Calm Parenting Podcast
Host: Kirk Martin
Episode: Teaching Impulse Control With Screens, Teens, Toddlers & Teachers II (#575)
Date: March 22, 2026
Episode Overview
In this episode, Kirk Martin continues his practical, relatable exploration of teaching impulse control and delayed gratification to kids of all ages—including strategies for handling screens, strong-willed teens, toddlers, and classroom behaviors. Drawing from his extensive experience with challenging kids (ADHD, PDA, ODD, etc.), Kirk shares creative, actionable techniques parents and educators can implement right away, emphasizing calm leadership, modeling, and tangible tools. He infuses humor and real stories, keeping the tone encouraging and empowering throughout.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
Celebrating Listener Success and Strong-Willed Kids
- Kirk reads an email from a mom whose daughter, Lindsay, became more independent by taking responsibility for her routine. The mom improved outcomes by controlling her own anxiety and letting Lindsay do things her way.
- “I’m not reacting. And Lindsay is now being responsible for her morning routine, homework, and food prep by herself. ... It’s awesome to see the sparkle back in her eyes as she shines with this independence.” (05:10)
10 More Techniques to Build Impulse Control
13. The "Choice Ball" for Younger Kids
[06:10]
- Use a soft, tactile ball labeled "choice."
- When a child faces a decision or is upset, they toss the ball and catch it three times, physically slowing down before acting.
- Model the process yourself; kids may become curious and mirror your actions.
- Key language to reinforce:
- “I’m giving you control of this situation.”
- “You are responsible for how you respond.”
- Emphasizes giving kids tangible control and responsibility, and helps parents let go of trying to micromanage.
- Kirk: “Physically handing over responsibility for behaviors, attitudes, and actions to your child.” (07:55)
14. The 24-Hour Cart Rule for Tweens/Teens
[10:00]
- For online shopping or downloads, require non-essential purchases to sit in the cart for 8, 12, or 24 hours before buying.
- Teach kids to delay gratification—“if you wait, I’ll pay X% of the cost” can be an added incentive.
- Kirk: “This allows your child's emotional brain to cool off and the logical brain to take over.” (11:20)
15. Write it, Don’t Send it
[12:15]
- For angry texts or social media posts, have kids draft their message in Notes or email, wait an hour or overnight, and then decide if it should be sent.
- Kirk: “They can vent all the vitriol they want, but they must wait before deciding if it’s actually worth sending, which it rarely is.” (12:45)
16. Collaborative Risk Assessment
[13:35]
- Instead of outright “no,” ask teens questions like “What’s your exit plan if things don’t go well?”
- Engages their prefrontal cortex and teaches planning for risky situations.
- Example: Casey’s “safe out” strategy, where Kirk would call him and be the “bad guy” to extract him from uncomfortable situations until Casey felt confident enough to leave on his own.
- Kirk: "You’re forcing their prefrontal cortex to engage in future thinking." (15:05)
17. Physical Exercise as Dopamine Substitute
[16:00]
- Intense activity helps burn off impulsivity and provides delayed gratification (the satisfaction of achieving a goal after hard work).
- Hiking, climbing, lifting weights teach persistence and patience.
- Kirk: “The anticipation propels you forward, and then you’re tired afterward—it’s harder to be impulsive when you’re tired.” (16:50)
- Kirk and Casey both use strenuous exercise to manage anxiety and “jerkiness.”
18. Sensory and Outdoor Activity, Especially for PDA/ADHD
[19:30]
- Kids need a “sensory diet”—jumping on a trampoline, climbing, digging, carrying heavy things, or just playing in nature.
- Parents/teachers should lead by making outside time fun rather than optional, even if met with resistance.
- “Activities that demand nothing of you also give you nothing. No feeling of satisfaction, pride, or achievement.” (22:45)
- Don’t try to bribe or force—model and make it a routine.
- Example: After-dinner walks, messy outdoor play, building forts, treasure hunts.
- Notable quote:
- “You are mature enough to endure the discomfort of his resistance because you know it will be good for your child.” (25:55)
19. Teaching Delayed Gratification With Screens
[26:30]
- Offer kids 45 minutes of game time; if they stop 3 minutes early, they earn 10 additional minutes the next day.
- Adjust timing/incentives to your child’s needs.
- For older kids: Encourage event-based limits (e.g., after 3 matches instead of a set time).
- Be firm—screens are a privilege with defined boundaries; model flexibility but avoid daily power struggles.
- "Being on screens is not in the Bill of Rights. It’s a privilege, and we’re not going to fight like other people over this." (28:10)
- Teach kids (especially with phones/social media) they aren’t required to respond instantly to messages.
- “You are not obligated to reply in the moment right away to your friends… They just decided to message you right now, but that doesn’t obligate you to respond right away.” (29:10)
20. Tools for Impulse Control in Classrooms
[30:15]
- Use “talk tickets”—children get a set amount per day to use when they want to blurt out.
- Teaches prioritization and gives a physical/tangible way to regulate impulses.
- Praise restraint: “You actually started to talk, but then you caught yourself. You held up your talk ticket. That is self-control, my friend. Very well done.” (31:35)
21. Teach Kids to Prioritize
[32:02]
- Good self-control means knowing what not to do; prioritization is a superpower, especially for PDA kids.
- Focus energy on what matters instead of every external demand.
22. Praise Effort and Progress
[34:05]
- Notice and praise incremental improvements—when kids show patience, independence, or initiative, acknowledge it.
- Story: Casey would come home before curfew to show he could control himself, thus earning a later curfew.
- Quote from a listener's son:
- "My strategy was to pretend my own anger was a loading bar on the video game. If I got to 90%, I had to put the controller down and drink a glass of ice water before the bar hit 100%." (35:45)
- Encourage kids to listen to the podcast and invent their own strategies.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- "You have the power to control the outcome." (07:30)
- "This allows your child's emotional brain to cool off and the logical brain to take over." (11:20)
- "Activities that demand nothing of you also give you nothing." (22:45)
- “Being on screens is not in the Bill of Rights. It’s a privilege, and we’re not going to fight like other people over this.” (28:10)
- “You are not obligated to reply in the moment right away to your friends.” (29:10)
- "That is self-control, my friend. Very well done." (31:35)
- Listener’s son: "If I got to 90% [on my 'anger loading bar'], I had to put the controller down and drink a glass of ice water before the bar hit 100%." (35:45)
Action Steps & Takeaways
- Kirk encourages parents and teachers to pick 5 of the 22 ideas and integrate them into daily routines, gradually adding more.
- Consistency and modeling are key: “Endure the short-term pain for a long-term gain. That in itself is modeling this for your kids.” (37:00)
- Invites listeners to contact him and Casey for additional help and to let kids listen to the podcast themselves for ownership of new strategies.
Timestamps for Important Segments
- 05:10 – Listener success story: Lindsay and independence
- 06:10 – The “Choice Ball” technique
- 10:00 – The 24-Hour Cart Rule
- 12:15 – Write it, Don’t Send it strategy
- 13:35 – Collaborative Risk Assessment for Teens
- 16:00 – Benefits of Physical Exercise
- 19:30 – Leading kids into outdoor activity, sensory diet
- 26:30 – Using screens to teach delayed gratification
- 28:10 – Boundaries and privileges with screens
- 30:15 – Classroom tools: “Talk tickets”
- 32:02 – Teaching kids to prioritize
- 34:05 – Praise and progress stories
- 35:45 – Listener’s son: “Anger loading bar” technique
Tone and Style
The episode is upbeat, practical, honest, and laden with humor and warmth. Kirk’s storytelling and real-life examples make abstract concepts concrete. He emphasizes compassion, shared struggles, and the importance of both leading and trusting kids in their self-control journeys.
Final Encouragement
Kirk reminds parents and teachers that persevering through their kids’ resistance is an act of love—and that building impulse control and resilience is a gradual but deeply rewarding process for the whole family.