Alex Cooper (14:08)

I feel happier.

Alex Cooper (14:09)

I literally picked up a book the other night and I only touched my phone to set my alarm. Like, I wasn't. I didn't even check my social media. I think this was the ep. Actually, that was the week that I uploaded the Kim Kardashian episode. And I was like, I'm not even gonna look at my phone. Like, it'll be there in the morning. It will be there during work hours if I have to check of what everyone's saying. Like, I'm gonna read this book. And when you give your nervous system a chance to actually function the way it's supposed to, you end up feeling calmer, you sleep better, and you have more energy. It's really not that complicated, but it has become. Because our society and our culture is just so obsessed with overstimulating and social media and all the things.

Alex Cooper (14:51)

So if you're not sure where to.

Alex Cooper (14:53)

Start, do not worry. I also ask my therapist to put together, like, what is a simple Sunday reset that we can all do together? And so here's what she shared. First, she Said to start your Sunday doing something that you actually enjoy and try to. Honestly, it shouldn't just be Sundays. Like if you can try to do this every day and obviously you could start with Sundays and then ease in. But now I'm not a morning person and I usually have to get up for work around 7am and recently I have been getting up at 6am, which is actually the most insane thing. Like I, I, you couldn't pay me, pay me to get up if I didn't have. Like, I'm usually getting up, put my makeup on, go to the office, and now I give myself about an hour to just do something that I like. Whether it's having my coffee, go on a walk with my dogs, do my ten step skincare routine. Like whatever it is, start your morning with something that you actually like to do. Anything that gets you excited to get out of bed and leaves you feeling pretty refreshed without just staring at your phone in bed. Right? That's. I think most of us wake up in the morning and we're like, let's check our phones. And it's like, what if we just don't? Because guess what? Most work hours you don't have to be checking your phone at 6am, right. Like I don't have to check my phone to 6am, but I just do it. So then I start my stress earlier. No, no, this is an hour of peace and quiet for me. Okay. And then once you do that and you start your morning with something like that, then, and this may sound a little, I don't know, not corny, but like, it just may sound like, alex, I don't need to do that. Trust me, do this because I've done it. You're going to start by writing out a to do list and you're going to rank what you need to get done in order of most to least important and begin with the first one, even if it is the hardest. That way, even if you don't finish everything on the list, you made progress on the most important item. Obviously bonus points if you do it without even background noise and you just do it in your own thoughts. And then the second you start to feel burnt out on the to do list, totally stop for the day. Like, you're not, we're not, I'm not saying you're gonna put yourself to work, honey. Like now that we're gonna stop being over stimulated, I'm gonna make you work. No, no, no. But we want to be productive in a way that is also somehow relaxing. And so the minute you feel like, okay, this is too much, I'm stressed. The rest of the afternoon doesn't need to be productive. Just do something that feels relaxing to you. Maybe it's reading a book outside. Take a frickin bath. Okay? And then Sunday night, do not late night scroll. Put your phone down an hour before bed and if you find yourself lying awake in an anxiety spiral, this is the best advice I can give you. Do not stay in bed and suffer. Keep the lights dim. But obviously, and I think this is actually no, it's not an obvious get out of bed, make tea, grab a book or a journal and then move to the couch. Take and then just wait for your body to relax before trying to go back to sleep again. There is nothing worse than when you are laying in bed being like, oh my God, oh my God, it's now 1am, it's 2am oh my God, it's 2:30, I still am not asleep. It's like, no, no, no. If you're relaxed, that's half the battle. So don't lay there and just stress the fuck out the whole night. So now when I am tossing and turning at night, I will get out of bed. And the problem with me, which I wish Matt had the same problem so we could be up at night together. But I feel my most creative at nighttime. I've always been a night owl and I will come up with podcast ideas or episode ideas or questions for my next interview or whatever it be. And I'm like, Babe, it's 3:00am like we don't need to be thinking about the episode. But I am. And so what I found is if I'm feeling creative, I write everything down that's bouncing around in my head on a piece of paper. So as soon as I have that down, I know I'm not going to stress about forgetting it in the morning. But I also am not looking at my phone because I the light is going to with you and it's going to keep you up. And then once I get my creative out, I let my mind just rest knowing that I'm going to deal with these things in time. But now just like chill. A lot of times I've been picking up a book at night and reading. Obviously not something that's like a freaking page turner. Like I'm not trying to read Twilight at night. You know what I mean? Because like who could put that down? You're looking for just a chill book that is relaxing and kind of makes you fall asleep. Something that you're not Too invested in. So I don't know. I. I think the major takeaway from today is that it is time to stop trying to rot all of our problems away. Avoiding and over stimulating isn't helping. It's just making the anxiety worse. And if you can actually sit with what is making us anxious or stressed, then we will feel so much better in the long run. So the next time that you go to play music or the second you start getting ready and you want to start scrolling on social media, when you're be, you know, watching a movie at the same time, I just challenge you to catch yourself and check in on what you might actually be avoiding. So please write in and let me know if this was helpful at all. And maybe if you've seen this show up in your life, I know it's definitely something that I'm going to continue to work on. It's easy to fall back into just grabbing your phone, guys. I don't know the last time I've watched a movie and not looked at my phone. And so Matt and I now, if we're having movie nights, we literally leave our phone in the other room because I'm like, I don't want to live this way where, like, I'm not even present to watch a movie anymore. Like, what be intentional about when you're picking that fucking device up? Okay. So, yeah, that's just my little rant. And I hope that was helpful, and I hope I didn't stress any of you out, but just know, like, you're not alone. And I think. I don't know. I think we're really fortunate that a lot of us millennials are in a position where we did experience life before being addicted to our phones. I think I got a phone in, like, sixth grade, which was early for my siblings. Had to wait till 8th. But of course, being the baby, I was like, I need one. And social media and MySpace and Facebook and all the things. Like, I loved that time in my life, and I also love this time in my life. But I do think a lot of it is about accountability where, like, I see so many people, you know, post online being like, I just wish so bad that we didn't have social media. And I forget. I think my mom said this to me the other day. She was like, you realize that you're just making an active choice. If you're getting stressed out by looking at social media, you can stop. It's like a newsletter. If you don't subscribe, it's not there. What if you just, like, Delete the app from your phone. You literally won't know. You won't even know what's happening. You won't be comparing yourself. You won't be looking at these things. You won't be feeling behind. Just turn it off. Off. And live in your actual life. Because the biggest fear I think these generations are going to start to have is like, oh, my God, I lived my whole life staring at this thing and then I have nothing to show for it. You have nothing to show for any of this time. How many times have you. I've done it where I've saved so many recipes that I'm like, oh, my God, that looks so gorgeous. I've made, I think, one recipe in my whole life from Tick Tock. Like, unless you're gonna actively implement all of these things into your real life, then you are just like, it's like this voyeuristic passive consumerism that, like, I genuinely think is so, so, so toxic. Daddy gang. And go outside, talk to your friends. Like, I had this thing the other month where I was feeling so much anxiety and Matt doesn't have social media, so he was like, babe, let's go on a walk with our dogs and let's live in our actual. This is our real life. This is our family. Like, this is real life. And anything that you've online that's stressing you out, if you literally don't look at it, it literally doesn't exist. Like, none of this can affect you. And I was like, oh, you're so right. So perspective is obviously super important. And yeah, just be easy on yourselves. And I think slow and steady of just weaning off of this because it truly is. I mean, I can't even imagine Gen Alpha, like it's gonna become a full addiction. So. So let's try to not be addicted because at some point it's like it is on you. We can't. We can't. What was the School of Rock thing like? Stick it to the man. Okay, well, we. We can't. It's happening. So what are we gonna do about it? We're gonna have some self control. Daddy gang. Okay, enough about the world and how depressing it is. And I figured that we should go to Paris because I feel like going to Paris this time of year is probably the most magical. I don't think I've ever been to Paris during the fall, but I've been to London. And darling, there's nothing more cozy than going to London during the holidays. So let's go to London. Let's go to France, let's go to Paris. And let's answer some questions of the mother week. Here we go.

Alex Cooper (24:08)

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Alex Cooper (24:30)

Thank you. Thank you, Uber Eats. Hallelujah. Okay.

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I feel like I'm freaking out at this news. Matt's gonna be like, oh, God, she's got another shipment coming in. Boom. UberEats bringing me my Sephora. Okay?

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Alex Cooper (25:06)

And.

Alex Cooper (25:07)

And I can get $10 off?

Alex Cooper (25:08)

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Delivery fees may apply. Daddy Gang. Intimate partner violence is extremely hard to navigate. Ysl. Beauty's Abuse is not love is not just about awareness. It's about action. I want to talk about what to do. If you notice the signs of abuse in your own relationship, the first thing that you need to do is trust your gut. The next step from there is to talk to someone. Even if you're telling yourself you might be overreacting, just check in with someone. The next thing to do is set boundaries. Tell your partner when something isn't okay. Finally, know that help is available. If you have a friend going through an abusive relationship, the most important thing to do is keep showing up. For resources, go to www.thehotline.org join YSL Beauty and their Abuse Is Not Love initiative by learning the warning signs of abuse and helping raise awareness. Love should never hurt. If this feels familiar to you or someone you know, take it seriously. Abuse is not love. Okay, question number one.

Alex Cooper (26:29)

Hi, Alex.

Alex Cooper (26:30)

My boyfriend and I have been dating long distance for two years, and lately his group of friends has become a problem. He hangs out with two guys and one girl. This girl has always been rude to me, but she hangs out with these boys all the time, even late night drinking beers. She's just a weird vibe. And it surprises me he is friends with her. She's not a girl's girl and always likes attention from guys. She makes comments about how she misses my boyfriend when he visits me. I have a gut feeling about her. But when I communicated this to my boyfriend, he told me that I needed to stop talking shit about her because she is his friend and that's never going to change and that I need to calm down. What do I do? Break up with your boyfriend. Excuse me? Here's the thing. Male, female friendships, yeah, it's gonna be a no when it's handled like this for me. I'm not someone that's immature being like, you can't have girlfriends if you're a guy or you can't have boys as friends if you're a girl and you're in a relationship. That's not what I'm saying. But the minute your partner is at all putting the other person above you and your needs and making you feel comfortable, then no, you can't have the opposite sex friend, okay? Because you clearly aren't mature enough to handle how things need to go. The fact that your boyfriend friend is watching another woman treat you like and it's his friend and he's not putting a stop to it. If anything, he's making you feel insecure and he's being like, you need to just get used to it. You need to get used to being fcking single if that's how you're gonna fcking act. Do you care more about her? Do you love her more than me? I just think anyone in a relationship, if your partner is making you feel like, you know, this person's so important, important to me, and you need to get it together. And even though they're being mean to you, like, suck it up. No. L. Literally, no, I don't want to do that. I don't want to be treated like a piece of shit. And if I am being treated like a piece of shit, guess what? Is all I expect. I don't expect the world to be nice to me. I don't expect anyone to be nice to me. But I at least damn well expect my partner to champion for me and show up for me and defend me. And meanwhile, you're her number one fan. You're my haters number one fan. Make it make sense. So my advice to you is, oh, this is tough. I think you need to have a conversation with him. I think that you need to Be honest and say, like, I am extremely, extremely hurt because I constantly feel like in moments where I'm being objectively treated poorly by this girl, you have her back. And I don't know where I fit into this equation. And maybe I don't fit into the equation anymore. Maybe this is kind of the end of the road for us because I need someone to be in a relationship with me that actually fcking respects me. And if he can't handle the conversation, then he is prioritizing this female friendship over you. And that's not okay.

Alex Cooper (29:19)

But that's also girl.

Alex Cooper (29:20)

That's again, where we have autonomy over our own lives. That's the beauty of being like. Then you can make the decision to not be in a relationship with someone that treats you as less than. Than another woman in his life. Period. Done. End of statement. Also, I remember so when I moved to Los Angeles, Matt is from la and I didn't really know anyone here. And he had a lot of friends because everyone he went to high school with was. Is here. All of his childhood friends are here, and he has a couple childhood female friends. And the way that Matt went about introducing me, giving me context of their relationship, making me feel included when we've gone to dinners or lunches with them, I now am so close to those women because of the way that Matt has treated me around them and it has treated them around me. But also, we have had a couple where women are rude to me or whatever. And Matt has distanced himself because he's just like, no, this is my wife and I have no interest. And it wasn't just when I became his wife. He has done that even when we were boyfriend and girlfriend. And I think that is obviously, I would. I hate to even say that's attractive because that should just be a prerequisite in a relationship. You stick up for your partner. And if someone's being rude to your partner, then you are like, no, that's like, that's the people I can't be friends with. And they were like, oh, well, they didn't do it to me. Oh, really, Katie? Really, Katie? She didn't do it to you too? Okay, well, she did it to me. So maybe have a little bit of a backbone. You're my friend. Stick up for me. And it's like, but she. They didn't do it to me. So I don't know. That's not someone I want to be friends with. And that's definitely not someone I want to be in a relationship and sleeping with Daddy Gang I mean I could do a whole episode and let me know because I feel like this is like a common problem. But, but let me know if you guys want to ever want me to ever do an episode on male female friendships when you're in a relationship and how to navigate those dynamics. Because why do I feel like these men are acting out? They always are. Okay, next question. My in laws are trying to merge their week long family vacation with. What the fuck? With her long awaited honeymoon in Italy. Yeah, girl, you got some fucking horrible boundary issues with your in laws. You're so fucked. So she goes, we booked everything a year ago and already shared the dates, but they've gone ahead and made plans to join us without even asking. I'm sorry, this isn't funny. But it's like funny. How do I set boundaries with them without causing family drama fresh in my marriage? Okay, to validate you. This is beyond messed up. Do they also want to do a conjoint room at your wedding? Do they want to do like an in suite situation where your rooms connect? Like, are you. Hello? Hello? This is messed up. And you need to use this opportunity to set boundaries as a united. Emphasis on united. A united marriage front against his family. You cannot be the one that's leading this. If anything, he should be the one that is speaking the most up about this because I agree, listen with in laws. It is so difficult. I have so many friends that have dealt with a lot of, a lot of, of dynamics. I've of course dealt with dynamics too. And it's like you need to be a united front and if your partner isn't seeing how weird this is, that's a first issue you need to discuss with your partner. But then you need to go as a united front. If anything, he should be like three steps forward because it's his family and need to be sharing with his family. Hey, mom and dad, we love you so much, but this is our honeymoon and we aren't going to be be spending time with you guys on that because we've booked this and this has been a plan, but we would love to do a family vacation another time. My biggest point of advice though when this conversation is happening is there is no negotiation. Okay? You are telling them that this honeymoon has been planned and you will not be seeing them at any point during this trip. Okay? Because if you give a inch and say, okay, maybe we'll grab dinner one night, then they'll. The boundaries are gone. And so I know that that may be difficult at first because you're Like. But is it insane for us to not see them? No, babe, it's not. It's your honeymoon. A honeymoon is a time for you and your partner to celebrate your relationship and to enjoy what you just consecrated. Is that the word? Consecrated the marriage? Yeah. So go consecrate it on the table, in the bed, on the shower, in the bathroom. And when your in laws are sharing a conjoined room with you, it ain' so sexy. Okay, you tell Jared, if you want me to put on that lingerie, I have multiple colors. I have the underwear that has the slit where my labia is open. So you can stick your dick up there. But I won't be putting that on. Jared, if you can't get your mother in law, Hagrid. No, Helga, if Helga can't get it together. And Bruno. Helga and Bruno are your in laws. Just so you know, Jared is your partner and you are Victoria. Okay? You're sexy, you're ready for the lips out, you're ready to go. But if Jared can't tell Helga and Bernard that you're done, we're not seeing you. We'll see you back in the States, buddy. Oh, he's gonna be giving himself a ribbon tug and you're gonna go on a honeymoon that you paid for and bring your girlfriends and tell him to go on the family vacation with his family. You can do none of that, by the way. So none of that's gonna happen. But that, you know, it's kind of like the scene in movies where like they like envision what, what it would be like if they were able to do that. Yeah, that's the vision. But no, yeah, you're not doing any of that. You're having an honest conversation with your in laws with your partner leading the charge. Now, daddy gang, if you want me to do a more in depth in episode and you guys write in all questions about how to handle in law dynamics. You know, write in and I'll try my best because you can see I just. There's just. There's just something that I don't have a tolerance for, which is when people can't respect boundaries. Boundaries are not something that you are asking people to. Like, I'm asking you to do all these. No, no, I'm asking you to understand that I am doing something and I want you to respect that I am setting this boundary. All you're asking, really, when you set a boundary is for someone to respect you. And that. And when they can't give you that, when they can't give you that. You want to just go on your honeymoon alone together? Yeah. Something weird's going on there. Honestly, it's giving. It's giving a lot of things that I don't need to get into. But, yeah, you've got your work cut out for you on that one. But good luck. Luck. And I'm here if you want to follow up. Okay, Next. Next question. Hi, Alex. I'm in my senior year of college and can finally go to bars with my roommates now that we're 21. Love that for you so much, sweetie. Also love how you didn't cut corners and you didn't get a fake ID like me freshman year. Maybe it's so fun to, like, wait to the end, you know? I love that for you. Also, your liver is probably thriving. Or maybe you were just drinking but not going to bars anyways. Okay, so one of my roommates has a really bad habit of ditching us as soon as she runs into other people that she knows. She will even completely rearrange plans to wait for other people or tell us that if we want to leave, we can, but she's staying with her other friends. I can't help but feel a little hurt when she continuously ditches us to spend time with friends she seems to think are cooler.

Alex Cooper (37:12)

How do I tell her that it.

Alex Cooper (37:14)

Really sucks when she leaves our group behind? Especially because she's the one who plans most of our outings to begin with? Okay. I mean, I could see how this would be annoying, but the fact that she is the one who makes the plans for your outings in the first place kind of just makes me think that she's that kind of girl that's like, we all have that connector friend. You know what I mean? Like, we all have that friend who is bopping around and knows everyone and doing all the things. And I think you kind of maybe need to re establish your expectations when you're going out with her, because on one hand, I think that's probably why you love her, right? Like, it sounds like she's giving you all these incredible plans. And I get that it's annoying that she's going and veering off, but she's starting the nights with you guys. And so I think maybe that's probably why she's able to bring you guys to all these places. I don't know. She could be also a. I don't know. But my gut says, as frustrating as it may be to occasionally feel like second place in her lineup, I think that you kind of have to just own that this is what you're gonna get when you go with her plans. And so two options. Number one, start making your own plans and invite her. And then that way it's like your plans, this is your turf. And if she ends up leaving you guys, you don't care because you made the plans. But it seems like you actually really like going the places that she's bringing you. I think the other thing that I'm taking from this is thank God you're not. It's. It sounds like you're not the only friend, right? I would have a complete different scenario and reaction if you were telling me that she was bringing you out and she was begging you to come out with her, and it was just the two of you, and then she's gone. You know, that's just not the vibe. Like, you're like, hey, Eliana, like, I literally came out with you, and I'm by myself in the corner, and all these freaks are just now, like, trying to flirt with me and talk to me, and I have no friend next to me to make sure that I'm not getting roofied and getting carried away tonight. Like, hello, come back to me. That would be like, you got to sit this down and tell her, like, this is girl code. You can't just desert me. But it seems like you have a group with you, so it kind of feels like I think you need to decide what socially you want. Are you loving her plans, but you just don't like that she doesn't give you all the attention?

Alex Cooper (39:24)

I think maybe.

Alex Cooper (39:25)

I think maybe you just have to re. Calibrate the dynamic overall because this is obviously a very, like, a more niche question. But to broaden it out to anyone that is listening who has struggled with, you know, maybe the friend who is a little too friendly. Like, it's. It's a more like surface level situation where you're like, you come out with us, but then you ditch us. I think. I think we have to stop looking too much into that kind of stuff. Clearly, this person, whether they're going through something or they really like this, and who knows, maybe she'll be a like, publicist one day. Like, this is just her personality, and instead of fixating in it, letting it it up all your nights, when a friend is like that, you need to stop putting so much weight on friends when you're going out. If they consistently are letting you down, then it's on you at some point to recognize if you are let down. This Saturday night because she does it again, then shame on you. You know what I mean? Like, you can't continue to be like. It just sucks that she keeps doing this. Well, she's telling you who she is is. So put on your glasses, honey, and look at the situation. But, yeah, no, I, I could see how that sucks, but I think it's just, you gotta just, you gotta own it that, like, this is who she is. Okay.

Alex Cooper (41:10)

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Alex Cooper (41:24)

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Alex Cooper (43:08)

Tell hi, Alex. So your recent episode, sex after the honeymoon stage couldn't have come at a better time. A few weeks ago, I found out that my husband was sexting one of his co workers. I'm so sorry. Like, I, I, I actually can't imagine. I was absolutely devastated. We have a 3 year old and an 18 month old. Jesus Christ. Okay. Which makes it even more complicated. After months of trying to figure out what he did, he basically said that he felt like I didn't want him because I never wanted to, to have sex. We obviously have been so busy with having two kids in two years that our relationship definitely was put on the back burner. We're working through it because I'm choosing to believe there was no physical cheating happened. Which he swears it didn't. But now I live in fear that if there is another sex rut, he might cheat. What can I do about this? Okay, before I go into all of the things that are coming to my mind to give you advice on, you need to go into couples therapy. This is too big of a trauma wound that you will not be able to genuinely recover from this on your own. Because the two people that are going to be working to help recover this are the person that hurt and the person that's hurt. And you guys are not. He's. If he genuinely is honest and earnest about trying to make this work again, he is going to be coming from a slightly defensive place where he's like, like, I need you to trust me. Again, you're coming from a not trusting place because you're like, how can I trust you? You need a third party who is clinically trained to handle this. Once you get into couples therapy, my first bit of advice is you need to rebuild trust before you rebuild your sex life with this person. You cannot feel comfortable having sex when you feel so betrayed. And I think, I think that's, from what I understand, a very, very common occurrence when someone gets cheated on and the partner uses, well, you don't have sex with me anymore. It almost feels like you're, you then have to have sex with them so they don't cheat on you. And it's like, wait, you don't even want to be intimate. You're doing it as a band aid. Absolutely. Do not use sex as a band aid. This is a wound, and you should never open your legs for this man until you're ready. Because let me be so, so clear to you. Anyone who is cheated on and their partner tells them I cheated because we are not as intimate as I want or we are not. We don't have sex as much as I want anymore, full stop. That is not an appropriate reason to ever cheat on someone. There is no reason to ever cheat on someone. Okay? Leave the relationship. Or how about this? Before you do that, that. Tell the person. So I know sometimes people can share. I'm not happy in our sex life. Okay, great. If you're still not happy, leave, you coward. Leave. Oh, wait, but you want to have your cake and eat it too? No, no, no, because guess what you're doing in that? You then are basically acknowledging you want to still stay in this cozy thing over here. And you may be happy, but the only thing you're not happy with is your sex life. So I'm going to go get it elsewhere and you're going to feel like when you find out I cheated, but I'm. I'm too much of a. And a pig and a selfish fuck to give you the benefit of the doubt to leave so that you don't have trust issues for the rest of your life. Okay? Anyone that cheats, get out of my face. Okay? And so, number one, it sounds to me like your partner never told you. He never told you that he was unhappy in your sex life. And guess what? You just had two kids in two years. I don't know if I would be interested in a sex life either. And so guess what? Imagine if this man had come to you and said, babe, your body has been through so much in the past two years. I love you and I love our intimate connection. And I want to make sure you feel good and I feel good. And so how do we get back to our ways of feeling intimate? Is it we make sure we have date nights and we are flirting and we have, you know, one of our parents come watch the kids for us as we go out. Whatever it be, he made no concerted effort to even try to get the sex life back. He took the easy route where he. He was feeling. How about this? Internally he was feeling. Clearly his ego was so down because you were not able at the time to fully fulfill his sexual needs or whatever. And so instead of being a man and coming to you and expressing this to you, he just thought it would be easier to go sex or boink Franny at the office. And now it's like, you've ruined everything, you selfish piece of. You ruined everything. And all it took was a conversation. How much of a loser are you that you couldn't just have a conversation with your wife? Really? So you need to. Instead of walking on eggshells wondering if he's going to cheat, you need to make this man prove that he deserves to be with you, that he deserves to be with the mother of his children, the wife that he married. He needs to prove to you you. So, yeah, there is no sex until you can trust this man again. Okay? And if he says that he can't do that, then get the out of my life. Because any woman listening, if you have any gut feeling or that that like, weight on your chest of like, I don't trust him him, but I want him to stay. So I am going to compromise myself and what I genuinely want to do versus what I think I need to do in order to have him stay and maintain this relationship. There is not. I know 1% of you as a woman that wants to fck your husband who is just cheating on you. The only reason think about this, that you're going to open your legs for him. Him is for him is so that he gets what he needs. What do you need? What do you need? And that your answer is probably going to be, I need. I need him to prove himself. I need. I know. I need to know that in moments, if I'm breastfeeding or we have another kid or I'm tired or I'm whatever, that if I don't you for a week or two weeks, you're not going to just go cheat on me. And if you're feeling like you need something, come to me, communicate. What is this relationship based off of? Anymore lies. So you're starting from ground zero, babe. And I listen. Life is going to continue to be busy and hard and difficult with kids as they continue to take up your time. And I'm not trying to make you feel like I'm just talking realistically. I remember I put a poll on my Instagram story a few weeks ago and I basically was like, anyone that stayed in a cheating relationship, can you let me know did it work out long term or did it end? And 95% of people say that after they tried to make it work, it ended up eventually ending. And it was like 5% of people that got cheated on made it work. And listen, I don't have kids yet. So I can't sit here and say what I would do if that happened to me. Me. But what I do know is the feeling of getting cheated on. And I do know that it makes you compromise on everything you thought about yourself. It makes you doubt yourself. It makes you feel ashamed. It makes you feel weak. It makes you feel lonely. It makes you feel alienated. It makes you feel like you're not good enough. It makes you feel like you, you, you don't even know if the most intimate person in your life is, is cheating on you and you can't trust them, then who can you trust? And can you even trust yourself? And how did you not see this? Like it fcks your world up and to be with someone and to stay with someone that is capable of doing that to you. Listen, I know half the time these pieces of are cheating. They don't take any of that into account. But think about being with a partner, partner that doesn't take any of that into account. Or even just start with just your feelings. That's a pretty hard person to be in a relationship with. I want someone who respects me and loves me and thinks about me and, and puts me first a lot of the time. Especially that you're the mother of his children. It's the least he could do. So couples therapy and I think you need to really start to evaluate for yourself is this something that you're going to be able to get over? And more so it kind of has less to do with you. It's now about to be. Is he going to be willing to put in the exorbitant amount of work that is going to take to regain your trust? Because it seems like in a moment that things get tough, he crumbled. So how many more times is he gonna crumble? You deserve better. I'm so sorry. Sorry. I just went on like a really long rant about cheating. But I think it's just so hard as women. And I know obviously it's like I don't want to make it gendered but it's like obviously it's more common that we hear stories of the man cheats on the woman and they go and they fuck a woman and whatever. And it's like, I just, I just have such a hard time believing that like when we should stay with those people. Especially when you're in a long term relationship. It's one thing if someone cheats on you in the first like three months or six months still. I wouldn't personally be okay with that. But when there's such history and when there's children, it's like there were so many steps that you should have taken before you went outside of this marriage and you didn't take any of them. You didn't even talk to me. And that, that's, I think almost worse than the actual act of cheating or texting another person emotionally. It's like, what is our relationship? What. What is the foundation? Do we have anything? Like, is this a full lie because I've been operating that you're the most trusted person in my life. Oh my God. Okay, I'm so sorry and I hope that you can figure that out, especially for your family so sake. Okay, next question is a little different. Okay, so I know this is toxic, but I'm wondering if it's too toxic. I hooked up with a guy at the end of August. Not only did he stick it in without even offering a condom, but then he. But then the dude proceeded to finish inside me. What the. And then he fully ghosted me. I'm dying to send him a picture of a positive pregnancy test just to with him. I am on birth control and he doesn't know that. There was no offer to get me plan B, Nothing. I feel like this man needs to learn his lesson. Also, the sex was so self serving. He couldn't have cared less if I finished. I'm just annoyed with the whole thing. I want to give a mini heart attack and I want to give him a mini heart attack. Thoughts? Okay, first, just like fun old collar daddy, like, ah, yeah, I think you could totally send him a pregnancy test. It just depends. Like are you in a similar social circle? Because if you are, then you could like unknowingly start a rumor about yourself that you're pregnant. I don't know if that's what you want. If it's your rando, absolutely send that test and be like, who? Like what email can I coordinate with to start setting up childcare? He's going to be like, what? And you're like, and oh, by the way, I'm broke and I'm in debt. Like just make a horrible fudgeing story for him. So he starts to freak the fuck out. And you're like, and without a doubt, I'm keeping the baby. My other problem though with this, aside from jokes aside is like how many times as women are we gonna go through through this? Like he proceeds without a condom and you're like, wait, oh my God. And then he's inside of you before you're even and you're Kind of like, oh. And then it's so up to say, but we as women, it's like. And then you kind of just placate because you're like, I. Okay, whatever. Go with it. I don't want to seem like a prude or I don't want to seem this. And again, there are women, obviously, that maybe this isn't relatable to you, but this has happened to me before, where you're just kind of like. Of like, oh, my God, it's all happening so fast, and I don't really know how to say no or pause or slow down. And then the fact that this man came inside of you, like, that should be, like, illegal. Like, it's like, what? Meanwhile, it's like women are being forced to have children, and it's like, okay, excuse me. Like, all of this happened, and I'm like. Like, I didn't know he was gonna press go and ejaculate in me. And what if you were pregnant? It's just like. It's so scary. It's so scary being a woman. And I just feel for you because I get what you're saying right now. Like, you want him to feel a little bit of threat and pain and whatever. Because I think underneath what this is is, like, this is like, a really violating experience that you just experienced, and this is horrible. And. And as funny as it is to send him a pregnancy test, I think this is. You want to get as far away from this man as possible. And I hope that this never happens to you again. And I don't know, it may, because it happened to me before. You know what I mean? Where you're just kind of like, how did that happen? And I don't know if I have advice. Like, I. I think I can think about it. I just. In the moment, I'm just like, this is a really, really common thing that I think a lot of women experience that we don't really talk about. And I'm not saying it's not consensual. It's just like, it verges on that. Like, I don't think that was at all respectful. Like, nothing about that was respectful. Nothing about that felt like I was seen. Nothing about that felt like I was being taken care of or I was safe. Like, I just kind of had to go with it once it started. And then you're kind of like, whoa. And so sorry that this is, like, a little dark. But it's. I think a lot of women experience this reality, and I don't think that Enough of us talk about it, because again, it's very black and white. Did they take advantage of you or did they not? It's like, it's really hard being a woman. I'll just say that. Okay, here we go. Next question. I have been dating a guy for eight months. And in the beginning, it was amazing. He was romantic, always wanted to see me, and we were really close. But around the seven month mark, he stopped being intimate, his communication dropped, and he barely makes plans with me anymore. When I asked what changed, I was crying, but he just said, I don't know what you want me to say. Say, do I need to keep reading this? I feel like the. This is obvious now. It's been a week since we've seen each other. Even though he's off work, he just hasn't made any effort. He claims he hates texting, babe, but I see him active on Instagram. I don't know what to do or how to address this. You do know what to do. You do know what to do. This man doesn't like you. This man's out of. He's out. He's out and you're in. And he's too much of a to end the relationship, so he's just kind of like weaning you off. And he's like, I don't know how many more times I can try to give her the hint that I'm off of her, but I'm too scared of confrontation. And she's clearly so emotional. She's crying to me and I'm literally like, I don't know what to say. And you keep coming back and wondering, he doesn't like you. This man hates you. He doesn't hate you, but he doesn't like you. I think that what needs to happen is you need to. You need to move on. And you need to read the signs of he doesn't like you. And he's actually kind of really, really clearly showing you that. It's definitely in a cowardly way. It's definitely like in a ghosty way. But he's ghosting you and he's moving away from you. And he's trying to, like, he's trying to be the meme of Howard Simpson, whatever the his name is. And he's going out into the bushes like, goodbye. And he's. And you're like, wait, Nicholas, what's going on? He's like, his foot is out the door. And he's like, I don't know, I gotta go. And you're like, but we were Something. And he's like, yeah, I don't know what you want me to say. Like, you're making up a scenario in your head that doesn't exist anymore, but you're not living in reality. You're still. Eight months ago, when you were, like, falling for this guy, and he's like, I literally have a new girlfriend. He's literally like, I gotta. I'm gonna be late for dinner. And if you asked who he was going to dinner with, he would be like, francesca, my new girlfriend. And you would be like, what? Like, this man's been so out of the game with you, and he's just such a. And he's already living his double life, and you are, like, fully thinking that he's still yours. He's gone. You need to just move on. On. It's so sad, though, when we do, like, create that false sense of, like, reality with a dynamic, with a situationship or someone where you're like. We create this idea in our head and we live in this fantasy and we're like, oh, my God. And I think this about this person and it's like, trust me. Like, oh, my God. When I was younger and I would be watching Grey's Anatomy and I would be watching Meredith Gray and Derek Shepard and that, like, push and pull thing, I would be talking to these men and I would be like, oh, my God, I'm so, like, dark and, like, mysterious. And he's just, like, playing hard to get because, like, we're. Blah, blah. None of this is real. Literally, none of this is real. I thought it was just like, oh, it's just. It's just the. It's just the way things. That's just the way it is. It's really not. It's without a doubt almost every single time. It's exactly pen to paper, what it looks like. If he's not calling, he doesn't like you. A man could have his entire family die and he could be at the hospital and he's mourning the death. If he likes you, he's still gonna call you. He's still gonna. He's still gonna say. If anything, he's definitely gonna call you because he's gonna want you there to comfort him. Or if he's just like, I need a minute, he's gonna tell you, I need a minute. It. But if he's not reaching out ever. Unless he's actually been kidnapped or he's. No, nothing. If a man doesn't reach out, he doesn't like you. And so when this man is Literally being like, I don't know what you want me to say. He's basically saying, can you just take the hint? Can you just take the hint? I literally don't like you. I don't know how many more times I have to give you these like horribly, horribly obvious signs that definitely, you are really trying to make lemonade out of these lemons. I am giving you breadcrumbs and you're somehow making a whole like diagram of our life together. And I'm barely saying hello in the morning. And you're like, he was typing, we're getting married. Like, you gotta knock it off. You gotta get in the game. You gotta recognize that he hates you. You. And you are literally pretending like he's your McDreamy. He's not. Stop reading smut. Stop watching these shows and. Or keep watching them. But remember that reality is nothing like this fantasy, okay? Honey, he is bottom of the barrel. He is the little frat wiener head that is just a bunch of you. He doesn't even know what he wants. His mom still does his laundry. He doesn't even pay his own phone bill. Bill. And you think he's going to give you the world? No, he's going to ruin your life because you're going to think he can give you the world. And then he literally is like, oh, the condom broke. But yeah, we can live at my parents house. And you're like, I thought, I thought. You thought wrong. I wish I could clip this for my younger self and be like, lock in. Okay, next. Okay, weirdly, I, I think I've been going for like maybe, maybe longer than we needed. So maybe I'm gonna save some of these questions. But let me think if I have any housekeeping things. Oh, we have a very exciting episode that is coming out on Wednesday for Call Her Daddy. I filmed it in New York City the same week that I recorded Victoria Beckham for Call Her Daddy. So that's why you will see the set looks different because I had to make a little pop pop up set for Call Her Daddy in New York with Sirius XM helped me out. And this week's guest is. Let me give you a little hint here because Sunday session crew deserves it. It's a he and he lives in New York. I feel like that's, you know, it was a great time and so. Yeah. So daddy gang, I cannot wait wait to see you guys on Wednesday and for you to find out who the guest is and please keep writing in questions. I have it on the Call Her Daddy website. You can go. You can submit your questions. Just type into Google Call her daddy questions and write in whatever you want me to talk about. And if there was anything that I talked about today that you'd want me to expand on and really get into detail about, I can absolutely do that for you. So love you guys so much and. And Happy Sunday from one father to my daddies. Love you. Bye.

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