5 Ways We Misunderstand Our Intense, Deeply Feeling Kids & How to Change That #607

Summary

---

Calm Parenting Podcast (#607):

5 Ways We Misunderstand Our Intense, Deeply Feeling Kids & How to Change That

Host: Kirk Martin
Date: June 28, 2026

---

Overview: Main Theme & Purpose

This episode dives into the ways strong-willed, deeply feeling children are misunderstood by parents, teachers, and society at large—and how parents can shift their perspective to foster understanding and healthier relationships. Kirk Martin draws on decades of experience working with strong-willed and neurodivergent kids, sharing direct, poignant “in-their-shoes” insights gathered from kids themselves. The tone is candid, compassionate, and occasionally heavy, offering both empathy and clear strategies for growth. Kirk’s ultimate goal: to help parents become less judgmental and more receptive, acknowledging the pain of misunderstanding—and inspiring meaningful change.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Pain of Being Misunderstood

• Children’s Lived Experience:
  Kirk opens with a perspective-shifting exercise: he reads the internal “script” of a strong-willed child, contrasting parents’ pride in a young child’s curiosity and energy with the negative label those same traits receive later.

  • Quote (03:09):

    “But now I’m in school and I get in trouble for all these same traits. But I’m still the same kid... Now I’m the bad kid, and it feels like everyone is trying to change who I am. And I don’t understand.”
    – Kirk Martin, channeling a strong-willed child

• Emotional Consequences:
  Kids internalize this confusion and judgment, leading to crushed confidence and self-worth.

2. Authoritarian Parenting Doesn't Work

• Conflict and Relationship Breakdown:
  If parents stick to an old-school, rigid approach, strong-willed kids will fight back—or bottle up resentment that erupts in adolescence.

  • Quote (08:40):

    “Dad. Your tough guy approach will not work with me. I will fight you and it will blow up our relationship… I need your wisdom, but I need you to deal with your own father issues. That’s not right to put that on me… Your constant criticism, you shaking your head in disapproval doesn’t motivate me. It drains life from me.”
    – Kirk Martin, voice of a strong-willed child to an authoritarian parent

• Need for Parental Self-Reflection:
  Parents must set aside pride and enter their child’s world, giving guidance without ego or control. Otherwise, ongoing criticism only causes withdrawal and stunted growth.

3. Over-Accommodating, “Soft” Parenting Backfires Too

• Condescending Communication:
  Using a gentle, overly accommodating tone can feel patronizing to strong-willed kids, making them feel less capable and more unsettled.

  • Quote (10:55):

    “Who do you think you’re talking to? Why are you using that tone with me like you’re talking to a baby? It sounds condescending and patronizing… I need you to be a calm, confident leader who can guide me along this path… Please stop talking to me like a baby.”
    – Kirk Martin, channeling a strong-willed child to an over-accommodating parent

• Craving Respect and Real Leadership:
  These children respond best when spoken to honestly and treated more like emerging adults.

4. Differences in Values, Interests, and Friendships

• Kids’ Unique Preferences:
  Many strong-willed children prefer a few close friends or enjoy adult company, and are less interested in “normal” childhood socializing. Parental anxiety about their child’s lack of friends is often misplaced.

  • Quote (12:36):

    “I’m different than you. And I’m actually okay with not having a lot of friends. I prefer a couple close friends. It bothers you more than it bothers me… Isn’t that what you ultimately want—me to succeed in the adult world?”
    – Kirk Martin, expressing kids’ views on social differences

• Resisting Projection:
  Kirk highlights that projecting adult values (diplomas, college, etc.) onto kids fosters more alienation when those things don’t resonate.

5. The School Struggle & Feeling Like a Failure

• Misaligned Expectations:
  Many children feel ongoing failure at school because success depends on conformity, memorization, and social skills they don’t naturally possess.

  • Quote (18:04):

    “There are all these things at school that are just arbitrary standards… I’m just not good at them… So I continually feel like a fake failure… I am at my best when I am problem-solving, helping adults, tinkering… But at school, I never get to do these things… I get graded on things I’m not good at and probably never will use… What do you want from me?”
    – Kirk Martin, voice of misunderstood kids

• Self-Image & Defensive Strategies:
  This sense of difference leads to children giving up, acting out, or retreating to the safety of screens—spaces where they control their narrative.

6. Mixed Messages and True Independence

• Confusion About “Being a Leader”:
  Kids are told, “Don’t be a follower. Be a leader.” But, when they demonstrate independent thinking (“the hot stove kid”), parents often pressure them to conform, leading to confusion and frustration.

  • Quote (22:20):

    “When I do act with independence, it makes you uncomfortable and all of a sudden you do want me to conform… Turns out I am the one who has the courage to push back… But then I get in trouble for that.”
    – Kirk Martin, as strong-willed child

• What Actually Hurts:
  The real pain isn’t struggling or failing at something difficult—it’s the harsh comparisons, judgment, and criticism for not fitting the mold.

7. The Innate Nature of Strong-Willed Kids

• Born This Way:
  These children didn’t choose their temperament, energy, or curiosity—they’ve “simply been being who [they] were born as” since preschool, often to the disappointment of parents/teachers.

• Desire for Acceptance:
  The deepest hurt comes from feeling unloved/unaccepted by their own parents—often masked through defensiveness, blame, or emotional withdrawal.

  • Quote (24:50):

    “Even my own dad, who’s supposed to love and protect and guide me, at times seems like he just doesn’t like me or want to be with me, and that cuts deeply. But I can’t always show that. So I make excuses and I blame others, because it’s too painful to just admit that I’m helpless and feel stupid and like I’m bad.”
    – Kirk Martin, channeling the deep feelings of kids

8. Parents Can Change Course

• A Path Forward:
  Kirk encourages parents not to wallow in guilt, but to acknowledge mistakes succinctly and move on with changed behavior.

  • Quote (20:50):

    “Don’t apologize 15 times…you apologize, then you change. That’s it. Even matter of fact, tone, you apologize and then you change.”

• Open Conversation is Key:
  Checking in honestly with kids about whether these perspectives resonate can open doors to healing and understanding.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “These kids are among the most misunderstood people on the planet—and that causes anger, inner turmoil, confusion. They beat themselves up inside, and we don’t want that.”
  (05:48, Kirk Martin)

• “Your constant criticism… doesn’t motivate me. It drains life from me… makes me want to stop trying—to give up in resignation, knowing I will never please the one person whose acceptance I need most.”
  (09:19, as strong-willed child)

• “Why are you using that tone with me, like you’re talking to a baby? …I need you to be a calm, confident leader… Please stop talking to me like a baby.”
  (11:00, on soft/over-accommodating parenting)

• “You act like I just choose this all the time—like I can just turn on and off who I am. You lecture me about my choices. And, yes, sometimes I intentionally choose something I know is wrong… But sometimes I am simply being who I have always been inside.”
  (24:40, kids on being misunderstood)

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [03:09] – The child’s-eye view: energetic traits are loved in toddlers, but punished in school
• [08:40] – Message to authoritarian parents: tough approaches fuel rebellion or withdrawal
• [10:55] – Message to overly accommodating parents: patronizing tones erode respect and security
• [12:36] – Kids on friendship, individuality, and not fitting the “normal” mold
• [18:04] – How school’s arbitrary standards make strong-willed kids feel like failures
• [22:20] – Confusion from mixed parental messages about independence
• [24:40] – The acute pain of feeling unloved or deeply disliked by one’s own parent
• [27:00-28:19] – Kirk’s encouragement for parents: be patient, invite open dialogue, and focus on understanding

---

Guidance & Takeaways

• Allow your child to listen to these insights and ask them which parts resonate—this could prompt healing conversations.
• Avoid over-apologizing or blaming yourself; make the shift in perspective and communicate respect and acceptance.
• Stay patient—with your child and yourself. This work is challenging, but deeply worthwhile.
• Remember: “If we don’t get this right, this leads to kids who in their 20s and 30s… will feel misunderstood and… never achieve their potential the way we view them.” (27:43, Kirk Martin)

---

For more resources or help, visit celebratecalm.com or find the Calm Parenting Podcast on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok.

---

Transcript

[Kirk Martin]

You already know what I want for Father's Day.

[Co-host/Announcer]

Cozy Earth I sleep under my Cozy Earth bamboo sheets. I live in my bamboo shorts and polo and pullovers. But my latest obsession is the Cozy Earth Everywhere Pant.

[Kirk Martin]

Now you can wear these insanely soft

[Co-host/Announcer]

and breathable Cozy Earth Everywhere pants to the office, to the kids games to

[Kirk Martin]

just lounge around in.

[Co-host/Announcer]

Just look at the [e-mail] Men rarely rave about clothes, but they rave about these Everywhere pants and request several pairs. They're stylish. They've got a light stretch, barely any wrinkles. Cozy Earth is the can't miss gift for dads, stepdads and grandpas who show up every day. Everywhere.

[Kirk Martin]

Cozy Earth's bamboo sheets, Everywhere Pant and

[Co-host/Announcer]

everyday polo are designed to keep him cool, comfortable and relaxed all summer. Go to cozyearth.com use my code CALM for an exclusive 20% off. That's code CALM cozyearth.com for 20% off and let cozy Earth know we sent you. I just changed the script because 5 minutes ago case and I were talking about how hard it is for ADD and neurodivergent people to kind of be on time and organize. So this summer let your kids experiment with managing the family schedule using Skylake Calendar. Our kids like to feel in control of things. Maybe they can be your personal assistant. Skylight has this tasks feature that helps kids build healthy routines and independence. And Skylight helps an ADD guy like me because I can manage events, chores and grocery lists on the go with the free Skylight app. Try it for four months. If you're not 100% thrilled, you can return it for a full refund, no questions asked. Families are better when they're working together. Right now Skylight is offering our listeners through $30 off their 15 inch calendars by going to myskylight.com parenting go to myskylight.com parenting for $30 off your 15 inch calendar. That's my S K Y L I g h t.com parenting I think your kids are going to like this. So here's a killer idea to inspire curiosity and keep your kids brains learning in a fun way. This summer I want you to to sign up for a [e-mail] Kirk and for your child to sign up for one. That way you are learning great alongside your child. They can see you wrestling with ideas, being curious and even asking them for help. It's awesome modeling for your kids and it makes learning a family adventure, not something you make them do. Iexcel is an award winning learning platform with an easy to navigate layout that uses interactive practice and step by step video tutorials that that make it perfect for relaxed summer learning. So what class are you going to take this summer? Make an impact on your child's learning. Get IXL now. Calm Parenting podcast listeners get an exclusive 20% off an IXL membership when you sign up today at ixl.comkirk so visit ixl.comkirk to get the most effective learning program at the best price.

[Kirk Martin]

I wonder if you can hear your strong willed child saying something like this. I'm so confused. Sometimes when I was a little kid I would hear you telling your friends how you loved my curiosity, that I loved to explore and never stop talking and asking questions. Dad said that with all that energy I would move mountains and he was constantly building things with me so I could use my hands and put things together and take things apart. But now I'm in school and I get in trouble for all these same traits. But I'm still the same kid doing the same things you loved when I was little. But now I'm the bad kid and it feels like everyone is trying to change who I am. And I don't understand. This is how I was born. It's how I've always been. I thought it was good that I was good. And now I discover that people aren't happy with my energy and curiosity and fidgeting, asking questions, what happened? What did I do wrong? I want you to let that sink in and I know that counter arguments, you can't always do certain things in different settings and you have to adapt. But really think about this from a kid's point of view because their experience on Earth is only three or five or eight or 13 years, they don't have the larger perspective and this is how it often feels for them and when. And we need to understand that or it will absolutely crush their spirit and their confidence. So on this episode of the Calm Parenting Podcast, I wanted to give you insight into your strong willed kids in their own words. So welcome. This is Kirk Martin, founder of Celebrate Calm and you can find [e-mail] we're also on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok at Calm Parenting Podcast. Look, we have tough kids to raise. Our son came out of the womb with boxing gloves on, ready to take on the world. These kids have their own ideas, want to do things their way. These are stove touchers who don't really care about consequences and they want to learn the hard way. And the traditional parenting method simply will not work with These kids, they will backfire and then you're going to get judged. And some of you had an easier, more compliant child first, and you thought, oh, I am such a good parent. This is easy. Just be clear, firm and consistent. And then the strong wheelchair came along and you're like, I don't know anything anymore. So I want to share some insight from your child's point of view that I think you will find very helpful as you navigate raising this child. And I did something similar to this last year, but I actually had kids email us with new perspective that I have incorporated into some new statements. And this is a podcast I strongly urge you to let your kids listen listen to because it may make them feel understood and prompt some really great conversations. Many of you are strong willed adults now, and you were misunderstood as a kid, and even till today you are. And I hope that you find this to be healing for you, even if it came 10 or 20 or 30 years too late. Look, we all want to be understood and. And strong willed kids are among the most misunderstood people on the planet. And that causes anger, inner turmoil, confusion. They beat themselves up a lot inside, and we don't want that. I've met far too many great kids in their 20s and even early 30s whose lives have been damaged not because of them, but because of how people viewed them and misunderstood them. And I don't want that to happen with our kids. Back in the day, we had 1500 kids like this in our home. Over the course of a decade, we got to know them inside and out, many of them over the course of years. So we saw them change and grow. We stayed in touch with them as they've progressed through their lives. And sometimes these kids, they got crushed by a rigid school system or a rigid parent. So I hope you find this helpful caveat. This podcast will feel heavy for some of you. There's no blame or judgment or guilt intended. These kids are a mystery at times.

[Co-host/Announcer]

There was no instruction manual given to

[Kirk Martin]

you for these kids when you left the hospital or adopted them. So that's what we basically try to create with our downloadable programs. So I know you're doing your best, you're figuring it out as you go, all the while dealing with your own childhood trauma and reparenting yourself. It's hard. So as you listen, some of this may kind of pierce your heart a little bit. It's not intended to make you feel guilty, but it is insight that can lead to a changed perspective, a changed relationship, and a deeper understanding of your child. So here is What a strong willed child kind of wants to say to an authoritarian parent. This one is very personal because this is what our son always wanted to say to me. And as his dad, before I changed dad.

[Co-host/Announcer]

You know what was funny?

[Kirk Martin]

I said that just the way Casey says that to me when he's serious. It just kind of, kind of caught me a little bit because that's his, that, that's that tone. And it was always like, ugh. It always like kind of pierced me a little bit, right? Like, oh, what am I doing wrong here?

[Ad Voice 1]

But it was.

[Kirk Martin]

Dad. Your tough guy approach will not work with me. I will fight you and it will blow up our relationship. Then mom will be forced to come and be the referee between us. But she's almost always going to side with me because I'm her kid and it's going to create tension between you guys and between us. Or I will simply bury that anger until I'm as big as you and it will come out with a vengeance in my teen years. But I don't want to fight you. You have a lot of hard fought wisdom you have gained in your life. And I need that wisdom. See, I have a harder path in life. I'm choosing that. I'm a stove toucher. I choose the harsher consequence, the harsher path on, harder path on purpose. I need your wisdom, but I need you to deal with your own father issues. That's not right to put that on me. I know I make you uncomfortable. And maybe that's because I'm a lot like you. And you know how much pain you've been through and you want to, you want me to avoid those same mistakes. Or maybe I am just so different from you that you don't know what to do or how to connect with me. I get that. But you have to put down your pride and ego and do the hard work and enter into my world to understand me. Your constant criticism, you shaking your head in disapproval doesn't motivate me. It drains life from me. It deflates me. It actually makes me want to stop trying to give up in resignation, knowing I will never please the one person whose acceptance I need most. I need you to come alongside me instead of fighting and correcting me. To give me your wisdom so I know how to walk down this path successfully because no one else can show me. And your guidance will save me a lot of pain. Look, that's what a strong willed child often wants to say to that more authoritarian, rigid parent, right? Especially an old school father like I was.

[Ad Voice 2]

Now.

[Kirk Martin]

What about those parents who use that really sweet, accommodating tone with their kids. Here's what they want to say to you. Who do you think you're talking to? Why are you using that tone with me like you're talking to a baby? It sounds condescending and patronizing and weak, like you're asking my permission. Instead of being the confident leader I need, why do you keep talking about my feelings all the time as if I'm incapable, Incapable of controlling myself? Yeah, I wake up with a vision of how I want things to be or what I want to create. But I'm just a kid, so I don't have the grown up skills or tools to accomplish what I've pictured in my head. And that leads me to get really frustrated. But then you come along talking gibberish like you don't know how to help me, and that makes me feel even more helpless and misunderstood, like you just don't get it. I've got some big plans for my life. I've got big emotions and a strong will. I need you to be a calm, confident leader who can guide me along this path. It's going to make you very uncomfortable, but please stop talking to me like a baby. You've already told your friends I'm three going on 33 or 12 going on 42. Well, start respecting me by talking to me more like a grown up. I'll respond better to that. Otherwise, I'm in complete control of you. And that feels very unstable for me as a child. Now these, these, this is a hard podcast to do because I think any one of these would be enough to kind of sit on, sit in and just kind of absorb that a little bit.

[Co-host/Announcer]

Right.

[Kirk Martin]

Because that's hard. Because if you were the kind of harsh, authoritarian parent like me, well, that's really hard to hear. And now I had to change myself. And if you've done that really sweet, accommodating kind of thing that a lot of parents do now, that's hard to hear coming from your child, but it's important because now you have an opportunity to change that. Now, the following is how many of your kids feel as they go through their childhood. And this one is one where I heard from a lot of kids and I've incorporated their statements. And so this might be something you allow your strong will child to listen to. I love our kids listening to our programs in the car in the background because these are insightful kids and it can prompt really good conversations. So you can ask if they ever feel like this. Mom dad, I'm different than you. And I'm actually okay with not having a lot of friends. I prefer a couple close friends. It bothers you more than it bothers me. I like my alone time. I actually don't mind being different. It creates some space for me to be an individual, to be away from the pressure of conforming because other kids don't ask me to do things that I actually don't want to do because I find the kid world kind of boring and stupid. Why is that such a bad thing that I'd rather talk about and do things adults do? Isn't that what you ultimately are raising me to do? Be happy and successful in the adult world? But when you constantly pressure me to make friends, it makes me once again feel like a failure. Like I should have all these friends when I really don't want to. Mom and Dad, I don't need or want or value the same things as you. You want to see me walk across the stage to get my high school or college diploma. That literally holds zero interest for me. I don't the college experience. I don't want people clapping for me, being handed some diploma I resent having to get. Don't project what you want and value onto me. That's a very common sentiment from our kids because I gotta feel it myself. Well, what do you think your child feels about school? This is really insightful.

[Co-host/Announcer]

So we talk all the time about providing emotional security for your kids. And just as foundational, is making sure your family is physically safe. That's why we rely on our Cove home security system. It's simple, affordable, gives us peace of mind. Keeping families safe used to mean expensive installation and complicated long term contracts. Not anymore. I installed our Cove system myself in 30 minutes. Cove has easy peel and stick sensors, no drilling, no wires, but you get professional monitoring with rapid response starting at less than a dollar a day.

[Kirk Martin]

Whether you're on vacation or your kids

[Co-host/Announcer]

are home alone, Cove has live video and audio streaming straight to your phone so you can see what's happening in real time. Start the summer off right. Order your Cove system today@cov smart.com CPP head to covesmart.com CPP or just use code CPP at checkout for up to 70% off your first order. And please let them know you heard about COVID from this podcast. This has been by far our best summer yet since moving here.

[Kirk Martin]

Why?

[Co-host/Announcer]

Because we're spending a lot more time outside with family and friends. We went to Wayfair.com first thing we did. We got party lights to string outside. Why? Because it makes the space festive. It invites us outdoors more. We found this comfy bench with storage underneath. It's a perfect mix of comfort and convenience. That's one reason we love Wayfair. We can find everything for outdoors and indoors in one place. Plus we always get fast, free, reliable shipping with Wayfair. Let your kids go to wayfair.com and pick out some fun yard games like Cornhole or a giant Jenga that will draw you outside together. Patio season is here so take advantage of special deals now. Head to wayfair.comm outdoor right now to get your outdoor space ready for way less. That's W A Y-F-A-R.com Wayfair Every style every Home so we just earned some huge parenting bonus points. You know how Casey and our daughter in law just returned from a trip. You know how that is. Everybody's exhausted and crabby and dreading going back out for food. So we had three meals and groceries from Hungryroot waiting for them. Seven minutes of preparation. Wholesome, nutritious, clean meals like Chicken Tiki Marsala and roasted Salmon Quinoa bowl right at home with fun, delicious options for even the most picky kids and husbands. With hungryroot they ate a healthy meal without the stress and had a meal ready to take to work the next day. And they texted. This was such an amazing surprise. You're going to love Hungerroot as much as we do. Go to hungerroot.com calm and and use code CALM to get 40% off your first box. Plus get a free item in every box for life. That's hungeroot.com calm code calm to get 40% off your first box hungeroot.com calm code calm

[Kirk Martin]

mom and dad There are all these things at school that are just arbitrary standards and they're things required for success and good grades that I think are boring and useless and I'm just not good at like sitting still, memorizing information, recalling that information for a time test, paying attention to things that don't interest me, writing essays, getting along with kids my own age. I'm supposed to be good at all of those things. My childhood is actually dependent on that and yet I'm just not good at it. So I continually feel like a fake failure and then I fail at home. After a while I just can't take it inside so I give up or lash out. Sometimes as a teen I mess up or self sabotage on purpose just to fulfill my parents view of me. See you were right. I'm a screw up. I am at my best when I am problem solving, helping other adults, tinkering with and figuring things out, coming up with different ways to do things, being creative. But at school I never get to do these things. And no one ever notices my strengths. Instead, everybody's trying to fix me and try to fix all of my perceived weaknesses. I get graded on things I'm not good at and that I'll probably never use in life. Why do these things even matter? I know you say I'm smart and an old soul, but that's not very comforting when you feel stuck in a child's body and childhood for 18 years, feeling like a misfit. It feels like I am the one who's always being fixed or changed, with endless tests and trips to these professionals who don't understand me either. And that just doesn't feel good inside. It makes me feel like something is inherently wrong with me. I'm not motivated by the same things as you are, and I'm not good at the same things you are. But you keep insisting that I play on a field that is tilted against me, where I keep failing. And all you ever say is, well, if you would just apply yourself. Or you call me lazy. It's not that I'm lazy. I. I simply don't care about the things you care about. And you've now spent over a decade trying to convince me and change me. And all it's done is make me feel less confident, more like a failure. And meanwhile I never get to use my natural gifts and talents. What do you want from me? And you wonder why I am angry and withdraw into my screens and my own world, a world that at least I have some measure of control. Control over and success in. I wish you would just try to understand me instead of trying to get me to understand what you want from me. I already know that I'm not giving that to you because that's not me. Now again, this is really hard to hear and I don't want you to feel guilty for this. If you have erred in your perspective like I did, then we just have to change course, right? I don't want. I don't want lengthy apologies. I am so sorry that I. That will make you sound. That's what they're talking about. Just talk to them like an adult and say, hey, I heard this and I want to ask you, is this your experience? Hey, I'm sorry I have looked at this the wrong way for the last how many ever years? I have tried to convince you to care about the things I care about and that was my own anxiety and I apologize for that. That's it. Even matter of fact, Tony, you apologize and then you change. Don't apologize 15 times. Now here's another one and this is a new one based on what kids wrote in which I I love the fact that our kids are smart enough and have the initiative to email some guy that they don't know with their thoughts about this.

[Co-host/Announcer]

Because a lot of our kids get confused.

[Kirk Martin]

I get confused by the mixed messages I always have heard. Don't be a follower. Be a leader. If your friend told you to jump off a bridge, would you be your own person? And then when I do act with independence, it makes you uncomfortable and all of a sudden you do want me to conform, to fit in, to not rock the boat, to follow directions and do arbitrary things that we both know are wrong or useless. It turns out I am the one who has the courage to push back and be independent. But then I get in trouble for that. 2. I am okay touching the hot stove and taking the harder path. I don't mind figuring it out by myself even if it takes longer and is harder and I get burned a little bit. It's a challenge to me and I don't want to do it the normal or easy way, the way everybody else does it. I am comfortable knowing my path will be harder. You're the one who's not comfortable with my path. What actually hurts me is not the hot stove. It's being misunderstood and judged. It's the negativity in comparison to you, to siblings, to peers and society. It's the criticism that I can never do it right. That is what is hard. That is what hurts. Knowing you don't really like or accept or approve of the way I am doing it. I I'm okay with struggling to do things a different way. I am not okay with being made to feel like something is wrong with me or that I won't succeed until unless I basically disavow my individuality, my very nature and become like everyone else. I know doing it the hard way makes you anxious about my future, but it is not right or fair for you to dump your anxiety about my future or on me. That's stifling. Now. The following is what we have heard from strong willed kids over the years and I think this will ring true. I don't wake up every morning intending to get in trouble or cause problems at home or school. I don't like being the One always in trouble with everyone staring at me like the black sheep, knowing I ruined that family outing. Sometimes I feel helpless to change. If I knew how I would change. Do you know what it feels like to be the one different person everywhere I go? To hear you and grandparents and teachers talk in hushed tones and know they're talking about me. To feel utterly out of step with everyone and everything. To feel like a failure compared to classmates and my brother and sister. And the only thing I am really good at. I don't get to do much. It feels like I can never make anyone happy and. And I'm so sad sometimes. I didn't choose this brain or temperament. I was born this way. And ever since I can remember in preschool, people haven't liked me or been patient with me. First it was teachers who put me on red on the behavior chart because I couldn't sit still. And then my parents got embarrassed and began to lecture and take things away. And all I know is that I've simply been being who I was born as. I didn't decide to not fit in with kids my own age who would choose to be ostracized or left out like that. I didn't choose to have all this energy or question things. I don't particularly enjoy being bored by school, getting looks from other adults and being made fun of by kids in class. So from an early age, it seemed like people haven't really liked me or accepted me as I am. Even my own dad, who's supposed to love and protect and guide me at times seems like he just doesn't like me or want to be with me, and that cuts deeply. But I can't always show that. So I make excuses and I blame others because it's too painful to just admit that I'm helpless and feel stupid and like I'm bad. I build defensive walls around my heart to protect it from even more pain. You act like I just choose this all the time, like I can just turn it turn on and off who I am. You lecture me about my choices. And yes, sometimes I intentionally choose something I know is wrong or that will bring a consequence. But sometimes I am simply being who I have always been inside. So I'm basically getting trouble, in trouble for being myself or doing what comes naturally. It's not as black and white as you might think. Now that's a lot. It was heavy even to say it. I can feel that I would encourage you. Listen to this again in the right moment. Ask your kids if any of this rings true. You might just want to pull two statements out because there were a lot of them and say, hey, does any of this ring true? Listen to what your kids say. It may lead to some meaningful conversations and a deeper understanding of these kids. I appreciate you being willing to tackle different situations to change yourself, your whole perspective on this. Be patient with your kids. Be patient with yourself because I do appreciate you being willing to work so hard at this. And I don't always like things to be so heavy, but this is critical. If we don't get this right, this leads to kids who in their 20s and 30s and probably all through their life will feel misunderstood and there's anger and resentment and they never achieve their potential the way we view them. And all of this is way more important than grades and anything else that happens. So thank you for enduring this as heavy as it kind of felt.

[Co-host/Announcer]

If we can help you in any

[Kirk Martin]

way, let us know. Love you all.

[Co-host/Announcer]

Bye.

[Ad Voice 2]

Bye. I'm Kiana and I leveled up my business with Shopify. Once I figured out that Shopify was a thing, I never turned back. I can create a site with my eyes closed. Shopify thinks ahead of us, you know, and it thinks about the customer more than anything. Every day I'm thinking about some other new business, but Shopify, Shopify is doing it to me because it's so easy to use. It's like, I can't stop. I'm addicted.

[Co-host/Announcer]

Start your free [e-mail] At Avocado, we

[Ad Voice 1]

know that not all mattresses are created equal. While other beds trap heat, ours sets it free. Made without polyurethane foams and crafted with natural latex, cotton and wool. Breathable, comfortable and supportive. No overheating, just clean, organic sleep that performs. Save 15% on our award winning mattresses. This July 4th sale avocado celebrate organic. [e-mail] or leading retailers nationwide.