Call Her Daddy — "Stop Mothering Your Partner"
Host: Alex Cooper
Release Date: October 5, 2025

Episode Overview

In this highly relatable and candid episode, Alex Cooper dives headfirst into a trend she’s noticed among modern relationships: women unintentionally “mothering” their male partners. Drawing from a recent poolside observation and her personal experience, Alex gets real about why so many become caretakers instead of equals, how weaponized incompetence sneaks into relationships, and what you can do to re-balance the dynamic. Through laugh-out-loud moments, sharp insights, and her signature bold tone, Alex invites the Daddy Gang to reflect on their own patterns and push for equitable partnership.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Poolside Epiphany

• [08:00] Alex recounts a vacation moment where she observes a woman mothering her grown boyfriend: applying his sunscreen, planning his schedule, packing his suitcase, and ordering his lunch.
• She jokes about her own reluctance to “mother” Matt, noting boundaries like not applying sunscreen if she has fake nails (“if I have fudgeing fake nails on, don’t even think about it”).
• The incident sparks the episode’s guiding question: When does caring cross over into parenting your partner?

2. Defining 'Mothering Your Partner'

• [12:00] Alex breaks it down:
  • Mothering is when you become the caretaker for your partner’s responsibilities, emotions, schedule, and chores.
  • “You are managing his responsibilities... all things he should be doing for himself as a grown adult.”
• She distinguishes this from normal division of labor, noting the problem is when one partner becomes dominant in fixing/everyday life management.

3. Weaponized Incompetence & Its Consequences

• [19:00] Alex introduces the concept of weaponized incompetence:
  • When someone does a task poorly so they won’t have to do it again (“Oh, I guess now this is your job forever, right?”).
  • Example: Messing up a grocery run or laundry to push the chore onto their partner.
• Over time, these patterns can lead to resentment and burnout—“having to mother someone... can become the biggest turn-off.”

4. Double Standards in Emotional & Physical Labor

• [28:00] “It’s no secret that our society praises men for doing the bare minimum… Meanwhile, we just expect women to do everything without any acknowledgment.”
• Alex highlights:
  • Men get lauded for small acts; women’s management is normalized.
  • When the ball is dropped, women are often expected to swoop in as ‘fixers’.
• Emotional labor is tied in: Women are usually the ones to initiate difficult conversations, handle family matters, and “pick things up when he shuts down.”

5. When Mothering Becomes Isolation and Burnout

• [33:00] Loneliness is a major byproduct; the dynamic can make women feel they have “no one to lean on” and ultimately settle for less than equal partnership.

6. How to Break the Pattern

• [37:00] Alex offers a step-by-step plan:
  • Notice when you’re slipping into ‘mom mode’ (e.g., cleaning up his mess, reminding him about appointments).
    • “Simply just becoming aware of what you’re doing in the moment— that’s half the battle.”
  • Communicate directly (“I have noticed that I am taking on a lot, and it’s really starting to overwhelm me. I need some help.”)
  • Step back and allow consequences to happen. “The only way they will learn is when you stop cushioning the fall… and they have to fall on their fucking face.”
  • If things don’t change, re-evaluate the partnership: “If the consequences of his incompetence start to negatively affect your life, then he is probably not a true partner to you.”

7. Choosing Better Partners (and Dating Red Flags)

• [46:00]
  • Early in dating, look for grown-up behavior: Does he remember details, plan dates, keep a clean space, cook, know his credit score?
  • “Once you’re in a relationship with a guy who can really take care of himself, everything just gets so much easier.”
  • Quote: “There are guys out there who actually do have their shit together… I know that sounds crazy… but some do. Some.”

8. The Attraction of True Partnership

• [52:00]
  • Alex shares a memorable personal story:
  • “[Matt] said, ‘God forbid something ever happens to me… I know without a doubt that our kids will be fine with you as their mother. I trust you…’”
  • She stresses: You should be able to say the same about your partner (“…or are you still wiping his fucking asshole? Literally or figuratively?”)

9. Mothering Roots and Family Dynamics

• [55:00]
  • Check your partner’s relationship with his mother—mama’s boys often repeat the mothered dynamic.

Notable Quotes & Highlights

• On division of labor:

  “If you’re in a healthy relationship, the division of labor feels fair, neither person feels like they’re drowning, and neither person feels like they’re getting resentful.” (22:50)

• On burnout:

  “Once you’ve fallen into this pattern of mothering your partner, it can really start to impact your relationship… you end up settling for a less than equal partner, and you end up feeling drained and burnt out and undervalued.” (34:35)

• On raising standards:

  “Guys, literally, we need to start holding men to more accountability and to higher fucking standards because you actually deserve a true partner.” (48:45)

• On allowing partners to fail:

  “The only way that they will learn is when you stop cushioning the fall. And they have to fall on their fucking face and own the consequences of being a dumbass.” (43:20)

• On choosing a potential future father:

  “Anything that bothers you before you get married is only going to get 10 times worse once you marry this person, and especially once you have kids.” (01:36:15)

Listener Q&A Segment Highlights

All Q&As begin after [59:00]. Select highlights below:

1. Waiting on a Proposal

• Eight years together, no ring. Alex advises clear, direct communication—don’t hint, just talk openly about needs, finances, and relationship timelines. “So much comes down to communication...” (01:00:15)

2. Oral Sex is Not Reciprocated

• If partner isn’t going down on you, express specifically what you want—praise what you enjoy, ask for more, but don’t turn it into a confrontation.
• “Guys are so insecure, you’ve gotta go about it like, ‘I’m literally obsessed when you eat me out…’” (01:06:50)

3. Parents vs. Personal Change

• Listener’s parents blame boyfriend for their daughter’s changing behavior. Alex suggests a loving, open conversation—clarify it’s your personal growth, not partner-driven.

4. Step-Parenting Uncertainty

• Listener struggles with boyfriend’s daughter being his first priority. Alex’s advice: Reflect honestly on readiness to be a stepmom; don’t force yourself to match his phase of life if you’re not ready. “Sometimes when you’re in such different life places, love isn’t enough.” (01:16:00)

5. Partner Won’t Prioritize Health

• Woman feels forced to encourage boyfriend to be healthy; he resists or only tries if she initiates. Alex: “Stop mothering your partner.” Open a conversation about mental health, but recognize you can’t force change; internal motivation must come from him.

6. Pregnancy & Codependency

• Listener feels overly reliant on fiancé during a difficult pregnancy; Alex normalizes these feelings and encourages communication and personal self-care (journaling, therapy), emphasizing self-compassion and gradual return to independence.

Memorable & Humorous Moments

• Opening Riff:
  • “If you start to see a little bit of sweat trickle down my face, just know I am in pain. But I refuse to not lean into the aesthetic of fall. Because what the fuck?” (04:15)
• Poolside Spy Game:
  • Full-on “people-watching” enthusiasm as she admits: “Am I fully eavesdropping on this couple? Maybe. Yes, absolutely… that's literally the point of going on vacation half the time.” (08:45)
• On gendered expectations:
  • “Is there anything less sexy than having a parental dynamic with your partner? Who in the actual would want to rip a guy’s clothes off when you know that you’re going to be stuck folding them later?” (32:35)
• On men and basic life skills:
  • “Does he cook meals for himself? Like real meals, not a Hot Pocket, okay?” (47:30)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:00 – 06:45: Opening, ads, intro banter
• 08:00: Poolside couple story leads to main theme
• 12:00: Defining mothering vs. equitable partnership
• 19:00: Weaponized incompetence explained
• 28:00: Double standards and emotional labor
• 33:00: The emotional toll of mothering (loneliness, burnout)
• 37:00 – 45:00: Steps to break the mothering pattern
• 46:00: How to choose partners and recognize possible red flags
• 52:00: What healthy partnership looks like (personal stories)
• 55:00: Family dynamics and being a “mama’s boy”
• 59:00 – 01:36:00: Listener questions (engagement, sexual reciprocation, family approval, step-parenting, partner health, codependency in pregnancy)
• 01:36:15: Final reflections on choosing a partner and a teaser for a future episode

Summary Takeaway

Through humor, vulnerable stories, and a little tough love, Alex Cooper challenges women to self-reflect on whether they’re mothering or partnering, how to start shifting unhealthy relationship patterns, and why high standards—not just affection—should be the baseline in relationships. If you recognize yourself in these scenarios, Alex’s advice is clear—notice the patterns, communicate, step back, and demand equality. And if all else fails? “Go break up with your not-boyfriends if you are mothering them. Love you!”

For more conversations, join the Daddy Gang @callherdaddy.

(All timestamps in MM:SS format. Quotes attributed to Alex Cooper for clarity.)