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Calm Parenting Podcast
Stop Homework & Homeschooling Battles: 10 Ways to Jumpstart Your Kids’ Brains
00:29:58
Do you have a strong-willed, ADHD, or neurodivergent child who should be able to buzz through school work…but will spend more time fighting you than it would take to actually complete the assignment?! You’re not alone. Kirk shares 10 practical, creative strategies to help your kids complete school work with less stress. Let your kids listen so they understand how their brains work best.
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At checkout, that's happy mammoth.com with the code Calm. So do you have a bright, strong willed, neurodivergent or ADHD child that should be able to buzz through his or her schoolwork or homework quickly, but in reality they would rather spend more time and energy fighting you than it would take to actually complete the assignment? Good. Well, kind of good, but that just means you're normal, you're not alone. And so I want to give you and your kids 10 different insights and strategies to help you. And so that is what we're going to discuss on today's episode of the Calm Parenting Podcast. Welcome. This is Kirk Martin, founder of Celebrate Calm. You can find us in our Christmas sale@celebratecalm.com so I'd originally written this for homeschooling families, but this applies to all families because we're going to discuss how your child's brain works best. And your kids see, they're going to have this brain the rest of their lives. So this is important insight for your kids to have. And I encourage you, let your kids listen to this so they can take ownership over how and perhaps where they do their work. And I know this is frustrating. It's not how you imagine spending your child's childhood, fighting over homework or homeschooling work. I mean, they should just do their work in a couple hours and then have the rest of the day or evening to explore and enjoy themselves. But instead, they fight you all day long. And we know this from personal experience. Casey just fought and fought and food. And he was our guinea pig. We tried everything with him. He went to public school. He went to private school. He went to fancy private school with a fancy name. And he went to a Montessori school, which is one of the last places he went to school before we homeschooled him for a period of time. And I remember very distinctly walking into the headmaster's office and withdrawing him from school. And this was Montessori. Montessori is supposed to be good for all of our kids. And the headmaster said, you will never educate your child the way that we can. And I wish to this day I would have looked at him and just said, you know what? You can go. Have a wonderful day. But anyway, so we come at this from a place of understanding that fight over everything. And it's like pulling teeth to get them an assignment. And then you're like, look, you don't even have to do three worksheets today. Let's just do one, and we'll complete half of it for you. So I know it's a struggle. So here's another. Just a note before we begin. You have the right to say no to homework. It's perfectly reasonable and sometimes the right thing to do, to say no to homework. It's not a legal requirement. They can't make you do it. And you don't have to do it every night, especially if your kids are tapped out and they already understand the concept. And I'm not a jerk with this, with the teachers. I would just go in and I'd say, hey, you know what? I really appreciate the fact that you love teaching and you want our son to learn, and so you give him homework. What I want you to know is there are going to be some nights where we don't get homework done, but we are always learning. So we'll be exploring, we'll be playing, we'll be laughing together as a family. We will be doing experiments. We're going to be reading books, not always the one on your approved list, but we love to learn. And most of the time the teachers were like, good, I get that. Good choice. And sometimes what I would say is, I want to relieve the pressure off of you, Mr. And Mrs. Teacher, from Thinking you have to be totally responsible for our child's education because we're actually responsible for our child's education and you're an important part of that. But I don't want you to feel pressure to always give homework. And some teachers actually really appreciated that. Now some teachers would say, well, I'm going to have to mark Casey's grade down because he didn't complete homework. And then my response was, I'm totally fine with that because we're not really into grades. I want to raise a curious child who loves to learn. And I want to have a home life that is emotionally healthy in which we laugh and play and learn in all kinds of different ways. So if you need to exercise that right now, I'll just say my personal opinion. If you have kids who are 6 or 7, no way would I do any homework at all. I want them reading, playing, learning. Look, you learn so much by playing. And I'd encourage you if you have younger kids, and honestly, even kids through high school, if they're outside playing with friends. Don't call them in, guy. Come on guys, get inside. We have to complete your assignment. I'd be like, no way. They are learning so much more by being outside playing with friends. Because you don't learn by completing worksheets and memorizing information that well, you learn by making decisions in real time. And you do that a lot when you're with friends. So I just want to free you because some parents think, well, we have to do homework. No you don't. So. And again, I always want to be respectful from teachers. Look, many of us have a hard time teaching like one or two or three kids. Imagine having 10 or 15 strong willed kids in your classroom. So let's jump into this and try to make your homeschooling day or homework time in the evening less stressful and more enjoyable. And if you're a homeschooling parent and you haven't listened to part one of this series, Go back and listen to that now because it's very foundational. All right, here we go. Number one, wake your strong willed child up to some kind of challenge or a mission, something they're good at doing. Hey, bet you can't solve this Rubik's cube in less than X minutes. Hey, think you can find your breakfast because I hid it outside in the backyard. It gets them moving, gets their brain working on problem solving, gets some blood flow moving to the brain. Plus it's positive. And you're starting today by creating a success rather with then starting with a battle. When we homeschooled and we homeschooled for a period of time, even other people's kids, I always woke Casey up to some kind of mission or challenge that he was good at doing. Finding something in the backyard, connecting over something he was interested in, creating a success to start the day on a positive note. Sometimes it was just quietly sitting and not talking in the morning. Number two, get outside as early and as often as you can. We had 1500 strong will kids, many of whom were on the spectrum and addicted to screens. They were in our home over the course of a decade. And one constant of every single camp day was we always began doing something physical outside. That could be walking through a forest or a patch of trees in your neighborhood, building a fort, walking across the creek, skipping stones. Sometimes kids would help me shovel mulch and plant things. A lot of our sensory kids like that. Sometimes we played sports or games or put Mentos in Coke bottles and blew things up. We even raced in carts from a grocery store one day and got pulled over by a cop coming down our street. Look. Fresh air changes moods. Exercise stimulates the brain. Doing harder physical work and breaking a sweat releases endorphins, which are awesome for learning. Your kids are not always going to want to go outside. You have to lead them there, make it fun, make up games, Let your little landscapers do some yard work. Have dad challenge kids who love shoveling mulch to move a load of mulch across the yard. Some of you live on a farm. Use that to your advantage to get outside. Number three, do schoolwork outside as much as possible. When we did school with kids, we'd climb down into these drainage ditches in our neighborhood and I told kids it was a sewer and they liked it even more because it was different and we were underground where we weren't supposed to be. It was dark, so we did schoolwork with flashlights. It was wet and fun and different. I like riding bikes to somewhere interesting. And doing one subject in that spot, have a snack and ride to a different spot after that. Like a construction zone so the kids can watch the excavators and all that building stuff going on. Walk, ride bikes, take a bus, who cares? Go explore and take schoolwork with you. Or just throw a blanket on the lawn and do your schoolwork there. Or if you're in Minnesota, make a little igloo and do it wherever you can. I get that. But you know what? The doing this outside of the home, really, really effective. I've mentioned before with teenagers sometimes it's a cool thing to say. Hey, I'm working on this special project I've got to complete in a couple days. I was going to go run out to Buffalo Wild Wings or IHOP at 9:00 tonight. If you want to bring your schoolwork. I thought we could grab a pizza, grab some snacks and do our work together. You're focused on your work, they're focused on theirs. It's really cool when you're a kid to be out later at night on a school night. It feels kind of adult and it's a great bonding time. Did this all the time with Casey. Number four. This is important. Manage your child's energy, not their time. This is a really crucial insight for our kids. Traditional time management tends to be linear. It is does not work with our kids. Our kids work in spurts. They hyper focus. They work on momentum, learn. And I do too. I'm a grown man. I use this, Casey and I use this principle every single day in our work. We do not manage our time. We manage our emotional, physical and mental energy because it ebbs and flows throughout the day. So I want you to learn how and when your most challenging child focuses best. Is it in the morning, after exercise, in the evening. And maybe you can hand off some of the work to your spouse to help with because they have kind of a fresh voice. Casey and I have very distinct work patterns that we flow with daily and weekly. Look, if your child is crushing it in math one day and you're homeschooling, just keep going with that. Do three days worth of math work that day. It's really unnatural and difficult to switch back and forth between five different subjects in a day. Your kids may want to work extra hard and focus three or four days per week instead of doing it over five days. I tend to group my work and pound it out because that's kind of hyper focus. It's working with momentum. Some kids may want to do work on the weekend and play more during the week. That is often how I do my work. I do my best work on weekends when everybody else is kind of chill and then I like to go play during the week. I'm kind of managing that energy. It's how I roll. I like doing the opposite of everyone else because I think better when the world slows down. And that's why many of your older kids will want to do their work, homework or homeschooling work at 10:00, 11:00 at night because the world slows down, you are in bed, everything is quiet. So if you can work with that, use that. And then just take certain days off in your homeschooling when your kids don't have. They just, you know, those days when you just don't have it. Unless, of course, that's every day. So it's that wonderful time of year when our diet and schedules and even sleep get thrown off. But what always remains consistent for me is starting every single day with my AG1. In just 60 seconds, I get my daily dose of vitamins, minerals, pre and probiotics, adaptogens and more. 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Ebay has all the parts that fit my car. No more annoying, just beautiful. Whatever you love, find it on eBay. EBay. Things people love. Okay, number five. I really like this one. Use time compression to your advantage. So here's what's happening. You have kids with these very Very busy brains, and they go off in all these different directions and sometimes there's no structure there. And what time compression does is it kind of forces the brain to focus during a defined time period. So I discovered this many years ago when we used to travel a lot. And let's say we were doing a speaking gig at a school and we had to be there at 6:30pm so we'd roll into a new town at say 5:47 and we go to right to a Panera Bread because free Internet and free samples and somewhat healthy food. So now we had 43 minutes to eat and get our work done before leaving for the live event. What I discovered was that definitive time limit. Compressing the time that Casey had in order to get writing assignments done helped him focus better. It was a defined limit, so he knew it wasn't going to last forever, and it forced his brain to hyper focus. It also worked because we were eating, music was playing, and there was activity going on there. And that's really good for some of us who have these kinds of brains. The rhythm from eating and music actually creates rhythm in the brain. All of that was stimulating for his brain. And I use this for myself all the time. I will give myself a defined time limit to, say, write a podcast or do work, and then I will give myself a small break. So use that at home. You can even jumpstart your child's brain and get a success by saying, okay, in the next 17 minutes, let's knock out this assignment. Play some music, get some movement. Look, I'm a realist. Some of your kids are so resistant that you could do the following, hey, don't tell anyone, but we're going to do this worksheet together and we're going to knock it out in 17 minutes. You do the odd problems, I do the even ones, and then you do it together. Well, isn't that cheating? No. When you're doing the even math problems, you're showing your work and teaching, plus you're just getting it done. And that's called being smart. And by the way, if you have any of our programs, let your kids listen to Casey's Straight Talk for Kids program, because Casey shares how he learned to control his own emotions and impulses, how his brain works best, and it's coming from another kid, not some boring adult. And we've even had parents do writing assignments based on three things they began doing differently or two ways. They learn how to deal with disappointment from Casey and let them listen to the ADHD University program after you listen to it or parts of it. I really want them to understand themselves. The Strong will child program. They're going to be like, oh, that's me, that's me, that's me. Well, how many of us as adults didn't really figure this out until we were like 35 or 40? So let your kids learn this stuff about their own brains. Number six. Use rhythm music. Choose snacks, tap on pencils. Your kids usually have very busy brains. It feels like chaos inside their brains, and that's why they always want to control things. They control conversations, they're bossy. You can't play board games with them because they're going to cheat, change the rules of the game or quit. It's all about creating order because they don't always have it inside. So something else you're going to learn in ADHD University program is about the need for rhythm. Think about a chaotic brain that's not all that organized with thoughts and feelings and ideas tumbling around like socks in a dryer. Well, now you introduce rhythm through music and chewing and tapping pencils, and that creates rhythm in the brain and it can help your kids focus better. So I would experiment, experiment, experiment, experiment with different kids doing it different ways, allowing your kids to listen to music, especially int tense music, which is what I did when I was writing this, because it can help with writing projects and other subjects. Let your kids eat breakfast or lunch or a snack while doing schoolwork. Instead of that being separate time. Chewing brings blood flow to the brain. It's relaxing. It creates rhythm. Look, if your kids can stand at the kitchen counter, rocking back and forth, chewing on a snack, listening to intense music by doing their homework or schoolwork, that would be phenomenal. Just try it. Number seven. Use movement to stimulate and focus the brain. One of the reasons you are homeschooling, if you are, is so your kids aren't sitting in a chair all day long. So take advantage of that flexibility and moms and dads take advantage of it. During homework time, review vocabulary words and matt and quiz on math facts while they're jumping on a trampoline, kicking a ball back and forth while they're shooting hoops, while they're spinning. Because when your kids are spinning, they're meeting a vestibular need, right? While they're lying upside down off the sofa, walk in and say, hey, bet you can't do your math homework upside down. We taught kids how to read while swinging on a swing. It was weird, but the motion, the air coming through their face, falling on the ground, and then laying in the dirt. Reading works for a lot of kids, so use all of these things to your advantage. That kid who's laying off the sofa upside down, it's bringing blood flow to flow to the brain, meeting a vestibular need that calms your child. So bond over weird things. Try it differently. If you have a child who likes confined spaces, let them do homework under the kitchen table. See, you throw a blanket over the kitchen table, and now it's a fort. And they have to do their homework with a flashlight or matches. Kidding. But you can do it in different ways with them lying on the floor, sitting in a closet, even in the car. So experiment with movement. Here's another one. Number eight. Experiment with doing homework or schoolwork in different parts of your home. The attic, the basement, a tree house, or the car, or even out in public. I know it may sound weird, but we used to take kids to the local caribou coffee shop to do one or two subjects, and they'd like that. There were antlers on the walls and there was a fire going in the winter, so it was cozy. Plus, they were at an adult place while other. While all the other kids were in school. And our kids like the adult world. Then we drive to the local ice rink where they would do work. Then they'd skate a bit during lunchtime so they get the endorphins flowing and do more work. We just packed lunches and snacks to avoid paying for food. So here's what a young man did, which I think is really cool. His parents said they'd listen to the programs ADHD University together on car drives. And they said, our son is very independent. And one day he just said, hey, I have ideas. I don't need any more help. Leave me alone, and I'll get my schoolwork done every day. And so he had gotten poster board out and drawn pictures of all of his favorite places to play or hide or hang out. And he created little workstations in the attic, in the basement. And there was this one area in the backyard where this family had some bushes. And they looked outside and he was digging up one of the bushes. And they were like, we weren't really thrilled that he was moving bushes, but he wanted to create a fort there with some privacy. And he got a little cooler and left snacks in that spot and baggies filled with treats in his other places. And every day he'd pick a different spot and just say, hey, my work's done for the day. We never asked. We never said a thing. We Just thanked him for being so responsible and grown up. Now, can I guarantee all of your kids are going to do that? No. But if you give them some ownership and let them do things in a weird way and be independent, some of your kids will really own that. All right, here's a weird idea, but I really like it. If you're doing homeschooling, sometimes you guys do co ops, trade kids with another co op parent. So there are other parents there who also have strong willed kids who are like yours, great for other people, but they resist everything their own parents want them to do. And look, you could do this even if you're not homeschooling for homework time with one of your friends. A couple days a week, your child goes down to Sally's house, Ms. Henderson's house, and does her school work. In a couple days they come to your house. Why not team up with a different family, get together a couple times a week for a couple hours, let the kids play together and let your child dominate theirs, because that's what's going to happen. But perhaps the other parent teaches your child math while you teach theirs writing. I think it's a really cool thing to do because it's someone with a fresh perspective and different voice. Now, number 10 is one of my absolute favorite things to do and you're going to resist it. Find an older couple or an old retired person, probably even a teacher in your neighborhood or community or church to help you, and you're going to resist this. But think about this. You have this older couple or this old mom or dad grandparent, and they're living alone and they already raise their kids. They're safe people, they're, they're patient. They miss having their own kids around. And some of you even have retired school teachers in your neighborhood. So use them. Just simply ask them, hey, I homeschool my kids. Or it could be, hey, we've got to do home, we've got to do homework every afternoon. And I've got one kid in particular who's really bright but resists me. This kid has a huge heart and gets along really well with adults and he'd do anything for you around your house. Would you consider doing a couple subjects with him once or twice a week? And then eventually every single day. I'm kidding. But why not do that? Now, I know many of you won't do this because you don't want to bother that older lady or couple down the street, but you're not looking at it the right way. This old lady or couple would love having your bright child at their house. Your child will bring energy and youth into their home and probably be wonderfully helpful and engaging. And your child will do jobs for them at their house and help them with things they can't reach and do because they're older. And it gives this older couple a new mission. They'll feel good helping a frustrated mom and a bright kid. It also gives them something to talk about. They've been married for 45 years and I'm telling you this is a gift to the older couple and if you don't try it, you are robbing them of joy and purpose. And your strong will child will love being the center of attention at their home because this old couple will dote on, encourage and praise your child and they'll be patient and they'll love on your child and your child will listen to them because they aren't you. And this strong will child will come home feeling confident and good about themselves. And guess what else? It gives your child an opportunity to do a service project for this couple, helping them with things around the house. And if you get really lucky, one of the old dudes is a retired engineer handyman kind of guy who can teach your child how to build and fix things. And you know what else it does? It gives you and your compliant child's time to breathe in your home and work and have peace in their own home for a couple hours while your strong will child is enjoying his or her time with the Johnsons down the street. Try this. It's a really good idea and it works. So final note, be flexible. Create successes with your most challenging child. Start with small wins. Get what you can. Let them read and write about something they are interested in. Make it a practical thing. They write letters to the cereal company asking for a refund because there wasn't enough cereal in there. Let them write to someone they respect or someone they disagree with. That's more likely. Let them read more adult type books and articles, write a rebuttal on a forum, anything that engages their curiosity. And if one of you, if you've got a big project you're working on, ask one of your teens or younger kids to help you with that work project. Remember, let them go later at night to a Buffalo Wild Wings for a work session. Your child will feel like an adult. It's a great way to bond. Look, there's all kinds of other ideas that we could go through, but I'm going to stop it right now. Enjoy your kids. Teach them how their brains work. Best because this is the brain they're going to have in college after college in the real world. If you need help, reach out to us. We have a Christmas sale on if you need help financially, because I know a lot of homeschooling families. You just have, you know, one person working, earning a living. If you need a discount, just email us. Don't be ashamed to do that because we want to help. All right, love you all. Talk to you later. Bye.