Call Her Daddy – Shonda Rhimes: Women Need To Brag More
Host: Alex Cooper
Guest: Shonda Rhimes
Date: October 8, 2025
Episode Overview
Alex Cooper sits down with legendary television creator and showrunner Shonda Rhimes to discuss her storied career, the impact of her shows, the importance of women claiming their power, and her personal journey towards self-confidence and fulfillment. With the 450th episode of “Grey’s Anatomy” as a backdrop and the 10th anniversary edition of her book “Year of Yes” being released, Shonda reflects on how she’s navigated Hollywood, family, leadership, and the double standards women face. The conversation is candid, inspiring, and packed with practical advice for creatives and ambitious women everywhere.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
Shonda’s Milestones & Current Life
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Celebrating 450 Episodes of “Grey’s Anatomy”
- Shonda shares disbelief and pride at the show's longevity.
- “450 episodes feels insane to me.” (Shonda, 02:24)
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Book Release: “Year of Yes” 10th Anniversary Edition
- Shonda discusses the impact of her year-long experiment in saying ‘yes’ to things that scared her.
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Move from LA to Connecticut
- Shonda contrasts the anonymity in Connecticut with the constant demands and recognition in LA.
- “I went to Costco and I got a Costco card and I cried in the parking lot. Because it’s like, the first time I was ever able to do anything that felt like that. Normal.” (Shonda, 03:35)
The Early Career: Writing for Film & TV
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Writing “Crossroads” and “The Princess Diaries 2”
- Shonda reminisces about working with Garry Marshall and writing for stars like Britney Spears and Julie Andrews.
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Breaking into TV: The Spark for “Grey’s Anatomy”
- Motherhood and binge-watching shows made Shonda crave long-form storytelling.
- Her first TV pilot (about war correspondents) was rejected, leading her to pitch a medical show at ABC—which became “Grey’s Anatomy.”
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Finding Inspiration in Everyday Details
- The iconic intern struggles were inspired by a resident telling her about shaving legs in hospital showers.
- “For some reason that made a whole picture in my head of what a woman’s life was like trying to be a surgeon and trying to have a personal life at the same time.” (Shonda, 48:41)
The Shondaland Creative Process
- Rapid Fire: Shondaland Characters
- Christina Yang is the character Shonda would switch lives with.
- Olivia Pope is the first person Shonda would call in a crisis.
- Favorite line? “It’s handled” came to Shonda before she defined “Scandal.”
- She doesn’t believe in writer’s block (“People talk about writer’s block and the minute you talk about it, it becomes real... there are days when you have stuff to say and days when you don’t.” – Shonda, 50:27)
Leadership, Power, and Lessons in Hollywood
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Learning to Lead
- Shonda was “completely lost” as a first-time showrunner but leaned into not pretending to know everything.
- “Don’t pretend you know something that you don’t know. People do that all the time... and they fuck it up really badly.” (Shonda, 21:56)
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Women in Power & Bragging
- Shonda urges women to claim their accomplishments:
- “Men brag and women hide.” (Shonda, 57:06)
- “You should think you’re the most powerful woman in podcasting right now. That's not an insult…That’s okay. Women have a really hard time with it. Men do not.” (58:18)
- The need to be direct—and not apologize for being good at your job:
- “Never be cruel, never be mean, never be rude, never belittle. But be direct and be strong about what you’re saying and mean it.” (Shonda, 62:17)
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Navigating Creative & Business Gaps
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She describes the learning curve of being a creative who had to grow into business leadership for the sake of controlling her work’s trajectory.
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On realizing her own power:
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“Power is not power if you don’t know you have it… I was naive enough to be like, I’m the only person who knows what happens, so they can’t fire me. So I acted like someone who couldn’t be fired.” (Shonda, 42:57)
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Social Change & Representation
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Women’s Stories on TV
- Shonda broke ground with multi-dimensional women, especially those of color, denying the historical default of simplistic, supporting-female tropes.
- Refused to make shows that didn’t include women or perspectives like hers.
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Network Pushback on Storylines
- Networks resisted Olivia Pope’s abortion, more so than earlier depictions with other characters.
- “I wanted it to be that someone you knew, admired, loved… was going through this and for it not to be like the abortion episode.” (Shonda, 36:37)
- She used her knowledge of previous episodes to push back (“But we already did. Like, here it is right here.” – 37:59), exposing the double standard.
Failure, Success, and Impostor Syndrome
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Fear of Losing It All
- Shonda reveals that up until her Television Academy induction (by Oprah), she feared her career could evaporate overnight.
- “They could take this away at any time. I could be fired at any time. The audience could turn their back at any time. Like, I could be a has-been at any minute.” (Shonda, 39:40)
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Biggest Paid Showrunner and Having Power
- She admits struggling to internalize being TV’s highest-paid showrunner, not wanting to believe it was true.
- “You know what happens when all your dreams come true? Absolutely nothing. Like, everything stays the same. Right. So you're still you.” (Shonda, 55:17)
The Year of Yes: Personal Growth & Hard Choices
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How the Book Came to Be
- Shonda spent a year saying yes to opportunities that scared her—including public speaking, health, and difficult conversations.
- “The very act of doing the thing that you’re afraid of undoes the fear.” (Shonda, 66:03)
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Changing Relationships
- Transforming herself meant losing friends who weren’t comfortable with her happiness.
- “When you begin to fundamentally change who you are… even that little thought, but people who are not used to that feeling… have a really hard time with it.” (Shonda, 67:31)
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Saying Yes to Failure
- “There's nothing wrong with letting a failure happen if it's a failure… the failures you have are the failures you had. And they basically are part of what made me where I am.” (Shonda, 70:18)
Family, Motherhood, and Balance
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Her Non-Traditional Path to Family
- Chose to become a mother via adoption and surrogacy, sometimes fielding tough questions from her traditional family.
- “How my children came into my family is not the issue.” (Shonda, 85:24)
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Balance Is a Myth
- Rejects the lean-in/perfection myth:
- “It’s not that you can’t do it all. It’s that you can’t do it all at once... …Give myself that permission, made it so much easier.” (Shonda, 87:25)
Relationships, Marriage, and Evolving Views
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Why She Avoided Marriage
- Saw overwhelming external validation when engaged, overshadowing her own achievements.
- “People were more happy for me that I had a man who wanted to marry me than they were about my career, my shows, my children. Like combined.” (Shonda, 75:29)
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Openness to Change
- Now open to marriage, stating it's okay for women to change their minds.
- “I’m not saying, oh, I want to get married, but...I’m no longer saying like, I never want to get married. Like, I’m open.” (Shonda, 76:25)
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Success & Dating
- Admits men can be intimidated by her status, making relationships complicated.
Motherhood & Raising Girls
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Three Daughters, All with Different Relationships to Her Work
- Her daughters aren’t impressed by her TV success—a humbling reminder of what matters at home.
- “My 23-year-old I don’t think has ever watched any of my shows. Not even Grey’s.” (Shonda, 79:00)
- Her youngest’s friends have a pact not to watch Grey’s specifically because her mom wrote it.
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Parenting Philosophy
- Believes her job is to “make [her kids] more of that person, a better version of that person.”
- “They do not come out, and then you mold them. They really come out as the people they are, and your job is to make them more of that person, a better version of that person.” (Shonda, 81:36)
Legacy and What’s Next
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Trailblazing but Not Alone
- Shonda wants to leave space for women to blaze new trails, but without the loneliness of being “the only one.”
- “I hope that there is space for women to feel like there are still trails to be blazed, but… the blazing of the trails doesn’t mean that you’re blazing them alone anymore.” (Shonda, 88:09)
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Embracing Hobbies & The Next Chapter
- She's currently obsessed with golf, reveling in the joy (and discomfort) of being a beginner at something.
- “It’s really interesting to be somebody who’s, like, really good at a thing and then do something that you’re terrible at.” (Shonda, 89:15)
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What’s Next
- Gathering ideas for new shows, excited to dive into fresh stories.
- “I am in this percolation phase where I’m trying to figure out what my next story is. And it’s been a while since I’ve told, like, a brand new, fresh story, so I’m really excited.” (Shonda, 90:34)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
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On Anonymity & Normalcy:
- “I went to Costco and I got a Costco card and I cried in the parking lot.” (Shonda, 03:35)
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On Leadership:
- “Don’t pretend you know something that you don’t know. People do that all the time… and they fuck it up really badly.” (21:56)
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On Power:
- “Power is not power if you don’t know you have it.” (42:57)
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On Bragging:
- “Men brag and women hide.” (57:06)
- “Women cannot take compliments. Someone will say to you, like, ‘You’re the most powerful podcaster out there right now.’ And look at the look on your face.” (57:13)
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On Change and Friendship:
- “When you begin to fundamentally change who you are… people who are not used to that feeling… have a really hard time with it.” (67:31)
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On Parenting:
- “Your job is to make [your kids] more of that person, a better version of that person. …and that is really hard as a mom and as a perfectionist.” (81:36)
Timestamps for Important Segments
- Early discussion and Grey’s Anatomy at 450 – 02:07
- How movies led to TV (Princess Diaries 2, Crossroads) – 05:23
- Shondaland rapid fire answers – 07:14
- Creative Writing Process – 47:34
- On not believing in writer's block – 50:27
- Leader lessons & “Don’t pretend you know something you don’t” – 21:56
- Navigating power and realizing her leverage – 42:57
- Network pushback and abortion storyline – 35:07
- Fears of career vanishing (“has-been at any minute”) – 39:40
- Being TV’s highest-paid showrunner – 53:51
- “Year of Yes” and self-transformation – 63:08
- Losing friends after becoming happier – 67:31
- Family-building and nontraditional motherhood – 82:20
- Parenting philosophy and daughters’ reactions – 81:36
- Legacy and what’s next for Shonda – 88:09
- New hobby: golf – 89:02
Tone
Candid, relaxed, motivational, humorous, and unapologetically honest—Alex and Shonda unpack hard truths with warmth and laughter. This episode is loaded with actionable wisdom and authentic vulnerability.
For listeners who haven’t heard the episode:
You’ll find an in-depth, entertaining look at Shonda Rhimes’ creative engine, her thoughts on leadership, why women need to brag more, and how personal transformation can unlock the next level in your life and career. Expect powerful advice, industry secrets, and the kind of pep talk that will have you rethinking how you advocate for yourself, both at work and at home.