Call Her Daddy – "Your Friends Aren't Therapists" (December 7, 2025)

Host: Alex Cooper

Episode Overview

In this Sunday session, Alex Cooper delves into the nuanced world of adult friendships, focusing on the often-overlooked concept of the "medium friend." Drawing inspiration from thought-provoking articles and personal anecdotes, Alex explores how expectations, boundaries, and emotional labor play out in different types of friendships—especially as we grow older. The episode is both reflective and hilarious, staying true to Alex’s signature candid tone. She also answers listener questions on relationships, boundaries, and navigating life changes, offering wisdom peppered with her trademark sass.

Main Themes & Purpose

• Exploring the “medium friend” concept and why these relationships deserve recognition and appreciation.
• Differentiating between close friendships and acquaintances, and how “medium friends” occupy valuable, unique space.
• Discussing expectations, emotional boundaries, and the pitfalls of turning friends into therapists.
• Encouraging personal growth and continued learning beyond formal education.
• Providing relationship advice to listeners on handling work, trust, and family dynamics.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Rediscovering the Joy of Learning (03:39)

• Alex confesses to missing learning for its own sake, noting, “lately I have found myself just really missing learning... I was a good student, but I didn't want to be. Like, I wasn't happy.” [03:39]
• Muses on post-college intellectual stagnation, social media brain rot, and a collective craving for curiosity and substance.

2. Introducing the Call Her Daddy Book Club (06:40)

• Announces her plan to turn Sunday sessions into a casual “book club,” curating articles and topics for collective exploration.

3. Deep Dive: The “Medium Friend” (07:42–18:22)

• Cites the New York Times article, “The Vexing Problem of the Medium Friend.”
• Defines a “medium friend”: neither close BFFs nor acquaintances; people with whom you share history or activities, but not deep emotional intimacy.
• Shares a personal story about reconnecting with a college friend (“Jessica”) and explains the low-pressure joy of such relationships.
• Quote: “The point is, this person doesn't have to be everything to you, but they can still serve a genuine purpose in your life.” [09:41]
• Reads article excerpt: “Medium Friends are genuine friends... Unlike the closest friends, Medium friends test the limits of your time, love and energy... The tension... is this absence of clarity.” [10:27]
• Reflects on how medium friends offer low stakes, nostalgia, new perspectives, and levity, often acting as “side characters” who add colorful subplots to our lives.

4. The Benefits of “Surface” Friendships (16:40)

• Shares Hazel Davis’s article, "Why I Cherish My Superficial Friendships and You Should Too."
• Quote: “Superficial friendships can provide all manner of benefits... you get to be a free and easygoing person who can forget about your problems for the night.” [16:41]
• Alex acknowledges, “I definitely think I don't place the same value in my medium friends than my like lifers. But... you’re recognizing each person’s value and what you’re expecting of them, and that is a beautiful thing.” [18:22]
• Highlights the mutual unspoken understanding and lighter emotional load of medium friendships.

5. Emotional Labor and the “Therapist Friend” Trap (18:22)

• Discusses when close friendships become draining if one person takes on a constant therapist role.
• Notes the pitfalls of “vertical friendships”—where one party’s needs or problems dominate the dynamic.
• Quote: “You cannot be the sole source of a friend's emotional well-being... Wait, Jenny, I'm not a therapist, okay? And you're not paying me for this. I'm supposed to be your friend.” [21:32]

6. Horizontal vs. Vertical Relationships (24:23)

• Shares concepts from the book The Courage to Be Disliked:
  • Horizontal friendship: equal, mutually supportive, authentic.
  • Vertical friendship: imbalanced, one-sided, can be codependent or emotionally taxing.
• Encourages listeners to introspect: “After you hang out with this friend, how do you feel? Are you anxious, tired, maybe frustrated?” [25:06]
• Memorable Rant: (On “Barbara” the self-absorbed friend): “Barbara, do you know my last name? Barbara? ... I’m your emergency contact, Barbara. Like, Barbara, shut the f*ck up. It can literally drive you insane...” [29:47]

7. Setting Boundaries & Letting Go of Guilt (30:00+)

• Advocates for setting and maintaining boundaries, letting go of people-pleasing tendencies, and recognizing when friendships are no longer serving both parties.
• “If you lose a friend because they can't handle the friendship being an equal, balanced dynamic, then yeah, it probably means it's not serving for you to have that person in your life.” [31:54]
• Emphasizes self-awareness as the foundation for healthy friendships, though laments that it “can’t really be taught.”

8. In Praise of Medium Friends (36:08)

• Medium friendships are “f*cking lovely”—low-pressure, social, light, and rejuvenating.
• “Find time for your medium friends because really what it is, is, it’s more to fill your cup than it is anything else... It’s relaxing, it’s light.” [36:10–39:09]
• Even outfit choices are different: “With medium friends, you will go a little bit cuter on your outfits, you’ll put on some makeup... My girlfriends, I need to like put on my sweatpants...” [36:45]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Learning Just for You:
  “It just feels good to be curious and to think on topics that aren't in my immediate worldview. What a concept.” [05:18]
• On Trying to Please Everyone:
  “Medium Friends prove the lie in any naive attempt to be all things to all people.” [10:27]
• On Emotional Boundaries:
  “You cannot be the sole source of a friend's emotional well-being... I'm not a therapist, okay? And you're not paying me for this...” [21:39]
• On Outfits for Medium Friends:
  “You will go a little bit cuter on your outfits… With a lot of my girlfriends, I need to put on my sweatpants...” [36:45]
• On Cutting Draining Friends:
  “If you keep leaning into these dynamics that are vertical, that are not equal for you, ultimately it's going to cost your ability to be genuine.” [34:28]

Important Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment/Topic | |------------|-------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 03:39 | Alex shares her craving for learning post-college. | | 06:40 | Announces “book club” Sunday sessions. | | 07:42 | Introduction to the “medium friend” discussion. | | 10:27 | Reads article excerpt on medium friends and reflects on expectations. | | 13:12 | Explains boundaries and joy in medium friendships. | | 16:40 | Shares Hazel Davis’s article on cherishing superficial friendships. | | 18:22 | When friendships turn into therapy sessions—issues of imbalance. | | 24:23 | Explains vertical vs. horizontal friendships, drawing from The Courage to Be Disliked. | | 29:47 | Rant: The “Barbara” friend, weaponized incompetence. | | 36:08 | The underrated perks of medium friends (including outfit inspiration). |

Listener Q&A Highlights

[41:54–55:08] Notable Questions & Alex’s Advice

1. Fiancé considering quitting a stressful new job ([42:00])

   • Alex urges a mix of empathy and honest self-reflection about partner compatibility.

2. What to do if you discover your ex’s friend is cheating ([45:22])

   • Alex says alert the girlfriend with compassion: “You don’t owe anything to your ex or his friends, but if you want to help a girl out, slide in with a gentle heads up.”

3. Boyfriend went to a strip club without telling her ([47:38])

   • Alex stresses the importance of boundaries and gut feelings: “Pack it up if you have a pit in your stomach every time he goes out and you’re checking his location.” [53:18]

4. Moving away from mom for better support but feeling guilt ([57:10])

   • Alex focuses on addressing the marital strain and personal needs first, stating, “Always handle the bigger issue before changing the environment.” [59:14]

Overall Tone & Final Thoughts

• Alex’s approach is candid, irreverent, and full of relatable humor, offering both tough love and empathy.
• She encourages the Daddy Gang to recognize different relationship dynamics, let go of impossible expectations, and balance deep, emotionally taxing bonds with lighter, rejuvenating friendships.
• Closing Encouragement: “Maybe enjoy some of those people you haven’t made as much of an effort with—sometimes you just need to go have a good girls’ night and stop sitting in all the sh*t that is your own life.” [39:09]

Conclusion

This episode is a deep yet breezy reflection on the spectrum of friendship, reminding listeners that not every relationship must be emotionally profound to be meaningful. “Medium friends” have a legitimate place in our mental health and social lives, offering connection without the sometimes heavy cost of intimacy—and that’s something to both value and seek out.