiences and thus new conversation (18:32).

4. Reviving Connection: Try New Things Together

• Practical advice: “If we can prioritize trying new things together in a long term relationship, then I think that spark really does start to come back.” (20:23)
• Tangible Example:

  “One random Wednesday night, you guys turn off Netflix and go take a cooking class instead... suddenly there is so much more for you to talk about.” (20:37)

• Humorous Note:

  “Even at the actual cooking class, you can be flirting, you can be people watching, you can talk shit, you can have a good time and bond together.” (21:39)

5. Don’t Forget Individual Growth — Your Relationship Needs Separate People

• Maintaining Independence: Alex warns against becoming so intertwined that you lose yourself:

  “Relationships start to get really stale when people become too intertwined in each other's lives.” (23:15)

• Personal Reflection: Alex shares regret about losing independence in a past relationship and explains how losing yourself can make it hard to leave, even when unhealthy:

  “Having your own independence in any relationship is so important. Outside of just keeping the spark alive, it's also potentially imperative for your safety as a woman.” (25:08)

6. Growing Together AND Apart: The Double Engine of Long-Term Health

• Push Each Other: “It is so vital to have long term health for the relationship... maintaining your independence. From my experience, relationships start to get really stale when people become too intertwined in each other's lives.” (23:25)
• Why It Matters: Independence not only makes you more interesting to your partner but also ensures your own support system:

  “Your social life should not entirely revolve around your partner.” (24:18)

7. Asking Better Questions: The Cure to Stale Conversations

• Curiosity Is Sexy: Alex pushes listeners to practice curiosity, even if you think you know everything about your partner:

  “Sometimes... there's an imbalance in relationships. One person is more interested in growing... the other person is kind of stagnant... Maintaining curiosity about your partner... is pivotal to keeping that spark alive long term.” (28:06)

• TikTok ‘Bird’ Example: “I saw a bird today” — a test to see if your partner is genuinely interested in even the small, silly details of your life.
• Probing for Stories:

  “Hit this man with some of the most random questions I can think of. I am digging into the childhood friends... ask about their past, their friends, their high school crush — anything!” (31:28)

• Game Night: “Sometimes in the day-to-day... you don't actually have time to have these dumb, fun conversations... so play a game, look up questions online.” (33:29)

8. Shared Hobbies: Learning Together

• Alex shares her parents’ “speaker series” tradition — attending monthly talks, then discussing them at dinner afterwards:

  “They sit together, hold hands — I made that part up... and then they go have dinner and discuss the speaker... Why is that the cutest thing I've ever heard?” (35:57)

9. Comfort vs. Complacency

• Silence is nuanced:

  “In a healthy, functioning relationship, silence is not always a bad thing... But when silence becomes the only option or it starts to feel lonely, that’s when it’s a problem.” (38:10)

• The Fix: “Curiosity can easily bring the spark back as long as you are both willing to put the effort in.” (40:15)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Relationship Stagnation:

  "There's a difference between comfort and complacency." (39:18)

• On Growth:

  "Life is only going to get more boring... you better be really happy with the person that you're sitting around with." (1:11:40)

• On Asking Good Questions:

  "You fell in love with each other as separate individuals. So you need to continue to grow separately to keep that excitement and intrigue alive." (29:02)

• On Individuality in Relationships:

  "It is also necessary to prioritize maintaining your own individuality... being in a relationship does not mean the self-work just stops." (26:28)

Listener Questions (with Timestamps and Highlights)

1. Friendship Mismatch: Growing Out of a Friendship (44:57)

• Listener describes growing distance from a college friend who still sees them as “close” despite their lives diverging.
• Alex’s Advice: “Boundaries are okay... take longer to text back, maybe don’t answer every time she FaceTimes you. There’s a beauty to long distance friends — she doesn’t have to be your bridesmaid.”
• Notable Quote:

  “That’s the biggest sign that needs to happen... you are, you know, she looks at me like a very different way than I look at her. Perfect time to reset the boundaries.” (47:10)

2. Post-College Party Friends vs. Growing Up (51:11)

• Recent graduate struggling to vibe with friends stuck in “college mode.”
• Alex’s Angle:

  “You cannot force your friends to grow up at the same speed as you... Find a balance, lean into new communities, and occasionally pop back for the nostalgia nights.” (53:58)

• Humorous Moment:

  “You think you want Derek, but you want Finn right now.” (54:24, referencing Grey’s Anatomy)

3. Is a Non-Crying Boyfriend a Red Flag? (59:30)

• Listener worries her boyfriend never cries and wonders if it means he’s emotionally unavailable.
• Alex’s Take:

  “Crying isn’t the point... What matters is if he’s able to express emotion and connect with you on a deep level.” (1:01:06)

• Direct Truth:

  “You are never, ever, ever going to feel emotionally held, supported, and seen by someone who does not have that on day one. EQ is one of those things that you’re born with.” (1:07:07)

• Classic Alex-ism:

  “Ditch Frederick and hit up Josh. Josh has got the wisdom, Josh has got the EQ, Josh is cruising... Frederick is a loser.” (1:09:17)

Flow & Tone

Alex’s signature style shines: a blend of unfiltered humor, raw honesty, practical advice, and heartfelt encouragement. The tone oscillates between playful (“your social life should not entirely revolve around your partner”), reflective (quoting 60-and-Me), and empowering (“prioritize new experiences together, and time apart!”). Tangents and cultural references keep the conversation alive, relatable, and always direct.

Chapter Timestamps

• (00:00–07:10) — [Intro, Sponsor Ads, Holiday Recap]
• (07:10–16:46) — [Couple Conversation Ruts & Silence at Dinner]
• (16:46–23:15) — [60-and-Me Article: Complacency, Novelty & Relationship Reboots]
• (23:15–29:02) — [Maintaining Independence and Avoiding Becoming ‘One Person’]
• (29:02–35:57) — [Better Conversations: Asking New Questions, Curiosity]
• (35:57–40:15) — [Shared Hobbies, Alex’s Parents’ Speaker Series]
• (40:15–44:57) — [Complacency vs. Comfort, Recapping the Main Points]
• (44:57–1:11:40) — [Listener Questions: Friendship Mismatch, Post-College Friends, Emotional Boys]
• (1:11:40–end) — [Recap, Reflections on Growth, Closing Thoughts]

Final Takeaways

Alex’s Core Message:
Don’t panic about lulls or silences — they’re natural, sometimes even cozy. The key is to be proactive: introduce novelty, nurture growth for both yourself and your partner, maintain your own individuality, and become relentlessly curious about each other, no matter how many years have gone by.

“If then you try to progress and be a better person and a better version of yourself... and your partner is holding you down, I think that’s something you need to look inward at, because life is only going to get more boring... you better be really happy with the person that you’re sitting around with.” (1:11:40)

Missed this episode? Read this and you'll have all the actionable takeaways, the best quotes, and the spirit of Alex's advice — no TikTok spirals necessary.