← Call Her Daddy
Call Her Daddy
Lucy Hale: Sober Doesn't Mean Boring (FBF)
01:25:23
Hope you enjoy this throwback episode! Originally aired on October 31, 2023. Join Alex in the studio for a powerful sit-down interview with Lucy Hale. Lucy opens up about the struggles she was facing behind the scenes and reveals the absolute rock bottom moment that led to her getting sober. She reflects on how drinking negatively impacted both her friendships and romantic relationships. Lucy tells Alex about what life looks like sober and how she’s been navigating dating and sex without alcohol. Daddy Gang, get ready because this is an amazing and inspiring conversation you won't want to miss!
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- [00:01]
A
Hi, Daddy gang, it is your father. I am so excited that Caller Daddy has officially joined the Sirius XM family. I cannot wait to talk to new guests and continue to share my crazy personal stories and experiences with you every single week. If you want to hear new episodes ad free, subscribe to Sirius XM podcasts plus on Apple Podcasts or visit siriusxm.com podcastsplus to start your free trial today. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Tinder. All right, let's talk about Tinder. Or better yet, that deliciously dulu stage of having a new crush. When you have that kind of crush, they could send you a hey smiley face on the worst day of your life and boom, suddenly everything's okay. It's so true that a fun crush will have you romanticizing everything. They're just magic like that. And finding that feeling is easier than you think. Thanks to Tinder. Explore all the possibilities for yourself. Tinder. It starts with a swipe. Download Tinder today.
- [01:01]
B
Morning, Zoe. Got donuts. Jeff Bridges, why are you still living above our garage? Well, I dig the mattress and I want to be in a T Mobile commercial like you teach me. So. Dana. Oh no, I'm not really prepared. I couldn't possibly at T Mobile get the new iPhone 17 Pro on them. It's designed to be the most powerful iPhone yet and has the ultimate pro camera system. Wow, impressive. Let me try. T Mobile is the best place to get iPhone 17 Pro because they've got the network.
- [01:32]
A
Nice.
- [01:32]
B
Jeffrey. You heard them. T Mobile is the best place to get the new iPhone 17 Pro on us with eligible traded in any condition. So what are we having for lunch? Dude, my work here is done. The 24 month bill credit on experience beyond for well qualified customers plus tax.
- [01:47]
A
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- [01:49]
B
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- [01:50]
A
Cancel Finance Agreement.
- [01:51]
B
IPhone 17 Pro 256 gigs 1099.99 A new line minimum 100 plus a month plan with auto PayPal taxes and fees required. Best mobile network in the US based on analysis by Oklahoma Speed Test Intelligence.
- [01:59]
A
Data 1H 2025 Visit t mobile.com.
- [02:04]
C
What.
- [02:04]
A
Is up Daddy gang?
- [02:05]
C
It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy. Lucy Hale. Welcome to Call Her Daddy.
- [02:15]
B
Thank you.
- [02:16]
C
I am so happy that I'm finally meeting you.
- [02:18]
B
I. This is happening. We're here.
- [02:20]
C
We're here.
- [02:21]
B
It's. I was just saying your room is exactly how I thought it would make me feel.
- [02:25]
C
Oh, cozy.
- [02:26]
B
This is so great. Thank you for having me.
- [02:28]
C
Cozy. You also just told me that your mom is a fan of Color Daddy. So I'm immediately like, back. Bow down, mama Hail.
- [02:33]
B
Hi, Julie. Yeah, I was talking to her last night and she was just like, how's your jet lag? What are you doing tomorrow? I was like, I'm actually doing a podcast. And she goes, which one said call her daddy? She goes, I love call her Daddy. I was like, mom, she, she knows, she knows all the cool things. She actually, like, keeps me young.
- [02:50]
C
I love that for you and I love that for me because a mother liking the show is the highest compliment. So. Hello, Julie.
- [02:55]
B
You're doing so many things right.
- [02:56]
C
I want to go back to the beginning because I feel like obviously we've seen you on television, we. But maybe there are people that are like, where are you from? I don't know you. So you are you, are you Lucy? Let's get.
- [03:08]
B
I'm still figuring it out. Yeah.
- [03:09]
C
So obviously you moved to LA super young, but you grew up in Memphis, Tennessee.
- [03:13]
B
I did.
- [03:14]
C
Can you talk to me about, like, what were you like as a child?
- [03:17]
B
I lived in Tennessee till I was 15 and kind of split a lot of my time with my mom, who is in Memphis, and my dad, who lived in Mississippi. Very simple upbringing, like two hard working parents. My dad's a farmer, my mom is a nurse. I was a very sensitive child. I still consider myself a sensitive gal, which I now view as like a good thing. But growing up, you know, I was having, I just felt like very emotional and very kind of misunderstood, which is, I think why I wanted to become an entertainer, because I felt like, oh, what an amazing outlet for me to ultimately be anyone other than myself. So I think, you know, as a kid I was having all of these thoughts and I just needed a place to put all these feelings. And so I started taking singing lessons and acting lessons and my mom and I moved to California when I was 15 and I never left. So I've been here 19, going on 20 years.
- [04:29]
C
Can you talk a little bit about that of like feeling misunderstood? Like, give me an example.
- [04:35]
B
I think, you know, whether I was misunderstood or not, who really knows? But in my little sensitive child brain, I was like, I felt like an alien. I felt like an alien amongst my friends. I felt like an alien in my family sometimes. And I don't, I can't really pinpoint, like the moment in my life where that all started happening. But I, I do remember having a feeling at a very young age of being like, I think in this life, like I have Myself. And we. We're gonna have to get through it by myself. I don't know where that came from. I have no idea. But, you know, I felt like being artistic and being emotional. I couldn't really find a good friend group growing up. And I think that that's where that feeling of being misunderstood started. I do consider myself really introverted, actually, which is, like, people are always surprised to say that because of my job, which is, like, very extroverted, but my job makes me feel really uncomfortable sometimes. And. And I think that being an actor, it's. I'm hiding behind a veil of something, like the last couple years of my life because of my job and, like, finding success pretty early on and doing all these things. I didn't get a chance to figure out who I actually was. And if I did, I didn't really like who I was. So I was, like, running away from myself for so long. For so long. And. And so the last couple of years, I think. And this is to tie it back around. I think I was feeling so misunderstood by a lot of people for so long because I didn't understand myself. How can other people understand you if you have no fucking idea who you are?
- [06:22]
C
It's so interesting you say that, because when I started dating my now fiance, I, like, grew up in Pennsylvania. I looked at actors like gods, and I thought that they had the best lives in the world. And my fiance, being a producer, like, started to talk to him about the industry more, and he was like, I have a lot of empathy for actors because what people don't see on the other side of it is, like, we fall in love with you and your character of, like, who you play on a certain TV show or whatever it is or in a movie. But what you guys are dealing with is, like, you're handed a script that you're told to, like, get into character of this person, and you can really lean in, but, like, there's a lack of, like, autonomy, of, like, actually having control in a lot of these ways. So people are falling in love with something that, like, you tried to bring to life, but it's also not you. So it's kind of a weird thing of, like.
- [07:16]
B
It is weird. It is weird. And then also being a part of something that lasted for so long and being a part of that, while I was figuring out who I was, I was like, I don't even. Am I this character or am I me? Like, and. And then seeing people fall in love with this experience and fall in love with that character, I'M like, well, maybe I should be more like this character, because I don't. I don't really know who I am. And I can only obviously speak from my. My experience. But I do find that a lot of actors feel similar in the sense of, like, I think we fall into this line of work because we're. We're kind of filling some sort of void. It's like, on some level where we're all, like, a little broken or, like, a little. Or a lot insecure. In my case, I was like, I think this is gonna make me feel like I'm whole. If all these people like me and I book these jobs and I look a certain way and does it temporarily feel great? Hell, yeah. I'm not gonna lie. Like, it does feel great. I love my job. I love certain aspects of it. But that doesn't fix what's broken in you, and it makes it worse.
- [08:22]
C
I was gonna say, it's almost like you can, like, hide even more behind it and also go down a trail of like, oh, my God. I can imagine. You're so young, and you're like, is this my personality? Like, am I like this? Do I like this type of man?
- [08:34]
B
Like, I was even dressing like the character off camera, and of course, I'm like, you know, I. I started that when I was 20 years old, so.
- [08:43]
C
But still, like, I would be up being, like, first. I also want to know, because obviously Memphis is so wildly different than Los Angeles.
- [08:50]
B
Yeah.
- [08:50]
C
And so before you move, at what age did your parents get divorced?
- [08:53]
B
I think I was 4. And I have very vivid memories of, like, the conversation and somehow knowing at that age that it was a good thing.
- [09:04]
C
Why did you feel that way? Did you see them fight a lot?
- [09:07]
B
Yeah.
- [09:07]
C
Okay. Yeah.
- [09:08]
B
It wasn't very calm. I think there was a lot of chaos in the house.
- [09:12]
C
And as we get older, we start to realize, like, even when you were saying, like, I was introverted, like, I felt misunderstood. As I've gone through therapy, I'm like, so much of why we are the way we are. It's before even peer dynamics. It's like, what was happening in your house.
- [09:26]
B
Well, don't they say that you are who you are between the ages of two and five?
- [09:31]
C
Yeah.
- [09:32]
B
Well, holy crap.
- [09:34]
C
Like, right?
- [09:35]
B
You know, like, that was when things really blew up. And I think at a very young age, that is when, like, my desire to please everyone started. Like, I just wanted everyone to be happy. I wanted mom to be happy. I wanted my dad to be protected. I've. I've Always been, like, fiercely protective of my dad. And. And I think as a kid, you. Everything is personal. You think everything's your fault. So you're like, okay, if I just act a certain way, then maybe mommy and daddy will be happy and life will be perfect. And I find that a lot of women feel similar to me in the people pleasing. I think it's. Holy moly.
- [10:13]
C
We can do a whole episode on that.
- [10:15]
B
I mean, and undoing it. I'm in, like, the process of undoing being a people pleaser because it's so hard for my brain to accept that I can be nice and set boundaries. Because all of my 20s, I was like, you know what? If I'm the nicest one, people will like me more. And it's like, well, that's just not getting accepted. Abandonment of self.
- [10:37]
C
So you're just like, I'll just take it and I'll just be quiet on that or whatever. But then you start to be like, okay, why am I getting taken advantage of, like, all the time? And it's difficult to, like, start to do something and go against something that, like, you have done your whole life the opposite way.
- [10:51]
B
Yeah. I think at a young age, I just realized I just wanted people to like me. I always felt like life would be fine if, you know, everyone was happy and people just accepted me. And I'm like, God, that's sad that at a young age I felt those things.
- [11:10]
C
But even you saying, like, when you're in your house being like, if I'm the peacemaker, like, maybe things will calm down. Like, I think that's, like, it can weave into then, like, your peer dynamics of, like, you're just like, keep the peace, everybody. Like me. Like, I just want to, like, be here, be quiet. Like, like, don't exactly.
- [11:27]
B
It's the quiet thing.
- [11:28]
C
But I do think it's really relatable, especially I think, as women of, like, wanting to be noticed and seen and heard, and then also feeling deeply insecure when you are being seen and heard. Because we're. We're basically taught to doubt ourselves. Like, it's different with men. Like, as girls, it's like, be polite, sit down, be lady. Like, it's like, yeah, what am I doing it right? And I think it can create a lot of, like, division in your brain of, like, what you want versus, like, what your natural instinct is, which is like. And then what society has taught us, like, of how to be. So I am with you on that, girl.
- [12:02]
B
I vividly, vividly remember a moment in my life. I Was upstairs. I was with my karaoke machine. I think I was, like, singing something from pink.
- [12:12]
C
Love it.
- [12:12]
B
And I remember thinking, my life will be different. My life is going to be different. I don't belong here.
- [12:19]
C
Don't you think that's, like, a normal human instinct, though, that, like, when you're in such a situation? Like, I felt that way with my catholic school upbringing of, like, so catholic. Every Sunday we had to go to church. We had to do this. When you're in, like, a system that is, like, forcing you to, like, be a specific way, your brain can't help but be like, what if I just went that way? But you can't help but be like, like, that's it.
- [12:43]
B
I'm just completely agree. I'm just laughing because I love Kelly clarkson. And there's that song breakaway. I was like. That was the moment. I'm like, we're getting out of here, baby. Like, and we did. Is what's crazy, right? And so this moment I remember, it was like, I was sitting on this, like, crazy shaggy carpet we had upstairs, and I was like, no, we're gonna do some things. And of course, I didn't know what that meant. I just intuitively knew that I wanted something special and different for myself.
- [13:13]
C
Dude, I'm dying thinking of you up in your bedroom. Like, embrace.
- [13:20]
B
What a. I thought I was going to be Kelly Clarkson 2.0.
- [13:24]
A
Didn't we all?
- [13:25]
C
Back to loose.
- [13:26]
B
Anyway, back to you.
- [13:27]
C
Okay. So you say you moved to l. A. When you are 15.
- [13:31]
B
Okay.
- [13:32]
C
And what I read, your mom had to take out her retirement money to get you guys there. Did you feel, like, excited, guilty, pressure?
- [13:41]
B
I'm not going to lie. I felt zero guilt, but only because I knew it was gonna work out. I think as time went on, I did feel a little guilt of what my mom actually sacrificed, and I often am. Like, that was truly unhinged that we drove across the country and you. You know, she was a nurse, and she would work nights. She would drive me to my auditions during the day and sleep in the car.
- [14:13]
C
Oh, wow.
- [14:15]
B
Yeah. She's amazing. My mom moved back to Tennessee when I was 17 because by then I was doing little jobs here and there enough to, you know, go spend my Money at Forever 21 and have a shitty apartment. But things started moving, like, relatively quickly when we got here. Enough for my mom to be like, okay, yeah. But it's also really interesting because when I look back at that experience, it instead of, like, if I'm completely transparent, instead of thinking of all the amazing things which I can now, like, hold so much gratitude and space for that. I look back on that, and I think of all the things that were happening behind the scenes and how I was feeling and the things I was dealing with and things I was running away from and the pressure of being on this show that was so adored by people and. And so I think it's okay for, like, to hold space for how amazing it was, but also to know that, like, that was very painful and challenging for me to navigate because I think what was going on behind the scenes were things I would have no doubt dealt with whether I lived in Tennessee, Timbuktu or la. I know that because, like, we talked about, these things happen when you're a tiny baby child, you know, and so I don't know on what end of the spectrum it would have been on, but. But I do know that the success and the notoriety and everything happening really amped up, ramped up, the. The intense feelings that I was, like, desperately trying to shove in that emotional baggage trunk.
- [15:57]
C
When I hear you saying that, too, I feel like. Which I. I think this is, like, the beauty of people. And I think it's gotten so much better in the past few years of, like, finally people starting to actually speak about things that they experience. Like, I think about Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart for so long not wanting to talk about Twilight and people, like. Because when you have these, like, beloved projects that we as viewers are just like, I love you. We love it. This is perfect. We are obsessed with you girls. We love you all. Are you guys all best friends? Do you guys all love each other? Is everything perfect? There's this idealization of it that I think as you guys, as the characters in it, probably feel this responsibility to, like, smile through and be like, we love it. Because you're. You're the image. Like, you. You are almost responsible for keeping all these, like, young girls dreams alive of how much they loved the show. And you don't want to be like, I was struggling while I was doing this. Yeah, but you're also a human being, and that was your reality. And you're talking obviously about how there are things going on behind the scenes. Talk to me.
- [17:00]
B
Yes. So I will say that I didn't graduate high school. And so that's a little context of, you know, I was emancipated at 17. It's taken me many years, many breakdowns, many experiences to realize what I was actually feeling in those moments. I think any young female, no matter where you are, what you do. You feel pressure. You want to look a certain way, you want to be a certain weight. You, like. You just want people to accept you and to like you. You want not. Maybe not everyone, maybe there are some healthier minds, mindset liars. But, you know, you. You want attention from guys. You just want. You just want to be liked simply, but you want to be liked. And so I. Before I had even booked, I struggled heavily with the eating disorder. And, like, looking back now, it's, you know, I look at a picture and I don't think, oh, wow. Like, I'm like, oh, I can tell exactly based off of my weight or what was going on, what I was going through at the time. I was not healthy. I was not healthy and in it, you know, and it makes me sad almost, because obviously no one else knew that I wasn't healthy. But to know that young women were watching this show, and I, of course, I didn't know who I was yet, but I just want people to know that that's not. I was not in a good place. And so I, you know, I was dealing with the eating stuff and the food stuff, which ultimately is. Is just feeling completely out of control. Once again, would have dealt with this no matter what I did for a living, but it's kind of, you know, I chose an industry that, like, really heightened all of that for me. Yeah. Like, I have very vivid memories of watching some of the show and being, like, disgusted as. And being like, well, we gotta stop eating. We gotta. And it was just because I was overwhelmed. Like, I. I don't. I'm not sure how I would have done it any differently. Like, I was doing the best I could, and. And it did, I think, like, having that kind of control over my body or my weight, it did make me feel good because I was like, my life is changing, and I don't know where I fit in in the show with these girls. Like, I. At least I have this one thing that I can control that's interesting.
- [19:48]
C
You're like, that's the one thing that you knew you were in full control of, even if it was unhealthy and hurting you. You were like, I.
- [19:54]
B
This false sense of security. And I held on to that for a really long time.
- [20:01]
C
Can you talk to me about that? Because I think that the dynamic of having these beautiful women on set, you yourself included, we all compare ourselves. Like, I look back to myself in high school and, like, the jealousy of, like, the girl that I was like, oh, my God, she's so beautiful. I Want to look like her. And, like, it's just how we are conditioned as women of, like, yeah, who's the prettiest in the group? Who's the skinniest? Who's the. This, like, how did you handle that with all. All of you being so gorgeous and you're all staring at each other?
- [20:33]
B
I think at the time I would have told myself, like, we're not competitive. And of course, I'm only speaking from me. Of course there was. Of course, I felt the pressure not to be pretty or to look better, but to, like, keep up. Because I did look at Shay and Troyon and Sasha and Janelle and Ashley, and I was like, what the fuck? These are angels amongst me. And, like, do I fit into that? There was often. It was. Often, it was more. And people always wanted to pit us against each other. And were we all best friends? No. Some of us connected, some of us did not. Did we have rough patches? Of course. We were in our 20s, of course.
- [21:12]
C
Like, obviously, but, like, there was always.
- [21:14]
B
A lot of love. I. I feel like. But. But, yeah, there was a lot of nights where I'm like, okay, I don't know. I don't know how to keep up with this. I don't know if I want to keep up with this. This is. And it, like, would eat away at me.
- [21:31]
A
Yeah.
- [21:31]
B
And I don't know how. I've actually never talked to them, the other girls, about this. I don't know if they felt the same way. I also think that it's different now where women are more supportive of each other. I think it's kind of ingrained in us as women. It's like in our DNA that, like, there can only be one.
- [21:52]
C
Yup. It's so crazy. And it's not like we've all been conditioned that way. And it's like, we can all thrive.
- [22:02]
B
We can all thrive and look amazing and be amazing and be kind and root for each other. There's enough room. I just like, that sort of mindset of, like, there's not enough for everyone is like, the scarcity mindset is very. And I think there was an element of that on the show because realistically, like, there were magazine covers, they were only choosing one. And it's. That's just human nature. It wasn't that I didn't want to root for them. I did. I love them. I still love them to this day. Like, I'm so proud that we maintained a level of, like, it felt like a family. You know, you don't always vibe with Certain family members, but, like, your family, right? Yeah, but, God. And I see all these, like, new shows with young women, and I'm. I just, like. I know. I know what it probably feels like.
- [22:56]
C
Right.
- [22:56]
A
You were there.
- [22:57]
B
Yeah.
- [22:57]
C
When you.
- [22:58]
B
But it's also. That's high school, too, you know?
- [23:00]
C
No, that's what.
- [23:01]
B
That was, my high school.
- [23:02]
C
It's so crazy. I. It gets. I get frustrated when. I'm not saying people have to be fighting, but, like, you can tell. It's like, there's no fudgeing way on every cast that everyone gets along. Like, sure, we can glamorize. Like, but we love our show. It's our favorite show. It's like, babe, if you put five, six, seven girls in a fucking room, like, not everyone's gonna get along.
- [23:24]
B
Yeah. And I think some of the gals really did connect and bond in a big way. And I. And I. I've always found it tricky to connect with people because I. I like to connect. I. Like, this is why we're vibing, because we're talking about, like, the things I love to talk about. And I. I just always. Not only on that show, I've found it trickier to find the people that I want to connect with. And so I would kind of just sit in my little corner and, like, live in my own world and tell myself, you know, that I was misunderstood. But in reality, it's just certain people connect and certain people don't connect. But I did feel kind of a pressure because I remember sometimes reading online that the fans of the show would notice that I wasn't in pictures with certain people. And I think that's where these rumors started of, like, they don't like Lucy or. And it really wasn't that. It was just, like, I was marching to the beat of my own drum, and I didn't. And I knew. I knew the perception of it, and I maybe knew how it was coming across. But I also knew that I wasn't gonna force.
- [24:34]
C
Yeah. Yeah.
- [24:36]
B
Something to happen.
- [24:38]
C
Well, it's supposed to happen. Very similar to what you described as your childhood. Like, exactly. You're sitting there feeling misunderstood. You're in your own head. You're alone, you're emotional, but you're, like, kind of a loner. You're like. I had maybe, like, not as many friends, and I was kind of, like, introverted. That doesn't just change because you get on a cool set with a bunch of cool chicks, and you're like, oh, my God, we're all famous now. Like, you're still the same Lucy in Tennessee. So it's like that. I. I appreciate you saying that because I do think a lot of times people are like, why can't I be a certain way? Especially when you're in a room with women maybe, that are more outgoing or more clicky and connecting. That's just fucking life.
- [25:21]
B
I think that was it. Yeah. I think I've had to accept that. I just so desperately. When I was younger, I wanted to be. Have a. It wasn't even that I wanted to look differently. I wanted to have a different personality. I was like, damn it, why am I not more fun? I always felt, like, boring, and I felt like I didn't have a lot to say. I definitely, because I didn't graduate high school, was like, oh, well, I'm not smart. People aren't going to listen to me. I built, like, all of these narratives in my head where I was like, this is the truth. I'm going to stand by it. Which is why. Which I'm sure we'll talk about, which is why your girl wanted to drink, right? Because I could be fun. I could be sexy, I could be hysterical. I could be a bitch. I could be whatever I wanted to be and my brain shut off. But, like, undoing all of these narratives that I believed and stood by for so long has been the biggest challenge of my life. Harder than giving up drinking, harder than my career. It's, like, actually rewiring my brain into believing, like, no, I am smart. I do have shit that's important that I want to say. Yeah, I am worthy. I am more than the way I look. Like, all of these things that we tell ourselves. And I love it now. I love. Like, I have an addictive personality, but now I'm, like, driven by this need to. Okay, I want to know more about myself. I want to do more. I want to be better. I want to understand all I can learn.
- [26:47]
C
Yeah, no, I. I get what you're saying about, like, which is so hard. And again, I think a lot of women can relate to that of, like, having something in your head that you believe about yourself. And if you asked your friend or your family member, they'd be like, what are you talking about? Yeah, we know. Like, we. You're so smart or you're so talented, or you're so this. What are you talking. It's like, we are our own worst enemy. And if it goes down too far into, like, a dark hole, like, it is just. You own it and you believe it. And it's like, how do you even begin to, like, unravel that? Because you have to live your day to day life. You're still going on with your job and your interactions, and that's what you're.
- [27:24]
B
Broadcasting to the world energetically. I would make myself feel very small and that my ideas didn't matter because if I walked into a room, everyone else's ideas were more important than mine. And it had to. I think it had to do with this. This idea of not feeling smart or feeling like people didn't care.
- [27:43]
C
Okay, okay, let's talk about. You have talked about your journey with sobriety before, and I kind of want to just. I've never talked about alcoholism on Caller Daddy. I've never talked about struggling with alcohol. I've never talked about. You're the first.
- [27:58]
B
I'm the sober. You're the cherry popper.
- [28:00]
C
You are popping it right now.
- [28:03]
A
Cherry Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Uber Eats. You already know Uber Eats delivers your late night cravings and favorite restaurants. But now, drum roll, please. They are delivering something just as exciting. They're delivering Sephora. Which means your glam squad is basically on speed dial. Let me just say this. Thank you. Thank you, Uber Eats.
- [28:46]
C
Hallelujah. Okay.
- [28:47]
A
That's right. Your beauty essentials can now show up at your door in as little as 25 minutes. I feel like I'm freaking out at this news.
- [28:56]
C
Matt's gonna be like, oh, God, she's.
- [28:58]
A
Got another shipment coming in. Boom. Ubereats bringing me my Sephora. Okay. And right now, you can treat yourself even more with $10 off your first Sephora order when you spend $50 or more on Uber Eats. I already did this. When I found I was doing this, I said, wait, wait, what do you mean? What do you mean that I can get Sephora on Uber Eats now? And. And I can get $10 off? Thank you very much, Daddy Gang. This is your sign. Here we go. Are you ready? Order Sephora on UberEats today and get your glam delivered straight to your door.
- [29:30]
C
Ends October 30th Limited One order Other terms apply.
- [29:34]
A
Check app for availability delivery Fe. Hi, Daddy Gang. I want to take a moment to talk to you about something that is a little bit more serious.
- [29:43]
C
Today I have partnered with YSL Beauty.
- [29:45]
A
On Abuse is Not Love. They are on a mission to educate and empower anyone who might be facing abuse in their relationship. Let's walk through the nine key warning signs to look out for that could indicate you may be in a partnership.
- [30:00]
C
That is not healthy.
- [30:01]
A
The first ignoring number Two is blackmailing.
- [30:05]
C
The third is humiliation. Number four is manipulation. Number five is jealousy.
- [30:11]
A
Number six is control. Number seven is intrusion. Eight is isolation. The last warning sign is intimidation. The earlier that you spot these signs, the sooner that you can protect yourself or someone you care about.
- [30:25]
C
For more resources, go to www.thehotline.org. you deserve a relationship that feels safe, supportive and respectful.
- [30:35]
A
Love you.
- [30:37]
C
Let's go back to the beginning of what age did you like, first try.
- [30:42]
B
Alcohol in the womb? No, I'm just kidding.
- [30:44]
C
My mother gave me a little taste of tequila.
- [30:47]
B
Okay. The first time ever that I tried.
- [30:49]
C
Alcohol or like, maybe when you started drinking.
- [30:52]
B
I mean, I will say the first time I ever had alcohol. I think it's important to talk about because I was probably 12, 13 and I was in Florida on a vacation. I was like wearing a crop top, halter top thing for some reason. I remember the shirt I was wearing. And we drank green apple pucker, which is a chaser. Anyway, I remember my very first experience with alcohol was exactly how it was when it ended. I blacked out at 12. Blacked out at 12 years old. I couldn't. I don't remember what happened. I got very sick. I threw up. And I remember being so distraught when I realized what had happened. And I was like, oh, my God, my mom is going to be so disappointed in me. Like, this is. I feel so scared.
- [31:39]
C
Right.
- [31:39]
B
And that's at 12. So I didn't start regular. Of course I drink here and there from 12 to 18. But I remember shame every experience after drinking because my drinking was never normal. I never drank normally. And I mean, literally every time I drank, I wasn't always sloppy blacking out. A lot of the time I was. But I was drinking. It was very clear I was drinking to escape something even at a young age. And so I would say around like age 18, when my mom moved back to Tennessee is when it was happening a lot. But also, you're like a teenager. I didn't realize I had a problem until my early 20s when I'm like, why do I still want to drink after a night out? Like, why? Why can't I just have two glasses of wine? Why am I thinking about drinking all the time? Why do I feel so uncomfortable if I'm not drinking when I'm out? It was like all these questions and I. I don't know if I ever talked about this before. This might be a first. I went to rehab when I was 23. I don't even think anyone on the show knew. And it was my choice, too. That was, like, a very pivotal moment in my life. I, like, wasn't ready to give up drinking, which is why I didn't get sober until I was 32. But there was, like, deep fear of what would happen if I continued acting this way from. For a very long time. And when I tell you I've tried, I had tried so many different things. Rehab, outpatient, inpatient, trauma centered therapy, medication, you name it. And I. And there was always, like, a very strong desire to want to stop. But I think just being. I don't know how I would have gotten sober in my twenties in la, on a. Being successful. Like, I, I. Which is why I have so much empathy for people in the media that are struggling, because I was like, it's so fudgeing hard.
- [33:56]
A
Yeah.
- [33:59]
B
And I, you know, I just was in this very sad cycle for all of my twenties.
- [34:08]
A
Can I. Okay.
- [34:09]
B
Yeah.
- [34:10]
C
First of all, thank you for sharing that, because again, it almost goes back to, like, there's, like, the career that you want to uphold and you want to, like, be remembered for something great.
- [34:23]
B
Yeah.
- [34:23]
C
And that doesn't mean you can't also be open about the struggles you were going through. But I do think it's difficult for people to be like, am I allowed to, like, should I say this about myself? Like, will people want to work with me? Like, should I even, like, I can imagine that goes through your head, because I know people don't open up probably for that reason.
- [34:43]
B
There was no way in hell I was gonna openly talk about this. I was so deeply ashamed of myself and my choices and the person I was when I drank.
- [34:56]
A
Yeah.
- [34:57]
B
There was no.
- [34:59]
A
It.
- [34:59]
B
It is actually mind blowing. Like, if you would have told me at that age, you know, 10 years from now, you're gonna be doing a podcast and you're gonna be talking about being sober and alcoholism. I would have said, you are insane. No, because these things I'm talking about, I'm only able to speak about them because I have actively worked through and let go of the shame.
- [35:23]
C
Yep.
- [35:24]
B
That was so ingrained in who I was. I. I don't feel like I. And I don't really blame anyone for not helping. You know, the people in my inner circle definitely knew. My friends, my family, my suite manager. But no one on the show really knew because I didn't talk about it. And so I think there was a lot of maybe concern from people. And people also are like, how did you maintain a job? Well, my drinking was very. It was binge drinking, so I Wasn't drinking every day, but when I would drink, you would drink like, bye.
- [35:59]
C
That's what I was gonna say. Can you take me to like, what would a typical night or day of drinking be like for you back then?
- [36:06]
B
So it usually would start and I was. Because I. Because my job was very important to me. Like I, I think maybe. Only I never let it come interfere with that because like, I knew if I lost that I would not be okay.
- [36:24]
C
Yeah.
- [36:26]
B
It doesn't mean it didn't seep through the cracks sometimes because like, yeah, I did show up to work hungover sometimes. Yeah, I did. I can look at pictures of my eyes and I'm like, oh, you hungover bitch.
- [36:38]
C
I know what you were up to last night. Exactly.
- [36:40]
B
And so I think it was maybe clear to, to people. Yeah, yeah. People aren't dumb. That's the thing about like addicts, alcoholics. You think you're being so secretive and I can, I feel it in a room. I can. I know, I know. And like in a non judgy way, I'm just like, oh, I think they're struggling, you know, and isn't that so interesting?
- [37:02]
C
And then you probably walked in being like, no one knows, no one knows. And maybe they were like, yeah, Lucy, you wreak. Or like, Lucy, you like, your eyes are bloodshot.
- [37:11]
B
Right? Or did you sleep? But okay. A night of yes. You know, it kind of looked that. That was a scary thing, is it was a wild card. And I was always like, well, this could be a really fun. Because some nights don't. I. I also, like, in hindsight, I look back, I had some great memories drinking, super fun. But you never knew what you were going to get. So some nights would be, you know, great. I'd be home at a decent hour. I'd, you know, chug some water before bed and take some Advil and I'd wake up and feel fine. Or it would be a night that turned into a Saturday, that turned into a Sunday where I'm like, why are there drugs on the table? Like, who are these people? Why are these people in my house? Like, it would just be all over the place.
- [38:00]
A
Yeah.
- [38:01]
B
And I think I was also attracting people in my life that were also really struggling. And I think one thing, and also I just think that anyone who's listening to this, I get really emotional. Lucy, don't cry. I cry all the time.
- [38:17]
C
You cry.
- [38:18]
B
I just think something that really. Something that really I, I struggled with a lot growing up is like, I remember people, people, some people I worked with Some people in my friend group that just thought I was a wild child and thought I just like to party and, like, oh, it's gonna be. Or, like, people wouldn't invite me places because they knew how it would get. And I just want to say that anyone who behaves that way, it's clearly coming from a place of pain. And so anyone who may or may not be struggling with this, like, I think it's so important. And what's really helped me is, like, you have to find the people who get it, find people who understand and that you can connect with, because you're not alone in that feeling. And, like, I think I felt that for so much of my life. I was like. It was the misunderstood thing, right? And then it was, like, actually being reflected back to me because I was being misunderstood, because I was like, I don't just like to chug tequila, or.
- [39:27]
C
I did, but, like.
- [39:28]
B
But I. But I'm also, like, in pain.
- [39:29]
C
I'm in pain.
- [39:30]
B
And I also remember vividly. I will not name names, but I remember vividly hearing someone who was in kind of my inner circle at the time saying, God, sober people are so boring. And I was like, you know what? Sober people. At the time, I was like, sober people are boring. Am I boring? And I also want to say to anyone who might be struggling, I remember Miley Cyrus said one time, she's like, there. You can say a lot of things about me, too. It was like. Because I think she's. She. She was talking about sobriety. She was like, but I am not boring. I find some of the most. Most interesting, complex, beautiful human beings that I know struggle in this way. And that is your gift. Don't let anyone ever tell you, like, your mistakes don't define you. Like, your sensitivity. Because I find that a lot of sensitive people turn to alcohol, turn to drugs, because you're trying to numb down your gifts. Oh, can you tell I could talk about this?
- [40:32]
C
No. It's really powerful because I. Number one, I feel really. I have seen it too. Like, I've had people in my life that. I'm like, oh, my God. Like, I know you're struggling, but it is hard to be with someone that is blacking out. That is a liability.
- [40:49]
B
Like, I'm not gonna lie. It's hard, but it's.
- [40:52]
C
It's obvious they're struggling. And I think that's the thing that you're right. People don't have any grace or time for it in moments. And I think you were clearly struggling. I guess you kind of having this, like, binge moment and then being able to get to work. Like, I relate a lot. And you don't even have to be someone that, like, struggles so much with alcohol to the point where, like, I've been in moments in my life where, like, staying out late and partying, nothing ever good comes from it. And I remember, like. No, I remember the. The moments in. When I was living in New York, I'd gone through a really bad breakup, and I was really struggling with, like, party culture. Just felt like I wanted to be a part of it because I felt like I could. I don't know. I felt like I. I felt really alone at that point in my life. I didn't. My friends weren't in the city. I. I was like, I have no one. And so I found this group of people that were always partying drugs.
- [41:49]
B
And you bond over that. There is, like a. There's. There should be a whole conversation about the people you bond with when you're partying. Yeah.
- [41:56]
C
And so I remember, like, I had never. I had never done drugs. I had. Because I'd played soccer my whole life. Like, I'd never done that. And I remember getting into a phase in New York where, like, I tried drugs, and, like, yeah, I would be at an after party, and there were drugs on the table. And it was also because I'm drinking. If I was sober, I'm not doing the job.
- [42:14]
B
I'm the same way, Right? Yeah.
- [42:15]
C
But all of a sudden, you find yourself. And I wonder if. If you're comfortable talking about that, of, like, how you can also slip into, like, when you're drunk, anything goes, baby. And any. Anything. You're like, is that cocaine? Is that a cigarette? Is that a. What are we doing?
- [42:30]
B
What is. Yeah. And what is. Who.
- [42:32]
C
Who is that?
- [42:33]
B
Yeah.
- [42:33]
C
You know, and you have no idea where it even came from, girl. And you're not gonna be smart. You're just gonna take it, girl.
- [42:39]
B
I. It's so interesting because I. Yes. Just what you said. Like, I would have never. I would have never thought to do cocaine if I weren't drinking. But. But I think alcohol was just this gateway into being whoever I wanted to be. I didn't have to be sweet. I could be sloppy. And, yeah, I could do cocaine if I wanted to. You know what? I could sleep with that guy if I wanted to, and maybe his friend. You know, it's like, not that I'm. You know, I look back and I have compassion. So I was like, oh, babe. But. But it was just. I Didn't have an outlet in my regular, normal life to, like, release this wild side and release this bad side, because ultimately, like, I still have those elements to me.
- [43:27]
A
Right.
- [43:28]
B
That doesn't go away. Your shadow side is cool, I think. And so I've had to learn how to be friends with these things that brought me shame.
- [43:39]
C
Yeah.
- [43:39]
B
And that people. And the other thing was, like, I knew people were talking about me. I knew people were. Were not even spreading rumors. It was the truth. And I just tried to cover it up for so long and. And that even fueled more drinking. So it was like, how do I get out of this cycle? It's gonna kill me, literally. Yeah.
- [44:04]
C
Well, did you ever have, like, a moment where it was like, you're in the hospital and you wake up.
- [44:10]
B
Yeah, I. You know, I was never. I never wanted to die. But, like, the way I was acting, sometimes I'm like, wow, it's a. I would wake up and be like, well, it's kind of a miracle I'm here. I did have moments where I would have to go to the hospital and, like, get IVs. I. Yeah. You know, it got. It got really dark. I'm not even gonna lie. It got really dark. I was very sad. I was very scared. I think ultimately I was like, okay, well, we have some options. When I. When I got. I'll be sober. I'm almost two years sober. Thank you. And. And it feels great. Like, I feel so stoked to be able to talk about these things and to know that I'm good. Like. And I think there are so many times in my career where I'd wanted to talk about it, but I knew I didn't have a grip on it. And the thing is, like, I. This is something I do. I work on every day. I choose myself every moment of every day because I have to. Because I want to be here and I want to live a full life.
- [45:18]
C
Yeah.
- [45:20]
B
But when I decided to get sober at 32, I was like, okay, we have some options. I can keep doing what I've been doing for the last 15 years. There's the risk of something really bad happening. Or we can get sober and we can actually do it. Because I would always kind of half ass do it.
- [45:44]
C
Yeah.
- [45:45]
B
And I truly. There's no other way to say it other than it was like a spiritual intervention. Like, I literally felt the presence of God. Like, actually telling me, we're not. You don't have another chance. Like, I truly felt it in my bones that, like, this is it. Yeah. What are we gonna do with it. I remember I was flying back from Austin after a whirlwind New Year's Eve trip, like, shaking. I was eating a gross ham sandwich, like, trying just to get food in my stomach because I hadn't eaten in, like, two days. I have my dog in my lap. I was like, okay, we're gonna do it. We're gonna do this. And then I ended up. The week I got sober, I actually got Covid, too. And I think without that, I would have made excuses. I think because I was forced to stay home, I was forced to call these certain people, connect with certain people, put myself in these rooms and groups of people that truly saved my life. I think without having Covid, I might not have gotten sober or committed to it. And I. I don't know, man. Like, I feel so strong in my path right now, and I. I don't know. Every day is changes. Like, I. I was just traveling internationally and, like, air. Airports and airplanes are. Are always make me a little edgy. I'm like. Cause that's where I loved to drink. Put me in a lounge, put me.
- [47:18]
C
On a plane, right?
- [47:19]
B
I was like, I'm 30, 000ft away from everyone that drives me craz. So. So it's. It's really just like, okay, being gentle with myself and really having a plan of, okay. I know I'm going to be on a couple planes coming up. How are we going to take care of myself?
- [47:35]
C
Yep.
- [47:36]
B
Being sober is 100% the best thing I've ever done for myself. It does not mean that it's easy. I think I have talked about it publicly, and I think it's been portrayed as like, life is great. Life is amazing. Has it made my life better? 100 million percent. But it's deeply uncomfortable and is deeply painful. But it is so worth it.
- [47:59]
C
Yeah, dude. Yeah. That's what I think is. You're so right. It's like when you come out and say, like, I'm sober. Everyone's like, oh, my God, she has it together.
- [48:07]
B
Yeah.
- [48:08]
C
Like, she's great. And you're like, this is something that you have to wake up every day and make the choice to not have a drink.
- [48:15]
B
To not have a drink. And it's. And it's made me realize, like, how much I was escaping in other ways, too. Like, your girl will do anything to avoid an uncomfortable feeling, huh? I'm like, let's go. I'm on Amazon. Like, I do need this new blender. I already have 10 blender. You know what? I'm saying spend money, men. Like, I have avoided my shit for a long time by being with people I didn't really want to be with. Just, like, completely complete avoidance.
- [48:44]
C
Can we talk about that for a minute? Because something that really hit me and I. Oh, this is, like, so dark. But I remember this is.
- [48:53]
B
I've never loved you more.
- [48:54]
A
Okay.
- [48:55]
C
So I don't know if I've ever said this on the podcast, but I was in this relationship where I was in it for the wrong reasons. It was so off, like, just in ways, like, emotionally abusive and just, like, really not healthy. And I was staying for the wrong reasons. But I remember there would be nights that I knew he would want to have sex and I did not want to have sex with him.
- [49:25]
B
Yeah.
- [49:26]
C
So before he would come home, I would go into the kitchen and take shots by myself and I would drink so that I could have sex with him.
- [49:33]
B
Yeah.
- [49:35]
C
And what's so crazy in that moment is, like, I knew, like, what the am I doing? Like, why am I hiding quickly Drinking, then going and brushing my teeth so he doesn't know so that I'm up so that I can have sex with this person.
- [49:49]
A
Like, yeah.
- [49:51]
C
So sad. But I'm. And I'm thinking about you, and I'm like, can you talk to me a little bit about, like, this sexual aspect of being drunk or being on drugs while you're drunk and, like, being in this situation, which is, like, pretty unsafe? Like, yeah. What sexual situations did you get yourself into that, like, you'd wake up and be like, oh, my God.
- [50:14]
B
I. And this is definitely, you know, I've talked about my sobriety story a little, but I've never talked about that element of it. And I think it's a really important thing to talk about because I think a lot of people can relate to that, whether you're an alcoholic or not.
- [50:30]
A
Totally.
- [50:33]
B
And also, like, being sober and dating and being sexual was like a whole new thing I had to learn because a lot of my. Most of my relationships and my. The people I had slept with, like, I was always up. I. And I felt so deeply uncomfortable in my body and in my skin. And whether you struggle or not, when you drink, you automatically feel a little bit sexier. You're like, I look amazing.
- [51:04]
C
Like, I'm ready.
- [51:05]
B
At least I would have like a. A 10 minute window where I was like, we've got it together. And then the dark thoughts would roll in. But I mean, there's definitely been. I think that's where some of my shame still lies is in the people I've allowed to. The people I've allowed myself to be with. And I know for certain I've potentially. I don't even know if I want to say that I. I actually. No, I maybe have been taken advantage of. Not to say that these people. No, I'm not making excuses for people. I was gonna say I've been taken advantage of. Yes, I was the person drinking, but I. There are certain things I don't quite remember. But then it's also. Yeah, so I've slept with people I regret sleeping with. Of course. Yeah. You know.
- [52:02]
C
Yeah.
- [52:03]
B
But I also think, like, in the relationships I was in, I really relate to what you're saying about, like, needing to drink to be physical. And for me, it wasn't like, I wasn't attracted to these men. I was. But I was so uncomfortable with it myself or their perception of me that it was easier to be in a different state of mind when being physical. I have always. I've always considered myself a sexual person, and I always had shame about that until recently. I think that. I think it's so strange to me that we're given the gift of sex. Like, it's a beautiful. What? Like. What do you mean?
- [52:47]
C
Amazing. Yeah.
- [52:48]
B
Most amazing thing in the world. Yeah. And we obviously live in a society that shames us for that when ultimately, that's kind of the thing that connects us. All right.
- [52:59]
C
But I think something that is difficult when you. And I know you're, like, still working on, like, unpacking everything that happened, but. And that's. I'm like. Like, we need. We do, as women especially, need to get better. If, like, you sitting here and just not being able to fully say. And then, like, yeah, you were taken advantage of. Yeah.
- [53:22]
B
It's so interesting how my brain will try to make excuses for. For things and is it right or wrong? I don't. I don't know, but it happened. And I think basically what I'm trying to say is, like, I don't think these people are bad people. It's just so. I'm only pausing because I've actually never talked about this element of it before.
- [53:55]
A
Yeah.
- [53:55]
B
And not even really with my therapist. This is just, like, a new top. This is like a new.
- [54:00]
C
Yeah.
- [54:01]
B
Remember I was talking about the trunk and, like, the emotional. I think, wow, we'll be doing a lot of journaling tonight, Alex. No, it's good. It's good.
- [54:10]
C
I think I appreciate you talking about.
- [54:13]
B
It as women and as men. Like, there is so much shame attached to the type of people we've been with. Were we up? Like, what actually did happen? Was it my fault? Should I have actually, you know, God, we just live in a world where we're just, like, all traumatized people. Traumatizing people, dude.
- [54:36]
C
It's. Well, what I appreciate about you is, like, there's a level of, like, survival. You have to get to where you're, like, you have to move on. You have to look back at a point of your life and be like, whoa, I'm so happy. I'm, like, not doing those certain things to myself anymore. But then there's also a moment where you have to be like, our body remembers things.
- [54:57]
B
Have you read that book the Body Keeps the Score?
- [54:58]
C
I haven't read it, but it's crazy. I'm sure there are moments I have had them in my twenties where I woke up and this is so sad. I remember waking up and being like, did I have sex last night? And actually physically, like, trying to, like, feel in my vagina, like, did I have sex?
- [55:20]
B
I know I have. I can't even tell you. I can't even tell you how many times I've been like, huh? And then I'd make excuses. I'd be like, like, well, I've kind of always wanted to sleep with him, so I guess it's okay. Or. Or, you know, just, like, making excuses or. But also, like, I. For so much of my life, I found I would fill this, like, empty well within myself with validation from men. So I. I was like, well, if I. If I'm. If I sleep with them, like, I get this validation, and. And then I'm okay. And then I feel worthy for a week, and then I'm. Then I need to do it again. And I don't know. It was just a habit I picked up very, very early on of, like, if I got the attention from men, I. I was okay to show up in the world.
- [56:14]
C
Yep. Even I think something that's really relatable and I bet a lot of people are going to connect with also is, like, you talked about how when you would drink, you would have this. You would become the person you thought you wanted to be. You're outgoing, you're loud. I can be sassy. I can, like. I can be hot. Like, you can do all these things. And I. I know people in my life that are like, I'm introverted and I'm a little anxious or I'm shy, and having a couple drinks, like, I think brings me out of my shell, and I'm able, but it's like, then there's that line where it's like, you shouldn't need anything. Like that is a substance like that to make you feel like you can be yourself. Because we're not ourselves when we're drinking.
- [56:55]
B
Right.
- [56:55]
C
But then sexually also, all of us are gonna feel way more free having sex if we're fucked up on something. Yeah, but it's like you don't actually know if you don't feel in tune with your body.
- [57:08]
B
I'm even willing to say that sex drunk is not enjoyable. Sex with strangers is not enjoyable. Point blank. Yeah, it's just the truth, maybe. And that's just my experience. But. And that's why, like, the last two years of. I mean, I was like, celibate for a lot of it.
- [57:33]
C
But. Right.
- [57:33]
B
But. But I think, like, feeling so comfortable in my skin and like, learning to love my body in new ways, like, being sexual, like, it's still a little uncomfortable.
- [57:45]
C
Yeah.
- [57:46]
B
For me, I'm learning how to be really present and, you know, and choosing the people I want to be intimate with. And not everyone deserves to touch your body.
- [57:58]
C
You know, facts and like, you can't make that decision as easily when you are up.
- [58:04]
B
No, I'm like, everyone can duct.
- [58:06]
C
They're like, let's go, girl guy. Oh, let's go. I just appreciate you going there with me and us unpacking the themes of just being like, oh, that's interesting.
- [58:17]
A
Next.
- [58:18]
B
Like, well, I mean, that's a testament to you. You're getting good at what you do and you really create with all of your guests, like, you know, the right questions to ask, but you do it all with like, a very well.
- [58:31]
C
Because it's like, it's your life. When people are like, so talk to me about your fucking drinking problem.
- [58:36]
B
You're like, okay, so here you're a club, right?
- [58:38]
C
Literally, like, who's a fuck? Or you're like, oh, my God. People have said shit to me about, like, craziest shit. I'm like, that's rude. Thank you.
- [58:47]
B
Yeah.
- [58:48]
C
Okay.
- [58:48]
B
No, this is great. Okay. Relationships.
- [58:50]
C
Your relationships.
- [58:51]
B
Yeah, I had many relationships. I. I don't think I. I've had. Not had a relationship really since I've been sober. I've dated, but I. But throughout all the, you know, teenager to now, like, my last long term committed relationship was like six years ago, and it ended. I mean, we were very. We were not compatible with each other at all. But it ended because of my behavior and like, a lack of him not really understanding and not knowing how to be there for me. We're now. Him and I are now friends and it's, it's nice to. God, it's the best feeling to like reconnect with people in a different place in your life. And I'm finding that's happening a lot to me lately. Like people I've had embarrassing or shameful experiences with, like, I've run into them on the street. There was someone I ran into in Vancouver on the street, and it was someone. Something happened and I didn't really remember what had happened. It was a night and I had always wanted to apologize. And I randomly ran into him in Vancouver and not only did I get to apologize, he was like, Lucy, nothing happened. So I had like built. So in my life I've like built these things up in my head. All I say all that because it's just interesting. The universe is like, we're gonna give you an opportunity to hold yourself accountable and apologize. And it's like the best thing to be clear eyed and feeling good and to get to reconnect with people.
- [60:23]
C
When you were in these type of relationships, did a lot of your partners also drink heavily or were you hiding it?
- [60:29]
B
So my very first boyfriend ever that I had for three and a half years when I was a teenager, I remember him telling me I had a drinking problem. My boyfriend after that, and he wasn't really a drinker. My next boyfriend after that, he also was like, you. This is worrisome. I'm like, I'm breaking up with you.
- [60:54]
A
Bye.
- [60:55]
B
Me problems. You're the problem.
- [60:57]
C
You're the problem.
- [60:58]
B
Bye, babe. Cut to.
- [61:03]
A
You were right.
- [61:04]
B
Right? You were right. My boyfriend after that, God, we were. It was the most passionate relationship of my life and the most toxic. He was a drug addict, he was an alcoholic. I learned habits from him. We were a perfect storm. But there was also a lot of love there. That was also a deeply scary time in my life.
- [61:27]
C
I was like, oh, can you share some of those habits?
- [61:30]
B
Day drinking, drinking a bottle of wine before bed every night. He. At that point, I had never done a drug. And that was like when I was like, oh, oh. I kind of like how that feels. Yeah, it was a lot of just self neglect and it was like the day drinking thing. That was when I was like, oh, you can drink the day after. Huh? Never really thought about that. But. But also, you know, those types of relationships are the most exciting, like the most passionate, like, whoa. Like this person, I think I'm like, if I were ever to be in a room with him now it's still one of those people where I would be. So I'm equal parts terrified of him and attract, like, deeply attracted to him.
- [62:20]
C
So crazy. I had one of those where it was like, he was definitely into drugs. And there's like, a thrill element of, like, the. The instability. Like, this person does not have their together. And it's like every day is different and it's this, like, like, exciting rush. And it's also what you don't realize is it's like, uncomfortable fear that, like, you are thinking is, like, attraction, but you're also like, this is. You're my body telling me, like, I shouldn't be doing this. Yeah, and it's.
- [62:49]
B
It's exactly that. Like, my nervous system the whole time I was with him was like, I did not regulate my nervous system for a full year. But I also loved that because I told you I loved chaos.
- [63:19]
A
Call her.
- [63:20]
C
Daddy is brought to you by Airbnb Daddy Gang. As you guys know, Matt is typically the more romantic one in our relationship. He did, you know, the amazing proposal that you guys saw. He basically planned our entire wedding. Love you, babe. And he really makes sure that we prioritize our date nights. And while I love initiative, I decided that it was time for me to step up and pull a little surprise on Matt. So I ended up planning a trip that I booked at this gorgeous ranch house. This house was the perfect place for us to unplug and reconnect with each other. We spent a ton of time in nature.
- [63:53]
A
I know.
- [63:54]
C
What a concept. We went for a few hikes with Bruce and Henry. I know. What a concept. And I got to live kind of like my dreams by riding a horse. I really loved being able, though, to explore new places and feeling like I actually lived there. We went to the farmer's market, took whiskey shots at the local bar, and we found cute restaurants for date nights. Booking a stay on Airbnb was perfect for this trip because we were able to actually have a lot of privacy. And we even found a house that had a Jacuzzi, which, you know, was my favorite part for late nights. I definitely crush it with the surprise.
- [64:29]
A
I will say you're welcome, Matt.
- [64:30]
C
And I cannot wait to plan more.
- [64:32]
A
So watch out, Matt. I'm coming for your title, being the most romantic one.
- [64:35]
C
But wait, like, still clearly do cute things for me. But, you know, I'm going to participate now, too.
- [64:39]
A
Your next great trip starts with a great place to say whether it's a cabin in the woods or a modern loft downtown. Airbnb has a space for your travel story. Call her Daddy is brought to you by Zip recruiter.
- [64:51]
C
Okay.
- [64:52]
A
Did you know that three in five women feel pressured to accept the first job offer they get? Before you say yes, make sure it's in line with what you want. Daddy Gang. Work, life balance, career growth or pay, whatever it be. That is why you need to use ZipRecruiter. Listen to me, please, Daddy Gang. If you are ready to find that job, just go to ziprecruiter.com chd and you're gonna get started.
- [65:17]
C
Okay?
- [65:18]
A
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- [65:58]
C
To answer this, but I'm just thinking again because we're having. We're kind of tying things. Like, when you look at your life, you. I think sometimes in a positive way you can be like, oh, that helps it make more sense. But, like, a lot of how we are is because of our family. Like, does anyone in your family struggle with alcohol also? Okay. Okay.
- [66:22]
A
Yeah.
- [66:23]
C
I mean, it's. It's. I think it's just helpful to say because sometimes people feel really alone and it's like, girl, you're not alone. This isn't also. I don't know if it helps to be like, it's not your fault. This is like a genetic thing that, like, yeah, that's. Yeah, life.
- [66:38]
B
But it's also interesting to me that, you know, my sister doesn't struggle with alcohol, but we grew up in the same home. Obviously our lives are very different, but it's just interesting how people latch onto something. And I think if I would have found cocaine at 16, that would have been my thing. But alcohol was your thing. That was my. My bestie for a long time.
- [67:01]
C
When you said that you went to rehab when you got back, talk to me about, like, reintegrating after rehab and then like, when did you have another drink.
- [67:14]
B
Laughing because.
- [67:16]
C
I.
- [67:17]
B
So before I went into rehab, I was talking to this guy that I was obsessed with. I stayed in rehab. I got out. The day I got home, he flew in to see me. I picked him up, and he asked me to stop at a liquor store for him.
- [67:28]
C
No.
- [67:28]
B
And I remember him getting a bottle of Jack Daniel's. And mind you, I still didn't drink for, like, three months after that. So I was like, what? Talk about not integrating, Right? Talk about. I just had this, like, spiritual amazing experience. And this guy who. That was. That. That in itself is. Was my life for so long. Putting everyone else on a pedestal for so long. I'm like, why am I taking this guy? Kissing him and he tastes like Jack Daniels, just. But I'm just laughing because that was my first memory of getting out of rehab.
- [68:01]
C
Solid.
- [68:02]
B
Yeah.
- [68:03]
A
Damn.
- [68:04]
B
Yeah. Crazy.
- [68:05]
C
And then when did you relapse? Three months after.
- [68:07]
B
Yeah, it was always. Typically, that was like three months after I went to Vegas for a. Of course, relapse in Vegas for a award show. Because what would happen was I'd. I'd be sober for a long time and think. You know what? I think I have a. I think I have a really good grip on my alcoholism now. And I think if I just have Rose, I think I'm gonna be fine. And you know what? I'm gonna have a. And a water, and then maybe I'll have, like, a little Adderall, just, like, bring me back down. And like, the one thing about, like, alcoholics that I love is, like, the rules that we, you know, only beer, only wine, only on weekends, only every other week. But, yeah, I'd get stuck in the cycle of. I'd be sober for a month or two, and then I'd relapse, then a week, then I'd relapse, and I was like a chronic relapser.
- [69:02]
C
Yeah.
- [69:03]
B
Yeah.
- [69:03]
C
When you talked about that, like, New Year's moment when you got on the plane, was there something that happened that was, like, rock bottom?
- [69:12]
B
I mean, in hindsight, like, a lot of things that happened in my life would have been labeled as worse, but I think I was at a point in my life for this New Year's trip where I knew. I knew my drinking career was coming to an end. And I almost. I think, subconsciously, I knew that this New Year's was gonna be the last hurrah, and it certainly was, but I think it was so scary to start drinking one night, to wake up, like, a day and a half later and have so much blink memory. And be like. And I remember asking my friend, I was like, what are we doing tonight for New Year's Eve? And he was like, it's the first. And I was like, what do you mean? I was like, what do you mean? What do you mean? There's a whole day of my life I don't remember. And, like, blacking out was a very normal thing for me. Here and there, whatever, but I'll never. I still, like, I have a physical reaction to hearing him say it was the first. And I was just like, this can't be my life. This can't be my life. I refuse to let this be my life anymore. And I was so sad and, like, it was just more like. And nothing, really. You know, I don't even know if I left the hotel room. Like, nothing technically bad happened, but it was just that feeling of, how did I get here? I have everything I could ever want, and I'm gonna blow it all. And it's a miracle that I didn't. Yeah, I think I did. I fucked up friendships. I fucked up relationships. I hurt my family. I. You know, I did lose out on career opportunities. But, like, I talk about guardian angels. Like, talk about knowing I'm supposed to be here.
- [71:19]
A
Yeah.
- [71:20]
B
And so, you know, I. So whatever happened in Austin, like, something resonated. It was this feeling of, like, maybe let's do. Maybe let's try it a different way. And I did. I'm so proud. I'm so proud that I did that. Yeah. And I. And I often don't sit back and relish in the. Like, whoa, babe. Like, you did it.
- [71:52]
C
You did it. I. Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. I literally got chills because it's like, we. We as humans are just judgmental. Like, we either compare ourselves, but, like. Or we'll judge people because it's actually an insecurity of ours. Or we'll judge because we don't understand something. I appreciate you sharing all this because it's so hard to talk about something that you have any amount of shame over. And also something that, like, you've as much as maybe people in your life have talked to you about it or told you or you've broken up with boyfriends about it. Like, it's on you. Like, it's. And. And also, you've dealt with this alone. So it's like you were going through this alone, because when you woke up, you were alone. Sure. Even if there was a body next to you that you're like, what are you doing here? Like, you're alone, and so it's on you to find your way out of it. That's fucking hard.
- [72:51]
B
But that is the key to life is like, the second you start taking accountability of. I'll just say it from my point of view. The second I was like, okay, why am I in this weird hotel room a day and a half later? Why am I sad? Why am I angry? It's. I have to take accountability of my life.
- [73:11]
C
Yep.
- [73:12]
B
No one else is going to save me. And I can't keep blaming other people for my own. It doesn't mean people can't help me. But ultimately, all you have is yourself. Like, yeah, you have to fight and advocate for yourself.
- [73:27]
C
I just love that we're talking about that. It's like, even if people are listening and it's like, it's not alcohol, it's just like your life, whether you're unhappy, wherever the you are, if you're unhappy about something, like, it really is. It sounds so simple, but it's hard not to look around and try to blame others or blame your circumstances. It's like, there is something so powerful about you sitting on that plane ride and just being like, yeah, it's gotta end. Yeah, it's gotta change.
- [73:53]
B
Yeah.
- [73:53]
C
And I think that's amazing that you're sitting here today and you clearly now are like, again, like we said, it's not easy. It's never going to be easy. No.
- [74:02]
B
But life is not easy. And it's not supposed to be easy. That is what we signed up for as human beings. Being a human is hard. It's hard to navigate. Yeah, we all numb out in some way. We all try to escape, but there's something beautiful about not, what if we didn't? What if we didn't. What if we were just uncomfortable? We'll get through it.
- [74:23]
C
Can you talk to me about. Obviously, like, recovery is not linear. Like, like, it's an ongoing process. In these past two years, trying, essentially, like, you're finding a new version of yourself because for so long, like, you were going off of, like, certain habits and routines and a lifestyle, and now it's all different. Can you talk to me about, like, how it's been, things that you've struggled with, things that you're, like, loving about yourself.
- [74:48]
B
Yeah. I mean, certainly not linear. And there is no right or wrong way to heal. You know, there's so much advice out there. There's so much on the Internet of, like, how to heal. And. And I think that's great. And I think that's when the Internet is really beautiful. But I think ultimately, like, the only person that's gonna know what feels good in your body and your mind is yourself. So for me, it's like, I've kind of had to, like, block out a lot of the noise and really get quiet with myself and, like. Like, really figure out what actually makes me feel good. Because I had to have a moment where I was like, does my career make me feel good? Luckily, it does. Luckily. Because, God, that would have been a show. It's like, I'm sober and I'm changing careers. I'm.
- [75:40]
C
Yeah. Who knows?
- [75:40]
A
What would I have done?
- [75:42]
C
What would I have done?
- [75:43]
B
But I, you know, just, like. Yeah. Getting crystal clear on, like, the friendship. For me, it's like. Like, when you heal, you expect other people to heal with you, but, like, you're on a different path. You're on a different journey. And so certain things don't fit your life anymore.
- [75:59]
C
Yeah.
- [75:59]
B
And so obviously, like, the places I was going and day to day, that shifted a little. But people don't prepare you that, like, some friendships don't. Won't be the same. That's the hardest thing is, like, we talk about romantic breakups all the time, but, like, friendship breakups are hard. And so I've had to deal with that a little bit, and family dynamics have shifted. Boundaries.
- [76:28]
C
Girl.
- [76:31]
B
Boundaries. Boundaries. You know, I was talking about being at peace and how that felt uncomfortable. That's really what a lot of what my life has looked like. It's like, okay, am I. Am I bored, or is this just really nice? And, like, being okay in stillness and not needing to fill my days with stuff just to avoid. Because what I. What I found when I was newly sober was, okay, I'm gonna work out three times a day. I'm gonna, you know, read a book. I'm going to whatever. I was like, well, why am I filling my days with all of these things? What if I just didn't?
- [77:05]
C
Right?
- [77:07]
B
What if I just didn't? And so it's like, I'm in this interesting place now where my relationship to my body and to food and to exercise has. Is, like, the next thing for me to work on. I think just, like, being really gentle with all of that. I think that. Not to, like, go back all into this, but I think the eating disorder fueled the alcoholism, and they kind of fueled each other. And so, like, now that I'm sober, it's like, like, okay, now let's, like, really unpack.
- [77:35]
C
Yeah.
- [77:36]
B
This.
- [77:53]
A
This episode is brought to you By Schwarzkopf Keratin Color. Here's the thing. You know, we always talk about these, like, really romantic relationships. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But there is a really, really important relationship that I personally think needs to be discussed because it is one of the most important relationships in my life. And that is the one that you have with your hair. Your hair tells a story. Daddy Gang, write your next chapter with affordable at home professional quality color from Schwarzkopf Keratin. No glam squad needed. Schwarzkopf keratin colors three step bond enforcing system. Even help strengthen hair against combing breakage for hair that looks and feels healthy. If you're going blonder, Keratin blonde can lift your hair up four to nine levels whether you are looking for a natural blonde or platinum statement. Daddy Gang, my hair stylist, he uses Schwarzkopf professional on me. I'm telling you, it is the best of the best. So, daddy gang, it's time to take control of your next hair chapter with Schwarzkopf Keratin's at home Color Call her Daddy is brought to you by Shopify. Because Shopify has literally saved my life, or at least my business life, thank you very much. Here's the thing, Daddy Gang. As you start to prepare yourself for the holiday season, when you're a business owner, you start to look at, okay, October is your window to set yourself up for basically the busiest season of the year, right? You're gearing up, you're getting ready, you're getting everything in order. And how about this? You don't have to do that alone. With Shopify, you can launch products, streamline your operations and get your marketing in place so you're ready for the holiday rush. If it is just you. If you started your small business and you're working it and you're working it and you're tired, babe, you're tired. Why have you not gotten onto Shopify? It literally changed my life when I left Barstool. Shopify basically operates as your back office. You don't need to hire anyone. You're literally hiring Shopify. And they will replace the need for a full staff to oversee your operations so you can stay focused on the things that matter. I have used Shopify for so many years. They have never failed me. If anything, they have helped me make money. So, daddy gang, it's time to build your brand. Head to shopify.com/dummy to see how easy it is to start your business today. This is your sign. Shopify.com/dummy.
- [80:05]
B
You know, my life is very simple. It like, okay, I'm just a simple.
- [80:12]
C
Girl, simple gal from Tennessee, but, you know.
- [80:16]
B
No, but what I mean by that is I find joy in simple moments. I want to simplify my life. I'm trying to simplify my life. My circle is small. I spend a lot of time with my dogs. I am on this whole. This will be for when I come back. For part two of the podcast, we'll talk about spirituality, because I do want to say that. That the spirituality element is what keeps me going. And it's brought a lot of clarity to my life of, like, oh, but why am I really here? What is my purpose? How can I help leave the world a better place? So it's like, my priorities have really shifted into broader scale, I guess. And I think that that was maybe why I was also drinking is because I felt like I didn't have a purpose. Purpose.
- [81:07]
A
Yeah.
- [81:08]
C
I love that you just said, you know, like, it's okay. Like, is it boredom or is it just, like, you're just be still. And I feel like there's so many people that can relate to that moment where you're, like, trying so hard to just keep moving and keep going and keep doing and going. Here, here, here, here. And it's like, when you're uncomfortable in the silence and being alone with yourself, that's the first indicator you got to. To work on.
- [81:35]
B
To work on.
- [81:36]
C
Because there's nothing better than when you are, like, so super cozy with yourself and you actually would, a hundred times over, choose yourself to be alone and, like, not go out and not. Right.
- [81:47]
B
Literally the best. I'm at the point now where I, you know, I'm single. I don't know when this is airing, but as of now, I'm single. And I have to.
- [81:55]
C
I have to get a boyfriend in.
- [81:56]
B
The next two weeks. Lizzy, I don't know. Should we have a dating show?
- [81:59]
C
I was gonna say. And. But.
- [82:02]
B
But my point in saying all that was like, I love my alone time. I love my life. I love my schedule. But I also do, you know, I do want a partner and I want a family. And. And I do have to put myself outside of my comfort zone because it is. It does feel so cozy and safe in this, like, little world I built for myself. But he ain't gonna come knocking on my. On my front door. Maybe he will.
- [82:26]
C
I was about to say, I love how you're, like, when is this coming out? I'm like, are you. Do you have someone in mind? I'm like, is. Is he.
- [82:31]
B
I do have Someone in mind.
- [82:33]
C
But.
- [82:34]
B
But we're not dating.
- [82:35]
C
Okay. You've gone on dates.
- [82:37]
B
We're supposed to. We'll see. We'll see. And now that I've said it out loud, it's happening. Well, I don't know. We'll see.
- [82:43]
C
So you've texted a little. Okay, and you're going to potentially go.
- [82:47]
B
But this is me putting expectations on something. This is what I do all the time. I'm like, okay, how's he going to be as a dad? Like, it's like, no, just, like, calm down. But this is my extremist brain. Yeah, you know, I get it. But I also think that I'm at the point now, like, I don't want to casually date. I'm looking for something specific. And not everyone is looking for that. I don't know. We're just trying to manifest that into my life.
- [83:10]
C
Do you have any, like, dating rules for yourself that you're like, this has to be like, is there anything on the list?
- [83:17]
B
You're like, this is like, don't be a raging alcoholic. You're like, don't. Don't be. But also, I do love an edge. No, no, no, no, no. I don't have any, like, don'ts. But I think it's more just like this place I'm at in my life where I'm at the woman I've become. It's not for everyone, and I know that, but it is for some people. And so it's more just like being completely in alignment with someone emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually. It's tricky. It's very tricky to navigate, and I'm not willing to. To alter anything. I will compromise. You know, compromise. This is a very different thing. But I think we're not settling anymore. We're not settling.
- [84:05]
C
No.
- [84:06]
B
I made a song out of it.
- [84:07]
C
We're not settling.
- [84:08]
B
And break.
- [84:11]
C
We're not gonna settle. Okay. We don't need an album. What I love about what you just said, though, is, like, how great you're now at a place in your life where you are. Are so clear on the things that you need for yourself. And so if someone comes in, you're going to be able to be like, check, check. Oh, I can compromise.
- [84:32]
B
Well, I know, I know. I know. Immediately. Yeah, usually.
- [84:37]
C
But before you probably. And as we all go through that, where you're like, you almost become the partner that walks in the door. You become the guy that's the drug addict. You're like, oh, I guess I'll just like, yeah, you, You. When we go. We all go through that where we're so much more like we are so much more susceptible to just becoming that relationship. Being independent of like, this is what I bring. Can you meet me here also?
- [84:59]
B
And people talk about this all the time. A lot of people are filling a void with the person they choose or the relationship they're in because it's a lot of people settling or a lot of people trying to figure out their. Within a relationship. And that's not saying you can't. You can grow as a couple.
- [85:19]
A
Yeah.
- [85:19]
B
But I think I'm so grateful that I now feel more whole and can enter into a partnership now. Because now I know how to treat people because I know how to treat myself. I can show up for someone I can respect, someone I'm ready to love.
- [85:35]
C
You know.
- [85:36]
B
And I don't. And I wasn't always that way.
- [85:38]
C
Right. So do you have a type? Yes.
- [85:41]
B
Physically? No. Although my friends would be like, you love tall, dark and handsome. I love a musician.
- [85:48]
C
Bad boys. Lucy.
- [85:50]
B
But I don't know if that's a lifestyle that's good for me. I don't know. But I. But there's something about musically inclined men that really get my heart rate.
- [86:00]
C
I get it. Just turn on Spotify and listen to a song like I feel like that girl. The touring and the, the drinking and the l. It's a lot. It's a lot.
- [86:08]
B
It's a lot.
- [86:08]
C
It's a lot.
- [86:09]
B
But I do think I would love to end up with a creative of some sort. I'm. I don't really set rules for like I'm not saying, oh, he has to be in the industry or he has to not be in the industry. I think like having that level of understanding, it would be nice to be with someone who gets it.
- [86:27]
C
Yeah.
- [86:28]
B
But type. I'm more of a vibe galaxy. I need. I have a very like a specific sense of humor. Not needing to be in the spotlight, but quick. I like, I like going deep with people. If you can keep up with me in conversations like that's sexy. Awareness is the like I will drop my panties for that immediately. Like a self aware king. I, you know, I just, I've been dating for the first time in my life. Life. And a lot of it is like these people are not asking me questions. Why am I the only one asking questions? Right.
- [87:05]
C
I. I was talking to someone about this the other day that. And they were like the dates I've gone on. I'm getting the point where I'm like, I'm just Gonna stop. I've been asking you questions the whole time. Not in like a weird interrogative way, but like I'm asking you questions, being respectful, curious. Yeah. Do you even remember my last name?
- [87:20]
B
Yeah.
- [87:21]
C
Where are we at?
- [87:21]
B
I think it's a universal thing. And men. I love you. I do. But. But I think I'm always taken aback when. When someone asked me a question. And not only that, a good question. I agree that to me, I'm like, oh, to feel seen and heard.
- [87:39]
C
Have you had any bad dates recently?
- [87:42]
B
I've never had any nightmare dates ever, but I definitely had one recently where I just knew immediately. I was like, oh, no, no, wait.
- [87:59]
C
Why, why? Why?
- [88:00]
B
Because it felt like a rehearsed date.
- [88:02]
C
Oh.
- [88:03]
B
It felt like he was saying things that I think I had verbatim said in an interview before. And I'm like, okay, on one level, that's sweet. Like, he did his research, but also he wasn't in my industry. And I always feel a little weird when it's someone not in my industry because, like, I don't know people's motives. Oh, my favorite thing though is I'm on a specific dating app. And when you're on this dating app, you can click on someone's name and you know, you go to their Instagram, you know who they're. They are. If you connect with someone, you're gonna obviously Google who they are.
- [88:38]
A
Of course.
- [88:39]
B
But this has happened a few times where guys act like they don't know what I do for a living or who I am. And I'm like, like, okay, you might not have seen my work, but I don't believe that you connected with me and haven't Googled me.
- [88:50]
C
It's.
- [88:50]
B
You're asking me what I do for a living.
- [88:52]
C
Like, just stop. That's the crazy thing.
- [88:55]
B
Am I crazy? Cuz I'm like, this is really. This is very bizarre.
- [88:58]
A
You're not crazy.
- [88:59]
C
Cuz what's crazy is social media. Everyone has it at this point.
- [89:04]
B
I'm like, I know what your mom's sister's dog is doing right now.
- [89:08]
C
Let's keep it real. And even if you're not going to bring that up, you're not going to pretend you don't know what the dude does.
- [89:13]
B
Like, it's so silly. But I think it's like a way of them being like, I don't care what you do. I'm a normal guy who wants you for all the right reasons. I'm like, yeah, but that is showing me that you want me for all the wrong reasons. If you're being a phony, right?
- [89:25]
C
Like, imagine how much hotter it is for the guy to be like, I respect your career. This is so cool. Like, obviously, I don't know if I've watched everything you're in. Like, what was your favorite project? Like, yes. That was like, when I went on a guy in New York City, I went on a date, and he was like, what do you do for a living? And I was like, this is.
- [89:42]
B
Well, you're.
- [89:43]
C
No, but this was, like, right before I got success. Yes. And I was like, oh, like, I have a podcast.
- [89:47]
B
And, like, you're, like, the number one most successful.
- [89:50]
C
And at the time, he followed Dave Portnoy, he followed Barstool, he fought like, I'm like, you know.
- [89:54]
B
You know, thumbs down dude.
- [89:56]
C
And I'm like, oh, I have a podcast. He's like, oh, like, what do you talk about?
- [90:00]
B
And I'm like, meanwhile, you go look at his search history. He's listening. Call her Daddy episode. I just.
- [90:07]
C
Yeah, no, I agree. I think that in this dating world with social media, it's better to be up front. You don't have to say, like, oh, yeah, like, and go too deep of what you've stalked. But there's a level of, like, let's keep it real.
- [90:20]
B
Let's be transparent.
- [90:21]
C
Because then if not, you're like, this is. What are you hiding?
- [90:24]
B
Yeah, exactly.
- [90:25]
C
Okay, if your fans and my fans can take one thing from this interview.
- [90:29]
A
What do you want them to take from this?
- [90:30]
C
Okay, where do we begin?
- [90:35]
B
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
- [90:38]
C
Okay.
- [90:40]
B
One thing.
- [90:41]
C
Yeah, that's a lot.
- [90:43]
B
Okay. I just think for me, I didn't really have any women, at least that I had found that we're going through similar experiences. And I know that a lot of the things we talked about today were heavy, heavy hitters and make a lot of people uncomfortable. Like, a lot of people will not and do not want to talk to me about my sobriety or sexual encounters or trauma or whatever. But I guess, like, the one thing is I just. If anyone's listening, like, just know that there's nothing to be afraid of. There's nothing to be ashamed of. And you're just. Just. You're not alone. I think, like, you and I have both mentioned many times during this interview that we felt alone or misunderstood. And I think it's just always nice to know that, very simply, you are not. You are not. And I think that I'll end it with this. I watch very niche documentaries and I read very weird Books. And just like, I'll find something. Like, the other day I was looking up crop circles, but the other day I was. I was googling fingerprints. I was like, how fucking amazing is it that there are no two fingerprints ever in the history of ever that are like, if that doesn't tell you everything right there, there is only one you. There is only ever supposed to be one of you. And that is so fucking cool to me. Look at your finger. Like, yeah, it's. It's. And so that to me, just like wraps up. What I'm trying to say is that life is tricky, baby. But. But. But you're not alone. And things might not make sense, but they will eventually. Because I felt that for so much of my life where I'm like, what the fuck is happening? And things eventually find their place. You be gentle with yourself. Be kind. Please be kind to yourself.
- [92:47]
C
God, I cannot thank you enough for coming on. Because like you said, I think it's so important to have conversations that may make people uncomfortable. Because it's not what we're saying that should make them uncomfortable. It's because in some way we've been raised to think, like, showing any weakness and talking about things that you've gone through is a sign of weakness. And it's completely complete opposite. You're so strong for sitting here knowing. Knowing millions of people are going to listen to this and watch you talking about something that so many people will relate to. And I think it's just the beginning of people actually realizing, like, damn, if she can just talk about this and overcome this and also recognize, like, it's a struggle. It's okay if you're relapsing. If you're like, it's all. It is all gonna happen. But by talking about that's the most.
- [93:34]
B
Powerful thing and the most beautiful thing is. And also, thank you for. This was so fun. This was. Right? Yeah. And you just really made me feel safe. And it was very easy to open up about these things because I don't always share this with everyone. And I do think it is maybe a part of my journey now to talk about these things. And I hope it resonates or that something I've said that might wake something up inside someone. I don't know. But honestly, thank you so much for having me, Lucy.
- [94:06]
C
Thank you so much for coming on caller. You thank Daddy.
- [94:07]
B
Thank you.
- [94:27]
A
Daddy. Gang. You know what's hotter than a new episode of Call Her Daddy? A new episode with zero ads. Yeah, you heard that right. Subscribe to SiriusXM podcast plus on Apple Podcasts or visit SiriusXM podcast plus to listen ad free on Spotify or whatever app you're obsessed with. No interruptions. All the chaos Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Game Day Men's Health Girl Math says if you're carrying the relationship, the very least he can do is keep up in bed and in life. Enter Game Day Men's Health solution for guys who need a boost but won't admit it. The P shot for performance PT T 141 for desire and Sermorelin, peptide and NAD plus for recovery and stamina. No doctor issues, no waiting, just safe, effective treatments by medical experts. Visit gameday men's health.com for the upgrade he didn't know he needed Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Depop. Every single person has that corner of their closet that you're like, why did I buy these pieces? I honestly don't feel connected to them anymore. Depop is the marketplace where taste recognizes taste, where every kind of style has a place from bold to minimal and everything in between. At Depop, it's not about chasing trends, it's about authenticity and individuality. Depop is for everyone. Parents selling kids wear bold dressers, quiet curators with no seller fees. More money stays in your pocket. Download the Depop app now to discover more. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by LifeLock. It's Cyber Security Awareness Month and LifeLock is here with tips to help protect your identity. Use strong password passwords, set up multi factor authentication on your accounts and report phishing. And for comprehensive identity protection, LifeLock is your best choice. LifeLock not only alerts you to suspicious uses of your personal information, but also fixes identity theft, guaranteed or your money back. Stay smart, stay safe and stay protected. With a 30 day free trial at lifelock.com daddy terms apply.