Calm Parenting Podcast: Episode 3 – Specific Ways to Help Kids In School

Release Date: January 16, 2024
Host: Kirk Martin, Founder of Celebrate Calm

Introduction

In Episode 3 of the Calm Parenting Podcast, host Kirk Martin delves into the challenges parents and teachers face when managing strong-willed children in educational settings. Drawing from his extensive experience with over 1,500 children exhibiting behaviors associated with ADHD, OCD, ODD, ASD, and other learning differences, Kirk provides practical strategies to foster positive relationships and effective learning environments.

Understanding the Challenges in the Classroom

Kirk begins by empathizing with both parents and teachers struggling with strong-willed children. He highlights the compounded difficulty teachers face when managing multiple children with diverse behavioral challenges throughout the school day.

"Imagine you're a teacher and you've got three or five strong-willed kids in your classroom and maybe throw on top of that kids with some learning differences, some learning disabilities, kids on the spectrum. That's hard, right?" [01:20]

Kirk acknowledges that many teachers genuinely care but often lack the necessary tools to support these children effectively. This gap can lead to negative interactions, power struggles, and ultimately, a strained relationship between the child and the teacher.

The Impact of Negative Interactions

Using a relatable classroom scenario, Kirk illustrates how typical disciplinary approaches can backfire with strong-willed children. He recounts a situation where a teacher reprimands a child, "Jeremy," for not following directions during math class.

"Jeremy, if you can't follow directions in my class, you are going to end up losing recess." [02:48]

Such interactions can foster a defensive attitude in children, making them feel misunderstood and disliked. Kirk observes that this often leads to children shutting down emotionally and increasing their defiant behaviors as a reaction.

"Jeremy will put away his book. But inside his heart, here's what's just developed this defensive posture that says, this teacher doesn't understand me. This teacher, this person, this human does not like me. [...] So what are you going to do to me? I don't really care about your consequences." [04:15]

Transitioning to Positive Reinforcement

Kirk proposes an alternative approach centered around positive reinforcement and connection. Instead of reprimanding Jeremy, the teacher could acknowledge his strengths and redirect his behavior in a supportive manner.

"Jeremy, you know what I love about you? You love to read. [...] Reading opens up new worlds to you. I love that you want to read. Look, it's math class right now, so I need you to put away your book." [06:30]

By validating Jeremy's interests and strengths, the teacher fosters a positive self-image and opens the door for more cooperative behavior.

Practical Strategies for Parents and Teachers

Kirk outlines three specific strategies to implement both at home and in the classroom:

1. Affirmation and Positive Acknowledgment

   Encouraging teachers to recognize and praise positive behaviors can significantly enhance a child's self-esteem and willingness to engage.

   "Could you affirm him every time he makes a good choice? Because this will counterbalance the negatives, catch him doing things. Well, hey, that was a really good choice, Beck. I'm proud of you." [09:45]

2. Providing Meaningful Responsibilities

   Assigning specific roles or tasks that align with a child's strengths can build confidence and reduce anxiety.

   "Here's one: Could you give Beckham a job to do every morning? It's something he's good at doing that makes him feel helpful and needed because that will build his confidence and it also helps with anxiety." [13:31]

3. Challenging Engagement

   Introducing challenges that match a child's capabilities can keep them engaged and prevent boredom-induced disruptive behavior.

   "Hey, Beckham. The other kids are adding two-digit numbers. Think you can add three-digit numbers?" [14:10]

Effective Communication with Teachers

Kirk emphasizes the importance of constructive communication between parents and teachers. He provides a sample email template that parents can use to propose alternative strategies without appearing confrontational.

"Mrs. Henderson, could we try something different for the next two weeks and see if we can make progress?" [08:50]

This approach encourages collaboration and focuses on achievable progress rather than immediate perfection.

Training Teachers for Long-Term Success

Recognizing that teachers need comprehensive tools and training, Kirk introduces his online training program. Priced at $750, this program aims to equip educators with effective strategies to support strong-willed and differently-abled children without the high costs associated with traditional professional development.

"Look, I'm just being honest with this stuff. [...] But a thousand dollars maybe that's a lot of money to ask a parent or even nowadays, sometimes a school with stretch budget to do it. So I thought, you know what? $750 to train 15, 20, 30, 50, 100. I don't care how many teachers it is. That number of teachers, right, that's, that's a really good price." [19:25]

Kirk highlights the flexibility and value of his online trainings, making them accessible to a broader range of schools and educators.

Conclusion and Call to Action

Kirk wraps up the episode by reiterating the importance of building positive relationships and providing actionable strategies to support strong-willed children in school. He invites listeners to reach out for personalized assistance and to consider his training programs for educators seeking effective solutions.

"We want to help your family. Love you. I'll talk to you soon." [23:00]

Notable Quotes

• On Teacher Challenges:
  "Imagine you're a teacher and you've got three or five strong-willed kids in your classroom and maybe throw on top of that kids with some learning differences, some learning disabilities, kids on the spectrum. That's hard, right?" — Kirk Martin [01:20]

• On Negative Interactions:
  "Jeremy will put away his book. But inside his heart, here's what's just developed this defensive posture that says, this teacher doesn't understand me. This teacher, this person, this human does not like me." — Kirk Martin [04:15]

• On Positive Reinforcement:
  "Jeremy, you know what I love about you? You love to read. Reading opens up new worlds to you. I love that you want to read." — Kirk Martin [06:30]

• On Effective Communication:
  "Mrs. Henderson, could we try something different for the next two weeks and see if we can make progress?" — Kirk Martin [08:50]

• On Teacher Training Value:
  "Look, I'm just being honest with this stuff. $750 to train 15, 20, 30, 50, 100. I don't care how many teachers it is. That's a really good price." — Kirk Martin [19:25]

Additional Resources

• Website: www.CelebrateCalm.com
• Email: Casey@CelebrateCalm.com
• Training Booking: Visit the website and select the "Book Live Training" tab to arrange online sessions for educators.

This episode serves as an insightful guide for parents and educators aiming to create a more harmonious and effective learning environment for strong-willed children. By shifting from punitive measures to positive reinforcement and strategic communication, Kirk Martin provides actionable steps to transform challenging interactions into opportunities for growth and connection.