Calm Parenting Podcast
Host: Kirk Martin
Episode #575 – Teaching Impulse Control With Screens, Teens, Toddlers & Teachers II
Date: March 22, 2026
Episode Overview
In this engaging and practical episode, Kirk Martin (Celebrate Calm founder) continues his toolkit for parents and teachers seeking effective ways to nurture impulse control and delayed gratification in children—especially those who are strong-willed, have ADHD, OCD, ODD, ASD, or similar challenges. Building on the previous episode’s first 12 strategies, Kirk delivers 10 more creative, actionable techniques that work across all ages, from toddlers to teens, both at home and in the classroom. All strategies are informed by years of hands-on experience, real stories, and Kirk’s trademark humor and candor.
Key Discussion Points & Strategies
Success Story: Lindsay’s Independence
- Kirk celebrates a listener, 10-year-old Lindsay, who “listened to several of the downloadable programs including Casey's Straight Talk for Kids and told her mom, ‘I’d like to be as strong-willed as Casey.’”
- Lindsay’s mom credits reduced reaction and anxiety with halving power struggles and building Lindsay’s responsibility (“It’s awesome to see the sparkle back in her eyes as she shines with this independence.” [02:10])
13. Use the “Choice Ball” for Younger Kids
[04:02]
- Kids don’t react well to verbal commands or lectures. Tactile and visual interventions work better.
- Idea: Get a soft, squishy ball labeled “choice.” When a child faces a decision, hand them the ball and ask them to toss it and catch it a few times, buying themselves time to think.
- Parental Modeling: “You and your spouse start throwing the ball back and forth as you’re thinking about decisions... We are reinforcing: we don’t have to make that choice right now. We have power over our decision.”
- Key phrases:
- “I’m giving you control of this situation.”
- “You have the power to control the outcome.”
- “The decision is out of my hands.”
- Kirk: “The act of throwing the ball in the air three times teaches them they do not have to make the choice immediately.” [06:01]
- Not all kids will participate—modeling is as important as direct engagement.
14. The 24-Hour Cart Rule for Tweens & Teens
[07:30]
- To counter impulsive online shopping: Institute a rule that any non-essential purchase sits in a digital cart for a set period (8, 12, or 24 hours) before buying.
- Parental incentive: “If you wait 24 hours before making this purchase, I’ll pay for 10% (or 20%) of the purchase price.” [08:12]
- Kids learn that waiting is rewarded, and adults model healthy restraint.
15. “Write It, Don’t Send It” for Emotional Regulation
[09:10]
- When upset (social media or texting), encourage kids to write out their feelings in notes/drafts—then wait an hour or overnight before deciding to send it.
- Kirk: “Teach your older kids to do this in the heat of a social media argument or a frustrating text thread.”
- Venting safely and pausing gives the emotional brain time to cool off.
16. Collaborative Risk Assessment (for Teens)
[10:03]
- Rather than saying “no” outright to risky requests (party, curfew extension), ask them for their exit plan—forcing them to think ahead and weigh risks.
- Kirk: “By making them verbalize the risks and solutions, you are forcing their prefrontal cortex to engage in future thinking.” [10:30]
- Practical example: Safe text/call system for a discreet exit from unsafe situations.
17. The Power of Physical Exercise
[11:46]
- Exercise helps burn off impulsivity and teaches patience through slow, effortful achievement.
- Kirk: “The anticipation propels you forward and then you’re tired afterward. It’s harder to be impulsive when you’re tired.” [13:22]
- Hiking, climbing, lifting weights—as Kirk and his son Casey do—channel energy constructively, helping regulate mood and anxiety.
18. Sensory Diets & Leading Through Discomfort
[14:27]
- Especially crucial for kids with ADHD, PDA, or similar challenges.
- Activities: Jumping on trampolines, climbing trees, obstacle courses, digging, carrying heavy objects.
- Kirk's advice: “If you let your kids get dirty and muddy and messy and even be a little mischievous, they’ll play outside.” [15:23]
- The adult must lead kids through resistance—not push, but model and invite repeatedly.
- Quote: “You are mature enough to endure the discomfort of his resistance because you know it will be good for your child.” [16:55]
- Celebrate and model resilience—even if it’s ugly at first.
19. Teaching Delayed Gratification with Screens
[20:13]
- Example screen strategy: “If you turn off your video games 3 minutes early today, you will earn an additional 10 minutes tomorrow.” [20:22]
- Kids can “negotiate” and learn about exchange and restraint. Modify terms per child.
- Parental boundary: “Being on screens is not in the Bill of Rights. It’s a privilege, and we’re not going to fight like other people over this.” [21:19]
- Screen agreements are clear—time limits enforced, with consequences for overuse (e.g., loss of screens for three days).
- Trust builds from evidence of self-regulation.
- Instant responses to messages are unnecessary—delayed replies model control over your own time.
20. Tools for Classroom Impulse Control: Talk Tickets
[24:00]
- For kids who blurt out: Teacher gives out “talk tickets” for each day.
- When a child wants to blurt, they hold up a ticket and ask permission to speak. Once out, they must wait.
- Kirk: “Always give your kids something appropriate they can do, instead of just being told what not to do.” [24:39]
- Teachers praise restraint (“Hey, good job. Redeem one of your three tickets and share your amazing off-topic idea.”)
21. Prioritization as Self-Control
[25:30]
- Teach kids the superpower of saying “no” to unimportant things to conserve bandwidth for what really matters.
- Kirk: “Our kids are especially good at discerning what is arbitrary and what’s unnecessary so that they can focus their energy on more meaningful, internal pursuits.” [26:02]
- Kirk’s son Casey: “I minimize external demands that are unnecessary so I can maximize internal demands that are more meaningful.”
22. Praise for Progress, Not Perfection
[26:32]
- Notice and articulate growth in self-control: “Hey, you’re doing way better than before. We can trust you more now because you aren’t constantly complaining or negotiating.”
- Share stories of real listeners:
- A tween used to have “gamer rage” and would lose his console for a week. His solution: “My strategy was to pretend my anger was a loading bar on the video game... I had to put the controller down and drink a glass of ice water before the bar hit 100%.” [27:55]
- He played better and stayed calm—a self-designed strategy showing true impulse control.
Notable Quotes & Moments
- “The act of throwing the ball in the air three times teaches them they do not have to make the choice immediately.” —Kirk [06:01]
- “Being on screens is not in the Bill of Rights. It’s a privilege, and we’re not going to fight like other people over this.” —Kirk [21:19]
- “You know what he took to that? He did that. And to this day, it irritates me sometimes because he won’t respond to me all the time. But to this day, he exercises really good self-control over his time and over his screens.” —Kirk (on his son Casey) [23:17]
- “Always give your kids something appropriate they can do, instead of just being told what not to do.” —Kirk [24:39]
- “Our kids are especially good at discerning what is arbitrary and what’s unnecessary… so that they can maximize internal demands that are more meaningful.” —Kirk [26:02]
- Listener’s strategy: “My strategy was to pretend my anger was a loading bar on the video game… and drink a glass of ice water before the bar hit 100%.” —Anonymous Tween Listener [27:55]
Actionable Takeaways
- Pick 5 strategies to embed in your daily family life—then add more over time.
- Model restraint, allow ownership, and praise progress rather than demand perfection.
- Don’t fear initial resistance; leading through short-term discomfort results in long-term growth in both parent and child.
- Allow kids to listen to age-appropriate podcast episodes and design their own impulse-control strategies.
Timestamps for Important Segments
- Success Story: Lindsay’s progress [02:10]
- 13: Choice Ball strategy [04:02]
- 14: 24-Hour Cart Rule [07:30]
- 15: Write It, Don’t Send It [09:10]
- 16: Collaborative Risk Assessment [10:03]
- 17: The Power of Exercise [11:46]
- 18: Sensory Diet & Leading [14:27]
- 19: Delayed Gratification with Screens [20:13]
- 20: Classroom “Talk Ticket” System [24:00]
- 21: Teaching Prioritization [25:30]
- 22: Praise for Progress [26:32]
- Listener email: Gamer rage solution [27:55]
Conclusion
Kirk closes with encouragement: model these skills, practice patience, and remember the long-term payoffs of teaching self-control. He emphasizes the importance of connection, growth, and meeting kids where they are—“Endure the short-term pain for a long-term gain. Thank you for working so hard. Love you all. Respect you very much.” [28:53]