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Call Her Daddy
Stop Forcing Your Friends to Drink
00:52:25
Join Alex for a cozy solo episode where she reveals she bought her parents a house in LA! Alex reflects on what losing her childhood home means to her and how she has approached working on some of her complicated family dynamics over the years. She then answers a few questions of the week and goes deep on how to handle friends who constantly pressure you to drink and how to know when it’s a healthy amount of doubt or when you’re just in the wrong relationship. Enjoy!
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- [00:01]
Alex Cooper
Hi, Daddy Gang, it is your father. I am so excited that CallerDaddy has officially joined the SiriusXM family. I cannot wait to talk to new guests and continue to share my crazy personal stories and experiences with you every single week. If you want to hear new episodes ad free, subscribe to Sirius XM podcasts on Apple Podcasts to start your free trial today. Daddy Gang, as we know, the holidays are all about connecting with our family, our friends, even strangers. Okay? And as the most trusted language learning program for over 30 years, Rosetta Stone immerses you with an enriching experience. I want to keep learning things about myself and I want to keep just learning things in general and another language. Bingo. Yes. Sign me up, Daddy Gang. Start learning today with Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership holiday special. Visit rosetta stone.com callherdaddy for unlimited access to 25 language course rest of your life available for a short time@Rosetta Stone.com call her daddy. What is up, Daddy gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with Call her Daddy.
- [01:15]
Matt Kaplan
Ho ho ho.
- [01:16]
Unnamed Female Guest
Merry Christmas, Daddy gang. Merry Christmas from my family to yours. I can only imagine what you guys are doing this morning. Maybe you are curled by the fire doing a seance because your boyfriend you over and you now have to spend the entire Christmas season alone with your family. And your entire family is literally annoying the out of you and you're miserable. And this is the one thing that's going to get you through today.
- [01:44]
Alex Cooper
Hi. Hello.
- [01:45]
Unnamed Female Guest
I see you. I love you. Maybe you're enjoying the holidays. Maybe you are a holiday goer and everything about you leads up to this one moment of the year. And you love Christmas or Christmas, whichever you you know, my husband is Jewish, I'm Catholic. We celebrate both in this family, okay? We are inclusive here. Regardless, Merry Christmas. I'm so happy to bring you a new episode of Call Her Daddy today. I'm gonna tell you guys what is going to be going on in my life right now during Christmas because we have some big changes going on in the Cooper Kaplan household. So so far, every Christmas with Matt, we've kind of spent it in different locations. One time we spent it in London together. We've spent it in California together. We've spent it in Utah together, Ski, my family and so on. But this year we are shaking things up and I suggested we go back to good old Pennsylvania. Now, I wasn't just being a martyr, you know, and saying, let's go back to Newtown, Pennsylvania just for the thrill of it when we have gorgeous California at our fingertips. I was really saying let's go back to Pennsylvania because I can't believe I'm saying this. And it probably means nothing to all of you, but it's a huge deal to me. My parents are officially selling my childhood home.
- [03:24]
Alex Cooper
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- [04:09]
Matt Kaplan
You think about like oh my God.
- [04:11]
Alex Cooper
Wedding planning and oh my God, how.
- [04:12]
Matt Kaplan
Do we even begin Zola, I get.
- [04:14]
Alex Cooper
It is overwhelming and no one teaches.
- [04:16]
Unnamed Female Guest
You how to do it.
- [04:17]
Alex Cooper
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- [04:46]
Matt Kaplan
When it comes to the holidays, I am. You know, I have good things about.
- [04:51]
Unnamed Female Guest
Me, but I am a procrastinator through.
- [04:54]
Matt Kaplan
And through when it comes to a gift.
- [04:55]
Alex Cooper
Okay? But it is okay if you don't get all of your holiday shopping as early as you hoped. Because WAY is making it easy to give way better gifts this holiday.
- [05:06]
Unnamed Female Guest
Boom.
- [05:07]
Alex Cooper
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- [05:14]
Matt Kaplan
Everyone on your list.
- [05:16]
Alex Cooper
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- [05:19]
Matt Kaplan
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- [05:21]
Alex Cooper
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- [05:25]
Matt Kaplan
Type of hair on your list.
- [05:27]
Alex Cooper
Okay? They have the Detox shampoo which helps get rid of buildup and hard water deposits, dirt, oil and other impurities in your hair. It is safe for all hair types. Basically.
- [05:38]
Matt Kaplan
Daddy gang tis the season to get.
- [05:40]
Alex Cooper
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- [05:47]
Matt Kaplan
Fine, medium or thick hair or multiple hair concerns.
- [05:50]
Alex Cooper
Way has got you. Here's the thing, Daddy Gang, if you are struggling with a gift, it is.
- [05:56]
Matt Kaplan
So easy to give someone way because everyone needs to be washing their hair and everyone cares about their hair.
- [06:03]
Unnamed Female Guest
You know what I mean?
- [06:04]
Alex Cooper
So Daddy gang, if you are interested, okay, get your way to save for the holidays. Go to t h e o u a I.com for 15 off site wide and enter promo code daddy. That's t h e o u a I dot com for 15 off with code daddy. Go enjoy yourselves this holiday season, Daddy gang.
- [06:32]
Unnamed Female Guest
My parents are officially selling my childhood home. And if any of you still have your parents that live in the home that you were born in and grew up in, you know the sentimental value that that thing holds, right? Like when I look back at my childhood home, my parents have had it my entire Life. So for 30 years, it's all I've known. Every time I visit my parents, it's at that location, right? And I have had so many memories there. I grew up with my two siblings there. My parents, my grandmother lived with us. At one point, I lived on a cul de sac. I had the bow, the Volpes next to me. All the kids would be in the culdesac playing capture the flag, okay? And it started, you know, as capture the flag. And then it started to like, you know, start fingering each other and experimenting and you get felt up in the bushes in the back of the. Of the woods. Like, the woods was where we tried our first alcohol. I remember my first sip of vodka was out of a Pringles can in the woods in Pennsylvania behind my house. And my house had these woods behind it. So everyone would always kind of congregate directly behind my house. And I did of the most fucked up, brilliant shit back there. It's really who I am to the core. Alex Cooper that lives in LA right now, she would be nothing without Philly bitch Alex Cooper. Okay? So it's sad. And I figured since they're selling it, this would be our last Christmas to all come together and do one last big hurrah in Pennsylvania together. So Matt and I are bringing the dogs. Me, Matt Henry and Bruce are going to. First, we're starting our Christmas in New York City. And we decided, because my sister lives in New York City, we decided, let's do a little New York part one of Christmas.
- [08:23]
Matt Kaplan
Because let's be real, there's not much.
- [08:24]
Unnamed Female Guest
To do in Pennsylvania. Like, as much as it's Emotionally incredible. To go back, you need a good 48 hours, and then you can bounce out because there's not much to look around at except for the grass and the dead trees. So we're going to go to some.
- [08:38]
Matt Kaplan
Plays in New York.
- [08:40]
Unnamed Female Guest
We are kind of at that point in my family where we don't really give each other gifts anymore. But we did decide to just make it fun so people have something to open on Christmas. We're gonna do a Pollyanna for my family, and so everyone had to pick someone that they're gonna get. We're keeping the gifts under a hundred to two hundred dollars, and everyone is going to try to go all out for someone, and everyone's got someone by this time. I can say it. I have my sister. I have no idea. Wait, do I have my sister or my mom? Wait, no, because I know Matt has. No. Matt has. No, Matt has my sister. I have my mom. Because every single person in my family was like, I hope Matt gets me because Matt gives the best gifts. My mom was like, matt, maybe figure out how you can get my name. Because she's like, I want a Jenny Kane cashmere sweater from Matt Kaplan under the mistletoe. Okay. Sorry, Mom. I have you this year. So we all are gonna do Pollyanna, and we're gonna hang out in the city. We're gonna go see some plays, we're gonna go eat, we're gonna drink, we're gonna go see the tree at Rockefeller center, and we're just gonna have a time in New York City. There is nothing better than New York City during Christmas time. It is like, the most magical place in the world if you've never gone. I mean, it is like something to put on the books if you can ever make it happen. Of course it's crowded. Of course people are stressed and cold, but that's. And getting punched in the face. Merry Christmas. After you get slapped silly. Like, it is just so New York to a tee. So we're doing all of that, and then on Christmas Eve, we are fleeing the city and we are going back to Newtown, Pennsylvania. And Matt and I have already put in our food request. My dad is the chef in our family, and he makes the most incredible rack of lambs with this, like, mustard gravy sauce. So we have requested Brian hit the kitchen. Lori hit the bo. And my siblings and I and Matt and everyone will just be cozied up while my dad cooks for us. There is a chance that we go to church. I'm not a religious person at this point. In my life.
- [10:49]
Matt Kaplan
Like, I believe there's.
- [10:50]
Unnamed Female Guest
There's a God up there. I'm not atheist, but, like, I wouldn't say I'm as religious as I used to be, but I pray to my God above. But I felt like because it's Jesus's birthday, maybe we should go and hit up the church and go and, like, one last time again, like, St. Andrew Church, my church growing up. And so I think I'm going to force Matt to come to church with me. But then on Christmas Day, we'll open. Open our polyana, and we will sing our carols, and my mom will try to make pancakes, and she'll burn down the house. My mother every.
- [11:24]
Alex Cooper
So here's the thing.
- [11:25]
Unnamed Female Guest
I take after my mom. Like, my mom can barely use a microwave, and although she's very good with the microwave, like, that's where it starts and stops in our household. My mom does not cook. And every single year, for some fucking reason, my mother thinks in order to be like the Suzy Homemaker that she wants it to be, she tries to cook on Christmas morning. It is so insane. One year, she made this egg casserole, and all of us were shitting and throwing up our pants because we got food poisoning from her casserole. And I was like, mom, we're blowing out all the bathrooms. You need to put an end to this. Now hand me a chocolate chip cookie from the fucking grocery store and call it a day, bitch. She's like, I'm trying. So we're going to try to make sure she doesn't cook this year, but we'll just, like, watch movies, give out our Pollyanna, and then my. You know how you guys have, like, those cousins that aren't really your cousins, but they're, like, not even related to you, but you call them your cousins because they're, like, the closest things to you. We have a family in Pennsylvania that I grew up with that are basically my cousins. It's my mom and her best friend growing up had the same kids at the same time, and we're all the same ages. And so they're going to come over and we're going to have a one big final hurrah send off of the Coopers. The last Christmas in Pennsylvania. It's making me kind of emotional because when I sit here and think about going back to that house for the last time, I literally told my family, like, don't be alarmed if you see me every minute with my iPhone filming every crevice of this house, because I want to remember it All. And it makes me emotional because, like. Like, specifically that basement in my house was where all of this started for me. Like, I would not be sitting here with my podcast and my career had I not done everything I did in that basement. And, like, if you're new here, like, I just was obsessed with creating and making music videos and movies and skits and plays and short stories, and I filmed everything in that basement. And the hours of footage that I have, I probably have the same amount of hours of footage I from that time in my life, if not more than I have of me sitting on a collar daddy set. How crazy is that to think about, Like, I probably have more hours of footage of me as a kid making movies. I still have to catch up. That's why I'm still doing this, you guys. I can't retire. I've got to outlive my younger self. I was harder working back then, but it's just crazy to think, like. Like, that time in my life was. It just was everything. And I loved so many incredible memories from my childhood that live in that house. And so I'm going to try to soak it up as much as I can. Now, here's the kicker. Why are my parents selling my childhood home?
- [14:11]
Matt Kaplan
Right?
- [14:12]
Unnamed Female Guest
Why are we moving? Where are we moving? And by we, I'm not living with my parents, but you know what I'm saying, It's a we thing, okay? The Coopers stick together. My parents are officially moving to Los Angeles, California, and I bought them a house. I think that. Oh, my God. I mean, it makes me emotional thinking about it, because when I started Call Her Daddy, I had somewhat of a vision of what I hoped this would turn into. But to be able to go to my parents this past summer and with Matt and be like, I want to buy you guys a house, and I want to do this for you, and I'm so excited to be able to do this for you, and I want nothing in return. I just want your happiness, and I want you guys to enjoy it and thrive and maybe babysit sometimes if I have kids. Okay, I'm holding you to it. But it's such a cool feeling, and it was such an emotional moment. When I told my parents that I was gonna buy them this house, we all cried. And it just meant so much because I would not be where I am today without my parents. Like, my parents sacrificed so much for me to get to where I am, all the way back to my soccer days, right? Like, the goal was for me to get a scholarship to Go play in college. But, like, my mom and dad sacrificed every single day, hauling me to different counties and getting on flights and taking me to soccer tournaments and taking me to private training sessions and taking me everywhere I wanted to go. And then after soccer was done, I asked my parents, oh, my God, can I go film a movie? And my mom would bring me to the community college, and I would want to go up on the stage, and I would want to use it as a backdrop for my perfect set that no one was going to see. But, mom, it matters. Come on, Mom. And my mom would be there, and she would be on work calls in her minivan watching me, probably cursing like, jesus Christ. My daughter's insane. But it all led me to be able to do what I love for a living. And I literally wouldn't be here without them. So buying them a house is, like, the least I could do because they sacrificed financially, emotionally. They sacrificed with my other siblings in moments for me. And so it feels really, really, really insane and incredible that I get to do this. So they will be moving at some point in the new year. Matt's renovating the entire home. I literally walked in. We found this house, you guys, and it is such a New England house to its core. Like, my parents are from the east Coast. We love the New England style. And I remember walking into this home and seeing it for the first time and being like, this is my mother. Like, I got chills thinking about it, and I wish my grandmother could have been here to see it. Like, me getting her the house and her, like, oh, my God. My mom saw for the first time. It was the first house they went and saw in Los Angeles, and they were like, this is the one. And I. And I secretly put a bid on the house, and I didn't tell them. And my mom went around with my dad, and they saw a bunch of other homes, and they were like, oh, we just can't stop thinking about that first one. And I had put a bid on without even telling them. And when we got the house, I called them and I said, okay, so, like, how are you guys feeling? I know you guys really liked this new one. And they're like, we really like this. This last one. But that first house we saw when we walked in, there was something in, like, the feeling I got, like. Like, that's the house. And at the time, someone was higher bidding than us, and they dropped out. And I said, well, that's so interesting you still are obsessed with that house, mom, because I have some good news. And she's like, alex, Alex, I do this. My parents, all the time. Like, I'll surprise them. The random things. I'm like, no, no, you didn't. I said, we got the house. And we all started crying and sobbing. And it was such an emotional moment. And so now Matt's redoing the entire house. He's like, we need to make it perfect for them to move in. And that's why I love him so much. Matt is like. Like, he is such an acts of service kind of guy. Matt will go above and beyond for everyone in his life and then some. And it doesn't mean you even have to be family. Like, family is a loose term for Matt. You can be the guy that he's. Matt takes care of his hairdresser. Matt's gonna take care of his dry cleaner. Matt's gonna take care of everyone and then some. And so Matt is just like, I'm gonna make this the most beautiful, great place for them so that it's safe. Like, he wants to make sure everything is good and the bones are good and everything. So that is the next chapter of my life. Now am I mentally insane that I got my parents a house that's about, like, 10 to 15 minutes away from me? You know, we did think about, should we put them a highway drive away? We were like, should we have to at least, like, get on a ramp to get to them and get off? But what's funny is Matt is currently having to do that with his grandmother, who on Christmas Day turns 101 years old. That bitch is still kicking. She is the most with it. Shout out, grandma, happy birthday, I love you. But she's 101 years old at this point, and we have to get on the highway. And it is kind of like a bitch for Matt's mom just in terms.
- [19:20]
Matt Kaplan
Of like, oh, I wish she lived closer.
- [19:22]
Unnamed Female Guest
So I did take that into consideration of, like, you know what? I won't give them my. The code to my home. So there's some boundaries. Like Lori and Brian. You can't just show up unannounced. But I can show up unannounced to your house because I'm still your fucking K. And no. So they live like 15ish minutes away from us. 10, 15, depending on traffic. And it just feels right. Like, I. I'm not getting ahead of myself. I'm not, like, pregnant, but, you know, I would like kids in the future. And we did it. It did kind of help knowing, like, wow, the house is really close to where there is A school we would.
- [19:55]
Matt Kaplan
Want maybe our kids to go to.
- [19:57]
Unnamed Female Guest
Grandma and grandpa can be in their little minivan. Beep beep, kids picking you up from school. Also, it's not lost on me that Matthew travels a lot for his movies. And my father is going to be getting many a visits from his youngest daughter saying, pops, make me some fucking food. My dad is the best fucking cook that I know and I am obsessed with his food. So now the last thing I have to do is try to convince my sister to move from New York City. And I got the whole fucking gang now because my brother now lives here. So overall, I feel really, really blessed. And it's a. I'm just so. I just feel like I'm at like a happy point in my life where I've worked really, really hard on my relationships with everyone in my family. And Matt and I were having this conversation the other day and we were just like, it's so crazy with our jobs and work and life and friends and all this. And it's like, as long as you're good with the people that you love, like, that's all that matters. And I feel like my friendships right now are in such a good place. I feel really fortunate and my family is. And so, I mean, by the time it comes January 1st, I could be like, oh, we had a blowout fight in, in New Town. Everyone's. The whole family is. Has a riff in it. But I'm gonna just hold this moment where I'm at right now where things feel good. And so I hope for you, Daddy gang, if you can take anything from this of like, I will share with you. My mom and I have had had such an incredible relationship throughout my life, but we have had so many ups and downs because we are so similar. And you know, when you're similar to someone, it can cause a lot of angst within a dynamic. And before I bought my parents this house, it took so much work for us to just work through some that we had not worked through. And it took therapy sessions. It took very long conversations. Like, I'm not sitting here being like. Like, I have the perfect family. And I'm so proud. Like, I'm proud of my family, but my family has a lot of. And the fact I think why I'm so proud of this chapter is like, in order to get to the place of getting them this house, we all knew we needed to be on a better page with each other for them to even move to California. And so there's been a lot of conversations a Lot of hard conversations, tears, crying, like, like, you guys know how it is. Like, when you become an adult, you have to like, rewire the way that you have a relationship with your parents. And it's so confusing. And it's such a mind in moments where you feel like you're the adult or they're still the adult and you want them to grow up with you, cuz you're like, no, now treat me like an adult. I'm an adult too. And you're an adult, so let's all be adults in the room. But they look at you as a kid. Like, there's so many crazy dynamics that go into that moment where you recognize, whoa, my parents and I need to basically recalibrate our relationship. And I can imagine so many of you are going through that right now. Like, I trust me and my mom and I can joke about it now, but like, we've had Christmases where I was like, I'm gonna kill you. And she's like, I'm gonna kill you too, Alex. And that's life. But why I think I'm able to sit here and smile and be like, merry Christmas is I really put in a lot of work in therapy and shout out to my therapist, I hope you have a nice Christmas and Hanukkah, because you des. You put in the work with me this year and it got me to a place where I can feel really, really excited for the future. And it doesn't mean the work has stopped. A lot of my relationship with my family members, I mean, my sister and I just had like such a breakthrough conversation recently because my sister and I always go through things. My brother and I go, everyone goes through things. My dad's perfect. No, but we all have these like, really interesting dynamics that we're constantly working through. And if I can say anything that you're bringing into the new year daddy gang is, it's like, start now. Start having the conversations. If you have that gut feeling where you're like, why the can I not get past this with this person? Have you talked to them about it? Have you sat them down in an environment where you're coming from a loving place and you're not being attacking and you're actually like, how do we fix this? I love you. Like, what the are we doing? That's my advice for the new year. Like, try to get closer with the people that you love. Because we don't have that much time. And so, yeah. So Merry Christmas. I'm gonna answer some questions and I'm gonna give you guys, just a little you time because we've had enough me time. Foreign.
- [24:48]
Alex Cooper
Is brought to you by Avocado Green Mattress.
- [24:53]
Matt Kaplan
You know what?
- [24:54]
Alex Cooper
I love to be horizontal. I've said it since I basically came out of the womb. Okay? Sleep is so important to me and I am so, so, so, so intensely adamant about if I get a good night's sleep, I'm a different person. Okay, Here is some advice. Don't sleep on the benefits of a good night's sleep. You may already be familiar with Avocado Green Mattress and they're all eco friendly, health conscious products like their organic mattresses and home furnishings that are better for you and the planet. Well, Daddy gang, here you go. Avocados got an amazing pillow you'll love too, called the Avocado Green Pillow. Okay. The Avocado Green pillow is designed to provide the perfect amount of comfort and is fully adjustable. Just add or remove the natural fill to achieve your preferred level of support. I don't know about you, but when.
- [25:49]
Matt Kaplan
It comes to pillows, for me, I.
- [25:50]
Alex Cooper
Am very, very, very particular. And this makes me very excited because to be able to kind of customize my own pillow. Yes, please sign me up, please. I'll take that one, please, you guys. It comes in different sizes too. There is a side sleeper version and even a mini version for travel. Yes, yes, yes and yes. It is made from natural inorganic materials. Fall asleep knowing your head is resting on a pillow that's made safe. Certified. So, Daddy Yang, if you are interested in adding sustainable luxury to your bed with the Avocado Green pillow, shop the Avocado green pillow and save 10% on avocado mattress dot com. That's avocado mattress dot com. Okay, daddy gang, I love workout clothes. Okay, Sometimes I love to put a workout clothing on even if I'm not going to work. Sometimes I just want to look cute in a little matching set. And if you're sick and tired of traditional old workout gear, you need to check out Vuori. Vuori products are designed for you to work out in, but also they look great in everyday life outside of the gym. Vuori makes super comfy and versatile apparel that can be used for running, training, yoga, or even just lounging around. You guys know I love a good jogger. You need to check out the Performance Jogger, part of Vuori's dream knit collection. The Performance jogger is great for stretching and again, maybe you just want to lounge in these things.
- [27:12]
Matt Kaplan
All right.
- [27:13]
Alex Cooper
The Performance Jogger is made with dream knit fabric, which is moisture wicking made from 89% recycled materials and has four way performance stretch. Daddy Gang, Treat yourself. Get yourself new workout outfits. Get yourself some joggers. Sometimes I feel like we keep wearing the same ratty old workout clothes and it's like we don't have to. Treat yourself today, Daddy Gang. For listeners that are the Daddy Gang, we are offering 20% off your first purchase. Plus enjoy some free shipping or any US orders over $75 and free returns. Daddy Gang, this is a good deal. Get yourself some of the most comfortable and versatile clothing on the planet. @vuori.com callherdaddy. That's V u o r I.com call call her daddy. Exclusions apply. Visit the website for full terms and conditions.
- [28:08]
Matt Kaplan
Okay, Daddy Gang, I'm back. If you are listening to this in audio, you're like, you didn't go anywhere, Alex. Oh, I did. I'm a sneaky little. If you're watching this, you can tell I change clothes. It's because I had to quickly run to a meeting. You know, duty calls, duty calls. And so I just got back and now I'm back with you. So I figured today, in the spirit of spending a little fun time with your father, I should give back to the community and answer some questions because, bitches, we've got a lot to talk about. Okay, first question from a Daddy Gang member. Hey, Alex, I'm a sophomore in college and all of my friends like to go out, but I'm not a big drinker. I feel like I'm also getting judged for not drinking. How do I still have a good time without drinking? Oh my gosh. I mean, this is like, I think this spans beyond college. I think the advice I'm going to give. And again, I'm not like a savant with this situation like I do socially drink, but if I put myself in your situation, I do think this can be applicable to anyone, not just people in college. However, I do recognize that in college you are definitely drinking, maybe more in saturated environments and also in a way that is more socially grouped up in and like, it's not so much like a dinner or drinks with a friend. It's like everyone is looking at everyone and everyone is aware of what everyone's doing in college and everyone is in everyone's business. So everyone knows who drinks and who doesn't drink. So I'm sorry that first of all, you feel uncomfortable or you feel like you're being judged because you should never, ever, ever, ever feel judged for doing something that you don't want to do. If you don't want to drink, drink.
- [29:55]
Alex Cooper
You should not drink.
- [29:56]
Matt Kaplan
And I know, again, it's easier said than done because peer pressure is a real thing. I feel like when you hear peer pressure, you think, like, middle school and high school. No, this shit goes through adulthood. I'm sure this affects moms. This affects, like, relationships.
- [30:11]
Unnamed Female Guest
Like, it's all over.
- [30:12]
Matt Kaplan
So I'm sorry that you're handling that. Number two, you should never feel judged or insecure about something that you don't want to do, especially when it involves putting something in your body that is not healthy. So if people are doing drugs and they look at you and they're like, oh, like, she's not down, or it's a drink. And they're like, why the isn't she drinking? I think the people that are so consumed with if other people are drinking or not are really weird. Like, I cannot relate to being like, why the aren't you drinking tonight? Like, why does my intoxication level at all impact you now? For sure, I can see if there's someone that's like, you're so judgy when you're sober and you're judging all of us.
- [30:56]
Unnamed Female Guest
Yeah. But I feel like that's, like, rare.
- [30:59]
Matt Kaplan
And if they are, then, like, don't be friends with someone that's, like, judging your decisions. But if you're just someone there that's.
- [31:04]
Alex Cooper
Trying to have a good time and.
- [31:06]
Matt Kaplan
Everyone is nagging on you, or there are specific people that are nagging on you, this is my advice. And I don't know if this is, like, playing into it, but there are just some social things that you can easily do that, like, I'm not. This isn't groundbreaking information, but number one, I think no matter what, you can always have a drink in your hand. So that immediately will just, like, block people from asking if they can get you a drink. Because sometimes we can give people the benefit of the doubt. Like, I bet a lot of times someone is literally just coming up to you to be like, can I get you a drink? Because they're trying to be either the hostess with the mostest, or they're just trying to be a good friend. Or, like, socially, that's an in. Like, a lot of times, I think when it comes to flirting socially, a huge opportunity is going up to a woman and offering to buy her a drink.
- [31:50]
Unnamed Female Guest
Right?
- [31:50]
Matt Kaplan
Like, that's like, a social norm thing. It's like, bitch, buy me a drink. That's all I did in college was.
- [31:56]
Unnamed Female Guest
Like, which one of these motherfuckers is.
- [31:58]
Matt Kaplan
Gonna buy me a drink and then I'm gonna leave and I'm gonna ditch in five seconds. Also recognize that if people are offering you a drink, maybe some of it could be in your head that you're feeling judged, which again is totally normal. Because I think in college so much of the culture is the drinking culture. But I think holding a anything, whether it's a solo cup or whether you're at a bar and you have a soda water with a lime like that can immediately mitigate the damage of like when someone's trying to slide in through. Using drinking as an opportunity to connect with you, then we have the other side where it's not meant to be connecting with you. And it's literally just some that is being judgmental and rude towards you and is trying to to for some reason get you to engage in something that you don't want to do. But I do think there's always room for the in person in a sober state conversation. If this is someone in your friend group that's constantly up your ass about drinking, you could ask them to just chat for a second and you can again, depending on how nefarious it is or not, you can say, listen, I love you and you're such a good friend of mine, but I have been really struggling socially because I don't want to drink and I'm having the best time. And I think it makes it really hard for me to have a good time though, when you consistently are making me feel like I'm like sticking out like a sore thumb for not drinking or I'm like the odd man out. Like I don't personally like to drink and I'm not judging anyone in the room. Like check yourself too though, because again, this is so broad the question. So I, I would need to know more of the details. But, but check yourself. Like, are you being a little judgy to your friends that are drinking and are.
- [33:41]
Unnamed Female Guest
You know what I mean?
- [33:42]
Matt Kaplan
And if you're not amazing, but we know some of those people and it's again, this is fcking life. If you're not indulging in something, then you're gonna. There's a reason you don't do it right? So you have your thoughts about it. To each their own. I think something I've just like accepted more in life recently is like, I don't care what anyone else is doing unless it is directly affecting me. Like if you are hammered and you are doing your thing, great. Like I'm not gonna judge you, obviously.
- [34:13]
Alex Cooper
If it's a close friend and you're.
- [34:14]
Matt Kaplan
Seeing them deteriorating and they're making really bad decisions in life. Sure you gotta pick your moment to maybe check in on them, but if it doesn't affect you, why the do you care if someone's not drinking tonight? Like shut the up and daddy gang, I love you and I think this is something that we can also work on is if you are the person that is. Is it may not be from a mean spirited place.
- [34:37]
Alex Cooper
Maybe you are just the girl that's.
- [34:38]
Matt Kaplan
Trying to rally all your friends and get them in the mood and you're telling them to drink or whatever and they don't want to. Like, why, why are we like making people feel like they need to drink? No one, no one ever woke up from a night of drinking and was like, I was the best version of myself last night. And even if you felt that way, I promise you, anyone sober was like, this is so annoying. Like, like, I don't know. Drinking is something that I think about a lot and Matt and I talk about it a lot and I love to socially drink and I love a good glass of wine or a whiskey or a tequila or martini or anything. But I will say it was interesting. So when I was on tour, I did not drink on tour, really. Like, there were very few moments where I was drinking and I would have like a couple sips of my White Claw, like on stage, but I went on stage completely sober. And every single night after a show and there were people backstage in the green room or at the after party, I was not drinking. And I'm sure even on social media maybe it looked like I did not drink until the last night I had a drink. And even I remember like when Wiz Khalifa was there in Oakland, everyone was like smoking with him and everyone was drinking and they were having a good time. And I didn't, I didn't, I didn't drink. And I think what happened, which was odd for me because I wouldn't say I'm a party girl, I definitely used to be. But like, I have had so many nights where I'm hammered, don't get me wrong, but there was this weird thing that happened on tour and I'm not saying I'm never gonna get obliterated again because trust me, like, I love a good night where I'm like having fun. But something happened on tour where, because I was one of the only people that was sober the entire time time I was around so many people post show that were drinking and I'm not gonna Lie. I was so like, I wasn't judging anyone, I was actually more judging myself where I was like, wait, like when you're sober and you're around drunk people, you're like, I never want to drink again in my life because you all sound like clowns. Or the worst is when like you're watching someone and you feel so bad cuz you're like, oh my God, you're fully embarrassing yourself right now. And I know sober you would never do this and you actually like feel bad for someone. But I just, I don't know, after tour I just kind of had this moment where I was like, I don't know if I'm going to drink to the level that I maybe have in the past in moments. And again, if I'm at a holiday party and I'm having a good time, like, I'll have the, the second martini, you know what I mean? But drinking is a whole concept that I recognize is very complicated because there are people that are watching this that may have a problem with alcohol and are sober because of that. There may be people that are sober not because they have a problem, but someone in their family had a problem and so they're just like adverse to alcohol in general. There may be people that currently have alcohol problem problems that are watching Caller Daddy and then there may be people that are just socially drinking and love a good cocktail and they're, they don't have any plans of changing. It's all over. I just think being less judgmental of anyone on that spectrum is my biggest advice. And when someone is peer pressuring you to do something that you don't want to do, I think it's a fun, casual, light hearted, like, oh girl, don't worry about me, I'm good. But if they keep pressing then it's a boundary issue and it's a recession respect thing. And I could see myself probably pulling someone at some point if they kept being the aggressor in the dynamic of like, what do you have on me? That like, why are you so obsessed with what I'm doing? Like, do you want to know what I ate for breakfast too? Because you want to know. You want me to put in my body at night? Like, should we. Are you, are you that invested in what I'm doing? Because I don't even give a. I don't even know what you're drinking. Are you drinking?
- [38:38]
Unnamed Female Guest
I don't know.
- [38:39]
Matt Kaplan
You know, so yes. I'm sorry though and sorry, that was a long winded thing. But drinking culture is complicated. But I apologize on behalf of the annoying drunk community if you're feeling pressured. You shouldn't feel pressured. I love you. I'm sorry.
- [39:13]
Alex Cooper
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- [39:41]
Matt Kaplan
You know the one.
- [39:43]
Alex Cooper
And when you find it, ebig has their expert's eyes to make sure you're getting the real deal. That way you can be confident that the designer finds you came for the luxury wardrobe you've always wanted. It's all real. In fact, it's verified authentic. So bring your high standards and never.
- [39:59]
Matt Kaplan
Limit what you can find. Yeah.
- [40:02]
Alex Cooper
EBay the place for new pre loved vintage and rare fashion. Ebay Things people love. Tinder is giving you the best gift.
- [40:12]
Matt Kaplan
Of all this season time.
- [40:15]
Alex Cooper
Daddy gang, you don't have time to scroll through the thousands of photos you took this year. Okay? Tinder's new photo selector tool to go through all those photos at once and curate a profile that shows off your best features like your glowing personality. Okay, it is here. Spend more time finding new connections and the perfect, perfect gift for your mom. Explore all possibilities for yourself. Tinder. It starts with a swipe. Download Tinder today.
- [40:40]
Matt Kaplan
Okay? Next question. Hi Daddy, I love you. Okay, now that it's out of the way, I'm writing in to ask a question about my relationship. I've been dating my current boyfriend for almost two years now and I love him so much. I'm 23 and he's 25. He's honestly the best thing that has ever happened to me and I really do think he's the one. But sometimes I sit back and think about is this really it? Is this who I'm meant to be with forever? There's nothing wrong with our relationship. We argue now and then, but never anything huge. I guess the best way to explain it is that sometimes I get scared of the commitment. But I wanted to ask if that is something normal. Should I be worried and think more about my relationship? Should I just hope this feeling goes away and everything will work out? Anyways, love you so much. Okay, I first want to validate you and say it is so normal when you are getting, in my opinion, when you're getting to a place in your relationship that it feels like, okay, this is more than dating. Like, I could see my life with this person. I think it's so normal. And if anything, I would be concerned if you weren't like, is this the right situation? Like, is this forever? Is this gonna be it? I did that with Matt. I did that with Matt multiple times of just like. Like, whoa. Like, if this. Is this going to be the person I spend the rest of my life with? I think there is a natural positive amount of that feeling that you should have because it means that you're taking it really seriously. It is a big decision, in my opinion, Choosing your life partner, whether it's marriage or someone you're going to just be with forever and you don't need, like, marriage as a title, that is a huge, huge decision. And I think building a life with someone is a huge decision, and it shouldn't be taken lightly. And I think that when you are pausing and reflecting and nothing is really happening, it could be like you said, because you live together, you're kind of on this track. You're like, okay, is this it? Yes, that's normal. I do also, though, have to say, because I've talked about this on the show before, and I think that it. It's kind of up to you to discern the difference of, like, is it a normal amount of, like, whoa, this is kind of crazy. I've gotten to the point where I found my life partner. Partner. Or is it going that further step where you're like, I don't. I don't know. I just don't know.
- [42:56]
Alex Cooper
I would say if you're finding yourself.
- [42:58]
Matt Kaplan
Doubting more than you're happy, that's your answer. And sometimes it's not as black and white for someone. Right? Like, sometimes you have this weird gut thing where it's like, is this really it? And I think there are so many complex reasons as to why you could be doubting, right? Maybe you come from a family of divorce. Divorce. And you are. So you do not want to repeat the pattern. And you're like, I really don't want to get divorced. So maybe you're overthinking your commitment and the relationship because you don't want things to go south ever. And so you're being hard on yourself, and you're holding yourself and your relationship to a standard that is just not normal or that is just not realistic. But I think if you go into a marriage and you're like, I've never had a doubt in my mind. Mind, I would like to say I don't think that's humanly possible because we're human beings and we have experienced life and we know what we want and what we don't want. And meshing worlds together is never seamless and perfect because no one is exactly going to meet every single possible thing that you could need. But if you were someone that just was like, I've never had any doubts, amazing, I would say, to make the person writing in feeling more seen and better. It is, I think, more normal to doubt and to wonder and to question. Again, a normal amount. If you're literally, like, posted up every night, you're like, God damn it. Like, I just don't know. And I don't know. And you're just chronically freaking the out. I think you have your answer always when you're constantly doubting because there's just something in your gut that is telling you, babe, this isn't right. What my advice would be be to someone that is in a position that's just trying to, like, suss out, is this my person? Is this going to be forever? Am I making the right partner life decision? Here is my advice. You live together, right? So that's step number one. If you don't live with someone that you're considering spending the rest of your life with, my first step would be live together. Because when you live with someone, girl, you will. You will. You will see things that you either are like, I love this person even more. You will see things that you're like, I don't love it, but I love them so much that I'm fine, I'll get over that. Or you will see things where you're like, how fast could I break the lease? Like, how fast could I get away from this person? Step number one is live together and see. Do you like cohabitating with this person? Do you like being in a relationship where you are sharing space together and where you're building a life together rather than, oh, I go over to his place every couple days. But then I really have my alone time, right? And then I also think you should start to talk about what do you want in life? And I think this is something that I think as you get a little older, the conversation just. People have less time to. So again, like, when you're looking for marriage and kids and a life or no kids, whatever it is that you want, I think that dates start to get a little bit more to the point. But I do think for you, you. I think you need to start actualizing conversations that will give you a more clear answer if this is the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. For example, have you talked about where you want to live, where you want to settle down? Have you talked about financials? Like, do you know how much this person makes? Do you know how they know how much you make? Do you know what their career goals are? Do you guys know? Like, do you want kids? Maybe. Maybe you do and he doesn't. Or vice versa. Maybe you don't and he does. Or maybe you both are like, yes, we want kids. Like, you need to start talking about essentially, like the core tenants of a relationship that will just go past like, we're dating, everything's fun. Our friend groups like each other. Like, that's great. But that's also can be falling into the category of like a fun fling or like even friendship. Right? What is it in your personal dynamic for your romantic relationship that's going to get you to the next level? It's talking about and being very clear about the things that you want in life. And I've dated guys before where I was in love. And I remember, like, there was a conversation I had with an ex and I was like, very in love with him. But we just did not align on a lot of the later in life things. Like, the immediate was great and it was fun and it was sexy. But when it came down to, I talked with him about children, I talked with him about even like fucking religion and shit and politics, and it was off. I know for some people it works. For me personally, I couldn't do that because people always ask me, like, you know, what has changed since you got married? And at first I was like, I don't know nothing. And then I will say, and it's cliche, but it's right. Is that what has changed is I can feel so heavily now that Matt and I, in a beautiful way have become one in the sense of we are both still individuals, we both still are good on our own, but every single day we are not operating as just selfishly individuals. We're working towards our relationship and what we're building in a family. And I don't think you need a piece of paper to feel that. It's when you know you're committing to someone for the rest of your life. I think there is a switch that shifts of, wow, we're in this and we are choosing to be in this, and how beautiful that we're choosing to be in this forever.
- [48:45]
Unnamed Female Guest
And.
- [48:45]
Matt Kaplan
And every single decision that we each make directly impacts the other person. And so there is an accountability, I think, that, like, raises when you're in a marriage that maybe I didn't feel as much when you're in the dating phase or you haven't, like, claimed, you know, that this is your person for life. Because understandably, like, dating, you're just not. You're not. You haven't decided you're committed. And once you are committed, I think there's a beautiful solidness that you feel. It's, like, hard to explain. There's this solid foundation. You now feel that you're both building on the same foundation, and you're both so invested in each other, and that is your person. And they're gonna get you through anything, and you're gonna get them through anything. But you are. Again, the important part is still individuals working in a unit. I don't know if that makes sense, but I don't know. I had been really vocal prior to getting married about how my independence was really important to me. And I'm a very independent person. Like, I, I. And I think I was nervous. Like, can I be in a situation with someone where I genuinely feel like I'm sometimes. Can't be selfish, and I can't, you know, be selfish Alex, single Alex, or individual Alex. And the answer is, if you're in a healthy relationship, you don't need to sacrifice any of it. Because when you are not not being as individualized, thinking in moments, it still feels like it is because you know your partner wants the same and the best for you, and you want the best for them. So it's kind of like you're just less alone in this life. Like, you can still maintain that autonomy over your decisions. Like, Matt is many times is always like, what do you think? Like, you tell me. Like, it's your choice, and I know you'll make the right choice for us, and I do the same to him. And of course, we make a lot of decisions together, but there's this safety and security of, like, this person is in it till the end with me. And we're doing this together. And so when you're making that life choice, I just urge you, daddy gang, like, to think about it from the standpoint of, do you feel like the person that you're dating is someone that you can look at in 20 years and be like, they respect me, and they see me and they know me and they love me and all of my flaws and all of my issues, and if Anything. Half of my flaws they think are attractive and they love and they want the best for me, and they're always going to be there. I know that's deep, but, like, I have friends that have kids, and. And they're like, he's nowhere to be found. And I guess I kind of saw it because, like, he was always kind of. Like, I was kind of always the one that was picking up the this and the that. And, like, again, I'm just using kids as an example because it's, like, the easiest, biggest example. But there is the immediate excitement of life, and then there is the realistic.
- [51:48]
Unnamed Female Guest
Side of life, right?
- [51:49]
Matt Kaplan
And it's the planning and it's the accepting that it's not always going to be sexy and hot and fun and wild, and sometimes it's going to be really hard. And who do you want to go through the worst times in life with? It's easy to have a good fucking time with someone like, it is. Is easy. But when you are struggling, when you are financially stressed, when you are health stressed, when you are, as a woman, going through it hormonally or medically, like, do you have a partner? And if I'm just speaking because I'm in a hetero relationship, like, if you're in a hetero relationship, like, does your partner respect women? Does he look at you and genuinely vouch for you and respect you and speak about women in a way that you feel like, well, because if he doesn't respect women, that he doesn't respect you, how the is he gonna. You know what I mean? Like, I think the. And again, everyone has a different barometer. I think I have maybe a heightened. Sometimes I. I don't know. I think everyone has a different barometer of what's important to them, but you need to do. I guess my question. Sorry, I'm like, this is our whole episode, but I didn't know this was going to go in this direction. But I do think it's an important conversation. Daddy gang of like, do you know what you want? And I think as women, sometimes we can stress understandably about time and pressures and all of it. And so sometimes we can make concessions for things that we actually don't feel good about and we don't really feel comfortable about, and we don't really like, like. And I just want the best for all of you. I feel like with this podcast, I've found such comfort in knowing that I can sit here every week and have conversations with people that sit across from me and, like, exploring conversations that maybe in the day to day, we don't really pause to think about, like, we literally are waking the up, we're going to work, we're getting home, we're exhausted, we're like, I'm not going to the gym. Or maybe you're going and you're like, I don't want to do this. And then you're eating and you're trying to then zone out from work and you're watching TV and then you're going to bed and you're repeating. And then we're like, oh, it's the weekend and we're going out and we're drinking and we're having fun. And it's like, I'm not saying to meditate, okay?
- [54:16]
Unnamed Female Guest
But it is rare, I feel like.
- [54:18]
Matt Kaplan
That we pause and actually be like, am I happy? Do I like where I am? Am I happy with my friendships and my work life and my, my romantic situation and my friend situation? Like, and if I am happy, like, what's next? And no one really tells us to do this, but I feel like, and I could do it more. Like, I'm not saying I'm perfect, I'm just saying I think when it comes to these romantic life decisions, a lot of the question marks can be answered in actually just pausing for a minute and thinking about what do you want and what is currently fulfilling you in your, your romantic relationship and what's not? And if you are stressed and if you are staying because something is, I've spent so much time and it's been five years, what am I gonna do? Start over? Like, yes, yes, because you're gonna start over now, babe. I don't want at 70, you to be like, Jesus Christ. Like, every minute is so precious and every year is so precious. And we don't actually know how long we have so to stay because you've invested time in it is genuinely the worst reason to stay. And I know the process of unraveling.
- [55:42]
Unnamed Female Guest
I always talk about this is so.
- [55:44]
Matt Kaplan
Complex, but the process of unraveling is 10 times faster than staying. And you're decades and decades and decades and decades into something you guys all know. A family friend or your own parents that are in something that they're not happy with, we all know someone. If you close your fucking eyes and you think about an unhappy couple or a couple that fights or a couple that or is cheating, like, we all know one. Sadly, we probably know more than of that than the happy couples. So. So I remember reading an article, I think it was in the New York Times. I Don't know. I think it was like many years ago it came out and it was like, a single person is one step away from finding their happiness and their partner. A person in an unhealthy marriage or relationship is three steps away from being in a healthy, happy situation. Because you first have to end the relationship. Then you have to be single for a minute.
- [56:44]
Unnamed Female Guest
Try to recalibrate why you.
- [56:46]
Matt Kaplan
What was in that relationship that was so unhealthy or unhappy happy for you. And then you need to get good, solid on your own. And then you need to start dating again. Where a single person, it's like you're working on yourself. You're working on yourself. And immediately, the more you work on yourself, you will know immediately, oh, yeah, yeah, this person can keep up. This person is in line with what I want. But if you're not working on yourself because you're grabbing on and holding on for dear life to like an unhealthy dynamic. And when I say unhealthy, like the most, most common a lot also is not just toxic. Like, they look fine on the outside, these relationships. And a lot of you, I better listening, being like, nothing's technically wrong, but babe, if you're constantly doing that, like, well, nothing's really wrong, but you, you know, in your gut. My overall point is, if you don't know what you want, how are you gonna find it? You saying all the way back to this question, you saying that you've been with your boyfriend for two years, you're 23, he's 25.
- [57:44]
Unnamed Female Guest
It feels right.
- [57:45]
Matt Kaplan
You love him, there's nothing wrong. You fight the normal amount that a couple will fight. But you're just wondering, you should wonder.
- [57:53]
Unnamed Female Guest
If this is the right person.
- [57:54]
Matt Kaplan
And you should seriously invest a good amount of time to feel it out and to think about it and to talk with other people in your life. Like, when I was like, really getting to the point where I was like, Matt is the one. I remember I had a lot of conversations with my friends, I had conversations with my siblings, I had conversations with my parents. Parents. And not like interrogative, like, sit downs. It was more just like if my parents were in la, we'd go to a dinner with Matt and I, and then one night I'd make sure to go to dinner alone with them and I would just talk about my relationship and I wasn't defensive. And I would open it up and just be like, what do you guys think? And they would ask me questions and I would answer and my mom would say, you seem so happy and he is incredible. And I. You guys are amazing together and if you're happy, we're happy.
- [58:41]
Unnamed Female Guest
But.
- [58:42]
Matt Kaplan
But there have been relationships where my parents did not say that. And so I had an open communication with them. And I know some people don't have that relationship with their parents and that's fcking fine. You need one friend that you know is going to shoot you straight and is going to be like, babe, you're losing yourself. I think I just answered. Did I answer two questions? But we went on a little bit of like a. We went on a journey together. Okay, Candyland. We started it out small and then we got big and we went all in these different angles. But these are some of my favorite episodes because I know we're all different. But like, I feel like the best part of what I love doing with this show, especially when I do solos, is like I'm just a girl figuring it out too. I just got married. I found Matt. I've been in really tumultuous relationships. I've been someone that has been extremely unconfident. I've had self esteem issues. I've had moments where I feel so good and confident and my mental health is good. I've had moments of anxiety, I've had.
- [59:37]
Unnamed Female Guest
Highs, I've had lows. Like.
- [59:38]
Matt Kaplan
Like we're all experiencing a similar version of emotions when it comes to what the am I doing with my life and am I making the right decision? And I think these type of episodes, it's nice to kind of just talk it through. Even though you guys can't respond. You can respond in the comments. Let me know if you guys like these episodes. But I think it's healthy to kind of just like walk through because again, maybe this episode will be the trigger for you to be listening in the car on your way to work or you're listening and having a wine night with your girlfriend or you're alone and you're just playing this while you're cleaning your house or you're at the gym. Hopefully this episode will elicit some form of a thought provoking something. Thought provoking for you that maybe sparks something of like, okay, I actually haven't thought about that. Or maybe I haven't been thinking too much about that aspect of my life. Or wait, yeah, I guess I don't.
- [60:34]
Unnamed Female Guest
Really ever pause to really check in.
- [60:35]
Matt Kaplan
With myself of like, how am I feeling about where my life is at? Regardless, I always just want these episodes to help in any capacity promote some form of communication, whether it's with yourself or your loved ones. And yeah, so Daddy Gang, I love you guys. I love doing solos. You know I had questions planned and I have so many more. But I do think the time is up so I will leave you with that. That and Daddy Gang, I will see you next Wednesday.
- [61:07]
Unnamed Female Guest
Goodbye.
- [61:23]
Alex Cooper
Hi Daddy Gang, it is your father. I am so excited that coloraddy has officially joined the Sirius XM family. I cannot wait to talk to new guests and continue to share my crazy personal stories and experiences with you every single week. If you want to hear new episodes ad free, subscribe to SirusXM podcasts on Apple Podcasts to start your free trial today. Tinder is giving you the best gift.
- [61:51]
Matt Kaplan
Of all this season time.
- [61:53]
Alex Cooper
Daddy Gang, you don't have time to scroll through the thousands of photos you took this year. Okay? Tinder's new photo selector tool to go through all those photos at once and curate a profile that shows off your best features. Features like your glowing personality. Okay, it is here. Spend more time finding new connections and the perfect gift for your mom. Explore all possibilities for yourself. Tinder. It starts with a swipe. Download Tinder today.
- [62:19]
Unnamed Male Guest
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